#//ill eventually do this for all my muses but for now.. just going with the vibes as they come!!

[doomxdriven]

MUSE: SHUSUKE AMAGAI

OVERVIEW

Name: Amagai Shūsuke Nicknames: Ama-Ama Gender: Male Height: 6'3” Eye-Color: Amber/Yellow Orientation: Bisexual Residence: Soul Society / Karakura Town (Verse Dependent) Occupation: Gotei 13 Captain / Ex Gotei 13 Captain (Verse Dependent) MBTI: ENFP-T ENNEAGRAM: 3w2 ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral

PERSONALITY

Amagai is deceptive and ruthless at his core, and is no stranger to manipulating events and people to further his own desires. Amagai can also at times be stubborn, occasionally to his own detriment, and when encountering enemies, he can be haughty (again, occasionally to his detriment), believing himself to be all-powerful in light of his Zanpakuto and Bakkoto, and when it comes to combat in general, he is prone to taunting.

When interacting with non-enemies and non combatants, however, Amagai is friendly, confident, laid back, fun-loving, jestful, and if you are truly on his good side, he can be fiercely caring, loyal. Amagai can also be quite serious when the situation calls for it, has no shortage of charisma either, or brains (even if he can sometimes come off as goofy), and while he doesn’t strictly obey the law, often breaking or bending it on the sly to help others or suit his needs, openly he is ethical and law-abiding enough to be seen as responsible and principled. Though make no mistake, Amagai does truly have standards, and morals, and looks down upon those society would dub ‘evil’.

Another thing to note is that, for as haughty and ruthless as Amagai can be he doesn’t hate people easily, even enemies, unless of course you are one of the people he believes is involved with his father’s death, his hatred runs deep for those people. To a lesser, though significant extent, Amagai also has a special hatred for Hollows.

Furthermore, while Amagai is not quick to anger, when he is pushed too far his rage is often insurmountable, with it being very hard for him to calm down or be calmed by those around him, outside of him being knocked out cold. Apart from all that, Amagai has something of an… alcohol problem, in the sense that his tolerance for it is hilariously low, to the point where even smelling alcohol can make him a little tipsy, let alone drinking any which will likely leave him sloshed beyond reason after just a few sips, regardless of the drink in question’s strength!

STORY

Amagai was born Shuu Kisaragi, and was son to a 1st Division Shinigami by the name of Shin'etsu Kisaragi. Amagai would go on to change his name after his father’s suspicious death, going forward as Shūsuke Amagai from then on, an identity he kept when he eventually joined the Onmitsukido and the Gotei 13's 2nd Division himself to learn the truth behind his father’s fate. Throughout his formative years in the Gotei 13 and Onmitsukido, Amagai gathered all the information he could surrounding his father’s death, eventually learning that items known as ‘Bakkoto’ were somehow related.

After learning about the Bakkoto, Amagai intensified his investigation over the next few years, balancing his duties in the 2nd Division and Onmitsukido with his search for the truth. Amagai's ceaseless search would inevitably pay off, however, when he learned that the Bakkoto were being produced by the Kasumioji Clan, and also that his father, Shin'etsu, had investigated them and attempted to bring their crimes to light.

Sadly, as Amagai learned, Central 46 went on to ignore said crimes and barred Shin'etsu from investigating further, and when Shin'etsu continued their investigation anyway, they were reported to have been 'killed in action'. Further research would eventually reveal that it was Yamamoto who had stuck his father down, due to what Amagai assumed was a cover up on behalf of the Kasumioji and Central 46.

With this knowledge in hand, Amagai would go onto swear revenge upon those responsible for his father’s death, resolving to bring down the Kasumioji and all who enabled them, namely Yamamoto, the corrupt Central 46, and the nobility of the Soul Society in general. Amagai was no fool, however, and knew that his revenge against the Kasumioji, Yamamoto, the general nobility, and their Central 46 cohorts would not be easy– Amagai needed to become stronger, and gain more influence, and so he did, rather swiftly at that.

On top of honing his skills in Kido, Hakuda, and Zanjutsu, Amagai would go on to steal a powerful Bakkoto from Gyōkaku Kumoi (caretaker of the Kasumioji Clan), a tool that would assist him in becoming a rising star, or in the words of others, an anamoly within the 2nd Division and Onmitsukido. Through all of his efforts, Amagai would wind up being appointed as the leader of a special unit within the Onmitsukido that was tasked with hunting down especially dangerous Hollows and Arrancar, and it was during this time that he would see the achievement of yet another milestone of his growing power; his Bankai.

After Gin Ichimaru’s defection from the Soul Society, Amagai would be chosen to head the 3rd Division, fighting Kenpachi Zaraki during his captain exam and passing said exam with both Yamamoto and another Captain present, with it being noted that someone from the Patrol Corps attaining Captaincy in Amagai’s fashion was most unheard of, and that gave his reputation something of a headstart….

ABILITIES,SKILLS

Master Swordsman: Amagai was well known for his swordsmanship even while serving in the Patrol Corps, and as a captain, his skill with the sword, both offensively and defensively, is among the best– and that is with just his Zanpakuto alone. If Amagai wishes, he can easily wield both Zanpakuto and Bakkoto at once, becoming even deadlier and more effective with his swordsmanship than he was before.

Shunpo Expert: Amagai is not the fastest captain of the Gotei 13 but his Shunpo is nothing to balk at, as he can easily keep up with or outpace most captain-level opponents, even despite his size or when wielding the larger, bulkier form of his Zanpakuto.

Kidō Master: Amagai has an immense understanding of Kido and can employ an interesting and effective array of powerful, high level spells to assail his enemies, protect himself and his allies, or manipulate time & space, all without the need for incantation and the drawbacks that usually entails. Amagai’s understanding of Kido is so advanced that he has managed to create unique spells as well, one such being able to completely hide his presence and spiritual energy, preventing him from being tracked, and another granting him true teleportation.

Hakuda Master: Being a former high ranking member of the Onmitsukidō, Amagai is highly proficient in this skill. Amagai is particularly skillful in the handling of enemy weapons bare-handed, and its not rare to see him grab a blade or other dangerous instrument mid fight and knock it aside, stop it altogether, or even use it against the original wielder in some temporary fashion without hurting himself in the process.

Immense Spiritual Power: Amagai’s Spiritual Power is massive, and can catch the attention of onlookers by just releasing his Shikai alone, not to mention his Bankai. Amagai’s Spritual Power is so much, in fact, that he can unleash his Bankai and the second form of his Bakkoto at once and wield both without any noticeable drawbacks to his body or psyche almost indefinitely.

Masterful Reiatsu Control: Amagai both possesses powerful Reiatsu and has great control over that Reiatsu. Amagai’s Reiatsu is elemental as well, being naturally fiery. If exerted heavily enough, Amagai's Reiatsu will not only cause pain and confusion to those of weaker Reiatsu, but can also scorch them.

Immense Endurance and Durability: Amagai’s endurance is a sight to behold, being able to endure or shrug off intense blows that would usually deal great damage to others, while also being able to continue fighting at peak performance with serious injuries over extended periods of time. During Amagai’s years in the Patrol Corps, and later during his Captain's Exam duel with Kenpachi Zaraki, he was known to have suffered serious injuries multiple times but continued on regardless as if wholly unimpeded.

Enhanced Strength: Amagai possesses great physical strength, even for a Captain of the Gotei 13, being able to hold or fend off both bladed and Reiatsu based attacks with sheer force alone, sometimes without any visible stress.

Expert Strategist & Tactician / Highly Perceptive Combatant: Amagai possesses a highly capable intellect, being far smarter than he may first appear to others. There are other captains who may be better with strategy, or who can think more quickly and more adequately on their feet than Amagai, but even so he is no slouch– especially in battle, he is often able to see through his opponents' attack patterns and battle methods, and he can adjust quickly to new developments, and act accordingly to them.

ZANPAKUTO & TECHNIQUES

Raika (雷火, Lightning Flash)

In its sealed form, Raika resembles a kodachi. It has an olive-green hilt, with a bronze bow-shaped tsuba. Amagai carries it in a red scabbard attached to a strap hanging on his waist.

SHIKAI

Raika’s release command is Sever (断ち切れ, tachikire). Amagai holds his Zanpakutō upside down behind his back and calls out the release command. In its Shikai, Raika takes the form of a white long-sword, with a hook at the end and curved, shell-like pipes that form the hilt. Upon transformation, the pipes emit flames, in both Shikai and Bankai form. The flames emitting from the holes produce a sound similar to a trumpet. The release of Amagai’s Zanpakutō is followed by an extreme release of Reiatsu that can be felt for miles.

SHIKAI TECHNIQUES

SPECIAL ABILITY: The pipes of Raika emit fire, heating the blade and causing it to take on a more fiery color. By heating the blade, it becomes strong enough to resist and repel attacks on the level of a fully powered Getsuga Tenshō. In addition, Amagai can freely manipulate any flames that are emitted from Raika, granting a number of useful, and deadly applications.

Learned during the events of the TYBW, a special quirk of the flames emitted from Raika is that they deal increased damage to opponents who harbor great amounts of 'bad' karma.

— FIREBALLS Amagai can focus fireballs into the crux of Raika’s hook, and by swinging forward, he can quickly launch large fireballs through the air at his targets. Its attack power is great enough to counter the Shikai of Hyōrinmaru, the most powerful ice-based Zanpakutō. The blast radius of these fireballs, large or small, is also great.

— GEYSERS OF FIRE Amagai can focus fireballs into the crux of the hook and, by slamming it into the ground, quickly create large fissures of flames that travel to the enemy at high speeds. — FLAMING STRIKES After focusing flames around Raika’s blade, Amagai can unleash flaming, blade-like blasts at foes, with varying strength and intensity depending on how long he initially ‘charges up’ the attack.

BANKAI: Raika Goen Kaku (雷火・業炎殻, Lightning Flash: Karmic Flame Shell)

Amagai holds out his Zanpakutō in front of him as fire swells around him. Raika becomes a large and more detailed version of its former self. Raika Gōen Kaku takes the form of an enlarged sword, and turns the edge of the blade a crimson red color, with a hook at the end. The inner side of the hooked blade sports several jagged edges. A large white shell with a light-purple trim covers the hilt. A massive hollow pauldron/shield with the handle is hidden behind it. The sword is just a little taller than Amagai in this form.

