#& i feel like im suffocating & cant do anything right or good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anakin-pilled · 9 months

Text

𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 - anakin skywalker x fem! reader (part two)

pairing: anakin skywalker x fem! reader

wordcount: 4.7k

warnings: no use of y/n

rating: rating: 18+ (my blog is 18+ only)

author's note: thank you so much to everyone who liked and reblogged the first chapter! it meant so much to me. i cant believe i managed to push out two chapters in a week!! this chapter might seem slow, but only because im still new to writing fanfics and im trying to find the right groove of things, but please be patient as i hope to fasten the pace and tension with the new few chapters. as always, proofread but please let me know if you see any mistakes and feel free to nicely provide any criticism or suggestions (pls). i really want to keep everything as canon compliant to the star wars universe (minus the timeline, that's unspecified), but i decided to take some creative liberties for minor cultural and geographic details. i get most of my information from wookiepedia or the star wars reddit, so if you have any questions about anything, i'm happy to send any links. okay im gonna stop yapping now. taglist at the bottom! creds to saradika for the header!

You couldn’t bear another moment of dinner with Anakin. Something about him set your nerves on fire and left you completely unsettled–in a good way, a way that you’ve rarely felt before. But it was a way that you didn’t know how to deal with, and this deeply troubled you. How were you going to spend the next ten rotations with him? It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. You doubted Anakin would do anything wrong. No, you would be the one to do something wrong. Totally embarrassing yourself in front of him or unintentionally acting off-putting just because you found him too attractive.

Dammit, you were thinking like a schoolgirl with a crush.

After retreating to your quarters, you began to pace around your room. You had to get yourself out of this situation. Avoidance was always your favorite escape plan. It made life simpler when you avoided anything that made you uncomfortable or anxious. You weren’t exactly sure how you would avoid the 6’2 hunk of a Jedi. Asking Gido to remove him was out of the question. You couldn’t have Anakin removed, especially after the Chancellor had been kind enough to request one of the Jedi’s best members. You were being immature and you knew it. It hadn’t even been a full day and this man already made you so nervous that you felt like going haywire.

You gave yourself a small facepalm. “What am I going to do?” you whispered to yourself. You needed to put distance between you and Anakin. That way you would stay as unaffected as possible. Plus, it’s not like anything could happen between you two. Anakin was a Jedi, and you knew that the Jedi had some unorthodox rules surrounding relationships. However (a small and delusional) part of you already imagined a future between the two of you. You already imagined your lips on his. A man that captivating only came around every few millennia. Well, that was hyperbolic of you to think. Even you, a celebrity with access to Coruscant’s rich and famous upper echelon, never came across a man like Anakin. When was the last time you even got fucked or had one good Holodrama kiss? Dating is hard when you’re a celebrity. You meet people with the wrong intentions–cocky men who care more about having you as some sort of trophy or are afraid of looking beneath you just because you’re more rich than them. Plus, aside from the shitty dating pool, you were simply too busy with your career to indulge in relationships and sex. It honestly quite was ironic considering many of your songs revolved around love.

The more you thought, the more you felt trapped in your room. An intrusive thought popped into your head, but you quickly brushed away the thought before it got you in trouble. But then the thought appeared again, and you couldn’t help but entertain what your brain was saying.

Her presence is suffocating is the first thing Anakin thought as you left the room. As a trained Jedi, Anakin mastered the practice of shielding others' thoughts and emotions from affecting him. But you were being so loud through the Force. Anakin felt the same nervous energy he felt earlier in the day when he first met you. Except this time, he felt it ten times worse.

Anakin knew he was being quiet during dinner. But it was hard to focus with your energy screaming in his ears! So, he focused on trying to enjoy his meal instead. You were nice, Anakin would give you that. But he felt if he talked to you, while also trying to stave off your energy from his, he would overwhelm himself. It was all too distracting–a feeling that Anakin rarely felt.

Anakin then proceeded toward his assigned room, ready to prepare for the night. Luckily, he didn’t have to stay on guard the entire night as there was no threat direct threat to you in Coruscant. Sleep slowly became a stranger to Anakin in the past few months, so he welcomed the guest room’s luxurious, canopy bed with an unrefined flop. He lay there for a while, though he didn’t know how for long as he just stared at the window in front of him and thought.

Anakin suddenly heard a crash! noise coming from the living room. He quickly jumped into action and ran towards the sound. What if an intruder was trying to harm you? Anakin wouldn’t let them get near you. Though he would protect you, a pang of annoyance ran through Anakin’s head. How could anyone gain access to your apartment? He went through your security details with Gido and made sure that all access points were being guarded by either a security guard or a droid. Anakin hoped this wouldn’t become another Padme situation–he wasn’t in the mood for a high-speed speeder chase tonight. Better yet, why didn’t he sense anything? Were you distracting him so much that his senses were dull? Anakin couldn’t have that happening if you were both to survive the next ten rotations together.

As Anakin reached your living room and investigated the sound, he saw what object made the sound he heard. His eyes first laid sight on a broken flower vase. The turquoise vase was shattered into a million pieces on the floor. Anakin then looked at the figure next to the broken pottery and there you were, dressed in a dark robe, halfway to the entrance of your apartment. A look of shock, then brief fear and then embarrassment, went through your eyes when you saw Anakin standing before you with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows raised.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Anakin questioned you with a glare. His voice had a deep edge to it. He was relieved that there was no intruder, but he wondered what you were doing. If he didn’t know any better, Anakin would say that it looked like you were in the middle of trying to leave your apartment. Except, Anakin did know better so he knew that was exactly what you were trying to do. The dark robes were a telltale sign of this–it disguised your figure and the hood covered a majority of your face.

You cleared your throat before putting on a tight-lipped smile, “Oh, I was just trying to night walk in the gardens before going to bed.”

“The gardens? I thought they were closed for renovations. That’s what Gido told me.” There was a slight smirk on Anakin’s face as he replied. He knew he had you.

“Not for me. I have special access…you know, the building manager is a fan of mine. Perks of being famous.” You felt slimy using that as an excuse, but it was better than letting the Jedi know your true intentions.

“Really?” Anakin admired you for doubling down on your lie, but once again, he could sense your energy through the force. You were hesitant, like you weren’t fully convinced of what you were saying either. Anakin continued, “Then why are you wearing such a thick robe? The weather has been warm lately, even at night. Don’t you think that you would sweat too much?”

You chuckled nervously before saying, “I sweat all the time.” You quickly shook your head. Kriff that’s not what I meant! you cursed in your head. “I mean I’m used to sweating during practice and performances so it does not bother me too much. I felt chilly which is why I decided to wear my robe on my walk. Please excuse me for disturbing you, General. I must have been in such a rush that I accidentally knocked over this vase. I assure you that I did not intend to raise any alarm.”

“It looks like you were sneaking out to me. Is that why you feel so tense right now? You know, we Jedi can sense emotion. I can sense that you’re not being truthful. There’s no lying to me, pop star.” Anakin replied smoothly.

You shook your head. It looks like your plan of trying to put distance between you and Anakin wasn’t going to work after all. You should have known–how could you outsmart a Jedi? It was easy to sneak out with your regular security staff, but Anakin was different.

“I apologize. You’re right. I wasn’t going to take a walk in the gardens. I thought I could visit the night market on level 3204, the Alderaan district. I just needed to clear my head. I didn’t tell because I didn’t think there would be an issue since I was going to keep my identity hidden.” Anakin noted how your apology sounded genuine.

“Level 3204. Isn’t that a bit far from you? I never suspected that you would stray anywhere past the 5000th level,” said Anakin. When people on Coruscant managed to achieve enough wealth to live on the 5000th level of Coruscant, it was very rare that they ventured anywhere below. The only people that ventured below were those dealing in shady business. That’s not to say that the 3000th level was necessarily bad–he knew that the lower levels were a mixture of the classes ranging from middle-class families to criminals. Anakin had been to almost all the levels of Corscant while on Jedi business. He had seen the most impoverished slums, where crime was rampant and everyone fended for themselves. Yet, he had also seen the richest that Coruscant had to offer–elegant restaurants, opulent theaters, and people dressed in the most expensive fabrics. It always amazed Anakin how in the capital city of the Republic, one of the richest planets in the galaxy, could house such a dichotomy.

You took offense to Anakin’s words. What did he know about you? Sure, you were wealthy and privileged, but that didn’t mean you had to confine yourself to a small circle of society. You enjoyed visiting what Coruscant had to offer–the different cultures, species, etc. It may have been unconventional for someone of your status, but your parents raised you with humility. Anything you earned in this life could be taken away from you at any moment, so you tried your best to explore and enjoy everything while you still could.

Now you weren’t thinking about this annoyingly handsome face or soft curls. You were thinking about how he pissed you off. Just another person making assumptions about who I am. Your eyes narrowed before dignifying Anakin with a response, “And where is it that I belong? Please enlighten me. What? Do you think just because I am rich, I wouldn’t dare mingle with anyone in a lower class than me?”

“That’s not how I intended my words to come across.”

“How did you mean for your words to come across?” Anakin felt your energy shift. You were no longer hesitant or nervous.

