#/ once again i’m on vacay!! don’t judge me!!

[hehehehe42069666]

from me 2 u,

[jenomark]

Part 6: WinWin, The Catch

➔Pairing:  WinWin x Reader (Female)  ➔Other Members/ Characters: Lucas, Ten, Hendery, Xiaojun,  Kun, & YangYang ➔Genre: Smut (+ angst, + fluff, + plot) ➔Warnings: angst, mentions of sex, yelling, cursing ➔Word count: 6,455

➔Summary: You don’t know what you do. You don’t even know who you are. Some would call you a whore. Some would refer to you as a sex worker. All of your clients would say you’re damn good at your job.

MASTERLIST

FOUR MONTHS LATER

  Life is a whirlwind of many things: emotions, disappointment, new beginnings, and things too complicated to understand. It’s years of fuck-ups, of getting lost in the shit that hurts you, and finding out that sometimes the truth should stay buried. We’re meant to live life like it’s the last one we have, but a lot of us can’t even choose what to eat for dinner. Maybe that’s the joy in living, in just being. Maybe we should all be proud of being fuck-ups, instead of trying to be something we’re not.

“I don’t think life can get any sweeter than this.” WinWin said. 

 You tapped your glass against his, the frozen, pineapple liquid spilling down the sides. The taste of the drink is refreshing and so sweet it makes your teeth hurt, but you don’t care. You’re sitting on the beach in a plastic chair, the sun dipping into the ocean, and the company of a man you enjoy right next to you. Life, through its ups and downs, was finally looking up.

“I don’t want to go home.” you said. “Do you think people at work even miss me?”

WinWin laughed quietly, just a little wind through his nose. “I would miss you.”

“I bet you would.”

  Since coming to the island for the past week, you and WinWin left the hotel room many times. You went snorkeling, exploring different parts of the culture, ate gourmet dinners, and got massages by professionals who avoided your sunburnt shoulders. On the days when you couldn’t seem to make it out of the door, you both fucked on the beautiful white linen bed, sometimes with the sliding door open, and every time without any inhibition. 

“I miss you every day.” he said. He leaned over to kiss you, the taste of the drink on the edge of his lips. 

  When he brought out his phone to text his family back home, you let your eyes gape openly at his body. He was so pretty on the eyes, every muscle put to good use. You didn’t regret the order of the way things happened to fall together, just that you hadn’t met him sooner. It seemed lifetimes ago that you were hitting him up for one last bang of the century. You smiled at the memory, letting it salivate in your mind until he was done texting.

“Is everything okay?” you asked.

  WinWin took your hand, which was something he did whenever he was feeling affectionate. You liked the attention, the way he put his phone down and focused on answering your question. “My family are asking what time our flight home is tomorrow. And if I’ll stop by on the way back to my house.”

“Did you tell them yes?” you asked. “I miss your mother. She’s just the face I feel I need to see.”

“You don’t know how happy that makes me feel.”

  He leaned over and kissed you again. There was a cheeky look in his eyes, as if asking how easy it would be for you to straddle him on the beach chair and take his cock right there. Neither of you were sex fiends during your regular life back home, but vacation time meant making time for your relationship. 

  Luckily for the public, you were both interrupted by the waiter asking if you’d like a bite to eat. After declining, you both gathered up your things and practically ran back to the hotel for a night of fun and pleasure.

  It wasn’t love, exactly. You would be the first to admit that love was hardly a driving force in your life. At first, though lust was an option, you ruled it out fairly early. Your entrance into WinWin’s life was less about pleasing someone sexually and more about pleasing yourself. You stayed around him because he was different. Deep down, you hoped it wasn’t because he was a culmination of all the boys in your life- Ten and his safety, Hendery and his optimism, Xiaojun and his hunger for life, Kun and his stability, and YangYang’s wholesome friendship. He even had Lucas’ taste for laughter and fun. 

 For a while, you wanted it to be love. You wanted love at first sight to be a  real thing so badly. You saw WinWin, you knew he was the one, and you fucked him real good. You chose to let it be more. Still, months later, you chose to keep the relationship because there was always the possibility that you were both lovable. You could be normal, even get the 9-to-5 job and stop fucking people for money. It could happen for you. 

 The car ride home from the airport felt a little off. Being away from the ocean made you feel stale. You didn’t know how to face normalcy again, how to ease your way back into a city that held so many awful memories. But WinWin held onto you like he could solve everything, made you feel like you could be the adult you needed all your life. 

“We’re here.” WinWin said as the car pulled up to his mother’s house.

 She didn’t know her son paid for someone like you, or that he was the last one ever. As far as she knows, he met you out with friends, and the rest was history. She didn’t know about your past, didn’t seem interested in it either. She was the kind of woman that judged no one, that welcomed everyone through her door with a hug and a feast fit for kings. It was far removed from the family you had grown up with.

“You both look sun-kissed and beautiful.” she said, hugging you, and then tugging on the edge of WinWin’s ear. “ Welcome home. I made you a nice home cooked meal. I know it’s not as good as the 5 star food you’ve been eating for the past week.”

“Mom, I’m sure it’s delicious.” WinWin said. “And I am starving.”

“Me too.” you said. “It’s really nice for you to cook for us. I feel so thankful.”

 Being with WinWin’s family made you feel safer than you’d ever felt. They truly welcomed you into the fold. It was easy to imagine the rest of your life like this: taking vacations, coming back to meals cooked by a mother who cares, and being lovingly accepted into another family like you were one of their own. Your past could easily melt away, along with any of the bad taste that got stuck in your mouth.

  You felt yourself getting misty-eyed. Thankfully, WinWin’s mother didn’t notice. She walked away to tend to her meal, leaving both of you in her living room. Unfortunately for you, WinWin was also an attentive boyfriend. He noticed you were on the verge of tears right away. He wiped them away for you, his brown eyes looking concerned.

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine. I think I’m just tired and overwhelmed.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, no.” you said quickly. “I’m happy to be here.”

  The smile WinWin gave you lit up your soul. He brought you in for a hug, his excitement growing in the childish way he had. You held him tightly, too afraid to let go.

No, it wasn’t love, but it wasn’t not love, either.

  That night, you made love.

  In the beginning of your relationship, all the men before him would pop into your mind. There was the roughness of Lucas, the tenderness of Ten, and the intensity of Hendery. Every so often, you wished WinWin was as good as Xiaojun was at oral. You incorporated the carefree attitude YangYang taught you into your sex life, taking WinWin for a wild spin. You avoided Kun, and every feeling he brought up within you. Every so often, you would dive back into the deep end and meet WinWin, and you would merge all the men together. He would never know, and you’d never ask if he had any inclination. 

  Something changed a few months in. The sex got better, and you were more present. You were with him for the whole time, pressing down on his chest and riding the high that belonged to only him. You fell hard. You two were good for each other, matched up right in all the best ways. He didn’t need help in any department. He was whole and complete, and he made you feel like a goddess. 

 “You’re thinking.” WinWin whispered, kissing your forehead.

 He pushed his cock deep inside of you, the words out of your mouth coming out breathless. “I’m not.”

  “Okay.” he said, giving up before he started.

 He fucked you so well that you both forgot about everything. It was only until you were dreaming that everything came rushing back. You dreamed of the men, of the paradise lost, of WinWin’s mother wishing you were her daughter-in-law.

  Office jobs on a Monday never once seemed glamorous, but it was all you needed to feel ordinary. You stayed at your desk and watched the screensaver on your desktop fade in and out, like a heartbeat. Cheek resting against the palm of your hand, you sighed. You waited for lunchtime like the rest of the office girls. You didn’t gossip, didn’t show anyone your new nails. Your desk wasn’t decorated, but you were settled in for a while. The company liked you so much that you moved on from being a temp really quickly, which either made people love you or hate you.

“How was vacation?” a colleague asked. 

  You had become one of those people that shows vacation photos on her phone. There was WinWin laying on the beach, his toned stomach covered in sand. There was a photo of you posing by the sign of a restaurant, your arms thrown around him and your leg popped up. You hardly recognized the girl in the photos, though you’d spent 20+ years in her body.

“I wish I were in your shoes.” she said. “Your boyfriend is dreamy.”

“Thank you.” you said. It was hard to keep the amusement out of your voice. You were used to women fawning over him because he was so handsome, but when it was a married women with five kids, it made you hope you’d never be like that. 

“It looked like such a nice little vacay.” she said. “So luxurious. How did you pay for all of that?”

“Savings.” you said.

  Though you weren’t doing sex work anymore, the money from your secret apartment felt like it was never ending. You had sold so many things that reminded you of the men you saw over the years, choosing the money and a better life for yourself. It didn’t bother WinWin that you had more money than him, though he wouldn’t let you buy him a damn thing.

“Lucky.” she said before moving back to her desk.

  Your eyelids were heavy, and the bottom of your feet sore. You dragged your feet through the doorway of your new, modest apartment, and threw your stuff down on the floor. You didn’t check your phone, just sat down on the couch and let your head fall back. You drifted off to sleep and only woke up to a knock on your front door. Picking yourself up, you walked over, swung it open, and screamed when WinWin picked you up and spun you around.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

 He kissed you passionately, letting your body slide down his before he let your feet plant on the floor. You felt breathless, and could tell that your face was hot just from seeing him again. There were days you kind of wanted to share a home with him, to see him every single day. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so taken aback by him every time you saw him in the flesh.

  You didn’t fully get a good look at him until he moved away from you and went over to the fridge for a drink. He was wearing a dark blue suit and his hair was slicked back from his forehead. He looked expensive, and the smell trailing behind him reminded you of the vacation you’d just left.

“What are you all dressed up for?” you asked.

“You and I are invited to a party.”

“A..party?” you asked. “On a Monday night? I’m exhausted. I just had my full day of work after a week of beauty and sunshine. Baby, the last thing I want to do is party.”

  Then, as if everything suddenly made sense, you remembered that your birthday was in a few days. Your mind was whirring. You didn’t want WinWin wasting money on some nice party when he’d put up more than his share for the vacation.

“Please.” he said, pouting. He took a drink from inside the fridge and set it on the counter. “I wouldn’t go without you.” 

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

“I’ve seen your closet. You have plenty of dresses.”

“I won’t know anyone there.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t tell you who was going.”

“I’m running out of excuses, aren’t I?” you asked.

  WinWin smiled and came over to hold you. “Yes. I’m not a party animal either, but for some reason, I really want to go to this one. It’s at that nice hotel downtown that was just built. Imagine a night full of cocktails and dancing, coming home and collapsing in my bed. Fun, right?”

  You closed your eyes. When you opened them, you said yes. After all, you didn’t want to ruin a possible surprise. WinWin picked you up and spun you again. ‘Round and ‘round in circles you went.

  The dress you wore was too tight. You felt so bloated in it that, on the car ride over, you kept fidgeting. WinWin calling you beautiful didn’t help, but the sulking definitely did. Arriving at the party made you so nervous that you forgot about the ill-fitting dress. You weren’t ready to be in front of people you loved, if it was a birthday party. You were stressed about who would attend, and who would not. 

“Holy fuck.” you said, looking up at the hotel it was being hosted at.

 In another life, it felt like you had been there before. It was much too swanky for your new taste, but there was something so familiar about the exterior that you couldn’t help but stare at it. The cream of the building and the black marble accents were stunning to look at, even more so than your date.

“We’ll stay no longer than two hours.” he said. “Does that sound good?” 

  You were unsure, but you did agree. He took your hand and led you across the street, the red satin dress you were wearing flying up with the wind. You smoothed your hair down with your free hand and walked through the revolving door with him. Inside, the building was even more gorgeous. It must have cost a pretty penny, and would have taken years to import all of the textures.

“Who invited you here?” you asked. “Someone from work?”

“My cousin.” he said. “ You’ve met him before.”

  You were whisked into a ballroom full of people. It was clear that, by the lack of people you knew, it was not a surprise birthday party for you. It made you a little sad, but you tried not to show it.

 Being among crowds was never fun for you, but feeling his hand on the small of your back relaxed you. You were thinking you could enjoy the night anyway, but WinWin walking away to fetch drinks made the fear creep up your spine again. You sat down at an empty table and scanned the hoards of people dressed in expensive designer clothes, your eyes raking it all in. You assessed that the reason you were so uncomfortable is because the environment reminded you too much of the life you had four months ago.

“Here.” WinWin said, setting your drink down.

  You took a big gulp and set it back down, watching strangely as the condensation from the glass formed a ring on the tablecloth. For a bit, WinWin sat with you and held your hand, his eyes watching people laughing and chatting along.

“I can’t find my cousin. He’s not answering his phone.” he said, not able to peel his eyes from the crowd. 

“Should we go look for him?” you asked.

  There was a weird tension in the pit of your belly. You pushed the drink away and vowed to not drink anymore. You joined WinWin in looking for his cousin, even though you didn’t know which one he was referring to. His family was big, and they all looked so different from each other, but they all had the same cute laugh and love of ordering things online. 

“Let’s dance.” WinWin said, rising to his feet.

  You looked at the hand stretched out before you. He was speaking and moving too quickly. You felt like you were being pulled in every direction. The lights of the ballroom chandeliers were too bright, the air too humid. Still, you took his hand and let him bring you to your feet.The heels were killing you, but they were the only shoe that matched the dress.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You’re acting really weird. “

“Weird?” he asked. “How?”

“I don’t know.”

  You wiped sweat from your forehead and felt nauseous as he led you both around the floor. It was the first time you wished you were anywhere but with him. Being at home and sleeping sounded much more exciting than the truth of where you were. 

“Can I spin you?” he asked.

  Before you could tell him that he couldn't, WinWin spun you around. You held onto his shoulders and caught your breath. He spun you one more time, your body losing slight control, and then he let you go.

  All you could see were the lights in a blur before they stopped. You were too aware of the arm that had caught you. You looked down at the floor, at your feet crammed into your heels, then you closed your eyes tightly, and opened them again. You looked up and was met with a chest that didn’t belong to WinWin. Clutching the arms tightly, you used the body to bring yourself up all the way.

“Lucas.” you said, your voice shaky. 

 Dressed in a white button down and a light blue suit jacket, Lucas was there. His face was a little slimmer, but the same eyes were looking back at you. They were wide and hard, not a lick of concern in them. For a moment, you were transported back in time. It was where you were supposed to be, with the man you thought you were going to marry. You blinked and started looking for WinWin.

“You like him?” Lucas asked.

  You removed your hands from Lucas’ arms and he dropped them to his sides the same time you did. You looked into his eyes and tried to muster something to say. The last time you saw him, you couldn’t get the right words out. Your storyline was very much unfinished. 

“Does he check all the boxes?” Lucas asked. “Safe. Able to pay. Puts up with your lies and insecurities.” 

“What?”

  You looked over at the right time to see WinWin moving up to your side. You felt relief. You waited for him to berate Lucas for talking to you that way, a hero to save the day. Instead, he held out his hand to Lucas, as if asking him to dance.

