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binniesthighs · 4 years ago

Text

call me babydoll | reader x chan

a/n: ahhhhh holy holy heck this chapter is SO DAMN EXCITING hehehe I had sosososo much writing and doing all the research!! please let me know if there is anything factual/cultural that I need to fix! I tried the best I could although I most def am not an expert in Egyptian culture so I appreciate it a lot :) hehe i hope ya have fun reading this chapter teehee oh! also I love hearing what you thought of it too! :D

Four

Pairing: self insert, female reader x bang chan

Genre: action, mystery and suspense, fluff, smut, angst

Tags: (of this part) bodyguard au, secret agent au, royal au, moderndayprince!chan, secretagent!reader, secretagent!jeongin, secretagent!jisung, collegestudent!seungmin, royal!minho, skz side characters, adventure and mystery, action and peril, plot driven, running out of time, slow-ish burn, growing feelings, sexual tension, explicit language, several mentions of food and alcohol as well as getting tipsy/drunk that good, good making out, suggestive themes

CWs: mentions of guns, mentions of knives, themes of jealousy (expressed by the reader)

Word count: 7.5k

Parts

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE

“Well, we’re in Cairo alright.”

Two tugged the amazed young stow-away-student, Seungmin, by the hand of his backpack to keep him from running into one of the palm tree planters decorating the terminal. The young man had nearly slept the whole flight due to the length as well as the exasperation that he had just been through. While his eyes were still darkened from his nap, his glossy pupils still wondered all around him.

“I take it back. I’m so glad that I almost died so I could end up here with you guys.”

Jeongin slapped him from the backside of his head. “Never be thankful for almost dying. Life is a lot more fucking fragile than you think. This isn’t just some joyride--”

“--Ease up F.” You interrupted your partner as you shouldered your bag. The kid had already been through enough already: he didn’t need accosting on top of it all.

The dashing prince sighed out and stretched his arms. “Ahhhh Cairo. It’s been a while; too long actually.”

The airport was humid: the kind of sticky warmth that dripped down your neck in a matter of seconds to then get caught above your lip. It wasn’t much help to the anxiety that already had seeped into your veins. The closer you got to a gun the more comfortable you would be. You and the other two guards created a formation around the prince with two in the front and the other in the flank. While each of you were dressed in regular street clothes, your responsibility of his detail still hung over your head with a severe air.

Chan threw his arm over the young student with an obscene grin. His hair had become a little disheveled from the plane seat and his hoodie, but he didn’t appear to mind. Seeing him so normal was somewhat of an odd change to your previous unbreakable impression of him.

“Seungmin my friend, you’ve never lived until you’ve been to Cairo. I’ve never seen another place so enriched in history in my whole life...it puts my kingdom to shame. It’s almost like...you can just feel the time here: hundreds of thousands of years...beauty, art, food, industry...I’ve got a thing or two to learn.”

Seungmin nodded at the prince’s grandiose gestures in the terminal with an enamored smile. “I can’t wait to see it!”

Your partner put a firm hand on the prince’s back to guide him to the baggage claim. “We won’t be here for long, so, don’t get too excited. We’ve come here for one reason and we shouldn’t dally otherwise.”

The young boy appeared to frown, and Two bit his lip with a little chuckle. “Way to crush the kids dreams F.”

“You know the mission, J.” Jeongin gritted his teeth with the words. “Everything is set, there will be a car waiting for us in the garage, and at the hotel we’ll have anything we need.”

Prince Chan lulled his head back with heels clicking on the flooring. Rogue strands of his hair hung over his sunglasses where he threw a look back at you while pulling them down.

“Don’t forget our little deal Bee? We’ll have time for a little pleasure.”

The white haired agent rolled his eyes with gusto then adjusted the royal’s glasses over his face. “We’ve still got to be careful, you Highness. We never know where they could have eyes.”

“I know where I’ve got mine...” He turned back once more to throw his cockiness in your general direction.

“Listen to F, your Highness...if you want to live.”

“Oooo. Feisty as ever, Bee. I love it when you bite back.” Chan turned to his new pet, Seungmin, “She’s really something isn’t she?”

The young man nodded, but not necessarily because he agreed, but it just seemed like it better to agree with a prince than to disagree with him.

The air appeared to turn even thicker in the summery and arid city and your group approached the parking lot half shaded. Outside of the cement lot, iridescent waves of heat wiggled on the horizon, and further, the astonishing urban sprawl of Cairo, and just over it, the stretch of the Nile and Giza. Palms and other varieties of plants spotted the landscape and above it all, a perfectly crystal blue sky streaked with thin clouds. Had the circumstances been different, you really would have wished to have been there for pleasure.

“This one. Right here.” Jeongin announced upon spotting the black armored sedan. It wasn’t the most inconspicuous vehicle, but you were prioritizing safety over aesthetics. Your partner touched his index fingerprint to the car door’s invisible panel, and it flashed blue just as the lock had at the safehouse with the ticking clock insignia.

Two whipped his head around to make one last check of the surroundings before taking off his sunglasses and reddened eye. “Get in. Both of you.” He urged the prince and the student. He popped the drivers side open to find a different pair of glasses in the storage compartment: gold framed aviators.

“Huh,” He said happily while putting them on. “This is more my style.” He rummaged around a bit more to find a new pair of black framed glasses there too. “Fox! Think fast!” He threw them over to your partner who sighed out with relief.

“Thank god.”

The trunk opened with a mechanical sounding creek, and you lifted up the trunk bed to find your whole arsenal: Heckler & Koch MP5′s submachines, Remington 870 shotguns, and Glocks complete with thigh holsters. Among the pile of metal, various knives and other weapons were held in foam holders.

“They’ve got knives back there?” Two asked while pulling the rearview mirror to see.

“Oh yeah. What? You more of a knife guy?” You teased while looping your thigh holster over your cargo pants. It fit just right.

The illusive man popped his gum with a shiny smile. “‘Don’t ever have to reload them...that’s what I’m saying.”

“Thank you Carroll.” Jeongin sighed upon seeing the thick laptop among the weapons. “Finally I can do some real work. That kid’s damn Chromebook was killing me. I nearly short circuited it trying to connect to our network.”

“You what?!” Seungmin was suddenly much more interested.

“Dont worry yourself too much, its still fine.”

“Are there cameras in here?” You quickly asked your partner.

“Agency should’ve fried them a long time ago. Why?”

From the trunk bed you sized up the Glock to feel its weight and how cool it settled into your sweating hand. You unloaded the magazine to see that it had already been filled.

“Carroll. She really is too kind to us.” You slid the magazine back in then, pulled back the slider to lock it once more, catching Chan’s adoring glance.

“Something interesting pretty boy?”

The prince appeared to shiver a little, but brushed it off sighing, “Oh, nothing.”

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

Either it was Carroll or the King, but someone had spared no expense on the young prince. The sun set upon the sparking Nile where you had arrived at the Four Seasons Hotel Cairo at Nile Plaza.

Anything for His Royal Highness The Prince.

The towering and gleaming building was a sight to behold in and of itself. It was nestled right into the riverside anchored with several leisurely sailboats bopping in the evening breeze. As day crept into night, the city grew with a swell of lights washing as far as you could see. Extensive bridges and roadways glowed with headlights and every building appeared to be illuminated along with more boats strolling down the river in a rainbow of colors and music.

The prince craned his head as close to the window as he could and rubbed together his hands excitedly. He looked from you to your partners, finally making a disapproving scoff.

“Come on. You’re not just a little excited to be here?”

“We’re here on business, how many times do we have to explain?” Jeongin typed away at his computer from the front seat.

“Bee?” He looked back to you with a hopeful little glint to his eye.

“Like Fox said...tomorrow is our appointment with White Rabbit, then we’re on the first flight back home for you.”

The young prince frowned, but this quickly faded once he had seen the golden brass doors to the magnificent hotel. Seeing the state that the four of you were in, it was a bit comical that you had rolled up to a place such as this. Immediately a valet and bellhop jogged up to the car wearing perfectly pressed uniforms and spotless shined shoes. Little did they know you had no belongings to your name...the rest was waiting in your suite: the royal kind.

Seungmin cranked his neck to take in the scale of the building in all of it’s regal glory and let out an airy laugh his with his backpack straps snapped tight.

“Holy shit.” He exclaimed with a giant smile

Two rose a “no thank you” hand to the valet, and asked him where the garage was in perfect Arabic. The gesture surprised you...as many things did with that man. Jeongin gave a little nod in appreciation to the bellhop and expressed with his own broken version of Arabic that you group had no luggage. The young man was confused, but still gladly took the bills that Jeongin had slipped into his hand for the inconvenience.

“We’re staying here?” Seungmin wondered while he followed you in.

“When you travel with The Prince, it comes with some perks.” Chan tore off his glasses with a particularly prideful grin.

“I feel like I need to pay for just...breathing in here.”

Indeed, it was a luxurious and grand place. The atrium was patterned with various plush lounge chairs and benches and the path was made of emerald green marble tiles with swirling designs of beige loops. Thick, round columns also supported the ceilings in the lobby, and crystal glass chandeliers sparkled. On several tables, massive floral arrangements had been freshly placed, and you wondered how much the hotel must've paid for them to look that good just to have them replaced the next day.

A couple formalities were exchanged with the worker at the front desk, and soon the keycards to the royal suite were placed into your hands. Seungmin held his piece of plastic as if it were a gold bar in his hands whereas Chan shoved it right into his front pocket.

“Everything that we should need should be up in the room.” You told the group who were too distracted to hear what you had just said.

Just before you had entered the elevator, a tug at your sleeve stopped you in your tracks. Jeongin pulled you back, nodding at Two to go with the others up first.

“Remember what we talked about before?” He muttered in the hollow and stone corridor. “About the prince?”

“I need to stay beside him?”

Your partner nodded with a furrowing brow. “We’re out in the open here, it’s a big city...anyone could be watching us. No distractions, no messing around, no anything. We see White Rabbit and we leave. Hell, I’m even inclined to make sure he doesn’t leave the room...”

“Jeongin...” You squeezed your partner’s shoulder which felt stringy and tense under your fingertips. “I got it. Trust me. He won’t leave my sight. I promise.”

“..Okay.” He said with a nervous brush to his hair, then he pressed the elevator button with his knuckle.

“You...okay?”

The young man appeared to snap out of a trance. “What? ...Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m keeping it together fine. It’s just...there’s a lot riding on this mission. I don’t...”

The gold and reflective elevator dinged to the ground floor.

“We can’t disappoint Carroll with this one. There’s too much riding on it...I can’t disappoint Carroll.”

You invited your partner into the marbled and mirrored interior of the small space.

“Don’t worry, we won’t.”

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

Even without the help of his royal helpers, Chan managed to clean himself up nice...provided, only the finest clothes had been sent for him to wear. While they weren’t the usual designer labels that he was used to, it was clear that they had been picked out from the finest markets and boutiques in the area. Chan, as he always was, was a prince to the full extent of the word. After a shower and some perfume to his chest, he was the same man that you had been introduced to.

A loose linen shirt swayed from his frame with little regard for the usage of buttons. He wore slacks that had been pressed made of a kind of fabric that you had never seen before, but looked airy and comfortable. As always, there was a small assortment of shoes for him to choose from as well. He picked brown leather loafers, then tucked up his sleeves to reveal his arms; scratched as they were, but still strong and spiderwebbed with thick veins.

Arrangements had been made for you to share one of the bedrooms with him--as much as you had fought it at first. Chan was thrilled with the idea, and gladly let you settle into his room with your small assortment of sidepieces and modest set of clothes by regulation of The Agency. While it had mostly been denim button downs and several kinds of functional trousers, they had sent an evening gown.

The silky white fabric was not unlike the dress that had worn for the gala, but it appeared to be even more sultry once you held it to your frame. The thin spaghetti straps barely held to your shoulders and the back dipped nearly halfway down your back.

Knowing the man that you had an appointment with, you figured the dress would make it just a little bit easier to talk to him. Along with it, there was a matching set of diamond earrings and a necklace that glinted with the same sheen of the sea.

“You’ll look gorgeous in that.” Chan said while slipping on a wristwatch. “I’m sure that it will suit you perfectly.”

The wooden bedside nightstand creaked when you put your holster and Glock in with a matching matte black knife. You had to be careful with that one, as it had nearly cut your finger upon inspection earlier.

“Hm. I think the both of us know that you’d prefer it on these lovely marble floors rather than on me. Correct?”

The confident prince strode across the room in the dim lighting of a couple lamps with stained glass shades. Outside of the balcony attached to your room, the sheer curtains blew in the night air and distorted the city lights across the river. Further, Cairo Tower surged with a pink light wrapping around the length were the cylinder pierced the sky.

“Maybe.” He tutted, then crinkled the king-sized bed where he sat. The prince’s disposition was alluring, there was no denying. He tiled his head to inspect you further, jaw clenching with a sharp angle and a testing glare to his brown pupils. The man smiled slightly while rubbing his index and ring finger down the sleeve of your considerably less scratchy blouse.

“I hope that during our time here Bee, I’ll get to know you a little better. I’m...really looking forward to our drink later. I made reservations for us.”

“Reservations? When did you do that?”

“Oh. When you were showering.” He smirked at his sneaky plans unbeknownst to you.

“If you think that I’m letting you go anywhere else besides this hotel--”

“--Bee?” The young royal grew quieter, softer, careful even. His hand cascaded from your arm down to your waist where he tentatively went to grab at your hip and squeeze lightly there.

While your first reaction was to swat him away, your second crept up on you unexpectedly, and swelled with a kind of confused euphoria feeling the pressure of him on your body. You let his hand linger there, thumb pressed into your hipbone.

“You don’t need that dress to be beautiful.”

His words snapped you back; sickly sweet, and sticky in your chest. You cast his hand off of you.

“You’re crossing the line, your Highness. Don’t...don’t touch me again.”

The royal sighed as he rose, then inspected his face in the sizeable mirror. Each of his cuts and scars had been skillfully covered with makeup the best he could manage.

“Bee, I’d cross multiple lines for you. I thought you knew?”

“THIS BED IS FUCKIN’ AMAZING!!” Seungmin called from the opposite of the suite.

The prince smiled, then followed you to the door.

“I’ve already got enough on my hands, your Highness. I ask that you not distract me.”

“Distract you?”

As soon as you had said it, regret bit at the tips of your ears. You couldn’t meet his teasing glances, but rather slid one of your more discrete sidepieces into your crossbody bag--as if guns as such could be such a thing.

“I-I...I’ll sleep on the couch.” You then resolved out loud, however the prince chuckled at your sudden break.

“As you wish Bee.”

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

“I think that this is the best meal that I’ve ever eaten in my entire life!!”

Seungmin kicked his legs under the table to the embarrassed glances of both Jeongin and Chan. Before you, the prince had ordered a variety of both cold and hot mezzah dishes with a couple main entrees for you to share. While he was the only one to drink, he indulged in the most expensive wine that the hotel had to offer. Granted, everything would be paid for in cash from The Agency, however the Prince swore up and down that anyone could order anything that they wanted and that The Agency would be paid back in full. You and your partners ate modestly, however the young student didn’t hold back. As the boy shoved his face, it appeared to make the prince happy to see him eating so well.

You were still an odd group, and garnered curious glances from other restaurant guests. While they were only glances in passing, they still didn’t make you feel any better. You had already drawn enough attention to yourself with you being an odd mix of foreigners who each held themselves differently. You could sense that you partner felt it too while he sipped at his seasonal soup with eyes up to scan the room as he did so.

Chan threw his arm behind your chair to take in the rest of the room: perfectly decorated with jade green chandeliers and perfectly symmetrical wallpaper and furnishings. It was as if he felt somehow content with your strange little group; like he was the ringleader of it all or some king of the round table. For a moment, he paused to watch the way that the boats passed by on the river from the window nearest to him and sighed. Knowing him, he was probably enjoying running for his life in this way.

Two cleared his throat and unbuttoned his fashionable suit jacket as the waiters came to clear the table for dessert.

“So. What are the specs for tomorrow?”

Jeongin fiddled with his glasses, then dabbed away at the corners of his mouth. “He’s invited us to come around 11pm. He wants us to dress up too--as I’m sure you’ve all seen the clothes that have been provided for us. He apparently loves his formalities, but, anything to make him feel more comfortable I suppose. His men will meet us in the front and take us to him, then we try our best not to fuck it up.”

“--Which we won’t.” You soothed your partner.

Seungmin perked up, “I’m coming too?”

“How else are we going to look after ya, kid?” Two ruffled up the young man’s hair.

“W-wait. Didn’t you say that it’s a club? Will they even let me in? I’m not like, 21 yet? I mean, I will be in a couple months--”

“--Ahhh you’re so cute.” Chan beamed. “If you’re rolling with us that doesn’t matter.”

Seungmin blushed and played with the condensation of his water glass. “Oh.”

Your partner shifted in his seat. “Speaking of. Considering that you’re “one of us” now. We need to discuss something important with you. Your identity.” He looked over to you to finish the rest of the speech that had been pushed off for just a bit too long.

“Your name...is your most valuable asset. It’s the only thing about yourself that you can keep for yourself. No one else should know it besides you...and, well, us. If they know your name, they know your family, they know where you live, where you go to school, even that girl that you had a crush on in the fourth grade. Got it?”

Seungmin gulped dry with blown out eyes. “I-I think that I understand.”

“What do you want us to call you from now on?”

He paused, considering towards the ceiling. ”Well...if you’re B, and he’s F...and he’s J...I could be S? Simple enough right?”

“S it is then.”

The waiters arrived with every dessert possible: chocolate cake, Crème Brule, fruit cheesecake garnished with mint, as well as traditional desserts like Om Ali and Mehalabiya--a type of milk pudding dressed with delicate, pink, edible flowers.

Seungmin--now dubbed S--made happy little eating sounds while he tried a little bit of everything.

“Thank you.” You finally spoke to the prince, who now smelled strongly of Lotus and Jasmine.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind treating my friends.”

The word hung in the air, and you didn’t quite know what to do with it.

Friends.

“Where is this reservation that you mentioned?”

He took a swing from his crystal glass with finesse. “Hm. That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“Jeongin told me that I need to keep an eye on you, you know that? It would be best if we didn’t leave the hotel at all--”

“--But what would be the fun in that?” The prince nearly pouted.

From the others side of the table, Two in his aviators brushed off his lap before standing. “I’m going to get some sleep, if that’s alright with you? I’m feeling pretty jetlagged and I want to be prepared for tomorrow. Excuse me.”

The slender man bowed to you at the table, then even deeper to the prince.

“What was that about?” Jeongin muttered while he poked at the thin caramel layer of his French dessert.

“Actually, I think I want to head to bed too, I’m stuffed.” Seungmin rubbed his belly in his contentment. “Also...I think I might have homework due...heh. I don’t know...I’ve got to figure out all these all these time differences and stuff.” He pushed in his chair then gave the prince a deep bow. “Thank you, your Highness.”

“My pleasure.” Chan said with a tiny bow back. “Rest up, kid.”

With the empty holes at the table, the silence was deafening.

“And then there were three.” Jeongin yawned. “Bee? Wanna do some laps in the morning? I saw that they had a pool? Wanna see if you can beat my record...again?”

“Psh. I was coming off that biochemical cocktail the last time we tired. You had an advantage.”

“Then you’ll beat me? Hm! I look forward to that.” Your adorable partner flashed the first smile that you’d seen in a couple days. You missed it, you realized.

“Sleep tight Bee. Goodnight your Highness.”

“Thank you Fox.” The prince mirrored his warm smile.

Knives and forks clinked on china in the dining room, and music softly payed the soundtrack of the evening. A low hum filled the space where the tourists and patrons chatted among themselves. It was peaceful and normal amidst everything that had been pricking your skin and plaguing worry over your mind. The prince merely sighed, sparking eyes reflecting the candles dying out on the table.

“And now it’s just the two of us.”

“Seems like it.”

“Can I whisk you away now?”

“Whisk? Who said that I would allow any whisking?”

“Come on...Bee. Just this one time? I promise to be on my best behavior.”

You laughed out incredulously at the comment. “You out of all people can’t promise something like that.”

“I guess you’re right about that. But...still, I won’t try to make a scene or anything.”

The royal placed his napkin on the table with his knife and fork respectfully tilted off the edge of his plate.

“Follow me?”

Chan held out his hand. It was pink with heat and scraped a little from the glass that had pierced the fragile flesh. In some way, you had felt a twinge of guilt seeing the small injury knowing that you couldn’t have protected him well enough then. You allowed him to lace your fingers with yours, and felt the rough cuts of his scars in your palm.

You had promised to yourself that he would never know such pain again.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

“Annnd...this is it!”

You had taken all of twenty paces outside of the hotel when Chan gestured with open arms to the riverfront. Just at the riverbank, a steamboat was anchored with open doors for hotel guests to enter. The massive, multideck, white steamboat shone like the moon peaking at the ocean’s horizon. Each of the semi-circle windows were lined with white lights and from the inside, the delightful sound of laugher and live music spilled out to the glossy water of the Nile.

“W-what is this?”

“Well…it’s a dinner cruise but I just signed us up for the bar part. Are you...surprised? I thought that it must be pretty safe considering that we’re on the water and no one can drive up and shoot at us.”

“I mean...it’s a bit closed off, but nothing that I can’t handle.”

The prince held out his arm for you to lead the way, then took your hand to help you watch your step down the stairs. Chan provided his name to the conductor in elegant sounding Arabic, leaving you shocked.

“Y-you speak Arabic too?”

Chan chuckled once more, taking your hand in his to bring you down the creaking wood deck with swinging with lanterns above your heads.

“As a royal and diplomat, it’s best for me to know how to communicate if I might need to.”

“I must say your Highness, I am definitely impressed.”

“What? You thought I was just another pretty face?” The charming prince escorted you to a room within the steamboat that was lined with red velvet carpets and small bar tables with tea candles and water lilies floating in a shallow dish. He pulled out your chair before his own, then settled with hands folded in his lap. “I’m trained in hand-to-hand too, although I could use a refresher; that was so long ago, back when I went to school.”

“Hand-to-hand? Well! You really are full of surprises.”

The prince appeared smug and faintly amused by the compliment as he crossed his legs under the table and leaned in with his dizzying floral scent.

The waitress appeared and Chan flexed his language skills once more while he ordered a Hemmingway Daiquiri for himself and a French 75 for you. Somewhere off in the distance or perhaps a different part of the boat, louder and more excitable music played along with the echoing claps of those who listened along. Here, it was much quieter, and the loud sound was replaced with a jazz song that you had heard before--likely from your more formative years.

“It’s a beautiful night.” Chan began, “Thank you for agreeing to do this with me. I know that I’ve been a bit forward, but, I appreciate you entertaining me.”

“If I had said no, what would’ve happened then?”

“Well, maybe I would’ve dropped it, but...knowing you...I don’t think that I would’ve given up easily.”

The waitress returned with the drinks on a silver platter: his grapefruit pink and yours the color of a lemon drop.

The royal rose his glass for you to clink with yours, “To...adventures.”

“To adventures.”

With a resounding sound, the glasses met, and you watched the way that the shimmering liquid ripped across the prince’s nose.

The two of you sat for several moments more, saying nothing, but sipping and soaking in the night breeze and the humidity that made your whole body feel blanketed with a sense of calm. You had felt this way before back at the safe house, and it snuck up on you once more. Simply exisiting with the prince provided you with a sense of solace that had long since faded from your life. The sense of responsibility that you felt for the man was noticeable, but you couldn’t help but notice how he provided for you the same sense of safety that you did for him.

Perhaps it was the loneliness of the job and the solitude that came along with it. Was that you craved to be touched? Listened to? Admired? You had distanced yourself from irrational things such as love and other feelings of attachment. In your line of work, people died often, and you had to move on just as fast as their lives had been taken from them. You supposed that you had become unfeeling at this point...but this prince, so full of himself and focused on the material...there was something about him that reminded you how to feel.

“Bee? What are you thinking about?” He asked carefully.

“Oh...nothing.”

“You looked kind of lost here.”

“Was I?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah...yeah. I’m fine. Maybe the drink is just...getting to me.”

“Just one drink?” Chan giggled a bit, “I didn’t take you for being a lightweight Bee. I thought that they gave you like, drinking lessons or something back at that agency of yours.”

“I’m fine. I shouldn’t have more than one drink anyway.”

The prince nodded, understanding. “So, what will you tell me about yourself? Is there anything that you’re allowed to tell me? Or...will you always be this mysterious, beautiful, enigma?”

“Me? Enigmatic? Ha! Hardly.”

“Well? What then?” The prince sucked at the lime garnishing his glass. “Since I don’t have the pleasure of knowing your real name, I’d love it if you could tell me something.”

Over the stereo, the muted trumpet played along with the twang of thick upright bass strings,

“I suppose I could tell you how...” Chan leaned in, “I didn’t want to join The Agency. At first.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“It felt like a bit of a last resort and anything that is a last resort is something that can’t come easy.”

Chan titled his head as if to say, I’m listening.

“Life...fucking sucks sometimes. Sometimes...you’re left...living with your sleazy uncle with a letter addressed to you post mortem telling you to carry on the family name if you want to feel some connection to the parents that you never knew.”

The royal cast his eyes down, “I-I’m so sorry.”

“The Agency has been everything I’ve known since I was a teenager. This life...it’s everything. I think in a way I feel obligated to it...since it was what took my parents from me...I owe it to them to do a job that they spent so much energy on so that it wasn’t in vain.”

You stopped, realizing the weight of your words in the air and how they cut like the blade of the knife that you kept tucked in your waistband sheathed in a leather cover. Once the sharp metal was taken from it’s confines, there was nothing to protect those from the damage it could do.

“Bee...I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. That’s terrible. I can’t imagine what it must be like to loose your parents and have been thrown into this life...no one deserves that.”

“Its okay.” You sighed. “I did it to myself. Now, it’s of no concern. I can take care of my own, and I have a new family. I try not to look back.”

As he had done numerous times before that night, Chan’s hand reached out for yours under the table, brushing up against the white cloth.

