#//also t&i is just short for truth & ideals

[allfearstofallto]

if you’re still doing the yandere alphabet, could you do E,L,P,T,X, and Y for childe? no worries if not, I love ur writing! <3

I've definitely been wanting to write more of these!! Thank you so much!!!

Yandere! Childe x Fem! Reader

TW: Yandere, obsession, mentions of stalking

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Childe is open. More open than you'd want him to be and more open than you're willing to hear. You tend to not care about his back story or his interests, but he'll tell you regardless and you're forced to listen.

But if you do listen, really listen, really take in what he says, maybe you'll be able to see how much information he omits. Stories he laughs off like they're funny, are traumatizing in nature. The things he says are horrifying, scary in a way that would change a person permanently. 

He assures you that no such thing has happened with a playful smile, but you see the subtle twitch of his eyebrow and quiver of his lip. He's truthful, but not completely honest.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Childe is one of the few yanderes who's approach will be different based on where his standing is with you.

Know him as that one guy you met on the streets of Liyue, the one who was rather charming, but also rather persistent about seeing you again and he'll court you proper. The whole nine yards. He'll be the ideal boyfriend, albeit with a few quirks that can be brushed off. Mostly his fierce, protective jealousy and strangely short temper. 

Know him as the fatui harbinger? He'll also be just that. It's even worse if you owe money to the northland bank, a debt that he insists that you pay back with your affection rather than money. He won't even attempt to hide his true nature. You already know who he is and what he's capable of. Rather, he'll try to force you to fall in love with the real him, by any means necessary.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling? 

Patient as a fighter, patient at heart. Childe isn't inherently cruel. At least to you he's not. He'll give you time, space, conversation, whatever he thinks you may need to make you more comfortable. But that isn't him being generous. His patience comes with the expectation that you'll eventually fall into the role expected of you.

Refuse or even worse, actively fight him after all the kindness he's given you and you won't see that tolerance anymore. Expectations are higher with harsher consequences if not done when he wants, exactly how he wants. 

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Oh, does he hate that crying face of yours. He can't stand to see you sad, let alone actually sobbing. Each tear rolling down your cheek is like a stab to his heart, he can hardly bear the agony.

He's quick to console you when you cry, especially when he's the one who caused it. Although he can't help, but notice you tend to cry harder when he wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a hug. Even though he hates your tears, he hates the disdain you have for him more. 

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Worship is a strong word. Childe loves you. Adores you. He does put you on a bit of a pedestal, believing you to be better than most people. But worship? Worship is a bit much.

Childe doesn't feel like he has to win you over. The depraved side of him believes he already owns you. Of course, you also own him as well, if you so desire. But because of that, his actions has him seeing you as almost an equal. Almost. There are still times where he loses himself in the desperation and desire to have you completely.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Like a fish needs water, like a man needs air, Childe yearns for you in a way that's animalistic in nature. Childe knows about you long before you know about him. 

“Snapping” is a term that can't entirely be used for him because of this. You can't really lose it if it was never really there. The second he saw you, the second he felt the way he did, the way you made his heart pound the same way it would if he were to be thrust into the throes of a fierce battle, he's already plotting how he plans to take you.

[humming-pokemon-helpers]

. . . Wolfgang here . Vanilla is a bit mentally overloaded to respond further to his blog I think . She has not said much specific about the date either . For those curious it seems to have gone quite well and I come with evidence .

Such as these texts . ( I am sorry V but I would respect your privacy more if you told me about what happened . )

vanilla!!! sorry if today was like, a lot haha i didn’t expect it to run out to dinner!!! but also i shouldn’t apologize because it’s all your fault for being so charming >:(

Oh, nono I’m the one who kept dragging things out! I haven’t gotten to do things like this in a long time… it’s nice and doubly so with you ☺️

do you see this!!! do you see yourself!!! miss “i have no social skills” my ass; i was half-expecting to have to decipher zoruan again!

but noooo instead you turned into prince fucking charming. arc. YOU EVEN HATCHED THAT LITTLE BABY CARVANHA AND IT WAS ALL CUTE AND SWEET AND SHIT???

I… did not expect that to hatch so soon. He earned his name, though.

is wingman doing ok???

Yeah, Wingman’s great. Thanks for, ah, taking the detour to buy a tank… Really thought I had a few more days.

it’s fine!!! it was like an aquarium date with how many fish pokémon were at that store :3 but t&i that guy looked so freaked when you walked in

…Isn’t it normal to be freaked when somebody with Zorua ears & tail walks in?

idk i was excited to see u!!! ur still so nervous tho it’s cute (ur cute have i told you that)

…Why yes, you have. High compliments coming from someone beautiful as you. Honestly, this entire meeting is a high compliment. Just… I still don’t get it…

what’s to get??? you came into my house, this super mysterious hybrid girl i know nothing about, and you become my BESTIE for a week. you make me feel super special and amazing. and then you leave and i keep wondering about you and you come back and you’re this handsome thoughtful person??? UGH ofc your problem is being denser than a bag of bricks <3

Okay, okay, fine. For what it’s worth I’m pretty sure that was actually a terrible first impression but I’ll take it.

yayyy cheri wins again (*^▽^*) anyways you better text me the second you know when you’re free. i wanna see you already!

It’s a date, then.

you know it <3

Hey Rotomblr how do you date.

Like. I have no idea how I got this date. But what do I do.

Is this when I'm supposed to wear a dress and be feminine and pretty? Or is she into more masculine people and I should be wearing a decent shirt and pants? Should I be covering up all of these scars? I mean, she's already seen them, but maybe she won't like how they look in person, or maybe it's a bad idea to go out to a coffee shop as me, and not just "Vanilla the normal human", but then again, maybe that's what she likes?

What was I even like back as a kid that she remembered me so well? I really hope she's not still expecting some cool criminal runaway that breaks into homes... Because I am so the opposite of that now, but then again she's had to have seen more about me, right?

I wonder if she knows about the Galar League, or the Cresses, or me being Champion Rank, or this blog... arc, Cheri, I hope you're not reading this I'm a mess.

And then there's what to do after grabbing coffee, if things go well (miraculous outcome, really)... Do most people just ask for a PKMNSnap, or a Luminstagram? Is it rude to go straight to texting? Should we go somewhere else after if it does go well? ...Is the ferris wheel way too forward? Is hand-holding too much?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to anybody reading this absolute breakdown of professionality. Just...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[newx-menfan]

NYX #8 Review

*Spoilers!!- it’s finally here guys!!!*

———————————————————————

The issue starts with the Preview that I’ve probably shared like five times- Hellion remembering Krakoa and wanting to be free.

The guards are asking him about the bodies (this’ll be important later!) when Laura’s rescue team arrives…

Sophie enters his thoughts/psychically invades his mind …(It’s a nice call back to Jean entering Emma’s mind after the affair, in Morrison!) 

Honestly the whole scene is lovely and wonderfully done! Julian lecturing a dead and recently returned Sophie that life is pain is a really nice choice! This whole scene was really carefully done and I applaud Jackson Lanzing and Collin Kelly fully for it- this is why people read and love X-Men! 

Sophie realizes Manuel ISN’T controlling Hellion and can’t find the information they need.

Laura then tells Julian “SO you want to be a supervillain…” (someone is going to electrocute themselves with all those sparks from the crash btw!) and decidedly takes a more brutal approach instead of telepathy. (So basically foreplay… just LOOK at his smile 🤣🤣🤣)

Julian calls her bluff, saying that Laura doesn’t kill anymore. (It’s a good thing he didn’t try this during the KYOST years… there IS a chance she would have stabbed him😳🤣)

Sophie threatens to leave him to Graymalkin and Julian rightly says “that’s not very X-Men-y”…. Which is kind of true. (I really need to invest in “Hellion IS RIGHT” t-shirts!)

Laura finally gets fed up and threatens to just take his hands again! (that’s a REALLY LOW BLOW Laura to someone just got their hands back!… just kidding, Julian LOVES it… just look at his grin!) 

Julian says what pretty much EVERYONE has been saying for YEARS- Laura is a crappy friend. (BINGO!! 🤣)

Laura responds to this epiphany by tearing up an entire forest. 

Kiden basically does the  “what did you even see in him” (I mean… there WAS short shorts Kiden… 🩳).

Laura finally admits she was in love with Julian and that Hellion was the first one that was truly there for her. Again, this is really nicely done- this issue is as much Laura’s as it is Hellion’s, in that we finally see Laura facing how much she’s changed and grown since her “X-23” days. 

As much as Laura dwells on how “different” she is from everyone else…”Pinocchio instead of a real boy”… you see the harsh truth that everyone must eventually face, the truth of time- that we often have completely changed from who we were during our first innocent “love”.  That we all are forced to change from who we were… often several times in life…

(Also… when did they kiss besides in Liu…I really HOPE it wasn’t when Julian was sleeping?? Oh god!) 

Laura admits she idealized him- she made a version of Julian in her head that isn’t completely him.

Kiden admits she used to watch Laura sleep too… that Kiden ALSO “made a version of Laura in her head” and that their dynamic has changed to time as well… (also everyone is apparently watching each other sleep now…)

During her conversation with Kiden, Laura realizes she needs to treat Julian like a person…like a friend.

That Julian has trials and tribulations too… he isn’t some “perfect person or violent monster”, but an individual that has his own set of issues…that Laura isn’t the only person caging herself. Caging her pain.

Julian of course blows up with this change in their little têtê a têtê… saying that he’s tired of people dying. That they should be angry over everything they have suffered and it’s the human faults.

Laura tells him that the reality is he gave up his hands to save people (and when put Karima in a coma! Laura didn’t mention that, but I will add it in…); that ultimately he is still a hero.

Laura calls Julian’s bluff- the reason no one can find the bodies is because he didn’t kill anyone (well at least not any politicians… maybe people on Subway… but we’re going to ignore all that…)

The issue ends with Julian remembering the “Crucible”, knowing that the return of his hands won’t truly fix the pain. That Julian has to do that himself.

There’s also a hint at Xavier… but no one really cares about that.

Review:

First of all… some housekeeping…I will now not be changing this blog to literary and film rants … so you can all breathe a sigh of relief that I will not be posting long winded think- pieces, such as “Is Mr. Thornton from “North and South” better than Mr. Darcy?”… (Spoiler- He is.) 

This issue is wonderfully done- I know I have been critical of NYX… but this is one of the best issues of X-Men that I have seen in a while (and I am not just saying this because Hellion is my favorite!).

It was just nicely thought out- start to finish. 

WHEN people ask me- “Why do you like X-Men?”… this right here, is the answer.

It’s not the messy “mutant metaphor”. Or the action scenes. Or the “Xavier Institute”. Or the “cool island”. Or the “ big speeches about Phoenix destroying the planet”…

It’s the characters. It’s the heart.

I really appreciate Jackson Lanzing and Collin Kelly remembering that and taking the time to consider the characters- to consider the story… because this has been what has been missing from X-Men.

This was just a GREAT issue, start to finish! 

It considered all the point of views from each character. It took the time to tell the story. It considered prior canon. 

The art was beautiful. I especially loved the “back and forth” cat and mouse between Laura and Julian and the representation of their dynamic and tension.

Theories:

It’s obviously going to be “Kiden and Laura” as endgame… but I’m honestly okay with that. 

I am just happy that after fourteen years, “Misadventures in Babysitting” and the KYOST friendship with Laura and Hellion was finally addressed and how Julian was represented- not as an unredeemable monster and abuser… not as perfect… but a person… 

Julian has made peace with Wind Dancer in “X-Factor” and now Laura in “NYX”… things are truly looking up for Hellion…

Which probably means he will die soon (I’m just kidding, I swear!! 🤣) 

Sigh- I really don’t care about the Xavier issue. The only version of Xavier I have ever actually liked is the “Patrick Stewart/James McAvoy one”. 😐

Kamala isn’t going to be happy. Julian is probably going to be rearrested and Bilal will try to kill him.

But Julian got his moment in the sun guys! 

Bonus:

Let’s SEE how I did…

I almost checked off “Laura steps on his face” because the arm thing was kind of close… but “Hiketeia” it is not…

Kind of wish I had “Laura uses her foot claws” on there (DID NOT see that coming 🤣🤣🥵😭)

Julian DIDN’T actually cry, that I saw… but Kiden WAS jelly (never bring up NIN when trying to hit on someone Kiden… doesn’t work 😔)

Came really close to a bingo… but I’m way happier it WASN’T “Misadventure 2.0” 🤣🤣🤣

[groenendaelfic]

Do you think Simon would actually be willing to become the Prince Consort tho?! Like yes he LOVES Wille but I don't think he'd ever wanna officially set a foot in that system let alone give up his career for being a working royal

The quick answer is yes, I think he’d thrive. Go read my fic Becoming Prince Simon for details.

The long answer is that I think that just like we tend to make Wilhelm into this social justice prince who’d love being a house husband and hates being a royal, when in fact he is quite comfortable with ignoring staff while he walks past them in a ratty old t-shirt and sweatpants because there’s nothing more normal than living in a palace and having staff cater to him for him, and he actively enjoys ordering Jan-Olof to send him food to the middle of nowhere Hillerska, to name but two examples of how Wilhelm very much doesn’t mind being royal or privileged, and just hates being told what to do or say and having to act like someone he isn’t, Simon, too, isn’t this grand idealist.

Sure he’d like being treated fairly, who doesn't, especially when you always draw the short straw even while following the rules while your classmates get away with breaking them without problem, but the truth is he’s rather pragmatic.

He gets back in contact with his drug addict, alcoholic and to a currently unknown degree abusive father so that he can acquire alcohol for his underage classmates to drink so that Sara can attend a party, and then steals drugs to among other things pay for math tutoring because he wants good grades.

I’m not saying Simon would jump at the chance to join the royal family, but he’d come to see the advantages, and I’m not just talking about him being with Wilhelm, but also all the good he can do. He doesn't need to be a monarchist for that.

So yes, I don’t only think Simon would be willing to become Prince Consort, but that he’d thrive once he got accustomed to the idea.

After all modern day Sweden isn’t Czarist Russia or pre-revolutionary France, you can’t just burn that shit down (and get the Soviet Union or Emperor Napoleon), because that wouldn't work and attempting so would do more harm than good. 

You need reform and systematic change, and to change a system you need to interact with it, for example from the inside, and as spouse to the Crown Prince and later King, Simon would be in the ideal position to affect that.

He doesn’t need any actual power to highlight problems and topics important to him or for people to pay attention and listen. It doesn’t always have to be Diana shaking hands with a man with aids in the 80s, it can be something as trivial as the irl second in line opening a fairytale trail in her duchy as a toddler.

What the royal family does (and doesn’t! do) gets publicity and is reported. Simon knows that. He grew up seeing it all the time.

And the people most likely to take note of what the royal family does? Those I dare say are also some of the ones who could do with a bit more exposure to the causes Simon would highlight.

Also not to be mean but give up what career? We know Simon enjoys making music and he wants to get out of small town Bjärstad, but as far as we know he has no great, specific career ambitions he’d have to give up.

I’m gonna end this with a potentially triggering and extreme example, so take care.

When the royal court announced that the irl Swedish crown princess had an eating disorder I was in junior high. I'll always feel sorry for what she had to go through so publicly and it definitely is another point on the list of why monarchies and celebrity culture are the worst, but I also cannot overstate how much good that publicity did when it came to bringing awareness to the topic of eating disorders.

Suddenly that was something that was seriously discussed as an illness by people in power and who otherwise never would have, and not just in a ‘haha those silly teenage girls wanting to look like Kate Moss’ kind of way, because it was the crown princess and not some random pop starlet, and if that can happen to someone like her, then who is to say it can’t also affect our own children etc?

We were taught about it in school, in detail, when my older cousins never were, how to recognize them, how to help, where to go for help. More, there suddenly were places to help, places that were actively advertised which hadn’t been before.

There were clinical programs being opened and awareness campaigns launched, and not just in Sweden. (I’m not saying she was the only reason, it was the late nineties, it was really, really necessary, but she was a big deciding factor when it came to the amount and speed at which things changed)

It sucks that royals and celebrities highlighting important issues can make such a difference, and I’m the first to go yell abolish all systems of inequality irl, but Simon could do a lot of good as a working royal, and he’d actually care about changing things, instead of just finding it a boring necessity like irl royals and the YR royal family including Wilhelm do, which is why I think that in a few years, given time, he would very much be willing to become part of the system if only to bring what change he can, especially when no one else can take his place and do it instead of him.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

You mentioned yesterday when answering my 1-3 review-ish that all the Chapter 5s bar one would be quite low down the list so seeing 3-5 here, doesn't really surprise me all that much because this has a LOT of flaws with it.

And given the history behind this chapter its little surprise as out of all the V3 Chapters, 3-5 suffered the most development hell of them all as Kodaka and everyone at Spike Chunsoft struggled really hard to come up with a good Chapter 5, and there were lots of drafts and revisions each with wildly different outcomes. The only recurring theme between each version was that the victim and culprit worked together. So if you are wondering why Kaito and Kokichi feel out of place as a victim/culprit pair, that's why because there was a good chance neither of them were meant to die this chapter but after slamming their heads against the wall enough times, this is what we got. I am curious what the other alternatives we could have gotten were but short out of a data breach I don't encourage under any circumstances, I doubt we would ever find out.

As you mentioned a big issue is this is a reskin of 2-5 but its a way inferior version since Kokichi is not Nagito. Nagito is a creditable threat because we've seen many examples on how willing he was gonna go for his ideals, and he also makes it very clear if he likes you or not. Plus Nagito had just found out the truth about Class 77-B being the Remnants of Despair so there was a motive for his anger. With Kokichi it felt like since everyone hated him after what he did last Chapter he decided to go "fuck it" and go completely crazy.

Another major difference between Nagito's and Kokichi's plan was Nagito had thought out his plan well and made it so it became almost impossible to solve since anyone could have thrown the poisoned fire grenade. The only way there were gonna win is to weed out the traitor which only works because Nagito would view the traitor as the only innocent, and this meant Chiaki had to expose herself to ensure Nagito's plans failed. But all of this can be saved for 2-5. Kokichi's plan though had nurmous holes in it since yes he drove everyone to despair but all the Mastermind had to do was use a Flashback Light to give them hope and that brought everyone's spirits up. Plus kidnapping Kaito was always gonna be a poor move since we all know someone who is very attached to Kaito and who would not hesitate to delete Kokichi from existence if given the chance, so does it really come as a surprise when Maki decides to try and rescue Kaito on her own, and kill Kokichi in the crossfires?

