#/ sorry for the rant just been overthinking recently

[thestrangestwatermelonofall]

i will never forget the time I was hanging out with two other people who were new friends and they were like "let's do a sonic fandub" and one of them started looking up sonic game footage on youtube for us to dub while we discussed who would speak for who and we decided I'd voice tails. But also I knew nothing about sonic at the time, i'd only seen the snapcube fandubs because I'd heard they were good and funny, I didn't know the plot or characters very well. I couldn't remember what they sounded like so while the other two started to say silly things in sonic and amy's voices I asked "what does tails sound like again?" And I was laughing because I was embarrassed and also shocked by how quickly they had started commiting to the bit of trying to do some voice acting and my friend just said "he sounds like a twink" and I could not stop laughing and I could not take the idea seriously and I just told them that I couldn't do the voice oops. And so we moved onto a different topic pretty quickly and just enjoyed the pizza we had while we waited for our other three friends to get back from the store

anyways all of this is to say that Tails is NOT a twink, he is an 8 year old little boy and my friend was misguided.

[gongedtornado]

.

[whosblair]

can you one where james is really angry at reader because him and reader got into an argument so he calls her clingy or annoying and reader starts crying and james feels really bad but shes like overthinking what he said and tries to be less clingy or annoying or embarrassing

thank you so much sorry if this isnt specific enough!!

girl ofc x

heated || james potter x fem!reader

“God, do you ever stop being so fucking clingy?” James groans, his face landing in his hand as he massages the skin on his forehead. You both had gotten into an argument after you had accidentally interrupted one of James’s quidditch team meetings. You didn’t mean to intrude but as the meeting was being held in his dorm, and you hadn’t been notified of this meeting beforehand, you just happened to step into the room at the wrong time. It didn’t help that as you walked in, you proceeded to swear at one of James’s teammates without knowing that he was in the room.

You had tried to explain to James that you didn’t mean to lash out, only doing so because you and the teammate had been assigned partners for a project and so far, he hadn’t been doing any work so far. You didn’t think that James would have been too mad after you apologized profusely to the team and rushed out of the room. But James had recently been selected team captain and it didn’t look too good if his girlfriend had just showed her dislike towards him.

You stopped for a second as the words came out of James’s mouth. You blinked at him, wondering if you had misheard him or anything of the sort. James also seemed to have realized what he had just said and instantly, he’s at your side. He kept saying sorry more times than you could count, cradling your head on his shoulder. You didn’t say anything for the rest of the night.

The next morning rolls around and James felt incredibly guilty for his words. You hadn’t came to his dorm that morning, instead making your way straight to breakfast. As James waits for a few minutes in his dorm, he realized you won’t be showing up and trudges his way to The Great Hall. There, Remus, Sirius, and Peter are sat, laughing about something he couldn’t quite hear. As he made his way closer to the table. He sighs in relief as he sees you sitting at the empty chair next to him. Just like you always did.

“Good morning, love,” he says, his eyes crinkling at the ends. He slips into his seat and takes your hand in his.

“Morning James.” You reply, your smile looking a fit faded and plastered on. You squeeze his hand softly before letting go and starting to eat.

Now James was really confused. You hadn’t came to his dorm, but you said good morning, but you weren’t acting normal, but you squeezed his hand. His head was going back and forth wondering what had happened if you both made up yesterday.

As the rest of the day goes by, you pay little attention to James. His words were still in your head and even though he apologized, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Were you too clingy? Right as you were about to start spiraling again, James walks into the common room where you had been curled up on the couch.

“Hey sweetheart,” he says softly. You respond with a quick ‘hi’ before turning your head to the fire.

James sits himself next to you and his heart breaks as he notices you shuffling a little to give you both a little space.

“Sweetheart, about yesterday,” he starts, and before you can help it, tears start rolling down your cheeks.

“I’m so so sorry Jamie, I didn’t mean to interrupt your meeting, I didn’t mean to rant about your teammate. I didn’t know he was there, promise. And I don’t mean to be clingy, and I know you don’t like it bu-”

You let out in one breath, your cheeks burning as you wipe them harshly. James stops you then.

“No, what?”, he says confused. “No, love, I’m the one who’s supposed to be sorry. I shouldn’t have said that yesterday at all. I was just stressed and worked up. You are never ever too clingy, sweetheart. I love you just the way you are and I’m sorry I made y’feel so bad.” James assures you. You blush a little at his words and he takes your hands off of your cheeks.

“I promise I’ll never say such words to you ever again. And if i do, you don’t ever have to forgive me. But i’m just asking you this once, if you can.”

You think about it for a second before nodding slowly. “You better” you say and giggle when James salutes at you.

“Now come here silly, I missed you,” you admit and open your arms for him. He dives right into them.

[iitsarss]

╰ㅤ₊ㅤ๋࣭ㅤreader x gr13f3r　 old friend　᠀

ꔛ word count: 834 or smth⠀╱⠀established friendship (?) 。

(¬_¬")⠀⠀⠀note ⠀╱⠀kms yall ive been soo unmotivated + school be kicking my ass,, plus not been on my best recently. request for anon hope u dislike it!!/J no but actually sorry this is shit,, I like making griefer a nervous mess that’s cute..anyways byee

When his dad had said, “We’re going to visit an old friend,” Griefer thought they’d end up at some elderly guy’s house, maybe some high school buddy his dad hadn’t seen in years. What he didn’t expect was to walk in and see… you.

He stood there, staring at you, frozen for a couple of seconds. And then he realized you were staring right back, which somehow made it worse. Awkward. But he couldn’t look away. Those eyes… you’d changed a lot since he’d last seen you. The quiet kid he remembered was gone, and in their place was someone he barely recognized but felt he’d known forever.

Your mom was still as sweet as ever, just like he remembered, chatting away with his dad like they’d never stopped. Even when you all sat down in the living room, they kept on, talking and laughing like they had endless stories to catch up on. Occasionally, your mom would ask Griefer a question or two, and he’d stammer out a reply, nerves on edge. And when his dad and your mom got up to make some tea, leaving the two of you alone in the room, the silence grew thick. It felt impossible to start a conversation—it was never this hard before.

Memories flooded back. You two had met when you were just six years old. He’d liked you right from the start; you were a good friend, someone he could count on to sit with at school, to meet up with after class. He remembered the way you’d climb trees together, daring each other to go higher. He remembered how you’d get quiet and a little shy whenever he brought his friends around. He remembered you almost getting expelled together on the first day of high school.

But what he remembered most was not wanting to let you go the day you left. You’d both cried, clinging to each other as you got in the car to leave town, and he could still feel the ache from that day, the hollow feeling that settled in his chest. You hadn’t told him why you were leaving, but he knew you were going to miss him just as much as he was going to miss you.

It had taken him a long time to get used to you being gone. And now here you were, right in front of him again. Taking a deep breath, he finally blurted out, “S0? H0W’VE Y0U BEEN..?”

The words tumbled out awkwardly, and he immediately cursed himself. Was that too casual? Should he have said something else? Something deeper? But his internal ranting stopped the moment you answered with a simple, “Fine.”

"Fine?" he thought. Was that a “fine!” with excitement, or just a flat “fine”? Damn, he was overthinking every little thing, and he hated it. But then the conversation found its rhythm, and soon, he was laughing with you again like no time had passed at all. He forgot how easy it was to talk to you, how natural it felt. He told you about his life—maybe not the whole Venomshank thing, and he left out the endless hours gaming—but he filled you in on enough to say he was “doing fine.” And he listened to your stories, dropping little jokes here and there just to make you laugh. God, he’d missed that laugh, the way it lifted at the edges, the way your smile always seemed to reach your eyes, making them light up.

Before he knew it, hours had passed. Time flew by with you, and he barely realized he had to leave until your mom was gently ushering everyone out the door. But, luck was on his side: she’d arranged to meet again next week.

Later, as he sat on the stairs that led to your house, you sat beside him, still smiling from the day. “IT’S B33N- UH, G00D T4LKING TO Y0U, Y’KN0W? W3 SH0ULD S33 EACH 0TH3R MOR3 0FT3N.”

You chuckled, giving him a playful look. “You missed me, huh? I missed you, too.” He felt his throat go dry at that, coughing to hide his embarrassment as he looked away.

“Y34H… 1 DID. M1SS3D MY FR13ND.”

...

When Griefer finally got back home after the long drive, he went straight to his room, kicked off his shoes, jacket, and shirt, and crashed onto his bed. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the day in his mind. He’d had so much fun, laughed more than he had in months. He’d missed that—missed you. Maybe he’d forgotten just how much he’d liked you back then.

As his thoughts drifted into more dangerous, cheesy territory, he rolled over, burying his face in his pillow, kicking his feet a little like an embarrassed kid. The feeling was undeniable, and it made his heart beat a little faster. He missed you—he really missed you.

And he knew it, especially from the way his heart skipped a beat every time he pictured your smile.

