#//I still find that fact extremely jarring

[izunias-meme-hole]

So you're telling me that Darth "My life is dogshit and I'm nightmare fuel" Vader was inspired by Doctor "I'm an overdramatic badass and got my ass beat by squirrels" Doom?

THAT Doctor Doom?

Inspired this?!

[mercwiththem0uth]

another drabble because i have soft!wade literally living on my mind 24/7. not proof read!

x gn!reader showering with deadpool and caring for him when his skin has a bad flare-up.

you had been in a relationship with wade for a couple of years now. you knew him inside-out. you loved him so deeply and would do absolutely anything for him, and he was totally head-over-heels for you because of it.

unfortunately, sometimes his mutation causes the scars on his skin to flare up, becoming irritable and painful. he would say that his skin essentially hurt him all the time, and he was just very used to the pain. however when these rare moments happened where it hurt more than usual, you tried to do everything you could to make things more comfortable for him.

in the earlier stage of your relationship, when the first flare-up happened, you spent a long time stood in the kitchen surrounded by a huge amount jars, test tubes, liquids, essential oils, and syringes, trying to find the best combination for a special lotion that wade could use to moisturise his unique skin.

wade stood in the doorway, a small smile on his face as he watched your eyes narrow, tongue poking out of your mouth slightly, concentrating so hard on the task in front of you.

you were so engrossed in measuring out the ingredients and stirring your lotions into different labelled pots, that you hadn't noticed him observing you.

"what are you doing, doll?" wade's voice spoke gently as he stepped towards you in the kitchen. you jumped, heart almost skipping a beat as you hadn't suspected anyone to be home with you.

realising it was him, you relaxed. "you're back early" you smiled at him, tilting your head.

"no I'm not" he smiled widely, motioning his head towards the clock, which read 7:36pm.

oh...

you had been stood in the kitchen doing your little experiments for much longer than you had realised.

wade came behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist, dropping a kiss to your exposed shoulder, before whispering in your ear. "so... you never told me what you are doing." he stood back and leaned against the counter, inhaling a deep breath of the different smells that you had created. he was getting senses of ginger and honey... coconut and oatmeal.

"if i was to guess, you're starting up some sort of etsy home-business?"

you giggled at his silliness.

"i'm trying to create a lotion for you. to help... you know... your skin. i know it's been hurting recently." you blushed slightly, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

wade felt his heart swell at your words. he almost melted right there on the floor. you had only been together a couple of months, and wade was still very insecure about his appearance around you. but the fact that you were going out of your way to make something to help him, almost made him want to cry.

he knew in that moment that you were something extremely special. you were still in the early stage of your relationship, yet you were being so selfless and kind towards him.

"oh, baby" he whispered, a small smile on his face. "that is so kind. thank you."

the sincerity in his voice made your stomach flutter. you hadn't seen a very affectionate/grateful side of wade yet, but little did you know that this was only the beginning, and you are yet to meet the very clingy, loveable deadpool.

he came and wrapped you in a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

you spent the rest of that evening sat together round the kitchen table, testing the lotions and altering some of the recipes, before he settled on one that he really liked. he still uses it to this day, and you happily make him a new batch every month.

wade sat in the passenger seat of dopinder's taxi, staring out the window. his lips were curled until a soft smile as he thought about that memory. you had been his biggest supporter since day one.

he climbed out of the taxi and gave dopinder a high five, before slowly making his way up to your shared apartment. his footsteps were slow and heavy as his muscles ached and his skin screamed against his suit with every step that he took. he finally crashed through the door, immediately relaxing slightly as the familiar scent and warmth of home surrounded him.

"hey baby!" he heard you call from the bedroom, as he kicked his shoes off and made his way to find you. you were folding laundry as you looked up at him and smiled, having missed him all day. he managed to smile back, never once breaking eye contact as you approached him for a kiss. resting your hands on his shoulders you pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, a toothy grin on your face as you pulled away.

"are you okay?" you said gently, watching as your boyfriend began to take his suit off, his face screwing up and flinching in agony every once in a while. "does it hurt?" you whispered.

he just nodded his head, a small sigh and grunt escaping his mouth. you frowned, wishing you could take away his pain. "i'm sorry baby, anything i can do to help?"

"i'm gonna take a shower" he said, voice barely above a whisper, as he peeled the last piece of his suit from his body. you followed him into the bathroom, watching as he leaned to turn the shower on to a lukewarm/cool temperature, making you frown again. he couldn't even enjoy the feeling of hot water. "what's the frown for, kitten?" he said, pulling his underwear down and kicking them off his feet.

"i just feel bad for you", you sighed, hating to see the love of your life feel this way.

"don't be silly" he pulled you against him, holding you in a small hug, "i'm used to it."

"but still, you don't deserve it."

"hey now, if i wasn't a mutant, cancer would've got me a long time ago and I never would've met you." he squeezed your shoulders before pulling away, watching your face waiting to see you smile.

he climbed into the shower, before turning back to you. "you can join me if you like," wriggling his eyebrows, "i wouldn't recommend it though, your sweet cheeks will get cold."

you smiled and rolled your eyes. eventhough he was in pain, he was trying to be his usual-self that always cheers you up. you pulled off your clothes and joined him in the shower, letting him stand at the water end. his big eyes looked down at you, filled with love and adoration, but underlying sadness. he was just in pain, and needed some comfort. you noticed immediately, reaching round to grab his soap. it was an expensive one, formulated to be kind and gentle to his skin.

you poured some onto a soft sponge and used your hands to lather it up with some water, directing him to turn around. you placed the sponge ever so gently at the top of his shoulder blades, before slowly moving it down across his back. he tensed up, liking the feeling but hating it at the same time. his hand reached backwards and he used his fingers to brush against your thigh, indicating to you that he wanted to hold your hand. you reached down and locked fingers with him, giving it a small squeeze, whilst still using the other hand to slowly sweep the sponge across his backside. you squeezed the sponge in your hand, letting the soapy water trickle down his body, so you weren't putting any friction on his most sensitive and inflamed areas.

you brought his hand up to your mouth to kiss it, before tightly tugging him to face you again. he turned around to let you wash his chest and stomach.

you peeked up at wade, his head was dropped down to his chest with his eyes screwed shut. you put an arm around his waist, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his forehead. he leaned into your touch, wanting more. you breathed a laugh against his skin, giving one more kiss, before passing him the sponge and letting him finish washing his more intimate areas. (although he definitely would not have minded if you'd done that for him)

once he was rinsed off, you helped him out of the shower and passed him the fluffiest towel you could find. you left him alone and ventured back into the bedroom, pulling out some clean pyjamas for the both of you, before going to the kitchen to order his favourite chimichangas.

wade eventually appeared, wearing nothing but some cotton underwear. you looked at him confused, "i got some clothes out for you, bub."

his eyes darted down to his hand, where he was holding a bottle of your home-made lotion. your eyes softened as you whispered an "okay", before quickly washing your hands.

you joined wade on the couch where he was turning on a movie, sitting next to him and rubbing some lotion between your hands. he leaned into your touch and began to finally relax against you, as you gave him the gentlest massage you possibly could.

you spent the rest of the evening cuddling your big baby of a boyfriend, using your fingers to moisturise every nook and cranny of his back, arms, chest, legs, hands and feet. your heart melted every time you heard him let out a sigh or a grunt of pleasure, knowing his pain was finally easing. even if it was only slightly.

after you'd eaten, wade laid across the couch with his head in your lap, your hand resting lightly on his head. you were both fighting sleep as you tried to make it to the end of the movie.

before drifting away, you felt wade tilt his head up to look at you. you met his eyes, softly blinking at him, trying to read his thoughts.

"i don't deserve you," he mumbled, reaching his fingertips up to caress your cheek. "thank you for everything"

you stared lovingly at him for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a long kiss to his lips. he meant every word. what did he do to deserve someone who loved and cared for him so deeply?

guys I'm so in love with this fictional man it's not even funny i just wanna kiss his face and give him the love he deserves :'(

[cheeseceli]

When their S/o is taller than them

Pairing: skz!Ot8 × Gn!Reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, reaction

Request: what either skz or bts would be like with a tall s/o? (5’8”) and while I’m here I just want to say I really love your writing and I look forward to reading your fics <3

Warnings: one kill joke in lee know's, not proofread at all, I think that's it.

A/n: thank you so much for the lovely words 🤍 as a (kinda) tall girl I love to think about this lmao. BTS version here !

Bang Chan

Hugs all the time. He just LOVES how your hugs seem to be different (and better) than anyone else's. Maybe it's because of your height or for the simple fact that you are you but he adores how warm and safe he feels in your arms. His favourite hugs from you are the ones that you either back hug him when he's distracted and put your chin on his shoulder OR when you hug him normally but add a kiss to the crown of his head. He falls more and more in love with you after every hug.

Lee Know

You know he's never gonna admit this but he loves the height difference. Your teasing gets 200% more efficient just because of it (but he'll kill anyone who points out how his ears are getting a little too red). When you guys were just friends but he already had a crush on you, he'd get truly flustered if you got closer than usual, like you were towering him - and he still does, he just likes to pretend he doesn't tbh lmao.

Changbin

We all agreed that this man would have and love and support a taller s/o to the extreme. He's like your personal cheerleader, always making sure to let you know that you are BEAUTIFUL and he loves every single detail about you - your height included. The first to tell people to shut up if someone ever comments on the height difference with a rude tone. Like, he will NOT accept someone trying to say shit about your relationship, especially when it's something he loves so much.

Hyunjin

It doesn't matter if you're one centimeter taller or a whole ruler taller, he's in love and he thinks that your height makes you look ethereal even. If you're up to it, he'll definitely buy you high heels and encourage you to wear them on any occasion that's possible. Finds it kinda fun how he has to tilt his head up in order to kiss you and always ends up giggling over this, even after years of doing it. He's just that enamoured, can you blame him?

Han

Oh he's enjoying this a bit too much. Feel free to reach all the tall shelves for him and open every can/jar. He has the babygirl reputation for a reason lmao. Jokes aside, I think he'd really enjoy a taller s/o, no matter what your height is. Has literally no patience to outsiders "teasing" and making rude comments about this dynamic, he'll quickly shut them up. (Also, get prepared to lift him up if you're strong enough like that video of him with lee know because when I said he's enjoying this I meant it😭)

Felix

HE LOVES IT. You can't tell me that he doesn't get all flustered and giddy over the height difference, I won't believe you if you do. One thing that I believe he'd love to do would take mirror pics with you. Like, the way that you can see that you're taller in the picture just makes him smile for some reason (he's whipped). His phone's wallpaper is most definitely a picture of you two like that. I also believe that he thinks it's cute the way he has to tiptoe to kiss your cheek (it is).

Seungmin

You can be the taller one, but he's the one defending you and giving you the royalty treatment all the way. One thing that I think he'd love tho is to steal your clothes. So like, if you left a sweatshirt in his place or something like this, don't expect to have it back so soon. He actually loves how he is just kinda engulfed in your (indirect?) warmth and he has something bringing him closer to you even when you're not near. And he kinda likes to flex that "this is from my partner" lmao.

I.N

Other one to get all shy over the height difference but never let you know about it (actually, you'll know. It's just so obviously shown in his face, just don't let him know that lol). But besides the casual flustering state he finds himself on at times, he really doesn't mind it. I'd say he barely notices it. When he does tho, he finds you extremely beautiful, like those ancient greek statues, and even sexy if I may.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Moodboard (pics) by @haelyubi

Reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

[jupiterswasphouse]

WASP REVIEW - CAZADORES (FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS)

[Image IDs: Two images of the Cazadores from Fallout: New Vegas, one being a render of the in-game model and the other being an official illustration /End IDs.]

This one's an interesting one! While the vast majority of fictional (non-ant/bee) wasps are based on Vespids such as the paper wasps, yellowjackets, or hornets, the Cazadores of the Fallout universe are based on spider wasps (Pompilidae), more specifically the genus Pepsis, one of two genera of tarantula hawk wasps (the other being Hemipepsis), a set of species that is, in fact, found in the deserts of the southwestern US, in which New Vegas is set.

[Image Source: Wikimedia Commons, Niklas299 | Image ID: A photo of an almost blueish black tarantula hawk wasp with orange and black wings, Pepsis grossa, on a leafy green plant /End IDs.]

They share many of the most famous features of these insects, such as their black coloration, curled antennae (in females, the opposite of paper wasps, whose males are the ones with curls), orange wings (although some species of the aforementioned genera have entirely black wings), and a similar body shape. These wasps also have some features, however, that don't match up with their inspiration, such as their red eyes (in-game), jagged wing shape, and much more pronounced setae (hair/fur), perhaps being adaptations brought on by the extreme radiation of the wastelands, or instead by something else entirely, which we'll be getting to later in this review.

They also have another key difference from their inspiration! Real world spider wasps are solitary and will either create or reuse existing underground burrows, whereas the Cazadores are eusocial! They create basket shaped nests out of an indeterminate material, very similar to the paper nest building hornets or tree-dwelling yellowjackets, but with multiple cells that have individual baskets and entrances, like that of a mud dauber nest.

[Image Sources: Ohio State University, Joe Boggs and Brisbane Insects | Image IDs: Three images, including one render of the Cazadores nest, and two photos of real world nests, those being the paper nest of the bald-faced hornet (actually a type of yellowjacket) and the mud nest of the vase-cell mud dauber /End IDs.]

"Well, why?" is what I asked when I first heard that this solitary wasp was suddenly eusocial, something that's not easily explained even by heavy amounts of fictionalized mutation-inducing radiation. Well, this may be best explained by the work of our resident brain-in-a-jar Think Tank robot, Doctor Borous. His work in the Z-14 Pepsinae DNA Splicing Lab of Big MT is what directly lead to the creation of the Cazadores, potentially having been spliced with the aforementioned hornets, yellowjackets, mud daubers, and possibly many more species, permanently altering their DNA and behaviors!

The idea of this is fairly fantastical, but highly likely in this universe, given Borous' other experiments, which lead to the creation of the Nightstalker, a mix of rattlesnake and coyote DNA.

Doctor Borous himself, meanwhile, seems completely unaware of his creation's prevalence throughout the wastelands of New Vegas' Mojave, content to deny their existence elsewhere and even their ability to reproduce. This fact, of course, is easily proven through the multitude of individuals you find throughout the desert and the eggs you might find alongside them.

[Image ID: A render of the model of a Cazador egg /End ID.]

Our good Doctor claims to have castrated the individuals he had in captivity within the research lab, but this only further goes to show his confident incompetence, implying he either: Heavily botched the procedure, or outright neglected to do so to female specimens.

You may think that these wasps would be incapable of reproducing, should the males be successfully castrated, however, a female wasp can still produce an unfertilized egg. This unfertilized egg, in Hymenoptera, will always contain a male, making it that much more likely to be able to reproduce with the females of its kind, creating fertilized (female) eggs, and thus the cycle continues until you have a desert full of wasps!

Finally, as for their defense techniques, Cazadores seem pretty standard for eusocial wasps, attacking potential threats to the hive when they get too close with repeated stings from multiple individuals, while having a notably higher than normal level of aggression (I would too if I was created by a supremely incompetent yet skilled mad scientist and/or floating brain like Doctor Borous). I have to wonder what their hunting techniques are, and what they go for as well. The adults would presumably still feed on nectar, but, being such large insects, might need to turn things up a notch in terms of what they collect for their young... A tasty radscorpion, perhaps?

In any case, I actually don't doubt a genetically engineered superwasp's ability to incapacitate or kill a human in a few stings, with such a large stinger doing massive mechanical damage to the skin and possibly the internal organs and presumably scaled up venom built to deal with larger creatures!

In conclusion, the Cazadores are fascinating creatures, and, while not entirely accurate to their original inspiration, New Vegas does a fantastic job making them make sense within the world they created, inaccuracies and all, clearly putting some thought into these creatures! Plus I quite appreciate the more unique and fitting choice of inspiration.

-

Overall: 8/10

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This wasp review was suggested by @cupidtheartsy ! Leave your wasp review suggestion in the replies, tags, or askbox!

Make sure to tune in next week when we cover the Zingers from the Donkey Kong series!

[staytinyville]

Twin Flames

To: @flurrys-creativity

From: Your Secret Admirer! The moment I saw that HALAZIA was one of your favorite songs I just had to create this stroy from my original works. HALAZIA is my favorite song as well. It was the one that inspired the original novel in its entirety. So I wanted to make something within my universe. I do hope you love the world building. There is so much more I wish I could go over but one thing at a time!

↣ Summary: In a world where magic exists, you had creatures that were created in order to help those who were able to harness the power of the sun and the moon. Each creature has a special connection with their creators. Those created by Witches were followers of the moon. And those created by Faeries were with the sun. However for some creatures, they were connected to their creators on a much deeper meaning. 

↣ Characters/Pairing: Seonghwa x Reader

↣ Genre: Fluff, Angst

↣ AU/Trope info: Vampire!Seonghwa, Witch!Reader, Historical!au, Twin Flames!au

↣ Word Count: 6.6k

↣ Warnings: blood (It’s a vampire fic lol), revenge killing, murder (Nothing too extreme)

↣ A/N: If you guys were interested, this is actually based in my original novel. There was a lot of world building I really loved in this and the main story is based on modern time vampire/witch romance. In the book though, creatures don’t exist because they gave up their powers. This takes place way before the start of the actual book but it is a good start to the approach on why people were giving up their abilities. 

