#& it really even is that rare Games I've Actually Played Myself Ever....it really is....

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[sysig]

Coming in to play! (Patreon)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what in the. see this is why it's a good thing that multiplayer videogames especially are about having fun & being yourself like what do you mean disguised spies automatically had the speed of the disguise's class & everyone's like yea if i wasn't always going for the scout disguise i'd kill myself right now. i'd be like haha can't catch Me out supposedly the extra slow or extra fast class >:) i am a harmless engineer

[gu6chan]

ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(

[astrxealis]

damn i never thought i'd get into stardew valley this much but here we are !! makes perfect sense tho

[chongoblog]

My First Pokemon Playthrough

So I've noticed in my time of talking about Pokemon, I've told a lot of various anecdotes that are all a part of my very first time playing Pokemon. I was feeling nostalgic, so I figured I would share what I remember about this playthrough for everyone to enjoy. There may be a tangent or two in there and people who have followed me a while may have heard these before, but hey.

For context, I believe I was about 8 years old at the time, and after collecting some Pokemon cards, watching a kid play Crystal at summer camp, watching some of the anime, and generally being a pretty big fan (I even have Pokemon Yahtzee burned into my memory for some reason...), I finally got myself a Game Boy Advance with Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World, some Frogger game (after looking it up, it was Temple of the Frog), Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and, of course, Pokemon Sapphire.

I remember that my starter was Torchic. I don't remember why I chose that one, although I remember really liking the color red at the time (which I still do), so that was probably why.

I don't remember too much about my team or the general progress I made in most of the game, but I do remember Slateport City. For those who do not recall, in Slateport City in order to advance you need to get into the museum, which is blocked off by Team Aqua Grunts until you talk to someone in the shipyard. There are also Team Aqua grunts blocking the route ahead

Now, my 8 year old brain for some reason concluded that the only way to get past the Team Aqua Grunts was to intimidate them with a high enough level Pokemon or something like that. So one night, while I was supposed to be asleep on a family beach vacation, I beat down more poor level 13 Pokemon than I could count. I learned later what I was actually SUPPOSED to do, which led to me finally fighting the Team Aqua Grunts.....with a level 42 Blaziken.

And since the Name Rater was in Slateport City and my starter had evolved, I figured it was only appropriate to give him the new moniker "MAGMA MAN"

The rest of the playthrough went about as normally as tearing through the game with mostly Blaziken normally would go. There were a couple exceptions though. First off, at the Weather Institute, after I saved the day from Team Aqua, they were kind enough to gift me a Castform, but my party was full, so I couldn't get it. My 8 year old self did not read this. (Remember this, it will come back later). But I managed to make my way through the game, catching Kyogre with my Master Ball and giving it the nickname "LEGENDARY"

Then we come to the Elite Four where I hit a brick wall. I don't remember my team at the time exactly, but I do remember it was MAGMA MAN which had reached about level 80 or so, LEGENDARY which was about level 48, a level 36 Pelipper, two level ~35 Tentacruels, and some other sixth Pokemon I don't recall. And for some reason, I just couldn't beat the Elite Four with this team for some weird reason. The best I could ever get to was Drake. I felt I was utterly defeated.

That's when we bring a new character into the story. A member of my friend group at the time who we'll call "John" to protect the innocent. Now John had a very "uncle who works at nintendo" type energy to him. The group used to play Gauntlet: Dark Legacy together all the time, and when I got the GBA port of it, he convinced me to trade my recently obtained copy of the Pokemon Trading Card Game Boy game for a Gameboy-Gamecube cables, only for me to learn too late that it didn't work like that, and from there, there were no backsies (but then I got ahold of a copy of Pac-Man VS and Four Swords Adventure then I learned to emulate, so who's laughing now).

Anyway, John saw that I was struggling and he decided that he wanted to help me out. You see, he had come across an incredibly powerful and rare Pokemon that couldn't be found in the wild. He had gotten it exclusive, and I had never seen it before. It was called a "Castform". Now John had Ruby version, so he decided that as much as it ached him to part with it, he figured it would be a reasonable trade to trade this powerful Castform for the slightly less powerful LEGENDARY. I agreed.

And then he moved to Ohio.

To this day, Castform is my least favorite Pokemon because of this betrayal. I was so distraught at 8 years old that I completely restarted my game of Pokemon Sapphire. I don't remember much about that second playthrough, but there's a reason why.

This rival battle on Route 110 is somewhat infamous for being quite the sudden difficulty spike. And since I knew how to get past Team Aqua now, I didn't have an over-leveled starter to stomp my rival with ease. After losing to her about five or so times, I got frustrated and figured that whatever team I had wasn't cutting it. So I restarted again.

In my third playthrough, I made it all the way to the rival battle on Route 110. Then she stomped me repeatedly. So I restarted again.

This cycle would go on for, like, 15 resets. I didn't count, but it felt like there was hundreds. As I would keep on resetting and playing through the early-game of Pokemon Sapphire (which I had practically memorized at this point), I would start to take things a lot less seriously, sometimes picking the girl character, making my name random gibberish, etc.

Eventually, on one of these playthroughs where I started with Treecko, I actually managed to beat the Route 110 Rival Battle! And on my first try too! And thus began the epic journey of a girl named DE.

