#& hurting others+myself in a blind fit of rage. You know how it is

[fullbody2flip]

What? Who is this?

[lowcosmic]

—— because nothing compares to you .

— 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 : kokichi messed up , you’re temporarily gone , and he has to spend that time alone.

— 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 : angst & fluff ( hurt -> comfort )

— 𝙘𝙬 : mentions of bad eating , sleep deprivation , fighting , sad stuff ( but resolved with a happy ending )

— 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨 : the request was too long to fit on here , it’d make up the entire story itself.

↳ kokichi spun a pencil around with his fingers , mindlessly thinking about yesterday. he glanced over to your empty seat. maybe he was too harsh on you. you’d definitely come back tomorrow , right?

→ the day before , you’d fought with each other. or , more like kokichi was fuming at you and you were just listening. even if you did decide to speak , he’d just slam your words down and mix them up to be an accusation. he’d said some pretty bad stuff , and he thoroughly regretted them now that he was looking back.

→ and then he’d just left you there. he didn’t break up or anything , he just left the room with the tension still up in the air. he didn’t even apologize for all the things he said and couldn’t take back.

→ kokichi had been “ blinded by rage , ” and as he’s heard before , anger can make you say things you’ll regret.

→ right after class , he messaged you immediately. no response came , even after the twentieth time. then he gave up and went to your house instead.

→ sprinting to your house , he got reminded on how you’d , after every school day , offer to take him home instead of walking the way. his heart stung even more.

→ when he got there , he pounded on the door. realizing no one was home , he went to the neighbors instead. he refrained from knocking down their door to ask for answers , but he did knock rather hurriedly.

→ your neighbor came out , and kokichi quickly pushed the question he’d had lodged in his throat out. “ do you know where (s/o) is? ”

→ “ ahh ��� they left early in the morning to go on a trip. they’ll come back , as it’s only a well deserved vacation i’m presuming. ” as kokichi listened , he thought to himself , “ well … could be worse. was this … what they were trying to tell me yesterday? …

→ he would be okay. you would be okay. everything would be okay. he’d apologize and everything would be resolved. it just had to.

→ things were not going well the first few days. kokichi had grown self aware to everything you did for him ; from self care like eating proper meals and comfort of having someone to talk to who wouldn’t scorn him every time he walked past , to someone to help him stay energized by driving him home on your motorcycle or even just cuddling with him when he needed it. he missed you dearly.

→ even worse — what if something happened to you? you didn’t respond at all — what if something bad happened? did your plane crash? — no , if it had , he would’ve heard something about that. maybe you just lost your phone or … maybe you were simply ignoring him out of spite.

→ he felt sick , physically and mentally. he hadn’t eaten healthily due to the sick feeling he got whenever he ate , just because it reminded him of you and some of his last words to you before you left. what if you found someone better? he deserved to be dumped. you deserved better.

→ on day six , he was flat out broke. he never found any reason to get a job yet , mostly because you’d help him with purchases. he had a cold from walking in the rain to avoid paying to go home. he felt horrible.

→ unlike his usual character , he had trouble keeping up a devious persona everyday without you , as silly and weak as it sounded. where did that “ i can do everything by myself ” kokichi go? was he fully gone? he just wouldn’t , and couldn’t , accept that yet. he swore later that he’d become more independent , and not let you dote on him so much anymore.

→ homework and tests? forget it. he forgot it often because he was busy hanging out with his dice gang to soothe himself a bit , not that it helped tons. he also forgot because you’d be there to remind him. if it weren’t for his capable mind , he would’ve flunked — but thankfully , he’s kokichi.

→ and then there was the issue of not sleeping. his thoughts were muddled with you. he’d hug his pillow and blankets that still smelt of you from when you were there to stay over for a few days. he’d listen to some of your favorite music tracks. but it wasn’t the same without you.

→ he waited. and waited. and waited some more.

→ message after message he sent everyday , nothing went through. until …

ding! kokichi lifted himself up from his pillow with a jolt. you replied. pictures and descriptions of where you were , what you were doing , why some of the messages may have not gone through … a signal issue. suddenly , his phone began vibrating consistently due to a flooding of messages to him — all about your days and such. and at the end … over the days , kokichi had messaged you with apologies stacked on top of each other. and at the end , an apology of your own waited for him. it was stupid , whatever he argued with you on. he didn’t understand why you’d apologize over that. and once you video called him , he made sure to say that.

→ he’d hold in his crying , both in relief and overwhelming stress. and then he heard that you were home.

→ it was pouring out , but kokichi couldn’t care less. he was meeting with you , even if you had to unpack still. his feet splashed against the puddles , and as he arrived to your door , he knocked once again.

→ when you opened the door , he tackled you in a hug. you were both drenched now , but he felt so warm inside instead. ignoring your warnings about “ catching a cold from you , kokichi ” , he dragged you upstairs so that he could finally , properly hug you.

→ the next few days after that , he was clingy. but he told you he could do some things himself. and he did … for the most part , at least. but he tried.

→ forget about being partners or talking to anyone else the next few days without being interrupted , you’re sticking with kokichi.

please don’t repost , translate , or claim my works as your own.

[jtl07]

jt (finally) watches warrior nun - s1 e8 (pt 2?)

Okay so I’m dashing this off before this energy runs out but I had a further thought about s1e8 because for some reason I’m having a hard time moving on to e9 and e10?? idk why bc I definitely want to get to s2 I just … have no compulsion to watch the last two episodes of s1 it’s strange mostly around anger and fear (and yes, I am now thinking about Yoda and his whole “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” line which if I can do this right, will circle back to this line. Will I get there? Read on to find out lol).

So I’ve been rambling for a while now in my commentaries about Beatrice and her anger. There is just so. much. anger. in her. (I feel like anger and grief kinda run this show, or at least this season thus far) And it’s kinda fitting that the Sister Melanie story that she reads (and thus prompts her revelation) is one born from anger.

Yeah, I know she sidesteps Ava summary of the story as Sister Melanie “tapping into her rage” rather as her tapping into “something elemental in her soul” - but that doesn’t not mean she wasn't rage - rage is just as elemental as any other emotion.

It's just that anger gets such a bad rap - especially when it’s presented in/performed by people of color, not to mention a woman of color. I know lived experiences are unique, but as someone who’s lived that kind of experience - Asian, queer, female, raised Catholic, and a military background - anger was something that I know now is what kept me alive. It was the only way I could move past the trauma I had been dealt when I was younger, the only way I could find some sort of independence as a young adult. Anger was the only way I knew how to move in and keep remotely safe in the world - a world that had done so much to control and stifle me; a world where the only way I found I could provide value, the only way I could I could prove myself worthy of anything, was through obedience and loyalty and sacrifice.

So to see Beatrice angry in this episode, to see her snapping - even though it was at someone who hasn’t hurt her (i.e. Ava) - it was a bit therapeutic.

But not because she let herself get angry at Ava - but because she let Ava see the fear that was fueling her anger.

I wrote in my e4 commentary about how her anger is fueled by fear - how she calls out Lilith in the middle of a mission (fear of the OCS - her home, her family - being taken away from her), how she sends Camila away with the others so she’ll be the only one to retrieve the shield (extreme obedience and risk of self-sacrifice to prove her value). And I feel like that’s true here too. After Ava asks if she wants to talk about it, Beatrice immediately sidesteps, angrily focusing on the “moral” of the story - because if she doesn’t, she has no value to the Warrior Nun; if she doesn’t, she has to acknowledge the pain and fear that’s been driving her all this time.

And that’s the gift Ava gives her. I found myself comparing these Avatrice scenes re: Sister Melanie to that cave scene with Mary and Ava in e6. Why? Because both Beatrice and Mary take out their anger on Ava in those scenes - and Ava does not stand for it in either scene. She shoulder throws Mary, calls out Bea. When faced with other people’s anger, Ava does something really unique: she gets them to reflect on what’s driving that anger, that fear.

Anger and fear aren’t inherently “bad” things - it’s when we don’t acknowledge them, when we paint those feelings in a negative light and stuff them away that the problems start. And really, that’s what happens - case in point: after Beatrice saves Ava in s2, when she lets her “emotions blind her to the mission” (i.e. her fear of losing Ava), she basically goes into self-flagellation mode because she sees that as a Bad Thing TM (and yknow what? The Bad Thing she was really fearing still happens anyway).

But you know who’s given into fear and done beautiful things? Ava. Especially when saving Bea. I'm thinking of when she saves Bea from Sister Crimson in s1e7, then saving Bea from the wraith sin s2 - scenes beloved in the fandom, ones where Ava just goes with her fear, and anger, lets those emotions fuel her and the halo to do brilliant things.

And I couldn’t help but think that maybe why Bea hates her anger, her fear so much - because fear is really a sign of want. For Beatrice, she wants to keep her family safe, she wants Ava to live; she wants to be saved, wants to be seen as worthy of saving. But to want is selfish, to want is needy, and Beatrice can’t be seen as either of those things - can’t see bear to see herself as either of those things.

But Ava, gosh, she comes back to life feeling everything, doesn’t she? And how she lives makes everyone else also feel everything too. I don't think their emotions were ever "blinding" them - I think those were moments when they could truly see what was important.

Okay I think I’m all energy-ed out now. We’ll see if/when I get to e9 lol

[mabeysomeclasspecting]

beans i just came across this blog and its pretty fuckin sick!! i'm super super interested in classpects but i've never been able to pin down my own, so i figured i'd send something in! 8D what are your interests/hobbies? i'm sort of all over the place. i take on interests randomly, picking things up and dropping them just a quickly. mainly i just collect miscellaneous knowledge about anything and everything. i like learning random shit and i'll go down random rabbit holes for hours and hours at a time. i have favorites, though - specifically zoology, marine biology, cultural and biological anthropology, paleontology, and ancient history. within those i have even more specific niches that i enjoy, like deep sea invertebrates and early hominids. the weirder something is, the more i like to learn about it. i have an affection for the bizarre. i also have normal people hobbies, mostly art. i've been drawing for most of my life and it's something that i really enjoy. something that i enjoy just as much is writing, and i think i'm probably better at that. i also love everything related to music, although i'm not super great with any instruments. i have a long history of making up stories for potential comics/novels/etc and fleshing them out, only to never do anything with them.

i also enjoy creating things and consuming things related to whatever media i've latched onto. right now, it's homestuck.

how do you see yourself? that's sort of a hard question. i have really severe identity problems, and i always have, to the point where i think i might have some kind of dissociative issue. i have issues with myself and how i feel about things, but i usually just try not to think or talk about it, because it makes things easier. i've found myself very hard to understand, but i try to know myself well enough to know the source of my problems so i can solve them. i know myself well enough to deal with myself. overall, i just think i'm some guy. i don't have particularly bad self esteem, nor am i particularly narcissistic (i think). i am, however, very hard on myself, and can be destructively perfectionistic. how do others see you? from what i can gather, i can be disconcerting to people. i say and do things that people don't get, i make jokes that people don't seem to get, and something about my general demeanor seems to throw people off. i've been informed that i can come across as narcissistic because of my tendency to A. use reverse self-deprecation humor (i.e saying i'm the best at something) and B. correct people incredibly frequently. i speak with a very even tone, bordering on deadpan, and it's hard to tell when i'm being sarcastic, so my jokes are often taken seriously. i also just have a weird sense of humor that doesn't bode well with some people, i guess. besides that, i have a distinctive way of speaking that tends to throw people off-kilter. at my school, i'm known to be two things - intelligent and very mentally-ill. that's most of what informs people's view on me. i'd imagine strangers see me a bit differently, because i am naturally almost freakishly polite to people i don't know. but i know the most about the people i go to school with.

but i try to be unassuming and not to cause any problems. i'm pretty passive, generally speaking, and i take things as they come without much issue. i go out of my way to be nice and help strangers when i can, but other than that, i don't usually talk to people i don't know. i'm kind of introverted and very awkward.

however, because of my habit to bottle up my emotions, i can be made to snap very hard when provoked, entering basically a blind rage. when i'm in a fit of anger, i can be incredibly verbally aggressive, and i will usually make a genuine attempt to hurt the feelings of/be an asshole to the person i'm angry at.

