#// those lines hit hard because yes he did fight for himself

[cagcd]

Every fight I've fought, I've fought for myself.

But this one ?

This one's for my family.

[anotherlongstoryshort]

Things about the Wisdom Saga that have plagued me all damn day

Legendary

Whether intentional or not, Miguel's Telemachus really sounds like a younger version of Jorge's Odysseus. And that hurts.

"If I fight those monsters, is it you I'll find?" The layers. Could he go out and hunt for his father? Could he find his 'legendary' strength within himself? Or will Odysseus be the 'monster' he finds?

"Somebody help me, come and give me the strength" And his call is answered T_T

20 years.

Antinous fully interrupts this bop. Rude.

Ayron sounds legitimately scary and Telemachus taking a stand is so O.O

Little Wolf

I wanna fight this guy. Love that Athena agrees. (The beat of the song and sharp bursts of vocals really emulate blows.)

The quaver on "I don't know how".

Athena is immediately charmed by Telemachus' enthusiasm. She sounds so fond.

The fact she sees heart in him as an advantage when it was Odysseus choosing heart over mind that drove them apart. Guh.

Did she tell him to bite Antinous? XD

"Oh, maybe I pushed you a bit too hard." The change in her perspective is already so apparent - she wouldn't have admitted a mistake or miscalculation to Odysseus.

We'll Be Fine

"I had a friend before..." A FRIEND? FRIEND?!?!

An admission that she didn't fully appreciate what Odysseus was going through, that she feels guilty for having "missed it all".

It's unclear to begin with if she's come to Telemachus for Odysseus, or to try and replace him. Both are equally heart-breaking.

"I don't know who your friend is, I don't know what he's like" UNKNOWINGLY ECHOING HIS OWN THOUGHTS IN 'LEGENDARY'. NO IT'S FINE I'M FINE.

"The best day of my life because I got in a fight and I didn't die! :D" Telemachus, child, please.

"We'll be fine" using the same run as "this is my goodbye" T_T

Him immediately offering up friendship to Athena, like Odysseus once did, must hit her so hard. "You're a good kid." Yes he is - because he's more like his dad than he knows.

Love in Paradise

"Old friend..." FRRRRRIIIIEEEENNNNNDDDDD!!!!!

10 years.

The memory fragments sounding so fraught and chaotic together, hitting harder because they're hitting Athena all at once. She missed a lot.

"She's my wife." "Anyways..." Calypso, girl, please.

Love that they're singing completely different melodies through the first half of this song for two reasons: because Odysseus is revisiting previous motifs, once more trying to hold onto the man he was, and also because it shows Calypso is not willing to compromise on what she wants.

"Last I checked goddesses can't die." We'll come back to this later.

Then Odysseus realises he is truly trapped and he sings along to Calypso's melody in muted horror.

POLITIES OUT HERE STILL HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE.

Just the words "open arms" are enough to confront Odysseus (again) with all he's lost. All he hears are screams.

And the one he screams out for is Athena.

"He needs my help." NO KIDDING GO GET YOUR BOY.

God Games

"Father, God, King..." There's a lot to unpack in that fun family dynamic.

"To untie apprehensions that were placed on that Greek?" Zeus is like, nobody likes that guy, why do you care?

The gods being called out like X Factor finalists is everything.

So there's a great contrast against the previous song - unlike Calypso, Athena is matching each of her singing partners with their tone and beat as she convinces them. She isn't winning by 'imposing her will', she's meeting them where they are.

Rational arguments work until Aphrodite, where Athena says "please" for the first time. She softens to appeal to Aphrodite, which is why Ares has to step in.

The way she says his name XD

Ares' lines sound like as much of a fighting chant as 'Little Wolf' did, which makes it all the better that the mention of Telemachus is what gets her to 'fight back'.

"His son's my friend!" YES HE IS. And Athena of all people declaring "a broken heart can mend" is fascinating. Can't help but wonder if she's talking about herself coming around to forgiving Odysseus.

"Never once has he cheated on his wife." Handwaving the source material is worth it for this line ALONE.

Zeus is so pressed by everyone openly knowing he cheats on Hera. Stop doing it then my dude.

Ares sounding genuinely concerned for Athena is doing things to me. Goddesses can't die, huh?

Her time motif flitting in and out like a weak heartbeat.

The soft piano of 'Warrior of the Mind', touching on a whisper of 'Legendary', then rising to a triumphant crescendo as Athena regains herself. I will be forever haunted by visions of Odysseus and Telemachus helping her to her feet.

And then, finally, she faces her own father and begs. Because Odysseus and Telemachus deserve a chance to be father and child.

The parallel, by the way, of Athena entering this saga to help an outnumbered Telemachus, and now closing it with him/Odysseus unknowingly helping her win her own battle too. JORGE HOW DARE YOU T_T

[cbartonscoffee]

I think I've never been more aware of just how many people only get their info of the batfam through fanfic. I finally started reading Red Robin (2009) and I can not believe how many things are blown out of proportion. Particularly about Dick and Damian.

First of all, Dick does try to put limits and he does get fed up with Damian's ways sometimes. Out of the three first interactions of them in the comic, at least in two he tells him to shut up. And one of those is when Damian starts to brag about being Robin and Tim being useless, he tells him to shut up twice.

Another thing about that moment, is that they treat it like Dick completely dismisses Tim and treats him as unimportant. He doesn't. He takes him seriously, he tells him he needs him, he tells him he views his as an equal, as someone capable. And he also tells him he's concerned about him and that he needs to start processing Bruce's death. Could that have been a little harsh? Yes, but he needed to do it without making Tim think there was room for him to be convinced about his theory because let's be honest, Tim would've taken anything less than complete refusal and tried to change his mind. And had he been wrong neither of them could have taken it.

Secondly, Dick is always left to shoulder the blame of kicking Tim out and of never reaching out. That's bull. And I need to make that clear. Tim was in a delicate point, he tells us this himself multiple times, but the decision to leave was completely made out of his own free will. Another thing he did was put space between him and the people on Gotham. We see only one time in which Dick tries to call him. Tim picks up and tells him he doesn't want to talk. This tells us that Dick respecting Tim's wish of space included almost no (or even no) contact, and Dick calling was not something Tim appreciated or encouraged.

Now. Going into the second year of the run, when he's back in Gotham, there's a few things to talk about and I'm still in the aftermath of Damian and Tim's fight.

I feel it's important to say that even if they are all family, more often than not they're doing their own thing. Like, Babs and Steph are in the Batcave while Dick and Damian are in Wayne Tower, Cass is said to potentially be in Hong Kong and we haven't even heard Jason be name-dropped except for the fact that he went on a rampage at some point.

So, Dick is immediately called away in League business. So he isn't there. Damian is behaving fairly civil besides being a brat, so no one wastes too much effort in correcting what he says. We need to think about the fact that this is a kid whose world was turned upside down multiple times in a short period of time, who has a need to be accepted, and who hasn't yet found his place. All this is to say, that if it's difficult to get him to eat breakfast there's no way they're controlling his every move and that's understandable.

So Dick is away, Damian is still trying to adapt, Alfred has his hands full and everyone else is doing something else.

The whole thing starts because Tim is being kind of cryptic about what he's doing with his hit list and Damian feels left out and goes looking for more. He finds his name in a hidden double side of the hit list marking him as a threat. He understandably feels hurt and angry, because he's a kid, and he's trying, and his predecessor who at this point doesn't even try with him anymore views him as something bad.

So in classic Damian fashion, he falls back on his upbringing and doesn't deal with the situation as one should, talking about it. Instead he cuts team line, hurting before being hurt. It could've been worse, we see in the panel that Tim doesn't have that much of a hard time getting safely to the ground. The problem is that he snaps and starts a full-blown fight he knows Damian won't back out off. (I'm pleased to add that after cutting his line Damian doesn't start anything else)

So they are fighting, Tim has the clear advantage and he knows this, we know this. And that's how Dick finds them. Having just returned from a JL mission, in the place where the Waynes were murdered, with Tim having overpowered Damian.

They go back to the cave and Damian shares his findings, and Dick understands. And Tim tells him he (Dick) knows why he (Tim) did it. Dick agrees, and tells him he should have tried to make it harder to find. Tim says he hadn't thought Damian would try or even care. Dick tells him Damian wants to be accepted.

All in all, so far the only thing this comic has proven to me is that there's a reason comics are the bomb and that fanon has gotten out of hand. I get making things out to be worse for the sake of a story, but everything surrounding these events is basically used as the foundation for Damian and Tim's relationship as well as Dick and Tim's and I don't think I've once read a fanfic where these events are portrayed correctly or even following the real motivations of the characters. This is a disservice to all of them and only serves to amplify the hate towards a character that doesn't deserve it. There's a lot of Damian hate going around. And it sucks. Mostly because people use his actions against Tim to justify it and honestly? I don't think you should be allowed to use that if you haven't read RR and understood what was going on.

[peachhcs]

going to worlds

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

with worlds coming up, tensions get high in the hughes’ household between luke and samy.

2k words

so this is actually more samy x luke more than samy x will but here’s the sibling angst i mentioned a few days ago! i feel like we don’t see a lot of samy’s relationship with her brothers so i wanna try and write that more but i will be writing more about worlds between will and samy as it plays out! :))

au masterlist

“no, absolutely not,” luke immediately shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen. samy was hot on his tail as she followed him into the living room, watching as he plopped himself onto the couch, remote in hand. 

“why not? it’s not like i’m gonna be bothering you,” the younger hughes argued, hanging herself over the couch so she was right in her brother’s face. 

the boy pushed her away, “but it will be a bother when i have to look after you the entire month there. i’m not doing that shit. i’m not gonna be some babysitter at my own hockey tournament,” luke was being harsh which samy sort of expected, but not this bad.

“i’m 19 years old. you don’t need to look after me,” the girl fired back. 

“that’s not what mom and dad will say. plus, i kind of do because we’re in a fucking foreign country and i’m not that stupid to let you wander around czechia by yourself,” luke shot back even harder. a frustrated groan escaped samy’s lips. this brother was supposed to be easier than her other two. 

“i won’t be by myself. plus, i went to sweden and mom and dad were fine,” samy mumbled sheepishly. 

“what do you think you’re gonna do when we’re at practice almost the whole day? sit in the hotel? that’s gonna get boring real quick,” the curly-brunette shook his head, already very over the conversation and disregarding what his sister said.

“you’re being such a brat. i’m not 12 years old anymore, luke. i can take care of myself, you know. you’re not even 21 yet so right now it’s a one year age difference.” 

“why do you even wanna go? don’t you have your own shit to do instead of follow me to czechia,” the middle hughes rolled his eyes. although, his words hit a nerve. 

samy drew back off the couch, a frown settling onto her lips. sure, her and luke had their fair share of fights and arguments, but for some reason, his words hurt even more than any of those combined. 

“jesus, when did you turn into such an asshole?” now her words hit luke’s nerve this time. the older boy whipped around so hard samy swore he gave himself whiplash. his lips were set in a straight line along with his eyebrows pinched together. 

“who are you calling an asshole right now? you’re the one who needs to grow up right now,” the boy shot back quite harshly. 

“so me going to every single one of your ntdp games, home games at umich mean nothing to you? you just think i’m following you around?” the girl frowned, her hurt showing more than she anticipated as her voice wavered. 

“i- i..that’s not what i meant, sam. i just..it’s gonna be a bother and you just wanna go to make out with your boyfriend anyway,” luke defended himself, but his words didn’t sound any better than before. 

those words hurt samy a lot more than a few minutes ago. luke never called her sam ever. the siblings stared at one another, the silence engulfing them while luke awaited a response. “so that’s what you think? you’ve just forgotten that will’s still my best friend and i’ve been supporting him since we were kids along with you? you just think i wanna go to be some bother to you and have sex with my boyfriend?” samy’s voice finally rose to the point where they both knew she was angry. 