Now, I'd figured at this point that maybe only leveling up one Pokemon wasn't the best approach, so I was trying to balance my teams a bit better (I guess my rival taught me something). I was making my way through the game, and one day I'm checking out my best friend's Pokemon in Ruby, and who do I see in his box, but a Kyogre. I take a look at his name, and I can't believe it. It was LEGENDARY. John had traded it to my friend before he moved.

My friend didn't know that it was originally mine, so he offered to trade it back, which I accepted. LEGENDARY was a disobedient little bastard since I didn't have enough badges, but he got the job done. I don't remember the team I ended up using to finally beat the Elite Four, but it included my Sceptile starter, a Sableye that somehow knew only Fighting-type moves, and two Kyogres, LEGENDARY and LEGENDARY2.

And that's my first playthrough of Pokemon Sapphire. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

[jamorbital]

Mailbag III ✉️

Wow, there were a bunch this time. Thanks everyone!

@theloramir:

Me! 😷

If that doesn't count… Hmm. Cynthia from Pokémon? Or maybe Tifa?

@scout90-again:

I've been interested in it for as long as I can remember. Even when I was really little, I liked to tie up dolls with string and put pieces of tape on their mouths. A bit more on that in an earlier ask here.

(MORE UNDER THE CUT)

@noteverysaurisadinosaur:

Uhhh... I'm gonna say... Golden Toad. I like Dodos too, but I'm guessing that's the "everything but country and rap" of this question.

@directivexero:

Aw thanks!

Lately I've been slowly making my way through The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles! I play it in bed each night to settle in before I go to sleep. It's like a good book. The fickleness of the jurors always makes me laugh.

Another recent one I liked: Thank Goodness You're Here! It's basically a little interactive animated movie. Matt Berry is in it. I once saw it described as "Untitled Twat Game"

Deadly Premonition is the worst game I've ever played by conventional standards, but I'd still recommend it because it's bad in really fun ways. Bring some friends and a case of beer.

I like games that provoke a strong reaction. I'd rather play something like DP than a "good" big-budget game that's smooth and pleasing but not all that memorable.

Also on the topic of weird games: This is the secret best channel on YouTube. The more you watch, the better it gets. I mean idk, maybe other people don't see it and I'm just deranged. Still though. I've cried laughing at some of these.

@patientbard:

Summer! Lots of happy memories from childhood. I like to swim.

@nixalegos:

I don't often try to go for a specific texture, but when I do it can be tricky. In real life I love soft jersey knit fabric. Despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to nail it in 2D in a way that really scratches that kinky itch.

In general, my drawings rarely come out the way I pictured them in my head. (I think that's how it is for most artists?) If it's looking really off then I might redraw a character or body part from scratch, but for the most part I just go with the flow.

@accretion-disk-anxiety:

To eat, crab; to not eat, turtle.

@damianblack:

I'm not really into furries, but I like furries as people. They seem like fun and I admire how welcoming and liberated their community is.

For a while I've had "draw an anthro character" on my bucket list. I think it'd be a fun challenge and drawing a gag for an anthro snout could be hot tbh.

@onidrills:

What was that thing from Jurassic Park with the big neck thing and the venom? Dilophosaurus?

Aw man...

@goodboynijian:

Thank you!

For proudest: Maybe animation loops?

They're not as elaborate as some other stuff I've done, but seeing an animation come together just feels so satisfying.

For hottest: I gravitate toward a certain weirder type of piece where I draw myself (or "myself") with super-exaggerated proportions and/or humiliating captions:

It feels exciting to just go totally off the wall. I get turned on not just by drawing these, but also posting them. I guess it's kind of a public humiliation/exhibitionism thing. (Actually, that's exactly what it is.)

I used to put them up on Twitter, but it got a little too weird and embarrassing. Now I keep them behind the safety of the paywall.

@t-oppenheimer:

Smash if that counts! I used to attend locals weekly and was decently competitive at my peak. I stopped going in 2020 due to covid and never got back into it after that. I still play with friends here and there though. I'm a Wolf main. 🐺

I've also done a little SF6, but I'm still in The Cursed Zone on that one.

@microfoamgaglover:

Yes

(old pic!)

Thanks again to everyone who sent in questions! I'm feeling better now than I was this morning. If I didn't respond to you, it just means I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I appreciate it all the same.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

how to not let your autistic inner child win (or how to write an if) by the secretary

[id: a student with glasses being pointed at and mocked by two students on screens, and two more offscreen with only their arms showing. the central bullied student looks sad, and everyone else is laughing. end id]

Ruhoh, is this another secretary essay? Well, yes it is! The gender politics one will eventually come around when I feel like it, but this one, as the title suggest, is about how to write an IF. And since I'm presuming most of you are on the spectrum (or on a spectrum), it gets a little tongue-in-cheek.

hehe

Anyways, if you have autism, you have eternal swag. It's just true! But having so much swag makes it a problem when writing, or doing any sort of project. This is something I've noticed from people who don't have evil autism. Those not afflicted by the rare autism version of evil autism (my autism) will often be really bad at just... doing things - despite having all the abilities to do so! I think it might be a adhd thing or something too. Anyways, I love helping people, (this is my evil autism), and I'd like to share some girl tips on how to kill your inner child :)

I think something I've noticed from people making any sort goals- online, real life, job, working, etc - is it is straight forward. ie: I want to graduate from high school, I want to make a video game, I want to journal everyday. These are all achievable using your abilities that you learn and gain through your life, and failure doesn't exempt you from trying again. Thing is, this specific thing I just described (straightforward goals) is something I think a lot of autistic people struggle with.