Staytinyville’s Permanent Taglist

↣ Affiliates: @pirateeznet , @cultofdionysusnet , @wonderlandnet , @cromernet , @monsterfvckersunited

↣ Special Thanks: Thank you @saradika-graphics for the amazing banners! Please go check her out if you have specific banners in mind. She is great!

You couldn’t remember a time when your family didn’t have their herbal shop. It was the shop that had been in your family for generations helping those who needed it. The long line of witches you came from hailed to be some of the best in the region. In your village the only two magical families were your own–and the Jung’s, who were faeries in their own respective rights. 

There wasn’t much of a difference in what your family and Jung’s practiced–in fact there was none at all. If one was to get them confused it wouldn’t be a problem. The only reason that made witches different from faeries was their souls. It was common knowledge that witches and faeries were split from the same soul. However, the thing that made them different was chaos and order. One was the calm that connected with the soothing light of the moon, while the other was the disorderly that played in the sun. 

In the village though, there was no harsh competition between the two families. Not when you knew that one of the Jung’s was connected to you on a cosmic level. He was your soulmate–the platonic kind. And your family saw nothing wrong with it so they practiced their own things on their own. You kept the middle Jung from trouble and he was the one who pushed you to go out of the norm. It was well balanced as the universe intended. 

Now with your family's shop, you were in charge of it when they were gone–seeing as you were going to be the one to continue the legacy. You would often help customers find what they needed, create spells that would heal wounds, flesh out spirits that were attached to another person, banish entities that meant harm to others. It was the everyday life of a witch–one you cared for dearly. 

It let you know that you still had the power of the moon behind you. You didn’t take them for granted. You didn’t overuse their gift or for personal reasons. Oftentimes you would turn to it when you needed guidance or help in learning something about yourself. It was the mother that had given you what you were. The reason you were a witch. 

“Have a good day!” You smiled, bowing your head at the kind elven woman who had come to ask for a healing jar. 

You handed her the glass, checking it over one last time to make sure the salve was sealed tightly and nothing spilled out. You allowed her hand to touch yours, closing your eyes and giving one last prayer to the moon to allow the salve to have the magical properties it needed. 

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” The woman beamed, bowing her head in thanks. 

You showed the woman out, waving your hand as she disappeared into the crowd. You turned to the other side of the road, hearing commotion as someone stopped at the small food stall that you often had food at. The owner was a mermaid, serving the best seafood dishes you could think of. While your village wasn’t that near water, there was still a large lake that had a lot of freshwater fish to enjoy. 

The commotion was between said owner and a larger than life man. Ogres weren’t that common as mermaids were because of their origins. While mermaids originated from Asia, ogres came from the northern region of Europe. In this time and age, it was common to find creatures all over the world but it was still likely you wouldn’t see them often. 

“We don't serve ogres here.” The owner sneered at the large man. 

“Please, I've been traveling so far.” The poor man sighed, trying to make himself look smaller. 

He glanced around at the patrons of the stall, taking note of all the looks he would get from them. Your shoulders dropped as you sighed deeply. Prejudice against certain creatures had always been around. Some got it more than others–if only because those who treated them poorly were scared of them. It hurt you inside to see how they treated each other. They were all created with the same magic. The magic that came from either the sun or the moon. 

“Go somewhere else.” The owner waved the ogre off, looking away from him angrily. “I don't need you taking up more space than needed.”

The ogre man didn’t argue, only bowed his head and turned to leave the stall. He glanced around for a moment once more, trying to find a place to eat. Without thinking, you went into your store and gathered some mushrooms and herbs that were edible. They were used for spells but that was only if you chose to work with them. In the end they were just normal herbs that could be used in food. 

Coming outside, you were lucky to find that the ogre didn’t go too far. So you rushed up to him, getting his attention as you held out your things for him to take. 

“Here you are.” You spoke softly, bowing your head. 

The man looked down at the things in his hand, glancing back up at you. Tears began to well in his eyes at how kind you were. It had been a long journey to reach the village for the man, and he was grateful that someone was willing to help him. He knew at that moment you were a witch, having the kind nature to help those in need. 

“Thank you.” He bowed deeply, holding the mushrooms close to his chest. 

And so you watched him continue on his way, shoulders dropping at the somber feeling that filled your chest. Things were changing when it came to the people who were on this earth. You didn’t know if it was for the better–or if it was for the worst. 

“Another family came to ask my parents if they could reverse their abilities.” Wooyoung explained to you as he leaned against the counter of your shop. 

You paused in your organizing for a moment before resuming what you were doing. It was few and far between that a new family had come to your or Wooyoung’s family shops to ask that they take away their abilities as creatures. It was them asking to reverse generations of DNA infused with one another. 

Creatures weren’t alway created with spells, they could be born as well. Once the spells became worldwide and other faeries and witches would cast them, it called for new species that would procreate more. It had been a long while since the last spell was casted that created a creature, so the ones who were there came from generational families. 

“They said there's hunters nearby.” Your friend added.

You felt a deep feeling within your stomach that clenched. Hunters were the humans who chose to willingly kill creatures. Humans were common like anyone else. However it became recent that they began to turn against the creatures.  

It had been a long while since creatures themselves began to turn against each other. The humans had begun this fear, causing everyone to notice other things about each other that usually called for peace. They started to become scared of each other because they would assume others had more power. It was starting to bring about a war that would cause all creatures to be wiped out. 

Whether from death because of another species or from them reversing their own abilities. 

“Why would they be here?” You sighed, turning to look at the boy. 

Everyone knew how close you and Wooyoung were. You couldn’t remember a time when you weren’t friends with the chaotic boy. You remembered the first time you had met him, back when you were both children learning to make friends in general. 

He was a bit too much for you, often getting too excited over things that made you give him a questioning look. But you were often paired with him because the other kids didn’t like to hang out with him because of his excited nature. He was too much to handle, but you always knew how to do that. 

Witches and faeries were soulmates, it was known. The universe had created them from the same soul so they were meant to be there for one another. And just like the universe planned, you were there with Wooyoung. You loved him as your other half–it was something the both of you could feel. But that didn’t mean you were lovers. 

While a large majority of the village thought you were, you knew the kind of preferences Wooyoung had and the kind you did. The love you had for each other was platonic. You were his person and he was yours. You knew if either one of you were in trouble the other wouldn’t be that far behind to save the day. 

“Maybe because our village is near the Park estate. I haven't seen them recently now that I think about it. Is it the hunters?” Wooyoung prattled off. 

“I wouldn't assume so.” You told him. 

The Park’s were considered like royalty in your town. It was known that they were one of the founding families, along with Wooyoung’s and some others. The Park’s however were the ones who knew a lot more about how to gather a community together. They were the ones who ran things and made sure to cater to the needs of its people. Mayors of sorts for the village. 

However as of recently, it has been known that the Park’s don’t come down from their castle on the hill. It’s been a few weeks since you had last seen any of them, which you did find to be odd but you didn’t question it because your parents told you not to. 

“They're probably up there staying young forever.” Wooyoung sighed wistfully. “That's why they stopped coming down.”

You frowned, glaring slightly at the boy for his statement. “They need to drink blood in order to do that.”

The Park’s were well known for being vampires. At least being known from what they tell other people. Vampires weren’t what the stories claimed them to be. They weren’t people who drank from people in order to feed. They were still human beings but with an ability that allowed them to drink blood. 

A vampire could eat food, get sick, and die like everyone else, it was when they would have a drop of blood that would heal them both from inside and out. They didn’t have sharp fangs that sprouted from their teeth or pale skin that was sensitive to the sun. What others found out later on after so many were created was that drinking blood continuously made a vampire strong and live longer. Essentially making them immortal. 

And once people found out just how powerful they could be with a simple drop of blood, greed easily took over the minds of the weak. 

“Maybe they come down at night.” Wooyoung continued the joke, a teasing smile on his face. 

“No one goes missing.” You rolled your eyes. “Wooyoung, they're not bloodsuckers.”

You finished what you had been doing with the herbs, moving along the counter to wait on the other side as you began to compile certain spell jars. Wooyoung turned around to face you, head placed in his arms that held him up.

“Wrong!” Wooyoung suddenly said. “They are! I hear the eldest son is 96. Can you imagine how wrinkly he'd be?” He giggled. 

The boy watched as your shoulders seemed to have straightened out at the mention of the Park son. He pursed his lips to keep from saying something, already knowing exactly how it was you felt about the boy. 

“Seonghwa is the same age as you and me.” You said, not making eye contact with him. “Mother delivered him. The Park's are not like those greedy vampires.”

Wooyoung rolled his eyes with a huff. “You only say that because you're a witch. Have you even met him before?” He asked you, looking at you expectantly. 

“Once when I was a kid.” You smiled to yourself. “He was very kind.” 

You hadn’t grown up to be his friend–something you regret a lot. You could only remember it so well because of the way you had felt that day. You didn’t know what you barely a teenager body could possibly have been going through but you knew you had never felt that way with someone before. 

Years Before

You had been strolling through the village, making your rounds to scourge for herbs and the likes as you were on your way to find Wooyoung. You were passing by the wall that was stationed in front of the Park estate, frowning when you saw someone trying to walk along the top of it with their arms stretched out. 

You continued on your way slowly, not wanting to disturb them in case they lost focus. However, it seemed you didn’t need to because the moment you started walking again the boy fell over, scraping his knees on the ground. 

He hissed as he lifted his hands up to wipe them before sitting down on his bum to take a better look at his knee. The wall wasn’t that tall, probably reached your shoulders which meant you were able to see over it. So his fall wasn’t something that would majorly injure him. However since he fell wrong his knees did take a good hit on the dirt ground. 

You quietly gasped out when you saw his wound bubbling with blood, rushing over to check on him. “Are you okay?” You asked out of instinct, kneeling down to take a better look. 

The boy only looked at you with wide eyes, mouth closed shut as he watched you not even pay the proper attention to him. “I’m okay. I just scraped my knee.” He told you quietly. 

You finally looked up at him, feeling your shoulder tense up as you felt a blush settle over your face from his gaze. You tilted your head to the side though, frowning as your heart skipped a beat for a moment. At that moment, you also saw as he frowned as well moving to rub at his chest. 

Looking back down at his knee, you sat down your basket before rummaging through it to find what you needed. “I’ll heal your wounds.” You explained to him, taking your small knife to pick at the herbs you had. 

Before you placed anything on him, you handed him a small cloth telling him to wipe at the blood so you could do your work. He softly took the rag, giving you a smile before nodding his head. His fingers felt cold to the touch, but your skin still heated up. It reminded you of all the candles your family had around the shop. Like a comforting hug that surrounded you. You blushed, smiling back at him before going back to the basket. 

Your fingers moved idly over the herbs you knew are used to heal wounds. With only a select few that you had with you, you cut a piece of aloe vera and made sure to expose the gel inside. While you discarded the green part, you gathered a few sprigs of green tea leaves before turning to Seonghwa. 

He sat up straighter, having been caught staring as you went about your work. You giggled quietly, scooting closer to his leg and looking over it to make sure there was nothing dirty. When you saw he had cleaned up the excess blood, you carefully placed the cool gel pad of the aloe onto the scrape and rubbed it in with the leaves. 

“Hold this here, please.” You quietly told him. 

He listened, holding the aloe to his skin as your hands hovered over him. He watched you close your eyes and began to move your lips as hushed breaths came out. Your fingers messaged into his skin as a tingle seemed to flow throughout his muscles. His eyes went wide as he had realized that you were doing a spell on him, so he quickly turned to pay attention to what you were doing. 

Nothing came out from your fingers, in fact it didn’t even look like you were doing anything other than rubbing his knee. What he did feel though was a warming feeling that overtook his body. He was reminded of the times he spent watching the flames of a candle flicker back and forth as his nose breathed against it. 

He looked back at your face, smiling softly as you made him feel content. Before he knew it you were sitting back up and taking the aloe off his skin. “Oh you’re done.” He said, looking down at his knee. 

His eyes went wide again as he saw his skin had healed over and no more blood was coming out. The skin was pink though, a scar taking its place. Magic witches and faeries had was an amazing thing but not everything could be fixed completely. 

“Yeah.” You said. “The spell only makes the healing process go faster. Scars are still going to be there.”

Seonghwa looked over his knee, moving it back and forth. “That’s okay.” He grinned.

You both stood up from the ground, dusting yourselves off from the dirt. Just as he was about to ask for your name, someone had called for you. Looking around Seonghwa, you saw Wooyoung looking around for you with a frown on his face. 

“That’s my friend.” You told Seonghwa. “I have to get going.” You gave him a bow one last time, picking up your basket and skipping over to the faerie boy. 

As you walked away, you smiled sadly as you looked behind you one last time catching Seonghwa’s eyes. He gave you a smile, waving his hand. You laughed, waving back enthusiastically. When you turned around, you felt something flicker in your chest as a warmth spread throughout it. 

Present

“Sweet.” You added, remembering about the time you had met Seonghwa. 

“And he made me feel all warm inside as if I was standing next to a burning candle.” Wooyoung mocked in a high pitched voice. “As does every witch girl who comes across him. You aren't special.”

“I never said I was!” You sneered at him, throwing a bay leaf at him for mocking you. 

He began to let out a loud laugh that reminded you of a screech. But you couldn’t stand to tell him something about it. No matter how much he annoyed you and mocked you, you knew that you both loved each other too much. 

Wooyoung grew quiet for a moment, making you look over at him. He had a somber look on his face that made you worry a bit. Wooyoung had his moments where he was serious, especially if it had to do with his beliefs. But even then you still worried about his mental state in those times. Whether it was out of anger or sadness, you would always be able to tell when something was bothering him. 

“Do you think the hunters will come to our village next?” Wooyoung quietly asked. “What happens when they do?” He turned to look at you. 

You licked your lips, sighing to yourself. “I don't know, Woo.” You quietly said. 

That following night, your parents had left the shop in your care because they had something to attend to with the council. Wooyoung’s parents were also going to be out but they had placed their things in the care of Wooyoung’s older brother. The man himself was not going to keep the place from falling apart. 

You were getting things ready for closing when someone knocked on the door and you looked out towards the door. A tall man stood at the entrance, bowing his head when he noticed you turning around to face him. 

The candle light was too far from him for you to find out who exactly stood at the door, so you calmly raised your hand closer to some candles and whispered under your breath for protection just in case. 

However as he grew closer, your shoulders dropped and your fingers stopped their movements. You began to feel dizzy from the warm feeling surrounding you. You wanted to close your eyes and bask in its warmth but you had a customer to attend to. 

“I've come to speak to the head of this house.” He spoke, coming into view in the candle light. 

He was the tall and handsome type most people would fall for. The kind that makes people stop and stare from how regal he looked. It was only heightened with the kind of clothes he wore. They made him look taller, stronger with how much everything seemed to fit him. He called for attention, and he clearly had yours. 

“They're currently out of town.” You told the duke’s son. 

He finally had reached the counter, coming into light as the candle fully lit up his face. Park Seonghwa was someone who smiled at those in passing. The one who was kind to everyone because that was just the kind of person he was. 

To you though, he was the man who you dreamt of. The man who laid on a dying bed as your blood poured into his mouth to keep him alive. It wasn’t your memory–far from it. It was the memory of a witch who was losing her true love to some injury. The one who created the spell that would change the course of history for magic. 

But it was all in your head. Something you could never explain to others because they wouldn’t understand. Like how Wooyoung had made fun of you for thinking of Seonghwa in any way other than he was a nice guy. You knew others might not make fun of you, but it was something that you wanted to keep to yourself because it was special.  

“I see.” Seonghwa nodded his head.  

He looked at you, for a moment, eyes glancing over your face as he tried to deduce something. “Is it alright if I can ask you what creature you are?” He asked you.

You opened your mouth just a bit as your breath got caught in your throat. You smiled bashfully, looking down. “Of course.” You nodded, answering him.  

“I am a witch.” You explained. “My family owns the shop.”

He paused again, seemingly looking more confused as he scooted closer to the counter. “I’m sorry, have we met before?” He asked you.

Your eyebrows rose, as you took in his looks, seemingly sighing dreamily as you watched him. Your fingers began to tingle, causing you to flex them to relive the feelings. You could feel your blood rushing through your heart, and warming your body.

“I believe, so when we were children.” You answered. 

Seonghwa watched you, feeling his blood warm up as you looked at him. He could feel himself start to fall asleep from how everything seemed to make him feel. He could remember the one time he had last ever felt that way. The time a young woman had come to help him fix his scraped knee. 

He remembered it now, the time when someone had helped him and it made him feel like a little child who stood in front of a candle. And now, standing in front of you again, he felt that same feeling. The wick that was lit up, the heat that radiated from the small flame, the wax that would melt and he would dip his fingers into it. 

Not a day went by that he wouldn’t think about it. Think about the girl who had helped heal him with her magic. About the story his mother would tell him. The story of how vampires came to be. How they were the creatures who were created out of love. 

“Yes.” Seonghwa said, nodding to himself. “I remember now. You treated my knee scrape when I fell from the wall of the palace.” He began to smile bashfully. “Embarrassing for me really. Having a pretty girl clean my wound.”

“I'm sure someone else would have done the same.” You blushed. 

“Yes but none of them would have been a witch.” Seonghwa smiled at you.

You smiled softly at him, understanding that what you were feeling was not only yours. You didn’t know how far it was that he understood your connection–you didn’t even fully know if he truly did. But something about him knowing now that you were a witch made things change. 

