#& thats to say nothing of the doctors ive found

[chrischokeh0ld]

i'm right here, baby - c.s

in which ~ harper attempts to end her life and chris saves her before it's too late (happy ending!)

warnings ~ self harm, ed, death threats, mentions of death, hospitals, needles, anxiety, (whatever triggers)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chris was never a boyfriend who ignored your own thoughts and feelings, instead he'd think your own was better than his.

for example, he said he wanted to have a steak dinner, but that didn't strike your fancy, so he told nick to turn the grill off and save the steak for later.

or, when he didn't want taylor swift but remembered you're a huge fan, so he told matt to turn on "long live"

but today, you thought of the worst.

what if, he was only doing this to make you happy?

no, thats stupid.

scrolling on the comments of your latest instagram post of you and the triplets at the beach, your heart dropped, all filled with "kill yourself ugly bitch" or "i can see your bones"

you've had major body issues since that one kid on playground said you looked like santa claus at 8 years old, after suffering an eating disorder your freshmen year, and the aftermath, familes telling you to gain weight, you did, but they still told you to.

a few days later, the death threats keep on getting worse, you told chris that you could ignore it, but really, you were refusing help, which lead you to sitting on the ledge of the bathtub, looking at your prescripted meds for depression.

you open the orange capsule, looking at the blue 200 mg tablets, wondering,

is it worth it? really?

without heasiation, you consume all of them, at first, you felt fine and stood up,

then blacked out.

chris found your unconscious body and started sobbing, screaming for matt and nick, the hurt in his voice was unbearable, all of their voices at that moment were unbearable.

nick struggles to call the ambulance as he's shaking, matt helps him as chris looks at the orange bottle, with nothing in it now.

the paramedics rush in, taking you away, all three of them quickly follow.

you were rushed in as the doctors hook up the machines, chris couldn't even bare to see his girl like this, thinking of the worst.

the doctors don't know if you're going to make it, by all the pills you've took.

chris cries as the doctors try to console him, he doesn't want to lose his girlfriend, he really doesn't.

the doctors say that they can do life shock to see if you'd wake up.

chris nods, his vision blurry from his tears.

the doctor preforms life shock as chris holds your hand

"c'mon harper..." he mumbles

the room went silent, thinkng you didn't make it

suddenly, your eyes flutter open, IV's in both arms, vitals, heart monitor, breathing tube, what the hell happened?

chris smiles widely as he kisses your head, "baby,"

you regain consciousness, "where, where am i?"

chris takes a deep breath, "you almost died."

hearing that makes your heart drop,

"you scared us baby, i thought you were going to die in front of me."

no words said by you, you move over so he can sit on the bed, you pat a spot for him, and he sits there, carefully wrapping you in his embrace

"i'm sorry.." you choke out

"no no no, don't be sorry, you should've told me sooner though,"

he sighs

"and always remember,"

he leans in and whispers,

"i'm right here baby."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: tysm for reading! i upload fluff for fun, and i'm planning on making a couple of oneshots.

kiss kiss, makenna

tags!

@24kmar @cherib3lla @bratzforchris

[the-fallen-collective]

i hate not being able to speak up about my pain to my parents

its always been neglected, but i know if i say its been happening for like a year or so now, theyll dismiss it cus they “didnt see it” but thats just because it was always dismissed or i got in trouble or never helped, i just learned to hide it and not say anything

i refuse to tell my parents about anything until it becomes bad, theres been times ill get sick and just not say anything until i end up having to go home from school nearly blacking out from fever or clawing at my throat and gasping for air because my airways would close and i wouldnt be able to breathe despite having signs beforehand

my parents have even dismissed my asthma that the doctors have been saying i have since i was a toddler, they never believed any of the doctors (and we moved a lot, so a lot of doctors have told them). Despite needing inhalers and having a machine at home to supply me oxygen, despite having to be rushed to the ER often when i was a young child

it is horrifying as a child, a little small child, from 4-6 years old, waking up in the middle of the night completely unable to breathe and having to stumble my way through the dark to parents room and shake one of them awake while im gasping for air that wont enter my lungs so they can get me hooked up to the machine i used to need

its not bad now, sometimes i might need an inhaler but still. I only just recently remembered some of these things, or only just recently realized how scary these things are

ive been neglected a lot, dismissed and ignored and not believed, even when several doctors tell my parents otherwise, they just refuse to believe there could be anything wrong with me

A few months ago, i had to leave school early because i was sick and on the way home, my mom just got mad at me and told me off for being sick so much and she decided to just limit my phone usage, cut out sweets by a lot, and make work out everyday because “we cant find out whats wrong with you” (guess what mother, ive been tested for only a few things, and only for easily found temporary sickness, nothing else) so apparently its my fault now!

[psychabolition]

if this is too much please don’t feel pressured to answer. i just have a lot of thoughts about antipsychiarty and idrk where i stand

because, like. ive been in really bad places before and then they hospitalized me and like that was *bad*, right, i still believe thats bad

but the hospitalization put me on meds and OBVIOUDLY I DONT THINK PEOPLE SJOULD BE FORCED ON MEDS ITS UP TO THEM but also i consider my meds to be life-saving. because i no longer want to die. because i can stop having panic attacks. because there is an amount of feeling… not even good! just okay! that i never had before

and ive been in therapy that i hated and therapy that didnt work and the hospital doctor called me a “psycho”. but i also have a therapist now that i love. i consider him a friend. they don’t try to fix me or anything but i just, like. i go to therapy and it helps?

and i want to go into psychology. not psychiatry but psychology, because i want to do for other people what my therapist does for me, and i want to help people, and i want to learn about brains- the “normal” (which doesnt really exist) and the abnormal-

and i say that i am a system. and that i am autistic. that i have depression and anxiety. because it helps me to have language to understand myself. to be able to explain certain complixities of my humanity in less words than it should take and yes it misses out on the nuance but it helps, too, i think. learning i was autistic helped me.

so idk. i want to be anti-psych. because of the medical abuse and the usage of diagnoses to undermine people’s feelings. but can i be antipsych and love my medication. can i be antipsych and want to be a therapist. can i be antipsych and enjoy having labels to use for myself because it helps me learn to love whats in the mirror.

and if i cant be antipsych and all these things, then am i propsych? and for the very system that destorys and abuses and traumatizes people?

sorry for all this

im just confused

and scared.

I mean first off Im just one person whos anti psych and everyone whos anti psych will have different opinions on these subjects .

The most common anti psych stance on meds is that we should have full autonomy in choosing to take medication and in choosing not to take any meds. -this is not what reality looks like rn. Especially people with very stigmatized labels like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are coerced into taking meds /literally forced on meds trough physical violence and coerced into staying on meds that harm them. And then other people -like for example people who are trans or nonbinary who want to transition are put through a dehumanizing process of pathologization of their queerness just to get access to HRT and then theyre still often denied access to gender affirming care . Both is awful . We always know who we are and what we need best. We deserve full autonomy on our decisions,always. You can obviously take meds yourself and be anti psych thats not a contradiction at all.

