#// the evil is defeated guys; we can all go home

[qqueenofhades]

Not that anything's a for sure bet but my read on the general situation re: Harris-Walz is that there's going to be a lot less headwind to fight for Harris specifically as opposed to Clinton because the amazing right wing media hasn't had twenty years for poison to seep into the layperson's thoughts about Clinton's "worthiness"

Well, that and the fact that the MAGA crowd are just really, really bad strategic planners (especially since a solid 75% of their strategy is "lol we'll just cheat and win it that way, we don't need anything else.") They howled for 3.5 years about how Biden was too old to serve and should step down, and then when he did, they had zero plan how to run against Kamala and Trump is now practically begging Biden to magically get back into the race and save him. They ran an anti-Shapiro influence campaign by encouraging the antisemitic online left and planning to exploit the issue among Democrats divided on Israel/Gaza, then furiously melted down when Walz was picked and had no plan to deal with him either. Fascism is a helluva drug, kiddos. Don't try it at home.

The reason Harris has been able to rocket so high is simple, which is that she's channeling Obama 08 energy in more ways than one. Obama also came onto the national political scene four years before (with his speech at the 2004 DNC) and four years later, he was the party's nominee. It didn't even matter that he was a skinny brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama, because people were so tired of the chaos and war and incompetence of Bush Jr that they latched onto a simple message of hope and change and the historical nature of his candidacy felt like an optimistic risk worth taking. Why couldn't it be time for the first African American president? Yes, of course, there was incredible vitriol and we are still dealing with that backlash in some ways now, but still.

As I have said before, Trump is technically not the incumbent, but the last 8 years have been dominated by his hatred, chaos, division, rage, and treason in a way even Bush could never quite manage, and when people get to that point, there's a lot of coiled-up energy that has at last come bursting out. We needed Biden's old-moderate-white-man cred to defeat Trump as the sitting president in 2020, when most of his worst scandals hadn't even happened yet, but this is not 2020 (or 2016) and the dynamic is different. We are now on offense and playing to win, people have readily and eagerly embraced the absolute god tier karma that would come from a black female prosecutor finally ending the Orange Menace's reign of terror once and for all, and the Republicans are spitting smoke and spinning gears running frantically through their usual tired old stupid cliche attacks. GAY TRANS EVIL BIRTHERISM SWIFTBOAT FOREIGN FAR LEFT COMMIE LIBERAL HEATHEN!! they scream desperately, trying to find something that sticks. Except this time, no matter how hard the corporate media tries to help them out, nobody is listening. Nobody is buying it. We know exactly what BS they're trying and we're just shrugging and going "Yeah, no. Weird."

It absolutely helps that Kamala is not dragging the ball and chain of 20 years of Republican smear attacks, yes. But there are a lot of reasons why the GOP is imploding before our eyes and it's probably now more statistically likely that there is a blue tsunami than it is that Trump wins. I still cannot, CANNOT, believe it has been barely three fucking weeks. If this is a dream don't want to wake up, etc. Let me goddamn stay in this timeline just a little longer. And if we do the work, we can in fact make it that way, and Yeah. Yeah.

[ckret2]

What's the most fucked up thing Aku has ever done?

the thing is, Aku's from a TV-Y7 Cartoon Network show from 2001. (Season 5 moved to Adult Swim, but Aku spent most of Season 5 too depressed to leave his fortress.) So like, we probably haven't seen the most fucked up thing he's ever done.

So here, a list of a few of the things we know about:

conquered the entire planet earth and spread darkness and despair across the world for funsies. let's get that one out of the way first. he took over the whole earth, and made it bad, on purpose.

kidnapped a robot's pet dog to use as a hostage to make him try to assassinate Jack. The robot failed and died. We uh... we don't hear about the dog again.

promised a scientist that if he built some killer bots to go after Jack, Aku would spare his village; then destroyed his village anyway

we don't actually know whether Aku told Scaramouche to slaughter an entire town just to lure Jack out of hiding or if Scaramouche did that of his own volition, but like, Aku probably would have approved, so he can take partial credit.

enslaved the people of the kingdom where he was born and forced them to do hard manual labor; put their emperor in there with the rest of them and made them watch while he was forced to work alone and forbidden from receiving water

when a king tried to fight him, prevented him from receiving a noble warrior's death by imprisoning him in stone and forcing him to watch as Aku killed his family and kingdom; left him there for centuries

when a prince & princess crash landed on earth and asked him for help getting home because an evil army was attacking their homeworld, went, "oh that's so sad, whatever shall I do to end this sad story? oh i know—throw them in the slave mines!"

disguised himself as a hot chick to trick Jack into leading him to a jewel that Jack could have used to destroy him, so that Aku could smash the jewel.

disguised himself as a hot chick, again, for like a year, just to travel around with Jack, just so he could reveal himself and remind Jack that actually he's all alone. (this one's from the comics so not actually canon, but it's so fucking funny i include it anyway)

disguised himself as a swamp hermit to trick Jack into collecting three magic artifacts to summon a god capable of killing Jack

took Demongo, a guy whose modus operandi is "defeat warrior; capture warrior's soul; perpetually enslave warrior to fight for me for all time," and made him his top warrior

made Scaramouche his #1 assassin. I repeat: "slaughtered an entire town just to lure Jack out of hiding"

then executed both Demongo and Scaramouche for fucking up. (Demongo got better.)

burned down an entire enormous forest but left ONE tree standing to remind people what he'd taken from them.

invites violent criminals to earth pretty much just to make it a worse place; when they arrive, gives them a free plot of populated land to clear out however they see fit.

the instant he learned he had a daughter, possessed her to force her to fight Jack so that Jack would surrender rather than hurt her. Nearly used her to execute Jack.

sent an evil DJ to mind control teenagers with rave music

used propaganda to try to convince the children of the world to side with him rather than Jack. the propaganda was him gathering a bunch of children in a stadium and reading them fairy tales he'd rewritten with himself as a main character. it's not particularly evil, but it's definitely fucked up

there's various and sundry other acts of evil—violence, dishonesty, mocking his enemies, cheating, backstabbing, not following proper social distancing & masking practices, etc.—but off the top of my head those are the highlights

[randomanimaticse]

SHATTERED - Sonic Prime x reader

Chapter 1 | INCEPTION I

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

As an explosion went off in a mountain in the distance, Sonic ran through green hill collecting some rings, hurrying to the mountain, where his friends are fighting robotnik, he ran past big and froggy making him spin around.

Sonic went back and stopped Big from spinning, "Sorry, Big! Sorry, Froggy! Can't chat-- gotta go help our friends!" Sonic said running in place and ran off.

"No problem, Sonic!" Big said as froggy croaked.

"Home is where your friends are, as they say" It cuts to a memory of Sonic and his friends having a picnic, "And that's green hill!" Then of Sonic watching Amy admire a palm tree. "Where the best beaches," then of Tails flying next to a coconut. "Palm trees," Then of big holding a bunch of chili dogs making Sonic happy "And chili dogs, are just the tip of the iceberg!"

Then it cuts to Tails, Amy, Knuckles, and Malachite flying on the Tornado. "We've saved this place a million times, from this doofus." Then to Robotnik turning around to face the camera doing his evil laugh.

It cuts to shadow destroying a rock seemingly looking for something. "And then there's Shadow, it's complicated. More on him later."

Then to Sonic and his friend looking into the distance. "The fact is, we never lose. 'Cause when you've got a crew like mine," Sonic says as he runs up the mountain. "There's nothing that can stop you!"

"HEY GUYS! I MADE IT!"

"You're late!"

The team of mobians glared at the speedy blue hedgehog at his tardiness, said blue hedgehog shrugging his shoulders sheepishly with a grin and short chuckle.

"Sonic!?"

Dr. Eggman spun away from the shiny crystal embedded into the rock at the annoying voice of his enemy, the surrounding Badniks also following his gaze.

"Eggman!" Sonic smirked.

"Just in time to watch me claim the Paradox Prism and transform your disgustingly green world into something more... me." his hands lifted up to his side in an evil stance, staring at the mobian team, or sonic more specifically, through the glass prism, letting out his infamous cackle.

Dropping from the entrance of the cave, Sonic landed with a bored expression, his hand cupping his mouth as he gave an overly faked...

"Yaawwn..."

The mobian team dropped behind him as they all, Sonic included, settled into a fighting position.

"Yep, I yawned you, egghead!"

At the mockery, Eggman growled in a fit of rage, ordering his Badniks to attack the team with a pointed finger.

Both sides got into action, the mobian team easily overpowering and defeating each of Eggman's robots as they came their way.

Sonic destroyed a few bots before spin dashing at a Caterkiller, resulting in the worm bashing him away, the hedgehog losing a few rings and soaring back through the air with a "Whoa!"

"Sonic!" 

A furry orange fox with two tails, using them to helicopter through the air, quickly caught him by his wrists, staring down at Sonic with a frown, clearly still upset at his delayed entrance.

"Yo, Tails!"

Sonic replied with a grin, swinging his legs back as Tails launched him forward in the air, spin attacking at two Buzz Bombers and speeding beside a red echidna with large, spiky gloves, the echidna eyeing the hedgehog with a scowl.

"Knuckles!" Sonic cheered, kicking away a Badnik, the echidna rolling his eyes and turning away from him, "You okay, buddy?"

"Nothing flusters me, Sonic," Knuckles grabbed a Buzz Bomber as it flew into him, throwing it into another incoming Badnik without so much as a sweat, both he and Sonic watching as both robots exploded.

"Except when you're late."

Sonic only shook his head with a hand on his hip at Knuckles as he ran off, not noticing the same Caterkiller from before coming up behind him, quickly getting saved by a flying white bat as she came up behind him and kicked the worm away.

"Oh, thanks Rouge!" he waved at her.

"Don't mention it... literally."

From another end of the cave, a pink hedgehog drove her hammer into a Burrobot, shoving it off as the head landed elsewhere, hopping from the ledge to the head, smiling as a flock of Flickies flew out from inside the bot.

"Amy!" Sonic leaned against the head with a smirk as he greeted her.

"Sonic! Where have you been?"

"You know, the usual... got a little side tracked."

Amy playfully rolled her eyes at his response as Sonic spins up a wall and destroys a few Buzz Bombers, striking one in the direction of a (F/C) lynx of the incoming badnik, slashing the robot in half with their claws.

"Malachite!" he ran in their direction, throwing a loose arm over their shoulders and pulling their faces close.

They huffed out at the sudden half embrace, their enhanced hearing is never well enough to catch when the speedy hedgehog comes their way, letting a small smile pass.

"Sonic," they countered, "What is this? A role call?"

"What? Can't call out my friends' names mid-battle?" he poked at them, standing back to back with them as a swarm of Badniks surrounded them.

Sonic punched and kicked at them while Malachite cut and slit through them, the bots exploding. 

"Get that rock out of the ground!" 

Dr. Eggman furiously shouted out, the Burrobots retreating from fighting to the rock that held the paradox prism in place, drilling at it as fast as they could despite the electric shocks that would knock them back, really getting nothing done regardless.

"Want something done..." Eggman grumbled, climbing up into his mech, "Do it yourself."

"Sonic, we don't know what the prism is capable of!" Tails warned his hedgehog friend as he rolled his way, beating the Badniks, "Be careful."

Sonic rolled his eyes and darted off, Tails groaning at his carelessness.

"If Eggman wants it, it can't be good!"

"Yup, got it." Sonic replied casually as he ran Eggman's way.

The villain controlled his giant robot from inside, its claws taking hold of the prism and pulling up, Eggman letting out another of his evil laughs.

"Sonic, seriously!"

"Step away from the rock, Eggman."

"Huh, not this time, you fool!"

Narrowing his eyes, anger and the desperate need to defeat the villain overcoming his senses more than anything, Sonic sped up faster towards the prism as Eggman began pulling it out of its rock, rolling up in a ball.

"Sonic, wait!" Tails called out.

"Sonic, no!"

The groups cries fell on deaf ears as Sonic collided with the prism, the force of the breaking pushing them all back, flying in the air.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"One day I'll destroy that hedgehog, and the world will be a brighter place for it, lit by neon."

"As long as I'm around, you'll always have a wingman!"

"The forest is the most beautiful place on Earth."

"I don't need the details, just tell me who to smash."

"You may not like the way I do things, but I get things done!"

"Don't worry, I've always got your back!"

"Hey I may be the one who can bring everyone together, but there's only one one hedgehog they'll follow into battle."

"Heh heh! I don't need an army when I got a friend like you, Sonic!"

"Listen to your friends, you might need it one day."

"I will rule the world, and no rodents are going to stop me!"

"We'd follow you anywhere, Sonic."

"Nothing could break our friendship, Sonic."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonic stands up and groans "That's a sonic boom of a headache." He starts walking forward "Wh-Where am I? Huh?" There was a truck coming straight for him. "Aah!" He yelled before getting hit in the face by the truck.

As he climbed on top of the truck he looked around confused, "Uh" when he heard something behind of him, he turned around to see what it was, it was presumably a train and he ducked before he got hit in the face again. "Close one."

The truck shook and Sonic fell off of it onto a conveyor belt, he got up looking around still confused, but then he fell off of the conveyor belt before he could say anything. Before Sonic could get up again, he got swept up by a broom machine before getting thrown to the side.

"Why can't I remember how I got here?" Sonic said as he got back on his feet. "Think, Sonic, think, whoa what is up with my shoes?" He said examining them "Huh, I haven't seen anything like this since I ate truck stop chili dogs."

"Tails? Amy? Malachite? Heck, I'll even take Knuckles at this point" He said walking towards a mobian on one of the conveyor belts. "Uh, pardon me, what do you call this place?" He asked the mobian who was ignoring him. "Are you ignoring me? You're ignoring me. Why are you ignoring me? Why is everyone ignoring me?" He asked flailing his arms around.

"Can anybody give me a straight answer around here? And you're busy staring at nothing. Okay"

Sonic covered his ears because of a loud blaring sound "Welcome to New Yoke City. You're welcome. Never heard of it. Must be far from home."

"Where are the mountains, the beaches, the palm trees?" He looked to the side and saw a familiar purple cat. "Big! Froggy!" Sonic said as he hugged big. "Whoa, uh."

"Am I glad to see familiar faces! I thought I was losing my rings, if you know what I mean." He said while big was looking around for any robots. "What is going on here? Are you wearing pants?"

"Unidentified citizen. Alert! Alert!" A robotic voice said.

"Big! Don't go!"

"You are in violation of city ordinance 27 B/6"

"Sorry, I don't speak robot."

"By the authority of the Chaos Council, stand down or be disassembled."

"Chaos Council, sounds important. Give me directions, and I'll take it from there." Sonic said as he tried to run. "Wha-? Whoaa!" He exclaimed unable to control his running.

Sonic turned to an alley pressed up against the wall, trying to take sharp turns, "Whoa! what is up with my shoes?" He said before crashing into a wall. "Ugh! I'm not used to all these walls, and where are my rings?" He said checking for his rings, before almost getting hit by laser bullets.

He dodged the lasers that were being shot at him and spin dashed the robots "Robots without flickies? Now that's new." Sonic said before dodging more laser bullets and speeding away.

Running into the streets almost hitting a truck and then another truck, and then another and it was coming straight for him, but he ducked underneath it. "This is not working. I gotta get off the ground!" He said wall jumping onto a train.

Still trying to dodge the laser bullets while on the train, he notices a building being contructed and gets an idea. Sonic threw himself over to where the building was being constructed and slid through the building. Stopping on the edge trying to dodge the bullets. When the floor was close enough, he jumped off the ledge. Destroying the robots that were chasing him.

He landed on his feet panting not knowing he was being watched. "Smog, concrete, evil robots, it's like everything I hate in one place!" Sonic said looking around "Where am I?"

"Oh, no!" He gasps, looking at something familiar and speeding to the right. "Please be wrong. Please be wrong!" He stammered running up a building into the sky turning to look at the place he was in.

Sonic looked right, "the Loop-de-Loop." Then left "Hedgehog's Pass." Then right again, "and that should be Tails' lab! Aw, tails, what happened?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEFORE PRISM SHATTER

Tails is in the Tornado, turning to where the fight is. "Come on Egghead, show me what you got!" Sonic shouted.

Dr. Robotnik laughs "That's the spirit, rodent -- the spirit of a loser!"

"Takes one to know one. Ha!"

"Why do I feel like Eggman's keeping us off the main stage?" Amy asked.

"Eggman's got us fighting the badniks so he can have Sonic all to him self." Knuckles replied.

"Come on! Let's crash his show!" Malachite responded, cutting and slicing through the robots.

"One scrambled egg, coming up!" Sonic said spin dashing the robot.

"Hmm I don't like this, Dr. Eggman's too smart not to realize how terribly positioned he is." Tails said looking at his gadget "It's like he's --" tails sharply gasps. "He's not in there."

