Take Your Time
Pairing: Dean Winchester x wife!reader
Summary: What happens after you lose the love of your life?
Warnings: character death, a lot of talk about death, grieving, childbirth, single parenting, cursing, use of pet names, mentions of smut/implied smut.
A/N: This is insanely long and some parts are painfully sad, but it's a beautiful story of love and family that persists even beyond the grave. There's a lot of POV switching between Dean and reader. I hope you love it as much as I do.
“The two of you are like rabbits,” Sam groaned. “I swear you could hear it outside the bunker.”
Dean laughed heartily. “It’s not my fault she’s so damn hot.”
You blushed and buried your face in your hands. “Sorry, Sammy. We’ll try to keep it down.”
“I’ve lost the ability to pretend I didn’t hear you two.”
You laughed. “What can I say? He’s good at what he does.”
“Ughhhh,” Sam groaned as he left the kitchen.
You leaned into Dean with a smile. “Maybe we should try to keep it down, for Sam’s sake.”
Dean seemed to contemplate it for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, babe. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve some enjoyment—celebration, even. We beat Chuck, Jack’s in charge, there seems to be less monsters running around…and somehow we’re still alive to see it.”
“I suppose you’ve got a point.”
“Plus,” Dean leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, “my wife is the sexiest woman on earth. How can I possibly resist the temptation?”
You laughed warmly and playfully smacked his arm. “You’re incorrigible.”
He grinned. “But you love me.”
You smiled as you leaned up to kiss him. “Very much.”
**********
“It’s kinda nice to be on a regular old monster hunt,” Dean said with a smile.
“Is it weird that I’ve missed this?” you asked.
“Definitely not. I’ve missed it too,” Sam responded.
“Vampires,” Dean mumbled. “I do love killing vampires.”
You chuckled lightly and rolled your eyes.
The three of you grabbed your machetes and headed towards the barn. You knew this was where the vamps were bedding down, but you weren’t sure how many of them were there.
Dean shot you a grin before busting in the barn door, shocking several vampires into action. Dean let out a weird holler of excitement and dove into the fray. You and Sam exchanged glances before jumping in.
Everything was going well. It was a pretty easy hunt, to be honest. You’d just beheaded the last one when you heard Sam yell your name from behind you.
You could hear the terror in his voice and when you spun around, you came face to face with your greatest fear.
“Dean!” You screamed as you ran across the barn. You grabbed his face when you reached him, tears already streaming down both of your faces. “No…” you whispered.
He coughed and wheezed softly. You could see the piece of metal sticking out of his chest and you knew he was dying. You’d always known the life was dangerous—that any of you could die young, but things were finally good. You thought you’d actually get to grow old together.
Sam stood beside you, just as devastated as you were. “Dean, please…”
“It’s okay Sammy. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
You inhaled sharply, tears blurring your vision. “Please don’t go,” you begged. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so damn sorry,” he whispered. “But you’re gonna be okay—you’re gonna be fine.”
You shook your head rapidly.
“Yes you are, sweetheart. You’re the strongest person I know. You’re gonna mourn, but you’re gonna keep going. You’re not the kind of woman to ever give up, so don’t start now.”
You stared at him, letting his words wash over you, knowing they would be some of his last.
“Take care of each other,” Dean said to both of you.
“We will,” Sam responded, emotion clouding his voice.
“I love you, (Y/N).”
You whimpered softly before standing on your toes to kiss him gently. “I love you too, Dean. Always.”
He smiled, but you could see the light fading from his eyes. “One more thing, baby.”
“Yes?”
“‘Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it a while.’”
You let out a breathy chuckle. He would never admit it, but The Princess Bride was one of his favorite movies. He’d always loved that line in particular and he’d said it to you on your wedding day instead of “till death do us part”.
“Wait for me,” you whispered, caressing his cheek affectionately.
He reached out a hand and brushed the tears from your cheek. “Take your time,” he said so softly you almost didn’t hear.
You leaned into his hand and closed your eyes. You didn’t want to see the moment he died—you couldn’t bear it. When his hand slipped from your face and you heard Sam let out a pained sob, you knew he was gone.
You finally looked up, and the tears began to fall in earnest. You’d never felt a pain like this before—not even when he’d died in the past. This time was different. This time was final. Dean was dead—and a large piece of your heart went with him.
**********
Dean’s POV:
I opened my eyes and looked around, trying to get my bearings. I was surprised by how bright it was--I was pretty certain it had been night only moments ago.
"Hey Dean," a familiar voice said from behind me.
I spun around with a smile on my face and immediately embraced the man in front of me. "Bobby!"
Bobby returned my hug. "It's good to see you, kid."
Seeing Bobby made me realize where I was and the smiled slipped from my face.
He patted me gently on the shoulder. "Yeah, it's tough at first."
"(Y/N/N) and Sammy..." I whispered. "I left them."
Bobby nodded sadly. "I know, kid, I know. It's gonna hurt for a while, but they're both tough people. They'll be okay."
Tears blurred my vision at the thought of my wife and little brother mourning my death. I hated the idea of leaving them all alone, especially (Y/N). I knew Sammy would be okay--he always was. But (Y/N)? I'd made her a promise--I promised her forever. Then I went and got myself killed...leaving her to put the pieces of her life back together--a life we were supposed to share.
"I'm worried about (Y/N/N)," I whispered. "I can't stand the idea of her being alone. And the not knowing how she is? That might kill me--figuratively, I guess."
"I know the feeling, but I do have some good news for you. Things are obviously different up here, thanks entirely to Jack."
Bobby gestured to a building off in the distance and I realized it was the Roadhouse.
"A lot of us hang out here together--Ellen, Jo, Ash, Charlie, Pamela," Bobby said. "Also, we now have a new option--the ability to check in on the people we left behind. It's how I knew you'd be coming here."
"Wait--I can check in on (Y/N)? And Sam? Like I can see them?"
Bobby nodded. "Yeah, anytime you want. The only thing is, time moves differently up here, so you'll probably only catch glimpses of their lives over time."
"I'll take anything at this point. How do I do it?"
"You just picture the person clearly in your mind and you'll be able to see and hear what's happening in their lives at that moment. Plus, if they call out to you--like a prayer--you'll hear them."
"So all I have to do is picture (Y/N/N) and I'll see her?"
Bobby nodded. "Just remember, you're not gonna see the moment you left...it's probably been a couple weeks at this point."
I nodded. "I wanna see her."
Bobby patted my shoulder again. "Take your time. I'll be in the Roadhouse. Come on in when you're done--I'm sure there's a few people who wanna see you."
"Thanks, Bobby."
I watched him walk away for a few moments before taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. I pictured my wife's beautiful face in my mind with everything I had. Within moments, I was transported to a room I knew very well--our bedroom in the bunker.
(Y/N) was laying on our bed, wearing her favorite flannel of mine, and clutching a pillow close to her chest. I could tell she'd been crying for some time and it broke my heart.
There was a knock at the door and Sam's voice called out to her, asking if she was okay.
"I'm alright, Sammy," she answered softly.
"Do you want dinner?"
She sniffled softly. "I'm not really hungry, but thank you."
I heard Sam sigh quietly. "Okay, let me know if you change your mind."
I turned my attention back to (Y/N) just as she rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you," she whispered. "I thought we'd have more time."
I could feel the tears stinging my own eyes as I watched her cry softly.
"You promised me, Dean. You promised me forever," she whimpered. "I shouldn't be angry with you--it's not like you left me on purpose. But I can't help it, Dean. I'm so angry, and bitter, and heartbroken, and so...alone."
Her voice was barely above a whisper as she finished talking, her words cutting into me like a knife.
"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered, wishing like hell she could hear me. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. I needed everything to be okay--I needed her to be okay.
She sighed quietly, bringing my attention back to her. "I just love you so much, Dean, and I--I miss you." She inhaled deeply before continuing. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I want you to know I'll be okay. It'll take some time, and I'll never stop missing you, but I will be okay."
I didn't realize how badly I'd needed to hear her say those words. My heart still ached, but her words helped heal it just a little. "I love you so much, beautiful--always."
She smiled up at the ceiling as if she'd heard me, but I knew that was impossible. She pressed her hand to her lips and blew a kiss towards the ceiling.
I smiled as I blew one back. She'd always blown me kisses when I was alive and I was glad she was continuing the habit.
I watched her curl back up on her side and sigh softly as she pulled the pillow close to her. I stayed just long enough for her to fall asleep before closing my eyes and returning to heaven.
**********
"SAM!" you screamed loudly. "SAMMY!"
You heard his loud footsteps echoing down the bunker hallway as he raced towards you. He appeared in your doorway slightly out of breath and more than a little terrified.
"Are you okay? What happened?" he asked breathlessly.
Your hands were shaking as you held up the item in your hand.
Sam looked at it in confusion. As you watched, you saw the realization dawn on him and he gasped.
"Wait, (Y/N)--are you--are you pregnant?"
You nodded as tears ran down your cheeks. "This is the third one I've taken...they all came up positive."
"Oh my god," Sam mumbled. "You're gonna have a baby."
You stared at him in mild terror. "I'm gonna have a baby," you confirmed.
Sam stared at you, clearly unsure what he should do. After a few moments, he grabbed you and held you tightly. You leaned into his hug, more grateful than ever to have him in your life.
"We should take you to see a doctor. I'm sure Eileen would come too."
You nodded against his chest, the tears on your cheeks wiping off on his shirt.
"We're gonna help you, (Y/N). You won't be going through this alone. I promise."
You stepped back and offered him a small smile. "Thank you, Sammy."
**********
Dean's POV:
It had been a couple days since I'd last checked on (Y/N), so I decided to take a little time to myself to pay her a visit.
I closed my eyes, envisioning (Y/N/N)'s face clearly in my mind. When I opened my eyes again, I saw (Y/N) sitting in the bunker library, reading a book.
Her back was to me, so I moved closer to see over her shoulder, trying to see what she was reading. I expected it to be one of the novels she was always reading, but this appeared to be one of those self-help books. She wasn't the type of person to read self-help books, so I was pretty surprised.
Before I could move around to see her from the front, Sam came into the room carrying an absurd amount of food. I looked at the food on one of the plates and even I had to admit it looked gross. Some sort of burger, but with what appeared to be greek yogurt on it...and mustard?
Sam sat the plate down in front of (Y/N) and she clapped her hands in delight. "Looks delicious!"
Sam looked at her with a slightly grossed-out look on his face and chuckled lightly. "I felt disgusting making it and I don't think I can watch you eat it," he teased.
She laughed and took a big bite of the sandwich, a groan of pleasure slipping from her lips. "Oh my god, that's so good."
Sam laughed heartily. "These pregnancy cravings are nasty."
She giggled, but I missed her response because I was too focused on what Sam had just said...pregnancy cravings? I looked at the book (Y/N) had sat on the table beside her and saw the title "Parenting 101".
I finally got a good look at my wife and noticed her round belly and I nearly passed out--if I could even pass out. I thought I was about to hyperventilate and my shock must have pushed me out of my trance--sending me straight back to heaven.