Also a lot of people who are anti psych reject the biomedical model (=mental health is the same as physical health - this includes words like Symptom/disorder and diagnosis labels like depression anxiety autism schizophrenia etc) since there is no scientific basis for calling our mental distress / neurodivergency a disorder or an illness and our diagnoses are just descriptive labels that say nothing about the cause of our suffering/behavior/feelings/ourselves in general . There has never been found a chemical imbalance, genetic defect or biomarker for our experiences of distress/neurodiversity .they came to These conclusions through their own Research .its insane that the biomedical model is still talked about as If its scientific fact, it is disproven and inherently contradictory . I highly recommend reading into current anti psych/Mad studies literature to understand how this oppressive system of hegemonic psychology operates in our current neoliberal society and why the biomedical model is still used today to diagnose us as "ill" and "treat" us . This is my perspective on the matter.

But honestly, i wont ever tell someone what words to use to describe their own experiences, how they should think about themselves and who they are - thats what psychologists do . Im not interested in doing that at all . Use the language you seem fit to describe yourself - i just recommend reading into different frameworks of interpreting your own experiences before you conclude that the biomedical model is the one that makes the most sense to you.

This is a different framework based on marxist theory

This is a different framework based on the disability rights movement

This is the biomedical model explained

Resources for psych abolition (harm reduction Guides, Mad studies, Zines ... )

This is a PDF to a book that goes in depth about the biomedical model and how the psychiatric system and its ideology is still extremely oppressive today

One thing that i firmly believe, that a lot of other people who are also anti psych dont share the same view on, is that Im convinced that you can not be against psychiatric violence and then become part of this oppressive system yourself. To me thats like becoming a cop to stop police brutality 💀Give me a Break

Thank you for your ask ! I highly highly recommend reading more into the subject of mad studies/psych abolition before dedicating energy time and money into being part of a system that youll probably despise in the end . (💀i have a degree in psychology by the way so i speak from experience)

[sevenmoreminutes]

what well its just that you havent spoken to me in years except to call me a faggot or to dislocate my shoulder and you know what else is missing besides an attentive listener a segue i suppose forgive my bluntness please dont hit me but i could giv two shits about you or your vacant mind or your morbid curiosities or your dead fucking dog so why dont you just leave i never dislocated your shoulder according to my doctor you did in shop class last spring you twisted my arm behind my back and said you wouldnt let go until i said and i quote i like to get it up the ass i was just playing around with you oh that makes me feel so much better you know through my screams and the searing pain i can definely recall hearing laughter any way i can contribute to the fun of the group we were just messing around with you fuck you cb id rather you say we beat the shit out of you because we cant stand you rather than youre just messing with me that implies light teasing or slightly oproprious behavior i havent eaten in the cafeteria in 2 years for fear of going home with some part of it smeared across my shirt i havent been to the bathroom on campus since my head got slammed into a wall i believe you were there i didnt do that well you didnt stop it either and the faculty doesnt care you know what im tired of hearing they only pick on you because of your own insecurities aw jeez mrs blank now that you said that my head doesnt hurt so much and people wonder why kids bring guns to school to shoot you fuckers down maybe youre not the bully but you stand idly by and watch and to me thats even worse so please just go youre being hostile and im just trying to have a conversation with you like a civilized i dont want to talk to you i just want to be left alone i dont need social pointers i just want an apology for the five minutes youve stolen from my day see this is why you dont have friends i think we both know why i dont have any friends oh dont be so melodramatic youre in here crying about a dead dog and im being melodramatic shut the fuck up about my dog ok or what youll hit me go ahead ill show you how people get hurt and dont run away to cry like a big fucking baby whats so funny asshole im sorry nothing i dont see anything to laugh at its nothing its just that i was scared of you for like a second im sorry no its ok i deserved it promise me you wont bring a gun to school i dont even know where id get one you were one of my best friends you all were i just dont get it can i be honest if its any consolation none of us knew what to say to you after your dad got arrested it was pretty awkward it was more awkward for me im sorry we werent there for you that means a lot see now youre being sarcastic again no i wasnt its hard to tell with you truce i wasnt fighting a war but sure truce are you i dont know ive never had sex so kinda hard to tell at this point what about my dad im not sure thats considered sex you remember how my dog used to howl when you played the piano yeah i always found it pretty annoying he was singing along what do you think happens to animals when they die they go to heaven you believe in heaven sure there has to be some reward for living through all this and you think there are animals there in heaven the wolf will live with the lamb the lion will lie down with the goat and the calf the lion and the yearling together and a child will lead them the cow will feed with the bear their young will lie down together and the lion will eat straw like the ox the infant will play near the hole of the cobra and the child will put his hand into the vipers nest but my dog killed a living thing wouldnt god be mad he was sick cb he couldnt help it you know they say a dog sees god in his master and a cat looks in the mirror i hate cats me too

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas! i hope youre well 😊

so, i have some medical issues (nothing serious!! probably - im still waiting for a proper diagnosis but ive had a few appointments and tests etc and have been assured its nothing to be concerned about) and so i obviously have to go to hospital appointments sometimes for the aforementioned tests and discussions. it was scary at first (i hadnt been in a hospital since the day i was born up until this point, and i was 18 when i had my first of these appointments) but its easier now, but im still a little stressed

im not technically estranged from my family - i still live at home with both parents, and we're on decent enough terms - but we dont really have any sort of important conversations. or any personal conversations either. so i guess we're just not really close? idk. anyway, this has meant i have absolutely no idea what any of my family medical history is. i had to find out through my older sister that my father was diagnosed with diabetes four years ago (and she only found out because she worked at the pharmacy where he got his stuff from), and my eldest brother was the one who told me my grandparents' causes of death (they died before my birth and my parents never mention them), but they dont know any more than that either

this hasnt been an issue for me before, because obviously ive never needed to know. ive never been asked about it, but now that my own health isnt right, i kinda need to know. in my first appointment i got asked about it, but i told the doctor i didnt know and would ask at home

i did ask, to be fair. i spoke to my mother and explained why i needed to know but she just kind of... brushed it off? idk if thats the right way to phrase it. she said there was some vague thing about heart issues but she didnt say anything specifically, or which side of the family it came from, or anything all thay helpful at all

its so frustrating because im not the first of their kids to need this information. my sister has medical problems too (different issues than mine though) and our parents were no help with her either

i spoke to a friend about it last autumn when i first went to hospital and he looked at me so oddly, it made me feel so broken, i guess. apparently discussing medical history isnt a taboo subject in most households, because he knew all of his and he's never been to hospital for anything. but the way he looked at me like i was weird or something for not knowing was awful. again, it made me feel genuinely broken and damaged. it was kind of one of those moments where you realise 'oh, my family isnt normal' and it sucked, because i thought id had that realisation years ago

its happened with some other stuff too (i.e. telling parents about a relationship, friends, interests, spending time with family etc) and it just... it really sucks. i dont know what else there is to say than that ig lol

i was going somewhere with this ask, but ive kinda gotten off track and now i cant remember, soooo.... have a good day! thanks for reading my ramble 🥰

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry, whose moments of realization suck, truly. Please know that you did nothing wrong <3 

Because this is a health thing, I do have some advice for you (ignore me if you want!) There are forms on the internet that have questions about family history. Print one out and just give it to your mom and dad. Don’t give them room to question it. Say your doctor needs it, and you need them to fill it out.

I wonder, though, if your parents don’t share their history with you, they might not know their parents history. A lot of times, these kinds of things that happen in families are passed down. 

