rorygilmoreclown

[rorygilmoreclown]

Kuroo x Desi!reader

Request: Kuroo with a poc/ south Asian exchange student in college. Smart witty mathematics major. (NSFW or SFW) Request by: @thefuckwasmyname

A/n: This is a grammatical abomination in terms of punctuations amongst other things. Also, is “ofcourse” an indian word of sort? Because autocorrect throws a fit and always denies that this word exists. Edit: got the error, dw I fixed it, of course.

Note: Italics are the dialogues. First dialogue is always Kuroo’s.

Word count: 1.1k

New student in the middle of the semester. You couldn’t go ignored at all. Specifically by a certain topper of the class.

Afterall you put his sport scholarship at risk. How could he ignore you.

So when that one common course came along, he saw this as an opportunity.

To flirt with you.

Because in his head, it wasn't the curiosity of seeing pretty little earrings or the little dot between your eyebrows or that pretty smile that attracted him to you; it was the fact that he wanted to win. Or maybe both.

Graciously failed to flirt as soon as he saw what you were working on.

The complex problem that your professor had assigned. THE COMPLEX PROBLEM. One which, even he, could not solve.

No matter how many times he tried to derivate. But you, were nearing the answer. That’s just not acceptable now is it.

So, now he had to distract you, the stakes were higher.

So when he saw the chance, he started the debate with you. To try and prove you wrong.

“Chain rule”

“Product rule”

“Chain rule”

“Product rule”

“Chain rule”

It was in fact the chain rule. And you were in fact right. Kuroo just didn’t want to admit it.

(Read the note before this pls)

“You are wrong you know.”

“No I am not. It is solvable by only chain rule.”

“Okay, let me convince you? I have a free lecture post lunch and before practice. “

“You could try. You will be wrong. “

That’s how your first date went. Him trying to convince him that he is right and you just sitting there trying to show him the solved version.

It became a routine of sort.

Him bringing you questions and then starting debates over them. Which turned into you sharing the questions you couldn’t solve as well

Eventually, just that one lecture was not enough to be debating over problems of all things.

So you took over each other’s lunches as well.

That’s when Kuroo discovered, your cooking

Let’s just say, for his stomach and his heart, there was no going back.

Achar from the side tiffin, getting over quicker than it was before. You reciprocated of course.

He had to buy pocky more often now.

I saw this math meme yesterday

Show

No

Huh

No

Why’d you tell me then?

Give your number, it’s a visually funny one

Or you could just show it to me from your phone

No

Fine, give your phone here

That’s how he took down your number.

A lot of stolen ladoos later….

Texting you things other than just problems started to make sense now.

His favourite being texting you indian food content he finds.

Yours being sending him kitten content in order to influence him into keeping one.

You see, your rental doesn’t allow pets. But his does.

And you had found the most adorable black cat near the campus.

He gives in in a couple of days yes. Afterall, he was the Nekoma captain.

So you both go shopping for the cat.

You see, despite being a cat person, Kuroo didn’t really know a lot about them. So you were there to help the cat out.

Not for anything else obviously.

They are as a matter of fact, allergic to milk

No, they are not. Back home I used to feed the stray cats milk and water

You didn’t know any better. I do.

No

Yes

No

Yes

I’ll google it

Go ahead

Ha!

What

They are only allergic to cow milk. Not buffalo milk.

Okay what?!

Yes, look

Next debate of yours came with the flavour of the cat food

The vet’s always suggest to start out with the chicken or ocean flavours

The salmon one looks better

Don't be stubborn on this one.

I will be.

Fine, I’ll give Kenma a call, he has cats.

Okay you do that.

Much to your dismay, Kenma suggested to start out with the ocean flavour.

Then much to your cashier’s dismay, his calculator broke down.

You could say that the cashier wanted to do the same.

Its 2080 yen

No, it’s 2210 yen

He said it’s on 20% discount didn’t he

No he said 15%

The cashier had said 10. The cashier himself spoke.

So it’s 2340!

Both of you claimed at the same time.

Did you finish the assignment yet?

You rolled your eyes at his text.

No, I’m on it

Okay, send it once you are done

No

Please

Okay, what will I get in return

A date

With who

With me obviously

No

You dare reject my advances

Fine, I’ll send it

Thankyou. Now that’s more like it

Stop being an asshole, doesn’t suit you

It suits me about 70%

We talked about this Kuroo

Yes we did

It was 20%

No

If it couldn’t get any better, you were also good at chemistry, but decided to drop it due to excess course load.

So it didn’t surprise Kuroo when you could correct his assignment and tell him that he had attempted a 10 marker incorrectly.

