#& i'm gonna start killing about it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
just thinking about hair and faces
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case#face horror#for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters#i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color.#like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly!#oh. oh it's kind of a Thing.#anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up!#we still don't actually know who killed meleanor!#we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?)#we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers!#(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.)#man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time#i mean i'm here for it but#hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show#then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there#episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something#each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
I could only thing about this meme while all of this was happening
#Hells are gonna kill 'em...#Was drawing this instead of sleeping because no way I'm getting rest after this#Also did this meme as an excuse to start thinking about Ashton's new design#bells hells#critical role fanart#critical role#cr3#Ashton Greymoore
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
vague-posting about this here cuz i don't feel comfortable yapping about my su takes on twitter, but after everything that's happened the most interesting thing about the su fandom to me is that so many are 100% there for applying the "everyone can change and deserves a second chance" message to everyone, even the diamonds. except for one ☝️ she doesn't count. cuz she's dead.
#personal#very extremely delete later#ok cutting the vague post this is about a “whose the worst cartoon mom” twt post with pink diamond in the running#and a bunch of people pointing at her. the woman who died in childbirth and never got to meet her child. and she's literally next to#mother gothel. the baby kidnapper who kidnapped a baby#i'm always gonna be a pink diamond nuancepilled defender. she was a shitty entitled teen who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth#then got self-radicalized and rebelled for both selfish AND selfless reasons#“this show is great because everyone makes mistakes and learns from them. except the pink one. she's bad and dead forever.”#anyways this is a crit towards the fandom not the show#“she had steven so she could selfishly escape her mistakes and put all her burdens on her child” or she wanted a child#“she abandoned her family” or she died during childbirth#“she started a war that got thousands of gems killed and mutilated” and if she hadn't nobody on earth would exist#the fact that some fans are more willing to jump to white diamond’s defense when talking about her reformation and redemption#white diamond—the architect and supreme ruler of a 10000+ year old fascist empire—has 10000% done worse more unforgivable things than pink#guys even blue diamond has shattered gems before. like not just kill them but permanently split their souls into pieces.#ruby called her a “SHATTERER.” she was INFAMOUS for murdering people. pink never shattered anyone#for fans of a show that explicitly says nobody's truly a villain you guys sure do want a villain really badly#anyways “we need more compelx female characters y'all couldn't even handle rose quartz” etc. etc. etc.
666 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ray of sunshine
(pre-launch page for their comic)
#I can not wait to make this comic#I have to stop thinking about it or else I cant focus#every time I start thinking about it I get all jittery. I wanna make it so fucking bad its unreal#hope to GOD I can do it full time omfg#I'll need like 500 people on my patreon paying to read ahead. ish. minimum. which is scary ahgkjsahgkjagh#but! I'll be able to put that on patreon! I cant do that right now. so thats cool!!!#just a lot of people AJGLKJGLKJASLKGGA#like it has to do well or I'm gonna have to get a different job#cause. I am NOT working for webtoon again#I cant do it they are killing me#and I'm not getting paid enough for it#I pitched this comic btw and they said they liked it but they wanted me to simplify the plot.#cause it was 'too complicated'#its literally just like. a murder mystery + a romance + a fetch quest#like its extremely not that complicated lmfao#they thought that people wouldnt be able to follow cause theres too much going on.#and I am not interested in simplifying my stories to this extent. I respect my readers and I trust they can follow plots#just. omfg I'm doing it again!!!#I cant start talking about webtoon without going off again!!!#they PISH ME OFF ! HAHAHAHAH#okay. anyways. I have to get back to work now this took me longer than I expected#like 4 hours#I'm enjoying this new illustration style I've been doing though. its fun.#its like 1 layer and then a ton of effects HAHAHAH#we were legion#zagan and luciel#zagan#luciel#how did I make zagan so hot... I'm a genius...#if he isnt hot then no one would put up with his behavior at the start of the ccomic HAHAHAHA
167 notes
·
View notes
Text
Of all games why this one
#homicipher#art#mr crawling#This game brings me so much joy#By which I mean having 6 people trying to figure out if the crawling man is screaming peekaboo is amazing#Literally all of us legit thought this was gonna somehow turn out to be an otome game and boy howdy#It's a game alright#Anyways apparently I get the cat one#Neko has claimed the disembodied head#And trix is a kidnapper now I guess#Also Mr hood is best dad and I will not take any arguments on this#Fun fact we started on our second playthrough (got about 90% of the words defined)#and not only did we have such a time reading the conversations. But we were all SO SAD to pick to mean options#Like we choose the option and then expect her to say something or whatever NOT SLAP HIM???? YOU JERK????#Play this game with friends if you can. Completely blind if possible. It's pure puzzle and characterization and goofs#Also you kill god or something I'm not sure#Also if any of your friends are bilingual or an english / japanese nerd or just a general conlang nerd#They will be insufferable and that's a great thing#You're gonna need that energy 😂
103 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time I see someone earnestly say that Carver hates Hawke, I have to exercise such restraint to not scream.