But yeah. Just give them a form and make it a health thing. You deserve that info. 

Again, please know that you are NOT broken, and it has nothing to do with you <3

(naming you medical anon)

[blackoutawolf-blog]

Lashing out

Noctus opened the door and steped inside, Holy looked up from her desk, sat on his side of the desk was Silver and a human he didnt know, "whats this?" Noctis questioned "please sit we need to talk about something, dire." He narrowed his eyes but sat "holy what is it? I swear is Leon has antagonised my dog again-" "We found the lab." Her words froze him to his core "What?" Holy inhaled deep before continuing "after reviewing your interview and all the information youve given us we looked into the location, disappearances have been rising in that area Noctis." He dug his nails into the desk even as silver put her hand on his shoulder he felt rage, pain and fear all fighting for dominance in his mind. "What are you saying Holy?" She let out a sigh but it was the man who spoke next "we think the site is still in operation son." Noctus turned his eyes to the man and his emotioned finally settled on rage he funneled that at this man, he recognised this man, Grayson, Silver had mentioned him once or twice, this human, he was just like them, clinical and cold it made his blood boil, Noctis felt his power surge slowly spreading across the edge of Holys desk converting it into something else, and Grayson, this human looked genuinly concerned, few ever got to see his rage anymore, Noctis swung a hand up, sweeping away the converted area casing the ash a d dust to the floor and pointed at the man. "Maybe if you did you JOB people would actually BE SAFE! MAY BE THEN WE WOULDNT SUFFER WHILE YOU SIT IN YOUR FUCKING TOWER!" Silver grabed his hand "Noc thats not fair!" The man raised a hand "your right, this is our failing but i cant change the past." Noctis was shaking with rage at this man so casually sat here when its on him what happened to him, to them, he hissed "cant change the past but maybe i should change YOU let you suffer how we have, see what we go through." Holy slamed her fists on the table "ENOUGH!" Noctis diverted his attention as Holy continued "Thats enough! Your going too far Noctis and you know it, this isnt about what could or should have been done this is about what we can do NOW! He is here to help in both logistics and keeping people clear for an operation to go in we want you on that mission, you know the site and i think you need the closure." In an instant Noctus's rage became fear, it buckled and he felt himself stagger, he couldnt run he wasnt able to escape this, he had to be there but he didnt know if he could "i...i dont...i cant" he griped the desk shaking then he stoped, the black feathers crawled across his back and body as his soul changed, she stood "Holy you understand the magnatude of what your asking?" Holy simply nodded "his sister i presume" "Stella yes" The now black nokori nodded, Grayson extended his hand "ive heard about what happened and what you maneged to do for your brother, its a pleas-" An arc of lightning shot to his hand making him recoil, as Stella didnt look at him "Do not touch me, we do not trust you, you failed and it cost us everything, you are not forgiven." Grayson had nothing more he could say thus Stella returned her attention to Holy "you are asking him to go back to the place we became like this, the place we both suffered years of abuse and control." Holi nodded slow "i understand in not asking a small feat from you both but im also not demanding it, if you are not ready then ill send my people in without you, but while im not a doctor i can only imagin it would be what you need, please think it over and get back to me by the end of the week." Stella nodded and left the room without a further word.

nokori, silver,holy and grayson owned by @lordsalissoon

Noctis/Stella by me

[nahalism]

Hiiii! I wanted to ask you about something for a long time. Do you think true healing comes from our own hands? I know you have some good knowledge on trauma so i am more confident asking you this question. Sometimes i believe we are our own biggest healer, most knowledgeable doctor because we are INSIDE us, we know everything (or mostly everything lol) about ourselves so technically we should be most equipped to help ourselves but then i wonder if we can be fully objective with ourselves or objective enough to untangle all that needs help, tending, being looked at and an external person will never truly hear, see what we and only we can. Or maybe we need another to guide us because there is only so much we can do alone and maybe we ARE actually not able to see some parts that are either hidden or blurted maybe some things are beyond when we are…hurt inside bad enough. What are your thoughts and feelings about this, dear? Now asking “what do you think” made me realize that the way i see you i think you’re pretty much always speaking from a place that had “think” and “feel” intertwined. It’s what i am getting whenever i am met with your energy here.

I hope you feel fabulous today🤍

hey angelll <3. ill start by saying, i feel like no man is an island but we must all learn to become one to truly mature and be of service. we are all dependent on things and people external to ourselves, but the true mark of maturation is learning to carry ones own load. not out of scorn, greed or a need for separation due to individuation, but in order to be one who can provide for others, whether that be refuge or resource. in giving we help others stand, yet without the self determination to take your own steps, that learning is in vain. so the answer is both. we need others but ultimately we must do the work ourselves.

that metaphor explains my feelings on symbiosis at large but to answer u directly, i feel the boundary between what demarcates self and other is very nebulous. as much as i believe we have all the tools within us to learn, understand, and transmute what we are into what we want to be, i also believe that our perception of the world external to us is a huge indicator of whats going on internally. as such the people we meet and our interactions with those beings/spaces we encounter them in, are often mirrors that reflect ourselves back to us, or!! are huge indicators of what we can still learn or ways that we need to develop and grow. whether that individual shows us everything we are, or everything we are not, they are still teaching us and deepening our capacity for self awareness (& the key to growing is to first be aware). i do also believe that all living things are one in essence, & as such theres no real difference between me and other, but since thats down to personal belief ill leave that there. what i will say is 'only a fool knows everything' and so if ever you catch yourself feeling or thinking someone has nothing to teach you, thats usually where the lesson is beginning. — sometimes others see our blindspots and can help us get to where we want to go faster than we can alone. but that isnt always the case because not everyone has the level of discernment and foresight to take you to the spaces you see for yourself. the best thing ive found is to listen to everything, & then apply what resonates.

re: the link between thinking & feeling, allll emotions have their root in a thought. if you think something, consciously or subconsciously, the energy of that emotion then translates beyond those neurological pathways into the physical body where we felt them somatically or as emotions. however theres a difference between emotion, the minds intelligence and the hearts intelligence. the heart knows only truth. i try to lead with my heart, but i know there are many times (mainly where fear or hopelessness is present) that im falling short. all i can hope to do in those instances is hold myself and try again lol.

theres so much love in this & trust for me which is heart warming fr. sending u love. hope this helped <3333333

[samoyari]

HEAR THAT? LISTEN! ⌇ SECRET TIMES

✹ ﹒ some self ships i have with characters from multiple fandoms! ( love & deepspace, genshin, persona, final fantasy, etc )

before reading : i am quite new to this & im not sure how it works. everything is just for fun! please please please do not interact if you're uncomfortable!! if you dont like this kind of content & find it weird or cringe its better to click away!

ZHIRO ﹒ zhongli && zira

“i find myself running home to your sweet nothings”

the star and the sun.

zhongli had met zira when she was only a traveller—traversing the unknown lands of liyue. since then, he had looked forward to the afternoon tea time filled with conversations from the past. their souls were linked since the very beginning, a crystal lace tied from each of their hearts. zhongli had believed he discovered a version of love that no one else ever had.

zhongli often finds himself listening to zira’s little stories. he envelops himself into a brand new world—a glimpse into his partner’s little mind. only to retell some of the details to the adepti when they have a small reunion.

zhongli is the listener—zira talks. thats how they go—how the stars are always there for the sun, even when it outshines them.

