#& ice tea is MORE time consuming to make

[peachcitt]

i made the chamomile cake with strawberry icing from this post and y’all……………….it really is tasty

[sidestriker]

it's been a longstanding tradition of mine ever since i developed a sudden obsession with making tea to talk about what kind of tea my muses would drink but i regret to inform that striker by default has probably just straight up never had tea.

[orchidbreezefc]

ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.

161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.

imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.

maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.

on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.

and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"

if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?

when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.

also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?

it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.

[ms-demeanor]

Okay THANK YOU for saying “your body craves what it needs” is bs because that felt like bs this whole time.

Like you don’t need more sugar if you crave sweets that is NOT what that means. Sugar is a food that people crave because it tastes good/sugar I think is an addictive food??

Idk it just felt like people making excuses when they’re supposed to be trying to eat a little healthier (healthier, not low cal, not low fat or keto or whatever. Diets are bs but craving sweets does not mean sugar is healthy thing for your body rn)

People crave sugar because it tastes good, which is not a bad thing, and there is an evolutionary reason that sugar and fat taste good to us. Carbs are your body's favorite thing because it is SUPER easy for your body to break them down into useful molecules.

I'm not a fan of the idea that any foods are addictive and I'm skeptical of models that suggest "refined food addiction" is a thing with a measurable, real-world impact; there's a lot of debate in that area of nutrition science and to me it kind of seems like the tools people use to track food addiction aren't really examining the addictiveness of specific foods, but are decent screening tools for people who have compulsive behaviors around food (for instance, one group of people who the Yale Food Addiction Scale has repeatedly been demonstrated to be REALLY good at identifying is people with anorexia).

But your body needs sugar all the time, whether that's in the form of complex carbohydrates that get broken down into simple sugars by your body, or simple sugars that you stir into your tea that then gets sent to your cells as energy. If your diet doesn't have enough sugar in it, your body has a processes to turn non-sugars into sugar so that it can use the sugar (gluconeogenesis!). Sugar is unambiguously good for you in the way that fat is unambiguously good for you. You need sugar to survive and it's not a bad thing if you want to have a cookie or a soda or some candy, and again - your craving probably isn't telling you that you're deficient in a specific micro or macronutrient, but I still think that you should listen to your craving.

Like, I don't know how much you know about psychotherapy but the attitude that a lot of diet-focused discussion takes toward cravings reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy. "When you crave chocolate, no you don't! Don't think about the chocolate, you actually probably need starch or sugar or something, let's redirect that into having a banana, or some frozen berries, or some spinach. Point away from the unhealthy craving and into the healthy replacement, or, better yet, ignore the craving. Mind over matter. You choose how you act."

(I actually think "X craving means that I want Y food so I shall replace it with Z, which is similar" "craving salt means that I am dehydrated and need electrolytes so instead of potato chips I'll have some soup" is how this goes most of the time. I think this is a diet culture thing, not a food positivity thing.)

And you know what I think that's a garbage way to look at both food and emotions.

When I'm craving ice cream it's not because I've been mostly vegetarian for a week and am low on dietary cholesterol (AN IMPORTANT NUTRIENT. Don't be scared of consuming some cholesterol), I'm craving ice cream because sugar and fat taste good. So instead of trying to pretend that I'm getting "what I need" from a piece of salmon the size of a deck of cards with no salt and some lemon squeezed on top, I'm going to scoop out a moderate portion of ice cream and eat it while focusing on how much I enjoy it. And I'm going to do that instead of sitting down with a pint and a spoon while I'm stressed at work and eating something that tastes good to distract from the fact that work is stressful. (And sometimes it's fine to sit down with a pint and a spoon but I will say that's generally best not to do while you're in the middle of something stressful)

And if you want to relate that back to therapy I see this as more of the DBT approach. I've accepted that I want ice cream so I'm going to eat it in an intentional way and enjoy it instead of eating so much that I don't want dinner, or that it makes me feel sick, or that I eat it without noticing it because I'm using it as a distraction instead of a snack.

I'm not trying to shut down the negative emotion or shun the "bad" food, I'm accepting that I have that emotion and I'm working this neutral food into my day so that I'll feel good tomorrow and won't get heartburn overnight.

So I see that you're trying to be kind of anti diet culture here, but I don't think people need excuses to eat sugar, and I actually think that making excuses to eat it is significantly less healthy than just eating the sugar (which, again, is unambiguously healthy to eat as part of a varied, filling, nutritious diet). It seems like you may have internalized some ideas about sugar that are not great even if you are trying to separate from diet culture.

Nobody is ever going to eat a diet so healthy and nutritionally complete that they don't want candy or cake or cookies sometimes. Food is not only fuel, it is entertainment and culture and comfort and distraction and celebration and a million other things, but it is not bad. I don't think there's a single universally bad food out there, or any food that never belongs as part of someone's diet (unless it's something you're allergic to - I don't care if you're craving peanuts, do not eat peanuts if you have a peanut allergy).

So it's okay to make sugar, you don't need to make excuses. It's okay to eat sugar if you're craving sugar, even if that's not what your body "needs". But also sometimes a craving is your body saying "I'm hungry and this sounds good, please feed me" even if you're not a finely-tuned spectrometer that's craving blueberries pie because you actually need antioxidants from the blueberries (you're not a finely tuned spectrometer, you don't need the antioxidants from the blueberries, it's perfectly fine to just eat a slice of pie).

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Habits To Become Your Best Self In 2023

Some habits, routine ideas, and mindset shifts to help make 2023 your best year yet. Hope this helps and inspires you to reach your goals for the next 12 months. Remember to work hard and take care of yourself. Once you put your mind to it, the sky is the limit! xx

Make Your Meals Plant-Based & Produce-Focused: Center your meals around a variety of vegetables, fruits, plant proteins, potatoes, and unprocessed plant-based fats (avocado, nuts, seeds) and minimal whole grains.

Get Creative With Stress Eating Substitutions: Discover healthy swaps for your meals and snacks to ensure what you're eating without sacrificing your goals. Some simple substitutes include mixing in cauliflower rice into your whole grain rice to add nutrients/volume while slashing the calories, using half an avocado with lemon as a salad dressing over spoonfuls of olive oil, swapping meat for lentils in a chill, soups, or stir fry, choosing frozen grapes or whipped bananas with berries over candy or ice cream for a sweet treat, etc. Remember: Spices and seasoning are your best friends.

Be Mindful of Your Beverage Consumption: Consuming enough water is essential. However, if you get bored with water, add some herbal and black tea, black coffee, or fruit-filled water into the mix. Cinnamon, vanilla, and apple or peach teas are great options to satisfy cravings and prevent mindless snacking (not a substitute for food – eat if you're genuinely hungry). For the winter season, try using some pure cocoa powder with hot water, vanilla extract, and a tablespoon or two of plant-based milk for a healthy hot cocoa drink.

Prioritize Long Walks: Carve out 1-2 hours of your day to get 10-12K steps in at least 5 days a week. Go outside if possible or jump on a treadmill/walking pad to get in some movement while watching TV, talking on the phone, or catching up on some emails.

Find A Simple Resistance Workout You Love: Yoga, pilates, or an at-home weight-training or body-weight exercise you can do at home. Browse different YouTube videos for 10-30 minute workouts to try or sign up for a class in your local area to make it a more social experience (and force yourself to take accountability to show up in the first place).

Create Short & Long "Bookend" Routines: Create a simple routine for the beginning and end of the task-filled portion of your day. For most of us, these routines would be done in the morning and evening/at night before and after work, school, or doing chores/errands. Let go of the rigid idea that these routines need to be done at certain times of the day. Set yourself up to win and tailor them to your schedule. Consider these short routines (like drinking a cup of coffee/tea, reading, meditation, journaling, a walk, or a short dancing session) your warm-up and cool-down sessions of the day. Having these rituals to look forward to will give you the energy and motivation to do what you need to get done each day.

Practice This 10-10-10 Mindfulness Practice: Make time for at least 10 pages of reading, 10 minutes of meditation, and 10 minutes of journaling daily (This can include shadow work) either in the morning or nighttime to clear and reset your mindset for the day.

Take An Hour To Plan Out Your Week: It's most convenient to do this power hour on a weekend (I typically reserve an hour before dinner on Sunday for weekly planning). Write out all of your main work tasks, schedule any due date reminders (for work, bills, chores, and other life necessities), must-do errands, emails and calls or appointments to make, etc.). I like using the Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change and my Reminders app/Google calendar via iCloud to sync deadlines and times to schedule messages/tasks/bills, so everything will be in front of me at the correct time throughout the week.

Prioritize 1-3 Tasks Daily: You might need to choose one large project to work on in small chunks or select a "Big 3" for the day, depending on how complex, lengthy, and time-consuming your projects/errands or appointments are for the day. Using this method allows you to be efficient, streamline your life, and feel productive without overwhelming yourself on the regular (the fastest route to burnout).

Make A Life Admin Schedule (and Stick To It): Choose days (and times if possible) of the week to update certain spreadsheets, batch reply to less urgent messages, clean your house, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Scheduling these tasks ahead of time eliminates half of the battle for following through on what you need to do. Eventually, you will make these tasks into habitual routines that your brain will allow you to execute effortlessly as though you're in autopilot mode.