how do you interact with your friends? i don't like being serious in group conversations, or with the vast majority of people, so i'm something of a jester to most of my friends. there are very few times and situations where my true feelings, untainted by jokes and irony, get to leak through and i'll have an honest conversation. even rarer is any displays of vulnerability on my part, as that's something that makes me deeply uncomfortable. my friends are the only people who get to see the extent of my bizarre sense of humor, and will get subjected to it on the reg.

any kind of emotional vulnerability scares the fucking beans out of me, and i do not like being genuine. i cover all of my truths and traumas in seven layers of jokes and apathy and irony so no one realizes how much it actually hurts me, and so i can talk about it without being reminded of how much it hurts. yknow, stridercore.

i'll also express my opinions on people and things to my friends, which i usually don't do unless in a neutered way. i can come across as a little two-faced because of the fact that i act cordial to everyone, including people i really don't like, and have a habit of (for lack of a better word) hating on.

i care about everyone, but i care about my friends a lot. i'll offer to help them in any way i can, if there's anything i can do. i'm the friend who always pays for their friends when going out to eat. i like doing things for the people i care about. sometimes my insistence on helping comes across as smothering, and i can get kind of nosy sometimes, both of which i can acknowledge as flaws of mine.

unfortunately, whenever i'm emotionally distressed or just stressed in any way, i'll start isolating from my friends because of how much my negative emotions drain my social battery. i also have a tendency to get so absorbed in my own activities and projects that i ignore most stuff going on, so i can go long periods without saying much to my friends.

what's important to you? even though i pride myself on caring about others, at the end of the day, i care the most about staying alive and well, and staying sane. i have been severely mentally ill for most of my life, and i've been many horrifically low points. i began the process of recovery pretty recently, and ever since, i've developed a fear of relapsing into my old mental state and something horrible happening. all i want, at the end of the day - is to stay alive, keep my mind, and be as happy as i can in the world i live in.

describe the ideal you, what kind of person do you strive to be? someone who can make people happy. i love making people happy, i really really do. i'd want to grow into a stable person with an interesting life, sure, but above all else - i want to be someone who matters to people. i want to be a positive part of someone's life. that's mostly it. if i could do that, i'd be happy.

sorry for how horribly long this is, i'm fucking terribly long-winded. have a great day!! sign off - 8)

Hello! I'm glad you like my stuff :)

Aspects: Life, Doom, Time

Classes: Knight, Sylph, Heir

In order, I'd say you're either a Knight of Life, Sylph of Doom, or Heir of Time! Plenty of options for you to play around with, so hopefully one one them feels right

Hope this helps!

[mistyeyedpea]

So i kinda wanna open up this convo. But as someone who is autistic, hearing other people talk about their personal experience with meltdowns and burnout can be really really triggering and frustrating.

I know we are not all the same, but FUCK. SO MANY PEOPLE DESCRIBE SUCH SEEMINGLY MELLOW AND SEEMINGLY REASONABLE MELTDOWNS (from extra stress from life and issues which many of us experience)

Sometimes i wonder myself if i am having a reasonable response. Where as i feel i am justified in my spiraling, i also know that handling my loss of control to myself is terrifying and adds an extra layer of fear and aggression toward myself. Because i cant handle the way i feel. (Crawling out my skin, burning up, physically feeling hot and ill)

Ive seen meltdowns be recorded and seemed.. really mellow. The way they are described bothers me the most because it all seems reasonable even from a neurotypical standpoint. Meaning the reactions, although to a person with little empathy seem like big reactions, they are, in fact normal human responses to a shitty situation

However it poses the question of like... okay if you can control your meltdowns... then why cant i control myself sometimes?

Here comes the question i ask myself daily:

What is wrong with me?

And i think thats what triggers me when these "mellow meltdown" autistics do this shit. Bc rn they are the limelight of this topic.

Showing how i get... people would not want to associate with me. And i think theres more people that present a bit scarier when it comes to full blown meltdowns. External or internal. And internal meltdown thats less controlled will be visible externally.

So like...

If you are still masking when speaking up on your experiences, not only are you triggering us that have a much harder time, but you are doing the entire community a disservice. Like i said. I know we are all different but im starting to think that some people are conflating the human experience with autism. Autism is inherent to autistic peoples human experience.

Also...

Meltdowns arent only an autistic thing like so many people make them out to be. Same w burnout. Neurodivergent and neurotypical folks alike can experience a meltdown. Anyone can from enough stress. But an autistic meltdown? You will have chucks of hair missing. You will have bruising. You will hurt because your whole body tensed to the point of vomitting. You are in a fit of blind rage. You have blood on you that you dont know where its from. Your entire face stings from tears yet somehow its making you cry more because its burning your cheeks and everythings gone wrong and you just feel like youd rather be dead then go through this.

You want to talk meltdowns?

Then put fucking trigger warnings and start your conversations less general and be more personal. Stop fucking masking for the love of all that is good and pure!

Stop the general descriptions of them.

Get personal. Let us know how you really feel. If its internalized, then what is the havoc its wrecking on your body? What are your after affects? I desperately want to hear actual descriptions and symptoms that come from it....

All i want is for these posts to stop coming off so disingenuous

[autistic-fandom-trash]

tma entities as icon for hire songs

i added bits of the lyrics bc idk if anyone other than me is in both of these fandoms lmao. also im not rly happy with all of these since i couldnt find an accurate one for everything

The Buried - Hollow

I don't wanna break down, but I'm feeling low Let me sink to the bottom Air in my lungs keeping me afloat Inside I'm still hollow I don't wanna break down So where do I go? My screams sink to the bottom Top of my lungs, just an echo Inside I'm still hollow

The Corruption - Enemies

On Wednesdays, we wear hazmat suits And walk the city streets Smile at everyone we meet We're delightful when we wanna be Soon, you'll hear us knocking on your door We could always use one more We came here to cheer you up Do you wanna play with us? (Do you wanna play with us?)

The Dark - All I See Is Darkness

And now you're looking like the villain But I didn't see it coming Truth is blinding and I'm finding I can't see a thing Keep me in the dark, keep me in the dark (Heartless) Searching every night, tryna find the light (Starless) Looking in your eyes, all I see is ice (Arctic) All I, all I see is darkness

The Desolation - Up In Flames

I'll probably end up in flames Before the end of the night Watch me burn in the fire Watch me bid you good-bye Your words, they fall off the page Like they fall on deaf ears You know that it's over Nothing left for you here (Nothing left for you here)

The End - Only Be a Story

'Cause when I go I already know My life will only be a story All that I've been All that I've built All fades away inside a moment And the pain won't matter The power won't matter The shame burns with the glory When I'm gone My life will only bе a story

The Eye - Watch Me

All eyes on you, we're watching you It's too bad you're too stuck to move Too bad you wouldn't know what to do If the right thing walked right up to you It's none steps forward, none steps back No harm, no foul, you play like that? Your game sucks, you need a new one Your game sucks, make a new one up Up the ante, up the drive Slow down - is this how you feel inside? Torn in the middle like you can't decide Can't step up to save your life I'm calling it, you're full of shhh More scared to make noise than you care to admit

The Flesh - Under The Knife

Devil drew you in, you didn’t let it show Didn’t want the others to ever have to know That you were getting hooked on up up up And all you had to do was cut cut cut You carved a special place for your pain So it came back to hurt you every night You closed your eyes and wished it all away Until you disappeared under the knife

The Hunt - Off With Her Head

How long until it starts to do me in? I can't give out what I'm not breathing in I know, they'll come with what I'm owed, guilty as charged My enemies belittle me reminding me the penalty of all my deeds, despite my pleas, is death Don't let go, cause I don't wanna be this, I don't wanna be this Death is mine, I know Don't let go, don't let go

The Lonely - The Grey

I am standing on the edge of returning or just running away I am letting myself look the other way And the hardest part in all of this is I don't think I know my way back home Is it worth the journey, or do I let my heart settle here? How cold have I become? I didn't want to Lose you by what I'd done Caught in the grey

The Slaughter - Ready For Combat

You can try to minimize me, but here's the truth I've been saving all my savage up just for you I'm ready for combat, ready for rage Haven't you heard? Luck favors the crazy I'll make you fight back, yeah, how you like that? And just like that, I got you Rеady for combat, give me a war I tick like a timеbomb, ready to roar Let me ignite that, yeah, how you like that? And just like that, I got you Ready for combat

The Spiral - Brittle

If I get defensive Don't say I'm oversensitive Maybe I have a tendency to snap on people telling me "You fit inside this box we built, we know you better than yourself" They're lying, they're lying, they're lying I'm just a statistic Just another tragic misfit Ship that cliché to the clinic Document my disposition Then they put me in a box Slap a label on the top Tape me up and ship me off Now I'm someone else's problem

The Stranger - Theatre

My life is a musical I know how to put on a pretty pathetic show I hide backstage Keep the curtains closed 'Cause I'm scared, I'm scared I'm getting pretty good at feeding them the lines they like But I don't recognize the girl that I face each night I can compromise till I'm convinced It's right

The Vast - i literally could not find anything remotely fitting for this one. suggestions are much appreciated

The Web - Venom

Don't meet their eyes, it's hypnotic Make you forget that it's toxic Caught up in all the chaotic Sold you a lie and you bought it Before you know it, you're nauseous Hands down your throat 'til you vomit Collapse from all the exhaustion And now they got what they wanted Misery, misery is the venom in my brain Killin' me, killin' me, but I don't feel the pain Running from something that I can't really explain Misery, misery is the venom in our veins

[theameba1436]

Ok, here is Vorn, he is around 35 years of age, he is a half-drow bard. I did my best with how he looks. I have pictures with how he looks in my pin post on here.

1) An event that defines your character's past

I picked this song mostly for Vorn's feeling about his past when he remembers most of it.

Jake Daniels - Scream

Something's in the water, and it's pulling me down Got its hands around my neck, like it wants me to drown Eyes are sinking back, and my body is cold I'm in a lake full of black as it crunches my bones

I'm gonna scream I swear I've been here before Maybe this is a dream Don't know what's real anymore I need to breathe Before my lungs start to go I'm feeling myself fade Is this the end for my soul?

2) How your character sees themselves

He sees himself as a monster that doesn't need to live and is most desperately looking for something to save him from himself.

Skillet-Monster

The secret side of me, I never let you see I keep it caged, but I can't control it So stay away from me, the beast is ugly I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls It comes awake, and I can't control it Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end

3) How others view them

Picked this one for how people see him, because the person he tries to show people isn't fully himself.

The Used - Blood On My Hands

You felt the coldness in my eyes And something I'm not revealing Though you got used to my disguise You can't shake this awful feeling

It's the me that I let you know 'Cause I never show, I have my reasons I hate to say that I told you so But I told you so, yeah

There's blood on my hands Like the blood in you Some things can't be treated So don't make me, don't make me Be myself around you

4) Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

This is an odd song but I think it works for how Vorn is when he lets to much emotion take him and With Astarion that happens a lot.

That Unwanted Animal

I'm the paper cut that kills you and the priest that you ignored I'm the touch you crave, I'm the plans that you made But fuck all your plans, I'm bored "And can't you hear that scratching?" I ask your eyes

I've got knuckle burn from typing all these lines into your chest And as the belt from your buckle is tightening I make shipwrecks out of my dress And the door below, it splinters, and the creature creeps inside

And we fall into each other, the scratching grows so loud Because that unwanted animal wants nothing more than to get out And I scream, "What's the time, Mr. Wolf?" But you, you're blind, you bleat, you bear your claws

Oh, and you rip my ribcage open and devour what's truly yours And our screaming joins in unison, I cry out to the Lord 'Cause if we join our hands in prayer enough To God, I imagine it all starts to sound like applause

5) A major fight scene

I picked this song because it fits Vorn and Astarion remembering everything that has happened to them.

Disturbed Ann Wilson don't tell me

I close my eyes and still hear the screams That would tear apart our world I keep reliving everything I can't believe how much this hurts

Here we are Once again Still questioning the end How can I let you go?