"Quaking in your tiny shoes at the might of my Eggcrusher? It's understandable I'm rather astounding."

"In your dreams! You bring it, I break it, Eggman. That's the game, and I'm still the undefeated numero uno." Sonic said doing a lot of poses.

"Then put your quills where your mouth is, unless you're scared!"

Tails shot some laser bullets at the robot "It's a trap, Sonic! It's a trap!"

"I don't see a trap, though I guess by definition I wouldn't see a trap if there was one."

Dr. Robotnik laughs

"Something funny egghead?"

"You are! Watching you try to think with that two-cent brain of yours is hilarious!"

"Sonic! You gotta listen! It's a trap!" Tails yelled.

"You're as stupid as your mutant, two-tail fox friend is ugly"

"Oh, you're really asking for it." Sonic barked

"Yes.. I am!" Robotnik marveled.

"You can mess with me, Eggman, but no one messes with my best friend." Sonic said running towards the robot.

"Sonic, no!" Tails yelled.

Sonic spin dashed the robot making a huge explosion once it hit the ground. Some mobians fall back due to the pressure. Big drops his fishing rod and catches froggy. The mountain cracks and reveals more cracked rock.

"Whoa! Didn't know I had that in me. That's what you get for messing with my friends, Egghead" Sonic said as he looked in the robot, but Robotnik wasn't there. "Huh? where's Eggman? He must have ejected. Well, looks like we win again. Tails! He's not even in here. Lame right?" He exclaimed to his two-tailed fox friend.

"Too chicken to face in us in person. Whatevs! Couldn't have done it without ya, buddy!" Sonic yelled, watching tails fly away in his plane. "Huh."

"Whoa, Tails looks upset" Knuckles stated.

"And tails never gets upset." Amy said with worry.

Malachite nodded in agreement

Robotnik laughs evilly from far away "It worked! Without the power of that blue buffoon, we would've had to dig for months! Thank you for the earthquake Sonic, and thank me for my plan, which went off spectacularly!"

"And it worked too!" Cubot added.

"Of course it worked I just said that!" Robotnik yelled. "Ugh, let's go papa wants his prism" He ordered, throwing his walkie-talkie to Orbot. As he walked away Orbot and Cubot fist bumped.

Sonic ran over to tails' lab putting in the code '1992' before opening and walking the lab. "Yo! How's my genius friend?" He asked tails. "Hey Sonic," Tails sighed. "I brought you some comics." Sonic stated. "Thanks Sonic you can put them over there"

Sonic chuckles, "How about a little break from the big brain stuff?"

"I can't. Something's not right. I gotta figure out what Eggman is up to."

Sonic frowns and walks over to Tails, and turns his chair around to face him. "Sorry, Tails. I didn't mean to upset you. In fact, I've never seen you so upset. I just kinda got into the moment and.."

"Sonic, it's cool. Really. But thanks. I appreciate it." There was a moment of silence before Tails started speaking again. "Don't you think that Eggman wasn't in the Eggcrusher?"

"Uh, not really. I mean, he is a total chicken. But I did find a hunk of junk in the cockpit where his big butt shoulda been."

"Hunk of junk, huh? Wonder if that was all part of the trap? Tell me you didn't toss it in the barge of badnik parts."

"Uh." Sonic speeds away and comes back with it in his hands "Junk speedy delivery! You smash it, we dash it" Sonic beamed "Whoa, lemme see that! It wasn't a trap, it was a trick. You've never created a blast that destructive. I think that this device was some sort of speed amplifier. Long story short, he used your speed against you!" Tails explained.

"The fox is on to something."

"Huh?"

"Rouge?" Both Sonic and Tails asked.

"How did you get in here?" Sonic inquired.

"He played you for a fool, Blue." She remarked

"Pfft! Please!" Sonic replied putting a hand on his hip.

"What would he need a massive explosion in that area for?"

"Well.. I have a hunch" Rouge said as she spread her wings and jumped down off of the ledge she was sitting on to fly. "You see, I've been searching for years for a super rare and shiny gem called the paradox prism." She explained flying towards tails' tool board stopping a few inches away from it.

"Paradox Prism?" Sonic ask

"Legend speaks of an untold power, and it's buried deep within the Green Hill bedrock. My guess is that he used your power against you to try to find it." She replied.

"Fascinating. But what I really want to know is, how did you get in here?" Sonic inquired.

Rouge looked at him in disbelief. "You left the door open." She said pointing to a wide open garage door. Gather your crew and meet me at the top of the Loop-de-Loop. Let's find out what Eggman is up to."

At the top of the mountain, Robotnik was there "At last. The Paradox Prism! So close. It was only a rumor for so long, and now inches from my grasp. Countless times I have tried to modernize this hunk of earth only to be defied by that simpleton Sonic." Robotnik hissed

"Now, it's finally going to happen. And it's all the sweeter because the blue baboon handed me this prize.." He clapped his hands "without realizing it. So, thank you, Sonic. For now I stand at the summit of--"

"Of the mountain." Orbot interrupted.

"..of a new age! The age of--"

"Pretty lights?" Cubot asked interrupting Robotnik.

"..the age of the Eggman Empire!"

"Ooh, fancy!" Both Orbot and Cubot said.

"And now.." Robotnik screamed as he fell into the entrance he made. "Why didn't you idiots tell me how big that first step was?" He shouted before getting back in his robot.

"Sorry, boss" Orbot replied.

Robotnik began to walk down the path. "Where is it? I know you're in here somewhere." He said as his flashlight made the prism shine bright and reflect throughout the cave. He chuckled when he saw it, but then it turned into wicked laughter.

"I think Rouge is right. Eggman picked that spot for a reason. Why else would he hide a power amplifier in his own Eggcrusher?" Tails spoke.

"So, we start at the scene of the crime." Knuckles stated

"Exactly. Lets go investigate and see if anything might lead us to this Paradox Prism you guys are talking about" Amy added.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW

"Paradox Prism. Right. That's what Eggman was after. How?" Sonic asked falling on his face. "No, no, no. I didn't leave Green Hill. This is Green Hill. He did it. I don't know how he did it, but he did it. Eggman won."

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

This took a long time, oh my gosh. But the first chapter is out! (Finally)

I like calling Robotnik by his actual last name for some reason, don't ask me why.

I had to rewrite from the part where Sonic asks "Paradox Prism?" To when Knuckles said "So, we start at the scene of the crime." That was such a hassle.

Also since this chapter is done, I will now focus more on requests, and the next chapter will take a while since i'm only 17 minutes into the episode.

[raineandsky]

Hiiiii, love ur writing!!! May I request a story about the strong and undefeatable villain getting some head injury (maybe concussion) during the battle with some third party, and after that peacefully resting on a bench in alley, but then hero finds him and decides to help, even though these two don't like each other. Pretty please 🐹☘️💗

your please was so pretty i couldnt not write this! i really enjoyed this one, i hope you do too :D

Part of the hero’s job is helping those in need. Stopping when they cross someone lying on a park bench, in the dingiest, darkest part of the park, just feels normal to them in the moment.

That is until they notice who it is.

“[Villain]?” The hero can’t think of anything else to say. Their hands are already halfway to the cuffs in their pocket. “What’re you doing out here?”

This is the part where the villain leaps up with a laugh about how the hero’s fallen into a trap, leaping into a monologue before the inevitable battle.

But instead the villain opens his eyes to glance at them, his gaze not fully focusing on them, and simply says “‘m tired.”

The hero crouches down to his level. It’s clear he has no intention of getting up. They open their mouth to say something curt, distrusting, but they stop themself short.

They’ve noticed the blood painting the other side of the villain's face, dried into his hair and on his skin. Panic flutters in the hero’s gut. How bad is it? What happened? Their training only covered the basics of first aid. This wasn’t part of it.

He looks so small like this. The hero had always thought of the villain as indestructible, perfect in every evil way. But this—he’s defeatable, he’s normal, he’s human. Just like the rest of them.

They carefully push the villain over, earning a disgruntled “eugh” that they ignore to brush his hair away and take in the damage.

“Are yo’ shoes clean?” he says shortly as the hero grapples with a tissue from their pocket. “I think… I’m gonna throw up.”

“Please don’t.” They carefully take their tissue to the villain’s head, which he tries to cringe away from. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Wha’?”

“What happened to you, [Villain]?”

The villain’s eyes train on the hero's idly, unseeingly. “There’s stars on your face.”

“Okay. Okay.” Blood has turned the tissue into a crime scene, but it’s making little difference to the state of the villain. “We need to get you some help.”

It barely even occurs to the hero to do otherwise. A hero isn’t a hero without the soul to do the hardest parts of kindness, they know. To show mercy to those who might not deserve it. To help those who likely don’t want it. To show the villain compassion they know they’ll never get back.

The hero pulls the villain upright, with absolutely no help from the villain. They get him sitting up and he almost keels straight back over the moment they let go.

They settle on the bench next to him, careful to hold him up. “How’re you feeling, [Villain]?”

“I hav’ the… worst headache.” It comes out disjointed, like he’s piecing the sentence together as he says it. The hero pulls his arm over their shoulder. “Wha’s going on?”

“We’re going to the hospital.” The villain barely reacts to this, when before the hero probably would’ve had to drag him there kicking and screaming before. “We’re going to stand up, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

The villain sways on his feet as the hero pulls him up, a slight stagger almost taking them both down. “Oup,” he says with a short breath of a laugh.

“Okay,” the hero says again, more to themself than to the villain. “Let’s get you fixed.”

The hero walks the villain all the way to the hospital, the journey slow and full of close encounters with the pavement, and makes themself at home in his hospital room.

The villain would never do the same for the hero. They’re a villain. Obviously. That’s why the hero is the good guy. They'd expect nothing less.

But when the villain wakes up properly, coherent and all-there, the first thing out of their mouth is an absolutely seething, entirely genuine “thank you.”

[doodledrawsthings]

Opinions on the Sols from Nine Sols immediately. Please. Your au is delish.

Keep in mind these are my very off-the-top-of-my-head, surface level impressions of them after having recently beaten the game on story mode once, while streaming. I won’t be giving any deep analysis or anything lol so the tone will be pretty jokey and unserious.

MAJOR major Nine Sols spoilers under the cut. Please do not read if you haven’t finished the game.

Kuafu: second favorite character. I love him so much. He’s such a pal, everybody likes him. Hou Yi left him as the final sun standing after shooting down the other nine cuz he’s just a stand up guy. The fact that he’s the one who pled keep Abacus around and set his settings to High Sympathy and kept coming in to talk to him out of guilt over what happened to Yi kills me. Smart, silly, handsome, the last remaining Solarian in existence and he can never go home for the remainder of his life. He’s my ride or die bestie, he’s one of my several husbands who babysit my little brother while I go off on a revenge murder spree and I’m kissing him on the mouth.

Goumang: I like her design and concepts and think she’s a fun character. She was the first boss I fought and i thought she was pretty fun, though I didn’t find the fight as memorable as others. I wish she had more presence throughout the game, I heard from a friend she had some more stuff that was cut apparently? Curious about her rivalry with Yi and relationship with Eigong. And since Yi technically never killled her I’ve considered including her in the Dont Worry About It AU.

Yanlao: Grampa!! I think he and Yi’s back and forth throughout the warehouse area was pretty funny. I was so ready to kick his ass the entire time, especially after the segment where he’s shooting at you as you navigate a maze. Loved his bossfight, first fight of the first three i started with where I really felt the parry/dodge/attack rhythm for the first time. Rip gramps.

Jiequan: BASTARD!! (Half-affectionate but only half) he’s giving Fruity Disney Villain Who Flirts With You As He Stabs You In The Chest. He sucks <3 but he’s such a FUN character, what a great antagonist. His fake out fight is so intense, the prison scene is so intense, his boss fight kicked my ass and his theme goes hard. He’s a war criminal, he’s a freak, he looks like All Might MHA and he regularly irradiates himself as part of his body building routine. “Heroes are forged in agony!” 10/10 Disney villain, very stylish. Defeating him was so satisfying especially after the Kanghui fight in the prison and learning what happened with THAT horror show.

Lady Ethereal: I LOVE HER!! SO MUCH!!! UGH!!! she makes me so sad! But everything about her is SO cool! Her fate! Her backstory!! Her design! Her boss fight! Her entire platforming area!!! Just!!! Aah! I won’t say too much but it’s just so good she had my favorite fight in the game, the dance for that one is so much fun. I was streaming the game on discord for my partner and another friend and when we first went into the cortex, she was like “oh you should keep going left and see what’s over there ;)” and then I did and just!!! So cool that Red Candle started off making horror games, it’s really great. Love it. Awesome character, awesome boss, awesome theme.

Fuxi and Nuwa: Rich asshole twins!! These two suck lol but I do think they’re fun characters. The entire empyrean district is experiencing a resident evil style zombie infection and Nuwa is throwing a rager at the club for the rich cryosleepers only. It’s really eerie over there though, I love the vibe of the east side and the discovery of the mutants and destruction of the west half is spooky as hell. And then I got to the area where you get Fuxi’s sol seal and didn’t even notice he was sitting there until my partner pointed him out. I thought he was furniture lol. She’s really puppeting around her brother’s pustule-riddled zombie corpse Weekend at Bernie’s style cuz she’s that much in denial. Also absolutely horrifying that the district supposedly once held 100,000 sleeping solarians that is whittled down to 300 after the mutated virus wreaks havoc through the area. Personally, I’m mixed on their bossfight, the first half with just Fuxi was fun once I got the rhythm but the 2nd half when Nuwa comes in with her attacks gets a bit too chaotic for me. Their boss theme, however, is probably my favorite in the game. I love the opera samples, it’s so cool.

Ji: I think about them a lot. Like, wow what a guy. I think a lot about his immortality, and that if he had not left Penglai with the council he would have been stuck there, alone for eternity. I think about the fact that because they will never get Tianhuo, there would be no need for them to be in cryosleep, which probably means that in the 502 years that Yi was recovering, he was probably up and about the entire time, probably wandering around new Kunlun mostly alone. I wonder if they ever hung out with the dusk guardians, or if they just stayed in the grotto for the most part. Their boss fight felt the most like a dance to me, or like friends sparring. Do you think they thought of Lear as you attacked them with the moves he taught you in the spiritual realm? He makes me sad, but he is very stylish!

Eigong: FUCK HER! SHES SO COOL, BUT FUCK HER!!! EVIL GRANDMA! this games story is like peeling back an onion of horrors where each layer you peel back brings new, mortifying understanding of the situation at large until it ALL. COMES BACK. TO HER! AND HER FRUITLESS PURSUIT OF IMMORTALITY! Her boss fight KICKED MY ASS. I was streaming my first playthrough, so I was already prone to doing worse than I probably would without an audience (emphasis on probably) but in my first attempt I was fighting her for like 6 HOURS STRAIGHT. And for the true ending too, which meant three boss phases. I just could not get her pattern down and my hands were cramping but i really wanted to finish the game that weekend so I could finally talk about it so I ended up turning up the accessibility options to one punch man her. I did eventually go back and do her fight by myself with the story mode settings and MAN what a fun boss battle once you get the dance down (I’m still so bad at unbound counter), and it is SO satisfying to beat. Incredible character, we love fictional old women who commit atrocities in the name of science.

Yi: and finally we have the man, the myth, the legend. I could probably write a whole separate post about him and Heng and his relationships with the other characters but to keep it short- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! BUT IM ALSO BITING HIM AND PUTTING HIM IN A BLENDER AND RUNNING HIM THROUGH THE DISHWASHER AND HANGING HIM UP TO DRY. Just UGH! It’s not common for the main character of a thing to be my favorite character but Yi is my favorite character. It’s the fact that he is his own character, and we, the player, must gradually find out things that HE already knows. And his budding and flowering relationships with the other characters, especially those who set up shop in the pavillion which leads into his character development is just AUGH. AND THE ENDINGS. YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT GHE ENDINGS. THEYRE GOOD BUT AUGH. I love him, I’m rotating him in my mind on a skewer, he’s my little manlet, my poor little “I’m not a good person” shadow the hedgehog energy meow meow cat boy. I love him so much, I’m so distraught over his terrible life choices. Incredible character.

Ok hope that was entertaining to read, bye.