Every day I get closer to writing a deep dive about him because that's my guy. He's so interesting. He feels so much. He tries so hard when talking to the other companions and some of the dynamics he has with them are so good. He can be so fucking funny and sweet and awkward. He so badly wants to be wanted and appreciated and to protect everyone he loves.
Carver Hawke, they could never make me hate you.
#da2#carver hawke#i may have stumbled across someone complaining about how mean carver is to hawke and the companions and i just... huh??#whattya mean?? first of all if you're upset about companions being jerks to each other then boy do i have bad news for you#about the other companions--if you want 'mean' then put anders merrill and fenris in a party together#hell if you wanna see 'mean' then look through aveline's companion dialogue--she straight up calls merrill stupid to her face#and secondly carver is not MEAN... the only companion he's hostile toward is anders and that makes sense#and don't get me started on carver and hawke he does NOT hate hawke even if he's a templar and at full rivalry#hawke can be the worst piece of shit to him. max out his rivalry. leave him behind where he becomes a templar.#just say the worst shit to him and he will never betray you. he will never agree to kill hawke for meredith. ever.#but reminder that a warrior/rogue hawke has an option to let circle bethany die when siding with the templars#JUST SAYING#one day y'all.... one day i'm gonna write it and then what? WHAT THEN??#also yes... I'm replaying da2 now. i'm still in act 1 so i have hawke siblings on the brain so...#apologies in advance for not shutting up about them
141 notes
·
View notes
Text
Osomatsu-san ~Le bourgeon~ & ~Fleurir~ Hikokuji (2019)
#just found out about this merch line and i'm kinda obsessed ngl#all of their expressions are so cute but especially kara's his are killing me#aLSO THE FACT THAT HE'D HOLDING FORGET-ME-NOTS????? fucking end me i gotta go#i was trying to id all their flowers but i'm stuck on choro's and jyushi's...#if anyone can id their flowers pls let me know bc i'd love to look up their symbolism in hanakotoba...#i stg i've seen the flowers choro is holding before i just can't remember their name and google didn't help#i'm pretty sure oso's are chinese ixora tho#totty's are sweet peas#and ichi is probably butterfly bush based on the leaves... it could also be lilac#osomatsu-san#osomatsu-san the movie#18matsu#matsuno bros#osomatsu#karamatsu#choromatsu#ichimatsu#jyushimatsu#todomatsu#offical art#flower akatsuka#<- i'm gonna start tagging the floral themed stuff w/ this tag now#osmt
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bro does NOT have his whole life ahead of him
Bro IS bamboozled
Taken aback
(Milk AMV wip)
WOULD YOU GUYS BELIEVE ME IF I SAID IM IN THE CLEAN UP STAGE???
the progress has been slow- but luckily itll speed up a LOT with Winter Break. still dont feel good giving a specific release date but like.. uhh… FINE, January 1st.
Better be done before then, if not, ill prolly just show the animatic or somethin cause clearly id have given up- IM NOT GONNA FOR THIS THOUGH IM TOO HAPPY WITH THE ANIMATIC NOT TO CONTINUE!!!!
whats that?
I said thered be no more wips?
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I lied.
Im impatient with myself
#undertale amv wip#jack stauber#good song#10/10#Ive gotten like 6 other AMV ideas since I started BUT I HAVNT DONE ANYTHING ABOUT EM!! BE IMPRESSED!!!!#because im STICKING WITH THIS ONE PLUS THE OTHER ONE I STILL NEED TO GET DONE#But ill gladly yap#ok so yknow the song I Have A Dream from tangled?#that song but with Underfell guys.#ITS SO CUTE RIGHT?????#LIKE AAAAAAA#my favorite version of Underfell is the more plot relevant one where monsters kill each other n all that#And Papyrus is captain of the royal guard cause hes meaner than Undyne#cause shes ‘meaner’ than him in the original so its funnier#and also Papyrus and Sans have a good relationship#no angsty siblings in this household just screaming at each other than quickly making up#ANYWHO SO THATS THE CONTEXT IN WHAT ID DO#Undyne has a dream of being a pianist#Sans wants to make a love connection#then other guys like Grillby wanting to quit and be a florist#Frisk would ofc be repunzle#and i think flynn would be Papyrus cause again#it's funny#And he would be like all insecure and not tell the truth about his dream cause he's the meanest and thats cause he *was* the nicest#IT'S FUN I LOVE THE DYNAMIC#But I'm not even gonna make a storyboard until I finish this#BE IMPRESSED!!!!