Mind Your "Circle of Influence": Do an intake on the 5-10 people you speak to the most or value in your life. If you're an employee, it is probably best to not include your boss or coworkers in this consideration list, as you need to work amicably with them regardless of your personal feelings. Look how you feel during your interactions with your friends, family, intimate partner, or an adjacent love interest. Consider how they speak to you, about themselves, and the topics your conversations are focused around. See if they align with the person you want to be and your goals. Evaluate how close you want to be and what parts of your life you think would be the most beneficial for you and the relationship going into 2023.

Set Boundaries: Understand your expectations, non-negotiables, and limits in every area of your life. Communicate these principles to others clearly, so they know when they are overstepping. Don't tolerate disrespect, but also don't expect others to be mind-readers. If someone knows that they're crossing your boundaries, it is easy to draw the line in the sand and walk away without the guilt or shame that can arise when conflicts originate from a lack of healthy communication.

Incorporate One Creative Practice Into Your Week: Reinvigorate your mind by engaging in at least one hour of creative activity per week. Try drawing, creative writing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, pottery, jewelry making, graphic design, photography, etc. Even taking a foreign language course or creating a Pinterest inspiration/mood board or organizing your home/closets in an aesthetically-pleasing way counts. Figure out what creative outlet(s) you find satisfying. Prioritize scheduling this practice into your schedule weekly.

Refine Your Signature Look: Edit your wardrobe, try out a new haircut, or change up your makeup routine, nail color, or signature scent. Consider how you can close any gaps between your authentic personal style and how you present yourself on a day-to-day basis. Create an inspiration board if needed to help yourself define your unique aesthetic and gradually work towards embodying your ideal look.

Keep A "Praise" Archive: Create a record of all of the messages you receive highlighting your achievements, milestones, recognitions, or compliments. Compile a folder that acts as your "praise" archive for every area of your life. Create a folder in your work email inbox to save all of your professional achievements, praise, and positive contributions. Do the same for your personal email. Create a folder in your photo album of screenshotted texts. Keep a running list on your "Notes" app of any compliments you receive on your conversational contributions, actions, attire, personality, smile, etc. Hyping yourself up to connect to your highest self.

Create A "Siren" Kit: Take note of all of the clothing, scents, songs, cosmetics, phrases, people, and other aspects of your environment that empower you to feel your sexiest. Keep all of these items/songs/texts together to make it simple to set the mood before engaging in some indulgent action or revisit when you need a boost of confidence throughout your week.

Do A Financial Audit: Create an income/expenses spreadsheet to understand your current spending behavior and budgeting plan going forward. Set up your 2023 financial goals and projections, including target amounts for income, savings, and investments.

Give Yourself A Weekly "Treat": Find a healthy indulgence that you can strategically incorporate into your week. This "treat" can be a massage or nail appointment, permission to watch a movie or a couple episodes of a TV show, a serving of your favorite dessert or a glass of wine, etc. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Consider regular indulgence as an act of self-care not as a sign of weakness or self-destruction. Embracing pleasure does not require guilt or external permission.

Happy New Year, loves! Cheers to an abundant 2023 xx

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Mad Season 3

Warnings: non/dubcon, social anxiety, chronic illness, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker

Summary: a class project gets messy. (short!reader)

Note: happy weekend.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“Hey, how’d you get in?” Peter rushes in, a tray of drinks in hand. 

You pop up on the stool, broken from your trance. Uncertain what else to do, you spent much of your time trying to distract yourself with his schematics. You twist to face him. 

“Um, Bucky,” you answer and cringe at home dumb you sound. “He helped.” 

“Bucky? Helpful?” He nears and puts the cardboard tray on the table, “I guess he can be.” He picks at the edge of the tray, “I got you a blueberry matcha. The place I hit didn’t have strawberry in season anymore.” 

“Oh, sounds... interesting, but you--” 

“Didn’t have to. I know, you always say so but I felt bad for being so late. I told may to get an airtag for her wallet. She can be so--” he stops himself and chuckles. “It’s whatever. She’s got a lot going on.” 

“Mhm,” you accept the cup he offers. “I was just looking over the plans. I think we could probably just go with yours. Makes more sense.” 

“What? Oh, no way,” he takes his iced whatever. It just looks like layers of sugar and cream. “I think we could easily bring together both. Take some of your features and mine. I don’t want to take over.” 

“Yeah, but...” 

“But nothing. Really. It’s a team project, not my project,” he insists as he hops up on the stool next to you, “so,” he swipes his hand in the air and a holographic screen appears. You flinch. “Let’s compare and redraw.” 

You gape as another floating rectangle appears before him. No wonder his look so much better than your Paint hack job. You want to sink down and disappear. You always figured you’re not interesting enough to be his friend but now you’re certain you might be too stupid and poor for him too. 

“So, I’m going to get logged in...” he mutters. 

“Um, Peter?” You murmur, “are you sure you wanna be my partner?” 

“Why... wouldn’t I?” He hovers his hand before the screen as he looks at you. 

“I dunno. I don’t... I don’t have much to offer. Not a lab, not all these cool computers...” 

“Oh this? No, it’s not—it's not a big deal. Dude, I'm so lucky Mr. Stark is letting me use this. I’m not ignorant, you know? I just thought it would be easier. I don’t think your roommates like me much and mine are so loud.” he explains as he lowers his arm, crossing both over the table as he leans on it. “Do you not want to be my partner?” 

“Nnnooo,” you drag the word out. “No, I do, but I want to contribute to and I don’t know how to use any of this.” 

“That’s cool. I’ll show you.” 

“Um, okay,” you nibble your lip sheepishly. “I guess...” 

“Did you try the tea? Is it good?” He changes the subject. He does that a lot. Pivots around before you can finish your thoughts. 

“Not yet,” you look down at the bright pink lid, “where did you get this?” 

“Some place called Berry? I don’t know. Everything was bright. You’d hate it,” he laughs again. “Oh,” he snaps his fingers as you blow into the lid cautiously. “Before I forget, I’m having a party. I know it’s not really your thing but it’s ‘my turn’,” he makes quotations with his fingers, “and I don’t really wanna but I also thought I'd invite you in case you wanted to not be there with me, too.” 

Your blink in surprise, “a party?” 

“I know, too much. Well, I didn’t wanna leave you out.” 

“Mmm,” you drone nervously. It is really nice of him to think of you and after everything else, you hate to say no. “No one ever invited me to a party.” 

“No?” His brow furrows, “really?” 

You shake your head, “I’ll come. Yeah. I’ll try. You know, it’s college and ...” you take a sip and clear your throat, “should I bring a dessert?” 

He laughs and gives you a playful grudge, “wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me that except my aunt’s friends. Nope, you can just come as you are. You can always bring some drinks for yourself but I’ll have more than enough to share.” 

“Oh, okay,” you nod. 

“The tea good?” He asks again. 

“Yeah, sweet,” you put the cup down. 

“Awesome!” He grins. “I really didn’t think you’d come. I’m so excited.” 

“Really?” You ask. 

“Well, duh. You’re so fucking cool. Like all my other friends, they try so hard. It’s all ‘let’s go do shots’ or ‘watch me do this dumb shit’. You don’t even try, you’re just you. It’s like people don’t realize they can just be nice and be cool for just that.” 

“I... yeah,” you don’t know what to say.  

It’s like he’s calling you boring but not. You know you are and you don’t mind but you can’t ever remember when you just felt like everyone else. Where you weren’t the odd one out. Despite trying to include you, Peter still manages to push you to the edges. 

You wince as you notice how he stares at you. You fidget and pick at the button on the front of your corduroy skirt. His eyes flick down to the nervous movement. 

“I like that,” he reaches to touch the ridged fabric, “blue. Oh, thick.” 

Your leg twitches in surprise, “uh, yeah... found it at the student thrift shop.” 

“Really?” His fingers brush over the hem and touch your coloured tights. They linger for a moment before he pulls away. “Cute. I’ve never been there.” 

“It’s not bad...” you cross your legs as you knee tingles from his touch. That was strange. 

“Well, anyway,” he waggles his fingers as he turns back to the table, “uh, where was I?” He squints at the screens and taps in the air. He pauses and looks at you. “Here, I’ll show you how it work, alright?”  

He reaches over again and you brace yourself. He grabs the underside of the stool seat and drags you closer. He it so easily, you gasp. He’s a lot stronger than he looks. He slides his hand around so his arm is diagonal around your back. 

“Right, so...” his shoulder presses to you as he points with his other arm, “you can just use your finger. I’ll have to add your prints to the program. Put your hands up.” 

You obey as he stays close. You’re overly away of it. The way he’s pressed to you. He doesn’t seem to notice at all. You try not to think of it and focus on his instructions. The project. That’s why you’re here. 

[lethalchiralium]

Happiness Headcanons

(NSFW at the end, as a treat 😌)

- There’s nothing more addictive to Simon than the love of his wife. (Maybe your smell, but probably not.) Simon’s never been consumed by love before (other than Winnie and Mellie) so he is just desperately wanting to protect that.

- He will hold Winnie up by an ankle and pretend he’s selling a prize fish at the market. (She giggles loudly and thrashes, he says, “Oh! ‘ve caught a live one!”)

