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Me watching the new episode I-

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I thought this was talking about Jamie from Yellowstone for a second and got really confused

asoiaf people i have to ask at what point did everyone become so obsessed with jaime because im about 400 pages in and. is it because of his povs in the later books or did you all see him push a kid off the roof and think yeah this is the guy

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I'm obsessed with the scene in Yellowstone where Jamie goes to the coffee shop, and they offer him all the fancy lattes, and he's all confused, like IDK I just want coffee flavor

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Me every night

it's Jamie Dutton night everyone say happy Jamie Dutton night <3

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I love him, your honor.

Oh wait, he's an attorney general.

I love you, your honor

I know your honor means a judge but I'm proud of my joke so shhhhh

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When they send you to the "train station":

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Nobody:

Jamie Dutton:

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Why am I picturing John Dutton tho

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Beth: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Jamie: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Beth: That's it. I'm LEAVING, AND I'M TAKING KAYCE WITH ME!"

John, picking up the Monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now...

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Tate: When I was

Monica: A young boy

Tate: My father

Kayce: ATE AN ENTIRE LEMON. HE DIDN’T SQUEEZE IT OUT ONTO ANYTHING. HE DIDN’T CUT IT INTO PIECES. HE DIDN’T EVEN TAKE THE SKIN OFF. HE JUST STUFFED THE ENIRE THING INTO HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWED. I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING ELSE SO HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE.

Monica: To see a marching band!

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John: Where's my chair?

Kayce: Beth broke it over Jamie's back while they were fighting.

Jamie: Correction, Beth was fighting. I was eating soup.

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That part where the cafe manager tells Beth Dutton there's no smoking in his establishment, and she's like: "If you call me maiden I will stab you in the face with this fucking fork."

Then later, Jamie tells Sarah that Beth stabbed him with a fork once "just for fun."

Beth is an olympic serial fork stabber and this is canon.

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This sent me

yeah

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GIVE ME MORE UNHINGED JAMIE

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John: What are you writing?

Jamie: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I’m letting them know it’s private information.

John, looking over Jamie’s shoulder: This just says ‘fuck around and find out’ in calligraphy.

Jamie: Yep.

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Jamie Does Rodeo - A Crackfic

Summary: An argument with Beth and an unexpected helping hand from Jimmy leads Jamie Dutton to some very questionable decisions.

Warning: Drinking, violence (no gore though), abuse and lots of profanity. Because Beth lol.

Chapter 1: A Not-So-Empty Threat

Clink!

Ice cubes ratted and whiskey sloshed as Beth Dutton's glass hit the table. Lord knows how many shots she'd had by now.

The woman was thoroughly pissed off. She was pretty sure the ranch was completely screwed, since her brother made a terrible mistake...

...he'd misplaced the deed to the ranch.

"The fuck do you want?" Beth demanded, shooting him a death glare as he stepped into the living room.

"Just letting you know," Jamie Dutton shot back passive-aggressively, smirking as he adjusted his suit and tie. "I was able to find the deed to the ranch, so your attempts at insulting me all week have been pointless."

"Oh, it's never pointless," She warned him, her tone lowering into a hiss. "You lost the deed to the fucking ranch...Everything we've been fighting for."

Jamie was unfazed. "I did not lose it, I borrowed it to back up our case against the developers trying to build an airport over our land, left it in my office drawer, forgot I put it there, and found it."

He pulled out the deed and shook it a few times, as if taunting her with it.

"Thank you for the very, uh, productive conversation." He then said sarcastically, and walked out the door.

Jamie had more important matters to attend to--namely, finding John, and letting him know the deed had been found. Since John wasn't at the lodge, the lawyer decided to check the Bunkhouse instead; maybe John had gone there, to speak with the cowboys.

However, just as he was walking toward the Bunkhouse entrance, Beth caught up to him, grabbing his shoulder and whipping him around to face her. Jamie jumped.

"You think you're gonna get away with this, don't you?" Beth breathed, threateningly locking eyes with him.

Jamie swallowed.

"Beth-" He hesitated, voice trembling. "I found it."

