#//negative

[buildoblivion]

Things we could have had more fun with in TUA season 4

- Power Swap (half an episode of marigold shenanigans where the sibs get to know each others BS firsthand)

- The Phoenix Academy (alphonso and klaus being siblings altered my brain chemistry)

- Alternate timelines in general (just one shot of grown up umbrellas in their comic suits was it too much to ask?????)

- Umbrella Mums (how do the brellies fit in this timeline anyway - Lila gets her folks back but klaus can’t have his Amish mother?)

- soundtrack

- More returning side characters (Eudora Patch I will get you justice if it brings me death)

- Allison having her rumours back (more reality bending shit please)

- ‘The White Violin’ actually, you know, PLAYS THE VIOLIN

[galactia]

So, just watched Clorinde's trailer and this is not a criticism of Clorinde's character/story or anything related to her, but a concerned observation toward Hoyo's choice:

The Hilichurl Rogue she is portrayed as hunting sounds very human. He is running for his life and breathing/making noises that sound very human. It is never established why she is hunting him and it.... gives a very weird, and dare I say, uncomfortable vibe.

I personally am uncomfortable with it.

It treats the Rogue and the other Hilichurls as just beasts to 'hunt' and comes across as a hunt for practice or 'sport'.

Knowing what we know about Hilichurls, while killing them is needed at times to protect people in the storyline, hunting them for sport or when they sound like they're still holding to some sentience feels so uncomfortable.

[hes-a-rat-whisperer]

its insane how upset some people get when I set pretty basic boundaries

oh? I don´t allow you to be invasive and creepy towards my oc because it makes him and me very uncomfortable? too bad. cope and seethe.

did you know you can find a character hot without calling them a wh*re in a """playful""" way and saying how you want them to have s*x with a literal r*pist?? woah!

seriously. you´re not quirky. you´re not funny.

stop. it.

[damnedrainbows]

freely ignore, this just the broken rambles of a burned out autistic. or maybe my fellow autistics can relate

I am just so tired of not being able to do…anything a normal person can do. or even what I could do a few year ago

I just wanted to work on my niffty doll, but I kept getting disoriented. I only managed to wrap her armature today, and I’ve been at this for a week

I just wanted to watch tv while I did it, but the tv was piercing and the flashing was too much

the light I had on to work on my doll with wore me down and felt too bright, even with my sunglasses

I had to put on my industrial earmuffs but they’re so tight and I can’t wear my sunglasses with it on

I tried to work on commissions, but the fan from my computer was too loud and the screen was too bright even on the lowest setting

my ipad is even too bright with the lights turned down but i don’t want to go to bed. i donkt want to do nothing

i’ll never get out of this burnout. I feel so broken. what happened to the artist that churned things out daily and the rper that was drawing icons like no tomorrow? what happened to when I could make a doll in a day? now I’m lucky if I can make my own dinner once a week

did I really lose everything that I am? I’m just. forever a sensory overloaded ball with severe chronic pain that I think might be elhers danlos (and not fibromyalgia), and able to do nothing but curl up in my sensory swing

I want my life back. im so tired. I’m so new to burnout, so new, only two years into this discovery of me. i don’t know what to do. I’ve lived with this my entire life without knowing anything other than just being different, odd, and quirky. and now I’m paying the price for masking.

please…does any fellow neurodivergents/autistics have advice?

[amaryllisblackthorn]

MAJOR chain of thorns spoilers !!!

[[ negative thoughts under the readmore about a particularly topic ]]

i also cannot help but feel as though chain of gold did a better job at handling christopher's potential death when he was poisoned than chain of thorns did with christopher's actual death

like, yeah christopher died right when everyone didn't have time to afford to like properly mourn or grieve and they had to take action but like. still.

and i think part of it, for me at least, is that while we get bits of like, thomas grieving it's from an outside perspective and never iirc in his own point of view??? like, there's when he first finds out of course, and then you get i think cordelia remarking in her pov that thomas lost both his sister and basically brother in a year, and that he was the last of the merry thieves currently and he must be feeling so lonely etc but from what i recall we never get thomas' feelings and thoughts regarding these things when we're in his pov???? and yeah there are 'more important things' to focus on re: the watchers and stuff but it makes christopher's death feel empty and as a result unnecessary. it feels like the same story beats could have been accomplished by christopher being severely poisoned and like comatosed, while the adults are all unaccessible in Idris which worsen his odds or something. he's still taken out of commission and the stakes are still heightened.