And while Kokichi making a unsolvable crime is a good idea on paper, in reality seeing as Team Danganronpa would do anything to keep the show running, plus there was already a case of the culprit being the wrong person with 3-1, so they would just execute whoever was in the exicel regardless of if its true or false because the producers don't care, they just want a good show. And even if everyone was killed in Chapter 5, there's a good chance it would have made the show even more popular, because there was evidence that Danganronpa was getting stale in the V3 universe as you would expect from such a long running show. So having it so everyone died in one chapter in a unsolvable case, that would have brought a lot of in-universe discussion and it might lead to Team Danganronpa changing the format slightly so that more scenarios like what Kokichi's plan was would come out like making more disruptive characters like him. Far from stopping the Killing Game, Kokichi's plan would have benefitted it more then anything.

I think there should have been more emphasis on Kaito's illness rather then it be a throwaway but once again since 3-5 has been muddled around so much, it could have been that some scenarios would have had the illness be more of a factor and Kaito dropping dead during the trial or something. What's worse is that Shuichi and Kaito have a bit of a fallout in 3-5 due to the previous class trial and while Maki tries to help patch things up, I'm not really sure if this conflict was ulitmately resolved satisfyingly, I know Kaito does apologise to Shuichi when he secretly visits him while being held captive, but given Kaito was under watch from Kokichi at the time, its not sure if its sincere though the fact he gives Shuichi words of encouragement before he dies means I do think the bridges have been mended but I dunno I wish it was done better.

Another thing is due to how confusing 3-5 is, a lot of people have ran conspiracy theories that Kokichi didn't even die, since due to how the whole trial was run and how compliant Kaito seemed to be, it could be Kokichi was just hiding afterwards and him being alive explains the plothole of how the auidence seemed to comply at the end because Kokichi hacked into the broadcast signal and turned it off so nobody could vote. And while people give all kinds of evidence and its a interesting theory, its one I don't buy because I just believe its wishful thinking from Kokichi fans that he is still alive.

The whole Gopher Project fake storyline was also kinda meh as while its revealed to be completely fake, its like how do people not notice a swarm of meteorites heading towards Earth with space COVID in them? I know Bubbles played with this in Starship of Hope by explaining its caused by a rogue planet going through the Kulper Belt which made the astariods go crazy, but still we have eyes on space all the damn time, sure we sometimes miss a asteroid or two but not an entire swarm of them. That's kinda hard to NOT notice and also how come Jupiter doesn't do its job and mess with the flight path of a lot of them? Really you could tell the plan is bogus and fake and really the only logical conclusion I can see is that its terrorism and a group similar to Ultimate Despair hijacked the meteorites and just yeeted them at Earth. Kinda glad it wasn't real in all fairness.

Another issue here is the Maki-Kaito relationship. This is one of the few "canonical" pairings as Maki more or less admits in this chapter she has developed feelings for Kaito and its what drives a lot of her actions since she just wants Kaito to be okay. And that's fine because love can make people do stupid and crazy things, but it wouldn't be what Kaito wanted from Maki. As the entire character arc between Kaito and Maki is the former wanting to show the latter there is more to life then being a merciless monster, and that she is a person with thoughts and feelings. So if the entire character arc is for Maki to learn to be her own person, then why does she decided to go and try to do a dramatic rescue to save Kaito and kill Kokichi in the process? Especially since Shuichi and co already made plans to rescue Kaito and confront Kokichi the following day so why does Maki decide to go rogue when there was already a plan in the works?

And I know the easy way is that Tsumugi made Maki do it, but since we have never seen Tsumugi do something like that in V3 and if anything she was panicking big time during the entire chapter which makes it seem she's lost control and recieving hell from her superiors. Her statement in Chapter 6 it was part of the plan I suspect was an lie to save face because looking how she reacts in Chapter 5, its very telling that she's lost control of the situation.

I am reminded of the fake spoilers of Chapter 5 which gave some interesting alternatives that we could have gotten. One of these fake spoilers is the reveal that Kokichi was born into a cult of Despair and was groomed to be its leader...and all the horrific implications that follows. The characters find out about this in Chapter 5 and they confront Kokichi who goes completely crazy as a result due to the trauma involved as it turns out the reason he lies all the time is as a defensive measure for what he had to endure. So Kaito decides to kill Kokichi because everyone assumes he's the mastermind, but midway through Kaito killing Kokichi, he realises that Kokichi isn't the mastermind but its too late as a fatal blow was dealt. Kokichi though is happy since it means at long last, someone believed him and he dies condent. Kaito then takes Kokichi's body and crushes it under the hyderelic press so in the fake spoiler, he was already dead when the press went down, and then he had to rush to the trial to stop Monokuma from trying to frame Maki as the blackened and then he implores everyone to vote him.

The trial itself is fun because you don't know who the victim and culprit is but the problem and its another plot hole, is that Kokichi apparantely wrote an entire script for Kaito to act like him. Thing is he wasn't able to gloat Kaito into helping him until after Kokichi got fatally poisoned by Maki who if he did, would mean Maki gets killed, and when you are slowly dying from poison you don't have enough time to write 5,000 words on how to speak Kokichi. I mean I probably could do it in about 5 hours, but I use a computer, Kokichi would have had to write this all out which takes longer. You could argue that maybe Kokichi had this written in advance but how was he gonna convince Kaito, who btw hates his absolute guts and was only helping him because if he didn't one of the people he cares about the most would die. And it also implies Kokichi has Ultimate Analyst like abilities which again is something we haven't seen from the character.

Long story short, while the trial had good emotions and it led to a interesting case, the fact that this was apparently a pig for Spike Chunsoft to figure out how to write it shows, because they wound up doing a rehash of 2-5 but missing a lot of its good marks and leaving behind a lot of plotholes and stuff that doesn't make sense. Maybe if Chapter 5 wasn't so much of a brain fart for Kodaka, maybe the case could have had more consistancy and be stronger overall. But as it stands, we are left with a chapter which has a lot of flaws and plotholes and a scheme that was doomed to fail due to the nature of the Killing Game.

Sadly, this won't be the only time a chapter gets slaughtered by edits and changes which wrecks the entire narrative, but I see that one being way more severe as it happened literally at the last minute. But you see which one I'm referring to when we get there.

//First of all, I'm really sorry I didn't answer this yesterday. I always look forward to your reviews, but yesterday I was preoccupied with personal matters.

//I had some friends over for the week to celebrate my birthday that happened at the beginning of the month. And I create all of these posts in advance, so it just uploaded on its own without me needing to do anything.

//But I'll talk my way through this now. To start with, I'm gonna be real, if I ever had the chance to talk with Kodaka and his team, and we got to talking about Case 5, now that I know what was going on at the time, I think I'd have nothing but kind words for the man.

//Yeah, okay, I don't think I would try to hide all the issues that I talked about with V3-5, but if this really was under the constraints as you've described them, I think what we actually got is pretty freaking fantastic.

//Again, I LIKE this case. I just have very prevelant cons with it that kind of balance out the pros. While I do really like the alternate scenarios that you talked about here, if I'm being real, I still think I prefer what we actually got as opposed to them.

//In terms of comparison to 2-5 though, it's very easy to pinpoint exactly why it falls so flat. And the main reasons all have to do with the masterminds behind the plan.

//Let's just say that there's a reason why there are so many videos and posts out there trying to pschoanalyse Komaeda. Because not only is it a fun and interesting thing to do to try and explain the actions of this madman, and debate whether or not it's justifiable to do so, but it's rewarding to as well, regardless of what conclusion you reach.

//Nagito's motivations are flawed and nonsensical, but they are also logical. He's had such a rough life that constantly teeters on and off collapse due to his batshit luck that he cannot control, so the reason why he's crazy is because he tries to ground himself with whatever he can. It's like a coping mechanism, and it makes him do insane things.

//He loves hope because he fears despair, and as stated here, the simple reason why he did what he did in Case 5 is because he had a reason to want to go after everyone else. He found out that the Future Foundation were the good guys, and the students were the bad guys, which is why a switch was flipped that made him set up the trap as intended, and it's genius.

//But Kokichi isn't the case. Psychoanalysing him is almost impossible, because he's both too simple AND too complicated.

//The short version is that he's just a pathological liar, but Kokichi throughout all of his spiels about how lies and truths can change, he never actually gives a reason why he lies; at least not an honest one. And when he dies, even Shuichi says that they will never find out what's really going on through his head.

//And neither do we. And we likely never will.

//On the one hand, Kokichi being left as such an open book for people to make their own interpretations is cool, but at the same time, it just stirs conflict, because everyone can kind of agree that Nagito's psychology comes from a singular place, largely because of how straightforward he is as a character.

//Kokichi is complex for the sake of being complex, and it doesn't really work in his favor for this case.

//But yeah, Kokichi's plan to create an unsolvable crime in Chapter 5 could have made the show more popular, completely going against what he tried to do to end the game. What's worse, as I mentioned, it is really taken away what Kokichi tries to do when Tsumugi stands on ceremony and tells everyone she predicted he would attempt this, because she wrote his character.

//Assuming that's true, which lets be real, it probably isn't, but assuming it is, that really means that this whole trial was just overall worth absolutely nothing. Despite how much they try to play up Kaito's sacrifices as noble, Kokichi was trying to destroy a power that he didn't fully understand.

//Nagito knew, when he was dying, what was really going on in the virtual world, and formed his plan surrounding that. Kokichi had no idea what he was up against, tried it anyway, and played with fire. While that's not out of character to him, Kokichi is more methodical than he lets on. Everything he does means something in the grand scheme of things, as Chapters 4-6 really try to show.

//So it just kind of sucks that it turned out this way.

//What I will say though is that in regards to Shuichi and Kaito's falling out, it does make sense how that one quick conversation was enough to fix it.

//Not only was the situation desperate at the time, but I don't think Kaito was ever THAT mad at Shuichi.

//Kaito, contrary to what people might think, ISN'T an idiot. He KNOWS that if Shuichi hadn't exposed Gonta, they would have all died. But it ties in with his belief that no matter what, he could not believe that Gonta would be cruel enough to commit a murder on his own. And he was kind of right, considering Kokichi masterminded most of Case 4.

//Shuichi is not to blame for what happened to Miu and why Gonta turned out the killer. But that doesn't stop him being angry about it, and just taking it out on Shuichi because he's basically the only one that he can anymore.

//That doesn't make it right, let me just quickly add. It's still stupid of Kaito to do that. I just think it would be in-character for him to realize such himself, but unable to prevent himself from lashing out about it because it upset him that much.

//In his defence, V3-4 was VERY upsetting.

//Next, the Kokichi conspiracy theory, while cool, probably isn't accurate either. Because there would be no reason for him to hide away like he did, because again, he would not have known about V3 being a TV show.

//Also, in regards to Maki, I'm not going to defend her actions, because they were still stupid, but you have to remember that Maki, while agreeing to the rescue, had a few reasons why she went on her own. The most likely circumstance is that everyone agreed to go save Kaito in the hangar, but Maki probably realized that while everyone was willing to fight Kokichi and the Exisals, none of them were probably willing to kill him.

//She on the other hand, for lack of better words, needed that twink OBLITERATED.

//Also, what the hell was she going to do? Go back and admit that she might have killed both Kokichi and Kaito? So yeah, it was stupid, but the reason why Maki went off on her own is because she probably felt she couldn't trust the others, and at this point in time, she didn't care anymore. Kokichi had crossed every line and she wanted him DEAD.

//Also, I really don't think that Tsumugi had anything to do with Maki's actions, because Maki would have SAID so in Chapters 5 or 6. She could have gone "Wait, but that reminds me...Back when I was trying to rescue Kaito in the hangar, it was Tsumugi who said blah blah blah..." you get the idea.

//But we never got that, and come on. Tsumugi doesn't do a single damn thing that's remotely mastermind-like for the entire Killing Game, besides killing Rantaro and framing Kaede, which we don't even discover until Chapter 6. It's pretty unlikely of her to do it now of all times.

//I think there were also other ways that Kokichi could have convinced Kaito of what was going on. All he had to do was show him the proof that he WASN'T the mastermind, and that his tools were created by Miu, and explain that his plan is to end the Killing Game.

//In fact, Kaito even ADMITS at the end of the trial "I was on board the moment he told me he wanted to end the killing game."

//Like, Kaito SAYS this EXACTLY!

//The fact that Kokichi was able to goad him into it with the poison cure was pure luck more than anything. Despite how much Kaito hated Kokichi, and does so until his own death, I doubt it would have taken that much to convince him to help end the game, even if it meant making a sacrifice.

//But yeah, like I said already, it is honestly kind of surprising looking back how people remember Case 2-5 so fondly that they fail to realize just how much greater it is than 1-5, V3-5, and I would argue A-5 and A2-5 didn't really hit that mark either.

//Unlike Case 3, none of them are BAD. Not even this one. It's still very good and very fun. They just aren't universally fantastic. But we have a whole rest of a list for that to get to soon enough.

-Mod

[rebeldesthings]

Hello)

Here's my stream of consciousness I promised🙃

I couldn't make it short, so I'm writing looonggg.

To avoid confusion, I do not abbreviate names.

I don’t know how accurately and in detail I can describe my theory, but I’ll try. English not my native language. I'll start with the main thing - Connor is a classic case of a monogamous man. Unfortunately, it is T who is “the love of his life.” And, although Connor says in his blog"Letting go" that he “buried” it all, he is being disingenuous).

In 2018, during a discussion on gg(gurugossiper), someone wrote: Unfortunately, once Troye and Jacob break up Connor will immediately try to get Troye back".... But, as we see, this obviously did not happen then, in 2020.

I believe what Connor said on the podcast with Shannon: they didn't communicate or talk in any way for years and years.

Then, in December 2019, Connor tweeted: "Still hurts, but no longer broken". Apparently he just found out that t and j broke up.

One would think that Connor had overcome his pain and the crisis had passed.

But "House fires" is coming out in 2021.

On the pages of which Connor, as he himself says, "spilled all his blood".

In one of the interview Connor said, that he is "wasn't in love for six years".

I agree that Connor would like to have Troye back in 2019-20, return at least as a friend.

I'm sure this poem in NTS: “a lover once, a friend forever” is not an empty phrase for Connor. Not then, not now - never. Why then, after the separation of t and j, does he not make an attempt to bring Troye back into his life? I think this is a public slap from Troye: songs The Good Side and Plum.

I think the trauma from this still hasn't gone away, and "song in Target" which Connor is talking about with Shannon - it's TGS. The reference to it is also heard in the HF trailer: "trying to hard to be a bad guy sprint away from MY GOOD SIDE".

Connor was deeply wounded again by Troye, and this wound gave rise to that new round of torment that we see in HF.

He then writes about love, “ready to do anything just to breathe his head"💞, then almost curses the day Troye was born: "you lied to me again and again", "false hope is cruel", "unhealthy relationship".☠..It moving in a circle ...

Now a little about chapter 14.

Lord, this is just a monogamous truth! He did not abandon them only because he discovered their imperfections (although that too). Just Connor, who has known unconditional, elemental love, he is not someone who knows how to love rationally, out of his head. He felt the difference too well.

As an honest man, he ended it because he knew that he would not give anyone anything similar.

In short, he abandoned them because they were not Troye.🤷‍♀️

Not Troye, feelings for whom in Connor's head and heart  had a huge spectrum and were more than alive. And Connor's boyfriends, for their part, also saw this in him: there is someone who is absolute for him. Connor has a standard, ideal image of love, which is difficult to fight.

Still, I loudly applaud Connor's tenacity for the fact that he is trying to change this reality. I'm rooting for him like a football fan in the stands💪

Connor write: "I need someone new who will love me the same way I once loved you".

He craves unconditional, blind love. Perhaps those guys weren't capable of it🤔

I hope, !I hope!! this new guy H is capable of that kind of love.

Connor needs to be warmed up with absolute love, accepting him whole with its heavy trail from the past like this. Such a person will have a shining chance to live a long, happy life with C, because he was created to be a husband, created for marriage.

I wish H not to give up!

Now again about something unpleasant, that is, about TGS.

Troye did a Jesuitical thing by releasing this song (and Plum). And in many interview he kept throwing punches.

For starters, why did he write it?

As a response to NTS? Yes. But also he was mad that J was hated after nts.

T wanted to teach the fandom a lesson, but the main blow fell on Connor.

Silly fans in the end praised "a letter of apology", were touched by Troye's tears, forgetting that Sivan is a good actor😏.

TGS actually had nothing to do with the apology but was something the opposite. Mockery and petty revenge. Hiding behind a pleasant melody and the words "apologize,sympathize", song exist as pure poison.

Troye calculated everything exactly, deceived the audience, and poured fresh poison on Connor's old wound. I watched Genius for a long time, and recently I rewatched it. And I didn’t just ask if Connor communicated with Leland and Allie after the release of tgs.

What Troye does: at the very beginning of the review he says: "my friends and long-term co-authors L and A, we wrote that song"...Why is he saying this, assuming he's talking to Connor? Because this is not said to Connor. I think by that time C knew who the authors were.

T tells this to the fans who knew that L and C were communicating and continued to be friends. He covers up his vile act with L's complicity in it. And at the same time trying to undermine C’s trust in friends, many of whom rallied around C after T and C breakup.

On the podcast with Shannon C says he lost faith in a lot of his friends back then. I think it was after tgs that he stopped communicating with L and others(

He also says there that he “doesn’t want to make himself a victim, clearly reproaching C for making himself a victim.

I just want to kill him for the line about the "rings".😡 Like per line: "the world sang along to it falling apart". Considering that on tour he also pointed his finger at J, performing "for him."🤬

And timing. On Genius T says that BN already contained breakup songs. But BN came out on December 3, 2015. C's the entire X feed  is in album support posts. NEW Year holyday 2015-16 - C with Troye and his family in Australia,...And he doesn't look abandoned)))

February 1, 2016 - last Snapchat: cheerful Connor with beer, L and T.

11 february ⏩2019 - instagram T, 3rd anniversary of T&J. In fact, I think the segment is even smaller. It was C's tweet or tmblr post 4 february, like "everything is bad"((

WEEK! Just a week, which Troye in tgs tries to present as a loooooong period. TGS full of lie.

It's not surprising that Troye abstracts himself from that period and from BN.

But i think final piunt put OUT interview. End of March 2016. After this, Connor writes: “you made me feel like I don’t understand what".

For that interview i want to kill T twice✔

I've been talking about tgs for so long because I think  that the entire HF book grew out of this wound. If tgs hadn't happened, Connor would have reconciled with Troye immediately after T and J broke up.

Dudes on gg after reading HF

agreed to the point that Connor is so traumatized by Troy and depression that he will commit suicide in the future1.🙈.