“Four months.” WinWin said to him. “I want extra for having to sleep with her so many times.”

  Lucas opened his jacket and took out a wad of bills. He peeled out so many pieces of paper that you lost count of them all. “Here is half. You get the rest of the money in a while.”

  WinWin took the bills without counting them and tucked them into his own jacket. He gave you the tiniest apologetic glance before walking away. Confused, you started to walk after him but was stopped by Lucas' big arm.

“What are you doing?” you asked. “I’m following my boyfriend. Let me go.”

“Your boyfriend?” Lucas asked. “Wow, you really bought it. The con artist gets conned.” 

 Your brain was trying its hardest to make sense of what Lucas was saying. Any minute now, you would wake up from your nap on the couch and you wouldn’t be standing in the middle of a hotel ballroom with your ex-boyfriend. When that didn’t happen, you stormed off across the dance floor, your eyes searching for WinWin. You took out your phone and began texting, but a big paw of a hand snatched the phone from you.

“He won’t text back.” Lucas said.

“Give me that.” you said, swiping at him. “Why are you here? Did you follow us?”

Lucas laughed. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what? You’re a psycho.” you said. “You broke up with me, remember? You left me. Let me live my life. I’m happy.”

  Without your phone, you walked outside, through the revolving door and down the rabbit hole. You could hear Lucas’ heavy  footsteps behind you. When you were out of earshot, he placed his hand on your shoulder gently and spun you around to face him.

“Give me my phone, or I will call the police.” you said, not enough bravado in your voice.

  Lucas handed you the phone, but you yanked it from his hands anyway. There were no messages from WinWin, and nothing of note. You looked for the car you arrived in but it was gone. You swallowed the lump in your dry throat and closed your eyes again.

“Why did you hand him money, and where did he go? What was he talking about?” you asked. It was the question you’d wanted to ask all along but was too afraid to ask.  “Please, nothing snarky. Tell me the truth.”

“The truth? Like you told me the truth?” Lucas asked.

“Lucas, please.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

  You were facing him head on, tears rolling down your face. Everything felt too chaotic, too blinding. Your thoughts were swimming in your mind, each one making no sense from the last. If what you believed to be true was true, you needed to know how it all went down.

“I set you up.” he said. “Sicheng, that’s his real name, was never interested in you. I paid him to like you, to fuck you. “

“He was my client.”

“Wrong.” Lucas said. He moved out of the way so that people could pass by. “I paid him to pursue you. It wasn’t easy, I’ll give you that. I had actually given up hope, but then you came right in at the end.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.” Lucas chuckled darkly. “I paid him thousands of dollars. I paid for your vacation. I’m thousands in debt, but hey, who cares. I finally did it.”

“Did what?” you asked, wiping a hot tear from your cheek.

“Humiliated you the way you humiliated me.” he said. “Fucking guys for money behind my back? Why couldn’t you just cheat like normal people? Fuck, I wanted to marry you.”

  It was quiet, the traffic from the sidewalk dying down. You leaned against the side of the building and felt how truly tired your body was. The fire in Lucas’ eyes calmed down a little bit, too.

“I know.” you said quietly. “I saw the ring.”

“Shit, you really fell for everything.” he said. “I planted that ring. I thought that if you believed I was going to propose, you would catch yourself in the lie. I thought you were smarter than me, but tonight proves that theory. You’re not smart at all. You should have seen your face when you saw the house key. ”

“Why would you do this to me?” you screamed, grabbing the attention of someone waiting in traffic.

“You did this to yourself, sweetheart.”

 You turned around and put your arm against the wall, leaning your head down against it. “I don’t understand. WinWin and I are a real couple. I’ve been with his family and his friends. I love him.”

“The family thing wasn’t my idea.” he said. “I had nothing to do with that, but I find it funnier this way. How does it feel being so blind-sided that it’s ruined your life?” 

“Fuck you.”

“No.” he said. “Fuck you. Exactly, how many people have you slept with? Did you get tested before you fucked me?”

  You walked away, walking down the street to God knows where. You groaned when he kept following you, and you stopped in front of a well-lit display window. In the light, you could see how beat your reflection was. The dress was pretty,  but your insides were shining out and they were ugly.

“You thought you could fool me.” Lucas said. “I followed you to some places, you know? Saw all the freaks you were with. That one guy? Hendery? I talked to him, acted like I was a stranger. He was so fucking in love with you that I was jealous. Can you believe that? I was jealous of someone who had you about as much as I did. It’s a real shame what you did to him.”

“Shut up.”

“He thought you would be together forever.” Lucas mocked.

“You don’t know a thing about Hendery.”

“Wrong again.” he said. “I know a lot about men like Hendery. The sad, rejected men that tried to love you. I was one of them.”

  You checked your phone again, your last attempt at hope. All you wanted was to see WinWin’s name pop up, to text you that he was bringing the car around, and that he was going to take you away from the crazy man before you. 

“If you knew....” you began, feeling dejected. “...why did you let it go on for so long?” 

  Lucas seemed to really think about the answer. In the light, he looked so handsome and young. You were reminded of the man he was when you first met him. You felt a little pang in your chest where your heart used to be.

“I guess I wanted to see if you would change, if you would love me.”

“I did love you.”

There was hurt and anger in Lucas’ eyes. “Loved me enough to cheat on me?”

“It was just a job.”

“Was I just a job, too?” he asked. “ I knew about the extra apartment. I really meant nothing to you.”

“This conversation is going nowhere.” you said. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I should have been upfront about who I was and what I was doing with my body. I fucked up, and I fucked your life up. And you, in return, fucked me up for the rest of my life.”

“This isn’t my fault. This is your fault.”

“I don’t care whose fault it is, Lucas.” you said. “You and I were done. We never would have lasted.”

“So, you strung me along to make yourself feel better?” he asked.

“No I-”

“-Like you did with Sicheng.” he said. “I’m not an idiot. I know the ins and outs of everything that happened in the last few months. It’s a cycle. The people you fuck keep you feeling better about yourself long enough for you to move on to a new one. I was just the unfortunate asshole getting caught in the middle.”

“I’m not talking about this right now.”

“And there it is, the denial.” he said. “Look at how you turn away from me when I tell you the truth. All those men and not one of them could ever call you out on your bullshit? Where is the love there, huh? Where are any of them now?”

You threw your hands up into the air. “I don’t know. They’re not here, Lucas. You hate me so much, but you’re the only one here. The last man standing. Congratulations, you did it.”

  A car pulled up to the curb. You texted a friend for a ride, someone you didn’t know quite well. You didn’t have anyone else. While Lucas was talking, you were figuring out how best to run away from him. The knowledge hit you hardest where it hurts. You didn’t think anything could ever be the same again.

“I have to go.” you said. “I can’t be here anymore.”

“Yeah? Just like that?”

You held the car door open. “Yeah. Just like that, Lucas.”

“And you don’t have anything else to say?” he asked.

“I do, actually.” you said. “To those I’ve fucked and fucked over, I’m sorry.”

THREE YEARS LATER- LUCAS

  He stood very still, so still that he could hear the tiny giggling coming from the other room. Lucas smiled to himself and tried to ignore it as best he could. If there was one thing he was good at, it was acting.

“Ready or not, here I come!” he yelled, his voice booming. He loved pulling silly voices. It was something that brought him so much joy. “You better not come out until I find you-u-u-u-u-u.”

  With the heaviest of footsteps, Lucas walked across his house. It was dramatic the way he walked, and it only brought out another tinkle of laughter from the east side of the house. Lucas walked into another room and made fake footsteps like he was walking away.

 There, in the corner, the top of a tiny head peeked out from behind a toy box. As if sensing him, the head poked back down. Lucas fought the urge to laugh. He played dumb and moved around the room, loudly checking behind places no human could hide behind.

“It’s very difficult to find her.” he said. “I wonder if she is in this room.”

 Another giggle, another pull at his heart strings. Before he could move over to the toybox, a little girl ran out from behind it and into his arms. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” she yelled, giggling as her father Lucas scooped her up into his arms. “You found me!” 

  Lucas swung her around and planted kisses all over her heart-shaped face. His happiness was always with her, even when it was hidden. Lucas set his daughter down and knelt down to her level.

“Now,” he said, his face serious. He tried not to laugh as his daughter put on a serious face, too. “Now, we have to find mommy.”

 With her hand in his, they walked through the house to look for the missing puzzle piece of their family. 

THREE YEARS LATER- TEN

“What is love to you?” 

 Ten sat across from his date. There was something in the question that made him cock his head to the side. His smile lit up when the person sitting across from him broke out into a similar smile, a clear embarrassment striking them unannounced. 

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Ten said. “It’s a fair question. Do you have an answer for it?”

“I don’t.” 

“Well, I do.” Ten said.

  It was Ten’s assertiveness that got him the date in the first place. That, and the way he was so open about everything. He didn’t know if the person across from him was his soulmate, or if he even believed in that. Still, it was fun getting to know someone. In a way, it was like getting to know yourself. 

“I think love is everything.” he said. “I think it’s in everything. It’s in the company you keep, in the weather you wish was different. Love is a painful reminder that not everything can stay the same. It’s the gentle way someone wishes you a good day. It’s an old blanket that smells like memories from long ago. Love is scary, but scary things are fun, too. We all want love, and we all want to be loved. It’s hope, and it’s full. I used to think love is never being left, but now I think leaving someone often means loving them so much that you do what is best for them. Love is...yeah..I love love.” 

THREE YEARS LATER- XIAOJUN

  He lit the candles, one on each end of the table. Getting lost in the flame was an option, but Xiaojun had many steps to take. He smoothed out the table cloth, the fine linen unwrinkling before his eyes. There was peace in watching everything come together, in the controlling things. 

“Perfect.” he whispered.

  Moving around the table, he fixed two of everything, even two napkins of the prettiest shade. The dishes resting on the table were cleaned so properly that not even a stray hair found its way there. The drinking glasses were sparkling. He could see his reflection in them both, his handsome face full of content.

“Whaaa, so perfect.”

 Xiaojun took a seat in one of the chairs. He felt the wood of the armrest, a seat fit for a king, and he smiled to himself. The dinner jacket he was wearing was a little oversized, but it was pressed in a way that made him feel happy.

 A man walked into the room and served food on both sides of the table, the tastiest feast money could buy. A bottle of wine was tipped into the glasses, not a drop wasted.

“Thank you.” Xiaojun said softly.

  After the waiter disappeared, he looked at the empty chair on the other side of the table. The steam from the food rose up high, and with it, Xiaojun’s expectations. He took one savory bite of food. After, he took a bow to the seat that would remain empty for the rest of his life.

THREE YEARS LATER- KUN

“Therapy is at five p.m, don't be late.” she said.

“I don’t know why we’re going to therapy if we’re not going to work on our marriage.” Kun said. “Please help me understand.”

  His ex-wife looked at him like she saw right through him. She was unbothered, not willing to waste a single emotion on the man before her. “It’s for the children.” was all she said before she got into her car and drove away.

  Kun sat by himself on his front porch swing for a long time. His new house was smaller and bought with his own money. There was only enough room for him, and for his children whenever they wanted to see their dad on the weekends. With the end of his marriage, everything else seemed to go, too. He no longer had a job after getting caught having an another affair with one of the real teaching assistants. He figured it was a fair bit of karma for all the bad things he’d done, but it still didn’t make it an easy pill to swallow.

 Occasionally, he would call your old phone number in hopes that you’d pick up, but you never did. It was probably for the best.

THREE YEARS LATER- YANGYANG

  The massive backpack on his back made him sway a little. He found it so funny that he couldn’t read any of the signs in the foreign language. He’d met a lot of people on his travels, and each one found it charming that he was so carefree and kind. All it took was a smile from YangYang and the citizens were cured.

“Where are you going?” a traveler he had just met asked. He was an older man, way older than YangYang’s grandfather. He’d decided to travel and live a bit after his wife died. He was everything YangYang aspired to be, maybe, without all of the death.

“I don’t know.” YangYang said. “I guess, wherever the wind takes me.”

“Well, that’s a start.” the man said. “The train is here. Best go on your way, then.”

 YangYang felt sad about having to say goodbye to the man. It was always like that over the last few years. He struck up conversations with so many good people, all of their stories worth telling, and then he’d have to say goodbye. Occasionally, they would exchange social media and whatever, but it never felt the same.

“This was nice.” YangYang said. “I really enjoyed hearing stories about your wife. She sounds like someone I would have liked.”

“You would have.” the old man said, his gaze on some distant memory. “Have safe travels and remember what I said, kid. Never stop. Take care.”

  YangYang accepted the man's clap on his shoulder, even though it made him sway even more. The train stopped before him, windows slipping by. In the reflection as it slowed down, he thought he saw someone that looked an awful lot like you behind him, but when he turned around, no one was there.

THREE YEARS LATER- HENDERY

  Since it was raining, the park was empty. Since he considered himself an idiot, he didn’t bring an umbrella. 

 Hendery approached the park bench like it was a bomb that could explode any minute. He looked around before taking off his jacket and stretching it across the surface to soak up some of the water. Then, he sat down and looked out over the grass. He blinked rain off his eyelashes and looked down at his lap. He did everything he could but check his phone. Over time, he looked up at the sky and let the water droplets hit his face. When he had done all the waiting he could do, he got up from the bench. 

“Well.” he said, looking down at his soaked jacket.

 Hendery picked it up from the bench and flung it over his shoulders. He took one last longing look at the bench for beginning to walk away. He was stopped by footsteps coming up from behind him. He turned around, placed the jacket back on the bench and sat down again. Hands on his knees, he stared straight ahead.

“You’re late.” he said.

  The person sat beside him on the bench, their hands on their knees, staring straight ahead. At the same time, the person and Hendery looked at each other. 

 There wasn’t an apology you could say that would fit the crime. Hendery knew that. He looked straight ahead again, but he moved one hand from his knee and used it to hold yours. Your clasped hands sat between you on the bench, solid and true.

 You looked at him before staring straight back ahead. Though it was pouring now, and your skin was slimy and your clothes wet all the way through, you didn’t seem to mind anymore.

[bulletnotestudies]

Tag 9 People to Learn about Their Interests!

thanks for the tag @study-van !