I deeply remember sitting down in the corner of my high school, looking like the hottest girl who played pokemon on her ds when someone who had +1% more autism than me told me that, one day, he was going to make the most cool pokemon game ever where you could date other characters and have babies and have your children go on adventure too. As a 14 year old, I thought to myself 'bitch, shut up' but also, 'this is so unrealistic, but he really believes it, uh'. And he did! And you know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay to believe that you can make things that you cannot do at the moment - I mean that's just how life it. We didn't go on the Moon thinking we couldn't

But... the guy didnt know how to code, or how to make games, or how to program, or how to develop stories, or how to make art, etc etc etc. He didn't know these things, but he wanted to make these things. And I see this to a certain degree quite a bit when it comes to creation. I want to say: it's a very important of the process but simply one part.

I think being able to imagine what you could do if you have all the resources in the world, all the time, and all the help is important - but it is even more important to look within and go 'alright with all this in mind - what can I do?'

And if you're in the field of IF, well, what can you do? Coding, storytelling, character design, plotting arcs, etc. I think the skills can be learned by anybody (sidenote incoming)

If anybody ever fucking says that art is innate, they're fucking lying. It's a skill you grind out. You work it out. You work even if you feel not creative. You write words even if they don't come to you naturally. You draw even if the images can't be conjured. You work you work you work and you make something. You cannot always make art when feeling creative because you aren't always creative. you must be willing to die for your art, yes, but you must also be willing to create without any creative sparks! If you want to be an artist, you better work bitch.

(sidenote ending) and with that in mind, you need to develop restraints onto yourself. In IF, it's actually to create restraints, and here are some I suggest for all of my fellow autists who might struggle with them. I love you guys, truly, anyways. here they are:

restrain characters.

Make three characters + a main character. Write a couple of scenes with them. Is that your maximum? Is that too much? Go up and down until you find the right amount. You can add more character when your writing is better. Stick to a minimum per scene. If you have ideas for 30 characters, you can easily melt them into 10. Seriously. Put the heat on maximum and start creating new fun dolls to play with.

2. restrain scenes

You cannot write 500 per interaction. This is a bad idea because a) you might do the thing where you run out of creativity which you need to learn to do without but it is hard and b) interactions are time limited and time sensitive. not everybody will go through them. if you have a 30k update, but most people will only see 1k... are you really writing a game for them or for yourself? I made my wife do this format:

youll gain the ability to gauge if a scene is important or not eventually, I'm sure.

3. restrain area

I recommend writing like a murder novelist. You have a closed circle, and the player cannot leave it. they can only be within that space. That space that exists within that specific story is the only thing they have access to. it can be a school, a city, a bedroom - but its limited. you create setpieces that players interact with. some set pieces are the same with just a different coat of paint on.

anyways, i believe in dreaming big, but i also believe that we have little time on our hands to create. when wanting to make something, restraint yourself. its always way more fun to find ways to break out of our bonds then just roaming free, right? I mean... maybe not. I'm not your mother, you know.

[anneapocalypse]

6 and 8 for Dragon Age! Choose violence!!!!

🔥 Choose Violence Ask Meme 🔥

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

I'm gonna be perfectly honest: I have drawn my little circle of Dragon Age fandom such that I really don't find any shippers annoying. I also basically like all of the canon romances I've played on some level and there are none that I have a visceral Nope about, and as far as non-canon romances I cannot find it in myself to get bent out of shape about rare pairs, which is what most non-canon ships end up as, realistically.

My hot take is that in this fandom, anyone who leads with "X shippers are the WORST EVER--" is about to be far more annoying than any of the shippers I know.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts is a good quest.

In many ways, I think it's actually comparable to playing A Paragon of Her Kind as a non-dwarf. In both quests, people often complain about not having access to all the information about the candidates, by which they mean that the game does not hand them a piece of paper explaining to them why one candidate is the Good One and the other Bad, what's that noise oh it's me banging trash can lids together in your backyard and hollering THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BENEVOLENT MONARCHY, THERE IS NO GOOD MONARCH, POWER THAT CONCENTRATED CAN ONLY BE SUSTAINED WITH BLOOD, ALL YOU CAN DO IS DECIDE WHICH ONE IS GOING TO DO THE LEAST HARM AND/OR IS MOST EASILY MANIPULATED BY PARTIES YOU WISH TO SUPPORT.

Coughs. What I mean is, the frustrating lack of information given to you, an outsider, is kind of the point. No matter who you play as the Inquisitor, you are canonically not Orlesian and you do not know the Imperial Court intimately no matter how politically savvy your character may be. You are an outsider, and to many people a dangerous one. You are here as a guest; you were not invited with the intent of letting you choose the ruler of a sovereign nation, and people are not simply going to hand you information to that end. Even some of your advisors may have personal motivations for withholding information that you would have liked to know, perhaps because of their own involvement or complicity in certain events. You know. Perhaps.

So you have to do your own digging. You have to climb trellises and sneak into locked rooms. You might get lucky opening the right doors and finding something really useful, or you might not. You might say the right thing to the right person and get a valuable lead, or you might fumble it never knowing what you could have had.