maybe i would have taken his death better if he was immediately still or something after he's hit instead of i think lucie hearing him say afterwards,that he was fine, because iirc the actual moment he was hit came off as like significant and i thought he died but then it was like 'oh his shoulder's just hurt! he's just injured! dw we'll just be out of the way bc of his injury' and then it's like 'oh actually he's dead now'. i think that 'false hope' just made his sudden death feel kind of cheap to me, for lack of a better word, and contributed to his death feeling unnecessary. maybe his death would have felt at least a little bit 'better' to me if it wasn't for that, bc otherwise it came off less of a 'this is war and people die' situation and more of a 'he is dead simply for shock value' situation. like i get, in-universe, christopher saying he’s fine when he’s not but the way it played out, as a reader, was unsatisfying to me.

like, the doylist reason for his death is that one of the merry thieves had to die for ""realism"" sake but like. it shouldnt come off as that obviously being the reason when you're reading, you know? and at the very least it should be given the weight and respect it deserves ?? as it is it feels like christopher was killed off for shock value and bc 'well one of them has to die and christopher is the easiest one to get rid of' and everyone's like 'oh no! well we can't dwell on that rn' and then they just never dwell on it, and it just makes his death feel empty and unnecessary and it has me feeling sour ngl

and maybe im an unrealistic idealist who feels like none of the main kids had to die! but if they did i’d imagine their death having more weight and presence in the story after it’s happened !

like, i feel if it was matthew who died, there'd've been more dedicated to it. granted, he's james' parabatai . but still. i feel like if even thomas had died, there still would've been more.

thomas and christopher had such a close bond that we got to see in the other two books and the lack of thomas' feelings from his own perspective just feels wrong. i dont care if theyre shadowhunters and needed to focus on battle and the bigger picture. and i know that thomas especially tries to cope with grief by action. and maybe it's supposed to signify everyone's maturity in this book with their reactions vs back in chain of gold. but it still comes off as significantly unsatisfying. imo.

outside of the scene where thomas finds christopher is dead, and outside the brief moments of anna coming off as reckless/wanting to fight the watchers in anger bc of kit, a lot of the christopher grief came off sort of like ‘telling not showing’ if that makes sense??? 

not to mention that i like personally really dislike when a character survives something where death was like a legit real possibility to then just die later on, especially when it comes off as just killing someone for shock value and/or to signify that ““things are serious now””. you can claim that their surviving is 'false security' and spin it as subversion or whatever but. i just dont like it. i never like it, whether it's in book series or tv shows, except i guess cases where it's just done well and makes sense and is thematically satisfying. so like, christopher dying after being poisoned and in danger of dying back in chain of gold and surviving also has me feel dissatisfied. especially because his death came off as “well someone had to die” and the aftermath of it was so neglected and it just felt so unnecessary and im just really sour about it.

a lot of this is ramble-y and all over the place and i dont even know if i got out all that i wanted to in regards to my feelings and thoughts about the topic but. yeah.

[strykingback]

Did I stay awake throughout the night questioning the worthiness of my life and shit while also questioning if I am even worth a damn......

yes i did.

[ignitedshield]

//i feel so stressed after all this shit with the passport-

it's proper taken the wind out of my sails, i wanna draw/write but i just can't find the energy

[batboyblog]

it's true and you should say it.

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

I'm as grateful for cellphones as the next person, but sometimes I think about how everyone having a phone on them at all times really did cause us to loose some things as a society. I mean - for example, kids these days will never experience their car breaking down and needing to find the nearest place with a phone they can use. They're never going to have the opportunity to tentatively approach a house only to discover that it's full of queer people having a party hosted by a transvestite to celebrate his creation of a sex homunculus, stay the night, and loose their virginity while unintentionally partaking in cannibalism. It's tragic, that kind of gay sexual awakening just doesn't happen these days because of cellphones.

[sidhewrites]

Being kink positive makes it really hard to be a hater of media rip. I used to love watching “the WORST book I’ve read this year” booktube videos but now its like I hear them ask, “Who is this werewolf smut even for?” Omegaverse fans, next question. “Why would you write this?” Because they find it sexy, can we stop focusing on the ewie yucky kink part and focus on the fact that the author used the word knot five times in a single scene? It’s bad werewolf erotica, but it’s not bad because it’s werewolf erotica like come on

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[buildoblivion]

incredible find in my voice notes app

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[marfian]

So act 3 huh

[happyherringbonkpickle]