BOOKS

Favourite book series? all for the game Comfort book? the house in the cerulean sea Favourite book? another one when i refuse to pick faves, rn my fave stand-alone's maybe gideon the ninth Perfect book to read on a rainy day? people need a storm Favourite character? andrew minyard my beloved 5 favourite quotes from your favourite book(s) that you know by heart?

is your learning curve a horizontal line? (the foxhole court; nora sakavic)

it sounded like a dream; it tasted like damnation. (the foxhole court; nora sakavic)

don't look at me like that. i am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine. (the king's men; nora sakavic)

i would have come for you. and if i couldn't walk, i'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. because that's what we do. we never stop fighting. (crooked kingdom; leigh bardugo)

i am being perfectly fucking civil. (the dream thieves; maggie stiefvater)

PICK: hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

MUSIC

Favourite genre? tbh anything i vibe with, mostly rock tho Favourite song? recently it's been zitti e buoni bc of course lol Most listened song recently? according to spotify, my most listened song this month has been revolution by elias Song currently stuck in your head? losemyhead by littledeath 5 fave lyrics? i can't pick faves okay, but these come up rn:

"All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell" - we have it all; pim stones (actually the whole of this song, the lyrics are amazing)

"E Coraline piange Coraline ha l'ansia Coraline vuole il mare Ma ha paura dell'acqua E forse il mare è dentro di lei" - coraline; måneskin

"Where the light shivers offshore Through the tides of oceans We are shining in the rising sun // As we are floating in the blue I am softly watching you Oh boy, your eyes betray what burns inside you" - i love you; woodkid

"I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim" - can you feel my heart; bring me the horizon

"You crazy assed cosmonaut Remember your virtue Redemption lies plainly in truth" - achilles come down; gang of youths

PICK: radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume ...right in the middle I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

TV AND MOVIES

Favourite tv/movie genre? oh idK srsly, anything that's good Comfort movie? pirates of the caribbean (the original trilogy), the hunger games 1 & 2 Movie you watch every year? nerve, the hunger games, hp Favourite movie? again, i don't have a single fave, but one of them is parasite Favourite tv show? currently it's probs shadow and bone bc ofc it is Comfort tv show? shadow and bone, but also honestly just whichever i'm watching atm Most rewatched tv show? i rarely rewatch tbh, but i am gonna rewatch alice in borderland and s&b soon 5 fave characters?

kaz brekker; shadow and bone

jon snow; game of thrones

shuntarō chishiya; alice in borderland

jesper fahey; shadow and bone

daenerys targaryen; game of thrones (let's be clear, the ending does simly not exist in my mind)

jack sparrow; pirates of the caribbean

PICK: tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons(22 episodes or more) (wish they still made shows this long) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half-hour or one-hour-long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

half of this is probs inaccurate bc my braincell's on vacay atm, so if i've forgotten a fave..... nothing happens, but the possibility's there lol

i'm gonna tag @myhoneststudyblr @tungumalaast @dutch-polyglot @athenastudying @medustudies @la-galaxie-langblr @smileystudies @asteristudy @studywithzorah if you guys feel like it x

[beecherdrysdale]

Hello my bbs, hope everyone’s ok!.

The amounts of screenshots I took for this....

To start: haha I guess brigid and Dylan are in the same car together, but who’s at the front? Like Dylan better keep his hands to himself of Jamie’s gonna get jealoussssss. And it’s gonna be chaotic and quinton is gonna jump out of the car lol. Unless you put quinton upfront with you? Haha yes you ignore them and just talking to quinton hehe.

Brigid I do that as well, so get ready to lose when the light turns green! Kesh also likes to drive fast so it’ll be chaoticcccc.I am banishing Ryan to the back because I would definitely lose concentration. Quinner or Braden are the only ones that can sit upfront. Preferably Quinner so that I can hold his hand🥺 but I love you too braden. There is so much to see while driving in Canada, so frequent stops will be made. Plus the boys love Canada #nostalgic.

Lmao being in the car together would be so fun!!. Haha Dylan and Jamie braiding your hair would be hilarious, like they get into the biggest knot, why do I feel like Ryan would take a picture of it and post it on his insta story and would write “nice”😂 I do wanna see it tho. but like kesh said they would be giving you puppy eyes because they don’t want you to be mad at them, I’m not sure how you would react tho?. Hehe me pulling over, and quinton and devon just redoing your hair, and then I’d make them do my hair as well:). Ok so driving with the windows down and blasting music is good with everyone, I think we would playing all music lol , country for Brigid and Kirby? I think you like country? I’m playing 2000’s music- like a g6 would be so fun to blast in the car. Everyone is just dancing in the car. Some rap will be played for the boys. Kesh what music do you like? Does anyone else have any music suggestions? Haha cozzy, Devon and Braden just being passed out for the drive and literally not waking up to the music. Late night drives are adorable, esp with the make outs hehe.

Ok so we have decided that kesh is the most responsible on the trip which I totally agree with, somebody’s gotta keep us in check. Cozzy is apparently still sleeping, boy must be tired from all those nhl games hehe. Lmao sending Kirby with us, and you yeeling at Dylan not to buy a tv😂. We would so chaotic in the grocery store, like riding in the shopping cart, but also everybody’s racing to get their food, which would be majority of junk food hehe. Honestly we would buy so much food we are literally on a vacay with hockey players who eat a lot haha. The cash register would be shocked. Awww kesh, you being like “kirbs I didn’t even give you that many directions” but him being totally clueless and just trying to kiss you. him being “hmmmm but we didn’t get a tv, and we got some carrots and veggies” lmao I love that kesh please keep writing those.

Haha you got it right, I would be so confused, like how did we get so much food ?! Brigid, you did go overboard but I love it and we will eat our candy :) Dylan bring a ps5 is the funniest shit ever. Food discussion: yes to all of those candies, all dressed ruffles are delish so imma throw in a few bags. Dark chocolate is a must, hehe we should buy fruit and veggies. I don’t think I last that long with junk food hehe. Oo yess we are go a get an Nanaimo bars and poutine :) ooo and BEAVER TAILS . Those are sooo good. I can buy for everybody, esp quinner so that we can recreated that gif of him eating one.

Haha yes, Ryan and I will be there with the non stop chirps. We love them, but still you and Dylan getting 🥵 is 🤌. Hehe yes I mean Dylan h is gorg as well so quinner better work quick lol. Ooo brigid is feeling up some muscles, we love that. But also yes to the straddling and being soft w Jamie. Kesh they are a blushing mess, because they wanna be with Brigid all the time. We are absolutely recreating those wakeboarding lake pics, we have to witness that again- esp you brigid w Dylannnnn. We love some sunscreen and aloe vera.

Thank you, boats are fun! Yess Brigid is sharing the tube with Dylan and Jamie or just making the boys jealous 😏 and me or Ryan would probably make you intentionally fall off the tube lol. Maybe I can get quinner to go with me. Ryan is just waiting for that moment for Quinner to leave to push me in but I would be to quick and grab him as well 😂. Haha brigid needs a break and is just watching us lol. Haha Braden and Ryan pulling pranks on dyl and Jamie we love that. Aww kesh Quinner is being protective and wants to be with me.oh yes, Jamie and dyl staring at Brigid cuz she’s gorgeous in her bikini. We all look hot tho. Kesh is just chilling w kirbs. Lmao “I feel like we should stop Dylan and Jamie before they hurt themselves” and then kirbs being like “Devon is with them, there goes Dylan and Jamie” I love these.

Awww Quinner following me around 🥺 we’d be cute drunks. Ooo yes, Dylan and Jamie getting jealous, but they wanna be constantly around you, so I understand. Clubbing is a success, we are all pumped up w alcohol hehe. Lmao Devon and cozzy trying to get a girl but Ryan and Braden keep foiling their plans 😂 hehe kesh just chilling and wanting to help dev and cozzy but Kirby is to busy watching quinner, also question who is he doing the body shot on?

Yess the locked room would be not a Lexi and Ryan chaos, aw yes I get to know Dylan better:)) I wanna be friends! He he yes he would start getting jealous but then maybe I’d help him get your attention, but we still gotta let you have your Jamie moments🥺

Awww we do love a body positive Queen, y’all are gorgeous !! Haha yes we need a girls day! Some good shopping will be happening, we gotta get Brigid some summery clothes. The guys would be in awe, esp Jamie Dylan and kirbyyyy !!. I do wanna steal their clothes tho. We got so handsy boys over here!. Aww kesh you would looks so cute in kirbs big shirt but also in a bikini.

Yesss Dylan and Jamie are in awe, like she’s gorgeous. Same with Kirby m.

Aww kesh you’re to nice😭 you made me cry. Me abs Quinner!

Ok imma add more gtg to practice

Xo Lexi

okkkk so i’m finally home from school and practice now so i’m ready to respond. i’m taking notes from kesh and adding a keep reading bc this is gonna be longgggg so be warned to anyone reading this

haha yes i’m keeping quinton up front with me bc i don’t want him to jump out of the car lmao. i’m not going to subject him to the possible sexual tension that would be going on in the car if dyl or jamie were in the front. like if one of them were in the front they would just start touching my thigh or something knowing the other one could see it but couldn’t do anything about it. and then i would get distracted from driving and we wouldn’t win lol. so i’m making jamie and dyl sit in the back so they mostly dyl can just yell at me to drive faster so that we win. and then i’ll just chill and talk to quinton bc i want to annoy the other two lol

haha don’t worry, me and dyl (and jamie and quinton) will dominate once again. like you guys might drive fast, but i can guarantee i drive faster. especially if dyl is yelling at me to go faster lol. haha but yes you’ll definitely have a better chance if you banish ryan to the back so he can’t distract you. so you let quinner sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 but as soon as he tries to put it anywhere else you banish him to the back so you don’t get distracted lol. but we would definitely have to make a bunch of stops for the boys bc they’re back in canada

haha yes dyl and jamie try, they really do, but they can not seem to get the whole braiding thing down. and then it ends up in a huge knot and ofc ryan just laughs at my misfortune and takes pics of my hair to post on his story. haha and i’d pretend to be soooo mad at them, and i can be scary when i’m mad so they’d be freaking out and just giving me puppy eyes and being like i’m sorry i’ll make it up to you. but then eventually i can’t keep up the act anymore and just start dying of laughter and then they would be annoyed bc they were freaking out lol. but then we have to stop so that our hair can be fixed.

yesss i love driving with the windows down absolutely blasting music and then whenever you drive past someone they just turn and look at you lol. i’m really into rap and i feel like a lot of the guys are too, so we have to have a lot of rap lol. and then country for kirby and i like country too, so i’m down with that. and then for lexi we have early 2000s music, which i also like and i feel like the guys would be down with that judging by the fact that they played it in the locker room at wjc lol. kesh any other music suggestions? and somehow even tho the music blasting cozzy, devon, and braden are just out, like nothing is waking them up. omg yes late night drives are so cute 🥰 esp with a make out sesh lol

haha yes, kesh is definitely the most responsible one, bc most of the rest of us just have sm crackhead energy it’s unbelievable. somehow cozzy is still sleeping, like how? idk, but then he’s not coming with and neither is kesh so she sends kirby as the responsible one, and let’s just say that doesn’t end too well. haha us getting a million things, and then i, for once being somewhat responsible, say no we’re not buying a tv or a ps5, that’s so expensive. and they’re just like, but babe we have our nhl salaries, we can pay for it, so then i give in lmao. and everyone in the store would just be judging us bc we would be so chaotic and be running all over the store lol. and riding in the cart too lmao. and then we also have a shit ton of food and the cashier is just like wtf, but yk it’s fine. like we would have sm candy and chips, and then we would also get poutine and nanaimo bars and beaver tails. omg i want to try beaver tails soooo bad they sound so good. and then we can recreate the quinner gif lmao. but then we also have to have at least a little healthy food so we feel better about ourselves since we’re all athletes who are supposed to be following diets lmao

haha yes you and ryan would be chirping everyone for literally everything. but mostly me with dylan and jamie lmao. like literally anytime i even touch one of them you guys are all over us, and i’m just like whatever, but the guys are blushing sooo hard lol. but then since i don’t care i keep doing whatever, so like putting sunscreen/aloe vera on them and i’m straddling them, and ik we’re gonna get chirped, but i just don’t care

haha yes boats are so fun, but us on a boat = chaos. hehe all of us on our tubes, but then we’re all trying to flip each other over. and then when we’re finally being slightly calm on the boat and just sitting on the railing, ryan has to come and push lexi in, and then she pulls him in with her and it’s just chaos again. and then i’d be sitting there laughing my ass off, and then someone else decides to push me in lmao. and we’re all looking hot in our bikinis obviously so our boys are all trying to get our attention the whole time. lmao and then kesh is just chilling with kirby and trying to be the voice of reason to get jamie and dyl to stop trying to show off and then kirby’s like no they’ll be fine. they are not fine

hehe yes lexi and quinner being the cutest drunks, just being super soft with each other and clingy 🥺 but then also kind of wild bc apparently quinner is doing body shots off of you. which also i really want to do. like i don’t care if it’s jamie or dyl, but please can one of them do body shots off me? and then let’s say dyl does it first, then jamie sees him doing it and ofc he’s jealous so then jamie has to do one too. and then kesh is chilling with kirby and she’s like hey you should go be a wingman for devon and cozzy, make ryan and braden leave them alone. but kirby’s too busy watching the rest of us do body shots lmao

yes lexi finally gets to actually have an extended convo with dylan, when they’re not trying to annoy everyone who’s actually trying ofc. but then you notice him getting jealous of me with jamie, so you chirp him at first but then he’s getting really annoyed. so then you have to be like calm down, let them have their moment, you’ve have plenty lol. she likes both of you, you know

haha yes we def need a girls day where we’re not being chaotic for once lol. and then we get a lot of cute clothes and stuff. and then when we get back the guys make us model all of it for them lol. and all of them are in awe. like kirby and quinner are just like 😍😍 about you guys bc they think you’re so cute. but then also they love our clubbing clothes and are getting super handsy when we go lol. but then after clubbing we just steal their clothes and live in them for most of the rest of the vacation and they pretend to be annoyed, but they secretly don’t mind bc they think it’s hot when we wear their clothes, esp if it has their name

overall, yes i love all of this and both of you 💖 sorry it took so long lol

[misformarvel]

Aristocrat! Tom AU P.2

Summary: To keep the favour of his father, Tom has to spend his vacations in the country palace of Lord Marlborough, his future “father in law”. Y/N and her fiancee discovered that they could get along, even when their relationship responds only to economic and power interests of their families. 

A/N: Would you like to cast someone as the Duke of Marlborough and Nana Dawson? Because I’d love you guys to do that. Also, remember I’m taking suggestions about the future of the series, and I’d love to include some of you as characters of this story. Tell me what d’ya think about it here.

Warnings: maybe some cursing. Tom being a tease. 

Part 1

Masterlist

Born into wealth. Privileged children of the money. Young people that someday would run the world. That was too much responsibility, a heavy weight to carry on your shoulders. Being seventeen is feeling like you own the world, but being in your twenties and indeed own a big portion of the wealth of your country? Believe me, it isn’t as good as it sounds.

At least not to me. I’ve been raised to take my father’s place someday in front of the family business. Four generations of bankers, gambling with the hopes and dreams of England. When you’re a rotten spoiled child you don’t understand the fact you’re in control of the future of thousands of people. I did things I’m ashamed of, I failed to my parents, to my brothers, to people who loved me and to myself. But last year I understood I still got time to change what I am. I’m not going to become the insensible wealthy man I’m meant to become. I’ll care about others, I’m not going to be the selfish twat I’ve been until now.  

