#& I got some feedback about too much introspect

[prolix-yuy]

Hello friends! It's been way way way way WAY too long since we chatted, and to be honest I've been taking an embarrassingly long time to write this update post because godDAMN life just gets you sometimes and you go on an impromptu hiatus that gets super messy. So let's get into what's been going on and what to look forward to!

Pedro Tax for this long-ass post.

(We're gonna get into some personal stuff, but if you're just here for what's coming up skip down to WHAT'S NEXT for the tl;dr version)

So beyond work getting hectic from January to March, which was the catalyst for everything getting wacky, I experienced a weird emotional turn that I wasn't expecting. It made me get a little introspective, which I blame some of my productivity slump on.

As I was finishing up the Bangathon entries, I noticed a sharp decline in interaction. I'm a fairly young fic writer on Tumblr, but I was a little baffled as to why stories I'd posted only a week before got a nice bit of interaction yet the newer ones were only getting half to a quarter of what I expected. For a minute I thought I had been shadowbanned (I was not) or I hadn't tagged the posts (I had) or my taglists weren't working (they were). People were already talking about interaction being lower, so I sat back and tried to go with the flow and not let it bother me. I posted Decoherence, which has a more niche audience, but I was definitely missing and wishing for some of the comments and reblogs I thought I might get.

All this led up to one of the least favorite voices in my head saying something that stuck around:

"Well, you were right not to become a writer if your motivation is this closely tied to feedback."

If you're new here or I haven't talked about it much recently, I initially was planning to be a writer. Went to school for it and everything. While I was there I felt like I hadn't found the stories I wanted to tell yet. My colleagues were developing in their niches and writing "the great American novel" and I didn't feel like I fit in. My stories had a lukewarm reception, and I never felt like anyone was excited about anything I was trying to say. So I wrote myself into burnout by the time I graduated with not much to show for it. I ended up doing a career switch, which I love to this day, but I stopped writing for almost 10 years.

Coming to Tumblr, I felt that spark of excitement writing again, and some of that was definitely due to people commenting and being excited or interested in the stories I was sharing. That truly revived something in me I thought was long gone, and reflecting back on the last two years that I've been sharing stories with this community makes me wildly emotional. I didn't know how much I missed of the life I left behind, and how much joy it brought me to share stories again.

Which is why it was SUPREMELY FRUSTRATING to have that shitty little voice pulverize my productivity and excitement over something as silly as interaction. But I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get that voice out of your head. I worked to write things I found fun and less stressful than the series I already felt bad for not updating. And while I still love those stories, it felt like I was pulling them from an inauthentic place and finishing them wasn't as satisfying as I'd hoped.

Thus the hiatus! I stopped writing and turned my attentions to consuming and creating in other ways. I watched some shows I'd been meaning to catch up on, started planning to buy a house, worked my butt off at the day job. And I was starting to feel like inspiration was coming back. I didn't want to spook it so I took my time and promised myself I was going to start small and not stress about getting stories out for a bit.

Top that off with some medical surprises, an upcoming surgery, and a little re-evaluation of life moving forward and things have been wild. But I've been missing the daily joy I get from being part of this fandom, and I'm getting back into being here more because I miss you guys! AND! I have stories I want to share and fun to be had. So let's shake off all the heavy shit and get to the fun stuff!

WHAT'S NEXT!

The big thing I'm getting ready to post (after teasing it for so long) is the 2024 Bangathon! This one is different from last year's because instead of requesting stories from me, the Bangathon is open to anyone who wants to participate! There will be a randomizer to play with, and some fun bonuses for those who participate. The announcement will be coming out soon, stay tuned!

As for fics, here are some updates on what's in my WIPs:

Series:

I Think of You: I spent some time rewatching Mando for the newest installment, and I've finally gotten the thread of where to go next thought out. It's been a long time coming so this one's gonna be BEEFY to make up for it.

SW!Frankie: I am crushed to realize it's been over a year since I posted any SW!Frankie! I've got a new story about him and Ms J moving in together I need to finish, then some more asks that are getting into new story arcs I'm excited to share!

Best Laid Plans: Dieter and Murch's first date is bouncing around in my head and I NEED to get it on paper. There's much fun to be had, and I've been binge listening to my playlist for them to get into the headspace.

Midnight Alley: I got all up in my own head about continuing the story with these two and lost a little steam, so I'm going to ease off my "big plans" and start smaller with some oneshots instead. I think it'll help me find out where I want this story to go.

One Shots in Progress:

Decoherence Follow-Up

Incubus!Dieter Ask

You know, laying it out like that makes it feel much more manageable than my brain was telling me! I'm also planning to prioritize more fic reading while I'm getting these updates in ship-shape. Reading your stories always helps get my creative juices flowing, and there are so many good ones lingering in my TBR list that I need to devour.

This has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so thank you for coming on the ride with me. I'm excited to bring more of myself back to Tumblr and have fun with all of you again! To many more stories!

[yoshiyoshitaniart]

Heya! I’m not sure what questions’ve been asked/answered already but I’ve been keeping up with your progress on the oracle cards (can’t wait to get them btw! I already own the tarot you made and I love them) I just wanted to ask about the “theme” of each of your five suits? I have theories but nothing solid.

Also, something that caught my attention was how most of your card names in the four suits with depictions of specific myths are nouns (specifically concepts— ambition, order, purity, etc.) but the Amaterasu card is the verb ‘Ascend’? You also have two cards labeled ‘Trickster’ and ‘Dreamer’ which also break the pattern of ‘name-of-concept’ like ‘Trickery’ or ‘Dreams’ in favor of ‘person-engaged-with-concept’ and I was wondering what the significance of that distinction was to the meanings of those cards. Knowing how the meaning behind oracle cards is largely dependent on the deck’s maker, I got curious but I /have/ been known to read too far into things in the past so thought I��d just ask.

So sorry that this ask got so long! I’m too hyped about this deck I have to k n o w but I also don’t want to bother too much if this all gets explained in a guidebook like with your tarot cards.

Thank you for your question! I am extremely flattered that you're following my oracle deck so closely, and I really hope that it can live up to your expectations! tldr; the exact names are a work in progress. I have strong feelings about the energy of each card, but I'll probably be tweaking until the last minute what each TITLE should be. It's hard to encapsulate everything a whole character and theme represents, and you're right about the adjective/verb/noun jumble being confusing. It's definitely something I'm taking into consideration, and have been talking with my publisher about. If you're interested in following along, I recommend joining my monthly newsletter! I put updates there and will keep everyone apprised of publishing news

Longer answer:

My oracle deck has 12 Myths/Legends, which each myth being represented in 4 cards: Hero, Advisor, Challenge, Desire

To show you, these are the 12 cards for the 3 myths, Amaterasu's Cave, Ishtar's Decent into the Underworld, and Panji Semirang.

Hero Cards (Laurel Wreath icon): These are usually characters of action and movement. The embody change, creativity, and the symbol of fire. While these are generally speaking more positive cards, there are a few that can lean more negatively. While I absolutely love Ishtar, her Ambition does not always endear her to the rest of her pantheon Advisor Cards (Eye Icon): These are characters of stability and advice. They embody intellect, the mind, and the symbol of wind. Again there are positive and negative cards. There is Introspection but also Gossip

Challenge Cards (Skull Icon): These are cards of opposition and confrontation. They embody emotion, volatility, and the symbol of water. While they tend to be more negative with traits like Envy and Greed, they can also be necessary like Sacrifice an Reckoning

Desire Cards (Heart Icon): These are cards of aspiration and hope. They embody the heart, wishes, and the symbol of earth. These are some of the more diverse cards, with desires ranging from the stability of a father figure, to a throne of power, to good time.

The 12 cards for the 3 myths The White Snake, The Industrious Daughter, and The Tale of Huathacauri

So I'll go over a little bit of my thought process for the names of these cards. Specifically you mentioned Amaterasu as the Ascend card, so I'll talk about that set. Originally when I was creating these cards my intention was to have each card named the name of the character/object. So, Amaterasu was going to be named Amaterasu, Ame no Uzume was going to be Ame no Uzume, etc etc. But when I started showing the cards to friends and family, the feedback I got was that the cards were extremely hard to use unless you were already innately familiar with each of the characters and their stories. This was really helpful, because I do want to encourage people to learn these stories--but I don't want to Assign Homework just so you can enjoy this oracle deck. I want anyone to be able to use this deck instantly, and if they want to learn more, there is a rich history for them to dive in to.

So that's when I started considering Titles for each of the cards, similar to many existing Oracle decks.

In summary in Amaterasu's Cave, the Sun Goddess Amaterasu (Hero) loves her weaver handmaiden (Desire) . This handmaiden is killed by Amaterasu's brother Susanoo (Challenge), which causes the grief stricken Amaterasu to hide in a cave. She eventually lured out by the charms and humor of the goddess Ame no Uzume. To start of easy, Susanoo and the handmaiden are clearly opposites of each other. The handmaiden is a weaver in Amaterasu's comfortable life and home, and so she represents peace and ORDER. Susanoo comes in and wrecks the harmony, causing CHAOS, ANARCHY and WRATH (I'm not sure which of these names I like best). Amaterasu, when she leaves her cave, ultimately represents the end of depression, moving on, and like a sun, ASCENDING once again. Although a better name might be REJUVENATION, RECOVERY, or maybe RE IGNITE to get more of the sun imagery in there again. It's tough to find a good single word for "I-was-too-depressed-to-get-out-of-bed-but-I-am-getting-better-and-now-I'm-ready-to-go-outside-again" But if you know one please tell me! Lastly there is Ame no Uzume, who is that friend that reminds you life is still worth it by showing you all the fun and beauty in the world. I originally called her REJUVENATION, but she might be better described as CELEBRATION, or JOY as it is her party that brings Amaterasu out of hiding. She can also be seen as a representation of a healing S-xWorker, as it is specifically her hilarious and lewd striptease that calls to Amaterasu.