[tobeebuzz]

My RDR2 Oc!

UPDATED! WITH MANY MORE FACTS TO SHARE (INCLUDING NSFW AND MORE ART <3) Norman Fischer, 30

A clumsy but well meaning doctor with a special interest in botany. Was thrown suddenly into the life of an outlaw and has had a lot less time to adjust than the ones born or raised into it.

from an outsiders perspective he seems like a total fool, but when it matters most he’s able to pull himself together and can be very helpful. He’s a total klutz in everyday life but if he needs to focus on his work he absolutely will.

very easily overwhelmed, overthinks often.

He has a bit of a stutter sometimes, though it’s improved a lot since his youth.

Can talk quite a bit, goes on tangents and rants. Can easily get himself worked up into a tizzy.

yes, those freckles cover his whole body ;)

I imagine he smells like a mixture of mint and whatever herbs or plants he’d recently been working with

Norman is homosexual, although he hasn’t fully realized it yet, he’s afraid, ashamed of himself and confused. I can’t imagine he’s come out to anyone in the VDL gang about it, considering he’s still trying to figure it out himself. (Not really much time to think about it though)

He’s very much not a morning person, he needs his coffee.

he pays close attention to the well being of those he’s close to, he WILL notice if they’re showing even the smallest symptoms of not feeling well.

oh my god this man is so easy to fluster don’t get me started. Bombard him with questions, say something freaky out of nowhere, wrap your arm around his shoulder and whisper something to him and he will completely unravel.

he rides a very calm tempered black horse named Molasses, he loves her very very much

~~~~~~~~NEW~~~~~~~~~~

Despite being socially awkward, he enjoys the company of those he’s close with…the only trouble is getting close to people in the first place. 

Some people think he’s stupid, which he really isn’t, the way I see it he just has so many thoughts in his head that it can be hard to keep the herd together.

He mutters to himself a lot while he’s doing things, it sort of helps him keep his mind on track. You can sometimes hear him call himself an idiot under his breath if something goes wrong 

His demeanor shifts greatly when he’s met with an actual bloody injury to treat, he’s not squeamish for the most part, he HAS seen some pretty terrible injuries in his time, of course he would get slightly uncomfortable and feel a bit sick with something like an amputation, but he can push through that. He gets much more focused and will go dead silent, apart from a few whispers, will not respond if you talk to him, he’s in doctor mode he’s using 100% of his brain on this.

He loves flowers, all plants really, but he’s so interested in the different types of flowers. He’d pick flowers a lot when he was a little boy and bring wildflower bouquets to his mother.

Before Arthur (or anyone really) leaves camp hes going to make sure he’s stuffed their satchels with tonics. Better safe than sorry

Probably asks those going out if they can bring him back herbs, 

He does like to go out and forage himself most of the time

He doesn’t get angry often, and it’s hard to take him seriously when he does. It’s not very threatening

He can’t draw himself but really likes to admire art. He’d be delighted to look at Arthur’s little plant and animal doodles

This man is scared shitless of animals yet he still is fascinated by them. 

He’s so polite with ladies, he’s seen women with far more courage than him and he respects them greatly for all they do. I think he gets along very well with the women of the VDL gang.

Norman isn’t a religious man, but he’s still afraid that he and his feelings are just…”wrong”

He’s seen how poorly people react to people like him, so he’s in denial and terrified.

I think if he were to come out to anyone, it would probably be one of the ladies, or someone like Kieran who he knows for certain wouldn’t react violently.

Though imagining how that would go is really funny 

Both of them just chilling together by the fire

Kieran: …

Norman: …

Kieran: …

Norman: “Kieran, if I can- if I can tell you something personal…I-I believe I may be queer.” 

Kieran: “…oh. Okay?”

~~~~~~~~~~NSFW~~~~~~~~~

He’s tried having sex before with a couple of women, both times were unremarkable and he hardly ever thinks of them.

Oh he gets so humiliated when his mind wanders and he thinks of the other men in the gang romantically or sexually, he’s even more mortified at the hard on he gets. 

He will completely melt for you if you kiss his neck and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. 

This man LOVES sucking cock, when he gets to do it for the first time  he just moans and shuts his eyes as he tries to take as much as he can down his throat. He’ll ignore his gag reflex as much as possible, cause it just feels so good and right for him to please another man like this. He’ll look up at his partner, loving the sight of them above him. If he gets facefucked he’s going to come completely untouched. 

Hes noisier than his partner in that situation, he’s whimpering and slobbering aaaallll over it, the sounds are sooo lewd.

Swallows it all like a good boy. 

He’s a quick learner, will try his best to memorize what makes his partner tick.

Very sappy during sex, Will want to kiss, hold hands, will prefer positions where he’s facing his partner, although he can get a bit embarrassed sometimes being stared at. 

This man DROOLS when he’s fucked rough,eyes roll back, lots of incoherent babbling as he tries to praise his partner for how good they feel.