BANKAI TECHNIQUES

Special Ability: In this form, Raika’s blade becomes fiery, and fire sprays from the pauldron when its abilities are being used, with the Zanpakuto’s overall Fire Manipulation becoming greater. The sword’s fire-based techniques are much quicker, more potent, larger, and powerful in this form, and the pauldron on his sword can be used for defense. The general vicinity around Amagai also becomes incredibly hot, to the point where those who are merely standing near him can be severely burned depending on their defenses durability, and how much of his Reiatsu he is exerting.

During the events of the TYBW, the latter effect becomes even more pronounced on account of Amagai furthering his potential with Raika, and the 'Karmic' aspect of the flames generated by Raika are increased even further as well.

— Flamethrower While in this form, Raika’s pauldron acts as a high intensity flamethrower when it is turned toward an opponent, incinerating all in it’s path.

— Enhanced Fireballs Like in his Shikai, Amagai can fireball both medium-sized and large fireballs from Raika’s Hook. He can fire the smaller fireballs in rapid succession by spinning the blade above his head, to terrifying effect. Fireballs launched when Amagai’s Bankai is active are much more powerful than those loosed by his Shikai, with the larger ones having an especially large blast radius and force behind them, capable of wrecking great devastation to opponents over a wide area.

— Enhanced Geysers of Flame Amagai can thrust his heated blade into the ground and generate spouts of fire that erupt from the ground a short distance away from him. Amagai is able to perform this form of the technique in rapid succession, forcing the target to quickly evade the flames, or risk being incinerated. — Enhanced Flaming Strikes The flaming strikes Amagai can unleash with Raika have their power enhanced significantly, and they can be charged up and unleashed much quicker than their Shikai variant.

— Fissures of Flame Amagai heats Raika, engulfing it in fire, and by slamming it in the ground, it creates a massive wave of flame that swiftly rushes forward and incinerates any enemy that stands in it’s way.

— Sea of Flames As Raika heats up, Amagai holds it vertically and slams his sword into the ground, generating a massive wave of fire that heads toward the enemy.

— Goen Ryuga (業炎龍牙, Dragon Fang’s Karmic Flame) Amagai twirls Raika sword above his head, and the blade is engulfed in fire while flames shoot from the pauldron and lightning builds. He then slams the blade into the ground, accompanied by a lighting strike. The earth begins to shake over a wide area, and a multitude of powerful flaming spears shoot from the ground at lighting speed in various angles to trap opponent’s in a prison of flames, or conversely, to impale and burn them. It is quite possibly Raika’s deadliest attack, though also it’s most costly in terms of the energy it requires to utilize do to the sheer area it covers. Friendly fire is very likely if Amagai uses this technique with allies nearby.

— Gōen Ryūga: Homura (業炎龍牙・焔, Dragon Fang’s Karmic Flame Blaze) Amagai lifts Raika over his head and covers its entirety in flames. He then slashes at his opponent, launching a massive fireball at them. The Fireball that is launched with this attack creates an intense explosion that can cover an extremely wide area, but more than that, the concentration of flames that this fireball consists of is immense, and any target caught within its radius of impact will likely be incinerated on contact. Friendly fire is very likely if Amagai uses this technique with allies nearby.

— Raiendan Amagai points Raika forward, and its blade begins to glow red hot. Condensing at the tip of the blade, a moderately sized fireball grows before splitting apart into multiple smaller fireballs, which are all launched toward a target. Though initially spread out in a line, these fireballs converge on the target as they approach it, quite literally seeking them out.

These fireballs only seek the target out until they get close enough to them, however, meaning an opponent who is observant and swift enough can dodge them at the last second, but those who are unfortunate enough to be struck will suffer grave burns, along with massive internal injury, as the force behind these fireballs is strong enough to shatter stone.

BAKKOTO & TECHNIQUES

Base Form: Tuning Fork

In it’s base form, Amagai’s Bakkōtō is shaped like a tuning fork, with the sides curving inward and the tip of the blades curving outward. Amagai keeps the Bakkoto sheathed in a wide white scabbard, which hangs on the right side of his waist. This Bakkoto is unique among other Bakkoto in that it can eat other Bakkoto (to gain strength, and has consumed numerous Bakkoto already), and shares a special bond with Amagai, increasing it’s effectiveness above other Bakkoto dramatically.

BAKKOTO: BASE FORM ABILITIES & TECHNIQUES

— Energy Blast’s (Ranged-Mode) Amagai can fire an energy blast from the Bakkoto in this form. This blast resembles a sound wave, and is incredibly powerful, being strong enough to destroy the Kōtotsu in the Dangai (a feat that has only ever been achieved by one other person,Sōsuke Aizen), meaning this blast poses a serious threat to anyone or anything it’s aimed at.

— Energy Blade (Melee-Mode) By tapping the Bakkoto against the hilt of his Zanpakutō, Amagai can produce a large blade of green, concentrated, plasma-like Reiryoku from the Bakkoto, increasing it’s melee range and effectiveness though weakening the power of it’s energy blasts considerably. The Bakkoto’s blade burns at an extremely high temperature, however, and any flesh, clothing,, armor, or surface it touches will be melted, scorched, incinerated, or ignited on contact.

— Communication Field By stabbing the Bakkoto’s Energy Blade into the ground, Amagai can engulf himself in a large pillar of green energy. While doing this, Amagai can communicate with others within a over a wide area. The more of his Reiryoku Amagai pours into the Bakkoto, the greater a distance he can communicate through.

Second Form: Dragon's Blade

The eye nucleus of this Bakkōtō is hidden within the bottom of the hilt. It is unique in that it feeds on the nuclei of other Bakkōtō. By tapping the Bakkoto while holding it upside down, the nuclei releases by extending itself like a tendril up and around Amagai’s right arm, transforming into a armored black gauntlet shaped like a dragon.

From the initial release, the gauntlet can fully encompass the entire arm, creating a claw on the hand. A sash-like component comes over Amagai’s left shoulder and down to his waist, containing additional Bakkōtō nuclei. Attaching the armored right arm and the sash is something reminiscent of a dragon’s tail, which hangs freely from the upper shoulder area of the back.

BAKKOTO: SECOND FORM ABILITIES AND TECHNIQUES

Special Ability: When in it’s Second Form, the Bakkoto extends down and generates a spiritual energy blade from what resembles a dragon’s mouth. When thrust into the ground, it sends out a resonating pulse that severs a being's ties to their own Reiryoku, cutting them off from any supernatural abilities they may possess– for example, Shinigami are cut off from their special abilities like Kido and Hoho, and their Zanpakutō become useless.

This Reiryoku-severing can also be done by striking a person or their weapon directly. This ability affects everyone in its general vicinity for as long as its active. However, the ability does not affect Amagai’s own Zanpakutō or Reiryoku. The Bakkoto’s special ability has almost no affect on Hollow powers, however, and will only blunt them briefly at best.

— Enhanced Energy Blast, Blade, and Communication Field The Bakkoto’s base abilities in this form are enhanced and the weaknesses associated with it’s melee and ranged modes are erased, since it is now all-in-one, both ranged and melee.

— Altered Reiatsu When fused with his Bakkōtō in this manner, Amagai's Reiatsu is altered-- while it retains its fiery nature, it changes to a neon green color, and begins to burn even hotter than before. In kind, the intensity of Amagai's Reiatsu grows as well in this state.

If Amagai has both his Bankai active and is fused with his Bakkōtō at the same time, his Reiatsu will fluctuate between neon-green and fiery-red depending on which he is utilizing at the moment (the two colors spiraling around but never mixing with each other when both instruments are used simultaneously), but more notably, the 'burning' that his Reiatsu is capable of will be increased exponentially in such a situation.

— Immense Durability, Strength, & Pain Tolerance When fused with his Bakkōtō, Amagai's durability, physical strength, and tolerance for pain skyrockets, with him being able to shrug off blows that would otherwise seriously maim people above a Captain's ranking, perform obscene feats of strength like effortlessly tearing off limbs or punching through solid steel structures, and allow him to function through pain that would typically cripple even the most ardent fighters. The longer Amagai stays fused with his Bakkōtō, the stronger his durability and tolerance to pain becomes, but of course it also comes with drawbacks (see caveats below).

BAKKOTO CAVEAT

— Amagai possesses more than enough spiritual energy to maintain his Bakkoto, and can even maintain both the Bakkoto and his Bankai simultaneously for a long time if need be, but at the end of the day he can still push himself too far and leave open the possibility that his Bakkoto will damage his body and mind.

The damage incurred on Amagai’s mind and body by the Bakkoto in those instances where he overextends himself can be reversed with proper healing Kido and rest, but there can come a point where either type of damage, or both, will simply go to far. In extreme cases, the Bakkoto could potentially kill Amagai on the spot, devouring his whole body and leaving him as a desiccated husk on the battlefield. A very terrifying way to go.

— Also, the Bakkoto, while increasing Amagai's own durability, and its own durable armor-like surfaces, is not as durable when it comes to the eye-nuclei it possesses, and if all of it’s eye-nuclei are damaged, the Bakkoto will enter a “repair state” and become useless for the duration of a battle.

[universestreasures]

I should try to wake up Yudias' muse/make him a verse to interact with Master-Duel era (Aka Dm-Vrains) verse because I'm so fricken curious how YGO muses would react TO AN ACTUAL ALIEN WARRIOR WHO HAS LASER EYE BEAMS (who in canon is also like technically a representation galaxy/not a real lifeform/a card with free will, it's complicated)

[milswrites]

Stubborn Little Fox

~ Eris Vanserra X Reader

Summary: Eris struggles to look after his stubborn mate when you are sick.

Warnings: Poorly reader but it’s pretty much fluff. Maybe some suggestiveness.

Notes: Just a silly little fic to tide you over until I finish the angst I’m writing. Dedicated to @sarawritestories who wrote me this exact scenario in an attempt to get me to stop writing and go to bed 😌

Your bed was empty.

Again. 

The wrinkled covers pulled back to reveal the bare sheets of where you had once laid, where Eris was supposed find you soundly sleeping upon entering the room.

The Autumn Prince cursed lowly under his breath, knuckles turning white with frustration as he tightly gripped onto the tray of food he had prepared for you.