SONG: SWEET NOTHINGS — TAYLOR SWIFT

STORMHEART ﹒tighnari && zira

“ive never been a natural—all i do is try, try, try”

the storm and the warm home.

tighnari met zira when she was at her lowest. she was emotional and vulnerable, stupid and irrational. he was there to listen, even when the distant thunder seems to be getting louder and when the rain starts to pick up and the drops of water hit his skin like needles—he was there.

tighnari is quite big on pda or any form of skinship. he loves hugging zira anytime, and that feeling itself calms her down.

SONG: MIRRORBALL — TAYLOR SWIFT

THE GLACIER’S CRACK﹒ zayne && zira

“the feeling that im loosing her forever—and without really entering her world”

childhood friends , partner's in crime , cardiologist & anesthesiologist.

zayne never believed in love. he believed that only a few things mattered in life; one being his academics, the second being his health, the third would be being the best cardiologist out there, and the fourth being zira. moving out for med school was not an easy job for him and it almost made him feel disconnected from his home. it didnt take long until he realized that everything became unbearable because she wasnt around. sure, they called often, talked and did favors for each other—but he couldnt buy twin popsicles and half them. he couldnt comfort her when she cried. so once summer break came around, he made that sacred promise.

zira took on medicine a year spontaneously after zayne moved away. she wanted to be able to atleast spend time with him somehow knowing that he'd be busy with shifts all the time. zira found her passion in the medical field—wanting to pursue it much seriously and ended up choosing her role as an anesthesiologist. she later revealed this to zayne when she found out he was going as a cardiologist. it took a while before she officially became a doctor, but its safe to say that they now spend every free time they have in the hospital together.

SONG: SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS — ABBA

more…

NOCTZIRA — noctis && zira

[mithliya]

You don't have to answer this obviously, its embarrassing but I feel like I don't know where else to ask - NSFW

I've always found penetration difficult. I feel like I'm broken as a woman because it feels like everyone around me is able to do it and enjoys it and I don't. I don't want to be graphic but I don't know what to do. I'm scared to go to a doctor in case they diagnose me with vaginismus. I don't know if I should even try to make it better or just leave it. I feel like I can't experience my body fully because I cant do this one thing. I know thats stupid but its what I think in my head. I can't use tampons, and sexual penetration is terrible. I can use my hand, but I can't feel anything. It just doesn't feel pleasurable and I can't go in very far. If I use a dildo, it hurts. Not every second, I go slow etc but I can't get much in. It feels painful at the side of my labia. No matter what direction or position it just hurts. I can almost feel a bone blocking it or something. I feel like I'm broken and a freak and I don't know what to do. I cant talk to my friends because they all talk about how they love penetration and I feel too ashamed of my situation. I'm scared I'll never be able to satisfy a partner even though I'm a lesbian because I see women on here and tiktok talking about strapons etc and I know it would hurt and be impossible to have sex like that. Even when I relax and am definitely ready to try penetration, it doesn't work. No matter what I do it always feels uncomfortable in some way. If it doesn't hurt, it feels like nothing. I'm afraid I do have vaginismus or something is really wrong with me. I've never allowed a partner to try. I've not had a long term relationship and I worry women will be really put off if penetration is something I can't partake in. Ive not had loads of dating experience so idk if this is even a reasonable worry to have. im so sorry this is all over the place. I totally understand if you cant answer. Ive tried googling stuff but i cant really find much.

sorry for taking a while to respond. first of all i dont see whats embarrassing about this?! you have not said anything here that i think is embarrassing.

i don't particularly enjoy penetration and ive come across MANYYYYY women who don't. particularly many lesbians. its ok if you don't enjoy penetration. it doesn't have to mean you have vaginismus either, although what you described might be that (potentially on top of you already naturally not being keen on penetration). that said, there is no shame in being diagnosed with vaginismus either. receiving such a diagnosis can help you understand your body better and if you do think you could potentially enjoy penetration then maybe a diagnosis would help open that door for you somehow. it might also end up that you don't have vaginismus. either way, there is no must or need in enjoying penetration. there's probably even straight women who don't like it! just because there's many women who do, does not mean there's something wrong with you for not enjoying it.

i don't use tampons either! im 26 and first time i tried to, i was 24 and ever since then ive used it maybe a grand total of 2-3 times? it feels uncomfortable and painful for me too. its ok, many women do not use tampons so you're really not missing out there. it isn't a requirement in female adulthood.

also penetration alone does not feel pleasureable to an even larger group of women! so once again, there is nothing abnormal about not feeling much when trying it on yourself and its not abnormal to not find it pleasurable. and i don't know how experienced you are sexually, but the other stuff you mentioned could also be because you're dealing with shame & fear & aren't aroused enough while trying penetration on yourself. and if your friends were to judge you for not enjoying penetration, then frankly they're the ones that are weird, not you!

and from my experience at least, women have not been put off by me saying i don't like certain things (like penetration) and prefer other acts. if you're not sexually compatible with a woman then that is fine, but no one can expect you to enjoy a particular sex act and then judge you when you don't.

i think before worrying yourself this much, you should first find a woman you are comfortable with and attracted to. you could tell her about your fears & insecurities before having sex-- it can help if you're going to engage with her sexually bc it takes off anxiety from you while also making her aware of how she should be mindful & gentle! if you end up trying things with penetration with her and it becomes clear to you that you simply do not like it or like it with certain limits & restrictions or love it or whatever else-- all of that is normal. but don't worry yourself this much over something so small & a normal preference like not liking penetration, its really not abnormal to not enjoy it. if you're sexually inexperienced and have barely even dated then i get why you're worrying yourself so much but i promise when you're sexually active then normal people do not care about that the way you might think they do. penetration isnt for everyone, it doesn't have to be something you want or enjoy either

[solardick]

Some progress, maybe.

So K belongs to the chariot. With an overlay of justice and strength as harmony, though that card here proceeds the chariot with любовь. Should also be people, life and…. lion works. That waite’s card doesnt well describe a multitude.

Hanged the high priestess around too, but didn’t nullify one of the positions.

And so far, i have nothing but confirmation that the tarot is based on the Cyrillic alphabet. Particularly russian but, that is the only particular being looked at. Because well, russians are all spies and its deeply routed in pop media.

The chariot stands for in a word, politician. Holder of office. Public speaker, equestrian, enclosed space, and movement and battle. These are the literal definitions for letter K taken from a dictionary and not of my own. Just placing the card where. Though for it to be connected by tarot to the justice card, American justice, is fitting to a point considering a figure of authority. Save that the russian justice is card letter Ю. And is found no where near K. As it is for tarot being side by side.

