#// literally 5000 years later

[butterflieswhisper]

hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me

hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it

[gguk-n]

The Sky Between Us (Charles Leclerc x Reader)

Summary- Meeting Charles was an accident, but being with him was a choice. Did Y/N have any say in keeping Charles by her side tho?

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1- Whispers of Adventure

If someone was to tell Y/N 2 years ago that she would be standing in a hotel in Austria involved in a heated argument with her boyfriend, she surely wouldn't have believed you. But here she was, eyes red, mouth dry and tears ready to spill. It wasn't always like that she reminisced.

Y/N was on a girls trip to Monaco, a trip that took months to plan and a lot of saving on their part. But Y/N was happy to be there, between all the glitz and glam. Everyone seemed so rich and wealthy, the 5 girls felt embarrassed asking for the prices of stuff before making the purchase, so they kept to sight seeing and eating food. On the second day of the trip, Y/N was out grabbing coffee for herself while her friends caught up with some sleep when she ran into a man, quite literally. It was like in the movies, her coffee cup, now cold but still half full, had landed smack in the middle of a man's white shirt. It looked horrible, this would stain and she had just ruined a strangers white shirt in all of this. Y/N profusely apologised and offered to either pay for the dry cleaning or buy him a new shirt. He seemed amused at the proposition. "I'm Charles, by the way." he said. "I would like to know the name of the woman about to buy me a new shirt." he asked. Flustered, Y/N raised her hand forward and introduced herself, he was quite attractive, she wasn't going to lie and probably around her age.

There was a garment store down the street, Y/N didn't really pay much heed to the store, how much could a plain white shirt cost, she thought. As the sales clerk pulled the same white shirt he was wearing out of the rack to ring it up, she asked, "Just wondering, it's a dress shirt, right? Must be slightly expensive, hmm." She nodded mostly to herself. Only moments later, Y/N was about to find out that the shirt cost almost 5000 euros, her mouth lay open in shock. She quickly collected herself and moved Charles away from the cashier, "What kind of job do you do that your shirt costs how much I make in a month?" she looked perplexed. "I travel the world due to my work." he replied. "I got that much, but damn dude, I want to apologise to you for ruining your shirt worth 5000 euros, I'll get on my knees and beg but I wouldn't be able to buy you that shirt. Any way I can pay for the dry cleaning. I'm pretty sure it costs in 1000s of euros, anyways." she rambled on. Charles laughed at the anguish of the woman in front of him. "This isn't funny Charles. Fucking hell. I had to go and bump into the hot rich white man while in Monaco at that." she mumbled while running a hand through her hair. Charles smirked, "I have a proposition" he began. "I'm not selling my organs for a shirt. You are fucking loaded, buy it yourself." Y/N cut him off. "Hear me out for a minute" the french accent thick. "Go on a date with me and that's the shirt sorted." he continued. Y/N seemed to mull her options over and agreed to the date.

It had been 6 months since the eventful day when Y/N spilt coffee all over Charles shirt. A quick google after the date let her know that he was a driver for Ferrari in F1; that explained his luxurious taste. Charles had yet to officially tell her about his profession. He kept the answers vague when asked about his work, enough that he didn't give it away but enough to not tell the complete truth. Y/N wasn't going to end his fun, he could tell her when he wanted to, she decided.

Charles wanted to show her what he did and finally stop lying about his career, he thought. So a week before a GP he called her; Y/N answered immediately. "HI CHARLIE" Y/N's voice echoed through the phone. "I missed you," she continued. " Not as much as I missed you." Charles cooed. "That's why I was hoping maybe you would like to come see me." Charles asked hopefully. Y/N smiled. She wouldn't give up the opportunity to see her boyfriend but she wouldn't be able to buy a flight ticket on such short notice. "Ahh, baby, as much as I would love to see you and hug you and kiss you; I won't be able to fly out to Monaco anytime soon." Y/N added. "Who said anything about Monaco?" Charles questioned. "I'm gonna be in Monza, Italy for work, this weekend. You can join me too." Charles said. "Won't your bosses hate me, for disturbing your work trip." Y/N joked. "They wouldn't dare" Charles declared. "On one condition." Y/N said. "And what is that?" Charles asked. "Dinner date at the most fanciest restaurant in Monza on Sunday?!" Y/N said hesitantly. That was the easiest thing. Charles wouldn't mind spending the night with his girlfriend. The perfect end to Ferrari's home race, he thought. "By the way, there's a race this weekend, you might want to keep some casual clothes for the race." Charles said in the most nonchalant way as possible. "OOhhh, races aren't really my thing." Y/N chided. She was in the mood to mess with her Charlie. "Its so boring to watch rich men drive around in circles" she moaned. "I promise you, you'll have fun. Don't worry." Charles tried to reason with her. "If it's required for your 'work' thing, than I can be a supportive partner I guess." she groaned while looking like she was in deep thought.

Friday came around a lot quicker than Y/N expected. Charles had flown her out. At the hotel, they got dressed to leave for media day for the race. "I don't see the charm of going on a day when there are no races." Y/N said as she fixed her white shirt. She had looked up all the Pinterest mood boards for how a Ferrari driver's girlfriend should look and did a bit of shopping. Who knew a Ferrari jacket cost that much, she thought. This was the last time she was gonna tease Charles; she took the Red Bulls Racing hat out and put it on her head. Charles mouth dropped open, "Are you wearing that?" he stuttered out. "My friend said I should support a team, so she lend me her RedBull's hat" Y/N read out from the cap. "I can get you stuff, don't worry about that." Charles was out of words, how could his girlfriend be wearing the opponents merch. He quickly rummaged through his stuff to get his Ferrari shirt out and on himself before his girlfriend jumped ships. Watching Charles made Y/N burst out laughing. "God, I can't keep this up. I was gonna wait for you to tell me." Y/N said in between laughs while putting the Ferrari jacket on and keeping the RedBulls cap away. Charles was now standing in front of her. She knew; the whole time. "I know you are an F1 driver for Ferrari. One quick google search and your face is plastered all over my screen." Y/N said while cupping his face. "Why didn't you tell me that you knew?" Charles enquired. "I was hoping you would tell me what you do, like I told you what I did." Y/N replied matter-of-factly. Charles closed the distance between them and kissed her lips.

All of these good memories seemed to have been over shadowed in both Charles and Y/N's mind as the two stood in the hotel in Austria, 2 years later. Y/N had only told Charles that work was gonna be hectic for the next couple months and she wanted to focus on it since she could be promoted. Charles wasn't willing to reason, he kept up the demand that Y/N drop everything for him. "Why can't you be like the other girlfriends? Who are there to support their boyfriend? I literally have to beg you to be there for me." Charles shouted. Y/N was taken aback, "Baby, I've been there as much as I could be, you know me and work." she tried to reason. "No, I don't and I don't wanna know either. If you love work so much, then why are you even dating me?" Charles asked. "You did not just say that, Charlie, I love you and that's why I take the time out to spend it with you. Obviously, I wanna be there as much as I can but it isn't possible with work and stuff." Y/N answered. "If you can't be there for me when I need you, then I don't need you" Charles said. "You don't mean that" Y/N lips quivered and the tears threatened to spill. "We are done Y/N, have fun with work and all the things more important to you than me." with that Charles left their shared hotel room with all his stuff.

[bullet-prooflove]

5000 Follower Celebration: Death In A Tarot Card - Duke Crocker x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @of-mice-and-mirth @bunnybarnes1917 @princessmermaid1289 @jeysbae

Companion piece to:

The Finder - Haven has away of giving you what you need even when you don't know what you're looking for.

The List - Duke makes a list of the reasons you should stay with him.

Baggage - You coax Duke to tell you about his baggage.

Everything (NSFW) - You are everything to Duke.

Love Bite - Duke loves wearing the marks of your love.

Another (NSFW) - Duke wants to make sure you forget any other man.

Come Home - Duke travels to Nova Scotia to bring you home.

Layby - Duke and you take a moment in the aftermath of everything that's happened.

Stars (NSFW) - You and Duke spend a night under the stars.

Duke hasn’t told you about the tarot card, the one that he keeps tucked in the visor of his Jeep because he doesn’t want you find it on the Cape Rouge.  