Don't tell me now that you hate me For never letting go Let there be no doubt I can't live my life without you

6) End credits song

If Vorn's story was a movie he would be playing this song and dance with the people he has killed and when the credits end a funny thing would play with the rest of the group looking at him funny because it was all in his head and he is just now shirtless and panting on his knees. The only one that is cool with his mental break down is Astarion lol

DPR IAN - Don't Go Insane 

Oh, bless my heart When the wolves take me away Don't fall apart When I come back from the grave Forget my charms I'll never be the same We've came so far Only to go insane

This was really fun to do for little Vorn <3 thank you for the tag @vestigialpersonality

6 Songs - Garrett

I was tagged a few days ago by @dandelion-bride for the 6 Song Ask Game.

So meet Garrett, a human(?) sorlock. I don't typically write about him directly, he's more of a figure who haunts my Durge's past and present. I typically associate him with folkpunk. He'd hate my choices and be mad that I didn't pick out Wagner or Debussy.

Picrew here

I've also done these for The Inevitable Pre-Tadpole (Keres) and Post Tadpole (Rune).

Tagging @vialae @theameba1436 @picathartidae @pantsbutfancy @magmethius and anyone else who is interested

1) An event that defines your character's past

Haunting by The Pogues

For weeks and weeks after, with nerves a disaster Nowhere near that road would I go And from dusk through the night, I would shake with the fright Of the tree that had haunted me so

Flamerule 1477. The lyrics themselves aren't directly correlated to the events themselves, its more about the way that it's written like someone telling a story in a bar about a single terrifying moment that irrevocably changed them as a person. The exact same events when viewed from another perspective would be encapsulated by Mitternacht by E Nomine and is a fic I'm slowly writing.

2) How your character sees themselves

Wonderlust King by Gogol Bordello

I traveled the world Looking for understanding Of the times that we live in Hunting and gathering first-hand information Challenging definitions of sin

Always moving, never staying in one place. Question everything. Find the answers to lost questions. Another apt one would be Michael Martin Murphy's version of Streets of Laredo, if you view him as both the dying cowboy and the man listening to the cowboy's story.

3) How others view them

Selfish Man by Flogging Molly

Walk around me, not before me I'll pretend not to ignore you But I'll compromise if I realize You can do something for me

Admittedly, he probably views himself this way too. He's very self aware.

4) Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

Fairytail of New York by The Pogues

Anyone familiar with this song: "Ooooooh. 😐"

Garrett is married, but estranged is putting it politely. Posting a lyrics version of the song instead of just a snippet because the transformation of sentiments is why I picked a Christmas song to define his marriage. The lyrics take a drastic shift at 2:14.

5) A major fight scene I'm choosing to interpret this as his personal boss fight music.

Rose Tattoo by The Dropkick Murphys

A ship that always stays the course An anchor for my every choice A rose that shines down from above I signed and sealed these words in blood

I'm taking a more ominous interpretation of the lyrics. Instead of reminders about treasured memories, when in relation to Garrett it's more of a threat that he will not forget and he will not forgive.

6) End credits song

The Hand You Reach Out Is Empty (As Is Mine) by Ramshackle Glory

We're egalitarians with empty hands Is it justice to split up the dust? We are damned and we'll never earn trust And so we'll betray everything that we can

This was the first song I added to his playlist. Everything about this song encapsulates him perfectly.

[bxct-it]

can i request soft dom! dream x afab!reader with prompt 69 or 50

w dream eating the reader out <3

..-> “i want it. i want to taste you.”

[-] prompt list

i’m doing character!dream if that’s okay? i just love the thought of c!dream being soft for only one person and that person is you

warning[!] : MENTIONS OF DEAD BODIES

[-]

c!dream x afab!reader

(also this is gender neutral!)

[-]

“come. on. we have to go!” the sounds of explosions and people screaming for their lives surrounded two masked figures, one in green, who was frantically looking around for something, and the other in pink, who was practically begging the other to go with them. “not until i’ve found them! i’m not leaving without them, techno!” the pigman looked at the blonde in disbelief, shocked that the male even thought about jumping into a warzone just for some human. “they’re probably dead, dream! they’re not like us, they’re human!”

techno tried to yet again coax dream away from the explosions that the two of them set off in a blind fit of rage, the blonde whipping his head around to glare at the pig with such murderous intent, the hybrid was actually feeling fear, the voices cowering away inside of his head. “i don’t care what you say, technoblade. they’re not just some typical human… they’re my human! they’ll get through this, i know they will. i just need to find them.”

and with that, god’s vessel jumped from the obsidian, landing on his feet without a single scratch on him, his green eyes still frantically looking around. “where are you, bunny? come on. come on. come on!” first he was muttering but now he was screaming out in panic, swinging his body around in a search and murdering anyone in his way. “dream! dream, i’m here!”

through the smoke and dead bodies on spikes, his green eyes caught yours, relief filling his body as he sprinted to you, sliding on his knees to hold your head in his lap. “bunny! are you okay? are you hurt? god, i’m so stupid! i should have gotten you out of there first.” smiling up at the green eyed male, your hand patted his scarred cheek gently. “shut the fuck up, i’m fine. now, let’s go home. i want a bath, i have eret’s blood all over me.”

now it was dream’s turn to stare at someone in disbelief. how could you be so nonchalant about all of this? and then he remembered… you’re dating him, so he wouldn’t be surprised if you were used to all of the chaos and strife that came with the relationship. sliding his arms underneath you, the male pulled you up off of the ground and into his chest, only for you to squirm until he let you go, letting you onto your feet, watching you walk away from him in confusion. had you realised what he had done? had you finally seen how crazy he was? his heart filled with worry as he watched you silently turn around to face him, sweat dripping down his neck as he clenched his fists in anticipation.

“well? are you coming? also… i can walk by myself, i don’t need a man to carry me.” your scoff told the blonde all he needed to know and he visibly relaxed, his hands unclenching, his shoulders slouching and a goofy grin taking over his face. “i love you.” rolling your eyes at the sight of your boyfriend skipping after you as you navigate your way around what was once l’manberg, dodging all of the huge spikes of rock and all of the debris from the building. “i love you too, you crazy bastard.”

after stepping through the threshold of your house, you immediately run upstairs, diving into the bathroom to start the process of filling the bathtub. before you could even strip yourself of your clothes, hands snaked around your waist and pulled your back into someone’s chest, which by the feel of it, was unclothed. “dream… i want to get clean..” you whined, pushing yourself back against the plank of muscle behind you, staring at the clean, hot water in hopeful wonder.

“but..” turning your head, you couldn’t believe that the blonde was really resorting to giving you puppy dog eyes, his thumbs stroking circles into your hips, his own hips jutting forward in an attempt to persuade you. and somehow, it worked. the feel of his hard cock pushed up against your ass, the slow and teasing thrusts of his hips made you lean your head back against his shoulder. dream smirked, lowering his own head so leave kisses all along your neck and all the way up to the back of your ear, making you shiver and give in. “okay, fine!”

the male celebrated slightly as he smiled down at you, spinning you around and hooking his hands under your thighs to make you wrap them around his waist after all of your clothes had been stripped off of your body. he quickly threw you onto your shared bed and crawled in between your thighs, leaving a trail of kisses up your legs, stomach and chest. “please, do something… i’ve missed you.” your words made eagerness and pride swell in dream’s chest, his cheeks turning slightly red as he stares down at your naked body, his fingers twitching to touch you.

teasingly sliding his fingers down your stomach, he reached your clit, which was soaking with your slick from your excitement, making dream’s eyes light up in awe. he pulled his fingers away and placed them at his lips, licking the slick covered skin to taste you, a groan leaving his mouth. “more…” whispering to himself, he moved to be laid next to you, hope filling his green eyes. “sit on my face. please.”

looking over at him in amusement, you leaned up onto your elbow, your other hand brushing his hair away from his forehead. “why?” the question sounded innocent in such a lewd situation but neither of you cared to notice, all too focused on each other. “i want it. i want to taste you.” his soft and desperate whispers made you smile, getting up from the mattress and crawling up the end of the bed until you hovered over the male’s head. with eyes sparkling in amazement, he attached his lips to your clit, sending a shock up your back.

hooking his arms over both of your thighs, he pulled you further down onto his face, eagerly and desperately tasting all of you, lapping at your entrance with his long, pierced tongue while his nose nudged your clit with every movement. “oh, fuck.” moans left your mouth as your hands gripped his hair, pushing yourself further onto his face, grinding your hips lightly, only for the male to slap your ass and hold your legs tighter, his eyes glowing up at you sternly. you knew that was a sign to not move.

moans and groans left dream’s mouth as he continued to devour your sex entirely, intoxicated on your taste, the vibrations of his voice rang through your body, pulling you closer and closer to your release. feeling your stomach get tighter and tighter, you gripped his hair hard and cried out. “please, i’m cumming. can i cum? please, sir. i’ve been so good.” it seemed like the blonde didn’t even hear you but he went faster, ravaging every part of you as his hands kneed at your thighs. no answer from the male made you whine, you were gonna cum, and he would be angry if you did without his permission. “please! sir! i need to cum, please.” crying and sobbing for his attention, he finally looked up at you, feeling his lips smirk as he licks up the entire of your sex, wrapping his lips around your clit. “then cum.”

as soon as you heard his voice, you came, thighs shaking and head thrown back, your hands clenched which in turn gripped the male’s head, which only made him moan into your sex more, groans of pleasure leaving his mouth as he licked up all of your mess while sobs and cries of overstimulation and gratefulness left yours. “thank you. thank you so much.”

“oh, i wouldn’t thank me just yet… i’ve only just started.”

[erodasfishtacos]

Cheating!h blurb where ana asks why they dont have sex or at a party and she’s trying to pull him into a room and y/n watching him try to make excuses and then next time having sex with y/n he says anna keeps trying and she has the pride he doesnt give in... or something exploring that situation

warnings: smut, cheating, angst

“Anna, I just-“ Harry huffs as she tugs him into a spare bedroom of the party after he had put up a valiant fight to keep them in the main area.

Her hands are unbuttoning his already barely buttoned shirt, running down his bare skin, and he is cut off by a sloppy kiss to his mouth.

Fear shoots up through him, it’s not YN, he doesn’t want this with her.

“C’mon, it’s been almost six months and you still haven’t touched me. Just fuck me,” Anna complains, fed up with the lack of or more like nonexsistence of their sex life.

It was near impossible to believe, someone like Harry who oozed sex out of every pore of his body wasn’t sexually active or interested in fucking his girlfriend.

When Anna takes a different approach of going for his belt buckle, mouth trailing against his collarbone, and attempting to get to his groin - which hadn’t hardened in the slightest.

“Enough,” Harry states firmly, grasping her wrists lightly and making her look at him, “I don’t want to have sex right now, okay?”

His girlfriend’s face falters, “You never want to.”

“If you don’t like it break up with me,” He hisses, knowing YN is going to get suspicious the longer they’re in a room together.

Anna, who really did have a kind heart, frowns, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything. I would never force you to.”

Harry just rebuttons his shirt, “S’fine. Let’s just get back to the party and have a good time, yeah?”

She nods as Harry swings his arm around her shoulder, unlocking the door, and pausing when he sees YN a bit of the ways down the corridor - staring at the two leaving the bedroom.

“I’m going to get a drink,” He dismisses bluntly, his focus set on the girl who was visible angry with him in the kitchen.

Before he can get out a word, she steps forward and swipes her thumb against his collarbone.

It comes back with the waxy substance of Anna’s bright mauve lipstick.

“Have fun in there, did you?” YN asks, she tries to keep her tone cool and unbothered by Harry sees right through it to the insecurity.

“You know I didn’t,” He replies between gritted teeth, how could she get jealous when this was all her?

He didn’t want a girlfriend.

Well he did but he only want her and she fucking knew that.

“If you wanted me to believe you, maybe you would have wiped her lipstick marks from your neck and chest,” She chuckles and it makes Harry’s hair on the back of his neck stand up.

It was the distinct chuckle and tone she used when she was upset but wasn’t going to admit it over her dead body.

Before he can call her out, she shoulders past him, disappearing into the dancing crowd of people and out of his side.

“Fuck,” He mutters, running a hand through his hair before trudging off to find Niall and Zayn - to distract himself.

-

“Stay the night, please?” Anna asks softly when Harry pulls up to her small, quaint little house that fit her perfectly.

“M’sorry. I have a long day tomorrow.”

It was a lie. It was rarer that he told the truth to his girlfriend than fibbing.

“So? Let’s cuddle, do something,” She begs, frustrated with her emotionally and sometimes physically distant boyfriend.