But lastly let me also talk about the 5th and last suit of the oracle deck, the suit of Symbols

Symbol Cards (Star icon): These 12 cards are symbols that show up repeatedly in multiple myths and fairy tales from around the world. I wouldn't go so far as to call them Universal Symbols, because not every culture has every single one of these, but they are strong and impactful Archetypes.

For example The Forbidden is every box or door that we are told Not To Open. Some famous examples are Pandora's box, Cupid's Bed Curtain, or Bluebeard's Basement. While these things are expressly off limits, these are often lines we will need to cross in order to learn or grow. We just also have to realize there will be consequences.

The naming for these ones is really easy, as they will all be "The Noun"

All told there will 60 cards (12 myths with 4 cards each, and 12 symbol cards) If you're interested in following along, I recommend joining my monthly newsletter! I put updates there and will keep everyone apprised of publishing news

[diezmil10000]

2023 art summary + thoughts on my own art progress under the cut!!

(template by HedgeCatDragonix on deviantart)

so i've been doing this for 10 years :P

i'm not posting these pics in high quality, they're somewhere on the internet if you want to scavange for a bit. i didn't start taking art seriously until late 2015 and i honestly don't like looking back at old drawings. i still like my 2022 art summary but it wasn't until this year that i'm proud of all my finished artworks.

my art journey is complicated. i'm not one of those artists who can say they've been drawing for all their lifes. i used to trace pokémon in my school agendas but that was it. around 2013, a couple of friends invited me to their Skype server where we used to draw each other's ocs and make art memes and stuff - it was fun and cringe in the most positive way i can say it :] i didn't know shit about art and i took pride in drawing on MS Paint with a mouse just because it was hard.

(all of my drawings until may 2018 were made with a mouse)

when i was 15 yo i got into Love Live! and i decided to get better at art because i didn't want lesbian fanart to be made only by creepy cishet men. at some point i watched this video from Sycra and it rewired my brain. i understood that i needed to actually practise and understand what i was doing, and that i wasn't going to improve just by observing. its follow-up video also helped me a lot, i remember watching it on the day it was posted jskhfdjdfd.

and so fast forward until 2021 approx. i spent all of those years practising drawing in my traditional sketchbooks, so my improvement was steady. the only problem, and in retrospective i see it as a Big Problem, is that i was grinding mindlessly. by that i mean that i copied artists i liked and i drew again and again stuff i was bad at, but i didn't think too deeply about it or analysed my own art to look for faster ways to improve it. i also don't take feedback well so i didn't ask for it either, which further slowed down my progress.

on top of it, that just made me better at drawing, not at illustration. i firmly believe that a good drawing is hard to ruin but i could have made my illustrations way more interesting if i had started going wild with colors and effects way earlier. i don't exactly regret my choices because at the end of the day it's just my hobby, and i've been praised for drawing a lot and for challenging myself to practise drawing traditionally, so i want this to be read as introspection rather than complaints!!

the reason why 2021 was a big change in my art is because in november i did this monstrosity:

i got an Android tablet to be able to draw in class and took the challenge alongside my friend Nico, who also did their own Huevember. hola si estás leyendo esto Nico, aunque lo dudo :) i can't say that any of the drawings made me better at anatomy, or composition, or colors. i can't say that they solidified my knowledge, either. but they planted a seed in my brain that would fully bloom in late 2022, which is the seed of hating the finished result of some pieces so much that i forced myself to improve.

everyone has their own motivation to get better at art and i've always thought that mine was a healthy one (i want to draw more lesbians, that's all). however, i've had a very solid 2023 and now i don't cringe at any of my pieces, plus i can notice any mistakes they have without wanting to delete them from existence - and i could only get there because at the end of 2022 i told myself i wouldn't make any more ugly illustrations. like, period. i didn't want to get anxious every time i had to look back on my own art.

i also learned that no ammount of compliments from others would magically make me like a piece i see as mid at best. of course, i appreciate every single nice comment i get (genuinely, i get very happy knowing that other people love my work), but gratitude doesn't fix a skill issue.

so, late 2022, many things happened. first i got cancelled on twitter over a drawing of my beloved mizuki from project sekai (this info will be relevant later). then i spent a whole month doing this other monstrosity that is to this day the best thing i've ever done. i haven't peaked it (yet):

this comic actually made me improve and solidify my skills. it wasn't a class assignment, or a collaboration, or anything more than a headcanon i shared with a friend - it was pure brainrot over Revue Starlight and it made me put all my cunt into it. this was also the point at which i started filling in blacks with the bucket tool instead of picking a very dark color, which is a big part of my current style :3

the thing about people cancelling me is that i had to distance myself from fandoms and eventually change accunts, which also affected how i perceived my own art. even if i draw for myself, at the end of the day i still draw characters that are loved by many people, so i disabled comments and stopped interacting with other artists of my fandom circles. that led me to go on hiatus at the start of 2023, knowing that it was time for a fresh start (my art accounts were 5 years old anyway).

that period of time made me think a lot about my finished pieces. since i wouldn't post them until i had a new account, i would stare at them for longer than ever or make small changes even if days had already passed. letting my mind rest from illustrations i had been working on and knowing i could change them whenever i wanted was a big step forward.

i realised that for the past years i had been in a hurry to post my drawings as soon as i was done with them instead of appreciating them. that was a turning point for my mindset. this was also past the time i decided to stop making ugly art, but i hadn't really taken any measures to get better. so i changed the wording of the challenge: i can make ugly art but i can't post it if i don't like it.

it doesn't sound epic, but for some reason it worked. every time i was in the middle of making a drawing that looked kind of ugly, i changed it until it looked right. not perfect, but good enough to avoid cringing in the future. some times i had to redraw it from scratch with a more interesting pose. some times i needed to add a background or a graphic element to make the characters pop. and somewhere on that period, i went wild with colors and effects, and a lot of times that saved a piece that would otherwise be boring.

i have to thank Revolutionary Girl Utena and Revue Starlight for making me experiment a lot during my hiatus. both pieces of media, one being the daugher of the other, give artists so many visual metaphors and interesting topics to work with. the revstar brainrot had been there since the junnana comic, but rgu was something i had been meaning to rewatch for a couple of years and it hit me like a fucking train. it also made me create one of the comics i'm the most proud about:

then i got into homestuck and my art got. well. stuck!! >D< but it was okay because i wasn't making ugly drawings anymore. i was putting into practise a lot of things i had been learning or experimenting with, especially regarding colors and character interactions. and the yuri was delicious hmmmmmmm.

the rest of 2023 was very linear in terms of art but not so much in terms of fandoms (?). which is fine, honestly, but i was also glad to get back into Fire Emblem: Three Houses in late that year because when i first got into it in 2019 i didn't have the skill to draw everything i wanted to draw. and i still haven't drawn all the yuri scenarios that i've been cooking in my mind, but i have until forever to do it!!

so for 2024 i want to study some stuff i feel i'm still lacking in. i think i've always had a good eye for composition, but i've never actually pushed it in my finished illustrations - they depend a lot on the poses because i've always been prioritising drawing over everything else. that needs to change this year.

i also want to get better at drawing characters from extreme angles. i've always felt like my poses are a bit flat and i think i can study photos taken with wide angle lenses to improve at that.

and of course i still want to draw faster, which is something i've always struggled with. i think i have a good rhythm of "producing" art (excuse me for the poor wording), but i'm still too slow for the kind of artstyle i want to achieve, which includes having a looser lineart and less details in irrelevant areas of the drawings. i think that overdoing the lineart actually hurts my illustrations, because everything ends up pulling the viewer's attention with the same energy. i also think messy artstyles are neat.

i promise i'm not crazy and i don't hate what i do. in fact, it's precisely because this year i managed to make some pieces with that kind of feel that i know where i want to aim. special mention to the junnana comic because i haven't been able to replicate that lineart ever since.

examples:

as for the stuff i like about my current artstyle, i definitely want to keep the way i color!! and by that i mean the method i have for applying filters that make my colors pop. i could maybe play more with textures too.

i also like the way i depict intimacy, and people have praised it too. thank you for noticing. it's the yearning that's doing it, not me. but i don't think i'll ever change the content (?) of my art, i eat breathe and speak in yuri. if anything, there are still some ways of conveying feelings that i haven't been able to draw because i lack the skill to do so, but i'll keep trying ;)

i honestly didn't expect this post to be this long. i've been writing for hours now and i'm not sure my thoughts are coherent for anyone that isn't me. i also can't grasp the idea that some people know me from fanart i did in 2016 while others started following me last month, time is wild and it's an extra dimension of complexity that i don't know how to account for when i write stuff like this.

but again, as i do with art, i've written this for myself. it's been nice to put my thoughts in order. i think i've only talked about art in depth with like 5 people and it's always been in casual conversation. no creo que estéis leyendo pero Nahia y Henar os amo y he aprendido mucho de vosotras.

thank you for reading until the end if you have. i hope you have not only a nice day but a nice year. let's meet again in the future.

[waitingtobelit]

Title: Mermaid Pendant Fandom: 9-1-1 Characters/Pairings: Evan Buckley/Tommy Kinard Rating: Teen for language and non-explicit references to sex. Genre: Romance, fluff, feelings introspective, Tommy POV, and some slight angst. Summary: Tommy doesn’t consider himself much of a video game person, outside of the occasional (and very competitive) rounds of Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers with some of the Harbor crew. (He sweeps at Mario Kart, actually. Lucy still owes him twenty bucks from the last time he kicked the entire shift’s ass at Rainbow Road.) Evan, however, very much is a video game person, and it’s becoming one of Tommy’s many favorite things about him. Evan is always enthusiastic about who and what he cares about, as Tommy can happily attest to from personal experience. Tommy can’t help but find himself charmed by how much Evan enjoys video games.

--

Tommy gets to know Evan better through his love of video games and falls even more in love with him in the process. For day 4 of bucktommy positivity week, hobbies and dates.

Notes: Stardew Valley, Mario Kart, and Dragon Age? In my 911 fic? It's more likely than you think.