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hope everyone who voted third party is really happy :) i hope they're all really pleased today and really felt like they made their voices heard and that electing trump was worth saving their precious little feelings :) i'm really glad they didn't have to be adults long enough to hold their noses and vote because feeling good is way more important than doing good :) i hope they got what they wanted :)
actually i hope they all die, as a direct result of his presidency, so that we don't have to pander to them next election cycle, if there IS a next election cycle. "but you can't just say you hope people die!" sure i can! third party voters obviously want me and my disabled mom to die. they want gay and trans people to die. they want women and immigrants and palestinians and people of color to die. what's the problem? i'd say i hope they die in the big glorious revolution they promised but if they can't put up and shut up long enough to get their asses to a ballot box there's no way we're gonna see them firebombing the government or attending a protest. they'll just sit at home and wait for somebody else to do it, the same way they sat at home and waited for somebody else to elect harris. and i hope nobody suffers more in the next four or more years than them. but why worry, right? both candidates are the same! i'm sure they'll be fine!
also lmao at everyone like "uwu ok guys take a deep breath have a calming cup of tea and do some self care tell people you love them" self care and loving people isn't going to keep him out of office. we had our chance to do that and we blew it because leftists want to feel righteous and pure. like definitely don't kill yourself or anything (unless you're a third party voter, in which case the sooner the better) but don't fucking dress it up. all you're doing is checking out. and who can blame you! sounds like the only solid plan tbh.
#personal#what the fuck do people have blacklisted#us politics?#yeah. i'm not gonna be posting about it anymore anyway. my checkout time starts today <3 i am simply tired of being asked to give a shit#fuck giving a shit. why bother. hope whatever is the next 4 years version of covid 19 doesn't kill us all!#please also don't bother writing in with some variant of wow blocked unfollowed#like go ahead. i'm thrilled to have trash take care of itself. don't let the door hit you on the way out.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fresh Meat
Pairing: Karlach/Tav (at end of fic) Characters: Karlach, Florenta the Garroter, Custom Male Tav (Hector Carlisle) Rating: G Warnings: Dark Themes Descriptors: Flashback, Military Backstory, Dark, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy/Bittersweet Ending Chapter Word Count: 2.2k Chapter Setting: Ten years pre-game, then early Act 3
Summary:
Memories of a young Karlach's first days in Zariel's army.
This fic is a character study investigation of some of Karlach's experiences in Avernus, inspired by this gorgeous and devastating piece of art by @featherwurm. Please go check them out; their Karlach-related art is some of my favorite in the fandom. <3
The ending of the fic is also a response to a prompt from @astreamofstars from this ask meme.
read on ao3 | send me fic requests!
-----
Sweat trickles down her spine, pools at the base of her neck. It's so fucking hot in Avernus, like being buried in the depths of a coal fire. It matches the burning in her chest, the boiling in her guts. She fidgets her weight from one leg to the other, back and forth, as if that’d somehow ease the volcanic pressure behind each pneumatic pulse of molten blood in her veins.
“I said ATTENTION!” Legate Jastor pauses in his inspection of his troops and halts in front of her, bellowing in her face. The pit fiend’s pale red eyes are filled with disdainful loathing. “I don't care if you’re Zariel's new pet, Cliffgate; you'll hold still when you're told!” He lifts a hand and cuffs her in a vicious backhand slap across the face.
She squeezes her eyes shut, forcing herself not to react to the pain. Easier than it should be, really, because everything else hurts too. Her chest hurts and her head hurts. The exhaust vents along her shoulders burn with searing chemical heat. The bruising sting of the slap disappears, swallowed up by the inferno.
“Yes, sir,” she grinds out.
This isn't real, some part of her brain still stubbornly insists. No fucking way this is real. I'm dreaming. Gonna wake up any second and go see Gortash and laugh - hey, boss, you'll never guess the shit I dreamed you did to me!
It can't be real, that he betrayed her, after everything they've been through together. It can't be real that she’s on another plane in the fires of the Hells themselves. It can't be real that she met the Archdevil of Avernus, and the bitch cut out her heart.
It can't be real. It can't be real. It can't be real. It's not real.