Harry shakes his head, “Maybe next weekend.”

He always said that.

It never happened.

—

As soon as he drops off Anna, his next stop is a route that is ingrained in his head front and backwards, her apartment.

He has a key, doesn’t bother knocking and just barges into the dimly lit house with her shoes tossed clumsily on the floor - almost trips.

When he finds her, she’s in a towel - freshly showered, and brushing through her hair in her small walk-in closet.

She heard him come in, knew he was storming in here, and still didn’t turn around when he slammed open her bedroom door.

He’s crowding behind her, knocking the brush out of her hand, and pinning her to the wall, “You’re so bloody ridiculous. You jealous little brat.”

YN doesn’t respond, her body still wound tight with tension and a gluttonous feeling of rage for earlier in the night.

“Been fuckin’ you and only you since I was seventeen. Y’know that I didn’t fuck her, didn’t even touch her and you still have the nerve to act like a crybaby,” Harry seethes, his whole chest pressed against her back, no room to escape.

“Her lipstick was all over you,” She argues back weakly when his hands come to the knot in her towel, teasing at unraveling.

“Yeah because she was begging me to fuck her and I said ‘no’ so she tried to get in my pants and I pushed her off.”

“Why?” YN murmurs, quiet in the small space.

“You fuckin’ know why,” Harry growls with his teeth grazing across her bare shoulder blade.

“Say it.”

“I pushed her off ‘cause you’re the only person I’ve fucked since I was seventeen. My cock is yours,” He rasps, untying the knot and letting the towel drop.

He wishes she would just end all this bullshit.

Let him have her fully and completely but she was so fucking afraid of getting hurt when it wouldn’t happen.

“Go on, tell me who owns this cunt,” Harry demands, hand tucking between her thick thighs to cup her puffy mound in his hand.

“H,” She whimpers as his finger lightly slides up the wet groove of her center with a careful drag.

When she doesn’t give him the answer he wants, he gives her clit a hard pinch, “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Yours, fuck - it’s yours,” YN huffs at the slight but welcome pain on her nerves - relaxing when it returns to soft strokes.

“Anna is pretty, y’know? Had her on me, kissing my neck, unbuttoning my shirt and shit,” Harry hums against her ear, two fingers sinking into the tight heat of her body.

He continues, “Didn’t even get hard when that happened. That’s how fucking trained I am for you. What a tight fucking leash you have me on.”

YN turns a bit into putty at his words, insecurity slow flooding out of her body, and feeling more like how she usually does.

“How do y’ever forget? How much I love you?” He asks in true disbelief, it literally oozes through his pores how much he adores his high school sweetheart.

“Don’t-“ She squeaks desperately.

“Why won’t you let me tell you how much I love you, baby?”

His voice like dark, sweet honey that seeps into her every nerve-ending and makes her feel lethargic, in a boneless silky way.

“Stop plea- Just touch me,” YN begs when his fingers crook into against her plushy, tight walls with focused strokes.

“You need to admit it, y’stubborn little thing. I know how in love you are with me,” Harry pushes, needing to hear validation from his favorite person on this earth.

He squats down, spreading her cheeks, and leaning in to lick from the top of clit all the way back to her other entrance.

His large palms keeping her apart, digging into the thick skin until his fingers are white - tongue finding her core and darting in to her most sensitive area.

“H, oh my god,” YN moans, head falling forward against the wall, pushing her hips backward into his mouth.

“Darling, c’mon. Show me how sweet y’can be f’me,” Harry goads encouragingly, it always took a little bit of effort to get her to break.

“I love you….s’much,” She whispers, voice cracking on the last syllable as he rewards her with a suckling kiss to her clit and slips his fingers back in.

“I know y’do, baby. You know I’d never give it to anyone but you,” Harry coos, anything to get her to soften her harsh edges, chip away at her stone wall.

Her hand reaches behind to weave through his hair, her stomach sucking in harshly as she feels her tight band snap as she releases.

“O-oh, you’re mine. Y’mine,” His love chants as she rides out her intense wave of her orgasm as he helps her through it.

“M’yours,” Harry agrees immediately, standing up and a smile breaks on his face when she turns around and wraps him into a hug.

“I love you. I know you didn’t touch her. I just hate it,” YN murmurs softly, undoing his shirt and sliding it off of his shoulders.

His smile fades at her words, “Then make it stop. The minute you tell me you’re ready to make this work, I’ll break up with her.”

“I’m no-not ready,” She stammers, eyes widening like a deer in headlights at his words.

So afraid. So fucking scared.

“Okay, okay,” He soothes when he sees her chest start to rise faster and faster with anxiety.

He doesn’t want to drop it.

He wants to shake her and ask her how the fuck she doesn’t see that they’re already in a relationship and she’s being blinded by irrational fears.

Harry waddles them over to her messy bed, pushing her back and adjusting until she’s in the center - staring at him with doe eyes.

He loves her so much it hurts to look at her for too long.

When he tugs off his jeans, taking his phone out to put on the side table - he sees an unread text from Anna.

I’m sorry about earlier. I really want to make it work with you. You’re a great guy x

Harry should feel bad. Maybe his stomach should have dropped or something at how awful he’s being to that girl.

But when his love is splayed out, pliant and malleable for him, he can’t find an ounce of fucks to give as he tosses it on the bedside table.

He had been in love with this girl since he was sixteen, never fell out of it, he was addicted to her - willing to go through all this bullshit if it meant he had her.

It always felt like the first time, crawling on top of her, and bending down to pull her puffy lips into a strong kiss as he slides in, always a pleasant stretch.

As they move together, in a familiar rhythm, she murmurs against his lips, “One day, I’ll be ready.”

“Please, make it soon, darlin’,” Harry pleas, swallowing harshly before pushing his emotions into hard, deep thrusts.

[florencwrites]

ignoring is bliss 〚technoblade〛

in which [reader] struggles with her lover's inconsequent affection, and a good talk is unfortunately inevitable; the silent treatment has never worked well with techno.

"I don't know what you want me to say." His back had still been turned towards me at this point, the rake heavy in my hands as I tried using it to steady myself in the muddy stable. He kept loading dirty plucks of hay onto his pitchfork, the thinly lined buttoned shirt he was wearing easily letting his back muscles shine through.

I stood silently behind him, deliberating my words thoroughly. I hated when he acted like this, I absolutely despised him. He was one of the smartest men I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, however, the second things went sideways conversation-wise he always played it painfully personally. He would start correcting my grammar or suggest synonyms for otherwise satisfactory sentences. "I don't either."

"I guess that marks the end of this conversation." He turned around to dump his gathered muck in the makeshift wheelbarrow Phil had built us. His face was hard, his brows furrowed and his features lax. He seemed indifferent, his attitude scaring me to pieces.

"Tech, please." I tried, putting one of my hands up to gesture for him to stop walking. He was now barely lifting the barrow from the ground, ready to head off to the dump. He huffed, his eyes meeting the floor as he put the wagon down. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"I'm sorry," I muttered softly.

He ducked to grip his hands around the handles again, lifting it from the ground. His knuckles were white where they held onto the leather-covered grips. "Speak up."

"I want to have a conversation with you, okay? Stop acting so fucking stuck up and talk to me." His shoulder brushed past mine as he exited the stables, my voice was high in emotions, definitely on the verge of breaking with desperation.

He snorted. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say when you've calmed down."

-

"He won't talk to me, Phil." I groaned almost obnoxiously loud, taking a sip of water to wash down both my dinner and my agitation. "You know how he gets."

"All pissy? Tell me about it." He chuckled softly, his forearm shielding his bowl from my sight. He shoveled another spoonful of beef stew into his mouth. Phil and I had never been extraordinarily close, he reckoned Techno and me to be undeserving of each other. A terrible pair. And perhaps we were, at times like this I couldn't help but doubt whether or not we truly were the destined lovers we often thought ourselves to be. "I'll bring him some food later."

I laughed at him, a father at heart. A father to anyone but his actual sons, really. A playful grin on my lips, "You're an enabler, Phil."

-

That night I crawled into an empty bed. One I hadn't even doubted would be just that; empty. He was weak like that, he'd do anything to avoid conflict. Whether that was because he was afraid of what his blinding rage fits would conjure, or whether he was just an impotent coward. Someone who didn't know how to act around uncertainty and immorality and thus resorted to blaming everything on his treacherous temper.

The sheets still smelled of him, I held them to my nose.

There was no reason for us to fight, I hadn't meant to start one. I simply wanted him to realize how different he acted towards me when surrounded by any crowd. He acted so distant it made me doubt not only us, but myself. My heart ached anytime he pulled his hand away from where I tried leaving him a subtle touch. My skin crawled when he no longer referred to me by the mild, but unmissably warm names he had for me.

However, nothing would ever hurt me as much as meeting his eyes in a room of our friends and seeing the love seep from his irises. Physically witnessing his affection turn into nothing short of mere acquaintance.

Everyone knew us. There was no reason for him to act so cold, so distant. Though, I also recognized that perhaps there was an underlying reason. One I simply hadn't thought of, or perhaps one that I couldn't ever imagine. One that he had retained from his troublesome past.

The thing is, it hurt me to think he didn't trust me enough with his reasoning. That he didn't want to tell me about his thoughts. I'd been extremely careful and meticulous with any information he'd granted me, I was sure to never let what he told me change my opinion of him. I vowed to never look at him any different.

So, why could he not promise me the same?

-

There was no point in pushing myself from my sheets the next morning. I knew how long his episodes usually lasted, I wouldn't even have to try talking to him for at least two more days. Normally, I'd try, though. I'd sit in the grass right next to where he was working outside, just talking to him about anything and everything I could think of. Back then I thought for his silence to mean confusion, I thought his swirling mind simply needed a break. That a distraction would do him good.

I sat in the barely-molten grass for hours, never getting a reply.

His smell was constricting my airways slowly, every inhale making it harder and harder to breathe. What if Phil was right, what if he truly didn't love me, or not anymore at least? What if it was all an act to have a warm body to fall asleep next to, to have an extra set of hands around the cottage.

I kicked at the sheets, desperate to get them away from me, to get them from clinging to my sweaty body. I only tangled my legs further into the mess. The bed creaked loudly against the wooden floor of the attic, a gust of wind running through a small gap in the roof.

I shot up, finally being able to rid my body of the sheets. I huffed a few times, the annoyance getting the better of me. I slung my legs over the side of the bed, now just sitting on the wooden frame, letting my eyes wander over the walls. The pictures of us that were tightly tacked to the planks, photos of our favorite pets and our best of friends. Photos of us with Phil and Tommy, and even a stray photo of me and Wilbur, back when we were kids.

My gaze found its way towards the singular window behind our bed, the only one of two walls that weren't entirely slanted. His red robe stood out like a sore thumb in the feeble blanket of slushy snow that had been slowly accumulating over the course of the night. Summer was officially over once again, and the cold would soon make it so we could no longer afford to sleep alone.

He rarely wore his robe outside of special occasions, he usually would simply opt for one of his brown ones. One was trimmed with a thick deer fur, the leather on it sure to keep all frost out. The other one was his summer one, the more dirty one of the two. It was always stained with blood, since it would also be the one he went hunting with. He disliked hunting in the winter, the harsh winds and easily discernible prints made it no fun, according to him. He stacked up during the summer, drying his meats to allow them to be kept safe for months, if not years.

But now he was wearing his red robe, lined with the finest of polar bear fur. The one that had the special compartments for his potions, and the one I had sown a totem into. For good luck. He rarely wore it for any occasion but war.

He pushed himself from the ground, turning around swiftly; the velocity making his cape whisk dramatically up in the wind. His eyes seemed fixated on the ground until they unwarrantedly shot up to the window I was sitting at. Any other day, I would've averted my gaze. Not now. He knew I was staring, and he was allowed to know so. I held my eyes on him until his feet carried him out of sight, into the house. I sighed softly, I felt entirely forlorn without him, without his caring hands and loving eyes. I let myself fall back into the bed, cuddling the sheets once again as I curled away from the entrance. I reckoned he would have to change out of his robe soon, and I didn't want to face him when he did.