It was easier to control his hounds - Eris thought as he carefully placed the tray down on the edge of the bed, lest he toss its contents onto the floor in his anger.

Eris was used to completing impossible jobs, and yet nothing has been more difficult than trying to wrangle his sick mate and convince you to sleep away your illness. Your inability to sit still making caring for you harder than Eris had initially anticipated.

He needn’t try too hard to find you, a swift wander down the hall and to his office was all Eris needed to walk before he opened the door to find your sickly form hunched over his desk with a pen in hand. Scribbling away at whatever documents had been left for you once you had recovered.

It was impossible to stop the exasperated sigh which fell from his lips as he took in the paleness of your face and the worrying sheen of sweat which had coated it.

“And why, pray tell me, aren’t you in bed where you’re supposed to be Little Fox?” Eris snarled, all comfort forgotten as he once more found himself trying to coax you back towards your bed.

With shaking hands you reluctantly place your pen down, guilty eyes meeting the burning stare of your mates unforgiving glare. “I’ve got work to finish!” You defend, gesturing to the stack of paperwork which had only grown during your absence from your job.

At your excuse, the red-haired male inhaled deeply, a disbelieving hand coming to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. And it wasn’t until Eris exhaled his frustrations that he allowed himself to reply as softly as he could, “work can wait until you’re feeling better.”

“It can’t,” you reason, a disappointed sigh drawing from your sickly lips, “I’m far enough behind as it is. Another day without work and I’ll never be able to catch up. Besides, I’m fine. I feel much better now.”

Whilst Eris prided himself on holding back the roll of his eyes which threatened to occur, he failed to stop the raise of his brow as you proceeded to burst into a fit of coughs after your weak-willed reassurances.

“All better?” He mused, a small smirk finding its home on his lips as he watched you pitifully try to compose yourself. Innocent eyes meeting his own as your incessant coughing eventually came to a halt.

“I have to say Little Fox, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you like going against my orders” Eris chided, slowly walking towards you as he spoke. Each step forward drawing you deeper into his hypnotic trance. “Would I be correct in assuming you keep leaving your bed because you want me to scold you?” He asks teasingly, bringing his face down to meet yours, until his playful eyes were level with your own.

“I can’t say I’d hate it if you had to take care of me” you replied honestly, unable to help the way your gaze drifted towards your mates slightly parted lips.

“Is that not what I’ve been doing all this time?” Eris feigns hurt which fails to read through his wicked smile, “Taking care of my mate?”

“I can think of a few more ways I’d like to be taken care of” you answer, hoping to be seductive but ultimately failing as another round of coughs wrack your chest.

“Later” Eris chuckled, his strong arms coming to lift you from where you were sat, “for now you need sleep.”

You furrow your brows in protest, opening your mouth to argue with your mate before he beat you to it. Eris’s soothing voice acting to calm you, “Don’t worry, I’m going to have to cuddle you just to make sure you don’t run off anywhere else.”

Eris’s warm lips came to meet your aching forehead, his kiss already working to dissipate the uncomfortable pulsating of your sore temples. Your mates healing touch enough to already have you drifting off in his comforting embrace.

“My stubborn Little Fox,” he uttered as he began to move back towards the bedroom which you shared, cradling you close to his body in hope that the heat which he emitted would soothe your aching joints, “you better feel well again soon, I’ll be waiting to deliver your punishment for disobeying me.”

You hum happily in response, nuzzling your face into his warm chest to hide your smirk of anticipation, “I’m looking forward to it, My Prince.”

It was only once you woke, when your fever had broken and the ache in your muscles had quelled, that you noticed that Eris was no longer holding you. That it was his turn to escape the comfortable confines of your sheets which had now grown cold in his absence.

Stepping out from the warmth of your covers, you walked barefoot across the cold wooden floors. Seeking the ever-lasting warmth of your mate. You followed the call, moving through the hall until you found yourself outside his office, the strong scent of crackling wood and chestnuts enough to tell you the male was waiting inside.

Cracking open the door you peered inside, noting the way Eris was slumped over the freshly inked papers you had saved to work on when your health had improved.

Your mate - your selfless, loving mate - had completed them all. No doubt seeking to ease your worries and provide you with the extra hours of rest you would no doubt need once you had woken.

Quietly pulling the door to, you move to the kitchen to prepare your love a warming tea. Because as much as Eris longed to take care of those he loved so dearly, sometimes what he needed was for someone to take care of him in return.

[envy-of-the-apple]

the jjk naga au is getting to me……..i fear im terminally ill with thoughts about it (seriously, top of the food chain is such a yummy series (?) and im soso obsessed with how you've written gojo’s and geto’s characters, i reread your works everyday, i just can't get enough! ^^)

and i hope you don't mind if i share a Thought i've had :3 (i was going for an mc who used to draw/sketch/make art just for this specific scenario)

Imagine that your time on the island's barely dragging on. There's only so many berries to pick and so many times you can braid Suguru’s hair into elaborate styles. You're bored, stranded on an island with these two naga captors and their (adorable) hatchlings.

Well, there's always playing with the hatchlings, or tussling with Satoru (he calls it playtime but you're far from amused when you get a faceful of sand when he tugs your legs out from under you) but you miss your alone time. That little bubble of yours. Ah, privacy. 

Like that'd happen, but you can dream.

It's a stroke of chance when Nobara comes to you with her new haul of human paraphernalia, all too excitedly. A leather satchel. Some printed photos of nameless faces with scenic backgrounds. A waterlogged cell phone, practically unsalvageable. A journal with pages so thoroughly soaked, it falls apart in wet clumps.

“What are these?” You can hear her rummage through the bag, her nose wrinkling slightly. “Smells weird.” And so you look over to see her glaring down at a (relatively new) set of oil paints, sealed away in the bag. It's likely that she picked up on the scent of the strange chemicals.

Your eyes are bright with hope as you gently pull it out of her hold. Ready to answer her million and one questions.

…

After all this time that you've thought of what you'd wished to be able to do, you're at a loss. You've got a wall to the cave to yourself, a set of oil paints and a makeshift brush from the wood of this one particular tree off the side of the island. The only thing you're missing right now is inspiration.

A muse.

Satoru and Suguru are snoozing. Peaceful and laid in each other's arms. you can appreciate the quiet to yourself.

You hear familiar shrieks and playful yells of the hatchlings' name. 

The slight bit of quiet, then.

Nobara and Yuji are wrestling in the water, arguing over something in a mix of clicks and curse words. The sight is an endearing one, but moving too quick.

So you do some searching inward.

And you paint what comes to mind. What you've felt this whole time.

…

“What's that?” Ever the curious one, Nobara rests her head on your shoulder to peer over at your artwork in progress. She doesn't understand any of it—and she wouldn't. Your human upbringing is leagues different from hers.

“... Home.” You murmur, and Nobara’s glancing up at you in wonder because of the way your eyes glisten, the way your hand lingers over to paint in a fine detail.

“Well, it was my home.” You smile back at her, and she's at ease. You're not sad—no, she'd make it everybody's problem if you were—and then she makes sure to know everything about the scene you've drawn.

“What's that?” She gestures. Careful not to smudge the paint off, index outstretched to a figure she doesn't recognise.

“That's a lamp. When it gets dark, we switch it on so there's light. Like the torches in the cave, you see?”

“Torch? Hmm… and that?”

It seems that talking about your old home brings a warmth to your voice. Nobara beams up at you all giddy as you explain, eager to learn more. Eventually Yuji slinks over to listen as well, more so to the sound of your voice than what you're saying.

You sound happy, the pair can tell. Like when you taste a berry sweeter than the others, or when you tell them stories of your own to lull them to sleep. They like the chime of joy in your voice, and neither stops you from rambling about your once-home. 

It's a moment of peace. and warmth.

Yet it shatters for you when you feel a strong muscled tail coil around your waist, that familiar sense of having your space invaded taking over. A very intrigued Satoru looms over you, eyes glinting as he takes in the sight. You know that something's off—he seems more punishing with how tight he holds you.

“Home, huh?” Satoru repeats, and even the hatchlings can tell that's their cue to leave. Nobara offers you a lingering glance, almost pouty before she slithers away, following after her brother.

…

The next early morning, you find your home gone. 

In a sense, it's a bitter joke to be played on you. Not only were you never going to be back at your own place, even the expression of the idea was taken away from you. Just like your freedom was. your choice. The wall of the cave was bare, not a hint of the paint or the sentiment lingering behind. As if someone hit a total reset. Paints nowhere to be found, your canvas scrubbed clean.

Suguru stretches out from behind you, one of the first few to wake up, wrapping you in a lazy hug, before he follows your gaze. You'd call the soft laugh that rumbles in his chest cruel. Mocking your homesickness in that loving way only he could manage.

“Must've rained last night.” He comments at the absence of your artwork, and you wish you could pinpoint at least an inch or sarcasm in his words. You nod quietly, and he draws you in closer.

Cold lips brush against your temple. 

“The only home you need is with us.”

The sand under your feet is drier than your throat.

(oh my god im sorry if i rambled too much, i hope its not annoying ^^;;)

jaw dropping. amazing. wHAT????

I love how anon made Nobara's characterization so much sweeter and innocent. Though it's probably cuz she's younger in this fic...considering she can still stay on land. And satosugu not even wanting you to THINK of your old home is so accurate. I feel the more they learn your language, the more eager they'll be to display ownership.

Anyway thx anon for making the fourth part! from now on if anyone wants an addition to the naga series turn to the anons not me.

[mrdixon]

A Rugged Muse | Series masterlist

pairing: eventual daryl dixon x f!reader

series summary: when you're left to fend for yourself in the new apocalyptic world as an artist, you lose all hope. your brother was no where to be found, you were still heartbroken, you were considering giving up. until you came across a ragged archer, who was as equally fragile as you.

general warnings (every chapter will have its warnings): swearing, typical twd, violence, gore (wont be extremely detailed im dumb), mental health mentions, abuse/torture, character deaths.

A/N: hi this is mostly like a test series because im not even sure where im going with this, i just have like so many ideas that are not consistent with each other so ill try my hardest to make this enjoyable. and again im super super super inconsistent so im sorry if i post like thirty chapters and then go AWOL. i really do hope youll enjoy this series!!!