[jewish-vents]

thank you for this account. i really need to get this off of my chest.

i hate how oblivious anti zionist and non zionist jews are. i really do. i hate how they act because so much of it is insane peer pressure from goyim and they can’t even see it. if they keep going on like this, nothing will be left of them. i am genuinely concerned for them, even though i resent them sometimes. you know, for speaking on my behalf and over me because their voice matters not mine, for being so condescending and heartless towards the “bad” jews who they can end up being labeled as any day now, for not caring about themselves and their community, the list goes on…but they are people, they are family no matter what happens and i don’t want any of us to get hurt even when it’s by our own actions.

jumblr has its problems but it’s home. when i go on my main blog and i see all the jews i follow (they run aesthetic blogs that are art focused etc), all of whom have turned their backs on the jewish community in order to show “true” allegiance to palestine, all of whom constantly talk about jumblr like we’re all nazis (they have no idea i’m a part of jumblr and i know i can’t tell them, too unsafe) because they consider us to be worse than nazis, all of whom interact with antisemites openly and proudly (the popular blogs who won’t stop harassing jews on jumblr) and even defend them, i’m scared for these jews. they’re the jews filling up pro palestine protests, ignoring antisemitism directed at themselves and other jews, making palestine about them (phrases like not in our name are so narcissistic because palestinians are dying and you’re focused on the fact that it “makes you look bad”..seriously? and zionist jews are the bad guys to you???), their support for palestine hinges on the fact that they want to be saviors and the good guys not genuine care for human lives, these are things they make bonds with gentiles with, that is destined to kill them. you make bonds with people over moral narcissism and it’s going to slowly kill you. and i’m so scared for them. they have no idea, they live their lives normally (or as normally as they can) because zionist jews, proud jews, jews who aren’t assimilated, jews who have a meaningful connection to the jewish community/judaism, who are frum, we are the ones currently suffering. these jews on tumblr who hate jumblr because we’re the worst of the worst to them, they use judaism as an aesthetic, they use yiddish to feel cool and special, they brag about jewish leftism (and dead jews! like it’s a badge of honor!!!) because that’s the reason their mutuals think they should live, they reblog aesthetic images and content of judaism but nothing substantial. they refuse to talk about israeli history because it’s “inherently evil” but israeli history is jewish history, mizrahi history especially. (off topic but truthfully, you cannot have any meaningful relationship to judaism/the jewish community without caring about israel…half of the world’s jewish population lives there, most mizrahim live there, it is our homeland and even if you pretend that there’s only eretz yisrael, you are denying jewish history and experiences because medinat yisrael is extremely important, there’s no way around this…) not to mention, judaism and jews are flawed. if the flaws of medinat yisrael has you this defeated and running away so cowardly, then you’ll never actually care about judaism. saying “not in our name” has some element of denial because these jews go on to say that israel doesn’t speak for them. but what if it does? israel is the only jewish country, it represents us whether we like it or not. “it is in our name and it’s wrong” vs “not in our name” are two different things: one admits it, the other denies and refuses accountability.

anyways sorry for the lecture, i really care about us, i care about my people, i want us to do better.

everyone always talks about antisemitism towards zionist jews (rightfully so!) but the state of anti zionist jews is very sad.

all the jews on my main blog turned anti zionist overnight. you go on their blogs and they have a bunch of “zionist coded” posts from the past, some of them spoke about antisemitism constantly pre october 7th and haven’t said a word since, some of them started speaking on antisemitism only when it’s time to say it’s watered down, meaningless, not real, at least half of them don’t reblog anything jewish anymore and the ones who do ensure they only reblog things that say NOT IN OUR NAME!!!! and antisemitism doesn’t exist btw from fairuzfan and those who do reblog jewish stuff only ever reblog from notorious jew fakers / self hating jews who work alongside those jew fakers or popular blogs that make a living out of attacking jews on jumblr…this is just the tip of the iceberg. and it’s so dangerous, for all of us yes but especially for themselves. they are burning themselves dry with this behavior. sometimes it’s obvious they are desperate to never get that bad jew title because i’m sure they’ve seen what happens to us bad jews even though they’ll publicly deny it. it’s obsessive, they are constantly trying to remind people of their humanity, one person uses hebrew for tags and they have “NOT A ZIONIST” in their bio to avoid antisemitism. the others hate hebrew because zionist so they use yiddish all the time instead. if they do use hebrew, you can tell they put in overtime on their blog to not come across as a zionist because they know the treatment they’ll get. but when they do get falsely accused THEY BLAME EVERY SINGLE JEW THEY CAN THINK OF, ZIONIST JEWS, ISRAELI JEWS, JUMBLR, THE JEW WHO RESURRECTED HEBREW.

that’s the worst part, they refuse to hold goyim accountable. they’ll go on and on about how this is the fault of bad jews and trauma dump about their shitty jewish parents who want palestine bombed and this is bibi’s fault and this is why no jew should celebrate purim because it’s deeply racist (the racism: persians being portrayed as antisemitic which they were…) but all the arab antisemites they follow on tumblr who constantly talk about how israelis should die and be genocided and israel shouldn’t exist are somehow angels and their asshole family members are worse than nazis (who knew jews could be flawed and assholes?).

all these anti zionist jews i follow don’t ever talk about current antisemitism. they’ll go on about the holocaust when it’s time to compare it to the nakba (or when it’s time for holocaust inversion because for some reason leftist jews live off of holocaust inversion) or maybe when it’s time to fetishized the good jews who are all dead now (only the evil ones remain, evil for surviving and living) and they’ll only remember holocaust survivors when it’s time to tokenize them or fetishize them, but not a word on synagogues being bombed or jews regularly being killed “in the name of palestine” (a lot of the times by palestinians themselves!). the only antisemitism i see some of them speak about are in fact that “antisemitism” of anti zionist jews who support terrorist groups being deported for it or punished. but that’s why they can live normally: they are sacrificing themselves in order to not be harmed. and they don’t even realize it. they can’t talk about antisemitism in the spaces that they’re in, even if they wanted to. i saw a few aesthetic art blogs run by anti zionist jewish women getting antisemitic hate mail and they weren’t even that mad. they didn’t even say much about it. they moved on. like they’re used to it. but they have all the energy for other jews. this is scary and dangerous.

.

[brucewaynehater101]

I really like the Batfam time travel fanfic, and the future itself is not a straight line; like in the comics where we saw Batman!Tim as evil. So despite all the futures that the Batfamily has seen, they will never expect to have a good future where their family, despite adversity, is still united. The time traveler on this occasion would be Terry McGinnis who was on a mission that was more than it seemed and managed to take refuge with the Batfamily of the present. Let's say that misunderstandings happen, more because Terry can't reveal things from the future so maybe he says things halfway (he could have let them slip) that can be interpreted as the family being fragmented, that Damian became the demon head or that even Tim has gone crazy and has become the Joker (The incident of the return of the Joker happens as in the canon, the truth is Tim could have DID as you mentioned in some question; I have read that it is a treatable mental illness without a cure and they can live a normal life depending on the patient, why throwing him into Arkham without further ado would feel like they simply abandoned him)

So the bad guys on duty are creating their plan (Maybe a way to eradicate the bat clan from the roots? but now I would have to go where Terry is) And suddenly the batfamily of the future appears to the rescue, but they are not alone, members that they have never seen also appear (will new vigilantes appear over time? The children of the batkids/grandchildren/great-grandchildren of bruce/alfred from the future? who knows…) and then they get defeated and taken back to their time… the older generation stays behind for a while to see the new batman; the present batfam expects to see conflict and discord between them, especially from Tim and Damian (Tim for the aforementioned and Damian apparently wears the demon head clothes… actually let's just say Tim and Damian had a very… explosive brotherly bond… and he got to keep things) but in the end all is well they were just worried about their second youngest brother (Matt McGinnis was with them as Robin). You see these elderly Batkids are quite united with their own more than ever and their bonds are strong, their bodies filled with scars that they have never had or would have (Also to note that in the BB comics Dick lost his left eye) they looked like veteran soldiers… no… they looked like they were great warriors who have overcome all adversity. Maybe even some old relationships have become stronger… Timsteph

And they are grateful that one of their own was taken care of and they go back home…

Hi 👋 I was so excited when I saw Terry as the one doing the time traveling. Idk enough about him, but I still adore him. He's hilarious and witty and just the right touch of sardonic from what I've seen of his interactions with Joker!Tim.

Anyways, you are absolutely correct that Tim should feel abandoned if his family just sticks him in Arkham after the JJ incident. Whether or not Tim does have DID or a related disorder (and friendly reminder that these disorders often get incorrect/inadequate/harmful characterizations so I refrain from detailing anyone as such. Also, no diagnosis can make someone "good" or "bad" [particularly indicating APSD, NPD, or other villainized conditions]), his struggles could represent someone with DID or related disorders. I say he may not have it due to the chip or whatever injecting him with Joker's personality. Since it's not natural, I'm not sure it qualifies even if it functionally affects him like such.

Regardless, him being shucked off to Arkham would feel like being abandoned. Although every single situation is different, I imagine Tim would have the energy and mental capacity to work with his affliction to lead a relatively independent life (and this is no shade to anyone who doesn't have this capacity and may require long-term hospitalization).

I got side tracked. Let's continue! I would love AUs where Damian becomes the Demon Head but still maintains a friendly relationship with his family (particularly if he reforms the LoA to focus more on their OG goals over world domination/murder).

For the scenario you're describing, let me make sure I'm understanding correctly:

Terry goes back into the past to strengthen family bonds w/o telling them

During a major battle, more future batfam travel to the past

Due to Terry's interfering, this batfam is closer than Terry's was

There are also a lot more of them due to batkids starting their own families

Damian and Tim in particular are vastly different and concerned about each other

The different Bats chat with each other for comparison's sake

Terry goes home with these Bats

I'm curious if Terry's memories get rewritten or get additional memories to account for how much has changed when he goes back

[gingernut1314]

My...Purpose?

Summary: Just a few of my thoughts on Polnareff's life (I have more just wanted to put this bit to start)

Content: JJBA part 3 spoilers (Sherry, deaths), JJBA part 5 spoilers (in regard to Stands, the Boss, Polnareff's ending), kinda just general thoughts about polnareff's life, its angsty

Word Count: 470+

A/N: I've had these thoughts in my mind for a while now and it was my intention to write a little drabble in regard to them, but I feel like that might never happen so I would like the put them out there and if I do end up writing the drabble/one-shot, then perfect! two fics lol. I hope you all enjoy!

↞ to Jjba Masterlist | Request Rules | Blog Navigation ↠

Polnareff raised Sherry

Their mom died when Sherry was a baby and Polnareff was really young

Their father was never truly in the picture

Just barely there enough to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs

Until he left them all together leaving Polnareff the sole caretaker of Sherry

He spent most of his life working

He didn’t care about his education enough to decline a shift or seek higher education

All he cared about was making sure he could keep their house and keep Sherry fed, clothed, and as happy as she could be

He poured his whole life into taking care of her 

So when she died, it broke him

He left heartbroken

He felt lost

Just completely and utterly alone

He thought of nothing else besides getting revenge on the person who hurt her and took her from him

So when he finally gets his revenge, he feels lost again

Alone

So he poured his heart and energy into this fight against DIO 

But when DIO is defeated 

And everyone goes their separate ways 

He begins to feel lost and alone once more

A drift with nowhere to go

We know he went back home to France, 

but I think he didn’t even step inside his childhood home

It would be too painful

So I think he travels around the world under the guise of “finding other Stand Users” 

Maybe to train them

Maybe to make sure they don’t use their power for evil

But he really has no purpose in life after everything is said and done

Going back to school?

Getting a job?

No

No that’s just not on the table anymore

He can’t just sit still anymore

So when he finds out about the Stand Arrows

He latches onto that thread and follows it as far as it goes

It doesn’t matter that it brings him toe to toe with Diavolo

It doesn’t matter that his body is broken

It doesn’t matter his friend left him in Italy with no hope of escape

Because he can now pour his life and soul into stopping some grand evil once more

And he doesn’t have to live alone with his thoughts about Sherry and Kakyoin and Avdol and Iggy

So no, it doesn’t matter to him that he’s killed

Doesn’t matter that he possesses a turtle

As long as they get the bad guy

As long as he doesn’t have to think about the people he’s lost

But after Diavolo is gone? 

He begins to feel that lost feeling all over again

But he joins Giorno

Is glad to become his right-hand man and help run this grand mafia operation

Because he’ll do or be anything

As long as he doesn’t have to think about the past

As long as he’s not alone again

[kino-der-joon]

Yo, I was just wondering what you think of Monty and the shadowman as characters and their roles? Sorry if you answered this before, but I just want to see some other opinions on them. I mostly just fuck with their apothicon forms.

💫 Hello hello!! ✨

✨I’ve seen you in my notifs, welcome to the ask box!! I hope it’s comfy in there!! ✨ Even if I’ve been asked something before, I’m more than happy to yap about it again, so don’t you worry!! Let’s get to answering !! ✨

💫 So!! I actually really like Dr. Monty as a character! I know he’s not all “good,” and I like that because it means his rivalry with the Shadowman has a bit more depth than just ‘good and evil.’ But, let’s get a bit further into it!

✨ Dr. Monty, despite appearing so old, actually reads as quite childish to me. His goal on revelations is to restore his perfect little world. His ‘perfect little world’ is one free from anything remotely negative, one that stays stationary with peace. He even says once the shadow man is defeated on Revelations, he can start ‘making it all nice again.’ He doesn’t want to ‘fix’ things or banish the bad things away for good, he just wants to ‘make it all nice.’ Anything he doesn’t approve of is cast away into a dark corner of history to be dealt with by someone else, it’s a very childish way to maintain peace. His childish solutions to problems don’t end there though, even some of his past attempts at helping humanity were childish. He makes an app that tracks if people have had a good or bad day, watering down all of life’s day to day struggles to a simplistic button push- No wonder he felt depressed with the results! ✨

💫 Dr. Monty also doesn’t have the strongest morals. He wants to be good, but when things don’t go his way he’s downright monstrous. When he discovers that Primis, Ultimis and Maxis are going behind his back, he kills Maxis on the spot ruthlessly. He can also be vicious with his words, like telling Primis after all that fighting to save Agartha:

“You snowflakes shouldn’t even still be here, you should be fading out of existence by now.” - Dr. Monty, Revelations.

💫 He isn’t human, so he doesn’t have a concept of empathy, but his actions show that he at least tries to air on the side of good- Even if he seems to be annoyed by free will.

“…You guys and your bloody free will. What to do? …What to do?” - Dr. Monty, Revelations.

💫 Don’t take what I’m saying as an insult to him though, I LOVE these things about him! ‘Good Vs Bad’ is never cut and dry, it’s never simple, and him being the way he is reflects that perfectly!

💫 So, now I suppose we move on to…The other one. I won’t lie to you, I am very biased towards Primis Richtofen and The Shadowman is the whole reason Primis Richtofen dies in BOTD. Do I think that The Shadowman is equally as interesting as Dr. Monty? Yes I do! Do I believe he’s a well written villain? Absolutely! He often downplays his power or plays the victim in order to manipulate people to do what he wants them to do. He’ll even let people belive that he’s even more powerful than he is, like how he plays along with The Warden’s delusions about him while aiming to turn Alcatraz into a pocket dimension of horrors. ✨

✨ But do I like him? ✨

💫 If I ever saw him in real life face to face, I would be the reason grandad needs a hip replacement. I would perfect the delicate art of dentistry with a baseball bat and hit a home run with his back teeth. Apothicon form be damned, I’d turn his ass into calimari. I would wipe the floor with his smug wrinkly face- By the time I’d be finished with the old man, they’d be drafting a new law into place named after ME. There seems to be some hints that he might be coming back in the new zombies lore and he’s kept his distance so far bc he KNOWS BETTER. I could never see his face again and it would still be too soon. He might be the ‘One and only original harbinger of doom,’ but I PROMISE you that’s only because he hasn’t met ME. 👏👏👏👏💫

✨ … Ahem. I mean-

Yeah, he’s alright I guess /j✨

💫 Thank you so much for your question and I hope this was a fun little read!! ✨

✨ NEXT! > ⭐️

[the-real-treasure]

Treasure Treasure!

An OPLA Sanji x Reader

Master List Here

Previous Chapter: Treasure Troves in Orange Groves

Chapter Ten: Poisson d'Arlong

Summary: The Strawhat Crew fight to protect their navigator and to avenge her dream against a scaled tyrant. After that evil is defeated, another emerges to teach them the true dangers of what they've set out to do.

Trigger Warnings: Tattoos, needles, childhood trauma, overstimulation, blood, sort of cannabilism? Reader imagines torturing and eating Arlong so take that as you will, fire, violence, threats and descriptions of violence, murder, Reader's Devil Fruit power is overwhelming and overstimulating, being dowsed in sea water is akin to being drugged Word Count: 9,330 **Edited: 20/09/24**

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The way Nami describes getting her tattoo makes your skin crawl and you curl your hands with the desire to peel the flesh away from your bones to ease the discomfort. She was only little, the baby-faced tangerine head you saw from her memories, bound up in that dark dank room day after day to draw maps for a man who held nothing but vitriol in his heart for any human in the world. You don’t remember gaining your tattoos, their origins now even shakier in your mind then they had been growing up with the involvement of Roku.