“I can’t say how much I appreciate you enough for what you do; risking your life for me...I owe you everything Bee.” The prince softened, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand.

The chug of the steamboat hissed softly behind you in that back bar room, and just through the windows, you could see the stars dotting the sky just as they did in any corner of the world. They were a reminder that while some things changed, others didn’t.

The echo of footsteps on the deck clicked, causing you to turn a careful glance back to the direction of the sound. The man who entered was dressed in a casual cotton button up and navy slacks. On the white of his breast, he wore a pin holding the symbol of a crest.

“Lee Minho?” Chan gasped.

“Your Highness!” The handsome man bowed immediately with a startled little smile.

The friendly prince stood immediately upon seeing the other royal to shake his hand. “What a coincidence that we meet again!”

Lee Minho shied with a polite smile while fiddling with his hair that looked to be masterfully styled. “Must be...fated. Or something like that.”

“Are you alright? Last I saw you was at the shooting at the gala. I’m so glad to see that you’re safe. You didn’t get injured I hope?”

This close, Lee Minho had oddly cat-like eyes that were as intense as they were alluring. He was just as you had remembered him to be--put together and polished like a true royal, dastardly handsome with all the right curves to his body, and just enough mystery to him to pique the interest of anyone who had sensed his air--just as the prince had.

“What are you doing in Cairo?” Chan asked, gesturing for the stranger to pull up a chair.

Lee Minho swatted away the question with an annoyed cringe. “Royal stuff, you know how it goes. Everyone is always trying to poke their noses in places where they shouldn’t be...unless they’re looking to get themselves killed. That's why they send me. I’m dispensable.”

“Oh, I’d hardly say that.”

In seconds the prince’s entire body had shifted towards the direction of the other man, and hung onto each of his words as if they were a siren song.

“When you’re not as high up in the ranks as you are your Highness, royalty starts to feel more like servitude than a legitimate position.”

“So, where are you poking your nose?”

Lee Minho’s eyes nervously flicked to you, and Chan realized that he had skipped right over introductions.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce the two of you. Minho, this is Bee, my--”

“--I’m a member of his detail.” You spoke for him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you formally Lee Minho. I recall seeing you at the gala.”

Minho bowed slightly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

It was obvious that you had made the man uncomfortable, just as you had liked it to be. While you could see what the prince had seen in him, you had the disposition to be much less trusting than his Highness.

“Which royals are employing you? I’d love to know! It’s always exciting for me to learn about who is plotting what. The royal drama keeps me really entertained.”

Minho sat up straighter, then waved a hand for the waitress to come scuttling over.

“Some of my family members. You wouldn’t know them, we’re all dreadfully insignificant to be honest. They heard all this business about those men with the red crests and they’re starting to get scared. After they targeted...you, they’re wondering which royal family might be next...if any. I’m here to find out who they are, their whereabouts, anything else.”

“Wow! That’s actually what we--”

“--And where are you planning on getting this information if I may ask?” You hushed the prince’s loose lips as quickly as you could.

Minho leaned in over the flickering candle to lower his tone, “I heard that there’s an informant here in the city who might now something about this group. They’ve been popping up on national news too as of late. I’m looking to talk to him tomorrow evening. Luckily, I was able to make an appointment but it was no small feat. I had to bribe him to high hell to get him to speak with me.”

“Hm. Sounds familiar.” You mumbled.

Chan’s eyes widened, then he looked back to you to ask for permission. You gave him a nod.

“It seems like we’re here for a common purpose my friend.” The prince leaned in to bridge the gap between them, his hand notably reaching to rest on the other man’s thigh below the table’s surface. “We’re seeking similar information and I think we might be speaking of the same informant.”

“But your Highness, isn’t it dangerous it you to do something like this?”

“Not when I’ve got her around.” Chan threw a sly grin to you across the table. “I’m well protected. And you? Where’s your detail?”

“I’m afraid that I’m out here alone. Like I said, when you’re as low in the ranks as I am...”

“What? That’s terrible!! They aren’t even protecting their own? Bee!!”

“Yes, your Highness?” You already knew where this was going.

“Let’s bring Minho along with us tomorrow! We know that there’s safety in numbers--”

“Your Highness, in case you haven’t noticed, our hands are already a bit full...”

“I can fend for myself.” Lee Minho suddenly piped. “Travelling alone, I’ve picked up a few things about protecting myself. You don’t have to protect me, but, I appreciate the offer.”

“Nonsense! You should come with us! I would feel more comfortable if you did rather than went by yourself.”

Lee Minho gave the royal a smile in his thanks, it was pure and a little adorable you had considered...but that was likely the champagne going to your head.

“Really? I appreciate it, your Highness.”

While you were distanced, you nearly could’ve sworn that the prince had squeezed the other’s leg reassuringly, and you were willing to bet he had rubbed it with his thumb too just as he had done to you.

After long, the waitress returned with Lee Minho’s drink, and the two men chatted like old college buddies while you slipped away at your drink in an attempt to make it last as long as you could. While Chan did try to engage you in conversation, it would never last for long until he would become puppy-eyed over the stranger again. In the end, you wondered if the tipsy prince would’ve also confessed to this man if he had one too many drinks.

The table bumped with their jovial and restless legs, and you could only imagine what wandering hands sought to discover.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

The hotel was quiet save for the click of heels on the marble floors from ladies who had just gotten off the steamboat and clung to their husbands in their drunken stupor. They cackled in the empty and golden lobby, then pressed hasty kisses into the stuttering mouths of their husbands who’s mouths then smeared with hot pick lipstick. Chan giggled at the sight while he tripped over his own feet too.

“Ahhhh. Being in love is so cute.” He adored them once you had entered the elevator.

“You’re not going to throw up on me, are you?”

The prince hiccupped, then shook his head. “Unlike you I know how to hold my liquor. I’m fine. Just a bit sleepy I think. Must be the jet lag.”

The tones for each floor beeped in the compartment, and Chan lulled his head back and forth.

“So. Lee Minho huh?” You said, not even able to help yourself. The alcohol had brought you a bit of an edge...so you thought.

“Lee. Minho.” He sighed out dreamily. “What do you think of him?”

“I think I can’t trust anyone as long as I haven’t ran at least three background checks on them.”

“Awww, Bee, you’re so thoughtful of me.”

In the empty hallway, the prince with squinting eyes leaned against the doorframe to the royal suite, reaching out to brush up against your blouse once more. You let him, excusing his drunken state. After he did so, his eyes hazed over with something much different, while he looked exhausted, it was laced with something else: something much more longing.

“Bee...fuck, I really want to kiss you again.”

“Hm. That’s ripe coming from you who was just viciously flirting with Lee Minho.”

You could see his head spinning in his dilated pupils. “What?”

The door clicked open and you less than gracefully lead the prince through the dark to your shared bedroom.

“B-Bee, what are you talking about?”

You scoffed, “I’m not blind, you know.”

“A-are you...jealous?”

“W-what? Fuck no. I’m just...you can’t just...toss people around thinking that they’ll all bend to you.”

Chan sat at the edge of the bed and rubbed at his temples when you turned one of the lamps on.

“I-I was doing that?”

You tore a pillow from the bed as well as the throw blanket at the end. “I’m sleeping on the couch. Good evening, your Highness.”

“Wait! Bee!” The young prince stumbled after you, stubbing his toe against the bedpost in the process. “Ah-FUCK!” He grunted.

“What?” You growled back to him, half shrouded in the darkness of the suite living room.

The royal stumbled out, eyes blank and backlit from the bedroom. While you couldn’t see him fully, you later could assume that there was something in him terribly torn and ripped in that moment that made little sense to him, as it did to you to.

Arms reached out, bodies softly illuminated by the lights of the city, and the prince leaned himself fully into you, pressing bitter tasting lips to yours with a heat and desire that only seemed amplified the breather he had gotten. While he tasted of lime and grapefruits, with a twinge of alcohol. He was just as addictive as any vice. You wanted to feel him. As infuriating as he was, and oblivious, your abhorrence to him was just as strong as your attraction.

“Mm, Bee--” He moaned directly into your mouth while shuffling both of you back to the bedroom.

The prince’s trembling breath floated from his mouth to yours where he used both of his large hands to pull your face closer to his. You knew that in some way, there must have been something ingenuine about the whole scenario, but you didn’t care too much, not when kissing him felt like something. Maybe he had kissed you out of pity, or because he really had wanted to kiss you. You broke for seconds before both of your tangled limbs hit the bed.

“Before...you said that you wouldn’t kiss me.”

“I didn’t make any promises...but, how come...you said that you wouldn’t hesitate...? But you kissed ba--”

You silenced the prince’s words with your own heated kisses that made little sense, only that kissing him as such felt good. You straddled the man while his hungry fingers traced all the way down your back. The prince’s hips sunk into the cushiony mattress, and you screwed him down even harder into it with your own heated hips grinding into him with as much pressure as you could muster.

“This is what you want, right?” You pulled at his lip with your teeth to hear him groan from it.

“Is it...what you want?” Chan got out between more kisses.

You could blame it on loneliness or lack of touch all that you wanted, but it wasn’t even close.

“Wait. Wait.” Chan suddenly interjected.

“What? What is it?”

The prince looked up at you, that haze in his eyes now fading to something much different that wasn’t covered in the lust that he held before.

“Bee...I-I don’t know if I want it to happen this way. It feels...it’s not...”

“Not what?”

He brushed his hand upward now to caress your face, lingering on the side of the peach fuzz on your cheek. “You deserve better than whatever the hell this is.”

“Oh, so when I finally want to fuck you, you’re saying it isn’t right?”

“I’m saying, I’m drunk, it’s late, clearly there’s something that’s upsetting you, and I want to know what it is before we do anything else. Tell me, what’s wrong?”

It might’ve been Lee fucking Minho, or it might’ve been something else much stickier for you to admit, but seeing the prince like this, it was too much. He was gorgeous under you, practically angelic looking.

“I-I’m...complicating things.” You whispered out, and the prince softened even further.

“That’s what it is? Bee, I told that you don’t have to worry about--”

“--Yes. Yes I do...your Highness. I-I can’t feel...”

“Bee--let’s just talk about--”

The prince might’ve said more, but his words faded into murmurs once you closed his door behind you, then crawled onto the couch in Jeongin and Seungmin’s room, locking their door too.

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

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guiltypleasurefandomface · 2 years ago

Note

I’d love a fic or titbit where Brian realises that there’s more to Roger than being a ball of energy whether cheering or annoying - that he loves reading, or is a really good father, or is writing hit not minor album songs, or is serious about politics, or whatever takes your fancy! Thank you!

The first time Brian met Roger, he was just blown away overall. Roger was the Mitch Mitchell and Ginger Baker him and Tim were looking for, and he looked great, like he already was a star. If there was any shadow of self consciousness underneath those colourful, well fitting clothes, then they were very well hidden. Brian let the Fireplace's strings go quiet to match the climax of Roger's drumming and stood back and felt awe'd. Roger was good. More than that, he was perfect.

The first time Brian felt like a total idiot in front of Roger, it was about 3 weeks after they were first acquainted. Brian had, rather foolishly, put down Roger's succint letter writing to being uncomfortable with his own literacy skills. Maybe being from Cornwall left him lacking in a vast vocabulary. Brian had always written rather long letters detailing every little thing he felt really set the scene of his ideas and memories, where as Roger's letters were short and to the point.

Like when, 10 days after meeting Roger, he wrote to Roger about the day he spent at his parents, describing the kitchen so Roger could see it for himself in his mind's eye. Roger's reply was less than 20 words long "Sounds wonderful, Brian, I wish I was there! How do you feel about a concert in the guild hall?"

The day after he came back from his parents, he spent the morning mulling over a song and was all geared up to talk to Roger about the way he wanted it to sound with the drums. He knew Roger played the guitar but there was nothing quite like his own Fireplace, and already had his usual Technological Lite edition ready, to explain to Roger how he and his Dad had made it and how it differs from a normal guitar. After all, not everyone even understood the basics of electricity, let alone the intricate details of creating an electrical musical instrument out of bits he found in his own home. And drums were very very different from a guitar, even though he did know now they did actually need tuning!

And then he knocked on Roger's bedsit door, and Roger answered, wearing a scruffy pair of jeans with holes in them and a loose knit top, and a rather hefty book in his hands.

"Oh hello!" Roger said, face brightening with a grin. "I wasn't expecting you so soon."

"Am I... Should I come back later?"

"No, not at all. Come on in."

"Reading?" Brian asked, trying not to sound so surprised.

"Yeah, they're all due back in a few days and I stupidly took my time over the longest one. Cup of tea?"

"Yes please."

And then Roger moved out of the way, and guided him further inside, and that's when Brian saw all of the books. Piles and piles of books, on every available surface, there was even some on the floor. He spotted Lady Chatterley's Lover, War and Peace, a few by Jack Kerouac, a biography about Winston Churchill, even one about the East India Company.

"Are all of these Library books?"

Roger laughed. "God no, how many do you think they let you take? No, those five there are library books, they're all my books from home there, most are my favourites but some of them are gifts I haven't got around to reading yet. Exams and gigs, and well, some girls too I suppose, they all sort of got in the way. That pile on the table is a few my friend leant me and, well, there's some fashion magazines over there but that's mostly for ideas."

Brian thought he was a reader. He thought, as an academic, his bookshelf looked impressive. But, he didn't read much outside of his area of astronomy and music. If it was about space or a biography of a musician he liked, that was his pleasure.

But Roger...

"These are your favourites?"

Roger nodded, pouring milk into the little milk pot in his tea set. "Yeah, most of them. I had to leave some at home, and well, you know what it's been like the last 3 weeks. I've not even had a chance to read that new controvercial one yet."

He nodded to the hardback in the Library Book pile. The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer.

"Splash of milk and 1 sugar, right?"

Brian had to reconsider everything he knew about the young man so far. Brian had unjustly had opinions about Roger based on his love of fun and his looks and his lack of interest in his studies. But, here he was with a room full of books with every interest you could consider. Roger wasn't just a keen reader, this man read politics, classics, wordy classics at that, poetry! Scientific biographies, feminist literature and... was that a series of books about electrical engineering and mechanics? There was clearly nothing Roger didn't consider uninteresting. And all of those books, along with the concerts and rehearsals and the networking, when did he sleep?

Brian was once again blown away. Mentally chastened, he noted to tell himself off later in the privacy of his own home and waited patiently to talk about what brought him around.

Brian watched on as Roger, just before he brought over the cups of tea on the tray, double checked the bookmark was in his book and placed it carefully on top of the pile on the dining table.

#I hope this was okay #Ficlet #Queen ficlet #The I wish you would ask game #Roger X Books

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lucas-grey · 3 years ago

Text

I always wanted to write a FanFiction about little 6 and 47 and their time in the Institute, so here it is! I would also be very happy if you would left some Kudos for it on my AO3 ❤️

TW: Torture, Child abuse, Drowning, Death

Brasov, Romania

The Institute for Human Betterment was located far away from any civilisation in the mountainous forests. It was an old building, a mansion trumped by a box-shaped extension, the only part that suggested it was more than just a simple institution.

Because the Institute was situated in such a remote location, the human experiments that were carried out in this facility remained hidden from the public. With the cunning use of intimidation and money, it was easy to keep something a secret. Nobody outside the building knew anything about Doctor Otto Wolfgang Ort-Meyer's cloning program and the experiments he carried out on infants and children. Nobody suspected that in these deep, dark forests children were being tortured and that the main goal was to form them into perfect killers by any means necessary.

Everyday life in the Institute was tough and marked by violence and pain.The punishments for misconduct ranged from bashing to isolation and execution. The rules were strict and discipline was paramount.There was no place for feelings in the facility. The boys were trained to suppress emotions. They were taught that feelings equated with weakness. They had their guiding principles: Weakness is the enemy. Strength through discipline. Discipline through the mastery of one's feelings. But what Ort-Meyer and the brutal guards forgot was that they were still children who only suppressed their feelings for fear of punishment. Subject 6 knew the feeling of coming into the bedroom in the evening and being able to shake off this fear. That time when the boys got ready for bed, when they put on their pyjamas. It was like his whole body was relaxing. The feeling of tense muscles that were finally loosening. He used the short time when the bedroom door closed behind him to inhale and exhale several times and then suddenly let himself fall into his bed. This brief moment of lightness and peace of mind was the highlight of the day for him. But 6 knew that these instants were rare and could be broken at any time. It happened again and again that the boys were startled by the overseer in their sleep, to go on long marches through the forest in the middle of the night or to scramble through the muddy course behind the house when it was pouring raining. For this reason, these short times without this tension, without the knot in the chest that reminded the boys of their guiding principles, were so precious.

Far away from the guards' gaze, the boys used the time to exchange ideas. They sat together on their beds, telling creepy stories or watching porn magazines that they had stolen from the guards. It was important to be quiet. The children's laughter in those moments were barely audible, the boys had learned to hold their hands over their mouths so as not to be heard when they giggled at the sight of the naked women in the Playboy.

Subject 6 was an orphan. As an infant, he was left behind in the hospital by his mother immediately after his birth, where Ort-Meyer found him. He bought the baby and many more to do inhuman experiments on them. Ort-Meyer got the money and influence from an organisation called Providence, which commissioned the doctor to create the perfect killers. They should be more than just super soldiers, they should be quiet, the perfect silent assassins. Subject 6 remembered the many injections given to him. He remembered the feeling of serums flowing through his veins, the warmth rising inside of him and cramps that made all his muscles freeze and the pain so intense that he vomited. He was tied to a metal table and left alone with his pain. What remained was the feeling of fear. He thought he was going to die any moment; every fiber of his body was streaked with pain, as if he was being burned inside. He felt the sweat on his forehead and he could no longer suppress the screams. Tears were running down his face from the corners of his eyes. He sensed exactly how the serum flowed through his body, he felt how it found its way through his veins, like a burning river. He didn't know how long he laid there each time. Minutes? Hours? At some point the pain stopped and gave way to total exhaustion. 6 was breathing hard and looking into the bright light of the neon lamps. He no longer had the strength to scream or to fight the serum. It was like embracing the pain that plagued his body. He felt beads of sweat drip from his forehead and bare torso. The heat spread evenly as the serum made its way into every fiber of his body. He had to endure this procedure several times a week, always followed by tests to see whether the serum had the desired effect. He had to run for hours on a treadmill, lift weights and do intelligence tests. He knew he had acquired skills beyond those of a normal child.

In parallel to the attempt to make children stronger and more resilient with special serums, Ort-Meyer started a cloning program with the help of funds from Providence. He hoped to be able to create the perfect killer right from the start without having to send him through the painful procedure that 6 had to endure. Many of the first clones died early, they were disfigured and not viable. But with Subject 47, Ort-Meyer created a perfect clone, the perfect human. The perfect killer. Right from the start, 47 possessed all the skills that 6 and the other children had only acquired through the serums and hard training. 47 has been trained to use his skills to become the best assassin from the day he was created. Ort-Meyer watched him with hawk eyes. He had great expectations of 47, and the other children knew that 47 was in a different position from theirs. Although he had to do the same training as the others, Ort-Meyer watched him especially. He called him the most gifted of all his boys. Oftentimes, 47 had to show off his skills by fighting with other children. 6 watched him during these fights. He saw as the rest of the boys were left expressionless as they witnessed 47's dexterity in combat. He made it look effortless while the rest of them had to endure long hours of fighting techniques to be his worthy opponent. 47 appeared to 6 and the other children as cold and reserved, disinterested and unemotional. He never spoke to the others and always held back when there was a conflict.

It was 6 who at some point, when the boys were back in their chamber and getting ready for sleep, took the initiative and approached 47 as he was sitting on his bed and taking off his socks. "Hey 47," he said softly as 47 turned around and looked at him with his deep blue eyes. 6 felt the other children's gazes on his neck, they fell silent and there was a certain tension in the air, as if they were expecting 6 to be eaten alive by a bear. 47 didn't answer, so 6 stepped forward. He crossed his arms behind his back to show that he had no intention of harming him. "Today in the fight, that was impressive," said 6 with clear appreciation in his voice. 47 looked at him, then his gaze wandered to the other boys, who immediately averted their eyes for fear of angering him. Then he looked back to 6 and their eyes met. 6 tried to read something in his stare, a sign of gratitude for the compliment he had just received, or, which was more likely, a sign for annoyance. But he saw nothing. They were cold and unemotional. 6 regretted having said anything at all when 47 suddenly whispered a soft "thank you". At that moment 6 saw it, that brief glint in his eyes. It was barely noticeable, but 6 could see it. A small smile played around 6 lips. "Do you like card games?", he asked. 47 looked at him questioningly when 6 pulled out a couple of old cards from under his bed. "Some cards are missing, but you can still play Mau-Mau with them", said 6 as he shuffled them and was watched by 47. "I don't know that", 47 said shortly. 6 sat on the bed. "It's very easy." While 6 started explaining the rules, 47 slowly sat down next to him and listened attentively. The other boys watched in disbelief.

From that night on, 6 and 47 played Mau-Mau together on their bed everyday. The other boys did not dare to play along, on the contrary, from that evening on they met 6 with the same distance as 47, as if he had tamed a lion that he could let loose on the children at any moment with just one command. 6 didn't care. He enjoyed the friendship with 47 and the feeling of not being alone. When he went to sleep in the evening, he whispered to 47 a quiet "good night". 47 didn’t reply. Only his look at that moment told 6 that he was happy. For 6, his gaze was not cold and distant, but warm and grateful. It were just nuances, dilated pupils when 47 won Mau-Mau, a slight squint of his eyes when he lost, and that warm look he gave 6 when he wished him good night. Sometimes 6 even saw a slight hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. For outsiders who didn't understand 47 as well as he did, it wasn’t more than a twitch, but 6 knew it was there. 6 realised that 47 was more than an emotionless clone and he was aware that he was the only one with the gift of knowing this.

One night, Subject 6 and the other boys were asleep in their beds. In the small room there was space for eight children in four bunk beds. The chamber was bare and uncomfortable, with nothing to suggest that children lived there. There were no toys, no painted pictures on the walls, no books. The metal beds were equipped with thin mattresses and blankets and only an old fireplace provided the warmth that was so badly needed that winter.

Suddenly, Subject 6 and the other children were woken up when their warden opened the door and loudly ordered the children to get up. None of the boys showed resistance. Nobody pulled the covers over their heads again or stretched, yawning. As if at the push of a button, they got out of their beds and stood in a row. 6 looked at Subject 47, who was facing him. Their eyes met. 6 knew that 47 felt the same uncertainty about what was to come as he did, even though one couldn't tell. But 6 could see it in his eyes. No one except 6 knew that 47 sometimes felt the same fear as the other children and it was important that it stayed that way. Ort-Meyer would be very disappointed to know that his favorite Subject was feeling exactly the same emotions as the others.

The boys stood next to their beds. They knew these situations. They were aware that they were being roused from their peaceful sleep because they had a task to do. They were only dressed in their blue pyjamas, they wore neither socks nor shoes. Despite the log fire, the arch was freezing and Subject 6 felt the cold slowly rise inside his body. He watched intently as the guard walked scrutinizing past the children and examined them. "We're going out", he bleated and left the room. The boys followed without saying a word. They all knew that talking or even contradicting would result in a blow with the rubber truncheon by the overseer.

They ran down the hall and down the great stairs. Subject 6 felt uncomfortable. It wasn't the first time the children had been awoken from their sleep in the middle of the night to do some kind of task. But what they ultimately had to do remained a secret until the very end. It was the element of surprise that the overseer used. It should prepare the boys to be able to improvise in any situation and to always perform at their best.

When the warden opened the large front door, the boys were hit by the icy cold outside. Without hesitation, they followed the overseer into the snow. When Subject 6 stepped into the snow with his bare feet, he was breathless for a moment. The cold shot through him with an uncomfortable pain, he felt his feet and then his limbs went stiff. "Don't stop", the guard shouted angrily when he noticed the boys' hesitation as they tried to ignore the freezing cold that seized their bodies. 6 folded his arms and rubbed his armpits with his hands to at least warm up a little. He felt his breathing accelerate automatically and how the cold found its way into his throat. The pain that pierced his body was almost unbearable. He tried to remember the feeling he had when he was lying in his bed. Although the mattresses were uncomfortable and the blankets were thin, the moment the bedroom door was closed was the one 6 liked the most. He knew that it could happen at any time that he would be torn from his dreams, which is why the thought of his bed, of the silence and the relaxation that he felt when he lay there and his mind could freely circulate, was so precious to him. He thought of the evenings with 47, which they spent sitting on the bed playing cards and the warmth of the fireplace that surrounded him when he closed his eyes and slowly slipped into lovely sleep when fear and pain were forgotten for a brief moment.

At that point he dared to look back briefly. Subject 47 was further behind him. He rubbed his armpits too. 6 could see how hard he was breathing, each of his breaths visible through a thick, misty waft. 47 looked at him and gave him a short nod to understand that he should look forward again. Subject 6 turned and continued to follow the guard in silence.

It wasn't long before the children reached a lake not far from the Institute. 6 couldn't tell what time it was, but it was probably very early in the morning as he could already see the sun rise on the horizon, its rays making their way through the trees and lighting up the frozen lake as if its surface was made of nacre.

The warden ordered the boys to line up. "Your task: you swim from one end to the other", he explained briefly. The task was clear, none of the boys asked a question or protested, even if everyone knew this task could be fatal. So it was with many tasks that the children had to do at the Institute. 6 had seen many children die. He knew that because of the way they were created, he and the other boys were different from other children, both mentally and physically. They were made to be faster, stronger, and more resilient. They were intelligent, could improvise even in stressful situations and they could adapt well to any circumstance. But they weren't invulnerable. Even small mistakes could cause a task to fail. Even so, it wasn't impossible for them to accomplish this order. Normal children would hardly survive this, they would probably die from the shock of the cold water, let alone be able to hold their breath long enough to swim to the other side. 6 knew that he and the other boys were physically capable of doing this. More important was whether they would be able to keep a clear head during the process. This exercise was not only a test of their physical abilities, but above all their mental ones. "Subject 4, you are the first", the warden shouted. He had a clipboard and a stopwatch in his hand. One of the boys stepped forward. He took off his pyjamas until he was standing in the snow in his underpants. Subject 6 saw him shiver. His skin looked pale and bluish, and his feet were red from the cold snow. Subject 4 carefully stepped onto the ice surface, which crunched under his weight. He went on to a hole in the ice. 6 looked at the hole and his gaze wandered to the end of the lake, where he could make out another one in the distance that was straight ahead to the other.