“i mean..am i wrong?” the wrong responses kept falling from the middle hughes’ mouth. 

“yes! you are wrong, luke! haven’t you and will always wanted to play on the same team together since we were kids but never could because you weren’t ever in the same age group? and now that it’s finally happening, i can’t go and support my brother and best friend who are playing for the same team because all you think is that i’m going to have sex with him all the time and be some fucking bother. i only asked you because i knew mom and dad would only let me go if you said yes and i thought you would because you’d want your sister there cheering you on like i have been for your entire life. maybe this whole fame thing really did get to your head,” samy stormed off before luke could even respond. her heavy footsteps carried all the way up the stairs until the boy heard her bedroom door slam shut. 

“woah, someone’s mad..” jack came out from the downstairs bedroom. his hair looked absolutely insane like he’d just woken up despite it being 2 in the afternoon. 

“i don’t know what’s up with her,” luke rolled his eyes, settling back into the couch like nothing happened. 

“she’s got a point, you know. you were kind of being an asshole,” jack shrugged as he wandered into the kitchen. 

“oh come on, not you too. if she goes, i’m just gonna have to look after her!” luke exclaimed, head falling back onto the couch in frustration. 

“she’s not some kid anymore, moosey. she’s 19. you’re not even 21. she can handle herself. she did in sweden,”  jack stuck up for their little sister. 

“that was different because everyone was there already. this isn’t the sam, jack. mom and dad will put me on babysitter duty because they aren’t there,” the younger brother continued his defense. 

“i don’t think it would be babysitting. more like making sure she’s okay. checking in? plus, i doubt she’ll even be in the hotel room that much anyway. she’ll wanna hang with smitty and leno,” jack started making himself a sandwich with the little ingredients in the fridge. apparently, ellen and jim hardly grocery shopped when they didn’t have four kids in one house anymore. 

“yeah and then that will lead to them having sex and then that becomes a whole thing,” luke rambled on. 

“is this really about not wanting samy there or is it about you thinking she’s taking away your moment if she’s there?” the older hughes brother proposed a new idea. he always saw through to his siblings hidden emotions they were trying to conceal. a beat of silence passed between the brothers and jack took the silence as his answer. he stopped making his sandwich for a moment to find a seat on the couch beside his brother. luke’s gaze stuck to the ground. 

“come on, rusty. talk to me,” jack nudged his brother’s knee. 

“it just feels like i never get to hang out with will because samy’s always there. or..he chooses her instead of hanging with us nowadays. being able to play on team usa together has been our dream since we were kids. i love that samy’s happy and so is will..i just..i really hoped this could be a just us thing. i don’t know. sounds selfish, i know,” the younger boy mumbled almost ashamed. 

“it’s not selfish, lukey. i get it. i’m still getting used to their whole dating thing too here and there. it is weird seeing one of your close friends date your sister,” jack sympathized. “i’m sure if you talked to samy she’ll understand. she’s always been your #1 supporter, luke. i know she’s not trying to come with you to wedge her way in between you guys. maybe set some boundaries?” 

“maybe i just feel so disconnected because i went to college and then was hardly ever around. feels like i don’t even know her sometimes anymore or will, you know? he used to be attached to our hips as kids and now..it’s just..not the same,” the curly-haired boy’s voiced faded off. a frown appeared on jack’s lips, rubbing his brother’s arm in a soothing manner. 

“talk to her, lukey. this can be your chance to reconnect with both of them the month you’re there,” the older boy encouraged. 

luke finally took to his words, agreeing as he got up and shuffled upstairs to hopefully reconcile. samy’s room sounded quiet the closer he got, so he gently knocked on the door.

“go away,” he heard lowly.

“please? just wanna talk,” luke mumbled from outside. 

a beat of silence passed until there was a small click and his sister’s gaze appeared through the crack, “about what?” 

“me being an asshole,” the older boy admitted in defeat that she was right earlier. the door opened wider, an indication that he could go in. 

luke’s gaze flicked around the room that he really hadn’t seen in..years almost. it was so similar, yet it felt so different in his eyes. so much time seemed to pass in samy’s room.

“you have five minutes to give me a good explanation,” the girl crossed her arms, snapping her brother back into reality. 

the guilt crept across luke’s face as he struggled on where to start. he was never the one to admit his feeling outright like this. “first, i’m sorry. i was an asshole about the whole thing,” he began.

“yeah, you kind of were. that really hurt, luke,” samy said seriously and the boy sighed. 

“i know..i don’t know why—i think i just…” he stumbled over his words and everything he just admitted to jack downstairs. “feels like i don’t really know you anymore just because i’ve been away and i hate that. we used to be so close and now it feels like we just don’t talk..same with will. i dunno. i guess i just didn’t want you there because i was being selfish and just wanted will and i there together. i realize now that you deserve to be there too to support us,” the boy continued in a long ramble that probably made no sense. 

he watched samy’s expression soften up a little, “you think we aren’t close anymore?” 

“i mean..not as close as we used to be. college and everything else seems to have made us drift..same with jack. same with quinn.”

yes, the hughes siblings were close, but not nearly as close when they all lived under one roof. one by one as each brother left, their bond slowly dissipated. texts became littler and littler. the time changes weren’t easy to work around sometimes. 

in some ways, samy saw where luke came from because quinn and jack missed a lot of big milestones in samy’s life yet she was there for all of theirs. 

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t know you felt that way,” the girl frowned. 

“no, no, it’s not your fault. i just..have been feeling weird lately. i think having you there will be really fun. maybe it can even make up for some of the time we’ve lost,” luke offered a smile. 

“no, i don’t have to go. you’re right. it’s a you and will thing. something you’ve been waiting for since you were kids,” the girl shook her head.

“no, no, i want you there. i promise. plus, i think smitty would actually fight me if he knew i wasn’t letting you come. i’m serious. we can catch up. have fun in czechia together. i’m sure mom and dad would love our sibling bonding,” the two shared a laugh. 

“are you sure?” 

“positive. i’ve missed hanging around you,” luke opened his arms for a hug. the youngest hughes stepped into his arms and they shared a tight hug in what felt like forever. 

“we’re gonna have so much fun there. i already have an intinerary planned for your off days,” the girl grinned widely when the two pulled away. 

a laugh escaped luke’s lips, “of course you do. we’ll talk to mom and dad tonight, yeah?” 

samy nodded and she let her brother squeeze her shoulders one last time before leaving her alone for now. she excitedly called will next to let him know the good news that they’d be able to spend the next few weeks together. 

[esterzach]

On The Bond thingy....

I rewatched the scene with Ihvon today. Somehow I missed it the first time. Simple, slow, on point. And oh, so wrong of him. Almost poetically. Apparently, Ihvon thinks they are not supposed to be equal. He laughs at Lan and his offense to Moiraine's words. Without even considering the possibility that someone like the great mighty Aes Sedai could consider a mere mortal man an equal. Ihvon is definitely the more likable character for me, but somehow Maksim turns out to be closer with his ideas on relationships. Even the basic understanding is that no two marriages are the same, just as people are different. As if by accident he was correct. Yet, they have no idea. Who knows what they think of Lan and Moiraine as a couple - Aes Sedai and a Warder? That probably falls somewhere along the lines of "Poor Lan with this stuck-up, cold, emotionless, bitter bitch. He must be in hell." With little understanding of Moiraine as a person, let alone her mission and their relationship. A common goal, mission more important than their life or anything else, personal sacrifice. And Moiraine's (normally) gentle attitude toward Lan when they are alone, their little moments, a bubble no one can get into. The shared looks and half smile, and that deep understanding. Also the contrast here between Lan and Maksim's "I don't want anyone else in my head and Alanna doesn't like the company..." is brutal. That's a lack of trust, of willingness to carry the burden of someone else's emotions because they are too much and let someone else be too close. Only the good parts. Did you think we would be fighting a war against an army of kittens? Well.. no, but... yes? Essentially he is an enhanced soldier and a glorified sex toy? For the rest - welp you are on your own. Then again I imagine what is the emotional range of Alanna - hungry, horny, scared, horny... What she wants - The Light to triumph over the Shaddow and a dessert after. And that attitude of her Warder - we see their weakness, we remind them that they are not gods, yet... he seems to almost think that of them. There is something disturbing in this idea that there is no way a normal person, let alone a man can be equal to a woman with special skills. The thought that they might think highly of a simple man never even occurs to them... And this power even though it needs work to be harnessed and efforts to be honed, is just an accident, a random natural mutation, with no rhyme or reason. Like green eyes. Do these people worship an accidental whim of nature? This removes the importance of other traits of character and makes people like Liandrin and Moiraine, the same. Lan was angry at Moiraine because she masked the Bond even when he knew what she was up to and that she was safe. He was willing to share even those moments. He feels uncomfortable even for several hours, let alone months. He misses her. He misses her presence in his head. She has become a part of him. And after such a long time without her, he asks her to let him back in. There is something else in this episode that hits hard. Alanna explains to Lan how Moiraine was a different person before. Something happened, and after that, she changed. Drastically. "The way water becomes ice. You look at it and wonder how it was ever water before." Ouch. That metaphor is beautiful and the whole line carries such a weight. It suits Alanna to say something poetic like this and it seems to be the perfect description of Lady Damodred. Lan knows what changed. He is interested in something else: "Was she happier then?" Brutal. We know Moiraine is not exactly rays and sunshine, but damn... Imagine being in someone's head, feeling someone's emotions when this person is almost never happy. To know that there is little you can do about it. And that is Lan, who himself seems to have about two trucks of personal baggage to deal with. He seems genuinely sad. What was it? Duty is heavier than a mountain. And there is no dessert after.

[seoul-bros]

The Future of Jikook

After watching the video and GMA soundcheck performance on Friday and then seeing all the contradictory reactions on line to the song and its reception, I have been quietly mulling things over here in my little corner of the internet.

There are so many fan feelings conflating here. Those who want JK to turn into the BTS Harry Styles, those who are still smarting over the way changes to BB affected the trajectory of FACE, those who feel that the breakout of one member is a threat to ever seeing BTS as a band again. It makes for a tense, emotional and chaotic time on-line especially on Twitter where people tend to have a knee jerk reaction to anything that is said and nuance is completely lost.

Look into yourself and I am sure you will find a whole load of contradictory emotions lapping at your consciousness right now. What I have found myself thinking however, is how does all this noise affect the members and in particular Jimin and Jungkook?

Making Choices

One question that came to mind was why did Jungkook pick this song for his solo debut. What is it that he likes about it and how does that differ from the way SB sees or is marketing the song. During Festa 2023 I commented on the transformation that JK has been through since last year. He has made a conscious effort to shake off the maknae part of the golden maknae starting with his deal with Calvin Klein and all the swooning I am seeing on Tumblr shows that he has succeeded. As Yoongi said, JK is all grown up.

Then I was thinking about JK's musical choices, who and what he listens to and I remembered earlier this year he sang the Sam Smith and Kim Petras hit Unholy on one of his lives. If you also recall he later scolded Jimin for being prudish about the song on his own live.

Twitter Link

JK was obviously ready to move into more explicit territory even then. So what about Seven made him think this is the song that launches me as the new and more mature JK.

I think for one thing, the lyrics are sensual and not gender specific. I am in the "loving you right" lyric camp because it gives a more mutual gratification feel to the song in keeping with the other lyrics as opposed to the macho stud, I'm a sex machine, version.

Jungkook wants to ease his lover's mind, he want to trace their lines, he loves how they wrap around him when they make love, he is devoted, his love runs deep and when they are together he wants to make sure his lover is satisfied and feeling that afterglow.

So yes JK is going to be talking about sex from now on along with almost everyone else in the Western music industry. Along with Jimin for example. As a side note, I still don't quite understand my overwhelmingly visceral reaction to the Like Crazy MV. It's f**king art and so is he.