Nami talked quietly, very unlike the snarky snappishness you were used to from your only female crewmate and the affect Arlong had on her when he wasn’t even present made your stomach roll and the energy in your chest quiver and roil as the rage built in you. You want to descale and broil him in butter, cream some potatoes and serve him on a bed of steam veggies. Or ask Sanji to do it so you don’t burn everything to a crispy husk. She was still wearing Luffy’s hat as you all made it to the remnants of the village, her shoulder wrapped to protect the torn skin of where she had driven the blade into it.

The buildings were wholly gutted by the flames the fishman pirates had set, shells of the foundations and support beams left empty and barren. The ground was black with ash and soot and the air stank of wet cinders from the villagers’ desperate attempts to douse the flames. Despite their best effort, the village was still reduced to nothing but ashen ruins.

“Arlong did this?” Sanji is staring around aghast as the rest of you at the destruction. “Why?” Nami’s throat bobs as she looks around her.

“To punish the villagers. And to punish me.” You run your knuckles gently up and down the length of her injured arm. You don’t know if it does anything, but you hope the small comfort offers her some relief as the villagers, led by Nojiko and Genzo, come to meet you all. “What’s going on?” Her hand grabs a hold of your wrists and squeezes it tightly, nails digging in more desperately than they did in Buggy’s big top.

“Nojiko told us about your sacrifice. We didn’t know. Can you ever forgive us?” Her hand grips tighter.

“There’s nothing to forgive. Coco Village is my home.”

“Then it’s our turn to sacrifice. We’re done living in fear. We’re gonna march on Arlong Park. If those fishmen want a fight-” Nami interrupts, voice desperate.

“That’s not a fight, that’s a massacre. You will all be killed.”

“And I’m sure that’s exactly what Arlong wants.” Your voice is a low mutter, but Nami gestures at you in agreement.

“If there’s no hope for us to buy our freedom, then I say we die trying to fight for it!” The villagers cheer and raise their weapons as Nami watches them all hopelessly.

“No, everyone please! No, I-I won’t let you do that.” The cheering cuts of abruptly as they all look at her, “This is my fight.”

“No.” Luffy’s voice is sharp and serious from beside Nami. “This is our fight. Right guys?”

“Finally I get to cut something.” Zoro’s voice is monotone as always while Usopp worries beside him.

“But how are we gonna beat Arlong? We saw what he did at Baratie.”

“Grilling would probably work. Or boiling.” You answer simply and Sanji looks down at you with a confused smile, “What? It’s, like, the easiest way to prepare fish?”

“Every creature has a weakness.” Zoro sort of agrees with you, “Maybe Nakayoshi has a point.”

“You can just call me Y/n.”

“No. It’s a matter of principal now.” Usopp cuts through your glare.

“Even bulletproof ones?”

“I’ll know it when I see it.” Luffy’s voice has lost the harshness, but he is no less confident as he speaks, “And when I do… I won’t hesitate.”

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The fishmen are busy carting about crates and boxes before the explosions go off. Large puffs of thick white smoke begin to pour through the air of Arlong Park. Luffy kicks open the barred gate with no issue, leading the other six of you in to the fray as the smoke begins to clear.

“Fishmen!” One you remember from Baratie yells out to the rest of the park, “Stand by to repel boarders!”

You all ready yourselves for the fight. Luffy cracks his knuckles as Zoro unsheathes the Wado Ichimonji, Sanji pulls back one leg and Usopp draws his slingshot. You drop your chains from their homes in your arms, the weight clunking at your feet.

“Where’s Arlong?”

“He’s probably in the map room.” Nami is the only one not to pull a weapon and Luffy looks back at her.

“Then that’s where we’re going.” They take off for the map room and Usopp darts for the rocks to your left for a higher vantage point, leaving you in between Sanji and Zoro in front of the wooden gates as the fishmen charge.

Sanji and Zoro leap into action, swinging and kicking at the fishmen as they advance. You wind back, long lengths of chain clinking against each other as you crack them across scaley backs, heads and shoulders, leaving stinging red burns on their skin.

You crack your chain whips through the rock bridge Luffy and Nami had crossed, barely missing Zoro as he ducks away continuing to fight, and the collision knocks substantial chunks from the yellow stone, leaving them to tumble messily into the water.

Your chains wind around the legs of one fishman as he leaps across to the stone platform Zoro is standing on. You land on his shoulders and dig your nails in, tearing out chunks of scaley skin and fishy flesh as he screams and topples. You hop off at the very last moment, the saltiness in the air enough of a warning for you to avoid the water, and you land beside the boys again as the liquid turns a murky red, your hands now dripping in blood. Zoro is already turning on Sanji, who had apparently stolen a kill from him.

“I had that one.”

“If you had him, I wouldn’t have got him.”

“Boys, you’re both very pretty, can we stay focused on the matter at hand please?” Sanji smirks cheekily at you.

“Oh you think I’m pretty.”

“They only said that to save you dignity, don’t get a big head.” Zoro snarks and then points the tip of his katana to your nose, “You, don’t give him a big head.”

“Stop calling me Nakayoshi.”

“No.”

“Then no. Sanji you look beautiful in this lighting!”

The blonde man cackles as more fishmen begin to spill out from deeper in the park, roaring and yelling as they come. Several dive into the water around you, and each of the three of you take off in a different direction, Sanji to your left, Zoro to your right and you move back across the inlaid boulders towards the main gates.

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You can hear the boys across the pond bantering as two fishmen leap out of the water at you, darting in and out so much you have to spin to keep up. They bob in and out, swiping and clawing at your skin, the salt water seeping into the wounds making you groggy and filling your head with sawdust and cotton.

“You look tired!” Sanji spins and knocks two fishmen down with his outstretched leg, and you have to refocus your brain as he flips his hair dramatically. “Maybe you should take a break.” Zoro stands from his kneeling position and easily incapacitates a fishman sneaking behind. One of your two manages to land a full faceful of salt water right at you, leaving you dripping and even more dazed than before.

“Maybe you oughta get back in the kitchen.”

“Quit screwing around! Luffy needs us!” Sanji and Zoro slice down the fishmen around them as the two you were fighting duck back below the water, your form swaying and off-balance.

“You just got here, you don’t know what Luffy needs.”

“I know he needs my cooking.”

“You mean putting two slices of bread together?” A cackle resounds from the bag as they both turn to glare at it.

“Uh-oh someone’s feeling threatened!”

“Shut up!” The roar is instantaneous from both of them, hatred for the clown swelling.

“Then get me back to my body! We’re close. I can feel my toes! Trust me. I can help you guys win this thing!”

Their attention diverts, though, as you scream angrily, both fishmen once again popping up and away again, now even further into the small lagoon pool. With a roar, you swing both your chains up and over your head, before slamming down full force across the surface of the water. The force sends waves lapping to the tiles sides, but neither chain sinks.

Instead, the water around them begins to bubble and froth ferociously, your own anger overheating as the fishmen still in the pool watch the surface as it foams and rages. With a roar you, lift them again, slamming the chains into the water again and again, steam beginning to rise from it and fishmen begin to pinken and let out gurgling screams as the surface, in a moment of sheer lack of ability, ignites in a roaring azure inferno, sending several of the fishmen who weren’t as deep, shooting out of the scalding water, sides dripping with molten liquid as their skin bubbles and peels with blisters.

Both men from your crew back away from the inferno, and watch, slightly terrified as your figure emerges from the flames, eyes boiling and chains ablaze, the metal white-hot. Heat washes over them from the fire as it splutters boiling hot water across the tile around them.

The bag around Sanji’s neck continues to shake and plea to be reunited with his body and you join the other two in glaring at it.

“I swear, clown, if you screw us over…”

“We have a currently on-fire pool of saltwater I don’t think any of us will mind using to give you a dip.” As Sanji upends the bag on to the ground at his feet, Buggy’s head spends no time in zipping right back to himself and making himself whole again in the shooting gallery.

“Yes!” He unattaches his hands and hops down from the prize board giddily. “YES! Oh, it’s so much better than I even remembered.” As he spots the three of you glaring at him, he stops clutching at himself and, after a moment of staring in shock at the burning pool, instead chooses to shoot you all the double bird. “Hey, so um, I’m gonna get outta here.”

“Into the pool, I think.”

“Hey!” Your suggestion was ignored as Zoro barks after him.

“Sorry kiddos! I’d love to make things right, but it’s time to exit stage left.” AS he prances up the stairs away from you all you call out behind him.

“JUST BECAUSE THAT WAS FUNNY DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE NOT RIGHTFULLY PISSED!” You screamed after his retreating figure who shoots you a thumbs up at the compliment. “NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I WILL KILL YOU! THAT’S A PROMISE!”

“Fucking clown.” Zoro swears behind you.

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“How dare you strike down my brothers?” You all peer through the flame as another two fishmen you recognise from Baratie storm in through the wide open gates. “You won’t be so lucky against the might of my fishman karate." The bluer one raises his hand, curling it into a fist as he levels it at the three of you.

"And my fishman judo." The orange and brown one spoke as well, long barbed tail whipping behind him as he dropped into a half squat. Sanji snarls at them, and with a yell they leap into the still flaming pool, scalding hot water pinkening their skin as they torpedo towards you three, and as the blue one leaps from the scalding water, its spouts out with him, showering you all in boiling water as he lunges at Sanji, who he lands on with a wet slam, sending them back several feet, the scalding water already cooling.

The brown-orange one lands upright by you, and you can make out fully now he resembles some kind of ray or skate, face flat and mouth snarling at you. With a yell, you swing your chains at his head. He catches them, and using your momentum and a raised leg, sends you plummeting face first in the still salty wet tiles around you. The other one straddles the blonde man in a choke, Zoro attacks his back, though he easily catches the katana and pushes him away, sending Zoro careening backwards.

You right yourself and dodge around Zoro and the fishman as they trade blows, scampering over to Sanji, who is still laid out prone on the ground. Helping him off the ground, you turn as Zoro is kicked away from the fight and whip your chains out to strike the advancing ray fishman. He catches them on his forearm and the wind around and around it, leaving raised, scorching burns on his already pinkish skin, leaving blisters all in their wake. He roars at you, tugging on the chains to send you flying across the burning pool and into the rock formations past it. Sanji jumps into the fight after shouting your name, kicking and spinning to try and knock the brute off his feet, as his eyes searched the thick steam to catch sight of you, just barely doing so before being sent flying himself.

All three of you grunt as you try to stand, Zoro and Sanji much closer to your joint opponent as you had been thrown on a harsher curve, leaving your chains to trail in the water.

"You're no match for me. My kicks can break a ship's keel." You scoff at the fishman as you hear Sanji reply as he attempts to stand.

"That's nothing." His voice is incredibly strained. "You should have seen Zeff's kicks when he found an eggshell in the crème brûlée."

"Or when I got the wrong wine delivered that shithead in Shells Town when he first let me do the stock orders by myself." Zoro groaned at the pair of you.

"I get it. Zeff was mean to you. Boo-hoo." With a grunt, the blue fishman runs at the now standing Sanji, kicking him square in the chest and sending him flipping head over heels on to the ground again. 

Zoro is sent spinning into the wall beside you two, you propped up against it as the salt water steam clatters about in your lungs, making you woozy once again. The fishmen stand side-by-side, glaring down at you all.

"Nami is a fool to have her faith in such weak compatriots." Your mind feels like its floating in soup but a grimace still curls on your lips as you stand straight.

"Don't you ever," you snarl, "bad mouth my friends." Sanji joins you, shucking off his jacket and standing beside you.

"And don't think I'm gonna let you get away with hurting my fut-" the words catch in his throat and he awkwardly reshapes them as they fall from his mouth "-favourite person." Zoro stares at him dolefully at the pathetic save, but you hardly notice the mocking glare he throws the blonde as you square up to the fishmen before you.

"Now you've done it." You both leap forward, striking your respective fishmen.

"Côtelette!" Sanji yells as he kicks the blue fishman's side harshly, and you match him with a schring-ing swipe of your chains and a shout of "Cófra!" The shouts and hits continue to match in tandem with each other, the pair of you moving in sync as you had for years.

"Collier!" A strike to the collar bone as you hit with a spinning whack across the stomach "Boilg!"

"Épaule!" A spinning kick from the ground connects with his shoulder as you scream out "Cosa!" and sweep the legs and tail from underneath your foe.

"Poitrine!" Pushing himself up and into the fishman, Sanji sends him back with a full kick to the chest as you roll out your chains and lash your chains across his face and neck "Ceann !"

Both fishman get pushed back with a snarl, but you weren't about to let them start the fight again after getting their breaths back. Looking to Sanji, he gives you a nod and you both launch forward in your finishing moves.

"Mouton Shot!"

"Slabhra Stór!"

With a well placed kick, Sanji launches the fishman back over the bar counter, knocking him into and through the wood. You join him, slamming your chains down in an X shape onto the other, sending him flying through the now cascading debris. Zoro comes up behind you as you both right yourselves, and you find yourself still wobbly from the sea water steam still lingering in the air around you.

"Mouton Shot? Slabhra Stór?"

"I told you before," You reply drearily, and Sanji finishes for you, hand resting on your back and pulling your lolling head to his shoulder.

"All great fighters call out their finishing moves."

"Yeah, you're gonna fit in just fine." A manic screaming echoes through the front gates as Usopp rounds them, slingshot armed and at the ready.

"NEVER FEAR, THE GREAT CAPtain Usopp is..." he looks around at the dozens of fishmen bodies scattered across the ground by your trio, completely missing the fire pool still burning away. "...is... Oh. You guys did pretty good in here. Good job guys."

"Thanks Usopp." You shoot him a drowsy thumbs up and he points to you.

"What's with them?"

"Must be the salt water." Sanji replies, still holding you close to him as he fans the air around you to rid it of excess steam. Zoro and Usopp exchange smirks at the position, "It's sort of like getting drunk, except you just go weak and sleepy everytime." 

You blink back to full consciousness as the tinkling sounds echo out from the tall main building behind the park. Sanji lets you stand yourself as he spreads his arms out happily at the sight of the running red head approaching. You barely catch his cheer of "NAMI!" as she barrels past him, looping you, Usopp and Zoro into a tight hug.

"You're all okay!" You snigger slightly as Sanji's face sours and his arms drop back to his sides. "What happened, why-" she stops and registers the mass of flames surrounding you all. Usopp finally registers it too and peers at you confused.

“Why is the water on fire?” the pair are now staring worriedly at the flickering flames, the water level having diminished with the rising steam, but the flames no less brilliant. You don't look behind you, so you don't see as Sanji pulls his hand across his neck to signal for them to stop asking.

“Look, we all know I can’t cook, but that doesn’t mean I can’t boil a few fish when needed.” You chirp smugly. You look back just as he stops, smiling innocently down at you. Nami and Usopp give you shaky smiles when you turn back to them with a large proud smile. "We have already established, I possess an extreme lack of skill in the kitchen, so I will graciously allow Sanji to continue in the role of head chef of the Straw Hats." You wave graciously to the blonde as he swipes at you with his foot, catching the back of your ankle and nearly knocking you off balance. "Hey!"

"Where's Luffy?" You all look to the slowly crumbling building.

"Still inside, fighting Arlong."

"He's gonna be alright." As Usopp opens his mouth, the entire building begins to shudder and groan, the bells on each corner ringing with each wobble. "Right?"

You all watch with horror as the building begins to implode and collapse, dust sweeping over you as rubble crumbles down the sides. Nami lets out a terrified scream of "LUFFY!" as each level collapses down on to the one below, the building completely destroyed in seconds.

There are several moments of silence as the dust settles and debris falls further, scattering across the ground as it falls down the uneven ledges left from the collapse.

Your crew holds their breath as one for a moment.

And then two.

In the third, a rumble shakes the main mound of dirt and dust, and Luffy's fist shoots from the rubble, pushing pieces clear before the boy leaps out, hair, clothes and skin beige with plaster dust but looking unharmed.

"NAMI!" He yells down to your frame stills and tears burn your eyes, "You are our friend!" Again, you push your knuckles into the skin of her arm and there's no hesitation as she snatches hold of it, clinging for dear life. "We are your crew!" You all begin to laugh around her as she stares up at your captain in a daze.

You wiggle your joined hands and she looks at your beaming face, tears rolling down hers. Her smile matches yours.

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You stand by Sanji behind the large serving bowl, handing him fresh clean bowls as people come up for their meals. You smile as children run past with sparklers, giggling clear through the chatter of the festival atmosphere. "Bon appétit." You both smiled as the young lady as she walked away with her portion, next bowl at the ready as you scooped in some of the waiting diced and sliced fruits and vegetables in front of you. You snigger as you go to tap the large pan, only for Sanji to swat your hand away. "Oi, I'm not looking to serve burnt food to these people," He ignored your grumbling as Nojiko returns to the line again. "Oh hey!" You grin at her as she stands looking at your chef sassily.

"I'm gonna need this recipes too." Sanji chuckles as he scoops more into the bowl for her, "You should really write a cookbook, you know?"

"Weeeell, you know, a true artist never reveals his secrets."

