#& it really even is that rare Games I've Actually Played Myself Ever....it really is....

[sysig]

Coming in to play! (Patreon)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what in the. see this is why it's a good thing that multiplayer videogames especially are about having fun & being yourself like what do you mean disguised spies automatically had the speed of the disguise's class & everyone's like yea if i wasn't always going for the scout disguise i'd kill myself right now. i'd be like haha can't catch Me out supposedly the extra slow or extra fast class >:) i am a harmless engineer

[gu6chan]

ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(

[astrxealis]

damn i never thought i'd get into stardew valley this much but here we are !! makes perfect sense tho

[dokjafang]

the yan vn community is a bit hectic,

Whats your opinion on the indie visual novels with yandere characters?

People get intense with games to be honest. Though, root cause is pride to be honest. Unfortunate. Hopefully, things cool down sooner rather than later. I don't get involved with networking, so I'm not a direct associate to the yan vn community.

WARNING: My controversial opinions. Things I keep to myself. But, you did ask for my opinion so here. Also, casual and unstructured content.

Well I like playing them, or watching gameplays of it. Usually, though, I wouldn't say a lot of characters are my type. Most of the characters are my friend's type, not mine. So rarely will I play yandere visual novels. Usually on the emotional side or um, just know a lot of them aren't my type!

Also, ANY visual novels... well, I honestly treat it the same way as any other story or book. It's just another story to play through. Sure, it has visuals, but what matters most to me is story and characters. Like, if the MC genuinely irritates me (usually ENFP's, ESFJ's, or ENFJ's protagonists irritate me most), then I will not play the game no matter what. I can tolerate things; but honestly I can't play a game, where I have to constantly deal with an annoying character.

It's also one of the reasons why I didn't get so far playing Love and Deepspace. I heavily dislike the MC there. Too emotional for my tastes, too outspoken, and frankly? I'm no dom, you won't find any dom bone in this tiny body of mine. haha So yeah. But mostly, MC personality irritates me. Things like that. It also goes for yanderes and plots in general.

I play games to have fun, and I don't have any expectations for yandere visual novels. I play for just relaxation; because I know it's once-in-a-blue-moon will I ever find an actual yandere that vibes with me.

Because most of the time, the male yanderes I like are what people consider "abusive" and what most consider not yandere. People say it's plain abuse shiz and all. But for me? Food. Like for me, my favorite "love story" manhwa of all time is this one:

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THIS STORY. WHO IS THE PREY.

BOTH THE NOVEL AND MANHUA. YES I LOVE IT. Why?

Don't ask. Reminds me of my husband and I hardcore. Like among all stories I've read (that I haven't written), it's this one that resonated most.

So... you can already tell I have unconventional tastes. People hate this man. lol. But I love this story. Hardcore, reminds me of my own love story wahhhh so it's really close to my heart. 🖤🖤🖤

OH WAIT! I REMEMBER. I love this character because reminds me of my husband. People hardcore say he's not yandere, but I consider him one:

YANNNGGGG. I love this man.

Among all yanderes I've seen, this guy was most memorable for me. Yes, choke meee.

A lot of yanderes are on the soft, emo, creepy but wholesome, or what you generally read on most manhwa, for example. But, truly unhinged or unapologetic villain yanderes? Rareeee.

It's why I'm starving hardcore for content. Like actual confident + doesn't need validation from darling + unapologetic + sadistic + intelligent + truly black flag yanderes. That's my type.

Listen. I play games, write, or do anything really because I love my husband. Truly do. So anything that reminds me of him makes me happy.

Anyways.

There's this one story my friend played. People may not like or vibe with it, but it's called "Boyfriend to Death (BTD)". Never played it but my friend chatted it about it with me since she finished the game, and it's my kind of vibe. I don't like the graphics so I wouldn't play it. But the survival horror and genuine aim for your life? Well, that's dope. So, basically stuff like that is my kind of vibe.

Sorry, I do play otome games and visual novels, but usually it's not even yandere. The personalities are never vibing with me :((. It's difficult to even find fanfiction or stories in general with truly confident, unapologetic yanderes. Like truly strong.

My husband is like that, and well... I can't find any wahahahha. Oh well. At least I have food now in the form of writing.

Rambled but yeah. To me, visual novels, whether yandere or not, well, just another video game to me. As long as the game is generally fun to play and doesn't irritate me, then I'll play it. I don't really care nor get involved in community stuff; because I just want to have fun playing. And, I keep to myself, so yeah.

[chongoblog]

My First Pokemon Playthrough

So I've noticed in my time of talking about Pokemon, I've told a lot of various anecdotes that are all a part of my very first time playing Pokemon. I was feeling nostalgic, so I figured I would share what I remember about this playthrough for everyone to enjoy. There may be a tangent or two in there and people who have followed me a while may have heard these before, but hey.

For context, I believe I was about 8 years old at the time, and after collecting some Pokemon cards, watching a kid play Crystal at summer camp, watching some of the anime, and generally being a pretty big fan (I even have Pokemon Yahtzee burned into my memory for some reason...), I finally got myself a Game Boy Advance with Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World, some Frogger game (after looking it up, it was Temple of the Frog), Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and, of course, Pokemon Sapphire.

I remember that my starter was Torchic. I don't remember why I chose that one, although I remember really liking the color red at the time (which I still do), so that was probably why.

I don't remember too much about my team or the general progress I made in most of the game, but I do remember Slateport City. For those who do not recall, in Slateport City in order to advance you need to get into the museum, which is blocked off by Team Aqua Grunts until you talk to someone in the shipyard. There are also Team Aqua grunts blocking the route ahead

Now, my 8 year old brain for some reason concluded that the only way to get past the Team Aqua Grunts was to intimidate them with a high enough level Pokemon or something like that. So one night, while I was supposed to be asleep on a family beach vacation, I beat down more poor level 13 Pokemon than I could count. I learned later what I was actually SUPPOSED to do, which led to me finally fighting the Team Aqua Grunts.....with a level 42 Blaziken.

And since the Name Rater was in Slateport City and my starter had evolved, I figured it was only appropriate to give him the new moniker "MAGMA MAN"

The rest of the playthrough went about as normally as tearing through the game with mostly Blaziken normally would go. There were a couple exceptions though. First off, at the Weather Institute, after I saved the day from Team Aqua, they were kind enough to gift me a Castform, but my party was full, so I couldn't get it. My 8 year old self did not read this. (Remember this, it will come back later). But I managed to make my way through the game, catching Kyogre with my Master Ball and giving it the nickname "LEGENDARY"

Then we come to the Elite Four where I hit a brick wall. I don't remember my team at the time exactly, but I do remember it was MAGMA MAN which had reached about level 80 or so, LEGENDARY which was about level 48, a level 36 Pelipper, two level ~35 Tentacruels, and some other sixth Pokemon I don't recall. And for some reason, I just couldn't beat the Elite Four with this team for some weird reason. The best I could ever get to was Drake. I felt I was utterly defeated.