There was so much you wanted to ask him. So much you wanted to speak about with him but you knew there were things he needed to get done. The night was young and Seonghwa must have important matters to attend to if he only came down from the estate this late at night. 

“I guess not.” You spoke softly. 

“I guess I'll come by another day then.” He whispered to you, not tearing his eyes away. 

You smiled at him nodding your head. Before he got the chance to turn around and walk away you called out to him. “If you need help with anything, please don't be afraid to ask me.” You told him.

He gave you a dazzling smile, lips pulling over his teeth. “Of course, little witch.”

You felt your heart stop for just a split second. The endearing nickname felt like a stab to your chest. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made your blood warm up even more. A blush overtook your cheeks. But still you gave him a nod and a wave of your hand. You watched as he left with a small smile on his lips. 

**

You didn’t know how long it was that you saw him again. But it was a sad day for the village. You read over the article with the news about the death of the Park family. At least the parents. 

You hadn’t seen Seonghwa since he last came in looking for your parents. It made you sad, not knowing what he must have been going through. It was even worse when you didn’t know how to fix things. 

“They said it was a hunter.” Wooyoung spoke, looking over the paper. “Now with both of them gone it only leaves Seonghwa in charge of the estate. I wonder why they didn't just take blood.” The boy sighed. 

“Wooyoung, not everything is like a story book.” You told him, not looking at him. 

You didn’t know how to tell him. How to explain what it was you felt for Seonghwa. Honestly, you didn’t even fully understand it yet. It was every witches dream to find the person they were destined for, but you knew there were a select few who were able to. 

Twin flames were hard to come by, only one in every century. To get this kind of chance was something no one wanted to just pass by. But for you, it was hard. Times were changing for the worse. At least for the creatures who roamed the earth. And yet you still wanted to deny it.

“They are not creatures who guzzle blood like it's their dinner.” You defended. 

“But somehow they were the reason this war against creatures started.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

“You can't blame them for everything.” You looked up at him, eyebrows pulled together. “Only the greedy ones deserve death.” You added.

“(Y/N), get out of your head.” Wooyoung exclaimed. “Vampires are the reason hunters came to be. The reason all the creatures turned against each other and started to go into hiding. The reason we can't practice our magic anymore!” He was breathing hard, trying his best to keep from crying.

You sucked in breath, wanting to calm your racing heart. “Don't make a fool of yourself, Wooyoung. We still practice it.” You denied him. 

“Really?” He asked. “Then what was the last spell your parents taught you?”

It was a healing spell. Back when you were a little girl. They never really taught you anything outside of the everyday needs. Healing, protections, warding, divination–all the things anyone needed in their lives. Wooyoung was right, though. They never taught you the big kinds of spells. The ones that connected you to the other worldly beings or fixed a mistake in your life that ended up in major failure. 

You were just the girl who worked in the shop and made simple spells and read simple futures with cards. You couldn’t save a person’s life from the brink of death. Couldn’t make a mother find what she needed in order to have a child. Didn’t know how to help a child who couldn’t hear or see. Those were the spells your parents knew because their own families had taught them. 

Wooyoung took your silence as an answer. His lips trembled as he became angry with how you were denying the truth. How you didn’t want to come to terms that the world was not happy with the magic users that were meant to care for it. 

“They stopped because they know everyone is reversing their abilities.” Wooyoung sniffled. “Even the Park's! They came to my family to take away their powers—”

“Am I interrupting?” Someone asked. 

Both you and the faerie boy turned, coming face to face with Seonghwa. You pressed your lips together, feeling your blood warm up from standing so close to him. 

“Not at all.” You spoke up. “Wooyoung was just leaving.” 

You watched the boy give you a look, disappointed in what you decided to choose. Your shoulders dropped at the way he looked at you. It hurt to watch him walk away from you in a haste to get away.

No matter what, Wooyoung was always going to be your person. Even if you kind were the ones who created vampires out of love, the universe was the one who created faeries and witches from the same soul. No creature was going to get in the way of that. 

You turned back to Seonghwa, feeling your chest burn from both hurt and familiarity. You walked around the counter, stepping to stand in front of him. “I'm sorry about your mother.” You told him.

“I am too.” He gave you a soft smile. “Little witch, do you treasure who you are?” He asked you.

Your lips opened and closed for a moment before you looked down to avoid his gaze. You felt your heart ache thinking about how he must have overheard Wooyoung telling you about the Park’s going to his family to take away their vampiric abilities. His question did catch you off guard. But the moment you understood his words, you knew what it was you wanted to say. 

People grew up to be the person they were meant to be for a reason. Being a human, witch, faerie, vampire–whatever–was what made them just that. You couldn’t go on without knowing who it was you were or wanted to be. Being a witch was a part of you just as being a vampire was for Seonghwa. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to give up a part of you. Especially because you knew it was the reason you were at risk of being killed at the hands of others who didn’t understand the kind of person you were. 

“More than anything in the world.” You answered him. “It's what makes me the person I am.”

“And if you had to give it up?” Seonghwa’s lips trembled, his breath turning shallow as he grew closer to you. “To let others know that you mean them no harm?”

You were never going to be able to know how Wooyoung dealt with his struggles. How Seonghwa dealt with his or how other creatures did. But you knew that being a witch was part of you and losing that would be one of the most painful experiences you could ever know. 

“I wouldn't know what to do with myself.” You whispered. “That would be taking away a part of me–a part of my soul.”

Seonghwa sucked in a breath hearing your words. You felt his hands brush against your own, your breath hitching as you suddenly saw a vision pass behind your eyes. It was like those dreams you had. You saw those bloody hands clasped together–watched as two candles flickered together in sync with one another. And like always, the moonlight shined down on those two lovers huddled together. 

When the images passed you found yourself staring right into Seonghwa’s eyes. You were close enough to watch as his pupils grew as they watched you. You could almost feel his warmth seeping into your skin. 

“And if your soul was connected to someone else's?” He whispered. 

“Wouldn't that make them my soulmate?” You questioned back.

“No, not your soulmate.” Seonghwa shook his head. “That would mean that person was your other half.” He explained, his hand finally taking yours in his. “The half that was torn from you.”

His fingers pried yours open, closing around your palm as he clasped your hand. Your eyes fluttered for a moment as you glanced down at his lips, but you quickly looked up the moment he stepped closer, chest brushing against yours.  

“I mean in a way that your soul mirrors another.”

Twin flames were what they called witches and vampires. They were called that because when a witch created the first ever vampire, the way they had cured their lover was by connecting their souls together. They prayed to the moon and called upon its magic to save the one thing that they had loved more than even their own life. 

And when the moon answered, the witch lit two candles that were the bridge between their lover’s dying soul and their living one. When they fed their lover blood, it was meant to be the essence of life bringing them back from the river that would take them to the underworld. In doing so, the witches' life became one with their lover. This created their souls to be connected to one another. 

“Then we'd walk side by side.” You swallowed. “Magic or not, our souls will always be the same.” You told him. 

You watched how his Adam's apple moved, his throat feeling like it was closing in as he took in your words. His lip trembled, breathing turning harsh as he tried to keep from having tears fall. 

“Are you alright, Seonghwa?” You asked, growing worried as you took in his state. 

“I just wanted to check on something.” He whispered so quietly. “I had to make sure I wasn't wrong.”

Your lips slowly turned downward as you realized what he was talking about. The moment Seonghwa saw your facial expression take a turn, he leaned closer, forehead touching yours as he was a breath away from touching your lips.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked, lips brushing against his.

“More than I could ever ask for.” He then pressed his lips against yours. 

Your breath got caught in your throat once more, body leaning back as he fully pushed himself into you. You didn’t waste time to kiss him back with as much vigor. You could feel something within you swell. You could feel Seonghwa’s heartbeat against his chest. Tears pooled in your eyes as you knew it was beating in sync with yours. 

You felt his tears falling down his cheek, touching your own and causing them to get wet. But you didn’t care. All that filled your head was the way his lips felt touching yours–the way his body reacted with your own. Everything was moving together, like it was one person who was in charge. 

Everything felt right. Like you were meant to be in that moment with him. And the moon–you could feel it on your skin. You could feel it seeping through the windows and onto the both of you. It was watching you–knowing what it had been doing when it brought you together. 

You began to feel Seonghwa move the tip of his tongue onto your lips. When you opened your mouth just a bit more, you felt his teeth scrape your bottom lip. You didn’t know what had gone wrong, but suddenly you felt a nick on your skin, causing you to pull back quickly with a gasp.

You licked at your lip, feeling liquid touch your tongue. You furrowed your eyebrows when you felt that it didn’t hurt. In fact, you could even feel the sting when Seonghwa had caused the wound. The only reason you had was because you felt him bite you. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He pulled back, licking off the blood that had been left on his lips.

“It’s alright.” You shook your head, trying to wipe away the dribbles. “Nothing I can’t fix.” You smiled at him.

Seonghwa stepped forward again, moving a hand to your cheek as his thumb brushed to wipe away the blood. He leaned down again, giving you one last chaste kiss to avoid hurting you further. 

“Forgive me, my little witch.” He whispered to you.

And then he was gone.

**

You watched, along with the rest of the village, as people tried to clean up the bodies of humans who were torn apart and left in the town square to rot. Many tried to shield their eyes, keep children from looking at the disfigured humans. 

They were hunters. Everyone could tell from the weapons that laid at their sides. Weapons that could easily kill anyone if you used them right. But you knew they were used against creatures. Creatures who had turned themselves humans but still were ultimately killed.

Wooyoung was at your side, making faces and gagging as the morticians tried to clean up the severed body parts. There were only certain things that had the strength to do that to the body. And as far as you knew, they had reversed their ability days before the death of his parents.

“I thought you said the Park’s came to reverse their powers.” You mumbled emotionless.

“Not Seonghwa.” Wooyoung answered you.

He turned to look at you, seeing how your face remained emotionless. “Still don't want to believe me?” He asked. 

There was only so much pain someone could take before reaching the breaking point. Finding out that the one person who was meant to be a mirrored soul to your own after being told that you were no longer going to be the person you were meant to be was heart wrenching. Watching as your family lost something that belonged to not only their mind but their soul as you chose not to go through with it. Then you truly find the person who was meant to be your one true love.

Only to remember that one day they too were going to have to give up what they were. Even worse for someone who was a witch. To have to grow old as they lost their connection with the moon. That was far worse than losing some silly ability to drink blood. 

It only led them to want to fight for what was meant to be right. But was it in the end if power only caused war against one another? Maybe giving up those kinds of things was for the best. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t going to be people who fought for their life.

“Not at all.”

Permanent Taglist: @hecateslittlewitchling , @ldysmfrst, @rln-byg , @vampcharxter , @angieskzzzz , @puppyminnnie , @smilingtokki , @emtrades22 , @tinyelfperson , @0rangemilk , @jaerisdiction , @wooyoungqueen

[hockeyboysimagines]

can u do 1 and 17 of the smutty prompts with vince dunn please 🙏🙏 ur writing is so good

I got a little carried away, but here you are anon. I hope you like it🤍

There was nothing to be ashamed about in terms of lack of sexual experience. You’d been preaching it for years, mostly to convince yourself that you actually believed it, but also because you wanted to make it seem like you willingly didn’t have any.

That was not the case.

It was a you problem more than anything else. You just could not find anyone who got you going and the only person who would was emotionally unavailable.

You knew Vince well, through Jordan and Lauren Eberle, that you guys had become fairly good friends. In the past year you’d been hanging out quite a bit and while you liked him a lot, he was a walking red flag.

Not that he was a bad guy, he was in fact the opposite. You’d not met many people as sweet and caring as he was. And that was exactly the problem.

It was damn near impossible to dislike him and even if he had been a colossal douche, you still wanted him. You’d never made a move, for fear that he’d recoil like you were some kind of repulsive bug. Guys like him didn’t bother with girls like you.

But you were jarred from your thoughts when Vince himself materialized at your elbow with a small smile “Hey! When did you get here?”

“Just a little bit ago I-“

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I need a beer pong partner, come on-“

He grabbed your hand and you sucked in a sharp breath as he towed you through the people in the Eberle’s back yard to where two pong tables had been set up. The last time they’d had a gathering, you and Vince won 9 straight games and you’d regretted all of them the next morning.

“No way!” Jared yelled pointing at you “I’m not playing against her! That’s an automatic loss.”

“Ah! No backing out now!” Vince picked up the ball and chucked it at him.

It was a loss, and a humiliating one at that. If there was one thing in life you dominated at, it was beer pong. After your third win, your party mood completely died and all you wanted to do was leave. You tapped Vince on the arm “Hey I’m gonna head out.”

His smile dropped and he slouched “What? Why?”

You shrugged and jingled your keys “Just not feeling it is all. I’m tired.”

“Well. I’ll come with you.”

“No you don’t have to just stay-“

“Nah. I wanna hang out. Come on.” He once again reached for your hand and you felt a little flutter as his fingers intertwined with yours. This was extremely unusual for you and you felt a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t often that guys held your hand and you couldn’t really even remember the last time.

“So what do you wanna do?” He asked as you walked to your car. You glanced at him and then down at your hand, which he was still holding and took a breath.

Hes drunk. It doesn’t mean anything you said in your head, hoping he couldn’t see the redness pooling in your cheeks.

“Oh idk, whatever.”

You guys ended up in his apartment, seated in front of the sofa and two large windows that overlooked Seattle.

“Are you okay?” He asked handing you a glass.

“Yeah why?”

He frowned “It seems like something is bothering you. You can talk to me you know.”

“It’s fine. It’s a ‘me’ problem.”

“Come on. We’re friends, tell me.” He leaned forward a little “Maybe I can help.”

You chuckled “No I don’t think so. It’s just-I don’t know. Gets old being single.”

“That’s what’s bothering you? Being single? I thought you didn’t want a boyfriend, or is that not what you said?” He furrowed his eyebrows in thought “I kind of remember you being in the ‘no sec’ mindset or am I wrong?”

“I didn’t say I was against sex. I just said I wasn’t having any, and not because I don’t want to.”

“I don’t follow.” He shook his head and took a sip of his drink “If you want to have it you should, and don’t come at me with any nonsense about guys not wanting to date you, because it’s not true.”

“That’s not the problem. I don’t want to date them therefore I’m not having sex.”

He paused eyebrows raising as he glanced at you “Wait are you a virgin?”

“No I’m not a virgin, I’m just not…experienced is all.”

He stared at you blankly “But like…what do you mean?”

Your face was burning from the alcohol but mostly the embarrassment of having this conversation with anyone but especially him.

“I’ve had sex okay. Once and-“

His mouth fell open and he let out a breath “Once? Bullshit.”

You shook your head “No really but it-“

“Lemme guess.” He said holding up a hand with an eye roll “There was no orgasm.”

You looked at your feet and shook your head responding with a very small “No.”

He shook his head “Fucking figures.”

“What?”

“Just a guy thing. Most guys don’t really give a shit if their partner orgasms or not, just themselves. And it pisses me off that someone treated you that way. If you were my girl, I’d make sure you did every time.”

You coughed and crossed your legs “Well. As nice as that is it’s not your problem it’s mine.”

“I mean.” He looked out the window “It could be my problem. If you want it to be.”

When you didn’t answer he continued “Maybe i could give you your first.”

Your mouth fell open “I’m sorry what?”

“Why not? We’re friends. You’re hot.”

“You think I’m hot?”

“I have eyes don’t I? Of course I think you’re hot.” He rested a hand on your leg and leaned forward “And I wanna do this.”

You glanced at the large floor to ceiling windows and then back at him “Really? right here? you know people are going to see us...”

“So? Let them look.” He leaned forward suddenly, lips pushing right up against yours. You froze for a minute, shocked, until you felt his tongue swipe across your lower lip, and you melted like butter, kissing him like you’d never kissed a guy before. You felt dazed as one of his hands came up to thread through your hair. There was nothing that you’d experienced that even came close to kissing Vince. In fact you were so distracted by it you didn’t even realize that he was leaning you back on the sofa, tugging at your shirt. In no time, he had you down to nothing, right in front of the windows, where you were sure all of Seattle could see, but you didn’t care. Your breath felt heavy as he shed his boxers and settled himself between your legs, pressing a kiss to the base of your throat.

“Ready?” He breathed in your ear.

Unable to speak you nodded, eyes sliding closed as he eased in. You let out a long breath you didn’t know you’d been holding in as a wave of pleasure swept through you, and your head fell back as you arched up off the bed.

He pulled out and pushed back in, soon finding a rhythm. Your whole body felt like it was a live wire, nearly ready to catch fire. He bottomed out, and you let out a strangled moan, tensing up momentarily at the small ache of pain, and then loosening up again.

“You’re doing so good love” he said leaning down to kiss you again.

You felt a warmth begin to pool in your abdomen and your body started to shake. He smiled widely and started to push faster.

An orgasm, or at least you thought that’s what it was, washed over you in waves of euphoria and your eyes closed and you let out a long, low, throaty noise as it did, nails digging into his shoulders. His breath was warm on your neck as his pushes slowed down, and his head fell forward. You were a sweaty, shaky mess as he pulled out and leaned back, handing you a blanket to cover yourself with.

“So?” He asked smiling at you “How was your very first orgasm?”

You opened your mouth and then closed it finding the words after a minute “It was great, but I think my second one could be even better.”

Vince smiled and leaned forward to kiss you.

Maybe being inexperienced wasn’t so bad after all.

[dimepdf]

★  𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄. + 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

masterlist. / taglist. / tip jar. synopsis. the lovely feelings Gojo would experience knowing just how vulnerable he was to your roughness.