I nearly ran--okay, I did run--all the way to the Roadhouse, bursting in the door, out of breath and panicky.
"Hey easy there, kiddo," Ellen said as she stepped forward to check on me.
"(Y/N)'s pregnant," I practically yelled, shocking every person in the room.
Bobby looked up at me from the beer he was drinking with a look of shock on his face. Ellen had been patting my back, but now she was frozen in place.
"Is it--I mean, could it be yours?" Ellen asked gently.
"I--I don't know," I mumbled. "I have no idea how long I've been dead."
"Ash!" Ellen yelled.
The man in question appeared almost instantly. "Yo!"
"How long has Dean been dead?"
"Uhhh...hold on." Ash started typing away on his laptop. Two minutes later he answered, "A little over six months."
Bobby had gotten up from his seat and came over to help Ellen escort me to a chair. "Have a seat, son. Just breathe."
"Looks like you're gonna be a father," Ellen said gently.
"I'm--how--I--" words were not coming to me easily. I didn't know how to feel or what to think--all I knew was my wife was pregnant and I wasn't there to support her.
The more I thought about it, the sadder I became. I wouldn't be there for the birth, wouldn't get to hold (Y/N)'s hand through it all...I would never meet my child. My wife was all alone, doomed to the life of a single parent all because I was careless enough to die too soon.
"At least she has Sam," I whispered lowly.
Ellen was rubbing comforting circles on my back and Bobby squeezed my shoulder.
"I need to talk to her," I said suddenly. "How can I talk to her?"
Bobby shook his head. "You can't, Dean. I'm sorry, but that's just not possible."
Tears stung my eyes and I stood up abruptly. "I think I just need to be alone," I mumbled.
I could feel several pairs of eyes on my back as I left the Roadhouse and began to mindlessly wander, unsure of where I was going, but certain there was a destination.
**********
"You can do it, (Y/N). Just breathe," Sam said calmly.
"You tell me to breathe one more time, Winchester, and I'll kill you," you hissed.
Eileen looked up at Sam with a small smirk. "I think she's serious," she said.
Sam quickly signed 'I'm just trying to help.'
Eileen chuckled. 'Why don't you go get something to eat. I think that would be helpful.'
You let out a groan of pain and Sam's eyes widened. "Okay...I'll go do that."
Eileen shook her head and moved forward to grab your hand. "Men," she mumbled.
You laughed lightly before another contraction hit you. "Fuck," you groaned.
The nurse gently patted your leg. "You're doing great, sweetheart. Just keep breathing."
You squeezed the hell out of Eileen's hand, which got her attention. "Labor is hell--don't have kids."
She laughed. "I'm sure Sam will want one or two, especially after meeting his niece."
"Adopt," you ground out as another contraction hit you.
She gently brushed the hair out of your eyes, wiping the sweat off your forehead in the same motion.
You were beyond grateful for the two of them, even if you couldn't express it in that moment.
"Dean, you son of a bitch," you growled. "This is all your fault!"
You didn't mean it of course, it was more a heat of the moment thing. You missed him terribly and the pain of his absence had never been greater.
**********
Dean's POV:
In the middle of my walk, I heard someone scream my name. I paused, listening for any other sound.
"This is all your fault!"
I knew immediately it was (Y/N)'s voice and I went to her without a second thought.
I was shocked to find myself standing in a hospital room, my beautiful wife lying on the bed, clearly in pain. I stepped farther into the room when I heard (Y/N/N) whimper softly. Eileen was on the other side of the bed, squeezing her hand and gently brushing her hair back to calm her.
I was desperate to grab her hand, to tell her everything would be okay. She wasn't wrong--I was the one who got her pregnant, but I couldn't be there to help her through the birth of our child. It broke my heart to see her in such pain, especially knowing there was nothing I could do about it.
"Okay, sweetheart, it's time to push again," the nurse said softly.
(Y/N) let out a low grunt of pain as she leaned forward to push with all her strength. Eileen continued holding her hand and I watched her face tighten in discomfort as (Y/N) squeezed it.
Even though I knew she couldn't hear me, I started talking to her. "I'm right here, baby," I said softly. "You're doing so well, sweetheart."
Sam suddenly came into the room, looking concerned, but also a little terrified. "How you doin' (Y/N/N)?"
She shot daggers at my little brother and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Obviously not great, Samuel," she growled.
Eileen chuckled and gestured to Sam to go back out in the hallway. "We'll call you in when the baby comes."
Given the fact that Sam's face was a little green, I had to agree it was best for him to be out in the hall.
My attention was drawn back to (Y/N) when she let out a soft cry of pain.
"You're doing so great, (Y/N)," the nurse said. "Keep pushing, honey."
She continued pushing and even though she was clearly in a lot of pain and discomfort, I couldn't help but think she was so beautiful and powerful in that moment. I'd never seen a stronger woman in all my life.
"She's crowning!" the doctor called. "Give me a really good push."
(Y/N) groaned in pain as she pushed, cutting the circulation off in Eileen's hand with the strength of her squeeze.
"That's it, one more!"
(Y/N) let out one more agonized groan before collapsing back against the mattress. As soon as she did, I heard the loud crying of a newborn baby--our newborn baby.
"You did so well, honey," the nurse said. "So, so, well. I'll clean her up and let you hold her, okay?"
(Y/N) nodded with a weak smile, eyes meeting Eileen's moist ones. 'You did amazing,' she signed.
"Thank you," (Y/N) whispered.
The nurse brought a little bundle over and handed it to my wife. "Here's your mama."
(Y/N)'s arms wrapped around the sweet bundle, holding her close to her chest. "Hi, little one," she murmured sweetly. "Welcome to the world."
I leaned over to get a good view of my daughter. "Good job, mama," I whispered.
"You're so beautiful," she whispered.
I couldn't help but agree, she was perfect.
"What are we gonna name this sweet girl?" the nurse asked.
(Y/N) looked up with tearful eyes. "Charlie," she answered. "Her name is Charlie."
Tears filled my eyes, emotion overwhelming me. (Y/N) had loved Charlie has much as I did, so I shouldn't have been surprised that she'd want to honor her memory like this.
"That's a lovely name. Do you want to give little Charlie a middle name?"
At that moment, Sam came back in the room, a teary smile warming his features. He entered the room fully and came to the side of the bed to get a better view of his niece.
(Y/N) looked up at him and smiled. "MaryEllen," she answered. "Charlie MaryEllen Winchester."
Sam choked back tears as he leaned forward to place a kiss to (Y/N)'s forehead and then to Charlie's. "I think that's a perfect name."
She smiled. "Me too."
The nurse smiled as she wrote down the name on the form in her hands. "Okay, sweetie, did you want to put a name down for the father?"
(Y/N)'s face dropped slowly and it made my heart ache. "Yes. His name was Dean--Dean Winchester."
The nurse nodded and jotted it down on her form. "I'll go file this and be back in a few minutes."
Tears were streaming down (Y/N)'s cheeks as she stared at our little girl. "I wish Dean was here," she mumbled.
Sam and Eileen exchanged sad looks. "I know, (Y/N/N)," Sam said gently. "So do I."
"I'm right here, baby," I whispered. "I'm always right here."
"She's perfect, isn't she?" (Y/N) said softly, changing the subject.
"She really is," Eileen confirmed.
I wanted to stay, but I couldn't bear to see my daughter and not hold her. It was making my chest ache in an unimaginable way.
I was about to make my exit when (Y/N) cast a glance to the ceiling and whispered, "I love you, Dean." She blew me a kiss and I couldn't help but smile.
"I love you both, baby. So damn much," I murmured before closing my eyes and returning to heaven.
**********
"Do babies ever sleep?" you grumbled as you stumbled into the kitchen after a very long and sleepless night.
Sam looked up from his coffee with a small smile. "She will eventually," he answered. When you shot him a glare, he slid his coffee towards you. "You need this more than I do."
Your expression softened. "Thanks." You took a sip, sighing gratefully as you sat at the table.
"Eileen with Charlie?"
You nodded. "She's so good with her."
Sam smiled. "I know."
You took a deep breath before saying something you'd been thinking for a while. "I think it's time for me to move out."
"What?" Sam asked in shock.
"The bunker's no place to raise a baby, Sam. I think it's time I find somewhere else to live."
He looked sad, but he nodded his head in understanding. "As much as I hate for you to leave, I understand why you need to."
You smiled tearfully. "Everywhere I look, I see Dean. His memory is infused in these walls and I love it, but it hurts--it hurts in a way I can't explain. Charlie and I need a fresh start--a real home."
Sam got up and gave you a warm hug. "Just don't go too far, okay? We need you both in our lives."
"I actually talked to Donna last week...she asked me to move in with her."
"That would be great! I'd feel better if you weren't alone, so I love the idea of you staying with Donna."
"It would just be for a little while, until I figure out what we should do for our future."
"You know I'll support you, (Y/N), in whatever you choose to do."
"I know, Sammy. You're the best uncle Charlie could ever have."
**********
Dean's POV:
When I arrived back in heaven, I found myself in a place I didn't recognize. I guess I'd kept walking mindlessly while I was checking in on (Y/N)...if that's even possible.
"Hello Dean," a familiar voice said behind me.
I turned around in surprise. "Jack?"
Jack smiled at me. "It's good to see you, Dean."
I returned the smile. "It's good to see you too."
"I heard you wanted to talk to me."
"I...I did?"
"Rather, you wanted to talk to (Y/N), which is something you would need to discuss with me."
"Bobby said it's not possible."
"He's correct. That's not something that has ever been done, but I suppose this is a special circumstance."
"It is?"
"You've saved the world selflessly so many times it's truly hard to keep track. Both (Y/N) and your brother have done so as well. As such, I believe you are owed something in return."
"I thought my reward was getting into heaven."
Jack smiled. "Perhaps initially, but this would be a reward specifically from me."
"Are you saying I could talk to (Y/N)? I mean, really talk to her?"
Jack nodded. "It would be a one-time thing, but it would allow you to properly say goodbye to her--and to Sam. Plus, I think you deserve the opportunity to meet your daughter."
"How long would I have?"
"I can give you an hour."
I nodded eagerly. "Please."
Jack smiled and reached out his hand, putting two fingers to my forehead.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a very familiar place. I looked around the bedroom (Y/N) and I had shared in the years since we'd discovered the bunker and I couldn't help but smile.
(Y/N) was curled up on the bed, reading a book, and she hadn't noticed me yet. I cleared my throat, getting her attention, and nearly ended up with a knife embedded in my chest as she threw it across the room with shocking accuracy.
"Woah! Baby, take it easy! It's me!"
She grabbed another knife from the bedside table and held it out in front of her. "Who the hell are you?" she growled.
"It's me, sweetheart."
"That's impossible. We burned your body."
"I know you did--listen, baby, I don't have much time. Jack sent me."
She paused, knife lowering slightly. "Jack sent you?"
I nodded. "Run whatever tests you need, babe, but it's me. It's really me."