She opens her eyes again and stares into Jastor's smirking, grotesque face. His breath stinks of brimstone as he laughs. “Fidgety little fuck, aren't you, Dart? We'll fix that soon enough.”
Read More on AO3
#karlach#karlach cliffgate#karlach fic#bg3 karlach#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 fic#bg3 fanfiction#bg3 avernus#florenta the garroter#zariel#hector carlisle#karlach x tav#tav x karlach#this compelled me out of nowhere after seeing that art and it made me sad the whole time :(#i'm not sure i'm ever gonna get around to writing a whole longfic about young karlach in hell#but i'm starting to establish a bit of a canon in one-shots/drabbles that i kind of like#had to end this one with a bit of comfort from hector tho cos it made me too sad otherwise :(#please do go check out featherwurm tho#their karlach art kills me so good
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
wrist poll 2
context: Broke my wrist falling off electric scooter into the road. Specifically broke the waist of the scaphoid. It's been 5 weeks and it still hurts despite being totally immobilized this entire time. Surgery is typically suggested at this point, and there's two surgery options depending on how bad it is. One is metal nail inserted into bone. The other is bone graft. This is the second poll i've made on this wrist situation. I just feel like keeping it going because it's fun for me. I will have an answer tomorrow after i see the specialist
#if they make me get surgery it better be after finals or i will have to start killing people. i'm so serious#i'm sooooo worried he'll be like ''well surgery is gonna have to happen. how about this week?'' like NO !!! NO!!!!#i don't want to be recovering from surgery during FINALS are you JOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#could i have not broken my wrist like any earlier. or any later. please. this is such bad timing#anyway. place your bets or whatever#clamtalk#poll#wrist polls
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
-I managed to finally contact the HRA division with me to stop firing at your people. For the love of Christ-the-Buddha get your asshole commander away from me she won't stop screaming slurs in languages I don't understand at me over the comms channel we're stuck in
Who in the-?! Oh, wait, shit, that's right, I forgot you were still awake in there. Christ-the-Buddha Almighty, that scared me.
Are you sure that's still Kennedi screaming? She (or, rather, her unconscious - and hopefully not lifeless - body) and her molten wreck of a Caliban have been with us at MSMC-148's drop site for like two hours now, waiting for pickup. Slipshod managed to pry your casket outta that slag heap you used to call a Genghis Mk. 1 and get you connected to a "life support" of sorts on one of their backup generators, but if you can still hear Kennedi's voice screaming bloody murder at you, then your systems might be fried worse than we thought. (No clue if that sort of thing is fixable or not...)
Hopefully the Albatross will be here soon. Our distress beacon is still up and running, and they should more than have our coordinates by now. We'll all be out of here soon. (I hope.)
-- Angel
#lancer rpg#lancer ttrpg#lancerrpg#+ you're welcome for the rescue by the way - I wanted to leave you for dead (or whatever's closest for an NHP) but P insisted you come with#+ I can verify that Kennedi's been out cold for a while though - her comms cut out the minute you both imploded on each other#+ the KTB are gonna have a hell of a time patching that worldkiller-sized hole y'all left in the ground#+ also gonna have to find you a new body at some point - I'm not letting you leech off of my backup generator forever#+ I suggest you start thinking about what you want now so we can get you outta my tech and into a system that's actually yours ASAP#// in my defense I wasn't about to let you get left behind - after all you still owe several people out here an apology#// CORSAIR for trying to cascade BOSUN - they're still trying to clean up your collateral damage even after Slipshod hit the killswitch#// Intern Jimbo for hijacking HA's systems and causing that THOR to cascade and almost kill him#// I also expect an apology to Kennedi when (if) she wakes up - I know you have some bad blood with HA but I can't have this happen again#// even something as barebones as a truce and a “we are never speaking of this again” would suffice at this point#// as for us - we owe the KTB an apology (never thought I'd see the day) for wrecking their planet#// probably also one to HRA for any damages they took as a result of our attempted intervention#// we can sort more of this out later when we're back at MSMC and Kennedi wakes up (if she ever does)#correspondences with: Rev#the fireman saga
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
listen i am geralt of rivia hater number one but one thing i actually CANNOT stand is when the fandom mischaracterizes him. took one look at this man who speaks very straight-forwardly and matter-of-fact and is a little recalcitrant with his words sometimes and went "haha he communicates in grunts! man who only says 'hm'!" and then won't even write him to speak in full fucking sentences. hello???? hello???????? yes the netflix show was a bad influence on everybody because they were trying too hard to depict geralt as a stoic manly badass but we CANNOT let that distract us from the REAL thing to make fun of geralt for. which are his Constant Unprovoked Monologues
