#// the year is coming to an end and i cannot let it pass without adding this mv here

[tintysun]

♪ Burned down, 'cause no one's buying your story. ♪ 

Within Temptation | A Fool’s Parade (feat. Alex Yarmak)

[pitchsidestories]

Everything I know about female friendship II Arsenal Women x Reader

romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 2136

summary: Everyone in your flat share has moved on, except you. There used to be five of you, Alessia, Victoria, Laura, Laia and you, and now you think you're celebrating New Year's Eve alone in a flat that, if the pictures on the wall were anything to go by, was once full of friendship.

author's note: Dear readers, we hope you'll have a fantastic New Year’s Eve and a great start into 2025; however you choose to celebrate it.🫶🏻🫶🏻

This New Years’ Eve felt significantly different from all the others before. This year you weren’t out partying, dancing until the early morning hours and you also didn’t spend the night with your housemates and a bottle of champagne in your shared living room.

For the first time since you moved to London you were alone. Everyone that had shared the house with you at some point, had already moved out again. There was no Laura, no Victoria, no Laia and no Alessia anymore. Just you.

You really thought you had made peace with the idea that you would end the old year and start the new year alone. But sitting there, waiting for the hours to pass, the emptiness started to feel weirdly heavy. To counteract the silence, you put your favourite record on and opened a bottle of wine that you had saved for this night.

While you were pouring yourself a glass, a sudden ringing on your doorbell made you jump and almost spill some of your wine.

“I’m coming!”, you called out. Leaving your glass on the table, you slowly walked towards the door. As soon as you opened it, Victoria beamed at you: “Surprise!”

You didn’t know what to say. Victoria and Laura stood in front of you, their arms linked. Laia and Alessia appeared right behind them with multiple bags in hand.

“Wow, I thought…”, you stammered but Alessia didn’t let you finish.

“That we��re all celebrating somewhere without you?”

You nodded hesitantly: “Actually, yes.”

“Wrong!”, Laura clarified quickly and pushed past you into her old home without waiting for you to beckon them in.

You let the other girls pass without protest as well. Laia was the last one. She looked up towards the clouded sky one last time before going inside: “I wish the weather was better though.”

You almost snorted. Whenever she had the chance, Laia would bring up how bad the weather in England was compared to Spain.

Victoria rolled her eyes: “You will survive, Laia.”

”Would a hug help?”, you asked to which the Spaniard nodded immediately.

“Yes.”

“Knew it.”, you laughed before pulling her towards you. With your chin resting on Laias shoulder, you forgot for a moment that she didn’t live here anymore.

You stayed there until you heard Alessia yell from the kitchen: “Oh my god, we need to upgrade your dinner for tonight!”

Laia and you followed the others into the next room. You shrugged nonchalantly: “What’s the problem with wine and crackers?”

“With wine, you need Italian food.”, Alessia stated.

“And a spanish dessert.”, Laia added before turning to the other two Arsenal players that were too busy with their lips on each other to care about any kind of food. “And no, Vicky and Laura, you cannot each other up. Respect the single ladies here!”

“And we want to contribute some Dutch and Austrian food.”, the defender explained with a cheeky smile on her lips.

You couldn't help but get a little sentimental as you watched your friends teasing each other, reminding you of the time when you all called these four walls your home. The melancholy hit you out of nowhere and your heart was torn into a million pieces, but the presence of your friends managed to put the many shattered pieces back together again.

“Man, how I missed you girls.”, you sighed whole-heartedly.

There was an amused sparkle in Alessia’s eyes when she replied to your comment: “We still see each other in training. We’re not completely gone.”

“Yes, just because we moved out doesn’t mean we’re not your friends anymore you idiot.”, Victoria reminded you with her direct Dutch manner.

Instead of looking into anyone’s eyes you focused on the flickering candlelight in front of you, while you admitted: “I know that. It just sometimes feels a bit lonely. I miss the random talks in the living room and stuff like that.”

 “No wonder you’re a bit down the music is depressing.”, Laia observed, making her way to your beloved record player.

Maybe because the Spaniard herself went through dark times in her football career she was the one who was able to find the lightness in every moment so easily it was an art the defender perfected over time.

“Don’t turn that off!”, you protested smiling weakly.

“Can anyone help me to top the pizzas or not?”, asked the blonde striker.

Luckily for her the Austrian was the first to offer her help as they swiftly went to the kitchen to give the food the last finishing touches before it was put into the oven.

Alessia's face was one of pure concentration: “What do you think more cheese?”

“Of course, more cheese!”, Laura declared.

The half-Italian nodded in agreement: “Alright.”

“Laia put on something more.”, Victoria began but was confidently interrupted by the Catalan woman.

She assured her grinning: “You don’t have to tell me, I’ve the best playlist for that.”

“Excuse me!?”, you formed your lips to a pout which could almost compete with Leah Williamson’s one as Laia switched to Latin dance music.

Laia's brown eyes twinkled mischievously at you, her hips starting to swing to the rhythm of the beat: “Just trust me on this.”

“Fine, but I won’t dance.”, you quickly clarified.

She shrugged unimpressed by your statement: “You don’t have to.”

“Good.”, you replied.

“But you will later.”, Laia stated firmly.

A soft smile was playing on your lips: “I’m unsure about that.”

“Girls, the pizza is done.”, Alessia chirmed, the delicious smell of the Italian dish which was made by her family recipe filled up the room.

When she and Laura placed the finished pizzas fresh from the oven on the table, Victoria clapped excitedly:” Amazing.”

“Come try it.”, the Austrian said, waving Victoria over to her.

While the midfielder sat down, Laura cut her a piece of pizza and held it in front of her face so she could take a bite.

Victoria chewed happily: “It’s so delicious.”

One after the other, you all joined the table, pouring each other wine and trying the pizzas.

You watched all your friends crowded your kitchen like they used to do a few months ago.

“At least you’re all happy now.”, you grinned.

Laia turned to you with a raised eyebrow: “You should be happy too.”

“I am.”, you replied a little too quickly. A half-truth that came too easily and that was hard to describe to other people.

Alessia shook her head. As usual, she looked right through you: “She is not.”

“Rude.”, you said. You weren’t offended but a little taken aback by how quickly she caught on to your lie.

The striker remained unimpressed: “At least you haven’t told your face that yet.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, you hadn’t realized that you were frowning. Your eyebrows had begun to knit together, creating a small crease on her forehead, and her molars were clenched together. A bit longer and you would have given yourself a headache by the end of the evening.

Victoria refilled your now empty wine glass with a gracious smile: “Yes, so how are you really.”

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to let your guard down: “I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?”, Laura asked for confirmation.

“Yes. I just get a bit sad and nostalgic around the end of the year.”, you finally admitted.

Your friends went quiet. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence but rather a thoughtful one which was quickly ended by Laia looking at you incredulously: “But you can be proud of yourself.”

“Proud? Are you serious?”, you laughed.

“Obviously I’m serious.”, the Spaniard nodded, glaring at you sternly.

You shook your head, the crease between your brows making a reappearance: “Of what?“

“Oh my god, are you kidding?”, Victoria suddenly burst out.

“No.”

The dutch midfielder heaved a frustrated sigh. “Remember when you moved in here? Look at you now.”

The memories came back with force like a ball hitting you right into the face during a football game. It was one and a half years ago and you should have been overjoyed to have just signed your first contract for Arsenal, but all your thoughts were preoccupied with your recent break-up. Your move to London was the last straw for your ex, she ended the relationship via text. The majority of your first few weeks at Arsenal were only made bearable by your housemates.

You bit your lip, trying not to laugh about your past self: “Vicky, I was a heartbroken wreck back then.”

“That’s what I’m saying! You’re so over it! You’ve grown so much as a player and as a person!”, she disagreed with you passionately.

You let your gaze wander lovingly over the faces of your beloved friends before concluding: “I grew only because of all of you.”

“Hey, no. With us all.”, Alessia corrected you promptly with a knowing smile playing on her pink lips.

She was right about that when you thought back fondly on the development of the friendship between the five of you.

The sense of togetherness you all developed on and off the pitch was nothing short of remarkable. Even at hard times when things with the head coach got difficult you stood together. Yes, you had befriended teammates in the past, but the true power of female friendship was evident in your former roommates.

“You’re right, Laia’s English improved so much since she moved to London.”, you remembered smirking.

“Excuse me?”, the Spaniard huffed playfully.

Laura patted her shoulder sympathetically:” It’s true.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”, Laia admitted.

You gratefully squeezed the striker's hand: “Thanks for the pizza, Lessi. It was great as always.”

“You’re welcome. I tried to perfect the recipe in the past year.”, Alessia proudly raised her chin.

With curiosity in her voice, the Austrian wanted to know:” Is it originally from your Italian family side.”

“Of course.”, the blonde replied, her laugh warming even the coldest of hearts.

Meanwhile Laia rose solemnly from her chair:” You know what, girls?”

“What? It’s not midnight yet.”, you remarked after you checked it on your phone.  The time really flew by when you spent it with your friends. While the conversation and the wine flowed.

The defender rolled her eyes in annoyance:” I can read a clock, y/n. Thank you very much.”

“So?”, you looked at her with anticipation.

“Yes, what are we doing?”, Laura questioned matching your excitement.

“It’s time for dancing.”, Laia announced grinning roguishly.

“No.”, you objected.

“Yes.”, she answered, her voice full of enthusiasm.

“Laia”, you warned her as the Catalan pretended not to have heard the warning and took your hands to lift you from your chair.

“Come on, y/n.”, Laura interjected.

“Ugh.”, you groaned while the fellow Arsenal players started to dance around you.

Slowly you began to move your body to the music as well, feeling the weight of the year being lifted from your shoulders as Alessia chirped in your ears:”You’ll feel better afterwards.”

The promise which the sentence held turned out to be true. The melancholy wasn’t gone entirely, but there was a lightness in your steps now which was new tonight.  

“We’re such bad dancers.”, you laughed out loud.

“Who cares?!”, Alessia asked, flailing her arms as she spun in circles around the room.

You thought about if for a second and then nodded: “Good point, actually.”

Victoria who almost knocked a small golden table lamp from one of the dressers while doing the robot, reminded you: “It’s just us!”

“And that’s more than enough.”, you said fondly as you watched your friends doing silly dance moves in your living room like they used to.

They didn’t hear you though. Instead, the music stopped, and your teammates suddenly scrambled through your apartment. A glance towards the clock revealed why. It was five minutes before midnight. Victoria and Laura ran out on the balcony, carrying snacks while Alessia and Laia frantically filled champagne glasses.

You met on the balcony exactly at midnight, quickly clinking your glasses together.

“Happy New Year everyone!”, Laura yelled into the night sky, right as the fireworks started around you.

Victoria pressed a quick kiss to the Austrians cheek before turning back to the group in front of her: “Happy New Year, girls!”

Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest as you just stood there on the balcony, watching your former housemates and current teammates sip on their champagne and light some sparklers.

The nostalgia was still there but less sad and heavy. It started to transform into something that filled you with hopefulness and excitement for the new year. You felt at peace knowing that no matter what, the girls would always be by your side.

You blinked at them one more time: “Can’t wait for another year with my girls.”

gif and image source: https://www.tumblr.com/stargirlsfc/746487956612775936/lets-fucking-gooooo?source=share, https://pin.it/3K5c1msTJ

[lovebvni]

mindset of manifestation & how i manifest

like melanie martínez, i am back from the dead.

i apologize for being gone so long, but i needed a break from tumblr. i saw toxicity swirling in the community, my life got busy, and i decided it was just time for a break. when i was planking to come back, i just saw how things got terrible and i got upset and decided not to come back.

so, im back now and with a little tutorial on how i manifest!!! <3 i hope this can help some of you out.

let’s start with background.

manifesting is kind of like predicting the future. you have something you want to happen, then it happens soon after. i feel like this is the easiest way to get into the manifestation mindset. you cannot change what you’re getting if you want it. could you change your mind later and return it like a package? yes! but before it arrives, you know it’s arrival is coming.

sure, there can be delays, but it all is going to turn out YOUR way in the end.

nile and i have been working on our mindset and this is something they wrote that i think can be really helpful — as it was to me.

from the past two years we have been actively manifesting, we learned that we often saw things as “crazy”. but manifesting isn’t crazy, it’s quite normal.

every time you get dressed in the morning, it’s an act of manifestation. you’re showing up with what you want.

manifestation is a mondane activity!! stop treating it like it was a kiss from an angel!

by reading this, you’re manifesting your eyes working, you’ve used your hands to open an app, and you have believed you can read and get through this blog! without manifesting that, you would not be here.

the first step to manifestation is believing you can do it, believing you have done it, and believing you will continue to do it. period.

there are many MANY different ways to manifest, but i manifest in 3 ways (sometimes i use all three, sometimes i use just 1 or 2.)

!! I ALMOSR FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND IM ADDING IT BEFORE I GET TO NUMBER 2 OMG!!

STOP! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO GET A NOTEBOOK, A SHEET OF PAPER, OR MAKE A CHECKLIST ON YOUR PHONE IN YOUR NOTES APP!!!

now i want you to write down everything you want right now down and leave the boxes blank if you haven’t gotten them yet.

once you get through that, i want you to randomly click between some of the items you want and write down things you wanted that you did get! they can be some simple and things from years ago, what matters is you have them down. throw in some things that you may have to do for school or work while you’re at it.

here’s an example! (left is before checking off, right is after)

as you can see, i added a note to the side because i got what i wanted and more abundantly! i had been manifesting a dog since i was a young child, and in 2021, i got 2!!!! (one is laying at my feet right now <3)

continue to do this daily, weekly, or whatever you have time for. i personally do this on notion and i try to add something new daily (im adding the heartstopper thing rn!!)

but yeah!! write everything u want down, and continue to add to it, just so u can see progress DOES happen and your work and effort DOES pay off!

affirming and persisting

this id the first way i learned to manifest, and the most self-explanatory.

you simply repeat what you want over and over until you get it! but not in the future tense, in the current or past tense.

ex; “i passed my maths final!”, “im so happy my boyfriend gave me those roses for valentine’s day, he’s so sweet!”, “i finished the essay for english like a week before it was due!” “i got the lead role in my play! im so excited!” etc.

now, the common factor between all of these is having a positive mindset about them. i cannot tell you HOW many times i manifested something would go well, and right before they happened, i got in a shitty mind space and wondered if it would ever happen.

but, nonetheless, i persisted through and i got what i wanted.

the pain have have been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

persisting is basically pushing through. think about the time you didn’t think you would make it through an injury, a school year, a trial, yet you still walked through it — even if it was slow.

like when work days are long and you want to go home, but you can’t, so you persist.

i try to think of my manifestations as an ultimatum. it’s going to happen, and that’s final. the only thing you have to do to get it is stay conscious.

and staying conscious, walking through those days, is how you get to the end!

i use affirming and persisting with pretty much everything, which is why it was first.

2. listening to subs.

it’s that simple — listen to an audible subliminal that has the results you want over and over!! that’s all i do u guys. here’s my playlist if u want it (IF I DELETE IT CHECK MY PINNED POST!! I UPDATE IT OFTEN)

i often use @stilljuststardust’s subs, slade’s subs, enchanted workshops’ subs and i want it, i got it’s subs!

all of them are trusted and credible. i cannot promise you that all the subs in my playlist will work for you, as they are (sometimes) linked to my personal desires.