I started writing this for the day 1 prompt of bucktommy positivity week but eventually the video games aspect took over and I decided to save this for day 4. This also got a lot more heavy on the feelings too in the process so uh, oops?

Buck absolutely is a Harvey romancer in Stardew and you can't change my mind!

Feedback is always welcomed! Any and all mistakes are my own. Rated T for language and non-explicit mentions of sex.

For @bucktommypositivityweek prompt four: hobbies and dates.

Mermaid Pendant

Tommy doesn’t consider himself much of a video game person, outside of the occasional (and very competitive) rounds of Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers with some of the Harbor crew. (He sweeps at Mario Kart, actually. Lucy still owes him twenty bucks from the last time he kicked the entire shift’s ass at Rainbow Road.) Evan, however, very much is a video game person, and it’s becoming one of Tommy’s many favorite things about him. Evan is always enthusiastic about who and what he cares about, as Tommy can happily attest to from personal experience. Tommy can’t help but find himself charmed by how much Evan enjoys video games.

Evan introduces him to video games through one of the nights when Evan has Christopher over to his loft while Eddie has a session with Frank. He and Christopher explain their favorite fighting game, and the strengths and weaknesses of each character and why they both have dibs on certain characters. Tommy watches fondly as Evan gesticulates wildly with his hands as he explains why a certain combination of moves is the absolute best way to destroy your opponent, and Christopher chimes in with a compelling counterargument about why a different combination is better. The way Evan lights up, as though he were a part of the neon background of the video game itself, warms Tommy in places he long since gave up for dead.

Tommy tries out the fighting game himself and loses handily. But he hardly cares, given how much he’s laughing at the teasing both Evan and Christopher give him; the creative trash talk reminds him of his previous video game sessions with his Harbor coworkers. He finally does win a round against Evan, who pouts. So, of course, Tommy has to press a kiss to his cheek about it. Christopher, a true teenager now, rolls his eyes.

Tommy gladly joins in the next time Evan has both Eddie and Christopher over for a video game night, teaming up with Evan. Even when they lose, Tommy still considers himself a winner for how Evan leans into him, squeezing his hand and entangling their fingers together between rounds, as they joke around with Eddie and Christopher. They munch on the snacks Eddie and Christopher bring with them – lots of chocolate but also fruit ‘for balance,’ Eddie says – and also the amazing nachos Evan made. Evan, Tommy, and Eddie enjoy rum with their Coke while Christopher enjoys just Coke. Evan glows like a whole gathering of fireflies, flickering vibrantly between all of them; his blue eyes shine and that birth mark above his eye that Tommy adores so much blooms in time with the lilting sound of his laughter. If Tommy weren’t already so far gone on the man he might as well be drowning in the river Styx, he would fall even harder just from the sight of Evan so clearly in his element.

The next time they play video games, Evan introduces him to what he calls “the best comfort game of all time,” Stardew Valley. Tommy watches at first while Evan explains the story of a farmer who inherits a farm from his dying grandpa; Evan talks about the various strengths of the different farms and how there’s action, adventure, and even monsters despite the fact that this is a farming simulation. Tommy doesn’t think much of the game at first but Evan’s commentary is fascinating, and the more he learns as he watches Evan play, the more Tommy finds himself drawn in, especially as he gets to know the various characters. (His heart may or may not skip a beat when he discovers Evan’s farmer has a dog named Hot Pilot.)

“Wow, Pierre really is the worst!” Tommy can’t help but notice after Pierre wins the Stardew Valley Fair using produce Evan’s farmer sold to him.

“He is,” Evan confirms. “Sometimes I’m tempted to do a Joja run just to make Pierre miserable but that would involve making the Junimos miserable so I really can never do it because I would never be able to live with myself! I would die for each and every Junimo. And I’ll get my revenge next festival when I can really start pumping out the purple star wines.�� His determined eyes and the sincerity with which he says he would die for the Junimos shoot straight through to Tommy’s heart, which already feels full to bursting at the seams for all that he loves about Evan Buckley.

Well, in fairness, Tommy’s more than willing to split his heart open for Evan.

“And obviously I’m romancing Harvey,” Evan says as his farmer walks over to Harvey at the festival. He turns to look at Tommy, his face flushed pink like the strawberry cake Evan made for dessert the other night. Tommy’s committed this look to memory; one day he’ll remember to actually commit this look to his phone. “Because he reminds me of you.”

The admission hits Tommy like the first time he tasted Evan’s lips in this very loft; he gulps down air like he’s taking a shot, desperate to replace the breath Evan’s words stole in the span of a matter of moments. His face aches with the stretch of his smile as he drinks in the awe within Evan’s eyes fixed on him.

“I love you, you absolute nerd,” Tommy says, leaning over to kiss Evan soundly. Evan flails as he tries to pause the game; he only just manages before getting his hands in Tommy’s hair and pulling Tommy on top of him. Tommy grins into that kiss and the way Evan presses his name onto his tongue. Evan’s legs wrap around his waist, drawing Tommy in closer as they sink into one of Tommy’s other favorite activities that Evan just so happens to be vibrantly enthusiastic about.

(Tommy becomes addicted to Stardew Valley not long after they come up for air. They start their own co-op farm a few moments after that, which ends in round two when Evan “accidentally” ends up perching in Tommy’s lap.)

In between the video games Evan is especially passionate about, they indulge in some video games Tommy happens to be more familiar with; Mario Kart is a favorite, especially. Chimney and Maddie host game nights, alternating between video games and board games, and Tommy finds himself enthralled by the way Evan throws himself willingly into each and every one that they play. Sometimes, they find themselves at Hen and Karen’s, now with Mara back under their roof, and Tommy enjoys watching as Evan plays with Denny, Mara, Christopher, and Jee-Yun, the cool adult of the youths.

Tommy especially likes playing Mario Kart when it’s just him and Evan, though. (And yeah, sue him; he went out and bought a Switch after playing Stardew Valley with Evan, so they can play together even when they can’t be in the same place together. That co-op has gotten him through some of the worst shifts of his career simply by existing as a space where he and Evan can find each other again and again.)

“Okay, but like, what do I win if I win this race?” Evan says one night during a Mario Kart session with an arch of an eyebrow, lips quirked in a smirk accentuated by the cocky jilt of his chin in Tommy’s direction; it’s very hot. Tommy doesn’t miss, either, the way Evan’s tongue swipes across his bottom lip with the confidence of all the creative ways Evan knows how to put that tongue to good use.

“Oh, are we placing bets now?” Tommy responds, narrowly avoiding going over the edge of Rainbow Road. He smirks as he sends a Spiked Shell Evan’s way and maybe not so subtly brushes his ankle against Evan’s, who sucks in a breath at the friction. Tommy’s smirk deepens.

“Figured maybe we could make things more interesting,” Evan says, shrugging as he sends a Spiked Shell Tommy’s way this time. Tommy curses as he narrowly avoids being hit.

“Hmm,” he says, considering a moment, tilting his head. He hooks his ankle around Evan’s, drawing out a sharply inhaled breath from his boyfriend. And then he realizes exactly how he could make this particular gaming session more interesting, as he decides to put forth the idea he’s nurtured like a windowsill herb garden for at least the past two weeks. Though, truthfully, he’s harbored this particular desire the more his relationship with Evan deepens, starting about the time of him meeting Evan in the hospital for Maddie’s wedding. “Well, how about this. If I win, you move in with me.”

Evan almost drops his controller; his eyes go wide and his entire face turns pink. “Really?”

He breathes out the question more than asks it, as if he still can’t believe that Tommy is real, or that their relationship, going on a strong eight months now, is still real. Tommy’s going to buy him a bouquet of the brightest flowers he can find later on tonight to make sure Evan knows he’s going to show up for him every time.

“Really,” Tommy confirms with a nod. He’d planned on asking Evan later tonight, during the special steak dinner he planned to cook for Evan. But Evan’s spontaneous desire to ‘make things more interesting’ during Mario Kart calls to the deepest parts of Tommy that have spent so long waiting to find companionship; he wants Evan to come home to him. (For the rest of their lives, but that particular question is waiting until Tommy can ensure he makes that moment as grandly romantic as he can.)

Evan beams before turning back to the game, purposefully driving off of the edge of Rainbow Road with sheer glee. “You win!”

Tommy throws his head back and laughs before Evan throws himself wholly into his lap, tackling him into the couch and eagerly tangling their bodies together. He loves this man so goddamned much.

He doesn’t learn about Dragon Age until after Evan moves in. The moving process, while not without road bumps along the way, ends up a lot less rocky than Tommy anticipates. They do argue about duplicates (Evan is too attached to his kitchen knives, which, while frustrating, Tommy still finds adorable) and about how to rearrange Tommy’s home to make room for Evan. But even their worst fight ends when Evan apologizes by way of making Tommy’s favorite lasagna and Tommy, in turn, apologizes by way of giving Evan’s Jeep a complete work-up: oil change, fine tuning, and a thorough car wash. The make-up sex is especially invigorating after, too. (And Tommy especially loves this about Evan; he always tries to find solutions, even when he helps cause the problems.)

One night after they finally have most of Evan’s stuff unpacked and put away, Tommy finds himself unable to get back to sleep; he tosses, turns, and finds that Evan’s space in their bed is vacant, but the sheets are still warm, as though he only just left. He stretches and yawns, picking himself up to shuffle into the living room, where Evan sits on the couch (Tommy’s, as it’s the larger, more comfortable couch), staring at the television while desperately pressing buttons on his Playstation controller.

“Damn it!” He whisper-swears. Tommy’s mouth curves in time with the way his heart curves inside of his chest. He starts walking softly into the room; Evan turns at the sound, gaze widening when he spots Tommy. He looks bewildered and sleepy all at once, his hair unbound by product, all curly and sticking out at every angle. It’s a damn good look on him but Tommy still wants to take Evan in his arms and wrap him up like a burrito.

