stauce

[stauce]

you start shivering at the slightest breeze. i don't like this. please stop shaking. you're breaking my heart. the car wont start until you're done eating. stop treating me like shit. do not promise what you can't stomach. vomit. vomit. vomit. stick a hand down your throat and try to reach it. i know your secret and it isn't fair. as long as i don't see it, i don't care.

untitled by stauce

[stauce]

you only stop when im in pain. raindrops washing chalk off the pavement. days spent with regret. snapped necks. slitting veins. exit. nobody gets it. i cant change. my DNA is a mess. by the time i say today wasn't the best, you've already lost interest because it doesn't matter to you. ill get over it soon or bury it with the rest. plaster your neck with perfume to mask the scent of rot in your chest.

untitled by stauce

[stauce]

she bites me lightly she likes me slightly

untitled by stauce

[stauce]

the only answer i can give is that nothing is wrong because its just too hard to fix the shit thats broken, and just to easy to drown it in the ocean.

“im fine” by stauce

[stauce]

our last goodnight. a wish. for a connection of lips. uninterrupted. it skips, skips, skips. if it means tonight ill leave with a throat. slit. just so right (of course exempt of spite) out of love. despite. without a reason of. why?

“shut the door behind you” by stauce

[stauce]

realize the insignificance. pathetic existence. forced to orbit the sun. it kills us. drowning in the bitterness. (the acidic {taste) my mouth but kiss me less.} lick this flesh and eat the rest. (if you listen you can hear my chest {beating) you in the wilderness.} leaving you for death. pornographic text. everything i say is meaningless. its a joke. its shit. im feelingless. you choke. i spit. "when can i see you next?" every time its less and less. (i get {upset) stomach.} puke and vomit. it happens so easily. i dont blame you for not seeing me. when im empty. when i check to see if you called me. when i accept reality. you dont. you wont. your moans. my fault. crawling to the shower to wash away the water. falling for hours. nothing matters. you taste so sour. eyes close. devour.

“hurry up and be with me” by stauce

[stauce]

my existential crisis. drowning. feeling lifeless. decaying my senses. endless emptiness. please end this.

“is it over yet?” by stauce

[stauce]

i know i'm expected to hide my waves of emotion. no tides. no oceans. but you're the moon and you're pulling me closer. until you rip me apart it wont be over.

“tides” by stauce

[stauce]

i disgust myself. i discussed myself with everyone else. they haven't felt this hell.

“disgust” by stauce

[stauce]

must i remain as a comet unknown? roaming the universe. afraid. alone.

“comet” by stauce

[stauce]

wont you be sad if they don't love you back?                no, because they have already made my life so much better. it doesn't matter if we are together or not, they make me happy.

“conversation excerpt 1” by stauce

[stauce]

unconscious or awake i'm constantly afraid someone will take everything away

“bed thoughts” by stauce

[stauce]

you sure do get my gag reflex going. cigarette smoking. coughing. choking. open a can of frosting. hoping. you might as well kill your offspring. broken. and why do i always end up biting my lip? i never mean to do it. to feel like shit. to ruin our underdeveloped kiss. an unsteady relationship. flesh ripped. emotionally useless. alone. in bliss. you should always pick. because im hopeless. sobriety is hard - pointless when you lied to me all along. soulless. so go smoke this and when you choke on your own spit and when you vomit your coldness. ill hold your hair but you wont notice. you never do.

“frosting” by stauce

[stauce]

fill my ears with feedback. i want to bleed. i need to feel that.

“feedback” by stauce

[stauce]

im bored. you hate being ignored. i really want more. torn between what i need and what i already own. mourn the tree. plant a seed. i want to go home. i know im alone. time always slows when im dreaming of you. the few moments we shared. im aware you dont care. im scared. i swear i live in constant fear. what happens when you arent there to wear my sweater? sometimes i let her help me feel better. she never fails. impale my skin with your nails. inhale. a chill down my spine. her pale palette. allow it to spill. dry on the canvas. now the ocean is still.

“part 4 of a week of thoughts in four parts” by stauce

[stauce]

too much pain when im reminded of the day we escaped the rain in a hidden place. a bench. a lake. a face. a meaningless kiss. musical bliss we thought was endless. begging to end it. one less loose thread. cotton sheets turn to lead. amid the arid waste i consume your sand just to get a taste. she needs her space. an orbit so great. once in a life. i don’t care about it. i might.

“part 2 of a week of thoughts in four parts” by stauce

[stauce]

how do i reverse the perverse thoughts? i never speak. i never sleep. i never talk. i rot in bed. headaches. coughs. the clock’s ticking never stops. awful dreams. the waves scream against my skull. crash the hull along the rocks. something is wrong. lost in the frozen fog. the dead black eyes of an unknown god. drifting by to the siren’s song. my mind is gone. i must have a broken cog. a burning log to ashes; hot. the clothes on my back are the ones i brought. they aren’t enough to keep away the choking smog. i think about it all day long. today. tomorrow. the ones i forgot. you said i was hollow. i never thought id swallow the truth. i didnt abuse you, i used you. bruised fruit; soft. i want to puke when i think of us. rust. pus. a euphoric rush when i watch you cut. wash your cuts. spill my guts. fill the void with useless stuff. a gust of wind takes the dust of my skin. stale crust. both eyes shut. i want to jump. im on a path to self destruct. to keep a friend i have to break one’s trust. one door opens. two doors shut.

“part 1 of a week of thoughts in four parts” by stauce