“What I mean is that it is unorthodox for celebrities to venture anywhere below Coruscant’s surface. It’s not exactly the most celebrity-friendly place. I would know as I’ve to the 3000th level several times before,” Anakin explained.

“Well, I’m an unorthodox person then. I’ll let you know that I enjoy the night market in the Alderaan district, it has good food and honest people. Now, you can either accompany me or stay here and make more assumptions about me. Whatever you choose, I will still be attending the night market. Feel free to tell Gido.” You turned around and continued walking toward your front door before you were stopped by Anakin.

“Kriff. You’re not going to make this easy, huh? Fine. I’m going with you to the market because it’s my duty to protect you, but don’t try anything.”

You first discovered this night market in Coruscant’s Alderaan district only a few months into your arrival on the planet. Your fame had not skyrocketed yet, so you could easily travel between Coruscant’s levels without being chased by HoloNet reporters or crazy fans. You stumbled upon the market one night while lost on level 3204. It was a serendipitous moment for you. The night market operated every night and was primarily inhabited by Alderaanian expats, however, there were a few stalls run by species from exotic planets who sold even more exotic goods and foods. At the time you discovered it, you were feeling homesick and lonely. Your home planet of Bar’leth was nothing like Coruscant. Though Bar’leth had some metropolitan cities, it also had greenery and fauna. And the population wasn’t nearly as dense as Coruscant! You grew up in Bar’leth’s capital city, but you could still name your neighbors and there was a sense of community. Coruscant had none of these features. The night market was more than just a market, it reminded you of a tiny piece of home in the most bustling place in all of the galaxy.

The familiar smell of grilled bantha skewers and roasted pormork flooded your senses. The area was decorated with a mixture of bright, fluorescent neon lighting and the warm, cozy light from twinkle lights from the vendor’s stalls. Light music played in the background from a live band playing in a corner somewhere. Though the market was mainly filled with adults, the occasional child and their family were seen. You and Anakin walked at a comfortable place in the middle of the road. Neither of you was talking, just observing the scene around you. You observed how people interacted with each other and made up life stories for them in your head. Anakin observed for any potential danger.

“I’m sorry for snapping on you earlier. I hate when people make assumptions about who I am. It’s a sensitive spot for me. You know, with my name always in the tabloids,” it was you who decided to speak first.

Anakin listened before responding, “Maybe I was wrong to make those assumptions about you.” He still thought it was odd that you wanted to venture so below the surface, but if there was one thing that Anakin understood, it was your disdain for assumptions. As the Chosen One, everyone made assumptions about Anakin—assumptions he should act or think. And somehow, Anakin always failed to live up to people’s assumptions of him. There were very few people in his life who accepted him the way he was. This was another point of contention in his life.

Instead of letting this event take place in a silent awkwardness like dinner, you decided to make an effort to keep the conversation going. Anakin didn’t directly apologize, but you took his words to be a positive sign. “I know it must be a shock to you that I wanted to visit this market. And you were partially right to judge, who would suspect that I stray far from my life on the surface? The truth is, no one would expect that from me which is exactly why I do what I do. Not even Gido knows that I come down here.”

“What makes this specific place worth sneaking out for? Aren’t there any other places you would rather be than down here?” Anakin asked this question sincerely. He was curious about you. While he was no stranger to Coruscant’s rich elite, the people he met were confined the the political sector. He knew how politicians acted and their thought processes, but he knew nothing about the other type of elite—the celebrities, like you.

“It reminds me of home, and the simple days I used to live before the glitz and glamour. There was a farmer’s market on Bar’leth I frequented with my family. There was local produce, lots of gourmet food, and trinkets of all kinds. I stumbled upon this market by happenstance one day and I never stopped visiting it ever since,” you explain truthfully. You loved the life you lived now and you were extremely grateful for it. But nothing could compare to your old life when you could enjoy the simple pleasures of life without any care in the world. Nowadays life barely gives you a chance to breathe since you were always working on something–whether it is new music, media appearances, or special performances. “You know, you’re actually the first person I have told about this place. You better keep it a secret, or else.” Anakin could tell you were joking by the smile on your face. He returned your joke with a small smile of his own.

You continued the conversation by asking Anakin a question of his own, “Don’t you have a special place that you like to visit when life gets too hectic?”

Anakin’s automatic response was to give you a generic answer. Before he could give you that generic answer, he changed his mind. He knew that was too guarded, but he couldn’t help himself. Anakin had been hurt too many times now–hurt by life, by his actions, and by the actions of others. Opening up was a recipe for disaster, especially when Anakin knew how passionately he felt about almost everything in his life. The only person Anakin managed to completely open up to was Padme, but even she was off-put sometimes by the level of passion and truthfulness he displayed. She never verbally admitted it, but Anakin could tell. Though you two didn’t know each other very well and have had minimal conversation so far, something about your energy invited Anakin to open up. Your energy in the force was serene. However, it wasn’t the type of serenity that Anakin felt whenever he was at the Temple. At the Temple, it was so peaceful, it was almost like it was devoid of any energy–it perfectly balanced all the energies of all the Jedi order and created a feeling of equilibrium. Your energy was serene in a way that reminded Anakin of his mother–comforting and warm. He could feel it radiating off your person. Ever since Anakin left with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, he could never sense that same energy in anyone else. Not even Padme, whose energy was more dynamic and loud. Thus, Anakin decided to be honest with his answer.

“There is a place that I like to escape to sometimes. It is located in a secluded corner of the Jedi temple and only accessible through the garden wing. I used to go there all the time as a Youngling and then a Padawan. It has the best view of Coruscant since it faces the intersection where the old Republic Theater house and Senate offices meet. On clear days, you can watch the sunset from there.” Anakin didn’t know that the Senate offices were in that direction until a few years after he moved to Coruscant. Once he found out Padme had stepped down as queen and became Naboo’s senator, he would stare at that intersection as a way to feel closer to Padme during their years apart. Despite the breakup, the spot still comforted Anakin because it served as a reminder of how far he had come. He was no longer a lovesick fool and rambunctious Padawan, but a mature and fully-fledged Jedi Knight. Through the transitional nature of life, that spot would always be there for Anakin.

It was your turn to nod and listen to Anakin.

“How was it like…growing up in the Temple?,” you hesitated, not wanting to overstep any boundaries with Anakin. You remember how the tone of his voice earlier when you questioned him about Tatooine.

“Growing up in the temple was…different. When I first arrived, I didn’t realize I would be living in a religious organization. There’s a lot about the Jedi that was very different from the life I lived on Tatooine. Though I can’t complain too much, I had a permanent roof over my head and food on my plate every day. And, there was practically no sand at all. The best part,” Anakin finished.

“I imagine it’s like one big family, no?”

Anakin sucked his teeth in response before continuing, “Since I arrived at the Temple later than the normal age, I didn’t grow up with my crèche. We had lessons together every now and then, but if there was anybody I considered like family to be in the Temple, it would be my former master Obi-Wan, and my Padawan Ashoka. She’s actually a fan—I promised her I would try to get an autograph.” Anakin looked sheepish at the mention of the autograph.

“Remind me before you leave. I’ll make sure to sign something. Should I sign her lightsaber?” You made sure to make a serious face while looking at Anakin. Then, you let out a giggle. “I’m only kidding about the last part. Come on, let’s get something sweet.” Your pace picked up before leading Anakin in another direction.

You stopped by a stall owned by an older Twi’lek lady who sold homemade rishi honeystix. The honeystix quickly became your favorite item at the market because of its’ sweet flavor and crispy batter. They were similar to a childhood favorite snack of yours, except the rishi honeystix was fried, not baked.

“Can I have two honeystix please?” you asked the owner. She nodded yes before you handed her over the credits, adding some extra for a tip. The owner quickly prepared the dessert before handing it to you and sending a warm smile to both.

“Enjoy the sweet treat! I love seeing young couples like you visit the market,” she stated with a look of adoration on her face.

You and Anakin straightened your postures and sent a sheepish smile to the owner.

“Oh, we’re not-” “She’s not my-” You both said at the same time.

The owner giggled out an apology before turning her back on the both of you and preoccupied herself with preparing more food.

Her comment affected you more than you would have liked to admit. You couldn’t say you wished you were dating Anakin, you hard knew him after all. But the idea of someone mistaking you to be in a relationship with someone as attractive as Anakin made you feel a funny feeling. You felt a moment of giddy before telling yourself to calm down.

You led Anakin toward an old fountain that sat in the middle of the market. “Ever tried these before? They’re the best! I don’t come here too often anymore, but whenever I do, I make an effort to buy these.” You then handed Anakin his dessert.

“I don’t think I have had these before. The Jedi diet consists of the Temple’s cantina food and whatever rations we have for off-world assignments. Though I try to explore new foods when I have the chance,” Anakin stated. He picked up the dessert and observed it. Anakin didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he was intrigued by its flavor. A sweet aroma wafted off the dessert and even Anakin felt tempted to try it.