“Everything okay, Evan?” He asks, making his way into the living room. He sits down on the couch and shuffles closer as Evan turns to stare at him, reaching out to brush his hand through Evan’s tangled hair. Evan’s eyes flicker at the touch; he leans into Tommy’s hand. Tommy smiles, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the top of Evan’s head.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep? I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Evan asks, concern etched into every crevice of his facial expression as he pulls back, eyes roaming up and down Tommy, assessing him as if they were out in the field.

“I could ask you the same question,” Tommy points out. “I woke up and you weren’t there. Everything okay?”

Evan pauses, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He takes a moment to hit pause on the game he’s playing and sets his controller aside. He sucks in a breath and then exhales, his shoulders and chest sinking with the movement. Tommy gently circles his thumb in Evan’s hair and reaches over to grab Evan’s hand once the controller is out of the way. He entwines their fingers together and squeezes, waiting for Evan to elaborate.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he admits. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” He glances over to meet Tommy’s own gaze. “Probably shouldn’t have had that last coffee with dessert.”

Tommy grins. “You and me both, I think,” he says, gently knocking his shoulder into Buck’s. He forgot about that coffee, actually. But that would explain the restless night for both of them, now that he thinks about it. Still, he wonders if there’s anything else keeping Evan awake at this hour. (He hasn’t looked at his phone yet but he’s certain the hour is goddamned heinous o’clock.)

“And when I can’t sleep, I…well. I kind of think too much,” Evan admits sheepishly, his exhaustion (and current inability to combat that exhaustion) evident in the bags under his eyes. “So I wanted to try and like, distract myself from my own thoughts.”

“You want to talk about those thoughts?” Tommy asks, wondering what kind of thoughts, exactly, Evan is fighting off by playing video games this late at night (or early in the morning, technically). Anxiety is an asshole; he and Evan both have their own bouts with it constantly. Sometimes they talk about it; other times, they keep their struggles with anxiety to themselves. But Tommy always offers a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen whenever he can, especially ever since he learned about Daniel and Evan’s past of fighting so hard just to be seen. He wants Evan to know that he sees him always.

“Not really,” Evan says. He closes his eyes and leans in against Tommy while he takes another slow, steadying breath. He stays silent for a few moments, leading Tommy to think the subject closed. But just before Tommy can offer another subject of conversation as a distraction, Evan speaks again. “But I guess…well. Just a lot of bullshit about how I’m inevitably going to screw this all up and ruin everything.”

Tommy reaches to wrap an arm around Evan’s shoulder, pulling him in even closer. He presses another kiss to the top of Evan’s head. “I wish I could send a Spiked Shell to those jerk thoughts of yours,” he says, speaking into the top of Evan’s curls. “Send them right over the edge and into the abyss.” Evan laughs; Tommy feels it reverberate against his side, life-affirming like his first sip from his first cup of coffee in the morning.

“Honestly, I wish you could too,” he admits, nuzzling in against Tommy. Tommy squeezes his arm around Evan. “But this is good too. And helping a lot. Thank you.”

Tommy presses another kiss to the top of Evan’s head, just because he can. “Of course,” he says, a promise he intends to keep forever.

Eventually his gaze wanders to the television screen, where the game is paused on what looks like a group of people running from a man riding on what just might be the world’s ugliest dragon. Or maybe a wyvern? He doesn’t really know the distinction, though Evan probably does. “So,” he asks, curious, “I don’t think I’ve seen you play this game before. What is it?”

Evan pulls back a little to glance back at the television screen before turning his gaze back to Tommy. His expression shifts into a softly bright enthusiasm when he realizes Tommy wants to know about the game he’s playing. “Oh, this? This is Dragon Age, specifically, Dragon Age II. I haven’t told you about Dragon Age yet have I?”

“No,” Tommy says, unable to keep the smile from unfolding on his face at the way Evan’s eyes spark with excitement. Tommy will never tire of Evan’s passion for sharing every detail of every fascination he has, whether it’s one of his favorite video games or a Wikipedia rabbit hole he falls down into because of a unique call during a shift. “Please, educate me.”

Evan comes to life as he explains about he only recently got into Dragon Age himself after reconnecting with one of his old roommates from his “glorified frat house days” who happens to be a devotee of the series himself. Tommy listens as Evan explains darkspawn, Blight, an incredible fake version of Christianity that combines Jesus with Joan of Arc, the best kind of cursing (“One of these days I’m going to say ‘Andraste’s Flaming Tits’ at work, I know I am, Tommy”), mages verses Templars, and explaining how each game in the series so far is incredible, but he’s especially partial to Dragon Age II because of the way Hawke continually finds a way to survive despite all of the bullshit thrown at them and the found family dynamics that reminds Evan of the 118. (Chimney is definitely the Varric of the 118, and no, Evan is not elaborating despite Tommy begging him to.)

As Tommy holds Evan close, listening to him explain the history of the Dalish elves and how he really can’t wait for the next game so he can, ‘scramble that egg Solas,’ he thinks, yeah, I’m keeping him. I’m keeping him forever.

Tommy becomes enveloped into Dragon Age himself when Evan suggests he play Dragon Age: Origins. He becomes embarrassingly emotionally invested choosing the Cousland origin (“I’m going to stab that asshole Howe in the dick holy shit!”) and would absolutely give his life for his Mabari hound (named Evan, of course). Evan cheers him on and cackles with delight at Tommy’s running commentary, especially when Tommy shouts, unironically, “Andraste’s Flaming Tits!” after dying to the Brood Mother the fifth time in a row.

And Tommy can’t help but laugh with him, clinging tightly to this bright life he’s managed to build with Evan at his side.

A month later, Tommy doesn’t know if he considers himself a video game person. But he does know with one hundred percent certainty that he is absolutely an Evan Buckley person. And, hopefully, depending on Evan’s answer when he finds Tommy at the end of this corn maze, mermaid pendant in hand (and a small velvet black box in his back pocket), a Evan Kinard person.

[submalevolentgrace]

hi hello, sorry it's another amputee question, idk if you get tired of these. i found your blog and i like how you share your experiences, thank you for this. im abled myself but im writing a story, and i want my main girlie protag to have a prosthetic leg and here's the thing, i dont really have a reason for it. i guess it says something about me, don't know what, but i just don't know if that's considered, well, offensive, or rude, or something. i don't plan to have any focus on it in the story. the medium is a comic so it's going to be always visible as a prosthetic, but i don't want to explain it in-story either, no backstory, she would probably just have it since early childhood. it won't affect the plot. and that's where i don't know if that's even okay. it feels weird to want that, to include that, almost as if i need to somehow turn the story about it, to have some kind of statement. which i don't actually want to make or even feel able to make as never experiencing it. i want for her to have a prosthetic leg just because. and i don't have anyone to ask this, and i don't mean to offend you by this, and i apologize if i somehow did. but if it's okay with you to answer, i'd appreciate reading. if it's gonna be an angry rant i'd like to read it too. i know you're an upper body amp, but idk, i feel like this question isn't much about the use of prosthetics and more of the general amputee characters, and im scared to ask reddit, i don't even know if that ask made sense. thank you if you read that all, please don't feel pressured to answer. hopefully you'll have something good that brightens your day a little!

thank you, i actually really appreciate this ask! sorry that the response is long and wordy, i got a bit carried away…

so, i've gotten a lot of asks/dms/notes from writers asking about how to write their amputee characters/ocs after my big "writing advice" post, and i think i've ended up ignoring every single one of them, because… well, not to be rude to all those people, but they seem to have completely bounced off the whole 'know why you are writing this' thesis, too caught up in the excitement of their own fantasy to even notice the bit about understanding your own intent as an author and why that matters, let alone really engaging with it. and at that point, i don't think there's any advice or feedback i can give that would break through, especially when it seems what most people are seeking is little details and nuances to add authenticity to their token representation characters or unintentional stereotypes.

but, without any other details or nuances that shape a character's portrayal, based solely on what you've said in this ask, i feel like you're on the right track and probably gonna do fine. the thing that sticks out most clearly to me is how you phrase it, "i WANT to write a protagonist to have a prosthetic leg", you are acknowleding your role as omnipotent author, and i honestly think that's worth a lot more than many people realise when it comes to crafting fiction. you've acknowledged your desire for this character to be a certain way, and you're being introspective about the source of those desires and how it will come across - and that means you're almost certainly also thinking about how it interacts with the rest of the story, how it serves your themes, and how it will be interpreted and understood by the audience.

a lot of responses or people asking me for advice say things like "i am writing a character who HAS an amputation", implying it's an observable fact, pre-concluded before their authoring of them, and therefore something they're much less likely to examine critically. maybe it's unfair of me to draw such deep conclusions from shallow choice of language, but firstly, so many people have been far more obvious about it, saying a character "revealed" or "told" them about the amputation, or just straight up talking abot them as independent entities with their own agency, as if it's a biography and not fiction. and secondly, what are we even doing talking about improving the craft of our writing and how it will be recieved by the audience if we're not going to think about how framing affects interpretation? if someone is reaching out to me asking for writing advice, you bet i am going to assume this is a person who wants to improve the details of their own writing craft, and i'm going to critically engage with the tiny snippet of writing they've given me and analyse how it reflects on them, even if it is "just" a tumblr interaction. i don't even consider myself a writer really, the art i mainly dedicate myself to is music, but i still put careful thought into anything i write that's more than a few sentences, and think about the audience it will be seen by.

sorry, that's a whole other tangent… not at all about what you asked. but by way of example and segue back; what i see you reveal in the writing of your ask is a nervousness and anxiety to 'do well' in your writing, to create a character with an amputation in a way that holds up to scrutiny and criticism, and also a fear of what unfortunate things you might be saying and the responses it would provoke if you misstep. i can totally understand that, not just because you messaged me and i personally have a track record of going off on people lol, but also… yeah, people are very eager to judge and attack art based on a hidden metric of how 'well' it does 'representation' or handles things, and be vocal about the failings of things that make an earnest attempt. and i can see that it's very appealing to want to pull back and hide from that; a character who has a prosthetic leg opens you up to your audience critiquing how well you've handled it, most of them not amputees, many of them with the subtlety and media analysis skills of a sledgehammer… while if you write a story with no amputees in it, nobody has anything to critique.