"Especially when he's the best cook in the entire world." You praise easily, poking through the veggies to top her dish, as Nojiko smirks at the red crawling up Sanji's neck and cheeks.

"Kitchen running too hot for you chef?" You look up at her a moment, before spinning on Sanji, eyeing his red face and leaning up to investigate as he leans away.

"You better not be getting sick-"

"-I'm fine, you cheeky, get off, I have people to serve-"

"-we don't have a doctor yet Sanji, you can't be sick!" Nojiko and then next woman you serve, still fussing at Sanji, giggle to each other at your well meaning care that is only flustering the chef more as Zoro approaches again.

"Oooh! Back for seconds, must have liked it!"

"Yeah, it was okay," he replies with a shrug.

"That plate says different."

"Yeah, d'ya lick it clean Roronoa?" His eyes turn to you as you smirk up at him.

"What."

"If you're only gonna call me Nakayoshi then I'm only gonna call you Roronoa." You nod with a finality that makes Sanji chuckle as he ladles more into Zoro's dish, the deadpan man staring down at you.

"Fine. I won't call you Nakayoshi-"

"-thank you!"

"Log Pose." You still completely, hands frozen as they reach for the tongs in the veggie bowl. A 'snrrk' leaves Sanji before he can stop it and you whirl on him with fury in your eyes.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't laugh! I don't wanna be called Log Pose! I already had to deal with Magic Compass from the clown! Zoro no come on!" He ignores you, snatching the plate from Sanji's hand as he tries to hide a grin.

"Hm, good portion. It's the least you can do, considering I saved your ass from those fishmen."

"What? I saved your arse." You roll your eyes as your own complaints over the nickname are quickly forgotten in place of bitching at each other again. It's not banter anymore, you decide, it's catty bitching.

"You didn't even get your hands dirty."

"At least I don't need three swords to prove I'm a man." Zoro doesn't react or respond, instead turning and walking off as Sanji smirks at his 'win'.

You mutter to yourself as he walks away and Sanji chuckles gently at you.

"Cannot believe him." You mumble, scooping out the last of the veggies available into the last few bowls and hand them up to Sanji. "Calling me Log Pose. Of all the things." He scraps the last out of his own large pan, the ever present rule of not wasting food running through your action as you perform them mindlessly. "Why couldn't he just use my name, like I asked? Stupid annoying, mossball of a man." Trays in front of you clear and stacked for washing, you turn to Sanji only to find him already looking at you. His gaze is painfully soft, a familiar warmth you just want to melt into as his blue eyes capture your swirling aqua and gold. His hand rests on your shoulder, warmth spreading through your body like he was made of molten chocolate. "What's up, hm?" He blinks, slow and lazy, eyes full of his heart, "Where are you then? Where's my Sanji got to?"

You don't know it, but hearing those words make his inside vibrate with warmth, he loves you he loves you he loves you. As you stare up at him, face and hair lit with the golden warmth of the fire light as it flickers over the groves and features he has long since memorised, he sees again, as if for the first time, how enthralling you are. All pure happy beauty, not marred by the dark past that follows you both, but moulded with it, carved and reshaped into the divine sight before him. His hand slides down your arm, following the groves set by the chains of tattoos, or tattoos of chains. He can wrap his whole hand around your upper arm, and for a moment a well-known shot of worry laces through him. You were always a bit too small for comfort, something he had confided in to Zeff. The older chef had assured him that weight and health would come with time, as it was the ultimate healer. But here you were, almost a decade off that rock, and you still hadn't quite made up for the weight you had lost, a small tummy perhaps, but not quite the gusto for eating he had hoped to inspire even with your ravings about his skill to others, still always waiting to eat after he does, making sure he got some bites in before trying any for yourself. It was not a battle to fight today, or a war he would win without you working with him, so he said nothing and allowed his hand to slide further until it landed at your wrist, red and inflamed from the chains hanging from them. His eyes never wavered and a small smile quirked your lips even as your brows furrowed in confusion.

"Thank you." That was not what you had expected from him. You weren't sure what you were expecting, but not that.

"What for?" Your eyebrows furrowed lower and a smile grew on his face at your confusion. "I didn't do anything. Was just cleaning up some plates and stuff."

"No!" He starts with a laugh, the sound enveloping you and you squeeze the sound into your heart, which was already crammed full of him, but you could always make room. "I meant for, you know," he gestured over to where the rest of the crew had gathered as Usopp wowed the locals with the fictitious events of today. "Them. Bringing them. Meeting Luffy and him having such an impact and still wanting me to come." His eyes don't leave the others, but yours never stray from his face. "I probably could have spent my life at Baratie and wouldn't even have noticed if not for you throwing me head first into the thick of this. And I know they don't know me yet, or anything and I'm sure I have to play catchup with" his eyes roll slightly, "most of them." You snigger at his exasperation, but it smoothes out at the sound and his eyes find yours again, as always. "But you didn't have to bring me, you could have left me to my dissolving dream and gone out and sailed across the whole world and you didn't. You came back for me, and you took my hand and pulled me along too." Your smile crinkles your eyes.

"As always." He breaths a laugh out of his nose.

"Yeah." His face mellows out once more and he takes a deep breath, "Mon Cœur, I just wanted to say-"

"MARINES!" The shout rings out above the cheering that had started behind you and you both swivel around to watch as tens of Marines marched into the yard. "Form lines." Sanji's hand tightens and you pull him with you as you move towards the crowd where the rest of your crew stood. You push through the throng of people, ending up behind Luffy, with Sanji by your side. It was complete silence except for rhythmic marching of feet on dirt as they fell into formation, the leaders, the ones from the ship, Luffy's grandpa and his subordinates, stare at your group of six. Zoro puts his hand on the Wado Ichimonji, but the second in command in the fedora warned him off.

"I'd rethink that if I were you."

"So these are the Straw Hat Pirates. Huh. Marines, arrest them."

"Sir," a small voice, belonging to Koby, spoke beside him, "the Straw Hats didn't destroy Coco Village. It was Arlong." Garp peered at him a moment before turning back to you all.

"You have your orders, cadet." The pinkette, normally shy and retreating, stood firm and stepped out in front of his commander.

"No."

"What did you say?"

"I said no, sir."

"You do realise there are severe punishments for disobeying direct orders?"

"I disagree with those orders, sir." A smile grows on your face and peering over at Luffy he has an expression to match. What you weren't expecting was for Haircut Helmeppo, notorious nepo-baby of the 153rd Branch, to step forward and join him.

"Me too." Garp lets out a heaved sigh and chuckles.

"Anyone else like to follow their lead? Or do you all wanna follow orders instead?" A group of Marine cadets, armed with their standard rifles, move around Garp, Bogard, Koby and Helmeppo and aim for your crew. "Any of them move, make sure it's their last." Garp steps up and begins to approach your captain. "Come 'ere boy." You watch them as they step away from the group, and your body moves without your say so, that power in your chest now frantic and writhing, as you step along behind Luffy but still at a small distance. You miss the click of the rifles aimed at you, and Sanji's hand slipping from your grasp, but you also miss the way Bogard waves the cadets attention back to the others, instead matching your unconscious movement as your captain and the Vice-Admiral square off to each other. "I gave you every opportunity to follow my path, to become a respected Marine. But instead, you chose to become a pirate." A small smile tugs on Luffy's face.

"No, Grandpa. I've always been a pirate."

"No more running boy. Last chance. Give it up."

"That's not really my thing." Garp grips the shoulder of his overcoat and sends it flying over his shoulder, where it, with the heavy regalia and medals, pummels a poor cadet in the face, nearly knocking him over.

"Then show me what you've got."

With a yell, Luffy launches at him, but Garp with surprising speed ducks out of the way and throws a heavy punch into Luffy's stomach, sending him backwards.

As Luffy is thrown headlong in your direction, the world around you freezes and you think for a moment.

On one hand, you could move out of the way. Luffy's not that big or tall, so dodging him wouldn't be too difficult, you're used to getting away from people much bigger.

On the other however, you know this would lead to your captain landing away from the huge crowd of Marines and civilians, alone. This boy, who had stood by you all, who had encouraged you all to follow your dreams and join him in his, being left to fight by himself, even if he happily would, it didn't sit right with you.

You don't move.

As your captain bowls into you, you're hit with immediate regret. He isn't big, but he is dense, the feeling of him striking you in the chest is like being struck with half of Kaya's mansion worth of bricks, and you are both sent smashing through the remnants of someone's home or business, the seared wood crumbling under your combined weight. It reminds you, momentarily, of your first meeting in that pub. The same ache in your chest is present now as it was then.

Where Luffy stands with more ease, you're hit with a wave of mangled thoughts and feelings and dreams and wishes that haven't quite sorted themselves after being solidly simple for so long. A tidal wave of all the people around you slams down into your head and leaves you completely breathless for a moment.

Reprieve comes, however, in the form of a warm hand grabbing yours that was listlessly hanging in the air. An aura of certainty surrounds you as you gaze up at your captain. It's like staring straight at the sun after a lifetime of darkness.

As a child you were told eating the Treasure Treasure fruit was the stupidest decision you could have ever made. It was pointless, offering no additional skills to assist or support the Supreme Commander's family or scientific endeavours. As useless as the overly emotional boy you were assigned to follow and serve, branded with the number 3 with a line scored through it, and the marking of your country, a clear '66' etched into your skin forever.

But, as you lie in this courtyard, surrounded by marines vying for your capture and execution, and stare up at the grinning boy in a scruffy straw hat, you realise that no.

There were much much stupider decisions to be made.

You face cracks, a grin of equal excitement breaking out on you as he pulls you upright and you stare at him with a manic glee you're sure would be frightening to anyone else.

"You can go back to the others, ya know?" He mumbles, face stretched over that grin of his. "This isn't your fight." His eyes weave over to Garp for a moment before settling back on you, hand still clasped in his.

"You're my captain." Your grin matching his in ferocity, "Of course it is."

To this boy, this boy who resembles flashes of a memory from a blue-haired clown, of a face moustached and grinning in every worn and ragged wanted poster you had seen with the highest bounty known to man, to this boy, you're an equal. And as you turn as a pair, eyes blazing into the pair of Marines staring down at you, Garp and his grandson locking eyes and yours snap to the second in command, Bogard, who has his katana drawn and ready.

Neither manic smile leaves your faces, even as his brows furrow and his teeth disappear behind his lips.

"This is what you wanted right?" Garp calls, the Marine pair advancing towards you, "To be a pirate. Well, I'll show you what Marines do to pirates." As he walks along behind his vice-Admiral, Bogard unsheathes his katana, eyes laser focused on you.

"I don't want to fight you, Grandpa." You drop one of your chains from its snug spot in your arm to your side.

"You've been fighting me your entire life." As Garp swings down at him with all his might, Luffy pushes you to the side and dives out the way. Garp easily crumbles another section of flame-rotted wood, and you have to lurch your head back to avoid being beheaded as Bogard swings at you. Luffy swings out at Garp, who dodges, leaving the punch to hit random debris behind him. "When are you gonna learn that you can't win?!" With another punch, Luffy is sent flying through another ruined building, and though you go to follow like Garp does, the 'shing'-ing of a blade behind you halts that plan.

Grabbing hold of the other end of your chain, shorter than you would normally have it, you lift it above your head just as Bogard slashes at you. You continue to parry and push off the attacks of the second, but he's fast and doesn't seem to be tiring.

"God, they must work you lot to the bone." You grunt, catching on your chain as his katana strikes at you, and wrapping it up, blade caught up in the links. "If the 153rd had been trained half as well, I don't think we would've even made it out of Shells Town."

"We're seeing to that, don't you worry." He rips his blade free, and he swings at you over and over, catching the metal of the chain and sending sparks of hot white liquid metal cascading to the ground with every strike.

"I thought I'd trained you better than this!" You can hear Garp taunting Luffy, but you don't look away from your own adversary, as he removes his own coat from his shoulders, dropping it to the ground to be stained with soot and ash. As he did, you snap your chain out at his face, barely missing as he darts back, instead smacking the grey fedora off his head, and his attention follows you slap the metal on to his extended wrist, coiling it around before pulling taut. He holds out, keeping a firm stance and feet solidly placed as you hear your captains voice ring out.

"You did!" You watch as Bogard's eyes flicker to Garp and feel the resistance in his arms give as, instead of yanking back on the chain, he lets you pull him to you. A grin cracked your face. You can almost hear Roku's snarling laugh as you pull the same move he did, yanking Bogard off his feet and letting him fly towards you. As the metal of the katana blade zooms at your face, you dodge your head to the side, lift and twist your body, leg out to catch the man's momentum. Luffy's voice echoes through the air as Bogard lifts off the ground, his eyes wide with rage as you send him sailing past you.

"GUM GUM ROCKET!" With a yell, Luffy crashes into his grandpa's arm, clothes-lining himself as Bogard slams into the dirt, sent skipping across the ground like a stone on a pond, only sliding to a stop at Garp's feet. His katana lies at your feet, and you grab it quickly as he rolls painfully on to his front, the wind thumped out of him as he wheezes a cough. Garp ignores you both as he turns to Luffy's prone form.

"You don't know how dangerous the world is-DON'T YOU MOVE AGAIN!" His finger shoots out in your direction as you go to rush to your captain, and you freeze, staring down his arm to meet his smouldering eyes. "STAY." It's like being barked at by a dog, a dog that just smashed your (very strong) captain through two buildings. You listen, and he turns back to Luffy. "The Grand Line isn't some child's game." Marching to Luffy's spot, he lifts him by the lapels, dangling him in the air with a grunt. "I told you, you aren't ready."

"You can hit me all day long..." Luffy's voice is husky, "but I'm never giving up on my dream."

"Is that so?"

"I'm going to the Grand Line. And I will find the One Piece." A smile grows across his face and he laughs shakily, "And I will be King of the Pirates." His laughter grows stronger as he looks down at Garp, who just.

Drops him.

Before turning back, only to start laughing himself. You all stare at him, very confused as he chortles away, leaning on his knees. Bogard staggers to his feet and your eyes meet in a flash of glares as Garp rights himself.

"Have it your way. Lower your weapons. Bogard." He gestures his head to draw Bogard back to his side, and the man does so after lifting his coat. Spotting his katana in your hands, he scowls slightly but makes no effort to claim it back. "What are you all standing around for? Arlong's pirates are still on the loose. Hunt them down and arrest them." As the rows of cadets march away with Bogard at their tail, you pull Luffy to standing again and walk behind Garp, still eyeing him warily as the mouse captain approaches.

"What about these Straw Hats?" Garp shrugs.

"What about them?"

"Arrest them too! They are the real criminals." His sentence is barely finished before Nami knocks him out with a swift whack from her bo staff. Garp raises his eyebrows but says nothing before turning back to where Luffy is standing. You stay back a few steps, eyes not leaving the Vice Admiral.

"I knew I'd never change your mind. You're stubborn. Just like me. But I know who you are, boy. I just needed to make sure you knew it too." You sigh, rolling your head back at the stupidity of this family.

"You were testing me? Couldn't you have gone a little bit easier?" Garp shrugs with a grin.

"Where's the fun in that?" He places his hands on Luffy's shoulders with a surprising gentleness. "You're on your own now." He turns and walks away as Luffy watches him.

"No. I'm not. I have my friends." Garp's eyes flash to you, still standing behind Luffy, and then to the rest of your crew, and with a slightly baffled nod, leaves the village square.

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You and Luffy are lounging on the stoop of Nojiko's home, you were doing your job of 'distracting' the captain for the others, as you tossed segments of tangerine to each other in the citrus perfumed heat of the afternoon. You barely raise your head from your position draped across the floor boards as you hear footsteps approaching, only peering up when Luffy exclaims a happy

"Koby! Come to see us off?"

"I don't think that's a good idea." You push yourself into sitting as the pink haired boy walks up to the house, two rolls of paper grasped in his hand. You grin smugly at him.

"You aren't trying to arrest us again, are you? It won't go as well as last time." He chuckled gently at your teasing as he comes to a stop.

"I'm not here as a Marine. I'm here as your friend. I wanted to show you guys something." You stand and join your captain as Koby hands him one of the rolls, handing the other one off to you. You watch over Luffy's shoulder as he unfurls it, peering at the printed image and large clear writing. "You did it. Finally got your face on a wanted poster. Nezumi's last act of revenge." You quickly unroll your own, realising what it must be. "He also upped your bounty, Y/n. I'm sorry I couldn't stop him." You stare at the poster, the image of yourself clean and crisp.

It was taken a few days ago, probably around when you were all in Arlong Park, the rocky formation behind you similar to what the place was surrounded with. Your eyes are vividly clear, aqua irises and gold pupils swirly and bright, snarling mouth showing your sharp canines and your arm pulled back, chain hanging in the air, frozen by the image. Your bounty, once twelve million, had been more than doubled, still lower than Luffy's thirty million, now sitting at twenty-seven million and five hundred thousand Berry.