When Elspeth had handed it to him, he had laughed because the Death card, it never really means what it says but then he’d seen the look in her eyes and he realised her Trouble, it’s a lot more literal than most.

“How long?” He had asked her.

“Months at most.” She’d said as her fingers traced over the illustration of his death sentence. “The cards, they don’t tend to draw these things out.”

When he makes it back to the Rouge that night, he doesn’t say anything when he steps through the door, he simply kisses you and that kiss…

It’s everything to him in that moment and Duke, he knows exactly what he has to do.

When you wake up the next morning, it’s to a cup of Earl Grey on the nightstand and an engagement ring on his pillow case. It’s an antique piece, silver with onyx stones set into the clasps. You smile as he takes your hand and places it on your finger.

“Will you?” He asks, his voice a little rough as he looks into your eyes.

“Of course.” You grin, your hands threading through his hair as you draw him back down into bed with you. He spends the morning inside you, making you sure you know exactly how much he loves you before he falls asleep tangled up in the sheets.

It’s a couple of hours later you slip away. You hop into his Jeep with the intention of heading to that bakery he likes when you pull down the visor to block out the sun and you find that tarot card and in that moment everything just falls into place.

You take your own out of your bag and study it alongside his.

Two years ago when you rolled into Haven, you’d found yourself in Elspeth’s shop and she’d given you your own tarot card. The Lovers.

“You’re going to meet man.” She’d told you as she pushed the card towards you. “A rogue and you’re going to fall in love with him, he’s going to give you a home right here on the water and for a time you’ll be happy, the happiest you’ve ever been.”

You’d met Duke Crocker the very next day, ended up living with him on the Cape Rouge.

It’s only now as you recall those words that you realise how temporary they sound.

You wonder if Elspeth had known Duke’s fate when she’d given your own card, if she’d known it would end in tragedy. You sigh as you tuck your card in alongside Duke’s underneath the elastic in the visor.

Whatever comes, the two of you, you’ll handle it together, just like a husband and wife should.

Love Duke? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[nonjewishzionist]

In an alternative reality, more adequate to the views of antizionist people:

* 07.10.2023 happens *

IDF: hey, Hamas, can you like give our people back?

Hamas: nah, im cool

IDF: but Hamas, then I have to go there and get the people myself, I have a bunch of families here and they want their relatives back

Hamas: whatever, im not letting them go

IDF: um coming to release my people

* IDF arrived in Gaza *

Hamas: wtf dude, what are you doing here? Go back to where you came from and stop genocide us!

IDF: yeah, no, I left in 2005 with the promise of peace and that never happen, so now I’m here to get my people back to their homes

Hamas: I give you like 10 if you stop the invasion

IDF: are you insane? You took over 200 not to mention the ones you killed!

Hamas: yeah that’s what you get for invading

IDF: what? Have you been drinking? I’m only here to take my people back home, give me my people back and I go. If you hadn’t taken my people I would not be here in the first place.

Hamas: yeah no.

IDF: ok, now I have to deploy aggressive means to find them, rescue them and bring them back home

*Hamas puts, guns, ammunition, control centers and hostages in the middle of civilian population *

IDF: wtf dude!

Hamas: try to get them now bitch

IDF: I did came here to get my people back but if that envolves having to kill YOUR civilians, that YOU PUT ON THE LINE OF FIRE ON PURPOSE, I guess I’m coming home then, who needs family anyway….

Hamas: by the way gtfo of Palestine! If you don’t I’m taking more hostages until you Israeli are all dead

IDF: wtf? Are you high? Jews have been living here for like 5000 years, you guys arrived much later, I don’t mind sharing and all but like I’m not leaving

Hamas: Fuck sharing I want it all for me, Palestine has been here since 1964, you came and stole MY land, I want it back and you people all dead

IDF: Israel has been here since 5000 or so years, and our new Israel has been around since 1948, so longer than you. You are not making any sense, I’m calling a doctor to have you evaluated

Hamas: yeah but it’s not fair because I say so and I want you land and all of you dead.

IDF: k fine I’m going away, I already started to look for some land to build a jew country

Hamas: nah I want all dead, no Jews only extremist Muslims. And by the way, the land you left here is crap how were you living so well here? I wanted to live like you and now you left and now the land is only sand!

IDF: yeah that’s because instead of developing it you only create terrorism there

Hamas: get you ass back here, make the land right like it was before and be my slaves

IDF: so now you want to share?

Hamas: nah, I want you to be my slaves

IDF: nah thanks, I’m good, 400 years of slavery in Egypt were enough, but thanks for the offer anyway

Hamas: you genocidal, my people are starving because of you!

IDF: we literally left like you wanted us to, how in the hell are we responsible for what happens to YOUR people, in YOUR land?

Hamas: you don’t want to give is technology and don’t want to be slaves for us, that’s mean…

** to be continued **

[markgatissbirthdayproject]

Happy Saturday! Here is the list of auction items.

Hopefully all the links work! Please let me know here or at @antheas-blackberry if something looks wrong or I've linked your Tumblr incorrectly.

So the auction works the same as other years. If you would like to bid on an item, click the link and it brings you to a google form. Fill in your email and the amount you would like to bid.

I have figured out how to get the bids to go to a spreadsheet so you can all see what is going on without me having to update the page with the high bid every day. If not, I will just update the list every day with the highest bid.

The auction will remain open until the 20th of October. This gives me time to make sure all the links are working and deal with any initial issues. On the 20th I will close the pages for bids and then update the Tumblr page with the final total.

Once I have the highest bid, I will email the donor and the winner and then they can work it out how to deliver the item/fanfic once the donation has been made to Switchboard. All I need is proof of your donation (i.e a forward of the confirmation email from Just Giving).

All bids are in GBP ££.

If you put a bid in, the bid MUST be greater than what the current high bid is within the spreadsheet! There are a few items which have more recent bids, but are less than the first bid. The high bid will stand in this case, so if you are bidding on an item, please check that yours is the highest!

This has worked well over the past few years and everyone who is literally sending an item has agreed to pay for postage. If this ends up being an issue later on, let me know, and I can work it out.

Item 1: BBC Sherlock, Mycroft/Greg or a Mycroft Holmes character piece, 2000-5000 words. From @johannadc

Item 2: Collection of Mycroft stickers, all goldfish themed, from Redbubble. From @lavenderandvanilla

Item 3: 4 Mark themed notecards from Redbubble. From @lavenderandvanilla

Item 4: 1 silver plated necklaces with a snowflake and umbrella charms. People can message me for details. From @lavenderandvanilla

Item 5: 1 silver plated necklaces with a snowflake and umbrella charms. People can message me for details. From @lavenderandvanilla

Item 6: 4. A 3K Mystrade fic. Any rating, best at domestic fluff, hurt/comfort, but give anything a try. No noncon, underage, graphic violence, permanent MCD. From @lavenderandvanilla

Item 7: Mystrade Funko set, which features Mycroft and a romantic Greg (roses and champagne) and their ginger cat. From @LittleFluffyClouds.

Item 8: Mystrade fic 2,000-3,000 words @LittleFlufftyClouds. Please contact them for details.

Item 9: 1-2K word fic from @Ivycopper. Please contact them for details.

Item 10: Motive and the Cue program signed by Mark and Johnny Flynn from @antheas-blackberry

[sweetbrier2908]

satan's random headcanons

• gives you kisses on knuckles and forehead because he's a charming prince who normally only exists in fantasy. but your fantasy turns out to be real life and now he's your prince charming.

• the most decent one in the family. the first time you realize he's actually a demon is when he talked about how he was going to tortune a lower demon.

• cat café date at least once a week. if there's a new cat? he goes there everyday for a week. friend with all the cat café owners in devildom, he also has share of some cat café since lucifer doesn't allow him to have his own cat.

• always says that he's gonna snitch to lucifer if his brothers do something wrong so he can trick them to tell him their secrets then blackmails them later. succeeds every time for 5000 years straight.

• actually the best cook in the house. from desserts to main courses. there is nothing that he can't cook, as long as he has his cook book with him. he learns recipes from every restaurant he goes, takes note of them, remembers what dish his brothers like and cook them later when he's on cooking duty (also remembers what dish lucifer dislikes and cook them later). if someone in the family says the dish he cooks today good, prepare to eat it for the rest of the year everytime satan's on cooking duty. yes, he LOVES to take care for his brothers though he never admits it.