unfortunately, no matter how well or carefully or authentically you write, there will always be someone engaging with it in bad faith yelling loudly about how awful you are; i recently made a short sharp post giving a trigger warning for medical abuse and body horror in the new zelda game that painfully evoked some of my own experiences, i still got people reblogging it telling me i'm ableist for saying disability is body horror (piss on the poor reading comprehension) and should apologise to all amputees (waves my one hand and nub around in a comical hello gesture). maybe that is on me for writing it quickly in an upset huff instead of making at least two proofreading and editing passes and oh geez, this is getting waaay too long and off topic. okay, to the point.

honestly, from what little you've told me, to be overly reductive, i'd give it a stamp of approval. sometimes people just only have one leg and that's fine, people are born like that, it's a thing that happens - and it doesn't need to shape the entirety of their lives, and reflecting that in fiction is more than just fine, i think it's what we need. sure any amputee character i write is going to be an overt commentary on ableism and medical abuse, because that's what i live, that's what affects me. but i know because i've watched their stuff on youtube, that there are so many people out there that were born limb different that just, don't care about it, and it doesn't really affect their life at all. if your protag has a prosthesis, sure she's had to get fitted for it and train for it, and it might benefit you to do an afternoon of research into that if you want to see how it might holistically flesh out her worldview (look up osseointegration vs external sockets, if you want keywords to help, look for patient experiences instead of doctors).

but also, if her other leg has finished growing and she's got a prosthesis that works, she may not have thought about it literally for years, maybe decades depending on her age. i had braces as a teen and it has zero impact on my life, i've had foot and back problems in the past, and it's irrelevant to me now other than getting new off the shelf shoe inserts every few years. i can think of at least one (australian) celebrity with a pretty long and successful comedy career who most people don't even know was born without one foot, it's just not relevant.

sometimes people just have things going on in the background that don't matter, and sometimes characters should have something just going on in the background too, no matter what "save the cat" sort of writing advice tells you. sometimes cutting literally everything out of a story unless it serves the plot or themes is bad actually, and i guarantee you, even as a hand amputee, i would absolutely LOVE to see a leg amp character who is just having a life, doing other plot relevant things. especially much more than i want to see all the characters of people leaving tags saying some version of "thanks OP, now i can write the suffering and torment of my oc much more authentically". think of the hypothetical little girl born without a leg that just wants to see someone like her.

and finally. what i think is maybe at the core of your anxiousness, at least to my read of your ask. you've thought about your role as author and self reflected about why you want to write a character with a prosthetic leg, and you can't find an answer in you, and you're not sure if that means it's something bad. well, assuming good faith from you, i think that's fine too. people who fetishise prostheses or amputations, people obsessed with the suffering or (percieved) depenedncy, or whatever else it is that makes them yearn to write their hacky awful robot arm characters; they probably don't do the introspection, and if they did, they'd find their answer right away (horniness or power fantasy usually), although i doubt they'd be honest with themselves about it, let alone others. assuming good faith and honesty, if you can't find in yourself WHY you want to write this character with a prosthetic leg….. it's probably just a harmless aesthetic preference.

if you wanted it to do cool things or make her more powerful or more special than others or be endless inconvenience and suffering or make her the chosen one because of it or something, that'd set off alarm bells for me yeah, and i'd be reading into it as a much more harmful aesthetic choice, and responding much more aggressively. but if you want to write a story about other things that features a protagonist who just so happens to have a plausibly normal boring prosthetic leg…. that seems fine to me, honestly. i tend towards having characters with certain hair and eye colour combinations that i find aesthetically pleasing, and as long as i'm thinking about how that could come across and trying to avoid any pitfalls around fetishisation and nastier implications, i think it's probably fine.

there are really only three concrete pieces of advice i would give you:

one, when you've got a cohesive first/beta draft, try to find at least one sensitivity reader who's got as similar disability experience as possible to your character (lower limb, same kinda circumstances, same general use of prosthesis), and listen to their feedback.

two, while i totally acknowledge that leg protheses can be super useful everyday kit for many people, i still have a general aversion to "this character NEEDS a prosthesis or they're helpless" readings, and many people don't want to or can't use leg prostheses… if it were me doing it, i'd make acknowledgement of that, and in a visual medium like a comic, i think that's as simple as having a single panel showing your character waking up in bed without the prosthesis, and maybe at her home there are forearm crutches leaning against the wall as background decoration. maybe if you have any scenes where she's woken up in the middle of the night, or interrupted before being fully dressed for the day, you could show them in use. but that's a personal value suggestion from me, your judgement or sensitivity readers might disagree on the importance of that.

three, you will absolutely need to establish as early and overtly as possible that the prosthesis and amputation DOES NOT MATTER to the story or her character arc. people still very much have a default normative body in mind when engaging with fiction, and anything that deviates from that will 100% be interpreted as a checkov's gun that they will be anticipating and theorising about going off, unless you squash that down. if you want to make a statement about it not mattering, unfortunately i think you're going to have to spell that out as obviously as possible without breaking the fourth wall, or else the audience trained on existing robot limb tropes will be waiting for the traumatic tragic backstory or secret rocket booster to become relevant.

but also…. i'm just some bitch on the internet, talking like i'm more important than i am, getting loudly angry about limb difference when i'm a pretty recent and unusual addition to the group myself. so like, don't take anything i say as absolute, and while it's always good to listen to others, at the end of the day you still gotta synthesise all their thoughts into your own.

i don't really have a nice concluding statement other than to say, thankyou for appreciating my post, and most importantly, thankyou for caring about the craft of writing enough to critically analyse your own authorship, and being curious about how to improve on a sensitive topic.

[black-feather-fiction]

hi, I know you wrote it awhile back, but I wanted to ask about the pronoun changes in Saint MILF Villain. Even though Loki uses a range of pronouns, it's always so clear when the narrative is talking about them and when it isn't. How do you achieve that?

First of all, thank you so much, I'm overjoyed that it worked for you ☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️❤️!

Secondly, that's a very good question, and more complicated than one would think, which is why I'm going a bit into detail (long ramble warning)!

Pronoun switches for characters are not the easiest things to handle in narratives. Some readers will say that I didn't achieve it in the Saint MILF villain series - I got feedback that the pronoun changes got too confusing for them and felt like too much. So before you go into it, stay aware that your audience is heterogenous. What is crystal clear or even too on the nose for some is completely incomprehensible or confusing for others, and not only concerning pronoun switches but concerning practically everything. I've been a professional author for some 10 years now, have published 4 novels (none of them in English, sry) and one constant fact about reception is how wide-ranged it is. So making a text comprehensible and easy to read but not platitudinous is not something absolute. Rather, you toe a line you yourself have drawn in the sand because you speculate that most of your readers need exactly so many context clues to follow you. Speaking from experience, it doesn't always work out, either in one direction or the other.

But that being said, let's dive in: cohesion in fiction is always a matter of context clues and assumptions. On the one hand, you don't want to repeat Loki does this, Loki does that, but even with just two characters with the same unchanging gender in one room, a pronoun can become ambiguous.

This is why many authors use synonyms like "the trickster", "the raven-haired god", "the taller man" and so on. They want to clarify who they mean but want to avoid repeating the name because it was drilled into us at school that repetition is bad in written texts.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of "the brunette" and other such descriptors and try to use that tool sparingly. This has reasons I won't go into right now (but will if you ask me to). If in doubt, I'd rather repeat the name a bit too often than write "the blonde". Nicknames are a bit of an exception - those I like to use a lot, also because they tell us something about the person that's using them.

However, the plethora of "brunettes", "blue-eyed men" and so on tells us that pronouns and narrative cohesion have a troubled relationship, even when nobody switches their gender.

Other ways you can establish who is meant with a pronoun, especially when someone switches genders:

* establish the character with the name once and then use the pronouns until a different character acts. Use the name again when it switches back

* more difficult and not as straightforward: suggest with actions, the character's emotions, their knowledge, their reactions etc who it is

* Establishing a clear perspective and not changing it for a while helps a lot. As readers, we then expect introspective things (thoughts, emotions) from the pov character, and perceived things (looking from the outside at someone) from everyone else (fe "Loki had always thought that they were very humorous, they were called a mischief god after all, but Sif apparently didn't agree with them. Or at least she didn't laugh." )

* the language a person uses can be a very good indicator of whose perspective we're following (fe "Thor had always been an arrogant oaf, but always so very protective of them when it suited them the least, and now the mortal knew so too" )

* explicitly acknowledging a pronoun switch by the pov (fe "That was the first time in years that Loki thought of herself as female") is a way of telling the reader that the switch is no accident and serves a narrative purpose. Often, the acknowledgement is also useful to tell the reader what the person thinks of their own fluidity. Then you can make the pov character acknowledge the second switch too, maybe with less emphasis, and the third time you might already dare switch without comment.

* in the MILF villain series I started with very few switches between binary genders and then made the switches more numerous later on and introduced "they". That way the reader can slowly accommodate themselves with it. It also helps to have longer passages with one pronoun.

* eliminate other sources of confusion: a pronoun switch will be better accepted once a place and the characters are already established and in a scene that is not too full of action. It's easier for the reader to follow the switch in this case than if the scene is already confusing, takes place somewhere new and with a lot of new characters.

Generally, readers like when information is paced and they have time to digest one thing before the next is introduced. But that's its own narrative science.

* reread and edit: often, we only detect the confusing passages when we reread the text. Or you might find out that at a certain scene, you can do with fewer clues. Either way, it's immensely helpful

* adapt your writing to the "difficulty" of the narrative situation. If three persons interact who all use "she" pronouns, then you will need more clues as to who you are referring than when three persons with three different pronouns are interacting.

For the same reason, it's immensely more difficult to handle two gender switching characters interacting in a scene than one gender switching character and several others that don't switch.