Now SB and his cronies know the audience they are playing to and we will get symbolically het videos both for this and what is rumoured to be his completely English speaking solo album but even this video, which to be honest I have dumped in favour of the live performance and the choreo video, went for humour rather than full out fangirl wish fulfillment. I mean that may also come but I get the feeling that somewhere down the line they are going to need to pivot hard.

What do jikook want?

Secondly, I was thinking what do jikook want both severally and individually. All the members have an enviable work ethic and a deep love of music but the emphasis that these two and JHope put on performance is legendary. Look at Jimin here monitoring between shoots for his music shows in the behind the scenes video this week. He is serious about giving his best even when he himself is not in the best physical condition.

They are both ambitious and are looking for longevity in the industry and importantly, and prefacing this with an, in my opinion, this is something they want to do together. Neither wants the other to get left behind and I think that is what they are fighting for right now.

Whatever you think about their bond, it cannot be dismissed and the sequence of events of the last few weeks for me just reinforces that. Everyone noticed the way their relationship was highlighted in the Beyond the Story book (just started my copy yesterday but I couldn't resist the spoilers last week) to the extent that Variety went on a fishing expedition which JK expertly deflected.

Jimin is in New York right now and Jikook were seen dining together the night he arrived. We don't know what Jimin's schedule is but we can assume that he will take advantage of the visit to also support Jungkook as he has done with the other members when his schedule allowed. Jungkook is important to Jimin and vice versa.

Has everyone already forgotten the amount of promo that JK has done for Jimin over the last few months. Here he is listening to JKIVE's Golden Hour who we later found out was collaborating with Jimin on Angel Parts I and II.

So this is the perspective that I am going to adopt from here on in when I react to content. I am going to ask myself does my reaction help or hinder jikook in being able to continue working together towards their aim of further success in the music industry. I will veto anything designed to drive a wedge between them, be that from the company or the fans and I will continue to work hard for them in the way that a fan can buying, streaming and supporting their music and their content. There is even word on the grapevine that there maybe some jikook collaboration and/or content on the way. I'll be watching out for that.

Wow quick update something is definitely coming.

Post Date: 16/07/2023

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

CHAPTER 5: THE FLEA AND THE ACROBAT

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: This is a long one and based off certain scenes in Lucas on the Line. As a black person, I never realized I was other until it was pointed out to me and once I internalized it, I had questions I couldn't ask my parent(s) because it's not something discussed at length in the black community because trying to survive is hard enough. I honestly urge y'all to read Lucas on the Line because it's such a well written story about the Black Experience and how nuanced and difficult it is to navigate especially black kids who grew up in white neighbourhoods.

I hope y'all enjoy. Let me know what you guys think and if you'd like to be added to the tag list, let me know too! 🤎

Warnings: Swearing.

Word Count: 4587

Masterlist

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV

THE WOODS 

I squeal dropping the mallet on the ground at the sound of a gunshot. Nancy giggles waiting for me as I pick up my weapon in the shrubbery. I never thought I would be on my way to meet up with Jonathan Byers on the opposite side of town to learn how to shoot a gun. But then again, a lot more bizarre things have happened this week so I shouldn’t be surprised. Nancy and I trek up the small hill as Jonathan shoots repeatedly at the target of empty tin cans or at least attempts to. 

“You’re supposed to hit the cans, right?” 

Jonathan looks over his shoulder smiling sheepishly. “No, actually you see the spaces in between the cans? I’m aiming for those.”  

“Sure.” Nancy answers, titling her head in amusement. She drops her backpack and baseball bat on the ground ready for practice. 

I don’t take off my backpack right away, taking in my surroundings. The wide-open space of dry leaves, weeds and shrubs. The tall pine trees encircling the space. The winter chill started to come in and I wish I wore a hat today to cover my ears, maybe even a heavier coat instead of a denim jacket. Jonathan opens the revolver to check how many bullets are in the cylinder before reaching in his pockets for more. 

“You ever shot a gun before?” 

“Absolutely not.” I answer. 

“Didn’t your dad fight in the Vietnam War?” I nod my head, shifting from side to side on my feet. My Dad would never let any of us touch a gun. There was no reason for us to. Jonathan shrugs.  “I’m surprised he hasn’t taught you how to shoot a gun,” he commented, directing his gaze to Nancy. “You?” 

Nancy scoffs. “Have you met my parents?” 

“Yeah, I haven’t shot one since I was nine. My dad took me hunting on my birthday.” I see the spark in his eyes dwindle to a low flame. “He made me kill a rabbit.” 

“A rabbit?” Nancy and I say at the same time.

“Yeah. I guess he thought it would make me into more of a man or something.” 

“Yes, because the world needs more men shooting guns.” I deadpan. 

Jonathan smirks, adding bullets to the cylinder. “I cried for a week.” 

“Jesus.” Nancy whispers. 

“I’m sorry.” I say to him. 

Jonathan didn’t say anything as he tried to drag emotion back under where he didn’t need to feel it. He snaps the revolver in place, the corners of his lips rise to a smirk again. ��What? I’m a fan of Thumper.” 

“I meant your dad.” Nancy says. 

The detachment in his tone makes me uncomfortable. In seeing Jonathan’s dad for the first time today, the way he dressed and carried himself. There was something arrogant and insincere about him. When Will first went missing, I never heard Jonathan mention his dad, when Nancy and I found Jonathan at the funeral home, he was by himself picking caskets. Ms. Byers was at home grieving, but the whole town knew how adamant she was on finding Will, but where was his dad? The audacity to show up to the funeral of his youngest son, he did nothing to plan, to shake hands with the people who did care to find Will. Now with this story, it completed the picture. He was never in Jonathan and Will’s life and didn’t care to be. Only wanted to insert his toxic male dominance and masculinity onto the boys. 

“I guess he and my mother loved each other at some point...but I wasn’t around for that part.” 

Nancy gestures for the gun and Jonathan hands it to her. “Just point and shoot.” 

I walk behind Nancy to stand beside Jonathan, refusing to be anywhere near that sound. Nancy takes a deep breath aiming the gun at the can a few yards in front of her. 

“I don’t think my parents ever loved each other.” 

My eyebrows raise at the bold statement. “Nancy, you shouldn’t say that.” 

“I mean it.” she answers. 

“They must’ve married for some reason.” Jonathan states. 

“My mom was young. My dad was older but he had a cushy job, money, came from a good family. So, they bought a nice house at the end of the cul-de-sac and started their nuclear family.” 

“Screw that.” Jonathan says. 

“Yeah. Screw that.” 

Nancy closes one eye aiming for the beer can. I put my fingers in in ears just as Nancy pulls the trigger hitting the beer can. I chuckle in disbelief. From shot gunning to shooting them, anything involving beer cans, Nancy is a natural. I shrug off my backpack, placing the mallet on top. Despite the awe, I am uncomfortable with what Nancy said about her parents. Sure, Mr. Wheeler was a bit…impartial. I was around the family many times to know that, but to say her parents never loved each other? I don’t know. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to try, Diana?” Jonathan asks, offering me the gun. I don’t move contemplating. “It’s not gonna bite.” He jokes. I make a face at Jonathan and he laughs as I cautiously take it from him with my gloved hand. 

“Just point and shoot?” 

“Just point and shoot.” 

I standing in front of a can, widening my stance so I don’t fall over. “There’s nothing wrong with starting a nuclear family.”  

“That’s easy for you to say,” Nancy voices. “Your family is perfect.” 

I narrow my eyes at her, shaking my head. The contempt in her tone is shocking. “That’s not true.” 

“Diana,” Nancy chides, shoving her hands in her pockets. “You never argue with your parents and your parents never argue with each other. You are perfect. Your siblings are perfect. Everyone in your family is perfect.” 

I don’t miss Jonathan’s eyes darting back and forth between us. Having never seen us go back and forth with each other, I can tell he is surprised by this. What he doesn’t know is this topic of conversation isn’t new. Throughout our years of friendship, Nancy and Barb always made fun of me for being “perfect”; how I never make mistakes; I am always put together. I need at least eight-hours of “beauty” sleep. From the nickname “Lady Diana”, to my mom making me lunches because I refuse to each cafeteria food. At first it used to bother me, but I moved passed it until Tommy H and Carol picked up on it and started calling me “Anal Princess”. 

This may not be a new conversation, but the undertone certainly is and it’s why I am thrown off by it. It doesn’t sound like a joke anymore and there’s something deeper going on. I never thought Nancy envied me. I know I certainly envied Nancy for being strong enough to stand up for herself and say no. For being able to be defiant without feeling like its wrong. I lift my head high lifting the gun eye level. 

“I’m not perfect and my parents do argue, just not in front of us and there’s nothing wrong with that.” I begin. “You want to know why my dad never taught me how to fire a gun?” I refer to Jonathan’s comment earlier. “Because he never talks about the War unless it’s to teach us a lesson. I don’t know any stories of his time there. My family is seemingly perfect because we don’t talk about things, we don’t have difficult conversations. We just keep our heads down and try to live without feeling more of an outsider than we already are.”  I pull the trigger and the bullet hits the can knocking it off the tree stub. 

None of us react. The heaviness of what I said laying on thick. My family isn’t perfect. We are far from it. We are compliant and conforming because it’s the only way to not be seen as more of an outsider than we already are. I understand it to a certain extent, but sometimes I wish my parents would talk more about it. About being black in an all-white religious town. About their past and how they came to Hawkins. I know nothing and it’s something I push down to be the “perfect” daughter when deep down it bothers me. This is not something I can discuss with Lucas and Erica because they are happy in their bubble and I want to keep it that way for them. 

“What do you mean?” Nancy asks with a frown. “You’re not an outsider, Di.” 

“Never mind.” I say, handing Jonathan the gun, feeling more uncomfortable than before.

Nancy didn’t question me again and after shooting practice we decided to head through the forest looking for the mysterious animal. Dried leaves crunch under my boots as we all walked in silence. Jonathan and Nancy walked together giving me space to be alone for a while which I am grateful for because I didn’t feel like talking. My mind feels like it’s been jostled back and forth, buzzing with many thoughts. I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’ve never talked about it because who do I talk about this with? Uncle Jack only comes to Hawkins once a year and when he does the environment is uncomfortable and stuffy because Dad doesn’t like Uncle Jack and doesn’t hide it. Long distance calls are expensive and I have no money to pay for it and if Dad finds out I’ve been talking to Uncle Jack he’d be furious. Maybe I should start journaling or writing letters I’ll never send. 

“You never said what I was saying?” Nancy speaks after a long period of silence. 

“What?” Jonathan says. 

The conversation about the photos began in the darkroom yesterday, but I interrupted when I saw the final development of the photo of the thing that took Will and Barb. It’s definitely been the great elephant in the room between the three of us and though the conversation in the darkroom was light in nature, it is a serious situation. 

“Yesterday, you said, I was saying something and that’s why you took my picture.” I glance around not focusing on anything, while keeping my ears perked. 

“Oh, I don’t know. My guess…I saw this girl; you know trying to be someone else. But for that moment…it was like you were alone or you thought you were,” I cautiously peer at Nancy. She looks like she’s about to explode. “And, you know you could just be yourself.” 

I ground my teeth. Jonathan just opened up a huge can of worms. A few days ago, I would’ve agreed but after talking to Nancy, I don’t think she is trying to be someone else. She’s a young woman exploring and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, Jonathan isn’t close to Nancy to know who she is and who she isn’t. Nancy doesn’t respond right away, processing the soft insult. She stops clenching her hands into fists. 

“That is such bullshit.” Nancy fumes, glaring at Jonathan. “I am not trying to be someone else. Just because I’m dating Steve and you don’t like him—” 

“You know what? Forget it. I just thought it was a good picture.” 