-“Mr Thomas, Lady Y/N is waiting for you to join her for having tea together in the garden”. The older woman spits her words in a harsh, distant tone, noticeably annoyed by Tom’s presence. 

- “You’re not comfortable with this, aren’t you Harriet?” Tom cheekily asked. “None of us are, to be completely honest”.

- “Then what are you doing here Mr Thomas? If you’re not interested in your engagement with Lady Y/N” -Harriet replied impatiently. She raised up that girl, she shouldn’t let her marry such an insolent man. 

- “C’mon woman, is not that bad. You barely notice I’m here, I spent my vacay locked at the library with the Duke pretending I care about the classics, just to content him and my father. I’m leaving soon and probably won´t come back until you’re retired”. The chuckle hasn’t left his face, teasingly added “Besides, that would be very soon. You complain so much, don’t you know it makes you older?”.

Harriet left the guests room disgusted. She ran into me in the hallway. They were taking so long to join me I guessed they were arguing. For the last three months, it was my main amusement. 

-”It’s ok Nana, calm, please. I’ll have a conversation with Thomas about his manners”.

-”The complete lack of them, M’Lady”. Nana couldn’t put her annoyance aside, not even for a second. 

-”Why do you have to be so rude with my poor old Nana?” He pouted as soon as I finished my sentence. 

- “It isn’t my fault she doesn’t like me”. Thomas closed the book he had in his hands and left the sit he occupied behind the desk, moving forward to where I was standing. He placed both his hands on my shoulders turning me around and pushed me out of the bedroom. He followed me anyways, guiding me outside where the tea service was still waiting for us. 

-”Wife,” he said with chivalry, indicating me to sit before he did the same beside me. 

- “Husband” I joke back pointing the teapot, asking him if he fancied a cup. We both giggled. Perhaps we were getting used to this, perhaps we would make a decent married couple. 

- “It’s a real shame all this is coming to an end, I can tell I’m getting used to the country life”. 

-”Well, I’m not, is tediously boring and there’s nothing I enjoy less than get up early and go hunting with papá”.

- “Your father is such an extraordinary man Y/N, I’ve learnt so much from him these last months. Except of course, how to deal with Harriet”. His eyes were smiley, as he knew how would I react to his comment. A grin grew on my face, we were reaching a level of complicity I haven’t reached before with other people. Maybe just his brothers. 

- “And that smirking face of yours, I’m definitely gonna miss that”. His last words took me by surprise. An uncomfortable silence took place between us, his eyes glued to mine. I can even picture myself the stupid face I may have put on, the one I can’t help making when I’m falling for someone. Quickly he breaks that moment “So, are you excited about uni?” Oxford is a big deal. Just try to don’t get expelled”.

I haven’t thought about it. After finish my A Levels I got into Trinity College, one of the most prestigious colleges in Oxford -and the world -. But even though I know it is a privilege thousands of people would kill for, it didn’t make me happy. My best friend Laura got into Columbia and moved all the way across the Atlantic to be near her mum, the new First Lady of New York. Laura and I have been friends since our first year in the boarding school. We were six years old. Our friendship was the closest to have siblings we’ve ever had. Sometimes we even joke about having a twin-connection, especially around the sceptic  Holland twins that state there’s no such thing as a twin-connection -I’m convinced they’re wrong and they totally have one-. So, no. I wasn’t excited about uni because it was here, 30 minutes away from the Marlborough’s state. I wasn’t going to have the normal uni experience either because I wasn’t going to live on Campus as everyone else did. 

-“Yes, of course. I’m impatient”. Tom knew me well by the time and noticed I was lying. 

- “Ok sweetheart, if you want to survive in that pit of snakes you shall learn how to lie, ok?” he laughed and took my hand. “And stay away from them” whispered before biting my earlobe and leaving with a smug grin o his face. Once I get out of the trance his actions put me on, I noticed he left something on the table. A list of names written in Tom’s absurdly pretty handwriting. A list of male names.

- “So, will you explain to me what is that note you left with me the other day?”

-”When? When I did this”. He did it again, and judging by her shocked expression I’m sure Nana saw Thomas biting my earlobe. She froze me with her eyes but eventually left us walking alone.

-”Don’t even try to do that ag... Honestly, I don’t know what I’m expecting from such a man-child” I rolled my eyes at him and Tom giggled. 

-”Can’t I? I mean we’re practically man and wife Y/N”.

-”No! We’re not, we’re not even girlfriend and boyfriend, we have a commercial trade kind of relationship, and I’m being polite and nice because you’re a guest and that’s how I am supposed to treat my guest. That I learnt from your mother”. 

- “Well, I don’t think my mother sneak into the guest room in the middle of the night for a talk because she can’t sleep. Not to mention the guest we are talking about was quite scantily-clad”. 

My eyes were wide open and my jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. He’s unbelievable. His eyes scanned me, the cheeky smirk on his face disappear when he licked his lips, coming dangerously close to mine. 

-”Look at you. The all confident and self-aware Lady Y/N Marchioness of Blandford, heiress of this magnificent palace in the middle of the fairy countryside, getting flustered by the touch of a simple, commoner nobody. Well, a quite rich nobody, but still. Your Nana would be so disappointed”. 

My heart was about to pop up out of my chest. His hands placed on my hips with a tight grip, holding me close to him, his heavy breath hitting me. 

-“Don’t ever said that again Y/N”.

-”W-what? What did I say?” I couldn’t remember a word of the previous conversation we were having.

-”We’re not a commercial trade”. Tom kissed me desperately as if his life depended on it. “I don’t know what are we, but this isn’t fake. Fuck our dads, this is for ourselves” he mumbled before carrying me to his bedroom.

Ok, I’m getting worst and worst with the endings 😂

Part two especially dedicated to @clairesrainbow  😘😍

[lovemesomesurveys]

[found at: joybucket]

When was the last time you did something for the first time? Hmm. My days are so routine and much of the same I don’t even remember.

Which do you prefer: Valentine's Day or Easter? Easter.

Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I only decorate for Halloween and Christmas, though the past few years it’s just been Christmas. I like to start right after Thanksgiving.

What color bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing black Adidas leggings with the 3 white stripes down each pant leg.

Do you love life?! No. I love my loved ones in my life and I am grateful for them and the things I do have, but I don’t have this lust or passion for life that I wish I did. I’m definitely not living it to the fullest, or really at all these past few years. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time. I don’t know what I want to do in life or what my passions are. My depression and other health stuff have taken over and hardened me it seems. :/ 

What's your favorite Starbucks drink? For a little over a month it’s been a peppermint white chocolate mocha. I’ve literally had one like 4-5 times a week. Prior to the holiday season I definitely wasn’t getting Starbucks that often, so I don’t know what sparked the sudden obsession but I’ve been obsessed. I’m hoping they have the smoked butterscotch latte this year, which should be coming out soon and will be next go-to. Other times in the year I typically get a caramel macchiato or white chocolate mocha. I often buy the Starbucks Doubleshot coffee energy drink from the store, too. The white chocolate one in particular. 

What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? It wasn’t good, but the last selfie I took was on NYE and I was wearing a Baby Yoda/Grogu sweatshirt and leggings, but in the photo I had my rose gold throw blanket wrapped around me.

What's on your wish list right now? Christmas just passed and I certainly haven’t started one for this year yet. Or for my birthday, which is months away. I can’t think of anything right now.

What do you use to sweeten your tea? A packet or two of Sweet n’ Low.

Which dollar store do you like best? I don’t have a favorite one. I rarely go there.

Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No.

What's one challenge you want to complete for YouTube? None. I don’t make YouTube videos.

If you make YouTube videos, do you have a posting schedule? --

When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Leaving the house during a pandemic, which thankfully and fortunately for me is only once a month. 

How would you rate your self-esteem? low, healthy, or high? I’m just a sucker with no self-esteem.

Do you own a tripod for your camera? No. I don’t have a camera, I just use my phone to take photos.

Would you rather go to London, Paris, or Tokyo? Either London or Paris.

Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Ha, the previous question made me think of that Hilary Duff song. Anyway, I’d say Hilary Duff.

Which Olsen twin was your favorite: Mary-Kate or Ashley, and why? I didn’t have a favorite one, I liked them both. I watched all their movies and TV shows growing up.

Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? I have a few times before.

Do you enjoy putting outfits together? I used to put effort and thought into that, but now I just throw something on lol.

Would you rather it rain or snow? I wish it snowed here.

What does your umbrella look like? I don’t have one.

What color are your nails painted? They’re not. I haven’t painted my nails in years.

Are your nails always painted? Well, no. 

What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? Tangerines.

Do you wear headbands? No.

Do you own a boho bandeau? No.

Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? I don’t wear either of those.

What's a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don’t understand why Crocs became popular. I remember when everyone thought they were ugly and typically they were only worn by doctors because they’re apparently really comfortable. Then there was a shift in recent years and people love them now?? They even have different pins to decorate them with that you stick in the holes (kjfksldklsd that word).

Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? There’s not one particular one, but there’s a few whose personality traits I’d like to have.

Do you wear jeggings or leggings more? Leggings all day, everyday.

^Same questions, but jeggings or skinny jeans? I’ve only worn legging the past few years, but before that I would have said skinny jeans. Those are the only jeans I have and would wear.

Do you like stuffed animals? *looks around my room and sees the shit ton of giraffe stuffed animals all around, along with several other plushies* Yeah, you could say that. 

What was your favorite class in high school? English.

Have you ever gotten straight A's in a class? If so, which classes? Yeah, English for sure and some others.

Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I didn’t take the SATs.

What's the best coffee shop in your town, in your opinion? I just go to Starbucks. Judge me all you want. 

Are you happy today? No.

If so, what made you happy today?

When was the last time you woke up to a beautiful sunrise? For the past year I’ve been up past the sunrise everyday.

Is your bed right by a window? It’s right across from it.

Do you spent more time in your bedroom or your living room? My room.

Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Christmas, for sure.

Do you decorate for holidays? Just Christmas the past few years, but I do have Halloween decorations. To be honest the past 2 years I kept my Christmas decorations up in my room. Not sure why I didn’t put up the Halloween decorations the other times. I want to put away my Christmas decorations and decorate for Halloween this year.

What craft project do you want to do next? I don’t do crafts.

Do you name stuffed animals still? A lot of my giraffes have names.

Do you still own your favorite Barbie? I still have my Barbies and their accessories stored away.

What was your favorite Barbie? I just loved Barbies.

Favorite Bratz doll? I didn’t have a favorite. I was a little old when those came out, though I did have a couple. I just wasn’t into them like I was Barbies.

Favorite American Girl doll? I didn’t have one.

Favorite Disney princess? Ariel.

Favorite cartoon character? The Rugrats crew.

Are you rebellious? No, I’m like the least rebellious human on the face of the Earth. <<< Count me in as well.

What's the most rebellious thing you've ever done? Smoking weed was a big thing for me. 

What's your favorite thing about yourself? I’m not a big fan of myself, particularly the person I’ve become the past few years.

Have you ever celebrated Valentine's Day when you were single? I’ve always been single on Valentine’s Day, so. It’s really just another day, but there were a few years I specifically got my favorite candy or sweets and watched a few rom-coms on that day. 

What's your dream date? I think a Disneyland date would be cute.

If you were dating a guy right now, where would you want him to take you? Nowhere, ha. Just get me takeout and a Starbucks and we can chill at home lol.

Is there a guy you regret letting slip away? Yes.

Are you a guy or a girl? I’m a female.

Are you more boho, girly, edgy, sporty, or hipster? My style is comfy casual. I live in leggings and oversized graphic tees.

Which stereotype do you fit the most? Uhh.

What titles did you win in the senior class polls? None.

Were you popular in school? Nope, not at all. 

If you won a car, what color would you like it to be? Red or blue.

Do you wear hats? Yeah. Do you ever put your hair up in the winter? I always have my hair up. I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it so it’s easier to just throw it up.

Do you have bangs? No.

^If not, have you ever had bangs? Yeah, from when I was like 1 until I was like 20, which at that point I transitioned into side bangs. Now I have neither. I’ve actually been kinda wanting to get bangs again, but ehhh.

How many siblings do you have? I have two brothers.

Do you have any family members that you've never met? Yes. If you're from the US, what states have you lived in? Just California. 

Who was your best roommate? Haven’t had one.

Was your first roommate your best roommate? ^^^ What's the best family vacation you've ever been on? Disneyland vacays.

Do you have a Mac or a PC? Mac.

Do you use iMovie? No, but I did in the past before.

What's your dream job? I don’t have one.

What types of YouTube videos are your favorite to watch? ASMR, vlogs, lifestyle.

Which do you watch more: TV, YouTube, or movies? YouTube, followed by TV, then movies.

Do you prefer books or movies? I enjoy both, but I definitely read a lot more.

Have you ever wanted to be a model? No.

Are you cold right now? No, I’m kinda warm.

What do the last pair of pants you bought look like? It was a pair of leggings, surprise, surprise. They were Halloween leggings.

What store(s) do you do most of your shopping at? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

What style of wedding dress is your favorite? I don’t have one.

What years did you attend prom? Just senior year.

What color is the last sweater you wore? Dark blue.

What do you want to be for Halloween? I don’t dress up or go anywhere anymore.

What is your name, and what are the different spelling variations of it? My name is Stephanie, I’ve seen people spell it Stefani and Stefanie.

Do you like your name how it's spelled? Yeah.

Would you change your name if given the chance? Nah.

Did you ever want to be famous? When I was a kid it seemed like it would be fun. Ha, I remember I used to practice my signature. I’d pretend I was giving out autographs lol.

Would you ever want to be famous now? Noooo.

Who are the cutest babies you see on Facebook? A few of my Facebook friends have babies.

What would your name had been if you were born the opposite gender? My mom said Jesse.

If you had a twin of the same gender, what would his/her name be? I have no idea.

What is your first and middle name? All ya need to know is Stephanie.

What year were you born? 1989.

How old does that make you? I’m 31.