-

I heard the front door slam, and as predicted the rungs of the many ladders soon creaked in his hold. The worn, practically ancient, trapdoor was pushed ajar behind me. I couldn't be bothered to turn to meet his eyes. However, instead of quietly changing out of his clothes, I felt the bed dip. He sat on the side of it, much alike to how I had found myself just minutes before.

"I don't like feeling weak." His voice was rougher than usual, it kept its usual monotone aura, but for some reason, it felt more emotional than ever before. He cleared his throat as if to try and mask it, to no avail, "I don't love you any less."

I shifted in the bed, though, he quickly stopped me, "Don't look at me, that just makes it harder."

I obliged. He let out a trembling sigh, taking his sweet time to deliberate his next words, "Sometimes we are outside together and I'm afraid that when they see how much I care about you, they will realize that you make me weak." I stared at the wall, still curled into the blankets. I wanted nothing more than to hold his face, look at him as he spoke. Instead, I had to make do with the pictures of his face plastered on the wood. His pointy, flappy ears and peaked nose. The two sharp-looking fangs set in the corners of his lips, ones that seemed to disappear when he smiled. He didn't like smiling for pictures, I didn't have a single one of the two of us together where he smiled. The only ones that showed his beautiful pearly whites were the ones that had me behind the camera, something I only then realized might've not been a coincidence.

"It scares me to think they could hurt you for loving me, that's why I don't like holding your hand in town." I shot a quick look over my shoulder, his back was slouched over, his head in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. He wasn't crying, he simply seemed lost."I never realized that what scares me even more is the idea of you not loving me at all."

I slowly crept from under the sheets as his words fell silent. I crawled over towards where he was sat, near the foot-end of the bed. I took one of his hands from where he had rested his face on it and pulled it out of the way.

I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling my body into his. I draped my legs over his lap as I held him. His built arms felt tender against my exposed back, however, he held me tight. He squeezed softly as another quivering breath escaped his lips. We sat in embrace for a while.

"That's all I asked for, Tech." I smiled into his neck. "I just wanted to talk, that wasn't so hard, now, was it?"

"Shut up." He playfully tried pushing me away from his torso, underestimating the power of my cling. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

[80s4life]

You Take Good Care Of Her Pt.2

Word Count: 1,440

Status: Requested!

Fandom: The Expendables {1-3}

A/N: This was just a little extra spice to add to the first part.  A fluffy, happy ending for all the Lee lovers!

Relationship: Lee Christmas x Reader

Summary: When the mission goes south and leaves the reader injured, feelings arise to the surface in a swarm of feelings at the thought of losing each other, especially when the only things worth while is the other in their lives.

Warnings: mentions of blood, fluff OVERLOAD, language (We’re dealing with grown-men-children okay?)

Masterlist The Expendables Masterlist  Part One

{not my gif}

Despite his attempts, he knew he wouldn't ever be able to resist her, and for that, he didn't care what he had to go through, he was going to have her. Because she was his, and he was hers, no matter who knew.

And now we continue...

With his newfound set of mind, Lee made it his priority to say hi to Y/N every morning, smile, wave, and even engage he in conversation.  "You really are desperate aren't ya?" he thought, trying to be as gushy and nice as possible.  He was trying to be so different he wanted to gag.  Sometimes he wondered if this new act was something that Y/N would get used to and he would have to keep up this act for the rest of his life.

Y/N knew Lee was being weird.  The first thought she had was that he was sick, but now, as he openly made eye contact with her, spoke to her, even sometimes winked, she found herself thinking of the knives expert more than she thought she ever would.  He was sweet yes, but she's lying to herself if she didn't like the true Lee she knew.  Back when he was very avoidant of her, she saw who Lee truly was, but at afar.  He was snarky, mysterious, funny, British to the bone, and strong mentally and physically.

Barney saw this shit from the very beginning.  But, even as he didn't want his baby sister falling in love and being left brokenhearted, he knew the two good enough to know that they needed each other.  At one point, once he saw Lee start acting like a lovesick puppy, he started to secretly root for them, joining the ship Yin Yang and Toll had built months ago.  This didn't mean he was going to make it easy for the man either though.  They still all had a job to do and love is going to get in their way if they don't focus.

Dropping down in the forests below, the Expendables, clad in black suits, weapons to attack 5 states, and high tech gear to guide them through the thick forest.  Barney, splitting the team off to get to the best views of the town under attack, tells the group where to go while giving them all ear pieces to keep up with communication.  Gunnar, going along the outskirts where the forest meets the open town lands, squats, getting a visual on the sniper at the top tower, utterly excited to finally use his new toy: a big ass bazooka.  Toll and Yin Yang sticking together to find shelters near one another but still separated.  Barney, not wanting to leave his sister alone on a mission, appoints Lee to her, knowing the two have each other's backs while still not getting into Barney's dangerous line of sight.

As the group splits, its only natural for the foreign enemies to spot them.  With the first cry, most likely to alert the opposing team's members, made Y/N's stomach tie up in knots, always an unsettling noise to be paired with the impending war ahead.  Times like these make her go into a dangerous trance, back to the war and military she was a part of for 10 years.  Even as the images flash through her mind, she tries hard to yank them away, focusing her for the time being.

As the war raged on, the pairs of teams the Expendables once had have broken up accidentally, communication soon being cut off during the blasts and explosions, leaving Y/N alone.  She had dropped it as she was taking cover from the harsh blows.  With her ear piece gone, she had missed Yin Yang as he had pinpointed the next blast of a missile, not their own, but the rivals as they aimed in her direction.  The team screaming her name through the earpieces, not knowing if she could quite hear them.  By the time Y/N saw her attacker, she only had minimal time to run away.  Getting a great distance away, her lungs burned as he leg caught a rock.  The missile falling seconds later, far away, but not far enough to stop her from the debris crashing and colliding with her small form.

Lee had turned a corner just in time to watch the horrific event play out in his eyes.  Sprinting, he rushes to Y/N, seeing her bloodstained clothes, cuts, and bruises.  Upon his arrival, she looked at him with such fear and pain, almost as much to make her cry as the adrenaline started to run out, the sheer intensity of the pain finally settling in.  Lee held her tight, moving themselves to the closest form of shelter, plopping down, and cradling her body into his own.  She was sitting in his lap, arms weak, and head leaning on his shoulder.  She had made it out fairly lucky now that Lee had gotten a closer look, but not lucky enough for a piece of shrapnel to lodge itself within her torso.

"Your gonna be fine, I swear!  You have to be okay!  I should've never left you behind," Lee almost choked out, as tears threatened to fall.

"Lee, I'm fine.  See?  It's just this piece, if you don't touch it, it doesn't hurt, so can ya' please stop shaking me?" Y/N responded jokingly, trying to lighten the mood as she didn't want Lee to spike her anxiety even higher.  "Do you have an earpiece on you?  Please, get Barney," she asked, wanting her brother more than ever.

"Yeah...Yeah I can do that," he said as he contacted Barney, holding Y/N in an iron grip.  "I was so worried you were dead...I didn't know what I would do with myself if you had. I- I-" Lee stuttered, getting lost in her Y/E/C eyes as they peered up at him.

"You what Lee?" she asked, starting to feel a little lighter with the amount of blood dripping.

"I love you Y/N," he admitted, now fearing for her life more now that he had admitted what he's wanted to say for forever.

With this, a lazy smile appeared on Y/N's face, chuckling lightly with delight, "I love you too Lee."  He could only muster a look of utter disbelief before the rest of the gang showed up, the rest of the mission finishing out in a blur.  At some point, whilst making their way to the hangar of the plane, Y/N had dozed in and out of consciousness, seeing Lee running her away from the mission's town, seeing the plane, the shrapnel being removed by Barney's concentrated and light hands, and later, waking up in a bed, in the hospital with Lee in the chair beside her.  Both of his hands wrapped around her tiny one.

He wakes up once he felt the bed move slightly, Y/N stretching her long worn out body.  Lee bounces out of the chair immediately, asking her if she needs anything, "The only thing I need is this British guy to sit next to me and play with my hair," Y/N responds playfully, Lee smirking as he takes off his boots, keeping his socks, and laying beside Y/N on the hospital bed, both dozing off together.

Click

A quick, almost blinding light flashes once as snickers and mumbling was heard in the direction of the hospital room door.  With the pair now fully awake, and possibly more afraid than they were when Y/N was attacked, they both make eye contact with the res of the Expendables watching the pair, Barney front and center.

"Look, I-" Lee had started, trying to come up with an excuse for how they ended up like this, but ultimately coming up empty and out of excuses.

"No, ya' gonna listen to me.  You take good care of her, ya' hear me?  I'm gonna bust ya' balls if ya' don't, alright?" Barney answered defensively.  "You have my blessing, but ya' better not fuck it up.  I'm warning ya'," he continues, motioning for the team to give them privacy, Toll wiggling his eyebrows before he walks out.

Y/N, falling into a fit of laughter, moves to lay on her back, unable to flip on the right from where the stitches from the shrapnel were placed.  She looks up at Lee, him blocking her from the edge of the right side, her falling in the blissful feeling of love.

"I'm gonna be walking on eggshells for awhile I guess..." he glances at Y/N before continuing, "but I know it's worth it."

With this, Y/N cups Lee's right cheek, pulling him down lightly to capture his lips with her own, sealing the bond they've spent forever building.  Knowing that wherever, whenever, they are always a team, and are always going to be better as long as they are together.

[littleoddwriter]

Hii! i am so sorry for the poor spelling, bad at English, also sorry to bother but I sae your post about chromeskull cheating on his s/o, and I really loved it! And was wondering if i could have another one like it, where he cheats and his s/o goes bat crazy in a fit of rage and pain and leaves him, I am very sorry if you do not wanna do this and I understand! I love your blog!

Too Far | Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull x GenderNeutral!Reader

Hello there! :) Gosh, there is absolutely no need to apologise for anything! Your English is more than fine (besides, I'm not a native speaker anyway, so don't you worry) and your request was lovely - super interesting! I said I'd write break-ups after all, and boi- this one just hurt, fhshfkjsh! Thank you for everything! I really hope you enjoy this. <3

summary; See above.

notes; GenderNeutral!Reader; Cheating; Break-Up; Angst; Hurt No Comfort; Yelling; Mentions of Murder; Fantasy of Murder; Mute Character; Signing/ASL.

Reblogs > Likes. Thank you!

After some contemplation, he’s eventually gotten rid of the tape. He’d hoped that it would be enough. That way, there wouldn’t have been any evidence of it and you would never find out.

Certainly, he didn’t expect to have it gnaw at his mind ever since; constantly nagging him to confess – to tell you what he’s done.

He was sure to lose you if he did, wasn't he? But you loved each other. Despite his mistake, as he’s come to admit to himself, he loved you more than anyone else in this world. And he knew for a fact that you felt the same way about him.

This was fixable, then, right? It had to be.

So, one night, he lay awake and thought about how best to tell you what he’s done.

Determined, he waited until after breakfast to get your attention and finally confess his mistake to you. It would be okay, it just had to be.

But it wasn’t.

‘I have to tell you something,’ he signed, looking at you earnestly. He left himself an open book to you that morning, wanting you to see every emotion on his face and in his eyes as he would come clean to you.

“Oh, okay. What is it, Jesse?” you replied, your eyebrows raised in surprise as you fidgeted with your hands in nervousness.

‘I made a mistake,’ he started, ‘a week ago; I slept with one of my victims before I even took her. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it, it just happened.’

“What?” you yelled, quickly getting up from the breakfast table. Your chair crashed to the floor with the force of it. “What the fuck, Jesse? You slept- How was this even an ‘it just happened’ situation?”

Jesse wanted to placate you and work it through with you, but when he raised his hands to sign it to you; you wouldn’t have any of it.

“No! You know what? Fuck yourself!” you snarled and stomped away.

Of course, he followed you, determined to try and fix this mess he’s created.

“I overlooked the fact that you murder innocent women, because- Hell, I don’t even know why! Because I was blinded by my love for you or some bullshit like that, I guess! But now you come to me and tell me you cheated on me with one of those women? Seriously?” you continued to yell, while you got out a suitcase and turned to the wardrobe.

Walking over to you, he tried to stop you from packing your clothes, a pleading look on his face (and God, did he feel pathetic), as he signed, ‘Please. Let’s talk about it. Don’t leave.’