You had a fight about it for a while, but he did end up agreeing that it was D-erythrose and not D-threose.

(for context these molecules have similar structure, but not exactly the same)

Once this happened. Kuroo was no longer kidding himself.

He finally admitted to himself that he indeed does like you a lot more than he had planned and also the fact that you were better at math

So when he finally decided to confess, it wasn’t surprising to him and you either.

You had noticed the long stares, the teasing behind the red ears of his.

Because you were doing the same of course.

But Kuroo being Kuroo, decided to be extra about it.

He decided that the best way to confess to you would be to spell out your name and the confession as functions

Spent literal days on it

Even asked you to graph a few small things.

Didn’t tell you what of course, but you anyways helped him.

After he showed it to you, you literally got up and left.

Didn’t even say a word.

Left the poor guy hanging.

Well, he just justified it in his brain that he had miscalculated your actions as liking him back.

He decided to save himself the future embarrassments and never to talk to you again.

Gave up on the idea of him liking anyone else ever again

Lost the meaning of life.

Caved into depression.

All this in the span of 4 minutes 33 seconds that you were gone.

You came back with a “I feel the same” text on the graph as functions for his confession.

Boy lit up.

Deflated again

How’d you manage this within 4 minutes?

You just laughed.

[rorygilmoreclown]

Posting a kuroo x desi!reader today :)

[rorygilmoreclown]

Okay, online again, posting soon. Amazingly long break 😔

[rorygilmoreclown]

Ahhhh I love people, so many requests. Going to try and post em all today skwjdjd.

Keyword is try okay?

[rorygilmoreclown]

Send requests pls 🙏🙏

Jjk

Haaikyuu

Currently in the mood for them 😌

Can be nsfw/ sfw

[rorygilmoreclown]

Help me decide

I'm scratching all the pending drafts cause humour is too much work. Instead, indulging in my resurfaced anime era.

Also sorry for clogging up all the fandom tags, I just need poll count 😭😭

Pls reblog, so that I get more audience, it's always good for motivation :)

Send an ask for the taglist 😭

[rorygilmoreclown]

Masterlist

Shadow and Bone: (Show)

Nikolai Lanstov:

A start

Cunk on Ketterdam (Nikolai Version)

Six of Crows:

Kaz Brekker:

The window

Cunk on Ketterdam (Kaz Version)

Cunk on Ketterdam Series

Part 1: Kaz Brekker

Part 2: Nikolai Lanstov

Haikyuu:

Kuroo Tetsuro:

Desi!reader

More on the way? Lmk if you want to be on the taglist?

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam (pt.2)

Nikolai x Cunk

A/n: took me months didn't this. I also just know that Nikolai would most likely end up broke and in dept in monopoly (just like Ravka)

Word count: 700 something

Cunk: I've been told that you are the king of Ravka and hence I should ask you respectable questions only. I hope you know that I won't be sticking to that tale. I'm somewhat rebellious.

Nikolai: I didn't expect any less.

Cunk: So Nikolai, you are on the king level right? So what's next on the ranking? What's the next level?

Nikolai: There is no next level. This is it.

Cunk: That's a boring video game then isn't it. You should stop playing. But I suppose you have the side quest of trying to be a parakeet to keep you invested.

Nikolai: What? I'm not trying to be a parakeet?! I think you mean privateer.

Cunk: With all due respect, I know what I'm talking about, please don't kinsplain it to me. I also think that you are doing a horrible job at trying to be a parakeet. Okay, next question. They say 'all roads lead to Ravka,' but have you considered putting up some road signs just to be sure?

Nikolai: I don't know who they are but sure, I'll put up signs everywhere.

Cunk: Do you think you would add audio signs since your parakeet friends can't read?

Nikolai: I don't have any parakeet friends, and my privateer friends know how to read anyways.

Cunk: That's a bit sad innit? Anyways I've heard you've got quite the head for strategy. Have you ever considered applying your tactical genius to a game of Monopoly? Those battles can get brutal. I have to warn you.

Nikolai: (Already asking his staff to get it for him)

Cunk: If you were to throw a kingdom-wide party, what would be your go-to dance move? The 'Royal Rumba' or the 'Monarch Mambo'?

Nikolai: That's a clever one, i see what you did there. However I refuse to speak on the topics of my kingdom's hierarchical structure.

Cunk: Man, you are not the person I'd take to any party. So tell me Nikolai, being a king must come with a lot of perks. Do you get a 'royal discount' on those fancy robes, or do you just use coupons like the rest of us?

Nikolai: I actually had this tailor by my staff.

