#nthn spks
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get u a man who can do both
#mugshot#nthn spks#yall i miss my pink hair#i have more if you wanna see too 👀#kinda wanna redye my hair....kinda wanna shave it all off...
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wait. have i ever posted pics of me w/ pink hair here? bc i was lookin thru photos &. damn i looked good
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i want my pain to be obvious i want people to see they hurt me & feel bad like they should i want to stop hiding my pain & finally get over it
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me: thinks abt some Sad & Bad™ shit
my brain: repeatedly plays the sound from club penguin when you loose a fish in the ice fishing mini game
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i dont think ill ever be comfortable w/ myself or my gender identity & how i express it
#its all 5s fault but whats new#i cant wear anything deemed feminine or she will go on & on abt how girly i look & how it looks so much better on me & shit like that#if i wear anything masculine she says im ugly & i need to stop 'pretending'#i do!!#wanna wesr some typically feminine stuff tho!!#but im confined to my room if i wanna & i cry as soon as i try to lmao#i dont think i will ever be comfy enough to wewr anything that isnt hyper masculine sadly#bc i hate hate hate giving into it? but also its just. safest to me?#its so fucked but! my mom hates me & everything i stand for & she is gonna die trying to make me into this perfect daughter she wishes i was#nthn spks
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i had a dream i drank 17 monsters & it allowed me to dissociate so hard i could see 3rd person in Perfect Detail
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:///
#i hate being mentally ill#i hate wanting to die 24/7#but then jt gets! leveled up wanting to die!!#& i feel like im suffocating & cant do anything right or good#ibe been crying & hyperventilating for a whike kn bed & like i have stopped. 3 times just to sit there starting at my wall#& then it!! starts back up & i cant breath & im choking on tears & not being enough or good or worthwhile#i just#really fucking hate being alive lmao#jts all shit & so am i#i wont ever be anyrhing good or do anything good or inspire any good huh#nthn spks
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whomst of my mutuals/followers is curious to see what i look like 👀👀
#ive been debating oosting pictures here for a long while#bc uh. not to boast or anything? but im cute as hell?#& who am i kidding i Love™ attention#but also like! im one of those guys who is curious abt who i interact w/ & what they look like? so idk if anyone else is?#but yeah im. debating it?#uhhh if ur interested maybe. like or reoly or send an anon?#also i feel like if i did? i might get some Thirst Followers™ which i wouldnt mind but yeah??#nthn spks
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oof body bad? since ive been getting more into wheel throwing my back has been hurting? like uuhh feels like my spine is disconnecting from my back muscles lmao? uuhh its probs bc i get so down low to work. rip @ me
#it ouchies#like? for my last 2 class periods i was in Real Bad Pain™ so i popped some ibuprofen lmao?#& when i stood up after trimming for like? 20 minutes maybe? it felt like i was gonna fall over & i blacked out for a sec lmao :^)#why my body suck? i just wanna art?#i wanna make cool shit for my boyf & my friends & for myself & maybe even sell?#nthn spks#ouch
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its literally been 10 days since i got my 3rd lobe, & i already itch to change out the earring
#im. in a constant state of wanting to fuck up my body#the safest & easiest way rn? to! change out my earring way too early!!!!#also yo when the hollos needle i orrdered gets there im. stabbing that bad boy in my ear to even my lobes#im still bitter the piercer messed up the left & i had to take it out :'''''''''''''(#but uh! guess it will work itself out#aka im gonna do the left myself lmao#nthn spks#lms?
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fuck :'''')
#my boyfriend has a playlist for me? & put a song from scooby doo on it :'''''''')#fuck i love him???? he knows me so well????#its 'you and i' by anarbor! its cute as hell but it was also in scooby doo & its just? layers!!!#i love him so much??????????#nthn spks#mon chere
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i have like 14 things i wanted to do this weekend, but i probably did 2 & now im smad
#i might be able to get a couple things done tonight? but uh not likely tbh?#like its. executive function kicking my ass?????#& its stuff that makes me happy!! & that i wanna do!!! but instead im laying in bed!! fucking being like 'get up it will make u happy!!!'#but rip im. still in bed :^^^^^^^)#nthn spks
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catch my gay ass crying bc i love my boyf so much
#he got me!!! a stuffed puppy!!!!!! its so soft & smells like him/his room????#& he got me some candy & some other really great gifts that i love??????#he just!!! knows me well & im just. fuck hes so sweet!!!!!!!#i wish we coukd be together rn :''''''(#im a sleepy & im grabby hands!!! i wamna hold my baby!!!!!#nthn spks#mon chere
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:^^^^^^)
#god my mom is such an asshole#she abuses me & goes back on her word/promises to me 24/7#like aaahh a while ago she said when i have passing grades i can see my friends again lmao?#& i have. a 68% in one class which is a d+! & she said 'i said when you have //good grades//"#aaahhhh i fuvking hate her watch me get a c in that class & then she goes 'i said //great grades// :-)' lmao????#aaahhhh i just. ao much shit has been happeneing i just want to sleep beside my boyfriend & get some fucking sleel for once!! in 2 weeks!!!!#like. she has done so mych worse to me but its always when she isolates me that i feel the worst?#like aahhh i cant even escape her bc i cant leave my fuckin house to see my supporting friends#well. in other news im getting hit full force w/ the dysphoria train tonight lads#today someone in my class accidentally used she instead of he for me?#& he was like 'sorry he!! its just!! your short & soft?? so sorry#like aahhh yeah :^^^^) i am arent i#so im just. chilling in bed suffering & shaking#nthn spks
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fuck i Love nicknames
#i have a teacher at school who asked if it was ok to call me nate & i love ot when he does!!!!#bc its short & masc but its also like 'i kmow you!!!' you know??#& one of my friends in my class w/ the teacher started calling me nate too! which is Nice™#like aaahhh there is one nickname i hate™ bc if was from this shitty oerson & other shitty people grabbed onto it too#but yeah like fuck if you call me nate or some otger nickname.......id die for you#nthn spks
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weh oops
#what is My Thing™#like. what am i known for#uuhhhh nothing probs#im not very good at like. anything lmao#oh lmao i know my thing™#its being a fuvking mat for peopld to step on!!#oops i. wanted to stsrt a 'send an ask telling me what my thing is!' but uh. brain bad bad terrible bad#bad bad bad terrible bad horrible bad#nthn spks
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