That's when we bring a new character into the story. A member of my friend group at the time who we'll call "John" to protect the innocent. Now John had a very "uncle who works at nintendo" type energy to him. The group used to play Gauntlet: Dark Legacy together all the time, and when I got the GBA port of it, he convinced me to trade my recently obtained copy of the Pokemon Trading Card Game Boy game for a Gameboy-Gamecube cables, only for me to learn too late that it didn't work like that, and from there, there were no backsies (but then I got ahold of a copy of Pac-Man VS and Four Swords Adventure then I learned to emulate, so who's laughing now).

Anyway, John saw that I was struggling and he decided that he wanted to help me out. You see, he had come across an incredibly powerful and rare Pokemon that couldn't be found in the wild. He had gotten it exclusive, and I had never seen it before. It was called a "Castform". Now John had Ruby version, so he decided that as much as it ached him to part with it, he figured it would be a reasonable trade to trade this powerful Castform for the slightly less powerful LEGENDARY. I agreed.

And then he moved to Ohio.

To this day, Castform is my least favorite Pokemon because of this betrayal. I was so distraught at 8 years old that I completely restarted my game of Pokemon Sapphire. I don't remember much about that second playthrough, but there's a reason why.

This rival battle on Route 110 is somewhat infamous for being quite the sudden difficulty spike. And since I knew how to get past Team Aqua now, I didn't have an over-leveled starter to stomp my rival with ease. After losing to her about five or so times, I got frustrated and figured that whatever team I had wasn't cutting it. So I restarted again.

In my third playthrough, I made it all the way to the rival battle on Route 110. Then she stomped me repeatedly. So I restarted again.

This cycle would go on for, like, 15 resets. I didn't count, but it felt like there was hundreds. As I would keep on resetting and playing through the early-game of Pokemon Sapphire (which I had practically memorized at this point), I would start to take things a lot less seriously, sometimes picking the girl character, making my name random gibberish, etc.

Eventually, on one of these playthroughs where I started with Treecko, I actually managed to beat the Route 110 Rival Battle! And on my first try too! And thus began the epic journey of a girl named DE.

Now, I'd figured at this point that maybe only leveling up one Pokemon wasn't the best approach, so I was trying to balance my teams a bit better (I guess my rival taught me something). I was making my way through the game, and one day I'm checking out my best friend's Pokemon in Ruby, and who do I see in his box, but a Kyogre. I take a look at his name, and I can't believe it. It was LEGENDARY. John had traded it to my friend before he moved.

My friend didn't know that it was originally mine, so he offered to trade it back, which I accepted. LEGENDARY was a disobedient little bastard since I didn't have enough badges, but he got the job done. I don't remember the team I ended up using to finally beat the Elite Four, but it included my Sceptile starter, a Sableye that somehow knew only Fighting-type moves, and two Kyogres, LEGENDARY and LEGENDARY2.

And that's my first playthrough of Pokemon Sapphire. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

[jamorbital]

Mailbag III ✉️

Wow, there were a bunch this time. Thanks everyone!

@theloramir:

Me! 😷

If that doesn't count… Hmm. Cynthia from Pokémon? Or maybe Tifa?

@scout90-again:

I've been interested in it for as long as I can remember. Even when I was really little, I liked to tie up dolls with string and put pieces of tape on their mouths. A bit more on that in an earlier ask here.

(MORE UNDER THE CUT)

@noteverysaurisadinosaur:

Uhhh... I'm gonna say... Golden Toad. I like Dodos too, but I'm guessing that's the "everything but country and rap" of this question.

@directivexero:

Aw thanks!

Lately I've been slowly making my way through The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles! I play it in bed each night to settle in before I go to sleep. It's like a good book. The fickleness of the jurors always makes me laugh.

Another recent one I liked: Thank Goodness You're Here! It's basically a little interactive animated movie. Matt Berry is in it. I once saw it described as "Untitled Twat Game"

Deadly Premonition is the worst game I've ever played by conventional standards, but I'd still recommend it because it's bad in really fun ways. Bring some friends and a case of beer.

I like games that provoke a strong reaction. I'd rather play something like DP than a "good" big-budget game that's smooth and pleasing but not all that memorable.

Also on the topic of weird games: This is the secret best channel on YouTube. The more you watch, the better it gets. I mean idk, maybe other people don't see it and I'm just deranged. Still though. I've cried laughing at some of these.

@patientbard:

Summer! Lots of happy memories from childhood. I like to swim.

@nixalegos:

I don't often try to go for a specific texture, but when I do it can be tricky. In real life I love soft jersey knit fabric. Despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to nail it in 2D in a way that really scratches that kinky itch.

In general, my drawings rarely come out the way I pictured them in my head. (I think that's how it is for most artists?) If it's looking really off then I might redraw a character or body part from scratch, but for the most part I just go with the flow.

@accretion-disk-anxiety:

To eat, crab; to not eat, turtle.

@damianblack:

I'm not really into furries, but I like furries as people. They seem like fun and I admire how welcoming and liberated their community is.

For a while I've had "draw an anthro character" on my bucket list. I think it'd be a fun challenge and drawing a gag for an anthro snout could be hot tbh.

@onidrills:

What was that thing from Jurassic Park with the big neck thing and the venom? Dilophosaurus?

Aw man...

@goodboynijian:

Thank you!

For proudest: Maybe animation loops?

They're not as elaborate as some other stuff I've done, but seeing an animation come together just feels so satisfying.

For hottest: I gravitate toward a certain weirder type of piece where I draw myself (or "myself") with super-exaggerated proportions and/or humiliating captions:

It feels exciting to just go totally off the wall. I get turned on not just by drawing these, but also posting them. I guess it's kind of a public humiliation/exhibitionism thing. (Actually, that's exactly what it is.)

I used to put them up on Twitter, but it got a little too weird and embarrassing. Now I keep them behind the safety of the paywall.

@t-oppenheimer:

Smash if that counts! I used to attend locals weekly and was decently competitive at my peak. I stopped going in 2020 due to covid and never got back into it after that. I still play with friends here and there though. I'm a Wolf main. 🐺

I've also done a little SF6, but I'm still in The Cursed Zone on that one.