DISCLAIMER: reader is more of an oc so if theres things that she does that do not apply to you im sorry shes so me. this story will take place from s1-??? and its going to follow the main story of twd (mainly... probably...) so heres your warning, SPOILERS !!!!!! im also not naming chapters i have no creative juices for that.

for the sake of having glenn as your older brother im having him be around 24-27 years old right now, you being like 23 ish. and daryl will be like 32….??? i dunno im trying to make this as canon as possible BUT UGH IT IS SO $&£”*^%*£ so yeah there will be a little bit of an age gap between reader and daryl but i hope that wont be too much of a problem for you guys…. probably not. and do not quote me if i get settings or the timeline wrong like twd is confusing enough for me……….. again im also like rewatching and making sure to make everything as close to the show as possible, but theres also the possibility of me altering the timeline (muehehehe).

☆ series masterlist

chapter 1 ♫

chapter 2 ♫

chapter 3 ♫

chapter 4 ♫

[thecurioustale]

My New Book Is Out! | Tokens of Zeal

My new book is out!

Buy it! Buy it now!

That's right: In secret, on January 2 of this year I began writing a book of essays. Some of you may know that I have an online journal, which I created in the summer of 2003 when I was just 21 years old and have kept up with ever since. For my new book I went back to the journal and read through it, entry by entry, drawing out excerpts of interest that became conversation pieces for 81 various and sundry essays reflecting on my past life and past thoughts.

The essays are short, often very short. They are less challenging than my usual writing, I would say. My purpose was not to advance my personal frontier of philosophy and intellectual thought in 2024, or to reach a niche audience of deep thinkers, but instead to reflect sincerely on some things I've seen along the way and muse upon how my thoughts have changed and stayed the same over twenty years.

I mention this to you because I am a bit worried that anyone who reads this book might think there's not much to me as an author, and might be dissuaded from reading my works of fiction when those books eventually come out, so I'll lampshade that by adding that I wrote this book in two-and-a-half months. Make of that what you will. I told myself I wouldn't self-sabotage the book by needlessly saying negative things about it, and I am proud of it, not only the fact that I finished it at all, let alone so quickly, but of the actual contents too.

This book is "Volume 1" in a hypothetical series, as it doesn't cover the entire twenty years of the journal but only the first four months, from August to November of 2003—at which point the essays had reached "book length" (lol). So really this book is a snapshot of my life in the latter half of 2003. At that time, I was fading out of college due to financial hardship and other issues, and did not realize that I would never (as yet) return.

I have been wanting for years to go back and reread my journal, and writing a book out of it was the perfect impetus to finally do it. I think a few things stand out about the Josh of 2023:

First, my principles have remained remarkably consistent, but my awareness and understanding of the world has grown drastically, and so those same principles have led me over time to some different policy views and worldviews on some things.

Second, I was a 21-year-old arrogant block of cheese, full of hormones and self-conviction, and that definitely shows up at times in ways that I simultaneously am not proud of and yet which I admire for their sheer gall. There is something very magnetic about the old me which doesn't exist anymore.

Third, following up on that point, it was pretty inspiring and encouraging to revisit the old me, with all that native optimism and drive. I don't express those qualities anymore because life has worn me down and also because I have come to recognize that humanity's problems are a lot more stubborn and irremediable than I thought. By glimpsing into the past, I couldn't help but be cheered on by the old Josh's proud, utopian sense of human inevitability. It lifted my own spirits in the here and now!

I made the mistake of announcing the book on Patreon right after I finished writing it, i.e. back in mid-March. Then I had to wring my hands every week about how post-production was taking longer than expected. Between the irritating realities of formatting a book in software not properly equipped to format a book (never write a book in Google Docs), the complexities of my detail-oriented manner and strong vision regarding the cover design (and engaging for the first time ever with modern generative AI, and having to learn those ropes), and sustaining illnesses and other life priorities and so on, it would take me another two months in all to finally reach today, where I can now publicly declare:

The book is done! It is for sale right now. It is called:

Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age

(Caption: Book front cover of Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age, by Joshua Calars.)

You can buy it through Amazon in either paperback or e-book format. (I recommend the paperback version for aesthetics as it is much truer to my design vision for the book's layout and appearance, but my profit margin is actually a dollar bigger with the e-book version, so really just go with whichever version you prefer.) It is available in the US as well as in basically all the other countries that Amazon has expanded its publishing service into. If you need help finding a link to a particular version, give me a ping and I will point you there (if there is a "there" to be pointed to). This is my second published book, following Prelude to After The Hero in 2015, and the first book to be published in print.

If you do read it, first of all thank you! It's an honor that you would take the time. Second of all, I would love any feedback you care to offer. That's not a platitude either; feedback is hard to come by and I really would be interested in anything you have to say, good or bad. You can e-mail me, DM, reblog this, drop an ask, or tag me in an independent post. Whatever you like! Feedback will help me greatly when I eventually get around to writing Volume 2. And feel free to leave a review on Amazon, whether good or bad (though hopefully you enjoy the book); I am told it pleases The Algorithm. But most of all, if you enjoy the book, tell someone about it! Your word-of-mouth is currently 100 percent of my advertising budget, lol.

That's all. I wrote a book; it took four-and-a-half-months; it's done now; and it's the first time I've ever gotten to hold a book that I wrote in my hands as a physical thing, and that's pretty neat.

[sakasakiii]

Hi!

I love your work!! Your art is very pretty. Do you have a specific idea of how old everyone is ? Do you lean more towards canon or do you have your own dates in mind ? If don’t wanna a answer it’s ok!

Hope u have a nice day

(Remember to drink water!)

hiiii nonnie!!! thank you for checking in, and im happy u like the stuff i put out!! when it comes to ages, it's difficult to answer sometimes bc of the way professor tolkien's timeline is-- it makes gauging one singular place where most of the cast can be compared something that makes my tired brain go 😵🤧🤕 but i love the prompt youve given! and thus heres my attempt at it

with most of my tolkien stuff, i always try to stick to canon wherever possible emphasis is on try lmao and the topic of ages is one such place. i do make exceptions to the Professor's canon sometimes for a few reasons: 1) i like some of the scrapped ideas in his drafts, or 2) i just prefer other options. with ages, i think the only charas with canon-established ages i deviated from are fingolfin, finrod, turgon, and aredhel. i try to keep cases like these minimal tho, so i hope it doesn't bother anyone too much... 👉👈

anyways i figured just dropping a list of numbers would be kinda boring to look at so heres an illustrated guide to what the ~rough~ ages of the finweans are in my head whenever i write or draw. Y.T. 1495 (the year Finwe dies) is the controlled medium ive used to enable a fair comparison of the Finweans

note: "born Y.T. xxx" means this is the canon date of birth listed on Tolkien Gateway. "est. born [xxx]" means this is a noncanon estimate:

the First Age gets a lot more muddled from there due to the hullaballoo of everything going on, so ill only be including the doriathrim and a few other denizens of nargothrond:

it's mostly the older elves that are more undefined/vague with their ages (i.o.w. others like elwing, earendil, the peredhil twins, and most Men all have set dates of birth), so they're all i'll be doing for now. but it's that vagueness which makes hcing all the more enjoyable, isn't it! plus since we’re on this subject, under the cut are just a few headcanons and musings ive had that i wanted to put somewhere 😙

Finarfin and Earwen were born within months of each other! Finwe and Olwe made a Really Big Deal out of when they found out their wives were pregnant at the same time. As a result, the two were often sent on many playdates with each other to “bolster healthy relations” between the Noldor and the Teleri. It wasn’t an arranged marriage situation, but I like to think they were goofy for each other from the start… Resulting in the two eventually getting married as soon as they came of age, the fastest out of all of Finwe’s kids to do so. 

The reason the Ambarussa are significantly younger than the other Finweans (especially the Feanorians-- there’s a 100 Valian year gap between them and Curufin alone!) is because I imagine they were accidental babies that even Feanor didn’t expect to conceive. too bad morgoth said "its morgin time!" and started Messing Things Up shortly afterwards.....

Anaire was Lalwen's good friend long before she married Fingolfin; they met through Lalwen who wingmanned Fingolfin the whole time. i like think Anaire'd be the best out of all the wives at keeping good, healthy bonds with all the women of her family :DD

luthien's potential 姐姐/big sis dynamic with all the younger doriathrim elves is something i daydream about a lot 😌 but sometimes the fact that she's older than finarfin keeps me up at night

this has been really fun, so thanks again for asking-- annnd yessir, i am chugging water as i write this so you better be doing the same ❤️ have a great start to your week!

[gettinshiggywithit]

!Bakugou falling asleep with his s/o on video call!

Scenario:-what if Reader and Bakugou fell asleep on a call/video chat?

Pairing:- bakugou x gn!reader

Genre:-fluff/comfort

Type:- oneshot

A/N:-shout out to @cloudy-zephyr for bein my muse on this one too!couldnt do it without you babes😘

Okie so it started at like 8pm

He wanted to finish ‘cos he had to go to bed by 9 and well he didnt wanna stay up too late

Dont get me wrong the boi loves ya but he NEEDS his eight hours😭

So eight pm rolls around and you join ur special zoom link🥰

AND HES LATE

(like GURL WHY IS U LATEE FOR A VIDEO CALL)

but then while ur fuming cos NOW U ONLY HAVE 55MINS AND NOT 60

He comes into the chat and guess what homeboy’s wearin😭

This man is wearing a full three piece tux and is at his kitchen table(the lighting is perfect there)

And ur just like “BITCH WHERE HAVE YOU- oh wow well hello there~”

And he’s just 😏

And nowww u feel insecure and a lil embarrassed cos this bitch is in a tux and you’re in bed in your pjs with messy hair

Oh also as if on cue ur led lights just turn to red and it looks like u AND ur room are blushing

You ask him why he’s wearin a tux and he just says “gotta look presentable for my partner dont i😏”

And ur like “SIRRR you look amazing REGARDLESS”

But ofc u cant sayyy that so u just say “dam right😤”

You laugh and then move on

You talk about the most random shit and also talk abt some pieces of shit😅(i.e. people you both dont like~)

Eventually it becomes 8.55 and he seems a lil tired

So you ask him if yall should sign off

But HE say No~

You are FLABBERGASTED

but you dont complain

You go on for another 1.5 hrs and then he keeps his head on his arms and closes his eyes

He still replies durin ur convo

But hes slurring his words

And soon enough hes out like a light

And keep in mind this man is in a FULL FUCKIN TUX asleep on the kitches table~

For you🧡

So you keep ur computer on ur second pillow and cover up the laptop a little with your blanket too

And then you fall asleep while admiring ur boyfriend and his adorable features

Be starts to snore so u mute him and then before you forget you take plenty of screenshots

He wakes up the next day at 6 to find that hes still on call,hes still in his tux and-

He was starting to get annoyed with himself (he thought hed fallen asleep thinkin abt u after the call) but then he sees that ur still there and smiles

Maybe it was worth it after all~

Oh btw he DEFINITELY took screenshots of you too

Made it into a collage and gave it to u on ur birthday is what he did~😭

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

Comments & Reblogs w/ tags >>>>>>>>>>>likes please

Taglist open for anyone interested!