But i think  - all story with tgs weakened T as a person, and made Connor stronger. Troye is very vulnerable because of this ugly situation.

Do you know that they are (t's pr) cleaning up his past on social networks? They  deleted a lot of old videos from the time of Troye - YouTuber, a lot of tweets from the time of BN. I went to gg yesterday - his thread was deleted, at least I didn’t find it. Connor's branch is in place))

So funny really))) So much effort and then 💫Connor with this podcast with Brooks💫. Like a jack-in-the-box) And now how to make the people forget and unsee everything?))

On gg tgs were disassembled into atoms.

I liked how someone said: "I can't wait to see what happens to T when will he and J break up?" It was so easy to lecture Connor arrogantly and condescendingly.Like, “move on.” And Troye himself? For the fifth year now he has been howling from the stage)))

And with this so-called "choreography" on this tour.

Of course he aimed at Jacob with these p*rno-effects. And he definitely hit Connor. I'm really sorry that he sees this. Sometimes Troye seems hopelessly stupid to me. Jacob hasn't given a damn for a long time( and I think he always has).

No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see even 10% of that feeling onJ's face (which Connor's face was reduced to).

I think what's happening now is the delayed release of tgs: Connor has dealt with the pain and wants to bring Troye back to his reality. I'm not saying he's stalking Troye, but he definitely doesn’t want to be erased from T's memory and life.

What did Connor see in Troye's eyes when they met in 2022? What could they “talk about for a long time”? I pray to God that Troye apologizes for tgs. And I'm sure Connor has made it clear that he's willing to listen to Troye forever.

Connor never separated himself from Troye, and stopped fighting it. You don't have to be a great physiognomist to see how his face lights up when he talks about Troye.

On the other hand, what did Troyе see in Connor's eyes?

Himself, as if in a distorting mirror? LOVE that can't be killed by anything, and T was scared?

I don't understand Troye's behavior. And his management.

Connor is already here, appeared. You can't push him back into oblivion. Their old strategy is lost.

Actually, before I knew Connor i thought that all Don Quixotes died out like mammoths)))

May God give strength and wisdom H. if he can coexist with it with the ghost of a "beautiful lady" always looming in the C's background, then he will win!

On Twitter, many are upset with Troye for not having BN in the setlist. This situation is not normal; the album is the best and most beloved by fans.

Sometimes I wonder if Connor asked Troye not to sing about him? BN = Franta in the minds of the people.

Soo when Troye WILL sings BN - then the process of returning Connor to reality Troye has moved forward.

And also (hypothetically)😅: if Troye suddenly falls on his head 🤕🥴and suddenly realizes that Connor is the best thing that could happen to him and will begin to actively seek and return Connor...then Connor, of course, will resist, but... not much🙃🥰

But Troye doesn't realize it because he's a fool. So we can sleep peacefully😅

Wow, I don't think I've ever received such a long ask. It’s amazing how you were able to articulate your thoughts in such detail. Thank you for taking the time to do that. While I don’t agree with everything you said, that’s okay. We don’t always have to agree on everything, and like you mentioned, these are your theories and assumptions. Who am I to tell you what to believe?

However, I’d like to share my opinion on the idea of "T being the love of his life." I just can’t agree with that. I don’t believe in the notion of someone being "the love of your life." If they really were, they’d still be in your life. The love of your life wouldn’t hurt you to the point where you lose all trust in finding love again. I think sometimes people tend to glorify a person after the fact, focusing on the good memories while overlooking the pain they caused. This applies to both Connor and T. If either of them ever thought they’d found the "love of their life" but then lost it, I believe they're just wrong to even think that.

I also don’t think Connor is trying to get back with T. I’m not sure why T isn't performing any songs from BN, but maybe those songs just don’t fit his current vibe anymore. I doubt Connor had any influence over that decision, and I don’t believe he has the power to dictate what T can or can’t perform, especially when it comes to T’s management.

To be honest, I’ve never cared much about T or his ex. I don’t even follow what they’re doing in life. I only have some idea about T because of the information I get from these asks. As for T trying to get back with his ex or whatever, I really don’t care. From the bottom of my heart, I just hope Connor never associates himself with T, their relationship, or their circle of friends and family ever again.

Next time, please continue to use abbreviations because, at this point, we all know who we're talking about. I decided to post this ask because it was so thoughtful, I didn’t want to let it go unshared. Thanks again for your insights. I’m sure there’s more I wanted to say, but after such a long day, my brain just isn’t cooperating, haha!

[sweatforged]

    *      ──      𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖙         𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑬𝑵         ❜     ⟨⟨             𝖨'𝖫𝖫  𝖡𝖫𝖤𝖤𝖣  𝖥𝖮𝖱  𝖸𝖮𝖴,  𝖨𝖥  𝖨𝖳'𝖲  𝖳𝖧𝖤  𝖫𝖠𝖲𝖳  𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖦  𝖨  𝖣𝖮.           ⟩⟩ 

legs  crossed  underneath  him,  guitar  in  his  lap,  silas  let  his  eyes  fall  shut,  breathing  in  deep.  calm.  a  few  chords  strung,  he  huffed  in  silent  frustration.  he  was  a  little  rusty.  too  busy  fighting  &  worrying,  he  hadn't  spent  nearly  as  much  time  playing  music  as  he  should've.  but  he  soon  found  his  rhythm  again,  a  little  melody  that  meant  nothing  to  anybody  but  him  -  unfinished  little  serenade  he  never  got  to  play.  so  many  things  unsaid,  so  many  thoughts  unshared.  so  many  chances  missed.

🎶  "two  hearts,  one  valve pumpin′  the  blood we  were  the  flood we  were  the  body,  and two  lives,  one  life.."🎶

stopping  with  a  little  sigh,  fingers  sliding  across  the  guitar's  strings  causing  a  little  screech  to  sound,  he  tugged  off  his  shirt  &  dropped  it  on  the  pillow,  let  his  scent  take  over  for  comfort  purposes.  grabbing  the  short  sword  he  brought  for  this,  fingers  wrapped  around  the  blade  &  with  a  little  hiss,  he  squeezed  down  &  pulled,  letting  blood  trickle  into  the  bowl  beneath  that  held  a  few  other  items  as  well.  pulling  a  box  of  matches  from  his  pocket,  silas  lit  the  contents  of  the  bowl  on  fire  before  he  resumed  playing  a  a  soft  tune,  the  ritual's  words  softly  hummed  along.

🎶  "divine  song  within  my  veins,  hear  my  call  beyond  the  planes."  🎶

—  a  bond  that  shall  never  be  broken.

tempting  promise,  wasn't  it?  how  could  it  not  be?  silas  once  before  lost  that,  he  lost  what  mattered  most  to  him  in  life  -  now  he  wasn't  sure  if  a  companion  equaled  a  soulmate,  but  the  way  serapheim  &  daphne  explained  it  ..  he'd  like  to  think  it  was  somewhat  similar  in  feeling  &  truth  be  told,  he  craved  it.  he  craved  companionship,  he  craved  the  way  it  made  him  feel  to  know  that  there  was  always  that  someone  who  looked  after  you  -  unconditional  ..  adoration  in  a  sense,  one  that  went  both  ways.  ideally.

coming  here,  coming  to  this  alternate  universe  or  whatever  -  fuck  if  he  knew,  he  wasn't  one  of  the  smart  kids  damnit,  but  coming  here  &  seeing  what  could've  been  &  ...wasn't,  made  him  wonder.  not  just  about  himself,  but  also  those  around  him.  he  was  married  here  for  fuck's  sake.  yet  he  -  the  real  ...or  unreal  him,  couldn't  even  tell  jesse  how  he  felt.  the  son  of  nyx  was  a  free  spirit  &  silas  would  never  threaten  that.

but  it  did  bring  insecurity  with  it  -  in  everything.  it  was  exhausting  to  worry  &  truth  be  told,  silas  was  struggling  with  his  little  beast,  too.  he  adored  him,  he  did,  but  the  fact  nobody  fucking  wanted  to  help  him  with  it  didn't  help.  he  couldn't  even  get  it  protected  for  battle,  both  pytir  &  warwick  shut  him  down.  they  may  see  it  a  monster,  but  silas  wasn't  heartless  -  he  wouldn't  force  it  to  fight  for  him  &  lead  it  to  slaughter  without  protection.  would  he  die  for  the  furry  little  monster?  no  doubt.  but  would  it  die  for  him?  he...doubted  that.  maybe,  he  simply  wanted  more.  no,  he  craved  more.  he  craved  a  connection  that  bested  them  all.  he  wouldn#t  find  that  in  the  kitten,  he  …  had  to  accept  that.  which  didn't  mean  he  cared  for  it  any  less.  he  simply  wished  for  more.  something  more  profound.  a  bond  he  didn't  have  to  fret  about  breaking.

🎶  "i  pronounce  my  intentions  to  thee,  appear  for  me  now  and  equals  we  shall  be."  🎶

—  a  bond  that  shall  last  forever.  truly.

he'd  set  out  in  the  early  morning  hours,  guitar  dusted  off  &  strapped  to  his  back,  his  bag  filled  with  a  variety  of  items  as  he  set  out  towards  the  place  he  felt  most  at  home  at.  he  doubted  the  son  of  nyx's  embrace  qualified  for  that.  back  to  the  kratos  cabin  he  went,  it  pulled  him  downstairs  into  the  kratos  gym,  which  thankfully  was  still  the  same  it  had  been  before  they  left  for  the  trial.  he  leapt  into  the  ring  with  ease  &  placed  his  bag  down,  unpacking  with  care.  they'd  not  exactly  been  giving  them  much  info  on  how  to  do  this  properly,  so  he  assumed  ...  winging  it  would  be  his  only  option.

🎶  "not  master  and  servant,  nor  collar  or  chain.  but  partner  to  partner,  equals  in  name."  🎶

—  a  bond  made  in  blood. 

of  course  he  had  wishes,  ideas  &  expectations  when  doing  the  ritual,  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  silas  was  the  last  to  judge  a  book  by  its  cover.  he  brought  meat  -  raw  &  cooked,  he  brought  berries  &  set  the  bowls  down  in  a  semi-circle  in  the  middle  of  the  ring.  he'd  brought  a  pillow  for  the  center  of  the  ring  to  build  his  little  summoning  circle  around.  he'd  ..wanted  it  to  land  softly  ..  if  it  landed.  maybe  it'd  refuse  him.  but  food  always  went  well,  right?

he'd  plucked  a  dark  feather  from  extended  wings  -  they  stretched  out  far  enough  to  pool  against  the  ropes,  connecting  him  to  the  entirety  of  the  ring  in  a  way  -  an  extended  hug  around  the  friend  soon  summoned  in  the  place  he  felt  most  at  home  at.

the  feather  had  been  placed  in  a  bowl  in  front  of  the  pillow,  right  in  the  center  of  a  variety  of  different  meats  &  fruit  (no  grapes  though)  in  small  bowls  around  it,  which  he'd  connected  through  chalk  drawings  or  hand  wraps  in  equal  measures  &  silas  himself  sat  in  front.  once  sat,  he  pulled  two  more  items  from  his  bag;  a  short  sword  &  a  piece  of  the  manned  lion's  fleece.  the  fleece  went  with  the  feather  &  the  sword  had  been  laid  down  by  his  side.  he  thought  about  this,  he  did.  he  wanted  to  be  worthy  of  the  creature's  trust.

the  fleece  marked  not  only  his  very  first  battle  as  a  demigod  &  his  first  near-death  experience  &  triumph  (thanks  to  atticus),  it  also  was  brought  with  him  in  the  form  of  his  armor  wherever  he  went.  a  constant  reminder.  it  kept  him  alive  every  time  he  left  the  camp  &  to  this  day  he  refused  to  ignore  the  coincidence  that  the  very  first  foe  he  fought  &  defeated  had,  in  a  sense,  been  his  favorite  -  his  spirit  animal.  a  lion.  courageous,  vicious,  loyal.  he'd  been  insecure  about  this  new  life  &  faced  off  with  lions  forcing  him  to  overcome  self-doubts  &  insecurity  to  survive.  that  fleece  meant  a  lot  to  him.

as  did  the  feather,  the  first  sign  of  his  father  -  if  it  even  was,  the  first  &  most  important  sign  for  himself  that  he  belonged  in  camp.  this  gift  gave  him  not  only  confidence  that  he  was  special,  it  also  gave  him  the  mobility  he  needed  in  fights  &  he  prayed  his  friend  found  itself  with  the  same  blessing.  both  meanings  of  it.  blood  shared  to  bind  them  together  as  one  forever,  till  his  death  did  them  part.

i'm  bleeding  out  for  you,  if  it's  the  last  thing  that  i  do.

everything  he  brought  today  he'd  done  for  a  purpose  -  or  rather  the  foolish  hope  that  he  could  do  something  that  didn't  involve  punching  proper.  he  prayed  for  a  companion  that  would  one  day  grow  to  be  his  equal  -  not  in  strength  per  se,  but  in  heart,  courage  &  vigor,  so  they  could  both  soar  through  the  night  skies  with  a  certain  son  of  nyx  by  their  side.  he  wished  for  something  strong  &  yet  gentle,  proud  &  yet  humble.  someone  to  pet  &  cuddle  (don't  fucking  ever  quote  him  on  that)  without  having  to  worry  about  displaying  affection  -  or  getting  his  finger  bit  off.  he  wanted  his  companion  to  be  part  of  him  -  part  of  his  very  being  (hence  the  offerings),  protected  &  safe,  cherished  &  adored  as  it  was  his.  maybe  a  little  less  broken  than  him,  thank  you.  two  hearts,  one  valve..   

🎶  "i  call  you  forth,  and  bind  together,  an  eternal  bond  that  lasts  forever."  🎶

—  a  bond  that  time  couldn't  faze.

maybe  this  time  he  could  hold  his  promise,  maybe  this  time  he  could  give  a  piece  of  his  heart  to  someone  &  it  remained  intact.  maybe  he  could  find  the  kind  of  bond  he  was  so  desperately  craving  this  time  around.  maybe  he  could  get  a  piece  of  dante  back  into  his  life,  not  that  he  ever  really  left  him  -  how  could  he?   one  love  could  never  replace  another,  but  it  could  grow  into  something  equal.  he  believed  in  that. 

still  playing  the  gentle  tune,  just  ..  softer  now,  he  slowly  opened  his  eyes.  “give  me  a  chance  an'  i'll  prove  ya  my  worth.  promise.”

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

Hello. I’ve been following you, unofficially, for a little bit (like a shadow I guess). I agree with a good number of your statements (and can agree to disagree with others). I had a few questions about some and wanted to ask them. 

Do you find any validity in the LGBTQ+ movement?

Are you a men’s rights activist or with the men’s rights movement?

Are you a Trump supporter? (I don’t believe you ever said, so this is just a random question)

Why do you not believe in a patriarchy? Do you think any such systems exist that lean toward / favor men? If so, do you believe it’s the same for women?

What do you think of the BLM movement? 

In your opinion, does structural/systemic racism exist? Why or why not?

What political ideology do you alight with most? (I’d guess conservative or maybe even libertarian lite)

And to end, one last random one: do do you think that the extravert ideal is highly favored in the US/western countries? What do you think about the extravert ideal?

You have the right to keep your opinions under wraps. But honestly, I don’t see that being a concern for you, seeing how outspoken you are. Also, sorry for how much pure, unbridled hate you get for simply having opinions that are not [popular] with the mainstream. You don’t deserve that, no one deserves that, and I just wanted to tell ya. :)

Have a good one! 

Wow, those are all good questions but this would be an insanely long post if I went into the detail each one deserves, so I'll try keep it short.

(SPOILER: I failed.)

Do you find any validity in the LGBTQ+ movement?

Yes to the first and particularly second letters, as the historical criminalization and brutal persecution of consensual homosexuality was always cruel and unjust, though lesbianism was and is comparatively excused and overlooked and rarely violently oppressed to anything like the same degree. The "Bi" and "Q" parts are largely superfluous, and the "T" part has no real reason to be in there at all, since gender dysphoria is a medical condition, not a sexuality.

As with the feminist movement, I think any substantial and just goals were achieved decades ago and I don't see any defensible reason for the perpetual hostility and relentless promotion of LGBTQRAMZ24JL%$🧸 propaganda in the 21st century: the last campaign I can remember holding any water was the push for recognition of gay marriage, and little before that for a long time: most gay activism today seems to come from a vengeful, privileged and protected position chiefly concerned with bullying others, like the monsters going all out to hound and destroy the Christian owners of a cake shop who politely declined to bake a gay wedding cake that went against their religious beliefs. The oppressed have become the oppressors, and it's very ugly to see. Celebration of other people's sexual activity should never be mandatory, and all the corporations hauling out their rainbow flags year after year are weird, preachy, tiresome and unwanted, so all these actions will inevitably lead to an exhaustion of goodwill and tolerance in the larger populace, which in the long run will not benefit gay people at all.

Are you a men’s rights activist or with the men’s rights movement?

No, I don't consider myself so: when I first got red-pilled I hung out in some MRA spaces, because they were the only ones at the time discussing the things I was thinking about, but I haven't checked in on them in over 10 years. All political movements tend towards echo chambers and extremism, even when a good many of their positions are solid and their goals are just. I don't feel comfortable with any labels, so I just go my own way, do my own thing and think for myself, take each issue as it arises and try to locate and align myself with whatever truth can be found in it.

Are you a Trump supporter? (I don’t believe you ever said, so this is just a random question)

I'm not American, so I don't directly have a dog in the race, but the media misrepresentation and bias against Trump, along with the political persecution, has been so overwhelming, relentless, unprecedentedly blatant and unjust, that if I was American I would certainly vote for him, simply because those who are openly conspiring against him have been revealed over the past 6 years or so to be so much worse. And, unlike all the career politicians "on" "both" "sides" who do nothing but trot out pretty, hollow and meaningless untruths while serving military-industrial interests and the status quo, I think he really does represent some kind of necessary, urgent and beneficial change, so I hope he gets re-elected in 2024.

Why do you not believe in a patriarchy?

At least in the west, it's a silly and hysterical conspiracy theory that has little grounding in reality, essentially asserting that all human civilization is best explained as a conspiracy on behalf of all men to benefit all men through the oppression and exploitation of all women, but that somehow no men are aware of or in on. To believe such nonsense you have to have either never known, liked or talked to ANY man, or be insane. Or both.

Western civilization is the very opposite of what feminists claim, in that it has always given special provisions and protections to women that men have never had, and attempted to curb and punish the selfish and sociopathic tendencies of the minority of dangerous men. It's the carving out of some civility in the wild and brutal dog-rape-dog natural world, which has benefited women enormously, but is massively under attack from every left-wing movement today: the advent of things like the current gender ideology, largely started or supported by feminism, is now clearly and inarguably harming real women, and stripping away protections so many of them never even realized they had.