My head retracts back. “So, you were intentional in taking those photos.” 

Jonathan’s head whips back. His brows shoot up in disbelief. “What?” 

“You said you thought it was a good picture which means you were intentional about taking it.” My voice hardens. “Taking all of it.” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Diana.” Jonathan mutters furiously under his breath, walking away. I march behind him trying to keep up with his long legs and quick strides.

“I’m not putting words in your mouth! Nancy asked you a question and your answer quite frankly, was bullshit. Because really? That’s what you were thinking when she was taking off her shirt?” It’s a cop out. A poor excuse to deflect from what he did. Jonathan scoffs. “Unbelievable.” I hiss, catching myself before I trip over a branch. “What about how Steve feels?” 

“Oh my god!” Jonathan throws his hands up in exasperation and I am filled with so much adrenaline I’m starting to shake. 

“I told you his privacy was violated too!” I snap. “As was mine, Tommy, Carol, and Barb!” 

Jonathan spins around, eyes bulging out of his sockets. “And I said I was sorry for taking the photos!” He shouts. I blink repeatedly taken aback by this attitude. No one has ever yelled at me like that and Jonathan was the last person I thought would. Nancy steps in scowling at him. 

“Don’t yell at her!” she shouts, pointing at him. Jonathan glares at her and keeps his mouth shut. I look down at my boots, done with the conversation. “Steve is actually a good guy. The whole camera situation. He’s not like that at all. He was just being protective.” 

“Yeah.” Jonathan scoffs, walking away. “That’s one word for it.” 

“And what you did was okay?” Nancy barks, following after him. I stalk behind her keeping my distance. 

“I never said that.” 

“He had every right to be pissed—”

“Okay, all right.” Jonathan says, rolling his eyes, coming to a halt. “Does that mean I have to like him?” 

“No.” 

“Listen, don’t take it so personally, okay? I don’t like most people. He’s in the vast majority.” 

This is why he’s being like this. Because he doesn’t like Steve and has some sort of animosity towards him. I never thought I would stick up for Steve, but after my encounter with him in my garage, I think he’s a good person and deserves a chance to be seen and heard outside his bubble. 

“You know, I was actually starting to think that you were okay.” Nancy rages. 

“Yeah?” Jonathan challenges, eyes glowing with savage fire. 

“Yeah, I was thinking, ‘Jonathan Byers, maybe he’s not the pretentious creep everyone says he is.’” 

“Well, I was just starting to think you were okay. I was thinking, ‘Nancy Wheeler, she’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does, until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac.’” His voice was stern with no vestige of sympathy in its hardness. “’Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it.’” 

Nancy and I watch Jonathan march away. We look at each other absolutely gobsmacked at what just happened. Nancy’s face is so red, the veins in her neck pulsates with pent-up fury as she clenches her fists. I wrap my arm around her shoulders guiding her along the path. 

I admire the colours of the sky as we trek through the forest. Shades of pink, orange, and yellow blending and oozing together. The sun was setting and we would soon need to use our flashlights to navigate through the forest. My back aches from carrying my backpack for so long and I want to tell Jonathan to stop so we can take a break but he was far ahead keeping his distance. All of us have been quiet since the argument though Nancy walked beside me, we haven’t spoken focusing on our surroundings, deep in thought. 

A lot of truth has been said today and it felt like it was shoved down all our throats. I’m not mad at Jonathan for yelling at me and I hope he’s not mad at me for calling him out. What he did was stupid and I know he knows that, but picking a fight with Nancy was something completely different. It felt more personal and I can’t quite put my finger on why it would be since Jonathan and Nancy aren’t close. If anything, they may be farther apart now after what he said to her. I doubt Jonathan wants that especially because of how far we’ve come. 

“Are you okay?” Nancy asks quietly enough so Jonathan doesn’t hear. 

“Yes.” I respond automatically. Nancy looks at me and I drop the act. “No.” 

“Me neither.” she agrees, glaring at the back of Jonathan’s head. “I’m so sick of him and his holier than thou attitude.” 

“I can’t believe he yelled at me.” 

“I can’t believe that either!” she whispers hastily. “I didn’t like that.” 

“I know. Thank you for sticking up for me.”

“Thank you for sticking up for me and Steve.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

I debate on whether I should tell her he came to my house today, but decide it doesn’t matter and she probably already knew about it since he was in his way to see her anyways. 

“I can’t believe Princess Diana swore.” she teases, touching her chest in shock. 

“Oh, shut up.” I giggle, pushing her away. 

“Ou, again!” I roll my eyes. 

“I was just trying to understand why he took the photos.” 

“I honestly don’t even think he knows.” she says, looking at Jonathan again. There was no anger in her eyes, just curiosity.

“After that conversation, I think so too.” 

Nancy hums in response, tucking a stray wisp of hair behind her ears. “I was going to bring it up later but, what you did earlier today about being an outsider. What did you mean?” 

A ripple of anxiety went up my back while my stomach fell to my feet. I shrug my shoulders shaking me head. “I don’t know.” I deflect. 

“Diana, we’ve been friends for so long, you can talk to me about anything. You know that right?” 

I do know that, but this conversation was not about a boy or anything menial like that. It was much deeper and something I’ve been pushing down for years. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but when Nancy went on about my perfect day family, I snapped. This past week I feel like I’ve gone through the most significant changes which in turn has brought up subconscious thoughts, emotions and insecurities. I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction, perfect daughter, perfect friend, Juilliard, Blackness, otherness. But who am I? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? 

“Diana.” Worry etched Nancy’s features. My silence makes her more anxious. I sigh, stepping over a branch. 

“Have you ever noticed there is no one who looks like me in our neighbourhood?” I mumble, uncomfortably. 

“No? What do you mean?” An expected answer. I close my eyes counting down from five. How do I go about this? 

“I mean, black.” I say, pushing down the lump forming in my throat. “My family…” I clear my throat. “My family is the only black family in the neighbourhood.” When Nancy doesn’t say anything, I continue. “I don’t remember when I noticed, but once I did, it’s hard not to. Even at school, I can count how many black people are there and majority are on the basketball team. Did you know that?” Nancy shakes her head. “I am the only black person in our classes, at dance. No matter where I go or what I do, who I am. I will always be the black one. Even in our friendship. That’s what I mean by outsider.” 

“My mom and dad don’t talk about our blackness and I’m left to figure it out on my own. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. That’s what I mean when I said we don’t have difficult conversations. We just keep our heads down and conform, but sometimes I don’t want to conform. Sometimes…” I sigh feeling exhausted. Mentally. “Sometimes, I want to ask those questions but then I’ll feel like I’m not…” 

“The perfect daughter.” Nancy finishes. 

“Yeah.” I twirl the mallet in my hand. There’s so much to say but this conversation is exhausting enough. Nancy looks at the ground, kicking a rock. 

“I-I don’t know what to say…” she says lowly. “I’m sorry for not paying attention.” 

“You know now and that’s the first step.” 

“Of course, but please don’t be afraid to tell me these things. You’re my best friend and I don’t want you to feel like an outsider when you’re with me. What you said is something I need to know in order to change.” 

I nod my head and Nancy visibly relaxes, reaching to squeeze my hand. I rest my head on her shoulder feeling more relaxed than I did before the beginning of the conversation. It’s a conversation that could’ve easily gone south and I wouldn’t be prepared to handle it, especially after what happened hours before. Darkness quickly engulfs the sky and I am instantly aware of all the sounds in the forest. The wind slipping through leaves, the cracking undergrowth with each step Nancy and I make, the bugs crawling on trees. We all take out our flashlights to see and I notice Jonathan slows down to remain close, though still keeping his distance. I jerk at every unfamiliar sound making Nancy laugh again. 

“Do you remember Mei Wong?” I mutter, swatting away a fly.

“Yes. She auditioned for Juilliard!” 

“Well on Sunday at rehearsals, she told me…” I swallow to soothe the dryness in my throat. “She told me I should think about auditioning for Juilliard.” 

“Really? Wow!” 

I scrunch my nose. “I know.” 

“You definitely should. I meant what I said at Steve’s house. You’re such a beautiful dancer and you’re gonna go pro. I feel it.” I shake my head. Somehow Nancy sees it. 

“You are. I need you to be more confident in yourself.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…what if I audition and I don’t get in—”

“We’re only in 10th grade, you have time to worry about the auditions.” Nancy assures me.  “Maybe Juilliard has a summer intensive you can take beforehand to give you an extra boost.” 

“My dad will never allow that.” 

“Have you talked to your mom about it?” 

I shake my head. “Not yet.” 

“I say after all this is done and we find Barb, we will both help you research and come up with a plan for you to go to Juilliard. Because you’re going to Juilliard.” 

We find Barb. That’s the most important thing. It’s why we’re here now. The sound of her laughter echoed through my mind. The last time I saw her; felt her at Steve’s house. I don’t want to believe that was the last time I saw her. I shiver, crossing my arms above my chest. It’s so cold I can barely feel my ears and nose. Jonathan keeps pace with Nancy and I. There is still tension between the three of us, but now is not the time to dwell on it, not when we were outside in the forest on our own looking for God knows what. At random, Nancy slows down looking back and forth, her expression tight with strain. I keep myself composed despite the fact my heart is racing. Did she see something? Hear anything? Was it here? I tighten my grip on the mallet, my eyes darting from tree to tree. 

“What are you tired?” Jonathan asks. 

“Shut up.” Nancy hisses, looking around. “I heard something.” 

I follow closely beside Jonathan as we follow Nancy through the forest. I don’t know what we’re looking for or what she’s heard until I hear something faint…a whining sound. I gasp at the sight of a deer whimpering in front of underbrush. We all rush to the deer dropping to our knees. My stomach is in knots at the blood dampening its fawn-coloured coat. It looked like it’s been punctured multiple times. It’s ragged breathing and slow movements indicated it was in pain and about to die. I’ve never seen a deer this close before and I’m sad it has to be like this. Images of Bambi flash through my mind and I cover my mouth muffling my sobs.   

“Oh, God. It’s been hit by a car.” Nancy whimpers, tears brimming her eyes. She looks at the gun in her hand and holds it up. “We can’t just leave it.” 

“Wait!” I exclaim, grabbing her arm. “There must be something else we can do!” 

“It’s in too much pain. We have to.” 

“I’ll do it.” Jonathan says, taking the gun. Nancy and I look at him with wide eyes. “I’m not nine anymore.” Jonathan assures us. 

I stagger up on my feet grabbing Nancy’s hand. Jonathan points the gun at the deer. Time slows down and I feel like the forest is closing in on me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up just as Jonathan is about to pull the trigger when suddenly, the deer disappears into the underbrush. I jump back startled, mouth opening in a silent scream. 

“What was that? What was that?” Nancy shouts. 

I wring my hands jumping up and down. “Oh, my god. Oh my, god. I can’t. I can’t.” Panic shoots up my spine and I hold my chest struggling to catch my breath.

“There’s so much blood.” 

“Where did it go?” 

“I don’t know.” 

I quickly pick up the flashlight and mallet I dropped in my state of panic. My skin tingles and I shake my head trying to focus, aiming the light on the ground. Blood smears all over leaves and twigs. I proceed around with caution, shining my light on anything and everything in the forest, being cautious of not stepping on any gore. From the far distance I notice something dripping from a hollow tree stump. It looked like…sap. No, it’s too thick for it to be sap. I am vigilant taking calculated steps and kneel in front of the tree inspecting the foliage. It looked like the tree was creating mucus. Thick, slimy, runny mucus. There was no smell to it, but it was weird. I paid attention in biology last semester to know that this wasn’t right.

“Nancy.” I whisper. “This tree…there’s weird stuff falling.” 

