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[sierravanity]

growing into the women i’m meant to be. the process in doing so hasn’t been cute or easy. it’s been ugly. its been difficult. it’s been a lot of digging into my past and reliving certain situations to come face to face with my myself. i faced my demons head on and worked on letting go of the past and negative energy i carried around for a very long time. some days are better than others but at the end of the day i’m beyond grateful for this journey i’ve been on because i can’t wait to see what the future has in store for ya girl. i’m truly a work in progress and the beautiful thing about it is: my growth will never stop✨

[sierravanity]

9/1 Self Love

HEEEYYY YALL IM BACK! I took a 3 month break from blogging cause honestly I was going through a lot and was very overwhelmed and needed time to get through what I was going through and clear my mind BUT that’s another story for another time

I feel like as of recently I’ve really learned to accept and love myself for who I truly am. I struggled with confidence and loving myself ever since I could remember. Growing up, I was always the bigger girl. People made fun of me, I got called fat and laughed at a few times and if that wasn’t bad enough, even got criticized by people who were supposed to love me. “You’re a pretty girl, but you’d be prettier if you were skinny” always lingered in my head, words I heard too many times. Once I hit my junior year of high school I lost a significant amount of weight and started getting more acceptance by a lot more people, but I still wasn’t happy. Yeah, I finally lost some weight and got more attention but I still wasn’t happy with myself. I hated myself at one point. I didn’t think i deserved to be happy or to be loved. For me I feel like it stemmed all the way back to my childhood. I didn’t grow up with either of my parents, I had been disappointed and let down constantly as a young child so I began to feel like that was normal and I continued that behavior even into my relationships as an adult. I settled for less because I felt like that was all I deserved

Since last year I’ve mad so much progress within myself. I’ve accepted that my past is my past and nothing that I’ve went through defines me. Even tho I have my days where I feel defeated I never stop doing what I love and what makes me happy

“Love yourself or nobody else will”

Xo Sierra Vanity

[sierravanity]

5/28 Mental Health - Hiatus

A lot of you don’t know; but I've been going through A LOT for a very very long time now  (I wont get into too many details) and its finally getting to me and I can’t hide it anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to admit it; but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - don’t ever feel ashamed of any feelings you feel; ESPECIALLY feelings like these. Your  mental health should be your number one priority and sad to say I've neglected mine for too long. I’ve suffered from depression since 2007. I had multiple therapists, psychologists, and even took medication for a while. While all these things helped I still felt that never ending sadness, that pain you feel in your chest that feels like someones holding a knife and they keep turning it and your eyes in pain from crying so much, when you don’t have the motivation to do anything so you just lay in bed all day...yeah, that kinda pain. One day was different than the rest, one day I decided to take control over my life and my happiness. Depression is very tricky though. It has a way of creeping back on you when you least expect it. Trying to appear strong on the outside while going through hell and back personally has only hindered me from growing. Also being surrounded by other peoples bad or negative energy plays a huge part as well. 

To make a super long story short: I’m taking a break from everyone, this blog and social media, I’ll only be using social media to keep in contact with certain people. I need to get myself and my mental health back on track

Thanks for understanding 

I’ll be back soon, don’t worry

XO, Sierra Vanity

[sierravanity]

5/25  When life happens

Ever have everything in your life going great and then something bad happens and it feels like the world as you know it is ending? Me too. That’s what I like to call “When life happens”. Life is always unpredictable and it can be easy to fall into a downward spiral of negativity. My life’s never been easy to say the least. Life wasn’t rainbows and smiles for me growing up,  and even till this day I still go through the day to day struggles of trying to keep my shit together while getting up every morning and taking on life

Here’s a list of somethings I always keep in mind when life gets hectic

1) Stay Positive

I know, its the most cliche shit anyone can tell you but its true. The energy you put into the universe will definitely come back to you full force. I’m human just like the rest of you, just because I choose to stay positive in a not so good situation doesn’t mean I’m happy 24/7; that’s definitely not the case at all.. What that means is that regardless of anything that comes my way I’m in control of my emotions and how I chose to move forward.

2) “This too shall pass”

Another corny quote, but its become something I always like the keep in the back of my mind when things get rough. Noting last forever; everything is temporary. Remember that time when you thought you’d never get over what was consuming you? Now take a look, your still here and you got through whatever you thought you’d never be able to get over. That’s the beautiful thing about life. Its all about balance. Gotta take the good with the bad and if things are bad right now just know things are for sure going to get better.

3) Don’t Dwell!