[aporiven-blog]

TAGGED BY: The kick ass @riotbled

TAGGING: @puerbellator @knightscathed @onyxpinion @officialmothmanfxcker

A - AGE: I AM THE LION TURTLE B - BIRTHPLACE: Vallejo, California  C - CURRENT TIME: 2:07pm D - DRINK YOU HAD LAST: Pepsi Max E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: DUde that’s my IRL Hunk @tachishini or my bestie Ali.  F - FAVORITE SONG: Man this is WRONG how do you do this? It changes all the time. I think right now it’s Imagine Dragons Believer, but all time... Take on Me by Ah-ha (DO NOT JUDGE ME) G - GROSSEST MEMORY: Um...like I touched a cows eye once, that was pretty nasty. H - HORROR YES OR HORROR NO: Horror Maybe? I did Darren Brown’s Ghost Train at Thorpe Park and I kinda loved it.  I - IN LOVE?: Oh yeah.  J - JEALOUS OF PEOPLE: Not really? I’m lazy and being jealous is a lot of work.  K - KILLED SOMEONE: Maybe? Not really sure... L - LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SHOULD I WALK BACK BY AGAIN?: Oh def walk by again -winky- M - MIDDLE NAME: Nicole  N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: One sisser O - ONE WISH: Oh I think maybe not having nuclear war is a big one right now. P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: I am LITERALLY on the phone with @tachishini and @magicinflames as we speak R - REASON TO SMILE: Cats man and I just got my playstation VR. S - SONG YOU SANG LAST:I think...it was taylor Swift “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”  U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: clear V - VACATION: Next is Japan, although I don’t think that’s TECHNICALLY a vacay so maybe I’ll make the bestie go to Disneyland someday lol W - WHEN’S YOUR BIRTHDAY: Dec 2nd X - X-RAYS: Uh my knee is messed up and I have an irregular bone growth on the inside of my head so yeah.  Y - YOUR FAVORITE FOOD: MEXICAN THING or KATSUDON Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Sagittarius. 

[jenncognito]

The Nine Spell Sisters You’ll Meet in the Cactus Garden of Insta

If you've found this blog lovely, deep down you already know you have a serious problem. It’s cool. As useless as reading this will be to save your wallet, you’ll find some peace in knowing we’re in this together. So let’s get on with the first step in solving acknowledging our shared problem by admitting that some or all of the following shit has been going on lately:

“We”* have been frantically Googling Spell and the Gypsy Collective, Joplin Jacket or worse Spell Xanadu eBay... or even more hopelessly tragic Spell Folktown. We've been waking from dreams of blue skies and going to bed fantasizing about Lotu...actually we don't go to bed - at least not lately. We’re not sleeping much are we? No. We’re up sweating; obsessing over the one that got away... or in all probability will, at the next drop - because our internet isn't fast enough; because 7 seconds is suddenly an eternity during check out; because XS sells out first. Every. Fucking. Time. What we have is full blown PTSD - Post Traumatic Spell Disorder, with more than a healthy side case of drop anxiety.

* Please note the use of the ‘Spell sister we’ here.  Much like a ‘spousal we’ this in fact means you.

Sound about right?

Welcome friend. It's nice to have you. You’re safe here. At least until the end of May, when Lotus drops.

Ever wonder how this started? I do (and so does my husband, my wallet and all my abandoned hobbies.)

Since science is ignoring me won’t explain the root cause of my condition, I've been working on a few conspiracy theories to help explain how one innocent retail therapy sesh, consisting of a Route 66 dress, turned into a full blown brand dependency that has me mapping out intricate buying strategies a full 48 - 72 hours before every drop:

Conspiracy Theory 1: Spell infuses their hand drawn fabrics with Stevie Nick's breath which they have bottled into microscopic nanotubes that fit into the heads of sewing needles. After the Australian TGA denied approval on a Stevie Nicks Vape pen, wherein the user would actually inhale the muse’s vocal chord filtered CO2, Spell had a shitload of unregulated gypsy breath on their turquoise encrusted hands. As Spelly and Lizzy are committed to sustainability, they quickly found a way to repurpose this rare and precious resource. The result? Once you start wearing a Spell piece, Stevie’s magical gypsy breath whispers into your pores, delivering you an effortless high that obviously demands you chase it again and again... on the wings of an enormous owl, obviously. Why this is probably true: Look no further than yourself - yes or no, you increasingly find yourself totally down with multiple layers of lace you would have never considered wearing at this age (or since that rad 1990 Jr. Prom dress)? Yes or no, you have found yourself with both a Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac Spotify Channel on endless rotation? Yes or no, when someone mentions the word leather, you blurt the lyrics “take from me my laaaace?” (note: There is actually a Spell Sisters 70’s Festival Jamboree playlist on Spotify. You’re welcome from Lulu Mey, the goddess who created it.)

Conspiracy Theory 2: Spell runs a genius instagram account 782k followers strong and just when you think you can ‘totally survive without another piece from Festival ‘17 BAM - you see it styled on a muse that could easily be you. You could be in Thailand, in that backless Lolita, in front of that waterfall, with those lovely beachy waves in your hair and no shoes because you floated there (on the owl - duh.) In fact it probably IS you… because they plucked that image straight out of your unicorn mind, put a 72% Lark filter on it and fed the ‘travelling you’ right into that instagram channel. They did this as a courtesy ICYMI; you know, all the retargeting ads the other gentle signs reminding you that you actually do NEED this piece in your life and it’s no longer optional. Why this is probably true: because it is true. See: @spell_byronbay.

Pick your theory but the FOMO (Folktown Obsessed Must Own) is real. Obviously, they have put a serious Spell on us - sorry not sorry, pun was too obvious. Show me another brand tribe that feels compelled to share their instant bond on insta when they show up full twinsies at a party (Who wore it best? Both of us! Yay! Love you! Love you more! #twinsemoji) Show me another brand tribe that has women from ages 18 - 81 searching for a magical unicorn in the shape of a mumu. Show me another brand who has more authentically gorgeous UGC. See: #myspellcollection #spelldesigns #spellskirtswish #vintagespell #spellluxelace #spellfestivalstyle

While we share a familiar ache in our wallets and art museums for closets, we’re a globally diverse tribe to be sure. Still yet, with every Spell Sister you meet, you connect with a little piece of yourself, right? Just in case your affliction is fresh and you’re still trying to find your cactus rose footings... Here’s the short list of the nine Spell Sister’s you’ll meet fall in love with in the cactus garden we call Insta (ps, I’m @jennvonhagen )

1) The Unconditional Lover: She buys something from every drop, and even if she's secretly not 100% sure it works on her, she's committed to making it work and her tribe is there to help her rock it hard. Queue the extra large knotted hemline and for God’s sake woman - just belt it. Spell can do no wrong - not even a dress recall phases her - she kept that Blue Skies Maxi Wrap dress, and she wears a kimono made of bubble wrap over it - and somehow it actually works for her - because she belts it.

2) The Fresh Collector: She "just found this new brand OMG" Bae got woke somewhere right after Hotel Paradiso and she can't shut the fuck up about her OZ obsession - because she DISCOVERED it you guys. We don’t blame her for the misconception, we felt EXACTLY the same way. Her insta is full of ‘lowered gaze’ shots that have you wondering WTF she’s staring at. Educated guess - it’s 16 trash bags full of labels she’ll never wear again. Regardless, she looks amazing in that dress, so we don’t give a shit - we welcome her with open kimonos.  Babushka was her first ‘fully aware drop’; her collection has a shit ton of it. We’re simultaneously proud and worried, because she has no idea what she’s gotten into.

3) The Hider: Everything is NWT. She hasn’t even worn what she's got, and the challenge of justifying the spend is getting exponential. With her towers of white boxes getting harder and harder to conceal, the Husband is now on to her. Busted a few times during a delivery, she now sends the white boxes to the neighbors house and swears:

“It’s from Target/ I’ve had this forever/I’m borrowing it/Yay Swapped!”

(Rejoice hiders: the boxes are being transitioned out. You’ll no longer have to hide them - now you can simply obsess over collecting the cute new calico bags.)

4) The Girl Next Door: Nobody knows what she does for a living, but apparently she lives at Spell. I mean right inside the fucking Byron store... 12 minutes after a drop goes live, she's #spellswishing in the latest sold-out-soon-to-be-Unicorn. We hate her. Just kidding we love her. Just kidding we want to be her. Just kidding, we’ll settle for a sleepover - in her bohemian yurt, which is probably located right outside Spell’s cactus garden. 

5) The Historian: Her collection dates back farther than Gypsy Queen and she probably has that first Sugarhigh+Lovestoned tee they styled the early jewels with in a safety deposit box. She can recite the name of every collection and every piece in it. She can spot fakes too, because she knows exactly when the logo lock up changed thanks to Rachel Pony Gold (circa April/May 2012). She indulges in the bootstrapped sisterly romance of it all. Damn right she owns the book; it’s signed - obviously.

6) The Cheerleader: She likes EVERY photo with Spell in it, and she will tell you you look GORGEOUS every single time she sees you on Insta because she believes that you have a beautiful unicorn soul. “You in that Sunset Road + Festival ‘16 mashup = AMAZING!”

She imagines you in your private cactus garden teaching your children how to hand letter affirmation mantras and macrame their own diapers as you sip organic kombucha and braid your bestie’s hair. She loves you. So. Fucking. Much. Her pronouns are heart eye emoji and kiss emoji.

7) The Impulse Buyer: constantly swears to God and all that is will-powerful that she WILL. NOT. CAVE to the next drop. She is going to be practical for fuck’s sake. (Yah, Lotus has alot of yellows and olives.. I’m more of a “summer”) But then she buys the Joplin Jacket because Florida winters are “brutal”. She has a large return shipping bill, admits that this is merely an endless paypal exchange and knows the Customer Service Angels by name (Oh, hey Angela). She uses the RA form and chat feature to send them love notes and see how they’re holding up after each drop.

8) The Wing-Woman: you either are one, have one - or both. She’s as hardcore as you are and she doesn’t judge your illness. You both have issues. This is the person you spend hours strategizing with before every drop. You two have your own kind of math and it’s harder to follow than ‘conceptual math. But this secret Spell math is a thing of fucking beauty: no matter what the equation, you always get the answer you want: 

”Ok, I returned my Blue Skies Wrap, so I have a credit, plus what I saved on the Babushka Midi equals the price of the Joplin …. I’m net zero!” 

You size up the line, screen shotting Snapchat and teasing each other via text. You pro/con every piece based on some fictional, rational version of you that “doesn’t need another gown, but needs to go with 2 piece sets you know, for more daily use.” (Um, sure - whatever you need to tell yourself hun.)  If you’re on vacay during the drop, she’s got your back - as in your paypal payback - unconditional support is just a click away. She’s also hunting unicorns for you on the side and blowing you up on text in the middle of the night with buyer’s guilt (note the lack of remorse. There is never remorse, just fleeting guilt and temporary indulgence shaming for going overboard with both the Stardust Cami AND the Jacket “I’m a living Goddamned disco ball, WTF have I done? But I lurrve them.Yay me!)

9) The Unicorn Hunter: She’s next level obsessed, willing to throw cash and half her current Spell stash at the "last ever of it's kind, ever." ‘Evil-bay’ is alternately her nemesis, and her reluctant savior. After multiple talks off the Buy It Now button and pleas to her practical side, she eventually caves for her Unicorn, pays an obscene price and then never takes it off. See: Anything Folktown or a Xanadu Maxi Dress on eBay/Poshmark/Depop/Facebook Swap & Sell insert streaming tears emoji + unicorn emoji

As different as we may be - there’s something beyond swirling around in art that pulls us together. Perhaps it’s the addictive cocktail of anticipation + adrenaline + winning. Even as we’re confident that Spelly, Lizzy and all the Angels are sorting through the surprise growing pains, deep down we know there’s a small part of us that will miss bonding/sweating/crying over the chaos. More likely though, it’s the authentic friendships formed while supporting each other. ( I just heard a story from two best friends who met via a hashtag. They live a world apart, but talk every day.)

While I can't offer a cure (because Lotus/May/God help us), we can still justify our spending take comfort in knowing we’re not alone. (Or maybe that just adds to our stress because at least 20K+ of us have the notifications turned on for an intense Facebook page where we channel our obsession into smarter ways to buy/sell or swap more pieces.) Either way - rejoice in the Spell Sisterhood - our love runs deep, our tribe is epic and your OOTD is eternally on point.

PS - does anyone have a Turquoise Folktown Skirt and Top set in XS? Seriously, I die.

Note: You can follow more of the saga on Insta @jennvonhagen After I wrote this blog, I stumbled upon a hilarious thread on the Facebook Spell Designs Buys Swap and Sell page where fellow sisters are sharing their legit addiction and proven survival techniques. I’m currently interviewing for a follow up to this post, where I’ll share stories from all nine types of sisters. If you identify with one or more of the above, comment with your number(s) and if you’d like to be a part of the next post, message me here, on Insta or email me at jenn@ambidustrious.com

[becuzpurple]

Because Purple - Chapter 23:  Well & Truly

It’s finally done!!!!!

Since it’s been a while, I’ll summarize the last chapter:  It’s early February 2016.  Ed returned to Chicago.  Kate’s staying at his hotel with him for one night (her parents have the kids).  The plan is for them to meet the next day, which happens in this chapter.

The opening scene of this chapter takes place just a few hours after the last chapter ended.

I hope you like it!  Feedback is always very-much appreciated.  :-)

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Previous Chapter

WARNING:  some smuts occur

CHAPTER 23 – Well & Truly

 Saturday February 6, 2016 (early, early morning)

I awoke abruptly, in a bit of a sleep-fog.  I stayed still, and waited for my head to clear.  We seemed to have been sleeping like spoons, but I was the big spoon.  We were both laying on our right sides.  I was curled into Ed from behind, my left leg slung over his, and my left arm around his chest.  His back was my pillow.  We were still naked.  He was still asleep.

I couldn’t see a clock from where I was, but we must have been sleeping for only a few hours.  It was very dark, and I could feel the heavy silence of the night surrounding us.  The room was quiet and still.  Morning was hours away.

I don't know why I woke up.  

I lightly squeezed him in a hug and took a deep breath as I burrowed my cheek against his broad back.  He smelled good - like his soap - a subtle blend of citrus and spices - but also of sex.  Ed smelled like soap and sex.  I stifled a small giggle at that thought, and lightly kissed him between his shoulder blades before laying my cheek back down on him again.

He shifted, and I felt him take a deep breath.

I stilled, holding my breath, wondering if I woke him.  

A few seconds later he lay his hand over mine, which was still pressed to his chest.  He laced his fingers through mine and skimmed my open palm down his chest, then over his belly, and finally to his cock.

I closed my hand around him as he slowly guided me over his length a few times.  He otherwise didn’t move or make a sound, and I wondered how awake he actually was.

Once it was evident that I was willing and able to take over what he started, he moved his hand to my wrist.  He’d stopped controlling my movements, but he held me firmly.  It seemed to be a deliberate action, so I figured he must be more awake than not.

It was so dark in the room I could just barely see him right in front of me.  Because of our positioning, I couldn’t see what I was doing to him.  So, essentially, I had no sight.  I touched him blindly.

It was quiet, except for the occasional sounds of our breathing.  Neither of us spoke.  His scent was heavy around me.  My front was to his back, and we were naked, so nothing came between our bodies.  We were skin-to-skin.  We felt warm and snug and soft together.  Except for the part of his body I was holding in my hand - as smooth as his skin felt, it was definitely not soft any more.

