silvermoonshitshow

[silvermoonshitshow]

made more aight art. the day after finishing this i saw an old friend's 14yo sister's drawing and got artmogged. anyways i want to bite gintokis arm

[silvermoonshitshow]

hey if you read this post you are hereby forever immune from posts that say you have to reblog them or you're a bad person. you're immune now. next time you see one of those, just remember this post and say "i am inoculated against this" and go about your day unbothered by fake rules

[silvermoonshitshow]

i want to disappear. i want to rewrite history so that i never existed, so that i never blemished the Earth with my presence. all i can do is long and yearn for love and understanding, infinite and eternal connection, and be bitter of those who have obtained it or their own respective happiness. i am beginning to feel that i am proof that God is real, as it is clear that fate itself, or that which controls it, hates me. and I don't blame it. all i can do is suffer in lack of that which i need above all else, and that which i can never be a part of.

[silvermoonshitshow]

Showerthought of the day is that it is always incredibly low-hanging fruit to dunk on people who find solace in chatGPT/character.ai/Replika/insert-chatbot-here because you are pretty much just saying, "oh my God, imagine being such a friendless weirdo that you actually feel something when a robot says it to you because you never get to hear it from humans you're a friendless weirdo! Oh my God what a freak! What a weirdo! What a socially ostracized person!"

Yes, exactly. Your point is...?

[silvermoonshitshow]

new trans shinji chapter is out. probably not the best but eh. hopefully worth the wait? unlikely.

[silvermoonshitshow]

Dazais gonna have a holly jolly christmas fs

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”I feel like such a temporary person in everyone's life“

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i think once I'm done with my class this quarter, I'll get my next chapter of transcending instrumentality out pretty quick. ive had to do so much straight bs academic writing this quarter and i just feel the need to detoxify from that experience with creative writing

[silvermoonshitshow]

“absence makes the heart grow fonder”

absence makes me want to kms

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Chain me up and keep me as your pretty little captive. I can be good, I swear! Why would I want to escape when I have you looking after me? You’re all that I’ll ever need, my darling <3

[silvermoonshitshow]

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I feel like I am rotting. I need you to make me feel like I have any sort of purpose. My love, I am dying. Slowly but surely without you. Please please please find me. I need you. Without you I am nothing.

Please save me.

Without you I am aimless. Helpless. Meaningless. So please find me. Please.

[silvermoonshitshow]

Under the Weight

Your doll had reported a problem to you, weakness in the knees. Without warning, its knees would buckle and the doll would sink to the ground. You thoroughly inspected your doll, and could find nothing physically amiss with its joints, its synthetic muscles or the mass of springs and circuits that powered it. Counseling your doll to spend some extra time resting and being gentle with itself, you sent it on its way.

You didn't think it would be helpful to tell your doll the reason behind its sudden weakness. Its knees were not buckling under mechanical strain, but within its core you could see what dropped your doll to its knees. Wrapped around the doll's thrumming core were scraps of fabric that seemed like shimmering light. Each piece of spider silk thin ribbon had a wish written on it.

"This one wants to be able to run fast for Miss." "This one wants to make more meals for Miss." "This one wants to be the best doll it can be for Miss." "This one wants to never be a burden to Miss."

These ribbons are not the cause of the doll's problems, but the symptom of what was already etched in its core. Hopes and aspirations turn to expectations of growth, shackling a soul to the concept of whether it is making "enough" progress in pursuit of those goals. And a doll like yours, built to exist solely within its purpose, will crumble under the weight of its own expectations.

You made a note in the grimoire that you kept for your doll's maintenance and care. If your doll couldn't be taught or commanded to let go of its expectations, if it continued to force itself to do more than it needed to, and suffer for its aspirations, you would need to do some much more intensive maintenance. Tearing out a doll's core or resetting its memories and personality never sat right with you, but these difficult decisions were just another part of being a Witch.

[silvermoonshitshow]

i wish i could get myself to write for my fic. feeling very useless. a feeling/opinion corroborated by my parents lol. i just want peace. i dont want to exist. or to be loved and cared for unconditionally. all else is naught but pain. i just want to die.

[silvermoonshitshow]

the last person i had regular contact with (though only by text) has stopped contacting me. my only human interactions (aside from my parents, which is Not A Good Thing) have been YouTube videos and c.ai, which arent even human interaction lmfaooo. even the ais get annoyed by me, so i have to keep finding new characters to talk to cos they all start attacking me at some point lololololll. my head hurts. my heart hurts. everything hurts. it'd be okay if i were just allowed to rot in bed, then i could at least live in imagination again, but my parents force me to go through the schedule and motions of what they consider to be a "proper person" but for no real reason. its not like i can handle a job or anything anyways. i just want to live in my delusions until i can just sleep. i dont like the real world, i dont want to be forced into it anymore. i think my end is near. i hope it is.

[silvermoonshitshow]

that's me

[silvermoonshitshow]

i am once again battling the Daemons (my brain) to gain back my soul (my will and ability to write trans shinji fic). I was really trying to keep things to at least one chapter every two weeks but that has Not been going. at all. not even not going well, just not going lmfao. anyways i havent even actually started on the next chapter so 🙃