@microfoamgaglover:

Yes

(old pic!)

Thanks again to everyone who sent in questions! I'm feeling better now than I was this morning. If I didn't respond to you, it just means I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I appreciate it all the same.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

how to not let your autistic inner child win (or how to write an if) by the secretary

[id: a student with glasses being pointed at and mocked by two students on screens, and two more offscreen with only their arms showing. the central bullied student looks sad, and everyone else is laughing. end id]

Ruhoh, is this another secretary essay? Well, yes it is! The gender politics one will eventually come around when I feel like it, but this one, as the title suggest, is about how to write an IF. And since I'm presuming most of you are on the spectrum (or on a spectrum), it gets a little tongue-in-cheek.

hehe

Anyways, if you have autism, you have eternal swag. It's just true! But having so much swag makes it a problem when writing, or doing any sort of project. This is something I've noticed from people who don't have evil autism. Those not afflicted by the rare autism version of evil autism (my autism) will often be really bad at just... doing things - despite having all the abilities to do so! I think it might be a adhd thing or something too. Anyways, I love helping people, (this is my evil autism), and I'd like to share some girl tips on how to kill your inner child :)

I think something I've noticed from people making any sort goals- online, real life, job, working, etc - is it is straight forward. ie: I want to graduate from high school, I want to make a video game, I want to journal everyday. These are all achievable using your abilities that you learn and gain through your life, and failure doesn't exempt you from trying again. Thing is, this specific thing I just described (straightforward goals) is something I think a lot of autistic people struggle with.

I deeply remember sitting down in the corner of my high school, looking like the hottest girl who played pokemon on her ds when someone who had +1% more autism than me told me that, one day, he was going to make the most cool pokemon game ever where you could date other characters and have babies and have your children go on adventure too. As a 14 year old, I thought to myself 'bitch, shut up' but also, 'this is so unrealistic, but he really believes it, uh'. And he did! And you know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay to believe that you can make things that you cannot do at the moment - I mean that's just how life it. We didn't go on the Moon thinking we couldn't

But... the guy didnt know how to code, or how to make games, or how to program, or how to develop stories, or how to make art, etc etc etc. He didn't know these things, but he wanted to make these things. And I see this to a certain degree quite a bit when it comes to creation. I want to say: it's a very important of the process but simply one part.

I think being able to imagine what you could do if you have all the resources in the world, all the time, and all the help is important - but it is even more important to look within and go 'alright with all this in mind - what can I do?'

And if you're in the field of IF, well, what can you do? Coding, storytelling, character design, plotting arcs, etc. I think the skills can be learned by anybody (sidenote incoming)

If anybody ever fucking says that art is innate, they're fucking lying. It's a skill you grind out. You work it out. You work even if you feel not creative. You write words even if they don't come to you naturally. You draw even if the images can't be conjured. You work you work you work and you make something. You cannot always make art when feeling creative because you aren't always creative. you must be willing to die for your art, yes, but you must also be willing to create without any creative sparks! If you want to be an artist, you better work bitch.

(sidenote ending) and with that in mind, you need to develop restraints onto yourself. In IF, it's actually to create restraints, and here are some I suggest for all of my fellow autists who might struggle with them. I love you guys, truly, anyways. here they are:

restrain characters.

Make three characters + a main character. Write a couple of scenes with them. Is that your maximum? Is that too much? Go up and down until you find the right amount. You can add more character when your writing is better. Stick to a minimum per scene. If you have ideas for 30 characters, you can easily melt them into 10. Seriously. Put the heat on maximum and start creating new fun dolls to play with.

2. restrain scenes

You cannot write 500 per interaction. This is a bad idea because a) you might do the thing where you run out of creativity which you need to learn to do without but it is hard and b) interactions are time limited and time sensitive. not everybody will go through them. if you have a 30k update, but most people will only see 1k... are you really writing a game for them or for yourself? I made my wife do this format:

youll gain the ability to gauge if a scene is important or not eventually, I'm sure.

3. restrain area

I recommend writing like a murder novelist. You have a closed circle, and the player cannot leave it. they can only be within that space. That space that exists within that specific story is the only thing they have access to. it can be a school, a city, a bedroom - but its limited. you create setpieces that players interact with. some set pieces are the same with just a different coat of paint on.

anyways, i believe in dreaming big, but i also believe that we have little time on our hands to create. when wanting to make something, restraint yourself. its always way more fun to find ways to break out of our bonds then just roaming free, right? I mean... maybe not. I'm not your mother, you know.

[dayntee]

So I finished Veilguard a while back, and of course I have thoughts. I'm sure none of them are original and have been plenty stated, but hey, we all need to mourn a game when we're done with it for better or worse, so here's mine.

Note: I wrote and queued this before I was aware of the layoffs at Bioware today. This is, in no way, meant to rub salt in the wound or point fingers. If anything, I'm gutted for the people who poured their heart into this game only to be found jobless today. I'm in the exact same position myself, and have nothing but empathy for the situation. To spoil what's below - I enjoyed my time with Veilguard. It could have been better, and if you're a dev that worked on it, you probably know that. I'm sorry it's turned out the way it has, but thank you for the experience regardless. It was a fun game.

Spoilers after the break, obviously. Be aware there will be discourse, but I'm not here specifically to bash. If anything, I'm actually still grateful for the experience.

Overall, I did enjoy my time with Veilguard. After all, my final save file was around the 85 hour mark, so clearly I had no issues continuing to sink time into the game. I itched to play when I wasn't, and I got my Solavellan ending I've been waiting 10 years for, and I damn near 100%'d the whole thing (including getting the hidden cinematic after the credits). So what went wrong? What did I not like? Why do I feel so… empty now that it's over?

If I were to summarize my issues and feelings with Veilguard, it's that it felt like it gave just enough to be passable content, but never committed to being a truly exemplary experience. In every way, from system design to companion design to overarching story to itemization, everything is fine… but not great.

Knowing that DAV went through development hell contextualizes a lot of these issues. If the art book is to be believed, the project had two full blown restart buttons pushed and many leadership handoffs. I've been in conversations, though, where folks ask "Why on earth could DA2 pull off a great storytelling experience, but DAV couldn't?"

There's something else at play, and after my own experiences in the game industry and squinting between the lines to try to glean what I think may have gone wrong, I have a hunch. Pure speculation ahead: I don't think leadership ever fully agreed on a committed vision.

The broad strokes are there, and they are strong:

The Lighthouse is a cool fucking hub. It grows with your group, responds to their needs, and shapes itself around you as you experience the world. The concept of this is dope AF.