You were looking toward the distance as Anakin inspected the dessert. You were about to take a bit of your honeystix when you made eye contact with a small figure in the distance. As your eyes focused on the figure, you realized you were looking at a young Rodian child. Their gaze shifted from your eyes to the dessert in hand. Despite the Alderaanian district being one of the more wealthy districts in the lower levels, many families still lived in borderline poverty. You smiled at the child in reassurance before getting up from the fountain and slowly making your way towards them.

Anakin looked up at the sound of your figure getting up and was about to ask you where you were going before he saw you walk to a child and kneel before them. He couldn’t hear what you were saying, but he saw you hand over your honeystix to the child. You hugged the child goodbye, but not before handing them a few extra credits. The child’s purple eyes widened and a bright smile appeared on their face. They gave you another hug before retreating to wherever they came from.

You got back up from the ground and walked back toward the fountain without saying anything to Anakin. You continued like nothing happened and asked Anakin, “Did you enjoy it?”

He ignored your question. “What was that about?” He was referring to the instance in which you gave away your dessert to a child.

“I saw the little one looking at my food, so I decided to go over there and offer it to them. I could tell she was hungry. It’s alright, I can always buy myself another.”

Anakin always believed that you could tell a lot about a society or individuals based on the way they treated children. He hated Tatooine and regarded it as one of the lowest civilized planets in the entire galaxy–for many reasons, of course, but the primary reason is that those on Tatooine had no issue trafficking children into slavery and treating them as chattel. He wished that more people displayed kindness toward him as a child. Anakin’s only crime was being born into the world, but aside from that, he was innocent and deserved to be treated with dignity and humanity. You were kind. It seemed like a bare minimum requirement to be astonished at, but with the type of people Anakin has had the displeasure of meeting, kindness was a trait he rarely witnessed outside of the Temple walls.

You stared at Anakin as if you were waiting for him to say something, but he simply observed your face without saying anything. A timid look washed over your face before you turned your head to the side and blew a piece of hair out of your face.

“Well, I think it’s time we head back.”

Being with Anakin was different than you expected. At first, you were overwhelmed by his presence–caught off guard by the fact he looked like a literal god from one of those classical paintings located in one of Corucant’s largest art galleries. You’ve always had a soft spot for pretty boys. Plus, you also had a penchant for romanticizing almost every interaction and person in your life. Not always in the romantic sense though. From brief strangers to friends, you tried to put a positive spin on everyone you encountered. There was no way of telling if fate was real, but you liked to believe so. Anakin was no exception to these rules.

You were so close to successfully sneaking out of your apartment, without being detected, until you accidentally bumped into that stupid vase. Anakin came running out while you scrambled to make it look like you hadn’t been caught in the middle of doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing. You knew that if Anakin found out that you were leaving the building, he would either force you to say or contact your manager. So, you lied and tried to convince him you weren’t sneaking out. Of course, he saw through you and you gave up without a fight, until he made that stupid comment. Lying was never your strong suit anyway and it wasn’t worth the hassle anyway. So, Anakin joined you on your night adventure.

Though you were initially anxious, once to got to the market, you felt your head clear. This was your comfort place, and it soothed your racing heart and clouded mind. Once you were past that anxiousness, you found that Anakin had a calming presence, once you got over your initial nerves. Anakin was observational, though it was expected of him to be so. However, it felt like he was really listening to you and clinging to what you said. He looked pensive as you described why you liked the night market so much. You wanted to make conversation with him, you didn’t feel forced to. Maybe it was the nature of the predicament you were both and the fact that he would be your bodyguard for the next week and a half, but you felt drawn to him. You wanted to know more about who the “Hero with No Fear.�� You feared that if you got to know him anymore, then you might fall for him. Except, you had to stop yourself before it went any deeper than that. Once again, you reminded yourself that Anakin was a Jedi. Off-limits. So, as you settled into bed, you promised that you would actually keep your distance. There was no use in getting attached to him. The Jedi belonged to no one.

taglist: @angie2274 @bunnylovesani @0709fullofstars @js-favnanadoongi @payton-dixonreader it wasn't letting me tag u ):

#kendra's works !!!#star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars fandom #sw fanfic #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin x you #tcw anakin #anakin x y/n #the clone wars #darth vader #darth vader x reader #hayden christensen

96 notes · View notes

hearts4leeknow · 9 months

Text

Chicken Nuggets || Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: angst-fluff (hurt/comfort?)

Warning(s)?: hurtful words (hannie didnt mean it), Han is a little bit of a meanie (but he makes up for it)

Han Jisung x Reader

Summary: You storm off into you and Hannies shared bedroom with hurt feelings. Han knows he messed up but thinks an apology isn’t enough so he makes some chicken nuggets for you <3

a/n: My friends were giving me suggestions and this one is from my friend @ghostaurel <33

“you’re so clingy it’s suffocating you know? Can you not see I don’t wanna talk to you!”

Han’s words repeated in your head over and over again each time you heard it you’d let out a sob. Does he really think i’m that clingy? No, was the answer but his words earlier said otherwise. Han knew he was wrong as soon as the filthy words left his mouth, his heart hurt when he saw the tears build up in your eyes due to the words he had spewed, yet he couldn’t think in the moment so he said nothing else. He regrets saying nothing, it probably made him look worse but he cant do anything to change that now, the past is the past. Jisung spent the first 10 minutes alone in the living room thinking about how to apologize, he felt tears brim up in his eyes, he felt terrible. He didn’t mean it he just couldn’t come up with any song ideas for their new album coming out soon. Jisung knew it wasnt an excuse, he also knows a simple ‘i’m so sorry’ or ‘i’m sorry’ won’t fix anything. He already has hurt your feelings twice this week due to stress, his sorry wont mean anything to you and he knew it. So he decided to do more this time, make a midnight snack for the two of you to enjoy together to finally spend time together after him staying in the studio for who knows how long. It was the least he could do.

Chicken Nuggets, is the first thing that came to mind when he thought of foods and snacks you liked. And so that’s what he made. Han saw some dino nuggets in the freezer so he defrosted them and put them into the toaster oven to heat up, he then went ahead and attempted to make star nuggets for you. He wasn’t very good at cooking like the other members but Jisung tried. He collected all the ingredients whisking, stirring and pouring ingredients. Finally he looked at the clock, 1:47AM he read. Are you even still awake? he wondered, his question was answered when he heard the bedroom door unlock revealing a tired, teary eyed, you.

“Baby! I made some dino and star nuggets for you as an apology because I assumed an ‘im sorry’ wouldn’t be enough for the damage I caused and the hurt I caused you..” He looked down feeling ashamed.

“Hmmh” You hummed in response, walking towards the dining table sitting yourself down.

“I am really sorry, I didn’t mean any of those horrible words I said to you. I said them in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t right of me. I’ve just had no ideas for songs and it’s been stressing me out since the deadline of those are in 2 weeks, yes I know it’s no excuse for what I said. I lashed out again, and I promise i’ll change for the better, for you. I’m really sorry baby!” Jisung apologized tears filling up his boba eyes yet again, his tone of voice and eyes practically begging for him to be forgiven. He was guilty and you could tell, his body language said it all.

“Hannie, it’s okay and I understand I was prying you a lot and probably disturbing you, but you know I care for you and whenever you feel stressed take a breather and talk to me about it next time instead of building it up and lashing out on me?” You give a small smile showing you do forgive him.

“Yes, I promise to talk to you and take breaks next time! I just can’t guarantee this won’t happen again in the future, but I will do everything I can to prevent it!” He had tears rolling down his face but he held a proud smile. In that moment he heard a ‘ding!’ meaning the dino and star nuggets were done! Jisung took them out and put them on a plate for you and him to share.

“Ji! don’t forget about the ketchup meteorite!” You giggle watching Jisung pull open the fridge looking for the ketchup bottle.

“Ji to your right on the door of the fridge.” You smile at his confused state frantically trying to find the ketchup. He let out a small ‘ohh’ and opened the lid forcing some ketchup out of the bottle.

“ahh” You said waiting for him to feed you a chicken nugget.

“Okay wait” Jisung quickly went to wash his hands speeding back and dipping a Star nugget into the ketchup feeding it to you.

“This is the one I made, how is it babe?” He questioned trying to tell by your expression.

Your eyes light up, “Woah, this is actually amazing” Your voice was muffled due to the fact you’re still chewing.

“Thank you Ji-baby!” You have a bright smile and a peck on the cheek as a reward.

“The least I could baby~” He gave you a sly smirk, giving you a kiss on the nose.

“try one!” You hold up a star nugget up to his lips waiting for him to take a bite.

“Mmm, you’re right it is good..” Jisung looked at you with his cheeks stuffed with chicken nuggets.

“You’re a cutie you know that!” You poke his cheek earning a pout from poor Jisung. You shoved two dino nuggets into your mouth mimicking Han.

“AWWW, you’re cuter babe!” He squealed with his loud persona, as your face flushed a light pink.

“Baby…I love you. You know that right?” Han expressed, in a calmer matter.

“Yes Hannie, and you know, I love you too” You two shared a kiss full of love and passion. That’s how your night went on, laughs and giggles were to be heard as you and Jisung were having the time of your lives in the dining room at now 2:57AM not yet asleep.

