#& if there’s a female killer who gets to do some deranged levels of violence ? well then it’s a perfect movie. to me

[juniperhillpatient]

but also in case it somehow wasn’t super abundantly clear I will always forgive any number of crimes in a movie if there’s enough gore & campy dialogue & silly characters involved

[lilacmoon83]

Finding You Always

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 204: Change in the Tides

By the time they got back to the office, their top analyst had pulled everything that his David's boss had asked for and they gathered in the conference room with him. The guy, Trevor, was your typical analyst, David supposed. Introverted, yet quirky and sporting a look that might be described as a nerdy hipster hybrid. He was a nice kid, but he always looked at him weird, like he was trying to figure him out. And finally, after two years, David decided to say something while his boss was on the phone.

"You know...if you want to ask me something, you should just do it, because the staring is getting creepy," David said, without looking up from the report he was reading. The young man fidgeted and looked embarrassed.

"I'm...I'm sorry, you just look really familiar. Have you ever been to Seattle?" Trevor asked.

"Like on a case?" David asked.

"Uh...no, like have you lived there?" Trevor replied. David shook his head.

"Can't say that I have," David said.

"You sure?" he asked. The blonde sighed.

"Do you really think I wouldn't remember living somewhere?" he asked. The analyst shrugged.

"Maybe...weird stuff happens," he said and watched David, almost like he was trying to gauge his reaction.

"I think you're spending a little too much time on the dark web," he quipped, as Pat hung up her phone.

"Okay...what do you have?" she asked.

"A really long list," Trevor replied, as an endless list of names filled the large television sized screen.

"Good God…" Pat lamented.

"Do you think we can rule out a female perp?" David asked. She tilted her head in consideration.

"Normally I don't like to assume when it comes to serial killers, especially since I think this is less about killing and more about experimentation...but the violence in the death would suggest a male perpetrator," she replied.

"Though a woman definitely would naturally be easier for our victims to trust and be comforted by," David pointed out. She sighed.

"Okay...let's not rule out females yet. But I think we can rule out educators without any doctorates. The level of sophistication in this drug likely means that we're dealing with someone highly intelligent," Pat said, as Trevor put in those specifications and unfortunately, the list didn't get much shorter. She sighed.

"Highly intelligent...like a genius," David muttered, as something pricked the back of his mind at that.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Well...it's pretty well known that sometimes there can be a fine line between genius and insanity," David replied, as he looked back at the screen.

"Just give us the people with three or more doctorates," he said. Trevor did as he asked and the list got significantly shorter, though still a good sized list.

"That's still a lot of over-achievers," Pat commented.

"But manageable. Seventy-three names between the five universities," he said, with a sigh.

"Okay...the rest of the team is on another case, so it's the three of us. Trevor, print out all these profiles. I'll order us lunch and good coffee, not that sludge out in the squad room," she said.

"I'm going to call Margaret and check in with her," David said, as he took his phone out and stepped out of the room.

Meanwhile, Trevor hit print on the very large file and then pulled up a website he had been looking at earlier. The date was from about seven years ago and was an article about the strange weather event that had occurred in Seattle that day. At least, a weather event was what the government tried to explain it away as. Many bought the official story, but there were a lot of people that didn't. Conspiracy theorists were still going strong on the web with speculative explanations for that day and he had always been fascinated by so-called fringe topics.

So Trevor had been extremely surprised when he ran across an article about a Detective David Nolan and his wife Margaret. He had read the entire sordid story about them and was enthralled by the whole thing, especially when many conspiracy theorists claimed that this David and Margaret Nolan weren't who or what they appeared to be.

After disappearing all those years ago, the rumors of where these strange people went were as wild and outlandish as they could possibly get. And then like they had never left, they had seemed to surface again, right here in Boston this time. And so far, he seemed to be the only one that noticed. For now...at least until he could be sure it was them. If it was, something strange was going on, because he didn't think David was lying about never living in Seattle, for he genuinely seemed to not remember. It was very curious and he decided to do more digging when he had a chance.

~*~

"Hey you…" Margaret answered, as he dialed her.

"Hey beautiful…" he said, feeling solace just at the sound of her voice.

"I take it you're still at the office?" she asked.

"I am...but I wanted to call you. I just...need to hear your voice," he replied.

"Is it a bad case?" she asked.

"Yeah...it's bad. I guess they're always bad. Hopefully, we'll make some progress though," he replied.

"I know you will...you're the best at what you do," she said.

"Only because I have you. I love you so much," he said.

"I love you too, please be safe…" she pleaded.

"I will...I'll see you tonight," he promised, as he hung up the phone and went back into the conference room, as Trevor put the stacks of paper on the desk.

"Okay...let's eliminate some names and find some possible suspects," Pat said, as they went back to work.

~*~

Fandral and Charming dueled furiously that afternoon and the latter found himself on his back, not for the first time that day. Charming growled and got to his feet again.

"I know I'm stronger, but I never beat you this easily...there's something eating at you," Fandral said, as he knocked him down again.

"It's nothing…" Charming snapped, as they went back to dueling, only for him to end up shadow boxing with the Asgardian.

"You are never this sloppy," Fandral chided, as he won the duel and Charming stalked off to the side to grab a towel.

"It's Mephisto...he is getting more and more suspicious. I fear what he may do," Charming said.

"If he figures out what we're doing...the consequences will be catastrophic. But if Jekyll has found his way to Snow...you know it won't be long until the curse unravels," Fandral reasoned.

"If our ruse is discovered too early...it won't matter, you know he will go after the ones we love first," he reminded him. Fandral sighed.

"I hate to...but perhaps it's time Rose and I seek help from Sif and Thor," the Asgardian said.

"But I thought Hermes said she was unable to access the All World River with the curse in tact?" he asked.

"She is...but that restriction wouldn't apply to the bi-frost. If I can...somehow get a message to Thor some way, getting his assistance may be possible. I have no idea how we're going to do that, but Rose may be able to find something in her books," he replied.

"It's a long shot, but the back up would be welcomed. Until then...we just have to hope my other half wakes the hell up soon," he growled.

"You know when it comes to protecting Snow that he will come through. The moment he senses something is off with that deranged doctor, it will accelerate his awakening," Fandral reasoned.

"Let's hope so...keeping up this charade is getting harder by the day and Mephisto needs to be dealt with...once and for all," Charming stated.

"I'll return to Rose and we'll work on getting a message through to Sif," he said, as he left through a portal back to Andresia. Charming sighed deeply and had it not been for the love of his sweet, beautiful Winter, he knew the burden he was carrying upon his shoulders would have crushed him long ago.

With that, he disappeared through a portal back to their palace and sought her out. But what he found in his own Throne room chilled him to the bone…

~*~

Winter gently kissed her baby granddaughter and lay her in the crib in the nursery they kept in their palace for her. She was happily watching her for Emma this afternoon; something she did often and did with great joy.

"Sleep well my little one," she whispered, as she quietly exited the nursery and went down the winding staircase. She wore a beautiful, shimmering silver and black dress, truly looking the part of the Queen she was. But she gasped suddenly when Mephisto appeared before her suddenly and grabbed her arm. She cried out, as he yanked her down the stairs and tossed her to the ground at his feet.