Cunk: You make being a king sound almost lavish. (Talking to her crew: Find me a place to establish my rule and become a king would you?)

Nikolai: I could just give you my tailor? Ruling a kingdom just for clothes would be expensive.

Cunk: Speaking about ruling the kingdom, they say 'behind every great king is a great advisor.' So, who's your go-to person for deciding which socks to wear?

Nikolai: Agastya Yu. That's my socks choosing staff. Cunk: Well, they are doing a good job. (Pointing to his seagull themed socks)

Cunk: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one Grisha power, which one would it be? I hear controlling seagulls can be quite handy.

Nikolai: I'm not sure that that's an actual power, although being a squaller might have an advantage.

Cunk: Isn't that what I just said? Power of controlling the seagulls.

Nikolai: (Entertaining all the whimsicalness at this point) Yes ofcourse.

Cunk: Talking about your trauma, rumor has it that you've faced some pretty monstrous creatures. How do you handle them? I'm asking for a friend, Mark, he's so terrified of garden gnomes these days. Poor boy can't even go out on his lawn.

Nikolai: (He thinks he's clever by deflecting this one) Why does he have garden gnomes and how as well, if he's so scared of them?

Cunk: No one just has garden gnomes Nikolai. They appear on their own. (To the crew: Had he been living under a rock?)

Cunk: That's it, I'm giving you my presentation on humanity next week. Be ready. This boy clearly knows nothing about the real world now does he.

Stay tuned for the next interview with the famous chef inej ghafa.

[rorygilmoreclown]

The Window

A window

Kaz Brekker x Reader 

Prompt: I can’t stop imagining him with a reader or oc that’s just absolutely fucking insane and feeding off this shit. Like during this whole scene she’s going feral or giggly or something. And all the other crows are so used to her being crazy and Jesper is like: “Don’t mind her gentlemen, she’s just missing a few screws… okay maybe all of them.”

Note: A little note for everyone, I don’t mean to disrespect the bond Inej and Kaz have, I myself am a huge worshipper of Kanej. Just for the plot sake of this fic, the contents have some comments which might make you feel like I’m anti Kanej, but I’m not. Thankyou.

Wordcount: 2.1k

Inej climbed the walls to the topmost window since she knew that you and Kaz would most likely be scheming there. She stood outside the window, undetected to anyone who would be glancing at the window from the inside, a habit of the beloved spy she had become for the crows. Afterall, she was the eyes and the ears for the Dregs, how could she not know every single detail being planned. A part of her also knew that it was due to the curiosity about how the two most insane people in Ketterdam could find a longing devotion towards each other, and also a bet she’d entered against Jesper. 

If anything happens tonight, if every plan goes awry, run away from this mess and . Inej almost thought that the later half of the sentence would be asking you to stay away from Pekka Rollins, but yet again, she had underestimated the bond that Dirtyhands and his beloved assassin, you, shared. And ensure that you torture Pekka Rollins and destroy him. Even if I’m not with you, although I suppose that my absence would inevitably send you down that path. 

You knew Inej was listening through the window, and you wouldn’t really blame her for doing that. You laughed. Brick by Brick will turn into fragment by fragment until it’s all dust Kaz, I can assure you that. You said as you strolled away from the table and towards the window. Your feet make no sound, as if you were swimming under the water. And besides, nothing can go wrong when it’s our planning being turned into a play. 

Inej was baffled. She thought that a sane partner would have probably asked you to escape and lead a different life, but nothing about this was normal. Afterall, this was Kaz Brekker. Our play has the most perfect dolls. Even the ones who try to spy on us. You leaned through the window and smirked a little at Inej, as if you had won some game. Inej knew that it was her cue to enter the room. 

Kaz just ignored the slight irritation he felt by the interruption. I hope that all the preparations have been made. You could hear the need for only an affirmative response. Wylan's brought the compound. Jesper's helping load it in. Yes, it is all in place, boss. Your eyes secretly met her and in an unsaid medium of communication, she conveyed to you that the arrangements asked to be made by you as a backup plan had also been made. Kaz didn’t miss that, but trusted you enough to know that it isn’t something adverse. 

After a rehearsal of the plan, everyone went on their own routes. You went with Inej to the fifth harbour. Both of you fit perfectly hidden within the shadows and the ropes of the ships. You got started with your job instantly, Inej jumping off to cover the lower deck as you breezed through the upper one. Your feet light, using a trick you stole from a previous circumstantial acquaintance with whom you had been trained, Dunyasha. 