Soeakign of the urkraimeian war, it’s like they’re all pretending to be russia on me while. My disposition is on ukraine, with no backing. At all. Quite the opposite of all. Uh. Ohweel. The homoscope says im supposed tonhave a day of confiendence and whatever bs. But the disease says nope. While the meds i got from the none english speaking doctor with bvery little comprehension say, it only works half the time. If that. Where there are no recognitions or reflections of any of the positive affirmitnf things i do. And only support and affirmations of the negative things i do in respose to the negative things i experienve from them. While spending a life time of witnessing , wathhinc other do far worse things and be rewarded or cast a blind eye too. Its mind boggling. An entire planets casting a war of ittrition in me with sexual

Abused, emotional and soychologicak abuse and negligence. Whike being serrounded by degenerate influences. Casting aid. Cant eait for saterday for another consistent case of diarrhea and gi track discomfort. Well that atttrition ear is over 25 ulyears old now with 14 year leading into that with mistreatment and estrangement. And all of mostly the same bs. Im goiing to go back and theeaten nuclear arms with my suicide. So can be abuse some mor e.. what a mind fuck. Lets see if i give up tarot that the abuse will end. Hahhah. Ok. Hey look! Im dhtting more blood. But thats ok. Its only my life. Not that that has ever mattered before. And the ffeling went away for maybe an hour or so yesterday. Go to go to work and be estranged and a used some more. Thats ok its the only thing ive ever known from other people.

Verified card letter M as the father to be unquestionably accurate. Set in stone. As for the tarot overlay. Its the wheel card, and the only thing missing from Cyrillic M is the machination, the automobile.

The next card of the hierophant or in this case tge patriarchate. Is an interresting find. Wherher it is kept on letter Hn or not. “ In 2018 the Moscow Patriarchate broke communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate as a result of disputes over his decision to grant autocephaly to the Orthodox Church of Ukraine.” Schism between Constantinople and russia. Pretty much running independently from the rest. Though this is a present tense, it also fits the classic tense of the antiphony agsisnt protestant churches reformations and deviations which ran all thtough the “dark” ages. And on the side of ukraine rejecting the pope francis’ concerns. And to that also of most westerners rejection of the church completely with their hippy vibe lunar landing bs. So the pope or the hierophant or the patriarchate mostly receive a big letter Hn, cyrrently no, by most tarot reading enthusiasts.

And yet no one seems to care about the israel war with over 50 000 deaths during the last 2 years alone. What makes russia so special tonhave half the world interfering? Or the sudanese war or the Myanmar war. Somw of these going on for over 60 years with death tolls in the 10s of thousands. Pretty sure this collective wffort could have completly haultes all these other wars a ling time ago. So damned with all this selective approach bs preaching about world peace. Nonone ever joined my side when an older bigger stranger brother hit on me. Whats the difference? My country is a waste land of destruction and bombings with a bunch of perverts running through the desolation fucking all the dead dogs.

So im choosing the etteila cartes des dames death card for letter У(oo) seems fitting as the letter Y is the automatic association and confusion in recognition. Though i could also fit the Hn card. The letter Hn is a big letter comprised of many words. And so far as with Ha and He it’s negation. But also upwards. Si both fot so far. But it’ll be a bit longer to condense them all into a single image so. Its still open. Though the nakedness of letter Hn does fit the death card well enough. As does it fit with letter У. Being confused with the judgement card. But the omen of the crow standing below the home. Isn’t well felt. As also it being above the stars or canopy card doesnt sense well either. As the pope, patriarchate card is fully dressed in think garment. Doesn’t suit the bareness. Beyond the openness and nakedness of ones spirit and/or soul to the power above. So argument fits for withe rletter so far as it seems. And thoughi coyld oersonaly fit either or argument from experience. As does the lover card fit the pope and death card equally in the same argument as above.

All the stars with the power and teaching of the father to the throne up above, does speak the message. Doesn’t it.

The other position for debate is letter Oo for the death card. And that fits well for the marseille fool above walking on crows. For below would be argued the traditional moon card. But inwanted to change it from the ominous negativity that it has. There being no romance in that card as the moon is also known for but tarot fucks it with the grotesqueness of failure seeping up from the depths with the sensation of akwardness or violation. What kind of message is that? .. soh no my vagina is bleeding again. Don’t touch me a gross. Give me icecream and rub my feet. Its one of those two or its lunar madness. As with changing one of the dogs to a wolf to make that impression clear. Leave it to the americans to go get fucked on lsd and land on the fucken thing. Plant a flag and take pride in it. Ugh.

Sanctions against china for not supporting nato and continuing to trade with russia. In the biggest war effort in Europe since ww2 lol. Jesus. There’s bigger wars not happening in europe at the present moment with even more casualties. China os apart of an ally coalition group called brics. 5 major world nations and other smaller ones not getting a letter in the groups name. Brazil, russia, india, china and south Africa. Look at these assholes playing nice guy, dictating the rest of the world. Of course they’re going to trade with russia. Even more now since america is cutting off their metal trade with them. Now, china has to stop? Harm the economy? While they produce world wonders? Go eat a fucken turd.

Im not so sure anymore on letter Мм. Cause letter Оо suits the same image…

« China on Tuesday urged NATO to "stop shifting blame" over the Ukraine war after the Western military alliance's chief accused Beijing of worsening the conflict through support of Russia.

NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg on Monday called for China to face consequences for what US officials have called a major export push to rebuild Russia's defence industry.

On Tuesday Beijing said that NATO "should engage in self-reflection rather than arbitrary smear and attacks on China".

"We advise (NATO) to stop shifting blame and sowing discord, not add fuel to the fire and instigate confrontation, but rather do something practical for the political settlement of the crisis," foreign ministry spokesman Lin Jian said at a regular press briefing. »

Love itbwhen they manipulate you. Took special note of the venus aspect today and again they attach it to the feminine and create a stressful conclusion. Sonindaid fuck it. Im leaving. I see what your doing. Go blow a bag of dicks. Mines off limits. Want anothe rdig to fuck?

Flipped off by jesus. For when they manipulate the entire enviroment to be solely based of your horroscope. Wouldnt be so bad if you knew there was a single postive thing in it.

Im gratefuk that with russias influnece im learning a third language. But, ich spreche ein bisschen dutch. And opened a new script. Or better said unlocking the script already in effect. And thats fun. Wonder of i change jobs again if these fucktoys are just going to fallow me or waiting for me to fuck around again. And it makes it easy if the work environemnt is varible which gives then freedom to control my experiences.

Gove and help give and help and all they do fuck the dog.

Pls. The russian have enough armaments and firepiwer to fire off bomb all day wveryday for the next decade. The same tactics thevr been playing on me fir thelast 20 fycken years. Probably nust making sire the next outter planet hits has heavily as posiible in the direction the want. Conserign the last 39 year so of my life being own by assholes. Its not going to be a good thing.

Womder who that girl was wispering in my ear this morning.

So woke with a loving kiss to my wife. And met a new clerkess. Pretty redhead. Have that aversion to them. Because of that cursed blood. It was nice. Then the effeminate foreigner pretending to be straight but is obviously a woman, was waiting for me at the punch card. Asked me hiw i was. Responded as usual. Still alive. The rest if the day was “venusianly” pleasant. Even though, im still damaged. And at the end last minute it was arranged to be as frustrating as possible to after the bell and my stock was put away and the lift stationed was placed not to have room to park. Considering i had to deive the lift the whole time because there weren’t any jiggers left. Which makes maneuvering slow and wasteful anf then the guy i was with left. So, i parked the lift crossed infrint of all the others. Hang my prder back i. The office amd left. The exact words were do what you can. Or get what you can get done. And i did. Not dealing with that. With the venus mars semi-square. On a task that isnt possible to get done on time given at the last minute. Then i step out and alarms and sirens going off rushing to nowhere most likely. Making a show.