"YEAH! YES!" You don't quite match Luffy's enthusiasm, sniggering in a mix of shock and horror at the fact people now view you so dangerously. "WHo-whoa! That's a lot of Berry! Let me-" he snatches your wanted poster out of your hands studying it quickly, "you've a high bounty too! Good job!" The punch he hits your shoulder with nearly topples you over, but he grabs and rights you without missing a beat. Koby stares at you both bemused.

"They're the two highest bounties in the East Blue." Luffy's grins up at him cheesily, "You're a wanted man now." Luffy's grin shrinks to gentle smile.

"That's exactly what I wanted." Without a second thought, he tugs the pair of you into a tight hug, squeezing you both excitedly. As he pulls back, he looks back at the pair of wanted posters happily.

"I guess this is goodbye then." Koby's eyes flicker across you both as you smile at him.

"How're you thinking Koby?" He ducks his head away from your gaze for a second. It doesn't last long as he shakes himself back, standing straighter and smiling at you.

"For myself." He speaks with confidence and you're happy for him, "They're doing a good job teaching us, but I know what I want, so I'm not letting them change my mind." Luffy watches you both, eyes warm and happy.

"Good!" You beam at him and red flushes his face, smile not wavering. "I will miss seeing you about..." your smile pulls into a pout, hiding the shakiness of your lips. You were so sick of crying.

"Goodbye Koby." Luffy steps in close, leaning in to his space and says, "Be a good Marine." Koby nods easily and answers

"Be a good pirate." Nodding once more before turning back and heading down the trail.

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Luffy cackles to himself as he hops up over the gunnel, tugging you up behind him and still clutching the wanted posters. He marches into the galley happily, and you follow close behind into the well lit room.

"Guys! Check it out." As he unrolls the two posters side-by-side on the counter, you move back into Sanji's side, sneaking a chunk of carrot into your mouth before he can smack your hand away. The others get up and join you, staring down at your faces looking up at them from the pictures, bounties plastered clearly beneath.

"Hey, look! I'm famous!" You and Luffy peer at Usopp confused.

"What are you on about? That's Luffy's wanted poster." Sanji speaks from beside you, wiping down his knife as he does.

"Not just Luffy." He taps the paper, pointing out a small part of the image depicting the back of his head. You roll your eyes and smack your head into Sanji's shoulder, who chuckles at you. Usopp laughs as well, "Sorry guys, maybe if you work a little harder, you'll get a bounty too." Nami is eyeballing the Berry amounts under both your names as the argument around you strikes up.

"That doesn't count."

"It's okay to be jealous. Feel what you need to feel."

"I- mmm..." Sanji sighs out of his nose and Usopp and Nami look at each other, grinning.

"Maybe next time, you'll be in your partner's wanted poster, have you considered that?" Sanji's face flushes instantly at Usopp's words and your head pops upright as well.

"My who-?!" "His what-?!"

The others, aside from Luffy snigger away at the pair of you as Sanji awkwardly bats away questions from you, "You have a-"

"-No!"

"-what are they talking abo-"

"There's nothing to know, don't worry about it." He glares at Usopp who sniggers and raises his hands,

"Sorry, sorry, I must have misunderstood, you know, that whole dynamic." You squint at the sharpshooter as he continues to snigger, Zoro and Nami joining in as Sanji glares at them all.

"This is stupid."

"These," Zoro taps the paper with two fingers, "are gonna makes things much harder. With that amount for your heads, every bounty hunter in the East Blue will be gunning for you."

"Not just Y/n and Luffy, they'll be gunning for all of us." Nami agreed.

"Then it's a good thing we're not staying in the East Blue. We're going to the Grand Line." A smirk grows on your face as your captain smiles triumphantly, ignoring everyone else's concerned expressions.

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Back at the docks in Dye Town, Yano leans over his desk, shuffling through transfer requests and patrol reports. Kyoko pushes through the door, hands laden with documents that she dumps on the corner of his desk. As he glares at the new mass of work, the Den Den Mushi Transferer on his desk starts to rumble and print off a new set of papers.

Kyoko plucks them from the printer delicately and eyes them, mouth pulling into a grimace as she looks them over.

"New bounty posters from Nezumi in Coco Village, sir." She hands them over, already moving to the door to avoid the fall out. He snarls at Luffy's, balling it up and chucking it into the waste paper bin as hard as he can as he stands from his desk.

Moving over to the chest at his wall, he crouches in front of it, eyes never leaving your own, the fierce image of your eyes glaring back at him from the new bounty poster. He flips open the chest mindlessly, the bulk of it full of a mess of papers, stolen reports from across islands in the East Blue regarding these new Straw Hat Pirates, especially the ones focusing on the weird one with glowing eyes. His attention, however, focuses on to the papers pasted to the lid. Your older bounty poster, outdated in a matter of days, and several older newspaper clippings that he had scavenged regarding the Baratie, especially the owner and the kids of the floating restaurant. 

Gently, almost reverently, he smoothes out the new poster on to the lid with all the other images of you, and leans wistfully on the edge, staring longingly at your depiction across them. The centre of his iridescent yellow eyes, his blue-black pupil, wobbles into a heart shape.

"Don't worry Nakayoshi," he sighs dreamily, "I'll see you again soon."

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Across the ocean, Zeff walks through the kitchen holding the two wanted posters. He pins Luffy's on to the employee of the month board. As the other chefs crowd around to look, he flattens the other on the wall below a cut out news clipping depicting the opening of the restaurant. A cheer sounds from the entire staff at your face plastered on the paper, hoots and hollers sounding as Zeff pins it to the wall, making sure it's straight before stepping back.

Patty stands beside him as the other chefs cheering reduces to chuckles and calmer laughs as they return to dinner prep, and the blue-haired chef leans more into his boss.

"Not bad for a second bounty, eh?"

"No," Zeff agrees, face stern but eyes proud, "Not bad at all."

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"So what do you think?" Having departed from Coco Village, the Going Merry was now on course to the Grand Line. You and your crew stand behind Luffy, all watching as Nami looks over the trio of tangerine trees that had been brought on board and placed at the stern. "It's a little piece of home to take with you on our journey."

"And I can whip up tangerine tarts anytime you want." Nami smiles gently as she caresses the familiar fruit before she turns to look at you all.

"It's perfect." You all grin at each other. "We actually have something for you too." Luffy continues grinning at her, confused. As you all turn to overlook the main deck, she calls, "Usopp, set the main!"

"Setting the main!" He shouts back jubilantly. The large main sail drops, the white canvas unfurling to display a redone skull and crossbones, resplendent in a straw hat with a red band. Luffy's hands reach out to grab Nami and Zoro's arms, his eyes gleaming at the sight in front of him. You were all smiling at him as he stared open mouthed before running across to the fore castle to gaze up at the sail.

"WHOO-HOO! WHOA!"

He continues cheering for ages, having clambered up on to the Going Merry's figurehead, still laughing and yelling and waving his hat and arms around.

You stand with Nami as she looks over the map to the Grand Line with a magnifying glass, ready to use your power to correct course if needed.

"The entrance to the Grand Line isn't too far off, but I think there's a mistake on the map."

"What do you mean?" Luffy calls down and begins to clamber off the sheep head as you join her at the barrel, looking over her shoulder at where she focused the magnifying glass.

"Well, it looks like a river or a canal or something, but it doesn't make any sense." You grin at Luffy as he stumbles down beside you, "These elevations show a mountain. I mean, how can a river go up a mountain?" Luffy shrugs.

"You're our navigator. We have a magic compass." He elbows you and you snort and roll your eyes. "You'll figure it out." He lands a slap to her shoulder with the back of his hand as Sanji calls up.

"Hey Luffy!" You all look round as he reaches the top of the stairs, grinning at you. "Come here, I've got an idea." You all watch him as he pulls a barrel to the middle of the deck. Luffy grins back at you and Nami before yelling to the others.

"Straw Hats! All hands on deck for a cast-off ceremony!" You all join Sanji as he props his leg up on the barrel lid.

"I'm gonna find the All Blue." Your eyes flash, an image of Sanji and Zeff in the kitchen of the Orbit swirling through your mind.

"I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!" A young Luffy grins, scar fresh on his cheek and t-shirt stained with blood.

"I'm gonna be the world's greatest swordsman." Zoro stands in the forest of his youth, face assured.

"I'm gonna draw a map of the world." Nami beams, flipping to the next page of the stolen atlas of her childhood.

"I..." Usopp sits on the edge of his mother's bed, watching her still face, "am gonna become a brave warrior of the sea!"

All eyes turn to you and you slowly raise your foot, placing it on the barrel and looking into the eyes of each of your crew mates.

"I'm gonna prove that my powers, and I, have worth! I will help you all achieve your dreams, or I'll die trying!!" Luffy and Usopp snigger at your dramatic words, the others keep watching you. "I will stand by your sides as your loyal crewmate!" Nami and Zoro look away, smiles growing on their faces as they begin to laugh to, Sanji's eyes the only ones still on you. "And as your friend." His face melts in a pure and happy smile and you both join in the laughter. Luffy grins at all of you.

"This is it, crew. The Grand Line. Nothing's gonna stand in our way!! YEAHHHH!!" You all roar and cheer and laugh along with him as you set off.

In pursuit of your true treasures!

Final Author's Notes: Reader as Irish/based on Irish nationality ala Oda's suggestions for what nationality the strawhats would be. So Readers attacks were all the areas they attacked (chest, stomach, legs and head) and their finishing move "Slabhra Stór" (Treasured Chain, I couldn't think of anything more original that didn't end up being like, six words long lol) in Irish I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of Treasure Treasure! (For now at least) and thank you so much for reading! I will hopefully be back soon with some original content of Sanji and Reader when they were younger in Baratie while I plan out the anime/manga adaptation a bit more. Please feel free to check out the poll and the rest of my Tumblr! Thank you again for reading and have a great day :)

[captaincreative]

To Keep Going, Despite It All: Chapter 3

Previous Chapter | Fic Masterlist | Next Chapter (coming soon)

~~~

Your head hurt. Probably because of the man currently dragging you around by your hair. Yeah, ouch. But you follow, not wanting to make much more of a fuss.

Eventually, after what has to be, maybe an hour(??) of walking, you reach… somewhere. You realized a few minutes ago that you no longer had the Purah Pad. Which leaves you stranded. So no teleporting out of there. Which makes you very upsetti spaghetti.

So, you were stuck with three men (Links) and had no way to check where you were, and no way to leave without fucking up the situation anymore. How fun.

Finally, after an hour of scalp pain and walking way too much, you were released. Hooray! Except not hooray because, and the universe is giving you a big “fuck you” here, there are more Links. And a wolf. Wolf Link?? Maybe. Is that a child??

The child in question turns to look in your direction (probably to one of the Links you were forced to go with), and, as you realize that they’re also probably a boy named Link, they grin an evil little grin only a child can grin. Children evil grinning is scary. One of the few things that still scare the crap out of you. Children.

He (assuming it is another boy named Link) bolts over and starts to annoy HW Link. Haha, karma. He doesn’t seem to appreciate it, though. His face looks kind of scrunched up, and he steps away from the kid. Oh, no, maybe you should describe that differently.

The man of unseriousness backed away from a child who just wanted attention.

Yes, paint the hero as a villain. How fun. People normally do that, right?? No?? Whatever. You weren’t normal anymore.

The Link in red walks over to the campfire the boy was at before running over and sits next to… that’s the Link that should have done this whole thing. What. The. Fuck.

No, actually, now you were upset. He shouldn’t have left, he should have done this whole thing. You were taken from home and forced to go through this whole thing, Ben had gotten hurt during your adventure, and shit hit the fan too many times for you to feel safe anymore. And here he was, cooking food like it was normal to disregard your hero duties. You weren’t a hero!! He should have been the one to defeat Ganon. Again. And you shouldn’t have had to adapt to all of this just because he left.

Apparently, the Link you couldn’t identify noticed your anger (which you wore on your face) and looked between you and Link (the one meant for this world/game). He seemed to be the only one to notice, though. With a frown and raised eyebrow, he stepped closer to you. To restrain or placate, you didn’t care. All you were focused on was the Link meant to do the adventure you had to go through.

But causing a scene would make things worse. So, instead of exploding in his face, you stepped back. One deep breath, then two. A third one later, you feel a little less angry. Only a little, but it’s enough to have you thinking clearly enough. This guy fought Calamity Ganon (you fought the Demon King), he could beat your ass in a fight (maybe). As you backed off, so did the Link that stepped towards you. You just now noticed that he had gotten closer. Wow, good job you, you have some sort of spacial awareness now.

Another deep breath. Confrontation means reaction, confrontation means reaction. You don’t want to know anyone’s reaction. No confrontation. Not now. That would be bad. Plus, there was still the kid and the wolf (who you still think could be Wolf Link from Twilight Princess). You could deal with this later. You could blow up at him later. You just need to sit down or something, right now.

So you sat in place. Just kinda plopped down on the ground, still taking deep breaths to calm down a little more. Which helped some. Yay.

You reach for the Purah Pad, then remember you had dropped it. Fun. So, with a sigh, you look at the teen you were currently having one-sided beef with.

“Do you know where we are??” You tried to ask casually. It worked well enough.

“Rodai Lake. Down there should be the Lakeside Stable,” he answers, pointing off in a direction. Cool, now you knew where you were. Man, if only you had the Purah Pad, then you could look at the map. You missed the map already.

“Thanks,” you force out. Politeness is still something you use, even to people you don’t like.

You hope Ben’s okay. Is he scared?? Is he worried?? Is he trying to find you?? You wouldn’t put it past him to not care for a little bit then attempt to find you once you’ve been gone a day or so. Maybe if you can convince these guys to go to the stable, you can maybe find Ben there. Maybe he’s there.

Your fingers tap against your knee as you stare out at Rodai Lake, not taking in the sound around you. When you reconnect your mind to your body and look around, there’s… three more Links.

How many of these blonde fuckers are there??

~~~

Chapter 3 on AO3

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s7 episode 1 "the sixth extinction" thoughts

it’s been 800 years… 

not really, but it has been, like, a week since i last watched an episode!!! and what a last episode it was!! while i’m not super invested in the aliens are god sort of thing going on, i do want to know how my friend scully can save mulder from this sticky situation, avenge skinner, AND defeat the evil combination of CSM and diana. with the power of science.

i anticipate a lot of hefty musing on the role of man in the universe superimposed over 90’s graphics of the earth. while i could spend time making other predictions, i want to jump in!!

(post-episode thoughts: save me, scully in a vest and glasses. save me, doctor indiana jones, translating ancient languages in your tent by lantern light. use that machete to fight for justice and honor.

ah, this was a good one. very centered on scully and skinner, which is a great treat for me, because we don't often get enough time to focus in on them and their internal torment.

but i want some answers. as much as i would like to dwell here and make guesses, i also want this arc to be over so i can know wtf is going on, and how they will all get through this!!! excellent skinner angst to dive into, though. blaming himself... and all of this happening after he said he wasn't doing enough... yeah)

but back to yesterday! when i had not watched this episode before! take it away, past me!

(previously on the x files….) 

i love a little recap. look at mulder back when he was well! how things have changed. 

AH. we revisit scully checking him for a fever. “what is it, mulder?” <-oh, yeah. this is catnip to a freak like me.

“he said i was the only one who’d believe him” “you’re a liar” YAAAAAAS!! we need to give scully another thorough round of yas-ing for that. for standing up to diana's bullshit dig that she is the only one who could ever understand him. and the heel turn and storm away. OOOH! good stuff. 

we begin with today's episode now. poor scully is in a business suit, finding a giant alien cathedral thingy on a beach in west africa… she couldn’t even show up in a sundress… it was simply too serious.

that, or she doesn’t own any, which is a terrible thought. oh! i must picture her in a nice sundress now at once to remedy such an idea

YEAH, MONOLOGUE MY QUEEN!!! “i’ve stayed on now, in spite of myself. in spite of everything i’ve ever held to be true” she hasn’t gone home yet!! that is wild!!! because she loves to be at home!! but even more than she loves home, she must find the answers!!!

OH…. her ponytail and glasses combo…… forgive me, for i am blushing. look at her!!! investigating!!!! in a nice tent!!!

SHE’S TALKING TO MULDER??? “i will confine here as long as i can, as long as you are beset by the haunting illness i saw destroy your beautiful mind” <- OH MY GOD….. “beautiful”. i’m gonna… i need to lay down. beautiful mind…… she thinks his is a beautiful mind… 

FUCK ME.

she says she feels it was not meant for her to find, but for him to make the connections. “connections, which, for me, deny all logic and reason”

so the rubbing comes from the craft (and it is a spacecraft, btw, not an alien cathedral like i thought, that is on the beach)…. and it somehow took him over. and also, it draws a moth to it. scully does not want to deal with moths hurting themselves at this time, so she turns off the lamp. 

ah! but she sees a guy! behind her! and he’s not actually there when she turns around. 

moths freak me out so bad. i would not want to film this.

