saratoninsworld

[saratoninsworld]

[saratoninsworld]

I’ve been so turned off by my own life that I’m just ready to be turned on again. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m accepting the fact that all of my friends are being placed into the acquaintance category. I am fine with all of this change. I’m actually excited to get back into the world of uncomfortable because I am craving a new life. I am ready to redirect.

[saratoninsworld]

[saratoninsworld]

[saratoninsworld]

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. His father and I were not even together and had literally just separated. I honestly thought that this was the universes way of telling me that I belonged with this man. How could it not, we were bound for life with a child now, you know? So I stayed.

Then I remember him doing shady shit behind my back when he would go out to the bars with his friends. He would lie about it or act like I was making a huge deal out of nothing. While I was at home taking care of our son when he was only a couple months old. This only happens when he’s around his friends so it’s probably their fault right? Surely this man was my destined person though, how could he not be? So I stayed.

He proposed to me on my first Mother’s Day. We bought a house together shortly after. I even talked him into getting another dog. This was it, the happiness I had been waiting for. Things were starting to feel like happily ever after, my sticking around for the bad was finally being shown all the good. Life was just too good, how could it not be? So I stayed.

The first time someone tried telling me he cheated on me, he went through great lengths to cover it up. He actually asked his best friend to lie for him. Surely this person wouldn’t lie to me though right? But why would my fiancé and father to my child either? So I stayed.

We were married in August, I remembered I kept having cold feet but I just assumed everyone does. I was just scared to take that next step at promising forever but that’s normal, I’ll be okay. So I stayed.

The second time someone tried telling me he cheated on me was a couple weeks before the thanksgiving after we had been married. I refused to let it go this time, no one makes this kind of stuff up time after time just to fuck with another.. he finally admitted and I was ready to leave but I had to figure everything out with therapy. I had to figure out how I caused this. So I stayed.

The week of Christmas and he decided it’s okay to hang out with said girl at the bars. “He was there for his brothers” that were back home for the time being. “He didn’t do anything wrong” “He wasn’t there to hang out with her”

Little did we know I was pregnant at this time. Maybe this was our miracle baby that would solve all of the problems and make things better? How could they not? This has to be it, what we needed. It just has to be, I’ve suffered so much that it’s finally time I don’t anymore right? This baby will fix it this time, right?

Wrong.

So tell me, why would I stay?

[saratoninsworld]

[saratoninsworld]