She took a step towards me, then moved with surprising speed, tossing holy water at my face and pressing the silver knife against my skin.
"Dean?" she whimpered softly, dropping the knife to the floor.
"It's me, beautiful."
She said my name again before slamming her lips against mine in a hungry kiss. I kissed her back and my arms wrapped around her to pull her closer. I couldn't even express how much I'd missed this feeling.
When she broke the kiss, I saw tears in her eyes and I knew the look on her face was reflected on mine.
"I missed you so much," she whispered.
"I missed you too."
"How is this possible?"
"Jack sent me down here to say a proper goodbye--he said I deserved it."
She smiled and caressed my face. "How long do we have?"
"He gave me an hour."
She nodded. "Then we have no time to waste."
She pulled me even closer to her, kissing me with more passion than before. I knew what she wanted by the way she held me, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it just as much.
I pulled her down onto the bed with me, ridding both of us of our clothes as quickly as possible. I held her close to me as we made love, not wanting to forget a single moment.
She whispered my name against my skin as she came around me, repeating the sound as she came down from her high. She held me tightly as I found my release, my teeth nipping at her pulse point to stay quiet.
We laid there quietly in each other's arms for a few minutes, but we both knew we didn't have a lot of time. I sighed softly as I dragged myself out of the bed to grab a washcloth to clean her up before we tugged our clothes back on.
Suddenly, (Y/N) seemed to realize something and yelled, "Oh my god! Oh my god, you don't know."
"Know what, sweetheart?"
"I--you--we...do you wanna meet your daughter?" she whispered.
I smiled warmly. "Little Charlie? I'd love to meet her."
Surprise lit up her pretty face. "You--you know?"
"Another gift from Jack--everyone in heaven is able to check in on the people they love down here. So I've been keeping an eye on you and Sam."
Tears filled her eyes again, and she couldn't formulate a verbal response. Instead she wrapped me in another hug and placed a soft kiss to my lips.
"I hear you when you talk to me too, ya know."
"You do?"
"I do. Anytime you call out to me, I can hear it."
She smiled warmly. "You have no idea how happy that makes me, Dean."
"I can tell you it makes me incredibly happy."
She took a deep breath and shook her head, as if to shake off the intense emotions she was feeling. She turned away from me, walking over to the crib behind her. She reached in and scooped up our daughter before walking over to me.
"Do you wanna hold her, baby?"
I nodded, emotion clouding my vision. "I'd love to."
She slipped Charlie into my arms and I fell in love instantly. I didn't know I could feel this way about someone. I held my baby girl close to my chest and stared at her beautiful, peaceful sleeping face.
"She's so perfect, (Y/N/N)."
"She really is," she whispered as she leaned against my shoulder. "I'm so happy to get to have this moment with you."
I looked over at her with a soft smile. "Me too, sweetheart."
Charlie opened her eyes at the sound of our voices and made a cute little cooing sound that warmed my heart instantly. She reached one of her little hands up towards my face and I moved my hand towards her. She wrapped her fingers around one of mine and cooed again.
"Hi, princess," I whispered. "Aren't you just the most beautiful girl?"
(Y/N/N) chuckled softly and kissed my shoulder.
"You're gonna look just like your mama. I can tell. Hopefully you get her brain too."
"And your daddy's bravery and loyalty."
I smiled at her and she returned my expression. "Oh and her name? Perfect."
"You like it?"
"Yeah, baby. I love it."
"I wanted to honor your best friend and the two women who helped make you the incredible man you are."
I leaned down to her and kissed her again. "I love you, (Y/N)."
"I love you too, Dean."
We spent several more minutes in silence together, just looking at our beautiful baby--the baby we created together.
"We should go wake Sam," (Y/N) said softly.
"He'd kill me if I didn't see him too."
"He might kill me too," she teased.
She went to the door and gestured for me to follow. I followed her down the hall to Sam's room and waited as she knocked.
"(Y/N/N)? You okay?" Sam asked as he opened the door.
"I have a surprise." She stepped to the side to allow me to come into the doorway.
Sam's jaw dropped in shock. (Y/N) reached out and pulled Charlie from my arms and addressed Sam. "It's really him, Sammy."
"Dean?"
I nodded and my little brother practically tackled me in a hug.
(Y/N) smiled at the scene in front of her. She'd never expected to get another chance to say goodbye to me and she knew Sam needed this as much as she did.
"How are you here?" Sam asked as he finally let me go.
"A little favor from Jack--just for an hour. I'm here to say goodbye properly and to meet my baby girl."
Sam seemed to remember (Y/N) and Charlie's presence and he turned his attention to them. "I don't know what to say."
"I don't think any of us do," she said gently.
"That's not entirely accurate," I said softly. "I'd been thinking about what I would say if I could talk to you both."
I turned my attention to Sam first. "Sammy, I just want you to be happy. I want you to live a good, full life--the kind of life you always dreamed of. You deserve to be happy and I really couldn't ask for anything more than that."
As I finished addressing Sam, I heard Jack's voice from behind me. "Dean? It's time."
I turned to him and pleaded softly, "Just a couple more minutes to say goodbye to (Y/N)...please."
Jack nodded and took a step back to allow me to finish.
"Dean?" (Y/N) whispered.
"Your turn," I said gently as I reached for Charlie, pulling her into my arms with a smile. "Now you better be a good girl, you hear me? You treat your mama with honor and respect. You have no idea how lucky you are to have her as your mother, but I hope someday you realize it...and I hope you know just how much I love you. I'll always watch over you, little one. I promise." I placed a gentle kiss to her little forehead and she stirred happily. "Sammy, can you hold your niece for me?"
Sam nodded and took Charlie from my arms, too emotional to say anything else. He just clapped me on the shoulder and nodded--it was all I needed to understand what he couldn't say.
"Your turn, baby," I whispered as I took a step towards my wife.
"I'm not ready," she whimpered.
"Me neither, sweetheart, but here it goes." I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her close to me. She looked up at me with teary eyes and I took a deep breath before continuing. "You are the light of my life and I am so honored to have been loved by you all these years. I would do anything to be able to stay with you, but we both know that's not in the cards for us. That doesn't mean I won't be with you...I'll always be with you, sweetheart, even if it's only in your memories and your heart."
She sniffled and tried to smile a little. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before continuing.
"I want you to keep living, (Y/N). I need you to keep going--to fight for the life you and our daughter deserve. I'm so proud of everything you and I have accomplished together and I can't wait to see what amazing things you do with the rest of your life. I love you, baby, and I'll never stop."
She closed her eyes and nodded, tears slipping past her lids. She opened them back up and stood on her tiptoes to press her lips to mine. "I'll love you forever, Dean Winchester," she whispered against my lips.
I kissed her deeply, pouring everything I had into the kiss. I needed her to know exactly how much I loved her and how badly I would miss her.
After what felt like both eternity and not nearly long enough, we separated. "I've gotta go, beautiful," I whispered.
"I know," she whispered back.
I kissed her lips again, then her forehead, before pulling away from her. I smiled at my brother, who returned the expression in kind. I touched my daughter's cheek and turned away before I lost the nerve to walk to Jack's side.
"Jack?" (Y/N) called.
Jack's attention went to her and he smiled gently.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, (Y/N)."
"Keep him out of trouble," she said lightly with a small smile.
Jack chuckled softly. "I don't think even I can do that."
I turned back to look at my family one last time and I couldn't help but go back to give (Y/N) one last kiss. "Goodbye my love," I murmured.
"I'll see you later, Dean," she said gently. "This isn't forever."
I held her close and kissed the top of her head. "Take your time, baby. Take your time."
I pulled away from her and walked away, refusing to look back--knowing if I did, it would break my heart. I looked at Jack and said softly, "I'm ready."
He nodded and touched my forehead just as he had before. When I opened my eyes again, I couldn't help but smile as I stood outside of the Roadhouse. I knew I would never be whole as long as (Y/N) and I were apart, but I felt so much better knowing she was safe, happy, and loved...that she would never give up, that she would keep living.
**********
Almost three years had passed since you'd said goodbye to Dean. It had been an eventful time--and a deeply emotional three years. You couldn't begin to express how much you missed him, but it comforted you to know he was okay and could check in on you whenever he liked.
You'd moved into Donna's house and you would be forever grateful for her compassion, kindness, and friendship--and for her help with Charlie. Raising a child on your own wasn't easy, but you were blessed with a chosen family who would never let you down.
On this particular night, you were curled up in bed, staring at the ceiling as you so often did. You spoke to Dean, telling him how much you missed him and updating him on Charlie's life.
"I can't believe she's already three," you murmured. "She has your eyes, you know--the most beautiful shade of green I've ever seen."
You sighed. "There are moments...moments when she looks up at me and I swear I'm looking into your eyes. I just have this feeling she's going to be so much like you, even if she looks more like me."
You chuckled before continuing. "I hope she's strong and brave like you, and also kind and loyal like you. I hope she loves as passionately as you did and I hope she never has to wonder her worth--or how much we love her."
You'd just finished speaking when you heard a soft whimper at your door a second before it opened. Charlie stepped through it, eyes teary.
"Hey baby, what's wrong?"
"I had a bad dream," she whispered.
You pulled the blankets back and invited her into your bed. The little girl curled up against you with her head on your shoulder. You rubbed her back soothingly and asked her what she'd dreamed about.
"A monster," she whispered fearfully.
**********
Dean's POV:
I'd been listening to (Y/N) talk to me when Charlie suddenly appeared in the room, telling her mother she'd had a nightmare. I watched as (Y/N) invited her to come sleep in her bed and ask her what she'd dreamed about.
"A monster," she'd whispered.
"A monster?" (Y/N) asked. "What kind of monster, baby?"
"He was big and hairy and he had claws and red eyes and he was really scary," Charlie rambled. "He came out of my closet and tried to hurt me."
I watched (Y/N) pull her a little closer, holding her tighter than before. She kissed the top of Charlie's head and promised her she was safe.
"No monster is going to hurt you, little one," she reassured our daughter. "Do you know why?"
Charlie looked up at her, bright green eyes filled with fear as she shook her head.
(Y/N) smiled at her warmly. "Because you're a Winchester. And do you know what monsters fear the most, sweetheart?"
Charlie again shook her head.
"Winchesters," (Y/N) whispered. "Your daddy and your Uncle Sammy made sure of that. No monster would dare try to hurt you."
"Really?" she asked in a small voice.
"Really," (Y/N) confirmed. "Besides, I'm here to protect you and so is your Aunt Donna. I will always keep you safe, Charlie. Always."
Charlie seemed pleased by this, a little smile appearing on her face. "You promise?"
(Y/N) smiled and kissed her on the head. "I promise, little one."
Charlie nestled in closer to her mother and sighed contentedly. (Y/N) stroked her hair and began to sing softly, the sound more soothing than anything she'd said thus far.
I watched my beautiful wife comforting our daughter in a way my father had never comforted us when we were afraid. (Y/N) made Charlie feel safe and protected and I knew she would defend her with her life--just as I would have done.