[dragonrider9905]

It's Officially Christmas

Merry Christmas @toomanybandstocare!!!! I'm your secret santa for @ghostofskywalker's Life Day Exchange for the @cloneficgiftexchange! Ironically, it also works out for the @clonexreaderbingo because Cody was on my card as well as one you requested :D I really hope you like it. It wasn't quite how I wanted it, because I love love love expanding stories so they go one forever but I ran out of time. This is just a bit of fluff and happiness for the Christmas season!!! Hope you're having a good one!

Cody sighed with an exhale, rubbing circles on his forehead, just tracing the scar around his eye he had gotten during his active military duty. Highly decorated, Colonel “Commander” Cody of the Armed Forces was currently struggling to complete his college semester still holding onto his sanity intact. Christmas was close, which meant fun and freedom were just in sight.

And to be honest, he could use some. It had been quite some time since he’d felt either of those things. 

Just the previous year, he’d been discharged early from the military due to family hardships. His adoptive father, Ninety-Nine, had fallen seriously ill which resulted in much limited mobility and flagging health, though he was stubbornly holding on. Ninety-Nine was tough in his own way and not easily knocked down and never let his disabilities limit him. He honestly was one of Cody’s biggest heroes for just that fact alone. No one was more inspiring than Ninety-Nine. 

To top off the struggle, his half-brother, Fives, was killed in action, while his other half-brother, Echo, was seriously wounded. This had dampened (but not destroyed) Ninety-nine’s spirits which slowed his healing. Cody had come back to take care of the family broken by loss.

The family. 

And what a family it was: a mix-matched group of boys and a sickly older man but they belonged together. 

Ninety-nine had taken care of all the Fett boys in some way or another after they’d been abandoned by their father Jango. He’d been the one to find Plo Koon who fostered and eventually adopted Wolffe, Sinker and Boost—but he’d raised under his own roof a rowdy bunch which included himself, Rex, Fives, Echo, and the Quadruplets (Cody didn’t know if technically Se or Fett was more accurate for them) soon nicknamed ‘the bad batch’.

And it was these that Cody called family. Home. It wouldn’t be complete totally again, but they could heal — and he’d do whatever he could, nay, he wouldn’t rest, until they did.

More than anything Cody wanted to take care of Ninety-nine, especially in the beginning. And that he did, but because Cody was an overachiever—he’d signed up for college classes as well. Then he added a job on the side to match; a small part of him regretted it. It was getting to be a lot, but joining the military right out of high school wasn’t easy either, so if he could make it then, he could do this now, he reasoned. 

That was a year ago now, and Ninety-Nine was finally on the mend. 

This year would be special, since everyone—well almost everyone—was going to be home. The first year since they’d all left, that they’d be back. 

They’d be back. Home, and together again.

Like they should be.

Echo was finally released from the hospital, healing from his extensive injuries and adjusting to his prothstetics, and the quadruplets’ tour was finally over. Though none of them were injured, it wasn’t without repercussions either.   

“Hurry up, Cody, or we’ll be late!” a shout broke him from his musings. “And don’t forget the basket!”

The Fetts were on their way to a dance—a Christmas dance—hosted by their longtime family friends the Jetti’s, and there was going to be an auction for charity, sleigh rides, and everything, as they did every year. Ninety-Nine insisted on bringing something to join the auction every year and this was no exception. Even when they couldn’t make it to the dances, Ninety-Nine was giving something.  

Cody wasn’t much of a dancer. He never cared to go to them much. But for some reason he was really looking forward to it this year. Perhaps because it was Christmas, and magic had a way of creeping into people’s ordinary lives, transforming into something beautiful and new. 

And it was this Christmas hope that kindled something warm inside his heart, and excitement. 

— — — — — 

The room was alive with flashes of color and the sound of music, laughing and cheering. The pitter pattering of feet was just as loud as the happiness of those in the room excitedly making known to each other through various conversations and well wishes. Quick steps made their own rhythm and stories which echoed off the dance floor. 

It was at this moment you felt beautiful, standing under the Christmas lights and bathing in the general glee and spirit of the room. Your throat squeezed as if holding in a laugh and a smile pulled at your lips so much your mouth hurt, but in a good way. The Christmas magic worked its way through your veins. The tingling of invincible tinsel tickled your fingertips, an energy flowing through you which was contagious. Smiles you sent to others were easily returned and frowns turned upside down. 

It was at this particular moment, the Fett family walked in. 

The name wouldn’t have meant much to you in normal circumstances. Why would that name stick out among so many others who were there? 

But you had a reason for knowing it, and his name was Cody. 

You saw him leading his train of brothers in through the door, guiding the old man by the arm. He flashed his charming smile to the host and exchanged hands. 

The music started up again and your sister grabbed your hand, dragging you into the ring or people forming a group dance with interchanging partners. You had to focus, otherwise you’d lose your step. 

It was only two seconds, but in those two, the entire Fett family was dispersed throughout the room and you lost all track of where Cody had gone. 

— — — 

Moving lithley, you kept up with the music and the people twirling and leaping around you. The dance went in a circular motion and patterns were interchanged. You clapped and danced and laughed along with everyone else, pushing yourself to go faster and faster as the song was ending.

Twirling and twirling you finished with a bang.

You looked up and saw you were in Cody’s arms, who looked just as shocked as you did to see you there. 

Then he froze there, mouth slightly agape. His eyes danced across your face and his slight panting may have been more than just catching his breath from the dance. He swallowed nervously.

“Um, hello.” He stuttered nervously.

“Hello yourself,” you smiled  back reassuringly, “nice to run into you.”

Cody chuckled a little at that, then a silence fell between the two of you. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare! It’s just...you look so beautiful underneath the holiday lights.” 

You chuckled at his embarrassed realization. Cody turned pink and looked like he wanted to cave in on himself, which you had to say was really adorable and made you laugh harder. The thought of the brave warrior being startled into a stuttering school boy because of you.

The sound of your laughter filled the air with a contagious glint of mirth. Soon, Cody found himself laughing too. 

The music started up again and people took their places all around the two of you. 

“Would you, um, care to go again?” he asked, holding out his hand. 

“Gladly!” 

Not just one song but two that soon turned into three. When you were tired, you headed off to the corner to drink hot cocoa and watch the others. You were so caught up in talking to each other that you hadn’t realized that the time ran late into the night. It was near midnight when you sighed and looked at your watch. 

“Well, I’ll see you around.” You finally said a little sadly. Just because Christmas was around the corner didn’t mean all the work was done. You had one more paper to write before you were free. 

“I hope so!” He responded genuinely which just made you laugh again.

“Oh you definitely will. I sit two rows behind you and three seats to your left in class.” 

Cody gawked. 

You couldn’t have?! He’d surely have noticed you?!

“I even asked you for notes once. And, you also asked me for notes once too.”

His mind was racing, trying to think back to those times to verify the claims with his memory. 

You chuckled lightly. 

“I don’t expect you to remember though. You were always very preoccupied, with good reason. Your cousin, Waxer, told me the whole story.”

Big mouth Waxer. Could have counted on him to blab the whole story to everyone (though in this case Cody was grateful he did, not that he would admit that.)

“I have to say, I would have done anything for you. You had to just give me a chance.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to be so drastic, darling,” he smirked, “I’m here now, and I’m all yours. After class tomorrow, would you want to go skating?”

"It's a date!"

Now, it was officially Christmas.

[tabitha42]

The Wizard's Apprentice - Chapter 16

Saffron is just a lowly apprentice with barely a successful firebolt to her name. So what chance does she have with the arch mage she's slowly falling in love with?

Gale x Tav, slow burn, eventual smut

Chapter 1 Previous chapter Next chapter

Back at camp, the others were surprised to hear they’d managed to take out the goblin leaders, but disappointed to hear Halsin couldn’t help. Well, Shadowheart and Astarion were, Lae’zel was unsurprised. 

“Of course he couldn’t help. I told you, purification is the only way.” 

“Well, we may have another way now,” Wyll said, peaking Shadowheart and Astarion’s attention while Lae’zel seethed and rolled her eyes. “An old woman at the grove claimed to be able to heal us. She said to head to her house tomorrow - by the edge of the forest, south of the village.” 

“A waste of time,” Lae’zel snapped. 

“Worth a try,” Shadowheart decided. 

In the end Lae’zel begrudgingly agreed to give it a go, though she was convinced it would be pointless. 

The group set about their tasks for the evening. Saff joined Gale to help with cooking dinner while the others prepared for the next day. While Karlach unpacked her bag, Shadowheart noticed the number of magical items she was taking out. 

“Is this all from the goblin camp?” she asked as she walked over to her. She picked up a particularly interesting looking ring and inspected it. “These could be useful for us.”

“You can use them for a bit, but they’re for Gale,” Karlach said, not really thinking about whether she should have told Shadowheart that as she absent-mindedly unpacked. 

“For Gale? Why?” she asked, looking over the equipment. Most of it looked like stuff a wizard would never need to use. 

“Oh, uh…” Karlach stuttered, realising now Gale might not have wanted the others to know. Well, they’d find out sooner or later. “Gale has this… condition, where he has to consume magic items.” 

Shadowheart looked at her in confusion. 

“What?” 

Karlach just shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Magic wizard stuff. But he needs them or he gets ill. I saw it, he consumed a locket this morning, then a dagger. So you can use them til he needs them.” 

Curious, Shadowheart thought to herself. She wondered if anyone else knew about this. Astarion was talking to Wyll, so she approached Lae’zel, who was at her tent on her own. 