Nancy joins me on my knees shining her light. She touches the tree stump, looking up. “Jonathan?” she shouts, looking around. I search as well thinking he was with us, but he’s nowhere to be seen. It would be unwise to leave Nancy here alone to look for him. We were better sticking together. When I turn back however, Nancy is taking off her backpack placing it beside her bat. My eyes widen. “You’re not seriously going in there!” 

“Watch my stuff.” 

“Are you crazy?” I snap. 

That mucus could be toxic or worse. There was no need to go inside the clearly rotting tree. Nancy ignores me crawling inside. I am lost for words because not only can she fit inside; her body completely disappears as if there was an opening on the other side. I blink, shaking my head, feeling disembodied. 

“Nancy?”

Adrenaline bursts through my veins to prepare myself to fight or flee. I feel like I am back in Steve’s backyard keeping watch while Nancy does something completely foolish like walk into the forest on her own or like now, crawling into a slime coated hollow stump. I curse colourful words under my breath that would shock my Dad. I can’t leave her alone. So, I take off my backpack and put the mallet on top; count down from five in my head and crawl through the hole holding my breath hopefully awaiting Nancy on the other side. 

CHAPTER 6: THE MONSTER

Taglist 🤍: @tinydramatist

[sarahsmi13s]

Off the Clock

whumptober day 2: overworked / insomnia / exhaustion

pairing: charlie young x reader

characters: charlie young, fem!reader, rick otis, harper (mentioned)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, overworked, exhaustion, insomnia, getting hit by a car, blood, hospital, fighting, more from the caretakers pov rather than whumpee's, please let me know if i missed any

word count: ~3.4k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

also also, i do want to apologize for getting this up late got distracted while writing it so i finished it later than i had hoped

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary: charlie's job is sucking the life out of him - working off the clock to get recognized by a boss that doesn't care. what will it take for him to realize the lost sleep isn't worth the loss of himself?

Charlie Young was always a hard worker; he had been since you met him. He wanted to climb that ladder and get those promotions. Get to a position where he doesn’t need to be kissing ass and can make his own damn schedule.

That’s what he wants.

But you? 

You just want him at home.

Yes, you supported him. You loved that he was so hard working. You just hated that he was working himself into the ground. Rick had him in the office before sunrise and way after sunset. You could see the toll it was taking on your boyfriend… and your relationship.

You sighed as you put away the leftovers in the fridge. Charlie had missed dinner, again. 

He had called you and told you that Rick wanted him to go back to the office with him after the District Club. You understood, of course, and told him you would put leftovers from dinner in the fridge for him – right before you heard Rick yelling at him to hurry up. Charlie hung up with a quick ‘I love you’ before the line went dead and you were left with dinner for two and a movie.

So, you picked at your pasta and had the movie on for background noise. Tonight was supposed to be a makeup dinner for the dinner you missed because you got called in to take over a shift last minute, you and Charlie were looking forward to it. Damn-it Rick.

You knew that he couldn’t help it when Rick changed plans on him last minute. And you were honestly less worried about the missed dinner and more worried about the missed sleep.

Charlie had started this cycle of coming home from working all day and then continuing to work from the couch. He spent his weekends, his time off, on things for work. Yeah, you went on dates but he wasn’t having fun. He was exhausted and worrying about getting behind on doing things for his shitty boss.

You were as understanding as you could be, because you knew he was just trying to make a good life, but you were starting to feel like you were enabling him. That your understanding and nonchalance was telling him that that was what you wanted. It wasn’t, you just wanted him.

Maybe tonight would be the night you finally told him that…

Charlie held the bouquet to his chest as he skipped the stairs trying to get to your shared apartment as quickly as possible. He felt awful for missing dinner, but he couldn’t leave the office until Rick did and if he wanted that promotion, he had to show Rick he was dedicated enough for it. 

Fumbling a little when he got to the door, he unlocked it and went in quietly so he wouldn't wake you if you had fallen asleep. 

But you hadn’t.

You were on the couch, curled up in one of his shirts and tucked in the corner reading a book – waiting for him.

His stomach sank. You were mad, you had to be. This was it, you had finally had enough of it. Despite you being the most understanding partner he’s ever had, he knows everyone’s got a breaking point. And this missed dinner had to be yours.

“Hi, baby,” you greeted, your voice soft and a little raspy with tiredness. 

Charlie blinked for a second, confused at your lack of frustration as you got up and walked over to him with a sleepy smile. 

You put your hands on his waist, “Are you hungry?” He nodded and held the newspaper wrapped bouquet out to you, “I’m sorry. I know it-” You held your hand up and took the flowers, “Thank you for the flowers, Charlie. But you don’t have to apologize for your boss. Now, answer my question, are you hungry?”

“Yes, starving,” he said before kissing your forehead. “You said it’s in the fridge?” You nodded before turning to get a vase, “Should be the middle shelf.” He nodded and opened the fridge, finding the tupperware in the spot you said it would be.

“Thank you, for dinner and for staying up for me…”

You smiled as you cut the stems and put them in the water, “Honey, I want to make sure you get home safe. New York is fucking crazy, so no matter how late, I’m gonna do my damnedest to stay up until you get home.”

Charlie smiled at you and kissed your head before he put the pasta in the microwave.

You wrapped your arms around his waist as he waited, “I’m so ready for cuddles now that you’re home.”

He tensed in your arms and sighed, “I won’t be coming to bed for a bit, Honey.” You frowned and looked up at him, “You’re not?” He shook his head, pulling away from the hug as the microwave beeped.

“I have things I need to finish for Rick, it shouldn’t take too long and then I’ll go to bed.”

“Charlie, you just got home, you need to sleep.”

He sighed and sat at the table, “I need to get this done for Rick before Monday. I swear, there’s not much left but I also want to get a jumpstart and things for-”

“You are off the clock, Charlie. You are not in the office right now. If you don’t have much left you can finish it in the morning or on Sunday. But you need to go to bed after eating.”

You weren’t angry per say, more frustrated than angry. Frustrated with Charlie, Rick, yourself — that you weren’t certain of. But you just needed to right this wrong and break this vicious cycle Charlie has put himself in.

He looked up at you, the harsh lighting accentuating the eye bags under his dulling green eyes. “You don’t get it, Y/N.”

“What don’t I get, Charlie?” 

“That I’m doing this so I can stop doing it.”

You furrowed your brow, confused as you leaned on the chair. “That’s makes zero fucking sense.”

“Because you’re not hearing me, babe. I’m doing all these things for Rick. The extra work, the getting ahead of schedule, all of it to prove to Rick that I deserve a promotion! Once I become an analyst, I’ll have more time. But right now is not that time!”

Rubbing your face you looked at him. “You’re exhausted Charlie. You need to take a break to rest. How can you be at your best if you’re tired?”

He shrugged and shoved a forkful of pasta in his mouth. “Rick doesn’t take breaks. Do you think he got to where he is by taking breaks? No, so I can’t either.”

You suppressed your groan but it was getting really hard to control your emotions. “Charlie, please, come to bed after eating. Just so I know you’ve had decent sleep.”

Groaning, he looked up at you, “I’m not even tired, I’m perfectly fine.” You shook your head and gripped the chair, “No, no you’re not Char-” “Y/N, I can handle it! I’m fine, I just will finish that one thing and then I’ll go to bed, okay?”

You huffed, pushing off the chair before going to your shared bedroom.

Charlie sighed, finishing his dinner before getting his laptop out and starting on the work he needed to finish. He made you upset, but he needed to get this work done. You’d understand, right?

He got to work and after a few minutes he looked up to see you leave the bedroom with a pillow, his pillow to be exact. 

“Honey, what are you doing?” He asked, confused as you quietly set yourself up on the couch. 

You laid down and snuggled up with the blanket, “If you won’t join me in the bedroom, then I’ll join you in the living room.” You looked over at him, “I just want to be close to you Charlie. I’ll stay out of your hair, just wake me up when you’re done.”

He nodded and sent you a small smile, “I will.”

Well, long story short, you woke up on the couch and found Charlie asleep at the table still in his clothes from work. You wish you could say you were surprised, but you weren’t. It was a frequent occurrence.

And, while normally you would wake him up, you decided this time you could let him sleep. And you had to come up with a plan to get him to break this routine.

Charlie was not happy when he found out that you let him sleep, but you let him be mad because all you were doing was trying to help. And it was clear that you needed to do more when Harper called you later that week and told you that Charlie needed you.

So that’s why you were riding the elevator to the floor Rick’s office was on, picking at your hands as you waited for it to stop.

When it did you were running out of it and to Charlie’s desk.

“Charlie! Charlie! Char- woah… what the hell happened…”

Charlie was fast asleep at his desk, most of the lights off with lemons scattered around him. The green poster board, that looks like a kids science project, is torn and the displays were broken. You looked closer and could make out the name “Otis” on the board. 

Seriously.

Charlie did Rick’s son’s science project? Fucking seriously?

You clenched your jaw and your fists as you took a deep breath before waking Charlie up.

“Charlie, baby, wake up,” you gently shook his shoulder, causing him to jerk away from your touch. “It’s just me baby, it’s just me.” You stroked his hair gently, “Charlie…”

He groans a little and looks at the mess around him, “Fuck… there’s no way I’m gonna fix this in time…” 

You sighed and sat on his desk, “You shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. That is Rick’s job to help his son with his project. Not have you do it for him, he’s not gonna learn that way.”

“Y/N, I-”

“No, Charlie, this,” you gestured to the ruined project. “This is not your job. This shit has nothing to with your fucking job. You’re Rick’s assistant, not his damn slave.”

Charlie sat up a little, the bags under his eyes even darker than they were Friday night. “How else am I gonna get promoted, Y/N? I’ve been doing this shit for three years-”

“Exactly!”

Charlie stood up, leaning on his chair a little for support, “I have to put in the work, if I don’t then I’m stuck here for three more years. I’m trying to get this promotion for us! For you!”

“I never asked you to do this Charlie!”

“Then why have you been so fucking supportive!”

You held up a finger and put some distance between you and Charlie. “I have supported you because I am your girlfriend. I can see now that it was a mistake. Because you are not happy here Charlie!” 

He scoffed before stumbling over his words, “I-I’m happy, how-how-how do you know that-that I’m not?”

You crossed your arms and arched a brow, “You’re fucking exhausted, Charlie. You wouldn’t be this tired and burnt out if you were happy. With all the shit you do for Rick, you should already be promoted, to another job you don’t want to actually do, might I add. But look at where you are! You’re stuck here, an exhausted assistant trying to run a mile for someone who doesn’t give you an inch!” 

Charlie stayed quiet, his blinking slow as you ranted.

“This job is going to kill you, Charlie. You need to quit, I don’t care if you’re some high ranking analyst or what the fuck ever. I just want you.”

You sighed and walked closer to him, cupping his face as his dull green eyes looked at you. “Please Charlie…”

All he can manage is a nod in your loving hands and you give him a soft smile before gathering his things and taking him home.

Half way through the night, Charlie woke up.

He was stressed about the project, he needed to get it done or he was going to lose his job. 

So, since he was unable to fall back asleep with it on his mind, he got out of bed and found a quick one online, spending the rest of the night finishing it.

Why he was still so hung up on this, he wasn’t sure.

You yelled at him in the office and he had heard you, well he heard words – comprehension may not have done its job because over the next few weeks he was still spending his nights on his laptop working. He would get in bed with you and try to sleep but his mind was always running on a hamster wheel. So after you were out cold, he would get on his laptop and work right there in bed.

You’d be furious, but you didn’t have to know.

And this really wasn’t gonna kill him, was it?

You hummed and checked your phone as you waited in the Mexican restaurant for Charlie. He had suggested going out for lunch the previous night since Rick was going somewhere without him for lunch.

It’d been a few weeks since you blew up at him, trying to get him to leave the job that was stealing him from you. Stealing him from himself.