The goal is closure on all the questions left unanswered after DAI. It does get to most of these, even if not as fully and as satisfying as some of us lore nerds would have liked.

Combat is fluid and pretty engaging (at least at first). It's simple, fun, and generally fulfills power fantasies well (for context, I specialized as a full Veil Jumper Archery Rogue).

WE GET TO EXPLORE NORTHERN THEDAS. This is so cool and a place we've all wanted to go for ages. TEVINTER. NEVARRA. WEISSHAUPT. All exciting prospects.

Level design and map design are pretty A+, imo. Landscapes and set dressings are beautiful and artfully crafted. Even if there are aspects of the visual design you disagree with, they committed to it and fulfilled it well.

Exploration is fun. I rarely hunt down every chest in a game. I could not stop treasure hunting for the life of me, and some of those hidden treasures felt really special and rewarding to uncover.

The cast of characters and factions you interact with are interesting and very different - from one another and from previous casts. It's nice to see some new tropes that either haven't been used or have been out of rotation for a while.

Solas is a good antagonist. He was before, and he still is, and biased Solasmancing aside - I always looked forward to the breaks in the game where I got to banter with the Egg.

Voice over cast is fantastic. I know some folks were less fond of non-British/American accents, but honestly, I was very fine with it. It reinforced that this part of Thedas, and this time in the overall storyline, is new and different. Thedas is changing, and so are its people.

All these things said - every single positive I have above feels like they were baseline requirements for a AAA Bioware RPG. That they don't go above and beyond these bare minimums is where the game feels like it fails, especially as a payoff for a critically acclaimed entry that's 10 years old and has a passionately dedicated fanbase.

A phrase I've been using a lot with folks is that DAV feels like the Lacroix of Dragon Age games. It's got the branding, it looks like Dragon Age, and it kind of tastes like Dragon Age, but… just barely. It leaves you feeling like it's lacking. It's a hint of it, and going back to drink it again doesn't quite satisfy you.

What we call this in game development is minimum viable product (MVP), which is usually trotted out at the point by production and/or leadership when you realize you've meandered on the project for so long that you just gotta ship something. This works if you're actually going to commit to polishing it up and continuing to make it better after launch for a live service game; fix it later is fine when that's a reasonable expectation.

But Veilguard walked back on that concept. It no longer was going to be live service, but a one-and-done, and the final, late pivot meant it just had less time to cook in its final form and likely a ton of wasted work that got chucked out. There are so many places where the experience feels like an alpha or beta version of what they actually wanted to do. The Lighthouse and Companions as a whole both exemplify this; they feel and look cool, but the experience of both are shallow and underdeveloped. They felt like they were missing something.

The most egregious issues, in my opinion, in no particular order:

Apologies in advance if they're your favorite, but Rook is probably the worst protagonist we've ever been given. Not because their concept is inherently bad, but because I couldn't really make them mine. Rook has no arc, makes few decisions that truly matter, and no moral conundrums barring maybe the Treviso/Minrathous decision. Even then—it feels like there's a right answer to that decision.

To explain: Minrathous gets fucked at the end of the game anyway. If you pick to save Minrathous, you've just doomed two metropolis level cities to excessive death and destruction AND locked yourself out of a potential romance option for no particular reason.

Rook's actions in Thedas also matter the least. The end state of the game is the same no matter what: the Evanuris fall, and the Veil is preserved. How you do it is largely immaterial. In every other game entry, shit can seriously go sideways and it's always directly because of your decisions.

Companion arcs are largely shallow and so reliant on Rook, they fail to feel real. Some of these arcs are more egregious in this manner than others, and some of them have truly excellent stories to tell (oh, hi there Emmrich). But even with the best arcs, this person asks you to make utterly life-altering decisions for them and you've probably known them for like a month or two at best. It just doesn't feel like I, as the PC, have the right to make that call, or that I've earned it. There's not enough time nor enough high stakes prior to those moment.

I won't beat this one to death, but the limited amount of previous choices not mattering in this entry hurts, and I know how complicated it would have been to explore all of them. That said, there were a few that had a ton of specific investment that deserved better resolution: Kieran in particular would have mattered so fucking much if he existed as canon. I understand that's the crux of the problem, but it makes it so that if he was part of your world state in both DAO and DAI, his absence is all the more noticeable.

The South being destroyed off-screen through text will never not bother me. The Inquisitor is apparently faffing about doing fuck all with the resources they've built over time, especially if they chose not to disband the Inquisition. They didn't chase after Solas, who they knew was going to be a problem, and then they ALSO let the South fall? I'm sorry - it does a hero that the majority of this fandom is most likely heavily invested in the worst service no matter which way you look at it.

Veilguard feels like a game that couldn't get out of its own way. The part that has me grieving the most is that you can see under the surface a great game was there, but just not fully realized.

Without being one of the people who made the game, we can only speculate and can't presume the cause for why we got what we did. Hell, as someone who works in game development, sometimes you never get the answer yourself as to why things went so horribly sideways. The larger the game and studio, the more blind spots you're likely going to have on the overall project.  That said, I have nothing but empathy for the Veilguard team. It's very clear that at least the majority of folks working on it poured in a ton of work and cared a lot about it.

It's not my place to blame anyone in particular for it, because I don't have the first-hand knowledge necessary to cast that judgement. I hope the folks who worked on this don't let it get them too down; you still made a fun game. And I'm sure you're just as disappointed it wasn't the love letter to Dragon Age that you probably wanted it to be, as much as any of us fans who feel it didn't meet the bar.

You had an impossible job to do; the expectations here were so high, and you had more obstacles than any dev team should reasonably have during their project, regardless of the expected fires we all run into during development. Despite that, I still had fun, and I still care quite a bit about these characters.

That's worth something. Thank you for the experience.

[anneapocalypse]

6 and 8 for Dragon Age! Choose violence!!!!

🔥 Choose Violence Ask Meme 🔥

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

I'm gonna be perfectly honest: I have drawn my little circle of Dragon Age fandom such that I really don't find any shippers annoying. I also basically like all of the canon romances I've played on some level and there are none that I have a visceral Nope about, and as far as non-canon romances I cannot find it in myself to get bent out of shape about rare pairs, which is what most non-canon ships end up as, realistically.

My hot take is that in this fandom, anyone who leads with "X shippers are the WORST EVER--" is about to be far more annoying than any of the shippers I know.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts is a good quest.