• never organize his room unless lucifer angrily and strictly asks him to (which happened a very very long time ago since he casted a spell on his door to stop lucifer from entering his room). always says "it's messy in my own way", that's true, he knows where exactly to find this things. you need to borrow some books about devildom's history? shelf 1, row 2, number two from the right side. need some spicy romance book? on the floor, the whole stack at the left side of his armchair.

• knows some very good if not the best pick-up lines. first of all, he's closest with asmo. second, he reads romance books more than anyone in the three realms. always give you the most poetic love letters you've ever received.

• acquainted with all the high-status people in devildom. some random nobel? oh, he met they once in a art exhibition 1500 years ago, just grabbed a cup of coffee with them last month. some of the most famous corps in devildom or maybe human world? he's one of the shareholders. a businessman. literally a businessman. remember the chat where he said he introduced mammon to some perfume company so he could get 80% of the profit? yes, that's the businesman of the family.

• always befriends with people who benefit him and his family. mammon needs money? he can give his older brothers some modeling gigs. levi wants some limited merch? he knows someone in the company? beel wants to go to some restaurants? he can ask the chef to come to their house. no one knows how he expand his social network this much.

• loves to give you gifts. everything. from the most expensive scarf you can find in the whole world to a cat-shaped stone that he finds on the way home from RAD. gives you everything reminds him of you.

• always loves to try new thing with you. today you two goes to the drive-in cimema, the next day he will bring you to the ocean to go fishing. but if you want to go to the bookstore and then the cat café, he's happy to go with you, it's his most ideal date too! and if you don't want to go outside? he has some very interesting book you can try to read. he.will.never.bored.you.

• so insecure, always thinks of himself as the most avarage guy compared to his brothers, and compared to every guy you know. lucifer is always at the top, diavolo's right hand man and stuff; mammon is one of the most famous model in the three realms and known for his infamous reputation; levi is so passionate about his hobby; asmo is super popular and pretty and always the trend-setter; beel is the athlete, always loved by everyone; belphie is effortlessly smart, he's just straight-up the genius of the family and also a spoiled brat. and he, the middle child of the family, an avarage guy who will never be unique enough.

[youcouldmakealife]

Stuff That Helps Me Write: Pacing (no, not that kind), and burnout avoidance

So this was supposed to be about something entirely different., but every time I started making a point, I got distracted by a second, bonus idea (ways to trick your brain when it's not cooperating with you! things I've tried (I will try everything) and what worked and didn't! what to do with writer's block!) and then start writing about that, and I've got half a dozen unrelated paragraphs going in my drafts, so I think I'm just going to make this a mini-series of 'stuff that helps me write and may also help you (or maybe they won't, I don't know, this shit's all subjective)'.

If there's anything in particular you'd like to hear about, or something about my process you're curious about, absolutely feel free to reply or shoot me an ask and I'll do my best to address them as I go.

But yeah, pacing. And more specifically, not burning out. I figured it was important I hit this one first, because I think it's the most important one, or at least, the one that makes the biggest difference.

With the caveat that I am someone who has repeatedly driven myself into burnout, I'm also someone who now knows why that is, and have been teaching myself how to, you know, not do that.

So. Here's how I, you know, don't do that.

Will preface this by again mentioning that most writing advice (and advice in general) never seemed to work for me, and I mostly thought I was just Bad at Doing Things, until I learned my brain's literally wired differently, and that I'd been trying to apply processes that didn't actually work for said wiring.

So instead, I figured out what worked for me. And what works for me isn't necessarily what will work for you, or even what will work for me a month or five years down the line, but it's going okay right now.

I'll straight up say that, contrary to all the Writing Advice, I don't write every day, and I don't think it's necessary, or even necessarily a good idea -- I have at times, but I no longer do, because if I write for more than six days straight I find the proverbial well dries up and I write less than I do had I just taken a break when I needed it.

Cognitive energy and the sort of ephemeral ~inspiration (work that's been done on a subconscious level) are fundamentally no different than physical energy: if you don't replenish it, you will run out. If you overdo it, you will run out. If you consistently overdo it without replenishing it, you will burn out.

Taking a page from hockey players here: if you did an intense workout right before a game they'd ask what the fuck was the matter with you. You need a nap and a meal and to get some stretching and light work in. Running at 100% all the time will burn you out in every single field, including this one.

That's not me saying not to run at 100% at all. I generally try to pace myself now, but if I'm really in it, and the words are coming easily, I don't stop until they stop -- I wrote just shy of 4k of later scenes for SAIT last week (my 2024 record!), all in one sititng, by hand, when I was supposed to be sleeping, because that's when the inspiration came. I didn't fall asleep until past 6am that night, and my hand is still mad at me.

But you know how much writing I got done the follow day? (None, I was busy transcribing 4k of handwriting). The rest of this week? (Not much more than that). Those bursts of energy are awesome, and honestly can make you feel like a writing god, but the well's the well, and I've learned my personal well is about 5000 words a week deep.

Before my most recent scrape with autistic burnout, which I'm still sort of climbing my way out of, that well was closer to 7500 words. But honestly, it probably wasn't; I was likely just siphoning words from future wells and then it all caught up with me when I was looking at a horizon of dry-ass wells ahead of me. (I'll admit this isn't a perfect metaphor.)

But seriously, my advice for basically everything, not just writing (and something I wish I'd learned before I hit my 30s), is 'figure out what pace you can work at sustainably'.

Please note that 'sustainably' is not 'without literally dying'. Because my literal ass thought when people said 'give it 100%' they meant, you know, 'give it 100%' (I know! absurd of me), rather than 'give the best effort you can give in this moment considering your current resources'. So I gave it my all (also interpreted that one wrong I guess?). And then I wondered why I kept hitting a wall all the time. And why, eventually, I stopped being able to climb that wall entirely.

I don't think I'm ever going to reach that 7500 word threshold again. There will be weeks I'm so inspired I write that much, but the next week I probably won't manage more than 2500. Or maybe I'll have two 7500 weeks in a row, but I'll need to take a whole week off after that, or spend several weeks working at a lower tempo while I let the well replenish itself.

I've been tracking some metrics quite closely as I sort of tweak my life into its new shape (said shape being 'do the best you can given your resources') , and during my most productive month of this year I wrote 3x as much as the worst (writing wise, I was finalising publication at the time), my current weekly average is about 4800 words. Sometimes it's a bit higher or lower, sometimes much higher or lower, but that's what I can sustainably do right now.

Frankly, I'm a little cranky about this: I know I can do more, because I did do more. But my priority now is not to send myself straight back into burnout again, so when I sprint, it's just that, rather than my previous 'trying to run a marathon at the pace of a sprinter'. I'm writing less than I used to, but it's honestly not that much less: because the pace is sustainable rather than boom and bust, I don't run myself ragged enough to desperately need a break.

I'm aware this advice only works if you have control over your own time, and a schedule that doesn't force you to focus on writing say, one day a week, or around other obligations, but the only real workaround for burnout is consistency, and that consistency cannot be your maximum.

Or, it can, but I guarantee you that will bite you in the ass at some point, and the pain of not getting enough done is nothing compared to the pain of not being able to get anything done because your nervous system threw up its hands and decided if you weren't going to listen to their clues (feelings, symptoms) or their warnings (Feelings, Symptoms) that you were overdoing it, they were going to shut your ass down until you listened.

0/10 do not recommend.

Next week: how to trick your brain into doing shit that it doesn't feel like doing, even though it's onto all your tricks by now. Or at least, how I trick mine.

[libraford]

While I'm bitching.

I dont mean to make this a bitching blog, but with them leaving on monday I have time to reconfigure my brain about all of it.

We live in a suburb that butts up to a nature preserve. So we see all kinds of wildlife from coyotes to deer. Most of the wildlife pics from my photo blog are from a nearby park.

There are mice in the garage.

It's a garage. It's an unsealed part of the house that's safe from predators and snow. It's going to get mice.

She wants to live on a farm some day. But she sees a mouse in the garage and suddenly has to rearrange the entire space because the way 'we' store things is attracting rodents. But not the way she just leaves piles and piles of cardboard from chewy or her amazon purchases (seriously a $300 inversion table that she used once and used her partner's credit card to get).