Yeah he bottoms most of the time, but he wouldn’t oppose being on top, he’d be very gentle and loving, 

~~~~~~A lil angst~~~~~~~

Oh as much as I don’t want my sweet boy to die horribly, I don’t think Norman would make it to the end. I’m not sure exactly when or how he’d die (I’m sooo open to suggestions on that)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you read this long, sincerely thank you, it means the world to me that someone was interested in one of my silly ocs. I’m totally open to any questions! <3

also y’all can do basically anything with my oc, like, ask me first and I’m most likely chill with anything, draw him? Okay, ship with another character or oc? Sure! Write smthn freaky? Yes please.

[iloveslllycatss]

## "𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐏𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘"

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 ! 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘔𝘓 𝘏𝘈𝘉𝘐𝘉𝘛𝘐 𝘕𝘈𝘋𝘖𝘖𝘕 @sttarzxx 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬, the paraghraph text and response to it was copy and pasted from me and the dude this happened to me withs chat......... 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 2 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘋𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘐𝘕𝘚𝘐𝘋𝘌 (𝘫𝘬)

"im gonna do it. im gonna text him."

you were on vc with your best friend. for context, you had a crush. a MASSIVE crush on a boy named robby. you had liked him for 2 years now, the only bad thing? you guys were barely friends. you guys had a class together, and he would always talk to you (hed call u weird when u declared you were spiderman.).. all until you left school for second semester. you hadnt seen robby in about 6 months, but you still liked him (attachment issues go hard). u guys used to text, too. itd mostly be u texting with double chats and him replying in a dry way... but u still liked him AHAHA, so 2 days ago.. you asked your friend for his number...

"hey"

you texted, and he replied right away

"hi"

after that, you guys had texted for 5 minutes, asking things like "hru" or "wyd" until he finally said

"who even are u?"

your eyes widened seeing this, and you were a pussy, so you said

"im f/n (fake name)"

you guys, for another day kept texting back and fourth.. the only thing is, you acted like u didnt have a clue who he was, what he liked, and what he did.

"i do karate, i think its cool to have balance in your life and karate gave me that."

..... you already knew that, but you couldnt help but act like u didnt.

it was like u two havent met eachother. but little did u know, he was observant as fuck.

"you know u remind me of someone, u text the same as her. her name is y/n"

he said, and ur eyes widened. u couldnt believe that he had memorized your texting style. but you were a pussy, so u denied it.

a couple days go by and u guys still text, you overthink everything he says and you were starting to think your friends were getting tired of you ranting ab it to them all the time. there was this one time where u two had been talking, and the convo? it wasnt good. at all.

"k"

he said, and you furrowed ur eyebrows...

"WYM K?? THATS LIKE THE DRIEST MESSAGE EVER"

....

"yeah ik"

...... what? you couldnt believe it. was he bored of u already? were u being too annoying? were u just a bother?

your heart sunk, and u felt ur knees go weak. not weak in a "i just folded" typa way, but in a "im gonna kms" typa way.

your thoughts kept flooding with things like "i just annoyed him" or "he doesnt want to talk to me anymore." and you wanted to cry.

you start to rant ab it to your friends, balling ur eyes out as u do, you were in ur head about it, letting it get to you. your hands trembled as u typed about it to your friends. you had always been insecure about your personality, not wanting ppl to see u as too much or crazy. so u finally replied to him.

"ok"

its been 15 since youve been on delivered (or read, he didnt have read recipts on)

u desperately wanted to talk to him so u sent anotyher message

"hihii"

when he replied, you got so happy u forgot about the fact that you were crying about him the night before. but the thing is, he would leave u on read the whole day, and it stressed u out.

everyone had been telling u to just tell him who u were, and to stop being a pussy. hell, even snap ai wasnt on your side. so u write a paragraph, wanting to send it to him

"hi robby, so ive been feeling kinda bad recently for this and i hope u forgive me and that this doesnt ruin our 'friendship' kinda thing going on, basically i lied ab like a couple things and i feel bad IFDJNEJN so uh im y/n (u guessed right kinda craz) and IK I LIED AB NOT KNOWING B/F/N BUT I FELT LIKE ITD BECOME AWKS and stuff, f/n is my online name since ion give my real name out (and its a nickname my freinds call me), im sorry for acting like i didnt know who u were i was just being a pussy difjejfn but the truth is i asked b/f/n to send me a bunch of (school name) numbers and u was like the only person (other than 2 girls) who texted me back and I DIDNT KNWO IT WASS U AT FIRST but when u told me who u were i didnt know how to keep the 'friendship' going (r we friends??? idek atp) nd ik this is gonna make everything awkward and stuff but uh yeah im really really sorry for lying 2 u and i hope we can still b friends lol (ts up 2 u//im coming back next year too so idk if that helps EKJFNEIJNF)"

SENT !

... you were stressing atp, would he block u? would he be dry? would he ghost u? say "oh ok"? call u weird and tell everyone?

you didnt know how to feel, you wanted to cry. you were in ur head about this whole situation and u couldnt help but overthink. so u turn to your best friends, wanting-- no, needing reassurance. they continue to tell u its okay and that he wont break your heart. but you cant help it, that feeling. that feeling of your heart sinking, the feeling of the lump that forms in your throat, the feeling where you just want to feel better. but you cant. you were paranoid. you were tearing up. but you forced yourself not to cry, u didnt wnat to be a crybaby, but u couldnt help it. the tears had already formed and started to fall, your vision fogging up and your eyelashes wet. you couldnt believe u thought ur lifew could be like a wattpad love story. you were cracking your knuckles and picking at the skin around your cuticles, something u did when u were stressed. you then went to bed, hoping everything would be okay.

the next morning u wake up. the first thing u do is check every other social media and dm before his, you had a feeling he was gonna make u cry (again).

when u finally open the text, your whole expression lights up.

"I mean I suspected it and I am personally fine with the lie you told and yea I can forgive u but as you know I am a dry texter"

you were so happy. u couldnt believe it. you quickly change his contact name back from "oh" to "ROBBYYY! <33" and you smiled so big your jaw started to hurt

maybe there was a chance.

@/ilovesillycats

plz dont copy my work 😞

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 13

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 4.5k

A/N: Long time coming! I've been so busy getting ready for uni, I recently transferred colleges so my life is a MESS rn. I hope you guys like this one, new chapter hopefully next week. Enjoy my lovies

You were going to be an aunt. That was very true, very insane, but very true. Your best friend, sister in law (to be), and childhood bully had a tiny little thing in her belly. A little friend in there, Tía Andrea.

You weren't having kids for a long time, you think, so this little blessing was going to be spoiled to a T.

 Juan, you named the baby, if he was a boy, Julia, if she was a girl. An affinity for J names you've noticed, god help you.

After sulking at the thought of Javier dropping you the second he sees Lorraine, you do see your brother and congratulate him. You cry, because he's going to be a dad, you want to tell him to be the dad you two never got to have, but that was far too heavy for a guy like Frankie. You leave him be, because you were quite the cry baby and that he hated about you.  

You groan in your bed, it had been 2 whole nights since Javi left you without a word. His face so full of nothing when he looked back at you for a chin raising nod as a goodbye.

You had the privilege of working at the summer school program from 9-2, the rest of your nights were alone. Spreading jam on toast, sitting criss-crossed dipping your finger in the purple goop and finger feeding your teething sister, who almost always gripped your finger and gnaw. It sort of hurt but tickled, the feeling of no teeth, hungry teething angry baby. Those were your moments of laughter. 

You ranted to poor Marisol often, “Do you think Lorraine and Javi will just rekindle that flame? I'm so stressed Sol,” she had a permanent grin on her face so you felt like she never took your problems seriously. She was 11 months old, still you felt judged. 

“I didn't want it to end”

Pause, a fucking pause. 

“I didn't want it to end that way either. “

Your chest expanded and tightened at the thought. And you did what you have always done best.

Overthink it.

What if it was Houston that tore them, too grown too soon. What if them both standing in a wedding in their hometown, a town where they fell in love in, what if that becomes just too much for them and they realize that they can try the damn thing again. You narrow your eyes at your sister as she slobbers on her fist. Lorraine has always been prettier than you. You couldn't see why Javi wouldn't just crumble at her feet when she comes home.

And she's a Christian, like a good one.

You recall in your sophomore year being teased by a junior named Terrance. He had heard about the rumor (the half true rumor), that Javier hooked up with his best friends sister atop a car. Close, you thought.

Hook up though? Depended on your definition, and it was against the car, not on top. Anyway, he crowded you at your lunch table while your friends stood to get their meals. He claimed you made it up for attention, why would anyone cheat on Lorraine with you? You held it together, brows pulling tight and leaving without a word. Finding the bathroom and breaking down, an experience unique to teenage girls. 

Biting back sobs in a bathroom stall. 

You stare at your baby sister longer, “Don't ever let a boy talk you down, okay mama?” She babbles and you take an aggressive bite of your toast. Face screwing up realizing you never really liked this snack. And don't let a boy shut you out after he's been intimate with you. You shake your head no, I’ll tell you that one when you're older. 

Like a light bulb hovering over your head, you grab your sister and walk out your room. Storming into the living room where your mother and her husband cuddled while watching some movie. The baby babbled at the sight of her daddy, “Going to bed.” You lie and plop your sister in their laps and hurry up the stairs before your mother could question you. 