But Charlie still hadn’t quit, and he thought you didn’t know about the late nights he was still having, but you did and you knew you needed to tell him before it got worse. But you supposed that he needed to be at full capacity to understand why you were so worried about him.

You sighed and looked out the window for your boyfriend when your phone went off with a text from him. 

“Just around the corner, be there soon!😘”

You smiled and decided to go wait outside on the little patio for him.

As you sat down, you looked up to see Charlie approaching the crosswalk and you called out and waved to him.

He looked up and you could see the exhaustion behind his smile, his sunglasses doing little to hide his lack of sleep. 

You gave him a sad smile and stood up to greet him when he crossed the street.

But your heart nearly stopped in your chest as Charlie slowly walked across the street, completely oblivious to the car coming towards him.

You called out to him, but by the time he was aware of the car… it was too late.

The car hit him, sending him to the asphalt in a blurry whirlwind. But you saw it clearly and you don’t think you could ever get the sight of his body hitting the ground out of your head. It was horrifying.

“Charlie!”

You furiously dialed 911 as you ran to Charlie, blurting out the information as soon as the dispatcher answered. 

Once you were told paramedics were on the way, you sat your phone down but stayed on the line.

“Charlie, Charlie,” you pleaded, voice cracking as you took his sunglasses off. “Charlie, look at me baby, show me those pretty green eyes.” Tears fell down your cheeks as blood from his head wound stained your hands.

You kept your eyes on his face, not wanting to see the damage to his legs. 

“Open your eyes damn it! This is not the time to catch up on sleep!” You gritted out between your teeth as you sobbed, holding the side of his face.

“Ma’am, ma’am, is Charlie breathing?”

You shook your head, forgetting for a moment that she couldn’t see you.

“I-I don’t know…”

“Can you put your hand under his nose? You should be able to feel him exhale.”

You nodded, “O-okay.” You did as she said, sobbing in relief when you felt the small exhale on your finger. “He’s-he’s breathing but it seems really faint and-and his head is bleeding a lot.” 

“Do you have anything to stop the bleeding? A jacket or towel?” 

You shook your head again, hand pressing a little harder to his head, “Just-just my hand… oh God.. is he gonna die? Please, he can’t-”

“Not if I can help it, Y/N. The paramedics are less than a block away, we’re gonna get him the help he needs.”

You could only nod as his blood started to soak into your jeans and you held his head carefully in your hands, “Charlie, don’t you fucking clock out on me now. For the love of everything please, please just fucking open your damn eyes.”

But he didn’t.

He remained unconscious until the ambulance arrived and stayed unconscious on the way to the hospital.

You sat curled up in a chair facing Charlie as he laid in the hospital bed.

He had woken up briefly after his surgery, but fell asleep again not too long after.

You were thankful he didn’t remember much, but whether that was from the concussion or lack of sleep you couldn’t say.

You felt like a bad girlfriend for almost being grateful for this accident. That now Charlie could get some sleep and not have to worry about work. And you felt awful for thinking that but you knew that this was the kick in the pants he needed.

Did you blame yourself? Yeah, you did. Because had you done something sooner then maybe he would be in a better job already or at least anywhere but a sterile room with a broken femur and broken ribs.

But you were pulled out of your thoughts by Charlie’s phone ringing. 

Curious you checked it… and to your unsurprise. It was Rick.

You looked at your boyfriend and sighed, grabbing his phone and going out into the hall.

“What do you want?” You hissed out not wanting to wake Charlie.

“You’re not Charlie. Who is this?”

“This is Charlie’s girlfriend. Charlie can’t come to the phone.”

“Well can he come to the office? Because he was supposed to be back an hour ago, I need him to do a few things for me.”

You crossed your arms, “Like your son’s science project? Or what other meaningless task do you have for him to slave over and not get recognition for?”

“Excuse-”

“No, I’m not done talking. Shut the fuck up and listen. Charlie has done everything you have asked of him, and more, for the last three damn years! He has worked night and day to show you how dedicated he is to get a promotion, and you have noticed none of it.”

Rick stayed quiet on the other end of the line, so you continued.

“He comes home from waiting on you hand and foot, running around for your ungrateful ass, and he still works! He does shit that he doesn’t fucking get payed to do. He works off the clock for no extra money. You don’t have the fucking decency to even tell him ‘thank you’!”

You took a breath, not wanting to get too violent.

“Charlie is quitting. He won’t be coming in to work for the rest of the day, or coming in tomorrow, or coming in ever again. I’ll be in to collect his things later. Have the day you deserve Rick.”

With that you hung up and took a few calming breaths before walking back into the room.

“You told me this job would kill me… didn’t think you would be right…”

You looked up and over at him, “I meant it metaphorically… I didn’t think it would end up being reality.” He gave you a weak smile as you came and sat down.

You reached up and held his hand, “You scared the fuck out of me Charlie…” He swallowed and nodded, “I know… I don’t know why I didn’t see it or react sooner I-” “You were exhausted. You being as sleep deprived as you were, your cognitive abilities were fucked up and you missed it.”

He squeezed your hand, “I um.. I heard you and Rick…” You nodded, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles, “Yeah?” He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut before letting his head drop back. “Thank you… I honestly don’t think I had the willpower to do it on my own…”

You sighed a little and sat up on the bed, gently pushing hair out of his face, “Consider yourself officially off the clock, Charlie Young. Get some sleep baby, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

taglist: @valmare @fanboyswhore9 @bradleybeachbabe @cassiemitchell @startrekfangirl2233 @horseshoegirl @nightowlalltheway

hi, if you're seeing this and are currently not on the taglist and would like to be please fill out the taglist form -> whumptober taglist

i can not stress this enough, but whumptober can have some very serious and heavy topics and i want to make sure i am doing my part as an author to prepare my readers for what they are about to experience and that includes not only warnings above but my taglists as well

so if you want to be added check out the masterlist and read that carefully and fill out the form -> whumptober 2023

[running-with-the-feels]

For the Isolation Au( The Au where the brothers are separated upon being brought into the Lin Kuei)

* Kuai Liang is much more ahhh brutal to put in midly then he already is in normal canon. He’s feral in a way that mixes Lin Kuei teachings and not having Bi-Han to ground him. (Et: ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth)

* Instead of a high pain tolerance, he straight up doesn’t feel pain, his teachers aren’t sure how or why this happened, likely that his apathy is so severe he doesn’t care about anything

* Tomas is his only concern at all, being the only person he has grown attached to in the Lin Kuei, and is the only person keeping him from truly going insane, goes out of his way to even take punishments for Tomas and take hits on missions that he would normally make his mission partners fend for themselves( or even just kill them himself because he could care less about them)

* Any time a repressed memory came up, he always told Tomas, as Kuai Liang was confused about this strange memory with somehwhat familiar people. Someone overheard and told his teacher, and it was beat out if him and gaslit to the point he thought he made it up to give himself some happiness.

* He and Tomas escaped the Lin Kuei after rumors of the cyber initiative begin to circulate, not wanting his friend and himself to be trapped by the Lin Kuei forever, Tomas managed to convince Kuai Liang it was worth it to flee

* Bi-Han has a secret journal that he keeps under his bed/cot detailing any memories he has. Even if there vague flashes of memories he wants to detail them because he doesn’t want the Lin Kuei to take one of the few things he has left of his past, especially the necklace and bracelet he carries.

* When Sektor was younger, he mocked a couple times to Bi-Han about how he couldn’t remember his past, causing Bi-Han to snap and get into a fight with Sektor and beating him badly. Sektor never did it again

* Bi-Han has a somehwat friend in Cyrax, their not overly close but Cyrax is the one that keeps Sektor in line enough for the both of them.

* Kuai Liang doesn’t remember his name, he has always been called Tundra by others and it has become the only name he has known.

* Noob preformed strangely human gestures when handling the necklace and bracelet attached to his sickle, he kept them cleaned and seemed to tense and sometimes sag in defeat when he found a crack in a bead. As if it was a personal attack to himself

* Their reunion was bittersweet, Bi-Han had broken down crying upom seeing his brother again, however Tundra didn’t understand why the man was holding him and calling him “Kuai Liang” as if they knew each other.

oh I've missed talking about this au (yes I know it's only been a few days, but still)

Kuai Liang, due to having so few attachments, is genuinely just unhinged. Like he doesn't fight on Earthrealm's side bc he thinks it's right but bc Tomas asked him to.

This leads to Kuai Liang and Hanzo having a much rockier relationship to start with, and they do nearly kill each other very often. It only stops when Hanzo overhears Tomas talking to Kuai Liang after the cryomancer has had a nightmare, trying to convince him that his memories from before are real.

None of the defenders realize that he can't feel pain until he accidentally spills boiling water on himself and doesn't react at all, only tending to it bc Tomas makes him

Even though he has a hard time caring about people, with those he likes such as Tomas and eventually Hanzo, he will do anything for them, to the point that it's almost a little worrying. In his relationships he treats himself as little more than a weapon to be wielded which Tomas has given up trying to teach him otherwise.

Hanzo straight up refuses to let Kuai Liang do anything for him, insisting on pampering the cryomancer instead (once they start getting along) which confuses Kuai Liang to the point that they have a shouting match about it

Tomas memorized every detail of what Kuai Liang told him of his memories, hoping that once they got out he'd be able to help Kuai Liang remember.

If Tomas hadn't asked him to leave, Kuai Liang would have willingly let himself get cyberized bc he just did not care anymore

Kuai Liang eventually finds Bi-Han's journal once he reclaims the Lin Kuei temple and has a breakdown upon reading it's contents, unable to accept the possibility that his repressed memories were real

Both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han have nearly killed Sektor at various points

Cyrax does not know that Kuai Liang and Bi-Han are siblings, but he suspects and was about to tell Bi-Han before he was cyberized

sometimes Kuai Liang has dreams where a woman is calling him by his name, but it's too muffled to make out bc he doesn't remember what his name is. He always trains extra hard after those dreams, trying to shake them off.

As Noob, Bi-Han would brutally murder anyone who tried to damage the necklace or bracelet, to the point that not even the bravest demons would dare to attempt it

Upon their reunion, Kuai Liang actually shoved Bi-Han away and attacked, and Bi-Han made no attempt to defend himself. Hanzo was the only reason he stopped.

[horizon-verizon]

I always wondered why Daemon Blackfyre didn’t claim it through Daena; it always seemed to me the better argument than Naerys cheated because that can never be proven, and, sadly, it seems very unlikely.

GRRM likes taking things from history, so it always struck me as odd that not once did a guy make a bid for the throne from a woman's lineage. That happened a lot in history. Henry II claimed the English throne through his mother, Empress Matilda; the Yorkists drew their claim through Anne Mortimer, the cognatic heir of Lionel of Antwerp, who was the 2nd son of Edward III, over the Lancasters, who drew their claim through the 3rd son of Edward III; Edward III himself claimed the French throne through his mother, Isabella of France, when her brothers, Philip the Fair’s sons, died without male issue, beginning the Hundred Years’ War. The English/British/UK monarchs didn’t even drop their claim to the French throne until the year 1800, almost 500 years after the claim was first made. It seems like a waste not to utilize that storyline.

And yes, Aegon III got his claim from Rhaenyra, but the throne was more or less given to him; he didn’t put forward his own claim and fight for his right to rule like the people I mentioned above did. He was too young to make his own bid for the throne, is what I’m saying.