- The 141 is over pretty much every weekend when they’re on base for long stretches of time. Most of the time they fuss over you cooking, so they bring takeout.

- Winnie likes to dress you some days. Usually it’s just a fun t-shirt and colorful sweatpants or jeans, but sometimes she tugs on a dress you haven’t worn in a while. “Please?” She’ll say, and you have literally no will to say no to her.

- The 141 calls you ‘Missus’ religiously. You’re convinced Price doesn’t know your real name. (He knows your name, he just finds it funny to call you ‘Missus’.)

- Simon secretly LOVES to wash your hair on wash days. He’ll learn your routine from back to front without your knowledge and ask one day to wash your hair. You don’t recall a time since that you’ve had to wash your own hair when he’s home.

- Simon started to learn to love snow when you two started dating. You brought him home to Maine, you were then snowed into your family cabin with just Winnie. Watching her play in the snow was one of his favorite moments.

- He sits at princess tea parties without complaint. Will chat with the cat on duty, who is trying to steal Winnie’s plastic cups. (Missy has had to be held before she starts tearing up stuffies.)

- You always make Simon’s tea first before your own drink. You take time to make it perfect, all because you love seeing him smile as you hand him his “Best Dad Ever” mug.

- Mellie vocalizes to herself to sleep. When she started saying “Dada”, she’d say that to get herself to sleep. Freaked Simon out the first time he heard it on the baby monitor.

- Winnie has an obsession with ice cubes, only because she feeds them to Missy. (“Mama! Ice coobe?” “No, baby. You gave her enough.” “But-“ “No.”)

- Simon can’t figure out how to braid hair for the life of him. It’s somehow too much finger movement, you laughed at that statement.

- There’s a dress you lost in between moving from America to England to be Winnie’s nanny (then subsequently her mom), it was your favorite dress ever. And Simon’s been looking for an exact copy since you two started dating. (He has it in a box in the attic with your due date on it, a surprise for birthing his next baby.)

- Winnie loves seeing you in dresses, she always squeals and compliments you on how pretty you are. She makes you comfortable in your own skin.

- Mellie likes to be wrapped to your chest, little fingers holding onto your shirt as you pick up around the house. She usually falls asleep after fifteen minutes, she just loves to be close to you. It’s the safest place she could ever be.

- Simon likes to lay on the couch with his leg hiked up on the back, so when you come to lay on his chest, he can trap you in. Surprise trap style. (You don’t have the heart to tell him you see it coming every time.)

- Simon plans dates every week.

- You buy tickets to sports events or concerts once every few months and beg him to go. He always says yes.

- He doesn’t sing at all. He’ll hum, but that’s about it. (Which is a lie, he sings little lullabies to his daughters to get them to sleep most nights.)

- Gaz is the go-to babysitter, but if they need to go somewhere overnight, they go to Price. You’ll give Soap a chance every once in a blue moon, but he usually gets drawn on. Head to toe. And is the only uncle who gets terrorized by your five year old. (Simon calls it karma.)

- Missy obviously adores Simon, but when Simon’s busy with the girls, she’ll rub up on your legs and purr like a motorboat.

- Mellie crawls a lot, but she usually likes to pull herself to stand next to the couch - little face staring you down as you sit down. “What, baby? Wanna snuggle?” A little hand reaches up for you, you’re quick to scoop her up and lay down with her. (You always kiss her cheeks, she squeals and makes kissy noises back.)

- You kiss him before you fall asleep every night. The one night you didn’t, he thought you were mad at him. Turns out you were sick and didn’t want to get him sick, but he was incredibly butt hurt about not getting a kiss from his wife.

- Winnie’s favorite color is green. It offends Soap to high heaven since he believes she must secretly be Irish. (Simon nor Winnie’s birth mom are Irish.) You’ve taken the liberty to decide that Mellie’s color is purple.

- Simon takes over laundry and dishes most days so you can recuperate. Raising an almost six year old and almost one year old while having somewhat on and off morning sickness is difficult. (He takes over all duties when you’re essentially locked in the bathroom all day.)

- Gaz and Soap will show up unannounced and essentially push your children to the living room. They’re making blanket forts and drawing with crayons on big sheets of paper. They’ll sit and watch movies, excited that the girls love to spend time with them.

- Winnie’s lunch box and backpack are green and decorated with flowers, she loves them both.

- Simon likes to be held. He’ll shift in the night so his head is on your chest, hands on his back. Hearing you breathe calms him. Hearing your heartbeat helps him breathe easier. (It’s hard not to think about how much his family would’ve loved you.)

- Simon writes down what kind of makeup you like to wear so he can order them if you’re getting low. (No makeup? That’s great too! Man’s purchasing you skincare and nice little lotions, bath bombs, and perfumes. He likes to pamper his beautiful wife.)

- Mellie refuses all vegetables except carrots and broccoli. She’s repeatedly thrown the ones she doesn’t like at her father, so you’ve temporarily stopped making them for her. She’s as happy as a clam.

- You have been looking into getting Simon the dog he wants. Either a Rottweiler, Doberman, or King Shepherd. It’s just hard to buy a £1500 puppy without the fraud alert going off on your joint bank account.

- You ask Simon to paint your nails sometimes. He doesn’t think he could do it right so he refuses and hands you enough quid to go to a nail salon.

- Winnie loves Barbies. She maybe has five of them that she take a great care of. She always requests her father to play with her. Simon always says yes, but is only allowed to play with her favorite Barbie - the one that looks like you.

- Your engagement and wedding rings are a matching set, both expensive and high quality. Simon worked for years without anyone to spend it on, so he saved and invested. It’s not enough to retire on, but it’s enough to buy your matching rings, the matching bracelet, necklace, and earrings. (Yes, he’s still paying that credit card off. No, he doesn’t regret it. He loves watching your face light up with every piece he gives you.)

- He also buys you another bracelet, one with birthstones on them - yours, his, Winnie’s, and Mellie’s. With space for the next one, and maybe another after that. (What can the man say? He can’t wait to see your pregnant belly, it’ll be the first time he’s ever seen a partner of his actually grow his child. He’s excited to wake up every day and see you. (If fifteen year old Simon Riley could see him now, wanting to wake up every day.))

NSFW

- Munch this, munch that, Simon doesn’t go down on you unless asked. He doesn’t think he does it that well, but he’ll do as you ask.

- He unknowingly made you into a pillow princess. His body aches after sex a lot of the time (His injuries that healed wrong) and he’s so conscious to make sure you are comfortable at all times. So if that means he keeps you laying on array of pillows, so be it.

- You do love to ride him though. It’s not often as it requires a lot of energy from you, and you’re almost always exhausted. You just like to watch his eyes roll into the back of his head, the way his Adam’s apple bops as he sucks in air, licking his lips. He’s quite literally your personal art gallery, you could stare at him for days on end.

- He’s not confident in his head giving abilities, but he is very confident with his fingers. Your first orgasm is always from him rubbing your clit, doesn’t matter if it takes a little longer and more effort the more frequently he does it, he wants you soft and pliable so he can gently fuck you.

- Eye contact is huge for you. You trust Simon, you truly do, but there’s just something about how he refuses to look away from you sometimes.

- He’s quiet during sex, which means you’re mostly quiet too. You don’t want the girls to hear, even if they’re down the hall. So he’s extremely quiet, except for the soft grunts and breathy whispers. (“So good, meetin’ my hips like that. Keep rockin’ ‘em, love. Feels so good.”)

- He likes to bend your back sometimes, not often. Having you on your front, pressing his hips down so your back curls and he can go deeper? He’s a mess.

- He gets pussy drunk a lot. He drooled on your chest once, he tried to apologize but you swiped it with your finger and put it in your mouth. “Taste sweet, baby.” (That man immediately asked if he could spit in your mouth, you said another time. That or he could spit on your pussy, which he did ten seconds later.)

- A quickie in the shower is a must before work for him some days. If you’re not up for it, he’ll jerk off thinking of you.

- You like to wash him in the shower, which means you usually get to see him sudsy and clean, always from a below his waist angle though.

- You two don’t have sex every day, but it’s always every few days. More than most of your friends have sex with their partners. (Definitely more than Gaz and Soap can pick up when they’re home.)

- Sometimes he whispers how he wants you to have as many babies as he can give you, that he just wants to see you with a baby belly, how sexy you are being a wonderful mother. (He’s in adoration of you, even when he’s balls deep.)

- Simon is the type to ask Gaz to babysit, then reserve a nice hotel room so he can fuck you without restraint.

- He’ll whimper if you ask nicely and promise something in return. (For example, brushing his hair. Or holding his hair when he goes down on you and controlling where his tongue goes. Fun stuff like that.)

- You do appreciate a quick fingering since pregnancy hormones got you fucked up, you can’t keep asking to get bent over the bathroom counter or your bed because you’re gonna have a baby belly soon.

- As much as he loves having sex with you, he’s nervous to initiate. He knows you don’t mind, he knows you usually say yes, it’s just that he doesn’t want to take advantage of you. He knows what it’s like and he would simply put a bullet in his head if he EVER touched you when you didn’t want him to. He loves you too much.