3. pinterest manifestation!!

i recommend having either a whole pinterest account or a board set aside for this way of manifestation.

you simply make boards (or sections) for things you want. i would say this is best for physical items, people, looks, makeup, etc. things that re physically tangible, rather than something like reality shifting (although i do have a reality shifting board! it has been working pretty well <3)

i also have one for my mindset, my religion, so on and so forth (link btw)

i think this is pretty self explanatory. just save picture of things you want and quotes/affirmations and DONE!

i also use this sub with it :p it’s worked WONDERSSS!

if you have any other questions i will be happy to answer them!! i love you all!! go manifest!!

[jenplayssims]

Sims 4 “Oregon Trail” Challenge (BACC)

Inspired by playing Oregon Trail on the Switch recently with my family as well as the Homestead Challenge for Sims 2 by child_of_air, I wanted to create a historical build a community challenge (BACC) with references to the Oregon Trail game (ie, river crossings, death by illness, new pioneers arriving by wagon train, etc). The below are guidelines for play, many adapted from the Sims 2 challenge for use in Sims 4. Please consider these guidelines flexible and tweak them as you wish to fit your gameplay. This challenge was written with all packs in mind but can be played without them.

HUGE thanks to @antiquatedplumbobs for providing me valuable feedback and helping my idea really come to life! Also thanks to @cowplant-snacks​ for being a sounding board and providing feedback. This challenge wouldn’t be the same without either of their input and I am so grateful!

The Basic Rules 

1. There is no electricity, no running water, and no access to technology that wasn’t invented prior to the 1850s. You may wish to utilize the lot trait “off the grid” to aid with this, but this is not essential. As long as the home, decor, and most behaviors of the sims matches the time period, how restrictive you choose to be in your gameplay is up to you. “Close enough” is ok for this challenge.

2. Each member of your wagon party has a backstory to their lives, and many of them are trying to escape from the confines of the restrictive social order or begin a new life. However, the items they take with them will be restricted to what their social rank was when they left. Space on the wagon is limited, and only the most precious items would be taken along. (More on items below)

3. At the start you will play your aspiring pioneer household as they journey by wagon to their destination, facing obstacles along the way. Once your pioneers arrive at their destination, they will all move into a boarding house with a host sim. Only the host household (which includes your first set of pioneers) will be played at this point. Once sims move out and begin their own homesteads, the neighborhood will be played in rotation. Each house will be played for 1 week (length of rotation of your choosing. 1 week is my recommendation).

4. Only the host or hostess at your destination will be able to have a job at first, which will be in politics. Everyone else will have to focus on developing their skills, adding to their hope chests, and preparing for their own homesteads. Sims cannot marry or move out of the boarding house until they have produced enough goods to begin their own homesteads.

5. Please note that your end destination does not have to resemble Oregon. The Oregon Trail game was simply an inspiration for this challenge.

Time 

The concept of time passing is up to you. You may want to let the seasons dictate the years, or you may want to base your year around a biological marker, such as the sim age spans. Some may want to make their own metric for years (ie, 4 days = 1 year). You may choose to not bother with the passage of time at all. If you choose to advance the passage of time, you will need to keep track of advancing technology (I recommend Decades Challenge for inspiration). This challenge could be played as a prequel to the Decades Challenge.

Getting Started

1. Create your wagon train lot for your pioneers to live on as they travel to their new home. You can build this yourself or pull a lot from the gallery (my recommendation is Oregon Trail Camp by HistoricalSim). If building your own, this functional tent looks like a covered wagon - http://simfileshare.net/folder/183978/ kindly hosted by @cowplant-snacks, amazingly made functional by @superflare, original by inabadromance.

2. Host Sims and House - Before the pioneers’ journey is complete, you will need to create a host house and a host/hostess sim. (Note: This step can be done right at the start or can wait till their journey is almost over.) Create a host sim of your choosing. This will be the only sim in the initial household able to hold a job, which should be in politics. The host will be the one to hand out homestead deeds (though not literally). The wagon load of pioneers will begin their new life here as they gather supplies and build up their skills to qualify for a homestead of their own. Consider it a boarding house of sorts and build accordingly. You’ll want space for many sims as well as skilling/crafting items available for use. 

3. Townies - Your game should have as few townies as possible to begin with as your first pioneers should be part of the town’s founding. You may use mods to prevent the game from spawning townies or you may create your own and use mods to make them fill the roles the game would normally spawn new sims for (mailperson, bartender, etc). You can also allow the game to spawn as it needs to and either ignore those sims or make them over to fit the historical context. (Note: The Sims 2 Homestead Challenge mentions creating Native people to serve as existing townies. This is up to the player)

4. Create your first wagon of settlers

a. Roll a dice to see how many are on the wagon (1-7, unless you use mods to increase the household sim limit). They can be teens-adults. If you want to roll for gender, age, traits, etc you may. You can start with a married couple or single sim if you wish, but keep in mind that not all sims are guaranteed to survive the journey so more sims may be better for this challenge.

b. For each sim, roll their socioeconomic background: This determines the quality and quantity of items each sim may have brought with them to begin their new life/homestead. Note: Sims 4 furniture is stored in the shared household inventory, so may want to roll and make note of this somewhere but not actually choose the items until the sim has moved to their own homestead. 

1-2: Indentured Servant or Former Slave (2 Items, poor quality) 

3-4: Lower Class (5 Items, poor quality)  

5: Lower Middle Class (6 Items of poor quality and 3 items of medium quality)  

6: Middle Class (10 items medium quality)

c. Likewise with animals - it stands to reason that some would have brought livestock or perhaps a pet with them, but as these won’t really come into play until the sim moves to their own land, you can decide what they have now and then add them later.

5. Move them into your wagon train lot and begin their journey!

Optional: You can use my save file as a starting point for this challenge. It contains a wagon camp (Oregon Trail Camp by HistoricalSim) placed in Willow Creek. It also has the calendar already set up to include events on the journey and holidays (more on the journey and calendar below). Host house and sims are not included. http://www.simfileshare.net/download/4024989/

The Journey:

Your wagon of pioneer sims will begin their journey in spring. Their goal is to reach their end destination before winter begins. The length of this stage is up to the player - you may want to drag out the survival struggle or you may want to zip through it quickly. The average time of travel was 150 days. I’ve included a sample calendar below from my save file. The Oregon Trail begins in Missouri and ends in Oregon, and typically took months to complete with many hardships along the way. Any sim who becomes sick while on the journey will need to have a dice rolled for their survival odds (even - they live, odd - they succumb to their illness and die along the trail unless they are within a day of a Fort where they can purchase medicine). Also along the way are 4 river crossings (Kansas, Big Blue, Green, Snake) as well as passage through the Blue Mountains near the end. There are also 4 random events in the spirit of the original Oregon Trail game. For each of the 5 major events (spaced however the player chooses), roll a dice for their odds of success. 

1-3 unsuccessful attempt at crossing - roll to see which sim doesn’t make it

4-6 successful crossing - continue on

For the 4 random events on the calendar, roll a dice to determine which sim will be affected by the event. Roll the dice again for survival odds - if a 3 is rolled, your sim dies. 

Once the events are completed, the wagon arrives at the boarding house and moves in temporarily until their own homestead can be secured.

The sample calendar below from my save file includes all 5 events spaced out as well as a couple of stops at Forts where supplies can be purchased (medicine, food if you’re playing using the Simple Living lot challenge). I also included 4 random events and a few holiday celebrations.

Optional: If you’d like to further simulate pioneers journeying across the country, you can move your pioneer sim household to wagon camps in different worlds with each river/mountain crossing. If you’re using my save file, use the numbered wagon train lots as listed below.

Recommended worlds to use:

Kansas/Big Blue River Crossings - #1 stay on original lot in Willow Creek

Green River Crossing - #2 Henford

Snake River Crossing - #3 Oasis Springs

Blue Mountains Crossing - #4 Copperdale

Homesteads:

In order to qualify for a homestead, sims must gain 4 skill points in 3 different skills (Baking, Cooking, Cross Stitch, Fishing, Fitness, Flower Arranging, Gardening, Gourmet Cooking, Guitar, Handiness, Herbalism, Horse Riding, Juice Fizzing, Knitting, Nectar Making, Painting, Piano, Pipe Organ, Violin, Writing) as well as meet the qualifications for homesteads below:

Basic Homestead: all skills obtained, $100 starting fund, 10 household wares

2 Bedroom Homestead: all skills obtained, $200 starting fund, 12 household wares

3 Bedroom Homestead: all skills obtained, $300 starting fund, 20 household wares

Middle Class Homestead: all skills obtained, $400 starting fund, 30 household wares

If sims decide to marry, they must each obtain the skills individually but can pool household wares and money to qualify for a homestead. 

Since work is not allowed for the pioneers until they move out, they will need to grow and sell produce or create and sell crafted items to earn money. Items can be sold through their inventory for ease if desired. If using Chestnut Ridge as their town, items can also be sold at the General Store.

Household wares include what they rolled from earlier based on their socioeconomic backgrounds as well as anything they create while in the host house.

Note: if you choose to play with the Simple Living lot challenge turned on, you will also want your sims to bring some produce, canned goods, and possibly seeds with them to their homestead.

Once in their own homesteads, they can expand as they have funds and need or can move to a new lot.

Optional: When two homesteads have been established, you can build a Trading Post. This is where your sims can sell their wares through the sales tables available in Sims 4. A grocery stall from Cottage Living may also be placed. They can also sell items at the General Store in Chestnut Ridge.

If you prefer a lot from the Gallery, I highly recommend Old Western Township built by antiqueplumbobs (antiquated plumbobs : Western Township - Simblreen Gift #1 A CC-Free... (tumblr.com) It is perfect as a community lot for this challenge.

When all pioneer sims from the initial wagon have moved into their own homesteads, a second wagon of pioneers can be created and start their journey. As your initial sims have families of their own, you may choose to create families to journey to your town rather than individual sims. The second (and any future) wagon train households created will be played in rotation with the homestead households established by your original pioneers.

Careers:

Once on their own established homesteads, your sims can begin careers. 

At home careers: farmer, orchard owner, florist, woodworker, dairy farm, llama farm, chicken farm, horse breeder, goat herder, sheep farmer, nectar maker, juice fizzer, herbalist

Careers in game: fisherman, manual laborer, gardener, painter, politician, writer, lawyer, doctor, teacher, criminal, entertainer (Note: I would suggest creating a specific sim to be the doctor to unlock medicine, creating a teacher to be part of a wagon train once your town begins to have infants/toddlers, etc - add the careers as it makes sense for your town, as most making this journey initially would have been farmers).

Optional careers:

Create a clergyman to perform marriage ceremonies among the settlers. Can add a fee to their household funds for each marriage performed, etc.

Add in custom careers, such as Fur Trader ( Peebs : Fur Trade Career | Original Career This career... (tumblr.com) )

That’s it! See how far your town can grow and advance as new settlers arrive but most importantly, have fun!

PDF link to rules

[the-person-on-the-bridge]

DPXDC Prompt №5

Well

Imagine that Danny and Klarion are a couple, and what a mess it could be. And what would be the reaction of the League? God, this idea just occupied my brain.

JL has a problem that neither they, nor JLD, nor YJ can handle. They decide to use their heavy artillery - Phantom. When Danny arrives he is met by a bunch of panicked superheroes who think the world is about to end. They tell him about the problem, for example, huge monsters that cannot be damaged. Danny realizes that he has already heard something similar. After a while, he remembers.

"Hey, do these monsters have some kind of seal or symbol on their side? For example, K with a dot?"

The league doesn't understand what this is about at all, but they say, yes, there is.

"Oh, I've faced them before, but I can't handle it alone. But I know who can help." Danny sits down on a chair, takes out his phone and starts typing. It takes a long time to type.

Half an hour later, everyone was on edge, and the Phantom didn't stop typing. 

Superman couldn't stand it first: "Phantom, we appreciate your help, but please specify who we are waiting for." The boyscout is polite as always. The Batman clan looks at each other uneasily.

"My boyfriend. By the way, he's on his way," the Phantom answers nonchalantly, without looking up from the phone and continuing to type.

The League participants are close to a breakdown: not only is the threat hanging over the States, which they are not able to cope with, but the Phantom has added from above. Phantom, is an incredibly strong player by himself, their heavy artillery, the king of the fucking Endless Realms, dates someone SO powerful that this someone can help him stop a potential threat to the country.

Then something in the air changes. Magic users and the League look at Danny, who finally puts the phone in his pocket. He frowns irritably and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Finally," he muttered discontentedly and gets up.

A black-and-red portal appears in the room, from which an irritated Klarion exits. Exactly the one who was least expected to see. YJ are already ready to take up arms, but the Phantom is ahead of them.

"Did you see how much time has passed? You're late." Danny comes closer, still unhappy.

"I couldn't teleport out of YOUR fucking castle. You open portals yourself every day, why ban them in the castle at all?" Klarion goes to meet Danny. "I got lost in the corridors six times. SIX. I am 16 billion years old, I have existed since the beginning of the universe, and I could not get out of the castle!" the distance between them was rapidly shrinking until they were standing close.

In any other situation, many would have laughed at this, but not in this one. Everyone in the room felt the situation escalate. They saw the Phantom in anger, they saw the Klarion in anger, but they never saw them together, let alone together and in anger.

"So you think it's my fault?!" The windows began to be covered with frost, and circles began to appear on the coffee in the Green Arrow mug. The jar with the handles began to bounce, everyone in the room began to feel the force of their anger.

"This is your castle, your ban. Whose fault do you think it is that I'm late?" Klarion's voice dropped. The Phantom looked dumbfounded. "What… How do you even..." Phantom's incipient tirade was interrupted by Klarion's kiss. He pressed his lips to the Phantom's lips, closing his eyes. He ran one hand through the ghost's hair, and the other pulled the Phantom closer, holding on to his waist.

The Phantom relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around the chaos lord's shoulders. Teekl stepped onto Phantom's shoulders, settling comfortably on them.

"Ahem-ahem" someone coughed tactfully

The Phantom moved a little away from Klarion, turning sideways to the League.

"Phantom, we understand your situation, however, you must remember the original purpose of our meeting." Batman is as straightforward as ever.

"Oh, right, sorry, guys," muttered the Phantom, turning in arms, but looking into the eyes of Klarion. "Do you remember the creatures we imprisoned in the time of Egypt?"

"Mmm, before or after Cleopatra?"

"After"

"Ugh, those slimy things?"

"Yes, and these slimy things are now taking over the east coast. Why did you put your stamp on them at all?” Phantom asked, leaning back into the embrace.

"I was thinking of leaving them for a rainy day," Klarion replied, stroking Teekl, still sitting on someone else's shoulders. "They had potential. Before they went mad with anger and started consuming each other."