The only thing i take away from that was thta i was meant to be a first responder soeeding down the highway in an ambulance saving lives. ..damn it inwas havig appeasant conversation but jow i got to cut it short. Sorry love i have to go save some dumb ass’s life. Get out of the fucken way im driven here. Can tyou hear my sirens. Fuck you, learn to drive. Get off the road someone dying here!

Somi gave up on the whole homoscope bs whne i realized they were inly using it to manipulate my life at walmart to their own ends by controlling my environment to its script exclusively. Yeah ok, sure. Using every loophole in the system, to break all the humanitarian rules while still being “innocent”. Seems like by the same type of people running nato right now. Evil hiding behind good mannerism and polite speech like the good fallen angel lucifers they are. Promoting and selling drugs and booze and porn on every street corner. And funding wars killing thousands while accusing everyone else for doing the same while turning a blind eye to all the others.

You know what atrocious thing russia coukd do to anger people? Blow up the St. Michael's Golden-Domed Monastery in kiev. But since it isnt a protestant church it’s probably safe from persecution. Vladimir is living up to the name. For it was a vladimir who addopted christioanity im the 10th century and it was a vladimir who amended the law to prohibit the banning of the four major traditional religious bodies. While also erecting a religious symbol infront of the kremlin, promoting and giving freedom to theological belies. As long as the arent western or protestant. Because protestants fuck the world. I don’t know i was raised protestant. Then that was given up and i was introduced to the devil emmidiatly afterwards so…. I believe in god. I just don’t have a church. Neither doni need one apperently cause god talks to me. I dont need to go searchign or praying to it. Beyond the benefits of positive affirmations. The devils Will, as i have learned is seem in the clouds. But god is seen on the earth. In the little thigns no one pays attention to. Somi dont mnow what the bivle is talkign aboutnof jesus and angels decemding from the clouds. That obviously isnt the case. I can enumerate all the times these fucks tards used “prphetic portents, pretending to be god.” Fucken losers.

I also scared some little girl from a strong religious family straight one day recently. She was going on about exploring spiritual stuff and mentioned naively that would be like witchcraft. And i stoped turned around and started talkign about spiritual omens, and that its ok to worship nature. like the crows as one starting cawing off in the background, saying when you hear that, you better run! As she was biking off, running away from the encounter. Scared. She ain’t going to forget that. Because it was true. I spoke with the crows. It will stay with her and shape her life to come. You’re welcome family.

There was another time of a guy wearing a cross, driking a beer after work just before getting into his truck, i watched a crow fly directly over his truck and when he left got into a frnder bender (light bump) into the trailer hitched to the backnof his truck and he got out, pissed. And started giving back to the kidxm. As a stood there and eatched the whole thing. And then there was cherry in her guise of bs. Wearing a cross around her neck, working the brothels and showing shame, whether that strue or not…. And that while time it was a big game of back and forth running each other in. As I worked that angle over on her. Condemning it and her actions on that degree. The impression of sex and violence on sinful ways. You can’t use a cross like that and intentually insult it without consequences. Save that in that workd of the esoteric buttloving, hedonistic astrologers and taroist. Beign as dumb as they are, don’t look too kindly at that kind of thing and support the degenerative with hostility. Like a bunch of losers.

On that account with the cross behind Vladimir. Why everyone uses his last name. And not his first. Will show on the theological level what outcomes plays out on his person. For if he is true than there is nothing to fear. And so far the west has dine nothing but bs the news since it started. Not only the news but all outlets of information. Speaking lies and slights. Every move made is, put down with accusations and unfounded bs. Its fucken ridiculous. And i lose more and more respect for the “western” world leaders by the day. The other candidate making his move is trump again with more bs. With “if im realected, ill withdrawn all aid to Ukraine” or mr. Tv celebrity with nothign but derogatory press. Its still a loss on that account. And on it goes with the social engineering. Barf. Good job, playing peoples naivety and stupidity to your advantage. So mich for “in god we trust”.

Save for none of this matters much because its all an inside job anyway. All those russians playing on stranger things. And the villain in everything else. Though it’s good to see smallville. With russian influences seen in a more postiive neurral light. Well considering its a sourthen state thing.

I guess this confirms letter Hn being the pope card/lover.

And looks like ill be needing meds the rest of my life. With this constant downer and lacknof self care, and discomfortvand this attention. Its not getting better.

[lightboundpunkz]

half asleep too tired to brain but. uh. idk what to ask just give information about creatures

okokok!!!! under the cut cos this is a lot of words skjdfkk

chip: half cat half fox because thats possible ig. the youngest of the group, she has a lot of energy and always wants to play. she’s determined to befriend bing even though he’s antagonistic af and doesn’t want friends. chip was found by duke when she was like a day old, and ive decided just now that duke has a family, a wife and three kittens, and chip fit right in (even if she’s a bit bigger thanks to her fox genes)

duke: the oldest of the group and the leader. he lost an eye when a dog attacked him :( for a while he wanted nothing to do with dogs until he got to know tyler (a dog i haven’t drawn yet) (well not since 2018, here’s an old drawing)

duke didn’t trust tyler but jupiter vouched for him, and so he joined the junkyard jaminals. duke and tyler are actually besties now!

bing: so emo. hates everyone 🥰 while duke went through hell and still has hope, bing went through hell and his hope died. he’s pessimistic, kind of a jerk, and is only a junkyard jaminal because duke insists on “fixing him”. he kinda serves as bombs second in command, and they’re both in charge of keeping outsiders away. he’s less enthusiastic about than bomb is lol

jupiter: she’s dukes wife! she’s co-leader of the junkyard jaminals and chips mom :33 she’s incredibly stealthy, having grown up on the streets with her brothers and parents and learning how to survive without being caught by animal control

squiggle: he’s in charge of surveillance, watching from his tower for any incoming enemies or threats. he mostly naps up there though cos nothing ever tends to happen. also he’s lazy ksjdkfk chip likes to visit tho! squiggle takes the opportunity to teach her how to watch for danger so he can nap lmao

clementine: one of jupiter and dukes kids and juneberry’s twin sister! she’s the nurse, helping juneberry take care of injured or sick jaminals. she doesn’t really enjoy it, and would rather be a fighter like bomb or bing. but duke and jupiter won’t let her cos they don’t want her getting hurt

juneberry: the doctor cat, and clementines twin! they call each other twins cos while there are three in their litter, they look way more similar to each other than they do with their other sibling i have yet to design ;^^ juneberry loves being a doctor cat! she’s all about helping her friends and family <3 she’s very silly btw

tallulah: idk what she actually is? i adopted her from another artist cos i loved her design but it didn’t occur to me that. i should have at least some idea of how she fits in the narrative? for now let’s say she’s a lab experiment that wasn’t supposed to be sentient. and now she helps with surveillance cos. she has wings? idk

xveca: she’s from a planet that was taken over by mars (space colonialism smh). she escaped, and was on her way to mars to fight those guys, but as she passed the sun her ship went haywire and she crashed on earth. duke and jupiter are the only ones who know she’s an alien. she’s very confused by earth customs and such. duke and jupiter have taught her a lot tho! she’s in charge of finding food

muffin: idk how she fits in the narrative actually. i never decided. she’s very sweet tho

bubbles: same here. he and muffin were such wasted potential </3 he loves to play!

