sammielston

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I may have a thing for white

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Officially the girl behind the red door 🗝🏠 #newhome

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Champagne supernova 🥂

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Throwback shoot displaying how I look right before starting a bar fight

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Dear love of my life. You died too young but let's look at this way, you never did a collab with Rhianna. You're the dream Lennon 💫

[sammielston]

You’ll meet her. She’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her

Pan’s Labryrinth (via help-n-quotes)

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Heavy

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🌚

[sammielston]

You looked at the moon through a telescope and told me how it’s shadowed face and empty craters made you feel so insignificant. I want to tell you all the times I’ve looked up at the sky in all it’s vast glory and felt so small wrapped below it’s blanketed clouds and watchful starry eyes. I know I don't have to because we came from the same band of light, the same dust & silver swirls bounded together by accidental chaos. Except now I know that nothing is accidental. Every choice, every mistake was all part of the plan - the planets colliding, allowing us to feel growing pains before perfectly aligning. We danced across them like lily pads and stepped on to scales either side, “there” they sighed with relief “you finally found your balance.”

[sammielston]

I walked into a strangers home through her perfectly lit hallway into the back room. I complimented her brown leather couch and wondered if any of the other mad ones had done the same. I studied her face, her movements - watching her watching me. The calming music from her record player doesn’t have the right effect on me and I wonder how the hell I got here? I’m not giving away too much, I’m making her work for it - go on dig deeper, I dare you. She asks why I left and must notice the slight twinge my body can’t mask. ‘There it is’ she must think to herself ‘the weak spot - the moneymaker’ 

She can tell where it really hurts and lets the pain guide her, twisting & turning the blade into my gut trying to help it all spill out. Suddenly the hole in my chest I've been stitching together comes undone and I feel it all...every time your face changed and I knew what was coming, every time I waited on the steps for it to pass, the sinking feeling when you wouldn’t answer, the 3am drunken banging at my door. It all comes rushing back at once and I'm dizzy from the impact.

I picture you seeing me like this, in front of this stranger - your strength looking so weak. “I’m sorry” you’d be saying with tears flowing effortlessly down your face as though you’d stored them up for a lifetime to use only for me. 

‘post traumatic stress disorder’ she concludes. I can’t tell if I've let out an uncomfortable laugh because she tilts her head, looks directly in my eyes as if she has to convince me with her next sentence... “You have been in a war of your own” and I guess she’s right.

[sammielston]

Flight or Fight

It starts off like stepping into another dimension, a floating body above the crowds - being able to touch without a feeling in your fingers. Then the dread starts to pour into your veins and spreads through your body till every nerve in your stomach is pulled in tight. Hands seize up, now your body’s going into shock. The air is ripped out of your chest and you lose your speech from the vibrations in your face. Heart beating so fast, you wonder if it’s gonna burst any moment. The hospital are sticking dozens of needles in, I can see my blood on the bed but I don't know where I've lost it from. People are telling me to relax but I can't see their mouths move. The doctor tells me in broken English I should see a therapist when I'm home and I can feel myself slowly coming back because I think about all the things I’d have to tell them about you. 

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Medicated sleepy eyes, the backend of a storm keeps me awake  I'm entertaining something that I know i'll break I've almost forgotten you now but the weather warnings remind me How you'd send out smoke signals when you ache

[sammielston]

Happy Friday 🍷

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New demo I've been working on and yes that is a cute polaroid of my parents.