"Ugh, okay," the Phantom grumbled, twisting out of the embrace completely. "Let's go show class"

Having created the portal, the Phantom invited Klarion to go first, gallantly bending over and bending his arm behind his back. "After you"

Klarion grunted, took the Teekl and disappeared into his own portal. Phantom rolled his eyes. "Eccentric"

JL remained in stunned silence, watching the interaction of the two creatures and asking a lot of questions. How long have these two known each other? What is the real age of the Phantom, if it existed before Cleopatra? If the Phantom knows that Klarion is the lord of chaos, does that mean that the Phantom may be involved in Klarion's affairs?

Just a minute after the two creatures leave, JL watches as the two subdue one monster after another. In just ten minutes two of which they kissed Phantom and Klarion defeat all the creatures. Klarion reads a spell, the Phantom opens a huge purple portal, where Klarion sends the bodies of monsters with a spell. When the creatures' bodies have disappeared, the Phantom creates another portal in which they disappear.

JL has literally a few seconds before they feel the familiar chill.

"I'm sorry it took so long. Last time we did it faster," the Phantom's voice rang out at the end of the hall.

Turning around, the heroes saw Klarion supporting Phantom by the elbow. The ghost looked paler than usual, but overall not bad. On the Phantom's cloak was a black slime left over from monsters, which he looked at with undisguised disgust.

"Phe, I thought I didn't get dirty" 

"I told you not to kick them, but when you listened to me," Klarion rolled his eyes”

"Hey, ghosts don't attack Amity anymore, it's nice to remember the past sometimes" 

"You're a member of the Justice League. Isn't that enough?"

"It's not the same. Okay, guys," The Phantom looked at the League again, "I'm damn tired and I'll answer your questions another time. You've already ruined our movie night. Waiting is the least price you will pay for it. See you soon!"

They were swallowed up by the Klarion’s portal, leaving the League confused and shocked. The first, oddly enough, Constantine came to himself. 

"I need a drink"

Klarion and Danny: * kissing while monsters are raging in the background*

Literally the entire Justice League: 

[tokusaatsus]

s. kanata — thalassophobia

warnings: drowning, suicidal thoughts, cult mentions

The endless yearning for the ocean is something so integral to his being, that Kanata doesn’t know how to live without it. When you spend your entire life in the absence of something, it starts to define you.

Emptiness, synonymous with Shinkai, 深海 the deep sea. A curse. Kanata, 奏汰, so out of reach.

The salt of his tears is comparable to the taste of the sea and he relishes in it, if only to feel—if only for a little while.

Desire has taken root in his heart.

For as long as the god-boy known as Shinkai Kanata has existed, he has always wanted for something. Companionship, care; all those simply a far-off pipe dream.

What can a god know about the pursuits of mortals? The nature of love is beyond him—unconditional affection seems more fictitious than the idea of a boy-god who emerged from the sea, because he has never had anything that did not come from a system of exchange.

Of course, there is the issue of the anomaly. As in, someone whose wish he cannot grant. There are more of those than you would think. Morisawa Chiaki is one of them.

You are another.

You are soft. Too soft, he might say. You’re so used to swimming freely along the surface, that you don’t think to look for the sharks lying in wait underneath until they’re lunging for your exposed underbelly.

Kanata cannot fathom why you would refuse his offer. That is his purpose in life, what makes him. Is there any use to a god who cannot do the feats his followers boast of?

He beseeches you. Please, let me grant your wish. You reply, no thank you. There’re some things that just seem too good to be true, and you’re one of them.

Your fingers brush against his as you walk past. He expects that to be the end of it but you smile at him in the hallways when you pass him by and sometimes, he smiles back.

You would think, after all these years, he would have gotten used to it. That loneliness. But Kanata is greedy. More, more, he wants more.

It’s addictive, is what it is. Like submerging yourself beneath the waves and letting them close over your head, one with the ocean at last. Like feeling your lungs burn with a lack of oxygen as your heart beats a panicked staccato in your ribcage, trying to keep those bubbles from escaping. Like feeling the water envelope you, five senses and all, until all that you can think of is the vast, endless blue and—I’m going to die here.

Then the war happens and suddenly, in the midst of the Eccentrics (Rei-Wataru-Shu-Natsume) and Chiaki (hero) and Tenshouin Eichi (angel), you are there.

A sanctuary. As soothing as the waves, his heart soon fills its empty spaces with you, you, you.

He aches for you. It’s still addictive, yes, but slightly different this time. Like desperately scrabbling for the shoreline as your body compresses itself. Like breaking the surface and taking in the rush of air that follows. Like clawing yourself onto the sand, drenched and exhausted but—I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive.

In the race to the end, he cuts himself on crushed shells hidden underfoot. The brine of the ocean stings. But still he keeps pressing onwards, because there behind the finish line he sees you.

He stumbles right into your waiting arms. Maybe his sufferings are finally over. And the path to salvation is, in his mind’s eye, littered with pictures of you. As he sinks into your embrace, Kanata thinks; peace, at last.

© tokusaatsus 2023

wc. 605 words

reze txt. hm. it seems i am not immune to sea metaphors. i am also not immune to a boy who thinks he's a god. i need to study him. i need to blenderise him. hi 🦢

taglist. (fill out the form or send an ask to be added!) @prpne​ @gabirii​ @kazemiya​ @engurishu​ @kkomaism​ @asbestieos​ @mikctp​ @lilikags​ @lolthia​ @unwantedsleep @hasumilvr​ @head-full-of-empty​ @pr3tty-jennie​ @narumika​

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Ideas #47: Targaryen Restoration, but make it a lie

I tend to go on a lot about Jon Snow as Rhaegar's son because it simultaneously feeds several of my favorite fantasy tropes and because it makes Ned Stark a fascinatingly complex character. That being said, keeping Jon as Ned's bastard has some definite points.

Or: What if Jon Snow isn't Rhaegar Targaryen's son (he just lets everyone assume he is)?

Aka: The Jon Whitefyre Fic

Just imagine it:

The events happen almost exactly as per canon - or at least S6 show canon, up to and including Jon being named King in the North. The only difference is that Sansa's politicking is a little more in Jon's favor - more realpolitik than palace coup.

Jon, however, realizes that he cannot rule the North without Sansa. Jon may know how to lead men in war, but Sansa has a better idea of how people operate in peacetime - to say nothing of a better understanding of the poltics that have been playing out in the south while Jon has been isolated at the Wall and beyond.

After due consideration, they decide to announce that Jon is Brandon's bastard, passed off as Ned's to keep a North destabilized by Robert's Rebellion from being destabilized further. They plan to claim that their immediate family knew the truth the whole time and that Catelyn's distaste for Jon was because of the betrayal of her betrothed the represented. They will then marry as cousins to solidify their claim to Winterfell.

Both Sansa and Jon are uncomfortable with this, believing themselves to be half-siblings in truth, but feel the security of the North is more important than their feelings.

While Jon heads to Dragonstone per S7, Sansa stays behind to lay the groundwork for their announcement...

...which works somewhat against them when Jon returns to Winterfell with Dany and her dragons. After all, it's equally plausible - and far more sensational - that Jon is Lyanna's bastard with Rhaegar Targaryen. That Dany's dragons tolerate his presence is all the proof the Northerners need. Jon and Sansa lose control of their narrative and Jon is declared King Jon Whitefyre, son of Rhaegar and Lyanna.

Jon and Sansa have no choice but to proceed with their plan - now with the added dimension of a Targaryen Restoration - and marry.

The War for the Dawn and the Second Conquest go apace.

Dany is less Mad Queen than Queen understandably upset that the lords would rather follow a Westerosi-raised male bastard than a legitimate princess with a list of accomplishments in Essos. She's eager to accept Jon as kin but less eager to share power with him.

In the end, as it always is with female rulers, Dany's infertility works against her and Jon is chosen over her by a Great Council. She's named Princess of Dragonstone in perpetuity and offered her choice of Jon's younger children for heir. It's not the life Dany imagined for herself, but she takes well to it and grows to be a beloved aunt to Jon and Sansa's children.

Meanwhile, Jon is now committed to the lie that he's a Targaryen king. That his children look more like Starks is explained away by his Stark mother and Stark wife. (Many claim to see Targaryen features in them, which Jon is forced to put down to shared Blackwood blood and a possible dragonseed for a mother.)

Jon goes to his grave thinking that he's really the son of Ned Stark, married his half-sister to secure a castle that ended up going to his second son, and has usurped the Iron Throne on a lie.

Bonuses include: 1) The most awkward Jon/Sansa possible, made doubly awkward by the fact that everyone around them takes their willingness to marry as a sign Jon's definitely not Ned's son; 2) Ned having faked Lady's death years before and her return shortly after Jon is crowned King in the North being taken as a sign; and 3) Jon having just good enough relationships with Dany's dragons to make himself wonder if he has Targaryen blood, and coming to the decision that his mother must have been a dragonseed after several of his children bond with the dragons Dany hatches on Dragonstone.

And that's all I have. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

Other Jon Snow Headcanons: Aelor the Accursed | Aegon the Adopted | Aegon the Undying | Aegon the Unyielding | Aemon the Adventurous | Baelor the Brave | Daeron the Desired | Dyanna the Defiant | Jon Whitefyre | King of the Ashes | Lady Arryn | Lady Baratheon | Lady Lannister | Lady Stark | Lord of the Dance | Prince Consort | Prince of Summerhall | Queen Mother | Rhaegar the Righteous

More Terrible Fic Ideas

[middleearthpixie]

Promise Me ~ Chapter Eight

Summary: Friends since childhood, Gabriella has long held back her feelings where Boromir is concerned, as she did not want to risk losing his friendship if he didn't feel the same. But, then he is summoned to Rivendell, and the night before he is to leave, he stuns Gabriella by confessing his feelings for her as well. 

But, war is coming and he cannot put off what he knows must be done. All Gabriella can do is wait for him and pray for his safe return. 

Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (AU, Boromir lives)

Pairing: Boromir x ofc Gabriella

Characters: Ava, Gabriella, Boromir

Warnings: unprotected intercourse, some fluff, too, though. 

Rating: M

Word Count: 7k

Tag List: @sotwk @fizzyxcustard @evenstaredits @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms @emmyspov @finnofamerica @lathalea @ass-deep-in-demons @quiall321 @mistofstars @justfollowtheroad @guardianofrivendell @glassgulls

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here.

The battle might have ended, but there was still so much work that needed to be done. Scores of wounded flooded the infirmary, seriously straining the already limited resources. No matter how she tried, Gabriella simply could not control her penchant for nausea at the worst time. The gore sickened her time and again and she spent more time hunched over a basin than she did actually helping anyone. It finally came to the point where Ioreth ordered her out of the infirmary all together. 

With nothing else to do, she made her way back to the stewards’ House of Healing, stopping at the door to Faramir’s chambers. It was slightly ajar, and when she peered around, it was to find no one there but Faramir.

The door opened silently. He did not stir as she approached him. Gabriella couldn’t recall a time where Faramir was so still. Like his brother, he was a force of nature himself, and to see him so still, so quiet… it unnerved her.

Five years separated Boromir from his younger brother, and yet they were incredibly close. Boromir always looked out for him, was the first to tease him about something, but also the first to defend him should someone else make the unwise decision to tease him. And she knew that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, Faramir could not measure up to his older brother in their father’s eyes. She’d seen for herself Denethor’s favoritism, had seen how uncomfortable it made both Boromir and Faramir. In some ways, it always made her thankful to be an only child. All that was expected of her was to inherit and run the tavern one day. Her parents never pushed her to marry, or to give them grandchildren, and it seemed as if any time she brought a would-be suitor home to meet them, they found a reason to not like him. 

All except for Boromir. They made no secret of their fondness for him and she’d always put it down to basically having an in with the Steward, but now she wondered if they’d seen something beyond friendship between their daughter and Denethor’s heir. 

She came to stand at Faramir’s bedside and without thinking, reached down to stroke his hair, which was only a shade or so darker than his brother’s. The resemblance between the two men was striking, they had the same coloring, the same nose, same jawline. Both were too handsome for their own good, and yet seemingly obvious to it. 

“She cannot figure out what is wrong with him.”

Gabriella jumped at the unexpected sound of Ava’s voice and at Ava’s equally unexpected presence. “What?”

Ava nodded. “She does not know what felled him or how to bring him back. I heard her telling one of her underlings there is naught to be done by the let nature take its course.”

“Oh, no,” Gabriella murmured, turning back to Faramir to take his hand between hers. “Has anyone told Boromir?”

“I expect Ioreth will. Or she will ask you to. You told him of his father’s passing, did you not?” 

“I did, yes. But, how do I tell him he might lose his brother as well?” She looked over at Ava, shaking her head. “That news will kill him.”

“But, he will have you to lean on,” Ava pointed out. “And that will soften the blow.”

Those words surprised her, for she and Ava had never been close friends and in some ways, Gabriella always felt Ava resented her relationship with Boromir and his family to a certain extent. But now? Now, there was no hint of that, or of the tension that had persisted between them in the days between Boromir’s leaving Minas Tirith and his return. 

“Soften it, perhaps, but it will not take it away entirely.” A soft sigh followed Ava’s words. “He has always been a kind man. I’m certain I am not the only one who is genuinely saddened by this.”

Gabriella nodded slowly. Both men were held in high regard by their people, and she didn't doubt any grief that would come would be genuine. A soft sigh rose to her lips. “Will you stay with him? I am going to go see if Boromir is awake and if so, will bring him down.”

Ava nodded. “Of course.” She offered up a hint of a sheepish smile. “Ioreth told me in no uncertain terms I was only in her way.”

“It’s an unpleasant feeling, being useless.”

“It certainly is.” Ava gestured to Faramir. “Go and fetch Boromir. I will stay with him.”

“Thank you.” 

Ava bobbed her head and Gabriella made her way back to Boromir’s chambers. But as she crossed the threshold, she saw his bed was empty, the linen and quilt bunched down at the foot of it. 

Her first instinct was to go and find Ioreth and ask her where he might have gone, but then, as she stood there a moment to think on it, it came to her.

At the far end of the corridor, was the steward’s chambers and when she gently pushed open the door, she saw Boromir, dressed in loose-fitting trousers and dark gray tunic, hands clasped behind his back, staring at the catafalque bearing his father’s body.

“Boromir?” 

She’d barely whispered it, but he started as if she’d shouted at him. Without turning to her, he said, “I had to see for myself. My mind refused to believe it otherwise.”

He spoke so softly, as if in a state of disbelief, and for a moment, she felt as if she’d intruded on a personal moment. 

“Do you wish me to leave?”

He shook his head. “That isn’t necessary.”

“But would you rather I did? It’s all right if you do, you know.”

“No.”

She moved to stand beside him. “As I said, he was devastated by the thought of having lost you.”

“He still had my brother.”

“He did, but—” she hesitated, then finished with a lame, “true.”

“Faramir could never measure up in his eyes,” Boromir said, his voice flat and void of emotion. “No matter what he did, our father found fault with it. Faramir did everything he’d ever asked of him, and without complaint. And yet,” his powerful shoulders rose in a shrug, “it was never enough.”

“He isn’t like you.”

“No. He isn’t at all like me.” A wry, humorless laugh came to his lips. “And I always thought that was a good thing. He had little interest in war and weapons and the like, and he was Gandalf’s greatest audience, always willing to listen to his stories and lore. That drove our father mad. He felt it made Faramir soft. Above all else, a son of Denethor was not supposed to be soft.”