And I dont have much choice in how i store my stuff because the day we moved in they had already decided there was no room for my craft storage (its ugly, basically.) And it all got shoved in the garage.

Where the mice are.

So she sees a mouse and spends the whole day freaking out and moving our stuff around because we're slobs who dont know how to organize our stuff.

And now we cant find anything.

About a year ago, she got on an exercise kick and demanded that I clear my stuff from the garage so they could have an exercise room for themselves. Me and pock are still sharing a small nook that serves as our craft room, and the is no space to really spread out. But she gets an exercise room.

She never exercises. She has a back injury that makes it difficult for her to sit up for long periods of time.

Like... I tried to clear the garage, but I got 4 bins in before I ran out of room in the craft room, and now there's no way for me to access the things in there, either.

So sorry she didnt get her exercise room. We have a porch. We have a living room where you can move the couch. You can go to the park. You have a rec center membership. Sorry you didnt get a poorly ventilated exercise room full of mice.

If I can do yoga three times a week in this house, you can figure it out.

Later, I overhear her talking to her mom on the phone about why she wants to move to North Carolina and she says it's because theres no nature here. Its barren. Nothing will grow in ohio because of the chemicals they use on the farms. Theres no wildlife.

I'm assuming the mice dont count. But our town literally calls itself 'the city of parks.' Theres over 5000 acres of green spaces including a waterfowl preserve and more than one refuge. My boss at parks and rec is a conservationist. My job is to water all the fucking trees we planted last year.

Youd see all kinds of nature if you'd get outside the house, but you never fucking leave.

Which is kind of a minor point in the scheme of things. But it really pisses me off like 'oh poor me I'm a fucking liar.'

I'm so lazy, I wont repurpose an entire room for her benefit while shoving all my shit in a 5×10 space. I'm so awful.

[pinacoladamatata]

do you recommend playing skyrim at this point? I've never actually played it, and would mod the hell out of it, but I value your bg3 opinions and general taste and feel like you'd have solid thoughts on it.

Okay so like, the answer is complicated. Basically, no. HOWEVER, I recommend playing Skyrim so people can experience 3 things.

1) the Interesting NPC mod, or "3DNPC" as she is lovingly known, and 2) Inigo, the follower mod.

As well as 3) to be able to play Enderal, which destroyed me for several days. (Like I literally got SO upset about a certain decision I made/quest and could not figure out how to 'undo' it that I cried for 3 days out of pure grief for an npc before returning to the game).

These are it. The 3 top mods of all time. The creme de la creme.

SOME people will try to argue that the unofficial patch is necessary #1 mod ever bc it has the most downloads. IT IS NOT. Do not believe their lies.

You will see massive mod lists and even the auto mod wabbajack shit that installs huge lists for you. Fuck all of those. We install mods piecemeal, handpicked by us, for us. I will die on this hill. I will kill on this hill.

(there are so many issues with using random wabbajack mod lists that it would honestly take me 5000 words to bitch about but I digress)

I could also write a small thesis on how 3DNPC is not just interesting followers but it is actually an incredible quest and storytelling mod that fits into the game so seamlessly you would never even know it's a mod (except the writing and voice acting is better than Bethesda Studios).

Honorable mentions of mods that I still think about even years later. 1. It beats for her. 2. The forgotten city (this mod is actually now its own steam game)

[your-queer-dad]

Ok, here I go!

About a year and a half ago, I became completely obsessed with space (I even wanted to be an astronaut and/or astronomer, hehe). I would spend hours and hours watching documentaries and series about it, and it was literally the only thing I could talk about. Time passed, and I've had other obsessions since then, but I still always seize any opportunity to explain random and usually useless facts about space (which are only useful in very specific situations), thanks to the obsession of my 10/11-year-old self. Since my friends didn't want to listen (they better not dare ask me for help with science), I'm going to share what I’ve already mentioned and continue from there:

Did you know that the Sun is a giant nuclear fusion reactor?

Nuclear fusion is when the nuclei of atoms merge, creating an exponential amount of energy!

Stars convert deuterium (a type of hydrogen) into helium-3.

Humans haven't yet managed to achieve nuclear fusion because it requires a huge amount of energy to bring atoms together.

What we do with atomic bombs and nuclear reactors is nuclear fission.

Fission is breaking the nucleus of the atom, causing a chain reaction where everything breaks apart.

In reactors, this is controlled.

But in a bomb, it's deliberately left out of control.

That's also why stars die.

Their fuel isn't infinite.

And when it runs out, stars start fusing helium atoms, which reduces their size; this is the case for stars with less than four times the mass of the Sun.

Stars with more than four times the mass of the Sun either become supernovas (a cosmic explosion that leaves a nebula behind) or black holes—I think.

Scientists estimate that about 1/4 (I think) of all stars have planets, and among those, 1/4 should be in the habitable zone! This means it's unlikely that we're alone in the universe.

The habitable zone is the orbit around a star that provides the right temperature to support life.

This reminds me that they've found two planets orbiting a pulsar! They're extremely radioactive and can't support life, but it's interesting because they couldn’t have formed there!!!!

Pulsars or neutron stars are super dense stars (a tablespoon could pierce through Earth!!!), and I don't remember exactly how they're formed. It has something to do with stellar death. I'll come back and add that information later!

Have you heard of Betelgeuse? It's a star not too far away (far enough, don't worry, we're not in danger) that's on the brink of a supernova and would be visible from Earth! HOW COOL IS THAT?

We can also talk about stellar color and what it says about their temperature!

Contrary to popular belief, blue is the hottest star color (DON'T DARE), and red is the coolest! The Sun is in the middle, being a yellow star (I think), with a surface temperature of 5000°C!!! Just to give you an idea, the melting point of carbon is 3550°C and the boiling point is 4287°C. So, you wouldn't burn on the Sun's surface; you'd evaporate. Of course, that's if you even made it there in one piece, which you wouldn't.

-Leo

Hey kiddo, these facts are amazing!!!!!!!!! I feel so educated!!!!! If you have any more, feel free to send em my way I'd love to hear em! You're so smart and I'm so incredibly proud of you! 🫂🫂

- dad x

[blazehedgehog]

I WILL CHOKE ON THESE SOUR GRAPES TIL I'M IN MY GRAVE

I left this open in another tab, meaning to watch it like a week ago. It's an official video published and promoted on the Youtube Studio dashboard, about common misconceptions around their recommendation algorithm and what the truths really are. .

And now, finally watching it, that white haired dude, Mr. "Youtube Liason", is the guy who told me the algorithm ignored one of my videos because "maybe it just wasn't very good."

Famously, and something I will never ever shut up about when given the chance to mention it, I put out a video about Jurassic Park games just before Christmas, expecting it to slot in and do decent numbers, just like all of my other videos do. Since Youtube earnings tend to spike around the holidays, this was going to be how I paid for Christmas presents that year. It was something I'd done at least twice before. Instead, the algorithm completely ignored the video because it was outside my usual wheelhouse of Sonic content.

This is shockingly relevant to the very first topic they cover: whether a single "off-topic" video actually matters with regards to how the algorithm sees your channel, and the general answer from the Youtube technician is "No." You don't gotta tell me.

When I put my full weight behind a video, it easily breaks 10k views, even 50k or 200k+ views. Some of my most popular videos have cracked the multi-millions!

So when this dude spells out in plain english that the algorithm effectively ignores one-off videos? Yeah, no shit. I'm living proof of that. Across the first two years, that Jurassic Park video struggled to break even 2000 views. Only by paying out of my own pocket for multiple promotional campaigns and constantly complaining about its lack of performance has it struggled to hit just over 5000 views, some four years later. The algorithm knew it was way outside my regular wheelhouse and treated it like poison.

And this liason clown had the balls to tell me "well maybe the video was just bad, sorry bud" only to, two years later, sit down with this technician that spells out exactly what I was knew was happening and was trying to explain to him.

Except now, of course, it's being spun as a positive: "don't worry, a one-off won't hurt your regular content" as opposed to the "we didn't notify anyone about your one-off and it became stillborn" I experienced.