I stayed long enough to hear (Y/N) sing all the words to 'Let It Be', her favorite Beatles song. It reminded me of when I was young and my mother sang her favorite, 'Hey Jude'.
I wished I was there for them both--to comfort and protect the way a father and a husband should. But I knew the people I had left behind would always be there for my girls, and that had to be enough.
By the time (Y/N) finished singing, Charlie had fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful it warmed my heart. (Y/N) smiled up at the ceiling and blew a kiss my way--her way of closing the conversation.
I returned to heaven, pleased with the knowledge the people I loved most were safe and happy. I couldn't ask for anything more.
**********
"Charlie MaryEllen Winchester!" you yelled as your daughter ran across the backyard of Sam and Eileen's house.
You heard her contagious giggle and you shook your head. "This child..." you mumbled as Sam came up beside you.
"She's a lot like her dad."
"So is yours," you teased as you nodded towards little Dean as he chased Charlie throughout the yard.
"I feel like naming him after Dean should have been a warning."
You laughed. "He's got great parents, so I wouldn't worry about him."
Sam slung an arm around you and tugged you into his side. "Charlie's got a pretty great mom too."
You smiled up at him and laid your head against him. "I can't believe she's six."
"Neither can I," Sam admitted. "And Dean's three? When the hell did that happen?"
"No idea."
"Kids!" Eileen called from the doorway. "Dinner!" The kids ran into the house and Eileen gestured at the two of you. "That means you too!"
You laughed. "How does she put up with us?"
"She's a saint."
"Amen."
After dinner, the five of you gathered in the living room to play board games. Halfway through a game of Monopoly, Charlie looked up at you and asked for a story.
"You always tell the best stories, mama."
You smiled. "Okay, munchkin. What kind of story do you want?"
"Can you tell one about daddy?"
Emotion clouded your face for a moment before you smiled at your daughter again. You looked into her beautiful green eyes and hummed softly. "I think I can come up with something."
"So does that mean we're done with Monopoly?" Sam asked hopefully.
"I think so," you chuckled.
"Thank god." He turned to little Dean. "Auntie (Y/N) is gonna tell a story about your Uncle Dean."
"Uncie Dean!" he squealed happily.
You laughed warmly and gestured for both kids to come sit in front of you. You closed your eyes for a moment, mentally calling out to your husband in the hopes he would check in and see this moment.
"How 'bout the time daddy gave me an impromptu birthday party?"
Sam laughed loudly. "I love that story."
You smiled. "Me too." Your expression changed as you reminisced, but the warmth never left your eyes.
"It was my 25th birthday and your daddy wanted to celebrate what he deemed was a big milestone..."
**********
Dean's POV:
I heard (Y/N) call my name, so I told Charlie, Jo, and Pamela that I had to forfeit our game of pool. "It's (Y/N/N)," I said with a shrug.
"Awww," all three of them said in a teasing tone.
I waved them off as I went outside to visit my wife. When I opened my eyes again, I saw the whole family sitting in Sam and Eileen's living room.
My daughter and my nephew were sitting on the floor watching (Y/N) with wide eyes. Even Sam and Eileen were paying close attention. (Y/N) appeared to be telling some kind of story and she was signing it as well to make sure Eileen could keep up.
I entered the room fully and heard (Y/N) telling a story--a story about me.
"We weren't exactly big on celebrating birthdays in our line of work, but Dean got it into his head that today was important and needed to be celebrated. I have no idea what the heck he was thinking, since we were living out of motels at the time, but he decided he wanted to have a birthday party for me."
"He didn't say a word to me about it," she continued, "but he did tell his brother." She threw a pointed look in Sam's direction and he shrugged innocently. "We had just started dating...I think it had only been a few months, actually."
"It was six months," Sam cut in at the same time I whispered, "Six."
(Y/N) laughed. "Okay, six months. Anyway, we didn't have any cases on the horizon--no where else we needed to be, so your father thought it would be a good idea to have a celebration. He bought a cake, balloons, streamers--the whole nine yards."
"He sent the two of us out to pick up dinner so he could decorate the little motel room," Sam added.
"When we returned, the entire room was covered in decorations and he was standing in the middle of the room holding a bundle of lilies--my favorite flower."
She sighed happily at the memory and I had a feeling she could picture it as well as I could.
"He even said 'surprise!' when we came into the room. I remember it being a really heartwarming moment for me. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd celebrated a birthday and here was this man I'd only been with for a short time going all out to celebrate me."
"Your's was the only birthday I can remember him making a fuss over," Sam commented. "That's when I knew how much he cared about you."
She chuckled lightly. "Oddly enough, I still wasn't sure why he'd picked me, and I had no clue how deeply he cared for me...but I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew I loved him."
Both kids leaned forward, especially Charlie, who seemed to be hanging on to her mother's every word. Even Sam looked like he was unaware of this part of the story.
"We'd had dinner, and Dean forced Sam to sing me happy birthday--which was hilarious, I might add--and then he brought out the cake. It wasn't a store-bought cake like I'd expected. It was a homemade cake--yellow cake with chocolate icing, my absolute favorite. I was beyond shocked, especially since we didn't have an oven."
She grinned as she continued. "When I asked him where he got it, he admitted that the day before he'd gone to the store to get the supplies he needed and then he uh--well, he broke into a bakery to use their oven to bake me a cake for my birthday. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me...and silly as it might sound, that was the exact moment I knew I was in love with him."
"Daddy broke into a bakery?" Charlie asked.
(Y/N) laughed. "Yes, he did, but it was a special circumstance. Don't commit crimes, kids."
Sam laughed and I could tell he was thinking about all the illegal shit we'd done in our lives--all kinds of things we wouldn't want either of our children to do.
"I want someone to break into a bakery to make me a cake," my daughter mumbled.
All the adults in the room laughed, myself included.
"Baby, I'd break into a bakery for you any day," (Y/N) teased warmly. She reached out and scooped Charlie up and pulled her onto her lap. She squeezed her tightly before tickling her stomach lightly to emphasize her words.
I watched the sweet moment for a little while longer before the ache of not being with them became unbearable. I blew my wife a kiss I knew she couldn't see and one for my daughter as well. "I love you both," I whispered before returning to my rightful place.
**********
"Moooooom!" Charlie moaned. "It's Sunday! You can't do things on Sunday."
You laughed and rolled your eyes. "You wouldn't have to do anything today if you'd done your homework yesterday, like I told you to."
She grumbled and sighed. "I hate homework."
"You sound like your dad," you teased lightly.
Charlie seemed to brighten at the comment, as she often did when she was compared to her dad. "Can't we do our Sunday dance party first?" she pleaded.
You sighed, giving her a look you'd often used on Dean. It clearly said 'You aggravate the hell out of me, but I love you endlessly'. Charlie knew what it meant as well as Dean had, so she knew she'd won.
"Fine," you mumbled, throwing your hands up.
"I'll pick the first song!" Charlie yelled as she jumped out of her chair and ran towards the stereo.
You'd bought an old stereo that could play cassette tapes as a kind of homage to Dean. After all, you had all of the albums he'd loved on cassette.
"This one!" Charlie exclaimed, pressing play on the machine.
The intro to 'You Shook Me All Night Long' by AC/DC started playing and you couldn't help but laugh. It was probably your fault she loved classic rock so much, but she really seemed to thrive on it the same way Dean had.
You watched your daughter start dancing around the living room to one of her favorite songs. At nine years old, she had no idea what the song was really about--but she sang those lyrics with all her might.
She grabbed your hand and dragged you into the dance with her. The two of you danced around the living room, singing along to song after song until you were both out of breath.
You'd started 'Sunday Dance Party' back when Charlie was just a baby. You'd dance around with her in your arms, singing along to songs that spoke to your soul--and songs Dean had loved with all his heart. The tradition had continued on for nine years now--and you hoped it would never end.
"Okay," you gasped breathlessly as the last song came to an end. "How 'bout a slower song to wind down?
Charlie nodded her agreement and started digging through the albums. "Mom, where's the Bob Seger one?"
Your heart clenched for a moment, remembering how you'd taken the album to your room to listen to it when you were having a particularly rough night. "One sec, baby. Let me grab it."
You went to your room and retrieved the tape, delivering it to your daughter who looked confused.
"Why was it in your room?"
"I wanted to listen to it earlier this week. It's--well it's a special album."
Charlie looked at you quizzically.
"It was one of your dad's favorites. He always said Bob Seger was the greatest lyricist of all time..." You closed your eyes, picturing Dean's face as he sang along to 'Night Moves'. "I can still hear him singing along."
Charlie looked sad and she reached out to grab your hand. "Do you wanna listen to someone else?"
You smiled and wiped the stray tear that had fallen on your cheek. "No, baby. Pick a Bob Seger song."
Charlie gave you a lopsided smile that so resembled one of Dean's and your heart tightened. She selected a song and to your surprise, Dean's favorite Bob Seger song started to play.
"Night Moves," you whispered.
"I really like this one," Charlie admitted.
You took her hands and started to sway to the music. "It was your dad's favorite."
Charlie beamed at that--clearly pleased with the correlation. It was another song she knew every word to, but had no idea what it was about. It made you smile, hearing her sing along.
When the song came to an end, Charlie looked up at you. "Mom, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, sweetheart."
"What was dad's all-time favorite song?"
You exhaled slowly as you thought about it. "He had two--'Ramble On' and 'Traveling Riverside Blue'."
"Led Zeppelin."
You grinned. "Very good. Your dad would be proud."
She smiled. "What's yours?"
Your expression changed, the smile falling from your face. "If you'd asked me before I met your dad, my answer would have been different. But now? It's an REO Speedwagon song from the '80s. It's called 'Can't Fight This Feeling'."
"I...I don't think I know that one."
"That's probably because I haven't played it in a very long time--you were probably four the last time I listened to it."
"Why?"
"It was too hard to listen to it," you admitted. "The night Dean--your dad--asked me out, we went to a karaoke bar. He decided he wanted to sing a song and he chose 'Can't Fight This Feeling'. He dedicated it to me and it became our song. When he asked me to marry him, that song was playing in the background and it was the song we danced to at our wedding."
"So it reminds you of dad."
You nodded. "More than any other song ever could."
"Could we...could we listen to it?" she asked softly. A pained expression crossed your face and she immediately backtracked. "We don't have to."
"No, no, it's okay. We can listen to it. It's probably way past time I listen to it again."
You went into your room and dug out the old REO Speedwagon album, bringing it out to the living room and placing it in the cassette player. You pressed play and as the intro started, your chest tightened again.
Charlie listened intently as the song played and you swayed along to it, the lyrics slipping from your lips softly. For a moment, you swore you could feel Dean standing behind you with his arms wrapped around you, swaying with you. You closed your eyes and heard his voice in your mind, singing softly just for you to hear.
**********
"What am I supposed to do with her?" you grumbled, head in your hands as you sat across the table from Jody.
Your friend laughed softly. "She's a teenager now, (Y/N). She's probably gonna be a bit of a pain in the ass for a while."
You groaned. "You raised teenage girls. How did you do it?"