Subject 4 slowly slid into the hole before taking a deep, perceptible breath and then submerged. The guard pressed the stopwatch. What followed was an uncomfortable silence. While the warden only looked at the ticking watch, the boys looked at the surface. Subject 6 held his breath. He wondered how long it would take Subject 4 to swim to the other side while watching the shadow of 4's silhouette beneath the ice sheet. He felt the tension when he noticed that he could no longer hold his breath and he knew that there were only seconds left for Subject 4 to get to the other side. 6 breathed out silently when couldn’t hold his breath anymore, when he suddenly heard a knock. The guard looked at the surface. It was first a short knock, then another, then it became more. They all heard the despair; they all knew what was happening. When the knocking fell silent, the guard stopped the clock, took the pen from the clipboard and with one movement he crossed out something on a piece of paper.

"Subject 6, you're next", he snapped. 6 breathed in and out deeply as he took off his pyjamas. He had the feeling that he no longer sensed the cold. The pain had given way to a strange numbness and what remained was the impression of many small needle pricks that hit his skin. When he was standing there only in his underpants and walking in the direction of the ice surface, he noticed the warden looking at him. He wanted to turn around and look at 47 but he didn't dare to. When 6 reached the small hole in the ice, he first slid his feet into it. The pain that rose through him almost made him scream, but he stifled the scream and clenched his teeth in agony. He let himself slide further into the icy water, then took a deep breath and dived below the surface.

The water was pitch black. Only a few of the distant sun rays penetrated the thick surface and served 6 as a subtle but much necessary orientation. Without hesitation, he started swimming. He stayed just below the surface and tried to the best of his capacity to swim straight ahead. He tried to remember the hole on the other side of the lake and he orientated himself by the sun rays that he hoped would shine through the other hole. As he swam as fast as he could, he was suddenly distracted by something he saw to his right. He dared a quick look to the side and looked into the wide-open eyes of Subject 4 floating motionlessly below the surface. Subject 6 was petrified. He felt a vibrating heat flooding his body. Immediately he removed his gaze from his late mate and refocused in front, yet in the corner of his eyes the boy’s stiff body still floated and his dead stare remained stubborn in his mind like a reminder. He had to make it to the exit hole because he knew he only had seconds before he couldn't breathe anymore, and his body would give up due to the cold.

Subject 6 swam as fast as he could when he saw the redeeming sun rays shining through the other hole. When he emerged, he took a deep breath. Although the cold continued to hurt and his heart pounded as hard as if it were about to beat out of his chest. He climbed out of the hole and as he stood on the slippery surface he felt life coming back to his body. He took some deep breaths to feel the fresh air in his lungs again. His stiff limbs ached, so he moved them a bit. He shook his arms and legs to get rid of the ice cold water that surrounded his body. He was clearing himself from the fear and pressure he had just felt and allowed the relief of having survived the task. Without lingering, he ran back to the others.

He got no praise from the guard, no applause from the other children. Another boy has already been asked by the guard to do the job. Subject 6 took his ice-cold pyjamas out of the snow and pulled them over his wet body. He saw his reddish blue skin, he saw how he was trembling and he could no longer suppress the fact that his teeth chattered softly and his lips trembled. Only now did he realise that Subject 47 was no longer there. The panic of the air slowly lacking in his lungs, his heart racing and shrinking due to the icy water was nothing compared to the shock of that moment as he realised that the blurry silhouette swimming under the ice was 47. The image of the lifeless eyes of Subject 4 floating stiff in the water came back as his stomach twisted violently in visceral dread for his friend. To his convenience, his trembling limbs and shattering teeth seemed to the rest of the boys and the warden as the natural response to the freezing low temperature. The truth was, the fear for 47’s life had taken over his whole self in uncontrollable nerves. He realized that the trembling of his body was no longer just from the cold, but also from the fear he was feeling.

The ticking of the stopwatch was the only thing that broke the silence. Those were painful seconds for subject 6. Tormenting because of the uncertainty whether 47 would make it, agonising because he was not allowed to say that he was afraid, that he would have to suppress any feeling. At the corner of his eyes he noticed as the warden threw a look at him and in the blink of an eye, he studied him. Emotions weren’t allowed, as neither were words of encouragement or congratulation. Emotions were equated with weakness. Weakness is the enemy. Strength through discipline. Discipline through the mastery of one's feelings. With one eye 6 followed 47 swimming under the ice while with the other, he made sure the warden didn't notice the sheer level of dread that had taken over his slender body. He felt his heart ache. His gaze was fixed on the other hole at the end of the lake. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. Subject 6 gritted his teeth. He had the feeling that he could hardly stop the tension. The agitation that surrounded his body hurt even more than those few seconds swimming under the ice cold water. His hands clenched into fists and trembled from the pressure. Suddenly he heard a gush of water come from the other hole and the bald head of Subject 47 emerged. When 6 saw him climb out of the hole, he immediately let go of the convulsion. Life returned to himself like a warm breeze and embraced his body. The pressure left his body as if he were shedding ballast. The knot in his chest that had cut off his breath came loose when he saw 47 climb out of the hole unharmed. 6 suppressed the imminent smile that wanted to draw in his lips. He didn't care that he was cold, he didn't care about the pain. It just mattered to him to know that Subject 47 had made it.

When the task was finished, the sun had already risen. Six boys followed the guard back into the large building, where they were allowed to take a warm shower and change into fresh clothes. When Subject 6 got dressed, he went to 47, who quietly put on his clothes. “Are you okay?” 6 asked quietly. 47 looked at him and nodded. 6 was unsure whether 47 was well, when he suddenly saw a small, barely perceptible smile flicker in the corner of his mouth. That's when 6 knew he was okay.

Special thanks goes out to @sillyliterature Thank you for giving me helpful tips and for helping me to improve myself as a writer! Thank you for taking your time reading my stories, I really appreciate ❤️

#hitman #lucas grey #agent 47 #fanfiction #hitman fanfiction #my fanfiction

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divinaes-bookofsecrets · 3 years ago

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Hello! May I please request a spirit guide reading, if you are accepting those at this time? My initials are NS, Sagittarius. Thank you in advance, and I hope you have a lovely day/evening.

HELLO , DEAR SAGITTARIUS ♐ 😘You travel with a great many Spiritual Guardians ; The one that's most important 😊 and most prominent is an enchanting witch goddess.

Her name is Wendolina‐Lynn aka Linà-Lynn but ýou may just call her WENDOLINA

Her sex: female

Her age: 44

Her lucky numbers: 4, 7, 19, 22, 300

Element: FIRE ELEMENT

Zodiac☆Symbol: ♈ Aries, ♌ Leo

(Her horoscope sign mixes with yours impeccably!!! She is your exact perfect match for friendship, even for a relationship in love 😍 but I do not, as a Shamanic Healer, suggest that you pursue any thing romantic with this highly mystical being )

PLANET THAT RULES HER: MARS , and THE SUN

Her Greatest Strength: Dynamic Energy, Motivation, Drive and Willpower, Passionate, Achiever, Enthusiasm

Her Weakness: Desire, Sex Drive,Temperamental

Magick Powers; Cleansing and Purification, Hexes and Banshment and Protection and Prosperity

Moon Phase: Full Moon, 🌙 🌔 🌖 🌛 Eclipse 🌑 Moon

SEASON; YULE

Her Energy is Tied To ACTION !

Time of Day: Noon

Direction: South

Tarot: Wands

Although Goddess Wendolina is eternally a Fire Sign 🔥 😍 She flows like 💧 Water She was born from her ancestors 🌟 in the 🌟 stars !! & She is currently 44 as of this year; She ages one year each and every decade! Lady Wendolina the ♈ Aries woman has been, by the Creator and Universe, molded for you. Ĺady Lina-Lynn iis not ýour typical witch, she's more of a witchesss! And her beauty knows no end. Your Witchess is dark looking if you choose to see her that way, but if you choose to see her fertile enlightening light 😉 ✨ you'll soon see how you are connected 😏 to this mystic enchanting goddess .

Here is she. 🍒🍀🌼🍇🐛🌷🦋🕸🕷🕸🌺🍂🍃

Lady Wendolina-Lynn , is an Aries Goddess of mystical ethereal feminist ♥ ✨ power. She believes in equality--- She thinks that men and women should be sharing more and have equal rights ✅ but of course this sounds a lot like Lilith story does it not🙄 well, there's a reason for that too. Lady Wendolina is actually one of Lilith daughters ! This explains how her down fall is her sex drive. Well, she's deffinitely an amazing Aries specimen isn't she?

Lilith gave her daughter Wendolina the Witchess all the glory, beauty, and powers to behold. She is, like Lilith, demonized 😈 by the men of Earth 🌎 ♥ and the Church.

Wendolina uses her witchy ways to look dark but subtle enough to still practice white magick with her powers. She is the most powerful ✨😈 demon spawn and we should all be proud she uses her powers for only good not evil ever 👏 she's such a sweet darling demonness spawn !!

She has two major looks that are her main makeup choices she (like above) dresses and does Lilith inspired makeup ---Then Wendolina-Lynn does space effect warpaint; representing the stars and the moon where she came from 🌟 🌙

Next ill explain the story of her Mother, Lilith, story as it ties into also the independent woman that your Spirit Guide is plus the independence she represents!

Lilith is an extremely controversial figure within Jewish folklore. Lilith's name is not included in the creation story of the Torah but she appears in several midrashic texts. Her symbolism, history and literature are debated among Jewish scholars, feminists and other intellectuals. There are multiple origin stories for Lilith but the most popular history told views Lilith as the first wife of Adam. According to the "first Eve" story Lilith was created by God from dust and placed to live in the garden with Adam until problems arose between Adam and Lilith when Adam tried to exercise dominance over Lilith. One story tells that Lilith refused to lay beneath Adam during sex. She believed they were created equal, both from the dust of the earth, thus she should not have to lay beneath him. After Adam disagreed, Lilith fled the Garden of Eden to gain her independence. Adam told God that Lilith had left and God sent three angels, Senoi, Sansenoi, and Sammangelof, to retrieve her. The three angels found Lilith in a cave bearing children but Lilith refused to come back to the garden. The angels told her they would kill 100 of her children every day for her disobedience. In revenge, she is said to rob children of life and is responsible for the deaths of still-born infants and crib deaths (SIDS). Male children are at risk of Lilith's wrath for 8 days after birth (until circumcision) and girls are at risk for 20 days. Although Lilith stole children's lives in the night, she agreed not to kill the children who had amulets of either of the three angels.

After the angels' departure, Lilith tried to return to the garden but upon her arrival she discovered that Adam already had another mate, Eve. Out of revenge, Lilith had sex with Adam while he was sleeping and "stole his seed." With his seed she bears 'lilium,' earth-bound demons to replace her children killed by the angels. Lilith is also said to be responsible for males' erotic dreams and night emissions. Another theory says that Lilith is impregnated, thus creating more demons by masturbation and erotic dreams.

🐉🌸ĹILITH AND WENDOLINA HAVE AN APPETITE FOR EARTH MEN🌸🐲

The open-ended nature of the Lilith symbol has allowed different groups to use her as a destructive female symbol or a symbol of female power. Many feminists see Lilith as not only the first woman but the first independent woman created. In the creation story she refuses to allow Adam to dominate her and flees the garden despite the consequences. In order to retain her freedom she must give up her children and in retaliation she steals the seed of Adam. In one account of this story, Lilith is said to "mount Adam" (click here for this version). This version of the story implies that Lilith sexually violated Adam; however, other stories portray Lilith as a demoness who kills children and takes advantage of men while they are sleeping. Jewish halakhic law forbids the spilling of a man's seed and Lilith takes advantage of this, during masturbation and erotic dreams, and uses it to replenish her own offspring.

Although Lilith is controversial some feminists have used her as a symbol of empowerment. For example, one Jewish feminist magazine is called Lilith labels itself as an "Independent Jewish Woman's Magazine." The publishers use Lilith as a title because they believe she is a symbol of independence. However, those who still think of her as a demoness could turn it around and once again label feminists as male bashers or men-haters. They see Lilith as wicked and vengeful towards men and children. With any symbol or icon used by feminists, especially within a religious context, there will be controversy and opposition. Whether or not the story of Lilith is accurate is not the main issue. The "first Eve" version of the story gives Lilith a role that many women can identify within Judaism and other religious traditions. She is an independent woman who challenges the oppressive system in which she is placed. Stealing the lives of children represents a certain madness that accompanies her solitude and exclusion. Despite Lilith's downfalls, she still remains a symbol of power simply by her survival and mysteriousness. She is open for interpretation and therefore allows women to reinterpret her symbolism and power within the tradition.

Picture Lilith's daughter the demoness 😈 spawn sort of like Mortisha Adams from the Adam's Family tv. Show. She's sweet, sultry, she could seduce you, and she's pale but deffinitely dark in a cheerful fun way !

Wendolina's mystical senses have brought her to you at this time to bring you a very important message ;

Here's your messages

Sagittarius predictions for May 17 - May 23

You may be lamenting that there don't seem to be any exciting new opportunities coming your way. You may feel bored and stuck in a rut, wishing that some unique proposition would be yours for the taking. Maybe there is something out there for you, but if you are stuck in a mindset where you are expecting something very specific, Sagittarius, you might not recognize a good thing that is different, even if you metaphorically trip over it. Be open to any chance that comes to you this week, even if it doesn't meet with your preordained idea of what can bring you the success you want. A positive change of circumstances is in the stars for you now, and this week, you may get a good glimpse of it. This could have to do with your home, your work, or your money - and may range from a change of residence to an increase in income or even an unexpected windfall. But this may not reach fruition this week - however, the tempting idea of it may come to you with the promise of fulfillment soon. This is a good time to seal deals, negotiate contracts, or ask for investors if you are in such a position. You should be brimming with energy and initiative right now.

-- Wendolina-Lynn aka Lina-Lynn

So watch out for your financial situation is about to change dramatically or you'll be moving residents please take this as a good thing that you've been waiting for this might just be the changes you need.

IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A GOOD SHAMAN , LOOK NO FURTHER: I AM HERE!!

All Spells..... $18 depending on what you wishing for or desiring as result

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the-himawari · 4 years ago

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A3! Magazine Interview Translation - PASH September 2020 (2/2) [from GODza]

On behalf of MANKAI Company and GODza, we will directly hit up the 4 who graced the cover of this month’s issue! Stories looking back on the Act-off, and talks about their private lives these days are included ❤

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Asuka Haruto

Profile: Age 25. Has experience as GODza’s top actor, and is one of their box-office stars in both name and substance. Can also frequently see him perform street acts in Veludo City. He has many eager fans and also doesn’t cut corners on fan service. For the most recent act-off with MANKAI Company, he lead Arakawa as the second lead.

Q. Asuka-san who plays a central role in GODza, please tell us again about the charms of the Theatre troupe that is GODza.

A. If it’s GODza’s charms, I can talk about them for the rest of my life… But there is just one thing for sure. Theatre is said to be a composite art, but acting, story, song, fine arts… The only ones who are able to see them all in a perfect stage is us. The reason for that is solely—because the genius theatre director Kamikizaka Reni is there. Reni-san, without any compromise, creates a perfect and fabulous world for the audience. But what fascinates me the most is not the audience, it’s us actors and the staff. That’s why we also can’t slack in our day-to-day efforts in order to perfectly portray the world Reni-san envisions… As long as the absolute existence that is Reni-san guides us, GODza is by far the best Theatre troupe over anywhere else.

Q. What kind of actor is Arakawa-san who stood as the lead this time? Asuka-san, please tell us what you feel are his strengths and potential.

A. His experience as an actor is still immature, but as Reni-san recognized, I think he really stands out. His natural and eye-catching presence might be similar to MANKAI Company’s Tasuku. But I think his number one strength is his youth. Isn’t the sky the limit for his room to grow? Well, it all depends on the person himself though. Besides, I don’t plan to lose yet either.

Q. Please tell us what Asuka-san has been into these days!

A. I don’t mean that I’m into it but… If it had to say, then going around pet shops. Not just the usual dogs and cats, I’m looking at various animals that are a bit unique like birds and small creatures. The reason is… I guess I’m doing it because it personally soothes me.

Q. This summer, what are the things you want to do and the plans you’ve already made?

A. Hmm, I don’t have anything to say in particular. I plan to return to my parents’ home in time for some local events, and sunburns are strictly forbidden so I don’t want to go to the sea or mountains… That reminds me, Reni-san told me about various recommended beauty appliances and cosmetic goods. I guess I’ll strive to improve myself to prepare for “Veludo Way Halloween” and our new performances.

Arakawa Shift

Profile: Age 15. Despite being a new star that just joined GODza, he is an up-and-coming rookie who reached the top at an extraordinary speed. Although he has no theatre experience, he has a physique blessed with a GODza-like brilliance, and possesses a calm composure that doesn’t shy away. For the act-off with MANKAI Company, he was selected as the lead, and finished his admirable debut performance with applause.

Q. In the Act-off with MANKAI Company, Arakawa-san acted in his first starring role for his stage debut! How was your very first stage and lead role?

A. At any rate, it’s like, “it was fun! But frustrating!” There’s no way I thought it’d be my debut performance, and also that it’d turn into a match against another Theatre troupe; but that’s for sure why I had the power to do it, and as an actor, I honestly think it became good experience. …Hey, is it alright with an answer like this? I sorta have absolutely no experience doing interviews, so sorry if it’s strange.

Q. What kind of person is Asuka-san who is your co-star, and also your senior in the same Theatre troupe? Please tell us your impression.

A. He’s a bit of a strange and interesting person… er, that’s a joke—ah, no, it’s true though. You can see he’s super, super stoic, and he’s a person that knows GODza’s charms more than anyone else. During the act-off we had some trouble, but that time too, I think because Haruto-san was there we were able to overcome it. Yeah—, Haruto-san at that time sure was cool~. He’s a bit naggy, but he’s a respectable senpai.

Q. Please tell us what Arakawa-san has been into these days!

A. Chilled croquette udon! Boil udon and pour cold noodle soup base over it, then just place a frozen croquette on top! It’s simple, right? Speaking of summer, chilled Chinese noodles are already kinda outdated. From now on, it’s the age of chilled croquette udon.

Q. This summer, what are the things you want to do and the plans you’ve already made?

A. As expected, if you say summer, it's barbequing at the riverside, right? Come to think of it, does GODza not have an event like that? If they held one with huge crabs, shrimp and expensive meat, I think it'd be an extravagant barbeque. Well if there actually isn't one, I'll try inviting Haruto-san and Madoka, as well as Azami and Kumon-san.

---

MANKAI Company |

#a3!#a3! translation #asuka haruto #arakawa shift #act! addict! actors!#apparently sept 2 is haruto's birthday #so perfect timing ahaha #i love the godza trio #and no im not used to calling him shift either #but we just gotta live like this i guess

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

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Pretty in Pearls, Chapter 2 (Jankie) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 💄| previous chapters

A/N: hi! here’s a little update introducing part of the ensemble and the dynamics of this story! I don’t know how to write text messages in this format so this is the most you’ll get from me ✌️ so I hope you enjoy it & thanks for reading it <3

-2-

Jackie’s little tips and advice had made Jan’s life so much easier in so many ways she didn’t even hesitate when she stood up in front of the vending machine and pressed the Snicker’s number. After submitting her papers on time –she gained the favor of the head secretary by complimenting her necklace-, she arrived at class five minutes earlier and got to pick her seat, she met a few of her classmates -including a girl that matched her energy called Rock but they couldn’t get to talk much after the professor started the lesson- it was like things were starting to fall into place for her.

Except for one thing…

She heard laughter around the corner and she recognized it right away. When she peeked into it, she found Nathan talking to the same girl he was flirting with during lunch –the girl he had been talking about, for sure- she was even prettier up close with her short skirt and mascara on.

Her heart shrunk but this wasn’t the first time something like that happened. She wondered sometimes how many times a heart could be broken by the same person; people sometimes said that wounds and scars helped to create thicker skin -and maybe- that was the case for her. Even though, it always hurt like the first time.

They walked away together and Jan was left alone, unnoticed. She cleaned her teary eyes with the back of her palm and put a big smile on her face before getting into the copy room.

Jackie was finishing some big pile of copies for a boy and a girl was waiting in line with some papers in her hand. Maybe Jan would bother her, she seemed to have a lot of work to do. She was about to turn around when the brunette spotted her.

“Jan, hey.” Jackie’s face lit up the moment she saw the other girl.

“Hi!” She moved closer to the counter. “I just wanted to drop by to give you this.” Jan slid the candy bar over the surface.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have… I was joking.”

“It’s the least I can do, you’ve done a lot for me today and I really appreciate that.”

Jackie’s heart swelled.

“You can stay if you want to hang out, I’ll be done in a couple of minutes.” She handed the pile of copies to the boy and accepted the bill he gave her. She gestured to the other girl to move forward.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bug you.”

“You would keep me company and trust me, sometimes it’s needed.” She looked at the girl in front of her. “Simple, double?”

She shyly replied double and in less than three minutes, Jackie had her copies done.

“Have a nice day.” She then turned to Jan. “See, now it’s empty again and in other circumstances, I’d be on my phone so you’re the one making me a favor.”

“Okay.” Jan sounded relieved.

“You can come behind the counter it’s not like I have a vault full of cash or something, college students are broke.”

Jan seemed to be thrilled she could cross that limit, at least Jackie had chairs on that side of the room. The younger took a seat and since the chairs were tall she could let her feet hanging and swing them back and forward. In the meantime, Jackie unwrapped the chocolate bar and took a bite before browsing through one of her textbooks. Jan pulled out her map and some guides to access the virtual classroom as well, she needed to set it up from her phone.

Jackie peeped over. “Are you in the dorms?”

“Ah, yes! I moved in two days ago during the weekend. I’m still kind of lost there but…” She was about to say something else when someone walked into the copy room.

“Hey there, ladies…”

Jan was astonished because that woman was stunning with her braided hair, crop top, and tight jeans. She walked confidently toward the counter and pulled Jackie for a quick hug.

“Long time no see, Miss Cox. How was your break?”

“Hi Jaida, visiting the family, you know. By the way, you look so good.”

“I feel good.” She smiled at Jan. “And who do we have here? Hello, I’m Jaida.” She extended her hand.

Taking Heidi’s previous reaction into consideration, Jan shook it gentler. “Hi, I’m Jan. I don’t work here I’m just new.” She clarified.

“Oh, I see… freshman. There’s nothing to be afraid of we were all there before.” She smiled and held Jan’s hand for a moment giving her reassurance.

“Thank you.” Jan could cry any minute now and it would be the third time in the day.

“Now, some of us are having dinner at that new Thai place outside campus, are you in?” She looked at Jackie and then at Jan. “You can come too, of course.”

“Sure, I’ll be done in an hour and a half. Can I meet you there?” She turned to Jan.

“I really want to but I need to go to my dorm and settle down for a minute. I haven’t finished adjusting and I don’t even know my roommate yet.”

“Oh, you have one of the doubles.”

The younger nodded. “I’m at C dorms.”

“Wait, that’s where Nicky, Jaida’s girlfriend is, isn’t it?”

The other girl nodded. “I can text her if you want, she can show you around the installations.” She pulled out her phone. “Wait, I’ll call her, she hasn’t heard my lovely voice all day long…”

Jan chuckled.

Jaida pressed one number on speed dial.

“Babe…” She put the phone in her ear. “what do you mean who is it? Who do you think it is?” Her tone was playful. “Yeah, I’ll see you there after I’m done here. Did you have a nice day?… Oh, that’s great. Good for you. Listen, Jackie has a new friend here and she’s a freshman who happens to be in the same dorm you are, do you think you could help this little lost lamb?”

The younger pouted and Jackie just giggled.

“That’s perfect, I’ll tell her. You’re the best, babe. Love you.” She made some kiss noises and then hung up.

Jackie looked like she wanted to mock her but one glance from Jaida kept her from doing it.

“Nicky says she’s there right now, her dorm is C-10, next to the hallway. If you get lost look for a platinum blonde girl, gorgeous as hell, thick French accent…”

“Jaida is into foreign experiences.” Jackie explained and Jan had to hold her laughter.

“Listen you, Canadian bitch…” She threatened. “I’m trying to be nice here, don’t ruin it.”

“Jaida is in the same dorms as me, G dorms.” The brunette told her.

“You guys have singles?” She asked in disbelief, both girls nodded. “I wish I had a single.”

“Freshmen never get singles; part of the adaptation process or something like that. But don’t worry, having a roommate during your first year is a fruitful experience.” Jaida pointed out.

“Most of my classmates already met their roommates but there was a last-minute reassignment so I don’t know if I’ll meet mine today or tomorrow, next week…” Jan pouted again.

“On the bright side, you can experience having a single for another day.” Jackie patted her back.

“I have to go but I’ll see you later and I hope I see you around.” Jaida said at both girls after checking the time on her phone. “It was nice to meet you, Jan. Miss Cox…”

“Thank you so much.”

“See you in a bit.”

And with that, they were left alone again.

“I should go too.” Jan packed her things. “Jackie, I can’t stop telling you how much thankful I am… you’re awesome and I’ve known you for like a day but I already consider you my friend… Back in high school, I didn’t have many girlfriends so it is a big deal for me and now I’m oversharing I should probably shut up.”

Jackie chuckled. “It’s okay… I consider you a friend too.”

“Oh! I almost forgot, I don’t have your phone number…” She handed her phone with her hands like an offer. “Would it be okay if I text you and stuff?”

Jackie couldn’t handle this girl.

“Yeah, absolutely.” She typed her number and saved it as Jackie C. “C is for Cox or copy room, your pick.”