SHE GRABS A MACHETE OMFG… she is NOT MESSING AROUND………. 

GAG!!! the moths are COVERING THE RUBBING LIKE AN INCH DEEP BLEUGHHHHHGGGGGGG NASTY NASTY. wait- they’re not moths!!! are they locusts?! of biblical nature???

what does mulder have in common with these bugs that makes them both go crazy from looking at the rubbing??

scully has a fucking machete and she’s ready to use it. trust that fact. but she doesn’t see anyone out by the sea. 

BLEUGH! when she returns to the tent, it is being SWARMED BY MORE BUGS!!! all over the place!!! burn the whole thing down. 

NO, LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOO, NOT ANOTHER BUG ATTACK!!!! not after darkness falls!!!!!!! and not without mulder here for her to scream at!!!!!

i guess we were due for another bug infestation at some point. it has been 6 seasons since that one. but eugh. so.... visceral.

intro time…….. paranormal activity. government denies knowledge. baby agents with guns. the truth is out there. you know the drill!

OH! back to poor mulder. who has been quiet for 36 hours… despite this, his brain won’t let him sleep, because his temporal lobe is going sicko mode. skinner watches him on the camera- can he be trusted at this time. the doctors can only test him for short periods of time. but…. the doctor says his brain is just going to die. 

skinner looks at the doctor with great concern.

poor sopping wet cat of a man in his sad little hospital gown… skinner is coming to see him. mulder doesn't respond to his name. OH! he’s trying to explain that he is skinner! :( oh........ skinner. he may be working for krycek, but it's not on purpose, and he wants mulder to get better. i feel guilty for briefly doubting him.

i’m taken aback a moment here at the fact that this very serious scene is being played out because his brain was rotted by alien letters. which makes the whole thing seem silly if you analyze it too hard. so we won’t. just know the camp is never lost on me. 

oh, fuck!!!! skinner turns to ask if he can get mulder some fresh air- another pang passes over my heart- and he lunges at him!!! he’s pinning skinner up against the wall and then choking him against the ground!!!! skinner says he doesn’t want to hurt him…. two guys have to pry him off…….. and mulder starts screaming!!! while skinner walks out, wiping the blood from his nose!!!!

he must somehow know about krycek… even if he can’t use his words to explain why or how…

skinner wipes the blood from his glasses, and finds a note slipped into his pocket, written in blood: “HELP ME”

oh!!! so he can communicate somehow!!!!! and the attacking was a strategic cover for note passing rather than an unleashing of rage for the krycek thing!!! what is going on!?!!!

back to west africa. some guys in trucks roll up, one of whom points out scully’s seemingly empty tent. a woman steps out. and she runs into scully! poor scully with wet hair looks incredibly cranky!!! but i am happy she survived the locust swarm somehow.

who is this new character?? her name is amina ngebe, and she is here to see her discovery. scully is like, that was supposed to be secret! but it is a well-known secret, says amina. merkmallen called it the “african internet” <- lmao

she is a bio professor! but she says she isn’t qualified to figure out wtf went down here. fair enough. not sure if anyone is.

scully explains that she was working by lamplight, “and, uh, i saw a man who vanished, and then they just swarmed”

which sounds surprising coming from her. but she says it so matter of factly. yeah. sometimes you see guys that vanish, i guess.

amina says okay... just... don’t tell anyone that happened. the others will think this is a bad omen of what you’ve found. from god. 

yeah. i can't say i blame them.

oh shoot, the men are digging outside, but someone is screaming for help!! saying the water is boiling him! scully and amina run out to help.

i hope nothing bad happens to amina. i want to see these two science out.

oh…. he really is covered in very horrible burns. but it seems no one else who was in the water with him is??? why are only some people being bothered by this whole ship thingy…..

back in the states, skinner is lurking about, sneaking into mulder’s room!!!! he is asleep in bed, held in all sorts of restraints. skinner approaches…. cautiously…. and tries to talk to him

“i want to help you”, skinner says. mulder’s mouthing something, tapping something… skinner asks if he can write and he nods… i find myself at the edge of my seat!!!

OH SHIT!!! he writes right into skinner’s hand. “k r” <- OH. he knows.

back to west africa. scully says she feels mulder slipping away as she fails him!!!! no!!!! omg!!! she feels that she doesn’t understand…. she feels that the inability to cure him is her failure... omg... it hurts...

she lays awake as amina sleeps on the cot nearby. but a vehicle approaches. scully gets up to investigate, machete in hand!!! do not fuck with her!!!! god, she’s so pretty. is it krycek in the jeep? no. it is not. 

she doesn’t know what this guy is saying. FUCK!!!! BARNES IS HERE!!!!! girl. kill him.

amina wakes up, thankfully, asking who barnes killed, and scully says it was merkmallen. but barnes denies it. uh... yeah. i'm not buying it. we all saw that head in the trash.

barnes says he knows the craft is alien- “you don’t even believe in that” “nor do you. but here we are” <- oh, he gagged her a little bit. scully says she is ONLY here to help her partner, and he claims he can help, since can read the writing. i suppose it is time for a dubious alliance.

scully, if you held a machete at me like that, i would never complain again. 

yeah yeah yeah, this thing is the key to life itself, he says... idgaf. barnes, i don’t trust you. 

oh. the sea is turning to blood. that isn’t good either. and scully sees that man again!! off in the distance!!!

why the fuck does she look so good… i’m gonna gnaw my arm off. 

:( she’s worried. she might be seeing things. she blames herself for not finding a cure for mulder yet. she doesn’t know what to believe. she has to trust a killer. she even got attacked by bugs in a tent. my poor sweet scully.

back in DC, it is 5 am. we are at a place called “g street”. oh! mulder did not write “krycek” into skinner's hand like i thought! he wrote “kritschgau” <- our old friend!!! i never thought we would see him again!!! what an ambitious crossover event!!!

skinner knocks at his door and he opens up. he says he has to talk to kritschgau. he tries to shut the door in his face, but skinner does NOT allow it.

so kritschgau lost his government job because he was a whistleblower about the whole alien thing at mulder’s request. it sounds like he might not be the best person to help out if this is the case. skinner is saying mulder asked for YOU!!!!!!! and brings him to his hospital bed. 

oh shit… mulder is somehow anticipating what kritschgau is asking skinner. can he hear what people are thinking??? like gibson??? kritschgau says he MIGHT know why he asked for him

yeah, steal him!!! wheel him out!!! free the man!!

kritschgau and skinner are FIGHTINGGG!!!!!! kritschgau says skinner better be prepared to accept the responsibility of taking him out of the ward… gag… 

and then he hands skinner a needle and says he must inject mulder. skinner says he will NOT do this, but kritschgau explains he is on the wrong treatment. and while kritschgau isn’t a doctor, he’s seen his condition. was it in his son who died?

no, he says it was “in a study”. from the CIA!! he says that they had to slow their impulses to a normal rate after they had become “all brain”

yeah, sure, why not? i’ll roll with that. doesn't sound like it makes any real sense, but it's an alien show, so i can suspend my disbelief.

and he hands skinner the needle. skinner looks like he’s going to stab kritschgau….. but puts the needle in mulder instead… and no, i cannot look, thank you for asking- but he seems more normal!!! his face relaxes and he says “they’re coming”

ah, fuck. it’s diana looking for him. she says he isn’t in his bed… but when the nurse opens the door, he is right there with skinner. LMAO. trick the trickster. he claims he found him down the hall. 

“who are you?” “i’m his boss. and hers” <- BAHAHA yeah. remind her where she stands. and then he orders her to leave. BAHAHAHA!!!!!! get the fuck out.

he says “she knows”. she knows what?? that he can read minds somehow?? “no doctors. get me scully” <- OHHHH…. he wants his scully :(

but skinner doesn’t know where scully even is!!! because she had to fuck off to god only knows where when he and diana were lying to her!!

and mulder says he KNOWS that skinner has been compromised and that krycek will kill him. OH!!!!! so has he come up with a solution to that problem in his time laying in bed?

he says he needs kritschgau. he needs him to prove that it’s alien. kritschgau doesn't believe. which is why he needs him.

scully is piecing together rubbings of the craft!!! and barnes can translate a few letters. look at her translating. i want to put her in a blanket and wrap her up.

so, the rubbings from the top of the craft translate to words about genetics. but the workers who were working on the bottom of the craft were scared away by the evil signs. what little writing they have found on the bottom of the craft has been from all sorts of religions!! science and mysticism! with power in them!!! this is what scully says in her monologue!

scully won’t stop- she says she is only afraid she is too late.

amina comes in with more translated pieces. it is a passage from the Quran! teachings of the prophet on a spacecraft!!

and scully has more to show as well. a panel for each chromosome. perhaps a map of all genetic makeup. this sounds like it would be a huge deal for science as a whole and scully in particular.

they’re talking about how beautiful it is, how it is the word of god- and i do want them to be friends forever- but barnes barges in, saying they’re wrong. he looks wild. he declares there is no god- only that what is out there is what started the spark that cooked the primordial soup. girl, no one asked you. why would the primordial spark bother to write down what would become major world religions and the human genetic makeup? doesn't make sense, tbh.

amina says he is mad from the sun. and he replies that he is very sane and understands everything. it has all been written. 

scully tries to tell him he’s sick- and her vest and glasses combo is going so hard- but he pulls out the machete, asking if they think they’ll take the credit!!! noooooo. omfgggg, barnes, academia can WAIT. we need to save mulder’s ass first before you start thinking about your publications. scully once again says that she is only here to help her friend. and barnes declares that he got too close to its power- the ultimate power.

he then announces that no one can leave before he does. and sits by the door. 

OMFGGGGG.... NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE ORIGINS OF THE UNIVERSE RIGHT NOWWWWWW... barnes is off the deep end fr fr

back in DC, kritschgau is explaining his machine that shows random pictures to skinner- if mulder knows which pictures are UFOs without seeing them, he could be a psychic. and mulder makes a little joke joke before flopping the UFO spotting test. it is hard for ESP to perform under pressure!

mulder just wants him to prove that it’s aliens doing this, saying kritschgau doesn’t want to believe. he isn’t looking hard enough. so skinner says to speed the test up. 

and when it is sped up he can ACE the UFO test!!! he anticipates them!! yeahhhh!!

i hope he won’t stay psychic forever, though. he has enough going on in his life.

back to the ivory coast. barnes still sits by the door while scully and amina watch. he’s nodding off… scully has blood lust in her eyes. but the tent starts shaking….. barnes thinks the ship brought some fish back to life. when he grabs the fish, scully SLAMS HIM WITH A CHAIR!!!! HELLLLL YEAHHHH!!!

they make a break for it!!!! they steal the jeep!!! where can they go?! does amina know the way?? yes, she does. and scully sees the guy again!!! right in the road!!! she yells at amina to stop, but he’s not there.

AH FUCK. jump scare. now she sees him in the CAR with them. “some truths are not for you”, he says. WHAT!

she thinks it was the scary appearing and disappearing man who touched her head, but it was amina checking to make sure she was still alive!! poor girl is having a full on panic attack.

scully wants to go home now. i cannot blame her at all.

skinner is trying to get mulder out of the hospital. ohhhh, but skinner doesn't let kritschgau give him the medicine that works!!! he says he knows he’s out for revenge!! “how far should it go? how far would mulder go?” (skinner reluctantly hands him the vial)

ahhhh, they need to get out of here before diana…. ah fuck. she is here. 

FUCK. he starts going into seizure….. they’re trying to hold him. what is going ON. is kritschgau a traitor??? did he make him seize on purpose? did he give him the wrong dose? or a dose that is too heavy?

back at the tent in the ivory coast…. the driver comes to look for dr. barnes. and then he HACKS HIM TO DEATH??? saying he’s sorry….. HUH. are we doing sacrifice now?

diana, do not fucking touch him. she's monologuing to him as he lays in the hospital bed, unresponsive- but she knows he can hear her. “i know you know about me… that my loyalties aren’t just to you. but to a man you’ve grown to despise” GIRL??? get out of here.

“you have your reasons, but as you look inside me now, you know that i have mine” oh…. now what is THAT supposed to mean? what reason could she possibly have for working with the devil? what does he know now that he can read her mind?

“fox, i love you” <- HELLLLL NO. nah, i don’t even wanna write that shit down. she says she won’t let him prove it. now they can be together. HUH? don’t fucking kiss him????

what do you mean, she knows what’s inside of him? what do you mean the music is swelling like that? did she test him somehow when she went to his apartment, and that is why his brain is going wild??

scully rolls up to the FBI building!!!! and barges into skinner’s office!!!! she asks him where tf mulder is!!! and when he doesn’t cooperate, she goes to leave… but he says there’s been some trouble. scully walks in and whispers: “what kind of trouble?” 

he says he got kritschgau involved, and he takes full responsibility. scully does not believe he is dying. he is more alive than his body can stand. “and what’s causing it may be extraterrestrial in origin” <- AH! boom!!!! she said the alien words!!! “i know” he says. “but there’s nothing to be done about it”

“they’re going to deny you access” “maybe as his partner, but not as his doctor” <- OH SHIT!!! what does she have planned?!??

back on the ivory coast, barnes is…… picking stuff up off of the floor while the dead guy sits there. something approaches. he thinks the man who he slashed came back to life!!!

he grabs the lantern and calls out…. there are footsteps into the sea. AHHHH! the guy who was previously dead gets HIM with the machete!!! so can this ship bring people back from the dead? i thought the gag with the fish was just a genius scully and amina plot to distract him before getting smacked with a chair!!!

mulder is laying in his hospital bed. he can hear muffled voices, including scully’s! she’s here to see him!!! she says she knows he can hear him. she needs him to hold on. she says she found a key to every question that’s ever been asked.  and she knows it can save him if he just holds on.

she grabs his hand. and asks him please. hold on. 

barnes is found dead in the water!!!! amina stands with her hands on her hips, looking into the sea. is the craft no longer there?

and thus concludes the episode.

bro….. so much just happened.

not sure i even want to unpack the diana stuff right now. because i feel that more is yet to come. and if i try to untangle it now, more stuff will happen and then i'll have wasted time crafting a theory. however, i hope that the next episode is the last time we see her, because i've had enough. what did she mean about him looking inside her?? what could possibly justify her working with CSM?? how tf does she think that relationship would ever work out? "hi honey. i came back to our house after a hard day of helping your mortal enemy kill more innocent people. did you have a nice day in the office trying to stop him from doing exactly that? shall i make spaghetti for dinner?"

i lowkey think CSM is her father. but that is all i've got.

so scully might now be an alien believer. i mean, this was built up slowly over time, but it’s also not like she just gave in for no reason. she found incredible evidence. and said evidence might have disappeared back into the sea, but it’s hard to say. hell, if i found a spaceship covered in a very niche language that translated into tons of religious texts, i might also start believing things. or think that someone was REALLY committed to the fakery. 

wait. again. what the fuck are diana’s “reasons” that she spoke of??

scully was indiana jones today. and it suit her very nicely. i was deeply pleased. she was badass, genius, and she looked beautiful doing it. and she was feeling very angsty as she blamed herself for not being able to figure out what was wrong.

and she made a friend!!! i hope they can stay in contact with amina, but i have a feeling something terrible will happen to her. they never let the side characters stick around for too long.

poor mulder. so what’s kritschgau’s deal? he gave him way too much of the drug that he knew would help him in low doses because he wanted revenge??? if mulder knew he wanted revenge, or that it was even a possibility, why did he write his name on his hand?? he could read kritschgau's mind, so he had to have known what he was planning. what is he thinking?? it must be so infuriating to sit there, hearing everyone’s thoughts, unable to do anything about it.

skinner blaming himself for what happened……. for being tricked by kritschgau. taking full responsibility, just like kritschgau said he had to. poor skinner. he just can’t win. but GOD, does he love his agents. at the same time, though, he tried to tell scully there was nothing that could be done to help mulder. was that out of his own guilt? did he think he was sparing her getting her hopes up? was he surrendering to the idea that he may have killed one of his best agents, and is preparing to suffer the cosmic consequences? and his response to scully saying the problem might be alien- he says he knows. what does that imply about where he stands on the scully to mulder scale of belief?

gggaaaaaah, there’s so much to chew on here. scully…. scully save me. with your machete and your vest and your translation of science words. thinking it’s beautiful. thinking it’s an answer to all the questions ever asked. 

but what if it is a fake?? what if she opens herself up to the idea of something being real... and then it isn’t? how would she ever open herself up again?

i mean, seeing something that seems to have come from an alien and explains every answer to every question is not the same thing as believing that every single UFO sighting is legit, so i don’t think we should conflate the two. she’s using the scientific method!!! 

but i feel like since it answers so many questions, it can’t actually be real. it seems too convenient- maybe the ship is a syndicate fake? but then, if that were the case, why would krycek be getting involved to deal with something that isn't even real? the syndicate isn't supposed to be sloppy; they aren't supposed to kill unless they absolutely have to so they can avoid detection, which was why CSM got in so much trouble for the hit for scully that ended up killing melissa. so they wouldn't just kill merkmallen for no reason- unless it really was barnes that did that independent of them, and perhaps krycek was just egging him along.

i feel like if the ship were from a true alien civilization, it would be incomprehensible to us rather than the source of all human religion. like, bible and quran passage, the human genome- that seems like the sort of stuff that someone would translate in an effort to make a convincing fake. a really, really convincing fake. if they're aliens, then they probably have more pressing matters to deal with than humans on a different planet- unless it is somehow part of their long haul plan for colonization? get the people to believe this this and this, and document how they work, to better exploit them as slaves? why the focus on just humans if the galaxy has other things in it?

but then, if it WAS a fake, how did the rubbing have the power to make mulder go into his whole thing? and why does it seem to only be bothering him?? and some of the people who are trying to dig it up, but not all of them. and maybe also barnes, but it’s hard to say. and then barnes got killed!! because the guy he murdered came back to life!! so can the ship thingy do that? raise the dead?

lots of biblical references. plague of locusts, sea of blood, raising of the dead, etc etc. what does that mean for scully? does that lend credibility to the idea that life comes from elsewhere because there are elements that are familiar to the way she already believed the universe was run? or does the mention of other faiths in the writings shake her to the core?

there is so much to think about, and i will continue thinking in the morning, but at this moment, i am very tired and must sleep. and hopefully i shall dream of a world where they are all better. we get a restraining order against diana (who, if you recall, took her shirt off while going into mulder's bedroom while he was super sick last time, which i still am freaked tf out about), and then amina can laugh with scully over the phone, and they can talk about science while mulder sleeps over. because she won’t let him be away. yes. i shall think of this and sleep like a baby. 