I could only use my left hand, since my right arm was tucked up against the mattress and his back.  So, with my left arm reaching over his hips, and my hand fastened around him, I slowly stroked him from head to base, repeatedly, occasionally twisting my wrist and fluttering my fingertips.  When I felt the pre-cum at his tip, I smeared it over him so I could glide up and down him more smoothly.

It was interesting...not being able to see what I was doing.  The absence of visual cues sharpened my other senses.  Any adjustments, slight changes, or additional actions I took were all based on other, more subtle impressions - how he felt against my skin, his body’s reactions to my touch, a slight change in his breathing.  

I started leaving soft, wet kisses in between his shoulder blades, because why not add “taste” into the sensory mix?  

His body tensed for a few seconds and I could hear him take in a quick breath. He suddenly pulled my hand off of him, and in the same motion, he rolled over on top of me, nudging my legs open.  

“I - I...I juss...wanna fuck,” he drowsily blinked down at me.  His voice came out sounding low and gravelly with sleep, and it was so stupid-sexy.

“Yeah,” I whispered as I opened my legs wider.

He didn’t wait - there was no pause, no making sure I was ready.  He positioned himself, and then drove into me hard with no warning.  

I gasped, feeling the burn when he slammed into me, but I readily took him in, meeting his hips with mine on each hard thrust.  I wanted it as much as he did. The brief discomfort soon became the sweetest ache, and quickly spread through me.  My body was thrumming, and a small knot of heat formed in my belly, already pulsing, reaching outward.

“More,” I demanded.

With a look of focused resolve, he took each of my legs and placed them over his shoulders.  He leaned further into me, bending me in half so that my knees were touching my boobs.  We were forehead to forehead.  The new position caused me to tighten around him, to the point that we both groaned at the mind-blowingly exquisite sensations it caused.

He pulled back, and then slowly pushed into me again, grunting at the tightness.  “God, you feel good.”

His thrusting slowed at first, whether from want or necessity or a little of both...I’m not sure, but I really didn’t care.  I felt every inch of him - every single ridge, every detail - slowly sinking into me, stretching me, and then pulling back, so slowly, tortuously, over and over.  My legs tensed and my toes curled and everything felt slick, and smooth, and stretched, and tight.

Because I was literally bent in half, with my legs and hips lifted up off bed, I couldn't really thrust back into him - I had nothing to push off of.  So he was doing all the work.  But I could still clench my muscles around his cock, and he definitely noticed that, judging by the sounds and words spilling from him.

“...fucking tight...so good...again...hnhh...love fucking you...” He groaned loudly on every deep stroke.  

So did I.

After a minute, his slow, deliberate fucks into me became faster and less controlled.  His eyes were closed - not in concentration any more, though, but in complete abandonment.  He let his body take over.  His eyelids fluttered, his nostrils flared, and his mouth was opened very slightly.  His breath was warm and soft over my face.

He opened his eyes and looked down at me.  I silently stared right back.  By then he was fucking me so hard and fast and all of the feelings and sensations were whirling together in a kind of storm cloud.  I couldn't form complete thoughts.  It was like everything I felt was only being partially processed, and it all poured out of me as garbled word-vomit.

“ohmygod...so much...god...so good...unnhhh…you...”

He repeatedly drove into me, each thrust hitting me with such force that my entire body was throbbing.  The ball of fire that had started in my belly had become so great and so intense that I was a little hesitant to let go.  It was almost too much.

I finally did, though.  

I was blissfully warm and weightless for a few seconds.  I could hear nothing, and all I saw was his face as he came, too.  His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was opened.  He breathed out small, quiet gasps as he released.

Once we’d both finished, he settled his eyes on my face and smiled a sleepy, satisfied smile, mirroring my own.  He lifted himself off of me and gently brought my legs back down to the bed.  He wrapped me in his arms, and we laid together, still coming down.  Everything felt warm and tingly and loving and safe, and we were soon both drifting off again.

 But, damn, I’d been well and truly fucked.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 The next day Ed and I stopped at the grocery store on the way back to my house to pick up a few things for dinner.  I thought we could all make pizzas together - a pizza bar might be fun.  We all like pizza.  And also, it would give us something to do while Ed and the kids got to know each other, and maybe it would help bring any potential awkwardness to a minimum.  And also maybe it was my potential awkwardness I was most concerned about.

I was still nervous-as-hell about them meeting.

 So, after a late-morning brunch in the hotel, we did our shopping, and got to the house a little after 1 pm.  We had a few hours to kill before the kids got home.  We hadn’t really talked about our upcoming trip to LA, yet, so, it was a good time to sit down and plan it out together.

I bought my laptop out so I could access my calendar, and so that we could search for any pertinent information we might need.  We sat together on the sofa to make our plans.

We’d be flying out of Chicago on the following Wednesday.  Ed mentioned that he’d been thinking about not going directly to LA, though, and wondered if I’d like a little mini-vacay, first, before all the insanity of LA and the Grammys.

Hell, yes?!?!?

I thought that sounded pretty fantastic.

“So, where would we go?”

“Well,” he answered, “I thought maybe we could fly into San Diego instead of LA, and then maybe head down to Baja.  There’s a village called Valle de Guadalupe.  It’s very small, and pretty, and has a lot of wineries nearby.  I thought it sounded like a place you’d like.”

He looked at me a somewhat quizzically, as if he didn’t know how I’d react to him having thought this through already.  

“May I?” he asked, reaching for my laptop.

I nodded, and couldn’t help the soft smile forming across my face.

“Baja California...so, Mexico?”

“Yeah…” he glanced up and smiled at me briefly before focusing on the screen, searching for what I assumed to be information about this place he had in mind.

“Here.”

I leaned in to see.  He’d pulled up a page about Valle de Guadalupe which highlighted its numerous wineries, award-winning restaurants, nearby attractions, and quaint accommodations.  I’d never even heard of it before, but it seemed like a place I’d really like.

“This looks awesome.  Have you been there before?”

“No.  My friend visited there last year on holiday with her husband.  She said it’s really nice...quiet and romantic.  I thought it might be good to relax there for a few days before heading to LA.”

I tilted my head as I grinned.  “I love that idea.  Thank-you!”

 We planned for three nights in Valle de Guadalupe, and then we would head up to LA on Saturday, the day before Valentine’s Day.  His parents would be there, along with his cousin and his manager.  We were all to have dinner together that night.  The next day would be Valentine’s Day.  We had nothing scheduled yet in the earlier part of the day, but would have a nice dinner, just the two of us, that evening.  The Grammys were to be the following night - Monday.  Ed did not plan to walk the red carpet, which was completely fine with me.  He’d also not planned on attending any of the after-parties (also fine with me), but instead wanted to be with family - hopefully to celebrate.  We’d fly back to Chicago together Tuesday afternoon.

Holy shit.  I’m going to meet his family.

“Have you told your family about me?”

“Yeah.”  One corner of his lip curved up as he continued.  “They knew I came here at New Years to, um, see a girl, but I hadn’t said anything much at that point about you.  It was all too new to really know yet, right?”

I nodded, understanding.

“But after I got back home I told them about you - all about you - and that I’m crazy about you, and how amazing you are.”  He smiled at me as he said it.

“Do they know...I mean, did you tell them I’m...older?  And everything else?”

“Yeah.  Well, you mean about the kids, right?  And...Jason?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, they know.”

I nodded again.  “OK.”

“Oh, shit - should I not have said anything?”

“No, no, that’s fine.  I just…”

He placed the laptop on the coffee table in front of us and turned his whole body to face mine.

“What is it?”

I shook my head.  “Oh, it's just me being insecure.  It’s nothing, really.”  I tried to play it off as no big deal, but he knew better.

“Tell me.”  His huge, bluest-of-blue eyes were boring into mine, full of concern.

“OK.  I just...sometimes worry that people might think I’m using you...might...question my motives for being with you.”

I too a breath before continuing.

“We've never discussed...money.  But I want you to know that the kids and I - we’re in a good place, financially.  We’re fine.  And I'd never use you.  You know that, right?”

“I know,” he nodded.  “You’ve literally never asked me for one thing.  But thank-you for telling me.”

He paused, looking at me curiously.  “So you worry that people will think you're with me for my money.”

“Well, yeah, kind of.  I don’t mean your fans...I don’t really care about that.  But your friends, your family...the people who love you...I do care what they think.  I guess I...just want them to like me.”

He took my hands and brought them to his lap.  “Hey.  I literally can't think of one reason why anyone wouldn't love you straightaway - you're warm and funny and charming, and genuine, and there's not a greedy or deceitful bone in your body.  And I'd hope they'd take their cues from me - I'm a pretty good judge of character.  But if someone actually does question your motives, though, well fuck them.  I know you.  I know your heart.  I trust you.  I love you.  End of story.”  He shrugged.  “If it makes you feel any better, they are happy that I'm happy, and they really want to meet you.”

He pursed his lips before adding, “Well, Matt won't be there, so you won't meet him, yet.  But that’s probably a good thing, because he's kind of an asshole.”

“Oh,” I frowned, a little overwhelmed by everything he'd said, and unsure if he was kidding about his brother or not.  “Really?”

He shook his head, grinning.  “No, not really.”  He quickly kissed my lips before adding, “But he can be quite direct, sometimes.  That’s off-putting to some people, but it's just how he is.”

We shared another short but sweet kiss.

“It’ll be fine.  They're all very nice, decent people.  I promise.  They'll love you.”

“OK,” I nodded, rolling my eyes at myself and feeling a little foolish.  “Sorry.”

He shook his head.  “Nothin’ to be sorry about.  I reckon it shows you care, is all, and I love that.”

Oh my goodness, I love this guy so much.  he’s so smart, and he really understands me, and he has such a mature outlook about-

“Oh!  Hey - don’t forget to pack all the sex toys I sent you - we’ll be using the fuck out of them!”

 Ladies and gentlemen...the man I love.  LOL.

 Mom brought the kiddos back at exactly 3:00.  Ed waited in the living room, watching alpine skiing on ABC’s Wide World of Sports (of all things!), while I met them at the back door.  All three of them were looking at me extremely expectantly.

“Hey, guys-”

“-Is he here???” Lucy excitedly loud-whispered at me while both my mom and Nathan watched me like a hawk for my answer.

I glanced at the kids, and then my mom, holding in my laughter.

“Is who here?”

My mom just leaned back and crossed her arms at me, shaking her head, grinning.  She was just behind Nate and Lucy, so they couldn’t see her reaction.  Nate looked at me like I had to be the dumbest person on Earth, and Lucy’s face went from devastation to utter annoyance within seconds.

“C’mon, Mom,” grumbled Nate.

“You know...HIM!” Lucy whisper-squeaked.

“Why don’t you come in, guys.  Mom?  You coming in?”

“MOM!”

“Honey, you’d better answer them before there’s mutiny.  And, no.  I’m not staying this time.  I don’t want to overwhelm your friend - meeting these two will be plenty for one day, I think.  We’ll plan for a different time, OK?”

“OK,” I nodded.  “And you two - inside, shoes off, unpack your bags, and dirty laundry in the hamper.  Oh.  And, yes.  Ed’s here.  So come back downstairs when you’re done - we’ll be in the living room.”  

I received two very exasperated looks, but I thought that giving them something to do first might help with nerves (theirs?  mine?).  They ducked past me and headed right up the stairs to their respective rooms, hopefully to do what I’d told them.

Once they were out of sight I let out a breath and gave my mom a wide-eyed “oh shit!” look.

“I think they’ll be fine, honey.  They seem pretty curious about him.”

“Well...in a good way, though?  Did they say anything?”

“Kate, it’s going to be fine.  They like seeing you happy, and you’ve been happy since you met him.  That’s what they told me about him.  Well, that, and Lucy went on and on about his music and hair and tattoos.”  Mom grinned at me.  

“I do think maybe some reassurances should be made that they will always be your number one priority...but you can do that privately, later.  They didn’t say anything about that to me - I just think it’s a good idea.”

“Oh, god, yeah.  That’s...you’re right - that is a really good idea.”

Why the fuck hadn’t I thought of that?  Worst Mom Ever = Me.

“Alright, then.  I have to go now.  You enjoy yourselves tonight.  I hope you’re doing something fun?”

“Yeah.  We’re making our own pizzas.  And then...we’ll eat them.”

Oh, god, that sounds lame.

“That sounds perfect.  Now go back to your friend.  He’s probably getting anxious just sitting by himself.”

My “friend”...

She slipped her gloves back on, and then gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek before she turned to leave the house.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, Katie.  Love you.”

“Love you, too!  Bye!” I called as she walked back to her car.

 I took one calming breath and walked back to the living room, where Ed was still watching skiing.  He had one leg tucked under the other, and was bouncing his heel on the floor restlessly.  So maybe he was a little anxious about meeting them, after all.

He looked up at me curiously.

I sat next to him.  “They’re upstairs putting their overnight bags in order.  They should be down any minute.”

No sooner had I finished the sentence then they both came down the stairs - not in their usual stomping/running manner, but together, walking, kind of slowly.  It was very unlike them.

I lifted my brows in surprise.  “They’re so quiet - I think they’re on their best behavior for you,” I murmured softly to Ed.

He glanced back at me, smirking in a wide-eyed, surprised sort of way.

I grinned back at him just as they turned the corner into the living room.

Ed and I both stood as Nate and Lucy stopped.  We all just stared at each other, everyone unsure of what to do next for a few excruciating seconds.

I finally got a hold of myself and waved them both over to me.  “C’mere, you guys.”  They seemed relieved to know what to do, and came right over - one on each side of me.  I put my arms around each of them, and shifted us all just a little to the right so we were facing Ed.

“So...Ed, these are my children, Nathan and Lucy.”  I hugged them both close to me.  

It was the last thing I expected, but as soon as I held them, I felt each of their hands at my back, supporting me.  Lucy rubbed small circles between my shoulder blades while Nathan held me around my waist, almost protectively.  I think it was their way of telling me that they knew I was nervous, and they knew this was uncharted territory for us, but it was going to be OK.  I don’t think it was anything they’d planned to do.  Maybe it was another example of twins being of the same mind, and I happened to be lucky enough to be a part of it.  But it was a moment where we all connected in a way that I’d rarely felt before.  

I mentally pulled myself together to complete the introduction.  “Lucy, Nate...this is Ed.”

Ed looked at me for maybe a beat longer than he needed to.  I think he knew I was suddenly feeling emotional about something.  But then he looked directly at Lucy first, and then at Nathan.

“Hello.  It’s so good to finally meet both you in person,” he smiled.

Lucy grinned and nodded, shyly answering, “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Nate looked Ed straight in the eye, nodded twice, smiled, and sincerely replied, “Nice to meet you.”  It was so adult-like.

Umm, when did my 10 year-old son - my youngest (OK, only by 2 minutes but still!) - suddenly become so grown up???

I’m sure I had a slightly surprised expression on my face.  I saw Ed briefly glance at me, so he probably saw it and knew I was at least somewhat taken aback at Nathan’s very heartfelt, yet protective demeanor.