"Where is your idiot husband, wench?!" he growled. She glowered at him and managed to get to her feet.

"My husband is none of your business and I don't think I have to tell you what he will do to you when he finds out you dared to even touch me," Winter retorted. The demon surprised her again though back angrily backhanding her and sending her crashing to the floor again.

"Answer the question, you little bitch!" he growled.

"He constantly disappears and I know he's up to no good. Tell me where he is now!" he roared. Winter got to her feet and glared at him.

"If you must know, my Charming is on a training retreat with some of his men," she lied.

"I don't believe you...all your soldiers are accounted for. I checked," he snapped.

"The retreat is in Andresia. He is overseeing a training exercise with Fandral," she said without missing a beat.

"Such was not mandated by our Lord," Mephisto replied.

"Charming oversees all the armies, you know that. He has full approval to make sure everything is in order in each Kingdom," she refuted. Mephisto was silent at that, for it was true. She whimpered though when the frightening demon King grabbed her arm and pulled her close.

"You will tell me the truth now...or bad things are going to happen to you and the brat upstairs," he warned and her breath hitched, as his hand slithered to her cheek.

But he was suddenly and thankfully ripped away from her and her husband began to pummel the demon angrily with his fists.

"How dare you even think of touching her?!" he growled, as he kicked him away. He was about to charge him again when Seth appeared.

"My Lord...he just attacked me!" Mephisto claimed.

"My Lord...I found him threatening to harm my Queen and he dared to put his hands on her!" Charming growled, as Winter sided up to him and he pulled her into his arms.

"Then he was sufficiently punished. You will do no more," Seth decreed.

"My Lord...he struck her. He must pay for it with his life," Charming insisted. But Seth raised his hand.

"You will not kill him today," he ordered and Charming reluctantly obeyed. Mephisto smirked, as he stood up.

"I will not intervene next time, Mephisto. Please keep your hands off the lovely Queen Snow or I'll allow him to dispatch you accordingly," Seth warned. Mephisto bowed deeply.

"I understand, my Lord," he said.

"Come...both of you," he called to the Charmings.

"I wish to make an impromptu visit to Camelot," he said.

"Of course, my Lord," Charming replied, as he offered his arm to his wife. They quickly called Eva, who arrived promptly to watch Hope, and they were off to Camelot with Seth. Mephisto seethed, as they left. He was more determined than ever to expose their treachery and he was about to do take the first step into doing just that.

Mephisto entered Nephilim and observed his new charges, training with their new powers. The entire training room was lit ablaze in their practice, evidence of their rage.

"Well? Did you find anything that might expose him?" Arthur questioned.

"No...but I knew I wouldn't. You could torture that little wench and she'd never loosen her tongue when it comes to her beloved," Mephisto replied.

"Then what was the point?" Gawain questioned.

"To set Charming on edge. Nothing gets under his skin faster than harming his lovely Winter," Mephisto answered.

"But if he is on edge, he may be even more dangerous. He knows you're going to try something," Arthur stated.

"He knows I am...but he won't be expecting the two of you. It's time to make a visit to Camelot," Mephisto responded.

~*~

Margaret checked her list and checked off one more thing, as she looked in the boxes. The science fair was tomorrow already, but fortunately, she was just about ready. Some of her students had helped her set up the heavy tables in the gym and all the supplies were waiting in tubs.

"My, my...it seems you have nearly everything under complete control," Dr. Jenkins said, as he entered with a box full of beakers and test tubes.

"I think we should be ready for tomorrow," Margaret replied, as she looked around.

"I could have never been ready for this without your help, Margaret," he said with admiration.

"It's no trouble...I love organizing events. My husband likes to joke that I should have been an event planner," she said.

"Well, I think you'd be good at anything, though I think you're a bit too brilliant to be something like an event planner. I have viewed your work, after all. I am a bit surprised that you never went for your doctorate," he mentioned. She shrugged.

"I never really thought much about it actually. David is always so supportive, but I just didn't have any desire to spend my evenings in night classes instead of with my babies," she said, making him frown.

"I love teaching...but I love being a mother the most. And a wife," she said fondly, as she thought about her family.

"Perhaps now that your children are older...you might think of it? The only reason I ask is that I teach some night courses at Boston University. You would be a wonderful addition," he mentioned.

"Oh...that's kind of you to say, doctor. But to be honest, I'm really happy with things the way they are. I can barely stand to be away from David during the day so I can't imagine doing so in the evening," she replied. He frowned again and was about to say more when her son's team trudged in from practice.

"Hey honey...you're a mess," she said. He grinned.

"It was fun though," he joked and she laughed.

"Go shower and we'll head home," she said, as he headed off to the locker room.

"I do hope you'll consider classes in the future. You could have quite a career in the sciences," Dr. Jenkins mentioned.

"Oh...I don't know," she said. He was about to press her further, but heard her gasp. He looked to the doorway and saw the rest of her family there.

"I thought you were working late?" she asked in excitement, as David closed the distance between them.

"We still have a lot of names to go through, but we need a break. So I picked up peanut and we ordered takeout," he said, as he pecked her on the lips.

"That's perfect, because Bobby should be out in a few," she said, as she cuddled against him.

"Daddy let me drive the truck too, because he's tired," Summer added.

"You always liked field work better than office work," Margaret said fondly.

"I do, but I wasn't too tired to grab these on my way," he said, as he pulled a bouquet of snow drops out from behind his back. She gasped and brought the flowers to her nose.

"You spoil me," she gushed, as she kissed him.

"It is what I live for," he replied, as he kissed her again, just as Bobby hurried out.

"I'm starved," he mentioned.

"Don't worry...I ordered enough take out to fill even your stomach," David said, as they prepared to leave.

"Oh, I'll see you tomorrow, doctor. I think everything is about done," Margaret said. Jenkins forced a tight smile.

"Of course...have a good evening, Margaret," he said, trying to quell the anger inside him. But such was useless and he stormed back to his lab with fury.

~*~

Lancelot and Guinevere bowed deeply to Seth, as he arrived in their Kingdom.

"Welcome to Camelot, my Lord. This is an unexpected, yet wonderful surprise. Our palace staff is at your command," Guinevere said.

"Very good...I do hope they can prepare some delicacies while I am here. I do enjoy gourmet goods," he mentioned.

"Of course...they will prepare you an array of delicacies right away," she confirmed.

"Excellent...until then, I would like to see that your Kingdom's state of affairs is up to par," he requested.

"Of course...we can begin with the round table and by then, we will have a grand feast and celebration ready for you," Lancelot said, as he met Charming's gaze and then led them to the double doors that attached to the Throne room. They swung open and the current Knights of the round table stood still at attention, after each bowing deeply to the God.

"Ah yes...the illustrious Knights of the Round Table," Seth said, as he observed the empty seat.

"And why does this seat remain empty?" he questioned.

"It actually last belonged to your right hand, my Lord. Technically, it still belongs to King Charming. Only the most powerful and honorable Knights have ever sat in the Siege Perilous," Lancelot informed him.