"Yeah?" She quietly mocked him. "You think that's gonna make it all better? You think daddy's just gonna forgive you, because you found it, you piece of shit? You lost it. The family's entire legacy was in your hands and you fucking lost it."

"B-Beth-"

Before Jamie could respond, his sister pressed her palm against his mouth, gagging it shut.

"I want you to listen to me, Jamie," She half-whispered as Jamie's eyes widened with terror, a sadistic smile crawling across her face. She motioned toward a clear patch of land where the cattle grazed. "Tonight, after dinner...you're gonna meet me in the field back there...and I'm gonna beat the crap out of you."

Jamie tried to back away, but Beth yanked the sleeve of his suit, forcing him in place. He could tell she was serious.

"I'm gonna beat the crap out of you...until you're lying on the floor...with every fucking bone in your body broken."

He couldn't answer. All he could do was stare back at her, heart pounding and hands trembling.

"Ya got that?" She hummed.

Jamie remained silent.

"JAMIE."

Frantically, he nodded.

After dinner.

The field.

Got it.

An agonizing few seconds later, Beth released him, sending him tumbling backwards. One more murderous stare into his soul, and she took off toward the lodge, finally leaving him alone.

"God damn it..." the lawyer hissed under his breath after a moment of hyperventilating. "AAAGHH!" In a fit of rage, he punched the nearest fence, the sting of gnarled wood cracking against his fist.

Shoving his face into his cupped hands, he began letting out an agonized groan, until suddenly, he heard someone speaking right behind him.

"Wow." The voice said, lost for words. "I've never seen anything like that. She's terrifying. Like, actually terrifying."

Jamie turned around, and there, watching from beside the Bunkhouse entrance, was Jimmy.

The lawyer shuffled his feet, a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. "How, uh, how long have you been there?" He stammered.

"Oh, yeah, I saw everything," Jimmy smiled, seeming almost impressed by Beth's fury. "I came out here to train for the rodeo tonight, but..." he chuckled, speechless. "Guess I came at a bad time".

Instead of responding, Jamie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, a migraine headache overcoming him.

Jimmy's cheerful grin dropped. All jokes aside, he understood Jamie's plight; he knew what it was like to be threatened. He'd never have started doing rodeo to begin with, if his former criminal partners hadn't threatened his family.

The young cowboy approached Jamie and put a hand on the his shoulder. Behind him, the chestnut horse he was planning to practice rodeo with kicked up dust, racing across the nearby riding ring. "What are you gonna do?" He asked the lawyer.

Jamie shook his head over and over again like a caged animal. "I-I don't know. I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" He shouted through gritted teeth.

Jimmy was silent for a moment, gears turning in his head. He stared off into space for a few more seconds before reaching a conclusion.

"What if you come with me tonight?" Jimmy offered.

"What?"

"What if you come with me tonight?" He repeated, motioning toward the angry horse in the pen. "To the rodeo. I mean...think about it. Why do you have to be at the ranch tonight? You don't have to stick around and let Beth kick your ass." Jimmy gave Jamie's shoulder a friendly pat. "You can just come along with me and Lloyd. You can help me get ready before I enter the ring, you know? Just brush the horse, take care of the saddle, all that stuff. It'll be like an excuse to leave."

Huh.

The rodeo...

Jamie hadn't thought of that.

It all made sense...

He could ignore Beth. He could blow her off. Get away from Yellowstone entirely...

Yeah...yeah!

Fuck this!

Why not go to the rodeo?

Hadn't he done enough for this family? Hadn't he taken enough abuse from Beth?

Jamie Dutton decided it was time to do something for his own sake, and he knew what he had to do.

"Shouldn't be too difficult. It's not like I'm actually PARTICIPATING in the rodeo," he thought to himself.

Little did he know, he thought wrong.

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My crackfic idea about Jamie doing rodeo is still bubbling in my brain. I need it to fully form so I can unleash this chaos.

UPDATE:

I think I've got it now. I think it's ready to write >:)

It's all coming together. MWAHAHAHAHA