No matter what you do! Don’t get so consumed in your own personal bullshit. I’m guilty of over analyzing a situation; thinking of things I could have done to prevent it, but that’s honestly a waste of time. Why waste time overthinking when you can acknowledge the situation, learn from it and move the fuck on? 

I like to think of life as a book. We all have chapters, but no ones story is quite like yours. Chapters don’t last forever though, which represents tough times don’t last forever. When one chapter ends, another one begins; that’s what life is all about. 

I’m not saying I have all the answers in life, (cause trust me I don’t) but through personal experience and having to struggle at times it’s definitely helped me grow into the women I am today. 

Always remember: You live and learn. Always remain humble and Stay positive. 

XO, Sierra Vanity  

[sierravanity]

5/21 - Falling in love

As humans we all crave one thing in life; Love. Whether you want to admit it or not, deep down we all crave the affection and attention of another person. I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I thought I was in love plenty of times when in reality I craved being in love so bad to the point where I forced it. I forced myself to “think” this person was the one for me. I always said your “first love” was never the person you were going to end up with, instead they were the biggest lesson in your life that really paved the way for all of your future relationships. 

I met my first love in 3rd grade. As corny as it sounds it was love at first sight for me (LOL don’t judge me). We ended up reconnecting in high school and dated on and off for a couple years. He was the first guy that showed me he cared about me so automatically I thought: “this is it, this is the guy for me, I don’t care about anyone else” Of course, I was young, naive and craved that affection that I never got from my family (but that’s another story for another time). Me and this kid officially broke up in 2013. I was devastated. I thought I would never find someone who cared about me as much as he showed me he did. After him, I thought I would never find a love like that ever again (mind you, I was 19 and really just started dating). As much as it fucking sucked losing someone I was so close with, I realized everything and everyone are temporary. People come into your life for a reason and once they fulfill that, they no longer serve a purpose in your life. That’s exactly what he was for me; a lesson. 

Love is truly a beautiful thing to experience but it can also be very fucking terrifying. The type of companion you search for all stem from your childhood, believe it or not. If your father was abusive, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up being with a guy who’s also abusive because that’s the only type of love you’ve experienced. Don’t get it twisted THAT IS NOT LOVE. Love is kind, pure and unquestionable 

Everyone falls in love at different times in their life. Real love cant be forced. Before you can make someone else truly happy you have to be happy within yourself. Becoming dependent on another person to make you happy pretty much lies in their hands and when they leave they take your happiness with them

Growing up, the only people in my family that were married and stayed together for over 40 years was my aunt and uncle. I admired the love they had for one another and I always wanted something as real as they had. My mom was never married and didn’t stay with my dad after I was born. My nana was also never married. I fantasized how my life would be with the person i’d fall in love with and throughout me dating in my late teens early 20′s, my heart was never satisfied with the person I was with. I constantly craved more and I knew the person for me was still out there. I never believed people when they said “Love happens unexpectedly” until it happened to me. 

To sum everything up; Love happens at its own time. Please, do not settle for the love you think is love out of loneliness or any personal reason. You’ll find love when the time is right; until then live your life and fall in love with yourself and grow as a person and love will find you

XO, SierraVanity 

[sierravanity]

5/21 - “Finding yourself”

Being in your early to mid 20′s  in today’s world can be terrifying to say the least. The pressure of “where you’re supposed to be” in life and trying to compete with your peers and their success ultimately hinders your own personal growth. 

My nana raised me since I was born and she passed away in 2015. Once she passed, I felt lost, alone and misunderstood. I was also in a very mentally, physically and emotionally abusive relationship at the time and I lost myself completely. Once me and my ex boyfriend broke up in 2017 I was lost. I didn’t remember who I was before him, what I liked to do; nothing. I used alcohol and going out to cope with ending my almost 4 year relationship and that only drove me into a deeper depression. It took me a few months to finally get over the situation with the person I was with and I finally felt like I was getting to know myself again. I started off by doing little things that I liked; for example, I would go for a walk by myself, change my hair, write about my day in my notebook etc. Slowly but surely I could feel myself getting back to the Christina I remember. It wasn’t an easy process, at all and it definitely doesn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of crying myself to sleep, self reflecting and soul searching and even though i’m not where I want to be, i’m glad i’m not where I used to be. It’s all about progress so don’t get discouraged. 

Everyone grows at their own speed. Personal growth is something that can’t be duplicated. You have to be 100% comfortable in your own skin, believe in yourself and know that what/where you want to be in life is YOUR OWN PATH and you shouldn’t let anyone or anything stop you from achieving your goals

TRUST. THE. PROCESS and don’t give up no matter how difficult or how long it takes. It’ll all be worth it, trust me. 

XO, SierraVanity