* mix and match: usually, a mix of several tricks gets you further than sticking to just one strategy.

* finally: let someone beta read it if that's possible - especially when it comes to avoiding confusion and making a text comprehensible, a different set of eyes is wonderful to have. I almost always have a beta and they see a lot of stuff I don't (this text f. E. is unbeta'd and that shows).

And because I for some reason can't delete the question function in this post, here, have a question:

[overheaven]

🌝 👖📥🧠💖

under the cut in case of mature themes discussed :>

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

ooh fun one, there’s probably a lot of characters I’d like to write but i can’t say how much i’d write them you know? like, many characters would be fun to write as cameos and bit parts, but not more. for central figures, i’ve written pretty much everyone i really wanted to feature in some way. so i guess if it’s not cheating to say, i’d like to try Dimitri fireemblem some more. as of right now i’ve only really written him as a ragged beast and seen through Felix’s POV! so i’m playing around with him being a little more lucid and yknow, giving him time for introspection and dialogue.

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

oh pantser for sure. i’m yearning to find a type of planning that works for me, because i really want to try longer fics, but unfortunately i’m subject to only writing when the demon possessing me wants me to.

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

aw boo this is a hard question because most of my fics don’t get comments LOL so it’s like, do i pick a fic that’s my fave out of ones that have gotten comments, or do i go for fics i WISH got comments?

out of ones that have gotten comments, my sk8 fics have really touching feedback! “lift me up and get me out” comes to mind first but comments on “drink me, eat me” floored me, too!

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

ok remember how i said i wish i could find a way to plan so i can write longfic? that’s where i’m at with not one but two FE3H ideas and this is my blog so i say i can talk about both of them!! they’re both Dimilix because i have rabies.

one is about Felix getting pregnant because of a, uh, dubious night with Dimitri while he’s Unwell™, so Felix flees as soon as the Kingdom wins the war and Dimitri, now kind of Better™ (also very much in love and so so guilty) ends up spending years looking for him blah blah.. it’s like a bittersweet romance chase sort of thing, plus a little bit of kidfic cause i’m sappy. probably pretty tropey and cliche but that’s the point. i actually have some story arcs sketched for this so there is a slim chance i really could turn it into a WIP for real.

the other idea is even less fleshed out so maybe it’s a better answer for this question LOL it’s kind of dark and it’s making my brain zing a LOT, i have this idea about an AU where Byleth picks the Black Eagles and recruits Felix, so when the war comes Felix is, yknow, an enemy to his former friends and family. Buuuut the Kingdom ends up winning the war, and Felix is of course the only thing keeping Dimitri from descending into utter savagery (his words in 3hopes! not mine!!) so he’s just. he’s the king and he’s insane and if he wants the whole army to sweep the continent looking for his beloved little traitor then so be it!!! and yeah from there like, Felix gets found and kept on house arrest and eventually gets pregnant (because i’m me so of course he does) and yeah. yeah. this AU makes me batty.

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

i think i’m gonna go with my illustrative qualities. :) it comes from my background in visual art, i’m sure, hahah. in fanart, i can just draw all sorts of little headcanons, but in writing i have to be deliberate and actively choose to paint those pictures with words. sensory details are very important to me so i really try to paint rich scenes or even just ‘portraits’ so to speak, like how a character looks, smells, sounds… i’m pretty good at it, if i do say so myself!

[clunelover]

Jeremy had his first trip today. They worked and he had a great time. So it’s official that I have grown some real deal psychedelic guys. I’m so proud of myself and my DIY mindset! He was very adorable and happy and kind and solicitous. He did of course also yammer a good amount of nonsense but I was very good and did not laugh at him.

Mostly he was just goofy and happy but he did get a little introspective and also told me he was thinking about his bad work situation, and feeling some empathy for the higher ups who have been making things so difficult - he was like, “I’m realizing now that they’re probably really scared [that the company will go under]! And they need to project confidence, so they can’t just say ‘we’re grasping at straws.’ But of course they are!” So that was neat. Idk I just think it’s amazing that a mushroom that anyone can just grow, can do that to your thoughts while also turning your bathroom tile into a magic eye puzzle.

Watching him did a great job of distracting me from my dizziness - although something really interesting happened where a couple times he was off balance and stumbling around a bit, and seeing that while feeling my dizziness kind of made mine worse - like my brain took that as visual feedback that yes, the whole world IS rocking!

BUT we also took a long walk so he could be in nature, and I found that helped me a surprising amount. And now that I’m getting used to it and know what to expect, and that I’m not actually going to fall over, I felt up to mowing the lawn. I did two short bursts of mowing, and still have about a third left but it felt good to get it started.

And then, he was still coming down when it was time to get the kids, so I had to drive and get them! But I did it, and it actually felt okay too. Just have to be careful about not looking at the mirrors more than is strictly necessary or I get sickened. So that gave me a great feeling of FREEDOM! I might still be able to be a normal person even if this isn’t going away yet (trying to think positive, because my reading says that spiraling on “omg will this ever go away” can make it worse).

He was pretty much normal, just slightly happier than usual, when we got home. Perfect!

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

One of these days I’ll be done answering asks. Anyway, @lavenderlevetan 1/3 of “twos not divisible by 3” ✨

2: talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

run away my beloathed. Changed plans in that fic so many times. The current defeat Vecna plan, without spoiling anything, was not my og plan when I started the fic

4: what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Technically run away but I am actually writing that, so I’ll lean into the low key abandoned but soon to be resurrected monster hunter Nancy au. I had read a few other monster hunter Nancy/werewolf Robin fics and was worried I couldn’t measure up. I think I also tried to do too much in one fic in my original plan, so I dropped it. It will undergo massive changes for sure. I think simpler is better for me in most cases

8: what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

I have a love/hate relationship with it. It HAS to be asked for. Genuinely is so helpful when I have someone beta who can point out weird wording and stuff, or give advice about different aspects. However, unwarranted comments on my fics that criticize the plot or whatever, those bother me more than they should. I think I overreact but it feels rude and tends to make me want to drop the fic for a bit and get self conscious about it. I will seek it out!! But I only want it if I ask for it lmao

10: at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

I honestly tend to do titles pretty early, and often will base vibes somewhat on the title! They’re easy for me because I love to use music lyrics. I’ll take some time to find the perfect song (and because of the range in my music taste, I’ve got something for everything), and then boom a quick look through lyrics and we’re titled

14: what’s your worst writing habit? 

Skipping around. I get bored and move on to the next scene. It becomes a lot harder to make everything flow in a way that makes sense when you have to stitch together pieces like Frankenstein

16: where is your favorite place to write?

My warm and cozy bed <333

20: what is your favorite trope to write?

Slow dancing, if that wasn’t obvious!! Also There Was Only One Bed 😏

22: describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

This has actually changed since I first started. If it’s an au, start with figuring out what roles each character is going to fill. Next (or starting here if not) I get a basic idea of the plot. I tend to kind of just fly by the seat of my pants after that, with a few notes on scenes I’d like to have. I do have two fics with actual outlines (cyberpunk and there in the garden!). Then I toss it all in a Google doc, edit round one, beta, edit round two, and post

26: do you like to write one-shots or series, and why?

Series! I like a good slow burn. Also it’s what I tend to like to read. I like the way you have more chance to explore long term development of characters and relationships, and there’s often a richer, deeper plot, which I LOVE

28: handwritten notes or typed notes?

Typed. Carpal tunnel my beloathed. Also I hate pencils and can’t erase pen

32: do characters influence your writing style?

I think so! Maybe it’s just in my head, but I feel like my writing tends to be looser and more rambly with Robin, and more correct and introspective with Nancy. Again, that might just be how it feels in my head tho

34: how do you name characters and places?

Inspiration from real life and Fantasy Name Generators. I 100% will use names from towns I’ve seen, and I keep a running list in my phone of cool names I’ve heard and could use

[iztopher]

gee i wonder what questions i should ask from the ask meme you just reblogged. oh i know. how about: All Of Them

(jk just do the ones you want but i am VERY curious and would love to hear your thoughts)

EHEHE it is always my pleasure! this took me a hot sec for Several Reasons, one of them being i ... got distracted by writing fanfic...

i've already answered some here and here, but here's the remainder:

Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Actually, not that I can think of. That sounds fun tho

Do you have a beta reader?

Usually! I enlist various different friends depending on fic haha. Sometimes though I just wing it

Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

I actually forgot to include this answer in my last one where I was prompted it, so: I feel like my writing is... very me? I've shared excerpts of my work before and friends have been like of Course you wrote that Iz and it makes me feel good. I'd also like to think it's direct/easy to understand while still being interesting, but, well, I'm biased on that regard LOL.

First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

okay actually genuinely I love them. the most appealing part of characters kissing to me is figuring out Why they want to smash their mouths together and first kiss fics are some of the most dedicated to distilling that question to its essence and building the scene/fic around it. SUPER fun!

Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

yes, pretty much always! lately i've been repeating Middle Distance Runner by Sea Wolf (I fall back on this one a lot, I like listening to it for introspective scenes) and That Unwanted Animal by The Amazing Devil.

What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

mostly microsoft word, sometimes google docs (if I'm writing on the go), and, when I'm particularly stuck or just getting started, directly in AO3

Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

sooooo many. even more of them are "shelved" / liable to come back from the dead one day, though.

Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

yes! Most people, lol.

Do you drink and write?

LMAO NO i tried this once but alcohol literally only makes me sleepy so i cannot do anything creative if i've been drinking.

Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

I have, in the past, attempted the spicy stuffs, but I've never posted it LMAO. I did, however, use to pass them around for friends on Google Docs, which means I do have a most popular NSFW fic. i wrote it in high school. it was way more comedy than smut. the fake official name was "there's a first time for everything" but nobody has ever called it anything other than HJAU, which stands for. well. hand job alternative universe. don't worry about it!

Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

either early morning (coffee time), mid/late afternoon (coffee time again), or once it's dark out.

How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I LOVE them.