-FIN-

a/n: i’m actually really proud of this one! Lmk if you guys want more things like this!

77 notes · View notes

eggyrocks · 2 months

Note

eggy i dont even know what to say. im back to talk about rot. holy SHIT???? HOLY SHIT- i just. this series makes me feel so many things as a person and as a writer and holy shit. i had so many things that i planned to say and as soon as i sat down it all left me.

the WAY that this series is so stagnant and has this oppressive, suffocating feeling, and the way that the rot is just in EVERYTHING GOD THE ROT IT'S SUCH A GOOD THEME AND IT'S EVERYWHERE. it's in her and what her father's done to her personhood and it's in iwaizumi and the things it's doing to his friends and to mattsun, it's in kiyoko and it's in THEM IT'S IN THEM it's in the way that she gets excited and nervous and heated around iwa but theres no innocence theres no childlike wonder or hope or anything pure, the way they feel about each other and love each other isn't clean or new or pretty;; it's real and hard and there are things that arent and cant be said, and it's just EVERYWHERE. and you can tell she knows shes been rotted but that she cant see when shes rotting other things until it's too late and it almost feels like an unreliable narrator in that you wont know until it's too late if somethings gone wrong bc youre right there with her

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WRITING????? i can feel the rot in the home and the lack of care and i can smell the cigarette and i can feel the hazy, yellow, oppressive filter that sits on everything it sits in her hair and in her clothes and in her apartment and it sits on iwa and that frown of his and the way he carries himself. and i can physically FEEL how warm he is and how much he doesnt say with his mouth but he does say with his eyes and the little things he does. and the way you DESCRIBE every little detail, like the way the coffee moisture seeps into the wad of cash he'd left behind. you can just FEEL it. that even though this is a life that's living her more than she's living life, it's a life lived anyway.

youre the kind of writer i aspire to be. thank you for writing.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD JSDIGHIHIG STHANK YOU SO SO MUCH THIS IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I WANTED TO CONVEY WITH ROT LIKE THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!

rot exists so clearly in my brain i was nervous about trying to express that through my writing without beating everything to death and i am literally over the fucking moon that everything you've said here so exactly how rot exists in my head. THE HEAT TO IWAIZUMI. THE HAZY YELLOW FILTER. YES. DSJGKHKJGH

also thank you so much for pointing out the details because actually those moments are some of the moments im most proud of in rot like i find them personally to be the most grounding and RAAHHH IM SO GLAD YOU PICKED UP ON THEM

this ask was genuinely poetic as hell too im absolutely going to be going back and rereading this i cannot thank you enough for saying this it means SO MCUH TO ME

#moots <3 #ACTUALLY CRYING IM SO JDSIKFGJDFSNHKJ #ask #fav

3 notes · View notes

magicxc · 11 months

Text

Hills and Valleys

Synopsis: Legend has it that Halloween is strictly for the scares. With ghouls and goblins, vampires and werewolves, witches and broomsticks, who could disagree?

However, all this friend group wanted was a little trick or treat. Sprinkle in a few party favors, loud music, and a cabin in the woods, the myth was bound to come true.

Lurking around the corner is danger like never before, eager to bring this night to a bloody finish.

So join these friends as they fight to make it through a Halloween they’ll never forget, proving that "the scare" is more than just a fantasy.

Word Count: 2640

Warnings: gut punch....right in the feels, lots of blood this chapter

Chapter 4 - Stephanie’s POV

Series Masterlist

“Shut up, all of you,” Jason yelped. “Every minute we spend here is a minute more that sick freak has the upper hand, possibly plotting.

“And unless one of you can squeeze through those bars, the only way we’re getting out of here is through that door,” Em chimed in.

“Lorenzo, think man, does your family keep a spare key anywhere around here?”

“Uhh ye- yeah, I think so. Hell if I know where it could be at this point Jason.”

“Where is it usually?” Em asks.

“By a rack near the back door.”

“There were no keys when I checked back there,” Jason pointed out. “Fuck, we need to get moving NOW.

Honestly the only thing I feel is pure, white, hot rage pulsing through my veins right now. My anger has seen many people on the receiving end of my quick witted insults, and Lenny was no exception tonight - though I have to make a mental note to apologise later. Clearly I'm not level headed, even on a good day, and this high stress situation is only making it worse. Im not the friend for logical thinking, Im the friend that fucks shit up; so I murmur a quick thank you to the military man for rounding us altogether and making things a little more seamless.

Quick to dish out orders, he directs Lenny to the master bedroom to try and get some signal, Em to the second bedroom, himself to the kitchen and living room, me to the bathroom and any miscellaneous closet doors, while Lynn works on picking the deadlock.

I all but race to the bathroom, flicking on the light switch to get an idea of exactly what can help us in here.

Rummaging through the cabinet for anything sharp, I can’t even remember what it is that I’m supposed to be looking for - my mind aimlessly wondering about while my body ransacks this poor bathroom.

Pill bottles flying in the air, creams toppled over, and shower curtains screeching open, it’s only until my fist lands against the wall does it dawn on me that all I’ve done is trashed the damn place.

One of my best friends is lying face down in a watery grave and I can't even keep it together long enough to do something about it; it’s pathetic really.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been unfazed, anger rearing its ugly head in place of the rest of my emotions. And this time is no different. There's a literal animal out there hunting people down and I'm supposed to what, sit down and cry about it? No, that can come later. Just this once, I’d like to help my friends out the same way they’ve helped me. My walls have been crumbling since the day they walked into my life, so the very least I can do is find us a way out of here.

Head planted against the bathroom wall, I take a couple deep breaths in and slowly blow them out, repeating this a few more times. I'm no good to anyone in a state of fury but I’ll be damned if five people cant find a way out of a fucking house - what type of looney toons shit is that.

Sliding my fist down the wall and at my side, I take a careful look around for something that could help us open up the door, keys be damned at this point.

Is ammonia strong enough to melt the bars, I think to myself. Shaking my head, I put it back, noting that all I'd do is suffocate us. Taking on another search of the room, I come across more cleaning solutions, soaps, and tissue boxes of sorts.

Fingertips drumming against the counter tops, I try to think of a way to freedom with a tube of toothpaste - throwing it in the trash bin when I come up empty.

Frustration threatens to rise once more and for the sake of it, I march toward the tub just to make sure every base is covered, stopping dead in my tracks as I hit what feels to be a goldmine. There’s a small window in the wall of the tub, bar-free and screaming out to me. How didn’t I see it before is beyond me, but now isn’t the time for questions.

Lips curling upward, I muster up a small smile at my new revelation and get inside to check it out.

Stepping in the tub, I notice that it’s a bit smaller up close, somewhere around 24x18 if I had to guess. Hands gliding across the smooth panel, I reach for the latch and pull it across to see if it’ll open.

Eyes crinkling at the corners I almost let out a happy dance right then and there; small bits of breeze whipping against my clammy skin in newfound hope.

Sizing up the window, I edge closer to the pane, standing on tippy toes to assess the outside. From the angle of the house, the bathroom lines up with the kitchen which is right out of view of the front yard. So, if whoever hurt Julez is still lurking around, they’re more than likely focused on the front and back doors, giving us somewhat of an element of surprise.

Dammit, all those leaves on the ground are sure to give it away though, I sigh. There’s nothing that cuts through the quiet quite like that.

Maybe we can form a bit of a distraction, I think. Have Lynn and Jason make lots of commotion at the front door while two or three of us sneak out the window.

And then there’s the height, another thought creeps in. This window is shoulder length at best so whoever climbs through will more than likely need a boost. And not to mention the small size. It’s not ideal for the average person to squeeze through.

"Ahhhh fuck," I screamed; palm slamming against the damp wall.

It's like we take two steps forward and four steps back with this shit. And the lake house? Lenny’s parents are gonna have to see me personally once we get out of here cause what the actual hell is the point of barricading oneself inside like this? Even though Lynn was dead ass wrong, it does make you wonder what exactly went on in here.

Fuck it, I didn't just find possibly the only way out of the house just to squander this opportunity. Someone is gonna fit through this window and get us the hell out of here come hell or high water - and just to be clear, I am the hell AND the high water.

So first things first, none of the guys broad shoulders stand a chance of getting through there. Lynn is on the thicker side of things, so that leaves me and Em. It’ll still be a tight squeeze, but I think we could make it work.

"I’ve never been more grateful for a flat ass till now," I mumbled.

Lenny will give us a boost, we’ll climb through, start the car, and drive til we get enough cell signal to call the police. Ohhh, we should also grab a knife or something just to be safe.

Digging into my pockets, jaws clenched in concentration, my fingers slither over everything from gum to lip gloss, until it finally slithers over that familiar bumpy texture.

Blowing out a breath of relief, I fish the spray out of my pockets and mouth a thanks to the heavens for having this with me. Pepper gel: my bestest friend of all, especially on late nights when I have to walk back to my car after a double shift.

“Yessss, at least this’ll buy us enough time and space away from that freak if we come across them,” I murmured.