✧. ┊    notes. everyone thank @ouchthathurts for getting me back on my writing grind, lord knows I need to start posting fics again. | — feedback is always welcomed & don't forget to reblog 🤍

✧. ┊    genre and warnings. +18 nsfw under the cut. minors dni | drabble | slight sub!gojo | hair pulling | strength kink | established relationship | body worship | oral sex(f receiving) | cunnilingus | pussy eating | fingering | overstimulation | multiple orgasms | pain kink(?) | title Inso by this song.

IT WASN'T SHOCKING that everyone thought that Gojo was significantly stronger than he had ever shown anyone.

It was also just the fact that he never really felt the need to flaunt the mass extreme of his abilities in front of others out of the pure amount of boredom he would feel being all serious and how tiresome he would feel wasting his time fighting all the damn time, surprisingly, including over performing in front of you as well.

Because of this, it was only logical to assume from an outside perspective that he was the "strong" one in your relationship. Even if the blue-eyed man did not have an unfair advantage over you with his supernatural abilities, he would still be the one to carry the weight of having the most powerful legacy within his bored, lengthy fingertips from his hidden lean build.

Gojo frequently outshone you in strength, and that was just a result of your extreme inability to even remotely compare to the godlike level of power he possessed. However, as the saying goes, behind every strong man is an even stronger woman.

Gojo can recall the number of times your influence has caused him to feel genuine fear, even though you weren't unable to destroy demons with the snap of a finger, and that you have not shed a few tears after stubbing your toe on something.

Despite all of this, Gojo would openly admit that you were the only living thing to ever manage to strike genuine fear into his heart, as well as the only living being to actually harm him in any way.

There were times when you weren't even aware of your strength. Gojo would still wince when you would find something just too funny to the point where your body would react on its own, playfully slapping him on the shoulder or whacking the front of his chest, too caught up in your fit of giggles to see that you would manage to catch him off guard enough to knock some air out of the poor man's lungs.

So sure, Gojo had his powers, but you were strong in your way. And the mere idea of it would be enough to get your boyfriend worked up all by itself.

When you're with Gojo, you don't even bother to hold back, and he admits that he adores that about you a little too much on his part.

His silvery white hair was caught between each of your knuckles, Your nails not letting up from their death grip, and your fist balled up at the front of his scalp as his mouth parted, leaving wet kisses between your inner thighs to let out a needy vocal reaction from the tug you had at his scalp.

The raw, intimate feeling of Gojo’s mouth teasing at your sensitive clit made it impossible for your hips not to jerk against your soft duvet bedding, even despite his locked-in hold around the bones of your hips. the small indents of his fingers already leaving small marks that you both knew would mix with the warming brown of your skin into a bruising color later.

Even with his hands holding you in place, your hips somehow still managed to buck against his hold so easily, the newfound strength building from the promise of your third orgasm of the night fighting against the man with impossible ease.  

You don't even realize that your hips are rolling involuntarily to the clouded thoughts littering your thoughts as you eagerly press Gojo's face closer between your legs, a low moan of impatience escaping from your throat, wanting him to do nothing more than settle the building orgasm that rudely threatened the proper wire of all your nerves.

Without embarrassment, his long finger's piston inside of you knuckle-deep, pairing almost too perfectly with the warmth of his tongue. The lewd, wet sounds reverberate through your shared master bedroom, making your body flush with a sweating sense of heat.

He made you feel so good that it almost started to hurt. Convinced at the thought of your bones having melted into some type of putty in Gojo's grip, and yet the sight of him lying on his stomach between your parted legs, with one knee bent lazily over his shoulder—the muscle tremor was barely noticeable if it weren't for the twitch of your toes, with the other one folded up—could barely be made through the tears that clung to your lashes.

Your breath was almost heaving at the piercing blue eye contact you had gotten back, and the flutter of his long white lashes almost tickled you as they brushed against the plush of your inner thighs. You could tell he was smiling with the telltale crinkle at the corners of his eyes when he would squint, despite his mouth being all too preoccupied with eating your pussy.

As he coaxed another orgasm from your poor, trembling body, you felt as if he was holding you captive. The whimpering release tensed you farther into your euphoria, having you lean your head back against your pile of pillows.

Your fist clenches tighter into Gojo’s locks at the slight slapping noise of your thighs squeezing together with Gojo’s face smothered and caged between the thick of them.

It takes a few moments along with a few breaths for you to come down from your climax, your legs unsensing and shifting quickly to something comparable to jelly as Gojo frees himself from your plush prison, wanting to laugh at whoever would consider you weak with a deep sigh accompanied by an all too happy famous beaming smirk.

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Stickbug AU

Just so y'all can get an idea of what I'm yapping about, I'm gonna spill everything I have planned for this AU so far on this post. I'll try to update it as I come up with more ideas.

NOTE: SO THIS CAME OUT A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT SO IF YALL WANT TO CONTROL F TO CERTAIN SPOTS HERE ARE THE HEADER NAMES: The Hollows Creation AVA IV Chosen & Dark Anim VS Minecraft Purple KING LETS GO MY FAVORITE KING AVM Season 3 Victim & the Mercenaries After Everything

So this AU takes place around 50 years after the canon events of Bug Fables, and I'll explain as I go along so you won't need to know the events of the game.

Some needed information is that Humans are heavily implied to have disappeared/died, and some species of bugs have gained sapience in the "Day of Awakening," though some species remained feral with a few individuals gaining sapience far after the Day of Awakening.

The Hollows Creation

Alan is still in this AU, and in a way he is still the Hollows "creator." In this AU, he's a creature called a "Deadlander Omega" found in the Giant's Lair/Deadlands. Basic information is that they're colossal bird-like Deadlanders which are so big only their claws and eyes have ever been seen. In game they like to drop other Deadlanders onto the player which triggers a fight. Alan is a more aware Omega. He likes to collect whatever piques his interest, normally anything that shines due to the lack of sunlight in the Lair. However after a while of dropping Deadlanders onto the few passing bugs, he got more curious by bugs.

NOTE: THIS IS DRAWN BY @tatos-stick-pile SHE HAS DONE SO MUCH FOR THIS AU

So what did he do? Sneak out of the Giant's Lair. Used the overgrown weeds to his advantage and would look around. Found out about larva and got fascinated by the fact bugs came from that. So whatever larva he could find he'd take back-- which wasn't often since most people wouldn't just leave their larva/eggs lying around.

Anyway he'd bring them home. The Deadlanders wouldn't register the larva/eggs as bugs or alive so they could just crawl around and munch on the grass until they eventually grew up. Alan started realizing "oh shit grow your own entertainment" when his first little stolen egg grew to a bug, a grasshopper (victim). Alan would basically use a jar to keep Victim from running off, would drop Deadlanders on him to watch the fights even if Victim sucked at fighting.

Now even if Alan doesn't recognize the bugs as living and thinking things, he isn't stupid. He notices how they use the shiny crystals he likes to collect to heal. So when he sees Victim nearly getting killed in one of the fights he puts two and two together and "gives" Victim the crystal. AKA impales him and literally kills Victim. When he notices Victim stops moving, throws him away and tries again.

He finds a hornet larva. Decides to try something different. Bugs use the crystals for health, so as the larva crawls around and eats he crushes up one of his crystals and mixes it into areas they know they like to eat in. Because of the magic in the crystals, whatever sticks in their bodies results in the larva becoming strong, healthy, and extremely powerful sorcerers.

Chosen fights-- both the Deadlanders and Alan-- but can't win. He tries running, but Alan rips off a wing and puts him in the jar. Eventually Alan gets lucky and finds a wasp larva, and unfortunately for Chosen, this one doesn't seem to understand anything other than following Alan. Of course y'all can guess what happens from here: Alan pits the two against eachother, Chosen tells Dark they can team up to fight Alan, and end up doing a lot of damage to him before running. It takes a long while for Alan to rebuild his health before he tries again. This time a lot more careful with a little bumblebee larva (Second). He keeps a very close eye on it to make sure it doesn't hurt him, and an even closer eye to make sure it doesn't get away.

AVA IV

Red's a ladybug, Green's a grasshopper, Blue's a firefly, and Yellow's a caddisfly. While Bugaria takes place in the Giant's Lair (AKA a abandoned human home)'s backyard, the color gang are from the front yard. They each have their own reasons to travel to Bugaria: Yellow has heard about Roach technology and really wants to see how it works for himself, Red wants to join the Explorer's Association and fill out his bestiary along the way, Blue wants to visit the Harvest Festival and give an offering for the goddess of Harvest, Venus' approval, and Green just wants to stick with his friends.

However getting to Bugaria is difficult. While before most people would take the swamp, the only thing that resulted in was a lot of tension and frustration since they couldn't communicate with the Leafbugs living there and would only result in a lot of deaths on both sides. The swamp got closed off, and as a result, left two main paths. The Caravan is the most popular for good reason: it is an extremely long road usually consisting of many bugs, although because the trip normally takes around a month, it is not safe from bandits nor the weather. A lot of injuries tend to happen and many come out malnourished. The other option takes a day. Just follow the path through the Giant's Lair. There won't be many Deadlanders, but if there are, only large enough groups of bugs or explorer teams can go through to ensure safety.

Since they're a group of four impatient, naive, younger bugs, the Color Gang goes through the Deadlands. It isn't that bad actually, until a little bumblebee catches Red's eye, and an glint of Blue catches Yellow's. Each go off path, Red finding a very excited and nervous Second Coming, and Yellow finding a half of the Roach's ancient Key.

And This catches Alan's attention, because that bee and that key are both of his things. They get to see Alan's spooky ass eye, and Second urges them to run, but before they can the Color Gang gets squished by Alan's claw and Second and the key get picked up. Second isn't happy, stings Alan right in the eye, and gets dropped right next to his friends. He tries helping them up so they can leave, but they're still struggling. He takes too long and Second and his friends get a jar slammed over them.

Alan keeps watch of them, now mostly curious because that's a LOT of bugs in one jar. He's expecting them to fight or do something, but instead... they just sit together. They just chat and sit against the glass, and what really shocks Alan is when they pull out food and start sharing it. I think this is the moment it clicks for Alan that there's something more to them. Alan leaves, and when he comes back he brings back two things. A good pile of food for them, and one of his crystals. He places them on the ground and lifts the jar before perching to see what they do. They're too injured to leave even with the crystal's healing, but Alan is just fascinated with this new discovery. That they're complicated, that they think. For as long as they stay in the Deadlands, which is only a few days, he tries making it as comfortable as possible to see what they like. Tries modeling after what he's seen other bugs do and live in.

They leave of course, taking Second and the key half with them. Alan doesn't like it, but he lets them. Now he's curious on if they'll come back, and now just has a lot to think about now that he's realized they can think and feel.

Chosen & Dark

After everything with Alan, the only thing Dark and Chosen knew was the other, so they clung. Dark itched for a fight, and Chosen was more curious about the outside world. Eventually this lead to the two becoming an explorer team.

It wasn't bad at first, but Dark of course gravitated to the shadier areas. Dark THRIVED in bounties and fights, meanwhile Chosen started second guessing whether or not he liked being an explorer. Every time they had to leave a kingdom or village, he'd always just felt disappointed. But Dark wanted to keep going, so he followed.

Eventually they started to get a reputation. They would do any quest, no matter the morals, and they wouldn't sell you out. They would get worse and worse clients, and were quickly teetering on the line of hitmen, and Chosen eventually had enough. He didn't see the point in it anymore, he liked the slow moments. Dark meanwhile thrived in a fight, because it was the only thing hes ever known.

This led to a fight between them. A bad one. Dark had been experimenting with Roach crystals to boost his own abilities, and somehow, Chosen ended up accidentally dragging Second and the Color Gang into it. There was a lot of collateral damage and Dark showed off how he was not above killing people, by targeting Second's friends. They died, and that mixture of sheer rage and grief was what triggered Second's skill in magic. Y'all know how this goes, Second beats the shit out of Dark Lord, revives his friends, but before he can land the killing blow, Chosen stops him.

Chosen doesn't want Dark to die, but he can't be with him anymore. So he rats on Dark. Gets him thrown in Rubber Prison, and Dark takes this as a betrayal. They depend on each other, and Chosen wouldn't even defend him and never visited him. Chosen regrets this decision every day and before he can get arrested too, he hides and is labeled as missing.

Anim VS Minecraft

This stumped me at first because how the hell do you mix bug fables and Minecraft but NO WORRIES I FOUND A WAY

After the Deadlands, first thing Color Gang does is sign up for the Explorer's Association. Unfortunately there can't be teams of 5, so they split into two teams: Blue and Yellow form Team Sunset, and Second, Red, and Green form Team Second. They do quests for a while, Yellow spends a lot of time focusing on the key half, and eventually they team up for a pretty important quest!

Not sure what this quest would be exactly, but basically they get lured into a cave and when they get into it Red starts acting weird. And then he starts attacking them and going for the key and yep if you've realized it WE FOUND A WAY TO ADD HEROBRINE FUCK YOU MINECRAFT CREEPYPASTA BUGSONA

Art once again by @tatos-stick-pile

Herobrine is a recently awakened Golden Orb Weaver spider who uses his silk to puppet Red around. This silk is SHARP too. He tries going for the key because he's heard of the artifact and its power and he really wants it to expand his territory. He gets his ass kicked when they figure out whats going on and he escapes.

Afterwards Yellow decides to be more secretive about the key half. They don't figure this out for a while though, but the entire reason Herobrine was expanding his territory is because he looks after lesser bugs ESPECIALLY ones that have recently awakened. He just hates regular bugs.

Purple

And I lied to start with Purple I have to start with an Explorer Team y'all should be familiar with-- unless youre coming from the bug fables fandom and to that i say hello how do you like the shitstorm so far. Anyway one Explorer Team, Team Orchid. It consists of an orchid mantis named Orchid and another mantis named Navy.

Orchid is an explorer for the sightseeing and to help people. Navy doesn't exactly care about that, he's mostly around to make sure she doesn't get herself killed. Eventually he gets an idea that they can get a pet for some extra defense. Orchid LOVES the idea, and so Navy drags her to the Forsaken Lands to find something strong enough.

Orchid falls in love with a mothfly and won't settle for anything else. That mothfly is Purple, a recently awakened mothfly who is extremely confused because he's only been around feral mothflies and its his instinct to stick with them. Anyway y'all know how this goes, Navy "trains" (aka beats) Purple, who can't fight back and goes to Orchid for comfort. Purple causes a massive rift in their relationship and its not even their fault. Orchid wanted a pet to dote on and Navy wanted something to train. But Orchid isn't stupid-- even if Purple is a mothfly and can't talk she starts recognizing he's awakened. He's a child. She starts treating him as such despite how much Navy HATES it and Purple of course starts seeing them as their parents and really looks up to them.

And one day Navy is sick of it. Takes Purple by the arm and drags him back to the Forsaken Lands and far from Orchid. Purple is nervous but still trusts him, thinks its for training. Navy drags him all the way to the abandoned Ant Settlement and tells him to stay there. To prove his training he needs to protect that settlement until he comes back to get them. Purple of course is "okay ❤️ yay❤️."

He doesn't come back. Neither does Purple. But Purple sticks to the settlement and protects it-- getting a little overly defensive of it. Overtime more mothflies are drawn to the area and of course they form little hivemind clusters and whoops! False Monarch 2. But since Purple is awakened and actually intelligent he has a lot more control over the mothfly clusters-- or False Citizens-- and they act more as an extension of him. Purple forms his own little cluster too-- and hates being separated from it and DESPISES being acknowledged as "just a mothfly" so he dresses with a mask and cloak to be a better bug. He gets a bit of a superiority complex as well due to just being surrounded by nothing but feral bugs that he can control.

Anyway the sudden re-population of this abandoned settlement with False Citizens does not go unnoticed. Especially because whenever one wanders close, Purple tends to have a citizen stalk and lurk around the edge until it creeps the bug out enough for them to leave. So a bounty is made once again for the False Monarch.

Blue and Green see it. They think it would be SO fun to lean into their competitive sides and see if whoever got the killing blow on the bounty would finally prove their team as better. So they go to the settlement, see the citizens staring and stalking them and ignore it. They aren't attacking them, after all. They're just being creepy.

They end up finding Purple who is NOT happy and is immediately defensive. But he's not attacking them. He's just kinda throwing a fit and making himself look bigger. Which is weird because bounties are usually extremely dangerous and hostile, but this one is just... throwing a fit. They end up just nearly dodging a fight when some of the citizens start grabbing Green and Blue to throw them out and Blue blurts out they don't want to fight. Turns out Purple does understand Bugnish, but can't speak it.

Great! So they don't have to kill the pretty chill bounty. But others don't know that, and they need to bring back proof they killed Purple to get the bounty taken down. They bring it up to Purple and after vague translations, they make a deal. Purple's been having trouble with a strong enemy near the settlement, so he gives them their mask and helps them defeat the enemy.

And its a big fucking spider, but thankfully they have Purple's range to help in the fight, and while its going smooth at first-- Purple ends up bailing. He's spent too long away from the settlement and figures since Blue and Green are strong enough that they'll be fine. They aren't. Because they needed Purple's range. Purple almost ends up getting them killed, the only reason they survived is because their friends realized they were gone for a long time and come just in time.

Green and Blue afterwards take the mask and leave. They're pissed at Purple but they can confront him another time, they mostly just want to be away from him at the moment.