#also the fact that he fakes his dumb stupid little rivian accent because the man was NOT raised in rivia. but i digress#'haha he only says hm!' where were you for every episode when he launched into a speech about the lesser evil. that's like. the whole thing#geralt of rivia will do nothing But talk once you let him. don't give that bitch a chance! he'll start up about honor again!!!#convinced that most of this is because netflix show insisted on showing us him around jaskier so much#and jaskier does not shut up. love him to death. but geralt genuinely does not have time to get a word in edgewise#i will admit that this is something that i had to learn by reading the books and paying more attention to it#but it's not like he DOESN'T do it in the show. if you ever sit with a witcher episode transcript for whatever reason#and really take a look at geralt's lines. man he talks a whole fucking lot.#again cannot emphasize enough that he Monologues. HE TALKS HIS WAY OUT OF SO MANY SITUATIONS.#me when i look filavandrel of the elves in the eyes and 'hm' at him and he lets me go. no bitch he monologued!!!!#terrible. terrible. let this man speak. if i see you fanfic bitches continue making him talk in sentence fragments again i'm gonna kill#as for my own fanfic. i will always prefer a geralt who talks too much to be believable over a geralt who barely speaks at all.#both because i believe in letting him speak his mind which he OBVIOUSLY likes to do. sideeyes him.#and because it's just fucking boring and a little annoying to read speech patterns that don't sound like how people talk.#cough cough lan wanji the untamed. man i'm not sitting here and reading this motherfucker's two word sentences#let him speak!!!!!!#anyway.#geralt of rivia#the witcher#fanfic
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
Season 6 of House was in 2009... Dragon Age: Origins was also released in 2009... I just think that if Thirteen played it, she would have had her Warden romance Leliana...
#pretty kickass knife lady? hell yeah#rip kutner you died just a year too soon to play dragon age... u would have loved it im sure....#also something something Leliana becoming everything she didn't want to become / becoming an assassin#something something thirteen knows shes gonna have to kill her brother and she dreads it#and thirteen becomong everything she foesnt want to become w her having huntingtons...#anyways#headcanons#anya shush#i told ash willowpelt this once but i imagine that house has some kind of xbox in 'in the dirt' and eventually picks up inquisition after#it comes out. and thirteen's like 'pfff i'm not interested' then sees house play it and they start fucking fighting for use of the xbox and#the game lmao#and after house finishes it...#they speedrun to see how fast they can punch solas#house makes a joke about frying an egg on his bald head#dragon age
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pac: I'm glad you sorted things out! Truly.
Cellbit: We sorted things out, Pac.
Pac: [...] This was a joint effort. And I'm happy to know I can count on you too, Cellbit. Thank you so much. You didn't leave us behind, you didn't abandon us; you saved us.
Cellbit: We'll handle this. Everything that comes our way, Pac. We got here together, and we'll leave here together with our child when we find him. Right?
Pac: We will find him.
Cellbit: It wasn't just me, it wasn't just you, and it was also Forever. It was all of us [...] and that's why I need you all, because I know with you, we can accomplish whatever the hell we want.
Pac: We will!
[ Translations and clip provided by TZC_updates Thank you again! ]
#Cellbit#Pactw#QSMP#Favela Five#Pac#Oh this clip made my heart ache so much...#TZC_updates is honestly so great. If you are unfortunate enough to use Twitter and if you're a Tazercraft fan I highly recommend them#I can't always catch the Tazercraft streams so it's nice to see the updates#Anyways I reached out to them and asked if they'd be alright with me sharing this since I know we got a lot of Tazercraft fans here#(Myself included)#And this is a pretty darn important conversation#which I didn't want to just google-translate my way through#So once again: big thanks to them#They're awesome#Anyways. This clip killed me#I was gonna do a side by side comparison video of Cellbit offering his hand for a handshake and Pac giving him a hug instead#vs. after the Federation drug arc where Cellbit initiates the hug#but for the life of me I CANNOT find where I saved it#I'm usually really good about organizing my files but I'm starting to think I never ripped it off Twitch. agh#My computer files are very organized. Twitch clips... not so much#There's several hundred I never got around to downloading#I have a personal downloader I use but I typically only use that when watching VODs or if the clip is longer than 1 minute#anyways we're getting off topic. Enjoy the clip#I know I'm posting this a bit late but I don't want to forget#I've also got a very funny clip to share tomorrow#I'm so bad at timing this stuff but What Can Ya Do.#Translated
142 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
8 notes
·
View notes