It seems all my boxes are checked off, so I close the window, lock it back, and get ready to tell the group my grand plan. Whew, I'm just itching at the idea of this night finally coming to an end. Shit, who knows the kind of people we’ll be once this is all over.

Will we grow closer or will this night show us that somehow our friend group isn’t strong enough to withstand all this crap. Maybe for once I won’t have to spend my days apologising to everyone, but can actively work on keeping us together. That sick fuck may have taken out one of us, but I’ll be damned if I let them be the reason we separate. These people, my friends- no my family is what I look forward to when I picture my life old and gray, so I need us to get through this crappy night in one piece.

Turning on my heels, I make my way toward the edge of the bathtub, one leg halfway over until the person at the door stops me in my tracks.

“Geeze, you scared me,” I sighed, hands clutching my chest. “I never really pegged you for such a quiet walker.

Stepping out of the tub entirely, I continue to the door, arms flailing in the air as I go on to lay out the plan.

“Now, here’s where you come in -“

My words get cut off by the swift motion. I see it before I feel it and by the time my body has a chance to catch up to what's going on, blood starts gushing from my neck; my nervous system finally registering how sharp the pain is.

Dropping to my knees, a voiceless scream tears through my throat; pathetic gasping the only sound I can muster up as my hands fly to my neck to stop the never ending downpour.

The pain is excruciating and the blood oozes through my fingers quicker than I can stop it. My head feels dizzier by the minute and the grip on my wound loosens by the second.

Eye contact between us two never cease and I see a hint of a smile threaten to creep up, washed away by the stumbling on the staircase. They dash out of the door, closing it behind them while I sink further into the tiled floor; fear putting me in a metaphorical chokehold as I put myself into a literal one.

I hear Lenny’s booming footsteps burst through what feels like every door but mine; panic sourcing through me as I now feel cold sweat line my forehead.

He finally pops in, that goofy grin instantly dropping once he takes in the scene.

Disheveled, Lenny combs his hands through his hair, a big indicator of when he feels most stressed. And I would be too, but motherfucker I’m on the floor, help me dammit - is what I really want to say, though it doesn’t quite come out the way I intend it to.

Rushing over to me, Lenny starts shouting but I can barely stay tuned; my body threatening to dip out of consciousness.

“Oh shit, oh shit, shit,” he hissed. “Steph it’s gonna be alright, I just need you to hold on for a minute.”

There’s a thick, course cloth that wraps around me, and I feel like a baby being swaddled. The warmth that runs down my body soothes it from the chilly air and all I want to do is take a nap, wrapped in Lenny’s strong arms; if only to relieve myself from the hangover that’s sure to come. The blanket feels a little too tight and thankfully I don’t have to tell him to loosen it.

“AYEEEEEEEEE,” he screeched. “YOU GUYS GET IN HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.”

Eyes steadily closing, sleep seems like the best course of action right now. All I need is a little break. Just a quick nap and then we can find a way out of here.

“Steph, baby talk to me,” he shakes me. “Who did this to you?”

It’s the horde of screaming that annoys me most of all. Can’t they see I’m trying to sleep?

Head slumped to the side, I see everyone gathered by the doorway, terror etched onto each face but one. That motherfucking bitch.

They did this. Fuck the window and the plan, Lenny the person you need to worry about is right in front of you. At least that’s what I’d like to think I said.

Holding me tighter in his arms Lenny shushes me, rocking us back and forth, desperately urging me to save my voice and energy until we can get some help.

This is it isn’t it? The look on everyone's face says it; or hopes for it. There’s nothing about the chilling screams and the panicked pacing that brings me comfort. This right here is where my story ends. I'm decades away from the gray life I imagined I’d live out, tears brimming over at the idea.

Feet splashing through the blood and plopping beside me, it's Lynn whose voice I manage to make out; she and Lenny drowned out by my loud heartbeats.

“I don’t fucking know Lynn, for goodness sake make yourself useful.”

“Both of you shut up,” Jason barks. “Dude tell me you got enough service to get us some hel- to get Steph some help.”

Wrapped tightly in Lennys arms, I feel myself losing the battle with consciousness. I’ve lost probably about half my blood, the room is spinning and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m on the bathroom floor.

Eyes darting around the room, they land on the culprit and the salty tears flow freely. Mustering up the last bit of energy I have left, I manage to point my index finger, as best I can, at the perpetrator.

Get that mother fucker and get the hell out of dodge is what I try to say, but all that comes out is this wet, gurgled plea for help. Between the rocking and the chaos, no one notices my last ditch effort and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs.

I’m scared, fuck I’m so scared. There’s this saying that goes something along the lines of one day we all went outside and played with our neighborhood friends for what we didn’t realise would be the last time. Who would’ve thought the same would apply here?!

Who would’ve thought this would be our last ever party. My last time promising to be back home before the sun rises to my dad. The last time Lenny and I would banter for the sake of it. The last time Em and I bonded over similar tastes. Or the last time we’d tease Lynn about her endless boyfriends. Had I known this would be the last time I’d see Julez, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter.

This friend group has been all that and more for me. They’re literally the siblings I’ve never had. They’ve accepted me wholly and at the same time made me more considerate. They’ve been my literal shoulders to cry on and have seen me through every emotion there is. So why can’t they see me point this motherfucker out? Please! Let me at least do this one last thing for y’all. Please, don't let this final attempt be in vain.

Tears stopping and blood slowing, my muscles slacken while my lips manage one final, small smile; hoping that in the future they’ll at least pour one out for the homie once they make it out of here safely.

Although this was no doubt painful, I hope what awaits me on the other side feels much similar to being carried to your bedroom when you were a child and fell asleep on the couch during a family party; hoping most of all that I can still hear the laughter and the noise from the next room.

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #Spooky Szn #Halloween Kills #Halloween Series #Halloween #Hills and Valleys #Original Story and Characters #Horror #are you crying?#cause I am #RIPPPP

10 notes · View notes

starlightwonders05 · 2 months

Text

I think I’m gonna start using tumbler to share my thoughts and progress as an artist so this will be the start of that. I’ve finally decided how to format my favorite story. I’ve been devoloping that story with my friends for two year now. And we settled on a comic format where its kinda like “everything is not as it seems” where it kinda starts off as sorta normal but i lowkey cant fully do that ofc because our story involves being in a purgatory. So I Geuss its more just like? I don’t really reveal everything at first but just set the tone that this place is kinda important? I started writing the script for the first page and surprisingly its like doing a very detailed roleplay. Honestly? Im more scared of drawing backgrounds then anything lol I’ve been tooo hyper focused on my human skill that I’ve neglected literally everything else lol.

I also am just very scared to be a content creator in general I’ve been putting it off for a very long time I wanted to start a lot younger but I wasn’t confident in my skills but now im confident in my skills im just not sure WHT to do im even confident i can still do something good with the eras where my skills are underdeveloped. I Geuss I’ve just put so much weight on trying to wait for the “right time” to do things and waiting until i get this or that or wait until thie happens. I’ve lowkey been stalling for like two years. I struggle with even taking care of myself on a daily basis so doing art on a daily basis is kinda like hard? I used to go through sketchbooks in like a month lols. But i just have less motivation i have more ideas then ever i just am tired and scared? I just Geus a part of me just deep down feels like.. what if i put myself out there and no one wants to read my story? And love my ocs? I’ve been working so hard on these things for years so what if i show it to the world and no one even cares? I would have wasted my time and just like..i wanna be an artist and i wanna be a creator that people can love i wanna be known for it and do big things because of it and i just deep down feel like its not gonna happen for me. Im not gonna get lucky. And my efforts are for nothing..

I’ve been SO inspired by things like Undertale black butler and just artist creators. I also feel like my efforts arent enough i hear stories of others posting when they are young and slowly getting recognition or just lucking out with connections and i feel like that kind of things wont happen to me. Im black and trans and I was severely neglected as a child. No one really encourged me. No one ever really believed in me. So I barely believed in myself. It took be until my mid teens to learn basic ass things. Because I was academically smart and could speak very intelligently no one believed i needed help. No one helped me. They told me that i was smart and can figure it out myself. That’s devasting to hear. When youre drowning and know that anyone else can do this. Everyone else is better than me. I may like doing art and am passionate about it but i know everyone else is better. They arent as scared. They were encourged. It sucks. Because this has been my life story and i can’t even be good at the one thing im passionate about doing. And I’ve put all my cards into art. I’ve sacrificed a lot. I’ve worked SO hard. But i feel like it’s not enough. I feel like it’s never gonna be enough. Im gonna end up one of those sad lonely people who were so passionate when they were young but gave it up cause it never worked out. And im scared of that. I WANT art to be my thing i want content creation to be my thing i really do but as the days pass it feels like im wasting my time. No ones ever gonna like my stuff. No ones ever gonna see me. No one cares. It feel so suffocating. Doing art has become a very heavy burden on my shoulders. Something that used to save me is now weighing me down. Im not good at anything else. I ahve no other choice. And im very afraid. I dont wanna will this into existence but there’s no denying my fears. They scream at me everyday. I cant help but listen? It try I’ve tried so hard to be positive to keep pushing but i jsut need to get all this off my chest. It’s hard. Im sorry this turned into something this wasn’t supposed to be but i suppose it’s good for me to let it out. No ones really listening anyways.