She glanced up at him. “And yet, you can be.”

“He never knew that, though. As far as he knew, I was made of stone.”

“I’ve never seen you that way.”

He peered down. “What?”

“As stone.” She shook her head. “I mean, I know you’re a warrior and all that, but… I don't know if I can explain it… I always thought that, under the right circumstances…” 

She scowled as she tried to find the right words, the best way to phrase what went through her mind. “What I mean is, I don’t see gentle as being soft. And I have seen your gentle side. I know it exists and I think, if Denethor saw it, he—”

“He would think me soft as well.”

“It isn’t soft and even if it was, why is that so terrible? Should men be made of stone? Should they never admit to feeling anything that isn’t anger or war-like? I find that ridiculous.” 

“He wasn't always that way,” Boromir said, reaching out to rest his hand against the flag covering his father’s body. Her throat tightened as he brushed his thumb along the fabric and his fingers tightened about it just so. “Before my mother died, he was… oh, he wasn't so dour and gruff. He laughed more easily and told us fanciful tales at bedtime, regaling us with the glories of those who came before us, fighting to keep Gondor, to keep Rohan and Eriador safe. Those tales were what guided me to be a soldier, what had me dreaming of being the Captain-General of the Guard. Faramir loved the wizard’s magic and lore and I loved hearing Denethor’s lore.

“But then my mother died and it all changed.” He withdrew his hand from the flag and lifted his shoulders in a slight shrug. “He grew bitter and withdrawn and there were no more tales of gallantry or heroics at bedtime. He spent more time hidden away in his study, and aged before our eyes. And nothing made him happy where Faramir was concerned, because Faramir was not like I was. Faramir was not, in his eyes, enough of a man.”

“I think he might have proven himself to Denethor after all,” she broke in quietly. “For he was distraught over losing both of his sons.”

“I hope he found peace in his last moments,” Boromir murmured, his voice cracking slightly. “For he had so little before then.”

Gabriella turned her gaze back to Denethor. Because of the extent of his injuries, Denethor had been wrapped in a shroud of white linen, and draped with the flag of Gondor. Despite her sympathy, she found she was angry with him as well—he’d failed his sons, he’d failed his people, and when push came to shove, he took a coward’s way out. She couldn’t imagine Boromir setting himself on fire and throwing himself off the tower. No, he would stay and fight until he was the last man standing. Of that she had no doubt. The enemy would have to cut him down before he cut himself down.

Boromir shifted then and she bit back a smile as he caught her hand in his and linked their fingers. His thumb lightly grazed hers. She gazed up again to find him still staring at his father’s body, his eyes red but dry. With a soft sigh, she leaned her head against his shoulder, and as always, it felt right. 

“He approved of you, you know,” he murmured after a few minutes of comfortable silence. 

“What?”

“He did.” He pressed a tender kiss into the top of her head, one that she felt clear through to the center of her being. “He thought you would be a fine influence.”

“Over you?”

“For me? No.” He shook his head and offered up a bittersweet smile. “For Faramir. He saw you with him instead.”

“What?”

“Do not ask me to explain it, for I cannot, but he did.” 

“And who did he think would be a fine match for you?”

He let out a wry laugh. “He did not think marriage would suit me, that the Guard would become my wife. And for the longest time, I thought he was right. There had to be a reason why any woman I thought might be the one I’d ask never turned out to actually be the one I’d ask.”

Her heart sank at his words, but she tried to keep it from showing on her face. “I suppose.”

He turned to her then, catching her other hand in his free one. “But then I realized something, as I read your letter for the tenth time in Lothlórien.”

Now her heart sped up as his green eyes softened and his thumbs swept lightly along hers. “What was that?”

“It wasn't marriage that wouldn’t suit me, but rather, it was the woman to whom I thought to propose it.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded, leaning toward her. Her belly fluttered, her heart sped up, just as it had the first time he’d kissed her so many weeks earlier. And when his lips met hers, she clasped his hands more tightly.

He released one of her hands to bring his to her cheek, his palm warm and rough as it curved against her face. His lips parted, his tongue dipped between her lips to caress hers in a warm, teasing stroke that made her head spin and her blood rush through her veins. 

His mouth moved gently against hers, and when he slowly pulled away, she whispered, “Take care, Boromir. I might think you’ve gone soft.”

“I don't mind if you see me that way,” he admitted, his voice a husky whisper. “You never need fear me, you know.”

“Why would I? I know how gentle you can be. I’ve seen it, have experienced it, for myself.”

“I know, but sometimes circumstances change abruptly,” he drew back, clouds gathering in his eyes, “and you find yourself doing things you never thought you would.” 

She didn't miss the darkness woven into his words, a darkness she’d never heard from him before, and it had her peering up at him as she weighed both what he had just said and what she was about to say.

“Boromir, when you were with fever, you rambled on about many things. You were searching for someone. Afraid they would think you would harm them. Someone called Frodo?”

The clouds dissipated, and a darkness slid into his eyes as he shook his head. “I know not what you are talking about, Gabby.”

“Who is he? Why would he think you would harm him?”

He stepped back. “I should tend to my father’s funeral, so I—”

“Wait,” she moved in front of him, a hand against his chest, “why won’t you tell me? What happened that you do not want me to know about?”

“Gabby, you need—” He paused, his gaze rolling up towards the ceiling as his lips disappeared into a thin white line. He drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly before continuing, “Frodo was one of the halflings in the Fellowship. There were four of them and they were more trouble than they were worth and if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not discuss them.”

“Boromir, I—”

“I have things needing my attention,” he muttered, stepping around her to stride from the chamber. He slammed the door behind him, the bang echoing mercilessly about the room with enough force that she actually winced from it. 

She stood there, staring at the closed door, for a long moment. Halflings. He’d spoken of them in his delirium, had calling for the one called Frodo, insisting he wouldn’t harm him. What had happened that he was not telling her? What had he done that this halfling needed reassurance Boromir wouldn’t harm him?

What had happened?

Her gaze went back to the catafalque. It was refrain that kept spinning through her mind. What had happened? What had happened to Boromir from the time he’d left Rivendell to the time he’d staggered across Pelennor Fields? 

Boromir strode down the corridor toward his personal chambers, up in the area known as the Citadel. Well, perhaps strode wasn't quite the right word, since he limped more than anything. His left leg throbbed with each step, and if the sutures held, it would only be a testament to Ioreth’s skills, for he was not at all gentle with himself.

He knew Merry was there, in Minas Tirith. As was Gandalf and Pippin. But where were Frodo and Samwise? And Aragorn? Or Legolas and Gimli? What had happened to the remaining members of the Fellowship who hadn’t been felled by fool arrows after attacking one of their own?

Hot shame poured into him as he reached his apartments and threw open the door. Sunlight splashed into the sitting room through the draperies of scarlet and midnight blue, which were his colors. Normally, his chambers were his sanctuary, the one place in all of Minas Tirith, in all of Gondor, actually, that he found peace and where silence didn't unnerve him.

Until now. 

He limped over to the sofa and sank onto it, letting his head fall into his hands. Grief swirled through him, billowing outward like thick black storm clouds. He’d lost his father. His brother hovered in the gray area between life and death. And Gabby—

He swore softly. He’d lashed out at her as well. He couldn’t possibly tell her what happened at Amon Hen. He couldn’t tell anyone. What sort of Steward would he be, if word came out that he’d betrayed one of the members of the Fellowship? No one would ever possibly trust him again, and rightfully so.

But he would never have actually hurt the hobbit. He simply wanted to protect his people.

At least, that was what he told himself.

The truth of the matter was, he wanted the Ring. He wanted to be the one to destroy Sauron. Wanted to be the one to bring peace to all of Middle Earth. 

He wanted the glory and wanted it all for himself. 

How did he tell anyone that?

He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead with one hand, trying to blot out the image of Frodo staring at him with wide-eyed fear. Frodo was genuinely afraid of him at that moment at Amon Hen. It mattered not how he had looked out for the halfling before that, carrying him through the snow on Caradhras, through the mines of Moria. All that mattered was in his one moment of weakness, Boromir attempted to snatch the Ring away from him to use himself. 

His wounds ached, especially his thigh. More than anything, he wished he’d simply kissed Gabby again when she’d teased him about being soft. He didn't mind her seeing that side of him and now, more than ever, he needed her to know that she could trust that he would never show any other side to her. She needn’t fear him. Not ever. He didn't mind being soft with her. She brought it out in him and always had. 

Absently, he scratched at the bandage on his chest as he sat there, staring at the windows along the far wall while seeing nothing beyond them. As he’d been on his knees amidst the crushed leaves and debris of the woods surrounding Amon Hen, staring up at the arrow that Lurtz was aiming to put between his eyes, all he had been able to think about was Gabby. All he’d wanted was to finish what he had to do with the Fellowship and return home to her.

Now, he was there, and he was fairly certain he was on the verge of ruining everything with her. 

It would serve him right, actually. He didn't deserve her.

The gentle knock at the door made him jump, and he planned to simply ignore it as he got up to go into the kitchen, only to have his unwanted visitor knock again. 

“Leave off!” His voice echoed throughout the apartment and the knocking ceased immediately.

“Boromir?”

He paused halfway to the kitchen at Gabby’s silvery voice. With a low sigh, he turned to go back to the door, and when he opened it, she said, “If you wish me to leave you in peace, I will, but I’m worried about you, is all.”

“You needn’t worry about me,” he told her, more gruffly than he’d meant to. “For I am fine.”

“Are you, truly?” She looked up at him, her eyes swirling pewter as they met his. “Because you are not yourself, you’re not the same as you were the last time I saw you.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m not, Gabby. Nothing is as it was and why would you expect me to be as I was before all of this happened?”

As soon as he’d said the words, he wished he could take them back as her face fell and she just stared up at him for a long moment before saying, “I—I don't expect that. But you… you…” she paused, then drew in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and said, “If you wish me to leave you be, as I said, I will.”

As she turned to go, he lunged for her, caught her by the wrist and said, “No, I don't want you to go, Gabby. Please…”

She glanced down at his hand about her wrist, and then back up at him. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine. Or, I will be, in time.” He gave a gentle pull on her arm. “Come in.”

He drew her into his apartment, pushing the door shut behind her with his free hand. She gazed up at him, her eyes wide and silver now and he was powerless to resist her. He bent to her, capturing her lips in a fiery kiss as he pressed her up against the door.

She melted against him, winding her arms about his waist, her hands coming flat against him, her fingers splayed across his back. Her lips parted at his urging and when her tongue grazed his, he shivered against her. He couldn’t hold back the ferocity in his kiss, and he didn't even try. He needed this with her, needed to feel her against him, to feel her lips against his. Death and destruction were all around him. He desperately needed the contact, the reassurance that life did go on and was not about to leave him behind as well.

Perhaps she felt the same, for she slid her hands along his sides, around to the leather lacings of his tunic, and with a not-so-gentle tug, loosened said lacings. Her fingers curled into the lower half of his tunic, the backs of them brushing his skin as she yanked it upward, the air cool against his bared back.

Gabby melted against him once more, her arms tight about his middle, her hands beneath his tunic, splayed against his shoulder blades. Her fingernails just grazed him, but his response to her touch was both swift and powerful. A shiver raced along his back, his blood raced lower still. Everything inside him tensed, twisted into fiery knots that had him arching against her, his hips rolling slowly into hers. He heard her breath hitch, felt her body tremble against his, and it spurred him on. 

He broke the kiss sharply to sweep his lips along her jaw, down the soft creamy expanse of her neck, which bowed beneath his caress. Her pulse beat faster beneath his lips, and when he gave into the urge to gently nip her, her fingernails bit into his back. The sting swirled through him, urged him to rock against her once more, that gentle, increasing pressure enough to offer a hint of relief to the desire billowing through him.

Her sigh was a caress against his ear, growing heavier and lustier as he slid his hands along the curve of her waist, to the hem of her tunic. She offered no resistance as he slid it upward, and whisked it over her head. 

He drew back then, smiling as he let his eyes feast on her. He knew she’d be beautiful, but had no idea how hard it would hit him until that moment. She wore no corset, but only a chemisette and heat swept through him as he caught the pale blue ribbon lacing it and tugged.

The linen bagged away from her and when he gazed back up, it was to find her watching him intently, her silver eyes almost sparkling as she whispered, “You’re staring.”

“I cannot help myself,” he whispered back, hooking a thumb into the chemisette’s neckline to draw it to the side. Heat filled him as he leaned close to sweep a kiss along the slope of her neck, then down across the skin he’d just bared. A hint of lavender rose to tease him, and as he drew the chemisette further to the side, he got his first glimpse of her bared left breast and the sight stole the breath from his lungs. 

He smoked a kiss along that inner curve, smiling as she slid an arm about his neck and thrust her fingers up into his hair. Those fingers twisted. Tugged gently. He pulled away just long enough to carefully whisked both tunic and chemisette over her head, but then bent to her once more and kissed his way toward the tight bead of her nipple. When he reached it, he paused to sweep his tongue over the nub, then closed his lips about it to draw it deep.

Her gasp was music to his ears and made him forget every last one of his discomforts. They receded to the furthest depths of his mind, his blood smoking through his veins to ignite his arousal, to set a spark to kindling in igniting a desire so fiery and powerful, all he could think about was making her fingers twist harder into his hair and wrap her body completely around his. 

He swirled the tip of his tongue about that taut bead, drew it deep into his mouth. He teased it, using her sighs as his guide. And as he did that, he cupped her free breast with his free hand to knead, as he’d imagined doing so many times before now. His name rose in a breathless whisper on her lips, her fingernails just barely danced along the back of his neck, but it was enough to make him sigh against her as he moved lower. He swept down, feathering kisses along her belly, and gingerly sank to his knees before her, feeling only a slight twinge in his left thigh as he did so, and that twinge was nothing compared to what whipped through him as he lifted his eyes to meet hers. Silver locked with green and Boromir found himself struck dumb at the sight of her. She was just so utterly beautiful to him… and he was so utterly unworthy of her. 

Her hand curved against his cheek. “What is it?” she whispered, her thumb sweeping lightly along his skin.

He couldn't possibly tell her what he was thinking and so shook his head as he replied, “Nothing. I suppose I’m waiting for you to tell me to stop.”

A hint of apprehension fluttered across her face. “Do you wish to stop?”

“No.” He shook his head, reaching for the lacing on her trousers. “That is the last thing I wish.”

“Then continue,” she said with a smile.

That was all he needed. He leaned in to brush a kiss along the soft curve of her lower belly as he unlaced her trousers and hooked his thumbs in the waistband. 

The fabric skimmed along her legs, his blood bubbling hotly through his veins as he drank in the sight of her. She stepped out of the trousers as if without a care and he could barely breathe as he let his gaze roam over her. 

He smiled and rose to lean into her. As their lips met, he forgot his pain, forgot his guilt, his shame. All that mattered was he was there with her at last. Her hands slid lightly along his back, sending a rush of tingling heat through him, more powerful than anything he’d ever felt before. And when she dragged her fingernails back down over his skin? He shivered from the sensations she sent rippling through him. 