[spooky-holtz]

Sicilian Scheming

Melissa Schemmenti x reader

Genre: pure fluff

Word Count: 3.4k

Prompt: "I seen you were looking for ideas for fics and was wondering if you’d write one where Mellisa’s Nona comes to visit her at Abbot during summer planning where she meets teacher Reader and essentially forces them to go on a date together even though they don’t get along well but they end up really hitting it off then a time skip to their wedding where Nona’s bragging about getting them together?"

I've diverted from the prompt a little but the core of it still stands. Strap in.

--------------------

Make no mistake, you absolutely love teaching the third grade but by the time summer comes around, you’re glad to see them go. Summer vacation gives you a chance to relax and enjoy your time away from the stuffy brick building that is Abbott Elementary, spending weeks at a time curled up on the window ledge of your apartment basking in the sun with a good novel and often a crisp glass of wine.  

You rarely get chance to see your co-workers save for the coffee dates you have with Janine, often meeting the smaller woman around the corner from her home to sit and chat in the large glass windows as the rest of the world passes by. You spend hours at a time chatting about anything and everything your rather uneventful lives have thrown at you, fingers curled around a sweating glass of flavored iced tea. These breaks are always among the highlights of your year, giving you a chance to wind down and refresh ready for the next group of kids that you will take under your wing.  

By the time the summer break winds down though, you’re eager to get back to school and see your dysfunctional work family. There’s nothing you love more than the first day after weeks apart, hearing all about Barbra’s annual cruise with Gerald, or Jacob’s latest mission to get himself “down with the kids” - it usually involves some god awful Tik Tok trend that he should NOT be doing, but you don’t have the heart to stop his rather spirited approach to engaging with his students.  

You love these conversations but there is somebody else that you find yourself searching for the second you step foot through the green doors of Abbott; Mellisa Schemmenti. The older woman has become an infatuation for you, her rigid exterior always melting when you interact. She knows exactly how you take your coffee, always leaves a seat open for you during meetings, and takes every opportunity to compliment your appearance - whether it's a new pair of earrings, or a slightly different shade of hair dye, Melissa will always notice.  

She makes you feel special in the smallest ways, always leaving you with the hope that she might actually like you back. It feels juvenile and you can’t help but imagine yourself as one of the kids you teach every day, sending heart eyes across the room at each other at any given chance, just waiting for her cheeks to flush and that small, suppressed smile to appear on her glossed lips.  

Your crush is no secret, but you would never tell anyone - well, except Janine who had managed to guess exactly why you get so nervous around the older woman after a few glasses of wine at the last faculty holiday party. You didn’t have to say anything; your longing looks toward the redhead on the other side of the teachers’ lounge as you nursed a plastic cup full of cheap alcohol was enough to prompt your friend to ask. You could never lie to Janine’s puppy dog eyes, especially not with a buzz courtesy of the liquor store across the street.  

You can’t help but let your thoughts drift toward thick Philly accents as you sit in the gym on the first day of school, squashed between Jacob and Janine and caught directly in the middle of their conversation about whatever new Netflix documentary series dropped last week. You’re really trying to listen, but your thoughts are consumed by bright red curls and glittery lip gloss, not true crime documentaries.  

You find yourself scanning the room as the pair babble on and you notice that the seating arrangement is half empty as you wait for the rest of the faculty to arrive and for Ava to take the stage for yet another development week speech that will go down in infamy at Abbott. She’s already poked her head from behind the curtain on the stage twice, clearly impatient to make her grand entrance to a group of less than willing participants.  

You begin to hear the telltale sound of heeled boots clicking against the linoleum floor and you feel yourself freezing into place just as Melissa waltzes into the hall, Barbara in tow. You don’t know if you’re impressed or terrified at her ability to constantly wear those shoes and the thought makes you realize that you’ve never actually seen Melissa at her normal height. 

Just as you suck in a deep breath, her eyes scan the room and instantly land where you sit, sandwiched between two of your rather enthusiastic co-workers. As her green eyes meet yours you see them shrink at the smile she sends your way, her pearly white teeth cutting through the shiny pink lip gloss she’s always wearing. You send a similar smile back, overjoyed at the fact she merely noticed you. God help your heart rate when she decides to talk to you for the first time in two months.  

Your attention is pulled away by Barbara, who waves enthusiastically from behind Melissa, making her way toward the empty seats directly in front of you. Your eyes dart back to Melissa as she follows the billowing of the older woman’s cardigan, heels still impossibly loud against the floor. 

The dark button down she’s sporting is tight against her torso, the sleeves rolled up to reveal her deceptively toned forearms. You have to remind yourself to look away for a split second, the thought of getting caught ogling her by one of your co-workers forcing you to tear your eyes away. You look toward Janine who has trailed off her conversation with Jacob, the pair watching you and Melissa like a tennis match. You feel your shoulders slump at Jacob’s knowing look, the excitement practically making him vibrate.  

“You’re kidding, you know too?” You sigh. 

“Uh yeah, you don’t exactly hide the heart eyes,” he scoffs. He must see the deer-in-headlights expression on your face because he continues, “I wouldn’t worry, she was definitely just throwing them right back at you.” 

You have no time to reply as the subject of the conversation reaches the row of seats in front of you, sitting in the hard plastic chair and turning her torso to see you, hand resting on the back of her seat. Her smile is wide again as she looks to you. The panic brews in your throat and your palms instantly become sweaty at the prospect of Melissa feeling the intensity of your feelings.  

“Hey hun, it’s been a while,” she says, her eyes still crinkled from the smile she wears. Her focus is entirely on you, ignoring the duo that sits on either of your sides.  

“Yeah, it has,” you manage to stammer out, “How’ve you been? You look good.”  

You inwardly cringe at your words but you’re not lying. She’s obviously had her hair dyed ready for the new school year and it’s even brighter than usual, making her even easier for you to pick out of a crowd. She looks so full of life and at ease, the break clearly having done her well. Her smile grows impossibly wider at your compliment, putting you instantly at ease.  

“It was great,” she replies. “Spent a lotta time at the beach with my family, so I’m not as pasty as you may have remembered.” 

She throws a wink your way with the last statement, causing a pink blush to cover your cheeks within seconds. What you wouldn’t give to actually see Melissa at the beach, totally relaxed on a sun lounger with a drink in hand. The image turns your cheeks an even deeper shade of red and Mel clearly catches on, her smirk letting you know that she knows exactly where your thoughts have gone.  

Before you even have chance to reply, Ava makes her grand entrance from behind the curtain to a chorus of groans that echos throughout the room.  

You can feel Janine’s elbow nudging into your side, your friend having had a front row seat to your entire interaction with the redhead. The action earns her a swift kick to the ankle under her seat, accompanied by a hissed “don’t you dare”.  

The meeting is over almost as quickly as it begins, Ava rushing back to her office to catch the latest episode of Real Housewives - she didn’t explicitly say it but you all know that’s the only reason she would be running back down the hall. You won’t complain though because it means you can get started with your work to prepare your classroom for the year ahead. You stand from your seat alongside Jacob and Janine and have all intentions of getting back to work when Melissa turns around again. Her emerald eyes stop you in your tracks, mid-stretch, your arms flexed above your head.  

“I never got the chance to tell you earlier, but I really like your dress,” she says, completely catching you off guard. Your hands fall, hanging limply by your side and brushing against the floral fabric of your clothing. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t wear it specifically to catch her eye this morning. The soft smile she wears on her face makes your heart melt, the look on her face only reserved for you. “It's real pretty.” 

You both stand there for a few seconds, blushing like lovesick teenagers and staring into each other's eyes when a throat clearing brings you back to reality. Janine claps her hands together, flustered by the interaction.  

“Okay, I’m gonna get back to my classroom and, uh, get started on cleaning. Have a good day guys!” She calls as she walks away with Jacob in tow, enthusiastic as ever as he throws a thumbs up your way. You know that within five minutes of leaving the school gym she’ll be in your classroom waiting for the rundown on what the hell just happened between you and Melissa, as if she didn’t see it all happen from inches away. At this rate, you wouldn’t be surprised if Jacob shows up with a bag of popcorn to join in with the gossip session.  

“Oh shit, yeah, I need to clean before Nonna shows up,” Melissa mumbles, “I don’t wanna even think about the earful I’ll get if my classroom is a mess.” She doesn’t even stop to think before she turns on her heel and practically runs out of the gym and down the hall toward her classroom. You don’t have time to process her words before her best friend speaks.  

“Well, I guess that just leaves us,” Barbara says from her place next to where the redhead stood. She wears a gentle smile on her face that will always help you feel at ease. She reaches her arm out to you, linking your arm within hers as she turns to walk. “Come on honey, I’ll walk you to your room and tell you all about the cruise I had with my Gerald.”  

After a rather lengthy conversation about ‘Sea Barbara’ and her less-than-christian antics, you’re back at your door for the first time in months and can’t help but feel like you’re home. Nobody particularly likes their job but that couldn’t be further from the truth for you. Already, you’ve planned out the next year and can’t wait to welcome your little Eagles back into the classroom.  

It’s a full hour later by the time you actually hear another person’s voice - Janine chose to keep her distance but will no doubt grill you about Melissa at some point today. It’s just a matter of when.  