Jody smiled. "It wasn't easy, let me tell you, but my girls are good girls now and I'm thankful for it. It's probably gonna be a little harder for you, though--Charlie takes after her father in a lot of ways."
"Oh you mean like his stubborn, pig-headedness? Or his sarcasm and biting humor?"
Jody laughed. "Yeah all of that is true--but she also takes after him in a lot of the good ways too. She's just as deeply emotional as him, but she doesn't know how to express it or understand it yet."
You sighed. "You're not wrong. Dean never really learned how to express it, but he didn't exactly have a normal childhood. I'm just hoping I can help her--that is if I don't kill her for mouthing off all the damn time."
**********
Dean's POV:
I was surprised to see (Y/N) sitting at Jody's dining table, the older woman sitting across from her. (Y/N) looked stressed and I felt the strong urge to comfort her, even though I knew I couldn't.
"You're not gonna kill her," Jody assured my wife.
"I just might if she tells me I'm ruining her life one more time."
"Uh-oh. I've heard that one before. What's she think you're doing?"
"I told her she can't hunt."
"Well yeah, she's 13."
(Y/N) shook her head. "Ever. I told her she could never hunt."
Jody looked sad, but unsurprised. "Ahh..and she didn't take that well."
"No," (Y/N) said firmly. "No, she did not."
I was more than a little surprised (Y/N) had told Charlie she couldn't hunt. I mean, I didn't want her to hunt either, but it wasn't like (Y/N) to try and make life decisions for someone else.
"Did you tell her why?" Jody asked.
"I tried, but she was too angry to hear me," (Y/N) whispered. "I can't lose her, Jody--she's all I have."
Jody reached out and squeezed her hand. "She's not all you have, honey, but I get what you're saying. She's your daughter and you don't want that life for her."
"She's all I have left of Dean," she whispered so softly, Jody had to lean in to hear her.
"Oh honey," Jody said gently as she got up to give my wife a hug. She cried into Jody's shoulder and I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a very private moment I wasn't meant to see. I was about to go back to heaven when I heard (Y/N) speak again.
"Do you think I should tell her everything?"
Jody sighed as she thought about it. "Do you think she's ready to know the truth?"
"I honestly don't know," she admitted. "But I can't help but feel that if she only knew, she wouldn't want that life for herself...and maybe she would understand why I don't either."
I wasn't entirely sure what (Y/N) was referring to. I assumed she meant the general horror that was our lives--and all the pain and loss that went with it.
"Talk to Sam," Jody suggested. "See what he thinks."
(Y/N) nodded her agreement and I decided to stay with her until she spoke to Sam...I had a feeling I would want to know what happened next.
**********
"Hey Sammy," you said softly as he opened the door.
"Here to get Charlie?" he asked.
You nodded, but grabbed his arm to keep him from turning around to get her. "I...I wanted to talk to you first."
"Sure, (Y/N/N). You okay?"
You shook your head. "Did she mention how much she hates me?"
Sam sighed and guided you to his office, just off the front door. "She mentioned something about it, yeah."
"I told her she couldn't be a hunter."
"I'm surprised she'd even want to be, given how much death and pain it caused all of us."
"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."
Sam raised his eyebrows, but remained quiet, waiting for you to continue.
"I didn't tell her the whole story," you admitted. "About Dean's death."
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't want her to know how awful it really was, so I told her he died instantly--painlessly."
Sam sighed softly. "(Y/N)..."
"I know! I know...I shouldn't have lied to her. But the truth is so much worse and I didn't want those images in her mind. I didn't want her to know how he suffered, how we watched him die knowing we couldn't save him."
A soft gasp behind you alerted you to the presence of another person. You spun around just in time to see your daughter peeking around the corner, a look of horror on her face. As soon as you made eye contact, Charlie raced away from you, running up the stairs and locking herself in the guest bedroom.
"Charlie!" you called as you ran after her, Sam close on your heels.
You knocked on the door and begged her to open it--to let you explain, but she refused.
"Baby, please just open the door," you begged.
Sam touched your arm and gestured something you didn't quite understand. He repeated the gesture and a look of comprehension spread across your face. You nodded and he left quickly to grab what he needed.
When he returned, he had his lock picking tools in his hand and he began to pick the bedroom door lock. When it clicked, signaling it was now unlocked, he stepped back and allowed you to enter.
**********
Dean's POV:
I was shocked by the events that had led to this moment, but at the same time, I didn't really blame my wife for lying to Charlie. In all honesty, I had done the same thing about a million times in my life--all under the guise of protection.
As (Y/N) stepped into the room, I followed her, eyes darting around the space, trying to find my daughter. I finally noticed her, curled up on the floor on the other side of the bed, back against the wall and knees pulled up to her chest.
(Y/N) clearly saw her too because she made her way over there, dropping to her knees in front of Charlie. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," she whispered.
"You lied to me," Charlie seethed.
I saw (Y/N)'s eyes flutter closed for a moment, tears beginning to form. "You're right," she admitted softly. "I lied to you. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but I can't change it. If you'll let me, I'd like to explain why...and tell you the truth."
"How do I know you won't lie again?"
"I guess you'll just have to trust me."
Charlie finally made eye contact with her mother and my heart nearly broke at the hurt look on her face. She'd been crying pretty hard and her eyes were red and puffy. She looked conflicted, but finally reached out a hand and her mother grabbed it, pulling her to her feet.
(Y/N) and Charlie sat on the bed in silence for a moment before (Y/N) began to speak. "When you were little and you'd ask me where your dad was, it always hurt me to answer you. When you were born, I was still in mourning, and I never really dealt with his death until you were a few months old."
She took a deep breath before continuing, "Our lives were complicated in a way I could never fully describe to you. Your father always believed he would die young--I was just too naive to agree. His death broke me in ways I'm embarrassed to admit. He was my everything, Charlie, and for a while, I wished I could trade places with him."
She sighed, tears falling freely now. "But then I found out I was pregnant and I had to shift my whole mindset. My life became about taking care of you--protecting you--and nothing else mattered. I may not have always gone about it in the right way, but I never intended to hurt you."
Charlie sniffled a little and turned to face (Y/N) as she continued talking.
"The things this family has done--the lives we've saved, has earned us a bit of special treatment. I know I've told you a lot of things about monsters and demons and angels--all of those things were true. Heaven and Hell really do exist, and your dad really is in heaven."
She closed her eyes, thinking back to many years prior. "When you were a baby, your dad was given a gift by god. He was able to return to earth for one short hour to say goodbye to me and Uncle Sammy--and to meet you."
Charlie's eyes widened in shock. "He met me?"
(Y/N) nodded. "Yeah, baby, he did. He held you in his arms and told you how perfect you were--and how he wanted your life to be beautiful and amazing; sentiments I also share. It wasn't until that moment I really started to heal--to properly grieve."
"But what about his death?" Charlie whispered. "I heard you say it was awful and he suffered."
I watched agony flash across my wife's face and I wanted so badly to hold her--to take away the pain. Just like I wanted to shield Charlie from the memory (Y/N) was about to share.
"We've lost a lot of people in this life, Charlie. More people than I'd care to admit. The three incredible women you're named after all died as a direct result of hunting--of the life we chose. There were so many others that we loved deeply and lost painfully. Your dad was no different."
"The main parts of the story are true. We were hunting vampires--me, your dad, and your Uncle Sam. Everything seemed fine...it was a shocking cut and dry, easy hunt, but it turned into the worst night of my life. I heard your uncle scream my name and I just knew...I almost didn't turn around."
She sniffed softly and exhaled shakily. The painful memory was not one she had ever wanted to relive. "Your dad had been thrown by a vampire, like so many times before. I didn't even think anything of it, but when I turned around, I saw--" she cleared her throat, "I saw his feet dangling slightly, up against a post, with a piece of metal sticking out of his chest."
Charlie gasped and renewed tears sprang from her eyes.
(Y/N) didn't stop...once she'd begun, she couldn't stop. "I knew without him saying a word that he was dying--this was it. Your uncle and I had to stand there and watch him slowly fade away. I heard him take his last breath, taking a piece of my soul with him. It was hell, Charlie."
Charlie was crying harder as her mother turned to her, her own tears staining her cheeks. (Y/N) reached for her and Charlie dove into the comfort of her arms.
"I'm sorry, mama," she cried.
(Y/N) tightened her grip. "It's alright baby."
The two stayed like that for a long time, not separating until their tears had dried.
When Charlie sat up and wiped her face, she seemed almost sheepish.
(Y/N) turned to her with a sad smile. "So you see, that's why I don't want you to be a hunter. It's not that I think you couldn't do it or a desire to control you--I just don't wanna lose you."
Charlie nodded. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you," she whispered.
"It's okay, baby. I'm not mad."
I couldn't even begin to express the various emotions I was feeling in that moment. I was proud of my wife and heartbroken for her and Charlie. I missed them both terribly and I knew they felt the same. The ache in my chest was a constant reminder of the distance between us--and I didn't know if I could take much more of it.
********
"Well, baby," you said, looking at the ceiling. "Our little girl turns 16 today...and it scares the hell out of me."
You sighed and dragged yourself out of bed, heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
"She's got a boyfriend, you know," you continued. "I think I scared him a little bit when he came over last weekend to meet me. You'd be proud."
You brushed your teeth, humming quietly as you did.
"His name is Zack--he seems nice enough. I'm not too worried about her. She's a tough girl and knows how to fight, thanks to her mama."
You sighed as you ran a brush through your hair.
"I just can't believe she's two years away from adulthood. It blows my mind," you admitted softly. "It's days like today that I miss you more than ever. I wish you were here Dean, and I love so much."
You blew a kiss towards the ceiling before finishing getting ready.
When you went downstairs, Charlie was already at the table eating a bowl of cereal.
"My, my, you're up early," you teased.
"It's not every day a girl turns 16, mom," she teased in return.
"16...god that makes me feel old."
"You are old."
You threw a dish towel at her and she giggled as she blocked it. "Little shit," you mumbled.
"Fry cry from when you used to call me 'little one'."
You smiled. "You were so cute back then."
"What? Am I hideous now?"
You laughed and squeezed her in a tight hug. "You're the most beautiful girl I know."
You kissed her cheek and she groaned. "Gross, mom."
You laughed. "You know, someday you're gonna miss this. Soon, you'll be going off to college and leaving me in the dust. You'll get married and move away and one day you'll wake up and think 'man I wanna hug my mom'."
Charlie rolled her eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." She paused for a moment, her face sobering slightly. "Hey mom?"
"Hmm?"
"Why don't you date?"
You nearly choked on your coffee. "Pardon?"
"Why don't you ever date? You're pretty and smart--I know there's a lot of hot, single dads at school who would love to take you out."
"As much as I appreciate that darling, I'm not interested in dating."
"Why not?"
You sat your mug down. "Why the sudden interest in my dating life?"
"Because I'm going to college soon, mom--and I don't want you to be alone," she admitted softly.
You sighed. "Oh sweetheart. You don't need to worry about me, I'll be just fine. Besides, I'm not alone--not really."