You lock your bedroom door and shed your clothes with thoughts of Javier and his stupid sexy mustache and smile. How pleased he seemed to be getting you off, bastard. You stare at the mirror while you're bare, the hickeys on your soft skin mellowing in the slightest. And despite wanting to go over to Javier's just to talk, you slip on pretty panties. Just in case. 

You dig for something less appealing to stick on your body. If you don't tempt he wont have to see what's waiting for him under it all.

Jackpot.

Frankies track pants from high school, Laredo’s awful navy and black colors. Haven't they heard, navy and black is fashion suicide. You slip the loud material on, and then a gray tank top. You don't even bother with sneakers, slippers will do. 

You don't even call, you exit through your window and hop off the small shed Mr. Warden recently built for his storage. Passing your own car and walking to Javier's house at 11 pm. 

You're huffing 2 minutes in, despite Texas being famously flat, you still had the beastly hill to get to the two paths that led to Javier's home. The short cut that involved walking 3 minutes in the woods and ending at his house in less than ten, or the main road with long haul truckers and an additional 15 minutes to the walk. 

“God, please don't let me get mauled by a wolf.” You mutter to yourself before making a left into the barely lit trail, one warm light at the beginning and one off in the distance at the end. 

Well you don't die. You do get bit by some sort of bug on your elbow and startled by a squirrel. You just repeat to yourself that this is a good idea, the two of you need to communicate.

You end up at the Peña ranch, completely dark. You start to realize how silly it was for you to show up unannounced in the dead of night but the light from Javier's room has your stomach doing a strange flip. His window closed but the view of him sat at his desk was clear. 

Javier heard your call and didn't even startle. He was confused for a moment, looking at his door to his room but ultimately he threw that idea away, you strolling in his house near midnight, no way.

Hearing a crunching of leaves and a shriek, Javier is at his feet and opening his window, his eyes meeting your flushed cheeks and a leaf in your hair. 

Javier desperately tries to bite back a laugh at the sight, shirt strap off your shoulders, in track pants and slippers. Eyes wide in embarrassment, he’s just glad you aren’t hurt from whatever caused a piece of greenery to be stuck in your hair, a hand swiping to whack the thing away. Your hair disheveled from the midnight breeze, you were so damn beautiful. Always. 

“Will you stop staring and let me in before your dad comes out here with a shotgun?” 

Javier blinks, realizing he had just been ogling you for a bit too long, “Right, sorry.” 

He grips your hands and lifts you in. You huff with the sketchy landing, effectively kicking your slippers off and dusting off those loud pants, your cheeks are still red, maybe it’s from the fall or the weather or something else. You sit on his bed, wiping your brow free of sweat. “This thing makes me sound like a fucking wind tunnel.” You tug at the oversized pants. 

A strange primal heat spread across Javier’s chest seeing you wear pants that obviously weren’t yours but instead some boys.

The heat died when he realized they’re just your brothers. He remembers Frankie wearing them back in high school. 

“Wait-how did you get here?” A worry flashing him, you bring your knees to your chest on his bed. He stood against his desk, his arms crossed, leaned forward a bit to be face level with your own. He was just a huge broad man, you had to pounce on him.

About that, you think. 

“Walked, what were you reading?” You deflect, Javier shakes his head knowing what you're trying to do, he’s known you for a decade. He knows your often poor decision making skills and inability to lie, so he presses again, ignoring your question.

“I would have picked you up if you called.”

He would have, in a heartbeat. He’d drop anything and you knew that. Through all your insecurity and self depreciation you always understood that. That pissed you off, no wonder you had fallen so hard. He was always there, fixing up whatever mess you made.

He never did really mind, but you going M.I.A on him and then putting yourself in harm's way just to see him. That pissed him off pretty bad. Then again he could also never really be angry with you, not when you're finally here with him after so many years of no contact wondering if you were okay, happy, fed, healthy or whatever he killed himself over worrying about you. 

You, and your fucking tiny tank top and big eyes like you've never done wrong in your life. To him you hadn't and if you did, those eyes tell him otherwise. You just shrug with a pretty pout and a pulled brow. That stupid thought of pressing his thumbs to your forehead smoothing out any worry you’ve ever had. “I wanted to go on a walk and ended up here.” Lie.

“It just isn’t safe.” Javi’s crossed arms flex when you narrow your eyes in annoyance.

“Believe it or not Agente, I used to take walks by myself back when you lived with Lorraine 5 months ago.” You bite and ah, thats why you’re here.

He saw the look on your face change when he spewed that awkward phrasing to Genie’s news.

Truthfully Javier didn’t mean for it to come out like that. He gripped the wheel to his truck when he dropped Genie off at her house. His pounding head leaning against the wheel, feeling so dumb. Ashamed. 

He didn’t call you because he didn’t know how.  Didn’t know if your mom would pick up or if you were actually upset with him. Maybe you felt different after he ate you out, after he bent you over and came on your back. Maybe he was a fucking idiot and moving too fast. 

But the name drop gave him confirmation. Javier dropped his eyes to the floor and let out a sigh. “Yeah, about Monday…” His eyes stay trained to the ground, bracing himself for your attitude that he strangely adored. For you to rip him a new one for making you feel bad, for making you feel unsure in whatever this was. Waiting for a justified fuck off, or a firm talk like you gave him when he saw you again for the first time last week. 

But instead he hears you sniffle. 

Well fuck, you were crying and Javier looked like you had just stabbed him. Striding to you to get on his knees and hold your knees as you sat perched up on his bed crying over something so stupid. But the whole situation gave you deja vu.

A flash of trying to look pretty for him after the two of you kissed and fading at the hollow pit in your belly when you saw him arm in arm with Lorraine just two days after. 

Communicate, it’s what you told yourself to do on your way to his house. You lost too many years by being too damn shy to tell him how you felt. 

But now that the moment was here you couldn’t help but sob. But to feel like the insecure girl trying to compete with someone in a different ball park. But this time around Javi is repeating your name and attempting to soothe you, his hands moving from your knees to your wrists. Andrea, he presses so tenderly and so concerned. 

Andrea, querida, what’s wrong, hey. 

And all other soft calls to you. “I-I’m sorry- I don’t know why i’m crying, sometimes when��I’m around you—i still feel like i’m sixteen and—" He drops his head, his hands loosening at the thought of all the mistakes he made with you. Your own hands flex and move from the hold completely as he’s at your mercy, head bowed. “I understand if Lorraine coming home changes things—you two were together for a long time and I know she’s probably less complicated or-or emotional—and not someone you need to hide— I know she’s easier to have and keep. I won’t be upset, I know in comparison i’m i don’t know, homely? And never really made for a good-“

“Andrea.” His voice strained but demanding you to stop your tearful rambling. It wasn’t like you to act that way, not anymore. You’ve grown too much to let all your insecurities wash you out, but it seems that maybe you never got over 1980, maybe you couldn’t just have casual sex with Javier Peña. 

“What?” Your voice breaks, god. And there’s Javier with that same look of disappointment, in you, in himself or in your doomed situation, you weren’t sure but he looks absolutely torn in half. 

His wet lips part like he was prepared to say something but they shut as his eyes search yours.

There’s silence again and his eyes drop and you begin to fear that maybe he agreed with all that you said. Maybe he knew that when his ex came home he’d be ready to fix that, maybe he knew Lorraine was a simpler, prettier girl. So your heart breaks further every second that passes. Every second he doesn’t look at you. 

 “Be with me.” 

Your mouth parts at the softness in his voice, and what was left of your heart swelling in your chest. Tears fell harder in confusion and praying this wasn’t just another spec of false hope, hoping it wasn’t another kiss by his car or another if you tell me to stay. 

You whisper, “What?”

His own eyes, glossy. “I don’t want anyone else, I don’t want you with anyone else. Nothing will change that. I don’t care if this is difficult, I don’t care if you think you’re hard to be with. I’m just asking you to be with me Andrea.”

You frown and shut your eyes tightly. You want him to repeat it again, over and over until you two wither away together.

Maybe he also knew that you two could never just be casual. 

Javier and Andrea casually hooking up, who were you kidding?

“Okay-"

He doesn’t let you finish whatever came next, you don’t even know what else you were going to say because his lips were crushing your own. His hand holding the back of your head as he presses you close. Tying your souls in his own way, kissing and holding you. 

Finally. Oh my god…

You arch your back into him, he groans against you when he realizes his uncomfortable position. His body hunched over in order to make out with you while you sat on the edge of his bed. 

“Fuck it.” He mumbles before grabbing your ass and lifting you up. Your legs wrap against him, holding to him like a koala. His hands generously squeezing at your behind in the track pants. Your nails raking in his pretty brown hair, his mustache scraping your lips raw and you love it. 

Laying you on his bed and kissing you there would be easy, but Javier obviously could care less about easy, I mean he just asked his best friends sister to be his for good. So he held you up, licking into your mouth with your legs wrapped around his stomach. Moaning when your core rubbed against his stomach. 

“Am I too heavy?”

Javi scoffed against your lips, “shut the fuck up.”

He takes a few steps back and bumps into his desk. The image of you bent over it, taking him makes his pants tighten. He turns to sit you on it, shoving the mail from work on the floor, the thing you had been so interested in just 10 minutes ago. 

He steps back slightly, your hands still attached to him with your swollen lips and desperation for more. You looking so pretty perched up on his desk. He had to have you every day, what was he going to do when he leaves, what was he going to do?

No time for that, he grabs your face again and continues kissing you, making up for all those years you spent wanting him. All the years he spent hiding how bad he wanted you. 