I have sat down and thought very intently about this Jurassic Park video. Obviously, if I make a stink about its performance, tell people the algorithm made a poor judgment call, I'm going to get patted on the back and comforted that yes, the video is good. Don't worry. The mean old algorithm is just dumb. Right? And Youtube unflinchingly believes in the power of their algorithm as this perfect shining golden standard to drive viewership, the thing that can never, ever be wrong about guys like me.

I appreciate the comfort and support of friends and colleagues and even random strangers who are inherently distrustful of the algorithm. But I also know that feels like an echo chamber.

So then what, do I trust Youtube? Absolutely not. At the end of the day their algorithm still made an unfair judgment call and despite their claims above that any old video can get picked up by the algorithm at any time, my video has never recovered. I've tried more interesting thumbnails, I've spent almost $100 on Google Adsense promotion -- one of which, I should note, was the same week that Jurassic World 3 released, and the other being E3. Both should have been extremely lucrative times to run ads. And I got crickets.

I like the video. I stand by the fact I think I did a good job on it. I remain proud of it. It's as good as any real-effort-content I've put out in the last five years. The echo chamber tells me it's a good video, too, even if I literally can't buy views.

So my only recourse is to sit here and stew in my bitterness towards this algorithm. The shining, ultimate example as to why you should never let a computer make a qualitative judgment call. And I will be frustrated and angry about this until I draw my last breath.

[animemocha]

Anime's Greatest Chad: The Epic of Gilgamesh (Fate)

Gilgamesh is known as mankind's first hero.

But his story isn’t limited to just the Fate series. In fact, it’s shaped our modern lives more than you could ever imagine. 

If you’re here for a historically accurate depiction of the man who tried to conquer death, don’t leave. I’ve worked really hard to make this as accurate as possible.

And if you’re here for the story of the real anime Gigachad, and how he goes from an arrogant dictator to a benevolent king.

Then grab a drink and some snacks, because this, is the tale of the Hero of Heroes.

Roots of the King

Before we jump into the Epic of Gilgamesh, it’s worth taking a second to understand the roots of this iconic character and his influence on human culture and literature.

Mesopotamia was a region in 3100 BC, now covered by Iraq, Syria, and Turkey. It had its fair share of events, from the reigns of Sumerians and Akkadians to being eventually conquered by Alexander the Great in 332 BC.

But nestled within this timeline is a certain story that’s so profound, so raw, it's been echoing for millennia.

Now I know what you’re thinking.

"I'm here for anime, not a history lesson."

But the thing is, all evidence points to Gilgamesh actually existing 5000 years ago. And his legend is recorded in mankind’s oldest poem, the Epic of Gilgamesh.

The epic is thought to have been orally transmitted for generations before it was finally written down on clay tablets in the cuneiform script, which was one of the earliest systems of writing.

To put into context how old that is, it makes him almost 3000 years older than Jesus. 

But I wouldn’t take EVERYTHING that follows as being literal. Just know that some of the stuff is actually reported to have happened.

The Hero of Heroes

Gilgamesh is known as the King of all Heroes because every single myth that followed, every story, every legend from every culture and every religion in every country, it all borrows inspiration from mankind’s first hero.

The strongest examples of this are in the Biblical tale of Noah and the Greek myth of Hercules. And his story greatly influences modern literature too, like The Lord of the Rings and A Game of Thrones.

The story of the Epic of Gilgamesh was discovered on 12 clay tablets found among the ruins of the ancient library of Ashurbanipal, the last great king of the Neo-Assyrian Empire.

These tablets, inscribed with cuneiform script, are dated to around the 7th century BC but are believed to preserve much older stories that were likely first told orally and later written down.

These ancient tablets provide the most comprehensive version of the epic, but parts of the tale also appear on other scattered fragments found at different ancient sites across the Middle East.

There are actually two versions of Gilgamesh in the Fate series and they’re technically different people.

Well, they’re not, but they kind of are. 

Archer Gilgamesh

We’re in the year 2800 B.C., the Age of the Gods, where divine beings and humans walked the Earth together.

Some Gods were just, while others treated their subjects as slaves.

One day, a greater god called Sefar invaded the Earth, killing many of the Gods.

She was eventually defeated, but the damage was already done, and the rule the gods had over the humans had severely weakened.

In order to preserve their rule, the gods needed a keystone, a Wedge of Heaven that connected the rising humans to the fading gods.

That keystone was Gilgamesh.

Born from the Goddess Ninsun and the Human King Lugalbanda, Gilgamesh was two-thirds God, and one-third human, and ruled over humanity with the mission to observe and adjudicate.

The Fortress City

The city Gilgamesh ruled over was called Uruk, situated in present-day Iraq.

Yet, Uruk was far from ordinary.

It stood as a testament to human achievement, its towering walls not just architectural marvels but also echoes of the ambitions of its people.

Conceived under the watchful eye of Gilgamesh, these walls became more than mere defensive structures; they symbolised humanity's victory over nature. This audacious statement reflected Gilgamesh's own beliefs: that he stood above nature itself.

As evidence of its profound legacy, archaeologists pinpoint Uruk as one of humanity's earliest urban epicentres, with roots as deep as 4000 BCE. Its intricate temples, ziggurats, and canal systems all serve as relics of its storied past.

The Tyrannical King

This transcendence over nature, and the very walls that proclaimed it, became the lens through which Gilgamesh viewed himself.

To him, the limitations of divinity and humanity were but mere lines in the sand.

He believed that while no human could rival the gods, the gods themselves could never experience the complexities of human existence.

And since Gilgamesh was both human and God, he perceived himself not just above his subjects, but even the deities that breathed life into him.

His self-awareness was, in many ways, his crowning achievement.

Gilgamesh grew to become a cruel, arrogant, and oppressive tyrant who subjugated his people to forced labour and sexual abuse.

And just to be clear, I’m downplaying that a lot because even I don’t want to talk about some of the disgusting things he is historically reported to have done.

And it makes me wonder how he ever became a Heroic Spirit in the first place.

The Man Made of Clay

Naturally, the gods didn’t want this, but they couldn’t exactly do anything about it because, well, Gilgamesh just wouldn’t submit to them.

So instead, the King of God’s Anu, and the Goddess of Creation Aruru, created a monster out of clay called Enkidu, to punish the arrogant king.

But there was a problem.

You see, Enkidu didn’t have a soul, and so couldn’t make rational decisions.

So the gods sent a divine harlot to sleep with him. (And I’m not even joking.) 

After this, Enkidu takes human form, and his final appearance is very similar to the girl he slept with. And that’s why he has such a feminine form.

(It’s definitely not because having more hot girls leads to more sales)

Noble Phantasm's

Before we dive into what happened between Gilgamesh and Enkidu, let’s talk about Gilgamesh’s powers, or more specifically, Archer Gilgamesh’s powers.

In Fate, heroic spirits have Noble Phantasms, which are special weapons or abilities that embody the legend of that hero. For example, King Arthur’s Noble Phantasm, or rather, Artoria’s Noble Phantasm (Again, because more hot girls = more sales), is Excalibur, the sword of promised victory.

Gilgamesh has a lot of Noble Phantasms, and I mean, A LOT. It would take me a decade to cover them all, but I’ll talk about a few.

Sha Naqba Imuru:

The first is his ability Sha Naqba Imuru, or Clairvoyance, which lets him see into the future and see the truth of anything he looks at.

So in a fight, he knows exactly who his opponent is, what their abilities are, and how best to defeat them. Or if he’s playing chess, then he knows the correct move every time.

This ability is pretty OP but the thing is, Gilgamesh barely uses it.

Why?

Because he’s an arrogant prick.

He believes himself to be so powerful, that he doesn’t even need it most of the time.

And uhm… he’s kinda right...

Especially when you learn about his next Noble Phantasm.

The Gate of Babylon:

During his time as ruler of Uruk, Gilgamesh amassed every single weapon on Earth and stored them all in his treasury.

And I genuinely mean, every single weapon.

And the Gate of Babylon allows him to choose whichever weapon he wants, whenever he wants, wherever he wants. 

But that’s not how Gilgamesh uses it...

Every single weapon is fired out at a speed of Mach 10, and he has so many, that he could go his entire life firing them away without having to use a single one twice.