KING LETS GO MY FAVORITE KING

Time for King! Y'all know King's deal. He has a child he loves with all his heart. In this AU he is a Violin Mantis and his little Goldie is a mantis nymph. King personally isn't an explorer, but Gold REALLY wants to be once and he always finds it difficult to say no to Gold.

Anyway Gold hears wind of a tourist thing. They're doing this mini-tour of the Deadlands in a 100% totally nothing will ever go wrong encased area. Its gonna focus on theories on the Deadlands and what Gold is more interested in-- how Explorers made it safer and how they traverse it.

King doesn't like it. Its called the Deadlands for a reason. But Gold really wants to and is begging him and is doing all his chores and being the most perfect little nymph so he can go. And they claim its safe. King finally caves and takes Gold, and y'all can guess what happens. Deadlander breaks through and kills his son right in front of him before the Explorer escorts can kill it.

So like any regular parent experiencing grief King vows to fucking blow up the Deadlands and everything in it. Not like anybody cares about that fucking place and is widely considered a No Man's Land. He ends up getting his hands on the other half to the Key and is obsessed with finding the other half.

AVM Season 3

While going towards the Termite Kingdom to hopefully find some clues on where the other key half is, King gets lost along the way and finds the abandoned Ant Settlement. False citizens are of course not happy and watch him, but he ignores them. He might as well search the place while he's here. He ends up finding Purple, whose not happy and already a little on edge because Blue and Green haven't come back despite promising they will.

King notices the bounty paper Green and Blue drop and promptly manipulates Purple. Tells them that they probably won't be coming back. But I imagine Green and Blue were yapping to Purple, mentioning the key half because both dont take it that seriously, and Purple sees King's key half and mentions it through a drawing.

King turns up the manipulation to 100. convinces Purple to take his citizens with them (wants to use them as a deadlander bait). If they get the key they'll be strong enough for their village. He just has to get the key from his friends and bring it to King.

Very cute doodle once again from @tatos-stick-pile

Purple does. A while after he's ditched the village to be with King, they run into Color Gang again. They're chatting and having fun and eventually Purple just... dissapears along with the key. Y'all should know what happens, the chase happens, Purple brings the key to King, he combines them and gets really strong and starts destroying shit. Big fight starts up, King focuses on superpowered Second, the color gang go after Purple, who isn't really that strong. He tries getting help from King, but King ignores him. Leaves him for dead.

This fucks up Purple. Because King introduced that fear and realization of abandonment in Purple. And Purple not only realizes how many mistakes he's made, but also realizes he's in fact a lesser bug. That's why nobody wants him. And people don't hesitate to kill lesser bugs when they're in their way. Purple gets both super emotional and terrified for his life, and is forced to abandon his beloved cloak and mask to make a run for it. Green pursues him, everything else happens.

Not sure how everyone splitting up would work so far, but Red somehow gets Herobrine and some of the bugs he watches involved in the fight. Green convinces Purple to go after King, and the bigger fight starts. King uses the Key to attack anyone and hes close enough to his goal hes gotten a lot more brutal. Will just hold whoevers nearest and shoot them point blank with it. Y'all know that scene. The scene where King is nearly killing Purple and goes through that flashback and is slapped in the face with the realization he sees Purple as his own son. That still happens, King gives up, helps Purple and Purple still sticks to him.

Victim & the Mercenaries

Shortly after being discarded by Alan, a cordyceps fungus found and started growing in the grasshopper's body. He is EXTREMELY lucky, because the tiniest crumbs of magic crystal left in his body was just enough magic to balance out the fungus sticking to him and passing on its memory without completely overloading it and turning him into a zombie. But its not perfect, and it still shows in the mini holes in his body. He also woke up fucking PISSED enough to turn him into a Locust

I'm gonna keep this section extremely vague since we still don't know what happened to Victim in AvA canon. Just know he built a massive "charity" corporation in the Termite Kingdom that claims its going to find a way to turn the Deadlands useful. AKA he wants an excuse to have enough money to research a way into killing Alan.

This involves hiring explorer teams, leading him to the Mercenaries: Hazard, Ballista, Primal, and Agent. They are explorers who work in the shadier areas of the Association and are EXTREMELY difficult to hire as they only accept high rewards up-front.

Some concepts for Victim and Agent since I haven't settled on a design for them...

Chosen and Dark catch Victim's eye, since they're rumored to have attacked an Omega and lived. However since Chosen is missing, Victim and the Mercenaries stop by Rubber Prison to visit Dark. Now Dark and the Mercenaries were very well known in the same area, so they know each other. Doesn't mean Dark likes them.

They convince Dark to help them with the promise of his bands back and a dead Omega. Dark thinks Chosen would absolutely love a dead Omega, and so he doesn't hesitate.

Shit happens. Chosen and Second get captured by the mercenaries and Chosen is PISSED at Dark despite all the regret. They're both mad at each other but Dark's doesn't last long when Victim starts torturing Chosen for information. He's mad at Chosen but he doesn't want that.

He blows up at Victim a little at it, so to get Dark to listen, Victim rips off a good chunk of Chosen's remaining wing. That makes Dark stand down, and now Dark doesn't know what to do. Chosen feels too guilty about everything to say anything, and Dark is too prideful to apologize. More shit happens-- Victim has the gem of Hoaxe's crown. Long story short it can brainwash Hornets, which Victim starts using when Chosen keeps refusing. That pushes Dark more off of Victim but he can't do anything lest Victim directs it all back on Chosen tenfold.

More vague shit. Mr alan becker i need the next part of episode six soon please. Anyway big fight in the Deadlands. Everyone's in there and Victim wants Alan DEAD. But Victim is getting progressively more and more pissed off because despite being attacked Alan is being as gentle as he can. He's going the extra mile to make sure he doesn't kill them. Anyway Dark ends up snapping Chosen's antennae to break him out of the brainwashing and Victim gets cooked.

Chosen decides to not murder Victim-- mostly because clearly that's not permanent and its too good for him. Victim is extremely upset about this because the fact nobody is killing him and just being weirdly merciful and the fact hes lost all control has sent him into a breakdown. Its challenging all the rules hes lived by and how he thought the world worked. Hes screaming and shouting at them.

Which attracts the attention of another Omega. Now the thing about Omegas is because they're pretty fragile due to being mostly bones, it means they need to build armor to survive. And they're territorial. Usually if an Omega picks a fight the one with the better armor survives.

Once again-- art provided by @tatos-stick-pile THEY ARE COOKING

And to protect the bug he KNOWS he hurt and was alive-- Alan attacks the other Omega despite already being extremely injured and losing most his armor. The others dont have a choice but to hide out of sight, and eventually the other Omega wins and kills Alan. Tries looking around for the interesting thing that was shouting but finds nothing and fucks off along with a few undamaged parts of Alan's armor.

Everyone except for Second and the Color Gang decide to take their leave. I imagine throughout the story theres a lot of moments where Alan works on making it up to Second and just truely shows he cares and is regretful. So Second tries reviving him, but the problem is that Alan is just... fuckin' massive. Even when they're dead or asleep they're so big their bodies get mistaken for terrain.

It doesn't work at first. Until Yellow finds the gem Victim left behind that he used to control Chosen, and he learned that this can boost magic. He gives it to Second and he completely exhausts himself and they revive Alan. Yipee!! Everyone is saved happy ending go home its over

After Everything

Chalk my liar count to 2 y'all

Purple lives with King, and King has officially adopted him. They still have their own issues they're working towards, but they're slowly getting there together.

Dark and Chosen don't know what to do at first. Chosen wants a chill and peaceful life, but Dark directly contrasts that. He's much more well known and hated than Chosen. Just by being with him, he ruins Chosen's happiness, but he just wants to stay with him. Chosen wants to stay with Dark as well. Thankfully, one of the mercenaries pops up. They're pissed at first, but all they do is mention a town.

Looking into it, after the attempted takeover half a century ago, the bandit leader Astotheles got inspired by the celebration. He wanted a home, a nation for his people, so he left Bugaria because it obviously wasn't gonna happen there. Outside the nation's borders, he established his own village. Where bugs who are abandoned or discarded can come to start anew.

Chosen and Dark decide to move to there, leaving behind and finally moving on from everything that happened to them.

Victim on the other hand went missing. He took that loss HARD. Agent thinks he has an idea on where he went, but needs extra help, so he puts up a request. He's not bringing the other mercs because they don't know about the cordyceps thing and Victim prefers to keep it hidden.

Color Gang ends up taking it up. They are low on berries and its the only request on the board. Nobody is happy about this. Agent makes sure to go with them, and he leads them all to Snakemouth Den. In the den there's a lot of spores and magic in the air, and it gets worse the deeper you go in because in that cave is an ancient Roach laboratory where experimented on cordyceps and magic in an attempt to recreate the immortality of the Everlasting Sapling (that thing is long dead it doesnt matter).

Anyway Victim went here for a power boost. Thinks he just needs to try again and he'll have more control and he'll win. Now he aint thinkin' clearly because the magic that is so goddamn potent in this cave is messin with the fungus. And y'all remember what i said?

"He is EXTREMELY lucky, because the tiniest crumbs of magic crystal left in his body was just enough magic to balance out the fungus sticking to him and passing on its memory without completely overloading it and turning him into a zombie."

Yeah. Ends up shanking himself with the crystals to try and force more magic in him and it makes the fungus go stupid crazy and completely overgrow out and through his exoskeleton and whoops! say goodbye to your sentience. Control freak loses everything even the control over himself. Fun little boss fight I also imagine he has a poison thing going on.

Anyway they end up knocking him down and restraining him, Agent rips out all the crystals. Victim isn't dead yet but he's in awful shape, and congrats you earned Second's pity. Second heals him and Agent pays them a shit ton for that and brings Victim home to help him recover.

Anyway thats it for the AU so far holy god that was so much longer than I expected if you made it here we should go on a date to texas roadhouse together

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[t3a-tan]

New Perspectives (1/?)

Word Count: 4,915

AO3 | First | Next | Previous

Size-swap au for Oliver and James because unintentional fearplay is beautiful. Let’s be honest the only one learning anything here is James. Comments and reblogs are what keep me writing, so any help with motivation is appreciated ^^

@entomolog-t you asked me to tag you so here--

-----

Oliver wasn't sure how it happened exactly. Everything had been normal up until this point: he had harvested some of his tea leaves in the morning, made another jar of jam at noon, made some cornbread over a fire at night. And when he fell asleep in his cozy cotton stuffed bed he woke up—

Well… Not in his burrow, to say the least.

In fact, he woke up sleeping on the dewy grass— which was remarkably odd considering grass was not something he really could lie on top without laying it flat. Not to mention the grass was tiny; small enough to grab fistfuls of it at a time.

The situation became clearer once he looked up more, and despite the fact that the trees were still larger than him, they weren't complete behemoths as usual. Oliver could even see the entrance to his burrow— which was unharmed thankfully.

He was human-sized. But how?

Oliver prided himself on being extremely knowledgeable about the human way of life in comparison to most borrowers who preferred to stay sheltered, but after becoming closer with James he found that there were plenty of unwritten rules of human life too.

James… I should go see him like this. Maybe he knows something? If not, he could always help me find a solution…

Oliver had no interest in remaining human sized— it was just unnatural and too different from what he was used to. He didn't mind it, but it was more like a day's enjoyment kind of thing rather than life long.

On pure instinct he whistled loudly, before spotting a bird swooping down and landing at his feet. She was unbothered, and Oliver tilted his head, crouching down and lightly scratching at the buzzard's head, as she chirped contentedly in response.

"Apologies for calling you, Gail. I don't think you'll be able to carry me like this.." He remarked softly, enamored by just how small the graceful bird had now become. She squawked out in response, something Oliver liked to think was agreement despite knowing logically that the bird could neither understand him nor respond back to him.

Standing back up, he watched as she flew off again before starting his trek to find James's house, trying his best to recall the route.

Along the way he was enamored seeing how humans were interacting from the same level– but he knew better than to approach strangers like this as that was socially unacceptable. Once he had met up with James then it would be more productive to have that kind of conversation and experience with him rather than making random humans uncomfortable.

It took about twenty minutes to arrive, but knocking received no response. Oliver recalled the time James had mentioned keeping a spare key hidden behind a false brick after forgetting his keys at work for the seventh or eighth time, and so once he figured out which brick in the outer wall was fake he found the keys and unlocked the door, taking a few moments to relish in the new experience.

He made sure to lock the door behind him too before realizing that James wouldn't have a clue who just entered and would probably presume an intruder had just broken in.

"James? It's Oliver. I don't know what happened, I need to talk to you though…. Are you in?" Oliver began to explore the house, trying not to be too intrusive or snoop around too much, but he couldn't help but make mental comparisons between everything at the moment. Humans saw the world in such an odd way…he felt huge. Too big for his liking, but he knew that to a human this would be completely normal instead.

Oliver saw that James must be home, considering all of his shoes were still sitting in the shoe rack, and his wallet and keys were sitting on the shelf near the front door. Humans didn't generally leave without those essentials… So then why wasn't James responding? Was he potentially injured??

At that thought Oliver hurried up the stairs, this time not taking any time to make observations on his surroundings and instead searching specifically for an unconscious human… and he found nothing.

Peculiar. The windows are locked and shut, so where has he gone…? Did someone take him? There's no signs of a struggle, so that can't be it. Oliver was growing admittedly worried about the circumstances here. That was when he saw a shadow in the corner of his eye.

It disappeared quickly, but Oliver's attention had already focused onto it— expecting to see a house spider or something of the sort which he was very interested in inspecting close up now that they were very much harmless… but what he found instead was utterly perplexing.

"James..?"

Oliver dropped down to a crouch, eyebrows raised in surprise and eyes locked onto the shadow on the floor…. Because right there was not a shadow at all: instead he saw his friend, who looked about as pale as a ghost, back pressed into the corner of the room and staring up at Oliver with heaving breaths.

Oliver wasn't sure how it happened exactly, or what he did to inspire such terror in James's eyes, but he quickly set about fixing it.

"James? It's alright, James, just breathe... I'll do it with you, okay? In for four….hold for four….out for four…." He kept his tone low and soft, trying to coax the older man out of his fear-stricken state. Oliver stayed completely still, breathing in time with his instructions until James began following along, gasping slightly as he tried to regain control of his breathing, but soon enough he was taking deep breaths and leaving his fight or flight state.

Oliver waited, staring down at him with a concerned but curious gaze, waiting for James to say something or to explain what had him so frightened in the first place… but instead all he got was silence. Oliver's expression faltered, eyebrows furrowing slightly, leaning down a little closer now only radiating concern over his friend's plight.

"Keep breathing, it's okay… Are you struggling to find words at the moment? Do you need water?" He asked, keeping his voice gentle to avoid causing any other outbursts. He relaxed a bit when James managed to nod, and so Oliver pushed himself up to a stand, still looking down at the now borrower-sized human. "I'll go fetch some— woah… hm."

Oliver went completely still again as he saw the way James had flinched and shielded himself just as Oliver stood up. It took the human-sized borrower a few moments to put it together, but once he did he quickly lowered himself to the ground again.

"James... Do you think I'm going to hurt you..?" He asked, not offended in the slightest but saddened by the idea. Oliver couldn't imagine hurting an innocent person ever… and by the way James was reacting, it was probably more than just 'hurt' he was afraid of.

Instead of receiving a response though James just stayed curled up and trembling, so small and vulnerable. From Oliver's perspective, he was smaller than an ant would usually be from borrower size, which was surreal in and of itself. But he wasn't an oddity to be marveled at…he was a person in need of reassurance.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you. I should have considered my actions with a bit more grace… But there's no need for you to be afraid. I'm your friend, I wouldn't dream of laying a finger on you without your permission, especially not with the intent to harm." He assured softly, keeping his hands to himself as promised.

James held his head in his hands for a few more moments, anxiously dragging his fingers through his hair as he often did when he was stressed about something. Oliver had picked up on it when he would stay at James's house for a prolonged time and end up walking in on phone calls with his ex wife. But it was never this bad…James had always maintained some control of his emotional state. Oliver wasn't used to seeing him this way.

He tilted his head, leaning down a bit more whilst keeping his hands on his knees, non-threateningly.

"I'm not upset at you for your reaction at all. You have experienced quite a dramatic shift, so it's only natural that stress comes along with that. I understand that you are reacting on instinct, not logic, so there is no need to feel anxious that I may feel hurt by your fear." Oliver clarified, rambling as he often did when he wasn't fully certain of the most succinct way to put it; he would rather over-explain than miscommunicate.

James took a few moments before he nodded slowly, though he kept his gaze averted for now. Still, it was progress, so Oliver couldn't help but perk up slightly.

"I imagine it would be quite shocking to go from human height to borrower height, isn't it..?" He lowered his voice to a whisper, trying to coax a verbal answer from the man in order to test the waters. He waited patiently, observing his body language.

"Y-yeah….you can— you can say that again, mate..." James finally managed to stammer out a response, his gaze hesitantly shifting in order to focus on Oliver. Oliver offered a reassuring smile in turn.

James's eyes narrowed slightly, and although he was still quite shaken up he pointed an accusatory finger up at Oliver, causing the enlarged borrower's eyebrows to raise in withdrawn surprise.

"H-how in the hell do you keep it together..? Especially when we first met… I.. I…" He trailed off, expression wracked with guilt of his past callous treatment of Oliver. "...how..?"