Without warning Javier hooks his left hand in the front of your thin top and pulls it down. Your breasts spilling out, and he looks like he’s ready to devour you. His mouth immediately attaching to your left breast eliciting a high pitched moan from you. His wet lips suctioning on such a sensitive and untouched part of your body. His right hand moving to your unattended one. Kneading and gripping while his tongue flicked and swirled. 

Your hair falls in your face as your heavy head falls at the pleasure. Still so wet, you move your hips to hopefully get some release, “Javi, please-“

His lips part from your breast, his mouth wet and open as he looks up to you, waiting for your request. But you’re so turned on by the circumstance, by him asking you to be his, by the way his hair is falling above his brow and by your breasts spilling out of your tank top “What do you need baby?”

“I want to come.” 

His lips quirk at your bluntness. He wastes no time and begins pulling off your pants—or your brother pants. Your chest heaves when he stands straight to remove you from the desk and you get a glimpse of his hardness. Heavy in the oh so causal sleep pants that made your head spin

“I want you to come.” You add, he pauses his brows raising a bit. “We don’t have to take off our clothes, i’m not ready yet but we can-“ You cut yourself off feeling awfully shy and juvenile for the suggestion but his eyes darken at your bashfulness. You were ready to fuck him on Monday when you were clouded by horniness and the uncertainty of if it was your last time but now he wants to you to be his. You never need to rush. 

He tilts his head slightly and grabs the bottom of your tank, freeing you from it. Leaving you bare breast and in your small little underwear, placed on his desk. His pretty girl, his, finally his. 

“What baby? You wanna dry hump me? Like a couple of fucking teenagers?”

Your cheeks heat quickly, embarrassed about your stupid horny ask, feeling frozen in shame until Javi smiles again. Picking you up for what feels like a millionth time and sitting you in his lap at his desk chair. Straddling him, you feel the weight of him, so close to him.

You love kissing him, you never want to stop and you don’t, your lips working on his. Dragging to his cheek leaving wet kisses from jaw to neck. The perfect position to hear his own pretty breaths. 

In between pants he gets a hold on your waist lifting you slightly. He gives himself space to move his erection, move it to help you feel him better. Lowering you, your lips suck and nip at his neck leaving a careless mark. A whine leaves your parted lips at the contact and his lips quirk in a sweet smile. 

But the smile fades into an eyebrow screwing groan when you move on him. He repeats your name in worship. His forehead dropping to your shoulder while you use his body. So little clothing for you and so much for him. Yet he’s mumbling in your ear like he’s already on the verge of finishing.

Feeling the underside of him rub against the thin cotton throws you for a loop and you can’t seem to care how feral you have to look getting yourself off on Javi like this. His head turns to place his lips on the space below your ear.

“Don’t leave, let me keep you here forever.” He urges and your core is pulsing just from his words. “When you let me fuck you—fuck—i’ll make sure you’ll never need anyone else querida.” 

“Oh god-“ You moan, your head dropping feeling closer, his own hips bucking up to meet you. The spaced out thrusts causing you to release a high pitched squeak. 

Javier’s hand moving to the back of your head, forcing it to his neck to keep you muffled. 

“Hijo?”

Your eyes widen and you squeeze Javi tighter. You stay frozen at the sound of Don Chucho calling outside of Javier’s room. 

Javi doesn't let up, you hold a muffled whine in his neck as he continues to buck his hips into you. “Si papi-uh dad yeah?”

“Todo bien?”

Javier, still moving below you, slips his hand between you, his fingers dragging along your clothed cunt, helping speed up your process. You're so close but if you come now, there's no doubt his father will hear. 

“I’m good, uh-working on some DEA stuff.” 

You would laugh if the pad of his thumb wasn't circling your most sensitive part of your body. 

“Alright hijo, try to sleep we have to be at Mrs. Glorias home tomorrow at 12. You're coming right?”

“Uh-yeah-I’m coming” His eyes grow large and he finally stills from under you, “I mean–yes I am coming…tomorrow.”

You stifle a laugh in his shoulder and he pinches your ass.

“Um, alright, goodnight.” His dad calls, the sound of footsteps and a door slamming ends that.

And you laugh into him forreal, but his fingers returning to your panties shut you up. “You're coming Javi?” you tease.

“Shut up-” He bucks harder and you’re close, your eyes going blank. 

You move your lips to his neck again, “Papi huh?”

And then he breaks, “Fuck-Andrea”. Coming in his pants in deep grunts and grips at your ass. Coming down from his own high he gets frustrated, his fingers dipping into your panties without warning. His deft fingers collect all the moisture he created and drag to your clit.

You come in a white flash, falling off the edge. You repeat his name in whiny cries. His hands hurrying to hold you up against his while you collapse into him. Heart racing, the orgasm comes in rippling. Javier holds you, sweat and all. Kissing the top of your head, whispering sweet words of You’re so good, feel so good baby. He keeps you like this for what feels like an eternity, feeling boneless and light when he stands.

He lays you on his bed like a doll. You lay still coming down, chest rising and falling. Still pulsing at the thought of how dirty and depraved the whole thing was. So wrapped in the high and replaying all the shit you’ve always wanted to hear, you flinch when he climbs in bed with a new pair of pants. 

“You’re bad.” He groans when he settles into the bed with a creak. 

You screw your brows together and turn to him, “Yea says the guy still trying to jump my bones while his dad was outside the room you psycho!” You whisper yell and he laughs that same deep sweet laugh you love. 

Javi brings you in closer to him, kissing you a quick chaste one. Blushing at the simpleness of it all. Cuddling in bed with Javier Peña and kissing him for fun, what is my life? “Mmm, take off your panties.”

You scoff.

“Not like that–I’m tapped out, unless you want to.”

“As much as I would love to have you between my legs, I am also tired.” You reach down and slip the soaked thing off, leaning over placing them on his nightstand. He pulls up the comforter over you. 

Javier slips his arm over your stomach, thumbing your hip in light circles. “You can put them in my drawer, they're mine now.” 

“You're a pervert.” You laugh, pinching his wrist.

“Mmm, when it comes to you? Yeah a bit.”

Red as a cherry you bury your face in his chest, hiding yourself. 

Silence passes for a few minutes, just the two of you together. The reality sets in, the hiding begins. But so does being with him, so does working this out so does communicating. “I should probably leave, don't want your dad to catch me.” You whisper and he grumbles an annoyed sound from his chest.

“Dont care, stay here. I’ll sneak you out early in the morning.” He grips you tighter and you smile feeling satisfied. “Tell me about Miami.”

You frown, “What do you want to know?”

“Anything. Tell me about your roommates, classes. I never got to go to college, tell me.”

Kissing his chest again, “You say it like you’re some dropout, you’re like a secret fucking agent.” He groans again, hatong when you talk him up, he gets shy like you. You spare him. “My roommate is cool, party girl. Her name is Delilah, from Arkansas. She was like a real southern-belle, big curly hair and blue eyes. She’s been begging for me to visit since I graduated early. We got along really well but she was annoyed with me often. I never partied.”

Javier’s chest rises, “Why? You used to party a lot in high school, remember when I had to get you from Juniors house at like 2-”

“Oh god don’t remind me I was a mess, case and point. Didn’t have a hot strong brother's best friend to pick up said pieces.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.”

The two of you laugh into each other, it's simple and perfect. 

“Besides that, it was an unfulfilling experience but I teach in the fall so it worked out I guess.”

“Ms. Diaz, sexiest teacher to ever step foot in Laredo for sure. If you were my teacher, whew.”

“You need to relax.” You mumble, feeling sleepier in his arms. “What were you reading by the way?”

Javier stirs and lets out another annoyed groan, gripping you tighter. “Some stupid fucking retreat for my office. In New Orleans in June, it's for all the people who are going to Columbia in fall. Stupid shit but its all expenses paid at the Roosevelt.”

Your brows raise, “Fancy, you gonna be flirting up the staff. Chest hair out with Getting your game back on before Columbia.” He scoffs and brings his hand down hard on your behind, eliciting a screech from you. “You’re gonna leave a mark pendejo.”

“Well you have a smart mouth, would rather see you half naked by the pool. I’ll sock anyone who looks at you though,” You shove him, the out of reach thought, fantasy, of maybe going away with him flashes in your eyes. Before you could dwell, he reached down to kiss you again. He mumbles against your lips. “You gave me a hickey so we’re even.”

Your eyes flutter shut, dosing off in the warmth of Javi. In the warmth of someone who’s yours. 

Half asleep you mumble, “Why’d you come the second I said the word papi?”

He scoffs tiredly and kisses your head again.

 “Shut up.”

[crguang]

I feel like there’s a lot of sacrificing for a joke in hsr, which is definitely annoying especially when it just…doesn’t make sense, tonally and just logically. And I really do wish we found out more abt the TB, and I would’ve like even like a tidbit from firefly since we talk to her sm, we even play as her at the end. Or maybe get an offhand mention abt how she’s not supposed to tell us bc of the script or smth . I def agree w you, I cannot take the ipc seriously, bc there’s all this stuff abt how they’re doing stuff for their own benefit and profit but idk the stuff w the stellaron hunters and them is just so goofy, like it doesn’t make any sense.

ok so, I was looking thru ur blog and I realized I sent a message abt two-ish weeks ago, tumblr probably ate it smh. I was just saying how it was silly that Kafka’s wanted poster literally says she likes coats on it, and her bounty, like that’s it. Shes so sjsjshbsbddbbewv. And I also came up with another fic idea, like Kafka in an idol/band AU, but also I think her being an actor w the other stellaron hunters would be funny. But yk if I ever get around to writing anything instead of Kafka just living in my brain, who would she be in a band with, I was think abt using some of the characters from the animated before the show starts thing, but the instruments just don’t go together. Also I think I need to work on writing Kafka in general, bc she’s so complicated and it’s fun but I also overthink things too much.

And the leaks were unfortunately right abt 4 characters on one side. I’m not as devastated as you ofc, but hopefully I win my 50/50. Hjskalskskskndn I will cry if I loose.