“Are you aware of Gale’s condition?” she asked. Lae’zel had been annoyed enough when she saw Shadowheart coming over, and grew more annoyed at the dull conversation subject. 

“What condition?” she said, not taking her eyes off of the sword she was sharpening. 

“Apparently he needs to consume magic items.” 

That got her attention. 

“...Consume them?” she asked, looking up at Shadowheart. 

“That’s what Karlach said. Apparently he consumed a locket and a dagger. She’s got a bunch of magic items they found at the goblin hideout. Though I wonder what happens when they run out…” she mused, glancing towards Gale, wondering just how serious this ‘condition’ was. 

“Ch’k. If I find a magic item it is mine, he’d better not come asking for it,” Lae’zel said firmly, looking back to her sword. 

“Astarion found some magic boots the other day, didn’t he? If they go missing I guess we’ll know who to blame,” Shadowheart mused. 

She hadn’t expected Lae’zel to take that quite so seriously. 

“Lae’zel, darling,” Astarion greeted as he saw Lae’zel coming up to him. “We must speak,” she said urgently, pulling him aside. 

“What-”

“It is Gale,” she said bluntly, keeping her voice down. “He may want to steal your boots. You should guard them well.” 

“My boots?” he said in surprise, glancing down at them briefly. The enchantment aided with stealth, not exactly something that would be useful for Gale. “Why?” 

“He wishes to eat them.” 

Astarion’s train of thought came to a grinding halt. 

“He what?” 

“He wishes to eat them.” “Yes, I heard what you said. What do you mean he wants to eat them??” 

“He has a condition and needs to eat magical items.” 

Astarion still didn’t understand.

“I don’t think he can… eat a pair of boots…”

“Apparently he ate a dagger and a locket.” 

His mind was reeling. What kind of bizarre magic was this??

“So watch your boots, Astarion,” Lae’zel warned, then turned and headed off, leaving him puzzling over what he just heard. 

By the campfire Saff and Gale were chatting as they cooked, til Astarion came over and loomed over the fire, glaring at Gale. He leant down threateningly as the two of them went quiet and looked up at him. 

“My boots are not edible,” he said firmly, then turned and left. It would have been quite a chilling threat had it not left the two of them completely baffled. 

Over dinner it wasn’t long before the subject of Gale's magical diet came up. He was quick to explain that he didn’t eat the artefacts (and quick to promise Astarion his boots would remain undigested), though even after he gave the explanation as to why he needed the items, most of the group were still pretty confused about it. He waved it off as being the result of a magic experiment that had gone wrong, and was relieved when the conversation moved on.

Soon they were telling stories of the day. Karlach, Wyll and Gale were eager story tellers, and between them Saff couldn’t get a word in edgeways, though she didn’t mind - she was exhausted and more than happy to let them do the talking. 

Karlach was thrilled to be able to tell them that Dammon had upgraded her engine and was hopeful of finding a permanent solution by the time they get to Baldur’s Gate. They mentioned giving Gale the first artefact on the way to the goblin camp (which he still felt bad about taking from Saff) and got to the part of the story the others were really interested in. 

“Finally, we found them,” Wyll explained, talking dramatically as he set the scene. “We could see dozens of them from our vantage point, and that was only the ones outside. The rest were holed up in an old Temple of Selûne they’d repurposed into their camp.” 

“Ugh,” Shadowheart murmured, rolling her eyes. “Now I’m glad I wasn’t there. Though a goblin camp sounds like a suitable use for such a temple.” 

Gale raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re really not a fan of Selûne, are you Shadowheart?” he said, a statement more than a question. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard her make a snide remark about the goddess. 

“What gave it away?” she said sarcastically. “No, I’m not.” 

Gale continued to watch her for a long moment, contemplating. 

“Remind me, which god is it you follow again?” 

The others looked at her, slowly starting to put the pieces together. With an annoyed sigh she realised she could keep this from them no longer. 

“Alright. I follow Shar, Lady of Loss.” 

The reactions had been as she expected. Astarion and Lae’zel didn’t seem to care that much. The others weren’t all too happy about it, though. 

“Shar…” Saff whispered in shock. “But… why? She only wants people to suffer…” 

“Ignorance at its finest. I expected a wizard to be a bit more knowledgeable. Don’t believe the lies the Selûnites tell you. Those that reject Shar fear darkness and sorrow… but we know it to be our freedom. ”

They looked at each other with uncertainty. 

“Sharrans commit atrocities in the name of darkness and sorrow,” Wyll said accusingly, but Shadowheart was unphased. 

“Only to the corrupt. Those that spread the lies you’ve all clearly believed,” she answered, though they still look unconvinced. “If you don’t believe me I can leave. My faith will keep me company. But if you think I’m the bloodthirsty psychopath so many think Sharrans to be, let me ask you - have I committed any atrocities while we’ve known each other?” 

“Only the haircut,” Astarion teased. As it turned out, Shadowheart was completely fine with having her god and her way of life questioned, but insult her hair and you’ll experience the full wrath of Shar’s faithful.

[dragonji]

having a mome

ever since talking about [redacted postcanon events] with charlie ive been musing on what jyt and qyz would call each other and well. tonight its just making me very ill in the head a bit and I shrimply need to get it written out somewhere apologies in advance♡

So to begin. JYT would start with calling QYZ Your Highness/Qi Ying bc ascension is a comparitively new situation for him on top of preexisting social uncomfortableness making him default to referring to people by their titles or ranks whenever appropriate. And QYZ obv doesnt really care about titles so even though he knows JYT has one (General Qing Liu btw) he'd just call them by full name. JYT tries very hard to not let on how happy that makes him and only mostly succeeds [smiles peacefully].

Now (as in later postcanons as of timeline of charlies work as well as beyond) I am rather stuck on how to make their forms of address more intimate without verging into ooc-ness for either of them.... Neither of them are much for overly-sweet petnames I would think. With QYZ I dont think he sees a point in using 'random' words to refer to someone he's affectionate towards; JYT just has a deeply thin face for romance and the aforementioned social anxieties. Despite that I do think JYT would start using nicknames first- hes more liable to playfully or exaggerately use a nickname to test out how QYZ reacts where QYZ would just charge ahead with whatever name he finds fitting if/when he wants to call someone something different.

Some handful of years after theyve been acquainted and have formed their sparring routine JYT would feel safe enough to risk calling QYZ by name too (for the first instance picture end of a sparring session both peacefully laying in the dust catching their breath staring at the sky. JYT gathering themself enough to recklessly give a quick nervous "Thanks for today, Quan Yizhen !" before Bolting. He has to go wander around a forest in the mortal realm for a bit after that one to recover meanwhile QYZ is sitting at the sparring grounds like I wonder what their deal is today?? before shrugging it off. They have a conversation about it the next day where JYT cant stop fidgeting before he apologies for not asking before dropping the title and QYZ tells him it literally doesnt matter he prefers when people use his name anyways. And thats That♡). Eventually (5-15 years later maybe?) they would drop to just given names and likely keep using those for a long time.

All that said the safest option to JYT would be smth along the lines of 阿真 (A-Zhen) esp at first when he's unsure of how it'll be received. But I am Also finding it more and more captivating to maybe have JYT call him 小狼 (Xiao Lang) once in a while mainly while theyre alone if that doesnt sound too unfounded..... JYT likes wolves already and its also personal fulfillment to me as (spoilers for my furry tgcfverse) I have also made QYZ a wolf in all my furry versions😌 (Maybe when QYZ asks why JYT chose to call him that they would respond along the lines of "wolves are pretty and strong and cool and loyal just like you... even if people dont understand them well! Plus theyre cute and fluffy *pauses to run his hands through QYZ's hair* so I just thought it might fit^^" and QYZ hums a pleased note in return and they go back to napping all cuddled around each other Ok Moving On we're getting too romantic!!-)

Ahem likewise I've been considering having QYZ call JYT 涛涛 (Taotao) on occassion bc it seems cute and also more likely for QYZ to just double the syllables for a straightforward nickname where applicable. I mean having him call JYT Yongtao is already close enough to a nickname seeing as no one else does but maybe just as extra flavor here n there...... Perhaps something involving JYT's association with rabbits or dragons would be possible too/instead? Or perhaps I am simply projecting my furryisms a bit too on-the-nose there... Honestly could just have it be Tao-xiong if I wanted to keep the subtle are they comrades or yknow comrades vibe lol... in the words of my friend nie huaisang I dont know, I really dont know!!!

[laprimera]

ABOUT THE MUN - ooo I got tagged ooOooo

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?

fixation as soon as the second trailer with her reveal came? Like the little snippets that was known about the game already weaved a pretty intricate (and disproven lol) plot and personality.

Even after everything got debunked I still kept my original lore + now I live and love the idea her ideal, picturesque self is actually a front for how clutzy and forgetful she really is as a super busy champion who's passionate about her region.

is there anything you don’t like to write?

bad/sad unnecessary endings or forks in the road?? I know it's silly in context like "well stories arent all happy-" BUT THIS IS POKEMON AR PEE AND I PARTIALLY CONTROL THE NARATIVE AND I WANT MY PROTAGS TO GO THROUGH IT BUT COME OUT AT THE END GETTING EVERYTHING THEY WANT. IS IT SO BAD I DONT WANT TO PARTICIPATE IN BITTER SADNESS EVEN IN A FANTASY MADE-UP SCENARIO? REALITY IS HELL AS IS I DONT WANNA BE SAD ALL DAY OVER INTERNET BARBIES, I HAVE BILLS AND TAXES TO DO.

so I make sure to plot with long term plot partners so we all get that character growth and exciting story with something good they can all take away in the end. No, the character doesnt have to die to prove a macab point. No the loving couple doesnt have to break up for some story twist. And thats what AU's are for if we're looking to explore something else so it's easy to separate from 👍

is there anything you really enjoy writing?

plot novellas 👀 I see a partner reply instantly to a plot thread and I jive for days on end until the next reply for real-- each one is a really juicy cliffhanger and a lot of them still haunt the back of my mind.

how do you come up with headcanons? 

most come with interactions or thoughts stemming from the game or story itself. Eventually they branch out and more ideas happen and a lot comes from looking at dash and bringing up some really interesting points!

do you write in silence or do you play music? 