“Well, why don’t we sit down?” I suggested.

Ed sat back down on the sofa where he had been before, and I sat on the loveseat, perpendicular to the sofa.  But we were both on the ends, so were still very near each other.  Nate sat next to me, and Lucy sat on the sofa next to Ed.  She turned herself so she was sideways and facing him, slightly wide-eyed.

Nate glanced at the TV.  “Skiing?” he asked curiously.

Ed shrugged.  “Yeah.  Not much else on.”

Nate nodded, tuning in.  “Do you ski?”  He glanced over at Ed.

“Uh, I have only a couple of times.  Have you ever?”

“Yeah.  My mom and dad took us skiing in New Mexico and Colorado a bunch of times.  My dad was a really good skier.”

Ohhhhhh, god...

“Oh, that’s awesome.  I’ve heard the skiing is really good in Colorado.  I’ve never skied in the US, though.”

“Yeah, I guess.  Lucy is better at it than I am.”

Ed turned to Lucy.  “Yeah?  You like to ski?”

She looked happy to be joining in the conversation.  “Yeah, it’s a lot of fun.  Do you like it?”

“It’s alright, but I’m not very good at it.  I bet you’re a good skier.”

Lucy is actually a natural on skis, but she was being a little bashful.  “I don’t know...I’m OK, I guess…”

Nathan shook his head.  “Lu, you’re like, really good.”  He then turned to Ed.  “She even did a black diamond run in Taos, and my parents almost killed her when she finished.”

I nodded.  “Lucy’s a good skier.  But she shouldn’t have been on that slope.”

“But I was fine!”

“You were 8,” I pointed out.

“You’re a daredevil, then?” Ed asked Lucy.

“Um, I just love how it feels to go so fast - it’s like flying.  It’s awesome.”

Ed gave me a very quick, odd look, and then looked back at Lucy, grinning. “Your mum said almost the exact same thing to me when she was talking about gymnastics.”  Glancing back at me, he softly asked,  “Like mother, like daughter, hmm?”

“You have no idea,” I uttered quietly.

“I just stay on the blues,” Nate added.

“Are those the intermediate runs?” Ed asked.

Nate nodded.

“Ah.  In Europe the intermediate slopes are reds.  But I’ve only been twice, so I kept to the easy slopes.”

Skiing.  We’re talking about skiing?  Of all the random topics… Well, at least we’re talking, I guess…

 Conversation started to flow a little more smoothly from that point on, moving from skiing to Nintendo to drawing to Pokemon, and finally to the Superbowl, which was to be the following day, actually.  Nathan loves football, and was really pumped up about watching the Superbowl - he’s a huge Denver Broncos fan (sorry Bears), and they were favored to win.  Ed, on the other hand, doesn’t get the hype at all, and is irked by the very name (“Why do they call it ‘football’ when they don’t even use their feet?”).  But, to his credit, he seemed genuinely interested in everything Nate was saying.  Football was a love that Nate had shared with Jason, and I know that bond is one of the many things he misses.

Ed mentioned that he had actually seen a few “American” football games (as he calls them), and had just explained that he thinks it is very similar to rugby.  The comparison was lost on the rest of us, though, as we’d never seen a rugby match.

“Hey, Mom?  We should all watch the Superbowl together, like have a Superbowl party.”  Nate was looking very hopefully at me.

“Oh - you mean here?”

He nodded.  Lucy was following our dialogue closely.  Ed just watched me with a small grin, clearly wondering where this would lead.

“Well…”

“Yeah, and you could come, right?” Lucy asked Ed.

“Oh, I’m definitely in,” he answered her.

I glanced at Nate to gauge his reaction to that.  He was nodding his head - a good sign.

“Hmm.  We might be able to do that.  OK...I’ll invite Izzy and Jen, too, if that’s alright with everyone?  It’s last-minute, so they probably already have plans...but I’d like to try…”

I was met with various head-bobs and “yeahs” and “that’s fines”.

“OK.  Well, wait.  What time does it start?”

Nathan answered me.  “Kick-off is at 5:30, but the pre-game show is on before that.”

“OK, so dinner-time, then.  Who’s doing the halftime show, I wonder?”

“Mom!  It’s Coldplay, Beyonce, and Bruno Mars!”  The halftime show is the part of the Superbowl broadcast that Lucy enjoys the most.  Personally, I’m in it for the commercials.

“Really?!” Ed cut in.

Our heads all whipped toward him, then.

His eyes grew wide when he realized we were all looking at him.  

“What is it?” I asked him.

Lucy’s jaw dropped.  “You know them, don’t you?”

He shrugged and grinned modestly as he quietly answered, “Um, yeah...”

Lucy was looking at him as if she just remembered who he is, which may have been the case, actually.  “Wow,” she whispered.

“Alright, I’m going to call Jen and Izzy now.  Be back in a few.”  More head-bobs were directed my way as I walked toward the kitchen to make the call.  I could still see the living room from the archway between the dining room and the kitchen, and I stood there for a minute, just observing the scene.  I saw that Nate scooted over and took my spot on the loveseat, putting him closer to Ed and Lucy on the sofa.  They were all involved in some conversation which I couldn’t make out.  All three of them seemed comfortable and engaged.

So far so good.

 Both Jen and Izzy were scheduled to work until 5 pm the next day, and had planned on a somewhat quiet evening watching the game with their significant others at home.  So instead, they, along with Keith and Adam, would come to our house.  They’d probably miss the first quarter, though, since they both had to stop home after work first.  We decided on doing a potluck dinner.  I’d set up a taco bar (I’m all about the food bars, apparently), Jen and Izzy would bring the side dishes, and their boyfriends would be in charge of dessert.  Ed and I could work out the snacks and beverages.

 I finished my call, and as I was coming back into the living room I heard Nathan ask Ed, “What should we call you?”

“Oh.  I guess just call me ‘Ed’,” he said matter-of-factly.  He nodded once at Nate, then glanced at Lucy, who nodded back at him in reply.

He looked back at Nate.  “What about you?  Do you prefer ‘Nate’ or ‘Nathan’?”

“Umm, either one is fine.  I like ‘em both.”

“I use them both interchangeably,” I added as I entered the room.

“Is ‘Lucy’ a nickname for ‘Lucille’, then?”

“No.  My real name is ‘Lucia’ (a/n:  pronounced Loo-SEE-uh).  But everyone calls me ‘Lucy’.  Or ‘Lu’.  But usually ‘Lucy’.”

“Cool.  And which one of you is older?”

“Me!” Lucy quickly replied.

“Just by two minutes, though...and I’m bigger,” Nate smirked.

“Whatever,” muttered Lucy, rolling her eyes.

“OK - party’s on tomorrow!  Jen and Izzy will be bringing Keith and Adam.  But they’re coming after work, so they’ll miss the beginning of the game.  It’ll be a potluck.  I’m making tacos.  Sound good?”

Everyone was smiling and seemed happy.  And I was, too.

 The pizza bar was a success.  I put out pre-made mini pizza crusts, sauce, pepperoni, Canadian bacon, sausage, mozzarella and asiago cheeses, onions, pineapple, green peppers, mushrooms, and bacon.

We all built our own personal pizzas together, around the kitchen island.  Nathan piled way too much cheese and bacon on his.  Lucy made a smiley face of pepperoni on hers.  Ed was very particular about his Canadian bacon and pineapple placement on the Hawaiian pizza he made.  I just put light sauce, extra cheese, and a smattering of onions and peppers on mine.  

Neither the kids nor I had ever tried Hawaiian pizza before.  I only bought the toppings for it because Ed suggested them when we were at the grocery store earlier that day.  Honestly, I thought that pineapple on pizza sounded pretty disgusting.  The kids were both slightly alarmed by it, too.  Living so close to Chicago, we consider ourselves experts when it comes to pizza.  We know pizza.  We did not know about this pineapple business.

“Is that what pizza is like in England?” Lucy watched Ed’s meticulous placement of the Canadian bacon and pineapple in horrified fascination.

“What?  You don’t have Hawaiian pizza here?”

I answered, “I’m sure you can get it from the chain pizza places like Domino’s or Papa John’s,  but I don’t know anyone who actually has.  I think Chicagoans tend to be pretty traditional about their pizza toppings.”

“Well, you all don’t know what you’re missing, then.  Done!”  He’d finally placed the last topping bit of his ridiculously symmetrical pattern of pineapple and meat on his pizza.  

Since they were personal-sized, they all fit in the oven at once.  I just had to switch what shelves they were on half-way through the baking process so the ones on the bottom wouldn’t scorch.  Within 15 minutes we were sitting down, enjoying our pizzas, along with salad and garlic bread.

Dinner conversation flowed easily, revolving around favorite foods, embarrassing moments, and pets.  Ed is a really great conversationalist - he’s engaging and animated, and draws you in.  The kids were both taken with him.

 “You have no pets.  Why don’t you have any pets?”

He honestly looked slightly scandalized by the idea of anyone not sharing his or her home with some sort of four-legged, furry animal or two.

Lucy answered the question.  “We used to have a dog, Bear.  But he was old and had hip dys...dyspa...what is it, Mom?”

“Hip dysplasia.”

“Yeah, that.  It got really bad and we had to put him down a few years ago.”

“Ohhhh.  I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“He was awesome.  He was a black lab/German shepherd mix - really smart...and funny, too,” Nate recalled.

“I loved that dog,” I smiled.  “He was my first baby.”

“You didn’t want to get another one?”

“Well, not right away.  We planned on getting a new dog last year...but then, well…” I met Ed’s eyes and then shrugged.

“Yeah,” he softly acknowledged.

If it was possible to comfort someone with only a look, then that’s exactly what he did.  We only kept eye contact for a couple of seconds, but I felt it just as I would have if he’d held me in his arms.

I’m pretty sure the kids noticed it, but I think that’s fine - a good thing, actually.

Ed broke the momentarily silence, picking up right where we’d left off.  “I’ve never had a dog.  We always had cats when I was growing up.”

Lucy’s entire demeanor perked up at the mention of cats.  The child has wanted a cat since she’s known what cats are.  Jason was allergic to them, though, so that had never happened.

“You like cats?” she asked.

“I love cats!”

Nathan and I glanced at each other and he rolled his eyes.  I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

“Mom, we should get a cat!”

I turned to Ed with a tight-lipped smile.

“I have to agree with Lucy.  You should get a cat.  Or two, even.”

“Oh, two cats, now?  You’re ganging-up on me, here!”

Nate, meanwhile, looked completely amused at the conversation.

“Do you have any opinions about this, Nate?”

“Me?”  He shrugged, slightly grinning.  “Cats are cool.”

“I see.  A cat -”

“Or two!” Lucy interrupted.

I looked at the three of them, all smiling at me.  “I feel like I’ve been tricked into something here, even though I’ve agreed to nothing!”

“You mean we’re getting a cat?” Nate asked.

“Or two…” Ed very unhelpfully added.

Lucy was smiling from ear-to-ear.

I grinned ruefully, shaking my head, knowing I’d been had, but still unwilling to admit it.

“We’ll see.”

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Sunday, February 7, 2016 - evening

 It was halftime, and the Broncos were up 13-7.  Nathan was very well-pleased, as was Adam.  Both Jen and Keith were rooting for the Panthers.  The rest of us were neutral.  

We’d all been gathered in the family room in the basement, stuffing our faces throughout the first half, and thoroughly enjoying all of the potluck dishes.  Izzy brought her mom’s famous (in our circle, at least) Mexican chicken salad, and Jen brought a white cheddar baked corn casserole.  Adam and Keith chose to not stick with the Mexican theme for dessert, and picked up an apple pie, some brownies, and some chocolate chip cookies - all bakery-made.  Ed and I supplied the main course - the tacos, as well as all of the chips and salsa, guacamole, and the beverages.

 Jen and Izzy helped me with clean-up while everyone else gathered around to watch the halftime show.  The guys had all offered to help as well, but we declined.  I think the three of us really just wanted some time to ourselves for some girl-talk.

We caught each other up on our lives as we cleaned and de-cluttered.  We hadn’t had a lot of opportunity to see or talk to each other since the holidays.  

Jen and Keith had begun seeing each other exclusively soon after their very successful first date at the New Year’s Eve party we were all at.  She was really happy.

“What does he do, Jen?” I asked.

“He’s a special ed teacher.  And he coaches track, too.”

“Oh, wow.  Where at?”

“Umm, he’s in the city - Bowen High School - on the south side.”

“Very cool, “ I nodded.

“You know, he is also a ‘younger man’,” Izzy shared.

“Yeah?”  I rolled my eyes at her before shifting my gaze to Jen.

She nodded.  “Yeah.  He’s 29.”

“Oh, well that’s what?  A five year difference?  You guys have nothin’ on us.” I grinned and shook my head.

“How old is he, again, Katie?”

“Umm, he’ll be 25 in like...10 days.”

We were in the kitchen, and I’d been scraping food off of a baking dish, but looked up when the room had suddenly gone quiet.  Jen and Izzy were both looking at me with the funniest expressions on their faces.

“What?”

Izzy’s grin was so huge she was practically leering at me.  “So, how’s that going for you?”

I felt my face reddening, but I also couldn’t stop a somewhat cocky grin from forming, either.

“It’s...good.  Yeah.  I have no complaints.”  I looked down, still smiling, focusing again on scraping the baked-in taco meat from the dish in my hands.

 The game ended a little after 9 pm, and the Broncos won 24-10.  The commercials were fun, as usual, and the halftime show was a phenomenal display of music and color and love.  Personally, I’m not a huge football fan, so I was a little bored with the actual game.  The company was what it was all about, for me.  With the exception of my parents and my brother and his family, I was surrounded by the most important people in my life - the people I love.  And I was really, really happy.

 The kids were in bed by 9:30, but the grown-ups weren’t ready to end the evening, yet.  We still had plenty of snacks to munch on, as well as plenty of beverages to imbibe.  Someone mentioned Cards Against Humanity.  Soon, we were all gathered around the coffee table, fresh drinks at hand and game cards scattered all around us.  We spent the next 90 minutes laughing harder than I can remember having ever laughed before.  

The collective favorite winning card combo of the night, below:

 I bet you can guess whose it was.  :-)

 (A/N - if you’ve never played Cards Against Humanity, YOU MUST GO PLAY IT - while drinking, preferably.  :-)  Hands-down, the hardest I’ve ever laughed IN MY LIFE was while playing this game.  GO PLAY THIS GAME!)

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“I want you to stayyyy.  But...that would be...not the smart thing...to do.”  I patted his chest emphatically as I spoke.  And also I was impressed with myself for getting all of my words out somewhat correctly and coherently.

We sat together on the sofa in the basement family room, slouching and leaning against each other.  His rested a hand on the inside of my thigh.  I rested mine over his adorable, soft belly.  My other guests had left just a few minutes earlier.  It was after midnight.  We were both quite plastered.