We love to poke fun at the RPG tropes of every NPC immediately giving you their life story and asking you to solve all their problems. Isn't it kind of interesting when a game doesn't do that--when you have to take your own initiative if you want a specific outcome, when other characters aren't just dumping information on you and assuming that you'll act on it in a specific way?

I think one of the most interesting aspects of WEWH is that you can in fact choose to do nothing. Yes, you have to follow the basic outline of the quest, but at the critical moment you can just not intervene and allow Florianne to stab Celene and Gaspard to take the throne--effectively, letting things play out as they would have had the Inquisition done nothing. Gaspard of course winks and treats you as an ally because you assumes you're complicit, but you could in fact just have been indifferent. Game mechanics make it obvious you're making a choice, but in-universe it's simply that you have chosen not to act.

And if you do choose to act, you do not get a guaranteed Good Option. No, you don't get to flip the tables and completely overturn the social order of a sovereign nation of which, again, you are not even a citizen. You have to work with the situation you're in, and try to bend it to whatever advantage you see fit. You get no guarantees.

Sure, there a few places where I think WEWH fumbles the ball, but on the whole I think it's a brilliant union of storytelling and creative game mechanics.

[runningpsychic]

Why Goodbye Volcano High resonates with me as...

...a musician

As a musician, it's hard not to immediately identify with Fang. What musician doesn't want their music to be heard, to play at music festivals, and have music as their career. I can wax poetic about how music is about self expression and it doesn't matter if I have an audience, but in the end, I still want my music to be heard, and enjoyed. And Fang is on track to making this their entire career.

Making music has been a minor hobby for me. Even as a kid, I knew there's almost no chance I can make it as a musician, so I went down the route of being a software engineer instead. It's such a minor part of my life that I don't even bother identifying as a musician, I just fool around with instruments. But something about GVH ignited that passion in me, and during my first playthrough, I wrote six songs inspired by themes in the game. Even if I'll stay an amateur, I want to make the most from life, and not let the fire die. (See last section)

All that said, I felt very bad for Fang throughout the game. I know how tough the life of a full time musician is. The industry is just completely screwed. And unlike me, Fang doesn't have another option other than music. The game also drives it in that Fang's friends all have viable career paths, while Fang doesn't. But then, the meteor throws an interesting wrench into this, as now Fang is the only one who achieved their dreams. I'm not sure what the point of this paragraph is besides fuck capitalism, give musicians a living wage.

...an enby

Fang really made me more comfortable about being non-binary. It's amazing seeing enby representation that doesn't feel shoehorned in, or merely an afterthought. It's actually integral to the story. Both Fang and Sage struggle having their parents take their identities seriously, and that mirrors my own fears of not being taken seriously as an enby myself, which leads me to only come out as non-binary to my closest friends, and just remain a binary trans woman to everyone else.

It's honestly amazing to see everyone in Caldera Bay being accepting of the queer cast, like being queer isn't a big deal at all. And that's how it should be. Everyone just calls Fang by their name and pronouns (except their parents of course), and no one seems to mind that Reed brought Alvin to prom. This really makes me feel more comfortable about my identity, and I feel proud to be queer. We don't owe them normal.

...an immigrant

It's so rare to see stories about the intersection of being trans and being an immigrant, so when I read Rosa's story, I felt it must've been written by someone who also has first hand experience. There's a distinct feel from my family that me being trans is a "western" thing, not something they could ever understand. Or worse, that I'm being corrupted by "the west" in some way by moving there. There's so much extended family I can never see again because I'm now an abomination of the family tree.

I find it really difficult to talk about this as I fear I'd be misread as being racist for suggesting that my home country is more queerphobic or something, but that isn't my point. I just want to tell my story, and my experience of being alienated for both culture and gender, in both my origin and destination countries, is one that most folks can't emphasize with. (Venba also does do a good job with the culture part, so you should check that out too)

There's a separate rant about how this brand of queerphobia was actually planted by Christian missionaries and not at all "traditional culture", but that's for another time.

...someone struggling with mental health

I've been obsessed with the game for months since I played it. I went through what everyone calls "Dino depression", but I think it really helped me, and it was the game I needed to play at this moment in my life. I struggle with depression and burnout. At times it can be hard to know what the point is, or feel that any of this is worth it. The first few weeks after the game, I actually felt more depressed, as I thought about what the point of life is if it all is temporary anyway, and what I would do if a meteor were to hit in 8 months. And I was scared, because I felt like my life wasn't under my control. Over time, I've learned to think about it more positively. If life is temporary, then it's up to me to make the most of it. If life has no meaning, it's up to me to make my own meaning. I have amazing friends around me, and I still have tons of music to make.

[icewindandboringhorror]

sleepy mr baby + other random misc images

[cantwritethetword]

(2024) TickleTober Day 2: Scared - Turn it off

Fic Descript - While finishing his late-night duties, Merlin finds Arthur wide awake in his bed in a bit of a panic. Luckily, the manservant has an idea on how to stop the king's mind from spiraling further.

~A/N  -

Day 2 for TickleTober2024! I've had the idea for this fic kind of floating around in my head for a while so I'm excited to see how it turns out!

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @fullsongphilosopher

Masterpost Link 

TickleTober Masterpost

Some would argue the castle at night is an unnerving experience. The usual bustle and business of the corridors replaced with eerie silence and empty space, each near-silent sound echoing through the halls tenfold compared to where it would normally be absorbed by daily kingdom life.