You hear the signature clicking of her heels before you can see her, her footsteps considerably slower than usual. You can hear her talking as she walks, though you can’t make you exactly what she’s saying. The footsteps grow louder and slower before you hear a knock against your doorframe, the door propped open by a thick stack of textbooks that you’ve wedged in front of it in a desperate attempt to get some airflow in the stuffy room.  

The sound makes you whip your head from where you stand on your stepladder, stapler and crepe paper in hand as you put together a display for the kids. You know exactly who will be standing there, already smiling as you turn and meet her eyes.  

“Hey Hun,” she says, “I’ve got someone here who wanted to really meet you.”  

For the first time you notice the presence beside her. You don’t need to take any guesses that this is Melissa’s infamous Nonna, the older woman clearly having stamped her grandchildren with her genes - she looks exactly how you imagine Melissa would in her old age, her hair silver and leaning gently on a cane.  

“Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti!” she exclaims, making you jump and stand up straighter, terrified at the prospect of already being on her bad side. You climb down from the ladder as she stares at you, smoothing your hands down the front of your dress in an effort to get rid of any creases that may have formed during the morning. “You said she was pretty, but not this pretty!”  

You feel your shoulders relax as you laugh at the older woman, taken aback, Melissa by the side of her groaning loudly with a “Nonna, really?” You move toward the pair holding your hand out to shake the wrinkled one of the grey-haired lady before you. Her fingers are adorned by the same kind of jewelry that Melissa wears, her Sicilian heritage extremely clear from the large signet rings that she wears across her hands.  

“And there’s no mistaking that you must be Nonna,” you grin, introducing yourself. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You’re like a living legend around here.” She closes her hand around yours, the other still gripping her cane.  

“Pretty and complimentary?” She remarks, turning to look at her granddaughter whose face has managed to turn the same colour as her hair. “Well, you kept a lot quiet about this one.” 

You can’t help but look at Melissa at this statement, catching her eye and smiling even wider, Nonna’s remarks already making your grin impossibly wide. Her brow relaxes itself slightly, the hard lines around her eyes softening when she sees the pure joy on your face at finally getting to meet the woman you’ve heard so much about over the last few years.  

“I’m not sure if I want to hear exactly what you know about me,” you joke to her, catching Melissa’s eye yet again. The poor woman looks unbelievably flustered but it's a welcome change in your dynamic. She usually gets to revel in the fact that you turn into a puddle in her presence, but now you can only hope to add to the quickly darkening hue of her cheeks.  

“Trust me, you do. This one doesn’t shut up about you,” she says, smiling slightly and cocking her head toward Melissa who is actively wishing that a sinkhole would open up beneath her feet. She lets go of your hand and moves further into the classroom, leaning ever so slightly on her stick but still moving with all the confidence of your favourite Schemmenti woman - at least you know where Melissa gets it from now.  

Your eyes dart to Melissa, the older woman already looking back at you with a silent apology in her eyes her teeth worrying her bottom lip. You reach out and rub the top of her arm over her shirt in a small act of comfort, letting her know that this entire situation is doing nothing but working in her favour.  

“Ya know, it’s nice seeing something other than my Melissa’s classroom or the reception desk at this school for once,” Nonna says, almost speaking to herself. She looks around the room almost in awe, taking in the displays in various degrees of completion around the room.  

You follow her further in, Melissa hot on your tail behind you. She’s so close that you feel her almost walk straight into your back as you stop closer to the older woman, her once intimidating heels stuttering slightly on the wooden floor.  

“So, tell me,” Nonna begins, turning in place to face you, “What brought a girl like you to Philly? I know you’re not a local.” Her eyes twinkle as she asks, and you have a sneaking suspicion that she already knows the answer to her question from the tales her granddaughter has seemingly told her about you.  

“I just wanted a change,” you answer honestly. “I only thought I’d be here a couple years, but it’s been five and I can’t see myself leaving any time soon.” 

At your statement you hear Melissa sigh by your side. As your head turns to meet her gaze you see just how much it softened at your words. She knows just how much you love your job and the dedication you’re willing to put into making sure these kids make it. Year after year she’s been the one to help you draft lesson plans and mark countless piles of work over a mug of coffee in the teachers’ lounge, helping you when you feel slightly out of your depth in more ways than she could imagine. 

It’s only when she’s this close to your face that you can see the glittering of her lip gloss as she smiles slightly, her lips pulled together in a look that conveys so much softness.  

“Do you like Italian food?” Nonna asks, breaking the tense silence that has fallen between you. You feel the redhead beside you jump, both of you completely forgetting that her grandmother is just meters away from your little moment. You can’t answer quick enough, crying out for her approval and hoping that you can focus back from the incredible green eyes that are currently burning into the side of your head.  

“Oh yeah, I absolutely love an Italian,” you stutter out, “Can’t get enough.” 

You inwardly cringe at your words as you hear Melissa snicker by your side, Nonna’s eyes twinkling with amusement again. You hear a quiet “Bedda Matri” from Melissa through the giggles that shake her body.  

“I bet ya do,” Nonna says, her grin revealing her impossibly pearly white teeth. You can feel yourself getting warmer and you’re not sure if it’s from the stuffiness of your classroom and its broken windows or from the pure embarrassment radiating through your system. “You know, I taught Melissa everything she knows about Italian food. Maybe if you’re nice she’ll cook for you sometime.” 

Nonna’s eyebrows are raised as you turn to meet Melissa’s eyes, the older woman shrugging in your direction. It's nice to know you aren’t the only person completely lost in this conversation.  

“Oh, I know!” Nonna exclaims, making the pair of you jump yet again, “Melissa, how about you cook this nice girl the family baked ziti tonight? Say, 7 o’clock?”  

“Uh sure, if you don’t have anything on?” Melissa says, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion once again.  

“No no, I’m totally free,” you stammer, your cheeks matching the deep red of your co-worker's hair. “I’ve got your address too.” 

“Wonderful!” Nonna almost shouts, her shrill voice echoing off the semi-bare walls of your classroom. “You’re going to love it, trust me.” She says, throwing a wink your way.  

You don’t particularly want to admit that the smaller woman is, but you do love it. So much so that two years later you’re twirling around a dance floor in a lacy white dress, Melissa in a matching getup and shiny new diamond rings on your left hands. As Billy Joel croons the chorus of ‘Just the Way You Are’ from the speakers set up around the room, you hear a familiar voice chirp up from a table just out of reach of the dance floor.  

“You know, they would never have gotten together if I hadn’t practically knocked their heads together,” Nonna says, her voice carrying over the song as she explains her matchmaking services to Melissa’s Uncle Tony. You feel Melissa grin where her cheek rests against yours, your expression matching hers as you hear the older woman carry on. “I’m telling you now Anthony, this wedding wouldn’t even be happening if it wasn’t for me.”  

You feel Melissa begin to giggle where she stands, her hands resting against the lace at the small of your back, thumbs rubbing gently against the surface as you sway together. You hear Nonna carry on, adamant that the life you’ve built wouldn’t be possible if not for her, and as much as you don’t want to give her satisfaction, you both know she’s right.  

[authorred]

Li Shen/Zayne (N)SFW Headcanons bc I'm horny for this man | Love and Deepspace | gn!Reader

Preface: As enigmatic Doctor Zayne tries to be, it's not difficult for you to figure him out. In fact, it unnerves him a little as to how easily you can pick him apart (not that he'd ever admit it and blow your ego up)

I LOVE THIS MAN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF OKAY--XAVIER MIGHT BE NEXT SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THAT POOKIE X

This will definitely be NSFW (18+) so minors DNI (do not interact). Unless you do, which in that case I refuse to be held responsible for the content you consume.

Warning(s): NSFW content sprinkled in

Established lightweight--one glass of wine would make him a bit tipsy, but 4+ would make him borderline drunk

Gets more affectionate when drunk but is super pouty during??? Like he's not the one who touched you first??? Acts like he doesn't want to even though his hands are literally mapping your body like a constellation???? Tsundere even when drunk and obvious smh

When the jig is up he accepts defeat and just hugs you--doesn't care about sex or whatever, but wants to keep you close in whatever form that may be

Calls you 'my dear' a lot, and sometimes when he's feeling real romantical he'll call you 'darling, my love, sweetheart'

Doesn't like calling you 'baby'--it feels infantilizing to him. Same thing with 'baby girl' (to my fem!readers) but might do it on occasion if you really like it

Doesn't care if you call him petnames or not, but if you do he really enjoys 'my love' or if you have a nickname in another language (e.g: mi amor, 親愛なる, mon cœur, etc)

If you can speak more than one language fluently he is extremely impressed--he probably never bothered to learn another language that thoroughly, but he's super eager to be taught by you

Domestic, husband material as the fandom has agreed upon

Learn to cook together, or teach each other recipes

Is not dominant in the bedroom--or at the very least, a switch

Because you're telling me THIS MAN WHO WORKS HIS ASS OFF SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES AND HAS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE COUNTING ON HIM AND HIS RESEARCH AND WORK IS GOING TO GO HOME AND CONTINUE MAKING DECISIONS?

No

Not how that works psychologically

He is for your pleasure 100% but it's from a submissive stance

Will know what you want/how you want it/where you want it, and will give it to you without being asked if you're tired or are also mentally fatigued

Probably would not ask to be pleasured back, that's something you have to ease him into bc he doesn't feel he needs/deserves it?