“That’s right, what’s with the girls calling you Miss Cox?”

“It’s an inside joke, they always make fun of me for being uptight… it was that or the alternative being «Anal girl».”

Jan almost choked and coughed a couple of times to hide it.

“You know, for being neat and organized.” Jackie was grinning.

“Right.” She covered her mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“I guess it’d have that reaction.” She laughed.

Jan was as red as a tomato.

“I better leave before I embarrass myself more…” She laughed nervously.

“See you later, Jan.”

“You most certainly will.” She said before leaving the copy room.

Jackie took a deep breath; she was screwed.

Jan returned to the building where her room was and dropped by Jaida’s girlfriend’s room before going back to her own. She knocked on the door on dorm C-10 as she remembered Jaida had said.

Not even two minutes later, a girl with wavy blonde hair and icy blue eyes opened the door. Nicky, as Jan assumed, was as stunning as her girlfriend. She was wearing a sleeveless turtleneck white crop top, skinny blue jeans with earrings that spelled «CHA» and «NEL», and stilettos. Jan had never seen someone with a makeup as impeccable as hers and for a moment she forgot she was supposed to say something.

Nicky raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, right! Hello neighbor, I’m Jan… Jaida spoke to you on the phone…”

“Jan.” She snapped her fingers. “Jackie’s friend.”

Her accent was very charming.

“I guess… yeah, that’s me.” She smiled, still kind of nervous.

“I was waiting for you, give me just a second, I need to finish my makeup.”

Wasn’t her makeup already perfect?

“You can come in if you please, you can sit on the bed meanwhile.”

“O-Okay, sure…”

Nicky’s room was nice -all dormitories had the same basic white melamine furniture consisting of a bed, a small desk and a set of drawers and doubles had two of each- but she had decorated the walls with framed magazine covers and polaroids of places in France; the bed was covered with a cream blanket that looked and felt expensive, the desk had a cute picture of Jaida and Nicky smiling at each other, there were makeup products scattered around and a laptop in a corner. She had a full-length mirror with which she kept retouching details of her highlighter.

However, Jan was more invested on the other side of the room which had bright colorful blankets and plushies on the bed, a blanket with a mandala painted hanging on the wall, a smiley face rug, a lava lamp on the desk, and the article she found more intriguing: a One Direction poster.

Nicky didn’t hear any noise so when she turned around and saw Jan staring at the colorful side of the room she explained to her. “My roommate.”

“I see…”

“Actually, she’s a freshman too, you should meet her later.”

“That would be fun.” Jan moved her feet unconsciously.

“So, how did you meet Jackie?” Nicky asked adding some gloss for the final touch.

“I literally met her today at the copy room. She helped me with a form and she’s been nothing but nice to me since then.”

Nicky hummed. “Ah…”

“Uhm… how long have you and Jaida been dating?” She asked trying to continue the small talk.

Nicky beamed at the mention of her girlfriend. “Our first anniversary is in a month.”

“Aw, congratulations. I met Jaida for like ten minutes but she spoke very dearly about you.”

“She may as well…” Nicky looked at Jan through the mirror reflection. “What about you? Are you dating someone?”

Jan blushed. “No… not right now… I’m single.” She said with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find someone sooner than you think.”

Jan didn’t want to say that she already had someone in mind but the circumstances weren’t ideal for that…

“Alright, I’m ready. Shall we?” Nicky opened the door and Jan jumped out of the bed.

On their way through the hallways, Jan learned that Nicky was a fashion design sophomore, that she had moved from France five years ago with her family, and that she was very much in love with her girlfriend.

Nicky was also an excellent guide. She explained to Jan everything she needed to know about the dorms way better than the instructor in the morning. She showed her the laundry room –always bring the exact number of coins because that bitch swallows all the money and never gives change-, the communal lounge –we come here sometimes to binge-watch movies or TV shows, last year we spent thirteen hours watching Love Island- and finally the shared bathroom which Jan already knew but it was part of the tour –I don’t care what they say, always wear flip flops in the showers, trust me.

It was almost the time they had set for the dinner and Nicky was supposed to pick up Jaida and Jackie from their dorm.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” She asked when they were in front of Nicky’s room. Jan had already told her she wasn’t going but the blonde still inquired in case she had changed her mind.

Jan nodded. “I haven’t been in my room in all day and… as much as I’d love to go with you guys, I just need a moment to let everything sink and absorb this like a sponge.”

Nicky smiled at her. “Alright, but next time, you must come with us.”

Jan was happy, people would invite you once out of courtesy but twice was a sign they had a really good impression of her and it was mostly thanks to Jackie.

“Absolutely. I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

“Great. I’ll see you around, ma voisine.”

“I don’t know what you’ve just said but it sounded fancy so I’ll take it. Wait, let me see if I remember how to say it… Au revoir.”

“Ah, very good. Bye, Jan.”

“Bye… have fun!”

The first thing she noticed was that the door of her room was open. That could mean either she was getting robbed, evicted, or…

She peeped over the door frame, there were some boxes stacked in the middle but the opposite half of the room that didn’t belong to her was now personalized.

The bed on the left side had pink blankets, pillows, heart-shaped fur cushions, and a matching white fur rug next to it; the white desk was full of textbooks, makeup, and perfumes meanwhile the drawers seemed to be full with clothes now. A black and white picture of Barbra Streisand was hung above the bed, a Marilyn Monroe poster on one of the walls, and a star-shaped mirror with lightbulbs now enlightened the place.

Jan felt for a moment that she had been teleported to a different dimension –Barbie dollhouse, perhaps- because in comparison to her pretty standard side with striped white and blue sheets, organizers, and barely decorated walls, the other behalf looked like a Broadway dressing room. She regretted not buying those yellow Christmas lights she had told her mom were too much.

“Can I help you?” Someone made her turn around.

It was a girl with pastel pink hair, pretty green eyes and long lashes, lip gloss, a pink Juicy Couture tracksuit, slippers, and a box on her hands.

“I live here…” Jan attempted to say, still stunned by the presence of the other girl.

“Oh! So you’re Janice.”

“Yeah, I’m Jan, in the flesh…”

“I’m Rose, I’m your roommate… actually, I go by Rosé because I like to annoy people when they have to write the checkmark… and it also sounds elegant as fuck.”

“Nice.” She smiled. “Did you just get in?”

“Kind of, I guess the people from administration told you the rooms were being reassigned and everything with the dropouts and final counts. I was originally in the B dorms and then that changed but… I’m here now.”

“Oh my God, it must have been a burden to move from there to here…”

“Nah, it’s fine. My former roommate was a bitch so I’m glad I don’t have to share with her anymore. It’s a win for me.”

“I hope so… I’m not a bitch, I suppose…”

“You seem nice, we’ll get along.” She winked. “I’m sorry for the mess, by the way, I thought I was going to be done by now but I still have all these boxes sitting around.”

“Oh please, don’t. I’m sure it’s been stressful to move from there to here in a day.”

“You see, you’re already better than my last roommate.”

Jan smiled. “Let me help you with those.”

“Ah, please, don’t worry about it, there are just a few empty boxes I should take out.”

“I insist.” Jan didn’t wait for a response, she started picking boxes and putting them inside bigger boxes.

“Wait, let me change my shoes then.”

Once they were done collecting the boxes, Jan walked with Rosé downstairs, outside the building where the dumpsters and recycling bins were. On their way there, they started talking about where they were from, their families…

“…and then we moved from Houston again and now I’m here.”

“That’s so cool. So you’re the oldest of the three?”

“Shh, don’t say it aloud. But yes, I’m a big sister.”

“Aw, it sounds like you’re so close with your siblings… I only have one older brother but we don’t get along since we were kids. We barely interact during the holidays and birthdays.”

“That’s sad. I can’t imagine not having a good relationship with my siblings.”

“Yeah, we were like really competitive when we were younger and I was resentful because he always had it easier than me. I had to work twice harder to achieve the same things, you know?”

“Well, now you’re here on your own and you don’t need to compete with him to prove anything to anyone. You can be yourself.”

“Yeah, it’s a relief, I’m not going to lie.” She dropped the last box inside the recycling bin. “That’s it. We’re done here.”

“Hey, I have an idea. There’s a place nearby that sells the best pizza you’ll ever taste around campus. What do you say if we get one and go back to the lounge upstairs to know each other better since we’re stuck together?”

“Sounds perfect, yeah.”

Maybe her day had started a little off but it had been going uphill since the moment she met Jackie. Speaking of which, she should’ve texted her or something to thank her again.

“Wait, I’m just going to text a friend if you don’t mind and then we can get on our way.”

“Go ahead.”

She unlocked her phone and typed a quick message for Jackie C.

To Jackie C.: Hi Jackie, this is Jan! I just wanted to thank you again for being so kind to me since the very first moment we’ve met. I really appreciate it and I hope we can continue being friends this year! Anyway, I just met my roommate and we’re getting pizza for dinner, yay! :D

After pressing send, she followed Rosé’s lead.

They talked some more on their way to the pizza place, Rosé was a theatre major –clearly- and a sophomore like Nicky, she also sang –Jan would discover later on that Rosé liked to sing everything and even made some songs that sounded like jingles- and danced; she promised Jan she would show her some steps someday. Then they changed the subject to Jan’s day and she told the pink-haired girl everything about the chaotic mess that had been her morning, her schedules, professors, classmates…

It was very easy to talk with Rosé, they clicked right away and maybe it was because she was an older sister to her siblings but she made Jan feel like she had gained a sister on her roommate –even when it was soon to say it.

They ordered a pizza with extra cheese, walked back to the dorms with the smoky box and sat on one of the sofas of the lounge rooms –there just a couple more girls watching TV or doing homework so they had the place for themselves basically-, finally, Jan decided to open up and talk about her impossible crush on her best friend. Rosé listened carefully to each word.

“God, I wish we had some wine here… but tomorrow’s school day or whatever. Please, continue.”

“That’s it…? I haven’t done anything and I don’t think it’s worth the risk.”

“What?!” There was cheese on the corner of her mouth but she wiped it quickly. “Are you joking? What’s stopping you from chasing the guy of your dreams?”

“The fact that he doesn’t see me at all… he’s always with some other girl who’s prettier than me.”

“Baby, what are you saying right now? You’re gorgeous.” Rosé held her hands firmly. “Jan, I’m not saying this because you’re my roommate but you’re a lovely person and if he doesn’t want to be with you it’s his lost… one hundred percent.”

“Thank you.” Jan sobbed. “Are all the girls here this nice?”

“My former roommate certainly doesn’t fall in the category.” They chuckled.

“It’s only… I’m never around girls this much and you and Jackie and…”

“Jackie? Who’s Jackie?”

“Oh, Jackie is a friend… she said it’s okay if I call her a friend. In any case, she’s the girl that works in the copy room and she helped me right away with my papers and had lunch with me when I was upset about Nathan… she’s really great.”

“Wait, I might know her from the copy room. I don’t mean to contradict you but she always gave me «don’t come too close or I’ll kill you» vibes, but maybe it’s just me.”

“No… it can’t be, maybe you’re mistaking her for someone else.”

Jackie ignored everyone’s inquisitive stares and pretended to read the menu.

Jaida, Nicky, and Heidi were waiting for her to say something meanwhile Widow had no clue what was going on.

After the waiter took their order, the menu-shield she had was gone and her friends were still eager to know what was on her mind.

“What?” She finally broke the silence.

“So this girl Jan… she’s a real sweetheart.” Nicky casually commented while drumming with her long acrylic nails on the table.

“She is… She’s also very straight so don’t even try it.”

They all protested and grumbled.

“Wait, who’s Jan?” Widow finally dared to ask.

“To my knowledge,” Heidi began. “She’s a freshman from New Jersey that plays baseball.”

“And Jackie looks at her as if she had hung the stairs in the sky.” Jaida pointed out, exposing the brunette.

“Oop-” Heidi eloquently added.

“That’s not true.” She objected. “Don’t believe a word from what they say, Widow. The girl was lost and I helped her out, that’s it. She also happens to be friendly so we had lunch together.”

“Didn’t you gain a reputation for being this severe resting-bitch-face girl from the copy room?”

“Yeah, because otherwise, freshmen stick to you like ants to honey. Look at Heidi, I was nice to her once last year and now she’s here permanently.”

“Hey!” The girl complained.

“But you let her be behind the counter,” Jaida called out. “you don’t let anyone do that.”

“You don’t even let us do that.” Nicky continued.

“You can walk across the counter?” A very confused Heidi asked. “Is that allowed?”

Widow who didn’t say anything observed how everything went down while sipping her drink, amused.

“Listen, all of you, Jan is straight, repeat it and memorize it. She’s in love with some baseball player named Nathan she met when she was ten and she probably has already picked a wedding dress and the name for their children so I don’t see the point of this… suggestive… conversation.”

They remained silent, just at that moment their food arrived.

Jackie was starving but before she could taste the first bite, her phone vibrated inside her purse.

It was from an unknown number but it was the text message she had been waiting for.

From Unknown Number: Hi Jackie, this is Jan! I just wanted to thank you again for being so kind to me since the very first moment we’ve met. I really appreciate it and I hope we can continue being friends this year! Anyway, I just met my roommate and we’re getting pizza for dinner, yay! :D

Oh, thank goodness her roommate was nice.

As soon as she read her name, a smile grew on her face and didn’t go unnoticed.

“Is that her?” Widow asked Heidi who was sitting next to Jackie.

Heidi tried to snoop over her phone and carefully nodded in affirmation.

Jackie glared at them.

“She’s just saying thank you.”

“I’m not concerned about the content of the message, it’s the reaction you had to it.” Jaida looked at her friend in the eye. “Jackie, you’re one of my closest friends, I just don’t want you to get hurt for liking a straight girl.”

“You don’t need to worry about it; I’m not going to catch feelings for her.”

Her friend squinted. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you save her name?”

“Excuse me?”

“On your phone. Is it Jan or is it Jan plus some cutesy emoji?”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do.”

The brunette rolled her eyes “I just saved it as Jan. Like I have you all listed. Happy? Can we eat? I’m hungry.”

“Okay…” Jaida cut the slack. “I’ll take it.”

“You had me saved as «Heidi freshman» for over a year.”

“And now you’re «Heidi sophomore».”

To Jan 🐻: I’m glad I was helpful today and it’s so great to hear your roommate is actually nice. Know you can text me whenever you want or come to hang out with me to the copy room :)

#rpdr fanfiction #jan sport #jackie cox #jankie #jaida x nicky #s12 #college au #lesbian au #slow burn #pretty in pearls #plastiquedoll #concrit welcome

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wrestlingwithhistory · 4 years ago

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Why do I like Pro Wrestling?

Even though I’ve put a few posts up on the page already I wanted to introduce myself a little and break down why I’m doing this and give a bit of history about me and why I like pro wrestling.

My name is Kyle, I’m 33 from South Wales, I am married with 2 children. I first started watching wrestling when I was about 7 which I will go into as we go through the post. I started this blog for 2 reasons.

1. I love stories about pro-wrestling and wrestling itself.

2. I am starting a creative writing course and want to keep on top of writing so that I am comfortable with writing as I haven’t done it since I was in school.

Now, there are a million stories from Pro Wrestling that you’ve heard from the Benoit Murders to The Montreal Screwjob to The Plane Ride from Hell, but I have an interest in writing about the stories that people are maybe not as aware of that still involve some of the biggest names in Wrestling history.

Nowadays, we can be thankful as wrestling fans that we have a multitude of ways that we could watch wrestling thanks to the rise of streaming sites, Youtube and online stores which you can buy DVD’s or digital copies of your favourite events. Being a child of the 90’s, you would stumble across wrestling almost out of nowhere. I remember being in my grandparents’ house maybe aged 5 or 6. I never had satellite or cable TV growing up, only terrestrial, and coming in one morning and seeing Hulk Hogan on the TV in my grandparents’ house really caught my attention. I couldn’t tell you what show it was or who else was on it, but I remember as I watched Hogan, waving his arms to the crowd and cupping his ears to the Hulkamaniacs as he did throughout his career, that I held a curiosity toward wrestling and did ever since.

I can then remember a few years later one of my best friends growing up had a video at home which on the cover, a man would be fighting himself! Undertaker vs Undertaker. Back then, it was the most amazing thing possible, the mystery of how a wrestler could square off against himself in the ring was unimaginable for a then 7–8-year-old. Of course, that event being Summerslam 94 would not be the great event you look back on, but you appreciate the spectacle of it. I do look back fondly on that VHS and as I watch the event back, the standout match-up is clearly the Owen Hart vs Bret Hart Steel cage match, but it’s not the type of thing you value as a child.

You value spectacle. You value entertainment. At least I did anyway. You treat it the same way you treat a cartoon or movie, you suspend your disbelief for a few moments and take in the pageantry of it all. Some people class Wrestling as 3rd hand entertainment, and I have had many occasions where people have made jokes of the fact I watch wrestling, to the point where I would not even mention it if asked.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to not care and be happy with the fact I like it so much. It’s not a guilty pleasure, It’s just a pleasure. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also embraced less of the spectacle side of it I once did and look at the athletic feats that take place in the ring, focusing on the technique that these men have to make it look as dangerous as possible, all the while keeping their opponent safe. I do still appreciate the entertainment value, but I definitely look at things like the work rate of the competitors and what they are capable of.

During my teens, we used to travel to video store not too far away from us in a town called Bargoed. Global Video was one of the first places to stock ECW VHS cassettes. My friends Daniel, Josh and I would go there, pick out a few VHS and go back to Josh’s room to watch them. One of the first ones I can remember watching was Living Dangerously 1999. For its time, the pacing and the layout of the matches were a perfect fit for that show. I remember thoroughly enjoying Tajiri vs Super Crazy, Sid and Spike Dudley vs The Dudley Boyz and also New Jack vs Mustafa which was enough violence for a teenage to endure at that point.

The one match from that event which today I place in my top 10 matches ever is Rob Van Dam vs Jerry Lynn for the TV Title. Watching the opening exchange between the two men figure each other out, reversals of pins, hammerlocks and wristlocks was fantastic and when they separated and looked at each other, it was rapturous. The crowd ate it up. You could tell something special was taking place. As the match continued, I saw things that I never would have seen on WWF during that time realistically speaking. There was a reason the E stood for Extreme in ECW. They always took things to the next level, and while the TV Title was far from being the most brutal match on the card (in part due to New Jack!) it was creative in the way it structured the use of weapons, tablet spots and fighting outside the ring. When the bell rings at the end for a timer limit draw, as a first-time viewer you feel almost cheated, not by the quality of the match but by the fact it could have gone on for another 30 mins. When Jerry Lynn requests 5 more minutes and is granted it, you think you are in for a Jerry Lynn victory but RVD pulls it out of the bag at the end hitting the 5-star Frog Splash. And great ending to a great match.

Throughout this time the Attitude era was in full affect. WWF had a huge roster of stars that any company would have been proud to have, Stone-Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Triple H, Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle. It was a pleasure to watch some of these events. My friend Michael would record Raw and later Smackdown and let us borrow the tapes so we could get our fix. In January 2000, Channel 4 had gotten a deal to show a few WWF Pay-per-views for free starting with the Royal Rumble. I stayed at Daniel’s house and we watched it live on a small TV. We were extra excited that Taz showed up on the event to face Kurt Angle with an extra ‘Z’ in his name, especially after find ECW a few months previous. Add to that the shock factor of Mae Young’s striptease, the Rumble result, the street fight between Cactus Jack and Triple H, the tables match between the Dudleys and Hardys, it was a phenomenal show.

With the events now being on Channel 4, I would look eagerly on internet forums during school hours trying to find out which ones were next. I remember staying up and watching Backlash 2000 and Fully Loaded of that year, also recording them to go back and watch and study the matches. I would cover the back of the VHS case with white stickers and write the match card on the back in order, so I knew where to find my favourites. They also stared showing Sunday Night Heat as well, which I later years would also have an RVD vs Jerry Lynn match up but not at the same quality as the ECW Event the years previous. These events on Channel 4 ended with the Invasion PPV in 2001 after WWE bought WCW and ECW acquiring many, but not all of their top stars.

Tying this in with Video games like WWF Attitude, Smackdown, WCW/NWO Revenge, WCW Mayhem it helped nurture my love for it even more especially WWE Smackdown 2: Know Your Role because you can create your own shows, wrestlers and storylines. We would have nights playing the game having Royal Rumbles and tournaments, finding how to create wrestlers from online forums like CAWs.ws.

My friend Daniel got the internet at home and we would spend hours searching Kazaa for wrestling videos we couldn’t find on VHS, in-between searching for Create-a-Wrestler guides for Smackdown games. They would usually be the Music Video highlight reels of matches we would want to see. Being early 2000’s it was usually set to Creed, Godsmack or Limp Bizkit but it would be things like Sabu vs RVD in a stretcher match, seeing Goldberg jackhammer The Giant/Big Show, and whatever we could find of these old matches you would read about in Power Slam magazine like the Exploding Barb Wire matches involving Mick Foley, Terry Funk and Onita.

A few years later, with the introduction of freeview satellite there was now more channels in homes than before and one of those was The Wrestling Channel. I turned it to this station thinking it would be WWE but was amazed to see companies more similar to ECW. US Promotions Ring of Honor, Combat Zone Wrestling, TNA/NWA and a few smaller based promotions were present as well as a mix of local British talent. It was on this channel that I first saw a match that involved light tubes, obviously CZW. Although not my favourite style, death matches certainly have a car crash factor to them. You know something gruesome is going to happen, but you can’t look away. But on the opposite of that, with ROH you got to see unbelievable work rate wrestling with the likes of CM Punk, Samoa Joe, Bryan Danielson and Low Ki and with TNA similar talents but with more professional looking, AJ Styles, Teddy Hart and Jeff Jarrett being stars that shone there.

Getting to see high flying stars like Amazing Red, Jack Evans, Teddy Hart, AJ Styles was enthralling. It was a side of pro wrestling you never saw on the more methodical WWE and I would watch whenever possible but still getting my WWE fix via VHS recordings Michael would lend us, especially as some of our favourites from ECW and WCW were now competing there.

From around 2006, I began to wane off watching Wrestling as often. I was playing in a band and focusing on that was well as starting a relationship with my now wife. My band mates Lloyd and Ryan were into Wrestling, so I used to and still do talk to them about it now and then. We used to go to local wrestling shows in Merthyr Tydfil for Celtic Wrestling. Back then, they were just Joe Nobodies wrestling in a bar, but as I look back over many of the people on that show, they have foundations on Wrestling all over the world.

A list of some of the names I got to see in Merthyr Tydfil; Sheamus – Now WWE, Steve Corino – ECW Legend, Zack Sabre Jr – Current New Japan star, Tracy Smothers – Wrestling Journeyman passed away in 2020. I remember seeing Tracy Smothers and I was a fan from ECW when he was with FBI and he was great and a nice guy after the show too. The fact that someone who was wrestled for WWE, ECW and WCW was in Merthyr wrestling, to me was mind-blowing!

A few months later I found out they were doing Wrestling training at The Studio Bar in Merthyr in around 2008 (could be way off), so I went along. I didn’t tell anyone, I got dressed in football gear and told my girlfriend Sara I was off to play football. Instead, I went into this bar and rolled around on some mats for beginner lessons on a Wednesday learning basic holds and how to bump. I really enjoyed it and it was better than bumping on the grass like I used to do as a kid in my local park. I went twice in all, as much as I wanted to go back and keep going, I was thinking that playing music would be easier to justify to someone than saying you were a wrestler so that was that.

I always kept an eye on wrestling but not as intently as I did before, maybe it was my way of disconnecting from wanting to do it as much as I did. I would watch the odd Raw or Smackdown and just buy the Big 4 Pay-per-Views and this went on for close on 8 years, just dipping in and out casually but still knowing who was in the business and doing things else were. We still had TNA in the UK so getting to see that was great, especially with the talent they had there for a while.

It wasn’t until 2016 I started to get back into wrestling as much as I do now. AJ Styles had finally joined WWE after seeming he would never appear there and that interested me because AJ is probably one of my favourites of all time. Twitter was blowing up because of a match between Will Ospreay and Ricochet in the Best of Super Juniors during that year. Seeing mostly positive comments and the odd one or two negative comments from old school wrestlers. So, I clicked on a then Youtube video of the match and it was such a great match. I felt the buzz straight away and immediately started to get the itch back for watching wrestling again.

I had no experience of much Japanese wrestling, but I always enjoyed reading in magazines about people like Jyushin Thuder Liger and The Great Muta and seeing their matches on WCW years ago, as well as people like Taka Michinoku and Tajiri but the Ospreay-Ricochet match convinced me to sign up to NJPW World. That summer I followed the G1 closely. Bullet Club madness was in full effect, seeing the iconic t-shirts and the way they were in the ring were similar to NWO, almost too much to a fault. I didn’t really know any of the performers in the tournament but after watching matches, would go back through the New Japan archives and watch the matches of Okada, Tanahashi, Naito, Shibata and the others, getting to know their styles and gimmicks.

One that immediately jumped out to me was Kenny Omega. He was one of 4 non-Japanese wrestlers (Gaijin) in the whole tournament. I learned that he had turned on AJ Styles and took over as leader of Bullet Club. I went back and watched AJ’s final matches against Nakamura at Wrestle Kingdom 10, and then the tag match the following night between AJ and Kenny vs Nakamura and Yoshi-Hashi. I followed Kenny closely over the G1 and into the finals against Hirooki Goto which was an absolutely brilliant match. Omega ended up winning, going onto Wrestle Kingdom 11 to face Okada for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship. I checked my work diary to see if I had work that day, and I was off! Due to the time differences, I was able to catch some of the pre-show in the morning, drop my oldest daughter off to school and come back in time for the Naito-Tanahashi and Omega-Okada matches.