To Merlin though, this was the only moment of peace he had the privilege of enjoying. Nobody yelling his name to give him yet another task, nobody questioning what specific job he was completing or whether it was worth doing. Just him and the concrete walls he lived in, especially now that he practically knew the guard's routes and could easily avoid a quick but still awkward acknowledgement of each others existence.

At least, that was the way it usually was.

As he made his way silently into the king's chambers to return some freshly cleaned shirts, his eyes settled on the pale figure hunched on the edge of the bed and facing the window.

Merlin pushed away his immediate reaction of concern and rolled his eyes, trying to convince himself it was just Arthur being strange - nothing to worry about. If anything it was just an inconvenience that meant he would have to return later to put away the washing.

Merlin slowly turned towards the door, not realising one of the shirts had caught on the edge of a silver chalice sitting on Arthur's dresser. The clattering sound made both men jolt, but what truly took Merlin aback was Arthur's face.

The king looked like he had seen a ghost. Sweat was beading on his forehead, dark circles decorated his eyes, and his face was sunken and pale.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked before he could think, his tone more genuine than he had ever used with Arthur.

"I'm fine." Arthur replied flatly, quickly wiping his face and standing up to walk around the bed closer to Merlin. "Completely fine."

Well that was worrying. Merlin thought. Where was the usual insult? The bickering? The 'what are you doing in my chambers?' questions? Clearly something really was wrong.

"Arthur you look awful." Merlin continued, moving closer to where Arthur stood.

That at least earnt a half-snicker as Arthur sunk onto the bed with his head in his hands. "I suppose I do."

Deciding that was as good an invitation as any, Merlin sat next to his king and continued. "What's the matter?"

Arthur shook his head. "I just can't sleep."

Even though he knew Arthur couldn't see, Merlin gave him a look. "Right. What's actually going on?" He accompanied the question with a light shoulder bump. "Is it the duel tomorrow?"

The king took a breath, running a hand through his hair. "I think so?"

Merlin nodded, "ok-?"

Arthur thrust his hands down. "But I don't know why! It's not like I haven't fought before!" He exclaimed, flopping backwards onto the mattress. "I'm good with a sword, and it's only a duel! A game! Childs play!"

"Well there's a lot at stake for you, game or not." Merlin rationalised (once he had recovered from the sudden snap of Arthur's rare outpour of feelings). "You represent your people and your knights, and everyone knows how important it is right now to create a bond with your opponent's kingdom. No wonder you're nervous."

There was a pause, and Merlin hoped it was Arthur truly contemplating what he had said.

Arthur sighed and let out a breathy chuckle as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Once again Merlin, I find myself in awe of your random, uncharacteristic wisdom and empathy."

"And once again I can't tell if that's a compliment." Merlin replied without missing a beat.

Arthur laughed again - a little more naturally this time - as a soft silence settled over the room. With anyone else this level of quiet would feel unbearably awkward, but somehow it brought comfort to the pair (though under normal circumstances both would stubbornly blame it on the relief of the other finally shutting up).

"In all seriousness though," Merlin spoke after a few moments. "You need sleep."

"How can I." Arthur asked, his voice weaker than Merlin had ever heard it. "I've been up the last three nights tossing and turning but it's like my mind won't stop replaying all the awful things that could happen." He once again flopped flat onto his back. "It's plagued my every thought... To be honest, tonight's the first time i feel like I've smiled in days."

Merlin couldn't help but warm a little at that, even more so at the idea bubbling at the back of his mind. "I could help you smile a little more, if you'd like?"

That earnt a chuckle. "You're not going to tell me your awful jokes, are you?" Arthur asked sarcastically.

With a playful scowl, Merlin poked the king's outstretched side - making Arthur flinch with a giggle.

Weirdly enough though, Arthur didn't move to protect himself from another attack. And, a genuine smile remained settled on his face staring at the ceiling.

Merlin was smirking at this point, taking his majesty's response as a quite-literal open arms invitation to continue.

As soon as Merlin scooted himself closer to Arthur and began poking the man's ribs, it was as if Arthur's conscious remembered he should be protesting.

"Mer-Merlin wait!" Arthur stuttered, that genuine beam still gracing his features as his hands caught the Warlock's. "If you mean you're going to... to-... Merlin no that's... that's childish..."

"Well you wanted to smile, didn't you?" Merlin grinned, catching both of Arthur's hands with one of his own and pushing them above the king's head. "Seems to be working so far."

Arthur spluttered out segments of begging in between anticipatory giggles, pushing at Merlin's hands all the while. "Merlin wahait! I cahan't- I'll- Plehease!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, trying to look nonchalant. "I haven't even done anything yet you big baby." - but he couldn't help the soft grin painting his face.

As Merlin's fingers touched down against Arthur's torso, Arthur thrust the last of his energy into attempting to maintain his ruse of denial. Denying that this would help, denying that this was what he needed, denying that Merlin could possibly have a good idea.

But Arthur quickly realised just how gentle Merlin was actually tickling him - how the servant was scuttling his fingers with just enough pressure to make him laugh while still being able to breathe easily. And once he noticed Merlin wasn't actually pinning his hands anymore - Arthur found he was really fighting against something else.