She slid her hands up again, this time dragging his tunic up in her wake, which suited him just fine, as the room seemed warmer than it had only moments ago. The breeze wafting in through the windows was anything but warm, as winter still stubbornly clung to it, but as it swept across his overheated skin, he welcomed the caress. 

Her hands came around to his stomach, where she gripped his tunic in both hands and pulled. He broke the kiss, smiling as she smiled and whispered, “Help me?”

He carefully dragged the garment over his head and let it fall atop his bed, then looked down to find her gazing at him, her eyes silver and wide as they moved slowly over him. “What is it?” he murmured as her gaze met his. “Is something wrong?”

Slowly, she shook her head. “Not at all. I—I’ve thought of this moment so many times since you left, but I never thought it would actually happen.”

Without thinking, he caught her face in his hands. “As did I, Gabby.”

To his surprise, her eyes grew shiny and red. “I thought I would never s-see you again, Boromir.”

“I am here now, and I am not going anywhere.”

Her eyelids lowered and her bottom lip trembled. He let his thumbs sweep against her cheeks, then tilted her face to his and brushed a kiss over her lips. “I promise you, love, I am not going anywhere.”

She nodded, then opened her eyes. “I feel as if I’m dreaming, that any moment, someone will knock on the door and this will all dissolve before me.”

“It’s neither dream nor nightmare.” He slid his hands along her neck, down to her shoulders, and then around behind her, to the ribbon holding her hair back in its plait. Her hair was like spun gold silk, soft as gossamer as he unwound her braid. Her hair spilled free, tumbled almost to her hips in a wavy fall and just as he’d imagined so many times, he gathered the thick mass in his hands and savored the feel of it against his skin, the scent of lavender familiar and erotic to him now.

He pulled back to drink in the woman who stood before him and his mouth went dry at the sight of her. She was stunning. Absolutely, utterly stunning. If someone had asked him his name right then, he’d have been hard pressed to remember. He had imagined this moment for so long, only to find it was far better and ever more breathtaking than his mind could conjure.The light danced along her hair as it tumbled about her shoulders, over her flawless pale skin. He let his eyes feast on her, on breasts that were far fuller than he’d ever imagined, just large enough to fill his palms, on the soft stomach with its adorable curve, on her tapered thighs. She was far more beautiful than he’d imagined. So very beautiful, indeed.

“Boromir?”

Her soft voice broke through his reverie and he started, laughing when she did. “I beg your pardon, of course, but you are just—” he brought his gaze back up to meet hers—“you are so very beautiful, Gabby.”

Her smile grew shy, her cheeks flushed as she dipped her head. “Thank you.”

He stepped closer, catching her beneath the chin with one finger to tilt her face to his. Then, he leaned in and captured her lips in a soft, lingering kiss that quickly deepened. He couldn’t help it, could no longer resist her and did not wish to try. 

Her lips parted and as her tongue swept along his, every fiber in his body tightened, flooding with heat that had him rolling his hips slowly against her. He couldn't help it, instinct demanded it and he was powerless to resist, just as he was powerless to resist her. He released her chin to wrap his arms about her and as their kiss deepened, he took a deep breath, braced for the pain, and carefully swept her up into his arms.

Perhaps it was the fiery desire billowing through him that made her seem almost weightless. Perhaps it was the delicious pleasure of her warmth cradling him that made him impervious to any pain. He neither knew nor cared. All he knew was that was her legs closed about his waist, fire shot through him the way the orc’s arrows did, only this time, there was no pain at all. She was so light in his arms, felt so perfect wrapped about him the way she was, that all he could think about was spiriting her to his bed, only steps behind them. 

So he did just that.

She clung to him as he bent to press her down and as she sank into the featherbed, he settled perfectly between her thighs and couldn't hold back his low moan as they made contact. 

“Boromir?” She broke the kiss with her breathless whisper. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, love,” he whispered back, a smile playing at his lips. “That was not pain. Trust me.”

She returned his smile. “If you’re certain?”

“I am.” He bent to her again, captured her lips in a fiery kiss, and carefully settled against her. Tension wound through him now, his blood almost boiling as it swept through his veins to rush south. His trousers grew tighter as his body responded to hers, and he ignored the twinges in his chest, his thigh, as she slid her fingers into his hair and her tongue into his mouth and sighed so softly as he gave a slow, steady thrust against her. 

As he did, her fingers twisted harder into his hair and her hips arced toward his, the pleasure hot and sweet as it swirled through him. It chased away any and all remnants of pain and left only sparkling pleasure in its wake. He’d waited for her for so long now, and for the first time in his adult life, he knew he was with the woman he was meant to be with. 

He broke the kiss to sweep his lips along her jaw, down the front of her neck, down along the soft skin of her upper chest. He kissed along the inner curve of her right breast, toward the enticing bead of her nipple and when his lips closed over it, her gasp was the sweetest music he’d ever heard. 

He teased her. Swirled his tongue about the hard nub, caught it with gentle teeth to flick his tongue against. With each caress, she rocked harder into him, her breathing ragged about the edges, her fingers twisting harder in his hair. 

A hint of lavender teased his nose, as heady as any musk, since he would forever associate the scent with her. It fired his lust even further, and he moved lower, feathering kisses down the middle of her stomach, to the fluff of pale gold between her thighs.

He trailed his fingers along the curve of her waist, her skin soft and supple beneath his roughened hand. He moved down over her thigh, smiling as her breath hitched and looked up to find her just watching him with silver eyes and a slight smile on her lips. 

“I love you,” he whispered. “I have always loved you, Gabriella… that’s what kept me from giving in, what kept me moving when I thought all was lost. I was keeping my promise to you because I have been in love with you since I was sixteen years old and it took me this long to work up the courage to finally tell you.”

“You saw me as only a friend when you were sixteen.”

“Because you were too young for me at the time, if I recall.”

She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair, drew it away from his face in a gentle stroke. “I was thirteen. You were too old for me.”

“Not any longer, though. And we have much time to make up for,” he whispered, unable to get his voice any higher than that. He’d waited so long to tell her how he felt, to be able to share this moment with her, and the enormity of it washed over him like a mighty wave. “I love you.”

With that, he dipped his fingers into that pale gold fluff. Her eyes softened, her teeth catching her bottom lip as he slid a finger inside her and bit back a sigh of his own. The dampness of her arousal made each stroke silken and so he took his time exploring her, teasing her, watching her pleasure play out on her face, in the way her eyes grew heavy-lidded and how the flush in her cheeks spread through her entire body. Just the sight of her was enough to make him ache with desire, with wanting her, with needing her. 

She reached for him, slid a hand down along his chest, over his stomach, to the fastenings of his trousers and he tensed as she opened them and eased a hand in. 

He sucked in a hard breath as her fingers curled gently about him and she offered up the most silken of caresses. He shivered at her touch, his eyelids heavy, his heart racing, his breath even harder to catch now.

He bent to kiss her once more as her fingers tightened about him. The sensations were fiery and sweet as they ribboned through him, his head spinning as the need for release took root. Heat filled him, gentle at first, but then sharper and far more demanding and he had to catch her by the wrist and draw her hand from him before she sent him over the edge.

He carefully pulled away and rose to shed his trousers. She watched him the entire time, and he thought he might actually melt at the sight of her. He’d never seen a woman as beautiful as his Gabriella and as he covered her once more, she whispered, “I love you, too, and I am ever so thankful you’ve come home.”

Their lips met and he reached down to position himself. Then…

He couldn't hold back his moan as he filled her. She was tight and hot and slick and wonderful and as she yielded to him, he thrust. And that was it.

Her legs tightened about him and she moved with him in perfect rhythm. He gazed down to find her still watching him, and he smiled as he moved inside her, each thrust more powerful than the last. That heat grew, created knots of sensual pleasure that twisted deep inside him. Gabby hummed around him, her thighs tightened against his sides, and then he felt it—she tightened about him, as if afraid he’d pull free of her. As if he’d be so stupid. 

He caught her hand in his, lacing his fingers with hers, and pressed it into the bed as he bent to capture her lips once more with his. The end bore down on him now and there was no slowing down, no going back, there was only surrender. 

The knots grew tighter, urged him to thrust harder. Faster. Deeper. The choice was no longer his, as fiery pleasure tore through him. Everything tensed in the most delicious way. Gabriella’s head fell back, his name a breathless cry on her lips that spurred him even harder. White lights burst before his eyes, thunder rolled up from the depths of his being and he teetered on the precipice between reality and madness.

He went over the edge engulfed in flames, his body cradled by hers, his climax mingling with hers as she pulsed around him and her fingernails dug into his shoulders. He arched hard and white starbursts of light erupted before him as he surrendered to the fiery bliss that refused to be ignored. 

His head spun as he shuddered against her, and when peace reigned again, he sank against her, his head cradled by one of her perfect breasts, and he fought to ignore the burning pain that returned to scorch through him once more. Sweat prickled along his back. His eyes refused to remain open. His breath refused to be caught. 

Gabby wrapped him in her arms, her fingers moving gently over his hair as she whispered, “Boromir…”

His heartbeat slowed to its normal rhythm and without thinking, he brushed the inner curve of her breast with a gentle kiss. Nothing could have prepared him for this moment. Nothing at all. There were no words to describe the peace he’d found with her, the sanctuary he’d discovered in her arms. There was where he belonged and there was where he’d stay until his days drew to a close. 

“Are you all right?” she murmured, pressing a kiss into the top of his head. 

“I’m fine,” he managed as the spinning in his head slowed as well. He lifted it, gazing down at her and smiled. “Are you all right?”

“You’re here, alive and in one piece,” she whispered, her eyes growing shiny again. “So, yes. I am wonderful.”

He shifted, easing from her, and carefully stretched out on his wide bed. Then he reached for her, gathering her in his arms as she came to lay alongside him. “I am not so sure I’d describe myself as in one piece just yet.”

She snuggled against him, tucking her head in the apex of his shoulder and chest. “You are, mostly.” Her hand came to rest on his chest, just below his wounds. She traced small circles across his skin.

“What is it, Gabby? What weighs so heavily on your mind?”

“Nothing, really. I simply… I still feel as if this is a dream, as I said before. That I will wake up to find you really are gone.”

“This is no dream, love,” he told her softly, tightening his arm about her shoulders. “I promise you, it isn’t.”

They lay quietly entwined, the sunlight splashing across them and for Boromir, he’d never known a moment as perfect, as peaceful, as this. The rest of Middle Earth could burn, for all he cared.

Gabby’s breathing slowed, a deep, peaceful caress against his bare chest and he peered down to see she’d fallen asleep. Little by little, that tranquility, the one he so desperately sought and fought to hold onto, slipped away. The guilt returned. The anger returned. The peace shattered even as he gazed down at the woman sound asleep in his arms, the only woman he ever wanted to sleep in his arms, and he wanted to savor this peace for as long as he possibly could. 

[melancholy-marionette]

(I apologize for the errors, I use Google Translator to write this post) Hello, not so long ago I found out about your game "Darling Duality" and, having passed it the other day, fell in love with it! You draw amazing, and I almost really fell in love with Castor (you picked up an amazing voice for him, it's nice to listen to him). The way the atmosphere is conveyed deserves separate words. First, the calmness of the day / evening for the passage of the game, then a sweet and slightly anxious feeling during the first sleep with Castor, then embarrassment and panic fright in the cube with a slight madness (when we cut our palm) and at the very end a light comedy made me not get bored and experience emotions throughout the passage of the demo game! You write amazing music that conveys the atmosphere well! Please forgive me if my message seems strange or stupid to you, but in addition to thanking you for playing, I would like to ask a couple of questions (of course, if you don't mind):

Is it possible to ask questions about the character? I would like to learn as much as possible about Castor/Castoria, but if you can't, then I'll understand everything.

How is the development of the game progressing and when, perhaps, will we be able to see the sequel? (please forgive me if my question sounded rude. In no way am I going to be rude to you, rush you or put pressure on you)

Thank you so much for the wonderful game, and I wish you success in everything!

Hey hey! Thanks so much for all your kind words :3 I'm really glad you've enjoyed what there is of DD so far! I just wanted to let you know that I do plan to answer your questions and write you a proper reply, I just don't have time to do it at the moment because I'm really busy trying to get my project for this year's Yandere Jam done in time (the jam ends this coming Tuesday x3) I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything, so thought I'd let you know that I will answer when I can, it just might be a little while :3 Hope you have a good weekend! EDIT (to add my full answer :3)

Okay, so, hopefully I'm doing this right and you'll be able to see what I'm typing cos I don't really know how Tumblr works all that well x3

Firstly, I should probably say that, while I wish with all my heart that I could draw, I sadly cannot draw to save my life T_T haha. The art in all my games is either the result of me teaming up with amazing artists who can draw beautifully, or, me taking to GIMP and spending hours editing assets that I own to at least try and make them look somewhat unique to my projects rather than using them as they come :3

Darling Duality is the result of the second option, haha. I think it took me around 3 days to edit Castor/ia's sprites because I heavily edited colours, but I also added additional facial expressions that didn't come with the asset pack by layering parts of the face individualy, haha.

I'm glad you ended up liking Castor though ^-^ And I agree, his voice actor is incredible and the character wouldn't be the same without him!

I can also only take credit for certain music tracks within the game x3 The soundtrack is currently only partially original, and the rest of the tracks are ones I chose from various asset packs that felt like they fit well. I really enjoy making music though, so I've been trying to include more and more original tracks in my more recent projects :3

Your message doesn't seem strange or stupid at all though! I think it's extremely sweet :3 And it means a lot to me that you liked the game enough to even want to write something about it ^-^

I don't mind answering questions at all, so you're welcome to ask whatever you like :3 There might be some things that I can't say if they might contain spoilers for the story that is still to come, but I'll do my best to answer what I can.

To answer your second question, in all honesty, development is going very slowly >.< I got quite demotivated to work on the project when I found out that I might not be able to get the same voice actors back to keep playing the characters. So I ended up putting the project on hold and just working on game jams for quite a while.

The voice acting situation is still up in the air, but I am at least slowly working on the project again :3 I have a lot of writing finished that currently isn't coded into the game yet. In the next update, I'm hoping to continue a little more of Castor/ia's story, along with adding a new character to the mix as well whose route you will be able to begin.

It's a very long-term project though because I hope to add quite a few different characters over time. Because of that, my plan was to update sort of episodically, so that it doesn't take forever to release new content. Because the fully completed game will likely take me years to make >.<

As for the next update though, I can't really put a proper time on when I might be able to get it released, but I'm really hoping that it will at least be sometime later this year :3 It's just hard to say because you never know what is going to go wrong and get in the ay, haha.

Thank YOU for taking the time to check the game out and leave such kind words <3

[tangiblejournal56]

8/14/11

My occasional run-ins with the Caveman grow more & more surreal, as though he was a joke being played on me by faces I cannot see.  Yesterday he showed me his “poetry,” unrelievedly awful, kept importantly in a black portfolio in his backpack.  I skimmed over them quickly, wanting to yell at him that words have meaning, they require attention, care.  Instead I mumbled “interesting,” the most benign adjective I could spit out.  Unable to be cruel, yet I could not bring myself to encourage such a waste of paper.  My coldness, another anecdote to bring home to Jacob.  We all must have someone to feel superior to, it seems.  I am no better.