"Yes...you once sat there as well, did you not?" Seth questioned.

"Yes my Lord," Lancelot answered.

"Until you disgraced yourself by stealing your King's Queen," Seth goaded. Lancelot knew he was trying to egg him on into some kind of reaction. Well placed insults to the royals was common with him. His own son and Elsa had been insulted thoroughly on their most recent visit to Arendelle. Fortunately, his son had kept his temper in check and though it burned Charming and Winter, they always let the insults roll off.

Midas had never been able to do this and it was why he was eventually unseated. If not for Charming's ruse, Seth would have allowed Mephisto to actually kill him. Charming could have actually used someone like Lancelot in the resistance, but he hoped that the other Knight held his tongue.

"I have made mistakes in my past, my Lord, but I truly believe that Guinevere and I belong together," he responded in an even tone. Seth smirked.

"Yes...I suppose if it's true love, that makes infidelity okay," the God jabbed and Charming clamped down on his emotions. It would not have been the first time that Seth had tried to tear down true love.

"Perhaps you fancy an exhibition duel, my Lord? My Knights can put on quite a show," Lancelot offered instead of taking the bait. Seth smirked and he took a seat in the Siege Perilous.

"I do love to be entertained…" he agreed. Lancelot motioned to two of his Knights, who took their places in the center of the room. But suddenly, a stream of fire swept into the room and in the blink of an eye, the Knights were slain, both killed gruesomely by the deep burn slashes on their chests and necks.

Winter gasped and put a hand to her mouth, as she watched her husband unsheathe his blade and his eyes dart around the room. The chalice sword lit with pure power, just as two more Knights were slain like nothing.

Charming jumped into the fray and his blade effectively blocked the flaming weapons wielded by the assailants. When the smoke and flames cleared, Charming glared at the wielders.

"What the hell are you two doing out of prison?!" he growled, as his gaze flicked to Mephisto.

"As if I didn't know," he hissed.

"What's the matter, Charming? Afraid of a challenge?" Mephisto goaded.

"These two are hardly a challenge," Charming snapped in return, as he dueled them both. Winter watched with bated breath and inched forward. But Seth put his hand up.

"You will not interfere, my dear Queen Winter," he forbade. She swallowed thickly and clutched her pendant to cover it, hiding the glow, as she willed her power to her husband.

"I hope you are enjoying your brief respite from prison, because you are going back there very soon," Charming threatened.

"I don't think so. We made a new deal," Gawain said smugly.

"I see we're not the only ones that have undergone some changes since our last meeting," Arthur observed.

"So you made a deal with the devil? You really think that's going to work out well for you?" Charming questioned.

"Oh...it's working out quite well for us, but you...not so much…" Gawain said, as his eyes briefly flicked to his wife.

"I see she's still the fairest of them all. I'm glad she's here to witness what we're about to do to you," he goaded, as they flailed their fiery chains around and the former prince parried each of their attacks in rapid succession. But he knew he wouldn't be able to maintain that pace long, even with the chalice sword. He felt her willing her power to him and it was very risky. Seth was thankfully occupied with the display of their duel, but he would not take any chances in him realizing that she was disobeying him and employed the full might of their power in the flashiest way possible. The two demons were paralyzed by the power of his sword with two expert swipes and Charming brought his blade to Arthur's throat.

"My Lord...it would seem that Mephisto has betrayed you by releasing these two from prison," Charming stated.

"Their desperate souls called to me, my Lord. They were severally wronged by King Charming and his fair Queen," Mephisto explained.

"Camelot is my birthright!" Arthur shouted.

"And they held the sword that was mine, while ousting me from my Throne!" Arthur claimed angrily.

"And then King Charming and the fair Queen Snow placed the man that betrayed me on the Throne next to my Queen!" he continued.

"You know I do not like when you do not consult me about acquiring souls," Seth chided to the demon King. Charming smirked smugly, but it fell away at Seth's next utterance.

"But Arthur should reclaim his Throne. He has obviously proved that he will be a stronger King that will force Camelot to serve me to its fullest extent," Seth announced.

"My Lord…" Charming started to protest, but he felt himself be forcibly silenced when the God raised his hand.

"I have made my decision. Arthur...as new King of Camelot, you will serve me. Do not make me regret this appointment," Seth stated. Arthur smirked.

"I shall not, my Lord," he said, as he bowed and cast a smug glance up at Charming.

"And what of these two? Perhaps two souls for my realm?" Mephisto asked.

"I'd rather them be alive, if you permit it so, my Lord," Arthur requested.

"They left me to rot in prison...and I wish to inflict the same upon them. Death is much too quick in this instance," he added.

"Very well...please escort them to the prison, my right hand. Then you and your Queen can take your leave," Seth ordered. Charming bowed deeply and sheathed his sword. He cuffed Lancelot and Guinevere without a word, as Winter hurried to his side. They marched the prisoners forth and once they left the palace, she hooked her hand on his elbow, hoping that her touch could quell some of the rage in her husband.

This had been a clear shift in power tonight and they both knew it would not bode well at all for their future. Mephisto had undermined them in a very big way, which meant that it was only a matter of time before their entire facade collapsed. Their light halves needed to wake up and they needed to do it soon…

~*~

Margaret giggled, as they sat on their couch at home, cuddled close and she met his gaze, as he fed her another bite with the chopsticks. Her legs were draped over his lap and she was content to be cuddled against him.

"Mmm...that's so good…" she said, as she picked up her chopsticks and repaid the favor by feeding him a bite too.

"Best Chinese in Boston," he agreed, as she sighed and rested her head against his chest.

"Is the case bad?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah...I'm afraid so. We thought it was serial...but now we think it's someone experimenting," he told her. Generally, he wasn't supposed to talk too much about cases and would rather protect her from the ugliness in his job. But he knew he could tell his beloved anything and she'd never breathe a word to anyone. She was his full confidante and source of strength. He dealt with that ugliness in his job far better than many might, for her love gave him light, no matter how many dark places his work took him to. And as far as protecting her, she insisted that she was strong enough for anything and wanted to know everything he was going through. They faced absolutely everything together and neither of them would have it any other way.

"Experimenting?" she asked. He nodded.

"We've never seen a drug like this before. We don't have any live victims to know what kind of brain activity is going on when they ingest the drug...but the reports we do have say they just...lose their minds in an instant," he explained.

"The one student I did see before he died kept saying that he didn't want to be bad, like something was telling him to do bad things," he said shaking his head.

"A complete personality change," he added. She sighed.

"Those poor people. I can't imagine going through something like that...those parents. Oh David...if something like that happened to one of our babies...I don't know what I'd do," she fretted.

"I know, my darling...but I promise you that I'll never let anyone hurt you or one of our babies," he promised, as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I think that's part of the reason our experimenter has changed his victim pool. Students are risky, even though they all had drug abuse history. He's now picking homeless people that he or she thinks won't be missed," he said.

"That's horrible...who would do something like this, let alone create a drug like this?" she wondered.

"I don't know...but if I profile it, then it's someone that's very sick and seems to be trying to find a way to get rid of that sickness," he said.