The fact that he was secretly adoring the teasy attention, that he was loving how his overthinking brain had been happily overwhelmed and overpowered by the playful threat. And most of all, grateful he could trust Merlin not to take it any further.

So he let himself laugh. Let himself fall into the unbearable sensations and completely float away from anything that was worrying him. He could stress about his royal image or how much Merlin would hold this above him later. He was finally ok.

When Merlin's fingers eventually slowed, Arthur couldn't get himself to stop smiling.

And even when the anxiety of tomorrow's looming competition threatened to send Arthur into another panicked spiral, the memory of Merlin's tickle attack flooded his brain and thrust a blushing grin onto his face all over again.

[minakotreat]

I know i listed this account as being my miscellaneous art account, but the truth of the matter is that i'm so embarrassingly obsessed with judgment I didn't have the heart to be posting it all over my main account. this stupid guy is actually taking over my BRAIN!

curse you yagamer for having such good games

i learnt about judgment a few years back when I saw a trailer on JE randomly during some game awards I think?? I could totally be wrong but I had some knowledge about yakuza so this intrigued me a lot. It wasn't enough that I actively sought it out though. Then some months ago I remember the game because I had been playing infinite wealth, only to my horror that everywhere I looked, judgment wasn't on pc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I only have my pc and my bloated battery nintendo switch for entertainment so I was very very sad, because it seemed like such an interesting game. Still, I honestly didn't care enough to continue digging for ways to play it outside of possibly biting the bullet to attempt emulation.

THEN, the huge rgg franchise sale began on steam....... I had just closed my shop to begin shipping out merch I had made so I had a bit of pocket money which I decided to see if I wanted to buy one of the yakuza games. I wasn't too intrigued to buy yakuza 0 because i've already played a bit of it and got bored (despite me loving yakuza 7 & 8) but just out of curiosity.... I decided to see if judgment was on there...... I mean, it wouldn't be since everywhere I looked had said takuya kimura's agency prevented them from uploading it on pc....... right....? and LO AND BEHOLD IT STOOD BEFORE ME.

JUDGMENT????????? IS ON PC???????? AND THE WHOLE BUNDLE WAS ON A HUGE SALE?!?!?!?!??!!

I was thinking hard. Did I really want to spend my money on this? I rarely buy games myself, instead going through the route of ""obtaining"" or watching LPs. I decided to just give it a shot, and decided to buy the full bundle along with the kaito dlc just because it was a good bargain and who knows, I might end up actually liking it.

and so I liked it a little bit.... more........... than a little bit.................

I remember when I finished both games, I just walked around in LJ's premium adventure just with my jaw dropped. These games. Dude. They're more than i could've ever even asked for. I don't know how else to word it

The story, the tension, the characters, the environment, the visuals, dude EVERYTHING. I cried an embarrassing amount, especially during the credit rolls, and it was just fantastic.

so even though to me persona 3 still is my favorite game of all time, judgment takes a very good spot at number 2 which is a feat nonetheless. I'm going to love it to death.

it's been barely two months but I DON'T CARE!!!!! I JUST LOVE BEING PASSIONATE

thanks for reading my stupid babble on my experience with john judge eyes

bonus: all the drawings/screenshots my friends made of me and my downward spiral (i love my friends)

[lunabug2004]

**Warning: this post is not actually Byler or Stranger Things related (specifically)! Rather, it is a post about the blog, more specifically why I haven't been very active recently, but I do mention these things and I tagged them bc they are what my blog is about, therefore the ppl who know me probably do through these tags, so it felt right to do so. If anyone would like me to remove these tags, just say the words and I will!**

I'm writing this post because I want to apologize for being so inactive lately. Now, I know there's not anyone who sits and waits for me to post or celebrated every time I post or anything like that, but I still feel guilty. I've felt like such a part of the Byler (and ST) community here on Tumblr for the short amount of time that I've been on here, so idk, I just feel like I'm letting myself down ig, and possibly others for not contributing to this community I love so much.

I realize this is kinda sounding like a goodbye post, but it's absolutely not! It's actually kinda the opposite, because I'm here to say that I'm going to try to start posting regularly again! However... I still can't say that in full confidence just yet.

I'm now going to go into the reason(s) I've been so distant from this blog lately, and it may get a little personal, so feel free to scroll past if you don't wanna read anything more :) [also very slight trigger warning for bad mental states and terminal illness]

Okay, I'm aware I just said "reasons", as in plural, but there's really only one main reason that has kinda branched off into more (in a way). So what started it all: my uncle, who I've grown up quite close to, as all my family is very close (for example, growing up, we would have "family night"s every weekend where all ~10 of us would sit around and play games, laughing and talking for hours on end) was diagnosed with a very rapidly spreading terminal illness. Now, I'm not going to go into enough detail to say what it is, but I will say that his current life expectancy is 2-5 years, probably even less due to his severity. He also has a 13 year old daughter, who is now being faced with this awful situation, as well. This whole thing, as one would probably guess, has rocked my family to the core.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am someone who does not get emotional. I rarely ever cry. I bring this up because one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to be active is because right now, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and grief and part of the reason I'm feeling it so deeply is because I haven't cried over him yet. I feel like an awful human being, I feel like an awful niece. I just feel awful. His daughter, that I mentioned before, has always been closer to me than any of my other (younger) cousins have, so I feel even more awful for her and the fact that she is having to deal with all of this at such a young age. Anyways, to get to the point, these past few months I've been feeling like absolute garbage, and I've been so mad at the world it's honestly not even describable.