Oliver hummed, unsure of how exactly to respond at first. It was a question even he himself didn't really know the answer to. He had always been quite emotionless, even more so when he was younger…and he simply didn't feel fear. Not in the same way— Oliver was extremely logical and curious, so he found that when he saw new things he would always be more fascinated than terrified.

The first time he saw a human he had been only 8 years old, collecting water from the creek, when he saw a gigantic hulking beast approach the water on the other side. He had at first moved to take shelter as he was taught to when facing predators, but stopped when he noticed that the so-called beast was a woman. A woman 30 or so times his size dressed in odd clothing, but a woman nonetheless.

Oliver watched after the woman. Despite being so close and in the open he was unafraid and oh so intrigued— he had never seen someone outside of his family before…not until now. He hadn't realized others were so big, thinking perhaps that she was simply very old and had never stopped growing like his parents had. He wondered if she had just moved nearby…he wondered how big her family's burrow would have to be.

"I'm not sure how. I don't understand the level of fear everyone else experiences because I don't… but I imagine I lack a majority of instincts. Most borrowers I know would likely pass out in the presence of a human… Especially when being handled by one." Oliver responded after some thought before swiftly adding, "and I'm not going to be handling you in such a rough manner, if that's something you're worried about."

"Oliver, I don't— I don't think you'd do that at all…" James was quick to interject, finally looking up and meeting Oliver's green eyes with his own brown ones, but Oliver could see that there was some doubt there. Nothing personal, clearly, but it was still there. He couldn't help his frown.

"I've not been scary a single day in my life, I don't think. It's odd. It's…uncomfortable." Oliver sighed. "Whatever has happened to us, I hope it reverses back soon. As intrigued as I am about viewing things from a human perspective, I would rather not scare you in the process."

He glanced around, and for the first time James saw Oliver genuinely unsure of what to do. Vulnerable, ironically enough, considering he was currently almost 500 times the size of what James was used to seeing him as. James tried his best to take a deep breath and calm his heart again, though he was still weak in the knees from the instinctive fear that came with it.

"We're friends, Oliver. I know you won't do anything to me… I just…my head keeps telling me to run— t-to get away as fast as possible…but my heart knows you are safe… okay? So don't feel bad, mate…" He addressed Oliver directly this time rather than just thinking his paranoid thoughts aloud. Oliver blinked, then stared for a few moments, eyes narrowing in confusion and distaste…his judging face. What had James managed to do wrong now?

"...your heart doesn't know anything, it's an organ responsible for pumping blood around the body…" The borrower murmured, genuinely confused by that description. James couldn't help but facepalm. That was what Oliver was taking away from what he had said? Oh well, it was embarrassing the first time, he's not going to repeat himself again…

"You are a bloody pain in my ass, you know that?" James grumbled in return, as Oliver blinked and now only looked apologetic, leaning in closer.

"Oh, I'm sorry… I didn't think I had touched you before, but I'm sorry if I hurt you." He apologized, concern in his gaze. James was tempted to square him in the nose— but he also knew that Oliver wasn't ridiculing him whatsoever, and simply didn't understand a lot of the idioms that humans used all the time.

"That's it. You've officially killed me." James sighed in exasperation, dragging a hand down his face. Despite his fed-up expression though, he saw it as endearing because Oliver was so genuine and so…him, 100% all the time. The smile appeared on his face and he couldn't help it. The absurdity of this situation was starting to make him crack.

Oliver's brows pinched together, with one subtly raised.

"Well now I know that's just spurious." He kept still, only slightly cocking his head as his observative gaze bored down upon James. The officer wouldn't even bother asking what the hell 'spurious' meant. "Does your joking mean you're more comfortable now? Because I suggest a lift off of the floor may help things look a bit less daunting from your perspective."

James hesitated, glancing towards Oliver's hands and shrinking back against the wall. The idea of fingers larger than his entire body reaching for him like the mouth of some beast was terrifying…but then he looked at Oliver's face, reminding himself of who those hands were attached to.

Since they had met, Oliver had been patient and gentle. He had taught James just as much as James had taught him back— and they were friends. Officially.

Just as he would never hurt Oliver even when it would have been so easy to do so, he knew Oliver was the same. If anything, the safest place for him to be at all at this size was probably in Oliver's hands. So despite his instincts screaming no, James nodded yes.

Oliver's expression softened again, moving slowly as he reached his hand forward, lowering it onto the floor in front of James so he could climb on by himself. He was quiet, allowing James to think, and giving him time to back out again if he wanted to— a yes could be withdrawn at any time, after all.

Eventually though, James stepped away from the wall and slowly climbed into Oliver's open palm. He marveled at the feeling. Oliver had very rough and worn skin— he worked with his hands quite often obviously, but they weren't uncomfortable by any means either. Not to mention that they were warm…

James looked down at his own minuscule hand as he brushed it over the creases of Oliver's palm, mouth agape. It was like he was standing on top of an alien— the floor beneath him pulsating with the calm beating of the now-giant borrower's heart. He couldn't imagine this being normal for anyone… He wondered how Oliver was able to be so casual around him.

Oliver was slow and careful with his movements as he stood up, keeping his hand stable and moving at such a pace that it wouldn't disturb James too much. Once he had stood up he turned and began to very gently make his way down the stairs, before entering the kitchen. He hummed, recalling how exactly James made his coffee and getting out the doll mug that the officer had bought a while back to make drinking easier for Oliver.

He lowered his hand again, but kept it still as he got to work on making the coffee, allowing James to stay on his hand since it was clear that the human was intrigued by it. Oliver had to admit that he was quite interested in how it felt to hold someone so tiny too, though he never moved his fingers to close in on James. He wouldn't do anything more without explicit permission, regardless of his curiosity.

Eventually the coffee was done, and Oliver very carefully managed to tip just a few drops into the tiny mug.

"Drink your coffee. I'll make some crumpets for us to eat…" He spoke, prompting James to finally give Oliver his hand back as he stepped off. Oliver smiled again, seeing that his friend was a bit embarrassed by his fascination— he didn't mind in the slightest. The enjoyment of discovery should be encouraged, not mocked.

Oliver got out two crumpets and placed them in the toaster before getting the butter from the fridge and setting it out to allow it to soften. He then got out a plate, now just waiting for the crumpets to toast.

With that sorted he looked down at James again, inspecting him lightly as the man dipped at his coffee, in a much more relaxed state than he had been before. Oliver was relieved. He hadn't meant to cause any emotional distress in the first place, and he was thankful that James was no longer suffering from such paralyzing fear in his presence. Friends should not have to fear friends.

"Did I make it how you usually do? I've not made coffee before, I'm afraid." Oliver asked, his tone still soft and non-threatening even though James had already calmed down. The shrunken human hummed in acknowledgement of his question, taking another sip before answering.

"It's actually alright, believe it or not. I'm surprised you managed it, if it's your first time. Good on you." The man responded, managing a smile up in Oliver's direction. He had a very different way of smiling than Oliver: whereas the borrower's smile was gentle and calm, his was much more light and playful. Their distinct personalities on display.

Oliver slowly leaned down, resting his elbow on the countertop and then his cheek in his hand as he gazed down at the human. He inspected the man for a few moments, before looking elsewhere.

"I'd like to go to a library. Perhaps I can find some new books to record." Voice contemplative, he hummed to himself as if considering the idea.

Oliver wanted to go to a library, but he couldn't exactly leave James here to fend for himself as the human didn't have the necessary skills or tools to get around by himself. He could bring James along, but it may be overwhelming for the man to be in an area with other comparatively giant people…not to mention he'd have to remain hidden the entire time, and Oliver had learned that James got bored quite easily.

James's nose wrinkled in distaste at the idea.

"Didn't you say you grew up in a library? Why do you need to record so many books, anyway? Is that your idea of fun..?" He wasn't necessarily judging, but he never understood why Oliver was so determined and able to focus on such tedious things like copying down books, or making maps. It was admirable, definitely, but also extremely boring-sounding.

"I may have grown up in a library, but I didn't have the necessary supplies to write down what I read, nor did I have many opportunities to read as it was usually quite dark when the opportunity did arise." Oliver began, not taking any offense and instead over-explaining his answers, not recognizing that James meant it all as more rhetorical.

"Borrowers do not have books, and many borrowers are not able to read either. If there were more books accessible to our kind, that could change…and there would be much more information available as a whole about our world, since very few borrowers can go out and explore it for themselves. Currently my library is in development, but I hope that when my colony is established it will be in full use by borrowers living in it." Oliver continued.

"And yes. It is enjoyable to me. I get to learn, and I know that what I record will become valuable to others of my kind later on." He finished, before raising an eyebrow at James. "You humans may see that as odd, but there was a time in your history where things were very much the same for your kind. Now you're more focused on getting an education and getting a good job— borrowers haven't even reached the education stage yet."

James could tell thanks to many experiences of Oliver lecturing him about the differences between their kinds that the borrower wasn't putting him down for not understanding. He'd be a good teacher, James couldn't help but think… The way Oliver had mastered explaining things without making the other person feel stupid or put on the spot was impressive, to say the least.

"What's stopping you then?" James asked, taking another sip of his coffee. Oliver watched him silently for a few moments before releasing a sigh that rustled through the shrunken human's hair.

"I don't want to risk overwhelming you in such an environment. And I don't want to leave you on your own in this state either. You do not have any of the skills necessary for survival as a borrower, and I'd rather not risk your safety to satiate my own curiosity." He explained, trying his best to let James down gently. He didn't mean to call the human effectively useless at this height…but he kind of was. It didn't change how Oliver saw James, but it changed the way Oliver considered the human's new needs.

Before, James didn't need Oliver's help at all other than emotionally, but now he was practically dependent on physical aid. Oliver didn't mind in the slightest, but he had come to learn that James was quite a prideful person— not to a fault, but enough that he was understandably frustrated by his lack of autonomy. Oliver would try his best to keep his actions in consideration of that: he felt fine regardless, but James would probably appreciate having control as much as possible right now.

The crumpets were finally done so Oliver began to spread them.

"What? It can't be that hard, mate. I see you do it all the time." James remarked with a frown. He probably didn't think much of Oliver's feats because to borrowers they weren't feats at all, but at a human scale borrowers were definitely performing incredible feats of strength, agility, and coordination on a regular basis. It was understandable that James couldn't see it like that because the scale was so different. In this case, experiencing the difficulty himself would be the only way he'd understand what Oliver meant.

Oliver hummed, finishing spreading the crumpets before setting the butter knife down and pointing over the edge of the counter 

"Try climbing down the counter. Borrowers are capable of climbing up and down this height without tools by the age of about 11." He instructed, not directly communicating that James could choose to or not because he believed it was for the best that James should make the attempt. Still though, if James chose not to, Oliver wouldn't force or pressure him into it at all.

James walked over to the edge, not thinking much of the idea until he realized just how massive of a drop it was. He couldn't believe that Oliver did this so often… he made it look so easy. But James wanted to try anyway, if only to prove himself as capable— he didn't want to be a burden to Oliver by proxy of being this height.

"Just watch me." He snarked, before turning and dangling himself off of the edge, trying his best to keep his trembling contained as the effort it took even to do just that was causing his muscles to ache. Oliver raised an eyebrow, keeping an eye on James for any signs of him losing his grip or slipping so he would be able to catch him in time. It was inevitable. If the man was already shaking at the top, he wouldn't make it down before his muscles were completely worn out.

"Don't injure yourself by pushing too much." Oliver reminded gently, not realizing that those words only had the opposite effect. James was more determined than ever to make it all the way down no matter what, and so he began the climb.

Embarrassingly, he only made it a few inches before losing his grip and falling— promptly getting caught into Oliver's hand and lifted back up to the top of the counter. Oliver wasn't smug about this fact at all. He didn't like seeing his friend's hurt pride, but he didn't want him to overestimate his abilities and injure himself as a result.

James groaned, holding his arm and gritting his teeth in pain from the ache in his sore muscles. He definitely pushed too hard… which was even more upsetting knowing that he hadn't even made it a quarter of the way down. Oliver's expression became concerned, bringing his hand up closer to his face and inspecting the human closely to make sure he hadn't seriously injured himself.

"Are you alright..? Do you want some ice? Perhaps I could run you a bath..?" Oliver spoke, not fretting so much as simply offering assistance. James shook his head, slightly flustered at how poorly his attempt had gone.

"Jesus, Oliver… I can't believe you do that all the time. You said 11 year olds can do that??" James brushed past Oliver's concern for the moment. Oliver always fell for trying to answer every question and further explain certain topics.

"Well, although there are currently no scientific studies I'm aware of on the matter, it is not a stretch to conclude that we have slightly different biology. Borrowers have greater stamina than humans, a lower metabolic rate, and I presume that our muscles are more focused on climbing and carrying. Of course though, this could be a byproduct of our environment rather than a significant biological difference… either way, to borrowers, this is very normal, but to humans at our scale it's practically impossible." He rambled.

James listened with interest, but was more so relieved that Oliver was no longer fretting over him. Oliver moved the plate of crumpets to be in between him and James before starting to eat the breakfast. He made sure to chew and swallow, incredibly intrigued by how different the textures of the food felt at this size, before talking again.

"Anyway, as I stated before, you don't have the necessary skills for survival as a borrower, so I would rather not leave you vulnerable. I don't think you're incapable of taking care of yourself…but the world is very large. Even trained borrowers get caught up in it. As you know…"

James knew that Oliver was referring to his own family, and he winced as he remembered the amount of loss that his friend had endured. He forgot, sometimes, because Oliver rarely ever mentioned his family or dwelled on his emotions… but it was a stark reminder. As much as James didn't like having to depend on others, he recognized that Oliver only wanted to prevent him from having a similar fate.

"Okay, I get it. It's fine, we'll…figure something out." He relented, deciding to forgo some of his autonomy for the sake of alleviating Oliver's concerns. He knew that the man wouldn't take advantage of that.

In all of the time that James had known him, which to be fair it wasn't that long, Oliver was always respectful, polite, compassionate, and receptive. He may take things too literally at times, and he may ramble on and on about things that James couldn't even begin to understand— but he was a good friend. James trusted him a lot…even more so now: when it became clear that Oliver didn't just tolerate him and wasn't only polite because of the height difference.

This situation was freaky as all hell, but it confirmed that Oliver was a genuinely good and trustworthy man. James was thankful to be friends with someone like that…

Suddenly, James's phone could be heard ringing upstairs.

[pokekaito]

Android Girl by DECO*27 is, in a weird way, kinda the definitive Miku song for me. That might be controversial given like... World is Mine and Melt and Miku Miku Ni Shite Ageru and Miku Anamanaguchi exist, but I feel like Miku has absolutely grown into something beyond what those songs alone convey.

For starters, just on an aesthetic level, Android Girl is about an android girl. Obviously there's symbolism to that and whatnot but it immediately touches on the fact that Miku is a software; herself, an "android girl" in a way.

But obviously the song isn't really about an android girl as much as Tokyo Teddy Bear isn't about a literal plush toy. Android Girl seems to be depicting some type of troubled relationship dynamic, and this is kinda one of the things I personally associate with Miku as a comparative newcomer to the fandom: dark meaning hidden beneath a cute anime aesthetic. What Android Girl does is manage to balance the appeal of "dark undertones" and "cute anime aesthetics" all tied with a very Vocaloid-adjacent software-flavored bow of sorts. The MV displays this balance expertly, in my opinion:

It's cute and expressive while still having a muted color palette (notably punctuated by jarring pinks and reds which only further evoke that feeling of passionate emotion in a bleak situation) and soulless, suffocating backgrounds; you could simultaneously believe this was just a cute song about a robot girl, which is evocative of older depictions of Miku, AND that there's something a bit darker beneath this. The key here is also that it doesn't swing too far in either direction: "this song is about a troubled relationship" isn't as dark as something you'd find in an average Kikuo song but it's also a few steps beyond Miku singing about vegetable juice or being the princess of Earth.

Sonically, it's a fairly typical DECO*27 song, but one has to remember that DECO*27 is an absolute titan of a vocaloid producer whose sound may as well be synonymous with Miku herself.

Now I definitely wouldn't say it's my favorite Miku song by any means, hell I don't think it even makes my top 50 and it's not even my favorite DECO*27 song, but it's definitely a song I find extremely synonymous with the appeal of Hatsune Miku in the current day, and it fills all of the Miku-shaped holes in my heart all at once. Android Girl may not be the greatest or most influential Vocaloid song, but I definitely find it to be a fascinating product of so many different aspects of Vocaloid simultaneously that I think it's always gonna be one of the first songs I personally think of when I think about Vocaloid.

[gwynndolin]

so far my biggest gripes with the SH2 remake are ones that I've had with the project conceptually from the very beginning.

I think everyone looks far too young, notably Angela, whose entire character I feel is diminished by appearing much younger than she actually is.

The game is over the shoulder now (the original was in some places but mostly was full of fixed camera angles) which unfortunately means that, like most other over the shoulder games, interiors are way, WAY bigger than they actually should be, which really runs perpendicular to the original game's commitment to making you constantly feel trapped and extremely claustrophobic, especially while trying to contend with the combat. (This could either be seen as good or bad depending on on how hard of a time you had with the original game's controls; I'd argue that part of the point of it was that it is supposed to an uncomfortable and difficult experience to do combat, but I also understand that if it was a limiting factor in your ability to enjoy the original game that it is an issue regardless)

The game still is creepy but the move of turning the game into an over the shoulder game as opposed to a more fixed camera focused game necessarily means that the devs have less control over what the player is going to see and when they'll see it. Scenes can't be nearly as intricately crafted as the ones in the original game because they can't be as intentionally designed. First example I can think of is the room with the flashlight

In the original when you walk into this room, the camera is very intentionally placed behind the mannequin wearing Mary's outfit. The sudden shift in the visual space is jarring; you get jumpscared by both the mannequin AND the fact that it's well lit, in contrast to how dark the apartment complex had been up until that point.