In many ways, I think it's actually comparable to playing A Paragon of Her Kind as a non-dwarf. In both quests, people often complain about not having access to all the information about the candidates, by which they mean that the game does not hand them a piece of paper explaining to them why one candidate is the Good One and the other Bad, what's that noise oh it's me banging trash can lids together in your backyard and hollering THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BENEVOLENT MONARCHY, THERE IS NO GOOD MONARCH, POWER THAT CONCENTRATED CAN ONLY BE SUSTAINED WITH BLOOD, ALL YOU CAN DO IS DECIDE WHICH ONE IS GOING TO DO THE LEAST HARM AND/OR IS MOST EASILY MANIPULATED BY PARTIES YOU WISH TO SUPPORT.

Coughs. What I mean is, the frustrating lack of information given to you, an outsider, is kind of the point. No matter who you play as the Inquisitor, you are canonically not Orlesian and you do not know the Imperial Court intimately no matter how politically savvy your character may be. You are an outsider, and to many people a dangerous one. You are here as a guest; you were not invited with the intent of letting you choose the ruler of a sovereign nation, and people are not simply going to hand you information to that end. Even some of your advisors may have personal motivations for withholding information that you would have liked to know, perhaps because of their own involvement or complicity in certain events. You know. Perhaps.

So you have to do your own digging. You have to climb trellises and sneak into locked rooms. You might get lucky opening the right doors and finding something really useful, or you might not. You might say the right thing to the right person and get a valuable lead, or you might fumble it never knowing what you could have had.

We love to poke fun at the RPG tropes of every NPC immediately giving you their life story and asking you to solve all their problems. Isn't it kind of interesting when a game doesn't do that--when you have to take your own initiative if you want a specific outcome, when other characters aren't just dumping information on you and assuming that you'll act on it in a specific way?

I think one of the most interesting aspects of WEWH is that you can in fact choose to do nothing. Yes, you have to follow the basic outline of the quest, but at the critical moment you can just not intervene and allow Florianne to stab Celene and Gaspard to take the throne--effectively, letting things play out as they would have had the Inquisition done nothing. Gaspard of course winks and treats you as an ally because you assumes you're complicit, but you could in fact just have been indifferent. Game mechanics make it obvious you're making a choice, but in-universe it's simply that you have chosen not to act.

And if you do choose to act, you do not get a guaranteed Good Option. No, you don't get to flip the tables and completely overturn the social order of a sovereign nation of which, again, you are not even a citizen. You have to work with the situation you're in, and try to bend it to whatever advantage you see fit. You get no guarantees.

Sure, there a few places where I think WEWH fumbles the ball, but on the whole I think it's a brilliant union of storytelling and creative game mechanics.

[runningpsychic]

Why Goodbye Volcano High resonates with me as...

...a musician

As a musician, it's hard not to immediately identify with Fang. What musician doesn't want their music to be heard, to play at music festivals, and have music as their career. I can wax poetic about how music is about self expression and it doesn't matter if I have an audience, but in the end, I still want my music to be heard, and enjoyed. And Fang is on track to making this their entire career.

Making music has been a minor hobby for me. Even as a kid, I knew there's almost no chance I can make it as a musician, so I went down the route of being a software engineer instead. It's such a minor part of my life that I don't even bother identifying as a musician, I just fool around with instruments. But something about GVH ignited that passion in me, and during my first playthrough, I wrote six songs inspired by themes in the game. Even if I'll stay an amateur, I want to make the most from life, and not let the fire die. (See last section)

All that said, I felt very bad for Fang throughout the game. I know how tough the life of a full time musician is. The industry is just completely screwed. And unlike me, Fang doesn't have another option other than music. The game also drives it in that Fang's friends all have viable career paths, while Fang doesn't. But then, the meteor throws an interesting wrench into this, as now Fang is the only one who achieved their dreams. I'm not sure what the point of this paragraph is besides fuck capitalism, give musicians a living wage.

...an enby

Fang really made me more comfortable about being non-binary. It's amazing seeing enby representation that doesn't feel shoehorned in, or merely an afterthought. It's actually integral to the story. Both Fang and Sage struggle having their parents take their identities seriously, and that mirrors my own fears of not being taken seriously as an enby myself, which leads me to only come out as non-binary to my closest friends, and just remain a binary trans woman to everyone else.

It's honestly amazing to see everyone in Caldera Bay being accepting of the queer cast, like being queer isn't a big deal at all. And that's how it should be. Everyone just calls Fang by their name and pronouns (except their parents of course), and no one seems to mind that Reed brought Alvin to prom. This really makes me feel more comfortable about my identity, and I feel proud to be queer. We don't owe them normal.

...an immigrant

It's so rare to see stories about the intersection of being trans and being an immigrant, so when I read Rosa's story, I felt it must've been written by someone who also has first hand experience. There's a distinct feel from my family that me being trans is a "western" thing, not something they could ever understand. Or worse, that I'm being corrupted by "the west" in some way by moving there. There's so much extended family I can never see again because I'm now an abomination of the family tree.

I find it really difficult to talk about this as I fear I'd be misread as being racist for suggesting that my home country is more queerphobic or something, but that isn't my point. I just want to tell my story, and my experience of being alienated for both culture and gender, in both my origin and destination countries, is one that most folks can't emphasize with. (Venba also does do a good job with the culture part, so you should check that out too)

There's a separate rant about how this brand of queerphobia was actually planted by Christian missionaries and not at all "traditional culture", but that's for another time.

...someone struggling with mental health

I've been obsessed with the game for months since I played it. I went through what everyone calls "Dino depression", but I think it really helped me, and it was the game I needed to play at this moment in my life. I struggle with depression and burnout. At times it can be hard to know what the point is, or feel that any of this is worth it. The first few weeks after the game, I actually felt more depressed, as I thought about what the point of life is if it all is temporary anyway, and what I would do if a meteor were to hit in 8 months. And I was scared, because I felt like my life wasn't under my control. Over time, I've learned to think about it more positively. If life is temporary, then it's up to me to make the most of it. If life has no meaning, it's up to me to make my own meaning. I have amazing friends around me, and I still have tons of music to make.

[stephdrawsjohnlock]

SHER – :The Witcher AU: Procreate on iPad Pro

Ooooof okay so I've been working on this one for a LONG time, probably for a year or so; I kept going back to it in between other projects, so long in fact that this pic is the one I discovered a new colouring style that's super subtle but it looks so much better on the skin tones of characters, AND found a new marker brush that works like my traditional media so it looks way more like my original art.