And teaching women to hate and avoid men, and to instead seek fulfillment only in selfishness and wage-slavery: this has just produced millions upon millions of miserable, lonely and entirely unfulfilled women. Feminism is cancer.

Do you think any such systems exist that lean toward / favor men? If so, do you believe it’s the same for women?

It appears to me the modern Islamic world, which is probably the closest thing to what feminists would call an actual "patriarchy", does unjustly curtail women's freedoms and human rights, though that's better understood as springing from a perpetually warring desert culture's "round up the wagons" mindset and aim of overprotection of women, rather than as evidence of some innate universal male misogyny.

In the west, there are no institutionalized systems that favor men: all of them greatly and unjustly over-favor women. And now trans-women.

What do you think of the BLM movement?

A thoroughly corrupt and enormously destructive money-making scam.

In your opinion, does structural/systemic racism exist? Why or why not?

I think there has historically been undeniable institutional bias against black people. I also think all human beings, black and white and everyone else, have in-group biases that cause them to distrust and fear those who they consider outsiders: who look, dress, think or believe differently to themselves. What in recent times we've come to, often inaccurately, label "racIST" behaviour is more helpfully seen as just an outcrop of our innate tribalism, which is both fortunately and unfortunately evolutionarily hardwired into us all, so I think on the large scale it's unproductive to approach such behaviour as simply a moral failing, labelling people "bad" or "good" and leaving it at that.

I really like it when I see black and white people getting along and genuinely liking each other, rather than just uncomfortably walking on eggshells trying to not upset the other, but I think that's something that either just happens or doesn't: it can't and shouldn't be engineered, mandated or forced in any way.

While prejudice against black people still undoubtably exists on an individual level, it has been completely and exhaustively stripped from all western institutions, and black people are now hugely over-represented in most areas of society, which, again, cannot help but lead to resentment in the rest of the populations of western countries, who are now being openly and gleefully discriminated against every day. This is so stupid, and needlessly provocative, and could have been avoided by just sticking with equal rights and opportunities for all citizens and not going further, but the simple fact is all the identity politics movements are incapable of stopping once they have realized their original goals. It's inevitable they overreach and become a negative force themselves. They never fail to behave this way.

What political ideology do you align with most? (I’d guess conservative or maybe even libertarian lite)

Genuinely none. As with religion, I think there are understandable reasons for all of the major ones to exist and speak to people, all representing genuine and necessary human concerns from many different and valid positions. I find things that speak to me in Socialism, Anarchism, Progressivism, Libertarianism, Conservatism, Nationalism, Liberalism and whatever else. But I don't feel any of them actually represent me in any way, except on a few narrow, specific, isolated issues, so I consider voting little more than weighing up and selecting the lesser of many evils, and don't find myself actively aligning with or enthusiastically supporting any of them.

And to end, one last random one: do you think that the extravert ideal is highly favored in the US/western countries? What do you think about the extravert ideal?

I'm not sure if you've just misspelled "extrovert" or if you're specifically referring to the Jungian use of the term of "seeking fulfilment outside of the self". I guess it must be the latter.

Yes, I do think the western world, originally starting with, and spreading from, America, has become a hungry mouth that can never be filled or sated, and that consumerism is a hollow pipedream, destructive and corrosive in every part of human life. So many people today will unabashedly do anything for money, which they singlemindedly pursue simply to spend on things, which they falsely assume will bring them happiness. I've got family members whose entire daily lives seem to revolve around buying the next new thing: another toy, another holiday, another trip to another expensive restaurant - and they don't seem capable of stopping and enjoying or finding deep meaning or fulfillment in any of them.

True happiness is found only in the selflessness of love, in family, community, the pursuit of wisdom, truth and meaning, and helping others. Your funko pops collection will go in a landfill site when you die.

[ninjakk]

I really love your mdzs analysis and meta.I want to ask you this,From your point of view what do you think LWJ thought at the beginning when WWX was teasing him to sleep on one bed and to bath together,did he thought that WWX was making fun of his feelings or He knew that WWX was acting as MXY.but at the same time didn`t LWJ knew who was MXY was?also,when JC makes fun of their relationship,did he thought all this time WWX was returning his feeling as why he was so shocked when he heard WWX?

Hi Anon,

Thanks for the ask! I'm delighted to hear you are enjoying my meta ☺️

At the start of the novel, when they met on Dafan Mountain for the second time that night, LWJ assumed WWX was not hiding his identity from him. In fact, he thought WWX was practically calling out to him by playing Wangxian. Then JC arrived totally ruining the moment as usual - learn to read the room (or forest in this case!) will you JC!

So when WWX starts putting on the MXY act right then and there, LWJ assumes he is trying to hide from JC. But WWX continues with the pretence that he is MXY even after they leave for Gusu. At this point I think LWJ assumes WWX is playing with him, teasing him just like he used to. The only difference is, LWJ has matured and accepted his love for WWX - so he embraces WWXs teasing and even teases back! Not long after, LWJ calls WWX's bluff and reveals he does indeed know who he really is. To be honest, WWX hasn't done the best job of hiding it anyway! Which is probably why LWJ thinks he's just teasing as always. LWJ also thinks that him jumping into bed and insisting on sharing a bath is WWX trying to show gratitude towards him for saving him from the Bloodbath of Nightless City. After all, LWJ is under the impression he remembers his confession and is unaware WWX has been having issues with his memory.

LWJ did not know who MXY was. He might have heard of him in passing, but he was certainly not familiar with him. Sometimes I think people might get a little confused at JCs comments around this when he confronts WWX after he taunts him with Fairy. What JC said was just to provoke and insult WWX. It was a lie to hurt WWX.

When JC confronts WWX and LWJ at the ancestral hall of Lotus Pier, he tries to insult and provoke WWX once again. He knows the best way to do this is by spewing slander about LWJ, as WWX is fiercely protective of people he cares about. JC is also a homophobe, so he can't help but express his disgust at them - after he caught them acting intimate outside, as he creepily watched from a bush afar. LWJ was understandably hurt at hearing WWX draw a line under their relationship and practically friend-zoning him in response to JCs cruel remarks. But in truth, WWX was sticking up for LWJ and protecting his reputation. I think LWJ was probably very confused at this point, having conflicting information and emotions. Nevertheless, LWJ still chooses to protect him and stay by his side after this because he wants WWX in his life, any way he can. Obviously in his heart, a romantic relationship would be the ideal. But I think LWJ always has these invading thoughts that WWX 'rejected' him back in the cave when he confessed his love, pulling him away from accepting any of WWXs actions as anything other than out of appreciation or friendship.

I don't think LWJ fully allowed himself to think WWX was truly returning his feelings for him until they had their passionate romp at the inn - and that was short lived! After this, LWJ mistook what WWX was saying as him insinuating that what happened was out of gratitude. There was a moment prior to this, when WWX jumped from the tree and LWJ caught him. He was about to accept that WWX might reciprocate his feelings when they embraced - but WWX said "thank you" and he hesitated because this sounded again like gratitude and drawing a line between them as he had in the past.

I hope I've been able to answer your questions 😊

Thanks for the ask! ☁️🐇💕

[queenshelby]

Roommates – Part Seven

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 4,241

Warning: Smut

Note: This plays in 2020.

In the dark, you began to search for your phone to shine some light and, as you were reaching for the bedside table, your hands brushed Cillian a couple of time until you found it.

‘You were saying?’ you chuckled as you turned the little light on your phone on, flashing it towards Cillian.

‘It’s difficult Y/N’ Cillian then said, covering his eyes and you simply nodded.

‘That’s just life sometimes Cilly. I am sure you will find your way with whoever she is’ you then said, caressing his cheek gently before standing up.

‘Remember the last time we were in a blackout together?’ Cillian then asked, causing you to nod.

‘Oh my god yes. It was at your holiday house in Kerry and Danielle was freaking out, thinking that we will never get back to civilisation’ you laughed, remembering that night very well.

‘She was high so I can see how this happened’ Cillian laughed, before turning on the light on his phone as well.

‘Well, I don’t have any Weed but there is a whole bottle of red wine in the kitchen and a cabinet full of board games’ you suggested before gathering some candles while Cillian lid the fireplace in the living room for some extra light.

After you threw a few blankets and pillows down in front of the fireplace and Cillian eventually found his reading glasses, you started with some Scrabble but, usurpingly, after you finished half of the bottle of red wine, this soon became too difficult when you made one spelling mistake after another.

‘You are hopeless’ Cillian eventually observed as he won again, using the most absurd words he could think off after you only scored some points with words like ‘Soup’ and ‘Breasts’.

‘Well, how about a game that I am good at, huh?’ you laughed as you pulled out the Twister mat.

‘You don’t think that we are a little too tipsy for Twister?’ Cillian laughed, remembering that, the last time you played this game drunk, he ended up with four stitches.

‘Nope! I will catch you if you fall’ you chuckled as you started to warm up and opened up the ‘Twister-For-Two’ App on your iPhone which was giving you both directions with thirty second intervals.

‘Jesus, I am getting too fucking old for this’ Cillian said before getting into position, showing off his strong legs which immediately caused you to bite your lips. The fact that he wasn’t wearing anything but his black briefs and a grey t-shirt certainly was an incentive for you.

Left foot blue!

He was certainly getting an easy start, at least so he thought.

Right hand yellow!

But clearly, he was wrong when he watched you bend over right in front of him wearing your rather short Pyjamas featuring Bambi.

‘Interesting clothing choice’ Cillian chuckled as Bambi was staring right at him, covering your deliciously round ass.

‘Get your eyes off my ass Murphy’ you laughed but, deep down inside you didn’t mind him staring at you.

After just five minutes, both of your hands and feet were on the mat and so were Cillian’s.

By this point, Cillian and you had managed to thoroughly tangle yourselves together in a laughing mess and, at right foot yellow, Cillian accidentally bumped your breast. Slightly surprised, you took little notice.

Cillian on the other hand began to struggle as, once again, his manhood began to stir.

‘Seriously?’ he thought to himself as, just moments earlier, he couldn’t get himself into the mood with Lindsay and now that he wanted to prevent exactly this from happening, he couldn’t and was hard as a rock.  

At right hand green, things had become too much for him as you had to slide your right hand along Cillian’s inner thigh on your way to green. As you slowly moved into position, you got a glimpse of what was happening in between Cillian’s legs but yet, you pretended that you didn’t notice his erection.

‘Fuck, that’s it, you won. My back is sore’ Cillian suddenly huffed out, standing up abruptly before walking to the kitchen.

You couldn’t help but grin as Cillian shouted out to see whether you wanted another glass of wine.

‘Yes please’ you giggled rather pleased with yourself but still, you thought that it was simply the friction that aroused him.

‘Do you want another game?’ you asked when he returned with two full glasses and, unsurprisingly, Cillian shook his head which is when you began talking.

You talked about almost everything and anything for about thirty minutes while sitting on the blanket together in between the scented candles and the fireplace.

By this point Cillian’s erection had subsided and you were curious as to whether it was you who caused it in the first place or whether it was something else.

‘Despite the blackout and you breaking it off with Lindsay, I thought that tonight was really fun’ you eventually observed after you finished your glass of wine

‘Well, you are a lot of fun to be around which makes it pretty easy’ Cillian said, finishing off his wine as well.

He smirked and shrugged. His eyes dropped and he started to trace a design on the crumpled blanket with his finger as if he wanted to say something else.

‘Can you ask you a question?’ you then asked out of the blue after having built up some courage.

‘Of course’ Cillian responded as his eyes lifted to yours, and you almost lost your nerve.

‘You, uhm, seemed to have enjoyed the game of Twister a lot more than I had anticipated’ you said, biting your lip nervously while looking down at his crotch.

Cillian immediately blushed, the flush spreading down his neck and the top of his muscular chest. Mortified, he looked at you with wide eyes and his right hand rose to his forehead.

‘Oh, god, Y/N…I am so sorry, it’s just that…the wine…and….’ Cillian shuddered nervously, realising that you saw his arousal and, before he could finish his sentence, you quickly leaned forward and placed a hand on his chest, just above the collar of his t-shirt where some of his chest hair was sticking out. Your palm tingled against the soft spatter of hair there.

‘Cillian, don't! I didn't mean to embarrass you’ you suddenly blurted out as you felt bad that you had, but also stimulated at the thought that you might have aroused him and that, perhaps, it wasn’t just a coincidence.

You were suddenly very aware of the soft, warm skin beneath your hand, and the warm wetness in your panties.

‘I promise you'll never say anything about it again, I just...I have to know...was it friction from the game, or was it, you know...me?’ you then asked, retreating you hand momentarily from his chest and squinting your eyes nervously.

Cillian sighed heavily and grabbed your hand, placing it back against his chest after you leaned away a little. His heart was racing, and you thought yours might pound straight out of your ribcage.

‘It wasn't the friction Y/N’ he then admitted and your breath caught in your throat.

‘I don’t know what it was or what it is, but I know it’s you. I am attracted to you’ Cillian then explained, causing you to grin excitedly.

‘So, when you just got aroused, what did you think about’ you asked as you played with his chest hair.

‘Y/N, we’ve been friends for so many fucking years and I don’t want to ruin this’ Cillian said almost embarrassed and you cut him off again.

‘Yes, and friends tell each other the truth. So, tell me, what was on your mind just then on the Twister mat?’ you asked, causing Cillian to sigh heavily again.

‘I was wondering what you would taste like’ Cillian said almost heavy hearted, admitting his desire for you before apologising for it.

Your heart felt like it stopped. Your entire body tingled, and warmth spread through your belly, snaking straight between your legs. This could absolutely be a dream.

‘Why don't you kiss me and find out?’ you said with husky voice as you moved your face closer to his.

With no hesitation, Cillian’s free hand moved around the back of your neck as his full lips met yours.

Your eyes closed and you opened your mouth, allowing his soft tongue to explore. He pulled you in and kissed you harder while you wrapped your arms around him to run your hands along his back and shoulders.

This continued for quite some times with neither of you being able to let go of the other as you smiled, kissed and moaned into each other’s mouths. Eventually, Cillian wound his hand in your long hair and broke the kiss to move his mouth to your ear.

As it was, you moaned, you shivered, and you dug your nails into his back. Your enthusiastic response drove him to be even more aggressive. He pushed you onto your back and rolled on top of you, the growing bulge in his briefs pressing directly into the spreading wetness between your legs. You gasped at the gratifying sensation.

Cillian pushed himself onto his palms, concerned.

‘This will change everything between us. Do you want this?’ Cillian asked.

‘I wanted this for over a fucking month Cillian. If you don’t fuck me now, I will never forgive you’ you huffed out almost breathlessly and slightly tipsy, causing Cillian to chuckle.

Of course, he wanted it as badly and as much as you did, but he was still somewhat worried about your long-lasting friendship and thought that, ideally, you should both be talking about this first. You needed to clarify what this was and what you were going to become after you slept with each other.

But the wine and his raging erection eventually got the better of him and you immediately wrapped your arms around him to keep him on top of you.

You ground your hips into his and forced his lips to yours, bringing his full weight back to your waiting body. His hot mouth made it back to your neck and ears, and you moaned again, biting your lip in an attempt to stifle the noises he was eliciting from you. He propped himself up on one forearm and began to explore your eager body with his other hand.

He was teasing you, tauntingly caressing you through the thin pyjamas shirt you wore. You writhed beneath his palm, wanting more. His hair wasn't long, but long enough that you could wind your fingers into it and guide his ear into your mouth.

You toyed with it, tracing it with your tongue, sliding the lobe between your teeth, enjoying hearing his breath get heavier and feeling his cock getting harder as he kneaded your breast through the t-shirt. Then he stopped.

‘Y/N’ Cillian huffed out, causing you to enquire why he stopped.

‘I saw you, earlier in the bath when you were masturbating’ he admitted.

‘You looked away though didn’t you?’ you smirked, causing him to shake your head.

‘I am sorry’ he said and you immediately grinned.

‘Did you enjoy watching me?’ you then asked as you raised an eyebrow and panted, rubbing yourself against him.

‘What do you think?’ Cillian chuckled before asking you what you were listening to on your headphones.

‘An audio book you narrated’ you smirked and he looked dumbfounded, which in turn surprised you, considering what he'd said to start all of this.

‘What can I say Cillian, you’ve got a goodman sexy voice’ you admitted before you pushed him off of you and sat up on your knees, peeling off your shirt to reveal your pierced breasts.

He sat, slack jawed, legs outstretched before doing the same with his t-shirt.

‘So many freckles’ you observed before you went further and hooked your thumbs around the waistband of your Bambi panties.

‘Since you already watched me masturbate, there are no more secrets for me to reveal in so far as my body is concerned’ you smirked as you slowly inched them past your hips, leaving you completely naked.

Cillian’s jaw dropped nonetheless. His eyes were hungry and he reached for his own briefs and removed them as well.

‘Well, unfortunately for you, I had no secrets to start off with. You’ve seen it all already’ Cillian said as he gave you a familiar, lop-sided grin that exposed his teeth. So gorgeous.

‘And I love seeing it all again’ you huffed out as your mouth watered at the sight of his erection. But, instead of letting him climb back on top of you, you firmly pressed your naked body against his chest and then straddled his taut body and kissed him soundly.

His hands roamed your body freely, exploring your legs, your back, your breasts, your ass. He caressed and kneaded, he stroked and fondled, all the while kissing your mouth and neck and ears.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as you ground your clit into his erection, whimpering in pleasure and whispering his name over and over again, something which sounded rather familiar to him.

After placing soft kisses across your neck, he cupped your breasts and rubbed circles on your rigid pierced nipples with his large thumbs, making you tremble. With his gaze boring into yours, he lifted each breast to his lips and gently nuzzled your nipples before gently tugging on each of your piercings.

‘Don't stop...please don't stop’ you moaned as you rode him harder, begging breathlessly and he wasn’t event inside of your yet. The only friction you got was on your clit against his very hard cock.

Cillian complied with your request and fixed his soft lips around a pink areola, sucking hard as he manipulated the firm nub and your piercing with his tongue. It pushed you over the edge and you came with a low moan, your fingers digging roughly into his scalp.

Keeping one hand around his neck, you slumped back onto his muscular thighs and tried to catch your breath.

‘Did you just cum?’ he asked rather surprised and you nodded, unable to say more.

‘Fuck, that is incredibly hot’ he said as his mouth hung open while he looked at you expectantly, and you knew him well enough that he was wondering if your orgasm meant you were done playing.

