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I love the holidays

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Yes <3

Eat for nutrients, not numbers.

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Coming from a long history of anorexia, I feel it is important to not only preach about ignoring and overcoming body shame, but to be an example.

Below is a photo of me, the photo taken just minutes ago. I have worked hard to achieve this body and to come back from such a rough patch in my life….

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Day 112: Body Shaming

Today I wanted to make a post directly related to body shaming inspired by the recent shaming of Selena Gomez’s recent weight gain. First of all, Selena looks beautiful and haters gonna hate, but I want to make a post related to my experience with body shaming and how I feel now, how you can feel today. 

As you probably know by now, I come from a very long history of eating disorder, primarily anorexia. It took over my life, my brain, my health, it ruined who I was. In school, I would get comments on my weight regarding how I was chubby or ugly, this was when I was starving myself and nobody knew. I was never fat, I wasn’t even overweight. I was at the normal weight range for my age and height, but to society it wasn’t enough. 

Not only was I was receiving body shaming from my peers, but also myself. I was probably doing the majority of the body shaming in all honesty. I was very hard on myself and still some days am. I stood in that mirror for hours playing with shirts and angles and positioning and “sucking it in” just to make myself confident enough to leave my bedroom. I was obsessed over my stomach and my thighs and would beat myself up over them. I would look at pictures of anorexic, sick girls and think they were beautiful. I was not okay.

Body shaming is something that takes a toll on everybody, whether saying someone is too fat or too thin (which I have recently been getting because I have a naturally small physique), shaming is damaging. Shaming causes 

Keep reading

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Lavendar lemonade to cure headaches and anxiety! I will so be trying this as soon as I can buy the ingredients!

1 cup raw honey 12 cups pure water 1 drop lavender essential oil (where to find) 6 lemons, peeled and juiced Lavender sprigs for garnish

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Now that is a delicious and healthy lunch!

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Healthy food <3

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You are your past...own it.

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Free Write/Vent

Today I’m just going to vent and write. I apologize in advance if anything I say offends anyone, but I have been having a rough time and I need to write it down. I want you guys to know what I feel and think, not just the things I type onto a computer screen. I’m human too, let me show you.

The past few days have been really hard, actually the past 2 weeks have been really hard. I haven’t been eating right and I’ve been sad and skipping classes. I have major depressive disorder and sometime it acts up and causes me to act differently than I normally would. It sucks. I sleep in and I ignore everyone. I go through the motions of every single day feeling like I’m just watching these things happen around me. I’m not living them. I’m not feeling them. I’m walking through them, watching my body do these things but not being engaged in them. I’m here but I’m also gone. I’m only human and humans have bad days, sometimes these days feel stressful and other times they feel painful and other times they feel…well they don’t feel.

I do my best every single to get out of bed and face the world that broke me down; to face the people who hurt me and love the ones that love me right now.  I do my best to work on my future and prove to myself that I can get through this, that I am getting through this every single day. I take on the world one minute at a time and believe that everyday is a chance to change. Everyday is a chance to be better than you were yesterday and I can do that. I am doing that. I am nearly 2 years into recovery and I can’t believe the progress I’ve made, but everyday it doesn’t feel like enough. It never ever feels like I’ve come far enough, like I’ve proved enough to the people around me, like I’ve proved enough to myself. When is it enough though? When will it ever be enough? When will I be able to say that I did it and that I’m proud, because I am proud of myself. I am, but not proud enough.

I hurt too. I cry too. I have my good days, my bad days, and my in between days. I will always have them and I would  be lying to you if I said I now live a happy healthy life all of time, because I don’t. Nobody does, regardless of what they’ve been through, nobody lives healthy all of the time. I try though. I wake up everyday with good intentions, but sometimes I don’t reach them. Sometimes the sadness gets in the way, sometimes the hyperactivity gets in the way, sometimes the secrets get in the way, sometimes the “hypomania-like state” gets in the way, sometimes I just get in my own way and that’s okay because I’m trying. Everyday I’m trying. Everyday I am pushing myself to do something, whether that something is new or not I’m pushing myself.

I’m hurt by the people who’ve walked out of my life for no good reason and sad that they were my best friends and they abandoned me when I needed them. Sometimes I wish I could suddenly be in the hospital or dead just so they’d feel bad for leaving me. Just so they’d realize that they were ignorant and they’d hurt the way they’re hurting me. I know how horrible that sounds but I can’t help it. I’m hurt and trying so hard to just let it go. They walked out of my life when I needed them. Just like everyone else. I did nothing and I know I did nothing. I can admit when I’ve done something wrong and I always do. I always do, but I didn’t do anything. I was told we were good and that was a lie. I am hurt and they deserve to hurt too.