So late 2023 I bought The Witcher 3 Complete Edition when it went on a 20$ sale on the PS Store, on a recommendation for "Best Long RPG Open World Games" video. I've always wanted to try it and OMG, I LOVED IT. I put in over 200 hours into the game and I just got so immersed in it. Never read the books, watched the show, nor ever played the original games before this one, but wow I was SO immersed in this world for nearly 6 months. It was so SO good, I loved it so much. The music is fantastic, the collection grind is PERFECT (I'm one of those weirdo gamers who LOVES the collection grind... probably why I love AC Valhalla so much when everyone else hates it), and the story is incredible. The DLCs were super fun too, I just didn't finish the Blood and Wine one because of that stupid vampire boss fight at the end, I got so frustrated LOL. I finishedthe game, I think, back in late spring of 2024, and honestly it's now one of my fave games. I might even check out the show now, and maybe read the books. The world of the Witcher is SO interesting.

ANYWAY, while I was playing the game I was like "OMG THIS NEEDS A SHERLOCK AU", just like every game I play, hahahah. So in my version, John is a Witcher (probably with a more fanciful name like Johann or something LOL), Sherlock is in the role of Yennifer the Sorceress and maybe Rosie as Ciri? I dunno I just think that the Witcher 3 is a PERFECT Sherlock AU that I needed, like, yesterday LOL. I would write it myself if I knew the lore and world-building of The Witcher much better. It would be SUCH a great adventure story for the Sherlock AU.

I spent far too long on this one, but I actually REALLY love it, which is rare for me. I have also posted the single character pics because I spent AGES on each of them, holy Christmas-Crackers, and I covered most of John and I want y'all to see him!! I LOVE doing LOTS of details on any piece I do, but it's also my weakness in my art because I focus too much on it. But I am SUPER happy with their designs I ended up doing... the pattern on Sherlock's outfit is the wallpaper, hee hee. I dunno why I think I'm so clever for that, bleh.

I hope you guys like this as much as I do, and I hope you all ALSO SEE MY VISION. I need to do way more Sherlock AU pieces. I love doing them so much. I might draw Geralt and Yen in the future the next time I'm on a Witcher kick because their characters are really neat, I like them a lot.

Cheers all :)

🖼 I’M ON INSTAGRAM at stephdrawsfanart 🎨 @stephratte is my Primary Fanart Blog! Art © to S.G.M. Ratté. Do not repost or sell.

(Tags below cut, dm to be added/removed)

@queerbeess

@ayryn-art

@antisocial-otaku

@havetardiswilltimetravel

@yorkiepug

@tea-and-gingernuts

@quantum-sparrow

@chinike

@chained-to-the-mirror

@almosttomorocco

@loveismyrevolution

[cantwritethetword]

(2024) TickleTober Day 2: Scared - Turn it off

Fic Descript - While finishing his late-night duties, Merlin finds Arthur wide awake in his bed in a bit of a panic. Luckily, the manservant has an idea on how to stop the king's mind from spiraling further.

~A/N  -

Day 2 for TickleTober2024! I've had the idea for this fic kind of floating around in my head for a while so I'm excited to see how it turns out!

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @fullsongphilosopher

Masterpost Link 

TickleTober Masterpost

Some would argue the castle at night is an unnerving experience. The usual bustle and business of the corridors replaced with eerie silence and empty space, each near-silent sound echoing through the halls tenfold compared to where it would normally be absorbed by daily kingdom life.

To Merlin though, this was the only moment of peace he had the privilege of enjoying. Nobody yelling his name to give him yet another task, nobody questioning what specific job he was completing or whether it was worth doing. Just him and the concrete walls he lived in, especially now that he practically knew the guard's routes and could easily avoid a quick but still awkward acknowledgement of each others existence.

At least, that was the way it usually was.

As he made his way silently into the king's chambers to return some freshly cleaned shirts, his eyes settled on the pale figure hunched on the edge of the bed and facing the window.

Merlin pushed away his immediate reaction of concern and rolled his eyes, trying to convince himself it was just Arthur being strange - nothing to worry about. If anything it was just an inconvenience that meant he would have to return later to put away the washing.

Merlin slowly turned towards the door, not realising one of the shirts had caught on the edge of a silver chalice sitting on Arthur's dresser. The clattering sound made both men jolt, but what truly took Merlin aback was Arthur's face.

The king looked like he had seen a ghost. Sweat was beading on his forehead, dark circles decorated his eyes, and his face was sunken and pale.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked before he could think, his tone more genuine than he had ever used with Arthur.

"I'm fine." Arthur replied flatly, quickly wiping his face and standing up to walk around the bed closer to Merlin. "Completely fine."

Well that was worrying. Merlin thought. Where was the usual insult? The bickering? The 'what are you doing in my chambers?' questions? Clearly something really was wrong.

"Arthur you look awful." Merlin continued, moving closer to where Arthur stood.

That at least earnt a half-snicker as Arthur sunk onto the bed with his head in his hands. "I suppose I do."

Deciding that was as good an invitation as any, Merlin sat next to his king and continued. "What's the matter?"

Arthur shook his head. "I just can't sleep."

Even though he knew Arthur couldn't see, Merlin gave him a look. "Right. What's actually going on?" He accompanied the question with a light shoulder bump. "Is it the duel tomorrow?"

The king took a breath, running a hand through his hair. "I think so?"

Merlin nodded, "ok-?"

Arthur thrust his hands down. "But I don't know why! It's not like I haven't fought before!" He exclaimed, flopping backwards onto the mattress. "I'm good with a sword, and it's only a duel! A game! Childs play!"

"Well there's a lot at stake for you, game or not." Merlin rationalised (once he had recovered from the sudden snap of Arthur's rare outpour of feelings). "You represent your people and your knights, and everyone knows how important it is right now to create a bond with your opponent's kingdom. No wonder you're nervous."

There was a pause, and Merlin hoped it was Arthur truly contemplating what he had said.

Arthur sighed and let out a breathy chuckle as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Once again Merlin, I find myself in awe of your random, uncharacteristic wisdom and empathy."

"And once again I can't tell if that's a compliment." Merlin replied without missing a beat.

Arthur laughed again - a little more naturally this time - as a soft silence settled over the room. With anyone else this level of quiet would feel unbearably awkward, but somehow it brought comfort to the pair (though under normal circumstances both would stubbornly blame it on the relief of the other finally shutting up).

"In all seriousness though," Merlin spoke after a few moments. "You need sleep."

"How can I." Arthur asked, his voice weaker than Merlin had ever heard it. "I've been up the last three nights tossing and turning but it's like my mind won't stop replaying all the awful things that could happen." He once again flopped flat onto his back. "It's plagued my every thought... To be honest, tonight's the first time i feel like I've smiled in days."