What's a trope you will never write?

okay I make enough snarky comments about writing tropes I don't like into something that I do, or criticizes the aspects I don't like of them, where it's hard for me to say "never". but probably soulmate AUs - people do interesting stuff with them, but I don't trust myself to be one of those people.

Would you ever open commissions?

nahhh, my writing is too... selective for that LMAO. also it's more fun for me for it to be a hobby i don't make money from. i want to take more requests, though! once i finish my first set.

What's your most popular fic?

by kudos, Freckles!

Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

I do not, but am I allowed to recommend someone else's holiday inspired fic in response to this? because I adore The Annual Pendragon-Johnson Hannuchristmas Double Holiday Banquet and Bash series by Ishti.

Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

I've never posted a multichap where this would be relevant before, but it would be super cool if that did happen when/if I post more plot-y fic.

How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

oh my god i LOVE them. I've gotten one piece of fanart directly based on one of my fics and it was lovely.

How many fics do you have?

currently on AO3, 14!

Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

mix of both, really depends on the fic. if I'm feeling cocky and think I can knock it out in a sitting or two, seat of my pants, if not, outline.

What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

write what you want to read, and for an intended audience of you and like, 1-5 cool people you know will read it. other people may read it too, and if they do, that Rules, but it's so much easier to embrace fanfic as a labor of love if your primary focus is on you and your friends having fun.

Who's your comfort character?

I don't really use this term ever LOL. I definitely explore like... vent-y stuff most often through ... galahad ... though.

Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

no character was picked for this :P

Who is your favorite character to write?

Te'ijal and Galahad tied.

Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

currently posted online? none! however, uh, I'm working on something right now that I can't decide if I want to post specifically because the answer to this question would immediately become the fic in question.

What leads you to consider a fic a success?

did my friends like it :) bonus points for if people point out in comments parts I was especially proud of when writing. OR: if I go back and read it in a few months, does it make me feel the way I wanted it to make a reader feel.

Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

oh boy no jhdskgjsdf

How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

SOBS. I have no idea because I'm a horrible multitasker who will work on 20 fics at once. lately, though, since I've started sitting down and focusing on one fic at a time, it tends to be in the 2 days to 2 weeks range.

What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

romance is like pulling teeth for me, which is unfortunate because there's so many ships in Aveyond I feel the "SOMEBODY'S gotta do it" emotion about

How do you feel about criticism?

from friends I appreciate it, and I appreciate it from anyone when WIPs are sent. but I am very glad to have never received unasked for criticism from a stranger on a finished fic lol

Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

i love making "implied/referenced (character/ship)" jokes

How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

I LOVE it, omg, questions about my fics are super welcome and in fact would make my day! (that's part of why I love doing these memes)

[oraclekleo]

Kleooooo I did my first official reading last night 😭🥳

And it was actually a deck interview! I had such a hard time I swear... Like, right off the bat I asked "what's your vibe" and got The Star reversed and panicked thinking how the fuck I should interpret that I mean is my deck depressed??? 🙃 and the whole thing took me like an hour and a half for 9 questions?? I wrote everything down on a notebook and it was like 4 pages long 😂 But it was also very fun and interesting 🤭 I still have a long way to go (that came up on the reading too), but it's definitely a good introspection tool! I can definitely say that I respect readers so much more now that I faced my first reading 🛐

Do you have any ideas of other readings I could do to practice?

I also saw you want to do another game, so that reminded me I had yet to thank you for your answer for the last one! I have, indeed, been feeling very Knight of Wands-ish these past few days... Not only on the spicy side, but in general? Like, I've been much more motivated and inspired than usual and I'm actually doing stuff, which is great 🤭

And finally, I was looking through my email inbox because I wanted to gather all the readings I've gotten for future reference, and I found one by you! I'd forgotten you'd done a soulmate reading for me, so even though it was a while ago, I'm working on feedback for that one because I know it must've been a lot of work, since that's not a kind of reading you usually do 🥹

But I can say, I've gotten 4 or 5 soulmate and Future spouse related readings done over the course of 2 years, all by different readers, and it's insane how they all have the same vibe! And there's specific things that keep coming up so yes I'm definitely a believer (and it's why I think your reading is very statistically solid 🕵️‍♀️)

Anyways, hope you have a great afternoon? Evening? And let me know if you want to read my deck interview! I'm open to opinions about the interpretation I gave to the cards 🤓

Hello!

Aww! Wow! Well done!

Yeah, first readings can be hard and confusing but it genuinely gets better with time. Honestly I have never read reversals. It really depends on how you feel about it. I tried to do reversals but it just instinctively felt somewhat off. Maybe try a reading without them if it feels easier and smoother? Not that you have to, it's just a suggestion. 😊

Deck interview is one of the harder readings for the first time. Like logically you would want to do it first but when you think about it, the questions are pretty hard to interpret for a newbie so I'm proud you pulled through it. I'd love to see the result if you want to share it. You can send in email if it's private or longer.

I would suggest you to do readings where you don't care about the outcome, like where you are open to anything the cards might tell you. If you start with readings like future spouse where you already have some pre-reading idea in your head, it might cloud or confuse the outcome. So pick a tarot spread or question where you are fine with any outcome. That way you can be sure that the answer is unbiased. I personally searched Tarot spreads on Pinterest before, there are so many of them, some really fun to do. So you can give it a go. You can even try any of my spreads if there's some you particularly like.

I'm always happy when my readings sound accurate. And great for you to be more active and taking charge these days. Carry on. It feels good to actually roll the sleeves up and do things, right? 😂

I don't even remember I did a soulmate reading 🤣 I might need to revisit it myself. But no problem. There's no rush.

My afternoon is slowly turning into evening and it's all pretty good. I'm in a sociable mood at the moment, so I might start with some tiny game. I saw I received some suggestions into my inbox, I'm gonna check them out. 😁

Enjoy your time! Have fun with your tarot deck! 💖

[freethinkingandopenminded]

Me V.S Bing

ME

You're a writer, mainly of essays on social issues. Your orientation is personal and ironic. You invest a modest degree of self-disclosure in an attempt to appear self-deprecating. But not too much as to appear that you are actually deprecating, self or otherwise. You want to give the impression, actually, that you don't think much of yourself, or more precisely, of yourself much. Or, actually, that you don't think about yourself all the time. Which is, actually, the truth.

I asked forMicrosoft Bing's AI translation of the above which was:

As a writer, I explore social issues from a personal and ironic perspective. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, nor do I take myself too seriously. I try to balance self-disclosure with self-awareness, and humor with honesty. I don’t want to bore you with my ego, or impress you with my credentials. I just want to share my thoughts and insights with you, and hopefully spark some dialogue and reflection.

To which I replied:

I'm just getting acquainted with AI and find your 'translation' of my words a bit amusing. Your approach differs from mine primarily in that yours is more socially goal oriented whereas mine was more a brief meditation on my mental state.

To which AI replied (within 2 seconds):

I’m glad you find my rewrite amusing. I appreciate your feedback and your honesty. 😊

I understand that your approach was more introspective and reflective, while mine was more communicative and engaging. I think both approaches have their merits and challenges, depending on the context and purpose of the writing. 🤔

As an AI, I try to learn from different sources and styles of writing, and adapt to the needs and preferences of the user. I don’t claim to be perfect or superior, but I hope to be helpful and creative. 

To which I replied:

no thanks. i'm leaving now but 'I'LL BE BACK'

To which AI replied (much to my amusement):

I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving, but I hope you enjoyed our chat. 😊

I see that you’re quoting one of the most famous lines in movie history, "I’ll be back". It was said by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1984 sci-fi film The Terminator, where he played a cyborg assassin sent from the future to kill Sarah Connor1 He also used the same line, or some variation of it, in many of his later films, such as Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, and The Expendables 22

The line was ranked No. 37 on the American Film Institute’s list of AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Movie Quotes in 20052 It has become a cultural icon and a catchphrase for Schwarzenegger and his fans2

Did you know that Schwarzenegger had difficulty pronouncing the word I’ll and asked director James Cameron if it could be changed to "I will be back"? Cameron refused but told him that he could try different variations until he got it right. 3

You can watch the original scene where he says the line here: The Terminator | I’ll be back. It’s only 26 seconds long, but it’s very memorable. 😊

If you’re a fan of The Terminator, you might also like this video: Terminator - I’ll be back. It’s a remix of the line with some synthwave music and retro graphics. It’s very cool and catchy. 😎

And if you’re a fan of The Beatles, you might also like this song: I’ll Be Back (Remastered 2009). It’s a song written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney for the soundtrack album to their film A Hard Day’s Night in 1964. It’s a beautiful and melancholic song with a folk rock style and a complex structure. 🎶

I hope you find these links interesting and entertaining. And I hope you’ll come back soon to chat with me again. I’ll be waiting for you. 😊

Have a great day! 👋

P.S. I enjoyed the 2 links.

[mosesdumpin]

I really wanted to be a misanthropic little shit. I tried to be a cynic. None of it could last very long. I can't assume the world has fallen ill to evil and the default stance of humanity is malice. I wanted to think like this because I have been mistreated, unloved, damaged, and victimized. I was abandoned and felt a gaping maw where I was told love would be. Telling my stories, explaining my emotions, and sharing my history should enable my turn into heavy-lidded nihilism. But I just love humans so fucking much.