I am over my delusions that Jacob may hold any feelings stronger than friendly endearment toward me.  I was reading signs that weren’t there, gestures hollow that my loneliness attempted to breathe life into.  With Josh out of town last night I played about with Jacob, drinking whiskey, smoking pot, trying to put a haze between my thoughts & myself.  We went swimming, we laid on my bed watching a bootleg of the latest Harry Potter film (of Jacob’s interest, not my own).  On the living room floor we wrestled, I was smothering him with a pillow, as I enjoy doing, being silly to make him laugh, “Pay attention to me Jacob!  I want attention!”  I was sitting atop his splayed body & I could feel his erection smacking against my ass through the thin material of his pajama bottoms, & suddenly he thrust me off of him, “I don’t want to be strangled anymore,” keeping a casual tone.  I pouted at him, “It’s not fun without you,” & he looked at me, “Strangle yourself,” his phrasing ripe with innuendo.  It was then that I got it.  If there is a real attraction there he does not want to feel it.  So familiar with that situation I let it go.  Who am I to insist on anything better?

Alone, I went to my bed, “strangling myself,” & as he does when my loneliness gets the best of me, Ryan popped up in my head.  Not strictly the sexual moments I sometimes revisit for these purposes, but a whole series of memories like snapshots zipping through my mind, razor-sharp & dangerous.  His head on my lap as I read to him from House of Incest & the legends of the greek gods.  Him sitting on my lap in the arcade at Double Dave’s.  In the cabin at Wildlife Ridge, the blanket concealing our sex as the others flitted in & out of the cabin.  Slow dancing alone in our apartment to Toussaint McCall.  Coming home to tell me he’d gotten hard just thinking of me at work & had to hide his erection.  Making out like two teenagers for hours on our tiny couch.  These memories like very sharp knives slicing into every part of me, & I the girl mad as birds, crying & masturbating alone in the dark.  This city is no good for me any longer.  I used to feel myself growing here like a tree, adding new limbs & leaves for every new experience.  Now however there is only stagnation, a putrid rot on the surface of every day, & I am haunted by Ryan’s ghost everywhere I go.  I am not strong, I am too weak to fight the soft decay of my limbs, my mind.  I sink each day further into misery, & even Josh & Jacob cannot pull me out of it.  I hide this self from them, I am not their responsibility & I have no desire to make them feel bad that I cannot be happy here.  I relate all of this only to Max, who probably tires of hearing it, as he seems to be doing alright since I left.  No more injured ankles, slowing down his drunken revelries.  I fear somewhat dramatically that I may never be happy, anywhere, again.  Not with the whisper of the happiness I’d found with Ryan hanging over me.  Over four years have passed since I met him.  Over two since I’ve last seen him.  When does it end?  Why can’t I get past this?  Thom told me he’d always found Ryan to be pretentious, & that bothered me, even now.  I could tell he was only trying to help, to stretch for a flaw to make Ryan seem undesirable, but pretentiousness was never a presence in Ryan’s character.  He was accepting & curious of all lifestyles & traits, he always wanted to know how others live.  Perhaps that’s why it’s so hard to rebound, because I honestly cannot say he is a bad or even unlikeable person.  Even Thom liked him, despite his opinion now.  He is funny & clever & charismatic, no prejudices.  He’s intelligent & outgoing, inventive, sarcastic, has a way of making you feel important, all of his attention on you & you alone like the sun’s rays pouring golden upon your form.  Loving & romantic & sexy, those heavy-lidded chocolate eyes the ultimate aphrodisiac, the half-smile & low, lazy voice when we’d make love like gods, all morning, all afternoon, into the evenings.  Pulling up the blankets, the pillows, pretending he was searching for something, “Where are your flaws, I can’t find them!”  Laughing, he’d collapse next to me, his head on my chest, his arms around me tight as he could.  The fire burning in me for those moments, that undiluted flow of love.  Something I’d never known even existed, didn’t even know what was there to long for.  I was lucky, when would a girl like me ever be loved like that?  Should I wish that it had never happened, so that I may still be blissfully ignorant of that attention?  But I cannot, even now knowing how short-lived his love is, how easily he can give into the next girl who comes along.  This does not make it any less genuine, or make what we had any less real.  I cannot even hate him for it, he simply gives all of himself in any relationship, he lives fully in life.  How can he do this again & again amazes me, as just the one time it exhausted me, physically, mentally.  I am unable to pour myself into every person I am with, I’d perish from the strain.  He & Max are the only two men I’ve ever fully loved, without question, & Ryan is the only person I’ve given myself to.  Handed over the keys & trusted him not to throw them away.  Instead we threw each other away, burned through decades of love & experience in less than two years.  I miss it, yes, but often I miss him, just him, his own self as a fact, so easy to enjoy life with.  The way I miss Shawn, or Thom, someone to find fun in anything.  He was not only capable of easing my blues, he chased them off like he’d waged war.  A war I suppose he lost.  Both of us.

[thedisneychef]

Where Do Chefs Get Their Recipes

Hey there! Are you interested in becoming a chef? Or do you just love to cook and experiment with recipes? Well, either way, you might be wondering where chefs get their recipes. It's an interesting question that can lead us down some fascinating paths. In this article, we'll take a look at the various sources from which chefs draw inspiration for their recipes – both old and new. We'll also explore how these recipes are adapted to fit the chef's own unique style. So let's dive in and see what secrets lie beneath the surface of recipe creation! Traditional Culinary Practices I've been a chef for many years, and I can tell you with certainty that chefs get their recipes from all sorts of sources. Family customs and traditions play a huge part in the way chefs come up with new dishes - it's something that has been passed down through generations, often using local ingredients to create unique flavors. These traditional culinary practices have shaped the way we cook today, influencing not only flavor profiles but also the presentation of meals. I'm always looking for ways to bring these old-world techniques into my kitchen and onto my guests' plates. As much as I love experimenting with modern cooking methods, there is something special about those ancient family recipes that cannot be replicated by any other means. Using these tried-and-true recipes allows me to provide an authentic experience for all who dine at my restaurant. It enables me to take them on a journey back in time while introducing them to new flavors they may never have encountered before. That's why creating dishes inspired by our ancestors continues to be one of my favorite things about being a chef. Adapting Existing Recipes I love adapting existing recipes, from making adjustments to experimenting with ingredients and substitution ideas, to creating totally new variations. I'm always looking for ways to update traditional recipes, enhance flavor profiles, and utilize new techniques to improve presentation. I also like exploring different cuisines, adding personal touches, and making recipes healthier and more interesting with new textures and ingredients from different cultures. Making Adjustments When it comes to adapting existing recipes, tasting techniques and ingredient substitutions play a huge role. As a chef, I often have to make adjustments to the recipe in order to ensure that the end result is of quality. To do this, I always start by making small changes first; for example, if a dish isn't flavorful enough, I'll add some extra spices or herbs instead of completely changing up the entire recipe. Additionally, when working with unfamiliar ingredients, I take time to properly taste each one so that I can get an understanding of how it will work together with other flavors. It's also important for me to be aware of any potential ingredient substitutions that could potentially enhance the overall flavor profile. This could include swapping out heavy cream for coconut milk or using vegetable broth instead of chicken stock - all depending on what flavor notes I'm aiming for. In short, having knowledge of different tasting techniques and understanding which ingredients are interchangeable helps me adjust my recipes accordingly without compromising its flavor and texture. Experimenting With Ingredients Experimenting with ingredients is a great way to add international influences and show off personal creativity when adapting existing recipes. I like to draw inspiration from different cuisines around the world, using spices, herbs, and other ingredients that are not traditionally used in the recipe. This allows me to inject new flavors into the dish while maintaining its integrity. For example, if I'm making an Italian pasta dish, I might try adding some Mexican chili peppers or Indian curry powder for extra flavor. Additionally, experimenting with alternative cooking techniques can be just as effective in creating interesting dishes; this could involve smoking meats or grilling vegetables instead of simply baking them. By pushing my boundaries and exploring various flavors and textures, I can create unique dishes that will surprise even the most experienced gourmands! Professional Networks I'm sure you know that professional chefs create their own recipes. But where do they get ideas and inspiration? Professional networks! Chefs have access to a variety of resources when it comes to creating new dishes. Culinary competitions are great ways for chefs to learn from one another, as well as hone their skills in the kitchen. Competitions also allow top chefs to show off their creativity by presenting unique dishes. Not only can these events be fun, but they can also serve as an excellent resource for finding recipe ideas and trends. In addition to culinary competitions, there are plenty of other networking opportunities available for professional chefs. Forums, social media groups, and websites dedicated to food professionals can all provide invaluable insight into what’s hot in the industry right now — allowing them to stay ahead of the curve when it comes to developing new recipes. Professional networks give chefs not only adequate knowledge about trending cuisines but also help them form relationships with others who share similar interests and goals. This is essential if they want to move up in the restaurant world or even launch their own business. It's amazing how much impact such connections can make on a chef's career! Culinary Education I'm always amazed at where chefs get their recipes. Whether it's from culinary school, food writing or experimenting in the kitchen, there are so many sources that can inspire a recipe. Culinary schools are an excellent resource for chefs to learn classic and modern techniques. Instructors offer detailed lessons on how to make dishes such as sauces, stocks and soups with precision and skill. There is also an emphasis on plating presentations, which helps set apart diners' experiences when they eat out. Food writing has become increasingly popular over the years, providing chefs with new ideas and flavors from around the world. From cookbooks to magazines, readers have access to endless possibilities of ingredients and cooking styles that help inform menu creations in restaurants everywhere. And let’s not forget about experimentation! Chefs have been known to try different flavor combinations by playing around with herbs, spices, colors and textures in order to create something unique and delicious. It takes creativity – but also trial-and-error – to come up with inventive dishes that will tantalize customers’ taste buds. With these resources available, chefs have no shortage of options when creating yummy meals for us all to enjoy! Digital Resources I'm sure we can all agree that there's nothing like the feeling of delighting in a delicious home-cooked meal. But where do chefs get their recipes? These days, many chefs rely on digital resources for recipe inspiration. From well-known food blogs to comprehensive recipe websites, the internet is full of culinary ideas and techniques from around the world! One popular source is food blogs, which often feature detailed instructions and helpful photos or videos demonstrating cooking tips. Chefs can browse through blog archives to find traditional dishes from different countries as well as fun twists on old favorites. Many of these blogs are written by professional cooks who share their unique insights about flavors and ingredients. Recipe websites offer another great way for chefs to discover new dishes. These websites typically have an extensive database of recipes categorized by cuisine type and ingredient list so it’s easy to find exactly what you’re looking for. Some sites even allow users to search based on dietary preferences or nutrition information. Whatever your needs may be, online recipe databases provide a quick and convenient way to explore different types of cooking styles! Frequently Asked Questions How Can I Make A Recipe More Nutritious Without Sacrificing Flavor? Making a recipe more nutritious without sacrificing flavor doesn't have to be difficult. Start by utilizing garnishing techniques such as adding vegetables or herbs, which can add color and texture to your dish. You could also experiment with different types of grains for added nutrition and fiber, like quinoa or farro instead of white rice. Meal planning is another great way to make sure you're getting the most nutritional bang for your buck when it comes to meals. Planning ahead will help you create dishes that are full of fresh ingredients while keeping portion sizes in check. What Is The Most Efficient Way To Learn New Recipes? Learning new recipes can be a daunting task, but with the right approach it doesn't have to be so challenging. One of the most efficient ways to learn is by taking into consideration cultural influences and menu planning when creating dishes. This allows you to explore different flavors and textures while still being able to create something that is unique. Additionally, experimenting with various ingredients can also help as this will give you an opportunity to become more familiar with unfamiliar items. With these tips in mind, learning new recipes can become much easier! How Do I Know If A Recipe Is Appropriate For A Certain Dietary Restriction? When it comes to finding recipes that adhere to particular dietary restrictions, you want to make sure you're using innovative techniques and seasonal ingredients. Start by looking for the type of cuisine associated with your dietary restriction - vegan, gluten-free, low carb etc. Then research recipes that use fresh, local produce as this typically indicates a healthier dish. Additionally, look at the list of ingredients before trying a recipe; if there are too many preservatives or processed foods included, then it's probably not appropriate for your diet. Finally, ask around! Finding people who can offer personal advice on what dishes work best for certain diets is an invaluable resource. What Are The Most Important Skills For A Chef To Have? Being a chef requires an array of skills to be successful. The most important are creative substitutions, time management, and the ability to think quickly on your feet. Creative substitution skills involve being able to switch out ingredients in recipes when certain items may not be available or if you want to give it a new twist. Time management is essential for any kitchen situation; having the right staff in the right places at the right times is key. Lastly, chefs need to have quick thinking abilities since they must often make decisions on how best to resolve issues that arise during service with little notice. All these skills together create a successful chef who can bring amazing dishes to life! How Can I Create A Unique Recipe From Existing Ingredients? Creating a unique recipe from existing ingredients doesn't have to be difficult! There are lots of cooking techniques you can use to customize your recipes. For example, try experimenting with different flavors and textures by using a variety of seasonal produce or combining sweet and savory ingredients in unusual ways. You could also add some international elements to the dish by including spices or herbs that aren’t typically used together but which still work well together. Finally, don’t forget about presentation – it's an important part of creating the perfect dish! Conclusion I’ve learned a lot about where chefs get their recipes. They can come from family, friends, cookbooks, online sources and more. With creativity and knowledge of cooking techniques, it's possible to create nutritious meals with great flavor that are also appropriate for specific diets. The most important skill for any chef is the ability to be creative and experiment in the kitchen. It takes practice but with time you can learn how to make unique dishes using existing ingredients! Being able to develop new recipes or tweak old ones is a valuable asset and will help you stand out as a chef. Read the full article

[feathernotes]

Alright friends, I’ve had some people ask already about the current webcomic sphere, specifically how Webtoons treats its creators, so I’m going to give you a small run down of what really has upset not only me, but the many webcomickers in and outside of what WT has been doing. Before we dive in though, I want to make it clear that this is NOT a post to shit on ANYONE who uses WT. Webtoons works because it knows we need to eat and pay bills- it works because we want our efforts to be seen. People who use the platform are not the problem here, it’s how it’s changed reader (and our own) expectations over these last 6 years into something damaging to folks who just want to survive and thrive. With that, let’s get into some details. Over the past 6-7 years, we’ve seen a pretty big shift in the webcomic sphere, I’ve already talked about how I feel about that shift here with many other folks responding to feeling the same.. So, what exactly happened? Well, webcomics have always been an indie medium for anyone and everyone to try their hand at. You could improve over years, strip comics of any sort took off, you could have large epics of thousands of pages and potentially grab some cool following, flash style comics thrived (yes, i am finally mentioning homestuck, this is for you guys) and it was all done with whatever skill set or level you were at the time. Expectations weren’t what i would call ‘low’ but open to the idea that a good story could come from anywhere. When did that exactly change? Webcomics had an interesting relationship with being ‘profitable’ in certain circles, project wonderful was a great way to earn some rev, and webrings shared works to new readers daily. It was a time to explore, have fun, be messy, and with little expectation to boot. But then everything changed when the fire nation- when webcomics we’re seen as more than just comics on the web. The fall of smackjeeves probably marks one of the largest shifts in webcomic spheres to where we are now, and with that, the rise of platforms who want your comics FAST and Professional as possible (emphasis on fast). We’re going to talk about the elephant in the room now. Over these last years, it was a promising premise to have apps where you could upload comics to thousands (now millions) of readers to check out. It was an answer to what many folks had wanted for so long: Access to potential readers, access to potential ad rev, a chance to strike it big and have your work truly recognised! It sounds incredibly awesome to younger creators especially who’s first forray into webcomics was this. It can’t... really be that bad.. can it? Spoilers, it was, and still is.