Merlin couldn't help but warm a little at that, even more so at the idea bubbling at the back of his mind. "I could help you smile a little more, if you'd like?"

That earnt a chuckle. "You're not going to tell me your awful jokes, are you?" Arthur asked sarcastically.

With a playful scowl, Merlin poked the king's outstretched side - making Arthur flinch with a giggle.

Weirdly enough though, Arthur didn't move to protect himself from another attack. And, a genuine smile remained settled on his face staring at the ceiling.

Merlin was smirking at this point, taking his majesty's response as a quite-literal open arms invitation to continue.

As soon as Merlin scooted himself closer to Arthur and began poking the man's ribs, it was as if Arthur's conscious remembered he should be protesting.

"Mer-Merlin wait!" Arthur stuttered, that genuine beam still gracing his features as his hands caught the Warlock's. "If you mean you're going to... to-... Merlin no that's... that's childish..."

"Well you wanted to smile, didn't you?" Merlin grinned, catching both of Arthur's hands with one of his own and pushing them above the king's head. "Seems to be working so far."

Arthur spluttered out segments of begging in between anticipatory giggles, pushing at Merlin's hands all the while. "Merlin wahait! I cahan't- I'll- Plehease!"

Merlin rolled his eyes, trying to look nonchalant. "I haven't even done anything yet you big baby." - but he couldn't help the soft grin painting his face.

As Merlin's fingers touched down against Arthur's torso, Arthur thrust the last of his energy into attempting to maintain his ruse of denial. Denying that this would help, denying that this was what he needed, denying that Merlin could possibly have a good idea.

But Arthur quickly realised just how gentle Merlin was actually tickling him - how the servant was scuttling his fingers with just enough pressure to make him laugh while still being able to breathe easily. And once he noticed Merlin wasn't actually pinning his hands anymore - Arthur found he was really fighting against something else.

The fact that he was secretly adoring the teasy attention, that he was loving how his overthinking brain had been happily overwhelmed and overpowered by the playful threat. And most of all, grateful he could trust Merlin not to take it any further.

So he let himself laugh. Let himself fall into the unbearable sensations and completely float away from anything that was worrying him. He could stress about his royal image or how much Merlin would hold this above him later. He was finally ok.

When Merlin's fingers eventually slowed, Arthur couldn't get himself to stop smiling.

And even when the anxiety of tomorrow's looming competition threatened to send Arthur into another panicked spiral, the memory of Merlin's tickle attack flooded his brain and thrust a blushing grin onto his face all over again.

[majorasnightmare]

OC Interview Tag!

Playing 20 questions with Faerûn's most prolific uncaught serial killer! Courtesy of @arach-tinilith and @the-weeping-dawn ! And @mogruith because this has been sitting in drafts so long I got @'ed AGAIN. Sorry I took so long to respond, Dirge took a bit to be wrestled into cooperating 😭

Are you named after anyone?

"I mean, I'm barely named at all. This is just the first thing that came to mind on the beach, and I suppose it stuck. I certainly don't have anything better in mind. I suppose it'd be nice to know what my parents called me, back when that would be relevant, and their reasoning behind such a name, but the time for that has long since passed."

When was the last time you cried?

"I'm not a crier, not really. The last time was... I don't think I've cried at all since waking up on the nautiloid, come to think of it. Hm."

Do you have kids?

"Absolutely not. And I never will."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"Only when it's funny. Or Gale presumes something particularly egregious."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"I.. hm. I don't really notice people at all. They're just kind of a blur of skin and organs. I suppose anything unusual about them? Eyecatching features like scars or tattoos. I've gathered that dragonborn are supposedly rare, and truthfully I see so few of them that it's always a bit of a surprise when I DO encounter one. So things like that, I suppose."

Scary stories or happy endings?

"Well there's only a few ways a story can end happily, isn't there? But an infinite depth to fear, horror, terror. I'm sure happy endings have their place, but I just can't help but feel the exploration of fear is more interesting."

Any special talents?

"Well I certainly have skills, though I don't know if they'd be considered talents. I'm fairly adept with magic, and have a wealth of experience utilizing psionics. I've found I can be quite persuasive in cirumstances that call for it, and quite a few beside that are just fun. I'm an exceptional killer, with years of experience, and a graveyards worth of corpses to prove it. And I have it on reliable authority that my tongue is pleasingly skilled at more than just honeyed words."

Where were you born?

"I... believe I hail from Baldur's Gate. Though I don't strictly know if I was... "born" there. Given the particulars of my heritage, it might be more accurate to say I was born within Bhaal's Throne of Blood, but admittedly I tend to think of it similarly to a potter throwing clay on a wheel."

Do you have any pets?

"Scratch! Oh, I love Scratch, he's such a good boy. Such a sweet dog. I adore him. There's also the owlbear cub, Sniff, but he prefers my brother's company to mine. Really those are the only two that come closest to pets, but maybe you could count Shovel if one was feeling particularly irritable about her. Us is too... oh, whats the way to phrase it. Us feels less a pet and more like a follower, meant as kindly as possible. If it finds enjoyment in tagging along behind me, I'm certainly not going to complain, but if it ever desired to do anything else, it's not like I would stop it."

What sort of sports do you play?

"What... exactly counts as sports? I've certainly made a game out of toying with prey, while it shivers in the dark clutching useless weapons. I'm sure I've entertained myself with corpses plenty of times before. But I'm not going to pretend that's what people think of when they say sports. Though I might be open to suggestions."

How tall are you?

"Last time Lae'zel informed me, I was 6'5" if that means anything. Oh, without the horns, I haven't bothered to measure them."

What was your favourite academic subject?

"Did I ever actually attend school? Wait, I don't think I did. And judging by the barebones state of the Temple's lending library, I don't think I was finding much material there either. If it was even instituted when I was a child. I imagine I took rather well to lessons in doctrine and theology, and certainly, ah, bloodletting as it were, but I seriously doubt any academic institution would recognize my expertise in those subject matters. Nowdays there isn't much I don't enjoy, though history tends to crop up more often than I would have expected. Oh, and arcana is always enjoyable. I wouldn't mind studying that academically."

What is your dream job?

"What a question. I honestly don't even think about it, thought that's... probably because I tend to find myself at the mercy and whims of situations I can't afford to ignore. It's not like a child tells their parents their dream is to lead a cult on a path of bloody devotion to carve a city of innocents into a meal fit for a god, after all. And similarly I don't imagine anyone is fantasizing about spending their days scavenging rations from the ruins of a conquered village while on the run from a horde bent in service to a maddened illithid elder-turned-hoax. But such things have consumed so much of my time, it's difficult to ponder what I would do besides such things."

tags: I took so long doing this everyone already passed this around each other 😅 so if you see this, and haven't already been tagged (or want to do it again with a different character) just tell everyone I tagged you (and @ me so i can see it+reblog it!)