#queer artist #traditional art

1 note · View note

woolywoofs · 2 years

Text

I wanted to post a little update. And ask for a little help, again (paypal posted below, please dont feel pressured! you and your needs come first always).

Moppa and I are still grieving Skvetta, but we are managing now. She can be left alone now without panicking and she no longer searched for her in the yard.

I had my tonsils taken out last friday, on my birthday lol. Surgery itself went well, but beforehand did not. My IV infiltrated and all of the meds to calm me down and put me to sleep just went into my soft tissue. It was extremely painful and I started to have a panic attack on the table because of it + the oxygen mask makes me feel like im suffocating (i know it doesnt make sense haha). All hands on deck after that and I had 3 people on me at once sticking me trying to get IVs in me but my veins just kept breaking. It was actual hell and felt like forever.

Recovery has been a hot mess honestly. The first 3 days were fine and since then its been reaaal bad. The ear, throat and tongue pain is unreal. I am drugged out of my mind because pain/stress is a huge seizure trigger for me, but at this point it is not really working. I did have 1 bad seizure, to a point where i had broken capillaries in my face. But thankfully it didnt create any issues with my surgery recovery. Im hoping things will start improving soon.

Generally my epilepsy has fucked up a lot. My short term memory is messed up and I have lost some skill sets after the bad seizures. I have been re-learning how to draw and paint! It is a very tedious process but i really feel like im making progress.

My autoimmune disease has been lowkey out of control and I saw my rheumo and I am going back on a low dose chemo drug. It really did help last time, it just made me so sick. But we will be looking into every option to control my nausea etc! So im trying to be hopeful. Ill start once im completely healed from my tonsillectomy, since the meds make you more likely to get infections and slows healing.

My uterus has also been absolutely fucked, once again. We were really hoping that removing the mass, scraping my uterus and putting the IUD would stop the bleeding, and it did, for 6 months. But im having issues again and I saw a specialist and we decided that the only option left for me is a hysterectomy. There is a year long wait though. This wasnt exactly on my list of things to do at 27.. but i suppose it is what it is.

Now for some good. Moppa is healthy and happy. She was attacked by a dog in september and got a bad gash but shes completely healed! She loves the fenced yard. We have been working on nosework stuff when im feeling okay enough for it! She is honestly such a light in the dark and I love her.

I get to renew my lease next year so i dont have to worry about housing!! Rent will be increasing bc inflation but im okay with swapping some meals with ramen to make things work, when I cant make extra money. I have been learning how to quilt!! My grandma does it a lot and i asked her to teach me so I am working on a project with her.

While things are generally a hot mess right now, i am mostly okay. And i feel like thats a big improvement for me, im not sure I would have handled all this a year ago. And im proud of myself.

With everything going on, I have obviously been unable to do commissions, or taking in dogsitting clients or anything i typically do to make money. If anyone is able to help, it is really appreciated. *This is my PayPal*, im afraid its my only way to receive anything. *any* amount helps. I really hope this is the last time i ever have to ask for anything. I feel like things are going to turn around now that we have solid plans to help with my health issues. The hope is that once my uterus is out and the low dose chemo has gotten my overall pain under control, that my epilepsy will chill out. It seems to be easily triggered via pain and hormones.

Thanks to anyone who had the patience to read this thing. I just havent posted an update in so long that there was a lot to say 😅 i am going to start being more active on here as ai really miss it. I will include the 2 art pieces I managed to make and finish. It took forever to figure everything out but im proud of myself. Quality may be a little destroyed bc tumblr likes to do that... i really hope i can offer commissions again soon. I might choose a person or two at random that donates and do a ghost commission like below for them? I can at least try. But youd have to message me on here after donating so i know who you are, i think i can attempt dog, cat or rabbit. But i cant promise anything.

I talked forever, im so sorry lol. Here is the paypal again because its definitely lost up there in the babble

Just to end this.. Has anyone here had a tonsillectomy as an adult and can tell me at what point it got better?

#personal babble #lord sorry for going off forever #my art

26 notes · View notes

playboynanners · 1 year

Text

i wanna start off by telling u i am sorry!! i wanna tell u about all this crazy shit in my head, and want to open up and want to talk about my feelings but no matter what, i just cant make out the right words...? like it feels like cant properly put my thoughts and emotions into words i guess??

all i want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because its killing me inside. i cant take it anymore. i feel weird. i dont want to do anything. i always feel tired. i dont have any energy. a part of me broken. something is def weighing on my heart. i just feel so fucking suffocated. i feel like i am so far behind in life that i will never catch up. everyone is doing so many things with their lives. and i am just here. i really dont think i can do this its getting dark again. and im afraid. im too tired to carry on. i want MYSELF back bro is that too much to ask for? i deffff know its getting bad because even sleep and music dont help and i feel sick all the time and i just want to disappear. i really feel like there is no happy ending for me . thats why getting through the days is hard rayen i honestly from the bottom of my heart know its all for nothing. u guys are waiting for me to get over it, to finally do something with my life, and i know u guys are getting impatient. but what u guys dont know is that im already gone. i dont like who i am. there is nothing good about me. i am sick of wasting my time. i am worn out. i so fucking tired. the anxiety consumes me at times i feel like i cant breathe i cant think straight intrusive thoughts of self distraction consume my mind i am sooo fucking sick of this version of myself!!!!! im fucking tired of the poor choices i keep making. i truly believe i have hit rock bottom. this is the humblest i have ever been because my ego has nothing to be proud of. i know i knowww it is important to be gentle with myself but its also crucial to be honest. im not taking care of myself. im doing drugs, im on social media all day. i either dont eat healthy, or i dont eat at all. i dont exercise. i watch things that arent positive and go to sleep and wake up late. i am sick to my stomach as i write this. i just want to go up from here because i cant live this way anymore. i dont wanna live this way anymore. but like if you never felt like the way i do right now... the drained , depression . WORTHLESS feeling ... then u cant say shit about me "getting better starts with yourself bs" LIKE UH ? YEAH I HATE MYSELF AND DONT GIVE A FUCKKKKK ABOUT NUN SO WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? like i honestly didnt even think i would be alive at my age i thought i wouldve been dead by 20 so u can only imagine how lost i feel lol. i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like im just wasting away most days. and i dont fucking know how to fix it. maybe this is my time for me and im supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is? like i dunno i just know i always fucking ruin EVERYTHINGGGG . i casually sabotage all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesnt feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring. i really want to kill whats inside of my head. i hate living like this day after day. i just want my pain to end bro . i see how everyone looks at me like i’m a burden, how they fake concern only to switch up at me the next second. i don’t want to be this way, im so lost and alone and i just don’t see the point anymore. this is the loneliest i have ever felt. i don't have a shoulder to cry on when im sad, i have got legit no one to go to. i have noooo tears left to cry dude. my heart hurts so much. my insides are burning. i dont know how to help myself. i legitimately try and i make it worse. i wanna scream all this hurt and pain out. can i just lose my memory just so i can take a break from feeling this way? im not sure how long i can handle this alone anymore all honesty .

AND i wouldnt say im "addicted" to drugs and alcohol (JUST YET lol) butttt what i hate about liking them is that once you know how that high feels and the break from reality you get from everything you will FOREVER know how good it felt and thats the problem. u can be days, months, years of being clean. but i know when you quit its gonna be hard years down the road. i would take it alllll back and not start doing any of it. it turns from "just one time trying it" to "i promise this is the last time" but all honestly i dont know how to stop or be normal in this world sober anymore.

and to sum it alllll up i just want / need someone who can hug me and tell me that im not as worthless as i think i am i feel so fucking empty sometimes and its so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

#tw depressing thoughts #@hate myself #journal #made with tumblr #sad aesthetic #thoughts #depressing shit #love yourself #sociopath #kill me

2 notes · View notes

all-doggirls-go-to-heaven-2 · 1 year

Text

Hey I got kinda emotional and into it here so. Skip this one if you dont care but if you're my friend idk read it see if it resonates or smth

I think ill never get over the feeling that im inept or a loser because its not the fact that I'm. You know. That. Its because before even making the comparison between this person's absolute best life and my sick week I already think that. Its bad to the point that whenever I see someone share good news abt. Anything. I get jealous

And like im rlly not trying to brag but I have a decent life by my standards. I have partners that love me but don't require my affection constantly, so when I kinda shut down for 9 hours as I often do no one freaks out. I have sex quite often! (Not right now because im sick and slowly losing my mind) (and yeah this is childish but im very hypersexual and if I did not have this it would be bad for the mind) like there are people who consider me a sexy being and want to have sex with me and then we do.that. often in trios which is such a thing that my 16-year old me would have said NICE!!! To me and now its kinda of the norm for me. When its not just me n my gf having like casual fun sex its a threesome. And that fucking rules!!! I have money now!!! Saved!!!! Im moving out in like four months!!!! I already bought like paintings and tables and shit. Im finishing uni and can go pursue my dreams of becoming a film professor!!!! My art constantly gets praise!!!! And yeah, we kinda got fucked festival season because we botched some documentation but I made people cry!!! With my writing and camera work!!!! And I did that with my friends, too!! No sellout shit, no contracting a pro to get good shots, no youtube tutorial bullshit, i got three people that really liked each other and we made a fucking movie!!! And people cried watching it!!!! Like I got a legacy now. Even if its a small, insignificant one, its a fucking legacy!!! Its there!!! I can like crochet now!!! And im good at it!!!! Better than my fucking aunt who mocked the stuff I made back then!!!! And I make money selling it?? Online??? To friends??? Thats fucking cool as hell!!! Im feeling pretty? Like actually pretty? Not in a fabricated, made up, photoshopped version of me but like. I look in the mirror and I see a girl. Shes kinda messy and probably needs to brush her teeth more but its a girl. I pass all the time??? Old people call me little missy and shit. And yet I have not lost the transfem swag.