When you finally approach the mannequin, the camera offers a more tight viewing angle, revealing the light is coming from the flashlight in the mannequins shirt, and you're given a moment of uneasy relief when you are made to mistakenly assume that this scare was just meant to make you uncomfortable rather than be a fight or something.

But because of the camera angle and because of how DARK everything else is, you don't get to see the Mannequin monster hiding in the darkness behind the mannequin. As soon as you pick up the flashlight and it auto equips, resulting in the light being directed in front of you, the Mannequin springs to life and attacks you. It is a leg sweep of a scare.

Remake tries to do this, at least a little bit. But even here you can tell that the room is too bright, likely by virtue of modern lighting techniques and bounced lighting. Like, obviously this is more realistic to how a room probably would be lit by this flashlight. But you can so easily see the mannequin that attacks you when you walk into the room if you're being vigilant.

Silent Hill 2 intentionally worked with the ps2 and xbox's limitations in order to deliver an amazing horror experience, but even more so, the original team silent knew that horror doesn't need to be realistic, it just has to work. Bloober team has done a sincerely remarkable job revitalizing the game for modern audiences without sacrificing too much of what made the original game so amazing (I was genuinely expecting mostly positive reviews AT BEST on steam, a lot of "it works I guess" but I was so astounded to see overwhelmingly positive), but some of the modernization has definitely sacrificed a bit of what made the original so iconic and stand the test of time.

I still honestly and sincerely believe that the original is about as close to perfect as anything could be, and I really hope interest in the remake will bring a lot more people to engage with the original! And for that matter, if it does well enough, I'd love to see them work on a remake for 3. And honestly I would love to see a remake of 4, a game that I think doesn't even get a third as much love as it should

[sehtoast]

How are you able to like Homelander and not condone his actions at the same time, without feeling crappy? This sounds accusing but I’m asking bc I’m struggling with it. I know ppl who do the same with characters, but I’ve had an unwelcome fixation on him come out of nowhere and I feel sick and guilty bc I feel like everyone will think I’m some kind of freak or something. I’m very much anti-sa and other gross stuff esp as a victim but I still feel like I’m being hypocritical or something. I’m sorry for the weird message but I feel like I’m losing my mind

The short answer is that he’s fictional.  Think of… I dunno, an antagonist in media of a different form (let’s go with anime).  I was a naruto kid growing up, so let’s use Orochimaru for an example.  My guy was on some fuck shit through the entire show. Snatching bodies, murkin’ Hokages, wild experiments, all that shit with Sasuke, and so on.  People still liked him regardless because he was a cool character despite the bad things he’s done.  Some people may have even found him relatable in certain ways.  I feel like it’s the same concept here.

You don’t have to feel bad about enjoying fictional characters, no matter how awful they may be.  At the end of the day, they’re fictional and their actions have harmed nobody in real life.  Their actions may mirror that which does harm real people, but they themselves have not dealt real harm to real people.  Enjoying them does not mean you condone their actions.

I’m also extremely anti-SA, and am a victim of it myself, but I still find a lot of love and appreciation for Homelander’s character– but this isn’t hypocritical.  My love for him doesn’t come from the fact he has perpetrated that act, nor should it come from that.  I love him as a character with the bottom line that he is… extremely complex.  

I’ve said it for years now, but I think Homelander is a compelling tale of the dangers of commodifying the human soul.  He is an example of how awful someone can turn out if you deprive them of humanity with the goal of creating a product.  People are not products, we are not a means to an end, and we certainly should never be treated that way. He was, and this is how he turned out.  He’s a take on the cyclical nature of trauma in a lot of really interesting ways as well.

I find him relatable from a standpoint of my own traumas and being transgender.  Episode four of s4 revealed that I have a jarring amount of trauma that mirrors his own to some capacity.  I’ve always suspected these things, and I’ve had headcanons since the first season, and having them confirmed reminded me just how much I’ve latched onto this character because of it.  Homelander experienced some degree of sexual abuse in the labs– and I wager there may have been worse than simply being called ‘squirt.’ Homelander was subjected to physical torture and locked in a room where his mind slowly fractured, all while being conditioned to never seek escape otherwise he’d be too devastated from disappointing the scientists or losing their ‘love.’ 

I have experienced SA, I was locked in my room with nothing as punishment (my 'bad room'), had very little privacy and next to no access to boundaries as a kid, I was put through physical pain very often by a sibling (my furnace), I was reared and conditioned to have a fear of disappointing others so severe it made my blood pressure drop into the danger zone a couple times as a kid– and still has similar effects as an adult.  I’d literally pass out, have panic/anxiety attacks, vomit, etc.  I also know what it’s like, as a trans man, to have been raised and reared for a life that was designed for me, but was not me.  I was lucky enough to find my way to the person I needed to be; Homelander has not and likely will not ever be able to do so.  In all of the aforementioned, I have a lot of empathy and compassion for him that combines with my fascination with his complexity.  There were a lot of things in my life that should have pushed me down the road to be an awful person, much like the things in his life did. But I had a handful of people to guide me toward better things.  He didn’t.

But I see myself in there nonetheless. Homelander was the first time I ever saw so much of my own trauma on display in a single character.  I’d love to hug the man and tell him he’s enough, show him the humanity he was and continues to be denied, and so on.  When I realized that means that I would, in turn, do that for myself if I only viewed myself through a lens that wasn’t my own, my life changed.  This character changed my life.  I know I thirst-post about him a lot, but my love for Homie runs a lot deeper than just finding him attractive, you feel?

A fictional character doesn’t have to be one of moral high ground or superiority for it to be okay for you to enjoy them.  You can enjoy characters who commit horrible acts. This does not make you someone who condones horrible acts.  I was initially pretty embarrassed to admit I like Homelander as much as I do, but I slowly realized that it does not make me a bad person and it should never be used as a gauge to find out how ‘moral’ someone is or not.  People like Hannibal Lecter, people like Thomas Hewitt, Joffrey, Albert Wesker, Cletus Kasady– any number of fictional characters who have an ugly record or have done horrific things.  We do not assume someone is evil because they like Hannibal, nor should we do the same for people who like Homelander.

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. If exploring Homie is something you would have fun with, do it! Engage in media, learn tales of caution and tragedy– stories make us human.  You are not inhuman for enjoying Homelander and his tale.  In fact, I would argue you are very human because of it.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Trinity, Pt. 3

We then find Sheppard back at the Ancient facility, and while there are a whole bunch of people there by this time, many more than the three that McKay had initially picked out as his research team, most of the people seem to be from the science corps. Now, McKay is able to fly the jumper and it seems to have been for missions just such as this that Sheppard had initially instructed him on how to fly one back in The Defiant One (S01E12). And while it may be good to have some security with them even on a seemingly dead world, why it should be the military commander of the expedition himself is less than obvious.

The fact that Sheppard had accompanied them when there is nary a need for it indicates that it is what he wanted to do, and he had wanted to do it since the get-go. He may even have been slightly offended by McKay not mentioning his name. And while a part of it is that he is also excited about the new potential huge honking space gun, another part of it is that McKay's safety remains, as ever, his top priority.

So, Sheppard now seems to be trying to find something for himself to do while the scientists are bustling to and fro so as to not be in their way. McKay is bent over a panel with his back to the room, and the very first thing we see is Sheppard's eyes vacating McKay's backside to take a look at the weapon, seemingly just to put his eyes somewhere else for a while. It is a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, to be sure, but it is there, and again they didn't need to do them like this and yet they did. The narrative remains obscured but is consistently there.

Where the scientists are wearing their colours, McKay is still in his team fatigues even though he is not sporting his tac vest like Sheppard. It is as though he is half-way between the scientists and the military here, and this too is symbolic of his position.

Having spent all of 10 seconds (9,5 to be exact) away from McKay, Sheppard is drawn back to him by the sound of Zelenka's voice bic--having a collegial debate with McKay, taking the opportunity to insert himself into their discussion (and again note Sheppard's use of the 'we' form). Notable here is that McKay was clearly intending to return to his earlier position leaning over the panel which would have pushed his ass out toward Sheppard, but at the sound of his voice he suddenly turns all the way around to face Sheppard, seeming for all intents and purposes as though he had just been caught doing something he was not supposed to be doing. Not unlike a child that had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or rather a child offering the hidden cookie jar to another child for whom it is forbidden.

Zelenka: I'm telling you, at least point zero nine percent. McKay: Oh please, please, move the decimal place. I mean, it's-it's-it's-it's impossible, for God's sake. Sheppard: Have we figured out what this is? McKay: No.

Where McKay is talking animatedly and with passion with Zelenka, for Sheppard he only has a one-word answer, almost as though he is afraid of saying anything more. As though he does not quite know how he is supposed to be around Sheppard in this context, in this situation. While talking with Zelenka he was natural and perfectly at ease, with Sheppard in the picture he is suddenly stiff as a board. Also important to note here is McKay's initial caution when it comes to interpreting their data. He is being careful not to overshoot their estimates on the capacity of the Ancient device, clearly wanting to err on the side of caution. He is a professional scientist and wants to adhere by the scientific method. This is extremely relevant for later.

Now, while we have seen McKay explain the science to Sheppard many times, it seems like here Zelenka is more keen to let him in on what they have been doing and discussing. McKay is behaving not unlike someone that is trying to keep a surprise birthday party secret from the birthday boy. Not only is he reluctant to share, he seems like he wants to keep their discovery obscured from Sheppard for the time being. He is being obviously furtive about it. Also, just as an aside, we see him use his left hand a lot here which again may give credence to the idea that he is a left-handed man living in a right-handed world.

Zelenka: No, I wouldn't say no. No, we have a theory. McKay: But we don't know yet. Zelenka: No, but based on the shielding around the chamber, what else could it be? Sheppard: Have you tried turning it on? McKay: That's what we're working on.

Now, the thing is, Sheppard may in fact be a little bit jealous of Zelenka. Because they share an education (up to a point), Zelenka is able to follow McKay in a way that he would never be able to, no matter how intelligent he might be. Sheppard is very bright, and he has a connection with McKay that few people could ever dream of having with someone, but there are still parts of McKay that are out of his reach just like there are places in him that are forever out of reach for McKay just because they come from different backgrounds, they have different experiences. In First Strike (S03E20), Sheppard testily asks McKay and Zelenka if they could not just make out and "get it over with," implying that the unending bickering between McKay and Zelenka is the result of unresolved sexual tension. And he was very much projecting in that moment, as he himself had pent up emotions he needed to work out with McKay and he certainly would have preferred to do it through a physical outlet.

But at the same time, it revealed this jealous streak in Sheppard. It let us in on the fact that this closeness between McKay and Zelenka, their rapport in particular, irritates Sheppard. And it isn't even that there is anything sexual about it or that Sheppard himself even thinks that there is an erotic component to it, as while they do seem closer than regular colleagues (their living conditions marooned in another galaxy fosters the kind of closeness you would rarely find in a normal place of business), theirs is a much more brotherly dynamic. And that is something that Sheppard might well feel jealous of, never having had that kind of closeness with his own brother. He yearns to have a family and he needs to have McKay just for himself, and these two drives are not compatible in the long run. Starting a family with someone means that you will inevitably have to share that person with another.

Sheppard does not notice the resignation Zelenka seems to exhibit as he walks in, as just as soon as Sheppard is there, McKay's attention is entirely on him. We see Zelenka take a breath to say something and be interrupted by McKay because with Sheppard there, the two of them slip into that world of their own so easily that it is difficult for anyone else to get a word in edgewise, literally. And as he has done several times before, Sheppard looks at Zelenka as he asks a question that he really intends for McKay and, try as he might to include Zelenka with this gesture, McKay answers the question as though it was intended solely for him.

McKay: The problem is that there's no direct link between it and the main power control systems which, among other things, has led us to theorise that it's an ancillary power supply for the weapons systems. Sheppard: Cool!

While it is unclear how much of the technical side Sheppard does understand at the end of the day, it may be a lot or it may be rudimentary, his focus here is still on McKay himself rather than on the specs of the weapons system. As he says "Cool!" here, he very much means that listening to McKay talking about this is cool, and it is cool that McKay is so knowledgeable about this and that he very much thinks that McKay is cool, unlike what McKay had told him in Duet (S02E04). Sheppard's eyes shift briefly to Zelenka here to remind himself that they are not alone but even so he cannot keep himself from looking at McKay like he is completely and utterly smitten by him.

And McKay? McKay seems to have no clue as to why Sheppard was just looking at him like that.

McKay: See that? See? See the way he lights up at the mention of that? It's like Doctor Vogel at the mention of pastries. Sheppard: They found out a way to soup up their space guns. Zelenka: Yes, but it's-it's much more than that.

Now, McKay may well be correct about Sheppard looking at him like Doctor Vogel at the mention of pastries, having a Pavlovian reaction, but he is incorrect as to the cause of it. Sheppard's eyes do not light up like this at the mention of weapons, his eyes light up like this because he is watching McKay in his own element, explaining the science to him. Sheppard's eyes light up as McKay mentions the weapons system, yes, but also at the exact moment that he makes direct eye contact with McKay. Again McKay could have said anything at all to him and had the same effect, looking at him the way that he did, his gaze naked and open like that. Sheppard has yearned for that, as the previous time McKay had looked at him like that had probably been just before he left for the weapons platform in The Siege (S01E19) during the scene that seems to have happened with them standing on the opposite sides of a bed that we never got to see.

It is McKay's eyes lighting up that make his eyes light up. But given how poor McKay's self-esteem is, he had no way of ever comprehending that this was the cause of the look. And just as soon as McKay points out the way he was looking at him, Sheppard has to turn away. He realizes he may have been giving out too much. McKay was calling attention to the fact that he had been staring at him like he was a delicious piece of pastry that he wanted to devour, and while the people around them seem to be mostly scientists, it is still not something that he is supposed to be seen doing, especially with Caldwell's presence looming and waiting for them back home.

McKay smiles and shakes his head as he watches Sheppard, signaling both his fondness and familiarity with him. The fact that he thinks that he recognizes this look on Sheppard means that he has seen it on him many times before, and the fact that he misattributes the cause of it is just pretty sad all around. It means that Sheppard has looked at him like a man in love many times and he has never really seen it because his bad self-image distorts his interpretation of it. And this is all the more concerning given how easily the two of them seem to communicate just by looking at each other about pretty much anything else. Like the two of them could probably play word games without talking but McKay fails in reading the most important thing from Sheppard's eyes.

Sheppard seems to feel the need to put a little distance between them, realizing that he was too close and they were giving out too much, so he takes a few steps and turns his back to them. While he manages to sound normal, to keep his voice under control, you can see how deeply sad he looks here, at the end. He draws his mouth back like he is quelling pain. And again the cause of it is nothing McKay said but merely the fact that he had not had the chance to see McKay like this for a very long time, it made him happy and at the same time he knew that he was not allowed to let it show, he could not be seen so close to McKay feeling the way he did, looking at him the way he knew he was, the man that he loved close enough to touch and yet so out of reach. Your regular Joe Viewer might watch this scene and think that Sheppard is so interested in the weapon that he just has to go back and look at it again, that he cares more about the weapon than he does about the conversation he was just having, when that is quite literally the opposite of what happens here. He is using the weapon to distract himself because he was getting too lost in McKay for a moment there.

As soon as he seems to have himself under control again, Sheppard returns to the conversation. And something interesting happens then:

McKay: Well, the sticking point is that there's no tie between the power generator and the primary capacitor. Zelenka: Meaning they would have to channel the power directly into the weapon. McKay: Which I'm sure means nothing to you.

This is undoubtedly one of the moments that make people interpret McKay as arrogant, and it is entirely possible Sheppard does too. It is so easy to read it as McKay implying that he is so much more knowledgeable and intelligent than Sheppard, and pointing out that this is something that Sheppard could not possibly understand with his limited knowledge, intelligence and education. Which would make McKay come across as a dick. But as discussed previously, that is not how McKay thinks about Sheppard. He is frequently (and pleasantly) surprised by Sheppard's intelligence, and we even see him do that here, once more.

But the reason McKay is saying it here is because this was the bit they were just trying to figure out when Sheppard entered the conversation. This was a problem they had been solving, and McKay is feeling so proud about their progress that he could not wait to be able to explain it to Sheppard. He wanted to explain to Sheppard what they had just discovered, he was looking forward to it. McKay is not being gleeful that he understands something that someone else does not understand, he is feeling elation from the anticipation of having Sheppard's attention as he gets to explain to him something that he thinks is pretty cool. McKay is actually leaning into Sheppard's space here, craning his neck forward. But because McKay's intelligence and education are things that make Sheppard feel insecure, he rushes in to tug the rug from underneath McKay and inadvertently spoils the moment.

Sheppard: It means they can fire multiple bursts without having to store up more power for the next firing sequence. McKay: Yes. Very good. Sheppard: Which leads me back to ‘cool'. McKay: Hmm.

And then it seems as though McKay gets his comeuppance here. Pride goeth before the fall, and all that. We are meant to think that what happened here is similar to what happens in Rising (S01E01) where McKay genuinely thinks that he is dealing with an attractive but ignorant jet jockie and he is taken completely off guard by Sheppard being able to perform mental math much quicker than he can. And Sheppard has kept taking him by surprise ever since, frequently both impressing and challenging McKay, and he manages to impress him here as well.