Watsonian: Daena was already disposed, as opposed to those other women men use to claim the throne in ASoIaF (in Robert Baratheon's time, he didn't use his Targ grandmother to justify his taking of the throne but it certainly helped that the maesters decided to speak of Rhaelle 🤫). And Daena had been imprisoned for years, she had little respurces or connections to herself at court. It doesn't hit as hard to use the woman who has little to nothing material on her side to claim the throne and especially when women in the Targ succession line had been tacitly officialized as...undesireable. They were just a generation from the Dance when Daena was active and about. For Daemon's present prospects, it was just better to claim it through his father, the ruling male monarch who favored him all his life, then his mother. There was more meaning to Aegon IV's name than Daena, and those who wish to gain power will use the parent who will get them there. It was Robert's grandfather that the maesters used after all. Daemon himself was banking on a hypermasculinity & the anti Dornish sentiment to "makeup" for his bastardy and get lords who despised Daeron II's dealing with the absolute primogeniture-practicing Dornish to gain support for his attempt.

Doylist: Even those men you mention of history use the woman precisely because there is no man they can use.

Daena is worse off than those women in terms of personal power or prestige that any of her kids could have benefited from because of her imprisonment and the fresh-kinda anxiety over strong female characters/female rulers. Daena was a princess...but how far was she able to, again, use that title to gain resources and prestige previously enjoyed by Rhaena the BB, Rhaenyra, Alysanne, etc?

Now, could GRRM write Daena to actually be free and more active at court and give more for her to do while showing how Targ men's power just overshadowed her even without direct PoVs (even the main ASoIaF books have many unreliable narrators as narrators...a PoV can still be a unreliable)? Absolutely, and I think the intention was to show this transition from more power-wielding women into the Blackfyre Rebellions in a more constricted and contained setting (time frame) and so he thought showing the "what could have been" with Daena's imprisonment required a story of her escape and birthing a child.

[osarina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it

[atonalginger]

Snippet Sunday

@silurisanguine reminded me today is Sunday! Thank you :) Today's snippet is from the upcoming Stowaway story with Goose and Ruby, once again in Cooper's POV. I've got what I consider to be the first chunk done, which is the first 24-28 hours, and awaiting edits. Not sure when I'm going to upload it to ao3 but I'll let y'all know ;)

anyway the snippet:

They were too late. All any of them could find were a few stray pieces of debris shot off of the Golden Squid, a shattered engine, pieces of a landing gear, and several shrapneled radiators. Not the whole ship, though, which gave Cooper a small pang of hope.

Atomic had jumped to Porrima III where both satellites for the Crimson Fleet and Freestar Collective were maintained. Miss Devine down at the Red Mile preferred the business of the Fleet and Freestar and so it was a logical arrangement. While she checked the satellites Cooper and Ashta were forced to wait, passing the time by collecting the pieces of Goose’s ship and scanning the system for ship movements.

Please let this be proof he got away, Cooper found himself repeating in his head, please let them be safe. Please, please, please.

“How did we not see it?” Ashta said over the open comms.

Cooper wasn’t sure if he meant to say it out loud or if he even remembered the line was open. He thought about keeping his mouth shut, Ashta Morph was known for his temper, but he just couldn’t help himself, “from what our people were able to gather, Agent Stone was a top tier infiltrator. Once they got the first thread they traced her back to several other jobs getting into both corporate operations and even a remote FC base we lost years back in Narion.”

“Yes but she didn’t even change her fucking name for this,” Ashta snarled, “how did our people miss this?”

“She wasn’t the first slipped in,” Cooper pointed out, “she already had someone covering for her when she showed up with interest.”

“Right,” Ashta let out a forceful sigh and the sound of something hard shattering in the distance, “all the added security fucking worthless.”

“Not all of it,” Cooper said as he pulled in the last piece of the engine, “the only reason Freestar intelligence was able to catch her was because of Crimson intelligence. Voss’s people were instrumental from what I was told when they gave me the slate to deliver.”

“That’s something,” Ashta grumbled.

The War Bard jumped back into orbit, her large sky blue hull blocking the view of the planet below. There were fresh scorch marks on the broadside of the ship, her shields rippling as they came back online.

“Sharks were in the fucking waters,” Atomic snarled through clenched teeth, “they hit the satellites and made a move for the Red Mile. Luckily there were enough pirates and militia on shore leave down there to run them off but we’re still down two sats.”

“Please tell me you were able to pull anything off those things,” Ashta sounded wound tight, fighting his urge to snap at his partner.

Atomic was quiet except for a weary breath, then in a quiet tone, “most of the stored messages were corrupted beyond saving. Which means both the Fleet and Militia are out hundreds of reports that were bouncing in and out of those two sats. But,” she said quickly before Ashta could say anything, “there was something from Ruby in there. She remembered my security lessons and not only encrypted her distress call so only FC and Fleet operators could listen but set error correcting codes so it’s not completely junked. I haven’t had a chance to listen because a few small sharks popped in and started nipping at my flank but I can play it now."

The playback was rough, with static cutting parts out of Ruby’s tiny shaking voice:

This is the CF -kzzt- Squid. Our captain, Goose, was -kzzt- mole, Leslie Stone. Our position -kzzt- rima system is comprom -kzzt-. I will be scatter jump -kzzt- pha Andraste at the -kzzt- Please -kzzt- immediately, -kzzt- Goose -kzzt- shark used a toxin -kzzt- This message will -kzzt-

[sonicrainbooms]

for the ask game - W Q P and as many OOOOO’s as u want!

Hi, thanks for the ask! (game)

Sorry this took so long! I started to type and it ran away from me. It's VERY long. The rest is under the cut.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Hmm... this is hard HAHA I can't think of any atm! I always love Pokémon au's, so anything I love in the Pokémon universe will be fun! Oh, and the other day I watched Death Note right before I went to sleep and had a Light Yagami!Hemlock dream which was...an experience. Not sure how a Death Note Star Wars universe would work, a lot of stuff would need to be changed, but it would be funny as hell.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why?

Another hard one, I don't really abandon fandoms, I just...stop liking shows as much and don't feel the "need" to interact with them anymore. I guess I still really enjoy Gravity Falls, but don't engage with the fandom at all anymore except when I'm feeling nostalgic. I didn't even know about the current countdown on the website until last night! I used to be ALL on top of that!

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom

I'm not sure if the question means fanfic tropes or au's or what. So I'll just list some stuff in general fandom spaces I don't like bc I'm a hater. If you like these, MORE POWER TO YOU! I'm sure there's HEAPS of stuff I like that you don't! Live laugh love <3

I don't like coffee shop au's, florist au's, the "omg they turned into a baby and the other/s have to look after them!" trope, honestly not a huge fan of soulmate au's, dont like a/b/o at all sorry.

I HATE it when certain characters (COUGH COUGH WRECKER, COUGH COUGH PINKIE PIE) get get infantilised/woobiefied despite being grown adults just because they're a bit silly. I DO NOT LIKE IT when grown adults are reduced to The Mum Of The Group™ for...no reason. Yes, that last point is about fanon Echo. I do not like fanon Echo and I am not in the mood to talk about why rn HAHA.

Anon, honestly there are more but saying the real heavy-hitting will get me assassinated by the fandom secret service.

Again, if you like these, I do not care. I'm so glad you do, honestly.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I don't really think of pre-existing characters or ships when I listen to music, to be honest! When I listen to music, I primarily see if it can remind me of one of my oc's. And you know, if I actually enjoy the song or not. So I won't be able to answer this question, either!

That being said, Brutus by The Buttress (I LIKED THE SONG BEFORE TIKTOK FOUND IT!) reminds me of Captain Rex. Not because of the "My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex" line, but because the theme and story of the song matches up with my personal headcanon of the clones secretly holding grudges against the Jedi for always, even if unintentionally, being famed and loved throughout the galaxy for being peacekeepers and fighting the war while it was actually the clones on the front line dying, with lifespans too short for the senate to seriously consider actually giving rights to. For most clones, it was a mild annoyance. For others, it was a real grievance.

I like to think, in my interpretation, the line "I don't want want you have, I want to be you" has two meanings. The first: Those jealous clones maybe didn't mind carrying out Order 66. Of course, it's wrong. The Jedi did their best. But if I were a clone...yeah. I might harbour some ill feelings towards the sect of people using me like that. I would want to be appreciated as more than a solider, I'd want the right to choose. I'd want to be them.

The other meaning I have relates more to Rex himself. I wonder how much pain and guilt he's felt since the ship went down with Jesse and the others still in it. He is one of few left to pick up the scraps and continue fighting what seems to be a hopeless battle without resources or assurance. He's the one people turn to, now. How often does he think of Jesse, or Cody, or Fives, or Kix? How many times has he remembered the total lack he had when he was trying to kill Ahsoka, and ordering his men to do the same? Watching his own body and voice act unable to stop it... I think it eats away at him. I think he has major survivors guilt. I think he sometimes, privately, secretly, wishes he were Jesse or Ridge or Fives. I think he wishes he were dead. "I don't want what you have, I want to be you". He wouldn't feel as horrible. He wouldn't feel anything. He'd see them again.

I know neither of these headcanons are popular, nor well-thought out atm HAHA but that's what I feel!

On a lighter not, Lynchmob by KMFDM reminds me of Wrecker <3

Thanks for the ask!

[greywolfheirs]

NaNo procrastination continues: Vashwood edition

I randomly got inspired to write this little drabble. Something about it feels incomplete to me but I can't figure it out so here you go. At least this time it isn't Lokius?

----------

Vash’s plant biology must have done its magic replenishing his blood supply, because the pulsing blue lines began to fade just as Wolfwood finished the last stitch. As he was tying it off complete, Vash's eyes opened–hazy but his usual, non-glowing blue. They registered Wolfwood, then further down, to where he was packing away the supplies, gathering bloodied material to throw away or clean up.

“Are you ok?” were the first words out of his mouth. It made Wolfwood want to explode.

“Am I ok?’ he growled instead. “Blondie, it’s your blood. I wasn’t the jackass picking a fight for no fucking reason.”

Realization dawned on Vash as the memory returned and he looked down at the stitches in his abdomen. “You stitched me up?”

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and stood to wash everything up instead of answering.

“What happened to those guys?” Vash continued. “And the bar? Is everything–”

“Cool it, Tongari,” Wolfwood grunted from the bathroom, throwing the tools in the sink and electing to soak them rather than scrub them one by one. He did begin to scrub his hands though. “I waved the Punisher around and they scattered. It’s handled.”

“They might come back later,” Vash mused. “We should check to–”

“We are staying put, and continuing our original plan,” Wolfwood cut in harshly.

“But you didn’t hear…” Wolfwood turned to glare at Vash’s continued argument, and stopped listening when he saw the man try to pull himself up on his elbows. Shaking off his hands in the sink, Wolfwood marched over to the idiot and shoved his chest harshly with a wet hand, taking a twisted satisfaction at the wince it caused. Shows him.

“Listen to me, blondie, and listen real close,” Wolfwood hissed, face inches from Vash. “I don’t give a shit what those knuckleheads were up to, and I’m going to forget about their existence by tomorrow. If I hadn’t shown up when I did, you’d still be bleeding in the street, or worse. Now, I did the kindness of making this scar a whole lot smaller than the others you’ve collected, but so help me, if you mention going back to that place one more goddamn time, I'll tear a new hole into you, got it?”

Vash huffed in frustration, but his voice was soft when he said, “You’re right, Wolfwood. I shouldn’t let your work go to waste.”

Wolfwood growled at that supremely unsatisfactory response, but it did imply that Vash wouldn’t be attempting to move again soon. So he shoved the moron one more time and went back to the task of cleaning up. 

Vash didn’t speak again until everything was dry and put away. Wolfwood was debating the risk of going out for a smoke when Vash would probably get up as soon as he wasn’t under watchful eyes.

“I’ve upset you,” Vash said finally. 

Wolfwood’s shoulders sagged and he moved to the window. Fuck a no-smoking policy, he wasn’t leaving this room. “You always upset me.”

“I’m sorry,” Vash sighed. “I don’t mean to.”

Wolfwood’s fingers trembled as he lit the cigarette. He was going to blame it on the long night. “I know. All you ever do is try to make everyone happy. Has that ever worked out for you? Even once?”