"I don't mean friends mom, I mean someone to love you."
"To be honest with you, Charlie, I've thought about it...but I know, in my heart, no one will ever compare to your dad. No one could ever love me the way he did, nor could I ever love someone as much as I love him. So I don't mind being alone--I know for a fact I will see your dad again. That's a gift most people will never have."
"I want a love like that," Charlie said quietly.
You smiled. "I hope you will someday, baby. I really do."
She smiled and nodded, looking down at the last of her cereal. "It's kind of nice knowing heaven is real--like not just having faith, but knowing."
You glanced up, a small smile on your face. "Yeah it is, sweetheart. Yeah it is."
**********
"Mama," Charlie whimpered as she practically barged through your front door and straight into your arms.
"What's wrong baby? What happened?"
"Steven broke up with me," she cried.
"Oh sweetheart," you said gently. "Come on in and sit down. Let me make you some chamomile tea."
Charlie sniffled and nodded, coming into the house and sitting down at the kitchen island to watch you as you prepared her tea.
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?"
"He said I wasn't good enough for him--that he's going places and I'll just 'hold him back'."
You closed your eyes and your grip tightened on the tea kettle in your hand. You felt the strong urge to go find this kid and smack him around a little, but you knew that wouldn't solve anything. It certainly wouldn't fix your daughter's broken heart. For the first time, you were glad Dean wasn't here--you knew he would have beaten the shit outta the kid for hurting his baby girl.
"He's obviously an idiot--and an asshole, for that matter."
Charlie sniffled again. "But I love him."
You sighed softly, turning around to face her. "I know, sweetie. But I also know he's not the right man for you."
"How do you know?"
"He would have never said those things to you if he was. If he loved you and I mean truly loved you, you would be his priority."
Charlie nodded, but still looked horribly sad. You finished making her tea and sat the cup down in front of her with a soft smile.
"You're gonna be okay, baby. It's going to hurt for a while--and that's alright--it's okay to feel. But you're going to dust yourself off and keep going."
"What if I never find anyone?" she whispered.
"You're 19, Charlie," you said gently. "You've got so much time. I was 31 when I married your father."
She looked up at you with sad eyes. "I wanna find a love like you and daddy."
You inhaled deeply. "That's all I've ever wanted for you, sweetheart--and I know your dad would want the same thing. I'm sure it's hard to not have relationship role models in your parents, but at least you know how we feel about each other."
Charlie shook her head qucikly. "You guys are my relationship role models. Just because dad isn't here, doesn't mean I don't look up to him and you. I've heard stories about how much he loved you my entire life--from everyone, Uncle Sam, Aunt Donna, Aunt Eileen, Aunt Jody, Claire, Alex...everyone. And I've seen how much you love him...even now. It's been 19 years since he died and your love hasn't diminished."
Tears filled your eyes. You were glad she knew how much her parents loved each other, even if she never saw them together.
You came around the island and took Charlie's hand, guiding her to the couch in the living room. She sat down beside you and you held her close, letting her cry softly into your chest.
"Let me tell you something, sweetheart. Someday, you're going to meet someone who makes you laugh, holds you when you cry, supports all of your goals and ambitions, and loves you for who you are. They'll treat you right, respect you, and fight for you even when it's difficult."
You kissed the top of her head and continued, "I hope that person makes you feel amazing--like you're the only woman in the world to them. I want you to be loved fully--by someone who sees your value, your worth. And I hope you love them with the same kind of endless passion."
Charlie sniffed and held you a little tighter.
"I love your dad with everything I have--he's the other half of my soul. He loved me infinitely more than I deserved and I am incredibly honored to have experienced that kind of love. All I want is for you to experience a love like that--a love that lasts forever...death be damned."
**********
Dean's POV:
I listened to my daughter cry over her first broken heart and I watched my wife comfort her in a way only someone as amazing as she is could do.
I listened to Charlie say her mother and I were her role models--that she hoped to find a love like ours one day.
I cried as I listened to my wife tell our daughter her hopes for the future--and the love she hoped Charlie would experience. I cried even harder as (Y/N) tells her the kind of love we shared--the kind that lasts even in death.
I can't help but share the same hope as my wife--echo the same prayers for her future. She deserves the world, and that includes a love story for the ages.
I watch, with tears in my eyes, as my wife glances up at the ceiling and mouths 'I love you' before blowing a kiss. This time, I whisper the words back and blow a kiss to her, hoping somehow she can sense it.
**********
"He's just such a great guy," Charlie gushed.
You looked over at Sam, trying to gauge his reaction.
"Does he treat you right?" he asked.
Charlie nodded eagerly. "He's so good to me. He's always respectful and sweet--I...I think I love him."
Your eyes widened and you gave Sam a pointed look.
"Why don't you bring him by for dinner on Saturday?" Sam suggested.
"That would be great!" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thanks Uncle Sam!"
She rushed out the door, giddy in the way only new love could be.
"So you're gonna research the hell outta him, right?" you asked.
"Obviously," Sam agreed.
By the time Saturday rolled around, Sam had completed his research and to your happy surprise, there didn't seem to be anything concerning in this guy's past. Of course, you took precautions, as you so often did with Charlie's friends and boyfriends. You needed to make sure she was safe.
Sam had laid out the silver dinnerware and you'd blessed all the water in the house, just in case. You could never be too careful--you were still Winchesters after all.
When Charlie and her boyfriend, Paul, arrived, you were surprised by how gentlemanly he was. He'd brought you flowers, which you thought was a very sweet gesture, especially since they were lilies--your favorite.
"That's so sweet of you, Paul," you said warmly. "Lilies are my favorite."
He smiled. "I asked Charlie what your favorite was so I could get you something you would like."
You were surprised by the thoughtfulness of the gesture, but it gave you a very positive feeling in your chest. A feeling you could see reflected in your daughter's eyes.
The more you talked with him and the more information you got, the more you liked him. He was genuinely kind and caring, and you could see how much he cared for Charlie.
He made her laugh, he made her smile, and he was gently affectionate with her in a way that reminded you of Dean. In fact, there was a lot about him that made you think of Dean...and that made you extremely happy for your daughter.
Eileen, Charlie, and Paul were sitting in the living room after dinner, while you and Sam cleared the table and did dishes. You'd had to practically force Paul to go sit down. He was very insistent on helping you. Normally, you would have happily taken his help, but you really wanted to talk to Sam alone.
"So what do you think?" you asked softly.
"He doesn't seem to be any kind of monster," Sam mumbled. "And he treats Charlie well."
"I like him," you admitted. "He, uhh--he reminds me of Dean."
"Really?" Sam asked in surprise.
"The way he looks at Charlie...the way he makes her laugh and smile...the way she looks at him. All of it reminds me of my relationship with Dean. It's what I've always wanted for her."
Sam smiled. "You must really like him to compare him to Dean."
You chuckled. "You're not wrong. I'm happy for her, but I'm not trying to marry her off yet."
Sam laughed. "I know you're not, don't worry."
Later that night, Charlie asked you what you thought of Paul and you repeated what you'd told Sam earlier.
"He reminds you of dad?" Charlie whispered.
You nodded. "I liked him very much."
"So do I, mom."
You pulled her close, hugging her tightly. "I'm happy for you baby."
"Thanks...I'm glad you approve."
"So does your Uncle Sam, for the record."
"That actually makes me feel really good," Charlie admitted. "It's almost as good as having a seal of approval from dad."
You smiled. "I know your dad would like him too, sweetheart. He makes you happy and that's all we've ever wanted for you."
**********
"Today's the day," you whispered, looking at the framed picture of your husband. "Our baby girl is getting married."
It had been two years since you'd first met Paul and the longer you knew him, the more you liked him. He was the right match for Charlie and you couldn't even begin to describe how happy you were for her. She deserved to be loved by a good man--to experience a love as powerful as her parents have.
You couldn't believe they were getting married today. It was the next step in your daughter's life and it brought you so much joy, and perhaps a little sadness. It was the end of an era. Your little girl was about to start a new life with the man she loved...and it made you miss your other half.
You'd always known today would be difficult. Dean wouldn't be there to walk his daughter down the aisle and it broke your heart, but that didn't mean he couldn't be present. You had a framed picture of him with you at Charlie's suggestion--a way to keep his memory with you on this special day.
His picture was wonderful, but you craved his presence--his soul. You wanted to feel like he was with you, and you knew he'd want to witness the events of the day.
"Hey baby," you said to the ceiling. "I really need you here, Dean."
You waited a few moments in silence, hoping he had heard you.
**********
Dean's POV:
I was lounging in a chair in the Roadhouse, listening to Charlie and Ash have a heated debate about some nerdy computer thing I couldn't possibly understand. Just listening to them made me smile--it felt good to be surrounded by so many people I'd loved and lost.
I took a slow drink of my whiskey and chuckled softly at their antics. I made eye contact with Ellen over the tops of their heads and she had a similar expression on her face.
"I really need you here, Dean."
I heard (Y/N)'s voice in my mind and knew I needed to go to her immediately. She didn't sound distressed, but I could tell she needed me by the tone of her voice.
I stood up and crossed the room towards the bar where Ellen was standing. "I need to go check on (Y/N/N)."
Ellen nodded. "Use the backroom. I'll keep everyone out."
"Thanks, Ellen."
I went into the backroom and sat down. I closed my eyes and pictured the sweetest face in the world--my beloved (Y/N). When I opened my eyes, I was in a place I didn't recognize, looking at a woman I knew to be my wife--even if she didn't quite look like the woman I always pictured.
She was older than even the last time I saw her, but she was no less beautiful. Her curves were softer, her hair was graying, and the lines on her face were deeper. None of that mattered to me, she still stole my heart with just a glance.
She was wearing a long silky robe, which only increased my confusion. We were in a strange place, and she wasn't wearing proper clothes.
"Well, handsome, I think I've given you enough time," she said softly. "You're probably wondering where we are..." she gestured around. "Today is a very special day...it's Charlie's wedding day."
I gasped--I hadn't realized enough time had passed for her to have met a man worthy of marriage...hell, I didn't even know who she was marrying.
"I don't know if you've met Paul yet, but he's a wonderful man, Dean--and he's so good to Charlie. You would really like him, I just know it. He even reminds me of you," she said softly. "He loves her the way you love me. It's what we've always wanted for her."
I couldn't believe my daughter was getting married, but if her soon-to-be-husband was as great as (Y/N) described, then I was beyond happy for her. I wasn't going to miss a single moment of this day, no matter how long it took.
"I've gotta get my dress on and go check on (Y/N). Feel free to go find her--I'll be there soon."
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to stay for that...she was still my wife, after all, but it felt creepy to watch her change. Instead, I went to find my daughter.
It didn't take me long to find her and when I did, my heart clenched in my chest. She looked so much like her mother it was almost frightening, the only difference was her eyes.
I had no idea how old she was, but I would have guessed she was around 28--if only based on how her mother had looked at that age. She had long, beautiful hair that was styled in some fancy wedding do. A woman was finishing her makeup and there were other girls in the room with her chatting away as they got ready.