“No, Jesse! There’s nothing to fucking talk about. You chose to do this. You slept with her,” you hissed, jabbing your right index finger into his chest with every new sentence, “I choose to leave you, because this is a step too far for me. I’ve tried and tried to tell myself that it’s okay; that you do love me and that the fact that you’re a fucking murderer doesn’t compromise any of it. But it’s gotten harder to believe it as it was. This is just the last straw for me.”

A heavy sigh tore itself from you and you took out a bunch of your clothes from the wardrobe and sloppily put them in the suitcase.

Jesse didn’t know what to do. It hurt. He could feel his heart break; and seeing you pack your things with such anger underneath every movement only ripped it apart more.

He had really fucked up.

He’d been so lucky when you still stayed with him after finding his tapes.

But this really was it, wasn’t it?

Somewhere along the way, the urge to take you and tie you up overcame him. Maybe he should just treat you like any of his victims and put you in a casket, only to murder you eventually. All so you couldn’t leave him. He was the one who would say when he was done with you, not the other way around!

And yet, he couldn’t move himself to do any of it. Even though it would be so very easy to overpower you, he still loved you too much. He didn’t know if he’d ever stop loving you; if perhaps one day his anger at your abandonment would finally give him the freedom to hunt you down and turn you into one of his forever; another tape for the police to watch; another mutilated corpse in a coffin, slowly rotting away.

Only time would tell.

As of now, he could only stand and watch you finish packing and heaving the suitcase downstairs angrily.

Still, dutifully he kept following you to the doorway, where you dressed yourself to leave for good.

This was it. His last chance of possibly stopping you; but most likely the last time he’d ever see you for a long time if not forever.

Gently, he touched your shoulder, silently asking you to look at him once more.

“I don’t care what kind of excuse you have ready for me, Jesse. We are done and I mean it. I’m not coming back. Not even to get some of my last things. They’re all replaceable anyway,” you said coldly, before he could even sign anything to you.

It hurt him so much, but he understood. There was no helping it. It was over.

‘I’m really sorry, Y/N. I wish things hadn’t gone or ended this way. I love you,’ he signed his farewell to you, a sad, soft smile on his lips. He so wished he could at least kiss you one last time or just wrap his arms around you, but that wouldn’t happen and he knew it.

“Yeah, me too,” you replied softly, melancholy lacing your voice and gaze, rather than the fiery anger from before.

Then, you opened the door, got into your car and drove off without a single look back.

He stood on the porch for a good while, looking after your car that was long gone by then.

This really wasn’t how he’d imagined it going down; although he probably should have considered it more of a possibility than he had.

It was no use anymore, though.

It was over.

[ackerfics]

hi, rory! <3 what majors would the sc veterans take if they were in the modern world?

hi, anon !! thank you so much for this ask, this is heaven in disguise from all my schoolwork. tbh, the whole time i was working for a lab report, my mind will go back to this ask bc i wanted to have the association as accurate as possible hhhajshw

i asked one of my friends for help and thank God for them bc my single brain cell really said 'it's time for you to rest' after staring at one backlog. without further ado, here are the veterans' majors if they're studying in university:

first off, hange zoe, because if you ask me this question in real life, they would be the only one i can answer. every damn time i would think of them in a college setting, being a biology major is really hange's forte. at this point, this is what everyone would associate them with.

hange is all about experimenting and doing brilliant breakthroughs in any field of science but knowing that they have this unparalleled fascination with the unusual and unexpected life-forms (ahem titans ahem), the biology lab would be the surest place where you could find hange. i feel like biology is too broad so i will add that microbiology or bacteriology are just some of the specializations they will be taking in their time in college.

imagine, being lab partners with hange and immediately knowing that you will have one of the highest grades in the class because they're that well-versed in a specific lab report. and if you're partners with them for the rest of the academic year, you might as well have a shot at an immaculate grade. i'm not saying that you should depend on them too much though hHHHH, hange is still a member of the majority of the student body who relies heavily on caffeine to keep them invigorated. who isn't at this point?

so far, some of the biology majors that i encountered (well, more like chatted behind a screen — online classes suck), they have this energy that could drain my social battery too quickly and hange fits that description. (note that this doesn't apply to any college bc i observed this in mine soooo 🤭) they're the type to always go on a tangent on a certain science article or coerce you into joining this org thing. i can imagine levi just looking at hange like they're the one sucking his brain cells out whenever they speak about a documentary in bbc they watched the night before.

and if you're stuck on anything biology-related, hange will be the best person to ask help from. they're the first ray of sunlight you get while waking up. they're that approachable.

okay, so erwin smith.

don't come at me but he just radiates this ceo vibes and with that, one of his probably majors is business administration. i know this is so stereotypical of me but let's face it, erwin is a smooth talker through and through and if he doesn't take up marketing, business is one way to spend his college years. knowing his personality in attack on titan of establishing deals easily with a determined resolve, he fits the broadest description of being a business administration major. (again, don't come at me because my consultant for this statement is google and nobody comes after google sometimes hhhhh)

just for the benefit of myself, i will add what google says about this major, "[they] learn the mechanics of business through classes in fundamentals, such as finance, accounting and marketing ... students find ways to solve problems using data and they develop communication and managerial skills." and i thank you.

he's also probably the most well-spoken and most professional when conversing with others among his friends (and i'm not saying this to drag the other characters but this is what i pick up on) and that is exactly the qualities his major specializes. it is expected for them to strike deals and be a people person and who better character for the job than our very own erwin smith 🤩

now i mentioned 'one of the probable majors' and yes, aside from business administration, philosophy just exudes erwin smith. ngl, when i imagined erwin in a college setting, this major will always come first. his mind is just so sexy to me??? and i hope you guys think the same, too, because i don't want to be the only one who thinks that 👀 kidding aside, erwin is one of the smartest people in attack on titan and every time he speaks in one episode, my brain will instantly go mush, and that's what i feel when i hear philosophy majors talk.

philosophy majors (according to any other youtuber who does lookbooks for various majors hhhhhh) challenge what is unanswerable and analyze questions with no right answer. i feel like erwin, like hange, will talk all night to explain a theory. just imagine a date with him and you just listen to him rant about a topic that they should be making a report on. just listen to this man, okay?? it's adorable when he lets his guard down to include you in his little bubble of philosophies. he would also mention random things that he learned in classes, sometimes finding joy in knowing the philosophies of other people, or even deciphering levi's dream of an apocalyptic world. (it pisses levi off but he just leave him be.)

if you want a man who can do both of these majors, erwin smith is the answer 😉

sigh, mike zacharias.

this man holds so many talents and will forever amaze me.

i assume all of us here watched the movie perfume. and no, i'm not saying that mike is going to be a murderer but just like the main character of that film, making perfumes will be his forte with that sense of smell of his. and here, i conclude that mike will definitely take up chemical engineering.

he gives me the vibes that if it covers the one thing he does best, he will love his major. (mr. zacharias, can you please spare me that quality because i really need that now 😩) being in the labs while experimenting mundane things that can be found in the environment to create different scents is also a likely situation you can find him in, again, very much like hange. he's the type of student who really puts so much effort in staying afloat the honors list, even to the point of topping midterms in his major, for the sake of his dream. there will never be a moment where you will catch him complain about his major and professors.

he's that type of friend in college who agrees to any rant you say but in reality, he's got his life easy 😭

i headcanon mike owning a perfume shop after college just like how levi always dreamed of having a tea shop.

okay, imagine this little scenario if you're dating mike where he creates this unique perfumes as random gifts for you. they're not the typical perfumes that can seep through the room and can make you gag for no reason, they're subtle scents that will stay for the duration of the day. because again, he's got a sensitive nose, so making perfumes according to what his sense of smell dictates will always result in a revolutionary experiment. if you're randomly blurting out that you want a fusion of flowers and fruits as your perfume, say no more, he's your man.

now, the veteran who i find the hardest to associate a major with — levi ackerman.

after much deliberation and a break from plant physiology, i see him taking up law or criminology.

(i asked some of this from my mom because she attended law school :>>>)

levi is so organized and detailed in the things that he do and he fits in either of these majors since they require tedious memorizations and analysis of laws and crime scenes while being assertive enough to defend someone. he's the typical person who blurts out the true situation of a crime scene when watching film adaptations. yeah, he's that person, the one who sucks the enthusiasm out of you while watching a movie because he just had to correct some of the scenes. nevertheless, he means well though, he just wanted you to understand the reality unlike how films portray gruesome murders. movie nights always end up with levi ranting about half-assed mystery clichés.

levi's binder of readings are always too bright for everyone's good. his notes are full of highlighters and scribbles that it can blind someone. for one, he's always up all night studying his readings and cases for a practice court so by choosing neon highlighters, it's a way for him to wake up. there isn't one book in his possession that he doesn't highlight like it's a fricking coloring book. hange once jokingly said that his binder now acts like his bible and for once, he agrees because he was never seen without one. hange had a field day since levi never agrees with them.

when doing practice courts though, his go-to resting bitch face always come in handy when carrying out his role as one of the lawyers. he's just so sexy with his hands in the pockets of his slacks as he tries to justify his supposed client. the way he questions the accused definitely isn't hot because he's like one of the panelists in your thesis defense, the one who just comes up with questions that have you melting on the spot. he's dangerous i tell you. it also doesn't help if you accidentally hurt one of his friends or just landed randomly in his blacklist for being annoying as hell. relax though, he doesn't mean harm other than the fact that he's ready to throw some hands from all the pent-up rage he gathered in his body.

of course, i couldn't forget how he dresses up like a typical dark academia fanatic so look out for eye-candy.

if you want someone who can recite articles from the constitution, this man is perfect for you 😌

i had so much fun doing this !! again, i'm not generalizing every major i've talked about in these little headcanons, this is all for fun and based on the people i encountered in college. if you want more of this, don't hesitate to ask !! 😚

[wrenhyperfixates]

If It’s Meant to Be

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: After you breakup, Loki regrets how he pushed you away. He can only hope that you’ll come back to him. Warnings: lots of angst and some fluff at the end A/N: Requested by the lovely @gaitwae​. Hope you enjoy!

Tag List: @lucywrites02​ @frostedgiant​​​ @lunarmoon8​​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​​ @lokistan​​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​​ @gaitwae​​ @whatafuckingdumbass​​ @castiels-majestic-wings​​ @kozkaboi​​ @cozy-the-overlord​​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine.

It happened on a sunny day that Loki found out you’d moved on and started seeing someone else. It didn’t feel right that the world should be lit up by the golden rays when there was such a storm inside him. He tried his best to push his thoughts aside, he really did, but you kept popping into his mind. You and that boorish new boyfriend of yours. Loki didn’t know the man, but he already hated him. In reality, he hated himself far more for letting you go.

Loki had blocked most of the events leading to your breakup from his mind, but on the floor among the glass he’d shattered, it was coming back to him. He hadn’t even meant to break anything, not exactly. It was just that he was so angry, he wasn’t looking where he was going. Then the god bumped into the end table and, in a fit of rage, flipped it over. He hadn’t been thinking about the vase sitting on top of it. Or what was in it for that matter. Otherwise he may have been more careful as not to end up sitting among shards and your favorite flowers.

Back when you were dating, he had gotten nervous that he was no good for you. You had always been so understanding of his feelings, but it was different this time. He hadn’t told you how he felt, so you couldn’t help him through it. Instead, he started going on more missions, sometimes not even telling you. It hurt him when you confronted him on that.

“You’re just up and leaving without so much as a goodbye,” you said with teary eyes. “I keep finding out from Tony that you’re gone again. Is it something I did? I’m just... I’m just worried about you, Loki.”

He held you closer that day than he had in months. “I am so sorry, darling, please believe me. I will tell you from now on, you have my word.” He kissed the top of your head and rocked you back and forth. You buried your head in the crook of his neck and cried a little. “You also must know that this is not your fault. I swear it on my life, it is not because of anything you did. I love you, my darling, truly I do.”

“Then what is it, Loki?” you asked, raising your head and lifting your hand to cup his cheek. He leaned into your touch. “What’s wrong? You used to tell me these things. You know you can still talk to me about anything, right? I’m still here for you.”

“I know. I just... It feels like something I need to work through myself.”