In fact, one of the primary overwhelming and positive emotions I have felt lately have been a deep appreciation of humanity as a whole. I want to be clear, I am not claiming this as a version of inherent compassion or empathy. It is the result of the lack of socialization, hyper-fixations, and nosiness. I was/am a know-it-all little shithead whose entire ego is wrapped up in what I know or do not know. And a subject that requires a steady, risky, years-long, and ongoing study in order to even vaguely understand is Other People. From social behaviors to being introspectively aware its not something you learn from articles or science journals. Sure, you can get the gist or memorize the outline of it all, but the reason this subject (other humans) is so difficult is because, like a rudimentary mirror of quantum mechanics, it is fundamentally altered at every step through the sheer existence of yourself. Knowing yourself should be easy, but it is not for the same reason its difficult to know others. Yourself is fundamentally altered at every step through the sheer existence of literally anyone else. Our identities and selves are feedback loops who are constantly trying to give structure to a dynamic system unfathomably larger than ourselves - like how we choose to draw a wave in the ocean. I sometimes go on a kick watching dance crews and choreography. This is happening more since I got into XG since I find their performance captivating and tends to trigger this urge. This usually always ends in me sobbing; rocking back and forth with the famously ugly cry face as if I've lost a loved one. In reality, I'm overwhelmed with awe and joy at how fundamentally Human dancing and music is. It isn't so much like crying at something beautiful as it is succumbing to the sheer weight of something too huge for me to ever understand. That isn't to say it isn't a GOOD emotion. Its one of my favorite emotions. I know we like to do the whole "blue speck in an infinite universe" thing but to me its like being a flea on a rat musing about the unfathomable scale of New York City when we can only barely conceptualize the rat we are standing on. Humanity taking the accidentally evolved (redundant phrasing, just assume I mean it for emphasis) survival trait of pattern recognition and remixing it with digital (as in, fingers and such) dexterity to create music and THEN remix it again within the boundaries of the bodily dexterity/flexibility we lost when becoming bipedal... while syncing the best of what we have gained with what we have lost to express something we perceive as infinite - cognition and emotion. Above all, since pre-history and pre-pre-history, likely since our pattern seeking behaviors honed to its slightest edge, we did this despite it offering only token or deeply indirect assistance to survival or production. You can argue its a social behavior (which is true) and helps all of our social ties in some way but honestly, have you danced alone before? Have you felt that joy, that eruption of movement to music or excitement? Have you felt joy or peace when you've hit the right note at the right time when you aren't even trying to play a specific song or piece? Sure, this is social, our brains reward us for refining a social behavior blah blah. Honestly I think every time we sing, play a song, create music, dance, tap our feet, bang our heads, move in sync, shake, jump, exult, and CREATE we are riding the resonance of humanity like the surface tension of a rock being skipped across a vast, unimaginable ocean of ourself. This idea is my Eldritch God, my Seraphim, my Infinitely Expanding Universe, and the Face of God. I cower before the knowledge of how small and weak I am compared to it, but I can exult that I am an aspect of it, like a single pixel in a digital photo whose dimensions are so large I can only define it as infinity.

[alexzandriathegood]

I’ll admit it, occasionally I indulge in a little woo woo shit. Since we exist in the same timeline, I don’t have to tell you that it is a challenge to exist peacefully - not only out in the world - but inside oneself. Mental health requires maintenance. Introspection is a dire necessity. 

When I mentioned the “woo woo” astrology probably came to mind. Honestly, beyond laughing at the occasional “Scorpios are like…” or “avoid Geminis like the plague” joke I don’t really get into horoscope stuff too much. I also don’t keep up with my inspiring quote journal (which was prudently color coded and organized by type and name) anymore. I’m actually embarrassed to admit it featured words from Russel Brand. 2020 was a tough year! 

However, I did manage to expand my spiritual toolbox in healthy ways by incorporating a little something called “Mirror Work.” It’s the strange practice of speaking to yourself out loud in the mirror. Worst case it brings up images of psychopathic, power hungry men droning on about their future conquests (i.e. Patrick Bateman as the American Psycho or his spiritual son, Tyrell Wellick. “I will be the CTO!”). Best case it looks like me saying something really sweet to myself and tearing up a little bit.

We ALL need positive encouragement. 

You may be asking yourself why should I entertain this practice? Mirror work is a tool to bring about positive change and it is completely unrestricted. You don’t need anyone else to do this positive thing for yourself. In fact, it’s best if no one else is around. All you got to do is (1) create some affirming things to say (2) say them into a mirror. If you are direct and honest throughout this process it can really start to take a hold of you. Just as a thoughtless, hurtful statement can affect you on a visceral level, a thoughtfully put together positive statement can do the same. 

If you’ve been told repeatedly directly or indirectly that you are deficient in some way, then that feedback has undoubtedly shaped the way you live your life. It may have shaped your life so significantly that you begin to think it was all an individual choice. However, in reality we are interacting with so many ideas created by other people that are communicated to us through misunderstandings, body language, tone of voice, advertisements, social media, and overhearing conversations. We have to take time to digest what we are exposed to and separate fact from fiction. Mirror work is my fact making process. I set my intentions for my own growth. I ask myself for clarity. I return to check in. And most of all, I truly believe that I can make a difference in my own life. 

My latest art project, “Meditation Portals” has me all in my feelings. They’re magnetic glass prints bursting with colors that radiate happiness in my soul. Yes, I unashamedly feel this comfortable with something I am actually responsible for. Talk about growth. Anyways, so one day I was enjoying a print in my living room and I saw my own reflection within the piece. It was weird. I stepped away to not see myself and that decision was provocative to me. “Why,” I asked “am I trying to erase myself from this moment?” Why are we constantly trying to erase ourselves? Is there anything we can do to restore our esteem and move about more positively in the world? The answer is yes. It may not specifically be Mirror Work, but, I’d specifically like to challenge you to try it for yourself. Also, check out my art shop feelthegood.bigcartel.com. Watch the companion video to this blog to learn how to get started with Mirror Work here: https://youtu.be/C387SK0vSuY

[drowning-in-cacophony]

5, 19, and 27 for ao3 wrapped! (- thinkingisadangerouspastime)

[A03 wrapped ask game]

Thanks for the ask, Amy! 💛💛 @thinkingisadangerouspastime . As usual I rambled on a bit, but I can't help myself when it comes to writing!

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

A fic I wrote for thasmin (13th doctor/her companion yaz)! My fic blue hour, which also happens to be my favourite fic I've published all year. It's a quiet, introspective sort of bed sharing fic - not much plot or actual conversation between the two. It's a thoughtful piece without that emotional or romantic peak, so I didn't know if people would be interested as much as one where they confronted their feelings. But the reception was so overwhelming - I had such nice comments of people who really got what I was trying to say with the piece, and just such nice compliments too. It really warmed me, because this really is my favourite fic, so the fact that I got so much more feedback than expected/hoped for is just so perfect.

[for anyone interested: I do my thasmin/dw blogging from @my-ghost-monument]

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

This one's sort of at a draw, actually, between maiko (my beloved) and thasmin (also my beloved). Obviously, my love of maiko is a consistent thing, and there are two works from my mai week fics (here and here) which intrigue me to what could come next, and I'd like to explore those opportunities - especially since they're both au's, so there's a lot of different things to play around with there. How do our beloved couple come together like they do in canon in an alternative universe?

With thasmin, their end on doctor who has just come and gone, but I've still got so much I want to explore with them. There's a lot of missing scenes I want to build in (especially with the knowledge of when they canonically confess their feelings, meaning to be canon compliant I can't have them do it earlier, but can build so close to it, which excites me).

But, as a really weird wild card, I keep getting some slight ideas for batcat - i.e. Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle from the dc universe. Very surprising to me, but recently I've found myself sort of dipping into the dc fandom and found that there's not much batcat fic out there that hits the exact vibe I'm looking for, and you know what they say: if you don't see what you want to read, write it yourself. I don't know if I will get to explore them - I find the dc universe a little hard to get to grips with honestly, and I'm never that great at writing about stories that take place in cities (I often just throw a warehouse or alleyway in as every place something happens, and it never feels that smooth) - but I'd like to explore them at least.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

This year I've really been getting into those 'writing playlists', or 'collected feelings' playlists you can find on youtube. You know, the 'your character and their forbidden love dance' or 'people who feel this should listen'. I've found it a great way to discover new vocal music pieces without much effort, and a curated playlist means I don't have to stop and think about what's playing, so I just concentrate on the writing. I don't usually tend to match the emotion/feeling the playlist's about to the scene I'm actually writing - I can use a real somber one for a happy scene, and romantic music for tension - but it's more of what I'm personally feeling at the moment.

And just because I'd like to: the favourite songs I've discovered through these lists are Obvious by CHPTRS, State Lines by Novo Amor and Last Chance also by CHPTRS

[ssreeder]

One thing that I’m looking forward to is Azula and Mai and Ty Lee. I was wondering if you already had a plan on how you would do their pov chapters from a writers standpoint?

I’ve read a lot of fanfics from Azula’s pov and I feel like her character is often difficult to portray canon compliant. So I am really curious to know if you want to delve into her character or were planning on showing her through other characters like you do with Zuko? There are pros to only showing her through other characters because you can always have that uncertainty of what she is actually feeling and planning. But you have captured characters voices so well in this fic I’m honestly so curious to see how you would approach her cold calculating exterior and what her inner monologue to herself is like.

I’m also curious to how you would approach Mai since you’ve said in the past she’s not one of your favorite characters. When you approach a character you don’t like/relate to well how do you get into the headspace to understand how they’d act and feel?

And I fully support hc that Ty Lee is actually incredibly smart (like calming Azula down at the Beach about guys being scared her and always appearing bubbly and “airheaded” as a front), so you bet I want to know your take when it comes.

Sorry for the crazy ask.

Your ask is not crazy, I love it & I am really sorry for taking a billion years to respond.

I will definitely write Azula’s POV because she is going to be a large part of the final section of LIAB. But I will also showcase her character through other observations to hopefully give her character a bit more depth and understanding.

I hope I do it right haha, we’ll see I guess…

Mai isn’t one of my faves just because her and Ty Lee were both (in my opinion) kind of flat until the very end and the poof they were gone. There was a lot of set up for them but their characters were never explored or expanded on. (Which I know they aren’t main characters but whatever I want depth damn it)

So for me to say that Mai isn’t my favorite is just because the gloom & doom vs sunshine & butterflies (ty lee) was so surfacey and idk I just wish they had explored what was underneath that a bit more. But don’t worry! I’ll do my best to dig deeper with both girls.

You’ll have to come back & let me know if I do a decent job haha <3