I didn't want to see something I couldn't unsee, so I decided to go back to (Y/N)'s room until the ceremony began.
**********
You smoothed your dress and took a deep breath before entering the bridal suite to check on your daughter. She was just preparing to put on her dress when you entered.
You inhaled sharply and tears stung your eyes as you took in her beautiful face--she almost seemed to sparkle. "You look beautiful, baby," you whispered.
"Thanks mom. I was wondering where you were--I almost sent one of the girls to come get you."
"Don't worry, sweetheart. I wouldn't miss this for the world."
You crossed the room and hugged her tightly. You helped her into her dress, zipping up the back and looking in the mirror with her.
"How are you feeling?" you asked.
"Nervous," she admitted.
"Don't be. You're marrying a great man. You have nothing to be nervous about."
"Were you nervous on your wedding day?"
You chuckled lightly. "Not even a little."
"Really?"
"Really," you confirmed. "I knew I wanted to marry your father and I knew he would be waiting at the end of the aisle for me--nothing else mattered."
Charlie smiled and you saw some of her nerves fall away. "I wish daddy was here right now," she whispered.
"He is, sweetheart--I know it."
"How do you know?"
"I told him I needed him. He would never ignore that call."
Charlie smiled tearily and you waved your hand in front of her face to dry the tears.
"Don't mess up your makeup, sweetie."
She laughed and you placed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks mom," she murmured.
"You ready?"
She nodded. "I'm ready."
"Then let's go."
**********
Dean's POV:
I waited patiently outside of the bridal suite for my wife and daughter to emerge. I was rendered absolutely speechless when I caught a glimpse of Charlie--she looked even more beautiful than before. Even better, she looked so incredibly happy.
I followed the bridal party as they moved towards the main hall where the ceremony was taking place. I watched as everyone began to line up and I started to wonder who would be walking Charlie down the aisle.
As I had this thought, my brother appeared with something in his hand. He looked older too, of course, but he still looked like my little brother to me.
"I think you forgot something," Sam said to (Y/N) as he handed her what appeared to be a picture frame.
She took it with a teary expression and hugged him tightly. "Thanks, Sammy."
He kissed the top of her head before embracing Charlie. "You look beautiful, Charlie."
"Thanks, Uncle Sam."
"Alright, I've gotta go sit down. Your mother will kill me if I'm late." He addressed his words to a tall young man I quickly recognized as my namesake, Sam's son, Dean.
"Better go fast, the procession is about to start," (Y/N) teased.
I'd assumed Sam would be walking Charlie down the aisle, but now I was truly confused. Perhaps (Y/N/N) was going to do it.
The doors opened and the music poured out as the wedding party began the long walk down the aisle. Before long, the only people who remained were my wife and my daughter.
"You ready, sweetheart?" (Y/N) asked.
Charlie nodded. She took the picture frame from her mother and breathed deeply. She kissed her hand and then placed it on the picture with a small smile. I looked at the picture and surprise lit up my face. It was a picture of me...
She handed it back to her mother with a smile.
"In a way, he's still walking you down the aisle," (Y/N) whispered softly.
"It's perfect," Charlie affirmed.
The wedding march began and (Y/N) squeezed Charlie's arm gently. The two of them began the walk down the aisle and I followed behind them, proud to be there for this powerful moment.
This was the proudest moment of my life--or I guess afterlife. My daughter was happy, my wife was happy--I couldn't have asked for anything better.
**********
"You didn't say it would be this awful," Charlie accused you.
You chuckled lightly. "Of course I did, but you didn't want to listen."
Charlie groaned as a contraction hit her.
You looked up at Paul, who looked slightly terrified. "You alright there, Paul?" you asked gently.
"I feel a little anxious, that's all," he reassured you.
You smiled, thinking back to the day you gave birth to Charlie. Sam's face had looked very similar to the way Paul looked right now.
Much like you, Charlie was tough as nails, and you knew she would make it through childbirth just as you had. "You're doing great, honey," you murmured.
She moaned in pain, squeezing both your hand and Paul's. You winced slightly, but let her keep squeezing. You soothed her gently, brushing her hair back from her face, much like Eileen had done for you 30 years prior.
You almost couldn't believe it had been that long. It was hard to believe how fast the time had gone by, but part of you still felt as though time was too slow. You wanted as much time with your daughter as possible, but your desire to be reunited with Dean was almost as strong. Love was complicated that way.
Charlie's nails biting into your skin roused you from your thoughts and you focused back on your daughter, trying to help her through one of the most incredible--and painful--moments of her life.
Ultimately, Charlie was in labor for a grand total of 14 hours before giving birth to a very healthy baby girl. You watched proudly as she held her newborn daughter in her arms and whispered to her much like you'd done to Charlie when she was born.
"You did so well, sweetheart," you said softly as you stroked Charlie's hair.
She looked up at you with those piercing green eyes of hers--emotion filling every part of her face. "She's so perfect."
You smiled, remembering the past as if it were yesterday. "Just like her mama," you murmured.
Tears filled Charlie's eyes and you kissed her forehead gently. You were just as emotional as she was, but you did your best to hide it. You didn't want to burden her with your emotions.
"Do you have a name picked out?" you asked.
Charlie nodded. "Lillian, after Paul's mother."
You knew Paul's mother had passed away a few years prior, so you thought the sentiment was especially sweet. "Lillian is a good name."
"Her middle name is Deanna...in honor of dad."
You inhaled sharply, surprised by how a simple name stirred up so much emotion. "He would love that, baby. In fact, Deanna is your great grandmother's name. Your grandmother named her children after her parents, Deanna and Samuel...Dean and Sam."
"I never knew that," Charlie whispered.
"I guess I never really thought about it until now."
Charlie looked up at Paul. "What about her last name?"
Charlie had chosen to keep her last name when she got married. She loved the name and the history that came along with it--plus she wanted to honor her dad, a sentiment you appreciated.
"I think we should hyphenate it," Paul answered.
"Lillian Deanna Winchester-Riley," Charlie said slowly. "I like that."
Paul smiled. "I like it too."
You smiled at the young couple and your sweet granddaughter, enjoying the moment as long as you could. There was so much you wanted to say, but now wasn't the time. You wanted this day to be nothing but happiness and love--Charlie deserved it.
**********
Dean's POV:
It had been several days since I'd last heard from (Y/N) and I was beginning to worry. Usually she talked to me pretty often, even if it was only for a few minutes at a time.
I couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong, so I decided to check in on her--just in case.
When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find myself in a large doctor's office. I looked around the expansive room filled with several large comfortable reclining chairs, confusion flooding my mind. I didn't see (Y/N), but I did notice several people sitting back in their chairs, hooked up to IVs and monitors, and I had a feeling this wasn't a good place.
I began to walk down the rows of chairs, examining every face I came across. It didn't take me long to figure out this was a cancer treatment facility and these patients were likely receiving chemotherapy.
At the end of one of the rows, I saw a middle-aged woman sitting alone, reading a novel. My instincts told me to go to her and as I got closer, I realized I knew the (y/e/c) eyes as well as I knew my own.
"(Y/N)," I whispered as I sunk to my knees in front of her. She looked so much older than the last time I'd seen her, but I knew without a doubt that was due to her illness. She was wearing a pretty bandana on her head to hide her lack of hair and she looked painfully thin.
It broke my heart to see her like this--and it made me angry. Out of all the people in the world, (Y/N) deserved this the least. She was a hero, for god's sake. She'd saved the world as many times as I had, and she was a genuinely good person. She didn't deserve to suffer like this.
"Hey Miss (Y/N)," a woman's voice said from behind me. "How are you feeling?"
(Y/N) looked up at the young woman and smiled. "I'm alright, Cynthia, all things considered."
Cynthia nodded, a sad smile on her face. "Any nausea?"
(Y/N) shook her head. "I guess I'm used to it."
"Alright, well let me know if you need anything. You've got another hour left and then your daughter will be here to pick you up."
(Y/N) nodded and I watched the nurse walk away. When I turned my attention back to (Y/N), I could tell she felt terrible. The chemo was killing her as much as the cancer--she was becoming a shell of the woman I loved so dearly.
I almost couldn't stand to see her like this--the urge to run was one I had to suppress. (Y/N) needed me now more than ever and I would be damned if I left her side for more than a moment. She might not know I was there, but I hoped my presence would somehow comfort her.
I pressed my lips to her forehead in a soft kiss she couldn't feel and I whispered how much I loved her. As much as I wanted to be with her again, I needed her to survive--Charlie needed her more than me right now, so I couldn't be selfish. I would have done anything to make her healthy, but this was one problem I couldn't solve.
**********
You weren't exactly surprised when you'd been diagnosed with cancer three years prior, shortly before the birth of your first grandchild. You didn't tell Charlie until after Lillian was born...you hadn't wanted to worry her.
Chemo had been hell--maybe not quite as bad as what Dean had described hell to be like, but close enough. You wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. You'd spent an entire year going to treatment after treatment, seeing doctor after doctor, and feeling like death the entire time.
You'd lost more than your hair...you'd lost your happiness and your spark--you'd lost yourself. Even now, two years in remission, you still didn't quite feel like your old self. You weren't sure you ever would be...life had simply thrown too many obstacles at you, and you were bound to break at some point.
The two constants in your life during your illness had been Charlie and Sam. You weren't surprised by either one's presence and you appreciated the love and care--even when they were a bit overbearing.
Now that you were healthy again, Charlie had been focusing more on her husband and two children--having just given birth to her second child.
You couldn't fault her for it, after all you'd told her you were completely fine. The only person who saw through you was Sam, but then again, he always had.
"Speak of the devil," you murmured softly as Sam walked into the living room.
"Were you talking about me?" Sam teased lightly.
"Technically, I was thinking about you."
"Okay, good. That's less concerning. For a moment, I thought you'd been talking to yourself."
"I tend to keep those conversations internal."
"You tend to keep everything internal," he admonished as he sat down beside you.
You sighed, hating how right he was.
"So come on. How are you really feeling?"
"Honestly, Sammy, I'm okay. I'm neither good, nor bad...I just am."
Sam exhaled deeply and nodded. "Has therapy helped at all?"
You shook your head. "I can't really explain what I'm feeling to a therapist, ya know? They wouldn't understand--hell, they'd probably think I was nuts."
Sam raised his eyebrows knowingly. "It's Dean again, isn't it?"
Tears filled your eyes. "I miss him now more than I ever have before--with the exception of the weeks after he first died. I can't explain it, but somehow almost dying has made me want to let go...to be with him again."
"I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling," Sam admitted. "But that doesn't mean I won't be here to listen and do what I can to help you. I don't want you to die anytime soon, but I know how it feels to welcome death with open arms."
You laid your head on his shoulder. "It's almost as if cancer took the joy out of life. I thought for sure I'd feel it again when I got better, but it's just not there. I don't want to die, but I'm tired, Sam--I'm so incredibly tired."