Vash’s face pinched and he looked away. It hit a nerve and Wolfwood was having a hard time not taking the words back immediately. To the ceiling, Vash answered, “Temporarily, yes. But that’s more than anyone on this planet is used to.”

“So you’d rather kill yourself than let someone continue to be miserable?” Wolfwood scoffed. He gestured to the scars all over Vash’s torso. “What does that make you? Definitely not happy.”

Vash looked towards him again. “Happier than some. No one else on this planet could lived through the things these scars have caused. I’ll take it if it means someone else gets to see another day.”

“If I hadn’t been there, you wouldn't have seen another day,” Wolfwood grumbled, irritation bubbling in his gut.

Vash shook his head. “It would’ve been fine.”

“It wouldn’t have!” Wolfwood snapped. “You were unconscious, needle-noggin. You think you would have been able to stop it if they’d gone for the kill?”.

Vash tilted his head with a small smile. Too small to tell if it was one of the real ones. “Lucky you were there, then.”

Wolfwood let out a noise of frustration and stubbed his cigarette out of the windowsill. “That’s not the point.”

“It is the point,” Vash pressed. “I’ve always survived, through my own will or through sheer luck. So, yeah, I’d say that makes me pretty happy.”

“You don’t get it, moron!” Wolfwood snapped. “Why bother living a life like this–taking other people’s scars, hurting yourself for their happiness–if you suffer for it? Where’s your reward?”

“My reward is knowing that I’m the only one having to suffer for it,” Vash answered simply. “It doesn't matter what happens to me.”

“Of course it fucking matters!” Wolfwood shouted before he could reign it in. His anger was bubbling over and it was corroding his self-control. Vash opened his mouth but Wolfwood shut him up with a finger shoved in his face.  “People care about you, Vash. Do you know what the girls’ faces looked like when I dragged your bleeding ass in here? You’re not the only one suffering when you pull bullshit like this.”

Vash stared into Wolfwood’s eyes as he seethed. It was like he was searching for something and couldn’t find it. Wolfwood was about to look away, unable to face the coming disappointment at his lack of whatever it was, when Vash asked. “Do you care?” 

“What?” the word tripped out of Wolfwood’s mouth in sheer surprise. “What do you–”

“You said people care about me,” Vash whispered. “Does that include you?”

Wolfwood did look away then, and only looked back because Vash was moving again, trying to pull himself on his elbows. “Blondie, I told you–”

“Help me up,” Vash said through gritted teeth.

Wolfwood could do nothing but obey. He gently braced his arms around Vash and lifted him until he was leaning against the headboard. As he tried to pull away, however, Vash grabbed his arm.

“Answer me Wolfwood,” he pleaded.

“What does it matter?” Wolfwood huffed, scooting back (too close to those sky-blue eyes was a dangerous place to be) but not shaking off Vash’s hand. “I’m just a terrible undertaker who smokes too much for his own good. My opinion’s not worth much.”

“I want everyone to be happy, I guess,” Vash said, throwing Wolfwood’s words back at him with a playful grin.

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and looked down at the sheets. It didn’t last long–Vash immediately reached out and lifted Wolfwood’s chin with a finger until they met gazes yet again.

“Do you care about me?” Vash whispered, eyes glistening. “Are you upset because I got hurt today?”

And Wolfwood–in the face of that wet, blue, unerring gaze–Wolfwood was weak. 

“Yes,” he breathed. “When I saw–” his voice cracked and he tried again. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Wolfwood,” Vash sighed, lifting the fingers on his chin to wipe away a tear (wait when had he started crying?) “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”

Wolfwood swallowed down a pained noise. Vash couldn't just make a promise like that. He couldn't look Wolfwood in the eyes with that painfully earnest expression and say these things. But because he was Vash and because he had, Wolfwood was making stupid decisions. Like leaning towards Vash and pressing their foreheads together. Like telling him, with a voice raw from emotion, “Kiss me.”

Kiss me because I can’t take that step. Kiss me because I’m not worthy to give but I am unworthy enough to take. Kiss me because I’ve wanted to for months but I didn’t think you’d want me. Kiss me and tell me everything I’m feeling is real.

Vash didn’t hesitate. He tilted his head, using the hand on Wolfwood’s jaw to pull him in closer until their mouths were molded together. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting–maybe an angelic featherlight press of lips, maybe something sinful and wet that they’d never speak of again, maybe a battle-ready scar of a kiss that left him bleeding. But what he should have expected was Vash. Powerful, and strong enough to hold him there, but warm and gentle enough to know that it wouldn’t hurt–not ever, unless Wolfwood wanted it to, and even then only for good reason. Wolfwood melted into it, leaning into Vash’s embrace, arms sliding up behind Vash’s muscled back to cushion the press against the headboard, careful not to stretch the stitches.

Wolfwood gasped when they pulled apart, foreheads meeting again. He felt wrecked in a way he never thought he could be from a simple kiss. Vash was looking at him through his eyelashes, panting breaths ghosting across his lips. Because of this–because Vash had made him feel so vulnerable tonight–there was a tremble in his voice as he said, “Fuck, Vash.”

Vash hummed and pressed his forehead harder into Wolfwood’s. “I’ve been waiting to do that.”

Wolfwood huffed a laugh and closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at Vash like this. It made him want to say things he shouldn’t. Not right now. “Maybe when you’re not actively wounded, I could show you some things I’ve been wanting to do to you.”

Vash had to pull away to tilt his head back and laugh. Wolfwood leaned in, following him, nuzzling at his neck. Vash pulled him in closer, running his hands through Wolfwood’s hair in a way that felt divine. He kissed the undertaker’s temple and murmured, “You forget, I’ll be healed fully in a couple of hours.”

Wolfwood pulled back. “Hmm, I did. But I should still grab us some grub. Might speed up the process.”

Vash smiled–a real smile for sure this time–and let Wolfwood stand, but not before pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

“I should tell the girls you made a full recovery too,” Wolfwood said. He paused at the doorway to rake his eyes over Vash’s form one last time. “But I think I’ll tell them you’re sleeping it off. Want you all to myself tonight.”

When their gazes met again, Vash was blushing, but his eyes were almost as predatory as Wolfwood felt.

“I think I have to agree.”

Wolfwood shut the door before he could be tempted further.

[fluidstatick]

Ok. Shit. Now that's the episode of C3 I've been waiting for.

Since the Hells got Laudna back, I've been waiting for her to hit the point where she has to choose between her patron and her family. Marisha's right: she's not a liar. But Ashton is also right: She needs to Apologize if she's ever going to get any trust back from the crew.

Yes, what Ashton did with the fire shard was self destructive and pointless. They thought it through; their decision was calculated but they were bad at math. Laudna's decision snowballed hard. She wanted information and control; Delilah promised her both of those things in exchange for Otohan's blade; Laudna folded like a bad poker hand immediately, and Orym finally hit his limit.

And Imogen, trying valiantly to do damage control. Imogen, finally confronting Laudna, only to find Delilah staring back at her? The darkness that Laudna swore Imogen was helping her hold at bay? What a horrible thing to be struck with. The End of the World could come climbing out of the moon at any moment, and all the Hellknow how to do is argue about who has the fortitude to wield the largest Magical Nuke.

Fearne avoided the fire shard because she didn't want it to make her into NegaFearne. It hasn't done anything to her (yet), but Zathuda isn't done trying. (Strangely, she seems to be handling temptation the best out of all of them??)

Orym started sliding toward revenge the moment he realized what Bor'dor really was. Everyone else was busy debating whether or not the gods becoming snacks would be Fine, Actually; they forgot to check in on him until things had already gotten Real on the moon. Now he's got the sword that killed his family, his friends, himself. And Delilah Wants It, and Laudna is losing the lines between her own resentment of it and Delilah's lust for it. (Marisha Ray. WHEW. Somebody give her a Streamy or an Emmy or a SAG award for that shit.)

And hello? Is anybody going to ask Dorian why he's so cavalier about destroying things he doesn't understand? "Do they have souls? what if we just killed them?"

Chetney and Ashton being the pragmatic, levelheaded, grounded ones right now is kinda terrifying. I love it.

We went from "Heyyyy Essek! Hi Pumat! Dorian... Orym, KISS HIM" to Nonononono ohhhh that's really bad with a quickness, and it was Damn Good Theater.

I hope the big bad isn't Ludinus, it's The Hells falling apart like wet toilet paper over their inability to lay down their pride. Calamity 2: The Power of Friendship vs Misguided Hubris. FIGHT.

[bungobble-my-balls]

Back on my bullshit with a new Sigmatsu collection:

Everytime Sigma and Atsushi look at the other

(Part one)

Sigma

1) Sigma just lost a fight for his casino, but is saved from falling by someone. After crash landing, and having this sudden development happen in only a few seconds, he panics and quickly turns to face this person.

2) Sigma sees the man was Atsushi Nakajima, a member of the ADA, their enemy. His enemy has just saved him, and even adviced him to be careful not to fall off the structure they're on after they landed, as if he actually cares about his life? He asks him, clearly cautious and confused, why?

3) Atsushi tells him his reason for saving Sigma was to save the Agency. Sigma puts his guard and his confident aura as the Casino Manager back up temporarily, realising another enemy is trying to take him for his ability again.

4) We don't see him look directly at Atsushi again until a few panels later. At this point he's given up, he's been shot, and he was about to fall again until Atsushi jumped off the building after him.

He stares blankly up at Atsushi, yelling at him desperately to hang on, after having jumped off the building himself to catch him. At this point, I think Sigma realises Atsushi has started trying to save Sigma not just for his ability or the agency.

To me he looks confused again, but less with caution and more with hopelessness. Like he's thinking 'why is this man risking his life to save me?' And not just because Atsushi's an enemy, but right now Sigma doesn't see any worth in his life.

5) This is his response to Atsushi telling Sigma to "Hold on" and "Grab his hand".

It's resignation, him trying to reason with Atsushi that there's no reason to try so hard and risk himself to save him, since this was always how it was meant to be for him.

Maybe even trying to reason with himself to accept that this is the end for him, because what else does he have to live for now? He failed to hold onto what little he had.

6) And of course, the iconic look that I will never shut up about. This panel happens after: Atsushi gets shot and the two fall again, but Atsushi still grabs onto Sigma immediately after regaining consciousness; Sigma tells him to let go or he Atsushi will die with him; Atsushi refuses and states that he can't let Sigma die after hearing that he 'has no idea what he was born for'; Sigma calls Atsushi kind.

This is the last time Sigma looks at Atsushi. At this point, Sigma has just used his ability and transferred information to Atsushi. To Sigma, he has just made what he thought would be the last action and decision he would ever make in his short life: choosing to help an enemy who was kind to him. Who might've been the only person who risked his own life to keep Sigma alive, not just for his ability, but for Sigma's own sake.

And that line at the end hits a bit different after that realisation. "As an ordinary man, I did what I could." And what did he do? He's talking about the fact that he just gave Atsushi the information he needed to save the people he loved. And he knows that Atsushi wouldn't know what Sigma had done until after Sigma had already 'died'.

Sigma wouldn't see Atsushi's gratitude, but at least he knew he did one last useful thing with his life.

Bonus: Sigma thinking about Atsushi

(Yes I am reaching with those last two Sigma panels, what of it?? 🤨)

(But in the second panel (where Fyodor confronts Sigma about wanting to join the ADA) Atsushi is front and centre and the only one staring directly ahead at the viewer when Sigma imagines the ADA, so to me when Sigma thought of the ADA he thought of Atsushi first and I'm sticking with that)

(And in the first panel Sigma is actually thinking about how Fyodor had planned to dispose of Sigma all along, but Atsushi is also there so I'm counting it as an Atsushi thought by default ❤️)