"Sounds like a Jekyll and Hyde situation," she commented offhandedly and he looked at her with scrutiny.

"What do you mean?" he asked. She shrugged.

"That's kind of what Dr. Jekyll was trying to do in the story. He was using a drug to keep his dark side at bay. Didn't really work though," she replied. He looked at her in surprise.

"I...I hadn't even considered that, but it's exactly what this is like. The student that killed himself...he kept saying he didn't want to do bad things," he said, as he surprised her by kissing her soundly.

"God...you're brilliant," he praised. She looked at him shyly.

"I just read a lot," she replied.

"Still going to go with brilliant...I'm going to add that to our profile. It might help narrow down our suspect pool even more," he said. He wasn't sure how yet or if it was even relevant, but if their suspect had some serious mental illness, there could be undertones or clues in their file.

"So...you think I'm brilliant?" she teased. He smirked and kissed her cheek, before trailing his kisses down to her neck.

"Most definitely...my beautiful, brilliant wife. I am certainly the luckiest man in this or any world," he replied, as she closed her eyes, enjoying all the things her husband's lips were making her feel.

"Mmm...I think I'm the lucky one," she said fondly, as she caressed his handsome face.

"We have such a wonderful life and somehow, I know our love is special," she said. He smiled and kissed her tenderly again. Their eyes met and not for the first time, they felt that mystical connection between them. They had never quite been able to explain it, but it had seemed to always be there since the day they met. If they didn't know any better, it was almost like their hearts were beating in sync. It sounded crazy, but somehow they knew it was exactly what was happening. Their hearts thrummed together and they could nearly read each other's thoughts with just a look between them.

"We're soul mates for sure," he agreed.

"Then you don't think I'm silly for believing in true love...that we have true love?" she teased, as he squeezed her hip.

"How could I when I'm part of this love? There's no other explanation for the depths of my love for you," he replied, as his gaze on her made her tingle all over.

"Maybe we should go to bed," he suggested. She kissed him tenderly.

"Mmm...I like that idea," she said, as she sat up and grabbed the fortune cookies from the coffee table.

"But first we need to read our fortunes," she said playfully. He chuckled at her.

"You don't even like the cookies," he teased.

"True, they taste like stale plastic, but you know me. I love reading the silly fortunes," she teased back, as he smiled fondly at her. He could spend eternity with her and he knew he'd never get enough of her. He shook his head in amusement, as he watched her unwrap the cookie and break it apart. She discarded the cookie and sought the slip of paper inside.

"What does it say?" he asked, as he ate a piece of the cookie.

"Oooh...let's see. Nothing is impossible to a willing heart," she read.

"Very true," he agreed.

"Really?" she asked playfully.

"Of course...look at all we've been through. Your father and my step-father did their damnedest to keep us apart, but they couldn't do it, because in our hearts, we knew we were meant to be together and nothing stopped us," he reminded. She tilted her head to the side fondly.

"You always know how to put things in perspective," she praised, as she kissed him and then broke open his cookie.

"Hmm...the best way to get rid of an enemy is to make a friend," she read. He snorted.

"Not in my line of work," he joked and she playfully smacked his arm.

"Maybe not, but remember that girl we went to school with and she hated me, especially when her mother, the social climber, was dating my father," she reminded him.

"Sort of...what was her name?" he asked.

"Roni," she replied. He chuckled.

"Yeah...she hated you," he recalled and she smacked him playfully again.

"Hey, she hated me too just because I loved you," he reminded her.

"Mmhmm...but then we became friends after I kept trying to be her friend and wore her down," she said. He pecked her on the lips.

"That's because you're you...I can't believe anyone could hate you," he said fondly.

"She managed...for a while," she said.

"But you won her over," he replied, as he stood up and pulled her up with him.

"Let's go to bed," she suggested, as she looked at him slyly and he put his arm around her waist and they headed for their bedroom.

~*~

Winter and Charming appeared through a portal in their palace Throne room and she watched helplessly, as her husband's temper got the best of him and he slammed his fists against a wall. He then deflated and turned to her, his handsome face marred with shame.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry…" he apologized. He never liked losing his temper in front of her. She put her hands on his shoulders and then folded him into her embrace. She brushed a soothing hand along the back of his neck and his anger started to ebb away slowly in her presence.

"It's all right, my love...that was not a win for us," she mentioned.

"Mephisto suspects something...I'm certain of it now," he said.

"Do you think he knows?" she asked.

"No...not about the resistance, but he knows we're not on the level. He is trying to undermine our favor with Seth and now that Arthur has gained that favor, it will only be a matter of time before my influence upon him is no more," he said.

"Then we need to step up the plan...I just don't know how," she fretted.

"You are not wrong," a new voice said, as Rumplestiltskin and Belle appeared through a portal.

"The shop was ransacked tonight and then burned to the ground. Fortunately, anything of true value or important magical artifacts are hidden in my vault inside Bald Mountain," Rumple said.

"Arthur and Gawain...Mephisto's new charges," Charming confirmed.

"Then we were right...they're looking for it. The dagger," Belle realized.

"But why? Emma reforged Excalibur and it still remains in the stone in the mines. He shouldn't need the dagger," Winter said.

"No...but he is no longer worthy of Excalibur. He cannot pull it from the stone again. The dagger is the next best source of the dark power that Arthur craves," Rumple replied.

"And he knows you two could still probably pull Excalibur from the stone...or one of your children could," Belle reminded them.

"We know Snow and David could...there's no telling if that's true about us and we're not willing to risk it for that sword. And the kids...don't have their memories," David refuted.

"Then it is time to bump up our plan, because I do not think it will be long until our ruse is revealed to Seth," Rumple replied.

"How? If Jekyll isn't even awake yet...then it could be months before they are triggered into awakening," David said.

"We know, that's why we think it's time to send someone to help them along," he said, as he revealed two pink potions in his hand.

"Did you make these from the poppies?" Winter asked and he nodded curtly.

"But Seth burned them all and cast a spell to keep them from growing in his presence once he figured out what they do," Charming interjected.

"And these are the very last of them. I managed to salvage just enough poppy pollen from the scorched earth where he destroyed them. This is it, with the exception of your chalice sword trick, but we know that requires them and everyone else thinking you have killed them and I think we know that Seth would never buy it if you do so to one of your immediate family members," Rumple explained. He was right. Seth would immediately know something was up if he didn't already.

"Then you want to wake two of our children," Winter deduced, as a mirror appeared before them and then a newspaper.

"As you can see, Dr. Jenkins isn't awake yet, but he is back to experimenting and using live victims to test on," Rumple explained, as they saw the doctor mulling around his lab. The sight of him made Charming's blood boil in rage and he clenched his fist. He had never wanted to see anyone bleed the way he wanted to see it from this man. He wanted him to die, slowly and in some excruciating way. He wanted to see the life leave his eyes and know that he would never again come near his beloved Winter of her other half. He wanted him to suffer and he wanted to inflict that pain.

Winter took the newspaper from him and read the headline.

"As you can see, Dr. Jenkins has created a new drug. He is seeking to silence the darkness in his head with a serum again, not yet aware of his past or that he succeeded all those years ago in perfecting that serum with my help," Rumple stated.