also, no need to apologize for ranting, your rants always make more sense than mine, and I really enjoy your thoughts. -🌠

i agree with you 100%!!! missed opportunity with firefly and the tb reconnecting it could have been so nice. and omg i think i read that ask, it sounds familiar but i have so many (most are really old reqs, the recent ones are the event reqs i keep to answer eventually) and sometimes things get lost or i’ll click on the notification, answer in my head, then go do something else and forget to actually post my reply, im sorry😭😭 but YES i was thinking of kafka’s description in the game and while i know its the objective writing of the game and not the ipc, i find it funny to believe that whoever was in charge of her wanted notice thought she was hot as fuck because “dashing” and “beauty” in the same sentence is crazy work. her bounty is even funnier bc im wondering how they found out that she loved coats like😭 did she steal a bunch (she did), are they rlly monitoring her credit card and seeing all the purchases of expensive coats, is she always found in a store— what is it?!

actor au stellaron hunters would be really fun… you could also just put then in a band together for the idol/band au because i do think they’re the people who understand her best. the thought of kafka and jingliu practicing together is so funny because jingliu would hate that woman like GDJFBFNG her arrogance would have liu clenching that instrument so tight

i dont think you should worry about overthinking when it comes to writing, it can be a weakness because then you focus too much on details and forget the big picture, but personally i also think j too much into things when i write characters like kafka especially. when every genuine emotion is in the twitch of a finger, there’s kinda no choice lol

“im not as devastated as you” is killing me but its true… im the biggest victim of this banner system bc if i dont get my swanie i’ll @)&$(&)@)£<£#%. i hope u win the 50/50, unless i lose mine in which case i hope everyone else also loses <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!

I have three best friends A, D and P and everything's so complicated at this moment. Over the past year (since Jan 23), I have ended up being hurt by all three of them.

A started dating this girl, R, and I wasn't really a fan of her because she refused to interact with any of A's friends, including me, A ditched me for her and I've tried bringing it up more than a few times in mature conversations where she has ended up telling me that R overthinks, and I at least have D, and another one of our friends, S to spend breaks with, while R, as the new girl doesn't. After 10 months, she has finally seen for herself and realised what I've been telling her for months, and plans to break up with her in two weeks. But we've had so many arguments about this, and I felt so shitty that she was so ready to ditch our six year old friendship for a girl that she had known for a grand total of six months. Long story short, this and her lack of understanding and consideration for my feelings has hurt me multiple times and only recently has she started making an effort to be better.

D and S have a lot in common. Same subject choices and classes, and they went on an exchange trip together. Most of the time I felt like I was third wheeling them, which has only recently stopped because D realised that S was an egoistic bitch. D and I have been best friends for seven years, but she so readily ditched me with S because they wanted to go somewhere in school where we had been specifically told not to go to. October through December last year, I didn't even want to go to school because while I wanted to see D, I hated feeling replaced.

P and I have had a complicated relationship for a long time. Last year, she told one of her other friends, M, about my crushes. We go to an all girls school, I'm a lesbian and the girls I liked were the self proclaimed mean girls. You do the math. Anyways, P tends to get into a lot of trouble, and last year our class teacher genuinely despised her. I cannot tell you the number of times I got into trouble by trying to get her out of it, or just for being friends with her. Yet I always feel like her second choice, actually, her last choice. I ask her to stay with us during the breaks, and she agrees but then goes off with M. At one point in time, she was mad at D and me for joking about her height (she's shorter than us) and called me an elephant. I'm curvaceous and a bit on the higher side of the scale for our age group, but yeah, she was supposed to be my best friend. This is obviously a bit biased, because I probably don't remember the shit I've done to her. Today I found out from A that P feels trapped in our friendship and that's why she spends time with M to escape. Apparently, I've hurt her a lot and said shit that "scarred her inside". And I feel so shit for that.

Sometimes, I wish I never met them. They're supposed to be my best friends, but all they do is hurt me. And they're always talking about how they're hurting or they were hurt so they acted the way they did, but what about me? What about how I'm hurt? I was planning to go out with A, D and P the weekend after my birthday to have a small celebration, and I was kind of excited for that because we were going to an arcade and I had always wanted to go there with them, especially with D and P. But now I don't want to do anything for my birthday, because I don't want P to stay in a friendship where she feels trapped, but I can't also not invite her. And even if I didn't, what's the point of just going out with A and D?

Sorry for ranting so much, but I don't really have someone to tell this to.

Hi hon <3

This sounds like a lot to deal with. Honestly, I think you need to sit down with all of these friends (not all at once, but one-on-one) and have some conversations about how you feel. If they feel you've hurt them too, then there's resentment on both sides, and it needs to be aired out, or the friendship's just going to get worse. If you want to stay friends with them, you need to try communicating, you know?

I think it also might be worth it to try to find some friends outside this group. See what else is out there. Best case scenario- you make new friends. Worst case- if all of these people continue to suck, you have other people to fall back on.

Naming you ADP anon!

[frikatilhi]

Re: Bojan's tone with the Käärijä question, I was also kinda caught off guard by it. I first saw the interaction only in a text post which didn't convey the tone, but I just saw the video. I'm sure he is not annoyed by Jere (considering that he just a few days ago posted about the Emma gaala and everything), but I was still a bit taken aback (but I'm also an anxious bojere bitch so it might just be me). Hopefully everything is okay. It's not the first time he's been a bit annoyed by the constant Käärijä related questions, of course, it's just that lately he has seemed more fine with them (like you said, in that recent podcast, for example) and even bringing up Jere himself, even when he didn't have to. So yeah, the sudden annoyance seemed to kinda come out of nowhere.

And one thing I've kinda been silently side-eyeing is the way Bojan and the other JO boys have publicly congratulated Jere for the new single and now for the Emma wins. And Jere has said nothing about their new single. I mean, he is obviously not obligated to do so, and I guess he mostly uses his social media to promote his work and other personal shenanigans (as he should). Because unlike the boys, who have their personal accounts as well as the band's official account for just the band promo, he just the one account for everything. Still, I was a bit surprised he didn't acknowledge it at all. (But of course, may have done so privately.) And actually, did he acknowledge SSOL either? The whole Nordic Tour is a complete blur to me lol.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm just overthinking everything as usual. And needed to say it "out loud" to someone. So thank you for "listening", I guess. 😅🩷

Hey, it's okay to vent!

But I wouldn't read too deeply into it, he probably didn't mean much by it? He wasn't his happiest self since he is sick, and honestly it doesn't sound annoyed to me?

And I didn't think it was weird at all that Jere didn't post about EW, I don't think he uses IG that way nowadays, it's just for promoting his own stuff. I don't think we should put too much stock on what we see publicly anyway, it's only a very small part of their relationship and can be totally random. I enjoy it when they acknoledge each other, but it's not the be all end all of their thing.

[zo-mew]

Hey so like I’m just gonna use this as a place to rant about my life and my fuckass friends, so if this comes across someone’s page like I’m sorry so just ignore it.

Idk if i’m just being paranoid or smthing but like i feel like my friends hate me. like i’m always the one who has to ask to hangout with them, they never come up to me or like talk to me first. and idk if it’s just like seasonal paranoia but cause i recently started college i’ve met a bunch of new ppl but i feel like they’re gonna see that i’m like not worth talking to and that they’re gonna start ignoring me like my other friends do.

i kinda realised this a while ago but i thought about it today but my friends always play games together and stuff but when i ask if they wanna play they either ignore me or just say like ‘another time’ which is just like what. like today two of my friends were playing roblox and talking about it on the gc and i decided ‘oh i’ll download it too so we can play together’ and so i did and i messaged in the gc to tell them and they just completely ignored me and like stopped the convo they were already having. i felt bad for interrupting but i’d already waited a bit to find a good time to send my message but i decided to just send it. but they didn’t even acknowledge it, and ik they saw the message too so idk.

and it’s the same with minecraft. i don’t have the game because it costs money and i can’t afford to buy it. but they constantly talk about like 'omg last nights call was so funny' and ik they have a seperate gc to talk about mc but i cant stop thinking like what if theyre also talking about me on there. and ik thats like selfcentred of me to think but still. another thing is that they never call me, and i don’t even like calls but i’d just like to be asked to join the call or smthing - even if i’m just sat there while they’re playing a game i’d still like to be involved.

ive never really had good experiences with any groups ive been friends with, but at the same time i feel like my paranoia about the whole thing is making me overthink really simple interactions.

ok that’s me done for now. since it’s friday rn i’m gonna try ignoring them all day on monday and seeing if any of them even notice i’m not there. i’ll reblog with an update.

Thanks to any strangers who decided to read through my awful writing :3

[elmaxlys]

Tenkuu Shinpan questions: my answers

Guess I'll go first

1) Favorite character(s) and why