Ambiance and music helps esp when silence is actually really distracting (thoughts wandering and what not-adhd be like that). The mood even influences the reply.

do you plan your replies or wing them?

planned for plot driven replies but ic bouts and simple replies are winged!

do you enjoy shipping? 

YES YES YES YES, though recently I have to be a little more careful about saying Im completely open to shipping on whim. At some points the plot involves the other person too much and it gets hard to move a story along esp with the nature of the rpc and the lifespan of interest in the muse/rpc (which is natural ofc!).

You're okay to show and express interest in shipping so we can take a direction with our muses interaction wise but I say it's not for certain until they develop some more long term. Who knows, maybe it was just a crush or a fling sort of thought :' 0

what’s your alias/name? 

Leche leche leche leche leche milk

age?

30

birthday? 

may!

favorite color?

red and greens

favorite song? 

Sugar, You by the Oh Honey has taken a lot of real-estate in my head lately--

last movie you watched?

I,,,havent watched a movie in a really long time Ill be honest OTL,, I dont have the attention span to sit down for more then twenty minutes if that.

last show you watched?

Aggretsuko final season! That,,,was awhile ago. See above oop--

last song you listened to?

Dont know the last song that played on my car radio 🤔

favorite food? 

spaghetti and meatballs and cereal < 3

favorite season?

spring 🌼

do you have a tumblr best friend?

ooh I dont want to make anyone feel left behind. My moots have a special place regardless of hobby or not <3

tagging: uh...

[terraliensvent]

I'm the person who talked about how tired I was and how I stopped believing. Thank you terravent, in the midst of despair and dashed hopes I find strength in your answers and this whole blog.

Venting is truly therapy, I have written many posts here, some just as depressing, others as aggressive. I'm looking at this situation from the inside and now I realize it's really unhealthy. Sometimes I look back at old posts I used to write and that's how I realize how I used to feel. I'm sorry for using your blog as a diary.

What keeps me in this species are my "kids". But I think eventually it's time to put them out of it. Let your mom take care of you and give you a better life than staying in this Godforsaken species.

Thanks for everything, terravent.

I am the same person who is disillusioned and the same person who is consumed with paranoia. It's horrible how this species has made me such an anxious person. Hopefully I'll be stronger in the future.

Terraliens (was I believe) is my addiction. Hopefully tomorrow I will stop it. I've never felt this way before, never loved someone's ideas and someone's species so much. But I don't belong here, I think I should finally let this situation go.

post related

wow, this one did hit me hard

first of all i dont want any anons to feel ashamed for using me as a diary, i fuck around a lot on here but genuine vents are always welcome

congratulations on realizing you need to break the cycle. honestly ill admit terras is an addiction for me too, and im trying my hardest to walk away (in every way i can aside the blog)

hopefully leaving will help you find some peace, and if theres advice i can offer you is that you shouldnt wait until tomorrow to make a change, you should do it now. leaving the server is the first step, or if you feel like you need to you can void all your terras if you have them. after that it should get a lot easier, you wont be tempted to go and check on the current events because youre not there.

find other vices to replace terras, whether thats a healthier cs space or by throwing yourself wholeheartedly into your other ocs, do whatever helps you most. the best solution for addiction is a healthy substitute. and make sure you go outside a lot, this internet shit really does suck you in

thanks for being an active reader/venter, i appreciate everyone who takes the time to look through my musings about this stuff. and hopefully soon terras will die so i can leave this blog and everything terra related too haha

[parvulous-writings]

Sick // Alex Law x Reader

Request: Hi I love your work! I was wondering if we could get some good old Alex Law x GN!Reader hurt/comfort with the reader comforting Alex? Injury, sickness, etc, just something for that poor boy. hi if your requests are still open, alex law x reader where he's sick and reader takes care of him? love your writing!

Requested by: ​(Unsure as these were old requests)

Summary: the requests! 

 Warnings: Mild language 

Words: 2K

Notes:  My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist! Original character list - please request for these too!   If you’d like to support me more, consider donating to my kofi! I’d appreciate it loads!!   

Not my gif 

Alex Law rarely got sick – that was one of the many points of himself that he bragged about, when he got the chance to. So rarely, in fact, that it was a small joke between yourself and Juliet that when he did eventually get sick – which, naturally he would, as was life – that it would be ‘the end of the world’. Of course, that joke came around to bite you in the ass eventually. The day started out fine – until you saw Alex standing there, his auburn hair a mess; unbrushed and erratic. His eyes seemed to have a hard time staying open, and you couldn’t recall a time he’d looked so under the weather – not even when he’s had some of his worst hangovers. Juliet looked up from her morning cup of tea, and sighed quietly; although she and David had to work today, there was little doubt that Alex would cause a fuss for you during that time. “Go back to bed, Alex.” She called to him as he slowly shuffled into the kitchen to try and get himself some food. He grumbled some half-words in reply to her, but besides that, ignored her presence, yours too. You and Juliet shared a look with one another, which loosely translated would have been something akin to “uh oh” or “oh shit”. Juliet’s expression shifted to an apologetic one; as much as she wanted to stay and help you handle the ill Law, she really could not keep asking for time off of work. “I’ll get you something,” She told you quietly as she passed, “My treat. I think you’ll have earnt it after today.” Her eyes darted briefly to Alex again, who was now slumped over a half-eaten bowl of cereal.

“Thanks, Jules…” You whisper. “Wish me luck… I feel like he’s going to kick up a fuss about everything.” You start to walk her towards the door, as Juliet gives a half-scoff, half-laugh. “As if he doesn’t normally.” “You know what I mean.” You reply, shaking your head slightly. “Mhm – I’ll see you later…” She gave a polite nod, before closing the door on her way out. You turned on your heel, and quickly moved back to the kitchen, where Alex was now putting his empty plate in the sink. “I think you should go back to bed, Alex,” You suggested to him, “I’ll make you a drink, and you can-“ “I don’t want to go back to bed.” Alex contested, “I don’t need to go back to bed.” You sighed at this; and so it begins. This was how the day was going to go - the man child of the apartment kicking up a fuss about every little inconvenience he can. “I think you do. You never know, if you’re nice to me, I’ll try to set up the telly in your room.” Were you treating him like some stroppy teenager? Maybe – but sometimes there was no other way to treat him. He could be just as difficult as a teenage boy; sometimes you and Juliet mused if he had ever actually grown up at all. You were both of the school of thought that no, he had not. David, on the other hand, would occasionally stick up for his so called friend – but only when he could first, be bothered to, or second, see a blaring misconception or mistake in your arguments. “Or,” The auburn haired man interrupted your thoughts, “I could just lay on the sofa and watch from there.” You had little time to protest to this rebuttal, as the auburn haired man got to his feet, and wandered through to the living room, leaving his now empty cereal bowl discarded on the table, for you to clean up. You sighed in annoyance, quickly moving the dirty bowl into the sink to wash up a little later, before trailing after Alex to make sure he didn't cause any trouble. Thankfully, however, it didn't seem like he was going to right at that moment. There he was, in his usual spot, legs up on the arm-rest of the sofa - despite how many times you or one of the others had told him not to sit like that - arms folded over his chest as he stared over at the screen of the apartments television. Very little was different from normal, every day life, the only noticeable difference was the fact that he was wearing his old dressing gown, rather than his usual day to day clothing of a sweater and jeans. "Get me some tissues, will you?" Alex grumbled, sniffling quietly to make his point. "You could have done that yourself before sitting on your arse again," You pointed out, but slowly started to make your way to the bathroom regardless. You had to keep the status quo somehow. With a slightly annoyed shake of your head, you grabbed a roll of toilet paper, before returning to the sick man on the sofa. You tossed the item at him with the intention of hitting the top of his head, but accidentally hit him smack in the middle of his face instead. With a cry of both surprise and protest, Alex sat upright, giving you a harsh glare. "What the fuck was that for?" He asked, irritably grabbing the toilet roll from where it had settled into his lap, rolling a few pieces around his hand, before tossing the rest aside for the time being. You gave a slight shrug in response to his question. "Sorry," "Damn right." He huffed, turning his face away from you as he wiped his nose. "What are you trying to do, kill me?" If he hadn't been in such as fowl mood, this joke would have been a lot clearer, however, it ended up sounding like a sour jab at you. "No, I'm trying to look after your sorry arse, because you're clearly feeling too sorry for yourself to do it alone." You responded, quite calmly. Alex froze mid nose-wipe, his eyes turning slightly to rest on you, narrowing slightly in irritation. You stood your ground though, all but used to the way the man could act when ill, or just in a bad mood. "I'm not a baby." He grumbled, shaking his head slowly at you, auburn hair swaying slightly with the movement.  "Could have had me fooled." You retorted, raising your brows as you folded your arms over your chest. "I've offered to help you, but you've shoved it back in my face... If you need me, I'll be doing housework." You informed him, before turning heel and heading into the kitchen to start the unavoidable task of housework. About an hour had passed before Alex finally started to move himself; rolling himself off of the admittedly not very comfortable sofa to go and find you. "Y/NNN..." He whined, coming to lean against the doorframe of the kitchen. "What, Alex?" You responded, quite curtly, not even turning to look at him, keeping the majority of your attention focused on your current task - cleaning out the sink. "Can you make me some soup?" He asked, and with a sigh you put down the sponge you had been using, turning your head to face him. "Why can't you get it yourself?" You reply, gesturing over to the cupboards. All Alex did in reply to this was pout, giving you the best puppy dog eyes that he could muster. You sigh, somewhat annoyed by his sudden and renewed bout of pestering, before setting to work heating the soup in the microwave. "You want me to feed it to you next?" You asked him, your irritation somewhat clear. When you looked over at him, though, he genuinely seemed to be taking a moment to really think on the offer. "Uh... No..." He replied after a few moments silence. "No, I think I've got it... Thanks." He stumbled off after you handed him the almost scalding soup. You tried to shrug off the encounter as just him being ill - but something in the back of your mind kept saying 'Maybe it's not. Maybe he wants to spend some time with you.' You paused; why would he even think of doing that, let alone want it? All too much did he treat you and the other flatmates as little more than something he had to smile and endure - unless he wanted something from any of you. Curiosity overcoming you, you returned to the living room, brows creased in a look that would have been familiar to your flatmates - the one of questioning, or interrogation. However, the man you had wished to quiz about his motives would not be responding; he had passed out, the bowl of soup left mostly empty beside him on the floor. He looked incredibly peaceful like that, away from the problems that often plagued the flat, and it's inhabitants, such as the 'friendly' disputes and tensions. You took the remainder of the soup away, not wanting him to accidentally fall on the bowl, should he try and roll over like he did from time to time in bed; quite a few times had you and your fellow residents woken up thanks to the unmistakable thump of Alex falling onto the wooden floors, followed briskly by a torrent of curses - directed at what exactly, you could never be sure. All you were sure of, was that Alex was going to be in a foul mood that morning. You were almost certain that if he were to do the same now, he'd be in an absolutely vile mood when he woke up - or maybe he'd keep sleeping if it the illness were bad enough. You decided to keep an eye on him; to check in on him every so often, when you got a spare moment from the housework you were getting on with. When he started to stir about an hour and a half later, you took a minute to break from your current task, getting him a glass of water from the kitchen and placing it on the table beside him, so he could reach it if and when he wanted to. He gave a half-hearted grumble when you started to walk away; he seemed to have picked up on the fact that you had been there, if only for a moment. "Where are you going...?" He asked, his voice little over a murmur. "To do some more housework... Are you feeling a little better?" You questioned, your voice soft, full of a little more compassion than it had been the last time the pair of you had spoken. "No..." He replied, shuffling where he lay in a futile effort to get comfortable; it would not work, nothing would be end up being as comfortable as he wanted it to be so long as he was ill. He moved again, looking at you once more, before flinging his arm over the back of the sofa. "Come over here..." He tried to beckon you over to join him, but ended up making more of a grabby hand in your direction. Though part of you wanted to just ignore him and get on with your day, you could hardly stop yourself from moving round the sofa to attempt to lay with him - with a great amount of difficulty, due to such a thin surface; you ended up a tangle of limbs, both somehow lying one on top of the other. "You better not tell Juliet about this..." You murmured to him, but Alex shrugged off your concern. "Just tell her I dragged you here and fell asleep... She'll probably believe you..." He yawned, trying to nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck, but ended up making more contact with your shoulder instead. It didn't take him very long to fall asleep after that, the warmth radiating from you soothing him into a somewhat peaceful slumber. You didn't try to make a fuss about it - somewhat glad that you were able to help him and finally get him to settle down. About fifteen minutes or so later, you felt your eyes get heavy too; maybe the need for a nap was infectious, or maybe it was the fact that your body was finally getting a chance to rest - you didn't really care all that much, you just gave in to sleep, snuggling up to the man next to you. 