"The deaths have caught the eye of the press already...which means David will be in the spotlight soon in the middle of the investigation," Winter realized.

"Will people start recognizing him from Seattle?" Charming questioned.

"Perhaps...people in the Land Without Magic have a short attention span, but the dark web is still rampant with theories and truth seekers investigating that day...and the people involved," Rumple said.

"We think that's why we need to send someone that can run interference and look out for them, but who can also help wake them up in case the doctor's madness doesn't do it fast enough," Belle added. Charming sighed deeply, knowing who they wanted to send.

"As you can see...the doctor already is quite entranced by Margaret Nolan and his deep seated hatred of her husband has been reignited," Rumple said, as he showed them an earlier encounter. The bliss their other halves were living in was evident, but so was the doctor's clear displeasure at being constantly rebuked by the happily married Margaret Nolan. Winter put her hand to the mirror when the image focused on Summer and Bobby. He heard her choke back a sob and a few tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Bobby...he's grown so much," she murmured and he slipped his arms around her, comforting her the best he could.

"They'll be home soon, my love," he promised, as he looked at the Dark One and his wife.

"You want us to wake Emma, don't you?" he asked. He nodded curtly.

"We know she is the best one for this. She'll jog their memories, be able to interject herself into the investigation, watch David's back and protect Margaret from that psychopath if needed," Rumple explained.

"And the other potion?" Winter asked.

"We think Killian would be best as well. He'll be able to get them to Boston upon the Jolly Roger and bring them back quickly. Plus, we all know he'll support Emma in whatever she needs to do," Belle answered. Charming sighed again and Winter put her hands on his shoulders.

"I know how much you wanted to protect Emma from this...but you know she will want to do anything in her power to stop Seth and reunite this family," she reasoned. He nodded in acceptance.

"I know…" he agreed, as Winter took the potions.

"I'll call Emma and have them come. Escaping during the night is their best bet," she suggested. Rumple nodded.

"I'll cast a heavy fog spell over the harbor. Hopefully your son-in-law is as good a navigator as he boasts. He'll need to be to get through it and through the barrier with a bean," the Dark One said, as he and Belle used a bean and stepped through another portal. Winter returned from making her call and Charming took her in his arms.

"Everything is going to be okay, my darling…" he promised.

"My fear is for you, my love. If they find out what we've done too soon and Seth turns on you...I cannot bare to think about what he will do to you," she said, as tears filled her eyes. He cupped her face gently in his hands and kissed her passionately.

"There is nothing I will not endure for you and our family. Our love can never be torn asunder and even if the worst happens, I know that you will save me," he said.

"He will torture you…" she feared, almost hyperventilating at that thought. She remembered the times when Clayton had done the same to him for stepping out of line when they were in Atlantis and knew Seth would do a hundred times worse to him.

"Shh...my love, I will do everything possible to make sure that doesn't happen," he assured, as he held her tightly against his chest. She sniffed and kissed him tenderly again, before going to prepare four glasses of wine. He watched her add the potions to the two of the glasses, just as Emma and Killian arrived with the baby.

"Hey...you said it was urgent. Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Unfortunately yes...but in order to explain everything, we ask that you trust us and drink this wine first," Charming said. Emma looked at them both strangely and took her glass.

"You guys are scaring me…" she said.

"We know honey and we don't mean to...but we promise you will understand everything if you drink this," Winter replied. Emma shrugged and took a drink, knowing that her parents would never hurt her. They watched the pink magic swirl around her and lift the curse. Her eyes widened in realization and she dropped the wine glass, shattering it.

"Mom...Dad…" she cried, as she went to them and they hugged her between them. Her eyes widened. Killian watched her, looking lost, so he took a drink of his wine.

"No one is dead. Everyone I've executed with the chalice sword is somewhere safe and building a resistance," Charming told her.

"But Mephisto is suspicious and we don't know how long until Seth discovers what we've done. He has released Arthur and Gawain, making them his demonic charges," Winter added.

"Jekyll has devolved into a threat, but we fear he won't wake our light halves soon enough," Charming added.

"So...you're sending us," Killian said knowingly. They nodded.

"Don't worry...I'll wake them up and bring them home. I...just make sure you guys stay safe while I'm gone, yeah?" she asked. They smiled and hugged her again.

"We will do our best," Charming agreed. Winter sniffed.

"You have to go. Rumple managed a fog spell in the Harbor to cloak your escape aboard the Jolly Roger. But you must go now," they prodded, as they took them to their mirror portal to conceal their escape. Emma and Killian kissed Hope, as Winter took her and they joined hands, before stepping through the portal. Charming took her in his arms and kissed her hair and then the baby's head.

"This will work, my love...it has to," he said. She nodded. Once again...everything rested on hope and true love...

[its-just-like-the-movies]

Rampart (11, B+)

Why this film?: Natural Born Killers and The Edge of Seventeen were tempting choices, but everything I’d heard about Rampart’s politically rich storyline and ambitious execution made this an easy choice right off the bat. Plus, a character actor like Woody Harrelson in a lead role feels like the kind of treat more films should offer, especially when they’re as chameleonic as him.

The Film: What’s the right way to describe the impactful but imperfectly stitched way that Rampart holds itself together? “Raggedy” seems like a good option, given how the film bounces from character to character and plot strand to plot strand with little to suggest which direction it’s going to take from one scene to the next. “Rabid” might be a better descriptor of how comes across, its risky stylization and mangy narrative informed by an odious protagonist doing his damndest to hold onto a way of life he’s taken advantage of for his entire life and keeps relentlessly sabotaging, and one it frequently seems would be happy to get rid of him. The seams always appear to be showing, and not always in productive ways, though its unpredictable trajectory, ferocious acting and direction, and fascinating decisions about its lensing, editing, and sound mixing are so bracing and frequently impressive that it’s impossible not to notice them. A-list actors orbit Woody Harrelson’s central role as a deranged cop playing the kinds of bit roles that would be just as well served by far less recognizable names, the fact of their celebrity compared to the size of their roles and their whack-a-mole reappearances in the story as disorienting as the in-monologue editing and whiplash narrative turns. Rampart’s ability to disorient its audience is nicely synchronized with the downfall of a character who refusal to accept his defeat is frequently upending, his paranoid inability to grasp the consequences of his violent and prejudiced behavior too ensconced in decades of social acceptability for him to even compute the speed at which he’s being thrown in the trash.