Suck him off

Sometimes he'll come home frustrated from a bad work day, and then he might get a bit pushy/dominant

But overall he is submissive

Definitely is a top when it comes to penetration--wouldn't mind trying to get ate out/fucked from behind but I genuinely doubt he'd enjoy it that much

Might do it occasionally if you want it that badly

Does not get jealous, but gets territorial in a very condescending way

Is scared to love you at first

But he can't help it

I don't think he'd mind having kids, but I also don't think he'd mind not having kids--it'd be up to you, really

He would make a great father though--especially to a girl

Would die for you--genuinely, no exaggeration, would lay down his life for you if it meant you lived

Jokes on him bc you'd die for him too

His neck is sensitive to the touch

Always cold, please warm him up thanks

I feel like he likes iced tea but hates Arizona Tea

Likes teasing you a lot, nonsexually

He'd do well with someone contrasting to his personality

Wouldn't mind owning a cat or two, he'd just feel bad since he would have little time to spend with it

Is a sound sleeper but wakes easily

[crypticenbug]

I'm a barista in my day-to-day life, and my brain is currently full of bees at the moment so I am subjecting you to what twitter already had to see:

All of the different Papas and what they get at their local coffee shop:

Nihil (Younger): He would get black coffee and insist he likes it but he actually thinks it's gross, but he refuses to get anything else cause it's cheap and he thinks it makes him look cool

Nihil (Older): Extra hot hot chocolate with 9 pumps of chocolate syrup, 3 pumps vanilla, no foam and a mountain of whipped cream (This is an actual order that a regular of mine gets. She's like 90 so her RN comes in for her). He's too old and dead to care about the amount of sugar he's consuming, that's Sister's problem now

Sister (Younger): She actually likes black coffee but only ever gets it out of convenience. If she's at a coffee shop, she's gonna get a latte, usually hot, and she will cycle through sugar free vanilla, mocha, hazelnut, and caramel. She's a classy lady who likes classy flavors, though she wouldn't mind a cold brew or shaken espresso from time to time.

Sister (Older): Her tastes on coffee kinda stay the same but she drinks a lot more tea now, goes for decaf more often and doesn't branch out as much. She starts enjoying cappuccinos as she gets older

Primo: He also drinks a lot of teas, but if he does get coffee it's gonna be black with a little room for cream and sugar but not a whole lot cause he enjoys trying to pick out the flavor notes of the coffee like he's at a wine tasting.

Secondo: His order will always be a hot french vanilla latte and if the shop doesn't have french vanilla he does hazelnut, idk why his coffee order came up so easily for me he reminds me of a regular I have

Terzo: Only brother who gets iced coffee year round, and he is NEVER consistent with his order besides the fact that it's an iced latte with some sort of flavored syrup. Loves asking his barista to surprise him and he always ends up loving the drink. Isn't lactose intolerant but doesn't like the texture of dairy milk so he gets a lot of alternatives and has gone through every one to pick one he likes. Right now it's almond milk

Cardinal Copia: Doesn't go to coffee shops very often but when he does, he gets something from the bev case and a cup of ice or he asks about any seasonals. Not a huge fan of coffee unless it is so sweet it would give someone a heart attack. Much like Terzo he hates the texture of dairy milk, he seems like the type to prefer soy

Papa Copia: Still enjoys seasonals, but so far his consistent order has been a pumpkin white mocha or a peppermint hot chocolate, both kids temp. Yes he wants whipped cream, what do you take him for?

Frater Imperator: Still hates bitter coffee, but has actually developed a taste for it now, enjoys whipped cream but keeps forgetting to ask for it until he gets his drink and takes a sip

(Lmk if y'all want my nameless ghoul coffee shop headcanons)

[lastoneout]

I do want to chime re: that last post, as someone who lives in a place where it's like 100F+ for like half the year, when things are bad enough it literally doesn't matter what you drink as long as you are consuming liquids. Yes, you should try to drink as much water as you can, but if you literally cannot stand the taste of it literally drink fucking anything. Coffee, tea, soda, and gatorade is better than not drinking any liquids at all. The ONLY drink doesn't hydrate you is alcohol, everything else is fair game.

Legit every time I see someone say "only drink water, everything else is bad for you" especially in regards to a disaster situation I want to scream bcs trust me anything is better than not drinking!! And, in fact, just water alone WILL NOT FULLY HYDRATE YOU. If you're eating enough stuff with salt and sugar in it you should be fine but there is a reason that hospitals use a saline solution to hydrate patients, and it's bcs if you don't have enough electrolytes in your system your body just straight up will not absorb the water!! Trust me, I have been super dehydrated before due to the heat despite drinking tons of water and it wasn't until I drank a gatorade that I actually started to feel better bcs I needed the sugars and salts in it to get my body to absorb the water I was drinking!! (Bcs contrary to popular diet culture opinion your body actually needs sugar, salt, and fat to function properly.)

I also know what it's like to try to force yourself to eat or drink something you can't stand and how a lot of the time our bodies just will not let us consume something if we don't like it, so trust me if you hate water to the degree that you will not drink it, DRINK SODA OR COFFEE OR TEA OR GATORADE FFS. You NEED liquids!! You are not hurting yourself, your body WILL hydrate itself with those drinks!! You should ofc again try to ALSO drink water, but if you hate water or don't have safe water just drink a fucking soda.

Add kool-aid or lemonade powder or mio drops or something like that to your water bottles, buy gatorade or pedialyte or another sports drink and drink a cup of water along with them, eat jello and watermelon and cucumbers, make iced tea or coffee and put extra ice in it, freeze juice in an ice-cube tray and put it in your water, have soda or hawaiian punch or sunny d or chocolate milk or whatever, eat popsicles, have soup, literally please just get liquids into you in any way that you can. Every single year summer gets harder and harder and we do not have the luxury of succumbing to "water or nothing" culture, so please just drink SOMETHING bcs nothing kills faster than dehydration and these things WILL hydrate you. Some might not do it as well as others, but they will do it, and that's enough to keep you alive.

TL;DR: Try to drink as much water as you can, but if you can't for whatever reason don't feel bad and pls just drink something, bcs when push comes to shove it's far more important to get liquids into your body than it is to worry about which ones, and drinking soda/juice/a sports drink WITH your water can actually help you stay hydrated BETTER than drinking nothing but water can. As long as you're avoiding alcohol you're fine, so please, just drink something.

[dullgecko]

I was rewatching Fantasy high, and realized that Gorgug has asked for hot chocolate everytime Gilear is sent out for Coffee so now here’s the bad kids coffee order

Kristen: Cortado (we know this already 😔)

Fabian: The most complicated order every single godamn time and it’s always different each time. The baristas have started writing his name wrong on purpose they hate him.

“A venti nonfat, no whip, 9 shot, 1 pump mocha drink with 4 shakes of cinnamon, and a caramel drizzle at the bottom. I also want it hot, like as hot at you can get it.”

Riz: Classic black coffee with some sugar and milk, 1) detective vibes, 2) keeps him up. Also Riz relies on coffee so much it is a borderline addiction.

Fig: Something really sweet, like a “Cinnamon Caramel Cream Cold Brew” or smth, Fig doesn’t really drink coffee but she knows exactly what she wants.

Gorgug: Gorgug thinks all coffee is bitter it makes his mouth feel weird and doesn’t like the smell. Hot chocolate is the only thing he’ll order.

Adaine: Also not a coffee drinker, more tea drinker. When she does drink coffee it’s something really light, like a cafetiere.

(I’m a barista Fabian’s order is something that’s actually something I’ve had to make)

Kristen orders Cortados mostly for the in-joke at this point, but she also strikes me as someone who would enjoy a mocha or even those seasonal flavoured coffees when the mood strikes.

Fabian is a menace, his coffee orders are a nightmare, but somehow they always taste amazing. If he's pressed for time or not in a mood to fuck with the barristas he just gets something like an oat-milk latte with caramel syrup. Its especially fun to do when he comes up to the counter, the barista recognises him and a look of dread passes over their face, and then they're just confused by the super simple order. Will usually order the same drink as he's getting for Riz if they're out together, does not take the goblins size into account and adjust the size of the order to suit. It's 2 of exactly the same drink, large or extra large.

Riz's simple coffee orders are mostly because black coffee is usually the cheapest thing on the menu. He'll usually order for himself because most of his friends are on a crusade to stop him exploding his own heart with caffeine overconsumption (Adaine will get him tea, kristen will get him small size only half-strength coffees, Fig will get him a drink that isnt even coffee or caffinated like a milkshake and Gorgug will get him decaf). Fabian is the only one who's allowed to purchase him coffee, but the half-elf spoils the fuck out of him by getting him the extra-large fancy flavoured coffees that have more sugar in them than you should consume in a week and enough caffeine that Riz is vibrating and seeing into the next dimension afterwards. The coffee's Fabian buys him are also disgustingly expensive and cost the same as about 12 of Riz's usual order combined.

Fig gets herself iced coffees with flavoured syrups in them. They're almost more milkshake than anything else, with a little bit of coffee for the caffeine kick. If she has a hot coffee it usually has about five teaspoons of sugar in it with milk to mask the bitterness.

Gorgug likes hot chocolates and vanilla chai lattes. He tries not to have much caffeine because it raises his heart rate too much and makes him feel like he'll go into a rage if not careful.