[mahesiyah]

tw: bad parenting, flashing gif, strangulation

In the first half of the first episode of Sailor Moon, our soon-to-be heroine has been having an awful day so far. Usagi’s morning started out with her saving a cat with a crescent-shaped mark on her forehead from some mean young boys, and the whole ordeal ended up making her late for school.

She also failed her test, she met a total jerk of a guy (Mamoru) on her way home, and her mom kicked her out of the house for getting a 30% on the test.

Definitely not a good way to motivate someone with ADHD to try harder in school. Of course, this was the 90s. But I digress.

Anyway, Usagi’s day is about to get a lot harder.

As she tries to take a nap to sleep the stress away, the strange cat that she met earlier in the morning breaks into her room through the open window, causing her to jolt awake.

And then the cat starts talking.

The cat introduces herself as Luna and says that she has come a long way to find Usagi, and in response, Usagi……pretends that none of this is happening.

Given her situation, it tracks that she would be having a really hard time accepting reality right now. But Luna, on a super important mission, needs to make Usagi understand her duty as Sailor Moon, the legendary warrior with the power to defeat evil from throughout time and space.

So she gives her the transformation brooch……

……and instructs her to recite the following words: Moon Prism Power, Make Up!

And we all know what happens next.

That’s right. Usagi transforms into Sailor Moon and immediately starts freaking the fuck out. Like, this is so crazy, this can’t be happening, so on and so forth.

Suddenly, Sailor Moon’s new powers allow her to hear the voice of Naru, her best friend, from afar — she’s in distress.

This whole time, Luna had been trying to get Usagi to wake up to reality. The fact that she is a talking cat didn’t work. Presenting her with a transform brooch (that appeared out of thin air) didn’t do the trick, either. And her transformation into Sailor Moon just seemed to make things worse.

But as soon as she realized that her beloved friend was in trouble, she knew she had to go and save her. She couldn’t just ignore her friend’s cries for help.

And it’s pretty difficult to ignore reality once you’re face-to-face with it.

Here’s the thing: Usagi didn’t ask for any of this. Obviously she would much rather be a normal girl who isn’t responsible for fighting monsters and saving the world from plunging into eternal darkness. But once she realized that Naru’s life was in danger, she woke the fuck up.

I know that for me, at least, there are definitely quite a few things that I’d rather not accept as reality. Like. I try to avoid reading the news. And while it isn’t good to get sucked into these things, we also need to be aware of reality to inform the decisions we make.

The ending of this life lesson is darker than I would prefer for these to be, but things are bad right now. It’s a really scary time for many people, especially BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ folks. And that’s just the political climate — then there’s the actual climate. Also, lots of us may have personal stuff in our lives that we might rather not accept as reality. And while it might feel a lot more comfortable to just ignore it or pretend it isn’t happening, it’s not something that we can do forever.

What can help me accept my reality?

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Jareth

(WARNING! This analysis contains THE BABE!)

(What babe?)

(The babe with the power!)

(What power?)

(The power of voodoo!)

(Who do?)

(You do!)

(Do what?)

(Remind me of the babe! Oh, also there’s SPOILERS!)

Many years ago I launched my official movie review series for obscure and cult movies, Michael After Midnight. As David Bowie’s death was fresh at the time, I decided to honor him by making the very first review that of one of his greatest cinematic performances. And now, to celebrate Psycho Analysis finally coming back from its nebulous hiatus, we’re gonna take a look at that performance.

Jareth the Goblin King, the ruler of the titular labyrinth and a tricky fairy who sets the plot in motion with the kidnapping of the little Toby after our main character Sarah wishes to be rid of him… He’s one of the most delightfully delicious 80s villains imaginable. But what exactly is there to him that makes him so appealing? Is it just the fact he’s played by a young, hot David Bowie? Or is there a little more to him than just that?

Motivation/Goals: Jareth’s motives operate on fae/dream logic most of the time. The way he acts, the way he goes about things, operates on a morality that is alien to you or I but likely seems fair and just to a being like him. Kidnapping a baby? Well, he was asked to do so! Sending poor Sarah on a gauntlet through the labyrinth? Well, it’s to test her mettle! Of course, over time he shifts gears a bit due to… falling in love with Sarah. Yeah. This grown-ass fairy is crushing on a teenage girl. It’s no wonder Robert Eggers is rumored to be remaking Labyrinth; considering his pedophilic stalker portrayal of Orlok that has somehow still managed to amass an army of horny fangirls, he’d be able to pull off a Jareth the likes of which we’ve never seen!

Performance: Sting. Prince. Mick Jagger. Michael Jackson. All these stars were considered for the role, and all of them could have brough something interesting to Jareth. We know from Dune that Sting looks good in ridiculous outfits, so he wouldn’t be opposed to baring his bulge; Mick Jagger was a solid actor, as can be surmised from the film Performance; Prince was some sort of fae being to begin with, meaning he wouldn’t have to try too hard to pull off the haughty egomania of Jareth; and MJ would have been able to bring the delightful joy of awkward implications in the future since the entire film is all about Jareth trying to get freaky with a kid and, well…

But with all that said, none of them could have delivered the kind of performance Bowie did. I think with him being such an utterly bizarre and unique performer for his time, he had the exact right persona to portray a fruity fairy king, and his sex god status certainly helped sell this as well. It’s genuinely hard to imagine any of those other guys being able to pull off the right amount of sensual allure and genuine menace Bowie is able to bring to nearly every scene. There’s a reason this is one of his definitive roles; it’s one of the best villain performances in all of 80s fantasy.

Final Fate: Sarah overcomes his labyrinth, and even though he’s David Bowie in the 80s and he’s sung a dozen villain songs, kidnapping a baby puts him beyond the pale for Sarah. After reciting her poem and finishing up with the reaffirmation that Jareth has no power over her, he seems to gracefully accept defeat and allow her to treutn home for a dance party ending with all of the friends she made along the way (and also the Fierys for some fucking reason). In the form of an owl, Jareth flies away from the window into the night. Yeah, I got no fucking clue.

I will say this: It’s actually rather admirable that, despite his god-like powers, his love for Sarah was genuine enough that after completely and fully rejecting him he was still enough of a man to let her go. I think a lot of guys could learn a thing or two from him.

Evilness: This is the most debatable facet of Jareth. Exactly how evil is he, anyway? He does kidnap a baby, sure, but it’s exactly what Sarah asked for. Whether you believe the movie is all just a dream or that it’s real and Jareth is a member of the Fair Folk, this logic is sound for beings of such illogical nature. But then you have the fact he’s openly falling in love with a prepubescent girl which is, uh… not a good look. There’s also his treatment of Hoggle, which is douchey even for a fairy. If you ask me, all of Jareth’s actions put him at a 5.5/10 in terms of evilness; he’s bordering on darker territory, but I’m willing to give a little bit of leeway since he’s playing by fae rules.

Best Scene: Do I really need to say it?

Best Quote: While of course the entirety of the song “Magic Dance” is fantastic, it’s the opening bit of the song that is one of the most quotable and iconic pieces of dialogue in the film. I’m sure you could guess the whole “You remind me of the babe” bit is my favorite quotation of his based on the gag at the start of this analysis.

Of course, there’s also his truly incredible quote where he channels his inner “balding principal turned underwear-themed superhero”: “Nothing, tra la la?”

Final Thoughts & Score: I fucking love Jareth. He’s easily one of my favorite villains of all time, and might even be one of the greatest characters Jim Henson ever created. No, I’m not kidding. The evil David Bowie fairy is on par with Kermit in my mind.

Of course, a lot of what makes me love him is Bowie’s charismatic portrayal. Just the way he enunciates things, the way he reads off the silly dialogue, his multiple songs, the way he plays with his balls (or at least the way he allowed the professional ball man to hold up his arm to play with the balls in such a way that it looked like Bowie did it). And it’s not just the charisma, sexual and otherwise, that makes this performance good; it’s the depth, his role as an anti-villainous trickster mentor who is maybe just trying to teach Sarah a lesson by putting her through the wringer in typical fairy fashion

Of course, there’s also his truly uncomfortable romantic desire for Sarah. It’s not really subtext, especially by the end, though it’s at least played subtly and doesn’t go into uncomfortable directions (Bowie apparently refused to kiss the 16 year old Connelly, which is pretty based). I think the thing here is that Bowie is just so fun and charismatic that it is incredibly easy to overlook Jareth being a creep… which is almost a commentary on how rock stars can get away with disturbing behavior due to their own charisma and talents. Obviously it’s not intentional, but it is an interesting way to look at things.

I think the thing with Jareth is that it’s really easy to just write him off as a villain popular due to being played by David Bowie and looking very sexy but—at least for me—I think a core part of his appeal is how much he leaves you to chew on. I mean, there are so many ways you can read him; he can be a stealth mentor teaching Srah a lesson, a genuine stalker with a crush who becomes sickly obsessed with a teenager, a rowdy jackass who just likes to torment Sarah for his amusement, some combination of all of the above… 10/10 is the only score I could give a character who is so fun, entertaining, and open to interpretation. He manages to have genuine style and charisma combined with utterly absurd, cheesy, and ridiculous fantasy camp... Jareth is truly a villain for the ages.

Alright, enough showing restraint. Look at his fucking bulge:

Those costume designers must’ve been the horniest motherfuckers of all time.

[dreamselvesberealselves]

i just saw the movie and boy do i have thoughts

spoilers for venom the last dance

THAT FUCKIN ENDING HUH!!??

this movie is full of interesting choices and ending it with a montage to maroon 5 certainly is a choice!

for real tho i love some of the character moments, venom is a sweetheart as always, ms.cheng is awesome and i really enjoyed the little road trip family.

however eddie i feel like couldve been more emotional.. i know his whole deal is that hes gruff and always just wants to go home but like, they've been together for a full year, its the finale! and hes still being apprehensive to enjoy being with venom. he obviously needs him and loves him or else he wouldn't be willing to be on the run with him and he says so himself that he needs him, BUT there were so many opportunities to push that more!

i wanted him to be desperate and heartbroken when he realized the gravity of the situation they were in. i wanted him to break out and rescue venom himself to reunite with him. i wanted it to be obvious to anyone that eddie loves venom as much as venom loves eddie. but it just never hit that hard.

also! WHY ARE WE SETTING UP A NEW STORY!!!!??!!?!!!?

a new villain (who honestly they didnt do a good job setting up in the first place) who they dont defeat by the end. and a new protagonist that will be the one to stop him.....

if you're wondering where i got this its the credit scenes

the mid credit scene is the bad guy that venom just sacrificed himself to stop him from being free, says something along the lines of "thats ok darkness will still come that just means you lost your hero" so..... the sacrifice was for nothing!?

and then the end credit scene shows a cockroach coming out of the rubble and getting zapped by a taser that was dropped there...

this is obviously referencing how the new lightning scientist lady (forgot her name) is going to be the one to kill the bad guy who venom and everyone else failed to kill the symbolism is pretty clear: she has a tragic backstory regarding lightning and she just got a symbiote with lightning powers so shes tha taser, and the hunters that theyve been fighting the whole movie was blended in a plane engine, blown up, torn to shreds, stabbed and always got back up, they are the cockroaches. she even says at the beginning of the movie that she knows cockroaches would survive the blasts from the deconstruction..... this could also mean that the symbiotes lived but i doubt it....

and killing literally every symbiote except the one the new protag has was so unnecessary, i liked the one christmas girl had they were great together.

and again the villain.... they really gotta remember to show not tell..... venom dumping all of this info onto us was not a good way for me to retain it lol. i got some but i must be missing something cus what i got feels just really convoluted and just leaves me with more questions.. but not in the oh i have to find out way, but in the why the hell is it like that way.

so the creator of the symbiotes is locked away cus hes evil but the key is in a codex which only happens when a symbiote and its host fuse souls after the host is brought to life... and he also made symbiote hunters which go after the codex to free him so he can kill everything....

there are so many things i just don't understand about that and i think ill just leave it there because its midnight and im tired lol

dont take this seriously and get mad at me, critiquing shit i like is how i have fun lol

this is just my post movie thought spew lolol

[chiosblog]

Shootout (Starsky and Hutch, 1x14) vs Without Reservations (The A-Team, 5x13)

They are the same episode but in different parallel universes, here is why lol

It's a (rainy) dark night... both Starky and Hutch and the A-Team finally get a opportunity to get off work and lay off some stress in a italian restaurant.

It's football night on tv: B.A. insists he wants to stay home to watch the game while in S&H the young hunchman Joy is whining about wanting to stay in to watch the game before moving on with the plan.

When we move to the reastaurant the evil guys are already there planning their moves: the killers are just two in S&H meanwhile in the A-team they are three (one wil remain for the most part in the back of the restaurant watching over Face's suffering).

In S&H the escalation is subtle with no gun fire. One of the killers make his move quite soon after S&H enter the place, approaching Hutch while Starsky is in the bathroom. Starsky then get shot right after he come out of the restroom. While in AT, Face's shoothing happens abruptly and it's what make everything worse for Murdock and the others. Murdock senses something was off with the two (evil) guys so ask Face and Frankie to discract them to take their guns but something don't go as planned so Face get shot.

Obviously after that both Murdock and Hutch rush to their side to take care of the wound but one of killers don't let them. They both try to argue over that and finally get to move their wounded man in a room in the back. But the evil guys don't let them attend their man for too long.

In S&H the target is Vic Monte, a mafia boss. The young girl who works there, Teresa, is also part of the killers' plan, she informs them about the target arrival cause she wants revenge for the death of her young brother. The girl then changes her mind thanks to Hutch and help him out the best she can. In AT, Gina is the daughter of the restaurant owner and spends most of the time attending to Face. In both cases, Hutch and Murdock give them precise orders to try keeping Face / Starsky alive.

Both depictions of the shooting aftermatch are quite well made: both face and Starsky are barely able to move or talk, they are heavy sweating, get tremors and they feel the need to keep calling out their partner name. Hutch is more responsive and affectionate in his actions while Murdock keep his mind completely focused on handling both Face conditions and the killers aggressive behaviour and orders. While face's health seems to worsen every minute making him unable to talk much, Starsky lightens the mood and comfort his partner. In general S&H remain closer to one another throughout the episode (Starsky plays a little part in the plan to get the upper ground over the villains) than what we see in AT.

In both episodes the young hutchman also keep tormenting the random couple who find themselves stuck in this hostage situation. In S&H this sideline plot is more structured and detailed, with some small character development for the both of them, especially for her. In AT this secondary plot play a minimal part and the characters are mainly one dimensional.

The resolution in S&H is quick: Hutch find a way to retrive the gun under the register and, with the help of Teresa, defeat the threat. In AT the resolution is slower and need an external help by B.A and Hannibal who, after being summoned with a trick, they come and help Murdock and Frankie getting rid of the villains with (you guessed it) an explosion.

The final scene is quite different lol but in both episodes we see them return to their normal silly life with their silly friends. Face and Starsky return home where they recover from the injury while some shenanigans occurs (aka the failed magician show vs the cutest pizza I've ever seen).

hope it's clear now that in both cases they are all gay, bye