bomb: she has an explosive temper (haha) but she’s loyal to the very end and very kind. she’s in charge of guarding the junkyard and handling threats however she sees fit (bing helps). she has this cool power where if she wants to she can explode, but it uses up one of her nine lives

now i need to design jupiter and dukes son and im golden! lmao

[charlotteiscrying]

222 days sober today. 222 days since you left, 222 days since every single aspect of my entire life changed. im kinda happy i lost everything at once. it could not physically have hurt more, but now that ive lived through, actually prospered through, the hardest 222 days of my 22 years of life, i feel like i can do anything. there is literally nothing, outside of death, that can hurt me more than ive already been hurt. not meaning that i haven’t been hurt by death, more meaning that death is the only thing that could hurt me more than fentanyl, hurt me more than you.

i try to remember the girl i was 222 days ago, the girl who was withdrawing n just so sick, with so much anxiety about giving up the only thing that ever made me happy in this world. i genuinely couldn’t keep using that stuff, i was at the point that i couldn’t physically get enough fentanyl up my nose to even feel just baseline 33% okay. even after i started smoking it, i couldn’t chase the dragon fast enough, or well enough, to ever feel okay.

that shit sucks. i think about that all the time when i see homeless people around the city. they are so sick all day every day, chasing some powder, that smells like actual ballsack, that will, only maybe, make them feel just barley okay for 15 mins. i was right there with them, n that’s the scary part. all it took was 2 years to get to the lowest rock bottom possible. going through an endless cycle of withdraw, hustle, buy, snort, repeat. every 30 mins.

im just so happy i can say ive changed in these past 222 days. i don’t even recognize myself when i look in the mirror. i look healthy, i have color in my skin again, ive actually gained almost 20 lbs. im on the tiny dose of methadone the rehab left me on, n thats actually made me accidentally quit alcohol and any and all benzodiazepines. same w mdma, acid, all hard drugs in general. all i do is smoke weed now.

im actually taking care of my body and my skin, its been borderline impossible trying to heal all this acne i have left from the fentanyl n all the toxins i was putting into my body. and the scars from all the times id scratch my skin open… im trying to heal them, but mainly im just proud of me for taking care of myself. and i’m so beyond proud that i actually enjoy doing my skincare now, i’ve made it a little routine thats such a nice break i can take for myself each day.

mentally, the hardest part of these 222 days has been you cheating on me. you know you didn’t break up with me first. you cannot gaslight me into believing that- you just didn’t break up with me. you also know i didn’t hallucinate 6 months of long distance. i didn’t hallucinate your facetimes every night, your promises that you love me, that there’s no other girls, that i have nothing to worry about. you obviously couldn’t admit to me just how much you had been using me. just how unfaithful you had been. you had been cheating long before i found out. long before. n i knew. im not dumb, i just get blinded by lust. by what could be. by what we could have been.

that’s another huge thing i’ve accomplished recently. realizing the difference between love and lust. i care about you, n i have a lot of lust for you, but i do not love someone who treats me how you have. i thought i loved you. i really did. i thought you loved me. that’s the crazier part. we made it through two years of addiction, fentanyl addiction at that, you went to prison, proposed to me, several of my cars got crashed, i od’d, you saved my life, we both got clean, made it through rehab, we were doing long distance for 6 months. we mf beat fentanyl. or- i did. you pussied out on day 2, then beat 5 doctors up until they shot you up with fentanyl to sedate you. you then proceeded to continue tweaking, so they’d give you more. you od’d. so you never detoxed, they detoxed you while you were asleep. you were awake for 48 hours of detox. i was awake, and conscious, through every second of it. i was in the emergency room for 22 days. in the telemetry unit actually, i had an arrhythmia, and tachycardia, from detoxing. i beat fentanyl. and i didn’t immediately turn to alcohol to satiate my cravings, either. i learned to look beyond them, to see what i already have right in front of me. that’s why, in 222 days, i’ve made all this progress, n you’re right back exactly where you left off. oh, and i know you’re back on fentanyl, too. i’d know that behavior anywhere.

im glad that i ruined juice wrld for you. same w my city, bmws, that gun you love so much that i was with you when you bought. all your favorite things reek of me- i love it. every day you get further and further from me, i realize just how much you used me. how much you didn’t care. how much you tricked me, how much you lied. how much I didn’t need you. 

you’ll never get to touch me again. you got to be with me at my lowest. congratulations. you never even met the real me. the sober me. you know i kinda am happy you left how you did. you ripped the bandaid off. it hurt so bad it made me realize i recognized that hurt from somewhere. i had gone through the emotions of being broke up with by you probably 22 times over.

im so excited to see what i do in the next 222 days. how much more progress i will have made. where i will go, the things i will do, the people i will meet. i hope im almost completely off the methadone, n i hope i have found many more things that make me happy. healthy things i mean. im just proud of myself. n so beyond excited for the future. i know its gonna be wayyy better than these last 2 years, and even better than these last 222 days.

- it was just 2:22AM :)

[gayowlsntitans]

CONT Cause tumblr wouldn`t let me add more to the original.

“Dude, you originaly shared a freakin' blog post while I shared medical sites. And now you share either news sites, or medical sites talking about FEMALE humans-trans or otherwise, not male.And sure, one kinda medical site that tries to humour people like you that buy into the bs that is trans women having periods-though once again the word period isn't a scientific word soooo….”

Because trans women ARE WOMEEN, We are talking about trans women here not trans men. You said “Trans women dot get periods” not trans men.Keep up dude. Theres multipack medical sites hat say the same thing as the one I linked. Is not bs, its been tested and proven, yuor the one believing the bs here that other radomes tell you cause you cant use yuor two braincells to form a cohesive thought to save your life. Trans women THEMSELVES say the have period like symptoms, they have periods, doctors have noted it.

The phantom period still have the same symptoms as PMS, cramps, bloating, cravings,etc.  So it’s still a period like all cis women  face,it’s still part of menstruation. 

“Once agan, menstruation is shedding of the lining of the uterus and phantom menstruation occurs when something is wrong, either cause of internal factors like endo, or external cause of removed uterus but remaining ovaries--in other words one has to be FEMALE.’

No it doesn’t, PCOS is in men and women, trans men and women  can also have ends, theres been studies on this too.https://www.jmig.org/article/S1553-4650(21)00559-8/fulltext

So no it’s not just FEMALE . 

“Also "Not every cis women bleeds during their period, are they suddenly not women anymore?"that's a strawman and you know it.”

Strawman: a distorted (and weaker) version of another person's argument that can easily be refuted

This isn’t a distorted view of your argument, you are saying “trans women dont bleed so they down have periods.” “Trans women dont have ovaries/uterus  so they dont have periods” Thats what you’ve been saying this whole time. Reread your argument and it’s right there.

“To conclude you keep conflating sex with gender when I only talk about the former, you share news articles and medical ones that talk about FEMALE humans not male-like that medical article about a uterus transplant, 

Because even in there articles trans women are considered women, and ive shown you  studies of both men and women with uterus transplants. 

https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/should-uterus-transplantation-transwomen-and-transmen-be-subsidized/2023-06

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9259284/

In the OP`S post im pretty sure I mentioned trans men getting pregnant to, so I dont know what to tell you. 