What makes this ability even more OP, is that these weapons aren’t just ordinary weapons. Every single one of them is a Noble Phantasm in itself. Artoria’s Excalibur, Lancer’s Gae Bolg, Hercules’ Nine Lives, Gilgamesh has all of these weapons in his treasury.

But how is that possible if these heroes came AFTER Gilgamesh?

Well. That’s because they’re prototypes. 

I mentioned earlier that almost every legend told today is in some way inspired by the Epic of Gilgamesh. And in the same way, every weapon used today has a design that is somehow based on those in his treasury.

He owns every weapon that existed and owns every weapon that is yet to exist.

And don’t get me wrong.

While they’re technically prototypes, it is said that if you compare the original weapon to Gilgamesh’s prototype, the original will look like a fake, that’s how well-made the prototype is.

Not only that, but in a fight, the prototype will beat the original every time.

Now that doesn’t mean that if Gilgamesh were to use Excalibur and fight Artoria in a 1 on 1 swordfight that he would win.

He’d probably lose.

And that’s because he’s a jack of all trades but master of none.

Gilgamesh is a brilliant swordsman. But these other heroic spirits have spent their entire lives mastering a single weapon, and thus can use them to their full potential, which Gilgamesh cannot.

That being said. Gilgamesh DOES have one weapon that only he can use, one so powerful that it defies reality itself. Buuuuut I’ll talk about that later.

The Great Battle

Enkidu eventually confronts Gilgamesh outside of the Temple of Uruk, stating that he needed to be punished for disobeying the gods.

But Gilgamesh isn’t one to let anyone talk down on him.

So he engages Enkidu in a battle that lasts days on end.

And this was pretty new to Gil. It was the first time he ever came across someone equal in strength to him, which forced him to use his Gate of Babylon.

Gilgamesh was furious that someone had caused him to waste his weapons, he was humiliated.

But eventually, he stopped caring, and he even started to enjoy himself after finally finding someone worthy to be in his presence.

This battle lasted so long and was so fearsome that Gil exhausted every single weapon in his treasury, but by this point, Enkidu was severely weakened and Gilgamesh had won.

But instead of finishing him off, Gilgamesh extended a hand to him.

He saw Enkidu as an equal, and Enkidu ended up becoming Gil’s first friend, his only friend.

Friendship

One day, Gilgamesh set his sights upon defeating the Beast of the God’s, Humbaba.

But the thing is, the God’s hadn’t told him to do this, and he wasn’t doing it for the sake of his people either, because, well… he didn’t care about them.

Gilgamesh simply saw Humbaba as something that needed to be removed from the Earth in order to see out his mission.

Gilgamesh had always disobeyed the God’s so that he could be far removed from them, and he wanted his people to hate him so that he could be far removed from them, because that was the only way he could be truly neutral, because that was the mission for which he was born.

In this sense, you could argue that the reason that Gilgamesh was such an abhorrent dictator, was because he didn’t want to get close to his subjects, so that he could remain impartial.

(I don’t know how much truth there is to that and it could simply be a result of the story being altered as it was passed from generation to generation.)

Either way, seeing Gilgamesh’s resolve, Enkidu pledges his loyalty to him, and the two go on numerous adventures together, which ends with Gilgamesh becoming the wealthiest and most powerful king on Earth.

He amassed so much power that even the gods had no choice but to acknowledge it. One Goddess in particular, Ishtar, the Goddess of Fertility, asked Gilgamesh to marry her.

The King's Loss

Marrying a Goddess was actually one of Gilgamesh’s duties as it would see the continued reign of the gods over the humans, but Gilgamesh said no.

Enraged, Ishtar went to her father Anu, and asked him to unleash the Divine Beast Gugalanna on Uruk.

This divine beast devastated the lands for 7 years before Gilgamesh and Enkidu were finally able to defeat it. But this came at a price.

Ishtar asked the gods to sentence Gilgamesh and Enkidu to their deaths. While the Gods agreed, they couldn’t do anything to Gil, but they could to Enkidu, because he was their direct creation. 

Enkidu’s clay body weakened and weakened until it would eventually return to the very Earth from which it had come.

Gilgamesh stayed by his friend's side until the very end.

While this event is not shown directly shown in the anime, it is mentioned in the original Sumerian poem from three thousand years ago, translated as follows:

“It saddens me. It saddens me, Gil. Who would understand you after I die? Who else would march by your side? My friend… when I think you will live on all alone henceforth, I can’t help but shed tears. But don’t be saddened. For I am but another of your treasures.” - Enkidu

It’s honestly a rather heartbreaking end to their friendship.

One would have thought that the arrogant and prideful King of Heroes would have had a rather stoic response. But history says otherwise:

"You do have worth. You alone have this worth. I hereby declare: In all this world, only one shall be my friend. Thus---not for all eternity shall his worth ever change." - Gilgamesh

And with this, Enkidu returned to the Earth, leaving nothing behind but Gilgamesh's thunderous cry.

And for those of you who have watched Fate Zero, you’ll know that Gilgamesh kept this promise, even thousands and thousands of years later.

The Herb

After Enkidu’s death, Gilgamesh realised something.

As he was one-third human, he too would one day die.

If this were to happen, he would not be able to fulfil his dream of watching over humanity until the end of time, and it also meant he would not be able to carry out his purpose as the Wedge of Heaven.

And thus, for the first time in his existence, the king of heroes felt fear.

And this brings us to the core of the ancient Sumerian poem.

Gilgamesh, wanting to beat death, set out on a journey to find the only treasure that he didn’t have in his vault—the Herb of Immortality.

What does this herb do?

Well, it’s in the name so figure it out for yourselves.

Gilgamesh wandered the Earth for several decades in search of this herb, and eventually, stumbles upon a wise sage in the underworld that guides him in the right direction.

Sure enough, Gil finds the herb and is absolutely euphoric, because he has just beaten death, and all that’s left for him to do, is return to Uruk, and see over his people until the end of time.

Before beginning his journey back home, Gil decides to wash off in a nearby spring, where he first places the herb on the ground. However, as fate would have it, a serpent stumbles upon the bathing Gilgamesh, and after seeing the herb, it eats it.

And a little fun fact. It’s thought that the Sumerians and many of the cultures that followed, believed that snakes have the ability to shed their skin because this serpent ate the herb of immortality, giving snakes the ability to be reborn.

Much like the biblical tale of Adam, Eve, and the serpent, this story serves as a stark reminder of life's impermanence and the inevitable reality of death.

By losing the herb, Gilgamesh confronts the bitter truth: immortality remains beyond human grasp.

After realising what happened, you’d think Gilgamesh would be upset, or that he would be outraged, but, he wasn’t.

He realised that death was unavoidable and that by dying, he wasn’t abandoning his duty, he was completing it, because it was the most human thing he could do.

He realised that you didn’t die because you were human, but you were human because you died. 

And with his Sha Naqba Imuru, Gilgamesh was able to see into the future, and what he saw was exactly what he loved about the humans in the first place.

He saw the continued growth of the human race, the way their knowledge developed, and the way they used their resources to reach for the stars and beyond.

With this new outlook, Gilgamesh returned to Uruk as a changed man.

Caster Gilgamesh

While Archer Gilgamesh was an arrogant tyrant that did disgusting things, Caster Gilgamesh was kind, generous, and benevolent.

He loved his people so much that he actually gave away all the swords in his treasury. 

You see, these two versions of Gilgamesh are still the same person. It’s just that Archer Gilgamesh is the version of Gilgamesh we see before Enkidu’s death, and Caster Gilgamesh is the one we see after the death of his friend.

And yes, technically, Caster Gilgamesh is weaker than Archer Gilgamesh, and the biggest reason for that is the fact that he gave away so many of his weapons, weakening his Gate of Babylon.

But Caster Gilgamesh also had a noble phantasm that Archer Gilgamesh didn’t, Melammu Dingir, or King’s Signal Cannon. 

If you’ve ever seen the movie Three Hundred, it’s a lot like that. But except for arrows, he’s firing every weapon he has at his disposal.

As I mentioned, Caster Gilgamesh was much more generous than Archer Gilgamesh, and he gave away his treasures for them to be used in cannons, should the city of Uruk need protection.

As such, this Noble Phantasm is classed as an Anti-Army ability, firing every weapon mankind had in one go.