[manicallyrhapsodical]

4:04 AM

i think everyone has a right to create a crappy blog filled with the musings inspired by late-night thoughts and worries. i’ve never cashed in on that right. it wasn’t until i sat thinking about whether or not it could be considered manic for me to make a blog, a tumblr account for the said blog, and an opening article at 4:04 am that i decided to jump into the world of the “writer’s blog.”

i’m someone who doesn’t intend to stay up late to do things. i plan when i’ll go to bed, complete my night-time routine early, and get in bed at a decent time almost every night. however, i inevitably find myself sitting up between the world of being wide awake and feeling like i could crash the second i let it happen. i stay up late and enjoy the free time that being up at 2 am with me, myself, and i grants.

when i was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, i remember both my therapist, the psychiatrist, and the medical professional who diagnosed me all telling me how important it was that i got my sleep. on my official “test results,” one of the 9 recommendations for how to move forward with my official diagnoses was to read and study how to sleep better and to implement the practices learned. my psychiatrist mentions every time we meet the importance of getting sleep so as not to trigger a manic episode. my therapist has me take check-in quizzes before we meet each time to report on various things, one of which includes how my sleep is, to estimate what my mental state is before i go in. 

yet without fail, at least once a week, i stay up past the “allowed” time frame i’ve given myself. if i’m being honest with myself, it tends to happen more than once a week, but you won’t catch me admitting that to anyone out loud. 

being up late gives me freedom i don’t always have during the day and serves me for both the better and the worse. i read books and dig deep into researching topics i’ve meant to get around to. i plan my week and how i’ll fit everything into their neat little slots. i tidy up my to-do lists and organize everything from my email to how my photo albums are categorized. labels are added, the excess is deleted, and wants and needs are fulfilled.

on the other hand, i’ll spend hours scrolling through reddit forums, seeing if anyone has experienced the crushing guilt i’m now feeling from mistakes long ago made and how they got over it. i sit and stalk people from my past, silently reprimanding myself for not being farther along in life. i google the feelings and thoughts i’ve been having to see if that’s a potential trigger warning for a manic episode. i listen to a guided meditation to see if it’s strong enough to break me out of the anxiety attack i inevitably bring upon myself.

eventually, i can no longer stay awake, either because i feel slightly ill because of my increasingly frequent sleep deprivation or because i talk myself down off the ledge of seeing just how long i can stay up. when the morning comes, my two hours of sleep never feel like a worthwhile trade for all the good i did in the early hours of the morning. 

i wonder if i’ll feel the same when i wake up this morning to a new hobby on the side, all pristine and ready for me to partake in. guess we’ll find out.

[primowishes]

//So my thoughts on Dottore are a bit of a mess, but I wanted to try to organize it in a post. It influences a lot of how my muse for him views (and thus treats) Scaramouche.

Of course, it may need to be entirely reworked depending on what shows up in canon later.

I think there's a part of Dottore, which he would deny existing even to himself, that does desire companionship. But he believes himself to be superior to others, and it's a view that gets reinforced whenever others oppose his methods. He doesn't really make an attempt to connect with people and doesn't put any work into relationships and so it's his own fault if he is isolated as a result. He would think that a companion should be on his level, but relationships don't really work like that. He can't even stand his own segments, which should be equal because they're him, because it doesn't address his core issue in connecting with other people, in that he treats them poorly and he doesn't make the effort.

And, well, he's simply not going to change, and he's going to die like that, and not one person will be sorry he's gone--well, aside from those who've developed a toxic attachment to him, and will eventually be happier and healthier for that loss.

Moving on... Some hcs of his younger days, with the overlap between him getting run out of the village and his admission into the Akademiya, to when he was rejected from that, too.

So, it's not really supposed to be sympathetic backstory or anything, because it's a past that Dottore himself has discarded anyway, and it's just sort of just the situation that allowed bad tendencies to continue festering. But I've considered that, the way he grew up, was with one parent who died early, and another who essentially just... forgot he existed? Wouldn't acknowledge his existence? And it left him to his own devices. He was an intelligent child, and he found things to occupy his own time with. Felt disconnected from peers, probably partly because he was older than most children in the village, but mostly because of the same views that he continues to hold, that he is superior to them in some way because of how intelligent he is.

Enjoyed taking things apart, specific interest in machinery and such. The way he kept to himself and was clearly a smart child and was rather self-sufficient leads to, after the second parent dies and he sort of comes under the care of "the entire village", there's this mistaken view that it's a matter of mental maturity. He gets generally left to his own devices, his intelligence and eventual admission into the Akademiya early gets praised. The way he is, is good in the views of others.

Interest in machinery is broadened into viewing human bodies similar to machines. Viewing illness as something he can solve, and it's not for the good of others, but for the challenge of it. Children are the easiest of test subjects, because they're willing to trust him, and he himself has a level of trust among adults that leads to the child's initial view of him being positive because of that. In some cases he succeeds, and it takes several traumatized children to do it, and ends with him being run out of this home village.

In Dottore's view, nothing about himself changed. It was them who suddenly flipped and thought that his intellect and ability was now bad when they thought it good. Thus, their rejection of him was something defective with them, not him.

He would run up against the (arbitrary, unnecessary in his view) limitations of the Akademiya. Eventually he would get rejected from there too, after eventually murdering a colleague.

It's after this that his personality gets especially unhinged, because he gives up on acting charming, personable, social for the sake of convincing others. It didn't help all that much anyway, because he's been rejected twice now. He'd eventually regain that ability to maintain composure, but that's much later on.

After he's become a Harbinger, during a mission, he happens upon a puppet. You know the story there.

By pure construction, the puppet is special. It's just like him, you see, and humans don't like things that are special. But the miners do accept the puppet, unlike the rejections that Dottore has received. Oh, he's jealous of it, and he wants to destroy it, but it's a feeling he buries deep inside. He genuinely believes that, once the miners get what they want from the puppet, they will use and then reject it.

So it's fine if he simply hastens the process. An accelerated end. And if someone is to use the puppet, then it should be him the Fatui.

He's actually genuinely surprised that, to the very end, Niwa considers the puppet to be human, one of them.

And then the way he views the puppet, eventually Scaramouche...

Attaining knowledge should have no limits, in his view, and Scaramouche is a special test subject. He's intensely interested in his construction, and what he can learn from it. Though he's constantly dehumanizing Scaramouche, and views himself superior to him, he thinks that a puppet should be better than a human.

He hates the result of every test that reveals some similarity to humans. Any similar weakness to one shouldn't exist, because what's the point? He should be superior, those weaknesses should've been designed out. Dottore has a lot of expectations that he's unconsciously projected onto Scaramouche. He believes them to be similar, while simultaneously that he himself is superior. He doesn't recognize any humanity in Scaramouche, and in the end, his attempt at turning him into a god isn't even the culmination of Dottore's research. It's one step along the way to an even greater breakthrough.

And then he's rejected by Sumeru a third time, and again the puppet is accepted in a way that Dottore is not, though he himself discards Scaramouche. He collects only the still-useful research materials of the Electro Gnosis, and then the Dendro one as well. Scaramouche is not among the useful materials to get back. But of course, it's his own fault for being rejected, but he views it as a problem of others and not his own.

I think that's everything I have in mind rn. Really Dottore is arrogant and thinks himself above it all, it's how he treats others. He really only acts friendly if he thinks he will get something valuable out of it, and continues looking down on people and rejecting any possibility of connection with others. It's true that he lacks empathy (he's never even bothered to try and develop it), but it's not because he lacks empathy that he's like this, but that he's never even bothered to try and instead stoked his own thoughts of superiority and isolated himself. It's something he's allowed to fester within himself, and refused to accept limitations that would've otherwise allowed him to coexist with others, and views them only as what he can gain from them, regardless of whether that hurts them.