I got back and watched the Naito-Tanahashi match, a really fantastic match to which I remember saying to myself ‘the main event is going to need to be special to top that’. Cue watching my personal favourite match of all time. The pacing and the psychology of the match were so well done, Omega targeting Okada’s back ready for the One-Winged Angel but never getting to hit it through the match. The springboard moonsault to the outside over the guard rails, the Tope Con Hilo over the top which still holds one of the iconic images of the match as a whole, Okada’s resilience as a champion, back dropping Omega over the top rope to the outside through a table. It was and is incredible, debatably one of the greatest matches of all time. Not just in my opinion but for many others as well. And so, I was back in. From that point onwards, I was an ardent fan once again. I would use the archives of WWE Network, NJPW World, Youtube, Highspots Wrestling Network to feed my addiction, following twitter pages which is just GIF after GIF of just the craziest moves.

I would try and watch as many of the live shows in Japan as possible to watch Omega perform and throughout 2017, even though it probably could have been savoured a bit more, we got to see 2 more amazing Omega-Okada matches at both Dominion and G1 and also a lead to Omega-Jericho for WK12. Both my current favourite and my all-time favourite meeting for the first time for a great match. From a Kenny standard it was not as good as some of his previous but for Jericho it was probably one of his best even compared against some of his classics against the likes of Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit.

In the Summer of 2018, I watched the Dominion show where again Kenny Omega went up against Kazuchika Okada for the IWGP Heavyweight championship. It was a 2 out of 3 falls match with no time limit. I couldn’t get the time off work for the event so I managed to smuggle my phone into work and would watch intently while selling mobile phones. It was another amazing match up, but I had to watch it over again after finishing work so that I could experience with sound, but even on silent, you could feel how brilliant the match was and Kenny finally defeated Okada for the title. Even though Kenny won it, I much preferred him fighting from beneath, almost as if achieving the pinnacle of wrestling was never going to happen. Even though he had a good handful of matches as champion, the ensuing AEW venture obviously scrapped any possibility of a long-term reign. Also disappointing to see New Japan miss a trick by letting Ibushi win the G1 and then the title from Kenny at WK13, instead vying for Tanahashi who, for as great a performer as he is, was not in his prime and the story between Ibushi-Omega would have been concluded or at least cliffhung until a later date. That aside, the show killed. It was amazing, but you could see the writing was on the wall in terms of Omega, the Young Bucks, Adam Page leaving to start AEW in 2019.

That kind of takes it up to current day, or at least as close to it as possible. It was possibly a long-winded diatribe of saying ‘Yeah, I like Wrestling’ but I hope it helps people to understand what drives me to write about it, why I enjoy watching this often joked about form of entertainment and why I think people could probably appreciate it more.

My messages are open if anyone wants to ask me any questions about wrestling or share stories about your own experiences, favourite matches or even stories that you would like me to cover, and I will try and find something to contribute to the page if possible.

Please read through the posts, like and share if you enjoy and leave comments if you wish to appreciate, critique or contribute towards the stories if you know anything I may have missed out.

Thanks!

#wrestlingwithhistory #wrestling #wwe #njpw #aew #ecw #roh #czw #wcw

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emmyrosee · 4 years ago

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Staying.

On The Run II

Part One.

This most certainly isn’t timely; hell, I doubt there’s any interest for this story anymore; but after writing it, scraping it, writing it and scraping it and finally getting it? I don’t care what you guys want, I’m happy 🥰

This certainly isn’t the most fun chapter, but boy HOWDY I was excited when I saw all my dots connect and UGH I’m pumped😂❤️

WARNINGS: verbal fighting, language

Gordan Merkel x Fugitive!Reader; after a series of unfortunate events lands you in East Berlin, you fear almost everyone and everything that lands in your path. And it forces you to cross with a stranger who takes a risk on you.

---------

“I’m sorry it’s nothing fancy.”

You can’t help but find some humorous comfort in the words. Gordan’s small home definitely wasn’t anything fancy. Two bedrooms, one full bathroom with a small half in the hallway. The kitchen was standard, present as soon as you walk past the frame of the front door.

You clutched the blanket around your shoulders tighter as your eyes scan the room thoroughly. Some art work decorated the light brown walls, curtains drawn tight. It wasn’t exactly in the city, a small cel de sac in which houses were spread along the curve. According to Gordan, the lovely people who lived there were more than happy to either assist him or become part of the rebellion, so while hiding you would be mandatory, being heard would only be concerning if they caught your face.

Allegedly.

Woods decorated the backyard and seemed to stretch for miles, and the sun raising was no match for the branches.

It seemed fine, small and sweet as it stays happily in the ground. You most certainly are ready to regrow your clipped wings and sleep on a bed, with lamps and blankets and windows with golden sunlight to peek through them.

That is, until Gordan guides you gently to The Room.

Hidden only by the back of a reclining chair, The Room is a small cubby-like hole, dropping down to a five-foot tall landing. The small opening is a perfect square, and the short stool just under it seems large in comparison to just how little of room there is to spare.

Boxes of liquor and crates of naught magazines take up even more room, and in the corner, a pile of blankets and a single pillow on top of a twin mattress. There’s a small pile of empty water bottles and discarded wrappers of German junk food that litter the already messy hole, and you can barely make out the small lamp and curtain drawn window against the wall.

“It’s not exactly the most spacious or comfortable room,” Gordan sighs, staring in the dark room. “But my rebels, they use the it as well. It’s never failed me before.”

Your eyes fixate on the small space, wondering silently as to how many rebels were in this port before. Gordan smiles, “it’s a lot bigger than it looks. And it’s only for a couple hours a day. When I get back home, assuring everything is shut, I will be able to let you out.”

Your eyes drift over at Gordan, who’s smiling face is focused on the Room. He holds an expression of relief, and while you can’t pinpoint your feelings, a certain calmness washes over you as well.

He seemed to have that effect on people- hell, he was able to ground you after being so skittish for three years. His whole aura was full of protection, and you couldn’t help but relish in this new feeling.

This was going to work.

—

The first few days were fine.

From 6:30 am, to 8:30 pm, Gordan was out at work. When he comes home, he doesn’t talk much about his day, though he pours you both a glass of wine and starts to make dinner before scurrying off to bed. You’re allowed to walk around when he’s home, but when he goes to bed, you’re only allowed three hours to completely get your “freedom” fix.

Television volume can only be one-fourth of the way up, and make sure the stereo is turned all the way down before playing.

Fridge is open to anything, as is the library and shower, and it all just worked.

And just as it started to come together, you could feel it slowly slipping apart.

Gordan had been staying later and later, cooking less and less and being unable to buy more and more groceries. The Room locked from the outside, though he left a lock-picking-Kit in case of any emergencies. The window creates some light, same with the lamp, but they’re so dim, what’s the point.

He’s given you books to read, mainly about Sweden and the culture and language, you assume it’s sorta like a last resort.

But you can only read for so long.

You can only count the marks on your face and deal with the flicking of the lamp, and draw shapes in the water-stains on the window for so long.

More often than not, you just end up sleeping.

Or, sort of sleeping? It’s hard to tell anymore, you think you’re asleep with how dark it is, but sometimes your muscle jerks and you think “hey, that’s never woken me up before” only to the repeat the cycle. Before, the scary shapes your imagination would try to pain through the darkness would scare you. Now they’re you’re friends, and you feel your heart shatter when they leave.

At least when you were on the run, you had endless space... here, you’re not quite sure what you have.

You just know it’s not nearly enough.

You feel you’re homesickness transform from your home and family, to the streets.

Little did Gordan know just how bad you wanted to go back.

———

You’re not quite sure when you dozed back off.

You must’ve as a loud clomp! makes your eyes fly open, only to slowly fall back shut.

Then to fly back open as the sound of thick, heavy boot-steps pound on the floor in front of the room, and after a loud screech of furniture moving, the lock to the door clicks open, head spinning wildly at the noise. Your eyes fall to the dim alarm clock.

11:42.

At night? Had you honestly been left alone for 16 hours? Left to nothing but sleep and count hair follicles on your arms?

There’s an immense, sudden flood of light that clouds your vision, and in the middle of it was Gordan Merkel. The first part of you is washed with relief, it’s just him and not the authorities as he could’ve easily given you away.

The second part of you? Rage.

“My sincerest apologies,” he says immediately, watching cautiously as you crawl out of the room. “I had to stay late, make some adjustments to files and shit. What can I get you? Are you hungry?”

With each excuse and word that Gordan says, your arms tighten over your chest, and tears sting the back of your eyes.

“Please?” He continues, “I’ll make some dinner and-“

“You’re unbelievable!” You shout, storming out of the room. Gordan’s eyes widen as he shushes you, waving his hands to quell your anger.

“I can explain-“

“I am not some fucking dog!” You scream.

“Please do not yell, we can’t stir suspicion-“

“Fuck your suspicion! You cannot leave me for hours on end with no food, no water, a crappy sense of time, what kind of monster are you!”

“There were issues at work I had to resolve,” Gordan says firmly, gripping your biceps. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this.”

“I don’t have to trust you with anything,” you hiss. You flick yourself away in anger, and Gordan pushes the fallen strands of his gelled hair back, his face holding venom so powerful, you feel sick. It sends a chill through you, and as much as you hate him, you know he’s in control.

“People who actually have to stay here, stay quite and keep to themselves. You think I like having to hide a fugitive such as yourself in my house, putting both of us in extreme goddamned danger? Do you not understand the risk I am taking for you?”

You freeze, and your heart stops. Of course you knew what a risk he was taking. Anyone associated with hiding you could be in jail themselves, but was supporting him really worth being treated like an animal?

“Y-yes, Mr Merkel,” you whimper, looking at your feet.

Evidently, yes.

Gordan takes a stride towards you, eyes still firm and authoritative. “I promised you safety, and safety is what I give you. If you are truly unhappy with my methods, you do not have to stay. Make my life safer. One less tally of suspense on my back.”

Your heart stops as if Gordan held the button to make it cease, and he just pressed it. You knew you wanted to stay, it was warmer and more assuring than outside. It was better. Gordan was nice to you, this much you knew for sure. You’d been lying to yourself, the streets were scary, you never wanted to go back.

You shrink back from him, slowly turning on your heel to blink and dab at the tears burning your sleepless, aching eyes.

You hate him. You hate him you hate him you fucking hate him. You hate this control he holds over you. You hate this twisted freedom-hostage situation. Of course you can leave anytime. You know he’s not going to stop you, but you can’t bring yourself to do so.

Against your own will, a tight, nearly silent sob squeaks through your trembling lips, and behind you, you hear Gordan sigh.

“Look at me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“And I don’t want you to cry, look at me.”

Slowly, your shaking frame turns to face him, and as you see his softened, easy face, another sob catches your throat. He crouches to meet your gaze, and when you try to look away, he tips your chin to look at him.

“Listen to me,” he says, low and firm. “I want you to be safe, alright? Your being here makes me feel like I have a control of you being alright. I don’t know what they’ll do to you if those morons find you- what I do know is when you’re here, yes, I might be late, but you’re here. And the plan is just one day closer. Do you understand me?”

You blink up at him and say nothing, a thick, hot tear slipping down your warmed cheek. He wipes it away with his knuckle, clearly unable to see how he hurt you. “But, if I’m going to keep you as safe as I can, I have to make it seem like nothing has changed. If I make anything questionable, rumors will fly. And I cannot lie to my rebels. So,” he gently grips your chin in his hand. “For now, I need you to just trust me, alright?”

Your eyes avoid his, and you gently nod your head in understanding. Gordan sighs and pushes himself up, “as long as the curtains stay closed, feel free to roam.” He rolls up his sleeves and gently walks down the hall, leaving you and your spinning head alone in the darkened living room.

Another weak, pathetic sob rips through you, and with nothing better to do, you climb back into the room, easing the door shut, part of you secretly hoping that Gordan would forget you.

Forget you, your crimes, and everything in between.

------

OTR taglist (please let me know if you would like to be added or removed)❤

@hecohansen31

@youaremyfamiliar

@shyvirgoanon

@kathryn-jane

@billofourtime

@little-grunge-flowerz

@bethskarsgard

#i truly and genuinely don't know who to tag HA #my list is so old i cant lmfao #gordan merkel #gordan merkel x reader #gordan merkel fluff #gordan merkel angst #gordan merkel x reader fluff #gordan merkel x reader angst #gordan merkel imagine #gordan merkel atomic blonde #atomic blonde #atomic blonde imagine #atomic blonde angst #atomic blonde fluff #merkel #merkel x fugitive!reader #bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard

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mxenigmatic · 4 years ago

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2020’s Self Care Books for Trying Times

With Covid-19 a global pandemic that is still lingering in the air, and keeping our connections at a social distance, added how here at NYPL our librarians miss the frequent interactions with our patrons, I was contemplating on ways to keep our reading connected, our souls warm, and our health having its self care. Before google, I’d rely on the plethora of information our branches hold on any challenge in life I’d be facing. Now with a myriad of problems we can tackle, and resources we can all use to improve our lives, I wanted to tackle grounding and elevating ourselves to cope with our surroundings, than advice I can provide on financial, relationship, life goals, etc.

In this blog “2020’s Self Care Books 4 Trying Times” I’ve comprised my 20 favorite titles for the year 2020 on wellness, people’s journeys, and how health experts can help guide us to a calm and vibrant place for our wellbeing. From parenting tips, to self acceptance, coping with a mental health disorder, or even self care rituals, the need for healthy habits is a topic we all can relate and rely on to keep us striving through this winter, and being united through our current unstable climate. We should never be ashamed of our experiences, asking for help, and addressing challenges in our lives to be at peace with our pasts, content with our present, and hopeful about our futures.

What is Self-care, according to very well mind, describes a conscious act one takes in order to promote their own physical, mental, and emotional health. There are many forms self-care may take. It could be ensuring you get enough sleep every night or stepping outside for a few minutes for some fresh air.

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness refers to being in the moment. This means feeling what our bodies feel, letting ourselves think without judging our thoughts, and being aware of our environment. It is about paying attention on purpose to both what is happening inside and outside of you.

ADULT

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

Topics: Professional Development, Success, Psych Evaluation

One of the most inspiring and impactful books ever written, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has captivated readers for nearly three decades. It has transformed the lives of presidents and CEOs, educators and parents—millions of people of all ages and occupations. Now, this 30th anniversary edition of the timeless classic commemorates the wisdom of the 7 habits with modern additions from Sean Covey. The 7 habits have become famous and are integrated into everyday thinking by millions and millions of people. Why? Because they work!With Sean Covey's added takeaways on how the habits can be used in our modern age, the wisdom of the 7 habits will be refreshed for a new generation of leaders.

Stay Positive: Encouraging Quotes and Messages to Fuel Your Life With Positive Energy by Jon Gordon

Topics: Self Help, Affirmations, Optimism

Stay Positive is more than a phrase. It's an approach to life that says when you get knocked down, you'll get back up and find a way forward one faithful step and optimistic day at a time. Start your day with a message from the book, or pick it up anytime you need a mental boost. You can start from the beginning, or open the book to any page and find a message that speaks to you. The book is a go-to resource for anyone wanting to inject a healthy dose of positivity into their life

$9 Therapy: Semi-Capitalist Solutions to Your Emotional Problems by Megan Reid and Nick Greene

Topics: Life Skills/Hacks, Self Care Rituals, Budgeting

A collection of the authors' favorite life hacks and mini-upgrades, such as craft cocktails on the cheap or tips for a perfectly planned staycation. Sometimes it takes as little as nine dollars to turn your life around. How to find simple pleasures in a pricey, wellness-obsessed world.

You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

Topics: Astrology, Self Acceptance

A revolutionary empowerment book that uses astrology as a tool for self-discovery, success, and self-care from the beloved astrologer Chani Nicholas, a media darling with a loyal following of one million monthly readers.

TEEN

Teaching Mindfulness to Empower Adolescents by Matthew Brensilver

Topics: Mindfulness, Educational Guides, Learning Disabilities, Reflections

Effectively sharing mindfulness with teenagers depends on distinct skill sets . . . done well, it is incredibly joyous." Matthew Brensilver, JoAnna Hardy and Oren Jay Sofer provide a powerful guide to help teachers master the essential competencies needed to successfully share mindfulness practices with teens and adolescents. Incorporating anecdotes from actual teaching, they blend the latest scientific research with innovative, original techniques for making the practices accessible and interesting to this age group. This text is an indispensable handbook for mindfulness instruction in its own right, and a robust companion volume for teachers using The Mindful Schools Curriculum for Adolescents

The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color by Virgie Tovar

Topics: Self Esteem, Plus Size Positivity, Hygiene

Every day we see body ideals depicted in movies, magazines, and social media. And, all too often, these outdated standards make us feel like we need to change how we look and who we are. The truth is that many teens feel self-conscious about their bodies and being a teen girl of color is hard in unique ways. So, how can you start feeling good about yourself when you're surrounded by these unrealistic, and problematic images of what bodies are "supposed" to look like? This book is an unapologetic guide to help you embrace radical body positivity. You'll identify and challenge mainstream beliefs about beauty and bodies; celebrate what makes you unique and powerful; and build real, lasting body empowerment. You'll also learn how to spot diet culture and smash your noisy inner critic so you can start loving your body. It's time to create your own definition of beautiful and recognize that your body is amazing. It's time for a self-love revolution!

Out!: How To Be Your Authentic Self by Miles McKenna

Topics: Coming Out, Self Acceptance, Family Dynamics

Activist Miles McKenna came out on his YouTube channel in 2017, documenting his transition to help other teens navigate their identities and take charge of their own coming out stories. From that wisdom comes Out!, the ultimate YA guide to the queer lifestyle. Find validation, inspiration, and support for your questions big and small--whether you're exploring your identity or seeking to understand the experience of an awesome queer person in your life."

Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder

Topics: Grief Counseling, Coping with terminal illness, Bereavement. Family Estrangement

Tyler Feder shares her story of her mother's first oncology appointment to facing reality as a motherless daughter in this frank and refreshingly funny graphic memoir.

Superpowered: Transform Anxiety Into Courage, Confidence, and Resilience by Renee Jain and Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Topics: Health, Fitness, Selt Esteem.

The perfect tool for children facing new social and emotional challenges in an increasingly disconnected world! This how-to book from two psychology experts—packed with fun graphics and quizzes—will help kids transform stress, worry, and anxiety

Teen Guide to Mental Health by Don Nardo

Topics: Teens, Mental Health, Body Image, Puberty

Todays teens face and are expected to deal with a wide array of personal, social, and other issues involving home-life, school, dating, body image, sexual orientation, major life transitions, and in some cases physical and mental problems, including eating disorders and depression. This volume examines how many teens have learned to cope with and survive these often stressful trials and tribulations of modern youth.

KIDS

Turtle Boy by Evan Wolkenstein

Topics: Social Life, Friends, Relationships, School Stress

Seventh grade is not going well for Will Levine. Kids at school bully him because of his funny-looking chin. His science teacher finds out about the turtles he spent his summer collecting from the marsh behind school an orders him to release them back into the wild. And for his Bar Mitzvah community service project, he has to go to the hospital to visit RJ, an older boy struggling with an incurable disease. Unfortunately, Will hates hospitals. At first, the boys don't get along, but then RJ shares his bucket list with Will. Among the things he wants to do: ride a roller coaster, go to a concert and a school dance, swim in the ocean. To Will, happiness is hanging out in his room, alone, preferably with his turtles. But as RJ's disease worsens, Will realizes he needs to tackle the bucket list on his new friend's behalf before it's too late. It seems like an impossible mission, way outside Will's comfort zone. But as he completes each task with RJ's guidance, Will learns that life is too short to live in a shell.

How To Make A Better World: For Every Kid Who Wants To Make A Difference by Keilly Swift

Topics: Activism, Human Rights, Organizing

If you are a kid with big dreams and a passion for what is right, you're a world-changer in the making. There's a lot that can be changed by just one person, if you know what to do. Start by making yourself into the awesome person you want to be by learning all about self-care and kindness. Using those skills, work your way up to creating activist campaigns to tackle climate change or social injustice. This fun and inspiring guide to making the world a better place and becoming a good citizen is packed with ideas and tips for kids who want to know how to make a difference. From ideas as small as creating a neighborhood lending library to important ideas such as public speaking and how to talk about politics, How to Make a Better World is a practical guide to activism for awesome kids.

All About Anxiety by Carrie Lewis

Anxiety. It's an emotion that rears its head almost every day, from the normal worries and concerns that most of us experience, to outright fear when something scary happens, to the anxiety disorders, that many kids live with daily. But what causes anxiety? And what can we do about it? All About Anxiety tackles these questions from every possible angle. Readers will learn what's going on in their brain and central nervous system when they feel anxious. They'll learn about the evolutionary reasons for fear and anxiety and that anxiety isn't always a bad thing--except for when it is! Most importantly, kids will discover new strategies to manage their anxiety so they can live and thrive with anxiety

Dictionary for a better world: poems, quotes, and anecdotes from A to Z by Irene Latham

Topics: Inspiration, Self Help, Advice

Organized as a dictionary, entries in this book for middle-grade readers present words related to creating a better, more inclusive world. Each word is explored via a poem, a quote from an inspiring person, and a short personal anecdote from one of the co-authors, a prompt for how to translate the word into action, and an illustration".

I feel... meh by DJ Corchin

(E-book)Topics: Health, Fitness, Management

This series helps kids recognize, express, and deal with the roller coaster of emotions they feel every day. It has been celebrated by therapists, psychologists, teachers, and parents as wonderful tools to help children develop self-awareness for their feelings and those of their friends. Sometimes I feel meh and I don't want to play. I don't want to read and I have nothing to say. Sometimes you just feel...meh. You don't really feel like doing anything or talking to anyone. You're not even sure how you're feeling inside. Is that bad? With fun, witty illustrations and simple, straightforward text, I Feel...Meh tackles apathy—recognizing it as a valid emotion, while also offering practical steps to get you out of your emotional slump. It's the perfect way for kids—and adults—who are feeling gray to find some joy again!

Violet Shrink by Christine Baldacchino

Topics: Phobias, Relationships, Social Skills

Violet Shrink doesn't like parties. Or bashes, or gatherings. Lots of people and lots of noise make Violet's tummy ache and her hands sweat. She would much rather spend time on her own, watching the birds in her backyard, reading comics, or listening to music through her purple headphones. The problem is that the whole Shrink family loves parties with loud music and games and dancing. At cousin Char's birthday party, Violet hides under a table and imagines she is a shark gliding effortlessly through the water, looking for food. And at Auntie Marlene and Uncle Leli's anniversary bash, Violet sits alone at the top of the stairs, imagining she is a slithering snake way up in the branches. When Violet learns that the Shrink family reunion is fast approaching, she musters up the courage to have a talk with her dad. In this thoughtful story about understanding and acceptance, Violet's natural introversion and feelings of social anxiety are normalized when she and her father reach a solution together. Christine Baldacchino's warm text demonstrates the role imagination often plays for children dealing with anxiety, and the power of a child expressing their feelings to a parent who is there to listen. Carmen Mok's charming illustrations perfectly capture Violet's emotions and the vibrancy of her imagination. A valuable contribution to books addressing mental health."-- Provided by publisher.

Check out this link to a presentation by NYPL’s Children’s Librarians, Sarah West and Justine Toussaint on Mindfulness/Social-Emotional Self-Esteem Picture Book Spotlight. Featuring popular book titles in our database of the past few years promoting kids well beings!

Pre-2020 Books

Aphorism by Franz Kafka

Topics: Life Quotes, Recovery, Future Planning

For the first time, a single volume that collects all of the aphorisms penned by this universally acclaimed twentieth-century literary figure. Kafka twice wrote aphorisms in his lifetime. The first effort was a series of 109, known as the Zurau Aphorisms, which were written between September 1917 and April 1918, and originally published posthumously by his friend, Max Brod, in 1931. These aphorisms reflect on metaphysical and theological issues--as well as the occasional dog. The second sequence of aphorisms, numbering 41, appears in Kafka's 1920 diary dating from January 6 to February 29. It is in these aphorisms, whose subject is "He," where Kafka distills the unexpected nature of experience as one shaped by exigency and possibility."

This Book Loves You by PewDiePie

Topics: Life Skills, Inspiration, Food 4 Thought

A popular blogger shares humorous pieces of advice and positivity, including "Never forget you are beautiful compared to a fish" and "Every day is a new fresh start to stay in bed."

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life by Mark Manson

Topic: Self Help, Happiness, Motivation

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger shows us that the key to being happier is to stop trying to be 'positive' all the time and instead become better at handling adversity. For decades we've been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. But those days are over. 'Fuck positivity, ' Mark Manson says. 'Let's be honest; sometimes things are fucked up and we have to live with it.' For the past few years, Manson--via his wildly popular blog--has been working on correcting our delusional expectations for ourselves and for the world. He now brings his hard-fought wisdom to this groundbreaking book. Manson makes the argument--backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes--that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to better stomach lemons. Human beings are flawed and limited--as he writes, 'Not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.' Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. This, he says, is the real source of empowerment. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties--once we stop running from and avoiding, and start confronting painful truths--we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek. 'In life, we have a limited amount of fucks to give. So you must choose your fucks wisely.' Manson brings a much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor. This manifesto is a refreshing slap in the face for all of us so we can start to lead more contented, grounded lives."

Zen Pencils: Cartoon Quotes From Inspirational Folks by Gavin Aung Than

Topics: Writing Development, Expression, Quotes

Gavin Aung Than, an Australian graphic designer turned cartoonist, started the weekly Zen Pencils blog in February 2012. He describes his motivation for launching Zen Pencils: I was working in the boring corporate graphic design industry for eight years before finally quitting at the end of 2011 to pursue my passion for illustration and cartooning. At my old job, when my boss wasn't looking, I would waste time reading Wikipedia pages, main biographies about people whose lives were a lot more interesting than mine. Their stories and quotes eventually inspired me to leave my job to focus on what I really wanted to do. The idea of taking these inspiring quotes, combining them with my love of drawing, and sharing them with others led to the creation of Zen Pencils.

By: @Mx.Enigma

She/They/Queen

#new blog #booksarelife #self care #library #nyc #nonbinary #nypl #life hacks

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arcticdementor · 4 years ago

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Can you believe ...?

Perhaps no question has been repeated more times in reaction to more events this year than that one.