‘The tension building up over the past month was just too much, but please don’t dare think that I am done with you yet’ you smirked and Cillian mirrored your wicked smile and kissed you deeply until you placed both hands on his chest and pushed him onto his back.

He resisted at first, eager to keep touching you. Finally he relented and propped himself up with one hand behind his head, watching you as you kissed and licked and sucked your way across his muscular chest and stomach again and again.

Any time you came to his nipples, his eyes pinched tight and his hips involuntarily jerked toward you. You pressed your slight body down onto his rigid cock, making him emit a deep, guttural moan. It was all you could do not to impale your wet pussy on the willing flesh, but you were enjoying the anticipation far too much.

You slid your body down on his, his freckled skin a striking contrast against your much darker tan. While you made your decent, you briefly thought again about just climbing onto him and lowering your wet, ready pussy onto his very hard cock, but you decided that as late as it was, it was still early enough in the night to do everything you wanted. And you wanted to make him come in your mouth just as you had fantasised for weeks.

When you finally reached your destination, Cillian’s cock, was standing at attention in your hands. It was so long and thick that it made your small hands look positively tiny in comparison. You ran them up and down the length of his shaft, taking the time to trace every line and curve carefully.

‘Fuck, Y/N, this feels so fucking good’ Cillian groaned as he watched you with hooded eyes and you started stroking him more rhythmically. His head rolled back, his hips jutted forward, and you couldn't contain yourself any longer.

You inhaled all that you could at once, which admittedly wasn't much considering all that remained. You pulled your head back, sucking hard, and went down for another try, and another, and another, gorging on a little more of his shaft each time.

‘Jesus Christ’ Cillian groaned again loudly as you finally managed to take all of his length and he bottomed out against the back of your throat.

You grinned as you accomplished what you had hoped and began bobbing your head up and down his shaft.

Occasionally, you snuck glances at his face when you could; sometimes he was staring at you fixedly, his mouth pinched to a narrow line, other times his eyes were screwed tight.

‘Y/N, I am close, fuck, you need to stop’ you eventually heard him weakly say as you continued to pleasure him with your lips and tongue.

But, instead of stopping, you looked him straight in the eyes and took his cock deeper down your mouth.

‘Y/N, fuck’ he groaned, trying to delay his release until he realised that this was what you wanted as you continued to suck him eagerly.

Eventually, with another loud groan, his entire body tensed and you could feel his sweet cum spurt into the back of your throat. Rope after rope, you drank every drop and, when he finally came down from his high, you gently licked him clean and he sat up and pulled you into his lap, kissing you deeply.

‘You just kissed me after you came in my mouth’ you observed when your lips drifted apart which is something James, the only man you had ever been with before tonight, would never have done.

‘Does that bother you?’ Cillian asked concerned and you shook your head.

‘No, I think its fucking sexy’ you blurted out before kissing him again and, just as you did, you felt his erection reviving underneath your ass almost immediately.

While sucking on your tongue, his large hands grabbed around your waist and rolled you over on the blanket beside him.

He crawled over you and stuck his tongue in your ear, making you claw at his back until he whispered ‘When I said that I wanted to know what you taste like, I meant that I wanted to eat your pussy.’

This was probably the dirtiest thing you ever heard him say to you and you liked it a lot and wiggled out from underneath him just enough to spread your legs provocatively.

His breath on your legs, coupled with his revelation that he had been fantasising about licking you, made you quiver. He slowly kissed the inside of your thighs, occasionally brushing your soaking mound with his nose or his lips. You relished every second and it wasn’t long until he locked your gaze and pressed his tongue flat against your vulva.

‘Oh god yes, Cillian, fuck’ you moaned out as he was licking and sucking you.

He covered your labia and clitoris in wet kisses before sticking his tongue deep inside you, causing you to scream out louder than ever before.

As he continued to pleasure you, one of your hands was buried in his hair, tearing at it as he made your body go crazy whilst the other clenched against the blanket beneath you.

You remembered what Laura had said and there certainly was some truth to it. He was good, very good and it wasn't long before you'd built into another orgasm, but you didn't feel the need to warn him beforehand.

‘Oh, my fucking god’ you shouted out eventually as his wicked tongue sent you over the edge and your legs began to shake crazily while he pinned you down.

No man had ever made you cum with his tongue alone and the sensitivity on your clit following your orgasm was overwhelming and made you squirm.

Still, he continued to ply his tongue into your sensitive folds until you used both hands to pry his head back by his hair. He grinned from ear to ear, and you knew you were paying for teasing him earlier.

Languidly, he pulled his body over yours, pausing to kiss you here and there while you regained a little composure. His breath was heavy when he found himself at your ear again.

‘I want to be inside you’ he whispered and you nodded fervently.

He raised himself to his knees, his erection again at full mast. You felt a momentary twinge of nervousness. He was bigger than James and this worried you just a little.

‘Do you want me to go and get a condom?’ Cillian asked and you knew that he kept some upstairs in his bedside table which, ironically, Lindsay had bought for him.

‘No, I am on the pill. I want to feel you, all of you’ you said, biting your lips with anticipation.

This was all Cillian needed to hear and, within seconds, he lined himself up you’re your soaking wet entrance.

He knew that you had never been with another man other than James and was gentle and slow as he entered you, increasing the pace of his thrusts only after you'd had a chance to get used to his length and girth and began raising your hips up to meet his.

‘Oh god, you feel so fucking tight Y/N’ Cillian groaned as he thrusted in and out of you.

‘Cillian, fuck me harder, oh god’ you screamed out almost at the same time. He felt so amazing inside of you that you could barely breathe! You probably looked like the proverbial fish on dry land, gasping for air as you drown under wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure.

You were almost grateful when he folded over you and groaned into your neck, the sound of your name from his lips bringing you to one last climax as he enjoyed his.

‘Fuck yes Cillian’ you groaned as you could feel him pulsate inside of you, filling you with his seed as you climaxed in sync.

By this point you had lost count of how many orgasms he'd given you, but you were fairly sure that you could make him come every hour on the hour for the next three or four days and still be in his debt.

You never had sex that good and you struggled to contain yourself after you both were breathless. Cillian held his body close to his as his breath normalized, and you shuddered as he pulled his softening cock from inside you, lamenting its absence and causing some of his cum to leak onto the blanket beneath you.

‘What do you think? Should we get to bed?’ he eventually huffed out and you nodded, but weren’t so sure whether you would be sleeping in the same or separate bedroom.

‘I might need some help getting up’ you giggled, knowing that you wouldn’t be walking straight for days.

Cillian was quick to flash up his phone and scoop you up from the floor in response to your comment and carry you to your bed.

‘Uhm, do you want me to stay with you?’ Cillian asked somewhat nervously and you bit your lip and nodded at him.

Within seconds, he slid into bed with you, turned off the flashlight on his phone before pulling the top sheet over your nude forms before sliding an arm around you to curl you into his warm body.

‘This was incredible, even better than I had ever imagined’ he said and you nuzzled into the soft hair that sparsely covered his chest, still reeling that the most amazing wet dream you'd ever had had happened during your waking hours.

***

The following morning, you were woken by your phone which rang not once, not twice but three times in total until you finally answered it.

‘Hey, what’s up’ you huffed out with a dusty head while Cillian was stirring besides you.

‘I really need to talk Y/N, I am sorry. I know that Cillian is seeing someone by the name of Lindsay and I am really fucking upset about it’ Laura went on to say before telling you once again that she wasn’t over the break up and suspected that he was seeing her and Lindsay at the same time.

‘I can’t really talk about this right now’ you said, your head pounding as Cillian’s arm wrapped around you.

‘Can you call me back when you can please. I know you said that you wanted to stay out of this, but there is more to it’ Laura then said and you were immediately overwhelmed with guilt.

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[stellocchia]

There is one thing I sometimes mention in my rants about c!Dream’s and c!Tommy’s relationship that I never expanded on, which is c!Dream assiging c!Tommy an almost divine value, well, that changes now! 

Turns out I just cannot write short and concise analysis it seems, so I put everything under the cut...

/rp

I’ve talked a few times before about how Dream in his mind gives Tommy added value (again, Tommy has value as a human being already, but Dream most definitely doesn’t see that), but I want to go a bit more in depth about it. 

So, we know by now that Dream has been obsessing over Tommy for quite a while now, though it really worsened with the beginning of season 2. 

It is important to note that, at that point, Tommy himself was back on the idea of there being a friendly rivalry between him and Dream for the disk that was still in Skeppy’s possession, nothing more then that. He most definitely didn’t hate Dream yet (although their relationship has always been complicated) and he shouldn’t have posed much of a threat to Dream, right?

We also all seem to recognise that Dream would not have let up until Tommy was exiled, but I haven’t seen many people discuss the WHY of it. Why was it so important to him? Did he just do it because he hated Tommy? Did he do it because he was bored and wanted chaos? 

Well, I think it’s because Tommy DID pose a threat to Dream. He WAS a threat to Dream because Dream had seen him during Pogtopia. He had seen him rally the troops, he had seen him keep people’s morale high even after Wilbur detonated the tnt and Techno released the withers, he knew what Tommy could do if Dream threatened L’Manburg while he was there, even while not being president (I mean, he still managed to lead a revolution against Schlatt even while never being the official leader). And Dream wanted to get rid of L’Manburg because of what it represented, because L’Manburg represented freedom from him, freedom from his rules. L’Manburg was a HUGE problem, so he needed to take out what kept L’Manburg together and that was Tommy.

But that’s not the only thing. If Dream only wanted Tommy out of the way, he could have just let him unalive himself or he could have killed him himself and pretended it was an accident. Heck, he could even have pushed for an execution in the first place instead of the exile! But he didn’t... and later on, during the Season 2 Finale, he outright refused to kill Tommy even in self defence. So for Tommy to have so much importance that Dream needed to keep a constant eye on him in exile and keep him alive, Dream’s mentality of Tommy being sort of the “key” to power must have already been in place when he formulated the exile plan (perhaps it was there from before then, but we can’t know this for certain). 

I mean, he also ordered a whole prison that could have been meant to hold Tommy from the start (it has been confirmed by Sam out of character that it was made with c!Tommy in mind and the only indication that it wasn’t comes from c!Dream in a converstaion with c!Tommy, which we really shouldn’t trust at all) and a curious thing to notice on that, if that was the case, is that the prison itself is called “Pandora’s Vault”, why calling it “vault”? A vault is something that’s supposed to hold valuable items. It’s supposedly a secure location where you hide away your most precious things. Why calling a prison that? Anyway... that was just an interesting tid-bit I’ve been thinking about. 

Back on the main tangent now! 

So, what does Dream think of Tommy exactly? 

“Listen Tommy, since you joined the server, you’ve been a headache! Okay? You’ve brought war, you brought terrorism, you’ve brought bad everything! But! But! The cause of all the wars, of everything, was attachment, alright? Your attachment to the disks, your attachment to Henry, to pets, to friends, to land, to countries, to items, right? (...) That’s- That’s the one good thing that you’ve done. The one good thing you’ve done is that you brought attachment to the server. So it took me a LONG time to realize how important attachment was, but, when I did, you know? It made me stronger, and I realised that you- you’re- you’re important, right?”

This is a quote directly taken from the season finale. I know it’s a long one, but it’s seriously important. Because Dream, with this quote, just asserted that Tommy is the reason attachments exist at all, even if that isn’t true of course (the whole disk war was kickstarted by Ponk getting mad when Sapnap retaliated to his prank by burning down Ponk’s lemon tree because he was attached to it), but to Dream it is. 

Tommy, a normal human teenager with no “main character powers” (you know, like being a life and death god, or silk-touch hands, or having the brains to create nukes or being able to bring yourself back to life out of spite, basically he has nothing normally considered “special”) is deemed the reason why people are able to care at all. THAT is the added value I’m talking about. Dream doesn’t see Tommy as Tommy, he never did, he sees him as his own idealized version of him. And in Dream’s mind Tommy has so much importnace that, without him, attachments would just stop existing. “How do we know that” you ask? Well, why else would Dream have been so adamant about needing Tommy ALIVE? He already did his thing if bringing attachments was all the value Dream assigned to him. Now attachments exist, surely Dream can get rid of Tommy, right? Well, no. Because, as I said, to Dream Tommy is the embodiment of attachments. 

I mean, he admitted so in that quote, didn’t he? He starts by telling Tommy that HE is the cause of everything: of war, of terrorism, of everything. But then, then he says that those same things are caused by attachments. How can we have both be true at the same time? Easy, make Tommy the concept of attachment personified!

“If I can control the things people are attached to, then I can control the server again!”

All we said before kinda puts this more in perspective. THAT’S why Dream is in constant need of controlling Tommy. If Tommy is the embodiment of attachment in Dream’s mind, then he is the embodiment of control and power as well. Because, if controlling a singular attachment gives you control over one singular person, then controlling the embodiment of everyone’s attachments gives you control over the server right? 

“Look, it’s not fair! But Tommy listen: I need you, okay? I need you to keep bringing attachemnt to the server, because without you people weren’t really attached to things, but then you came and you brought ‘friendship’ and ‘countries’ and ‘things’ people can be attached to, right? And you brought that! And you’re- you’re the KEY, right? You’re the key to unlock the full potential of the server and power and everything”

Can’t get much more obvious then this... Dream literally described Tommy as “the key to everything”, that’s A LOT of extra value put on a random 16 yo. It would be a lot of value for ANYONE to have. In case it wasn’t clear, what Dream is saying is that controlling Tommy basically makes you a God. And, if it wasn’t clear enough yet, let me grab a quote from Tommy’s 3rd canon death stream:

“Tommy your life is literally IN MY HANDS, does that piss you off? Does that make you mad? Does it make you soo mad that I- you can’t kill me... I MIGHT AS WELL BE A GOD TOMMY! You can’t kill me and I can kill you!”

So, here’s the thing: killing Tommy is not that hard. A LOT of people on the server are stronger then him, even with the same equipment. At the same time killing Dream IS very hard. He’s literally one of the 2 best pvp-ers on the server. So why would this situation make Dream a “God”? Well, that’s because, based on his own philosophy, having Control over Tommy is what makes someone a God (it’s what gives you power over everything after all) and he here is fully in control. Not only because phisycally he is the stronger one, but also because Tommy admitted himself that he can’t kill Dream (Dream may wrongly assume that that’s because Tommy still has some attachment to him, which gives him another layer of control, truth is he’s just not much for killing people, the kid got too much empathy), which means he’s in control of Tommy’s mind and emotions as well to a certain degree. 

And here’s the thing: wouldn’t Tommy need to be somewhat godly himself to be the ONE THING that can grant people the ability to become a God? Dream, by now, has elevated Tommy to a point where Tommy himself might as well be God. That’s why Dream was so eager to become immortals together, to study the powers that make Dream now think even more that he is a God, together, because, in his mind, they’re already on the same level, albeit in a very skewed way (and I say a “skewed way” because Dream still doesn’t see Tommy as a person, he still sees him as a tool, only he is a tool that grants people godlyhood apparently). 

My theory on why c!Dream has this kind of perception of c!Tommy is because Tommy is his only remaining attachment. Dream got rid of all his attachments in order to gain absolute power, so he has to somehow justify to himself why this one particular attachment still doesn’t make him weak. Why still hanging onto Tommy (albeit in the most scewed up way possible) actually makes him stronger. He needs Tommy to be something more then a random 16 yo he once picked a fight with.

@ladycatland pretty sure you’d be interested

[candychronicles]

heavens // t. keigo/hawks

A/N: my take on the roommates theme for the bnharem collab! honestly didn’t know where i was going with this one and it seems a bit random/rushed so i apologize in advance but hope you enjoy nonetheless! 

CHARACTER PAIRING: Takami Keigo/Hawks x F!Reader

WORD COUNT: 3,491

WARNINGS: oral (f!receiving), some language 

SYNOPSIS: despite his growing popularity, you two remained steady roommates, which confused you to no end. what was his true motive in keeping you around? 

And they were roommates! Click here to read more!

Hawks was an interesting character to say the least. when you first moved in, you weren’t all too sure what to expect. he was, at the time, a fairly popular hero, but nowhere near the status he held today. he was charming, suave, friendly and it seemed genuine at the time. things went downhill quick though as his popularity rose and along with it, his annoying, god-like tendencies. 

what you didn’t understand was why he kept you around after all this time. you didn’t necessarily need to live with him still, but as he got more popular and therefore gained more money, the areas he lived in grew nicer and nicer until you were on a gorgeous top floor penthouse with a stunning view, all for the price of your original, dingy apartment. what you could afford on your own would be nowhere near the luxury that he was offering. that’s why you stayed, but you weren’t sure why he offered to let you continue to stay with him after all this time.

sure, you were friends, got along for the most part and when you didn’t, stayed out of each other’s hair, but he didn’t owe you anything and you certainly didn’t want to feel like you were in his debt. yet something attracted the two of you together continuously despite it all. 

what you didn’t know was that Hawks very much enjoyed having you around. you’d deny it until you were blue in the face but he heard one too many times you touching yourself in your bedroom, muffled moans matching those of the girl or guy he was fucking that night. he often did his best to give you a show, cursing, spitting, hitting, anything he could do to rile you up, get you to hear the lewd sounds coming from the apartment. you acted like you didn’t know what he was talking about, scoffed when he invited you to join him or give you his own private show and acted like you didn’t know he was doing that all on purpose just to tease you. 

truth be told, you pushed all those thoughts aside when it came to him. he was attractive, very much so, and also very unattainable, in your eyes anyways. his god-like complex was annoying at times but also very warranted. he was popular with everyone he met-children, women, men, the elderly, hell, you don’t think he ever met a dog that didn’t like him. he was strong, powerful, commanding of the quirk he weld so well. his personality was nothing short of smooth, like honey over ice cream melting on your tongue. you felt so incredibly drawn to him that your brain absolutely shut out any idea of it, giving yourself no hope that he would ever reciprocate the pure feelings of desire you felt towards him. after awhile, your convincing became reality and you began to question everything, desperate to detach yourself from his enigmatic ways. 

hey sweetheart, will be gone for most of the day. left some money for groceries and a little extra for whatever you want. don’t miss me too much

-H

you scoffed at the note pasted to your refrigerator, neon pink glaring at you in the morning sun trickling from the balcony window. he had been gone a lot lately, sometimes bringing home people at night, mostly crashing straight on the couch before he had even gotten a chance to change clothes. you acted like you didn’t miss him, miss his presence, the lingering touches that you swore were just him being an ass and making fun of you, but in reality, you missed the hell out of him. the domesticity that he showed when it was just you two vulnerable late at night, tired from a hard day of work, it made you realize that he wasn’t a god all the time after all.

that thought didn’t change your mind about his attainability, however. in fact, it only seemed to spur your ideals on more, convincing yourself that a man who could be so vulnerable and yet so strong was one who deserved more than what you could give. it would never be you and you were content with that fact, or so you thought.

your day was long and grueling, working patrols and small missions as a pro hero. you were likeable enough but when it came down to it, you didn’t care to be popular, didn’t care to make a ton of money or be interviewed by dozens of people a month. you just wanted to do your job and keep people safe and at the end of the day, that was what you accomplished. 

it was nearly midnight when you returned home, the elevator dinging closed behind you as you walked into the penthouse. the lights were still off, everything in place from this morning, which meant that Hawks had not arrived home yet despite him being gone for nearly the whole day. anger bubbled up underneath your skin. you knew he didn’t owe you anything, you knew you were nothing more than roommates, but sometimes feeling so isolated and alone in this big space with no one to talk to or do anything with left you antsy and annoyed. in simple frustration and retaliation, you locked the balcony window, forcing him to come up the elevator like a dignified man, bringing his nightly fuck in through the lobby instead of sneaking them inside like he often did.

it was nearly six am before you were woken up to a loud thud, the door smacking against the wall. you sighed, allowing yourself to calm down before you tried to go back to bed, but before you got a chance, a knock sounded at your door.