Sure, maybe some shit is bad. Sometimes you feel like drowning. Still not quite over that one breakup. Sometimes there's nothing to do. Sometimes your friends are having way more fun than you and you have no excuse to not be having fun. Sometimes uni is suffocating. Sometimes you love people so intensely that you start hating them when they dont like you as intensely as you do them. Sometimes you still put other's happiness over your comfort or safety. Sometimes you still romanticize things to make it seems like you're a less boring person than you think you are. Sometimes you need more affection than you're getting from your partners and you simply stay quiet, because you fear you're becoming like your abusers. You still havent gotten over the "I was heavily emotionally abused for the better part of a month" and recovery should have ended by now. They moved on. Why haven't you? Why do you still think of them? Why everytime someone thinks the kind of sex you have is weird you remember them telling you that and then doing it anyway? You're still the black sheep of the family. No matter how many intense life-ending fuckups your cousins fuck up, you'll still be the worst one. Because you were supposed to be perfect, to study overseas, to be the golden child. And you failed. Sometimes you wonder if you're wasting your life trying to be happy. Sometimes you wonder if you even can be. Sometimes you cry because you're sure you cant

And we just.... gotta keep on living. Trying, succeeding and failing to be happy. To have my needs met. Isnt that what its all about?

3 notes · View notes

mfk-archived · 4 years

Text

I mean this in the most respectful way possible but I am a disappointment to my uta/pri f/os

#nana's last braincells #vent tw #i feel off? very off emotionally. theres a definite inbalance in what im feeling #i contribute nothing to everything that's been going on and i just want to complain about myself. typical! its what's expected of me.#i try and keep my blog free of the events so i + others don't feel suffocated by bad news. its good that yknow thay stuff is getting out #i have no space to complain or whine about anything. my feelings and random mood swings arent valid. not at a time like this.#i could literally be dead right now bc of the virus or idk my family member snapping and killing me but im alive so i should just #shut up and be thankful im here.#i just want to go outside. i dont want to think. i want to stop thinking. my fos just cant do anything for me #all i can do is draw hope the world ends slower and watch everything around me deteriorate #i hate being here

0 notes

t4rt4gl14 · 3 years

Text

#.you’re a v1rg1n?!

!! featuring : kaeya. zhongli. childe.

?! warnings : mndi !! dark content ahead. fem!reader. v1rg1n!reader. + soft!dom + overstim + edging + pounding + praise + degradation + teasing + temperature play + size kink !! + [ i think thats it? lmk if i missed anything !! ]

KAEYA.

-> kaeya is a bit too happy when he finds out your a virgin. but ofc incredibly turned on, the mere thought of taking your virginity makes him feral- but since it’s your first time he won’t be rough. kaeya isn’t a virgin himself- he hasn’t been in past relationships, just had one night stands 💀

-> a lot of teasing and foreplay !! he enjoys watching you squirm and beg for his cock. he’ll often degrade you, “my little slut..so impatient.” his long fingers prodding at your sweet spot again and again, using his vision to cool your warm insides to see your flushed face. the face you make when he makes you cum on his fingers twice- he relishes in how your eyes roll back and your tongue falls out- moaning his name into the night air.

-> when it comes to actually taking his cock inside- he’ll be extremely slow, he’s not even trying to tease he just wants to make sure that you’re not in any pain. kaeyas length is well around 7.9 inches with hella girth. one hand of his will rub comforting circles on your hips whilst the other circles your clit, hoping that the burning stretch would be eased out by the extra stimulation.

“ a-anghh k-kaeya-!~”, you moan, bottoming out on his cock, his cold yet smooth thumb circles your clit in figure 8’s, “shhh s’okay just relax bby- it’ll feel so good in a min m’kay?”, you whine with a nod as he slowly guides your hips- and later on you’re bouncing on him like a cheap whore, chasing your own orgasm as your vision is blinded with pleasure. “c-cumming m’gonna cum!!”. kaeya only chuckles with a moan as he cums right after you do. he’s been edging himself for a while but the tightness of your gummy cunt was too much to bear.

ZHONGLI.

-> yh im sry guys this man isn’t a virgin 💀. he’s 6000+ years old it’s understandable tbh, but the good thing is, he hasn’t loved somebody for a very long time until you came along ofc. he wasn’t even that surprised when you’d told him you’re a virgin, but he did wanna make you feel the best you could for your first time so expect him to be in between your thighs for a while.

-> zhongli will eat you out like it’s as if he’s starving !! and to get you extra sensitive, he’ll edge you- kissing your clit just before you cum. he’ll often gaze at you and smile, reassuring you that he means no harm and that it’s just for preparation. kissing your inner thighs whilst holding them open as you whine and thrash from your orgasm escaping. zhongli will edge you for around 20 mins- until he’s feel as though you’ve had enough and that you’re ready.

-> he’s 8.5 inches- long and thick so he defo has a size kink, enjoys watching your whine and claim that you can’t take anymore even tho he’s barely half way. how the bulge becomes almost evident with each harsh thrust of his. he’ll start of soft at first but he’ll destroy your insides towards the end.

“aahhh!! s’too big z-zhongli u-uwah!”, your tongue lolls out as he rails you into the mattress. the tip kissing your cervix with every thrust, “b-bear with me love n-ngh m’almost gonna cum..”, he cant. he’s so close, you’re suffocating his dick with how your clamping down on his cock, you claw at his back as he marks you one last time. “unghhh! c-cumming !!~ m’fucking cumming!~”, you cry as he releases his thick load deep inside you whilst convulse around him.

CHILDE.

-> where do i even start with this man? 1st off- he alr somehow knew you’re a virgin. he says that you give you off ‘huge virgin vibezzz’, whatever tf that means 🤨. isn’t a virgin but he’s only slept with one other and he done it whilst he was drunk so 💀. he’s happy that your first time will be with him, but he’s just slightly sad because he regrets sleeping with someone else. now you won’t be the first person who got his dick wet 🥺.

-> mans got noooo self-restraint. he’ll tease you, edge you then make you dumb on his cock. fucking you over and over till you cum for the entire night- he just won’t stop, he enjoys stretching you, he wonders what that feelings like. but god does he enjoy seeing your fucked out expression, when you squirt on his dick.

-> will only be gentle when putting it in- be in for a ride for the rest of the night- childe has an incredible amount of stamina so he won’t ever stop. you’ll be deadass fucking for so long- you’ll be sore the next night but it’s okay, a night with ajax in the sheets is worth it ♡

“ah ah ahnnnnn!! ajax g-gentle pleasesss unhhh-!~”, he only moans into your ear, “fuck baby you’re so tight- m’gonna fuck you for the entire night m’kay?”, you shake your head, claiming that you can’t take anymore and that you’re gonna cum again but he only muffles your moans by kissing you deeply, dumping another load of his cum inside you. he slows to a stop and you thought you were finally over until he just kisses his teeth, “no wanna feel you cum again, you can do that right baby?”, and at this point you’re too dumb for words.

7K notes · View notes

peachache · 6 years

Text

:///

#i hate being mentally ill #i hate wanting to die 24/7 #but then jt gets! leveled up wanting to die!!#& i feel like im suffocating & cant do anything right or good #ibe been crying & hyperventilating for a whike kn bed & like i have stopped. 3 times just to sit there starting at my wall #& then it!! starts back up & i cant breath & im choking on tears & not being enough or good or worthwhile #i just #really fucking hate being alive lmao #jts all shit & so am i #i wont ever be anyrhing good or do anything good or inspire any good huh #nthn spks

1 note · View note

dream-a-little-longer-1 · 2 years

Note

Hi, I'm Izz. I hope you are doing well 💜. I'm just started using this app only to read Moriarty fanfic 🙂 and I found your blog.

I read all your writings regarding Moriarty and I enjoy it. I see you accept requests, so if possible I want to request 👉🏻👈🏻 about reactions or feelings or POV of Moriarty siblings (you can add Sherlock or Mycroft) if their s/o have a miscarriage. Uhh and can u make it angst.... I hope it's not too much, since this is the first time I message someone😄. Have a good day 💕

I'm gonna paste the request here just to see how it works 😊. But how to change the font colors? coz I see you use blue 🔵, purple 🟣 & green 💚. Anyway thanks again for accepting my request 😊

Hello lzz!! how's it going?

