sickandinlove7

[sickandinlove7]

Just coming back to this for some comfort

Hi! I love all your work, especially as someone who is also disabled and neurodivergent. I hope things have been going well with you! As for a request I was wondering if you could do a reactions kind of thing for BTS to you having a flare up/bad symptom day and you’re really frustrated and upset because you had a date planned or something but you don’t think you could handle it, but you still try to hide it from them. For me I always struggled with severe nausea that is cause by POTS and made worse by anxiety, and I have spent hours crying on the bathroom floor out of frustration haha. Sorry if this is too wordy or detailed, I tend to type whatever I think and just go with it lol. I really enjoy your writing and always come back to it for comfort. It’s such a relief having someone who writes neurodivergent and disabled characters and represents it well. 💜

as someone with POTS as well, im glad you've found my work and feel like its comforting. that's one of my goals for writing is to help people see themselves in media, as someone who is disabled and/or neurdivergent.

I hope you enjoy this reaction that it helps you feel a little bit more comfort :)

namjoon, yoongi, and jungkook

would notice something wrong almost immediately

hates that you try to hide how bad you feel because it makes them wonder if your feel safe or comfortable with them

would try not to make anything a big deal and just get right back into bed with you.

date night in the bedroom now, surrounded by salty snacks and drinks (with electrolytes) and playing your favorite movies.

would just hold you close and listen to your frustrations

"oh, you need your drink opened, let me"

"oh, you need your snack opened, let me"

"oh, you need to go to the bathroom, let me carry you there."

would check your heart rate and keep track to it for you

jin and hoseok

would wake up to the sounds of you throwing up

would move to the bathroom despite your protests and help you feel comfortable and safe, holding your hair back and rubbing your back

would insist that they also weren't feeling well and that they would have canceled date night anyways,

would get back into bed with you, supplies already at the ready and would hold you against them, insisting that you can't get their "sickness" anyways

would try and make you forget about your flare up (even if its all they think about) and joke around/ play around with you while keeping you in bed.

would hold you as you cry your frustrations out, waiting and patient for if you want to talk about it

jimin and taehyung

would honestly be a little excited about a date night with you, since their schedules are so busy.

wouldn't notice at first that you were in a flare up, but wouldn't notice something is wrong with the way your body is sluggish and how you run to the bathroom hoping for them not to notice you were sick

would be so upset with themselves for not picking up on your flare up and rub your back slowly

would hold you close, rocking you in his arms as you sit on the bathroom floor, spilling reassurances into you ear

"it's okay, baby. let it all out."

would become frustrated for you, but still holding you close as you cry and let all your anger out.

as someone currently in a POTS flare up, this actually helped me and gave me a lil comfort :)

[sickandinlove7]

It sucks being stuck. Especially when you are stuck because of other people’s decisions. In therapy we always talked about choices I can make to move forward. And now, I can’t because of people who only care about themselves.

[sickandinlove7]

TW emetophobia? Nothing super graphic

My problems started at age 7/8. I used to feel like I was ahead of people in terms of maturity for a long time because I was forced to deal with chronic illness as a child with no diagnosis and a lot of medical gaslighting (from doctors and adults who didn’t know anything).

Now in my late 20s I feel so far behind; lot of it is socially as I avoided doing a lot because of my symptoms not being understood or under control for my whole childhood and very early adulthood. I have never dated, partly because I’m picky, but also because I can’t imagine dating and dealing with symptoms while trying to get to know someone. Will they be patient? Will they try to understand? Will I be able to go on dates in general? In high school and college I avoided dating mostly because I knew I would probably spend a date in the bathroom trying not to puke and crying out of frustration. I have always wanted to get married and have kids, but I don’t think I’ll get there. Dating is really scary (and almost impossible as someone who is masking still). But I also don’t feel like I could ever live alone, much less manage a household with children. Chores take longer to do than they should, and then takes twice as long to recover. Even then I can feel off for days after some things. I don’t know if I can find someone who would understand and work with me and love me. I think I will just have to live this life alone.

Becoming disabled as a teenager sucks, I'm an adult now in my late 20s and I feel like everything is stunted. I feel like I'm emotionally stunted, I never got to do a lot of the things teenagers get to do I don't have a license, I didn't get to study art as much as I wanted to I sit around thinking how good I could have been if I was actually able to dive into my craft I feel like all my skills in every department are just at the stage of a teenager and I don't feel like I can evolve past it. I hate the way this feels. I want my art to be better, I want to feel mature I just don't know how to get there when my disabilities get in the way of that

[sickandinlove7]

Me lying down: I feel pretty much fine. What am I doing lying around? I should get up and do something. Or at least sit upright, damn.

Me when I’m upright: oh, Jesus. Oh, damn. Oh, RIGHT—this is why I was lying down.

[sickandinlove7]

So how do you other chronically ill people tell someone you are having a bad day symptom wise? Or that you don’t feel good?

[sickandinlove7]

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[sickandinlove7]

When a disabled person says that they can’t do something, we don’t mean that we just don’t want to. We also don’t mean maybe. We mean that we physically cannot do it or that we could, but it could really harm us. We have to pay consequences. You don’t.

[sickandinlove7]

What is it called when you are scared of being touched or being close to people because you are afraid they will think you are gross or will hate your touch?

Like mental contamination but instead of worrying about being contaminated, I’m worried about contaminating others in a way?

I feel touch starved but I get uncomfortable just sitting close to someone.

[sickandinlove7]

It’s the best when you ask a quiet kid about something they like and their face lights up and they talk more than they have ever talked to you before. Even if you aren’t interested in the same things please let kids talk about their interests.

[sickandinlove7]

“Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It only hurts.”

— Kate Jacobs // Comfort Food

[sickandinlove7]

The barometric pressure drops and suddenly I cannot function.

Chronic illness is ridiculous.

[sickandinlove7]

I never realized how much I do 👍🏻 at work until one of the youngest and most quiet kids started giving me a thumbs up every time I looked at her and now it is the main way we communicate 😂😂😂 👍🏻

[sickandinlove7]

My re-goop when my brain finally fully developed my frontal cortex at 26ish was the best so far (27 now). Things just click a lot easier now

thank fucking god I'm not 14 anymore

[sickandinlove7]

Disability will have you thinking shit like “I’m not even that disabled. I can manage as long as I limit myself to very specific careers, never go shopping for more than an hour or two at a time, keep my plans open so I can cancel and stay in if need be, and only go out a few nights per week at the most”

[sickandinlove7]

Sitting here ripping off the skin till it bleeds and then some more. Then if you put lip balm on you can feel any imperfections that need smoothed out so then you rip that skin off and all the lip balm is now on your bloody fingers. I’m fine lol.

perhaps ripping this one little piece of skin off my lips will at last render them plump and moisturized

[sickandinlove7]

[sickandinlove7]

ancient greek word of the day: κακοθερής (kakotherēs), unfitted to endure summer heat