“what?” you asked irately, not in the mood to entertain him and his antics.

“why’d you lock the balcony window?” he asked simply, arms crossed. 

as you sat up to answer, you noticed his calm demeanor not so calm anymore. his chest was flaring up and down, body wobbly, and he reeked of alcohol.

“so much for a calm night,” you muttered. “i locked the door because i didn’t want to hear you fucking any of your whores while i was trying to sleep.”

“oh baby, you know you like it, like the sounds i make, the words i say. all you have to do is admit it and i can be all yours.”

“you wish bird brain,” you spat back at him, done with the conversation as you shimmied yourself back into bed, pulling the covers up to your chin and promptly shutting your eyes, ignoring the feeling of his stare burning into your brain.

“i do wish. i wish it were you i was fucking. i’ve wished that since the day i met you, all excited and doe eyed, ready to take on the world and all of its challenges. you never let my fame get in the way, never treat me any differently. you’ve been by my side throughout it all and yet you won’t let me get too close to you. why is that? afraid i’ll break your heart little one?”

you sat back up again quickly only to realize that he had moved to the foot of your bed. he sat down, taking off his boots and shucking them on the floor only to crawl practically into your lap, snuggling into your thigh.

“i won’t break your heart. i’ll only hurt you if you want me to, which i know you do, at least a little bit. but i’d n-never hurt your heart. you’re too precious for that princess, so sweet to me, so so angelic. and yet i can hear your moans through the walls, practically feel you arching off your bed as you chased your high, desperate for a release, wishing it were me who was touching you instead of your own fingers. i can do that you know. all you need to do is say the magic word and i’m yours. no more fucking other people, just me and you. i’ll spoil you rotten, anything you could possibly want and it’s all yours. you’d never have to worry about a thing again, yeah? what do you say?”

your heart hitched into your throat at his babbling confession. surely he wasn’t serious, right? it must’ve been the alcohol talking. you knew that if you said yes he was just going to tease you and tell you that he was joking and never wanted to see you ever again. you were just sure of it… but, in the off case that he was being serious… you couldn’t mess this up.

“yeah, okay,” you replied, voice hitching in your throat as you agreed with him.

you waited a few seconds for the harsh sting of a reply but nothing came. you cast your eyes down to see Hawks passed out, clinging to you as if his life depended on it. sighing, you flopped back down onto the bed, heels of your palms pressed into your eye sockets, brain full of thoughts as you tried to sift through your feelings. eventually you just gave up and passed out against the cool sheets of your bed, too tired to deal with the emotional turmoil you were putting yourself through.

when you woke up the next morning, Hawks was no longer against your thigh but rather plastered to your side. you weren’t sure how you ended up being spooned by the lanky man but it wasn’t necessarily the first time you had cuddled. your brain began working against you almost immediately, convincing yourself that the previous night's events were nothing more than a drunken spur from your roommate and that he did not, in fact, want to be with you.

with those thoughts in mind, you began to wiggle your way out of his grasp, nearly making it out of bed before you felt a hand shoot out and grab you by the wrist. 

“where are you going beautiful? sleep with a man and then ditch him before he even gets a chance to wake up? how heartless of you.”

“oh shut up, you know damn well that we did not sleep together. in fact, you came in here at six in the morning just to simply annoy the hell out of me. now that’s what i call heartless.”

“we didn’t sleep together but we could’ve,” he teased, fingers rubbing gently up and down your arm as he attempted to coax you back into bed, but your mind worked on overdrive, simply not believing that he was interested in you at all. 

“why do you always like to make fun of me, huh? does it give you some sick satisfaction to dangle hope like that in front of my face only to snatch it away from me if i ever say yes?” you spat, getting sick and tired of his games.

“princess, i’m not lying to you, nor am i making fun of you. i would never offer something like this if i wasn’t serious. i want to take care of you in any way i can-emotionally, sexually, financially, anything you need, i want to give it to you. i was trying to drop you hints, give you the space to come to your own conclusions but it seems that i miscalculated how that pretty little brain of yours works. instead of believing that i was seriously flirting with you, it seems as if you thought that i was making fun of you instead. how funny that the mind works like that sometimes. i must admit i was a fool for not seeing it sooner, but now it makes so much sense.”

“what are you rambling on about?” you asked, furrowing your brow in confusion as you tried to make sense of the fact that he was not only dead serious about wanting to be with you but also psychoanalyzing your thoughts at the same time.

“how you would always get mad when i brought people home but never said anything to me, how you always scoffed at my sweet words, would never take money from me despite me leaving it very clearly for you, never getting too close to me despite living together for years. i’m honestly dumbfounded that i didn’t realize sooner. you’ve been in love with me for a long time too, huh? except, unlike me, you truly never thought you had a chance.”

“u-uh, yeah, i-i just, Keigo, what are you really trying to say to me?”

“sweetheart, be mine, wholly and fully in every way possible. let me take care of you like i’ve always wanted, always tried to do. this isn’t some joke or elaborate ruse, i’m not lying to you or trying to hurt you in any way. i really, truly want to be with you.”

you exhaled heavily, not realizing you had been holding your breath the whole time, searching his eyes for any sign of a lie, not finding anything except sincerity and hope.

“okay,” you relented, nodding your head. “yeah, if you say you’re not lying to me, i’ll trust you. i just, i don’t know. i never realized that you actually liked me back. i never would’ve guessed it in a million years. never would’ve thought i would hear any words like that come out of your mouth let alone so sincerely.”

you looked down, twiddling your thumbs as you contemplated the situation once more, but before you could let your brain get the best of you, Hawks placed his slender fingers underneath your chin, lifting your face up so that you could peer at him. he leaned forward slowly, foreheads pressed together.

“is it okay if i kiss you?”

you nodded your head, squeaking out a quiet “yes” before surging forward to place your lips on his, desperate to feel him, desperate to quiet the negative voices in your head and surround yourself with him instead.

he matched your pace eagerly, wrapping his hand around the back of your neck to pull you forward even more, his own desperation leaking through the kiss. he was so enamored with you, the way you smelt, your mussy hair, the sparkle in your eyes, the feeling of your soft lips against his own. it was almost too much to handle. he hadn’t been with anyone in awhile, preferring to wait it out and confront you when he had the courage to do so, and he felt himself getting more and more antsy as time went on. he wanted to respect you, treat you with the dignity and honor that you deserved, but in that moment, all he wanted to do was ruin you and mark you as his own.

“baby, you need to tell me if i go to far, yeah? i just want to make you feel good, never uncomfortable. let me take care of you like you deserve,” he panted, adjusting himself closer to you.

“i trust you Keigo. i’m yours.”

he groaned at the sound of you, of how pathetic and weak you were towards him, how you trusted to be vulnerable around him, trusted that he would take care of you. he had never wanted to ruin anything so badly in his life and he was going to do his best to make sure you knew you were his.

the kisses turned more sensual, tongues dipping in and around each other, exploring one another for what felt like the first time ever. for you, it had been awhile, telling yourself that you were too busy to be sexual with someone else when in actuality you had been craving a certain blonde all along. for him, this was something entirely new and special. he never got the chance to be truly intimate with anyone, let his guard down, want to please his partner more than himself, but you were different, special in the fact that you loved him for him and no other reason than that. 

“please Keigo, i need more,” you whined, fisting at his shirt as you tried to pull him impossibly closer to your body. 

“anything for you princess.” 

his shirt came off first, a delicate process he mastered years ago. he reached for your own shirt, fingers playing at the hem as he once again asked permission. you replied by pulling it off yourself, exposing your breasts to him. he immediately latched onto your left nipple, hand coming up to pinch the right, gently coaxing you to lay back down on the bed as he followed, hands and mouth never leaving your body. he laved you with his tongue, leaving a trail of cool moisture in its wake, sucking and biting at every soft spot he could think of, wanting so hard to hear you moan. 

“that’s it baby, don’t be shy. i want to hear you moan, say my name.”

you responded with a groan as his hand came to rest on your clothed cunt, feeling the wetness through your shorts. he smirked at the realization that you did truly want him as bad as he wanted you and the thought had his cock straining in his pants. it wasn’t long before he had freed himself from his confines, watching the way your eyes drank up the sight of him through the filtered light. 

gently, you reached out your hand to paw at his cock, marveling in the way it twitched at the slightest touch. you were enamored by him, all of him. before you kneeled a greek god willing to worship you, a mere mortal. you didn’t know what you did to deserve this but you figured you’d spend the rest of your life thanking the heavens.

“don’t worry about me right now, yeah? let’s just focus on making you feel good,” he cooed, reaching down to gently tug at your shorts.

you lifted your hips up without question, allowing him to pull the fabric down your body, your underwear coming along with it. he greedily watched as your slick stringed against the fabric before snapping. he was amazed that he could make someone so wet just by kissing them and was more than curious to see how soaked he could get you by the end of the morning.

he slowly dropped himself down to the edge of the bed, positioning himself between your thighs. kisses were placed to the soft flesh on your legs, pinching and nipping along the way, relishing in the squeals and moans you let out of your mouth. experimentally, he licked up your slit, watching how your breath hitched and your hands grasped the sheets below you, desperate to hold onto something. he licked again, this time using one of his hands to hold you down and the other to come and open you up. you responded immediately, back attempting to arch off the bed at the already intense situation.

he started up a steady pace, watching each little movement, breath, moan, grasp of the blanket to analyze what you liked best. he was enraptured with you, everything about you. you were so strong, fighting crime like it was nothing, doing anything you could to keep citizens safe and yet here you were, putty in his hands, baring your heart for him, trusting that he would take care of you.

the pressure inside of you slowly built up. it was like an intense heat you had never felt before, white hot and pulsing inside your abdomen. you clutched the sheets, your thighs, his hair, anything you could to purchase yourself to this earth as he brought you closer and closer to the promised land. finally, with one final lick, you came, crying out his name in a symphony of praises, singing to the high heavens.

he watched as you came done around his tongue, how your breath labored, eyes screwed shut, face flush and face twisted in pure pleasure. it was a magnificent sight to see, you so relaxed and carefree, enjoying every feeling that flooded over you.

when you had finally come down and your breathing began to even out, you opened your eyes to find Keigo still nestled between your thighs, head resting gently on you.

“how are you feeling love?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your hip.

“like i just left this world and came back,” you answered truthfully, laughing at his proud expression.

“are you okay? is there anything i can get for you?”

“no, Keigo, i think i’m okay,” you answered truthfully.

for the first time in a long time, you felt at ease. your body was relaxed, your mind foggy from the pleasure and you had the man you loved staring up at you like you were the only thing in this world that mattered.

“good, i’m glad you’re okay because we’re not done here. lay back down baby bird, let me make you feel good.”

[starrysamu]

take (me) out. 

miya osamu x f!reader.

wc: 2.2k, fluff.

how you go from being a regular at onigiri miya to regularly grabbing takeout for you and the restaurant owner. 

for @keiyoomi​, happy holidays dear! sorry it’s a little late, but i hope you can enjoy it some. much love, your hqc secret santa ♡ 

“let me buy you a meal.” 

osamu presses his palms to the table as he leans forward. the 30 inch table hitting your thighs is big enough to seat four and yet it’s a barrier that dissolves as soon as his nose is less than a few inches away from yours. 

he peers at you through his eyelashes. “come on. a treat for my favorite customer.” his voice is all things low and enticing, luring you in like a siren.  

your eyes are threatening to roll but they can’t seem to tear away from him. one way or another, you manage to rasp out, “i’ll think about it.” 

he’s far too close. too close, so much that you think he’ll be able to hear your pulse skyrocket. yeah, the food is amazing, but you stick around for the sort-of-friend and extremely attractive owner who’s got you trapped in his clutches.   

the corner of his lips curve up. “so it’s a date then?” 

“definitely not,” you huff, hiking your bag over your shoulder. your voice shakes a little and you’re trying your best not to let it show that your heart is doing jumping jacks and your stomach is flipping over like a pancake. 

it’s been almost 10 minutes since you told yourself you’d leave but your feet are practically shackled to the ground. it's also been 10 minutes since the place closed, leaving only you, the restaurant owner, and the poor part timer he hired a few weeks ago behind. 

there’s an odd sense of deja vu that consumes you. the two of you have definitely been in this position before, just without the fresh faced high schooler hanging around the back. 

“think about it,” osamu says, standing up straight. you straighten your back with him, forgetting how tall he was. curse his blessed genes.  

but while you’re busy cursing those divine genes (jeans?) of his, you do think about it. the line between friendship and dating is thin, and you’ve always thought you’d already crossed that point with him - that you learned too much about each other in just a few short weeks, crumbling any sort of potential to date him. 

you can’t help imagining it nonetheless - the fluff, the slice of life. it’s just too ideal, and you have no choice but to imagine since it’s not actually panning out. 

your lips tighten as you squint at him. he stacks his bowls up and it sounds like the world’s saddest song, truth be told. 

is he the friends to lovers type? 

you sigh heavily and set your bag back down, walking back to the table. “fine, yeah,” you mumble, heat rushing to your cheeks. “tomorrow at 7. the ramen place across town?” 

he grins loosely and you swear the corners of his eyes literally twinkle. how’s that even possible?

“you’re here early.” 

you shift on the balls of your feet and click your phone. “traffic was light.”

a half truth, half lie. it just feels like you’ve been injected with adrenaline and cortisol and you’re ready to bounce off of every wall known to mankind with how nervous you are.   

you’re fine. 

osamu hums and slips his hands in his pockets. you blink at him for a moment. what if he’s just the friends to friends type? you’ve always hated dtr, but what if he really is just treating his favorite customer? 

“what’re you looking at? do i have something on my face?” 

“tch.” you roll your lips under your teeth and swallow your smile. “you look out of your element.” you can’t deny that the black t-shirt suits him well enough, but this baby blue linen button down is a gift from the gods themselves. 

“next time i’ll grab that perfume,” he jokes sarcastically, “the one that smells like rice. that’ll make you remember how hard i work.” 

fighting your smile this time is a lot more painful. “i never said anything about how you slack off at work,” you lilt. “your poor part timer can attest to that.”  

he pokes the temple of your head and you laugh as you push the double doors to the restaurant. the bells jingle and you feel completely warm, inside and out.  

the receptionist seats you at a booth next to a window adorned with fake flowers. what kind of cottagecore fantasy is this? 

you glance at osamu, working on making a judgement of the place himself. is he into cottagecore? there’s not a moment to spare as your eyes rake him up and down - he’s definitely light academia. maybe dark academia, even. 

the booth feels stuffy with just you and osamu there. you clasp your fingers together under the table and goosebumps travel up your skin. 

a pretty twenty-something year old slips your menus on the table and osamu flashes her an easy smile, like he’s a model for hollister or something. your eyes grow wide for a minute and you glance back and forth between osamu and the waitress. 

you’re not even sure what they’ve said to each other because your mind is all white static. and when she says, “let me know if you need anything,” to osamu and osamu only, it feels like you’re the one who’s figured out e=mc2 instead of albert einstein. 

“why are you flirting with the waitress?” you whisper when she’s out of earshot. you’re not even sure what you feel, but you think your soul has completely left your body. 

you’ve always hated this trope too. 

he takes a sip of his drink and for a split second, you can see him poorly trying to hide a laugh. “who else should i be flirting with?” he finally deadpans. “you? you said this wasn’t a date.” 

“oh, so now you’re trying to get hung up on technicalities.” you lean back in your seat and fold your arms over your chest. 

osamu rests an elbow on the table and puts his hand on his chin. “so, are we having a date then?” 

there’s that indescribable ambivalence that floods you once again as soon as you look him in the eye. his eyes are unchanging - they look at you like they’ve always looked at you since you regularly showed up to his restaurant, since you became his friend, and since you accidentally stayed just a little too late after his restaurant closed.  

you toss your straw wrapper at him and avert your gaze back to your lap. “definitely not.” 

the door handle feels cold as you twist it. so it’s a friends to friends type of story? that’s fine. not the way you wanted it to pan out, but at least the date was good for one thing. osamu’s as good a friend as he probably is a partner. 

you sigh. you’re doing a shit job of convincing yourself, that’s for sure.  

“welcome in - ”

osamu’s grin wavers and then falls into a simple smile, like he’s been waiting for you. you wish your heart would just do the one job it has: beat normally and consistently. yet every time you look at him, it wants to participate in a ballet competition or something so ridiculous to the point where your lungs are struggling to keep up. 

“look what the cat dragged in,” he says, walking up to you. “i was wondering if you were coming today or not.” 

he’s back to wearing his black t-shirt and nothing has felt more familiar to you. 

“why wouldn’t i?” you test. you’re not even sure what you’re looking for by asking him, but you’ll consider even a response as the slightest win. 

he gauges you for a moment. “i thought you might’ve left me for the place across town.” 

and now you pray for your mind to do its job: objectively process and synthesize information. instead, you fixate on how he’s used the word ‘me’ instead of ‘us,’ as any owner would when he’s talking about a customer. 