My favorite character is Rika!

He's very smart, he's very strong, even as a human, he knows every sport and how to incorporate them into his fighting style, which makes him incredibly cool, he fight with a goddamn sledgehammer and that's the coolest thing ever.

But most of all, despite his twisted personality (which I also unconditionally love), he cares. He cares so so much at all times. For Yuri, for Sniper, for his team he accidentally put together because he kept saving people..

He's perfect in every way and that includes his dubious morals 🥰

2) Favorite arc

They are all so interwoven, it's difficult to choose. I'll put the divine codes arc first. Because Juo? Yeah, partly lol

3) Tenkuu Shinpan or Tenkuu Shinpan arrive? why?

In the absolute, it's Tenkuu Shinpan, but recently I've been thinking about Arrive so much that I have to answer Arrive for today haha!

Why TSA: because it delves particularly into that question of what constitutes humanity, with the clones and with Asuka - even with the clouds actually. It's a theme I really love, and Miura's treatment of it is beautiful, as well as the treatment of suicide and suicidal ideation. There's also all the meta side, the Previous God's revelations about Senya and Taisei etc. If you've read it you know what I mean. The fact that it sheds light on the entire rest of the series is what makes it so good.

4) Favorite scene

I'll say Rika's phonecall with Aikawa, complete with the suicide attempt afterward. It's so good at illustrating Rika's character: very proud, caring for his siblings more than anything, anxious as fuck, overthinking at all times, suicidal.

5) Favorite official illustration

6) Who had the coolest life so far: Yuuka or Rika?

Rika, no doubt

7) Favorite relationship canonwise

Rika and Yuri... They are everything. They care about each other so much, they love each other so much, they go talking about the other to any rando that crosses their way "my sibling is much cooler and stronger than me 🥰🥰" like hhhhhhh also Yuri losing it when learning Rika was abducted? God.. Yuri losing it when Rika was brainwashed? Amazing... Rika's panic when he learns Yuri is Aikawa's new target? I'm gonna faint.

8) Favorite ship

Juo x Rika!!!!!!!

9) Favorite fanwork (fanart, fanfic, edit, etc)

answered here

10) Rant unlocker!

sorry this turned into "Rika is the best <3", it's just because he is u_u

Tenkuu Shinpan questions

[sunskate]

Something I’m curious about is the notion that VM were “given” Seasons. I know in the show VM said Marina wanted her teams to connect to a Russian composer because of the Olympics being in Sochi (and obviously Russia being Marina’s home country I can certainly understand her wanting to pay homage to that). And I know at various points they’ve both said it wasn’t the right music for them, they didn’t connect to it, and that they struggled to find music and ultimately settled on Seasons.

So yes, maybe Seasons was presented to them, but I’d like to think they had more agency and experience than they did when Marina played Mahler for them in 2009. They were still babies then (age wise) in the sport among more experienced and senior teams. It was their first senior quad. I get being given Mahler, this magical and ethereal piece that Marina knew would be perfect for them. But I don’t really get them being given Seasons and just accepting it. I partly question why VM hadn’t been planning further ahead. (Side bar - I think Tessa said in the Lilah Jo podcast that if you’re smart you plan for a quadrennial). In the 2014 nationals broadcast, the commentators talk about DW having picked out their music two years before and holding on to it for the Olympic season. Maybe VM were too injured to think about planning so far ahead. Even though Tessa especially recently said they’d thought about quitting around 2013, I don’t think that would stop them from planning for the Olympic year - the worst that could come from that would be they didn’t get to use the material they wanted to. So I just don’t get why there wasn’t more planning for their Olympic season FD.

I’d love to here a 30+ minute overview of how and why every single program of Tessa and Scott’s was conceived and picked, and I know they wanted to return to their vintage VM after the unsuccessful bid for Worlds gold with Carmen, but surely they would have had ideas across the board? I don’t know. It just surprises me. So yeah, sorry for the long rant! The question is did Marina fail them by “giving” them Seasons or did they fail to plan ahead? That sounds harsh in a way that I don’t really mean. It’s just me being curious.

Final thing - I also think that as you said VM had the superior Short Dance and were soooo underscored. So I don’t think Marina counted them out. Scott once said that you can’t win a title in the Short Dance but you can lose it there. I think Marina set them up to be serious contenders (obviously) but ultimately their FD just couldn’t get them there.

you're bringing up a lot of good points -- it is curious why VM didn't put their foot down, if Marina "gave" them Seasons, and they didn't believe in it. how they didn't have more of a game plan for 2014, or why they didn't come up with a more exciting alternative rather than pasting a story about their journey onto music that didn't inspire them or anyone

Tessa said if you're smart you plan for a whole quad, but i don't think they did. i never got the impression they had Moulin Rouge chosen at the start of the comeback. the 2nd quad with Marina, they sure weren't thinking of Seasons at the same time they were planning Hip Hip Chin Chin - VM say a lot of stuff in interviews that's contradicted elsewhere

i question if it's possible to plan a quad in more than a general sense. the rules, your competitors, your own progress - hard to predict years in advance what the landscape will be. Tessa's an overthinker and second guesser, but she did have an intuition about Marina. and Scott didn't agree. maybe they suppressed their instincts on all this

there's an interview from fall 2013 where VM say they felt the producers of the reality show wanted the best for them - if "the best" meant wanted them to win because it would help everyone involved, then maybe. but the show doesn't portray them in the best light. it seems like VM weren't reading the situation clearly that season

VM wanted to return to "vintage" VM after London Worlds? one thing that's spectacular about them is their range. so idk what vintage is - every season was a totally different style

Scott says in the show that Marina is the one with the vision - VM had some ideas, like they wanted Adios Nonino their first season in Canton, Funny Face was Tessa's - but VM were used to the coaches saying yes or no and making the programs. so Marina did fail them in that without good music, a program has no spine. but VM didn't exercise their agency either. they both underestimated their ability to create and their judgment. maybe they learned from this and also had an environment that encouraged them to trust themselves more in the comeback

[yunhowifeu]

Decide

Word count: 2k+

Warnings: none

About: two guys, one decision

__________________________________________

Me and woo young have been friends for a while now, I’ve had a crush on him for a bit tho and idk wether he likes me or not because u see, woo young is flirty w everyone including me, and idk what to think of it. Yeosang has also been my friend tho and I’ve also started liking him, he is just so sweet and thoughtful but I like woo young more and well it’s a bit complicated. I have another close friend, his name is woozi, I tell him all my boy problems, it’s not like he wants me to sometimes but even then he listens to me and comforts me or gives me advice, he actually listens to me ranting abt anything. He is a really busy guy tho and it’s quite hard to find times that will work for both of us to hangout. I work at a convenient store, I work the night shift except Saturdays and Sunday’s tho so I basically have all day to hangout but well he has a lot to work on for the group and well I’m understanding of it but sometimes we go months without talking and that honestly worries me. Anyways tho back to my first topic, woozi told me to try and make a move on woo young to see if he likes me back or not but honestly I’m too scared to do that, he could either like me back but might not be able to get together cuz he is an idol or he dosent like me back and we stop being friends cuz I made it weird. Gosh why r crushes so hard for me.

One day I decide to make a move, I felt bold, so I texted woo young-

[7:05pm] me:

hey woo, wanna come over and watch a movie?

[7:20pm] woo:

I’m hanging out w a girl rn but I’ll lyk once I’m free

Ofc he was w a girl, he always is, recently I’ve barely had any time to hang out w wooyoung.

I felt upset and felt like ranting to woozi abt how upset I am at wooyoung and how excited I was to make a move but now I can’t cuz I’m not always this bold. I text woozi-

[7:23pm] me:

Jihoon, can u come over? I wanna talk

I waited for his text for an hour and still no answer. I decide to text Yeosang next. They r my only three closest friends and well Yeosang was my only hope at this point.

[8:30pm] me:

Yeo, can u come over pls? :/

[8:31pm] Yeo:

Sure, is everything okay?

[8:32pm] me:

No, but I’ll tell u once u come over.

[8:33pm] Yeo:

Got it, I’m omw

I eat chips and scroll through TikTok while I wait. I don’t have to wait long cuz he gets here pretty quick.

I open the door and pull him in by his hand, I close the door, and I hug him. He returns the hug. “So what’s up” he says. I sigh and I say,“Wooyoung situation”.

I had told yeosang abt my little crush on wooyoung before but not abt the making a move plan.“What did he do this time?”he asked. I grab yeosang’s hand and bring him to the living room. We both sit on the couch. “I was gonna make a move on him today cuz I was feeling brave and all but look”, I said as I showed him the text messages w wooyoung. ”that sucks”, he says as he rubbed my back for comfort. “It’s so unfair, it’s like he dosent get the hint, this is so annoying, he is so annoying”, I say covering my face w my hands. “Well wooyoung can be stubborn at times, don’t overthink it, he probably like u back, everything will be fine” he says. I hear a ding coming from my phone, I take my hands away from my face and reach for my phone from the table. “Wooyoung texted me” I say. “What did he say?” Yeo asks.

[8:59pm] woo:

Can’t come over, I’ll be staying over at the girl’s house tonight

[9:00pm] me:

I figured 😒

[9:01pm] woo:

Sorry🤷🏻‍♂️

[9:02pm] me:

K.

[9:03pm] woo:

Don’t be salty y/n

[9:04pm] me:

Wtv I didn’t expect any less from u anyways, u always do this, u never have time for me anymore

[9:05pm] woo:

It’s not like ur my gf, calm down, no wonder u don’t have a bf

[9:06pm] me:

Wth do u mean by that?

[9:07pm] woo:

I mean ur so clingy, u always want me around, I have my own life too yk and I don’t appreciate u sticking on me like a bug

[9:08pm] me:

So I’m just a bug to u now? What abt our friendship? Does that mean nothing to u? Friends give friends attention

[9:09pm] woo:

I’m literally giving u attention rn, ur wasting my time tho, I could be getting closer w this girl yet I’m here texting u while ur acting childish

“I can’t believe him! That jerk!” I put my phone back on the table, leaning back on the couch, forgetting yeosang was even there cuz of how into the convo I was w wooyoung, I felt like crying. “What happen?” He asks. I look at yeosang. “Read the messages” i say and I lean my head back again. Yeosang picks up my phone and checks the messages. Yeosang has my password since we r close anyways and I don’t make passwords a big deal w people I consider close. “Wow” he was putting my phone back and opens his arms indicating for a hug so I hug him tight. “Let’s watch a movie and eat snacks? Yeah? How does that sound?” Yeosang offered, he was always so comforting and caring, and that day I just fell for yeosang more. We get comfortable on the couch eating some popcorn and chips watching some movies. After a while I fall asleep and so does yeosang, we wake up in the morning to loud knocking at the door. I open the door and see wooyoung. He slightly pushes me without saying anything, walking in the house. He goes up to yeosang. “Get up, hongjoong wants us Al back in the dorm by 10 for a meeting” he tells him. Yeosang gets up and shuffles his hair a bit and fixes his clothing as he stands up. I go up to wooyoung. “A may I come in would have been nice yk” I say. Wooyoung and yeosang don’t say anything as they just walk towards the door then yeosang turns around and smiles “see u” he says waving. Wooyoung turns around and says, “Oh btw, tysm for yesterday, ur such an amazing friend” sarcastically. “What r u talking abt? Ur literally the one who ruined my night”I say. “The girl I was w saw me texting u abt that nonsense and thought u were my gf” he says slightly raising his voice. “How is that my fault?” I raise my voice too. “Would u just quit being so clingy, I expected the conversation to end after I told u not to be salty, grow up, ur just ruining my chances w actual good women” he says raising his voice more. “U Moran, I liked u! I just realized tho, that u have always been so selfish, u never actually cared abt me, u never actually took my feelings into consideration” I say

“How was I supposed to know u liked me?” He asks. “I was so obvious abt it!” I say madly. “Ok guys let’s not do this rn please” yeosang says slightly moving between me and wooyoung. “Respectfully yeosang this is none of ur business” says wooyoung. “Come on it’s almost ten anyways, we gotta go” yeosang says dragging wooyoung out the door. Wooyoung let’s yeosang drag him out but then turns around again and says “we aren’t friends anymore, don’t contact me ever again, and don’t even think to come over to the dorms cuz I don’t feel like even seeing ur face around”. I slam my door and I sit on the ground crying.

[10:07am] woozi:

Sorry I was busy and forgot to respond

[10:08am] me:

It’s fine

[10:09am] woozi:

I have time rn tho, want me to come over?

Typically I would say yes but honestly I wanted space at the moment.

[10:10am] me:

Sorry, not today

[10:11am] woozi:

Oh alr that’s fine, and I’m sorry again

I ghosted people for a while cuz wooyoung’s words got to me and made me think I was too clingy to everyone. After some weeks I hear a knock at my door so I opened it and see hongjoong. “hey, I heard what happened and I’d like to apologize from wooyoung’s behalf”he says.”but also, we don’t want drama so I come to ask for u to not be seen around any of the members atleast until the scandals from the fans calm down” he says. “Oh I get it” I say.

Days later I hear another knock at the door but this time it’s wooyoung. “What”I say. “I’m sorry for everything I said and did”he says. “Did hongjoong send u here to say that or smth?”I ask. “No, I’m genuinely sorry” he says. He continues,”and well I actually liked u too”. “What r u talking abt, u literally broke my heart that night and we weren’t even together, yk how hurt I was” I say. “Look ik u might not believe me but trust me I did like u, hongjoong forced me to act like that, the manager saw how people online were already shipping us and everything but they didn’t want any scandals so the manager told hongjoong and we’ll hongjoong told me to act like I wasn’t interested in u and everything, I wasn’t even w a girl that night, it was all made up, u can ask yeosang tho, he didn’t know at first but after leaving ur house I cried and I told yeosang the whole thing, that’s why I started distancing myself aswell but it hurt me to do it”. He said. I was in disbelief.”but if u really liked me u would have broken the rules a little bit or smth” I say. “Y/n, look, I’m an idol, it’s not that simple”he said. “Well is that all u wanted to tell me?u can be on ur way now if that’s all” I say. “No, wait, abt rule breaking” he pauses then continues”I’m willing to bend the rules a bit if it means being w u”. “What do u mean?” I ask, “I mean will u be my girlfriend?” He says. My eyes widen. I been thinking abt getting even closer to yeosang after a while but now wooyoung is asking me out. I didn’t know what to do. “Idk woo, can I have time to think abt it?” I ask. “Alright, but lmk please” he says as there is an awkward silence and I nod then he leaves. I had started liking yeosang more lately but wooyoung confessed and I used to like him more, what if I got w wooyoung? Would I like him again?would I be happy?but yeosang is so caring but idk if he would be willing to even date. Gosh idk

I call yeosang and ask him to come over. He gets here a few minutes later. “Hongjoong would be mad if he saw me here rn” he says. “I’m sorry but I just need to talk to u abt smth that’s been on my mind lately” I say.

We sit together on the couch. I sigh and say “ok yeosang, well, wooyoung confessed and asked me to be his gf even if it meant breaking the rules”. “Oh well what did u say?” He asks. “I said I would think abt it but actually I’ve liked someone else for a while and I think I like them more now but idk if he likes me back and if he is willing to break the rules too” I say. “Is he a K-pop idol?” He asks. “Yes” I answer. “Well who is it?” He asks. I hesitate but then say it “you”. “Really?” He asks looking surprised. “Yea, it’s been a while that I moved on from wooyoung and I just couldn’t stop thinking abt u” I say. “Well r u suggesting we date?” He asks. “Yes” I say scared what he would say next but instead he didn’t say anything, he just pulled me in for a kiss. I had my answer right there. I was so happy. I hugged him tightly. He giggled and hugged me back tight. “Yk, I’ve actually liked u since a few years ago when we had first met” he says. I look up and smile. I was really happy but now I had to figure out a way to tell wooyoung no.

I invited wooyoung over. He came over and sat down to yeosang and I. “I have the answer” I say. “Well I’m sorry, I just don’t like u as much as I used to, and well I’m dating someone now” I say. “Who?” He asks. I hold yeosang hand and hold it up to show wooyoung. “Oh” he says seeming disappointed.

Time passes and word got around but I convinced the manager to let us stay together and the fans actually liked the fact that we were dating quite a lot except there was one scandal abt how me and wooyoung should have been the ones ending up together and well yeosang got a bit insecure but I comforted him and we have been happy together ever since.

[dream-critical]

i don't have twitter but I saw this a few days ago and still bothers me.. maybe I'm overreacting ?? idk. so quackity announced he has created his own SMP called QSMP. his plan is to have a place where his Spanish speaking audience and English speaking audience to join together and have cc's interact as well. I think it's amazing and I maybe bias ? cause I like quackity but anyway. so dream wrote on his private twitter and said "So excited to see quackity's server. just thought I'd say in advance that I've been working on a similar thing to collaborate with creators from around the world, so people aren't up in arms about copying when it happens haha.". like really ?? he made this moment that quackity is proud and excited for as well as people are happy for quackity as well and can't wait to see it about himself. like rly I'm supposed to believe that dream has been planning this as much as quackity and even if he wants to,. I don't see dreams multilingual SMP operating properly and worked on as well as quackitys. I never thought dream was annoying or had an issue with him in CC's vods but twitter it's like a different person then what videos show. He needs someone else to run his Twitter. maybe I'm overthinking everything and being dramatic?? sorry for rant

Honestly I do not believe dreams new international SMP will actually be functional at all. He is the worst server admin ever, he failed to actually implement a working communication system in the SMP that made his career what it is today and he wasn't the reason the dsmp was that popular anyway. He's too cocky and unwilling to accept critisism.

He doesn't even give a shit about the servers he owns. He probably just is grasping at straws to keep his audience excited and focused on him.

Even at the Hispanic event they went to none of the dreamteam actually even tried to learn any Spanish etc. I can not see him do anything multilingual at all.

I genuinely believe he just said that to one up quackity. I've seen transcripts of a recent stream where he seems to imply that quackity doesn't take streaming seriously etc and that "if he could choose who wins best minecraft streamers it'd be foolish bc he treats it as a job". That alone shows me he does not actually respect any of the work quackity does bc he puts an insane amount of work into his lore and streams.

Tweet in question

[missegyptiana]

You are one of the sweetest people I’ve met in this fandom, and you deserve so many good things. I’m hoping the universe gives you a break soon because you’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Please know there’s folks out here rooting for you and wanting the absolute best for you 💓

i know things could be worse but today just added a lot more onto my shoulders. and dealing with my anxiety lately has gotten much worse and this just adds to this and my overthinking as well. like what if they make something up and tell accounts abt it? what will they think? what if i see this person at tour with a group of other swifties and they ignore me again or what would they think of me? will the block me forever? i’ve always respected this person as i do for everybody and i’ve fixed my mistakes and accidents. i support everyone no matter what and love unconditionally i just don’t know what i did wrong that made them hate me. plus i dealt with those anons on the 5th when i was dealing with red dress day and they came at me abt my post abt anxiety. it’s just been a lot but this person blocking me hurt the most. i’ve tried being nice and supportive and it wasn’t enough. i give up on everything honestly and i’m just so fucking sad recently. i was listening to nothing new on the car ride home and almost broke down in front of my mom. it was great.

sorry for the rant anon i just don’t know what to do but ty soo much for sending this i adore u. i hope ur taking care of yourself and having a good day <3