“I understand. Just, I’m still here, ok? We don’t have to talk, even. I could just hold you.” You paused, looking into his eyes. You saw it in that moment, his heart fracturing. “You know, like you used to let me.”

You were too pure for him, he knew it. He knew it as you spoke those words. He knew it as he let you hold him, the vile, venomous snake that he was. And you did it gently, so gently. Somehow he was still breaking. Loki kept himself together as much as he could manage, started telling you when he was leaving, though the missions only became more frequent. And longer, too. For your part, you held on as long as you could, were there for him as much as you could be. But it was too hard when he kept distancing himself from you.

“Listen, Loki,” you calmly said one night after he returned to the Tower, as tired and removed as ever. “I love you. I love you so much. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be in a relationship with you if that’s not what you want. And it seems like you don’t want it anymore. Your gone so much, and when you’re here, you’re so far away that you may as well have not come back. Just talk to me,” you pleaded. “I want to this fix this. Just talk to me.”

“I am sorry, darling. I can’t. I- I just don’t want to ruin you,” he replied, head bowed.

You took a deep breath, trying to quell your tears. Loki winced as your voice broke. “Then I’m sorry too, but I have to go. I wish you all the best, my love.”

For one final time, you kissed him. It was slow, it was gentle and tender. It was a goodbye. Still, you looked over your shoulder before you closed the door, silently praying for him to say something, anything, to stop you. He didn’t move, and so the door clicked behind you as he let the best thing to ever happen to him walk out of his life.

What was it that you Midgardians say? If you love someone, let them go. If it’s meant to be, they’ll come back to you. Well, Loki decided that was a load of rubbish. Because you most clearly were meant to be. Maybe the first part had some merit to it, though; he let you go because he loved you and couldn’t bear to let you chain yourself to a monster. He couldn’t help but wonder if he actually was one though, for surely monsters didn’t have hearts. But him? He knew he had one because he could feel it breaking.

After that day, Loki tried to hold on to the fragments of himself as he felt he was drifting off into space. He didn’t slow his pace on the missions, now a distraction to numb his pain.  Then one day, Tony made him take a break. He spent nearly a month moving around the Tower like a wraith, void of any outer expressions. Avoiding the lower floors at all costs, he mainly stuck to the private sections where he and the other Avengers lived. It was a precaution to keep himself from bumping into you, who worked in the Tower.

Two months later, he felt well enough to go outside again. He took the stairs down with Thor on one of the days he knew you wouldn’t be in. His brother looked afraid that he might turn to ash by stepping out into the sun for the first time in a while. Needless to say, he didn’t, but Thor kept throwing him worried glances as they went on their run.

From there, Loki took things one day at a time. He still thought about you often. About three months after the breakup, he started visiting the floor where you worked, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Maybe if he saw you, he’d even get the courage to apologize. Then again, maybe it’s better if he just leaves you be.

He still hadn’t decided which was better when he got too careless one day, and you caught sight of him. He heard you say “excuse me” to whoever you were talking to before taking off in the direction where he was. Panicking, he fled the scene, but you still followed. At the end of the hall, he turned. But by the time you rounded the corner after him, he was already gone, having teleported back to his quarters.

Now he wonders what you would have said to him. Alas, he stopped seeking you out, so he’d never know. Plus, Tony was finally letting him volunteer for missions again, so he could fill his time that way. Even that began to hurt, though, as he realized he used to have your warm embrace to return to. These days, he went home to a cold, empty room. He’d lay on his bed and create small illusions of his memories with you until he realized it was doing his mental health more harm than good. Wasn’t that what had gotten him into this mess in the first place? His mental health? So, he sat up and stretched out, finally deciding to drag himself out of this slump he was in.

If there was one silver lining to come out of this, it was that his teammates actually became his friends. He wasn’t sure exactly when he began to think of them as such, but he did. It was in no small part due to the increased amount of time he was spending with them in your absence. You would have been proud of him if you knew. You’d always encouraged him to get to know them better, to not be such a loner. Satisfied with having you and his brother, he never did much listen to you on that matter. Well, now he was being forced out of his comfort zone. After all, he could only handle his brother in small doses, and he was all Loki had now.

Five months had passed since you’d left Loki, since he’d pushed you away. After weeks of trying, Loki’s friends had finally coaxed him into attending Tony’s latest party. So, he appeared in a full suit and tie with his fellow Avengers. Rather begrudgingly, he was enjoying himself.

He was laughing by the bar with Wanda and Bucky when he saw you. Despite trying not to look your way again, he failed and kept stealing glances at you. Eventually, he caught your eye, and you gave a shy little wave. He returned it along with an small but excited smile. Just as he was about to take his first step towards you, a man he didn’t recognize came up next to you. The stranger put his arm around you and handed you a drink. And then you kissed him, shattering Loki’s heart all over again. By the time you looked back over, the trickster god was gone.

Storming down to the ground level of the Tower, he pushed through the door and out into the world, desperate for fresh air. Suddenly feeling like he was being choked, he loosened his tie from around his neck before taking it off completely. It was too bright out, the sunlight blinding his eyes as he walked without direction. Just away, far away. He walked until the sun rose again the next day, the same thoughts circling in his mind the whole time. This was his fault. He’d let you go. He’d pushed you away. There was no one to blame but himself.

Loki slept all the next day, worn from his mindless wandering. It was like all the progress he’d made over the last several months were drained from his body. Still, he tried to carry on with his normal routine, and went for his morning run with Thor. Sometimes Steve and Sam joined them, too, but they were both on a mission at the moment. It was a good thing, too, because Loki didn’t think he could handle the embarrassment of the double take he did had they been there. Just as he and his brother were exiting, the man he could only presume to be your boyfriend entered. But you weren’t working that day, and sure enough, he swiped in with his own card. Now not only would Loki have to avoid you, he’d have to avoid your boyfriend, too, lest seeing his face threw him in a blind, vengeful rage.

Four more months passed, and Loki was doing an excellent job of not seeing you or Owen, which he later found out was your boyfriend’s name. And yet, he longed for you. Your gentle touch. Your kind words. The Avengers kept pushing for him to start seeing someone else, but he still didn’t feel ready, leaving him to pine for you from afar.

Loki walked into the elevator after quickly dropping off a file on the floor you worked on. Thankfully, he managed to avoid seeing you. As the doors began to close, he heard a voice asking him to keep them open. He obliged while the person quickly rushed over, the large stack of papers they carried covering their face.

“Thank you,” they said, struggling with the unwieldy stack, voice slightly strained as they desperately tried to keep from dropping it.

“It is no problem. What floor?” Loki responded, hitting the button that corresponded with their answer. “Would you like some help with that?”

“I’m fine. I-”

Loki caught the falling stack with impressive reflexes as the person cut out and dropped it. He looked at their now exposed face. It was you. Neither of you said anything for a moment as you both somewhat awkwardly balanced the papers between you.

“Oh! Hi, Loki. I, um,” you cleared your throat, “I guess I could use some help.”

“Yes. Very well, then,” he said, taking slightly more than half the stack. It was oppressively silent for another moment as you both stared at the numbers denoting what floor you were on dropping far too slowly for your liking. Loki swore the elevator had never been this slow before. “So, uh, how have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been fine,” you replied, diverting your gaze for a minute. “You know, same as usual. How about you?”

“Fine, fine. Same as always, really.” Another awkward silence. “I heard you were seeing someone. How is he doing, your boyfriend?”

“Do you mean Owen? We actually broke up a few weeks ago.”

“I am sorry,” Loki apologized. “I did not know.”

“It’s totally fine,” you laughed it off in a way that was music to his ears. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

As the doors opened and you deposited the papers where you needed to, Loki couldn’t help but think of that Midgardian phrase again. He’d loved you, and he’d let you go, completing the first part. Well, maybe it was time to make good on the second.

“I do not suppose,” he began, “that you would like to go out for a coffee sometime? Just to catch up, is all.”

You smiled at him softly. “I would love that.”

After setting your plans, you parted ways. Loki felt happier than he had in a long time. After all, you’d come back to him, even if it was just as friends for the moment. But he was certain it would turn into something more, sooner or later. Why? Because deep in his heart, he was sure he’d always known it. You were meant to be.

[nationalharryleague]

Overnight

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Genre: AU, Angst, lil bit of fluff, best friends to enemies to lovers

Word count: 3.3k!

A/N: Hi! I don’t think I’ve ever posted a fic on this blog before and I haven’t really written in about five years, so please be nice!! I’m very nervous and I would love some feedback if you have any :) Also, this is loosely based on Overnight by Maggie Rogers (it’s a wonderful song, give it a listen) Thank you so much for reading!! More of my writing can be found here! 

You would have known that voice anywhere. It was smooth and deep and laced with the most perfect accent that you had ever heard. His voice penetrated the crowd of the bar and found its way to you, like he was speaking only for you. He sounded like music to your ears, but that of a song that hung heavy in your heart.

You clenched your hands tight around the glass that held your whiskey, the uncomfortable feeling of knowing he was here invading your thoughts. You wanted to run and you quickly gulped the rest of your drink. The back of your throat burned from the alcohol as you reached for your coat that had accompanied you and your friends in the booth. A curt “I have to go,” left your lips as you made a b-line for the door, needing to escape the bar that felt so small and suffocating all of a sudden.

You didn’t mean to look over your shoulder. It was a subconscious need to get one good look at him before you escaped that took over your body. He had been talking to a pretty girl, but his eyes looked over her shoulder and they locked with yours. It felt like you knew those eyes in a different lifetime; everything was so different now. Those eyes lit up when he registered your face, quickly excusing himself from the girl and beginning to move towards you.

You panicked as you realized he was coming near, fighting your way through bodies towards the exit. As you felt the shockingly cold air of a New York City winter hit your skin, you also sensed a familiar hand grab yours. It was warm. He had always been so warm. You could barely make out the rings that sat on his fingers, but you could see them so clearly in your mind. The mix of gold and silver jewelry that you had played with when it was the only thing either of you had on was burned into your brain. You ripped yourself away from those happy memories and your hand from his.

“You are not allowed to touch me anymore,” you attempted to shout, but it came out as a whimper. It was like as soon as your eyes connected, he stole all of your power.

“Y/N, please,” he breathed. “I just need to talk to you.” His eyes looked desperate and a small part of you felt triumphant. Your prayers that he missed you had come true but the tidal wave of emotions you were feeling dimmed any joy you could have felt.

“Harry, you made it very obvious that I didn’t fit into your life,” you hissed. “You’ve done enough talking to make it crystal clear that I was just a fuck to you.” Tears began to sting your eyes but you forced yourself to swallow them away. He didn’t get to see you cry over him.

“You know that’s not true. You were my best friend.” Your heart hurt with his use of the past tense, but was true. You hadn’t been best friends for a while.

“Best friends don’t lead best friends on while fucking other people.”

***

The night was warm and the air was balmy. The humidity hung around you on the front stoop while a party raged inside. The alcohol coursing through your veins had heated your body temperature and you found yourself sitting on the steps, trying to escape the heat.

A hand rested on your shoulder and you turned to see who it belonged to. A metallic glimpse of gold and silver rings signaled for you to let down your defenses, relaxing your muscles that were getting ready to run. A grin fell across your lips as you looked up to the owner of the rings.

“Hey,” you beamed. You couldn’t censor your adoration for the man in your altered state. You loved him and anyone paying attention could see it.

“Hey you,” he answered, sitting down on the front steps next to you. “How are you doing, my love?” The way he said ‘love’ made your cheeks heat further. He had called you ‘love’ since you had met in college, a hold over from growing up in England that had stuck years after graduation. The term of endearment had only been a sign of friendship to you until you began sleeping together a few months earlier. You had both agreed to a strictly platonic friends with benefits situation, but like in every movie written as a cautionary tale, you had quickly fallen for him. You were hopeful he felt the same about you. He was so affectionate and loving, you assumed that he was just waiting for the right time.

“I’m a little too drunk,” you said with a hiccup and a giggle. “I think you have to take care of me,” you murmured as you began to feel dizzy.

“I will,” he assured. “You stay here. I’ll be back in a little bit and we’ll get you home, okay?” He pressed a familiar kiss to your head as he got up, disappearing back into the party.