Okay, now, where does this blog come in? Well, at first I distanced myself just because I couldn't find the motivation to post, however I was still using ST and Byler to distract myself from it all. I couldn't think about really anything but my family, ST, and finals by the last week of this school semester. Then, finally, because of the break, I could sit down and find pure comfort in both Stranger Things (and my favorite Thai BLs) again. I thought about actively posting on the blog again. But then the wrapping happened. And it's like one of the only things that was bringing me comfort was also suddenly bringing me immense sadness at the same time. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would be ready, but it really overwhelmed me, and I lost all of my motivation yet again. After the comfort of spending Christmas with my family, including my uncle, I wouldn't say I feel better but I've at least more-so come to terms with everything. And I've also, still needing my #1 comfort show, already gone back to watching ST, so I finally feel like I'll be able to post again.

Now, there's other things that have been contributing to my stress, such as school in general, the thought that I might not want to be a math teacher after all (despite wanting that for as long as I can remember), my parents being stupid, and other stuff. But this is the main thing plaguing my life and my thoughts at the moment so... yeah.

I understand that this is probably stupid to some, talking about my blog and Stranger Things when this awful thing is happening in my life, and I also understand that most people probably won't even read this, but this blog and community is truly something that brings me joy, and I felt like all the the friends I've felt I've made on here deserved some type of explanation for my sudden disappearance.

If you've made it this far, congrats! I'm sorry I put you through reading this! I hope to see you when I make my next post, which will hopefully be very soon! <3

[abigaillazaar]

CREATOR TAG GAME

yayyyy happy new year my loves!!

thank you for tagging me char @cressidascowper pick your 5 favorite gif sets of 2024 that got less than 1k notes and then pick 10 gifsets of someone else's that got less than 1k notes.

mine:

this johanna and finnick set for thg week! i rarely ever try greens so this was a great exercise. plus shameless letterboxd review insert i had the time of my life making it (even though i think it's on the simpler side)

rhaenicent + august! my beloveds <3 i actually was so relieved finishing this—mainly bc i'd been working on it since last year but couldn't be satisfied with the coloring + typography (real ones remember it was in my new year's clean up last year). i'm so glad i waited for s2 to air though because it really made the lyrics more cohesive . freaks. (also i remembered seeing the lyric "change" on swiftietok and hated it so. bad . like so bad. but was like wait but so fitting for rhaenicent so. i caved! #noregrets)

rhaenicent + sad beautiful tragic. this was the first edit i made for that week in preparation and that last gif was what led to my idea for day one (paternity test). rhaenyra's the father bitch! also i'm proud of myself for making the first gif bc that's emily in lost girls ! and now she riding syrax instead of flying to neverland. love me brain <3

rhaenicent + fics ! fic writers the backbone of our society i love them sooooooo much i'll probably end up doing another one! i know some of the authors saw the set but i hope all of them know how hard i'm clutching their fics to my chest

this is truly the rhaenicent show (i have an addiction). anyway last one is this super simple rhaenicent edit! it's slightly au but placing alicent watching rhaenyra play with her children i'm sick to my stomach and i literally made it. thank you aish (@alicenthighstower) for dealing with me in those trying times

others:

@maxanor's gorgeous gorgeous sejanus -> katniss edit. i remember falling to my knees when i saw that omg. the black and white to bright saturated orange is insane, my teeth ache just looking at it. beautiful work hannah!

one of the most deplorable (endearing) edits i've seen this year is this jackieshauna set by miss becca it girl @nataliescatorccio herself. first of all anyone who knows me knows red + black + white is my favorite color combo so this was an immediate hit. this edit......took my breath away (also bc i was dry heaving from the #pain!)

this padme and sabe edit by char @cressidascowper........lorddddd don't even get me started i wanted to throw up! i love muted colors so much (i rarely ever attempt bc idk. it never looks right when i try) but char......your coloring on this i'm gonna scream! and the quote! i'm screaming. absolutely insane chef's kiss

this anakin skywalker set that erika @padme-amidala (come home the kids (me) miss you <33) made....this has been one of my favorite poems since like...high school. like at some point i had it as my lockscreen. i love this mf poem. and so when i saw anakin skywalker ??? to this poem ????? the scream i scrumpt. need her to come back and bless my eyes again...

itty bitty baby aish made this swanqueen edit, and it almost influenced me to rewatch ouat. the coloring is exquisite and the quote ....and the shots you chose.......lordddddd it sent me into a downward spiral i opened up swanqueen's page on ao3 just to feel something again

anyway thanks for tuning in! tagging everyone mentioned (unless they already did this, then. whatever) love you all and can't wait to see what you guys have in store for 2025 (break my heart, i'll still love you <3)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[possibility-left]

Writer's Interview Meme

I got a tag from @copperplatebeech, thanks much! This is the writer's interview meme.

How many works do you have on ao3?

148 works in a large variety of fandoms. I also have an enormous volume of work I never posted to AO3, mostly short pieces, which live in my old fic journal on Dreamwidth.

What’s your total word count?