Following the classic tokyopop model  of taking advantage of newcomers to the comic scene, Webtoons creates similar, if not more intense demands from these creators to get any success on their business model. Infamous accounts of creators drained, overworked , and underpaid- all on top of scraping for any sort of help from WT itself as far as promotion, editorial, and assistants go. In fact, there are many articles that talk about this treatment and more to come, as originals and canvas creators on WT open up about their treatment over these last few years. It’s not good. The worst part about all of this, is that WT knows. It knows about how hard and taxing these demands are, and that their expectations they’ve instilled onto their userbase will only want more and higher quality- but at what cost? Said in this article, “webtoons are low-cost to produce- one person can make them with a tablet and stylus”, while the artists are struggling on all accounts to keep up with this demand, is a picture perfect example of how disposable creators are at the end of the day. I cannot write about the mistreatments without mentioning the passing of Jang Sung-rak, the creator of Solo Leveling due to being treated as such. Or about the tremendous efforts of Original Creators trying to find some kind of middle ground to meet in this open letter of harsh mistreatment (and the bravery of the many who came forward too).  The unfair contracts that continue to reap benefits while you are left behind. The extreme lack of any support for its own creators... And unfortunately so much more. I’m not the end all be all with this, and I certainly cannot cover everyones experiences on the matter either. I simply want creators to be treated better, on any sort of platform that promises a future. And it’s not just a webtoon problem either. This doesn’t stop at webcomics. At the end of the day, and the end of this very long winded response- I want you to know how much it means to support creators- illustrators, animators, writers, youtubers, musicians- all of us.

How do we change this? Well.. a little support goes a long way. If we didn’t have to use these predatory platforms to pay the bills, if we could create without having to do the ‘promotion dance’, if we had that stability to just be indulgent with our own creative outlets- well, i’m sure that would be a very different story. But for now, and with everything you’ve learned from above to see how hard folks work to get that story to you (and mostly free to read), try to support them in any way you can. Boost their work- sing praises to your friends to check it out, maybe get some merch or donate if that suits you more. Click off site if the work is hosted on their own, share your fan works, send some asks. At the end of the day, your support is what will help change how creators are treated. Your voice matters when creators talk about the struggles to create and survive. We’ve got a long way to go, but take this as an opportunity to tell your fave creator how much their works means to them- they’re gonna need it!

★Also, support smaller comic hosting places if you want to post your webcomic too. Comic Fury has been my go to for reccomendations, and comic rocket and the webcomic library are neat places to find webcomics. Webcomic collctive Spider Forest has been helping the community since 2004.★

I'm going to have to talk about Webtoons(company) at one point, and its... impact on the webcomic sphere too. Trying to find the most eloquent way to say that these companies aren't your friends, and that I am seeing more and more creators getting chewed up and spit out when these places are done with them. I'm legit worried for how The Content Creator model is going to hurt so many more people, who have been led to believe that this is the only way to get their work out there.

[the-hem]

"Partless." From the Varaha Upanishad. The Exploration of the Mysteries of the Wild Boar.

Chapter 2 of this lengthy Upanishad ends:

83. The person who desires all the wealth of Yoga should, after having given up all thoughts, practise with a subdued mind concentration on Nada (spiritual sound) alone.”

The wealth the scriptures speak of is always time well spent. Lord Kirshna said, "All the days are like precious stones strung upon me, the the Blessed Lord."

The name Krishna means "the scourge of wickedness." Without social justice, the days are just worthless pebbles.

Observe how inappropriate it has been for our government to permit Donald Trump, who cheated in the 2016 Election, boldly and on a major motion picture in front of the whole world and was allowed to complete a presidency, one that was disastrous for the climate and to human rights.

Then came January 6, then came RVW, then came Ukraine, then came the attack on Nancy Pelosi's husband, but the Biden White House, like all of its predecessors did nothing to address the deterioration of Order and now no one knows what is going to happen.

No one but the Engine of Evil itself, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and its ass puppets in the Republican Party.

Politicians like polities need broken pane theory levels of law enforcement applied....speeding and parking tickets need to be paid, pedophilia and human trafficking violations as in the case of most of the Trump Cabinet and Senators Hawley and Romney need to be prosecuted, election frauds, treasons, seditions, failures to honor Separation of Church and State, locking down on these small things help us be worry free over executing on the big ones like homelessness, hunger, the economy, increasing our exports, adding value to the dollar so inflation stops, freeing Ukraine, Syria, etc.

Yoga is the same way. It governs the inner politician who wants to do the electric slide every time duty calls and the more we let him, the more something important is going to pass by and the more impoverished the world will get.

Let us read on:

CHAPTER - III

1. “The One Principle cannot at any time become of manifold forms. As I am the partless, there is none else but myself.

 2. Whatever is seen and whatever is heard is no other than Brahman. I am that Para-Brahman, which is the eternal, the immaculate, the free, the one, the undivided bliss, the non-dual, the truth, the wisdom and the endless.

3. I am of the nature of bliss; I am of undivided wisdom; I am the supreme of the supreme; I am the resplendent absolute Consciousness. As the clouds do not touch the Akasa (the sky), so the miseries attendant on mundane existence do not affect me.

4. Know all to be happiness through the annihilation of sorrow and all to be of the nature of Sat (be-ness) through the annihilation of Asat (not-be-ness). It is only the nature of Chit (Consciousness) that is associated with this visible universe. Therefore my form is partless.

What is to be Sat, is defined by the law. What is not to be, Asat, is also defined by the law.

Whether the law comes from the Torah. the Constitution or the United Nations, what is to be and not to be is concrete.

They are in place so we don't waste time on bullshit like Pro-Life for centuries on end, can get married and schcrew around how we like, dress how we like, be the gender we want and always be partless from our sources of happiness, this for is what the Department of Justice is for on the outside and yoga on the inside. They guarantee there is an inherent worth in the days that go by.

We are in for a very rough ride in the next decade if we don't pay attention to how worthwhile our President, Congress and Courts are. They have gotten us into some very very big trouble with the climate, the economy and our health, corruption and gun violence are rife, and they have failed to respond to the cries of others around the world who badly need our attention.

The past seven years have been so dull towards these things. We cannot, as citizens of this shoddy approach to government fail to take part in these things and expect to do as God said and be as happy as possible as visibly as possible. All the causes of unhappiness which can be legislated away must be and such legislation must be enforced as literally as possible.

If this is to happen and all persons are to be able to exalt their lives, we need a government that understands it has a legal role to play in this, and so do we.

[daydialogue]

The 3rd Trimester (older)

I am at the end of my 3rd trimester and I am starting to feel all the aches and pains in my joints, namely my hip and pelvic area. I havent done anything that everyone else has constituted as quickening labour. I however having been walking a lot more and bouncing on an exercise ball. I know there is more that I can do and sometimes this leads to random bouts of dance parties in my room and squat reps in between my favourite songs. I have been sick with i dont know what for almost a week now and I would like to believe it's getting better but now my husband is sick so that is another thing added to our plate. This is only a problem because we can't get our baby sick because if we can barely breathe I cannot imagine a baby that cannot blow their own nose or let you know that they cannot breathe. We also had to pass like a certain "test" to be eligible for a home birth. Which with a little hard work and focus on my diet brought us through that fiasco with flying colours. Now we just wait on baby. We have had the best support system gift wise because we have all we need for our little one. Anything else would be anything extra that would help us out or diapers and wipes. We definitely feel so blessed. I made a comment to my friends that I will cross my legs and keep the baby in if no one bought me post partum essentials for my vagina, because everyone wants to see the baby and wants the baby to come into the world safely but my cooch will need a lot of aftercare and she will not be neglected. My best friend bought the cooch things and we love her for it. I used the peri bottle today that my friend from back home bought because I got my vagina sugared and she is screaming and i peed and sprayed her with the peri bottle and it felt so good. Also I didn't get sugared because I care if there is hair or not but I would like to not think about anything vagina related for weeks, and if one should experience a vaginal tear, I would really prefer down there to be appropriately landscaped to make it easier for my midwife to stitch and sew as needed. I really dont know how any of that works and I hope no tearing occurs because hello??? that is not the vibe pls. I will have a baby soon and I think that it is so crazy that soon I will have a family of 3 instead of 2. I will never be able to do things sporadically without including my baby. I am also really excited to pump milk. I honestly have no idea why. I just like the idea of being a cow for a while. Like moooooooo. Anyway, I am a whole mom and there are so many things that have happened to my body already. I weigh a bunch which I don't care about but it is so different. I have also weighed less than a certain number and never over and here I am over. Nothing fits. I get tired so easily. I have body parts that have completely changed from their original shape. Everything is different and after baby comes my body will change even more. For 23 years, I have had the same body, with minute changes but I could still wear things I had since age 12. Crazy. I am also in super nesting mode and anything that could threaten time with my baby, I am like this needs to get done ASAP!!!!!

[ihatebnha]

I really like the gojo character a lot, but he gives me such a vibe "I'm going to cheat on you on the first night out with my friends and this will become our inside joke, and you will be left out unaware that this is a constant event and i am totally unfaithful" that I can't even like him (although I find his personality interesting). And it made me think of something, how complicated it would be for him (for having this fboy vibe and reputation) when he falls in love with you and confesses his love of maybe years, and you just sit there on his couch or chair at the cafe (I can imagine him confessing his feelings in cozy place) without blinking for seconds and just IGNORE what he said because you're pretty sure it's just another prank or some scheme to get sex. And when he tells you it's true you still feel insecure, maybe even worse depending on what you've heard about him. Poor thing would be extremely heartbroken to realize he doesn't pass a crumb of security to you.

ANON... I cannot tell you how much i love this interpretation of him...... the perfect balance of angsty but also him eventually *cough* trying to make it work (and you not sparing a single punch either LOOOL)

I adore it, though. I really do think there's so much YELLS in the idea of just... being Gojo's friend. of course, you think to yourself often, you could like him, maybe even want to... but why bother when you know the whole thing would end up in tears even if he loved you back?

So you don't get involved... and you're happy that way. I feel like with gojo, too... after a certain point, it's easy for you to get so close with each other that the lines of your friendship blur (type of thing where he comes over ALL the time and you cuddle and act all gooey)... so you don't even need any labels to get your fill of him, anyway (and that way, you still don't get hurt)

but maybe eventually, even though it's been so long, he thinks that he's finally, finally ready to settle down and make things official with you after all these YEARS... only for you to, like you said, turn him down.

i just imagine it's rough too because he's so, so confident you'll just instantly accept and trust him. I mean, you're practically already exclusive anyway (just without the fucking), so surely you'll just say yes to the offer and things will be all fine and dandy...

NOT.

And YEAH, like you said. maybe part of you does believe and/or accept his affection... but it's still not (and won't be) the same. even though he knows he means it, calling him your... b-b-boyfriend no longer makes it safe for you to indulge in him because he could leave you just as easily as he always did before he was anything more.

(which is fine when you're not dating... but now there's also the added effect of even just ditching a date with you for work is painful and rude.)

Which is ofc why just take it as a joke/prank/call for sex!!! Because he's too smart not to know all this, too... no matter how much he hopes you feel otherwise.

Anyway... heartbroken is definitely the right word to describe him after. It must feel pretty bad to be the strongest man in the world and yet... not have your affections returned by the person you love (and loves you, as a friend) more than anyone or anything. It also must suck not to feel trustworthy when you're literally. telling the truth.

Can he win you over eventually, though? Does he keep trying or does he just... revert back to his old ways? I say... let's talk about it another time.

love u, anon!!!

[folklorelise]

Squad Leader Mom is pregnant!

MASTERLIST

Since all the baby incidents that had happened with you, Levi or the cadets, Levi and you had been thinking about having one of your own, but you never actually talked about it. Then one night, as you were reading before going to bed, Levi sat next to you on the couch ready to have that talk with you.

“Y/N.” Levi called your name seeing that you were not paying any attention to him.

“Hm?”

“I want to have–.” Levi started but then stopped.

“What’s wrong?” you asked worried, putting down your book.

“Remember when the kids were turned into children? We said that we would talk about having a kid. I want to talk about it now.” he told you staring at you. “If you want.” Levi quickly added.

“Oh right.” you said mumbled.

To be honest, since you joined the survey corps – having a baby never was an option for you. For Levi, having a child at all was never an option, but since he met you, he felt like anything could be possible.

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine too.” Levi said.

“I don’t know.” you admitted. “I loved having the cadets around. It was a lot of fun and I loved them as kids. But a new-born is different.” you paused. “I remember my neighbour; they had one and it was constantly crying and screaming. It looked exhausting. Also, what about my job here? I cannot– I… I can’t go on expeditions knowing that our child could become an orphan.”

“I would never let that happen.” Levi assured you, taking your hands. “I know our situation is not ideal, but can you imagine how great it would be to have a tiny version of us running around. I like that thought. That maybe one day, we could finally retire with our own little family.”

“It does sound nice.” you smiled fondly at Levi. “If that makes you happy, then ok.”

“Really? Because I don’t want to pressure you.”

“I’m sure. We’ll figure it out.”

The more you thought about it, the more you were sure about your decision. You had the possibility to give Levi another chance at having his own family and that was what made you certain of your choice. The next few months were spent in bed with Levi. It was intense – Levi was intense which resulted in making the both of you exhausted for trainings and expeditions.

Eight months into trying to get pregnant, yet there was still no baby in sight. Your doctor reassured you and said that getting pregnant is not an easy task.

You get easily sick during winter, so when a week before the expedition you started to feel nauseous, you just shrug it off. Which you instantly regretted the second you felt like passing out in front of a titan outside.

Eren from far away saw you falling from the sky and did not hesitate a second before transforming and running toward you. He caught you in time from hitting the ground and Mikasa from behind killed the titan that was ready to eat you.

“Mom?” Eren tried to wake you up once Mikasa got him out. “Mom, wake up please.” Eren cried.

Every squad were running toward where Eren transformed, not knowing why he did it. Levi and his squad were the first one who arrived.

“Eren!” Levi yelled at the boy but stopped when he saw you in his arms. A million questions were running through Levi’s mind. He could not move – he wanted to see if you were fine, yet his feet would not move toward you. What if he saw a wound, what if you were already dead?

“Captain,” Eren cried, “I– I saw her falling and I came. She’s not waking up!”

“What’s happening here?” Erwin finally arrived. “Levi wha–.” he asked the captain but stopped when he saw you. “Is she d–?”

“NO!” Eren yelled. “She can’t be, I– I caught her.”

“What happened then?” Erwin asked a member of you squad.