The most recent major outrage in the Jewish community, now several news cycles behind us, came on the Shabbat before Yom Kippur—the holiest day in the Jewish calendar—when many American Jews seemed dumbfounded by what was to me predictable news: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, progressive superstar, had pulled out of an event honoring Yitzhak Rabin, the Israeli prime minister assassinated because of his efforts to make peace with the Palestinians. Rabin was, as Bill Clinton said at his funeral, “a martyr for his nation’s peace.”

…

But it wasn’t AOC who was mixed up. The savvy politician had read the room and was sending a clear signal about who belongs in the new progressive coalition and who does not. The confusion—and there seems to be a good deal of it these days—is among American Jews who think that by submitting to ever-changing loyalty tests they can somehow maintain the old status quo and their place inside of it.

Did you see that the Ethical Culture Fieldston School hosted a speaker that equated Israelis with Nazis? Did you know that Brearley is now asking families to write a statement demonstrating their commitment to “anti-racism”? Did you see that Chelsea Handler tweeted a clip of Louis Farrakhan? Did you see that protesters tagged a synagogue in Kenosha with “Free Palestine” graffiti? Did you hear about the march in D.C. where they chanted “Israel, we know you, you murder children too”? Did you hear that the Biden campaign apologized to Linda Sarsour after initially disavowing her? Did you see that Twitter suspended Bret Weinstein’s civic organization but still allows the Iranian ayatollah to openly promote genocide of the Jewish people? Did you see that Mayor Bill de Blasio scapegoated “the Jewish community” for the spread of COVID in New York, while defending mass protests on the grounds that this is a “historic moment of change”?

Listen, it’s been a hell of a year. We all have a lot going on, much of it unnerving and some of it dire. Moreover, many of these stories only surface on places like Twitter; they don’t make it into the pages of The New York Times or your friends’ Facebook feeds, which is where most Americans get their news these days. Reporters don’t cover these stories adequately, contextualizing them, telling readers which ones are true and which ones aren’t, which ones matter and which ones don't.

So it makes sense that many smart, well-intentioned people are confused. Or rather: Looking for someone to explain why an emerging movement that purports to advance the ideals they have always supported—fairness, justice, righting historical wrongs—feels like it is doing the opposite.

…

To understand the enormity of the change we are now living through, take a moment to understand America as the overwhelming majority of its Jews believed it was—and perhaps as we always assumed it would be.

It was liberal.

Not liberal in the narrow, partisan sense, but liberal in the most capacious and distinctly American sense of that word: the belief that everyone is equal because everyone is created in the image of God. The belief in the sacredness of the individual over the group or the tribe. The belief that the rule of law—and equality under that law—is the foundation of a free society. The belief that due process and the presumption of innocence are good and that mob violence is bad. The belief that pluralism is a source of our strength; that tolerance is a reason for pride; and that liberty of thought, faith, and speech are the bedrocks of democracy.

The liberal worldview was one that recognized that there were things—indeed, the most important things—in life that were located outside of the realm of politics: friendships, art, music, family, love. This was a world in which Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg could be close friends. Because, as Scalia once said, some things are more important than votes.

Crucially, this liberalism relied on the view that the Enlightenment tools of reason and the scientific method might have been designed by dead white guys, but they belonged to everyone, and they were the best tools for human progress that have ever been devised.

Racism was evil because it contradicted the foundations of this worldview, since it judged people not based on the content of their character, but on the color of their skin. And while America’s founders were guilty of undeniable hypocrisy, their own moral failings did not invalidate their transformational project. The founding documents were not evil to the core but “magnificent,” as Martin Luther King Jr. put it, because they were “a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.” In other words: The founders themselves planted the seeds of slavery’s destruction. And our second founding fathers—abolitionists like Frederick Douglass—made it so. America would never be perfect, but we could always strive toward building a more perfect union.

I didn��t even know that this worldview had a name because it was baked into everything I came into contact with—my parents’ worldviews, the schools they sent me to, the synagogues we attended, the magazines and newspapers we read, and so on.

…

No longer. American liberalism is under siege. There is a new ideology vying to replace it.

No one has yet decided on the name for the force that has come to unseat liberalism. Some say it’s “Social Justice.” The author Rod Dreher has called it “therapeutic totalitarianism.” The writer Wesley Yang refers to it as “the successor ideology”—as in, the successor to liberalism.

…

The new creed’s premise goes something like this: We are in a war in which the forces of justice and progress are arrayed against the forces of backwardness and oppression. And in a war, the normal rules of the game—due process; political compromise; the presumption of innocence; free speech; even reason itself—must be suspended. Indeed, those rules themselves were corrupt to begin with—designed, as they were, by dead white males in order to uphold their own power.

…

Critical race theory says there is no such thing as neutrality, not even in the law, which is why the very notion of colorblindness—the Kingian dream of judging people not based on the color of their skin but by the content of their character—must itself be deemed racist. Racism is no longer about individual discrimination. It is about systems that allow for disparate outcomes among racial groups. If everyone doesn’t finish the race at the same time, then the course must have been flawed and should be dismantled.

…

In fact, any feature of human existence that creates disparity of outcomes must be eradicated: The nuclear family, politeness, even rationality itself can be defined as inherently racist or evidence of white supremacy, as a Smithsonian institution suggested this summer. The KIPP charter schools recently eliminated the phrase “work hard” from its famous motto “Work Hard. Be Nice.” because the idea of working hard “supports the illusion of meritocracy.” Denise Young Smith, one of the first Black people to reach Apple’s executive team, left her job in the wake of asserting that skin color wasn’t the only legitimate marker of diversity—the victim of a “diversity culture” that, as the writer Zaid Jilani has noted, is spreading “across the entire corporate world and is enforced by a highly educated activist class.”

The most powerful exponent of this worldview is Ibram X. Kendi. His book “How to Be an Antiracist” is on the top of every bestseller list; his photograph graces GQ; he is on Time’s most influential people of the year; and his outfit at Boston University was recently awarded $10 million from Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey.

…

And just in case moral suasion is ineffective, Kendi has backup: Use the power of the federal government to make it so. “To fix the original sin of racism,” he wrote in Politico, “Americans should pass an anti-racist amendment to the U.S. Constitution that enshrines two guiding anti-racist principals [sic]: Racial inequity is evidence of racist policy and the different racial groups are equals.” To back up the amendment, he proposes a Department of Anti-Racism. This department would have the power to investigate not just local governments but private businesses and would punish those “who do not voluntarily change their racist policy and ideas.” Imagine how such a department would view a Jewish day school, which suggests that the Jews are God’s chosen people, let alone one that teaches Zionism.

Kendi—who, it should be noted, now holds Elie Wiesel’s old chair at Boston University—believes that “to be antiracist is to see all cultures in their differences as on the same level, as equals.” He writes: “When we see cultural difference we are seeing cultural difference—nothing more, nothing less.” It’s hard to imagine that anyone could believe that cultures that condone honor killings of unchaste young women are “nothing more, nothing less” than culturally different from our own. But whether he believes it or not, it’s obvious that embracing such relativism is a highly effective tool for ascension and seizing power.

It should go without saying that, for Jews, an ideology that contends that there are no meaningful differences between cultures is not simply ridiculous—we have an obviously distinct history, tradition and religion that has been the source of both enormous tragedy as well as boundless gifts—but is also, as history has shown, lethal.

By simply existing as ourselves, Jews undermine the vision of a world without difference. And so the things about us that make us different must be demonized, so that they can be erased or destroyed: Zionism is refashioned as colonialism; government officials justify the murder of innocent Jews in Jersey City; Jewish businesses can be looted because Jews “are the face of capital.” Jews are flattened into “white people,” our living history obliterated, so that someone with a straight face can suggest that the Holocaust was merely “white on white crime.”

This is no longer a fringe view. As the philosopher Peter Boghossian has noted: “This ideology is the dominant moral orthodoxy in our universities, and has seeped out and spread to every facet of American life— publishing houses, tech, arts, theater, newspapers, media,” and, increasingly, corporations. It has not grabbed power by dictates from above, but by seizing the means of sense-making from below.

Over the past few decades and with increasing velocity over the last several years, a determined young cohort has captured nearly all of the institutions that produce American cultural and intellectual life. Rather than the institutions shaping them, they have reshaped the institutions. You don’t need the majority inside an institution to espouse these views. You only need them to remain silent, cowed by a fearless and zealous minority who can smear them as racists if they dare disagree.

It is why California attempted to pass an ethnic studies curriculum whose only mention of Jews was to explain how they, along with Irish immigrants, were invited into whiteness.

It is why those who claim to care about diversity and inclusion don’t seem to care about the deep-seated racism against Asian Americans at schools like Harvard.

It is why a young Jewish woman named Rose Ritch was recently run out of the USC student government. Ms. Ritch stood accused of complicity in racism because, following the Soviet lie, to be a Zionist is to be nothing less than a racist. Her fellow students waged a campaign to hound her out of her position: “Impeach her Zionist ass,” they insisted.

It is why the Democratic Socialists of America, the emerging power center of the Democratic Party in New York, sent a questionnaire to New York City Council candidates that included a pledge not to travel to Israel.

It is why Tamika Mallory, an outspoken fan of Louis Farrakhan, gets the glamour treatment in a photoshoot for Vogue.

And this is why AOC, the standard bearer of America’s new left, didn’t think Yitzhak Rabin was worth the political capital, but goes out of her way, a few days later, to praise the Black Panthers. She is the harbinger of a political reality in which Jews will have little power.

It does not matter how progressive you are, how vegan or how gay, how much you want universal health care and pre-K and to end the drug war. To believe in the justness of the existence of the Jewish state—to believe in Jewish particularism at all—is to make yourself an enemy of this movement.

…

If you’re nearing the end of the essay wondering why this hasn’t been explained to you before, the answer is because, yet again, we find ourselves in another moment in Jewish history at a time of great need and urgency with communal leadership who, with rare exception, will not address the danger.

I understand why people have been blind to this. Life has been good—exceedingly good—for American Jews for half a century. Many older communal leaders seem to lack the moral imagination to see this threat. It’s also hard for anyone to hear the words: They’re just not that into you.

So when I try to discuss this with many Jews in leadership positions, what I face is either boomer-esque entitlement—a sense that the way the world worked for them must be the way it will always work—or outright resistance. Oh please, wokeness isn’t important anywhere but in silly Twitter microclimates. When you explain that no, in fact, this ideology has taken over universities, publishing houses, the media, museums and is now making quick work of corporate America, you hit another roadblock: Isn’t this just righting some historical injustices? What could go wrong? You then have to explain what could go wrong—what is already going wrong—is that it is ruining the lives of regular, good people, and the more institutions and companies fall prey to it, the more lives it will ruin.

…

Last month, I participated in a Zoom event attended by several major Jewish philanthropists. After briefly talking about my experience at The New York Times, I noted that if they wanted to understand what happened to me, they needed to appreciate the power of that new, still-nameless creed that has hijacked the paper and so many other institutions essential to American life. I’ve been thinking about what happened next ever since.

One of the funders on the call launched into me, explaining that Ibram X. Kendi’s work was vital, and portrayed me as retrograde and uncool for opposing the ideology du jour. Because this person is prominent and powerful enough to send signals that others in the Jewish world follow, the comments managed to both sideline me and stun almost everyone else into silence.

These people may be the most enraging: those with the financial security to oppose this ideology and demur, so desperate to be seen as hip; for their children to keep their spots at the right prep schools; so that they can be seated at the right tables at the right benefits; so that they are honored at Brown or Harvard; so that business does well enough that they can renovate their house in Aspen or East Hampton. Desperate to remain in good odor with the right people, they are willing to close their eyes to what is coming for the rest of us.

Young Jews who grasp the scope of this problem and want to fight it thus find themselves up against two fronts: their ideological enemies and their own communal leadership. But it is among this group—people with no social or political capital to hoard, some of them not even out of college—that I find our community’s seers. The dynamic reminds me of the one Theodor Herzl faced: The communal establishment of his time was deeply opposed to his Zionist project. It was the poorer, younger Jews—especially those from Russia—who first saw the necessity of Zionism’s lifesaving vision.

Funders and communal leaders who are falling over themselves to make alliances with fashionable activists and ideas enjoy a decadent indulgence that these young proud Jews cannot afford. They live far from the violence that affects Jews in places like Crown Heights and Borough Park. If things go south in one city, they can take refuge in a second home. It may be cost-free for the wealthy to flirt with an ideology that suggests abolishing the police or the nuclear family or capitalism. But for most Jews and most Americans, losing those ideas comes with a heavy price.

#bari weiss #tablet magazine #anti-semitism #cancel culture

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antiquatedfuture · 5 years ago

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Zine Care Packages (Antiquated Future Spring Newsletter)

What a challenging time. Things have felt pretty bleak and I debated about whether to send this spring newsletter a lot, but friends convinced me we're all in need of good news. If nothing else, I want to say two things: 1) We'll still be shipping orders (with plenty of hand-washing and sanitizing) several times a week. 2) While we always appreciate and need your financial support, we'd also like to offer the resources we have to any of you who are having a hard time.

In short: We're offering free zines (and tapes and books) to anyone who's currently struggling financially, mentally, or physically right now. No need to tell us details, just email and say "I'd like a package," and we'll send one your way. Let it be a surprise or make a list of what you'd like and we'll send you what we can. Feel free to spread the word to your friends and community through our Facebook or Twitter posts. It's not much, admittedly, but hopefully it's something.

In more general distro news: we have a few more calendars & planners in stock (and very very on sale), we’ve been restocking things as much as we can, and we accidentally left up our temporary store-wide cassette sale (that also includes a decent handful of LPs and CDs) as well as our zine sale on select titles. We also just posted a newsletter from the record label side of Antiquated Future. We're currently lending some small financial assistance to Portland writer Martha Grover as she recovers from a brain surgery by selling a fundraiser pack of her Somnambulist zine. And if you're in the Portland area, we're helping do porch deliveries of food, baby supplies, and various resources. Please reach out if you'd like one or you know someone in need.

NEW ZINES Antonia- A rare, almost-sublime zine about place, memory, and lost history. About the ways things change and stay the same. About how the place you're from shapes who you become. About growing up in a small Midwestern town without a zip code, a place not on most maps. ($5) Behind the Zines #9: A Zine About Zines- The latest issue of newest best zine about zines around. Within: the evolution of DIY comics culture, zine-fest history, imagined zines, One Punk's Guide to collaborative zines, a history of that one Crimethinc poster, The Most Unwanted Zine, confessions of a sex-zine zinester. Contributions from our own Gina Sarti, as well as John Porcellino and so many others. ($3) Brainscan #34: A Dabbler's Week of DIY Witchery- In the wake of the controversy surrounding a recent viral article about spending a week "becoming a witch," Alex considers what her guide to a witchcraft practice would look like. The results are a day-by-day guide to trying out her particular variety of secular witchcraft (that she lovingly refers to as "DIY witchery"). ($4)

Caboose #12: Jury Duty- A personal story of serving as a juror on a medical malpractice suit. As usual, Liz Mason's playful, endlessly curious take on the world makes this a ride worth taking. A peek into the court system through the eyes of this long-running zine-star. ($4) Clock Tower Nine #15- One of our favorite Seattle zines is back with tales from the record store counter, long walks in various locales, dangerous doppelgängers, and 8-track tapes. As Clock Tower Nine ringleader Danny Noonan describes it in the introduction: "This fanzine is like a bunch of people sitting around a fire in late fall, all taking turns telling a story." ($3) Cometbus #59: Post-Mortem- How does Cometbus, after 38 years as a zine, just get better and better? It's a mystery, but it does. Issue 59 is a deep dive into both death and longevity in the underground. In short: what does sustainability look like in counterculture? This question takes Aaron on a journey from the Epitaph Records and Thrasher magazine offices to hanging out at a punk-owned vegan donut shop and a tamale stand at the farmer's market with Allison Wolfe (of Bratmobile). ($5)

Doris #23- A back-issue fave from one of the best zines ever. Long personal stories that look both outward and inward in surprising ways. ($2) Doris #26- Shy-punk-girl comics, social ecology, the cynical hour, a grandpa who built malls, hammer and nail history, and more. ($2) Eulalia #3- Two issues of the art zine Eulalia in one. Grief and romance, hand-in-hand. Gorgeously designed! Letterpress-printed covers. Each issue is bound with a special do-si-do binding, so each half can be read separately. ($10) Fluke Fanzine #17- Since 1991, Fluke has been creating great variety zines covering all realms of punk and underground culture. Graphic novelist Nate Powell, skateboard magazine historians, Maximum Rocknroll, R.E.M., '90s women-led punk, the Soophie Nun Squad family tree, more. ($3)

Forever & Everything #5- Comics on parenting, depression, coffee, therapy, alcohol, Willie Nelson, Charlie Brown, and living in New Orleans. ($5) Good Days Gone Cold Days- A photography zine/art zine made while living and working in "a house without heat, without doorknobs, and without much insulation or electricity to speak of" for a late fall in western Pennsylvania. Comes with homemade bookmark, building permit, and banjo tab. ($12) Keep Loving, Keep Fighting #8- A reprint of this 2008 issue of Keep Loving, Keep Fighting. Forty pages of feeling at home in New Orleans, communication between friends, death, visiting Montreal, and moving away. ($5)

Learning Good Consent- An essential compilation zine about consent. From personal stories to worksheets, approaches, definitions, resources, and beyond, Learning Good Consent is here to help us all feel more comfortable and be more respectful. ($4)

Little Leagues #1- The companion comics scrapbook to Simon Moreton's epic Minor Leagues series. Prose, comics and photos about being in Japan, making chutney, experiencing autumn. ($3) Little Leagues #2- Comics about being in the snow. Drawings and photos of spring. A fold-out cover with facts about lesser-spotted dogfish. ($3) Our Lady of Near Death Experiences- Jodi Darby writes about becoming a cross-country truck driver as a 23-year-old woman in the mid 1990s. A mini-memoir told in vignettes, Our Lady is a twisted love song to the road in all its complexities. A gorgeous reprint of this zine classic from 1998. (And we have the last few copies before it goes out of print!) ($10)

The Paruretic #1: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy- The first issue of one of our favorite new zine series. The Paruretic tells what the intricacies and complexities of life with parusesis, the social phobia of being pee shy. Illuminating, accessible, and worth reading every issue. ($2)

The Paruretic #2: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (College)- In this issue, Mark recalls figuring out the debilitating effects of his bladder issues when he goes to college and, for the first time, navigates living in dorms, drinking at college-town bars, and hooking-up. ($3)

The Paruretic #3: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (Vacation)- In this issue: searching out acceptable bathrooms while on the road, not urinating for ten hours while in the air, and a bathroom-by-bathroom diary of experiences. ($3) The Paruretic #4: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (The Search for Help)- In this issue, Mark reaches out, looking for help, and is met with a less-than-sympathetic medical system. Within: clueless medical professionals, almost losing a job over a urinalysis, and finally finding someone who understands. ($3) The Paruretic #5: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (Dating)- The dating issue covers how Mark handled (or avoided handling) dating in high school and college. It's a chronicle of, as Mark says, "how my shy bladder has driven every part of my love life." ($3)

Somnambulist Zine Pack Fundraiser- For the past 17 years, Portland memoirist and illustrator Martha Grover has been publishing Somnambulist zine, an expansive and playful look at the world at large (and easily one of the best zines running today). This pack includes all nine in-print issues of Somnambulist (a $40 value for $25!). All proceeds go straight to Martha's brain surgery recovery fund. Help a great writer, get nine amazing zines. ($25) Somnambulist #33: How to Survive the Portland Winter- A fun how-to guide from Portland-born writer Martha Grover. Within: dealing with all the rain, taking care of your mental health, venturing out, staying in, eating soup (with recipes!), and the truth about umbrellas. Illustrated by Liz Yerby. ($5)

Somnambulist #34: The Starfish- A single, long-form essay about Martha's journey through Cushing's disease and Addison's disease, and the lingering tumor she's chosen to not demonize or see as something separate. The Starfish is a surprising and exciting meditation on what it means to be in a body. ($3) Surely, They'll Tear it Down- A short zine letter about gender, race, identity, and not-knowing from the author of Fixer Eraser and We, the Drowned. ($2) Tattoo Punk Fanzine, Issue 3- A jam-packed new issue of Tattoo Punk, the fanzine about tattoos, punks, and tattooed punks. Edited by Ben Trogdon of everyone's favorite artsy punk paper, Nuts! ($15) Valentines Every Day- Weirdo anytime-valentines from zine-seller extraordinaire, Julie Wade. Funny, bizarre, off-kilter, occasionally unsettling. The perfect gift for that especially-odd someone. ($6) What Happened- A dreamy comic from UK artist Simon Moreton. Set in a '90s boyhood of meadows, sci-fi VHS tapes, MTV, crushes, first kisses. ($5)

NEW BOOKS & MISCELLANY The Collected Plays by Portland Preschoolers- In short: One of our favorite little books around! A modern classic, even. Five years of collected plays written by Portland, Oregon preschoolers. Hilarious, invariably bizarre, oddly brilliant, sometimes surprisingly profound. Perfect for putting out on the coffee table, reading aloud to friends, impromptu group performances. ($10) Four-Year Depression- A book about figuring out how to love your family in the Trump era. From Billy McCall of Proof I Exist and Behind the Zines. ($10) Zine Game- A long-time favorite in the zine community, now in a fancy, professionally-made version accessible to all game lovers. Playing like a cross between canasta and Magic: The Gathering, Zine Game is all about building your own zines. A really fun time with tons of possibilities. ($16)

NEW MUSIC & SPOKEN WORD Alice Notley "Live in Seattle"- An LP of one of the most adored living poets. Alice Notley pushes boundaries, and it's an absolute joy to hear her reading her work. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Annelyse Gelman & Jason Grier "About Repulsion"- A collaboration between poet Annelyse Gelman and sound artist Jason Grier. About Repulsion mixes songs, sampled poems, textural walls, beats, noise, to create this EP of one-of-a-kind soundscapes. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Eileen Myles "Aloha / Irish Trees"- The legendary poet Eileen Myles, on vinyl for the first time. Aloha/Irish Trees features nearly an hour of Myles live in the studio, reading past and present poems. Intimate, playful, raw. (LP + digital download) ($16.95)

Harmony Holiday "The Black Saint and the Sinnerman"- Harmony Holiday's record of poems and sound collage. Adventurous and accessible, twisting cultural images into something surprising, political, socially aware. In conversation with Charles Mingus’ classic 1963 album The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Rae Armantrout "Conflation"- Fifty-four surprising and gloriously unique poems from Rae Armantrout, a Pulitzer-winning poet of great gifts. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Susan Howe & Nathaniel Mackey "Stray: A Graphic Tone"- Made in collaboration with Shannon Ebner, Stray: A Graphic Tone juxtaposes historic and recent material from poets Susan Howe and Nathaniel Mackey. An adventurous LP of spoken word delights. (LP + digital download) ($16.95)

Stay well, take care of each other as much as possible. Xo, Antiquated Future

#zine distro #new zines #zines #chapbooks #spoken word #vinyl #new lps #new books #care packages #zine care packages #free zines #portland

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shutupkimjongdae · 5 years ago

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[TRANS/MAGAZINE] star1 June 2019 Issue Interview with Chen (14Q) To view/download (JPG), click here Headliner: June, and Chen Our radio star who soothes the exhausted minds Chen’s voice is filled with warm comfort

source: x translator: jen please do not repost!

To read as text only, keep reading!