Last night I had this burst of…I don’t even know what. I was talking so quickly and laughing and spinning in circles and rolling on the bed and I was just so hyper and so excited and so unaware of how crazy I was acting. My boyfriend just say there on his computer, calm, and let me go through it. He laughed with me and held me as I laughed. I would play hit him and laugh at everything and jump around and I don’t even know how to explain it to you. I couldn’t make up my mind about anything and I kept making voices and just…I don’t know. I felt crazy and it lasted for a couple of hours and then today hit and I don’t feel good. I’ll likely be fine by tomorrow.

I’m not perfect guys. I hope that this post doesn’t scare anybody off of my blog, but I needed to vent. There is so much more but this is long and I don’t want to pour everything out because I will. I am so grateful to have all of you following my blog and reading what I post. I just hope I’m not making a mistake by posting this. I needed you guys to know that I’m only human and I don’t even follow everything I say completely. I try to and that’s all I’m asking you guys to do as well, just try. Try with me. We can do it together. We can face the world one minute at a time together.

feelgoodfriday2741@gmail.com

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So I was dating this girl for a while and I've the summer it was hard for us to stay in touch but when I can't back to school in the fall (I was still in love with her) she had gotten back together with the guy she dated before me and I didn't really find out until about a month later and I find myself thinking about her a lot and I still really like her and its been about four months and I don't know what to do

Well hello stranger,

I have had horrible internet connection at my university so I honestly don't know when you sent this to me or if you even still want a response, but i'm going to give you one anyway in hopes that you read it and it can help you. 

If you are still thinking about this girl and you are not dating her anymore, I want you to know that it's going to work out for the best. I can relate to your situation, and I know how hard it is to really like somebody who has moved on from you. Now, I don't know you personally, but I can tell you what helped me and hope it can help you as well. 

I have been through a few breakups, a few lies/cheats, all of that fun crap. I've learned that the amount of feelings you have for this person will effect how long it takes you to move on from them. What you need to do, as cliche as it sounds, is to get them out of sight, out of my mind. If they're on your Facebook, delete them, you can even block her if that makes it easier to avoid contacting her. If you still have old photos on Facebook or your cell phone or in frames, get rid of them. The goal is to start letting go of her. You can do this one step at a time, start with a smaller task, like throwing out old photos, and then move on to phone numbers and Facebook profiles. The more you can avoid seeing her, the better off you will be in getting over her. 

I will tell you that you are probably going to think about her from time to time, and that's okay. I've been broken up with an ex of mine for over 2 years now and he still crosses my mind. The "what-if's" still come into play, but they don't have to over power you. When those thoughts occur, remind yourself that you have so much life ahead of you (assuming you're around the age I believe you are), there will be plenty of other girls. Sure, you may think now that those girls won't be like her, but given that she left you... do you actually want someone like her again? 

She's moved on, it's your turn. It took me a year to really get over my ex and accept that I deserve better, you do too and you will find better. Just give it time and work on improving yourself and focusing on your future. It's about you now, don't let her get in the way of achieving what you want to achieve. 

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OMG NEW BLOG!

Hey guys!

Long time since i've posted, I know. I am so sorry about that! Life has been crazy but I am back and I have a new blog for your viewing! My new blog is titled living healthy 365 days a year. I will include daily tips, recipes, encouragement, workouts, goals, pictures, etc. Some will be related to eating disorder, which as you know I have struggled with since the age of 12, and other times I will just post healthy lifestyle tips. 

If you are interested, please go view my blog and follow me! I have 5 posts up so far :) Thanks everyone!

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/livinghealthy365

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Bad News For Me

It was four years ago when I met you

You were sittin poolside staring at the view

Outside

The moon shining down it’s light

I was too scared to come say hi

so I looked away when you walked by

and I thought

what the hell did I do that for?

  Then I opened those elevator doors

And it was like a move scene playing right in front of me

I stepped inside and you smiled at me and I thought

Maybe this is where I belong

Flash forward bout a year and I’m sitting at home

Thinking about that night and where we went wrong

And I know

This is what I know

  You never cared about me or what I wanted

Everything I gave to you, you through it right back and said

It wasn’t good enough

I was never good enough

You never saw who I was only what you wanted

I was left behind while you manipulated me

Into what you wanted me to be

And finally now I see

You were bad news for me

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Nicholas James Vujicic, (born on 4 December 1982) is an Australian preacher and motivational speaker born with Tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder charact...

I want all of my little troopers to watch this vide. Regardless of whether or not you've seen it before. 