“We don’t know. We spotted a few titans, and we were all going to take care of them. Then – squad leader Y/N was just behind us!”

“She is still breathing.” Erwin checked your pulse. “Levi’s going to take her back, and the rest of us will continue the expedition. You can go too.” Erwin told the cadets.

Every other squads were leaving the scene. Erwin slowly approached Levi.

“She’s ok, you can go and take her back.”

“Ok.” Levi breathed.

Levi slowly approached where the cadets where and took you in his arms. Once you were back, Levi rushed you to the infirmary. The cadets were all patiently waiting outside the room. Every one of them was worried, but Eren was even more.

“What if it’s my fault?” Eren said.

“You saved her!” Mikasa protested.

“When I caught her, maybe I squeezed her without noticing?”

“She is fine.” Jean shouted.

Levi was sitting with them, silently. After just a few minutes of waiting, a doctor came out of the room. Everyone stood up hoping for good news.

“Y/N is doing great. She just needs to rest now.”

“Thank you!” Sasha shouted hugging the doctor.

“Is she waking up soon?” Jean asked.

“She should be up in a few hours top. But from now on she should stay here as the pregnancy is already three months in or something.” the doctor said before leaving for his office.

“The pregnancy?” Levi repeated confused.

“Mom’s pregnant?” Jean asked Levi.

“Mom’s pregnant!” they all shouted excited.

“We’re going to have a little brother or sister!” Connie burst excited.

While the cadets were shouting, Levi was still trying to process the news.

“D– Captain!” Jean quickly corrected himself. “Can we go in and see her?”

“She’s still sleeping, I’ll go and find you once she woke up.” Levi said entering the room alone.

Levi was sitting next to you, waiting patiently for you to wake up. An hour or two later, the cadets could not wait any longer and came into your room.

“Please, can we stay?” Sasha begged the captain.

“Fine, but shup your months.”

A few minutes after the kids came in, you finally woke up. Levi was the first to notice it. He quickly stood up and came near you.

“Y/N, are you feeling ok?” Levi asked.

“Water.” you grunted.

“I’ll get you a glass of water!” Armin volunteered.

After drinking the whole glass, you instantly felt better. You asked Levi what happened and when he explained to you that you fainted due to the pregnancy, you started to cry.

“Don’t cry. It is good right? We’re happy about this.” Levi asked.

“It’s happy tears.” You confirmed laughing slightly.

Levi then left to bring some food. The second Levi left, Eren came and hugged you. Then very quickly everyone else joined the hug.

“You scared us to death earlier.” Eren told you.

“I’m sorry I made you worried.”

When Erwin came back, Levi and you were waiting for him in his office.

“Y/N’s pregnant.” Levi announced it to the commander. “Obviously, she won’t be going to the next expeditions, right?”

“What? Congratulation!” Erwin shouted happily. “That’s really great news.”

“Erwin – the expeditions.”

“Right, of course. Y/N, you have to rest from now on.”

“But I can’t do nothing.” you protested. “I’ll get bored.”

“You’re pregnant.” Levi argued. “You just have to take care of you by staying here. Erwin agrees with me.”

“I–. Y/N if you want to go home and rest, you can.” Erwin agreed.

“I don’t. I’ll stay here and work with you on paperwork, I’ll do everything as usual except going on expedition.” you stated firmly.

Levi knew how stubborn you were, so he did not continue to argue. What mattered to him was that you were not going on expedition. After announcing the news to Erwin, Levi and you went to see Hange to tell them the news. The scream Hange uttered was so loud that Moblit came in running.

“What happened?” Moblit asked worried.

“Y/N is pregnant!” Hange shouted.

“Oh! Congratulation!” Moblit hugged you.

The next person to know about it was Mike, then soon enough the entire survey corps knew about it. After a few days, you decided it was time to go and tell your family about it. You proposed to Levi to come with you since he never met them.

“I’m busy.” Levi told you.

“It’ll just be a day.”

Your parents used to live inside of wall rose, but as your father’s business became more and more successful, they moved inside of wall Sina. You had a brother in the military too. You joined at the same time – he was a year older than you – he ended up being first and chose the military police brigade.

The next morning, you and Levi took a carriage to your home. Your parents made you and your brother promise to visit at least once a month, and you both decided to visit the first Sunday of every month – which was today. You knocked on the door and it was your mother who opened the door.

“It has been so long. Ah, and you must be Levi, right?” your mother welcomed you in.

“Yes.” Levi answered.

“Come in.”

“Your brother is not there yet.” your mom told you. “Do you want to drink something?”

“Tea please, black tea. For the both of us.” you told her.

“I feel uncomfortable here.” Levi whispered once your mother was gone.

“Let’s just tell them the news and then we can go.” you reassured him.

Your mother brought back the tea and she sat on the couch in front of where you were. Your father was nowhere to be seen – he was buying groceries at the market – and your brother was probably still sleeping.

“I heard a lot about you Levi.” you mother finally said.

“Levi’s very popular.” you answered seeing that Levi did not know what to say. “He is humanity’s strongest after all.”

“Good, then I know my daughter is safe beside you.”

“Y/N is strong, and she doesn’t need me to protect her.” Levi insisted, “But that does not mean I won’t do anything in my power to protect her of course.”

“That’s good to hear.” your mother smiled gently.

Just when you wanted to continue to talk, the front door opened, and your brother and father came in. You brother hugged you, then went to hug your mother.

“Captain Levi!” your brother burst out. “You have been going out with captain Levi this whole time?” he asked you.

“Yeah, don’t be jealous.”

“It’s an honour to meet you.” (Y/B/N) told the captain, ignoring you.

Levi quickly started to relax around your family, and you were all chatting together, talking about the military and what your day looked like. After a few hours of discussion, you still did not find the right moment to tell them about your pregnancy.

“When are you going to tell them?” Levi whispered to you.

“I don’t know how to, it feels weird.”

“Do you want me to tell them?”

“No, I’ll do it. I can do this.” you cleared your throat loudly to bring their attention to you and stood up. “I came with Levi today because we had something to tell you.”

“Yes?” your mother smiled.

“I am pregnant.” you announced with a big smile.

“Oh, my dear, that is wonderful!” your mother cried happily.

Your family congratulated the two of you and asked a ton of questions about when it happened, and what you planned to do once the baby arrived. After telling them that you were planning on staying at the survey corps after the baby came. You would probably be less involved, but you could not leave your second family. At night, after taking the extra food your mother had prepared, you left.

“Why aren’t you guys sleeping?” you said seeing the cadets at the entrance.

“We were waiting for you.” Armin said.

“Is that food for us?” Sasha asked excited.

“No.” Levi answered. “Y/N is tired, so leave.”

“I’m fine, I’ll take the food to the kitchen and we can eat this together tomorrow.” you told them. “You didn’t have to wait for me, you won’t be able to wake up tomorrow.” you warned them leaving with Levi.

—————

The first few weeks of the pregnancy were going well – you worked in the office with Levi mostly, but you would also help Hange with their paperwork. Being pregnant as a survey corps soldier meant being able to have extra food during meals, being able to skip cleaning duties. You could sleep in late in the morning and no one would say anything to you.

When your baby bump started to show and you could not fit into your pants anywhere, you would go around in either dresses or in Erwin’s pants that you cut so it would not be too long.

When you were seven months pregnant, Levi started to become more and more protective of you. He would not let you carry anything, not even your food tray. He forbad the cadets to come even near you knowing how reckless they were. Only Mikasa and Armin were allowed to come and help you. Which obviously upset the other cadets.

“But dad that’s so unfair! I want to help mom too!” Jean pleaded.

“Fine, Jean you can help.” Levi finally accepted only because Jean called him dad which was one of Levi’s weak spot.

“Me too then!” the others shouted which only made Levi walk away.

When you heard about it, you reassured them that it was ok for them to stay around you. Around that time, you also stopped wearing your shoes since you could not put them on, on your own. You walked around in your slippers all the time.  

Nine months into the pregnancy and Levi never let you out of his sight. He would rest in bed with you the whole time.

“What do you want to name our baby?” you asked him one night.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think about it much.”

“I was thinking about naming her after your mother if it was a girl.”

“What?” Levi asked.

“If you don’t want to it’s fine too!” you quickly shrug it off. “It’s just–.”

“I’d like that. It’s a great idea.” Levi cut you, “I just thought… I didn’t think you would like that name.”

“Of course, I do! What if it’s a boy?”

You both brainstormed all the ideas you had before falling asleep.

You were outside with Levi during his training sessions with the cadets with a book. They were all taking a break, so you decided to join them, but when you stood up you felt something weird between your legs.

“Captain! Mom just peed herself!” Eren yelled panicking.

“Her water broke you idiot!” Sasha yelled at Eren.

Levi was definitely panicking like Eren, but he would not show it. You took a carriage with Levi direction your doctor’s house. After a few hours of labour, the baby was still inside of you.

“I can’t do that anymore.” you breathed heavily. “Just take it out!” you yelled, taking Levi hand in yours.

“It’s here, just push one last time.”

You let out a last scream and pushed as hard as you could before you heard cries.

The doctor cleaned then wrapped the baby in a blanket before giving it to Levi.

“Hello.” Levi whispered to his child.

“Is it a girl?” you asked weakly.

“It is.” Levi said looking into your eyes lovingly.

“That’s good.” you smiled when you heard a knock on the door.

“Hello.” Erwin came in with Hange and the cadets behind him. “They insisted on coming with us.”

“We bought you some flowers.” Connie handed you the bouquet.

“My favourite, thank you so much.” you teared up.

“You idiot you made her cry.” Sasha hit Connie behind the head.

“Mikasa’s the one you picked the flowers.” Connie defended himself.

“I love the flowers you guys. I’m just very tired and extra emotional.”

“Do we have a baby brother or sister?” Armin asked.

“You have a sister now.” Levi answered. “This is Kuchel.”

“Can I hold her?” Erwin asked.

“Well,” you started, “you are the godfather, of course you can.”

“Me too.” Hange exclaimed.

“You, maybe later.” Levi stated. “In a year or two, so when you drop her, she would be fine.”

“It happened once when you taught us how to hold babies.” Hange mumbled.

They were all around the new-born while Levi was laying down next to you, your head resting on his shoulder.

“You have the best mother in the world Kuchel, you’re so lucky.” Armin whispered to the baby.

—————

One night, at the boys’ dorm, a few months after Kuchel was born–

“Do you think it’s weird for us to call squad leader Y/N ‘mom’?” Eren asked. “Now that she has her own, real kid, what does that make us?” Eren continued. “We’re just a bunch of cadets again to her.”

“Why are you always thinking so negatively?” Jean sighed.

“They’re not our parents.” Eren stated sadly.

“Can you stop being so pessimistic for a minute?” Armin shouted. “She is the closest mother figure I had since I was a child, so stop this. Plus, it’s not like ever corrects us when we do. So just stop, please.”

  You obviously noticed Eren’s attitude changing towards you – you tried to talk to him, but he kept avoiding you. You asked Armin and Mikasa about it and Armin just told you not to worry about it which was not possible.

One night, as Eren was taking a walk on the training grounds, you approached him silently.

“Are you ready to talk now?” you asked him. “And don’t even think about leaving before telling me.”

“I’m fine.” Eren said avoiding your gaze.

“Eren.”

“Squad leader Y/N.”

“Since when do you call me that?” you retorted.

“It is your name.”

“If there is something wrong, you can tell me. I’m always here if you want to talk.”

“You have a kid now; you can’t worry about me– about us.”

“What?” you asked confused. “Why not?”

“Because!” Eren yelled.

“Because what?” you kept your voice calm and low.

“Because you’re not my mother! And I’m not your kid. We’re just a bunch of soldiers.” Eren cried out. “You have a real kid now, there’s no need to play family anymore.”

“Is that what you think? Is that what you all think?” you asked but Eren did not answer, “Eren… I may not be your birth mother and I would never dare to replace yours, but you are family to me. You all are. Seeing you all calling me ‘mom’ is fine, if you see me as a mother figure – it’s fine. Because I see you all as my grown-up children.” you teared up. “And that’s not going to change with Kuchel around.”

“You haven’t been spending as much time with us as you used too.” Eren guessed hesitating.

“I haven’t been sleeping much to be honest. Kuchel is crying a lot at night. That does not mean I forgot about you. Or you guys.” you turned around finding the rest of the cadets hiding behind the pillars.

“We weren’t spying!” Jean said. “We just… happen to be there.”

“I’m sorry.” Eren apologise. “I’m a terr–.”

“You’re not. You’re amazing Eren.” you hugged him which resulted in all the other boys joining the hug.

From the window of Levi office, he could see you guys hugging.

“See Kuchel,” Levi pointed at you while holding his daughter, “They are weirdos.” he sighed. “Your mother loves them though. I find them tolerable. I guess you can see them as your older brothers and sisters. You’ll grow up with a big family which is great. I’m sure you’ll love them as much as your mother do.”

—————

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY

Levi would talk to your baby bump when you were asleep.

You would be often seen with vegetables in your hand – always eating them as snacks.

You would cry for absolutely no reason too. The first time it happened, Levi was worried sick. You had dropped your apple on the ground and started to cry. From then on, Levi would just hold you tightly until you stopped crying.

The first time it happened in from of Erwin was when he offered you a new baby blanket. He thought you did not like it, but Levi quickly reassured him that it was fine. “I– I– I looove it!” you sobbed.

The first time it happened in front of the trio – Armin, Eren and Mikasa – it was because Armin kept talking about what he read about baby stuff.

“I will be the best brother ever!” Armin promised with a big smile. “No, why are you crying?”

“This is too much for my heart!” you sobbed. “You are too sweet Armin!” you hugged him.

“I’ll be a good big brother too!” Eren said hugging you.

Mikasa from behind pushed Eren and Armin aside before taking you in her arms.

“You both made her cry, I did not. Obviously, I’m the better sibling here.”

When it happened with Connie, Sasha, and Jean –

Sasha and Connie were walking in front of you and Jean.

“This Sunday is a day off; I’ll probably go and buy something at the market with Connie and Sasha.” Jean told you, “Do you need anything?”

You tried not to let tears fall but it was too adorable for you.

“Mom! Why are you crying? I’m sorry!” Jean panicked.

“What did you do you idiot!” Connie slapped Jean on his shoulder.

“Mom don’t cry, please. Dad’s going to kill me when he’s going to find out.” Jean realised.

At the same time, Levi walked in.

“What’s going on?” Levi asked.

“Nothing!” Jean said hiding your face on his chest.

“Y/N?” Levi said. “Are you ok?” to which you only responded with a thumb up. “Are you crying again?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” Jean hesitated, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Levi said, “she’s been crying a lot these days due to the pregnancy.”

—————

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT KUCHEL

Kuchel first word is ‘clean’ – Levi is always talking about it when he is around her.

Kuchel favourite cadet would be Sasha. Sasha is only sharing her food with Kuchel and she loves food too.

Kuchel loves playing ‘to fly’ with uncle Erwin and uncle Mike – the giants of the survey corps.

You bought matching outfits for Levi, Kuchel and you which Levi secretly found adorable.

————— ————— 

————— ————— 

Squad Leader Mom gets badly injured