schizoruby

[schizoruby]

i feel so alone, so empty and hollow inside. No matter what I do or how many promises slip out of my chapped, scarred lips, I will always break them.

" I'll stop. "

I mumble as I curl up in my bed, giving myself the comfort someone else was supposed to provide, caressing my hipbones and calming myself down when nobody else did.

" I won't do it again. "

Tears fall down my face, splattering onto my chest as I weep at the pathetic attempts at cutting. Cutting my stupid, pale anemic skin that everyone picks at me about.

" I love you, I promise it won't happen. "

It happened, and I'm sorry.

[schizoruby]

5:15 am, I am crying over everything in the universe and I relapsed. my cuts aren't deep but I don't care, I don't know who I am. I have to come to terms with it to cope but I feel as though I'm a system. there's more people here and I don't know who is who.

[schizoruby]

youll be watching my blog for under a few changes now that I'm back, I'll also start making art here and there eventually, love you babies <3

[schizoruby]

Hello my lovelies, schizoruby here. I forced myself intl recovery and honestly have been flourishing, but now I miss the dark parts of me and I want to return, I want to really fuck myself over and expose my deepest darkest tunnels of me to this damned blog. this is my comeback and I'm flourishing once again (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠)

[schizoruby]

Somebody edge me with a blade. Edge me with the feeling of slitting my skin open, put that cold piece of metal up against my thigh, moving it around like your finger and take it away when I beg for you to cut me.

[schizoruby]

"No matter the depth of your cuts you're always valid-" SHUR UP NO IM NOT I HAVE TO HAVE VISIBLE AND CLEAR AND RISED SCARS

I'm gonna kill myself please someone grant me the wish of cutting deeper

[schizoruby]

i need to look like a skinny white boy rn. and I don't I will kill myself

[schizoruby]

Just how much can a girl handle before she breaks

[schizoruby]

YOU AND ME, ALWAYS FOREVER...

[schizoruby]

“Need motivation for weight loss?”

no thx I have a mirror

[schizoruby]

OH HOW.I LOVE THIS PLACE this place makes me feel so free and seen I love everything and everyone here

[schizoruby]

when the addiction is so intense it seeps into your dreams and you wake up in a cold sweat checking your arms and legs, only to feel disappointed that the cuts and scars you dreamt of wasn't real...

...unless you try for them ;)

[schizoruby]

no seriously, I was in recovery for a good 6 months or whatnot for them and now I'm a a crash out and becoming worse again so..

when ur love for them goes from "i wanna starve to be pretty for them" to "id recover if they asked me to"

[schizoruby]

The day you can rub your fingers over my body and feel my scars is the day I rest.

[schizoruby]

For once, I want someone to be scared of losing me. To fight for me to stay when I try to leave. Why am I always the one scared? Always the one fighting for someone to stay?

[schizoruby]

"These are your toughest years" she says to me as I remember being 11 years old, thinking that biting and punching myself wasn't a okay form of self harm, picking up a pair of scissors and cutting myself with them.

"toughest...

...years."

[schizoruby]

I always feel like my $h is not valid, because I never need to get stitches or anything