Chen, who blossomed after 7 years

Member of EXO, EXO-CBX, lyricist, and strong (t/n: as in doing well on music charts) OST singer. Chen has several great titles, but he never half-heartedly does anything. Chen, who gained a syndrome-like (t/n: unprecedented) popularity as soon as he debuted due to his intense performance that made girls’ hearts flutter, matured as a solo artist capable of consoling the public’s hearts with only his relaxing ballads after constant quenching (t/n: metaphor for hard work). We met Chen, who bloomed his own gorgeous flower with his first album ‘April, and a flower’ after 7 years since debut. April of (this) spring was a busy month for you. I had an EXO-CBX special edition concert left to do, so as soon as I was finished with my first solo album promotions, I left for Japan and prepared for the concert. This April, I was very productive, from solo activities to subunit performances. After coming back to Korea, I had a full day of rest, had dinner with all the members, and had a fun time. It took 7 years for your solo debut. What kind of mentality did you have when first preparing for the album? I was able to release my solo album way sooner than I had expected. Because I knew my weaknesses better than anyone else, I wanted to work on those weaknesses and show a more matured, perfect appearance. However, at some point, I realized that there’s (just) no end to improving my flaws. I thought that I shouldn’t put it off any longer and decided to seriously prepare for it and experience it first-hand. I told the company thinking that if I felt like I was lacking something, I’d just learn, practice, and improve in that area as I go. On the outside, you don’t seem to have any flaws. The first thing I realized I was lacking was the ability to sing a full song that’s almost 4 minutes long by myself. When in a group, you only get to sing a part of a song, but because I was alone, I struggled to just keep the flow going. It was hard for me to decide (the answer to) “What kind of music do I want to do?”. I’ve been asking myself that question for a long time since there is so much breadth to music. I think it took me a while to figure out what I wanted among (those wide range of options). It’s also unique that your album only consists of ballad songs. We expected there to be fast-paced tracks since you are also good with dance songs, as an EXO member. It was an answer to the question ‘What kind of music do I want to do?’. What I really want to do with music, rather than just singing the song that’s given to me, is convey the message and the emotions through that song. And I thought that ballad would be a good genre to do so. It was my intention to put only ballad tracks on the album, but there’s something that wasn’t done on purpose. I didn’t know that all the songs would be about breakups. I collected the songs while thinking that I wanted to convey the feeling of consolation, and it just happened. I think I’ll look for more love songs to put on my next album (laughs). Since you’ve had great accomplishments as an EXO member, when you announced your solo debut, people were very interested and had high expectations. Did you feel any pressure or responsibility from that? Of course. Since I was going to be the first EXO member to release a solo album in Korea, I felt pressured and a sense of responsibility. I thought hard about how to create an album that would meet everyone’s expectations. While I was preparing for the album, I spent so much time thinking about it, and my attitude slowly changed. Even though I feel thankful that people have high expectations about me, rather than trying to change to meet those expectations, I thought that it would be better to just show my true self. I wanted to show a fresh and true image, different from the old one I’ve built up thus far. You also wrote the lyrics for the track ‘Flower’. It feels like you are a very emotionally sensitive person. The key word for this album was comfort, and I think there are different types of comfort. For example, comforting someone who just went through a breakup or comforting a friend. I wanted to bring those different types of comfort into one. I was wondering what would be their common ground and came to a conclusion—time. With time, any pain or thought bugging you shall fade. I wrote about the seasons as a metaphor for time. I think it’s impossible to always be happy and to only experience good things in life. I wanted to say let’s have faith because even though at some point, the flowers will fall off and everything will pass, whenever a new season comes, you’ll find new hope and the flowers will start to bloom one by one. I think the making of an album is similar to a flower blooming. Do you think your flower bloomed beautifully? I think the flower turned out to be more beautiful than I had imagined. Whenever I am introducing my album, I get all the spotlight from saying that I participated in writing lyrics, but all I did was just write lyrics and sing. This album release was possible because everyone, company employees, the director, and staff, worked together. When preparing for this album, I was able to experience first-hand some of the things I didn’t really know about. So I think this album came out to be more meaningful and cool. How was working with Paul Kim, the composer of ‘Sorry not sorry’? I am a huge fan of Paul Kim. I made a request through the company, and he gladly agreed to help. I was worried at first about whether I would be able to sing his song well since he’s famous for writing emotional songs. So I practiced even harder, and ultimately Paul Kim also really liked the result. It was such a relief. I was able to form a nice relationship (with him) from working on this song (together). I would like to work with him on another good song next time. You ranked first on the Korean music charts and on the iTunes charts in 33 different countries with your first solo album. I was so surprised because I didn’t expect that at all. I felt really pressured in the early stages of album preparation, but after I changed my mindset and put down the burden to focus only on showing my true image, I didn’t feel pressured to do well on the charts or have high expectations. I think I’m starting to feel pressured now that I have received such good results. I’m happy to have that burden and to have these worries. I’ve started to worry about (the question) “How else can I show my true self?”. After this album, you received the title of ‘Trust and Listen to Chen’. Is there any reaction (t/n: literally, evaluation) that left an impression? I’m embarrassed, and it feels strange to be called by any nickname. I don’t search up reviews or comments either. I don’t want to become arrogant or change, so I don’t go looking for reactions online. I want to improve by just silently trying my best to to do things that I want to do. I think your charming points are your clean vocals, strong high notes, and stable voice while singing live. In your opinion, what are the strengths your voice has? While preparing for this album, “What exactly are my strengths?”, “Is it that I have a higher vocal range than others?”—I thought about (these questions). I honestly have never felt satisfied with my voice. Even when I try my best, when I listen back to the recordings, a lot of them still make me I think, “Why did I sing like that?” I don’t have anything I can call my strengths at this moment. However, I do have a goal for the future: I want to be someone who can convey sincere emotions without being too decorative (t/n: being excessive/overdoing it). What motivates you to continuously show colorful charms of yourself, as a member of EXO, EXO-CBX, and soloist Chen? I think having alone time is important. Like my nickname ‘homebody’, I recharge by taking some time for myself. I am in a position where I need to give people energy, and since I’m always meeting with people in my everyday life, I rest like a phone recharging in a quiet, relaxed environment. When I make a mistake on stage and feel stressed, or even when something bad happens, I try to ease my mind on my own and I’m able to overcome it. Only then can I work on my next task without anything holding me back. This year it will have been 7 years since EXO debuted. What does EXO mean to Chen? It really feels like family. When you’re working as a team with different members, some members are going through an enthusiastic phase, and others are going through a phase where they feel like taking a break... For being understanding, considerate, and willing to guide each other despite our differences, I want to say thank you to the members who have been running together (with me) up until now. They’re so dear to me like actual brothers. Leader Suho said, “We are so happy whenever the fans say ‘thank you for being EXO’. I want to be an EXO member in my next life”. Do you feel the same way? If I could be an EXO member in my next life, that would be really great. One of the happiest things I was able to experience as an EXO member is being able to meet so many good people. Our members, managers, staff, and of course, our fans. Being in EXO, I’ve only met good people. It always feels so nice to hear the fans’ message of ‘thank you for singing’. The fact that there are people who like my singing means that you have their approval. More than anything, that’s what really motivates me to keep going.

#chen #jongdae #kim jongdae #exo m #exo #translations #t: magazine #star1 june 2019 #april and a flower #trans: korean #shutupkjdsubs

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yesvac · 6 years ago

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hi heres an essay i wrote on why amy santiago and tina belcher are autistic peace out

“Look at her. She’s so... awkward” (“Sheesh!”): An Analysis of Autistic-Coded Characters in Modern Television

Increasingly through the past few years, there has been a rise in quirky, knowledgeable, awkward and lovable characters in modern television. Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory fails to recognize social contracts, which consistently earns a laugh from the laugh reel from the studio audience. House of House MD is known as one of the most brilliant physicians in his cinematic universe, while also being one of the least empathetic. Sam of Atypical, one of the only explicitly autistic main characters of any show, is kind and loving, but social cues do not come naturally to him, and he finds penguins easier to read than humans. All of these characters share a common coding as characters in television who fit under the autism spectrum (Bethune).

Very rarely do television shows explicitly state that their characters are autistic, which is a problem in and of itself. However, we may analyze the behaviors, speech patterns, repetitions and actions of characters to read their behavior as neurodiverse. Additionally, the fact that there are very little expressly stated autistic characters in mainstream television makes the analysis all the more needed because autistic people deserve to be represented, and characters that display autistic traits should be confirmed as autistic by the programs that they appear on.

Some have initiated analysis of autistic characters in media and have come to the conclusion that the current representation is not sufficient. Brian Bethune believes that the current representation of autistic characters is too often the “autistic savant”, characterized by having intense knowledge about one subject, relating to the concept of autistic special interests (Bethune). Bethune argues that not all autistic people are savants, and that this trend of savant-autistic characters such as House from House MD and Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory create unrealistic representations of autism that most autistic people do not fit. Because I wish to understand whether or not the representations of autism in television are accurate, in my analysis, I will read what scholars have observed about traits of autistic people, and compare it to the behaviors of the autistic-coded characters I am analyzing.

Additionally, in 2009, Douwe Draaisma wrote on a similar topic, attempting to gather information on representations of autism in media, including tv shows, newspapers, movies, and otherwise (Draaisma). Her study analyzes many famous portrayals of autism, and agrees with Bethune that the savant portrayal of autism is not effectively in that not all autistic people are savants. Draaisma criticizes that “there are two options for an autistic person: either he is mentally handicapped, an egghead reading geek magazines, or he is a savant with mental powers exceeding those of two Cray supercomputers spinning numbers 24 hours a day.” She feels, however, that since the mid-1900s when representations of autism first began in big media, that the representations have been more accurate and happen more often as time goes on.

Scholars seem to agree that the current representation of autism in media is not sufficient and often problematic, but autistic people deserve to have positive representations of themselves in characters. In order to facilitate a greater understanding of how autistic characters can appear in media, I analyzed two shows that I believe possess autistic-coded characters: Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Bob’s Burgers. The characters I will analyze are Tina Belcher, the pre-teen eldest daughter of the Belcher family, and Amy Santiago, an awkward but brilliant young woman with a passion for detective work in the 99th precinct of Brooklyn’s police force. By analyzing these characters, we can decide the best way to represent autistic traits through popular culture. Preliminary analysis suggests that programs portray autistic-coded characters to be awkward, lacking social skills, possessing special interests, and having unique physical repetitions.

Analyzing Content

The foundation for analyzing Amy Santiago from Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers is because each show portrays these characters with qualities, mannerisms and quirks that allude to neurodiversity. Because there is a lack of direct representation of characters on the autism spectrum, it is important to analyze codification of characters who display autistic qualities and explore the benefits and disadvantages of these characters as contributing to the overall view of autism in media.

These programs were selected mostly because of their similarity in genre (comedy) and audience size and makeup. Both programs are directed towards roughly the same audience of young adults. Both Bob’s Burgers and Brooklyn Nine-Nine ride the line between television for children and television for adults, as Bob’s Burgers often touches on morbid issues and Brooklyn Nine-Nine jokes about serious crime, but both avoid becoming vulgar nighttime Adult Swim television (like Family Guy, Archer, or Big Mouth). Both programs got their start on Fox television, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine is now on NBC.

Bob’s Burgers has been running since 2011 and is now airing its eighth season on Fox. It has been nominated for the Emmy for Best Animated Series seven times consecutively, and has won twice. TV Guide placed it in the top 60 animated shows of all time (Sands). Brooklyn Nine-Nine also has received commendation, racking up several Emmy nominations and winning several Golden Globes for best comedy television series and best actor in a comedy television series (“Golden”). Both shoes are recognized as masterful pieces of comedic media.

I analyzed “Sheesh! Cab, Bob?”, which is episode 6 of season 1 of Bob’s Burgers, as well as “Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks,” which is episode 7 of season 3 of Bob’s Burgers. I also analyzed “Thanksgiving”, which is episode 13 of season 1 of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and “Chasing Amy,” which is the episode 18 of season 4 of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I choose these episodes because they each display important parts of the character’s personalities, and the plot of each episode revolves around Tina or Amy respectively.

Awkward Behavior/Lack of Social Skills

Scholars who study autistic individuals have found that autistic people often struggle with social cues. Additionally, it has been proven that those with autism may find it harder to make friends, and when they do, it is often based off a shared similar interest. For example, “friendships of.. higher functioning children and adolescents with autism... often focused on common and circumscribed interests with little social interaction involved” (Orsmond). Therefore, those on the spectrum often come off as awkward and lacking in terms of social situations, because the focus is more on special interests than regard for social interaction.

Throughout each show, both Tina and Amy display a clear lack of understanding on how to function well in social situations. Both characters stand out in their programs as the most ‘awkward’ character. Additionally, both characters often avoid eye contact with peers whilst speaking with them, and often make conversation that most would find not socially acceptable.

TINA

Tina stands out as the character in Bob’s Burgers that has the least social skills, as she often appears awkward and unsure of herself. She says odd things to her friends and family and is known to be “weird” by her peers in school. However, she does not feel self-conscious about her weirdness.

In “Sheesh! Cab, Bob?”, Linda wants Tina to know that the family is allowing her to have an “extra-special” birthday party this year, and that Tina can take some time to think about what she wants. Seemingly already prepared, Tina begins to list off what she wants in a rapid, monotone speaking voice:

I’d like it to be a boy-girl party. With mingling. I want to close the restaurant and invite my whole class over. And I want there to be a DJ and dancing and a smoke machine. And about two hours into the party, I want there to be a moment where I see Jimmy Junior across the room. And we’re pulled towards each other. We meet under the disco ball. And we kiss, until our bodies and souls become one. And it’s my first kiss. And it’s perfect, and I remember it forever.

At the conclusion of her monologue, Gene says “scary,” Louise says “freak!” and Linda says “wow! You really put some thought into it!” Bob’s Burgers ensures that the audience understands Tina’s awkwardness in proximity to the rest of her family. If the show displayed just Tina’s monologue without her family’s reactions, then it could be written off as a behavior the writers intended to be comedic. However, inserting the fact that Tina’s little siblings are comfortable calling her both “scary” and a “freak” lets the audience know that Tina’s behavior and speech patterns are perceived within the Bob’s Burgers universe as slightly absurd. While most characters in Bob’s Burgers are unique, Tina’s sometimes overwhelming passioning personality is seen as freakish and scary by her siblings and those around her. Additionally, even without familial context, the audience can understand that Tina’s form of speaking is not exactly normal; her list of birthday party demands is long and sudden, as if Tina is unleashing a wave upon her family. She has clearly thought about it extensively, and it is not what the audience expects.

Additionally, Tina has trouble with some social aspects that seem normal for other characters and people in general. She seems to harbor a lot of anxiety about lying to others. In the episode “Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks,” Bob lets Tina drive around a nearly-empty parking lot for the first time, despite being 13 years old. Tina is obviously nervous, and panics behind the wheel. She turns the wheel slightly back and forth, groaning out loud as Bob yells and panics, and she hits the only other parked car in the parking lot.

In this instance, Tina has to lie, according to Bob. But this is no easy feat for her, and it changes her demeanor to one that is awkward and painful both for her and for the others around her. Bob tells her, “so we just have to say I was driving, okay?” Tina, a odd, pained look on her face, replies quickly: “but that’s lying! That’s not right!” Bob replies, “that’s true, Tina. Lying is wrong and you should never do it. Unless [the person you hit] makes you go through insurance, which he is. So we have to lie this one time.” Tina is not having it. She is extremely averse to lying. She compares lying with several other crimes: “What’s next? Perjury? Human trafficking?”

Several studies have been done by scholars on the cognitive abilities of developing autistic young adults and children. The findings often cite the fact that autistic individuals have difficulty perceiving what is a lie and what is not, and also have more trouble telling lies (Li). Tina’s ability to lie is extremely limited, and she has trouble throughout the episode when asked to lie by her father. She groans, blurts out obvious fibs, and makes strained faces.

Figure 1. “Tina-Rannosaurus Rex,” Bob’s Burgers. Bob says to Tina, “Let’s see your ‘everything is okay’ face,” but her aversion to lying makes it extremely difficult for her.

AMY

Amy is also a standout character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine for her awkwardness and lack of understanding of social cues. Gina, another character who works in the building with Amy, often comments on Amy’s similarity to a grandma or a toddler in her interests and social abilities.

There are countless episodes in which Amy is shown to have lacking conversational skills. For example, in “Thanksgiving,” the police squad is sitting in Amy’s apartment before Thanksgiving dinner starts, making fun of Amy’s grandmother-esque decorations and waiting for Captain Holt to arrive. The doorbell rings, and Amy answers it with a smile. Captain Holt greets her with his usual work-friendly attitude, saying, “Happy Thanksgiving. Your apartment was very easy to locate.” Amy, physically showing her happiness with a wide smile and open body language, thanks him, saying, “thank you so much. You look beautiful.” Her eyes dart down and to the side, indicating that she recognized that telling Holt he looked beautiful was not an appropriate comment for Holt’s gender or his position of power in their employment.

To ensure that the audience understands the weirdness of Amy’s speech, Jake Peralta, the main protagonist of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Amy’s love interest, then butts into the conversation: “weirdest conversation ever! Nice work, you two.” Brooklyn Nine-Nine adds in Jake’s perception of Amy’s personality and words to contextualize her conversational skills in proximity to her peers. Both Bob’s Burgers and Brooklyn Nine-Nine include the reaction of other main characters to Tina and Amy’s lacking social skills in order to put the dialogue in perspective.

Obsessions and Special Interests

Scholars studying autistic individuals have established that it is common for those on the spectrum to have a special interest. These special interests are often regarded as “obsessions” from neurotypicals who may not know better. Autism allows those on the spectrum to hyperfocus on a topic or thing, and often, this means that the autistic individual can learn extensively about this topic or thing and become knowledgeable and passionate about it. For example, Rachel Grove studied a group of over 600 autistic adults in the Netherlands, noted whether they had a special interest, and also noted what their special interest was. Sixty-three percent of the sampled autistic adults reported at least one special interest (Grove). Below is a bar graph showing the distribution of the most common special interests by sex.

Figure 2. Special interest topics by sex, observed by Rachel Grove.

By analyzing whether or not Amy Santiago and Tina Belcher display an affinity for special interests, we can decide whether their representation in television as autistic-coded characters is a positive or negative one.

TINA

While Tina is most unique for her awkward personality, she is also recognized for her “obsession” with boys and writing. She writes in her journal extensively, and also writes what she calls “Friend-Fiction” -- a play on “fanfiction” -- stories about her friends, often starring zombies and emphasizes romance.

In “Sheesh!”, Tina sits alone at a table at the back of the restaurant, furiously writing in her diary. Linda engages Bob in conversation about their eldest daughter.

Linda: Tina’s birthday is coming up, and I think we should do something special, since she’s turning 13. This is the year she becomes a woman… Bob, she deserves a special party this year.

Louise: If what it says in her diary is true, then I’d say she needs it. A lot.

Bob: Wait, you read her diary?

Linda: Yeah.

Louise: What I can stomach.

Bob: Why is everyone reading Tina’s diary?

Gene: It’s well written!

Louise: Yeah! She’s better on the page than in person.

There is a lot to unpack from this singular conversation, mostly involving the speech of Tina’s family. For context, both Gene and Louise are younger than Tina. Tina is turning 13, Gene is 11, and Louise is 9 years old. Her siblings are younger than her, yet they feel extremely comfortable invading Tina’s personal spaces and reading her diary. This little detail shows that Tina’s behavior is different than most teenage or pre-teen girls, as she is more open and unashamed of her obsessions. Additionally, Louise’s final line, jabbing at Tina’s social skills establishes her as an awkward person to talk to, which is demonstrated many times throughout the series.

However, Tina possesses special skills and interests, such as skills in writing, that are beyond most kids her age. She spends her spare time, in which her siblings use to have humorous conversation with her parents, to write in her journal. Although the show does not tell us if she’s writing friend-fiction or about her own life, it is important that instead of being a part of the conversation, Tina prefers to write. It is one of her special interests that she pursues actively. Additionally, according to Louise’s speech, she is “better on the page than in person,” which is, face-value just an insult to her sister’s social skills, but in context, we can understand that Tina probably likes writing because it gives her a space where she is in control of the environment and dialogue, and she is not perceived as awkward by her peers.

AMY

Amy is skilled in police work and organization. She is well-known throughout Brooklyn Nine-Nine for being the most meticulous person in terms of bureaucracy. Unfortunately, she is not always this skilled in other realms of life, like cooking.

For example, there are times that Brooklyn Nine-Nine demonstrates how Amy’s unbalanced priorities affect her life negatively. Amy is established by Brooklyn Nine-Nine as an extremely thorough, intelligent and prepared individual, but extremely lacking in some skills, such as cooking, social skills, and dancing -- all of which she is oblivious to. In “Thanksgiving,” Amy is attempting to serve a Thanksgiving to her colleagues, and to impress her Captain. To Amy, hosting Thanksgiving dinner has almost nothing to do with the preparation of the food. Amy’s goal in this party is to bond with Captain Holt, and whether the mashed potatoes are edible or not does not seem to affect that in her mind. Sergeant Jeffords bites into the mashed potatoes sitting on Amy’s table from her Thanksgiving spread. He then immediately shows an expression of disgust, exclaiming, “what’s in these?” Amy, seeming indifferent, lists: “potatoes, butter, a little milk. Oh, and I ran out of salt, so I used baking soda.” Terry, angered that the potatoes are inedible, sarcastically yells, “why wouldn’t you? They’re both white powders! Of course they’re interchangeable!” Amy seems oblivious to his sarcasm and his criticism of her cooking skills. She says, “yeah.” This scene is important because it displays Amy’s dynamic with her peers according to her priorities. Throughout the episode, including in this scene, Amy is shown to be absent-minded and lax in things that her peers feel that she should prioritize, such as cooking dinner. However, the show emphasizes that Amy is not just lazy or dumb-- she is putting all of her effort towards one thing: impressing her superior officer.

Sometimes Amy’s affinity for work (and negligence of non-work activities) is highlighted in a negative way, as it is in “Thanksgiving,” but sometimes Brooklyn Nine-Nine displays her meticulous habits and ambition as an overall positive attribute. In “Chasing Amy,” Amy prepares to take the Sergeant’s exam, a test that will decide her qualification to upgrade from being a detective to being a uniformed Sergeant. She is coping with the stress in an extreme way, and Jake, her significant other, explains why: “it’s always been her plan to be the youngest captain in the history of the NYPD, but if she doesn’t pass this exam, she’s gonna have to wait another three years to take it again and that’ll disrupt her entire life calendar. [That’s a real thing.] It hangs over our bed.” Again, the show emphasizes Amy’s extreme affinity for success and ambition. She works harder and obsesses more emphatically than any other character on the show. Her passion for police work and leadership is so intense that it is better explained as a special interest, something she easily hyper-focuses on.

Physical Repetitions/Stimming

Scholars in autistic behavior report that it is common for those with autism to have urges for physical movements that may be different than neurotypical people. This results in the physical phenomenon known as “stimming.” “Stimming” is when a person on the spectrum releases energy through a certain movement, action or noise (Simpson). It is involuntary and a clear indicator of autism. Although some examples of stimming, such as echolalia (repeated speech), vocal stimming through elevated speech, or using physical stim toys, can be percieved as uncomfortable or unnecessary in the viewpoint of non-autistic individuals, stimming is not necessarily negative, and is often enjoyable and necessary for autistic individuals (Simpson).

Additionally, those with autism may also have physical repetitive behavior that seems odd but is for the specific purpose of calming down or feeling comfortable. These would include things like being in a small, comfortable space or laying on the floor.

TINA

Throughout Bob’s Burgers, Tina displays several physical behaviors that may seem odd from an outside point of view, but are indicators of autism when examined clearly.

For example, Tina likes certain sounds or repetitions that are seemingly random and do not affect the people around her. In “Sheesh! Cab, Bob?” Bob is transitioning from his day job working at Bob’s Burgers to his now night job, driving a taxi around the city. Linda and the kids are bidding him goodbye with advice on how to make money. Tina suggests, “stay away from Route One. It’s bumper-to-bumper all the way to the Interstate.” Bob, raising his eyebrows, questions Tina on how she might know that. Tina explains, “I like traffic updates. I like it when they say ‘bumper-to-bumper.’” Bob presses further, asking “‘bumper-to-bumper?’”, to which Tina throws her head back and sighs.

It’s a silly moment that shows Tina’s awkwardness and affinity for vaguely sensual topics, but also shows her visible and tangible reaction to certain words or phrases. Those with autism often enjoy one word or phrase repeated again and again for comfort reasons as a form of stimming. Just by this moment, we could assume that Tina is experiencing a form of echolalia, and enjoying repeating and hearing one phrase consistently.

Additionally and notably, several times during “Sheesh! Cab, Bob?” Tina either lays down on the floor or hides under a table with her knees close to her chest. This behavior, finding a space that is physically small and comforting, is typical in those with autism (“Sensory”).

AMY

While Amy’s physical behaviors do not exactly align with Tina’s, she holds her own version of involuntary physical reactions. Amy often celebrates by stimming with her entire body, jumping up and down and moving unnaturally. She also often dances in a funny way by herself after completing an achievement.

In “Thanksgiving,” Captain Holt seems to be happy as he accepts Amy’s invitation to her dinner party. Because the audience already knows of Amy’s overwhelming respect for Captain Holt, Amy’s immediate excitement at his acceptance of the invitation is obvious. However, she attempts to hide her excitement with a badly acted blase attitude, saying “cool! Whatever. Yeah, don’t worry about it either way. It’s not a big deal.” However, when she walks out of view of the Captain’s office, she celebrates this victory with a full-bodied and physical celebration, waving her arms in the air and quietly shouting: “yes!” Additionally, towards the end of the episode, Amy celebrates that Captain Holt gave her criticism on her Thanksgiving toast. She yells, “he’s mentoring me! Yes!” She then physically celebrates with jumps, arm movements, and full-bodied excitement. Her arms completely extend, her body contorts with pride and involuntary happiness and movement. She is unable or unwilling to celebrate quietly, as she possesses her unique physical way of expressing overwhelming emotions, as is common in those on the spectrum.

Additionally, Brooklyn Nine-Nine shows that Amy stims with physical repetitions, such as braiding her own hair. At the beginning of “Chasing Amy,” Amy stands rigidly with an expression of determination and anger on her face, her hair braided into dozens of tiny braids all over her head in a messy fashion. She holds a stack of notecards she appears to be studying. Charles questions Jake about why Amy’s hair is looking so weird. “Oh, she obsessively braids her hair when she’s nervous. And she’s super nervous ‘cause she’s taking the Sergeant’s exam today,” Jake states simply. As previously stated, stimming is a habitual release of energy through a certain repeated action, noise or movement; Amy’s hair-braiding is a good example of a movement-based stim, most likely used for comforting herself.

To explain Amy’s condition further, Jake explains that “we’ve also jumped up to a two: creepily singing songs from the Great American Songbook,” and the scene cuts to Jake and Amy’s bed, with Amy sitting up with a reading light over a huge textbook. She is softly singing, “you’re a grand old flag, you’re a high-flying flag…” Then, the camera pans to Jake, who pulls a pillow over his head. For people with autism, stimming can often relieve stress or discomfort. Stimming can be different for each person, but stimming can be physical, vocal, tactile, auditory, and more. Amy’s behavior here could easily be categorized as a vocal stimulation to relieve stress. Throughout the series, Amy is shown to have coping mechanisms that are more tactile and outward than most characters, and her calming habits fit neatly into the category of autistic stimming.

The Question of Representation

It is no question that there are barely any blatantly autistic characters represented on daytime television. This can be detrimental to the development of those with autism simply because of the inferiority complex created when a person never sees someone who is similar to them. While Amy from Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Tina from Bob’s Burgers both display mannerisms that align with those on the spectrum and are heavily coded as being autistic individuals, it would be monumental for Fox and NBC to outright establish them as autistic characters. Tina is a strong willed, confident and realistic portrayal of an autistic teenager, and it would help many adolescents on the spectrum to see themselves on screen as a main character beloved by many. Additionally, Amy being established as autistic would be just as incredible, seeing as there is a severe lack of representation for autistic adults (Prochnow). Because there is a prevalent stereotype for autistic people that they are unable to function independently and need guidance, or have a different “mental age” than their true age, there is a common misconception that autistic people can never be successful, independent and live life to its fullest extent. However, if Amy Santiago was established as a blatantly autistic character, it would show any autistic and neurotypical audience member that autistic people can be successful in their careers and respected for their brilliance.