“Mmmmmm...” he kind of softly moan-growled.  “I know!  Why do I have to leave, again?”

“Because we shouldn’t have sex with the kids here!”  I whispered loudly, gently patting his belly this time in emphasis.  

“Oh, yeah…”

We looked at each other, very drunk and wide-eyed and, fell into fits of giggles.

Eventually, we stopped laughing, and he sighed and turned to me.  “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.  I will, ‘cause I want to do the right thing.  But I might pout a little bit over it.”

“I know.  Me, too.  I just...you understand though, right?  It’s...it’s too soon.  For them.  I don’t...I...there’s no way they are ready to see you here in the morning.  They’re young but they’re not that young and they’d know, and I just can’t ask them to accept that yet.  It doesn’t seem right to me. Oh god, you understand, right?  Fuck.  I’m too drunk to get...words out right…”

I looked over at him, slightly embarrassed, and wondering if he had any idea what I was trying to say.

“You want to give them some time to get used to the idea of you - of us - dating, yeah?”

I nodded.

“Before we parade our love life in their faces?” He was smiling at me as he spoke.

“Yeah, I guess that’s...that’s actually exactly it.”

He tilted his head to the side as he pushed a bit of hair behind my ear.  His expression softened as he looked at me.  “You’re a really, really good mum.”

My first thought was to deflect his kind words, but I didn’t.  He seemed to be putting thought into what he was saying - it wasn’t just a nice, empty compliment, given only to make me feel good about myself.

“You really think so, don’t you?  You’re not just saying that.”

“Well, I’ve spent some time here with you all over the last few days, and I’ve seen how you are with each other.  The way all three of you balance love, respect and...humor...it’s, well, it’s really beautiful.”

I suddenly felt a lot less drunk, and he seemed less drunk, too.  Or maybe he was just still able to be eloquent despite being intoxicated.  I wouldn’t put it past him.  

He’d been paying attention to us - to the kids and to me, and how we interact and connect with each other.  He saw right into our hearts, and his impromptu assessment of us was spot on.

“How do you do that?” My voice came out as a whisper.

“Do what?” he murmured.

“How could you have seen that?  It’s like...you know what’s in my heart.  And theirs, too.”

”Kate, that’s all from you and Nate and Lucy.  That’s what the three of you put out there.  I’m pretty sure anyone who knows you or has seen the three of you together for any decent length of time has seen the same thing.  And...I think I do know your heart.”

I turned in a little bit towards him and hugged him tightly, resting my head in the crook of his neck.  “Thank-you.”

He turned to me and placed many short, sweet kisses on my temple.  It was probably all he could reach due to the way we were leaning into each other.  

“Can you lift up your head, please?”

“Whyyyyy?  This is so nice.”

“Because I’d like to kiss you properly.”

“Oh,” I grinned.  I raised my head up off of his shoulder, turned myself to face him, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“I suppose,” I whispered just before he leaned in and attached his lips to mine.

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 Tuesday, February 9, 2016

 Ed and I were to leave on our trip the following day, and we wanted all of us to have a nice dinner together before we left.  The kids finished their homework by 6:00, and we were out the door by 6:20.

I parked on the street a few doors down from the Fat Duck, a restaurant/pub in the next town over.  It’s a favorite of mine - I love the cozy atmosphere, and the food is fantastic.  We asked for a corner table, and were immediately seated.  The wide-screen TV’s placed all around the dining area were tuned into various sports events - mostly college basketball and the pre-game show for the Blackhawks vs the San Jose Sharks.  Since it was a weeknight in February, and still early in the hockey season, it wasn’t very crowded.  But the mood was cheery and welcoming.

We quickly ordered our beverages and some appetizers - the parmesan truffle fries are to die for.  We chatted as we studied the menus.  I learned that Ed is very suspicious of fish & chips outside of the UK - the Fat Duck is known locally for its fish & chips.  He passed on it, so I ordered it, instead.  Oh, well.  His loss. He ordered the pulled pork platter.  Nate got a huge bowl of homemade bacon mac-n-cheese (do you see a theme in his food choices?), and Lucy went with chicken quesadillas.

Lucy briefly glanced up at Ed from her plate at one point and asked, “Are you coming home with Mom after your trip?”  My back stiffened slightly in heightened attention at her seemingly innocent question.  She’s a girl who always chooses her words carefully.

‘...coming home with Mom…’ Not ‘coming here’ or ‘coming back’.  On the surface it appeared to be just a random word choice.  But I suspected it wasn’t.  I briefly glanced at both kids.  Seeing nothing but curiosity on their faces, I shifted my eyes to Ed, curious as to how he’d answer.

“Yeah,” he smiled.  “We’re flying back here together.  I’ll be around for a few days before I go back to London.”

“Cool,” Nate replied as both he and Lucy bobbed their heads in return.  “Are you going to stay at the hotel again?”

“Yep,” he answered without missing a beat, nodding, meeting first Nate’s and then Lucy’s eyes.  Then he stuffed a forkful of pulled pork into his mouth.

 The rest of dinner was completely enjoyable.  Lucy entertained us with a story about her Math teacher.  Apparently, that morning another student had stored his backpack on the floor under his desk, but the shoulder strap was hanging out into the aisle.  Miss Detty didn’t see the strap as she walked down the aisle.  You can probably guess what happened - Miss Detty landed on her bottom on said backpack.  Luckily, she only injured her pride a little bit.  

“It was so hard not to laugh!  But we thought she’d get mad, and we, like, didn’t know if she was hurt?  But then - she was still on the floor - and she said, ‘I’m OK.  You can laugh.’  And we all started laughing, but then she pointed to Joseph - it was his backpack - and she said, ‘but not you!  You can’t laugh!’  It was so funny!”

We all then shared crazy school stories.  Nate told us how his friend Omar took off his shoes and socks in the middle of Science and propped his bare feet up on his desk, crossed at his ankles.  Mrs. DiPisa was not amused, but the rest of the class was.  I told them about the boy in my 8th grade class who jumped out of the classroom window, but then when he tried to come back in the main entrance, he found the door to be locked.  He had to ring the bell and explain to the office why he was outside.  Our teacher somehow never knew he was gone until the principal walked him back to class.  Ed’s story was actually his Great-Uncle’s story - something he had done in school many, many years ago.  Great-Uncle Tom had attended a Catholic primary school in Ireland in the 1940’s.  He was apparently a very naughty child.

“He was in the 4th class, and his teacher was a nun - Sister Scholastica.  What a name, right?   He described her as being tall and old and very mean.  He said they couldn’t see her hair because it was tucked into the...what’s the thing on a nun’s head - the veil?  So the rumor was that she was bald, too.”

Lucy and Nathan were already completely drawn into Ed’s story.  Honestly, so was I.

“So, one afternoon just after lunch, my Great-Uncle Tom was sat at his desk, twisted around, trying to get the attention of his mate who sat a few seats behind him, in the same row.  He whistled very loudly to get his friend to look up.  For some reason, Sr.  Scholastica though it was his mate who whistled.  She came storming down the aisle toward poor Davey, waving her ruler in the air, prepared to smack him across his hands with it.  She was really angry.  My great-uncle swears on the bible that he doesn’t know what possessed him to do it, but he stuck out his foot.  The nun never saw it.  She tripped and fell forward, flat on the floor.

“Ohhhhhhhh…” groaned Nate.  Lucy was quiet, but wide-eyed.

“But that wasn’t the worst of it.  Her chin hit the floor, and then her false teeth shot right out of her mouth and slid the rest of the way down the aisle, stopping right next to poor Davey’s desk!”

“Nooooo!  Are you kidding me?”  Lucy squeaked out.

“It’s a true story, as far as I know.”

“Oh, man.  He must have got in HUGE trouble for that,” Nate mused.

“Yeah.  He got kicked out of school.”

“Whoa.  That’s crazy!”  Lucy glanced over at Nate and he nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” Ed went on.  “I have a lot of characters in my family.’

“Good to know,” I grinned.

 “When do you leave tomorrow?  What time?”  Nate loudly slurped up the last of his lemonade through his straw as he waited for my answer.

I gave him a little glare of reproof until he finished.  “Umm…” I glanced at Ed, trying to remember.  “We’ll leave for the airport around 11, I think?”  He nodded.  “So I’ll be home when you leave for school in the morning, but your grandparents will be there when you get home.”

“OK.”

“I’ll call you guys when we get in tomorrow, but it will probably be late - close to your bedtime.”

Nate nodded his head while Lucy gave Ed a curious look.

“So, we won’t see you again until after your trip, right?  Like, we won’t see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I guess this is it until we get back...that is, if you don’t mind me sticking around for a bit.”

Lucy smiled shyly.  “Sure.”

Ed’s eyes shifted from Lucy’s smiling face to Nathan’s thoughtful one, and he raised his brows questioningly.  

I think it occurred to Nathan at the same time as it did to me that Ed had essentially just asked them if it was OK if he and I continue to see each other.

Nate’s eyes grew fractionally larger, and a second later he nodded his head, grinning.  “I don’t mind.”

I silently let out my breath - I guess I’d been holding it - and discreetly placed my hand over Ed’s knee, giving it a few affectionate squeezes.  He turned to me and smiled.  I smiled right back, and didn’t care who saw.

 “That might have been the most subtle third-degree I’ve ever received.”

We were back at the house, and the kids were getting ready for bed.  Ed and I were downstairs in the family room, sprawled out on the sofa in front of the TV.  I’d just put on the 9:00 news on WGN.

“You mean when they asked if you were coming home with me or staying at the hotel after we get back?”  I rolled my eyes and shook my head.  

“Yeah.  Were they asking me what I think they were asking me?”

“I think so.”

“Wow.  That is some impressive, understated nuance.  You have clever communicators on your hands.”

“Yeah...they feed off of each other, too, so it’s really easy to feel ganged-up on by them - like they did with you.  You handled it perfectly, though.”

He shrugged and then gave me a curious look.  “But why…where did that come from?  Why are they thinking about that?”

“I think some of it is just due to their age - they’re entering Tweendom.  They’re curious and nosey, and with us going away together...they might be wondering about some things, you know?”

“Like our sleeping arrangements?”

“I guess...maybe.”

“Hmmm.  They don’t seem upset, though?”

I shook my head. “Nooo...they like you.  But they’re probably still unsure about some things, too.  Like...I want them to like you, obviously, but I don’t want them to feel guilty about liking you.  Do you know what I mean?”

He nodded.  “Do you feel guilty about liking me?”  He tried playing the question off almost as a joke, smiling shyly as he asked, but I answered him seriously.

“No.  I never have.  Really early on - like right after we met - I thought about that, and realized that there is nothing to feel guilty about.”  I let out a small breath.  “But, they’re 10, so...I don’t know if they feel the same way.”

 “Mom!  I’m going to bed!”  Nathan called down to me from the landing at the top of the stairs.

I looked over at Ed.  “Will you excuse me for a few minutes?”

“Mom!”

He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head.

“I’ll be right there, Nate.  Go on up.”

As I made my way upstairs I heard his feet pounding across the floor as he trotted back to his room.  

I assumed Lucy was just about ready for bed, as well.  I wanted to talk to both of them while I still had a chance.

 Lucy’s was the first room off the stairway, so it was the first room I peeked into.  She was in bed, but with her light on. She was reading a book.

“Hey.”

She looked up and smiled.

“I want to talk to you guys about a few things before you go to sleep.  OK if I call Nate in here?”

She looked curious as she nodded her head. I called out for Nate to come in for a minute.  He soon did and the three of us sat together on Lucy’s bed.  Each of us grabbed a pillow to put in our laps.  They both looked at me expectantly.

“So, I just wanted to make sure you’re both OK with all of this.  With Ed, I mean.”

Lucy tilted her head to the side, seeming to try and pull her thoughts together.  Nate looked directly at me, thoughtfully, as if he was considering his words - which is not usual for him.

“It’s OK to be completely honest.  I won’t get mad, no matter what you feel…and whatever is said stays here - I won’t repeat it to anyone.  Promise.”

Nate nodded thoughtfully.  “He...he’s OK.  Like, he’s chill - like a normal person.”

Like a normal person…I swallowed my grin at that comment, and waited for him to finish his thought.

He shrugged.  “Yeah, it’s fine with me, I think.”

“OK,” I nodded.  “How do you feel about me going away for a week?’

“I don’t mind,” he answered.  “You used to travel a lot for work, so-”

“But this time you’re going to something way better!” Lucy piped in.

“Yeah, I guess going to the Grammys would be more fun than sitting in a library in Salt Lake City transcribing documents, hmm?”

They both were grinning - genuine smiles.

“OK.  But seriously.  You’re doing alright with this?  Lu, what about you?”

“Well, It’s a little weird, I guess?  But he’s really nice.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of weird for me, too.”  I paused to gather my thoughts before continuing.  “You know you’re both the most important people in my life, and I absolutely don’t want to do anything to cause you to hurt.  You guys come first.  OK?”

Lucy glanced at Nathan as she spoke, and he nodded at her words. “OK.  We’re good, Mom.”

“Yeah?  You sure?”

They both nodded.

“OK.  I love you guys.”  I pulled Lucy’s head over to me and kissed the top of it before standing up.  

“It’s getting late.  Let’s go, Nate, into bed with you.”

He got up and headed out the door.  I paused before leaving Lucy’s room.

“Goodnight, pumpkin.  Love you.”

“Goodnight, Mom.  I love you, too.”

“You gonna read for a little bit?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, but lights out in 15 minutes, got it?”

“Okayyyyy.”  I got an eyeroll with that, but I chose to ignore it.

“ ‘Night, sweetie.”

“ ‘Night, Mom.”

 Nate was already in bed, lights out, when I got there.

“You still awake?” I whispered.

“Yeah.”

“OK.  I’m just saying ‘goodnight’.”

“ ‘Night, Mom.”

“Goodnight, honey.  I love you.”  I ruffled his wavy locks, as I’d done every night of his life since he’s had enough hair to ruffle.

“Love you, too,” he murmured, rolling on his side.

I quietly shut his door and made my way back to the basement.

 “I don’t mean to brag...much...but those kids up there?  Are pretty amazing.”  I knew I was grinning from ear-to-ear, as I approached Ed on the sofa.  I sat next to him, and he pulled me into his side.

“Everything go alright, then?”

“Yeah.  Everything is...awesome.”  I smirked at him.

“You’re just not going to let it go, are you?”

“You just said ‘let it go’...like from Frozen.”  I couldn’t wipe the huge, stupid grin from my face.

“...fuck’s sake!” he laughed, running his hand through the hair at the back of his head.

”You quote children’s movies a lot?”  I may have snort-laughed, then.

“Umm...yeah?  You might not have noticed, because I’ve been on my best game for you, but I’m kind of a huge nerd.”

I grinned stupidly at him for several seconds, just relishing the joy I felt as it washed over me.

“I love you so much, you big nerd.”

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(Next Chapter)

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