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What We Do in the Shadows more like Taika Waititi being adorable for two hours.

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Cuddling with my boyfriend and he starts scratching my head affectionately. I look up at him and say, “Are you petting me like a dog because I’m your bitch?”

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Seven year old nephew:

Me:

7: Are you going to have a baby soon?

Me, a confused 18-year old virgin: No... Why would you think that?

7: You’re almost a grown up.

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Achievement Unlocked 

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Yes. Give her the obviously photoshopped Cheetos.

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This city isn't big enough for dreamers.

Graffitia by Green Day

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Update: We went out on a date. It was awesome.

We were talking about names in my Sociology class and this boy next to me says his name is Wesley. So we start making “Princess Bride” jokes. He begs us to stop. I turn and stare him dead in the eyes and say, “As you wish”. 

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In my Shakespeare class we were discussing types of Shakespeare plays. My professor explains that all of Shakespeare’s comedies end in weddings. I never speak in this class, but I raised my hand. My poor, innocent professor looked in admiration at me and I opened my mouth for the first time since introductions and said, “All of Shakespeare’s comedies end in a wedding because marriage is a joke”. The light left that man’s eyes and all hope was lost. The hot guy next to me asked if I was okay.

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Noods before dudes

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Update: I have eaten 8 cinnamon rolls. Send help. 

Plain white bread is so good.

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What’s better than cinnamon toast? Cinnamon rolls.

Plain white bread is so good.

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New discovery: Cinnamon sugar toast.

Plain white bread is so good.

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Plain white bread is so good.

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When Adam Young said, “She’d rather fall in chocolate than fall in love.” I felt that.

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My sister just walked by my room and said, “Hey, Ashley” and I just went, “Yeah”. ._.

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Love is like a fire. If put into the wrong hands, it can destroy everything.

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I was driving in my car and “Welcome to the Black Parade” came on. I got so excited that I ran a stop sign.