Additionally, there is a disparity of representation of autistic women in media. While men and boys are often represented, there is little discussion of the fact that women and girls are affected by autism as well, and there is no lack of girls on the spectrum. For autistic girls to see an autistic woman like Amy Santiago who is skilled in her career and married would be an incredibly opportunity to inspire those on the spectrum (Kamal). Additionally, Tina’s self-confidence and ambition would be monumental for young autistic girls who lack a character to relate to on-screen.

While the representation of Tina and Amy’s characters are in no way negative as they stand now, there is much to gain going forward. As previously noted, the representation of characters with autism is often two dimensional and flat, and there is a lack of female characters with autism in popular media. If Fox and NBC have the best interest of their audience in mind, it would be beneficial to canonically and explicitly establish the neurodiversity of Tina Belcher and Amy Santiago in Bob’s Burgers and Brooklyn Nine-Nine respectively.

Works Cited

Bethune, Brian. “Autistic Licence.” Macleans.ca, 13 July 2009, www.macleans.ca/culture/autistic-licence/.

"Chasing Amy." Brooklyn Nine-Nine, written by Matt Lawton, directed by Luke Del Tredici, Fox, 2017.

Draaisma, Douwe. “Stereotypes of Autism.” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 27 May 2009, royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rstb.2008.0324.

“Golden Globes 2014: The Winners List.” Cable News Network, 13 Jan. 2014, www.cnn.com/2014/01/12/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/2014-golden-globes-winners/index.html.

Grove, Rachel, et al. "Special Interests and Subjective Wellbeing in Autistic Adults." Autism Research, vol. 11, no. 5, 2018, pp. 766-775. ProQuest, http://ezproxy.msu.edu.proxy1.cl.msu.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.proxy1.cl.msu.edu/docview/2047340419?accountid=12598, doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy1.cl.msu.edu/10.1002/aur.1931.

Kamal, Sauleha. “The Character Who Made Me Love 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 12 June 2018, www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/06/brooklyn-nine-nine-amy-santiago/562436/.

Li, Annie S et al. “Exploring the ability to deceive in children with autism spectrum disorders�� Journal of autism and developmental disorders vol. 41, 2 (2011): 185-95.

Orsmond, Gael I., Marty W. Krauss, and Mailick S. Marsha. "Peer Relationships and Social and Recreational Activities among Adolescents and Adults with Autism." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, vol. 34, no. 3, 2004, pp. 245-56. ProQuest, http://ezproxy.msu.edu.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/docview/205303236?accountid=12598, doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/10.1023/B:JADD.0000029547.96610.df.

Prochnow, Alexandria. "AN ANALYSIS OF AUTISM THROUGH MEDIA REPRESENTATION." Et Cetera, vol. 71, no. 2, 2014, pp. 133-149. ProQuest, http://ezproxy.msu.edu.proxy1.cl.msu.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.proxy1.cl.msu.edu/docview/1620847574?accountid=12598.

Sands, Rich. “The Definitive Ranking of The Simpsons, Peanuts, and More Old Cartoons From Your Childhood.” TV Guide, 9 Oct. 2018, www.tvguide.com/news/definitive-ranking-old-cartoons/.

“Sensory Issues: Seeking and Avoiding.” Sensory Issues: Seeking and Avoiding | Interactive Autism Network, 30 Oct. 2008, iancommunity.org/cs/challenging_behavior/sensory_issues.

Simpson, Hannah. "Tics in the Theatre: The Quiet Audience, the Relaxed Performance, and the Neurodivergent Spectator." Theatre Topics, vol. 28, no. 3, 2018, pp. 227-238. ProQuest, http://ezproxy.msu.edu.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/docview/2162522850?accountid=12598, doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy2.cl.msu.edu/10.1353/tt.2018.0046.

"Sheesh! Cab, Bob?" Bob’s Burgers, written by Loren Bouchard, directed by Jennifer Coyle, Fox, 2011.

"Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks." Bob’s Burgers, written by Jon Schroeder, directed by Wesley Archer, Fox, 2012.

"Thanksgiving." Brooklyn Nine-Nine, written by Luke Del Tredici, directed by Jorma Taccone, Fox, 2013.

#i know some people were interested in reading this so here you go #please. Do not criticize me #esp with the citations i know the italics are not in the right place i was too lazy to go back and fix it just for a tumblr post #its correct on the one im turning in dont worry : )#anyway nobody will probably read thi sbut thats ok!

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suburbanmetaldad · 5 years ago

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What can I do for you?

Here, friends, is my super power:

I can create an entire book — a good one — quickly, with very little help.

You want a book with your name on it. I can make that happen.

Maybe you typed up a draft, and you’re not sure where to go next.

I can take it from here.

And anything smaller than that will be cheaper and faster.

Get on the schedule while you can.

Following are more details about me and my work.

Follow are links to different things D.X. Ferris makes & does.

I am D.X. Ferris.

I grew up obsessed with music and reading. I went to school for writing. At the time, I thought I couldn’t create things. I didn’t know it yet, but I was wrong. I tried to quit. Writing wouldn’t let me. It kept pulling me back in.

Once I figured out how to do what I wanted to do, I made up for lost time. Now I’ve covered a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction for Rolling Stone. I endured a career-ending injury. I’ve been to the Pentagon on business. I’ve written books with & about some of my iconic heroes. Communication is my business, and business is good.

I do a lot of different things.

I am an award-winning writer, editor, manager, publisher, teacher, speaker, cartoonist, maker, co-author, ghost writer, and overall communications professional. To me, those various & sundry processes are all part of the same sphere — and here’s the common thread: Communication is the art of organizing information. That, friend, is what I do. I can do it for you. And we can make some money together.

I have written/co-written nine books. My personal record is four new books in 16 months.

I cut my teeth as a rock & roll journalist. Then I successfully transitioned to hard news. Lately, I’ve been creating motivational literature and self-help books. I write very effective press releases & promo material. I write & storyboard short videos. I’m writer for a documentary I can’t talk about yet.

I get around. I teach college. My CV includes work for dozens of publications, including Rolling Stone and Alternative Press (America’s two top rock & culture magazines). I’ve also written for leading outlets such as The A.V. Club and Decibel. I write and stage communication seminars.

I have been to the Pentagon and National Air & Space Museum on business. I have been backstage at the Vans Warped Tour on business. My body of work includes book-length oral histories.

I have collaborated with certified Grand Masters, civilians, and high-profile musical & Hollywood creative types. I have had Almost Famous moments on the side of the stage at European festivals. I wake up so early it hurts. I make money for my partners.

I am a 33 1/3 author. An Ohio Society of Professional Journalists Reporter of the Year. And a third-degree black belt (in Taekwondo). Also a 32° two-time WM/PM.

Let’s do some good work — and then let’s do some good with what comes from it.

Click the following links for my...

Good Professional Wrestling: Full Contact Life Lessons From the Pinnacle Performance Art The Good Advice From... series is now officially a franchise. Volume II features a foreword by Diamond Dallas Page, motivational icon, founder of health & wellness movement DDP Yoga, and WWE Hall of Famer. Professional wrestling is the toughest business. It is a form of competition built on collaboration and cooperation. Every successful wrestler has a diverse skill set that can help you get over too, no matter what your business or lifestyle. Filled with short chapters and useful advice, this browsable motivational manual features inspirational quotes from dozens of wrestling icons. Each is followed by easy-to-read analysis and actionable tips that can turn a life around.

I collaborated with Darren Paltrowitz on this one-of-a-kind positivity handbook. It breaks down the habits, skills, and strategies that your favorite superstars practice — and you can too, starting today.

Good Advice From Goodfellas: Positive Life Lessons from the Best Mob Movie It’s the last — or maybe first — motivational manual and self-help guide you’ll ever need. 320 pages, paperback; Kindle ebook also available, cheap. At 145 short chapters, it’s the perfect airport/travel book. This unique meditation & reading finds teachable moments in all your favorite and quotes and scenes from this beloved, seminal movie. If you know what to look for, Goodfellas covers all the same evergreen topics as your favorite business podcasts and startup seminars... but it’s a lot more fun. No, seriously.

Co-author of motivational/how-to Masonic leadership manual

Co-author of parents’ motivational guide to kids’ martial arts

I am the most prominent, prolific non-marquee contributor the music-writing/music journalism textbook How to Write About Music, from the brain trust running Bloomsbury/Continuum’s 33 1/3 series. TECHNICALLY, I AM ON THE SAME LABEL AS NEIL GAIMAN. This is one of two or three books on this topic. Note to self: Write your own.

Wrote the official book with Donnie Iris and the Cruisers For my money, Donnie Iris & the Cruisers are the best-kept secret from 80s rock radio. That had not one, but seven hot 100 hits. The bandleader/songer penned an enduring disco hit. AND he worked with three Rock Hall of Fame artists. The band have a continuous near-40-year run. During this epic tale, they work with a young Trent Reznor, Kiss, Breathless, Cinderella, Sam Kinison, Gamble & Huff, the Jaggerz, Wolfman Jack, and bunch of others. The book is a painstakingly researched oral history that plays like a mix of the four-hour Tom Petty documentary, the movie That Thing You Do!, and the American Hardcore book. Coffee-table book, 464 pages, 102 images, 308 endnotes, 8.5x11″.

Wrote two books about thrash-metal icons Slayer

One is part of 33 1/3, the vanguard series of music-related writing.

One is an exhaustively researched full-length biography featuring 33 images and over 400 endnotes.

Publisher of 6623 Press, home to creator-owned, useful, reasonably priced, unconventional books about popular culture, success, and other cool stuff. People like them.

Full-service, full-contact indie publishing. I write, co-write, ghost-write, edit, and publish books. Quickly.

Do you have book in you? We’ll get it out.

Worked for Rolling Stone, the no. 1 music & culture magazine ever.

I’ve been writing for Alternative Press — America’s no. 2 music magazine — off & on since 2002. More recent pieces are here. Older material is here.

Wrote for alternative newsweekly Cleveland Scene, in various capacities, for 8 years. Won numerous awards for news reporting, business reporting, arts reporting, commentary, feature writing, personality profiling, and sports reporting. Click here for profiles, business features, columns, reviews, and more.

I think this piece about Cleveland’s LeBron James banner won me the Ohio Society of Professional Journalists’ Best Reporter award: Literally the entire city was looking at an iconic, massive piece of public art/advertising — and I was the one person who looked behind the scenes. For alt-weekly Cleveland Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/64-and-counting/archives/2010/08/05/goodbye-lebron-banner-hello-sunshine-workers-behind-the-banner-speak

For Rolling Stone, I interviewed a band and created unofficial liner notes for a classic album:

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/they-might-be-giants-flood-track-by-track-guide-to-the-geek-chic-breakthrough-82345/

This kind of piece is a specialty. For Alternative Press, I interviewed an infamous punk musician about his friendship with the late, great Anthony Bourdain. I supplied many conversation prompts, transcribed it, then edited his answers into one continuous narrative, while I remained invisible in the piece. If it looks like I didn’t do much, then that was the entire point.

https://www.altpress.com/features/anthony-bourdain-harley-flanagan-cro-mags-tribute/

I visit a business, describe the experience, and research how a controversial industry works. For Cleveland Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/game-of-chance/Content?oid=2183398

While the rest of the rock-journalism world were writing SOPA stories (Summarizing Other People’s Articles) about a developing story, I dug deep, excavated some court records, and wrote an informed summary. For Metal Sucks — for my money, the best metal news & views site.

https://www.metalsucks.net/2019/06/11/how-many-more-misfits-reunion-shows-will-there-be-according-to-legal-documents-probably-just-one/

A friendly multi-person Q&A and sidebar, stitched together from three different interviews from different media. For Alt Press.

https://www.altpress.com/features/punk-goes-fearless-records-interview/

Cover story/feature profile of the president of a local university — and how his work has helped shape the city. It’s pretty whitebread and dry, but I can work in that style when I’m not writing about raging hellions. For Cleveland Magazine, the city’s upstanding guide to what’s happening and who’s doing it.

https://clevelandmagazine.com/in-the-cle/the-read/articles/city-mission

News interview with Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cavaliers and Quicken Loans. For Scene.

https://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/enhanced-interrogation-dan-gilbert/Content?oid=1678536

Excerpt from Good Advice From Goodfellas, my self-improvement book that draws positive life lessons from the greatest gangster movie:

https://6623press.tumblr.com/post/181078213342/the-new-self-helpmotivational-manual-good-help

Christmas Sevenfold: Metal Dad, Compendium Two My second comic-strip compilation collects seven years of Christmas & fall holiday stripes, with new art, a foreword, and an essay about why the kind of guy who wrote two books about Slayer still loves Xmas. 180 pages, oversized 8.5 x 11″ paperback.

Suburban Metal Dad, Compendium One: Raging Bullshit. The first compilation book for my webcomic. It collects Years III and IV of the comic, with 172 strips, 8 previously unreleased demo strips, an updated FAQ, and a true-life, all-text real-life metal dad story (so there’s something to really read). 180 pages, oversized 8.5 x 11″ paperback.

Individual strips of Suburban Metal Dad, an online comic that has run twice weekly since 2010.

I am totally into the Misfits/Danzig/Samhain, and wrote a bunch of stuff about this record-setting continuum of ground-breaking musicians

I wrote things for Metal Sucks

Guest on heavy metal podcasts, and bloggage about it all

Guest on assorted TV and superhero-show podcasts

Guest host on rock podcast Lost Together

Annotated both versions of “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” at Genius

Random bloggage about stuff that isn’t necessarily metal... mostly movies and holiday stuff like a survey of Christmas imagery in True Detective season 1

Tweet too much, but it’s healthier than taking cigarette breaks.

The Pentagrammarian: I take note of writing, grammar, usage, and the business thereof. I am one of very few professional writers who can list the four parts of a well-rounded profile or break down the constituent parts of a sentence, in correct technical grammar terms.

The goat had it comin’. I swear.

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writingspeakingxyz · 6 years ago

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Writing Resources You NEED to Know About

Many aspiring authors spend hours and hours, alone behind their computers tap, tap, tapping away. Then those hours turn into months, and of course, the months slip into years. This is admirable. If I’m confident of anything, it’s that to be an author you have to be willing to spend hours of your life equivalent to entire years out of your life slaving away writing. I’m just for sure that you need to read at least just as much. One thing that gets unfortunately overlooked by many is that you also have to be willing to leave your books and your computer behind sometimes. To engage others. Not that you can’t be an introvert. Thousands of widely regarded successful authors were introverts. That’s is because in some way or another they were able to overcome, albeit sometimes only briefly, their restrictions and step outside of their comfort zones. That’s because while writing can take many forms; journaling, hobbies writing, personal letter writing. Authorship is a profession, and that means that it falls within a business structure. No matter how sincerely you believe that Jack Kerouac went from nothing to a fantastic book within two weeks of boozing (which FYI, in reality, he didn’t). If you want to move books from shelves, you will need to approach the task earnestly. With a humble attitude that is open to working with others. The business of writing, designing, editing, publishing, marketing, and selling your books requires a multitude of strangers. Regardless of whether you have a small budget, or you’re JK Rowling. In fact, the small your budget, the approach is better suited to involving a large number of people each with small, potentially volunteer style task. For instance, having friends complete a narrative edit before giving it to a professional editor, to reduce the amount of paid time the editor has to spend on the manuscript. For your first book, I highly suggest having a strong group of people who can offer various products, services, and insights to help you stay focused, motivated, and up-to-speed on the ever-changing self-publishing landscape. Being a successful author requires a lot more than just writing a great book. You have to get into the weeds, be willing to change out of your writer’s cap and into a variety of other hats depending on where you are in the process. You may not have the skills or willingness to tackle everything with your own two hands, and that’s why it’s so important to develop your own file of go-to resources along the way. Here are 30 more resources to tap into along the way! While this list is mostly self-publishing focused, if you’re going the traditional publishing route, you should still have a rigorous shift through them to make sure you are familiar with what is out there. Useful Blogs and Sites 1. The Write Life This workhorse blog is a one-stop-shop offering all you need to figure out how to work with clients, navigate the changing landscape of publishing, learn the ins and outs of social media, grow a following for your blog and find a community that will support you along the way. You’ll always find something useful for your book business here. Try not to get lost in the rabbit hole though. There is so much helpful information here I try to time my visits to make sure I’m not eating into my writing time! 2. Kindlepreneur If you want to dig deep into the goulash of marketing your books, Dave Chesson of Kindlepreneur is your man. His strategies are groundbreaking. Every successful author has to wear many hats, and Dave shares his years of marketing experience and success to show you how to promote the heck out of your books. 3. The Book Designer Joel Friedlander, the creator of The Book Designer, says “Writers change the world one reader at a time. But you can’t change the world with a book that’s still on your hard drive or in a box under your bed.” This embodies the Community Writer mentality. Joel gives you everything you need to get your book out of the box with a variety of self-publishing guides, advice, templates, and toolkits. With his experience in book design and advertising, Joel has the creds to help you produce and sell a great-looking book. 4. The Creative Penn The Creative Penn is run by Joanna Penn, who has been wildly successful with fiction and nonfiction. In her blog and podcast, she covers every aspect of what it takes to start and run a successful author business. She also has a grab bag of books on various self-publishing topics if you can’t get enough on her blog. 5. Jane Friedman’s website Jane has more than 20 years of experience in the book and magazine publishing industry, with expertise in digital media and the future of authorship. Her site is full of actionable content and detailed strategies for the aspiring author from someone who’s been there and done that many times over. Podcasts Worth Your Time 6. Podcast – Neuralle (Uncommon) Please forgive the shameless self-promotion here, but aside from the fact that I will be most likely appearing on this podcast at some point, Neuralle is a fantastic self-development podcast and in my humble opinion a must for any aspiring author or entrepreneur. Past guests have included Venture Capitalists, Entrepreneurs, Chefs, Restaurant Owners, Body Builders, Strength Coaches, Activists, Winemakers, Filmmakers and many, many more. 7. Tim Ferris Podcast This show is the first publishing-related podcast that I followed, and it’s still an all-time favourite. It’s hosted by Tim Ferris an American best-selling author, entrepreneur, self-proclaimed “human guinea pig”, and public speaker. 8. Grammar Girl Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing Every green writer should bookmark this podcast. With helpful and insightful tips on grammar and storytelling, Mignon Fogarty’s podcast is sure to help you improve your narrative and technical writing skills. 9. The Writer Files Hosted by Kelton Reid, The Writer Files is a long-running podcast that delves deep into habits and habitats of famed writers. Reid interviews writers from a broad spectrum, giving each listener a chance to see into the mind of an accomplished wordsmith within their genre or interest. Forums 10. Neil Gaiman Board Neil Gaiman’s Official Message Board. Enough said. 11. Goodreads Groups Goodreads is the mega-site (with over 20 million members) for authors and readers. They have more specific groups than you can count, and if you can’t find an answer or inspiration here, then it doesn’t exist. You might feel a bit overwhelmed, but here’s a smart article on using Goodreads to support your author business. 12. Scribophile There are tons of writing forums out there to choose from, so I suggest you have a play with a few of them. This one works a bit differently which is why I like it though. Scribophile provides detailed and helpful critiques from a member exchange. The analyses you’ll get are so much more than just a pat on the back – you’ll get actionable ways to improve your writing. Writing Tools 13. Scrivener Scrivener is a powerful writing tool for authors that allows you to concentrate on composing and structuring your documents. Get a free 30-day trial and watch some brief YouTube tutorials to get acquainted with the system quickly. 14. Grammarly This proofreading application is an improved version of your standard spellchecking program. Just copy and paste blocks of text into Grammarly, and it will check your writing for common mistakes. The reason it’s better than most spellcheckers is that it provides useful feedback that will improve the overall quality of your book. You will learn a lot very quickly by taking heed of the side bar suggestions and explanations. 15. Hemingway Editor Excellent writing is quite often straightforward writing, and Hemingway was the master at that. Whether you’re writing fiction or nonfiction, your narrative should get to the point with simple language. With the Hemingway software, you will learn how to simplify your writing. Book Publishing and Freelance Help 16. Archangel Ink Archangel Ink is a one-stop solution for getting your book ready to publish. Archangel offers a range of services to help you with cover design, editing, formatting, audiobook production and much more. I feel that if you haven’t published before you learn a lot by manually going through the process of completing your manuscript via Scrivner, finding editors/cover creators via say Reedsy/Freelancer and then uploading it to KDP/Createspace. However it can be frustrating, so I completely understand throwing down some cash and handing of some or all of this to someone else. I’m currently considering using Archangel Ink to produce and audiobook for me. 17. 99 Designs This is a service where you post a design project, like your book cover, and dozens of freelancers submit mock-up examples. You then select finalists based on the submissions and choose the winner to work with you to create a finalised version. 99Designs can be pricey, but it’s a great option if you want a professional cover design for your book. 18. Grammarly I won’t rant on this too much as already do that frequently enough if you don’t have the free version of this you need to get it now. What some of you might not know, is that via the paid version they have an option to connect you with a professional proof reader. I haven’t used this before but considering the calibre of everything else they do I think it’s worth investigating. 19. Freelancer One the most significant websites for hiring freelance talent. If you want to find the largest pool of people, then this is a great place to look. The app makes chatting with prospective freelancers seamless so you can manage your project and selection of the perfect candidate on the go. 20. Reedsy Reedsy offers a boutique experience in editing and cover design. Most freelancers here have worked in the publishing industry, so they have a thorough understanding of what will work for your books. But you should also expect to pay more for the freelancers you find here. If you’re going the self-publishing route within fiction, a professional editor is a must, an absolute necessity, seriously. Reedsy is a great way to find one, with almost every budget available. If you can’t afford the lower tier, I suggest saving your pennies or going the traditional publishing route, where a publisher will provide you a professional editor to work with. Getting Feedback 21. Survey Monkey Is an easy to use survey builder; ask multiple choice questions and get demographic information about your audiences, like age, sex, or occupation. You can use it for your current email list, or post a survey with a lead magnet somewhere your target audience will see it (forums, pay-per-click ad etc.) 22. PickFu PickFu allows authors to get instant feedback on your book before you publish using audience polls. This is a more advanced option for those who already have income streams, again I don’t suggest paying for a resource unless you’ve used a free version and had equitable success with it. Email Marketing 23. AWeber With a drag and drop email builder, unlimited image storage and an easy to use interface, AWeber is a great option to manage your email marketing communication. 24. MailChimp MailChimp offers 12,000 emails to 2,000 subscribers – free. That’s what MailChimp can do for you. A great email marketing resource if you’re just getting started. MailChimp is easy to set up, easy to manage and offers an easy to scale pricing plan as your list grows. As the Wix email option ‘Shoutout’ has a capped number of emails you can send but an exportable email list. You can use MailChimp to send additional emails if you are pushing the boundaries of the free Wix option. 25. Constant Contact You can’t call yourself constant contact and then not be available to your customers. And that’s just what makes this email automation company shine. They offer round the clock support 7 days a week. They also offer 60-day FREE trial. 26. SpyFU Search for any domain and see every place they’ve shown up on Google: every keyword they’ve bought on AdWords, every organic rank, and every ad variation in the last 11 years. This combined with Wix’s seamless SEO makes key words unbelievably easy. You don’t need to have some ten years long. Learn how to connect with these domains, too. Find online and traditional leads methods — social media, email, phone, and address — you can’t find anywhere else. So you can look at other authors within your niche and find out exactly where readers are going to find them. Staying Organized 27. Google Keep Keep is an excellent organisation tool. It stores every idea, research plan and content structure. Which can quickly be dumped into Scrivner later. 28. Evernote Another option this is with a few more features is Evernote, you can save snippets of content you find online and go back to all of it in a searchable, taggable easy to find notebooks on Evernote. It also connects to my Google Home via IFTTT which frustratingly Google Keep doesn’t seem to, so I can handsfree keep notes easily. 29. Google Drive Accessible from anywhere with internet, Google Drive is a great collaborative tool for teams to use when you’re working with content, files, or images in tandem. Google Sheets and Google Docs makes group work seamless, and all work can easily be shared with hyperlinks. 30. Tomato Timer The Pomodoro Technique is a time management strategy preferred by many authors. It’s not always easy to keep track of the non-writing tasks related to your book projects. With Brain Focus Productivity Timer, an excel sheet (or just pen and paper) and Scrivner’s session tracking you can keep motivated with tangible evidence of how hard you’re working. Not only time associated with the project. Team Viz is another excellent paid alternative to this method, and you can’t forget the simple Tomato Timer (tomato-timer.com) 31. Slack It’s like super chat. Instant communication. Instant file transfer. Indexed and Searchable. It is fantastic for collaboration if you have a specific project you are working on. Again, use wisely, if you are co-authoring for example. Not if you’re just working with a freelancer for a short time, instead use the platform’s chat for content protection! 32. Lander App You can learn more about A/B testing here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A/B_testing I have experimented with A/B testing in the past but didn’t feel that it was hugely beneficial. I think that you have to have a relatively sophisticated reason to use A/B testing. Potentially I’ll use this for a book launch with a landing page in the future. Of those that I experimented with, I found Lander App to be the most straightforward to use. Again, if you don’t know what A/B testing doesn’t worry, you don’t need to! Don’t jump to trying to use A/B testing, focus instead on the following: – Mailing list Opt-in rate – You unique visitor Site traffic – Total engagement (comments, email responses) / Book Sales For the third point there, you concentrate on engagement if you haven’t released your first book yet! Website Hosting 33. Freenom – A Name for Everyone One of my favourite hosting companies, if you’re just starting out, I don’t suggest spending any money on anything if you can avoid it. This is perfect for this, as instead of choosing a.com or a.net you can get a free domain and easily swap with redirection later once you’re profitable. Personally, I use Wix for all website things, but this is an excellent option if you’re just starting out. 34. WP Engine WP Engine is a hosting company that provides managed WordPress hosting for websites around the world. They have great support, and their servers help your WordPress site run a top speed. I use Wix as I find it far more user-friendly, however, the advanced features do require a minimum annual cost. With WordPress, most features can be scaled up for free, but a bit more mucking around with add-ons and tech stuff.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2NDLTyV via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

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