“i would never,” you say breezily. “this place is the one and only for me.” 

he does nothing to hide his smile. “and what about me?” 

your brows shoot up the same way your pulse does, as if it already didn’t feel like you were running a marathon. “what about you?” 

you’re playing a dangerous game and toying along the line of dense, but maybe you’re better off establishing boundaries before you go into v-fib. 

he sets his tray down and slips his hands into the apron loosely tied around his waist. in any other world, you’d think it would be impossible for an apron to accentuate his broad shoulders, but this world seems to defy you day in and day out. 

there’s a sharp inhale as he leans against the table. for a moment you think he’s going to follow with, ‘when am i going to be your one and only?’ but you breathe in relief when all he says is, “this place is always here for you.” 

even that sends you hurtling down a cascade of different feelings, though. each conversation with osamu seems to be a different boss battle you don’t know how to defeat. 

“thank you,” you finally say curtly, setting your things down. "what’s the special for today?” 

he grins. “you can have me, or i guess i can make you some food.” 

just when you think you’ve dodged him, he comes back at you, swinging at full force. 

“okay, fine.” 

osamu’s brows arch as he watches you stack a few bowls up. 

“i’ll buy you a meal,” you sigh, looking up at him. “sure, maybe that high schooler’s been slipping me a boxed lunch every time i swing by before work.” 

you’re really just trying to catch osamu before you start your monotonous days at the office, but he’s always holed up in the back. honestly, you’re there more than you’d like considering you swing by in the evenings now too.  

“do you know how heartbreaking it was for me to hear my favorite customer’s been stealing from me?” he says dramatically. 

“you should really talk to that kid in the back,” you mumble, looking away from him. “i always thought you allowed it.” 

he pokes your head and you roll back on your heels. “i don’t even give my brother free food.” 

“stingy,” you huff, looking away from him. you’re conflicted between guilt and disappointment - clearly, this friends to friends storyline is a little more than you can handle. 

you fight the urge to gasp to yourself. what if it’s an unrequited love? 

he grabs the tray full of stacked dishes as he smiles at you, heading to the back. you watch as his biceps peek out from underneath the sleeves of his fitted shirt and you think that maybe you should save the drooling for the food and the food only. 

he sticks his head out from the back. “what’re you doing right now?” 

you look around the empty restaurant. “it’s 10 pm and i’m here, does it look like i’m doing anything important?” 

“you wanna try something i’m adding to the menu?” 

your eyes light up like a five year old on christmas morning. “so you’re giving me free food then?” 

he pretends to think about it for a minute. “only if you’ll take me out tomorrow.” 

you agree as if you hadn’t been thinking about it all along. 

osamu leans back in his seat as he takes a swing from his bottle. “this is what you meant by taking me out tonight?” 

“come on,” you say. the cocktail against your lips is especially sweet with osamu sitting next to you. 

he leans in towards you. you’re surprised that you no longer feel like you’re running a marathon, but your muscles still feel sore, like you’ve got knots everywhere that you can’t seem to untie. 

“i guess i’ll let it slide this time,” he teases gently. “you owe me food though.” 

you pucker your lips. “i guess i’ll spare some time for you.” 

“you should, considering you stole all that food from me.” 

“it was only two lunches,” you whine, holding up two fingers for added effect. “consider it your repayment for all those evenings i helped you out.” 

he laughs and the dull ache in your chest tightens. mutual pining would be the most ideal, but right now you’re stuck on unrequited love. you’ve long ditched friends to friends because only god knows you can’t seem to keep yourself together around the restaurant owner. 

but when he says, “you know, i’d been wanting to ask you out for forever,” you feel the gears click into place. “and not as my favorite customer.” 

you choke on the martini. why won��t it go down as easy as the words coming out of his lips? 

his eyes crinkle as your vision blurs. maybe you are running a marathon when you’re next to him, because you can’t ever seem to catch a break. the dim lighting of the bar does nothing to slow your pulse either, with almost every nerve running haywire. 

“and i know we just talked about you buying me food again,” he says slowly, “so would you like to come by tomorrow night?” 

if a bar was the secret to this recipe, you would’ve brought him much sooner. “i should’ve bought you a beer a million years ago then,” you mumble into your drink. you look at him through the corners of yours to see him smiling expectantly at you. “but i think i’ll take you up on that offer.”  

and that’s how your friends to lovers, mutual pining storyline has you bringing takeout to his apartment after he’s had a long day at work. maybe you’ll even get to explore ‘and then there was only one bed,’ but you’ll take it one bit at a time.  

[sensitiveandhungry]

get to know me game !!

tagged by @bbujiikseu <3

birthday: april 10th

favorite color: purples and bright/dark yellows and lots of greens and blues

do you have any pets? i don't have any of my own but i have my family dog Buster <3

how tall are you?: 170 cm (5'7) :,) unfortunately

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: 15 but i definitely wear five the most

favorite song: every few days it changes, right now its "Let You Break My Heart Again" by Laufey and the Philharmonia Orchestra

favorite movie: also changes from moment to moment but I can confidently say that overall I will never get tired of Thor: Ragnarok

who would be your ideal partner?: wow, so many things. to be simple and succinct he needs to be respectful and patient, asks for consent, is honest and truthful, and loyal. And, of course loves me for me. can also deal with my antics, insecurities, etc

do you want children?: honestly, i'm not sure. i do but also the idea of being in charge of another human being and responsible for how it turns out is terrifying to me. also no thank you to child birth. since i was in middle school i have wanted to adopt, and would ideally like to adopt teenagers so i can help them and give them the resources they need in the last few years before they become adults. i want to be able to put more functioning adults out in the world, even if its only one or two.

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: no sir no ma'am

what color socks are you wearing?: no socks right now but earlier today i was wearing grey socks with lavender borders and cartoon cows on it. cows are my favorite animal. they are my favorite socks.

favorite type of music: girl i love so much music, number one is just pop. overall, all sub-genres. k-pop of course, duh, hello. lately r&b is just SO GOOD? so yeah that too. and i really life soft pop/rock/bedroom type beats.

how many pillows do you sleep with?: four pillows, a quilt and two blankets, two stuffies. anything less its just not heavy enough i need a nest

what position do you sleep in?: all of the above? primarily a stomach sleeper but i can fall asleep on my side or back too. but i always wake up on my stomach

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping?: being cold. it is the absolute worst. i also hate sleeping with like no weight on me. def can't do just a sheet and can hardly do just a comforter/duvet. <<this is kana's response but literally me too. we are the same.

what do you have for breakfast?: it depends on the day and my schedule. with a few exceptions, M,W,F I eat nutella toast, T,Th I have chocolate protein milk with apple cinnamon nutrigrain bars. On the weekends I make homemade egg 'mcmuffins' with english muffins, over-easy eggs, american cheese, and occasionally bacon.

have you tried archery?: yes! it is so much fun although im not much good at it

favorite fruit?: hmmm pomegranates and maybe plums too <<< once again kana's response but as usual, we are, in fact, the same

are you a good liar?: it depends. partial truths? yes. blatant lies to people's faces? no jfsdhlgdks

What’s your personality type?: as a kid i was an enfp, for a short while i was an istp, and now i am an infp

innie or outtie? i have the deepest innie belly button you will ever see in your entire life jfkjf. genuinely like the size of a thimble

left handed or right handed?: right handed, always wanted to be ambidextrous

favorite food: carbohydrates. pasta, bread, rice, potatoes. :)

favorite foreign food?: just like kana i love phad thai. it is so good i just- *faints*

am i clean or messy?: i'm def unorganized, but i also hate messes but bc of my anxiety i never know where to start with cleaning until it piles up to the point where i'm so stressed i can't let it sit dkfjd <<kana's response, yet again. but me too, down to the last word.

most used phrase: lately i just call everything garbage. that is garbage. his behavior was garbage. i feel like garbage. also many different variations that include "oh, holy, thank, god, heavens, good lord above"

how long does it take for you to get ready?: i like having lots of time to get ready so i can be relaxed and happy while doing so. so like two hours? but if need be i can also get ready in less than five minutes. anything in between.

do you talk to yourself?: yes because how else would i stay sane, hm?? its mostly like humming, dancing, telling myself what i need to do and get done, or just narrating my every move. also if you don't act like you're filming a youtube video when getting ready in the morning, you are wrong

do you sing to yourself?: girl literally constantly. catch a time when i am not singing. if i am not singing i have a song in my head. currently it's "Moonlight" by Ariana Grande

are you a good singer?: actually yes. the one skill i can confidently say i have, is the ability to sing well. very well. incredibly well. fun fact, my only claim to fame is that i sang the star spangled banner as a solo for my high school graduation, attendance of over 5,000 people. and yes i did have to go through an audition process to do so.

biggest fear: never falling in love. synonymous with being alone/dying alone, but specifically never falling in love. never getting married. never having a boyfriend. that is just absolutely terrifying to me. worse than death

do you like long hair or short hair?: i like me with all the hairs. been wanting to shave my head for like five years and still haven't. everyone else can also do whatever makes them happy. it is your hair not mine

favorite school subject: choir :D this is unsurprising. also yoga. literally the best class EVER

extrovert or introvert?: i am a loud introvert. i love hanging out with people and making friends but my social battery dies quickly and i also have to be in a certain mood to want to interact with people. <<kana's response, but me too. extroverted introvert. also, i am shy. so approach me first and then i am an open book

what makes you nervous?: small, tight spaces, big crowds, loud music / sounds (like to the point where i can't hear myself speak or think), uhhh a lot of things lol <<kana and me are the same

who was your first real crush?: my older sisters tried to push the idea of crushes on me literally since i was five. so my first "crush" was a kid named Jace in my kindergarten class. but if we're talking actual genuine interest in someone for the first time? probably a kid named Gage in fourth grade.

how many piercings?: i have two lol. just on my ear lobes. <<me too, kana

how many tattoos?: zero! i have issues with permanence when it comes to my body, it took me until i was 14 to even pierce my ears. i have interest in the fake tattoos that last a couple months tho!

how fast can you run?: honestly pretty fast. but i would not win a race

what color is your hair?: a really pretty brown. currently growing out bad highlights from middle school i had to spend hundreds of dollars correcting, also a hint of purple from a tint i use

what color are your eyes?: a lovely brown that looks especially pretty in the sun !!

what makes you angry?: people who don't take no for an answer, people who think they're the coolest ever even when they're actually dicks, being blatantly ignored but not being told what i did wrong <<yeah me too, kana

do you like your name?: i am indifferent. i used to hate it as a kid and was bullied for the way it was spelled, told it didn't make sense to spell it Lindsay when you pronounce it Lindzee, but i do in fact have the original Scottish spelling of the name.

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: i am entirely indifferent! whoever i can adopt i will. also however they may want to identify later in life.

what are your strengths?: girl i dont know what to say. i can sing. i try my very hardest at most things. i am strong and brave. i have a gift for empathy, to a fault. i care and love almost too much.

what are your weaknesses?: same as my strengths, empathy, caring, and love are also my weaknesses. i am also wayyy too sensitive, i overthink, and take everything personally.

what’s the color of your bedspread?: sky blue with white roses

color of your room: white :( not allowed to paint it

[aspoonofsugar]

Red and Gray in a Black and White World

Carmen Sandiego likes playing with colors.

In particular, VILE is black, while ACME is white.

This is why Carmen’s codename is Black Sheep, which later becomes ironic when she grows to be VILE’s literal “black sheep” and their thorn in the side. At the same time, Shadowsan too has a codename suggesting something dark in color. Of course, his name also foreshadows that he is the one protecting Carmen from the shadows.

Similarly, the ACME’s agent closest to Carmen is Julia Argent aka “silver”. She is not completely “white” and she is able to see the complexity of the world, differently from Devinaux and Zari.

As a matter of fact the whole point is that Carmen refuses a black and white vision of things. She doesn’t want to join VILE, but she doesn’t want to be a part of ACME either:

She wants to use her “wicked skills” for good.

This is a fitting theme for a show whose aim is to help kids learn about geography and how rich Earth is. It conveys the idea of complexity.

In other words, Carmen explores the world and its wonders at her own pace and with her own rules. This is expressed by her color being “red”. Everything about her is red. Her codename, her clothes and even her adoptive family:

Similarly, Gray is another character, who is neither black nor white, but (obviously) gray (duh).

This is made clear in Chief’s speech above and his moral complexity is also what makes his dynamic with Carmen so interesting.

“GRAY” AND “BLACK SHEEP”: NOT MY NAME ANYMORE

Carmen and Gray’s relationship is one of mutual attraction (platonic or romantic does not matter), but also of conflict.

They want the other by their side:

But they can’t agree on which side they should both be:

This is because they both refuse a part of the other. This refusal is well expressed through the name symbolism of both characters.

On one hand Gray keeps calling Carmen Black Sheep:

He refuses her new identity because he does not understand it:

On the other hand Carmen refuses Gray’s VILE persona, but also his civilian one.

This is interesting because her refusal of “Crackle” is something Carmen does willingly:

She does not genuinely understand it, just like Gray does not understand her being Carmen Sandiego.

At the same time, though, Carmen somehow also refuses Gray’s civilian identity and keeps calling him Gray instead of Graham:

Even if the brainwashing makes their friendship easier, Carmen still feels something is amiss. The person in front of her is not really “Gray”, but somehow a “white” version of him. It is not by chance that she is able to partially rebuild their past relationship by involving him in a dangerous mission:

And in this mission Carmen needs Gray’s “wicked skills” that are still a part of him. She becomes Gray’s link to his previous world:

Just like he is the one who symbolically introduces her to what truly means to be a criminal:

And to its harsher aspects:

At the same time, it is interesting that when brainwashed Carmen still refuses the codename Crackle:

And she only uses it when she thinks he has betrayed her:

In that moment it is as if Gray truly became “black” for her and changed from her partner in crime to an enemy.

In short, both characters can’t truly pintpoint who the other really is.

Who is Carmen really? And is Gray good or bad?

The answers to these questions are difficult because Carmen and Gray themselves are not sure until the end of the series.

THE MISSING MATRIOSKA AND BROKEN LIGHTS

Carmen does not know who she is, while Gray is caught up between his wish to be a criminal and his empathic side.

These internal conflicts are well conveyed through specific motifs linked to the two characters.

Firstly, Carmen’s journey of self-discovery is commented by the burnt matrioskas motif:

The matrioskas are what links Carmen to her biological family. They’re the only things she has had since she was born and it is later revealed they’re a toy her father used to calm her down.

At the same time, the matrioskas symbolize Carmen herself. Like her “oldest traveling companions”, she too is made of multiple identities who live inside her and change as she grows. She starts as Lambkins, grows into Carmen Sandiego and finally discovers her identity in  the finale:

Both in terms of her origins and who she wants to be:

The missing matrioska represents both. On one hand it is the link to Carmen’s past and it is symbolically the smallest one (like a baby). On the other hand seeing it makes Carmen remember who she wants to be.

In short, the matrioska is Carmen’s missing piece both when it comes to who she was and to who she will be.

As far as Gray is concerned, him being caught between “light” and “darkness” is conveyed by his electrician’s motif:

Gray’s criminal career started when a light bulb went off. This is an ironic inversion of a light bulb switching on when one has an idea. Still, it also symbolizes a fall to darkness. Gray’s job was supposed to switch lights on, but he chooses to turn them off, so that he can steal.

This motif comes back in season 2 ep 7 where Carmen’s mission is to stop Doctor Bellum from causing dangerous black-outs. This is tied once again to Gray’s character. As a matter of fact not only the objective is to avoid physical blackouts, but also to stop Graham turning back into Crackle once again. The blackout which must be avoided is the one of Gray’s personality.

At the same time, this motif is not as straightforward as it may seem:

As a matter of fact the whole reason Gray has turned into Graham is a metaphorical “black-out”. This is an interesting idea. Gray has left criminality and can have a new beginning and Carmen sees it as a positive thing. However, this whole new identity is a lie built through brainwashing:

Carmen has good intentions and is ultimately proven right about Gray’s good nature. However, she is still ready to accept a persona constructed through an unethical method.

She meets an idealized version of Gray, she realizes something is missing, but still accepts it. This is why she needs to see this illusion shatter and to confront the real Gray once more.

This happens when Gray gets his memories back:

The one on the Himalaya is the second real confrontation between Carmen and Gray after the one on the train.

At this point, we are shown how they have changed and how they have not.

On one hand Carmen is finally forced to accept that Graham was nothing, but an illusion:

However, she does not completely give up on Gray:

Even if confronted with the truth she still hopes Gray will change. It is just that this change to be true should happen because of her friend’s free will and not through a coercion.

On the other hand Gray has grown enough to accept Carmen:

And to realize she will never come back to VILE. However, he still begs her to stop fighting the organization. In short, he has grown a little, but is still asking Carmen to give up on her life mission, just like she wants him to give up on criminality.

The two characters have clearly grown closer, but they are still unable to see eye to eye and this is why they end the episode as enemies, despite this:

There is clearly affection between them, but this affection is not enough to let them overcome their rift. At least not in that moment.

THE FLYING DUTCH AND THE RED PHANTOM

In season 4 ep 4, while Gray is about to make his choice, we hear a song from The Flying Dutch in the background. This is not a surprise because Graham and Carmen’s relationship has also an Opera motif.

Graham works in a operahouse and famous operas pieces comment his relationship with Carmen while brainwashed. They meet at The Carmen, are reunited through The Swan Lake and finally Graham turns into Crackle again while The Flying Dutch is playing.

This last opera is important not only for Graham’s story, but also for Gray’s overall arc. As a matter of fact the story of this opera is one whose main theme is about how love leads to redemption.

This is precisely what happens to Gray in the end.

In particular, he finds himself in the position Carmen was just a while before: he meets an idealized version of Carmen.

Brainwashed Carmen is who Gray has wanted Carmen to be all along. She is loyal to VILE, close to him and in love with stealing.

However, despite Gray having all he ever wanted he quickly realizes he does not like it at all:

Black Sheep realizes she does not want anything to do with VILE after she sees how the organization has transformed Gray.

Similarly, Gray decides to betray VILE after he sees what they did to Carmen. This is interesting because, while Carmen refuses to work both for VILE and for ACME, Gray ends up working for both.

Anyway, in the end Gray leaves VILE out of love.

Not only that, but he shows to have been influenced by Carmen on a deeper level:

It is because of this that Gray survives his final confrontation with his old classmate.

All in all, Gray manages to save himself and he and Shadowsan are the two people that helped Carmen to save herself the most.

At the same time, Gray and Carmen’s story ends on a bittersweet note. They have both hurted each other, but still clearly love each other:

Despite this, they are avoiding each other. This is not something new, if anything Gray’s final choice:

Perfectly mirrors Carmen’s one in the first season:

Both times the two characters decide that the best thing for the other is for them to walk out from their lives. However, I think that both times this is wrong.

Carmen’s decision is later on proven wrong by how the story develops. Gray would have never truly changed if Carmen had not walked in his life again and he would have stayed prisoner of a lie forever.