Adaine love her teas but will spring for a dirty chai latte with vanilla if she's really tired. Sometimes she'll join Fig in having an iced-coffee with extra ice-cream if the weather is really hot.

[coqxettee]

How to romanticise Spring:

Some ideas and things you can do to romanticise the Spring season 🫧˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🧚🏻‍♀️.

Spring Wardrobe - Spring is the perfect time to start integrating new pieces into your wardrobe. Long flowing dresses, maxi skirts, pretty blouses, milkmaid dresses/shirts, rompers, dungarees, mini skirts, cami’s and so much more. Make sure to add a pair of new Spring pumps (Mary janes are perfect) and some pretty floral hair bandanna’s and flower crowns in there too. Pastel pinks, yellows, blues, greens and white fit perfect for this time of year, along with patterns and materials like floral print and lace 🩰

Change your eating habits. Put away the comfort food from winter and indulge in the delicious delicacy’s of Spring. Fresh fruit and vegetables can make endless recipes for Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner, sweet things like Oatmeal, Honey, gelato and any particularly sweet fruits are perfect for this time of year 🍒🥗🍵

Consume Spring media 💐 The media you consume affects your mood, consuming uplifting Spring content will not only make you feel happier in yourself, but will also make you look forward to and romanticise the season more. I have a list of Movies, TV shows & books you can consume in Spring that I will be uploading shortly ☀️

Read Spring books. There are SO many out there, classics are perfect for this time of year but any whimsical, forest-core, fantasy story’s like “The Hobbit” or “The legend of King Arthur” are perfect too 📖

Listen to classical music, movie soundtracks and pretty instrumentals whenever you are doing any of the following activities (I find it helps romanticising a lot! 🎶🌷)

Have a picnic outside - Bring a wicker picnic basket, beautiful picnic blanket, fancy plates and cutlery and have a picnic fit for a countryside princess outside, either at the park or in a field. Wear a big sun hat to keep shaded from the sun and be sure to bring the essentials (Princess picnic food can include miniature sandwiches, scones, cookies, cakes & cupcakes, fruits like strawberries, cherries and apples, any snacks you can think of, lemonade and sweet iced tea) 🌷

Host a Tea Party (either indoors or outside) Set a table with all your finest dinnerware pieces, wear a floaty dress and white gloves, and use your most precious Teapot to pour fruity and sweet flavoured teas into any delicate teacups you can find. You can even make this Bridgerton inspired and have a high-tea esque party. With cookies and strawberry shortcake, cupcakes and miniature sandwiches. Make sure to set the table with a pretty tablecloth, fresh flowers and napkins/fine cutlery for yourself or your guests. Play some classical music and enjoy 🫖

Go berry/fruit picking. This time of year is perfect for Strawberry, Cherry’s & fruit picking in general. Wear a big straw hat, a long dress and don’t forget to bring your basket with you to collect the fruit in 🍓

Visit a flower field 🌸 💐 this time of year, flowers are in full bloom. Wear the most beautiful dress and a flower crown, so you are ready to twirl in the flower fields to your hearts content 🌷

Bake new Spring recipes. There are SO many Spring/Easter baking ideas on Pinterest. Have a look at any and compile a list of Bakes you want to try this Spring season 🍰

Cook new Spring recipes, you can even incorporate any new foods you have tried into the recipes and be sure to write them down in your recipe book 🥧

Make flower crowns! You can use fresh flowers or fake flowers, some wire or plain headbands. Get creative with them, use flowers, gems, lace, ribbon (this is a lovely activity to do with friends outside) 🌸

Press flowers (Such a Spring fairy activity!) any wild flowers you find (preferably dying or damaged) take them home and press them in a heavy book

Go on Forest Fairy walks. Explore your local forests, parks, meadows in the most vibrant green and pink dresses, wear flower crowns and just be one with nature, listen to fairytale music and take in the wildlife and nature around you 🧚‍♀️

Decorate your bedroom/space for Spring. This can be as simple as changing the bedding or by going all out and re-decorating your room completely. Fresh flowers, fake plants, cottage-core illustrations of animals look lovely too 🌷

Celebrate Easter like a Spring princess (really get into it this year) enjoy a beautiful Spring breakfast, paint eggs, eat chocolate, do some Easter bakes in the kitchen, make Easter Sunday a special day for you 🐣

Journal/Sketch/Paint - Painting outside is one of my favourite things to do, and you could even set up your easel/painting supplies in a garden or local field and paint the scenery 💐 Journalling all about your pretty Spring days can be uplifting and I find that sketching illustrations of Flowers, woodland animals and just Nature in general makes me feel so at ease any time I do so 🦢

Visit historical places like castles, botanical gardens and garden centres. These places are always abloom in Spring. Most of these places offer café’s and afternoon tea’s too! 🌸

Visit a cute Café for afternoon tea 🫖 (Make sure to wear a pretty outfit!)

Go frolicking in meadows. Roll down hills and twirl in flower fields 🌼

Feed birds and take time out to Spend time with nature and wildlife 🐰

I hope this helped and gave you some ideas, made you feel happy or comforted whilst reading and most importantly, inspired you to live life to the fullest and most beautiful it can be this Springtime 💐📖🎀 All my love ~ Kellen

[somber-sapphic]

Burning Up

〘Prompt 8 on day 8- Persistent Fever〙

〘Notes- Super short, just wanted to make sure it was technically done on time. Completely unedited because I'm tired.〙

〘Summary- Sometimes the only thing that can help a fever is a cool bath and a song.〙

〘Word Count- 500〙

〘Pairing- Natasha x Sick Reader〙

〚Main Masterlist〛⌶〚Sicktember Masterlist〛

“Come on, in the bath.” Natasha grunted, more to herself than to you. You were in absolutely no condition to fight her, so instead you just allowed her to carry you into the bathroom where you were deposited into the tub.

For three days the assassin had been sitting at your bedside, pouring tea and medicine down your throat as she tried everything, she could do to get your temperature down. She didn’t know exactly what your body was dealing with, but it seemed to have gone into overdrive.

She had been watching your temperature steadily rise, her worry increasing with your fever. When it had hit 103, the woman knew that she had to try something else. Had Bruce been available she would’ve gone running to him, but he was on vacation. Her next thought had been Clint, but he was far too annoying.

A quick debate had brought her to the internet where she frantically searched for ways to bring your temperature down. After five minutes of looking, she had decided on a lukewarm bath and ice chips. You had been consuming ice chips for about ten minutes as the two of you waited for the bath to come to an ideal temperature.

“Okay love, ready?” Natasha asked, lifting your practically lifeless body off of the toilet seat. You moaned in response, too weak to give a real answer. Taking your pathetic whine for a yes, the redhead lowered you into the water.

You let out an alarmed cry at the sudden change in temperature and clutched at Nat’s arms, trying in vain to pull yourself out of the cool water. The assassin shushed you softly and kept you in the tub. She held you there until you finally calmed down, your body adapting to the new temperature.

Natasha grabbed a washcloth and dipped it in the water, squeezing it out before she wiped the sweat off of your face, chest, and the back of your neck. She continued the process as you settled into the bath, your eyes beginning to close as the water sapped away your fever.

This was the most comfortable that you had been in days, and you finally felt like you might be able to sleep. That feeling was intensified when Natasha began to sing.

It was a soothing Russian song, made even more calming by the redhead’s beautiful voice. You couldn’t understand the words, but you didn’t need to. The way Natasha was singing could make any song sound relaxing.

You could feel yourself drifting into the clutches of sleep, but your girlfriend made no move to wake you up. Instead, she began to card her fingers through your hair, seeming content to let you sleep in the bath.

In truth, she was just incredibly relieved. All she cared about was that your temperature was starting to go down. You already felt cooler to the touch, and she the lines in your face had smoothed out, leaving you looking peaceful. With her worries settled, she was perfectly content to let you sleep wherever you wished.

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[snapghoul]

I’d give you a part of my soul for Twins HC: Hurt and Whump Edition or similarities edition

Your offering is adequate, the terms are fair. You shall receive both whump and similarities.

Warning: foul language

Their similarities

✩ Both have a very self centered front they put on. Jake’s need to be the best came from the spotlight being taken away once in high school, a new kid stole his thunder and he hated how none of his friends really cared about him for almost two weeks. Tyler’s come from having the spotlight for a short time, he started rodeo as a freshmen and when he started getting good people started to like him. He was never the popular kid and he liked the attention. Despite this they surprisingly don’t compete with each other, they don’t try to one up and put their twin down.

✩ Deep down both are sweet southern boys. Tyler it takes less for him to show it, Jake is like a fortress, he’d rather naw his own foot off than show he cares.

✩ Both are extremely outspoken, neither have an issue voicing their opinions. Tyler is less aggressive about it and Jake will go to insulting the other to get his point across.

✩ They consume sweet ice tea like their life depends on it. If Jake isn’t having a beer at the Hard Deck he is downing tea like he’s been in the desert. Tyler doesn’t drink too much alcohol, having two at most, and like Jake he loves ice tea any chance he gets. Nothing beats their Dad’s tea, somehow the man knows just the right mixture.