As much as Rampart’s experimental design and pronounced assets are on display at all times, the film is even more confrontational with its politics. In this case, those politics are the tearing open of Dave Brown’s psychology of entitlement and bigotry, and the process by which a man of an era that seemed so alive a second ago is suddenly forced to reckon with his latest crimes, which somehow aren’t the worst things he’s ever done, and must reckon even more so with how changing tides have made what was once durigur behavior now completely unacceptable. His virulent bigotry and the safety he feels wielding it as a members of the LAPD’s Rampart division - even in the middle of a scandal that implicated over seventy officers in everything from bribery to murder - is realized in his very first dialogue scene, as regales tales of former glories with another cop while menacing a female trainee into finishing all of her fries at a lunch stop, asking her invasive questions as he and writer/director Oren Moverman boldly assert that this is the man who emblematizes what the police looked like in late-90’s LA. This is only further emphasized as he joy-rides his police cruiser through a group of Mexican mechanics in the parking lot of their cop and beats a suspect through the cheap, plastic windows of a drug store office to get information out of him, not just certain that he will suffer no consequences for this but even telling this trainee so as if it was an unspoken regulation. The grounded performances, observant shaky-cam and spry editing keep these sequences from becoming cartoonishly over-the-top, depicting Brown’s violent behavior as wholly mundane and completely corrosive at the same time. His teaching that his behavior is the norm of the LAPD to this woman points to a Training Day setup but wholly avoids it by refusing the idea that Brown is in any way a “bad apple” corrupting an otherwise decent system the way that Alonzo Harris was depicted as in his film. Everyone is like this, and there’s no indication a different cop would’ve shown her the ropes any differently.

This sense of entitlement bleeds into his home life, a precarious situation where Dave seems to co-habitat with his two ex-wives - who’re sisters - and the daughter apiece he had with each of them. The women don’t live in the same house, and Dave seems to find out whether he’ll spend the night with either of them or go bar-hopping to find some woman to share a hotel room with when he asks them if they want to have sex. Again, it’s a tribute to the actors for putting over such an unconventional scenario that could’ve died on arrival, but Cynthia Nixon and Anne Heche make the scenario completely credible as the make warm conversation and perry around his advances. Oldest daughter Helen, her hair messy dyed with blue streaks while wearing a 90’s art punk getup, is the only person in Dave’s life who’s openly antagonistic towards him, and the youngest is intuitive and happy to see her dad even if she’s clearly not too keyed in to the tensions around her family.

These establishing scenes of domestic and workplace tension, ones that will evolve and mutate as the story progresses, are just as impactful to watch as the moments where Brown enacts physical violence against an undeserving party or use his power as a cop to threaten some unfortunate employee into giving him a hotel room or pills. Jay Rabinowitz’s editing is so lean yet so spiky that we’re able to feel every shift of mood in Dave’s conversations or confrontations, sometimes cutting scenes as though leaving out bits of a conversation or monologue but more often than not finding unexpected angles to spy on sequences that appear to be playing out in real time. These choices dislodge a scene from any predictable beats as much as the performances do, and the vantage points that show us these sequences alternate between intimately close to the characters or at such a distance that it feeds into the overall mood of paranoia. Even if Dave’s eventual theory that he’s being used as a putz by such an unfathomable web of players from the LAPD higher-ups to family members, hookups, and ostensible allies, feels like nothing more than a right-wing conspiracy theory, the editing expertly plays into these delusions without santifying them. The plot-starting scene of him beating a Hispanic motorist to the brink of death for T-boning his police cruiser and trying to flee the scene is executed with brutal economy, by Dave and the storytellers, and it’s perfectly in tandem with their presentation of non-violent scenes and control of mood throughout the film.

From here Rampart bunny-hops between different plotlines and characters seemingly at random. It’s hard to pinpoint a coherent logic to how these scenes connect to one another - either they do or they don’t, and this disorganization might be Rampart’s most significant hurdle to overcome for viewers to get into the film. Individual plotlines are picked up in bursts and dropped for extended periods of time, creating evocative moods that leave the actors to fill in the gaps between individual characters while the plot moves ever onwards. Even as the methodology behind how these stories scrape against each other is never quite clear on a scene-by-scene level, the cumulative portrait of a man going off the deep end in order to keep his dying way of life intact still hits. The film is merciless in picking apart how Dave is propped up by the status given to him as a white male police officer, his bigotry and paranoia so acidic that the background context of the Rampart scandal almost doesn’t matter in informing who this man is. He’s an endemic source of misogyny and racism, propagating his ideologies with the assurance of systemic cooperation that calling them delusions of grandeur gives them too little credit. His biggest calling card as a police officer, the one that earned him the moniker “Date-Rape” Dave, comes from the fact that he’s all but admitted to having executed an accused serial date-rapist rather than taking the man into custody, fabricating a story that he feared for his life trying to arrest him. An older white cop suggests that Dave facing any consequences is so out of the norm that the whole thing must’ve been a set-up, from the driver he beat to the person who filmed the incident to the government officials seeking to see him punished for his actions. Feeding in to Dave’s already-existing paranoia and neuroses about women and people of color, of any non-cop in any job who disrespects his authority, this conspiracy web soon encompasses his ex-wives, his current fuck buddy, the old man himself, as Dave turns to blackmail and criminal actions to keep himself afloat. Rampart balances a tricky line between objectivity and subjectivity, many of its choices seemingly influenced by the paranoia of its protagonist even as the film is able to stand apart from his rancor and hold it up to a microscope, dissecting his bullshit for all it’s worth.

It helps tremendously that these characters are written and directed so sharply, and that their interpreters make so many specific and charismatic decisions in bringing them to life while avoiding cliche or cartooning. Woody Harrelson, sporting a skinhead-lite haircut and a wiry, muscular physicality, emanates the size and danger of his character’s bigotry while keeping him scaled to uncomfortably human size. Brie Larson’s righteously pissed-off daughter and Robin Wright’s sad, carnal, and increasingly suspect friend with benefits may very well be the most startling performances after Harrelson’s, though Nixon, Heche, Sigourney Weaver, Ned Beatty, Ben Foster, Ice Cube, Steve Buscemi, and Audra McDonald are just as inspiring for evoking such sharp personalities with minimal screen time and unexpected entrances and exits. Everyone is able to keep a firm grip on their characters while connecting threads over gaps in appearance and in information, their relationships to Dave changing dramatically over the course of the film without ever seeming forced. Whatever can be said about Moverman and James Ellroy’s script in terms of its scene-by-scene structure, the trajectory of their story is so powerful and unpredictable that its secrets are worth keeping.

If the preceding paragraphs have repeatedly illustrated how essential Moverman’s direction is in making the script’s shifts of attention in to something potent and coherent and how commendable his negotiation of ensemble is, his dissection of Dave Brown and everything he represents is still feels like the film’s crowning glory. Rampart is not a message film that reduces its characters and scenarios to pandering stereotype or secretly condones the horrific behavior and bigoted mindset it’s supposed to be critiquing. Moverman and Harrelson make Dave Brown a fascinating and rancid character to be attached to for almost two hours, and Rampart proves itself to be a riveting character study that’s able to rip apart everything its lead man represents without dismissing him out of hand. It’s an invaluable study of white male toxicity as enabled by a police uniform, one that surely would have gotten more traction if it had a bigger distribution in 2011, but perhaps even more so if it had come out a few years later. It’s crucial to mention that the beating of the driver is not, ultimately, the crime that brings down Dave Brown, nor is the crime he confesses near the film’s climax to the FBI in the hopes of going out on his own terms what does him in. Rampart’s study of the cops who would almost kill a motorist and bully a fellow officer into eating something she didn’t want to doesn’t say that these are the actions that will cause their betters to kick them out, instead positing that these men will implode from so much internal and external pressure to keep from sinking. The actual ending plays like a leading up to a horror film, as Brown and Helen lock eyes before he slinks off into the unknown with the knowledge he could be arrested at any moment. It’s open-ended to the point of becoming an ellipses, unresolved while suggesting a whole film of possibilities lies on the other side of this scene. So, Rampart ends as it began, messy and unclean and dangerous, its ideologies unimpeachable, its execution so ambitious that what leaves something to be desired can even be construed into a productive part. Technically, Dave Brown ends the film still out in the world. But his clock is ticking faster.