There is no reason to think that McKay's intention was to disparage Sheppard's intelligence, and the way McKay and Zelenka slowly exchange glances here, it may actually be that they had not even been able to figure this part out yet, that they were still sussing out the motivation for the Ancients to have set up the power distribution system the way they had and Sheppard managed to provide them with an explanation that they had failed to consider yet because neither of them are weapons experts. While Sheppard may understand neither theoretical nor applied Physics as well as they can, he does understand weapons, and it is entirely possible he arrived at an explanation that might have taken McKay and Zelenka a lot longer to arrive at just because they were considering the power generating capacity of the system, not its destructive capabilities. The way Zelenka nods at McKay is like he is saying "Yeah, that makes sense" rather than "That's impressive for an ignorant military type". Neither of them thinks that Sheppard is stupid.

But McKay's face falls at Sheppard's explanation and he says "Yes, very good" like he is talking to a grad student that just managed to get one up on the Professor. He isn't upset that Sheppard understands the working mechanism of the weapon. He isn't even upset that Sheppard managed to understand something that they had only just been figuring out, if that is what happened here. He is upset that he did not get the chance to explain something to Sheppard that he cares about and that Sheppard might be interested in, to connect with him through his work. Because McKay thinks that people only tolerate him for his ability to do things for them, to provide answers and perform tasks for them, it is an act of service he seeks to provide to the people he cares about. And while this is not what Sheppard intended to communicate at all, he makes McKay feel not needed. Because Sheppard thinks that McKay hung the moon, he has no capacity whatsoever to understand how McKay feels about this, how utterly useless Sheppard occasionally and entirely unintentionally makes him feel when from his own point of view, he is merely trying to impress McKay.

Zelenka: Yes, but it only makes sense if we're right. Sheppard: About what? Zelenka: Tell him. McKay: Not yet. Zelenka: Come on, McKay, you read the equations. What else could it be? An Ancient typo? McKay: Well, we know they're not perfect, because they're all dead.

First of all, let us again make note of the fact that McKay is being very cautious here. He does not want them to get ahead of themselves, he wants to do the science right, he wants them to be sure before they start painting any pictures with broad brushes. But there is an interesting wordless exchange that happens between Sheppard and McKay here. As mentioned previously, McKay is methodical where Sheppard is direct. After getting to know one another, Sheppard has made McKay quicker and more spontaneous where McKay has made Sheppard slow down and think things through. They have their natural predispositions but both have influenced the other to at least try to meet them half-way, to see the benefits of sometimes doing things the other's way. It was only in the previous episode that we watched Sheppard attempt to speed up McKay's process, to get him to hurry up. But being that McKay takes his time doing things, he is also all about delayed gratification. Building up the anticipation for greater reward.

In the previous episode, the leader of the prisoners had profiled McKay as "seeing to it that his every task is viewed as some impossible achievement so that when he does succeed, his gargantuan efforts are viewed as all the more heroic." While that is not precisely true, he does think that the longer the wait, the greater the reward. McKay is feeling so excited about this himself that he is struggling to contain his excitement, and hence prolonging the announcement of what they think they have discovered is his attempt at managing his own expectations. But the way McKay says "Not yet" here, accompanied by the look he gives Sheppard, he has definitely told him that in another context before, and that must have been a context where one of both or them were wearing less clothing, or clothes were about to come off entirely. And Sheppard very obviously reacts to it, his eyes growing wide as he tilts his head and takes a breath. He is struck speechless by McKay's line, accompanied with the prolonged direct eye contact and slow smile, McKay biting his lip. They were definitely having a moment there that Zelenka unwittingly interrupted, and McKay is clearly so annoyed by this interruption that he immediately takes it out on Zelenka and the dead Ancients.

But just as soon as he has that out of his system McKay returns his attention back to Sheppard, and it seems that his earlier excitement is very much returned.

McKay: Look, I just, I just don't want you to get all excited over nothing. Sheppard: Oh, maybe you're right. McKay: Alright, I'll give you a hint. It seems that the Ancients were experimenting with high-energy physics on a level that we've never seen before.

Sheppard's smile here has been giffed a thousand times. It is the smile of a man in love. McKay is being McKay and Sheppard likes McKay. Note also the way Sheppard again glances at Zelenka before delivering what is a rather flirty line at McKay, so as to make sure from the look on Zelenka's face that they are still within the parametres of normal behaviour, that his exchange with McKay is not weirding Zelenka out. Now, the smile he gives here is similar to what we saw in the previous episode Condemned (S02E05), but it is not the same. There, he lifts his chin up and nods along to what ever thought that had just occurred to him in relation to McKay and while he does look happy, there is an edge of sadness to that smile.

Here, he is completely taken off-guard by McKay and he drops his head in a quick attempt at concealing the smile because McKay had drawn this reaction out of him without him having had any control over it, and unlike the previous time, they were in public here, among people that should not be able to see him like this. Both smiles were caused by McKay, and where the first is more relaxed, the second is more spontaneous. And yet both are genuine smiles, and we do not see Sheppard smile like this for anyone else.

But I want to highlight the fact that McKay very much seems to be projecting here. He says that he does not want Sheppard to get excited over nothing because he is himself trying to keep from getting too excited before they know for sure. He can clearly barely contain his excitement. The way he says "Alright, I'll give you a hint!" just as soon as he has told Sheppard that he does not want him getting too excited is like someone that has procured their loved one an awesome gift and cannot wait to see them open it. They know that the recipient is going to love it and they are looking forward to seeing them open it, seeing the pleasure on their faces when they finally get to see it. He is trying to delay the gratification but he is very much looking forward to it. He is telling Sheppard that although he does intend to make him wait for it, it is going to be worth the wait.

Sheppard: Wow. McKay: Yes, wow. I just, I wanna be sure. Sheppard: I'll do my best to wait.

Here, Sheppard seems to be lost and can no longer follow the thread of McKay's thought. And again it is his insecurity that causes him to withdraw from the conversation and from them, as he looks between Zelenka and McKay and gets the impression that the two of them know something that he does not know, that they share between them an understanding that he is unable to share. McKay's intention is to manage expectations, most of all for himself, but in doing this he manages to make Sheppard feel like an outsider and to feel like maybe McKay thinks that he is just too dumb or ignorant to bother with an explanation. He exits the conversation to save face.

But you can actually see that McKay feels disappointed here that Sheppard does not persist, does not share his excitement enough to want to get the answer out of him right away because he so obviously wanted to talk about this some more. It is quite amazing how two people who clearly think the world of each other and communicate with one another with such ease are even able to misunderstand one another so badly. It is dramatic irony that their desire to get close to the other man so badly is what keeps driving wedges between them.

Continued in Pt. 4

[tooloudamind]

I know that the fateful Final Fifteen of Good Omens S2 has been analysed to death and that there have been countless metas about the same (of which I may have missed some, so please direct me to any that may help answer my questions), but I'm still wondering what else Aziraphale could possibly have done at the end of S2 other than accept the Metatron's offer. I do interpret GO2's ending as being somewhere between “Aziraphale regressed completely to his S1 mentality” and “Aziraphale pushed Crowley away on purpose as part of his game of 4D chess”.

As we saw, the Metatron enters the bookshop apparently just in the nick of time, when Michael is making (empty? did Aziraphale have any way of knowing that, until the Metatron butted in?) threats of erasing Aziraphale's name from the Book of Life. I find this transition extremely jarring, as most of you probably did— what important part of the conversation did we miss, after Gabriel and Beelzebub and the other demons left, for us to jump directly to Michael re-asserting her earlier resolution of Extreme Sanctions? When did Crowley become sprawled over, almost immobile in Aziraphale’s armchair? Were Aziraphale or Crowley going to do anything about the threat that was currently being made to Aziraphale's life? These are all things that make my plot brain itch. But if there’s any purpose for this abrupt turn of events, it’s to emphasise this— Aziraphale's existence as he knows it is coming to an end (the “precious, peaceful, fragile existence” he had carved out with Crowley— which Crowley himself had called fragile for a reason), and there’s nothing he or Crowley can do about it. He is at a crossroads, and it is at this point that the Metatron approaches with a coffee— and makes it clear to Aziraphale as to exactly which options are available to him.

Even so, Aziraphale's first reaction upon hearing that he was to be appointed as Supreme Archangel was to say, right to the Metatron's face, that he didn't want to go back to Heaven (which btw, S1 Aziraphale could never. I'm so proud of my bby for coming this far) He really only seems to become amenable to the offer when the Metatron brings up the possibility of re-instating Crowley— and even then, we don't get to see Aziraphale's reaction in the moment, only the excitement that he later projects towards Crowley. When Aziraphale all giddily tells Crowley that he, Aziraphale, might have misjudged the Metatron— it probably is less because he’s getting something like a gold star from Heaven and more because Crowley’s getting the gold star, so to speak. I’ve been seeing about how Neil wrote in the flashback that GO2 started with, after he wrote the ending and realised there needed to be a reason to care— and the revelation that Aziraphale really did know the angel that Crowley once was, does put everything about the ending into more context (so that’s just brilliant). We know that Aziraphale has seen Crowley at his most carefree, and that Aziraphale was also always the one who was more cautious about Heaven. Many have theorised that in Aziraphale’s eyes, Heaven’s greatest failing was that it sentenced Crowley, of all angels, to Fall— Crowley, the once-angel whose inherent goodness wasn’t extinguished even when his essential nature as a demon forbade it (or at least, according to the propaganda that Aziraphale has been fed for all his existence)— and I do think it might have been the first in a long, long row of dominoes that were set to fall.

When the Metatron made his (clearly insincere) offer to undo Crowley’s Fall, Aziraphale might have clung onto it as a glimmer of hope that Heaven was indeed capable of righting its wrongs. Why would Aziraphale have reason to suspect that Crowley would react as badly as he did? From his point of view, and even from that of the audience, Crowley had always seemed at odds with his apparent demonhood and the fact that he even had to Fall. From Aziraphale’s point of view, Crowley won’t have to pretend to be a “bad demon” anymore— he can just do good (and be with Aziraphale), openly, without fearing for the consequences. Yet, even when the Metatron sends Aziraphale off after their little chinwag, he still doesn’t match the enthusiasm with which he confronts Crowley. Had he psyched himself up for the sole purpose of appealing to Crowley? (… ouch.) And Aziraphale has had a listening problem all season, often distracted from whatever Crowley’s trying to say, but here it comes into play worse than ever. Crowley reiterates that they’re “on their own side” to Aziraphale in the most explicit way he has since the bandstand in S1, but this seems to fly over Aziraphale’s head almost entirely, with Aziraphale then proceeding to make exactly the same offer to Crowley except in terms of the Metatron’s newly proposed status quo. It’s as if Aziraphale didn’t want to consider any other possibility where Crowley and he could continue being together— or couldn’t.

I think that Aziraphale really wanted to make the best of a bad situation, and for Crowley to come with him, emotional baggage be damned. (Otherwise, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to stop Crowley leaving.)

And a bad situation it is— let’s lay out all the cards on the table, shall we? Aziraphale and Crowley were left alone by their respective ex-employers only because they’d scared both sides enough with their body swap shenanigans. The implied precondition, of course, is that they wouldn’t further meddle in the business of Heaven and Hell— confirmed when Gabriel and Beelzebub are explicitly given this ultimatum, and they decide to fuck off together and find their freedom in Alpha Centauri. Meanwhile, Aziraphale and Crowley have already exhausted their first, and only, strike— and Michael seems to have found another threat that seems dangerously effective. (Really, though, for all Aziraphale thinks Crowley could even bear to return to Heaven as an angel— does Crowley think Aziraphale will ever be content leaving the Earth and its denizens to the tender mercies of Heaven and Hell? Have those two ever been able to go without sticking their noses where they’re not supposed to, for all Crowley pretends not to care? Heaven and Hell already had more reason to chase down Aziraphale and Crowley than they ever had for Gabriel and Beelzebub.) They were at the end of their road, and Crowley knew it as well as Aziraphale did— except Aziraphale was in denial the entire season and Crowley revived his fantasy of them running away together that he only ever brings up when they’re literally in an end-of-the-world situation. Did the Metatron threaten Crowley? He might have— but the question is, does he even need to do that?

The Metatron isn’t negotiating. Michael may not have the authority to edit the Book of Life, but if that authority does rest with anyone, it’s with the Metatron. This isn’t a choice that Aziraphale can merely walk away from, and he knows it. Who would choose death over coffee, if given the choice— if that can even be called a choice? “So predictable”, as the Metatron says.

Still, after Crowley kisses Aziraphale back to his senses, Aziraphale is on the verge of throwing all caution to the wind anyway. The Metatron divulges to him for what exactly it is that Heaven is taking Aziraphale back into its clutches, and Aziraphale exchanges a single, vulnerable look with Crowley which could say a million different things— You were right—I wish you were with me—or is it just a goodbye? And then he gets in the elevator anyway, and flashes the creepiest smile we’ve ever gotten from Aziraphale during the entirety of the show. To me, this is the demented expression of a not-man who is realising he has absolutely nothing to lose.

Personally, I think that Heaven won’t know what hit them.

[girl4music]

Xena and Gabrielle sitting on the sand dunes together talking about morality. It’s your frequent intimate campfire scene you get every now and again but this time it’s without the campfire. It feels sort of… empty.

But still heavy because that’s exactly how they feel.

GABRIELLE: "You're thinking of giving yourself up to Bellerophon, aren't you?"

XENA: “It would settle things."

GABRIELLE: “Only for a moment. Then he would turn around and come after us again."

XENA: “That's the thing about vengeance. You’re never really satisfied. You did the right thing about Varia. She doesn't deserve to be condemned."

GABRIELLE: “She was desperate to save her tribe. I know that."

XENA: "It made her do something she never thought she'd do. Just like you're going to have to rally your troops to fight again. Maybe die, Gabrielle."

GABRIELLE: “If that's what I have to do. Why are you looking at me like that?"

XENA: “Just doesn't seem like the Gabrielle I know."

GABRIELLE: “It's not me, Xena. But it is the Queen of the Amazons. That's who I am, whether I like it or not."

This show is just as much about Gabrielle evolving into a warrior as it about Xena searching for redemption.

But it’s when the tables turn… when it has to be Xena being the light in the dark for Gabrielle - that’s when this show becomes so much more significant in what it’s trying to show you because it’s showing you how easy it is to come from a place of inexhaustible light and fall into the depths of darkness out of a necessity to fight and survive for both yourself and others - your loved ones especially - more than it is anything else.

Let’s step into Gabrielle’s shoes for a moment: You started off finding that you had to make really difficult choices that went against what you believed in and then you came to terms with the fact that you had to do that and have to continue to do that as a warrior. But it’s still something you can’t quite reconcile with in yourself. And your partner knows all too well all of this. All of what this is like for you, how it feels for you right now - the entire rollercoaster ride and journey of living the life of a battle-hardened warrior. All that heaviness and emptiness at exactly the same time.

You know sometimes I look at these two characters and just think about what a profound relationship they must have to be able to basically become each other while still being a northern star to and for each other. Meaning how depending on the conditions it is - the situation or circumstance, Yin is Yang and Yang is Yin.

Just the thought of how much more romantic that sounds than the typical romantic connection you get. How much more deep and intense a relationship between best friends can be because of that and then how that can be what informs and progresses such a close and intimate relationship to move into romance and furthermore how that makes that relationship between them stronger and more substantial in friendship and in romance because both aspects to their relationship obviously come and go together.

It’s a really hard thing to explain when you separate the fact that they’re best friends and they’re lovers rather than simply understand its one and the same. Just as it is easier to simply understand that they’re one and the same however distinctly different they may function as. Yin and Yang in constant rotation.

Yeah… It’s jarring when you see it happen at first… it’s even contradictory because their very personalities are so different and so oppositional from each other.

But does it ultimately make sense? Yes. Yes, it does.

Because they’re soulmates AND twin flames. They’re match AND mirror. As one soul in two bodies, they’re two extremes of the same thing. Two sides of a whole.

A different function of it, but the same unit because they couldn’t possibly fit and connect if they weren’t. And you couldn’t possibly get a romance out of a relationship like this if that’s not how it’s meant to be.

Yin and Yang are not always a romantic pairing every time, but they are always of one and the same nature even as a contradictory and oppositional duality. They have to be because that’s the only way they can exist.

Xena and Gabrielle don’t stay still. They are constantly moving, rotating and evolving within and without each other. Constantly in a dance together. They’re more profound than any WLW ship in the history of TV art/entertainment because they’re friends AND lovers at the same time and you don’t need to separate both these aspects to their relationship to understand how all-encompassing it really is. To understand THEM. In all honesty, what makes Xena and Gabrielle more romantic than most WLW ships is because it’s not just romantic. There is so many more layers to it than that because their individual journeys are intrinsic to it. I understand them so well as Yin and Yang that their relationship means much more to me than romance… but that’s the very reason WHY it feels more romantic to me. It’s because I look beyond the surface of the typical romantic connection or relationship in TV art/entertainment. I think a lot deeper about what ‘LOVE’ is because I have Xena and Gabrielle as the example.

I know for fact I wouldn’t see them as an EPIC love story if they didn’t have the slow burn to them and if they both didn’t have main character representation and development because I understand how all of that combined influences their EPIC love story. They’re the ultimate romantic pairing to me because of all of this.