But if you think that’s powerful, there’s one more noble phantasm I haven’t yet mentioned. But this one didn’t belong to Caster Gilgamesh, it belonged to Archer Gilgamesh. 

The Sword of Rupture

Imagine a weapon so mighty that it not only holds power beyond comprehension but also taps into the very essence of our universe's creation. 

Enter Ea, the sword of rupture.

But is it even correct to call it a sword?

Ea is the pinnacle of Noble Phantasms and is the strongest weapon in Gilgamesh’s treasury and it is unique to only him.

You might think it kind of looks like a sword, but it actually isn’t. It was designed before the concept of a “sword” even existed and so, it’s in its own class.

To even summon Ea, Gilgamesh first has to unlock the depths of his treasury with a key that only he possesses, and after that, we see the mere act of obtaining Ea disrupts reality itself.

Designed intricately, each section of Ea represents the Heaven’s, the Earth, and the Underworld, with the sections rotating in opposite directions, echoing the universe’s vast expanse.

Gilgamesh claims that the sword "knows the truth" of the world where it once existed, and by using its power, it is able to bestow its knowledge upon others.

The weapon holds memories of a time even before the planet existed, a time when life, as we understand it, couldn't have survived. The memory of our universe's raw, primordial form, a chaotic blend of scorching heat and biting cold, of molten lava and dense gas, long before life as we know it began.

This primordial memory is embedded deep within our very DNA, a distant echo from eons past, now faded from our tales and consciousness.

Yet, to those who gaze upon the sword, this deep-seated, almost forgotten knowledge comes rushing back.

To Gilgamesh, Ea is more than just a weapon.

It’s an entity.

He treats it like a person. He talks to it, respects it, and unleashes its might only against those he deems truly worthy.

This isn't just any weapon; it's a creation from even before our planet's dawn, crafted by an unknown God and was once used to split the Heavens and Earth.

It is classed as an anti-universe noble phantasm with power unlike any other and its ability is called “Enuma Elish”, and to use the ability, Gilgamesh first recites an incantation, which is as follows:

“I will tell you of the beginning. Heaven and Earth split, nothingness congratulated creation, my Sword of Rupture cleaved the world!"

"Mortar of the stars, heaven's hell is the eve of creation's celebration. Now you shall die and be silent..."

This is actually another Babylonian tale from thousands of years ago titled “The Story of Creation”, buuuuuuuut I'll cover that another time.

I know that I’ve been describing Ea as a “weapon”, but it isn’t that at all. In fact, that barely scratches the surface of its true nature.

It's not an exaggeration when I say that Enuma Elish has the power to tear the universe apart. Yet, even such an unparalleled force had its moment of surprise.

(There is one recorded instance of it being stopped, something which shocked even Gilgamesh, but that’s a story for another time...) 

Gilgamesh is only seen using this ability on two occasions, once against Rider and another against Tiamat, a primordial deity that almost destroyed the world and was so powerful, that even Gilgamesh couldn’t defeat her. Or rather, Caster Gilgamesh couldn’t. Because like I said before, Archer Gilgamesh is on an entirely different level.

Reunion

We see Gilgamesh use Ea’s full strength against Enkidu, not in their first battle, but rather, when they met again thousands of years later in Fate Strange/Fake.

Here, the world itself is sucked into the void created by the sword, and it begins tearing apart. But Enkidu has his own version of Enuma Elish and thus was able to hold the World together.

The battle is described as follows by those that observed it:

"I felt as if the World was born seven times, and destroyed seven times." - The Sacred Prostitute.

This meeting here is honestly, beautiful. And I know that’s a weird way to describe what is essentially a war to the death between mages, but that’s all I can say about it.

We know how much Gilgamesh values Ea. He is disgusted by the thought of someone unworthy even laying their eyes on it. And it’s so rare that we ever see him even using it.

But when he realises that his opponent is his first and only friend, he pulls out Ea with zero hesitation. [Say it with slight laughter]

In fact, this is the happiest we ever see Gilgamesh. He spends the entire battle laughing his heart out, and we see Enkidu, with a hand to his ears, admiring the sound of his friend's laughter as if it were a song. 

It’s a tragedy that Gilgamesh will never be able to see Enkidu again. But that’s life. As sad as it is to admit, we all have people we care about that will be gone from our lives forever.

It’s no wonder that Gilgamesh’s greatest treasure wasn’t any of his riches, any of his weapons, the holy grail, or even Ea.

It was his friendship with Enkidu.

And with that, I’ve covered a fraction of The Epic of Gilgamesh. It took a lot of work and there’s a lot I couldn’t talk cover. I’ll probably make another post dedicated to Ea and another on Enkidu, but I’ll warn you, be prepared to cry.

psst... if you liked this essay, check out the full video essay on my youtube channel!

And I don't normally add this, but if I can be a teenie bit selfish on this one occasion:

Please check out the video (if you'd so graciously lend me a few minutes of your time) because it's by far the hardest I've ever worked on a video and I wholly believe the end result is really good. You can always leave a dislike and tell me how to improve if you don't like it lol

- love ya

[captaindibbzy]

After my driving lesson the bees have been declared delt with.

They have been poisoned and sealed in the wall for crimes of "you can not fill this wall with honey, we told you this three years ago" and "you are collosal assholes stop stinging everybody that walks up the drive!" Removing them was plan A but ultimately there was no way to get them out without demolishing a wall while being attacked by thousands of angry pointy ladies. The poison is all inside the wall so the rest of the wildlife is safe, and it dilutes VERY Fast in water so if any droplets did get out it's now pissing it down so it should be fine. These guys are licenced and set up their company entirely cause when you get problems like this pest controllers will tell you to call bee keepers and bee keepers will tell you to call pest controllers (which has been happening for three years now since the hive was discovered) so they are literally both. Lol.

The only problem now is the pointy ladies who were not inside the wall when it happened because they're coming back this evening and are Not Pleased so currently we can't go outside because they seek vengeance. Which is fair. The birds however find this Delicious. 5000 snacks.

Oh, dad got stung again for going outside, and while none of us have had a terrible reaction about half the stings we got have come up in little puss filled spots.

In the future we will have more bees cause the people two doors down are currently learning how to bee keep and are going to get some hives probably later in the year. Nobody is more disappointed than them on the fact these bees were not up for grabs. They agree though cause the bees got one of them in the face yesterday like the assholes they are.

RIP bastard bees. Sorry it had to come to this. But also you will not be missed. :|

[kitwilsonsass]

I think the thing that's fucking with my brain the most is the separation of fact and fiction because it's like... we spent years being told that Bray was this unkillable character that would always come back no matter what, and now it's just like...I have to remind myself that in reality he was just a normal guy, it's weird.

It's..... yeah.

Okay - I'm gonna get real wordy and wax poetically and I'm so sorry I'm incapable of just talking and crying like a normal person.

It's like a big old layered burrito of denial on all fronts, right?

Because on the surface, we have a guy who was so young, and that seems so hard to get past in itself. We also have the fact that he was prone to injury at points and disappearing for... months at a time. He had been released and came back, what, a year later? In the meantime there were always a billion headlines with his name, speculating the worst, and it never had any accuracy or mattered. We were always *looking forward* to him returning and he always inevitably did because he had half his career ahead of him still and it always seemed like the best was to come.

And we have all these stories of what a beautiful person he was, a side we roughly knew of but never got to really experience ourselves as an audience.

But the person we saw was, as you said, this unkillable character. Literally unkillable. He told us from day one he could never die and would persist 5000 years from now when *we* were all gone. Because he was this personification of all the darkest bits of humanity and American society come to force us to face our sins. We watched him, silly as it was, get burned alive and come back a shambling heap of melting flesh and be completely restored. He was forever, he was a god, you could always find him and you could never, ever kill it.

And like, as fans, we kindle that kid in us that wants to believe in superheros and villains and we grow over the years with them. We go to events, and we sing his songs, and we thrust ourselves into that role ourselves of characters in a way. Like we were always *his*. Even if you didn't love him, you played into that for his entrance at the very least because it was such an undeniable experience. He talked and you, and every babyface, listened - whether you wanted to or not.