[duckling-duck-duck]

Midnight Sun Review, Chapter 1: First Sight (Why am I doing this?)

Hello people and welcome to my side blog specifically dedicated to my thoughts, feeling and opinions on Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer. It’s not like I have anything better to do at the moment (studying for exams, a semester to prepare for, friendships to cultivate) so let’s get to it!

Before I get started on informing you of said thoughts, feelings and opinions, here are a few disclaimers and other things you should probably know to follow my thought process and that will likely have an influence both on my reading experience and view of this book. For my inspiration for this undertaking, you all can thank both Hannah Lee Kidder for her excellent rewrites of the first book on YouTube (she is awesome, go check her out) and Strange Aeons for her video review of Midnight Sun, which I would also highly recommend.

When I heard that Stephenie Meyer (from now on referred to as SM, yes) finally was going to publish this mysterious thing that was circulating when I was barely a teenager and just starting my Twilight phase, and still seriously interested in the books, I was both over the moon and very apprehensive. And I knew immediately that I was going to buy and read it, no matter how bad or good it was going to be.

This YA fiction series was a huge part of my early formative years. At the time when I first read it, I was still too young to thoroughly grasp some of the more problematic concepts of the story, which has since changed. It got me into vampires, to an obsessive and, frankly, unhealthy amount. I subsequently read literature that was NOT for the eyes of a thirteen-year-old at the time and at the same time much worse fanfiction.

Another probably important thing is that I did not read the original Twilight series in English, but rather in German, which means that some things I may remember differently due to translation. I included this because the way Germans translate English in books is atrocious. I have never re-read the books after I read them for the first time, only watched the movies a couple of times since, mostly to make fun of them, this time in English. When the fourth movie came out, I was already mostly over Twilight again and just went to the theatre with my best friend for the hell of it. The only characters I was invested in at this point were the side characters, like Jasper, Rosalie, Leah Clearwater and, basically, anyone and everyone that wasn’t Edward, Bella and Jacob (mostly because everyone else had a much more compelling storyline). So please bear that in mind when I rip into this book. I will also probably be biased in favour of these characters.

This brings me to my last but probably the most important point: I had no interest in Edward and Bella and mostly wanted to know what kind of mess they ended up in this time. I made fun of them a lot. The older I got, the more of the unhealthy tendencies I recognized. So, this is my official warning for everyone who is genuinely interested in this book and wants to read it for fun and came across this post by accident: It will not be nice. I will probably not be kind. I like sarcasm and am not afraid to utilize it to get across exactly how dumb, deranged or practically pointless I think something is. I like to think I can give credit where it is due, but this is probably not the blog or post for you.

I will include trigger warnings if necessary, but if I miss anything please do not hesitate to let me know and/or stop reading immediately if it makes you uncomfortable. I am open to discussion and criticism, but please remain civil. And now that introduction has gone on for far too long, so please enjoy.

Chapter Summary: What happened?

We start with Edward in class having an existential crisis which seems to be his default state. He comments on his siblings, reducing them to absolute tropes which anyone who has read the original series later knows is not at all what and/or who they are. Practically anyone is more interesting than him, though that is not a high bar. Then we have lunch period (still wild you have that) where everyone else is thinking of the new girl who is still nothing amazing to him. Edward spews some vapid comments about everyone else in school (the word “children” comes to mind and is frequently used) and is very amused that particularly the female population, except for Angela, seems to be interested in him. After that, we get the famous biology scene from a whole other point of view and boy is it enjoyable! We end the chapter with Edward going to Alaska because otherwise he may or may not break into Charlie’s house to kill the daughter of the chief of police. (I rewrote this summary like, five times and still cannot make it less sarcastic. I apologize.) (#sorrynotsorry)

Warnings: Swearing, a lot. Explicit language. Too many parentheses. Slight description of violence. A lot of talk about murder.

It took me two evenings getting through this first chapter (25 pages total) and I am not going to lie: On the first one, I barely managed to make it 5 pages in before I had to stop and lie down and mentally prepare myself for the things that were to come. And lord, did they come!

If you thought being stuck in Bella’s mind was exhausting, welcome to a new level of it. Because Edward is even more self-deprecating than she is. He literally describes his basically vegetative state as purgatory because high school is just that boring. Granted, it sometimes is, but why even is he in high school then? As mentioned later he has 2 doctorate degrees. Could you just not go to university and study something that you haven’t learned yet? If Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper can pass as seniors (and you have to excuse me, but I know practically nothing of the American school system) then I am sure you can pull some kind of ‘gifted’ scheme to put Edward in either advanced classes or have him skip a few years. And fake a High School diploma. Another question: if he has two doctorates, why doesn’t he do something with them? You could apply your mind and focus on other things, like research, furthering humanity, curing cancer! (On that note: why has Carlisle not tried to do that? Just because you need to fly under the radar? There has got to be something you can do, both with your excessive money and apparently brilliant mind, that would benefit all of humanity that you so desperately try not to hurt. And if not personally, you can damn-well fund it or nudge someone in the right direction.)

But this doesn’t just tell us that Edward is bored out of his mind, it also tells us that he is probably unhappy with his non-life as well. In the first four sentences, we have already set the tone for the entire novel and I am contemplating a descent into alcoholism. It is gonna be excruciating to follow this dude’s mind for 756 pages because that is 755 pages too long. His entire existence revolves around making Carlisle proud and proving he still retains some of his humanity. While he sometimes talks about the love he has for his siblings, that seems more of a farce he upholds for his adoptive father (read: god) and mother, which in her case is more of a ‘can’t deal with her disappointed look’ (we all know the one), because besides Alice his opinion of them is basically ‘couldn’t be bothered to give a shit’.

(I wanted to use a gif of her but this was the first thing that popped up when I searched "rosalie" and ngl, it fits his perception of her perfectly)

Rosalie, in his opinion, is shallow, self-obsessed, and superior the everyone (“her mind was a stagnant pool with few surprises”). These two do not get along whatsoever and while this may have been my initial impression of her in Twilight it changed over time. She is more than that and it is baffling that Edward thinks of her that way even after all this time. They are familiar with each other’s stories and I find it hard to believe that he would do anything nice for her based on the initial impression we are presented within this book. Or maybe she now has almost everything she wants: a loving partner, a family, a comfortable life. Why is it so bad? She seems to be comfortable and even happy. Can Edward just not accept that other people might not despise this life as much as he does?