✩ Both like physical touch:

✩ Jake is more guarded with touch until he feels comfortable. When he got more comfortable with the Daggers and his cocky front dropped he likes to hang close to his team, he rests an arm over Phoenix and Bob’s shoulders, grab Rooster by the shoulders and shake him when he’s playing piano. Lack of personal space and touch is a sign he feels safe to be himself.

✩ Tyler have a touch boundary, as long as it someone he knows, but mostly because personal space doesn’t exist with the wranglers. Tyler can stand right up next to Boone and neither of them will notice or care. He loves to give hugs and pats in the back, high fives. Tyler’s way of physical touch is a way to welcome others and he is respectful for people’s boundaries, if they don’t want to be touched then he won’t.

✩ Their love language is acts of service. “Jake, can you?” Done. “Tyler, I need-“ already has it.

Comfort

❥ Tyler is much better at comforting others, he knows what to say, how to get certain answers and helps people understand and process. Tyler knows his crew better than anyone and he knows exactly what to do when one of them needs some comfort. Boone likes chocolate peanut butter bars and fireworks, Lilly likes the quiet and star gazing, Dani likes to sit and talk, and Dex likes to listen to classical music.

❥ Tyler’s way of self comfort is to just sit in a field and let everything out, mama Seresin says the wind takes everything away and keeps all your secrets. But when he needs it from others he’ll seek out Dani or Kate to vent to until he feels better.

❥ Jake on the other hand is not so good at comfort. Jake is a freezer, someone starts crying and he panics. He tries to make horrible dad jokes which always suck but do work because they’re so bad. If it’s a Dagger he’ll offer a hug, he’s bad at verbally making people feel better but he does know touch can help.

❥ Jake’s self comfort is throwing playing darts and pretending the issue in the target he keeps nailing in the face. He doesn’t seem comfort from others often, he’d rather do it himself but just sitting quietly with someone is nice.

Hurt

☹ Jake hides his pain, emotionally and physically if he can get away with it. With mental and emotional damage he gets quiet and snappy, a time bomb that never blows up. He makes sure he gets his space, sometimes being rude about it. The daggers know when to leave him alone and no one takes his poisonous words to heart anymore. But when sometimes he crumbles and just needs someone to hold him together. He’ll call his mom or dad if it’s a serious problem like almost dying or a teammate almost dying. If is parents aren’t available, Coyote will always be there for his best friend.

☹ Physical pain, depending on the severity Jake is either an annoying over dramatic shit or ignores it until he can’t or he gets caught. Jake’s sick? No he’s not, he’s not gonna pass out (he is). Jake not holding the door open? Sorry he can’t, he jammed his hand in the door this morning (he’s fine).

☹ Tyler is more open with talking his emotions out, he’ll even call his mama if he didn’t feel comfortable telling the others. But he doesn’t bottle everything up, he never did even as a child. If he cries, he cries and he doesn’t care what others think.

☹ With physical pain he’s the exact same, though not to Jake’s annoying degree but he’ll make jokes about it. He also forgets he’s injured since most of his nerves are kinda shot in some areas from the rodeo he won’t even register he’s bleeding until someone says something.

[mxmeiyun]

(Kristina comes on around the 3:42 mark.)

Do you see the edits? "I do see the edits. I don't see all of them, but I've seen quite a few. Sometimes I watch these things and I'm like, I was there. I did the scene. I did the scene ten times. Why am I crying?"

When asked about the Mother Superion and Jillian ship: "God knows that, well. Both of them need somebody to love and to love them... Like Mommy, I mean mother, I mean."

"The saddest part is we don't know when we'll see each other again." 😭

Is Beatrice a tea or coffee person? "Tea. I feel she'll know how to prepare every single type of tea and she'll she'll be very anal about how to do that. And she'd probably yell at Ava for doing her tea wrong or whatever."

Is Beatrice really royalty? "No, I don't believe so."

On following ice hockey: "Yeah, the only thing you need to know is don't whack people with the stick no matter how much you want to."

On Beatrice's name: "Sally's gonna haunt me forever. I'll hear it in my dreams, softly whispering in my ear. Sally. Sally. I'll wake up in cold sweats, screaming."

About who's the big spoon: "I think they spoon interchangeably. Take that as you will."

Obviously you're aware of how much of an impact the character Beatrice has had on so many people. But how has she personally impacted you, and what have you taken away from her that you would like to bring to your own life? "Decorum." "I think there's a there's a sense of confidence, even if you are not. Confident in all of yourself, you can still be confident in the parts that you are secure in, and you know your skills. If you're not ready to be completely open and live your truth in full honesty, then it doesn't mean that you still can't have integrity and confidence and stand up for yourself. And integrity of character and belief in my skills that Beatrice has cultivated already, and that I definitely, when I started playing her, I was like, I am an imposter. I'm gonna get fired from the show immediately." "But like you get that feeling when you go to work or whatever. You go to school. You're like, I do not know any of the things that I know and then you slowly start to realize that you do know, and then you're like, OK, I can hold on to that and make that my my backbone for now until I'm ready to face all the other things that I know to be true about myself, but I'm not ready to project into the world or or represent in the in openly in the world."

If you could spend a day with any of the characters, who would it be and why? "I think I'd have a pretty good time with Ava."

Do you think you're more like Ava or Beatrice? "It just kind of depends on the situation. I feel like if you just talk to me and we're like really good friends for a long time, I might come off more like Ava. But I feel like if I'm not really that close to you, I might come off more as a Beatrice."

How are you taking care of yourself in light of today's news? "Well, first of all, thank you. I'm doing fine. I am in therapy. Therapy great, guys." "It certainly feels like a massive hit to the community, and to us, as well. It's important to take those feelings that are coming up now and try to cultivate them into how you can- I'm just speaking for myself, I can't speak for anybody else- but for me it's about how can I turn these feelings into something useful for me going forward rather than languishing in it for too long. Obviously, your feelings are valid and should be felt to their fullest extent, but don't let them consume you, because then that's not doing anyone service." "Someone taught me a method in acting school, my improv teacher, and he said, 'Whenever something bad happens in your life, pretend you're going into this helicopter. The further up you go in that helicopter, the smaller the problem is, the more you can see around you and the more you can see how that problem does or does not affect everything else around your helicopter. And put into context of how you can affect change positively once you come back to the ground, once you're in the midst of it rather than staying too close to the to the issue at hand and and not actually realizing all the other things that are going on." "I think that's that thinking has helped me a lot whenever something kind of goes wrong or things are not going the way I want them to. But take time for self-care. That's like the most important. If you feel like things are overwhelming then it's always important to look at the things to reprioritize um and always prioritize yourself. Spend your own health and your own wellbeing." "Because anything in life, even if it seems like a little thing like this show got cancelled and now you're upset, you know it might seem to some people like a little thing, but their opinion is not a priority. Your wellbeing is a priority, so always keep that in mind." "And HYDRATE."

Responding to a comment about Beatrice really resonating with a lot of fans and praise of her performance, time, and energy: "Thank you... Beatrice launched my career so she's one that i'm definitely going to hold to heart for many many years to come."

Reflecting on her increased visibility: "You know, at this point, it's not a burden. At this point, I can do this with you guys and it's completely fine. It's the same thing with anything; when something new starts happening, you learn to deal with it and where your boundaries are. I've been so lucky that you guys are all so respectful, and I really, really appreciate that from all of you. It's definitely not the norm for every fandom, so it's incredibly special what you have made this to be. So I commend all of you and I'm so grateful."

Were you shocked by the broad reach of the show, or was it something you anticipated? "Definitely. I was surprised when the first season came out, it was so globally successful. I mean, that just goes to show that some subject matter is felt all around the world. And a beauty of Warrior Nun is that there are so many characters everywhere around the world you can definitely find one that you can root for."

Responding to one fan whose wife has recently passed, and with whom she watched the show with love: "Oh my God, you're gonna make me cry. First of all, so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how that must be, and I applaud your courage. Thank you. I'm glad this show can be a good memory for you guys and continuing forward. That there's something you can always remember with a warm heart."

Responding to love from Brazil: "I fear if I ever go to Brazil."

"Fear not the bowl of rice, 'tis but a bowl of rice."

Responding to one of the APOP producers wanting to make sure none of their tweets made her uncomfortable: "I'm, like, fully aware of what I've gotten myself into." Do you see all those, Christina? Like, I know there's a joke that you have a burner account, but. "No, I don't. This is my only account."

"I feel like if the pope joins this conversation, he'll no longer be able to call himself His Holiness." Did you see the Warrior Nun stan that recommended the show to the Pope? "No?! Nice... Yeah, somebody just has to tell him to skip that episode, you know?"

*Records an alarm sound for a fan named Janina with increasing intensity*

Wait, Kristina, can you say gay rights? "Wait, what about it?" Just the phrase. "Gay rights." *awkward cheers* "Really lukewarm cheers from the crowd."

Kristina, to Ange Hall: "Well, actually, and I have a question for you. Tell me again, what was the progression of the dickwaffle conversation?" "I feel like Netflix being harassed by penis waffles- someone needs to draw the art of." "Make it rain dickwaffles. No, I mean, obviously, do it respectfully. But like, respectfully make it rain dickwaffles. For legal reasons this is completely a joke. But also, you can't really get mad at dickwaffles. Like, come on."