He knew what you meant without you having to explain yourself further. He simply wrapped his arms around you and held you close, allowing you to cry against his chest. He would have done anything for you, but he knew this time you were beyond his saving.
**********
It was your annual visit to your oncologist and Charlie had decided to come with you. You'd been in remission for five years now, but you had a feeling of dread you couldn't describe.
Charlie must have sensed it because she demanded to come with you to your appointment. You felt a bit like an invalid, having your daughter come with you, but you knew she was doing it out of love and concern.
"How have you been feeling lately, (Y/N)?" your doctor asked.
"A bit tired, but otherwise okay," you answered.
The doctor nodded, a sad look on her face. It was a look you knew well--you'd seen it before. "Just tell me," you inisisted.
Both Charlie and the doctor looked surprised, but the doctor was the first to recover. "I'm afraid your scans aren't looking good."
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath--both knowing and fearing her next words.
"It looks like the cancer is back...and it's spread."
You sighed heavily, but didn't cry--you'd already accepted the inevitability of death and you weren't surprised it was arriving sooner than you'd expected.
Charlie, on the other hand, was devastated. You heard her gasp out a soft sob, so you turned your attention to her, wrapping your arms around her to comfort her.
"How long?" you asked the doctor softly.
"With chemo and maybe some radiation, a year, maybe a year and a half."
Charlie's soft crying intensified, prompting you to hold onto her a little tighter.
"And without treatment?"
"Wait, mom--no," Charlie said quickly.
Your eyes locked on to the doctor's gray ones and she exhaled softly. "A few weeks--two months at most."
Charlie looked up at you, bright green eyes begging you for something you knew you couldn't give.
You smiled sadly, tears of your own filling your eyes. "I can't do it again, baby--I just can't. I don't want to live the last bit of my life suffering like I did with the last round. I'm 70 years old--I've lived my life, and I'm ready to let go."
Charlie sniffled. "But I'm not ready."
"I know, sweetheart, I know. We're never ready for the people we love to leave us. I don't want to leave you, but I can't stay forever."
"How am I supposed to live without you?" she whispered.
You smiled. "Luckily, you have a loving family who will support you through this. Losing someone is never easy, but you'll get through it, sweetheart. I'll be going to join your dad, so we'll both be watching over you."
She seemed to find some comfort in this, but you could still see the pain she was feeling. It broke your heart to leave her, but it was time. You were ready to go home--to Dean, who had always been your home.
**********
Telling Sam you were going to die had been one of the hardest things you'd ever had to do. He hated the idea of losing you almost as much as Charlie did, but he understood why you couldn't go through treatment again.
You'd done the rounds--saying goodbye to all the people you loved who still remained on earth. You would miss them terribly, but you knew this wasn't goodbye--you'd see them all again someday.
For the last week, you'd been in hospice. The end was coming soon and you were ready, even if your daughter wasn't. You were on enough pain medication to take down an elephant, but you managed to stay awake long enough to talk when you had visitors.
Today was one of those days. You'd already said your goodbyes to everyone else you loved, but Charlie was the one you knew would be the hardest. You'd tried to prepare her for this moment, but you knew it wasn't easy for her. You wanted to reassure her everything was going to be alright--she was going to be okay.
"I wanted to talk to you, sweetie," you said softly, interrupting your daughter's story.
"Sure, mom," she murmured, taking your hand. "What is it?"
"I'm ready to go," you whispered. "But I can't leave until you let me go."
Her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I'm not ready."
"Yes you are. You're the strongest person I know and you've got a loving husband who will help you through this." You squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Besides, you know where I'm going...how many people can say that?"
She nodded, sniffling softly. "Not many."
"Exactly. But you know. You know heaven is real. You know that all the people we love are there waiting for us. You know I'll always be with you--that I'll be checking in on you any chance I get. That knowledge is a gift, Charlie...the greatest gift I could possibly give you."
She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing your words to sink in. She hated letting you go, but she knew you were right. It hurt her to see you in pain and she could tell you needed to go.
"I will always love you, Charlie. Always. You're the best parts of me--and your dad. I've been honored to be your mother, to watch you grow up, to see the amazing woman you've become. I'm so proud of you in every way a mother can be proud of her daughter. You will always be my little girl--and I will never ever leave your heart."
Charlie laid her head on your chest, letting the tears fall in earnest. "I know how much you love me, mom, and I'm so thankful that I've had all these years with you. I love you so much and I'll miss you always. But I know it's time for you to move on...and you're right, I'll be okay. So it's okay...you can let go now. Go be with dad...where you belong."
Those words warmed your dying heart. They were what you needed to hear--what you needed Charlie to say. This was it. The last few moments of your life on earth. For many people, this moment would spark fear, but for you it was a welcome relief. As you'd told your daughter, you knew where you were going--you were going home.
**********
When you opened your eyes, you were surprised to find yourself in an open field. The sun was shining brightly and birds were singing softly. For a moment, you were lost--unsure of where you were or how you got there.
You looked down at your hands, surprised to see how soft and smooth they were. You'd become accustomed to the wrinkles of old age, but it appeared those were gone.
"Hello, (Y/N)," said a familiar voice from behind you.
You turned around and greeted the young man with a smile. "Jack!"
You hugged him without thinking--something you'd always done when you'd both been on earth. You supposed thinking of him as a 'young man' wasn't quite accurate anymore, but that's how you'd probably always see him.
Jack returned your embrace with a gentle smile. "Welcome to heaven."
You let go of him and nodded. "I, uhh, I think I'm a little younger than I was when I died." You held your hands up as evidence.
Jack nodded. "You are the same age you were when Dean passed away. I thought you would appreciate that."
You blinked away tears and nodded quickly. "Thank you," you whispered. You were about to ask where Dean was when Jack nodded towards a building in the distance.
"He's in there."
You glanced towards the building, eyes narrowing to read the signage above the door. A warm smile graced your face as you realized it was Harvelle's Roadhouse--the very place you'd met Dean.
You turned back to Jack to thank him, but he'd disappeared. You murmured another thank you to him, knowing he would hear you. He was god, after all.
You walked the relatively short distance to the Roadhouse, stopping outside the door to take a deep breath. It might not have been all that long for Dean, but for you it had been 38 years.
You knew you were more than ready to see him, so you pulled the door open and stepped inside. It felt exactly like stepping into the past--like being embraced by a favorite memory.
**********
Dean's POV:
I heard the doors open, but I didn't think much of it. People were always coming and going from the Roadhouse. It was a popular establishment, even in heaven.
I didn't even think anything when I heard Ellen greeting someone happily. I was too engrossed in the old western show I was watching on the TV above the bar.
It wasn't until I heard Bobby say "(Y/N)" that I started to pay attention--the spell finally broken. I looked around, trying to figure out why he'd said her name, when I made eye contact with the most beautiful (y/e/c) eyes I'd ever seen. I would know those eyes anywhere.
I jumped out of my seat and took a few steps in her direction, whispering her name like I was afraid she would disappear if I said it too loud.
She smiled at me--a warm, loving expression I'd missed more than I could express. "Hi, Dean."
Hearing her voice pushed me into action. I moved towards her at the same time she moved towards me--meeting in the middle in an embrace I'd craved for longer than I'd care to admit.
Neither of us spoke, we didn't need to. Just feeling her in my arms again was better than any words she could have said.
She looked up at me, affection warming her features, and I couldn't help but stare. She was so beautiful it hurt--if I hadn't already been dead, I would have passed out from lack of oxygen. I couldn't breathe as I looked at her--hell, I didn't even want to blink.
She reached up and touched my face, and I leaned into her caress. I'd missed the feeling of her gentle hands and I reveled in the feeling now.
She gently tugged on my head, pulling me down towards her. She stood up on her toes so she could press her lips against mine in a kiss more passionate than any we'd ever shared.
**********
Seeing Dean for the first time in almost 40 years was a shocking experience. He was just as handsome as you remembered, perhaps even more so.
You knew just by the way he looked at you that his love hadn't diminished in any way--just as yours hadn't.
Your embrace was wonderful, but it wasn't until your lips met his that you really felt the powerful emotions coursing through you. You had no desire to ever stop kissing him and you had a feeling he felt the same way.
You poured all your love for him into the kiss, and you could feel how much he loved you in return. It was more passionate--more powerful--than any kiss you'd ever shared with him on earth. You weren't sure if it was a heaven thing or simply because you'd been apart for so long.
When you finally separated, he looked at you with adoring eyes, hands still holding you firmly against him. You had a feeling he was afraid to let you go--a sentiment you shared.
He seemed to remember there were lots of witnesses around, which only made him more protective of you.
"Do you wanna see where I live?" he whispered quietly.
"Of course."
He addressed the room without taking his eyes off you. "I'm sure we'd all love to catch up and reminisce, but it'll have to wait. My beautiful wife and I have some catching up of our own to do."
You heard some knowing chuckles, which neither of you acknowledged. Instead, you allowed him to lead you out of the building and onto a gently sloping trail.
At the end of the trail sat a lovely little house, complete with a white picket fence--the kind of storybook ending neither of you had gotten in life.
Dean led you into the house and you instantly fell in love with it. There was just something about it that felt like home. Perhaps it was the man standing beside you, a hopeful look on his handsome face.
"Do you like it?"
"It's perfect," you said honestly.
He seemed to relax again, a small smirk dancing on his lips. "Wanna see the bedroom?"
You grinned. "I'd love to."
He led you down the hall to the bedroom. To your surprise, the room looked identical to the bedroom you'd shared at the bunker. You didn't expect such a simple thing to make you so emotional, but you couldn't help the tears that sprang to your eyes.
"Are you okay?" he murmured.
You nodded. "I just didn't realize how much I missed this room."
He smiled. "It's the only place that ever felt like home."
You shook your head. "Anywhere with you felt like home to me."
He turned to you suddenly, pressing his body against yours as he pulled you in for another heated kiss. His desire for you was evident in his actions and you had to admit, you wanted him just as badly.
"I'm glad you took your time," he admitted.
You pulled back, a little surprised at his words.
"Not because I didn't wanna be with you, baby. You know that," he reassured you. "I just wanted you to live a beautiful, full life."
You smiled warmly. "I did, Dean. I really did...but I never stopped missing you."
"I know," he admitted. "I was there for a lot of it."
"I always hoped you were."
He smiled at you again, before leaning down to place soft kisses to any piece of exposed skin he could.
"I have something I wanna try," he whispered against your skin.
"Mhmm?" you hummed softly.
"I wanna see if there's a limit to the number of times I can make you cum...it is heaven after all," he murmured huskily.
You gasped. "Dean!"
"Only if you want to..."
"Take me to bed, Mr. Winchester," you whispered. "I think we've both waited long enough."
"Anything for you, Mrs. Winchester...but don't rush me. Now it's my turn to take my time."
You giggled as he tossed you onto the bed, lips never far from each other's skin. You made love more times than either of you could count, trying to make up for all the lost time. Neither of you kept track of the number of times you fell apart in each other's arms...all that mattered was the love that still sparked between you, a love that even death could never diminish.
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