Welcome to tumblr!!!i hope you're enjoying yourself!!!

Ofc its not too much! it'll be my pleasure to write ur first request ever!!!

Oh btw,ppl who send asks cant change the color of their fonts (i think,since im using tumblr for mobile.)

i hope u enjoy it!

Love, Luna

✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.｡*♡✧*.

Albert

•helplessness,fear, terror and a bone crushing sadness

•were all Albert could feel as he stepped through hallways

•when the doctor had told him about your miscarriage,he didnt know how to feel

•what to do

•and when he reaches the room that you're supposed to be in,and hears heartbreaking sobs coming from the inside

•he knows he cant face you;after all,he broke his promise

•the promise to always take care of you and your child when you first realized that you were pregnant

•he broke his promise to you,but most of all,he broke the promise to himself that he will never hear you cry

•Albert knows he cant face you right now

•but he knows he cant runaway,nor can he leave you by yourself

•so with heavy steps,and a heavy heart that seems to break with every choked sob that you let out

•he steps inside your room,and without a word

•embraces you tightly

•and when you bury your face in his chest,Albert closes his eyes

•and prays for better days

William

•William cant believe what he's hearing as the doctors tell him why you're currently laying on the bed, motionless and staring out the window without blinking

•he knows miscarriages are normal,but i when it happens to his own wife?

•William thinks he has never felt this crushed before

•the feeling of losing the child he loved even before he gets the chance to see them

•freezes him right where he stands

•he can see how broken you are

•not looking his way or saying anything

•just staring out at the gray skies like they hold the reason to all your misfortunes

•he feels numb

•tired

•exhausted

•but he also knows that he needs to be strong,for you

•so without any word,he takes a sit at the chair besides your bed

•and takes your hand

•to stare up at the gray sky as well

•in hope that maybe one day, it'll be clear blue again

Louis

•his knees buckle beneath him

•and as they make contact with the hard floor,he doesnt even feel the sharp pain through his skin and bone

•but the pain in his heart

•surely is the most suffocating he's ever felt

•tears well up in his scarlet eyes as Louis takes in your pale feature

•how you're sleeping poorly with tear stained face

•his hands shake as he reaches toward your cheek,to wipe at still damped skin

•Louis blames himself,for everything that's happened to you

•he blames himself for your pain,for your sadness

•and he knows that nothing he does will ever make his sin and guilt lighter

•he knows that even if one day,you bring yourself to forgive him

•he cant ever forgive himself

•so he bends his head low

•and clenches your hand tightly in his

•and sheds silent tears in the darkness of your room

Mycroft

•Mycroft tries hard to keep his cool as he stands behind the closed doors of your shared bedroom

•when the doctor had told him about your miscarriage with fake calmness,he had rushed to where you were supposed to be as fast as possible

•but even as he takes a deep breath

•and closes his eyes to reach for the door handle

•he cant, however,mask how his hands are shaking

•and how loud his heart is beating

•he kept praying for you to be asleep,so he doesnt have to face you

•but when he sees you sitting on your bed

•your face pale;dark circles decorating your lifeless eyes

•it makes him want to run

•but with shaky legs,he comes to your bed

•and sits down on the edge of it

•he doesnt know what to say,or do to comfort you

•but when you take his hands in yours

•a shaky breath escapes him,as he lowers his head

•rests his forehead against the back of your hand

•and for once in your life together

•your husband shakes while shedding silent tears on your lap

#moriarty the patriot fanfic #moriarty the patriot x reader #moriarty the patriot #ask #william james moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty x reader #mycroft holmes x reader

150 notes · View notes

akatsvmu · 3 years

Note

yooo i LOVED the aot boys and their favorite body parts of yours. <3 i saw that you were thinking of doing a part 2 to it and was wondering if you could do Erwin & mike/Miche for it? :)

aot boys and their favorite body part of yours pt. 2

ft. erwin and miche

genre: sfw/nsfw | hcs

warnings: 18+, lots of body parts (f. oriented), smut

a/n: ahh omgomg im so glad you liked it!! also i freaked out when i saw your message because this is my first request !! akjshdsj here you go nonnie <33

connie and erens version

☆ ERWIN is literally the most respectful man ever. He KNOWS how to treat you right and can never even think about giving you less than what you deserve. He’s honestly so in love with every part of you already… but you would be exaggerating if you said that he worships your hips and waist. You definitely can’t deny noticing the extra attention he gives them.

Whenever you two are out, one hand will always be wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly to his side. He’s not exactly the possessive type, but he’d be lying if he said that he doesn’t take pride in knowing that other people can clearly see you two together, with his strong arms wrapped around your body. He’ll never get sick of the feeling of your body pressed close to his no matter where you are. You’ve even started to expect the firm hand on your lower back in crowded areas. Never pushing you, but always guiding you so you’re not pulled away from him. It’s comforting, you feel so safe when he’s around, never having to worry about losing him in any circumstance.

When he kisses you, there’s always a fire behind it. It’s dizzying, your mind hazy from the way his lips feel against yours while his hands continue to explore your body. Down your sides, over your hips, around your back, all while pulling you in closer to deepen the kiss.

When he finally undresses you for the night, he lowers down until he’s on his knees. He kisses your hipbones and ghosts his hands over the smooth expanse of your stomach. As he finally lays you down on the bed, he swears he’ll never tire from the sight of you spread out for him. His hands never cease its travels over your skin. He continues to kiss down your abdomen, carving a path to where you need him the most. As his tongue finally runs through your folds and dip into your center, you feel his palms pressing down on your hips, holding you down and making sure you don’t squirm away.

If you’re on all fours, one hand has a bruising grip on your hip while the other is pushing your back to see you arch. after you both finally come down from your high, he’s sure to place kisses on your lower back and hips which always give you butterflies in your stomach. He’s literally the king of aftercare, you always feel loved and cared for when you’re with him.

Although he’s good with words, he still prefers showing you his love. So if you’re feeling sore or tired after a long day, he will not hesitate in giving you a massage. At this point you don’t even know if the massage is making you or him feel better. His skilled hands know just how much pressure you need to relieve the tension in your back, your mind going blank from the way his hands roam and knead the stress away from your hips.

But, if you want to make his mind go blank, all you have to do is sit on his lap. He will literally lose the ability to think of any rational thoughts. If he was talking to someone before, he’s now struggling to remember why they were there in the first place. It’s a battle of his will at this point, he’s so close to giving up any type of public decency just so he can touch your body, so pretty sitting on his lap.

This man is just so whipped for you and wants to make sure you know that ... just let him hold you and he swears he’ll be happy forever.

☆ MICHE. you can tell just from one look that he treats you so well. He already loves every single part of you but he absolutely LOSES his mind when it comes to your thighs. Just look at him, he’s definitely a thigh man.

His favorite way to relax is by laying his head on your lap, using it as a pillow. Says that they’re comfier than the actual bed and will make him sleep better. He likes to run his thumb gently over the skin, then tickle you to hear your laughter, but will actually fall asleep if you start running your hands through his hair.

he likes to push you up against the wall when you kiss, his tongue dipping inside your mouth. Will run his hands over your thighs to feel you, and forgets his name the moment you wrap your legs around his waist.

He brings you to the bed and will worship your thighs. He goes light headed when he hears the sounds you make as he teases you by paying more attention to your thighs, purposely leaving the place where you want him the most untouched. Spreads a trail of feather kisses across your legs and leaves so many marks in his wake. It’s come to the point where you have to remind him to lighten up just so you can wear shorts again.

As much as he wants to listen to you, he can’t. He’s captivated by how lush and pliant they are under his hands. Will squeeze and trail his fingers up just to see you throw your head back from the tingles that shoot up your spine. He finds them too pretty not to mark up, and secretly thinks they’re more attractive after seeing the dark spots he’s left.

None of that compares, however, to the moment when you wrap your thighs around his head. He swears that he could die like this, that he could happily be suffocated between your thighs if it meant seeing you get lost in pleasure.

When he finally pushes his cock into you, his mind goes blank again when you wrap your thighs around him. Swears that he can’t get enough of you, that he’ll never get enough as he pounds roughly into you. If you cant handle the overstimulation, he’ll shyly ask if he can continue by thigh fucking you. You agree of course, not wanting to leave him unsatisfied, but greatly underestimating how intoxicating it would feel whenever his tip would catch your clit, he doesn’t notice however, too wrapped up in how your thighs squeeze him just right, finally sending him over the edge.

At night, when you’re in each other’s arms, he’ll mindlessly stroke your thigh that's thrown over his body. If you’re insecure about any stretch marks he will trace them and give them even more love. If you don’t care about them, or choose to just ignore them, then he’ll do just that.

He just wants to show you how much he loves you and finds your thighs too attractive to not do anything about it.

ok I will admit that I never payed much attention to miche.. like.. ever so i wasn’t that familiar w him. but it was still fun to write aah thanks for requesting this!! i hope you enjoyed it nonnie!!

353 notes · View notes