You didn’t think much of him reentering the brownstone. You played on your phone and only decided to go look for him after a sweaty stranger plopped himself down next to you on the steps and began hitting on you. You didn’t want anyone else, just Harry. You scanned everyone inside, scaling the stairs as you continued searching for the floppy hair that you thought looked sexy pushed back. You giggled to yourself as you thought about how there was a Mean Girls joke to be made, but your face and heart dropped as you heard a familiar groan through the door at the top of the stairs. Your suspicions were confirmed as you heard a woman moan “Harry” at the top of her lungs.

You slammed the door open. He was on top of her, his muscular back shining with sweat in the light of the now open door and littered with scratch marks. He turned and looked back to tell whoever opened the door to get out, but paused when he saw your heartbroken face. “Oh my god,” he whispered, quickly moving off of her and covering himself up.

Your eyes began to fill with tears and blur your vision, but not before you realized you knew the girl in the bed. Her name was Grace and you had introduced the two earlier in the night. It clicked in your head. He left you on the porch when you needed him to go fuck your friend.

“I need to go,” you stammered, turning around and running from what you just saw. You held tight to the handrail, trying not to fall down the stairs because of your tear filled eyes and intoxication. Harry chased you down the stairs after you, ready to catch your wobbly body if you were to lose your balance.

“Y/N,” he shouted at you. “Talk to me!”

Once you were on the sidewalk, you whipped around to face him. The pain in your chest had been masked by explosive anger. “How fucking dense are you, Harry? Are you fucking blind?”

“What are you talking about?” he shouted back. His button up was thrown haphazardly over his shoulders, his stomach fully exposed. You tried your best to focus and not let his butterfly cast its’ usual spell over you.

“I’m in love with you, Harry!” you screamed. It was the most obvious thing in the world for you. You couldn’t understand how he could sleep with someone else, especially while you were patiently waiting for him. He stood there quietly, chest still rising and falling rapidly. “I have made it so obvious. You are the center of my world. I drop everything for you at a moment’s notice.”

“We always said this was just sex, Y/N.” He spoke firmly, but you knew him well enough to hear the pang of guilt in his voice. “I didn’t mean for you to get that idea. I was never interested in anything romantically with you.”

“Then why do you call me pet names? Why do you always stay over after we hook up? Why do you hold me all night long? Why do you act like you’re my boyfriend?” you peppered him with rapid questions as you cried. The salty taste in your mouth signaled that the angry tears were now streaming down your face. “And even if it was just platonic and you never meant to give me that idea, you go and fuck my friend? That I introduced you to two hours ago? While I’m drunk and need you?”

His face fell and guilt coated his features. He tried to follow you down the sidewalk as you walked away from the brownstone and you nearly slapped him across the face. He looked down at the ground pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration while feeling the shame you hoped he would.

“I’ll get myself home,” you spat. “Do not call me. I don’t want to talk to you.”

***

It had been eight months since you had seen him last and seeing him at the bar knocked the air out of you. You couldn’t get the image of him out of your head. Every time you closed your eyes, he stared back at you.

He had changed since you last saw him. He had a short beard, got a few more tattoos, and grew his hair out. His curls had returned and you couldn’t help but want to touch them. You missed looking at him. You missed everything about him.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of you and a picture of Harry from years ago with space buns in his hair lit up the screen. You remembered that night; it was one of the happiest times of your life. Most of your happiest memories involve him somehow.

You had unblocked his number after you saw him at the bar a few nights ago and you weren’t sure why. You picked up the phone and debated if you wanted to answer it. You braced yourself and swiped a finger across the screen, bringing the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” you squeaked out.

“Oh my god... hi Y/N,” he sounded surprised.

“Hi…” you drifted off.

“Um… I’m not sure what to say. I call a lot and you never pick up,” he confessed. “I don’t really have anything to tell you. I wasn’t expecting to get to talk to you.” You stayed silent, waiting for him to say something you could answer. “Um, can we meet up?” he choked out.

“I’ll be at our spot in an hour.”

True to your word, you were there within the hour. You were both sitting on your bench in Washington Square Park. If you looked close, you could still make out the tiny letters of ‘H+Y/N’ surrounded by a heart in the wood. You had carved it on a drunken night out during college when you both had gotten lost trying to find the way back to one of your apartments’. You rubbed your gloved fingers over it, trying to remind yourself why you were attempting to forgive him. You wanted your Harry back.

“I told myself everyday that I would eventually lose those feelings for you and we could just be friends again,” you mumbled, wanting to sink down into your coat and refusing to look at him in the eye. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist those eyes; you loved them too much. “But I spent months hoping you would realize how much I loved you one day, and that you would love me too.” Your voice was low and your cheeks were bright red from the cold, but mostly embarrassment. You were out of practice being vulnerable with him.

“Can you please look at me?” he asked, lifting your chin so your eyes would meet his. His fingers were so soft on your skin and you felt the cool metal of his rings. You recalled how they felt on the rest of your body and yearned to be close to him again. “Stop crying over me, my love.” He moved to wipe the tears off your face and you leaned into his hand at the sound of his old pet name for you.

“I have cried over you for so long,” you forced out the sentence, feeling so pathetic. “It feels natural at this point.” You watched his face twinge with remorse. He knew he caused all of this pain because of his own stupidity. He pulled you into his body, curling around you in an attempt to protect you after all he had done was hurt.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you,” he sighed. He had never apologized before, and hearing him show remorse made a more few tears slip down your face. “I was careless and didn’t pay close enough attention to how you were feeling. I should have been able to pick up every signal you sent me.”

“I agree,” you choked on a laugh through tears. He was quiet for a moment. You heard him take a breath to begin speaking again but you cut him off. “Why did you do it?” you questioned him. “We could have gone back to my apartment and you could have slept with me.”

“Because I was so afraid of how I felt about you,” he conceded after a long pause. “You were not the only one with feelings, Y/N.”

You were stunned. It had never crossed your mind that he might have felt the same way after how he treated you that night. You pulled away from his body to search his eyes for any hint of deceit, but he was telling you the truth. You breathed out a soft ‘oh,’ and attempted to process this new information.

“I don’t understand.”

“If you were so angry with me that you broke off our arrangement, I hoped that I could push everything down and just go back to the way things were before,” he explained. “When you confessed your feelings, I panicked. I should have come clean, but I didn’t and I broke your trust in more ways than one. I have called you nearly everyday since, trying to explain myself and take back everything I said, but you were shut off to me, rightfully so. I’m not asking for everything to go back to where we were, I’m just asking for your forgiveness. I can’t leave with us like this.”

And finally the picture for you was complete. You understood that night; the full motivations behind events that ruined you for over half a year.  For the first time since that night, you felt at peace. You weren’t worried that he never wanted to be with you, or angry that he had slept with Grace, or anxious that he would be out of your life forever. You felt the anger and resentment that had made itself home inside of you begin to melt away. You felt lighter.

“You have it.”

***

His eyes sparkled in spring’s late afternoon sunlight that was streaming through the coffee shop’s window. They peaked out from over his mug as he took a sip of his coffee, black with a single sugar, and you watched his movements carefully. You tried to take in as much of this time as you could, trying to create good memories to make up for the time you had lost.

It had been a few weeks since Harry had reentered your life and you had spent so much time together, sometimes it felt like you had never strayed from each other’s side. You hadn’t picked up where you had left off. You had decided to stay friends for the time being, agreeing it wasn’t the right time for a relationship, although you both wanted to be more. It was happier and healthier for both of you with everything life was throwing at you.

“What are you thinking?” he smirked. “You have your thinking face on.”

“That I missed this,” you confessed, bringing your own cup to your lips. You had missed everything about the time you spent with one another. You had been best friends for a reason.

“I never want it to end,” he remarked.

You sat in the coffee shop until the workers were cleaning up around you, talking about everything and anything under the sun. He had walked you home to your apartment, hand-in-hand, unable to say goodbye just yet. As you reached your front door, Harry reached for you and pulled you into a warm hug. You reached your arms around him and felt your sore muscles from helping him move out of his apartment the day before. You rested your head on his chest and just stood there for a moment. You both knew what was coming when you eventually pulled away.  

“I don’t want to leave you,” he exhaled into your hair.

“We’ll be okay,” you assured him. “We can make it through anything, right?” you asked, not sure if you were directing the question towards him or yourself.

Harry had been offered his dream job while you weren’t speaking. You were so proud of him when you found out, even if it was in London. The job was why he was so adamant about making up. He refused to leave New York until you were on speaking terms, afraid if he left, the two of you would be done forever.

You felt him begin to pull away after he checked his watch, knowing he needed to leave for the airport soon. You fought off the lump in your throat and steeled yourself so you wouldn’t cry. This was so good for him and you refused to make him feel guilty for taking this opportunity.

“I love you and I’m going to miss you so much,” he spoke as he held your face in his hands, eyes boring into yours. The love between you didn’t need to be classified as romantic or platonic anymore, it was just love.

Your heart broke as you said your goodbyes and watched him walk down your hallway. You made sure you watched until he turned a corner and you couldn’t see him any longer, making sure he was safe for as long as you could. You closed your apartment door behind you and fought off tears. You had faith in your relationship and knew you would make it.

As you moved to lay on your couch and cry it out, you heard a knock of your door. You knew that knock anywhere. You ran to the door and as you opened it, you felt Harry’s lips connect with yours. This kiss wasn’t lustful like ones you had shared in the past, just full of love and adoration for the other. He held you sweetly and your mind tried to memorize everything about this moment.  You stood there, tangled together, for several minutes, staying connected in the way you had never been before.

“I couldn’t leave without getting one last kiss,” he admitted when you both came up for air.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” you beamed back at him.

You didn’t know what was next for you both, but you knew you had a future. You had been apart before, and you had always found your way back to each other. You had no doubts that you would again.

[thetistaboveall]

Society Of Dad

Part 1 - 3

Jon Corbin is high society snob who is also renowned agent go the rich and a few select unknowns as he calls them.

Living next to him has been a constant train of noise, parties, drugs, insanity on wheels going off the track.

I can’t even fathom why a man with much going on for him chose to buy a condo and not a house.

It’s not like we can’t see all of the shady and wild acts that go on for lengthy days of hell and debauchery.

One day the volume of hell raising noise has reach its limits for me, I exit my condo in a foul mood across of his door.

The expression go disgust on his makes my skin boil, my brain explodes with rage and I knock him out.

He falls flat on his back the rage in him over took my senses, my feet lift dragging him in to the condo.

I lock the door close attending to him I drop them like hot cakes, my hands let loose so I can roam his body for a few minutes.

I strip his body of his clothes leaving them

on the floor and him butt stark naked in the light.

He brought on his self I think to myself as I head home for a bit returning with black sac.

I unload it’s contends on the smooth floor ready, able and willing to destroy his life forever.

Dragging Jon in his birthday suit plopping him on to the sofa chair.

In my hand the rope flowing in and out of my hand on to his body strap him down it’s magic.

I crack up using a blindfold I slip behind him rubbing his shoulders and then forcing it over his head.

Once it lay on his face he he blind fold glows shape shifting from one new form to million others.

The sun glasses underneath it instantly fit and begin work in a slow fashion my editing program processes.

Images of millions of scenarios project in to his mind as his life alterations bring a new sense of self.

I feel a heavy buzz in my palm as the shock wave sensation of the ear buds alerts me to its fully charge status.

Part 4 - 6

“Not that it matters but….”

“Once these ear buds are in your mind will be like clay.”

“Trust me my love “

“Life will be a new “

“I am in charge of him forever”

“You are no longer man”

“Call me Daddy”

“Obey all of my commands “

“Submit to my will”

“I own you forever “

“You have always been mine”

“Nobody else”

“Noooooooo…..uuuugggggghhhhh”

“Stop! Stop it”

“Why me? Why?”

“Why am doing this to you?”

“Simple really, do you want to know the truth?”

“Because I fucking hate you asshole.”

Part 7 - 9

- SNAP -

“Wakes wake up”

“Dumbass”

“Hello”

“Hey dad”

“Stay up all night “

“Yep”

“Get to work “

“Yes sir”

“It’s amazing with a few changes”

“I feel so much better”

“How so”

“You are in control “

“Judge me or hurt me”

“I will hunt you down too”

“I promise “

“Fuck you!”

“Now get out of here”

“I have a bitch to fuck”

The end