I'll never forget that one match on Raw, still early on, when the whole crowd was first singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and just swaying, and then turning around and chanting "Bray is gonna kill you." Like, I remember Big E was in that match, and I'm pretty sure he was on the receiving end of that chant. He was over. He was beloved. And the whole crowd was singing hymns and calling for his demise for this literal cult leader that would speak in tongues and Exorcist walk across the ring, holding his heart and smiling with some masked sinister joy at it.

It's really really hard to reconcile he's not actually some biblical force of nature looming over everything and everyone even though we know better. And like, that fan in me that's that eternal kid in a way, is just stomping my feet screaming "but he CAN'T die!"

The end of Smackdown did, and still is, really fucking me up because I kept waiting for the lantern to go out. And like, I couldn't decide if I wanted that. Because on one hand, there's a symbolism there, and a kind of sad beauty, in the light going out. He was with us, and he's gone now, and he can rest (ahahaha I'm going to start crying again). The light fades. But ultimately I'm so glad it didn't go out because A.) I don't think I could've fucking handled it and was already bawling, and B.) It shouldn't go out. Or fade. His spirit of everything he brought to that world should stay with us and with every single performer who goes out there every night and throws their hearts into playing these characters.

And like... maybe, even though it's so hard now, maybe eventually there's comfort to be found in the idea that even though the vessel is gone - *He* will, somehow, always be there haunting us. Because "I have a thousand faces and a million names." We might not see him, but we can choose to believe every time a hero is forced to face their fears that he's there behind it - silently whispering into our ears, willing us on to indulge in every second of it.

[markgatissbirthdayproject]

The auction list is here!

There are probably 6000 issues with the links etc and I am working them all out. Hopefully, not too many! And at least you will have an idea as to what is out there this year! Thanks to everyone who offered fanfics, items and fan works!

If something doesn't work, send me a message here or @antheas-blackberry and I will try to fix it!

And if I got your username wrong, let me know that too!

So the auction works the same as other years. If you would like to bid on an item, click the link and it brings you to a google form. Fill in your email and the amount you would like to bid.

Now, this year I MAY (not sure yet, so we will see) have figured out how to get the bids to go to a spreadsheet so you can all see what is going on without me having to update the page with the high bid every day. If not, I will just update the list every day with the highest bid.

The auction will remain open until the 10th of October. This gives me time to make sure all the links are working and deal with any initial issues. On the 10th I will close the pages for bids and then update the Tumblr page with the final total.

Once I have the highest bid, I will email the donor and the winner and then they can work it out how to deliver the item/fanfic once the donation has been made to Switchboard. All I need is proof of your donation (i.e a forward of the confirmation email).

This has worked well over the past few years and everyone who is literally sending an item has agreed to pay for postage. If this ends up being an issue later on, let me know, and I can work it out.

If you just want to donate to Switchboard without participating, that's fine too. You can donate using the link here.

Fanfic #1 donated by @eventhorizon451 (~5000 words, Mystrade)

Fanfic #2 donated by @lavenderandvanilla (~5000 words, Mystrade)

Grab bag #1 (Mark Gatiss focused) donated by @lavenderandvanilla

Grab bag #2 (Mycroft focused) donated by @lavenderandvanilla

Grab bag #3 (Mystrade focused) donated by @lavenderandvanilla

Ghost Stories donated by Ebony and @romany-walker

A Christmas Carol donated by Ebony and @romany-walker

Mycroft artwork donated by Ebony and @romany-walker

Fanfic #3 donated by Ebony and @romany-walker

Tiny felt Mycroft donated by @baker-street-dolls

Fanfic #4 donated by @johannadc

2024 Magnet donated by @eys93

Grab bag donated by @eys93

The Motive and the Cue program donated by @antheas-blackberry

Grab bag #4 from @lavenderandvanilla

Fanfic of 2-5000 words from @fluffylittleclouds

Hopefully, this was clear! Let me know if not!

[beardeddetectivepaper]

$81,139/$160,000

Dear readers, My name is Shahid and I am raising money to help my best friend's family. Please read their message. Numerical breakdown included at the end of the post "Imagine looking your family in the eye, in your kids’ eyes knowing that this might be your last moment in life? Pulling them from under the rubble and fleeing miraculously with no where to go… for 5 months… how would that feel? Hi all! We are 4 families (17 people - 8 kids included) living in Gaza, Palestine. At the time I'm writing this it has been 140 days of this war and life has never been harder. One week after the war started, we had to evacuate our home and started to move to the southern area of the Strip. So far, we have lost 10 members of my family (cousins), my sister’s newly-built house, all of our jobs, assets and belongings and more! Five month later and we haven’t been able to go back home. We slept in strangers’ houses, in schools, in a teeny tiny tent in the street. We have been targeted and a house we escaped to fell over us.. it’s a miracle we’re still alive. Currently, we’re staying in a small secluded room that doesn’t have any bathroom or any other facility surrounded by collapsed houses due to strikes! We have a very limited access to food, water, and medications. Countless days of hunger, thirst, and cold!

Life here has become impossible! Prices are 10 times higher and everything became almost unaffordable! And It’s been so long since we had any income- keeping in mind that we are already suffering a financial hit because of current circumstances. We don’t have clothes that suit the cold weather and the only clothes we have are the ones that are on us! If we want to cook anything we have to light up fire and it’s another challenge and so risky… let alone that it destroyed our health especially that I and 3 kids in the family have asthma. The list of hardships can’t be placed in one page! Before it’s too late, we need you to extend your generous hands towards us and help us find a safe destination outside this hell.. where dreams are allowed and people aren’t numbers displayed on the screen for seconds.

The goal is to be able to gather around 40k$ for each family just to escape this nightmare and to be able to start a new life somewhere else. And here’s how you can help: * Entering the Egyptian side: Since we don’t have any airport, the only way to travel is by crossing Rafah border to the Egyptian side. To do so, they demand we pay 5000$ for every adult and 2500$ for kids under 15 years old and that’s if they didn’t raise the fees even higher! We won’t be receiving one dollar from this huge fee. It’s all going to go to the company and authorities in the Egyptian side. It’s how people benefit from others’ suffering, unfortunately. (At least 65k$ will go down the drain) * Reuniting with our Moroccan roots: It has been 5 months since we last had any source of income and we have been spending 10 times the normal prices of literally everything! Starting from square one for 4 families isn’t a piece of cake especially the first year until we can secure jobs and a steady source of income: - We need around 100$ per person to issue passports… and around 800$ per person for plane tickets - We don’t have a problem with 17 people having to live in one house… and that’s around 750$ - 900$ monthly rent, not to mention schools, daily expenses, medications (we have diabetes patients and asthma) and much more for 4 families and that’s going to cost around 750$ monthly to say the least for each family and it only covers the necessities and basics - Placing a request in court to Getting our Moroccan nationality, hiring an attorney and more expenses

Kindly remember that time isn’t our best ally and as you go on with your lives please know that 4 families of 17 people will forever be thankful that you pulled them from this constant danger to the shores of safety by donating. We appreciate your participation and so thankful for the time you spend reading our story." The families that will receive the funds - Zuhair M. S. Masood Monira A. R. Masood Hala Z. M. Masoud Mohammed Z. M. Masood Rana M. I. Masood Lian M. Z. Masood Mira M. Z. Masood Ceila M. Z. Masood Ahmed Z. M. Masood Rwaida J. H. Masood Sara A. Z. Masood Dana A. Z. Masood Rabab Z. M. Al Hayk Yousef S. I. Al Hayk Jana Y. S. Al Hayk Amro Y. S. Al Hayk Yazan Yousef Shabaan Al Hayk 1. Border Crossing Fees: • $5,000 per adult • $2,500 per child under 15 years old 2. Passport and Travel Expenses: • $100 per person for passport issuance • $800 per person for plane tickets 3. Living Expenses: • Housing: $750 - $900 monthly rent for 17 people • Monthly Necessities: Approximately $750 per family 4. Legal Procedures: • Requesting Moroccan Nationality: Costs associated with hiring an attorney and court fees

The total estimated cost involves various elements, including the border crossing fees, travel expenses, living costs, and legal procedures. Disclaimer- the fees can vary depending on the circumstance of a ceasefire but as mentioned this family has experienced total loss of their home. 100% of funds raised will dedicated to assisting the recipients in receiving aid to rebuild their life