sukisk3l3t0n

[sukisk3l3t0n]

53.3kg!!! 3.3kg to go until my first gw is reached

[sukisk3l3t0n]

WIEIAD (early so i dont eat later)

Breakfast: 0kcal

Lunch: 0kcal

Snack:

muffin- 290kcal

Dinner:

burger- 347kcal

2x buns- 264kcal

1/4 Pepper- 12kcal

Mini cucumber- 10kcal

Ketchup- 40kcal

Drinks:

Tea- 10kcal

Total: 973kcal

Burned: 229kcal

Final: 744kcal

(Will update later when more calories are lost)

[sukisk3l3t0n]

When you’re so fucking lazy you cant even get out of bed to pissing shower

[sukisk3l3t0n]

Im so fucking sad i broke down in school and now everyones asking me if im okay. Its nice but everytime i get a new message i start sobbing again

[sukisk3l3t0n]

Parents refusing to tell you what you’re having for dinner is so stressful

[sukisk3l3t0n]

My story bc i dont have a therapist

I was 6 the first time i wanted to kill myself. I can still remember it clearly; on my primary school playground, looking up at the school roof. I thought that if i could just find a way to get onto it, i’d throw myself off and everyone could hear the splat of my brain matter on the concrete floor below. For days it was all i could think about, in gruesome detail. I dont remember the reason, but from then on, periodically between 6 and 9, i would have moments where i froze, and all i could think about was my next violent method of self destruction. It was my escape from everything i hated about life, no matter how small. Little 8 year old me used to walk down my morning stairs, praying to a god i didnt believe in for me to fall down and break my neck. Then i wouldnt have to go to school, to eat, to see anyone, or get up. I had moments where i hated even the idea of living. Part of me thinks it was because of my COCSA from 5?-8? My memory with ages is blurry, but i still have vivid flashbacks of it. After it stopped, i blocked it out for years- i cant remember how i refound those locked away memories again. When i was 10, i got my first phone. Wayyy too young lol. I talked to strangers and found a group of girls who self harmed. I had never tried it, but they encouraged me too, and so i did. Part of me hates these girls for introducing me to this addiction, but when i think about them, the oldest being my age now, all i can see are three other scared girls, sharing a coping mechanism that saved them. They also introduced me to vomiting up my food, and starving. Again, part of me knows that blaming these girls is fucked because i was always going to find it eventually. I am predisposed and predestined to be sick.even as i child, outwardly i was nice and good, but inwardly i was raging with hatred and illness. Little Suki was born with sick thoughts that still plague my mind, and i think any child who cant stop thinking about cutting off stomach fat or picking apart their veins in extreme, minute detail would end up fucked up. So its not their fault, but still. After my parents discovered this short lasting episode, i stopped. For a bit. By 12 i was back at it again, and worse than before. From then on, for a few days to months at a time i would relapse. I would stop eating, start cutting, and stop my school work. Before having a euphoric mood swing where i decide to get my life on track. As i get older, these mood changes are only getting worse. I’ll sob into my sheets and cut until i cant see my skin and then 5 minutes later im singing to definitely maybe on my vinyl. I dont want to diagnose myself with anything, but something’s fucking up. I also see and hear things. Never any massive hallucinations, but i’ll hear a scream, or my name being called. Ill see hands out the corner of my eyes, shadow men, that sort of thing. There are also these weird paranoia things, where im convinced someone is living in my Attic or something. My intrusive thoughts still plague me, to the point where ive come to school with my wrists taped up so i cant think of them bleeding out. My parents dont know because they think I’m absolutely fine and just a high achieving girl, but at this point theres not gonna be any achievements. Right now i’d much rather be hanging by my dressing gown cord.

I’ll add other things if i remember any. This isnt expected to be read by anyone, but if you do, thank you for listening. No ones ever been told the full story before <3

[sukisk3l3t0n]

Those oreos in the cupboard are looking way too good rn

[sukisk3l3t0n]

[sukisk3l3t0n]

reminder:

a calorie limit is a LIMIT not a GOAL

[sukisk3l3t0n]

We can do this, right??

[sukisk3l3t0n]

When you wait too long to purge after eating and now it just wont fucking work. How long till its not worth purging???

[sukisk3l3t0n]

Not to be a Freak but the scene where tyler durden puts his gun in tyler durdens mouth is hot

[sukisk3l3t0n]

active 4n4 blogs in february 2025 reblog this , trying to find active moots

[sukisk3l3t0n]

౨ৎ reblog this if you’re an active 4n4 blog going into march looking for buddies 💗

[sukisk3l3t0n]

So fucking real

The only thing I need.

[sukisk3l3t0n]

ABOUT ME

Name: Suki (fake name)

Age: 15

Height: 166cm/5’5

Weight: 56kg

Likes:

Film!! Media!! Art!! Music!!! Books!!

DNI:

Racist, homo/transphobic

I follow everyone back xxx moot me up !

On this acc I try to be pro recovery for everyone but myself lmao. Wont encourage 3d/self destructive shit, but this account will defo be triggering anywayy.

[sukisk3l3t0n]

R3l4PSED AGAIN

HEIGHT: 166cm/5’5

CW: 56kg

50kg- redbull light restock

47kg- new waterbottle

45kg- safe food haul!!!

40kg- cinema membership

38kg- camera!!!

This time we do it right, finally x