[minakotreat]

I know i listed this account as being my miscellaneous art account, but the truth of the matter is that i'm so embarrassingly obsessed with judgment I didn't have the heart to be posting it all over my main account. this stupid guy is actually taking over my BRAIN!

curse you yagamer for having such good games

i learnt about judgment a few years back when I saw a trailer on JE randomly during some game awards I think?? I could totally be wrong but I had some knowledge about yakuza so this intrigued me a lot. It wasn't enough that I actively sought it out though. Then some months ago I remember the game because I had been playing infinite wealth, only to my horror that everywhere I looked, judgment wasn't on pc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I only have my pc and my bloated battery nintendo switch for entertainment so I was very very sad, because it seemed like such an interesting game. Still, I honestly didn't care enough to continue digging for ways to play it outside of possibly biting the bullet to attempt emulation.

THEN, the huge rgg franchise sale began on steam....... I had just closed my shop to begin shipping out merch I had made so I had a bit of pocket money which I decided to see if I wanted to buy one of the yakuza games. I wasn't too intrigued to buy yakuza 0 because i've already played a bit of it and got bored (despite me loving yakuza 7 & 8) but just out of curiosity.... I decided to see if judgment was on there...... I mean, it wouldn't be since everywhere I looked had said takuya kimura's agency prevented them from uploading it on pc....... right....? and LO AND BEHOLD IT STOOD BEFORE ME.

JUDGMENT????????? IS ON PC???????? AND THE WHOLE BUNDLE WAS ON A HUGE SALE?!?!?!?!??!!

I was thinking hard. Did I really want to spend my money on this? I rarely buy games myself, instead going through the route of ""obtaining"" or watching LPs. I decided to just give it a shot, and decided to buy the full bundle along with the kaito dlc just because it was a good bargain and who knows, I might end up actually liking it.

and so I liked it a little bit.... more........... than a little bit.................

I remember when I finished both games, I just walked around in LJ's premium adventure just with my jaw dropped. These games. Dude. They're more than i could've ever even asked for. I don't know how else to word it

The story, the tension, the characters, the environment, the visuals, dude EVERYTHING. I cried an embarrassing amount, especially during the credit rolls, and it was just fantastic.

so even though to me persona 3 still is my favorite game of all time, judgment takes a very good spot at number 2 which is a feat nonetheless. I'm going to love it to death.

it's been barely two months but I DON'T CARE!!!!! I JUST LOVE BEING PASSIONATE

thanks for reading my stupid babble on my experience with john judge eyes

bonus: all the drawings/screenshots my friends made of me and my downward spiral (i love my friends)

[lunabug2004]

**Warning: this post is not actually Byler or Stranger Things related (specifically)! Rather, it is a post about the blog, more specifically why I haven't been very active recently, but I do mention these things and I tagged them bc they are what my blog is about, therefore the ppl who know me probably do through these tags, so it felt right to do so. If anyone would like me to remove these tags, just say the words and I will!**

I'm writing this post because I want to apologize for being so inactive lately. Now, I know there's not anyone who sits and waits for me to post or celebrated every time I post or anything like that, but I still feel guilty. I've felt like such a part of the Byler (and ST) community here on Tumblr for the short amount of time that I've been on here, so idk, I just feel like I'm letting myself down ig, and possibly others for not contributing to this community I love so much.

I realize this is kinda sounding like a goodbye post, but it's absolutely not! It's actually kinda the opposite, because I'm here to say that I'm going to try to start posting regularly again! However... I still can't say that in full confidence just yet.

I'm now going to go into the reason(s) I've been so distant from this blog lately, and it may get a little personal, so feel free to scroll past if you don't wanna read anything more :) [also very slight trigger warning for bad mental states and terminal illness]

Okay, I'm aware I just said "reasons", as in plural, but there's really only one main reason that has kinda branched off into more (in a way). So what started it all: my uncle, who I've grown up quite close to, as all my family is very close (for example, growing up, we would have "family night"s every weekend where all ~10 of us would sit around and play games, laughing and talking for hours on end) was diagnosed with a very rapidly spreading terminal illness. Now, I'm not going to go into enough detail to say what it is, but I will say that his current life expectancy is 2-5 years, probably even less due to his severity. He also has a 13 year old daughter, who is now being faced with this awful situation, as well. This whole thing, as one would probably guess, has rocked my family to the core.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am someone who does not get emotional. I rarely ever cry. I bring this up because one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to be active is because right now, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and grief and part of the reason I'm feeling it so deeply is because I haven't cried over him yet. I feel like an awful human being, I feel like an awful niece. I just feel awful. His daughter, that I mentioned before, has always been closer to me than any of my other (younger) cousins have, so I feel even more awful for her and the fact that she is having to deal with all of this at such a young age. Anyways, to get to the point, these past few months I've been feeling like absolute garbage, and I've been so mad at the world it's honestly not even describable.

Okay, now, where does this blog come in? Well, at first I distanced myself just because I couldn't find the motivation to post, however I was still using ST and Byler to distract myself from it all. I couldn't think about really anything but my family, ST, and finals by the last week of this school semester. Then, finally, because of the break, I could sit down and find pure comfort in both Stranger Things (and my favorite Thai BLs) again. I thought about actively posting on the blog again. But then the wrapping happened. And it's like one of the only things that was bringing me comfort was also suddenly bringing me immense sadness at the same time. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would be ready, but it really overwhelmed me, and I lost all of my motivation yet again. After the comfort of spending Christmas with my family, including my uncle, I wouldn't say I feel better but I've at least more-so come to terms with everything. And I've also, still needing my #1 comfort show, already gone back to watching ST, so I finally feel like I'll be able to post again.

Now, there's other things that have been contributing to my stress, such as school in general, the thought that I might not want to be a math teacher after all (despite wanting that for as long as I can remember), my parents being stupid, and other stuff. But this is the main thing plaguing my life and my thoughts at the moment so... yeah.

I understand that this is probably stupid to some, talking about my blog and Stranger Things when this awful thing is happening in my life, and I also understand that most people probably won't even read this, but this blog and community is truly something that brings me joy, and I felt like all the the friends I've felt I've made on here deserved some type of explanation for my sudden disappearance.

If you've made it this far, congrats! I'm sorry I put you through reading this! I hope to see you when I make my next post, which will hopefully be very soon! <3