Emmett gets away slightly better than Rosalie, but not much. The impression I got of him from reading his paragraph is that he is an overgrown, glorified child. He has no problem with Edward reading his thoughts, specifically because he carries his heart on his sleeve and if he has something to say, he will say it to your face. He seems to be Edwards second favourite of his siblings.

His absolute favourite is Alice, because “it wasn’t easy, being the freaks among those who were already freaks.” If Bella and Jasper weren’t in the picture, those two would be a couple, I swear! They are the extra special snowflakes (derogatory) among the already special snowflakes (derogatory) (So sorry!). They look out for each other; I can already tell you that they will present a united front concerning anything and everything and ask each other favours (like Alice wanting Edward to keep an eye on Jasper to make sure he doesn’t go on a murdering spree because he’s hungry).

Coincidentally, Edward is pretty mad at her for focusing on her husband/boyfriend/SO and his trip down the serial killer lane in a public high school that she, later on, doesn’t catch a glimpse of Edwards violent fantasies and his possible future with his fangs in Bella’s neck. He seems to be pretty salty about that. I get that for Edward this is probably pretty damning, especially since this is not a regular occurrence, but has the thought crossed his mind that, right now, she has other priorities? Or that this future simply will not come to pass and that is the reason she hasn’t seen it? I am not familiar with how it works in the books (like I said, ages) but in the movies sometimes she gets the visions automatically without focusing and they are dependent on a person’s intent.

Back to Jasper then. And oh, Jasper. They did my boy dirty.

Well, technically not, because he has a much harder time living among humans than the others. But SM did not have to write Edward so dismissive of his struggles. To quote: “And Jasper was … suffering. I suppressed a sigh.” If this is so hard for him, why does he have to be there at all? They can’t always count on Edward and Alice to monitor him like a toddler. It would be far more efficient to just keep him away from humans. Also, and this is something that I have snapchatted to my friends several times and no one has yet come up with a concrete answer for me: You know how half the population is female? And how there are art-classes and PE and probably a school nurse? Accidents happen (I cannot tell you how often my friend had a spontaneous nosebleed in the middle of history class) and PMS is a thing. There will be a girl on her period when Jasper hasn’t fed in a long time. He’s not gonna avoid it by any stretch of the world by being in school. Have him stay home with Esme and work more in smaller steps.

“Why flirt with disaster?” If you can say that in response to Jasper having fantasies about drinking the blood of one of his classmates which starts with what is an exhibitionist-inclined make-out, why can’t you stay away from Bella? Because let me tell you: the best scene in this chapter was Edwards’s mind working out how to best kill his entire biology class just so he can rip open the new student and afterwards he doesn’t take his advice and cannot stay the fuck away. To his credit though, he tries. For like, half a chapter.

Until that point, where he smelled her, Bella was entirely mundane and uninteresting. He’s seen her in the minds of other students and the cafeteria and the most remarkable thing about her is that he can’t read her mind. He is very dismissive of it: “Not that I would find anything worth listening to.” So yeah, she doesn’t particularly strike his fancy or frankly, his interest.

But then she steps into the airflow that full-on blows her scent into his face and I have no words, except damn! And from that on we get the seven and a half most enjoyable pages of this chapter (dare I say the whole book?), the murder fantasies. What does it say about this book that this is the best scene so far? I found it quite well written to be honest. How he changes his second plan midway through the first because there are too many instances of the others screaming for help or alerting everyone else and, most importantly, Bellas body would grow cold while he snaps about 19 necks in 5 seconds. He is, for a monster without control, very methodical in his imaginary attempts to murder his class. Him thinking he has to destroy evidence, figuring out how he could best and most efficiently go about it, ultimately not relishing the killing but seeing it as the removal of an obstacle – I am getting some serious Hannibal vibes.

Of course, the thing holding him back is Carlisle and how Edward knows that his adoptive father would forgive him for this, because “he thought I was better than I was”. Only Edward being a stubborn bitch and wanting to prove something to Carlisle keeps around 20 people alive that day.

While I think the scene is incredible, it still rubs me the wrong way in a particular aspect: Edward has a raging fang-boner (pardon my French) for Bella and has the gall to judge Jasper simply because for him that is a permanent state of being. If anything, it makes me have a lot more respect for Jasper (and we can get into the confederate army major thing another time, I am aware of that) because he hasn’t ripped open someone’s bowels. But that isn’t where I was going with this. Edward only takes an interest in Bella because she smells like ecstasy to him. Because his instincts attract him to a meal so scrumptious, he’s never gonna forget it again. What a great start for a relationship! Also, he hates her because of her scent and this somehow keeps him sane. I either do not get boys in general or Edward Cullen specifically. Probably both.

It also takes him waaay too long to stop breathing. (And I know that he uses the phrase “sinking my teeth through that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing-” to describe her neck, but I have read too much horribly/well-written E-rated fanfics on AO3 to not think of a vagina when I read this.)

And even after he has resolved to not abduct and kill the new student, he still fantasizes about doing it. Like I said, reading his fantasies is pretty enjoyable, but why did SM have to give them to us in the first chapter? Nothing in this book is gonna compare to this description ever again and I am sad about it. I know, who’d have thought?

Then we get to the part where he thinks about following her to her house because to kill her there is “the responsible way to deal with this”. Excuse me? Oh man, still really enjoyable to read, but now I am genuinely scared for Bella!

Because this is not just very detailed, but also very thought out. I am not sure if SM decided to ramp up the fear-factor for Edward because while everyone theoretically knows that he could snap a neck with his pinkie, the thirst was very much real about a decade ago and everyone just kinda glossed over the fact that Edward is a killing-machine. Not sure if Bella wouldn’t take Jacobs concerns regarding sex with a vampire while she was still human a little more seriously if she knew that was how her husband thought about her when they met. Is this supposed to entice me or turn me on? Not that it ever could in general, because Edward, but after that description, I am very much turned off, actually, and not at all receptive to this dude and want to tell Bella to run for the hills or La Push and never come back. This is, good writing aside, disturbing!

After class, he heads out in his car and listens to calming music, which he does a lot. I’ll keep tabs on how often and keep you posted. And this is where he gets angry with Alice for focusing on Jasper instead of him. To quote: “Was she so absorbed with watching for trouble with Jasper that she’d missed this much more horrific possibility?” Well, maybe because her boyfriend has a much harder time with basically every student in the school rather than just one and is much more likely to flip his table in English and jump the teacher (and not in a fun way). And that her life doesn’t revolve around you!

As I said, the chapter ends with him speeding off into the night, because that is the only responsible choice. If you fell you it best to remove yourself from the situation, do it. But maybe stay consistent afterwards.

Good things: The description of Edwards methodical nature when planning the murders. Very well written, as well as his portrayal as a ruthless monster compared to the amped-up teenage-heartthrob-thing we got from Bellas point of view. The danger surrounding a vampire never really came through, but now it did. I actually fear for her. Very impressive writing.

Bad things: How easily and nonchalantly he tries to manipulate his way into a higher-level science class was very disturbing. How dismissive he is of almost all of his siblings and their problems or their happiness. The fact that the first feelings he had towards Bella are ambivalence and hatred.

This is gonna be unbearable, isn’t it?