319,626 words! So that's about 2k words per fic which feels accurate. Obviously I have longer and shorter pieces.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My top fic is actually something I wrote in 2017 (it's totally great and cool to comment and kudos older stories!). It's a soulmate trope rewrite of Disney's Tangled called wide open to the sun and I still regularly get kudos on it. I think it was probably recced somewhere because the exchange I wrote it for was pretty small.

Then it's diamond heart, which is an Adventure Zone Magnus/Taako get-together fic, followed by this love left a permanent mark, a short Star Trek: TNG piece about Data asking Geordi to help with his android maintenance, which is soft fluff.

4 is build a bridge even where there is no river, which is a Game of Thrones fic from 2014 (some ancient show speculation) that's a Daenerys/Arya get-together fic. #5 is blinders, which is an ATLA Toph/Zuko post-series romcom.

Kind of funny that they're all different fandoms and pairing types, but I guess I'm most successful with my get-together fics -- that seems to be the theme.

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

There was a point a few years ago where I stopped responding because I was stressed out but I eventually got back into the habit, and if someone comments on something old and I realize I never responded to someone else on that fic, I usually respond back, even to a very old comment. Why not? I always feel like it's nice to say thank you.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

though love be a day, Steven Universe, Pearl/Rose. The story of Pearl and Rose's last date before Steven's birth. Pretty sure I made myself cry reading it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I think mostly I write happy endings. It might just be recency bias but maybe the happiest one is the exponent of breath, Good Omens, A/C, in which there is a lot of fluff, a proposal, and a wedding. I had a lot of fun with that.

Do you write crossovers?

Recently I haven't, but I definitely have in the past and I wouldn't say no in the future if I had a good idea. I really like fusions where you put the characters from one fandom into another fandom's world.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I got some anon hate on a fic I wrote for an exchange; the story wasn't quite received like I'd expected and people thought I'd tripped a DNW, so. Fair. I ended up doing pre-reveals edits to address the issue (I know, this is bad form) and it remains in the Anonymous collection to this day lol. No further questions.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Very rarely -- I hardly ever have ideas for smut, although I do read it and enjoy it. It's almost always f/f (write what you know) and soft and romantic.

I am plotting an Ineffable Wives smutfic right now but it's still very early in the plotting stages and may never come to fruition. I hope it does -- I'd like to write more.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've been putting my fanwork on the internet since 2001, it would be a shock if it hadn't been stolen at some point, but I'm not aware of it ever happening.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

It's been a very long time. I wrote a bunch of stuff with my ex-wife that is probably all off the Internet now, and my BFF and I used to write together a ton when we lived together, but it's been a long time since she and I have shared fandoms and worked on something together. I've always done a round robin/roleplay type of thing where you pass bits of writing around to each other and play off each other. I do think it would be fun to write something with someone else again though, now that Google Docs makes that a lot simpler.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time? I really can't say. Before Good Omens I liked shipping little bits of everything, especially f/f rarepairs, but I've gone through a lot of cycles. Some old favorites are Cardcaptor Sakura - Eriol/Sakura, Avatar: The Last Airbender - Toph/Zuko, Steven Universe - Garnet/Pearl. Right now tops is Aziraphale/Crowley of course.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

In like March, I started writing a fic where both Crowley and Aziraphale were turfed out of their homes at the beginning of S2 but I couldn't quite figure out where I was going to go with it -- I just wanted them to both be in this uncertain place when Gabriel showed up and both aware of the precarity of their positions. But the rest of the plot has failed to come to me, so idk if I'll finish it. If that inspires someone else, feel free to run with it.

What are your writing strengths?

I hope it's character voices; if I can't hear the dialogue in my head I know it's not right. I also try to write good descriptions and entwine feelings with said description.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I read copper's answer to this and had to laugh in sympathy because I'm currently untangling the ridiculously long sentences in my WIP and wondering why it is I've never found an em-dash I didn't like. I also overuse semi-colons.

My writing weaknesses also include the fact that I will start writing without having a plan, ending, or plot, just because I thought of a good piece of dialogue.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't know any other languages but honestly I feel like I tend to go along with fandom convention for this -- so in Japanese language fandoms I feel like honorifics are important and I'll use them, but beyond that it's all English for me.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I wrote my first fic in 2000/2001-ish and it was a Cardcaptor Sakura fic in which Syaoran and Sakura get together after the end of the series as young adults. I emailed a webmaster I admired and they posted it on their Geocities website. Yes I am old!!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I'm kind of stuck on my one favorite thing right now but I'm also rewatching The Good Place and I feel like it would be fun to write for. Sitcoms are really hard imo, I have written Community and Brooklyn 99 and it's really hard to get the humor balance right, but when you do, it pays off great.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

I'm pretty sure this is recency bias as well but recently I got a comment on wake with thirst, which is a Good Omens Michael gen fic that retells bits of the Good Omens story from Michael's POV, and when I reread the fic, I found myself kind of mad that no one else has read it, because I do honestly love it. I feel like I did some clever stuff there in the bits between the canon knowledge we have of Michael. I had fun getting into their weird POV, and also torturing them a bit. But also it's gen-fic about an angel almost no one likes so I get why it hasn't gotten a lot of attention. The Michael and Shax section is probably my favorite.

Tagging!! Obviously please feel free to take this if you see it, but I will tag @carry-the-sky, @ngkiscool, @bl0ndwave, @may--hawk, and @curiouspupsicle just as a random selection of folks!