“it was about a natal woman; and that NEWS article talks about a posibility which is nothing but a pipe dream when one knows and understands human anatomy, and also what entails organ transplants in general.”

You don`t even understand human anatomy if you don’t see trans women’s hips change on T and it’s possible for their hips to get bigger and wider, as ive pointed out above. And the rats was still successful, and theres been many tests done on rats getting different genitalia. Most doctors know it would work, and that it would help trans women, more than you and your limited knowledge of trans people.

A natal women helping make it possible for trans women In the future when you said it was just a pipe dream. If it was just a pipe dream it wouldn’t have even been tested before. It has been and trans women have been interested in in for awhile now. 

“So yeah, I'm out, and you keep living in fantasy land, and keep conflating things when arguing with others in the future and also with building strawmen in those arguments. Have a nice life, goodbye.”

You’re the one living in fantasy land here, can’t even understand a single thing about trans people or science behind it, yet your`re a nurse. Please learn your definitions and what a straw man, trans women, men, and menstruation is cause you have no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry you have to live with your last two braincells but hey thats what being a nerf does to you, makes you as dumb as Patrick Star. Have the life you deserve, goodbye.

[jenniefromdblock]

Drained

[Originally posted on JULY 21, 2021 ]

I rushed my mom twice to the ER the other day (7/16/2021) due to her complaining about an excruciating pain on her left side.

I woke up with her moaning in pain around 7am, so I immediately got up and packed a lot of disinfectants and my laptop (I had to work) and drove to 2 goverment hospitals’ ER. The 1st one just referred us to the 2nd, the 2nd just prescribed meds. They were prioritizing COVID patients, even though their ERs are empty (shoutout to the 2nd which is QCGH). I’m not going to comment on how they handled our situation because I know they have their “reasons”. Since Mom was still in so much pain, we went ahead to Capitol Med. Yes, I know it is private and expensive but fuck it. It’s Mom.

We arrived at around 11am (I had no concept of time, I just wanted the day to be over) and we were immediately attended to. Mom was hooked up to an IV (omeprazole at first, then liquid paracetamol), blood works, urinalysis, and xray were done. When I asked her, she says the pain was level 8 and went to intermittent. There were also times that it goes away. According to her urinalysis, they found specks of blood, so they Rx’d Mom to be CT scanned for suspected kidney stones. During that time I kept on asking her if she can manage the pain, etc. She was like meh, and we were already given prescriptions so we decided that we will sign the waiver to not perform the CT Scan at that moment (the reason and backstory later). We were discharged around 4pm.

I was able to settle a bit when we got home and go back to working. Not even two hours later, Mom was again writhing in pain and she was crying “Lord, please make it stop.” Her pain tolerance is so high that seeing her in that situation was very alarming, so thats when I decided to ask my sister to call an ambulance (I was no longer in the right mental and emotional state to drive at that moment) while I prepare the stuff we need in case she gets confined.

We were brought again to Capitol Med because at least they already know us, the guard was literally like “Uy, parang kanina lang…”. We agreed to do the CT Scan and results says the pain is caused by kidney stones.

Also, even though my Mom doesn’t feel anything, they saw an 8x12x12 benign cyst on her right ovaries. While the doctor assured us its nothing and can be treated easily, they referred us to an OB GYN, who explained the next steps for treatment to us.

Honestly at that point, I hear garbled messages. I can no longer process anything because all I worry about was how the fuck am I going to pay for the hospital bills because I am super bankrupt.

The Backstory: I was retrenched in December 2020 and we were trying to survive off my separation pay (which isn’t that big amount so if you ask me, no I didn’t even have the chance to enjoy it). In April 2021, I got a freelancing job and I am in contract until December, which I am very thankful for. But what I earn is just enough for the utility bills and monthly groceries for 3 people. Yes, I also have been the provider in this house.

I only have Php 1,000 ($20) in my bank account. I have 2 credit cards that I have not been using and been paying off so I can cut it.

But I had to. I maxed out the limit of my first credit card to settle the hospital bills during our ER Visit #1. I had no choice but to do the same for my second to pay off ER Visit #2, not to mention the prescribed medicines worth 2 weeks. Oh btw, the OB GYN consultation fee needed to be paid in cash, so yeah goodbye 1k. Before, I psych myself bankrupt but I still have like 10k+ in the bank. But now, I am literally, really, very, zero balance.

At this point I am not sure how will I be able to bring her to a urologist, another OB GYN session and possible operation.

Well, going back to the main story… we got home around 12am. Mom was still in pain but at least we know the cause. Also, the pain reliever works so Mom was able to sleep enough.

I am still mentally and emotionally drained. Most of all, financially.

So that’s how the day went.

[gibbearish]

or like i know ive talked about the letter thing before but it just !!! pisses me off so much because its SO GOOD and the rest just ISNT!!!!!

for those who havent seen it, howard is a character that has lived with his mom his whole life because his dad ran out on them as a kid. late in the show, howard receives a letter from his dad (havent seen the ep in a while so cant remember if it was recently sent vs a "he died and it was found unsent in his belongings" type thing), and spends the whole episode unable to decide if he wants to read it or not. obviously he has a complicated relationship with the idea of his dad, he hates him for leaving but still misses him and wants closure, but is too scared that the letter will confirm his fears to read it.

the way the episode ends is that his friends came up with a plan to help him. one by one, in the only actually clever schrodinger's cat reference ive ever seen, they each tell him a version of what the letter might have said. one version is the truth, the rest are all alternatives his friends came up with, so that he can have his closure and eat it too. his father can simultaneously be the asshole who abandoned them AND the victim of circumstance who regretted leaving them every second. he doesnt have to agonize over reading the letter anymore, because he technically does know what it says now, just not with quite enough certainty for it to hurt him.

and like. hello???????? thats so fucking good!!!! and they dont even try to undercut the emotions of the scene or the weight of the things howard went through like they usually would, like the show does have sheldon's version of the letter be obviously fake and we get a laugh track there, but even then it doesnt really feel like a forced joke to break the tension for the audience, it feels like a genuine attempt from sheldon to cheer his friend up a bit. it feels like theres an understanding that while the uncertainty theyre creating for him is needed and helpful, it could also be overwhelming, could cause what would essentially be choice paralysis, so he gives him an easy-to-spot fake, and throws in a reference to something they both love to make him smile in a tough monent. it feels like they all love him so, so much. it uses the father that abandoned him to show him who his real family is, the people who came together to support him when he was hurting.

howard never learns which version was true, and neither does the audience. and at first, it feels like we're being left in suspense because he is, to put the audience in his shoes, but we're not. we are left in suspense, and howard is happy. we are taken fully out of his shoes, left wanting, to drive home the idea that this isnt ABOUT us, it's about him. it's about one man, and how much his family loves him, and about achieving the closure he needs and nothing more.

and then the other episodes are like. sheldon does math at weird times and howard does a sexism. doctor who and star wars. ba dum tss

i hate that the big bang theory has so much potential. like there are some really good moments and jokes buried in there but you have to sift through So much shit to actually get to it

[pizzapizzadickz]

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