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hey i was wondering if i could get some advice, like i want to come out to my parents but part of me is really scared to and i mean there are some benifits to them not knowing (like spending the night at my girlfriends house) but it gets kind of annoying with my family not knowing cause everyone asks if i have a boyfriend and i dont know how to tell them and im rambling sorry but yeah i dont know what to do

Hello sweetie! I am so proud of you for trying to take another step towards being yourself! That's so fantastic. I actually have a lot of gay/bi/lesbian friends who have gone through this process. It really depends on your parents to be honest. Here's what I can tell you and I hope it works. 

If you don't want to tell them directly, face to face, you can write each family member a letter (you can just write one letter and print several times haha) and give it to them or mail it to them. That way, the ice is broken and the conversation will flow a little easier. Just give them some time in between reading the letters and discussing it with you. Give them a day to process and then just politely ask them if they read the letter and if you can talk to them. Stand your ground but don't be harsh. If they don't accept it, it's not their life. It's yours. You have every right to love who you love, remember that. That's how I would do it if I were in your situation. If you would prefer a face to face conversation, I suggest doing it at a time when nobody is busy or rushing around. Make sure you do it at a time where there is no stress, maybe at night while watching some TV or if whoever you want to tell is eating some lunch alone, interrupt politely and tell them you need to discuss something very important with them. That's how my friends have done it and the letter thing is actually how I asked my parents for help with my issues. It was the easiest way for me to get it all out without being timid and afraid. I hope this helps my dear! Please send me an update as soon as you can!! I'd love to hear back from you. If you need a friend or some help in the process, please contact me here or email me at feelgoodfriday2741@gmail.om

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Hello. So, I've been on the road for recovery for a little while, but I can no longer do this. I wanted to tell someone. Needed to. All my friends, family, and my boyfriend think I'm fine. I just can't do this anymore. I have a suicide date picked out. Thank you for listening and I'm sorry for wasting your time.

oh my goodness! I have no idea when I got this message because it didn't show up in my box until just now for some reason. I hope I'm not too late to respond! Sweetie, I don't know if you're ever going to read this but I am so hopeful that you are. Recovery is the most difficult part of addiction. It really is. You have to know how strong you are, whether you feel it or not, you have to know and you have to believe. If you know that you are not okay yet, you tell them. Tell them that you need more help and that if they don't give you it, you will make some unchangeable decisions. I do not want that for you, you don't want that for you. Deep down you know that it's not the way out. You can't come back. Do you understand that? There is no second chances with suicide. There is no redo's. You get one chance at life, please do not end it because of the obstacles being thrown at you. These obstacles are being thrown at you so that you can duck and jump to get by them. There is a bigger purpose at play here, I promise you. You can get through it. The fact that you reached out to me, a stranger asking for help shows me that you are stronger than you think you are. You can beat your thoughts. You can rise above them. Believe in yourself, you can get through this. I am  here for you, I hope. You can keep talking to me here or you can email me at feelgoodfriday2741@gmail.com. 

I don't know what you are going through, but I've been in recovery for anorexia, self harm, body dysmorphic disorder, depression and anxiety for over a year now and it's been hard. I've slipped a few times, I've made some mistakes, but that's a part of the process. Recovery is not about staying clean permanently, it's about taking life one day at a time and doing your very best every single day. At the end of the day, if you can honestly say that you did the best you can, you tried your hardest, that is what matters. Everybody slips sometimes, I have. It's okay to slip, just don't fall. Please, if you got this response, tell me. 

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A journal entry of mine.

I am sick and tired of being the timid, shy girl who is either taken advantage of or pushed around. I'm tired of being so afraid of what everyone thinks about me. Who gives a fuck if someone doesn't like my hair, my body, my outfit; it's not about what they think. It's about what I think. It's time I step up and take charge. I will always be sweet and polite but this time I will also stand up for myself, ask questions, voice my opinion and be me. Why? Because I love me. That's why. I love my body. I love my hair. I am a recovered eating disorder, self harm and depression patient, no matter how many bad days I may have. I am strong and I will get through it. I have beaten the worst part of those disorders, now it's just day to day and that's okay with me. I am powerful. Mock me all you want society, but I am all I need in this world. So here's to you society, a single finger in the air and a fuck you to the sky. I am not your toy or doll anymore. My string are being cut down, they are gone and so am I. I am Lauren and I am a warrior. I am a strong, talented, unqieu and beautiful warrior. I am. So say what you want to me, behind my back, or to my face, because I don't care anymore. I low who I am. I know where I stand. I may be confused some days but at least I'm not an abusive bitch who loves to bring people down. So I'm done with your game society. Find yourself a new victim because I am not yours. Not anymore. 

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Stay Strong little ones. It does get better. <3