Gray’s decision happens at the end of the story and seems to be built on this idea:

The idea is that Carmen deserves a normal life. She deserves to stop being a symbol aka Carmen Sandiego and to become a person. She can now live a normal life and meet her mother.

However, even if it seems Carmen will do just that and she even disbands her gang aka her adoptive family, in the end we are shown this:

Carmen has not given up on being Carmen Sandiego and on fighting criminality. Whatever happened after she met her mother, she goes back to her previous identity. This is because Carmen Sandiego is not just a mask she has worn all this time, but it is genuinelly a part of who she is. The difference between the beginning and the end is that Carmen previously was Carmen Sandiego because she did not know who she was, while now she is because she knows.

Carmen will always be both a good person and a thief. She is both and ironically she has told us (and Gray) this since the very beginning:

Because of this, Gray’s worrying he will make Carmen’s life complicated if he even just contacts her is probably false.

Anyway, in the end their relationship has an open ending, but both characters have both realized who they are and who they want to be and they have done so with the other’s help.

[jaskicr]

for buffskier, for some reason jaskier has to wear geralt’s armour (this is like @spielzeugkaiser’s art) and geralt realises that his armour fits jaskier extremely well. and also jaskier can lift his (rather heavy) sword and can also fight with it

i love a good clothes swap and i had a lot of fun writing it, so this got longer than expected, oops! (also known as: let me see how many of my favourite tropes i can gleefully shove into this) and thank you to @spielzeugkaiser for letting me write a ficlet inspired by their art<3

“No, no,” Jaskier says frantically. “That village - it’s not a good idea. Let’s find another place to get a contract.”

Geralt frowns. “Why not? There’s a well-paying contract there.”

"Trust me, it’s better if we find another one,” Jaskier insists. 

“There are no other villages that are within a day’s ride,” Geralt points out, annoyed. Why is Jaskier being so adamant?

Jaskier sighs, pinching his nose. “I’ve been there, okay? They weren’t very - receptive towards my songs. They loathe you.”

“That’s not news,” Geralt comments dryly.

“You don’t get it, Geralt.” Jaskier rakes a hand through his hair, frustrated. “The Blaviken thing - they’re really, really set on that.”

“We need to stock up on supplies, and we’re basically out of coin,” Geralt grumbles. They could camp for the night, but it really wouldn’t be ideal. Besides, Geralt is used to the boundless hate thrown at him for Blaviken. This will just be another hateful town, and he can handle it. “I need to take the contract, Jaskier.”

Jaskier throws his hands up with another loud sigh. “Geralt -”

“I’m used to it.” It’s the truth, but familiar anger ignites in Jaskier’s eyes at the thought of the injustice directed towards Geralt, and it warms Geralt to see Jaskier so protective of him, even if it isn’t anything either of them can change.

“They truly hate you, Geralt, and I don’t want you to be subjected to that.” Jaskier’s voice is concerned, worried. “If only we could…” his voice trails off, and he murmurs, “oh.”

“What?” Geralt asks warily. There’s a glint in Jaskier’s eyes that Geralt has come to recognise as Jaskier having one of his ideas, ideas that usually end in disaster.

“What if...” Jaskier pauses, grinning, which does not bode well. “Gods, I’m a genius. They’ve never seen you, so they don’t know what you look like.”

“... And?”

“Well, they’re expecting the Butcher of Blaviken to be a white-haired, golden-eyed witcher with big fuck-off swords and a surly demeanour,” Jaskier rambles, eyes brightening. “But if we swap clothes, and I pretend to be a witcher and you can pretend to be a bard, then they won’t suspect anything!”

“That’s...” stupid, Geralt wants to say, but as crazy as Jaskier’s idea sounds, Geralt needs to take the contract, and as much as he hates to admit it, Jaskier’s idea is likely their best shot. Gods, is he really going to go along with one of Jaskier’s harebrained schemes? 

“It’s genius, isn’t it?” Jaskier says with a proud smile on his face, looking expectantly at Geralt. “We can waltz into town, me as a witcher and you as a bard, take the contract, you can slay the monster, then I can collect the payment, pretending to have killed the monster. It’s perfect!”

Jaskier’s idea is one of his better ones, though Geralt is still dubious about pulling it off. “Our clothes won’t fit each other.”

“Oh, trust me,” Jaskier reassures him confidently. “They will.”

After some needling from Jaskier, Geralt eventually gives in reluctantly, softening slightly when Jaskier sends him a triumphant grin. He doubts that this will work - after all, his armour will likely be too big for Jaskier, and Jaskier’s frivolous, vibrant clothes will undoubtedly be too small for him, but Geralt always gives in to Jaskier in the end. It won’t work, but Geralt might as well let Jaskier indulge for a few moments. 

They turn their backs to one another as they strip off their clothes to swap with each other, and Geralt can’t stop his eyes from wandering over to Jaskier. Jaskier’s doublet is strewn on the ground, and when he pulls his shirt over his head, Geralt’s mouth goes dry.

Jaskier’s back is unexpectedly broad, the strength evident in the width of his shoulders, and Geralt sucks in a breath as Jaskier bends over to take off his trousers, his firm bottom directly in Geralt’s view, and as Jaskier pushes his trousers down, Geralt gets an eyeful of thighs that are thick with muscle, built up over long hours of walking, and strong, shapely calves.

Geralt hurriedly whips his head around, his face heating up suddenly. 

Well. That had certainly been unexpected. 

Where had Jaskier been hiding all of that?

Geralt keeps his mind on taking his own clothes off, determinedly not thinking about the sight he’d just seen. When Jaskier’s clothes land next to him with a thump, Geralt tosses his own armour over his shoulder, and it takes every ounce of his willpower to not turn around and catch another glimpse of that expanse of tantalising skin. 

Picking up Jaskier’s cream-coloured shirt and sky blue trousers, Geralt eyes them dubiously, reluctant to put them on. They’re rather too bright for his taste, and Geralt fears that he might accidentally rip Jaskier’s clothing - though after what he’d seen earlier, that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

Geralt gingerly pulls the sky blue trousers on, grimacing inwardly at the way the too-bright colour stands out against his pale skin. To his surprise, his legs slide in without much resistance, and he barely has to struggle for the trousers to fit, with the trousers only squeezing his calves and his ass the slightest bit. 

He hadn’t expected to be able to squeeze into Jaskier’s trousers, and certainly hadn’t expected them to fit so well. They’re slightly short on him, though not by much, since he and Jaskier are nearly of height, and Jaskier’s trousers don’t fit that much tighter than his own. 

Less tentative now, Geralt pulls on Jaskier’s shirt. Like the trousers, it’s a slightly tight fit, particularly around the chest and shoulders, but not tight enough to be uncomfortable, and looking down at himself, Geralt finds himself once again surprised at just how well Jaskier’s clothes fit him. 

Behind him, Jaskier lets out a teasing whistle. “Well, would you look at that lovely bottom.”

Groaning, Geralt turns around. “Jaskier, why -” He chokes on his own spit when he sees Jaskier before him, decked out in black leather. “Unf.”

The armour fits well. Very well. Unlike what Geralt had expected, the armour doesn’t hang loosely off Jaskier’s body but hugs it perfectly, fitting almost as well as Jaskier's own tailored clothes. The bulk of Geralt’s armour only serves to make Jaskier seem more broad, a hulking, dangerous presence. 

Geralt had thought that his armour would hang from Jaskier’s shoulders in an unflattering way, too loose to be practical, practically drowning him in fabric. Instead, the armour clings to Jaskier’s body in all the right ways, drawing Geralt’s eyes to the wide expanse of Jaskier’s shoulders and the thickness of his biceps. Geralt’s trousers are pulled taut over Jaskier’s thighs, the strength in them clearly visible through the tight fabric. 

For a moment, Geralt sees another witcher looking back at him, broad-shouldered and strong, ready to take down the monsters that roam the Continent, but the illusion is shattered when Jaskier sends him a slow, lazy grin. 

“Well, it seems that you’re wrong,” Jaskier purrs, prowling towards Geralt, and he makes quite a sight, looming and lethal as he approaches Geralt, and Geralt has to swallow down an involuntary gulp. Gods preserve him. “Our clothes fit each other quite well. Extremely well.”

His eyes rake down the length of Geralt’s body, something almost hungry sparking in his gaze as it lingers on the way his shirt is stretched just slightly too tight around Geralt’s chest, the way his blue trousers cling to Geralt’s legs and ass, and Geralt had to fight the urge to hide himself from a look so predatory that he feels as if he’s being sized up for a meal.

“Yeah, um, yes,” Geralt stammers, and why is he stammering? He tries again, grasping for words that elude him with every second he’s graced with the sight of Jaskier in his armour. “Hm. I - yes.”

“Yeah?” Jaskier’s eyes are sparkling, and Geralt gets the distinct impression that Jaskier is laughing at him. 

“We, uh - your plan worked,” Geralt mumbles. He wants to avert his gaze, wants to duck his head in embarrassment, but his eyes refuse to leave Jaskier, desperately drinking him in. “We can, uh…”

Jaskier chuckles. “Let’s head into the village then. Better not waste any time.”

“Yes,” Geralt says faintly, watching as Jaskier heads over to where Geralt’s swords are laid out. “Uh, right. Can you, uh, lift them?”

Jaskier raises an eyebrow, bending down and reaching for the swords, and sweat beads at Geralt’s temple as the tight leather trousers pull tight around Jaskier’s ass. “Lift them? Of course I can, my dear witcher - or my dear bard, I should say - they’re not that heavy.”

He closes his hands around each sword, one steel and one silver, hefting them thoughtfully in his hands. Geralt realises with a start that Jaskier is holding his swords like he knows what to do with them, like he’s fought with swords before. Jaskier keeps surprising him today, it seems.

Jaskier slides the swords into the sheaths on his back with practised ease, then grins at Geralt. “Well, my darling bard, shall we?”

My darling bard, Jaskier purrs with a low tone that makes Geralt’s too-slow heart beat just a little too fast, and Geralt swallows at how easily Jaskier refers to him as his. 

“W - what?” Gods, he really is distracted, and Jaskier smirks at him. 

“We need to take the contract, Geralt,” Jaskier reminds him, amusement dancing across his face. “Come on, grab my lute, and we can go.”

“Right,” Geralt mutters, turning away to hide the way his cheeks are burning. The weather is really quite hot today. Reaching for Jaskier’s lute, he slings it over his shoulder the way he’s watched Jaskier do thousands of times, and heads towards Roach, getting ready to leave. 

“You look good as a bard,” Jaskier murmurs, and Geralt startles, turning back to look at him in surprise. Jaskier winks at him, and surely Geralt’s eyes must be deceiving him, because Jaskier has that glint in his eye when he flirts with young men and women that catch his fancy - now, that glint and that wink are directed at Geralt, and gods, the weather is really hot. Maybe he should go take a dip in a stream later. 

Maybe he can even ask Jaskier to join him, and watch as water drips down his body, the droplets clinging to the bare lines of his muscles, and why the fuck is Geralt even thinking this?

Shaking the tempting image from his mind, Geralt croaks out, “We should. Uh. Let’s go.” 

His face still feels too hot as he clambers on Roach, resolutely not looking at Jaskier as they set out towards the town. Despite his efforts, images of Jaskier’s body bombard his mind - his wide back, his strong thighs, his shapely ass, and Geralt has to make a concentrated effort to stay on Roach. 

Though it wouldn’t be a hardship if he were to fall off Roach and have Jaskier catch him in those strong, thick arms -

And Geralt needs to get a fucking grip. One look at his surprisingly muscular friend and now it’s all he can focus on. 

When they finally arrive at the village, Geralt is beyond grateful for something else to distract his thoughts from how they’re spiralling into increasingly inappropriate territory. Jaskier is his travelling companion, his best friend, for gods’ sake, Geralt shouldn’t be thinking this about him. 

The villagers bristle with thinly veiled hostility as they pass, glaring at Jaskier, and Geralt hunches his shoulders and ducks his head, doing his best to hide his eyes, but no one pays him any mind. Their eyes slide over Geralt’s colourful clothing and lute to rest hatefully on Jaskier, who strides on with a blank mask on his face, unbothered by their stares, looking every part a dangerous, deadly witcher. 

Geralt can practically touch the hostility that thrums in the air, his enhanced hearing catching snatches of witcher and mutant and butcher, and he grudgingly admits that Jaskier was right - had they not swapped their clothes, Geralt would’ve been chased out of the village for being the Butcher of Blaviken. While the town is clearly not welcoming towards witchers, they’re likely making an exception for any witcher who isn’t Geralt.

They head into the village’s biggest tavern, and Geralt hangs back as Jaskier stalks up to the man who’d put out the contract, listening to the details of the monster - a few nekkers, nothing too dangerous - as Jaskier negotiates payment far more skilfully than Geralt could ever have done. After a few minutes, Jaskier returns to Geralt, and they leave the tavern with distrustful gazes on their backs.

“It doesn’t sound like a big nest,” Geralt murmurs, just loud enough for Jaskier to hear. “Let’s deal with it and get out of here.”

“How did you - ah, witcher hearing, yes, silly me.” Jaskier scans their surroundings warily. “If we get changed in the forest, you can take care of them and then we can change back, collect our gold, buy what we need, and leave. No one will even suspect anything.”

Geralt frowns as Jaskier steers them in the direction of the forest. “But the nest is in the forest, it might not be safe -”

“It’ll be fine,” Jaskier dismisses, waving a hand. “We’ll just make sure to be quick.”

Geralt wants to disagree, but he keeps his mouth shut as they head into the forest, trying to tell himself that it’ll be fine. After all, it’s not like the nest will be that close to the village anyway. They’ll be fine.

“We just need to be far enough from the village that no one sees,” Jaskier says cheerfully as they wander deeper into the forest. “Then you can go do your witchering -”

Then Geralt feels a rumble beneath his feet, and he barely has the time to shout out Jaskier’s name before several nekkers burst from the ground, surrounding them.

“Fuck!” Geralt curses. He’s not in armour, his sword is with Jaskier, who’s too far away for Geralt to get to in time, and Jaskier is drawing the silver sword, what the fuck is he doing -

Two nekkers leap at Jaskier, and even as Geralt raises his hand to cast Aard, he knows it’s too late to stop them from tearing into Jaskier - but then Jaskier dodges them easily, slashing Geralt’s sword through the air, decapitating one of the nekkers, and Geralt’s jaw drops at the skill and speed with which Jaskier handles his sword.

Geralt doesn’t have much time to stare in shock, however, as he detects a few nekkers trying to ambush him from behind, and he casts Aard to blast them back. He has his signs, at least, and with the nekkers pushed away from him, he quickly glances towards Jaskier just in time to see him run his sword through a nekker’s chest, then duck under a swipe from another nekker, rolling up behind it to deliver a deadly gash to it with his sword, and just like that, Jaskier has dispatched all the nekkers that had surrounded him.

Something burns in Geralt at the sight of Jaskier in his armour, wielding his swords, easily holding his own against a pack of monsters, and Geralt pushes it to the side for the moment. He has no time for distractions.

“Jaskier,” he calls, his hands ready to cast a sign as he watches the nekkers from earlier recovering from Aard, and Jaskier, as always, understands what Geralt wants before he says it, and tosses the sword to Geralt.

Geralt catches it just in time to slash his sword across a nekker’s throat, leaving one nekker snarling viciously at him. It lunges at him, and Geralt dodges its attack, swinging his sword and managing to catch it in the throat, but he’s so preoccupied with it that he doesn’t notice the shift in the air behind him until it’s too late.

Geralt braces himself for the pain of deadly claws digging into his back, but nothing comes, and he turns to see Jaskier standing behind him, Geralt’s steel sword in his hand as the head of a nekker thuds to the ground.

“You’re welcome,” Jaskier says, only sounding slightly out of breath. “Well, wouldn’t you say that this contract has gone rather swimmingly?”

Geralt can’t answer, unable to formulate a response as he stares at Jaskier, standing before him with a triumphant smile, Geralt’s sword in his hand and Geralt’s clothes on his body, and well, Geralt had always been rather attracted to competence, and what Jaskier had done…

“You can. Fight?” Geralt stutters dumbly, tongue like lead in his mouth as his mind replays the last few minutes of Jaskier swinging his sword with an expertise that few can match, of how Jaskier had managed to hold his considerably heavy sword far longer than most humans can, of the way Jaskier’s thighs had tensed underneath those tight trousers when he’d crouched before lunging at the nekkers.

Jaskier shrugs, the movement drawing Geralt’s gaze to the breadth of his shoulders as he slides the steel sword back into its sheath in one smooth motion. “You sound surprised.”

“I… didn’t know,” Geralt says slowly. Since when has Jaskier been able to fight?

“I never told you, because you never asked,” Jaskier admits with a rueful smile. “It was worth the look on your face, though. You still look rather dumbstruck, my bard.”

Geralt opens and closes his mouth a few times. “I…”

Jaskier’s eyes gleam, and he stalks towards Geralt with predatory intent, mouth curling in a lazy grin. “Why, Geralt,” he purrs, stopping just in front of Geralt. He reaches out and captures Geralt’s chin in one hand, forcing his gaze up from where it had been wandering down Jaskier’s body. “You like this, don’t you?”

“Like what?” Geralt manages, held in place by the force of Jaskier’s gaze, their faces too close together for Geralt’s brain to work properly.

Jaskier laughs. “You do,” he murmurs, and for a moment, Geralt holds his breath, waiting for something -

But then Jaskier steps away, releasing his grip on Geralt’s chin, and some part of Geralt mourns the warmth. “Let’s go,” Jaskier says, casual as ever, like he hadn’t been pressed close to Geralt just a moment ago. He starts walking back to town, leaving Geralt staring after him, frozen in place.

He doesn’t move for several moments, blinking at Jaskier’s retreating back, and his eyes involuntarily wander downwards, appreciating the way his own tight trousers do wonders for accentuating Jaskier’s thick thighs and firm ass. It’s only when Jaskier turns his head back to look at Geralt with a raised eyebrow that Geralt is pulled out of his trance, realising that his mouth had fallen open rather embarrassingly when he’d been ogling Jaskier’s assets.

“You coming?” Jaskier calls, and there’s something teasing in his voice, a quirk in his smile that hints at a promise of more, a whisper of later, and Geralt’s breathing stutters.

And as he stumbles after Jaskier, who’s still clad in Geralt’s armour and looking unfairly good as he struts in front of Geralt, all he can think is, gods, he’s going to kill me.

dkjfgn i made geralt very, very thirsty. this was so utterly self indulgent and i just threw in a bunch of my favourite tropes lmao

update: here’s the sequel!:)