Shortly after Inej gave you the signal to leave without her. Knowing and trusting her skills and intentions, you left the harbour. Before you’d go and watch the final act, you made a pit stop at the menagerie as well. Choosing to leave them a little present of freedom by contaminating their work environment. Good, you thought, they won't be able to start the work for weeks now. 

Finally arriving at the club, you notice Nina dragging a willingly being dragged Kaz. It was fun to watch them from a distance. You slipped in without anyone noticing and sat down at the little front bar, waving cheerfully at Nina. You saw that Kaz was still on the ground. As angry as you were with Pekka Rollins, it was adorable of him to even think that he could harm Kaz. You watched as Pekka threw a kick onto Kaz ribs and as he kneeled in pain. I have to say, this isn’t how I had imagined Kaz Brekker to be kneeling but this works too. All heads turned towards you, and the guns of the Dime Lions with them. Leave her, she won't interfere with my artsy process of destroying this bastard. Rollins almost warned the members. 

You knew Kaz was confused as well. The plan was that you would stay on the window sill which was high above and only interfere or indicate your presence if and when needed or signalled. What are you doing here? Kaz’s tone was threatening as well as disappointed at the same time. 

Your heartrender isn't the only one who knows how to double cross you Brekker. Rollins said as he let himself smile, thinking that it was the end for the bastard. You knew Kaz would connect the dots and know that you were on his side. Now where were we? You saw Kaz being beaten up, each strike encouraging the raging urge to reduce Pekka to nothing. But you had to maintain your front. After a while of this, the sweet and loud sound of the siren fell on everyone’s ears, followed by Edyck, a dime lion, who had come to inform the pleasant news of your plan succeeding. 

You went forward without anyone noticing and helped Kaz stand upright. Slowly retreating as Kaz put the final act into place. There will be outbreaks at all of your establishments. And only yours. The path of contagion will be clear. A ship in your harbour spread the disease to your clubs. You saw the colour being drained from Rollins’ face, yet trying to maintain a facade for the sake of any change of revenge or escape from this situation. What did you do, boy?

Oh why give him all the credit Rollins. I know a certain someone who might have helped. You spoke as you took a sip of the cold concoction you had forced the bartender to summon. Now, the guns were turned towards you as well. I’ll have my own revenge on you later, you foolish girl. 

And that was enough for Kaz to put his next pawn into place, now completely knowing that Rollins deserved it. You laughed out loud, startling the bartender as well as the people who had their guns aimed at you. There's nothing an island nation fears more than disease. The Merchant Council's going to want a proper investigation. Kaz explained to Pekka, who was busy loading bullets. You knew one of them would be aimed at you too. 

Hmm. You got my attention. But you're not worth the time it'll take to put a bullet in your head. You saw Jesper enter silently as Pekka spoke. He took a seat next to you. You passed him a glass as he scoffed. You knew that it was aimed at your antics. Fifth Harbor is shut down. You got up from your seat. Kaz interrupted, breaking your chance of giving Pekka a monologue, Your businesses are tainted. 

My businesses will be fine. But you- Pekka said. You gave him a scoff as you spoke up, And you were calling me insane when you’re the one that is living in denial. Ignoring the gun he had shoved in Kaz’s face. I'd reconsider. If you want to see your Kaelish prince again. Pekka knew exactly who Kaz was talking about. Afterall, Rollins was the one who had assigned the job of keeping the little boy safe, to you. Big mistake. Yet, he didn’t want to give anything away. Oh. What are you gonna do? You gonna blow it up again? You need to learn some new tricks. 

Your other Kaelish prince. You continued the next part for Kaz. Fond of sweets. Blond hair.

Alby. You raised the glass you had in your hand and offered it to Kaz. If the devil could smile, that’s where Kaz Brekker learned it from. He gave you a crooked smile, taking the glass from you and gulping it down. I have to say Brekker, blood on your face and smirk on your lips suits you. You winked at him. If this wasn’t enough for Pekka to be furious, you didn’t know what was. I will kill everything you love, Brekker. Pekka moved the gun and aimed it at you now. I will kill your little assassin, and bury her right under the remains of your previous Crow Club. You saw how Kaz clenched his fist, controlling himself to not just put a bullet in Pekka’s head right then and there. Despite the circumstances, you found this little action sweet. 

A loud giggle escaped your lips. Gaining extremely confused glances by all the members. Jesper spoke out from the corner, ignoring the implication of a kid being kidnapped by Kaz and you, trying to laugh his doubt away. Mentally, he was kneeling on his knees and praying to whatever God he could remember Inej prayed to. Don’t mind her gentlemen, she’s just missing a few screws. 

That’s the difference Pekka, between us and you, you know that he is your weakness, we know that we are each other's strength. Go ahead, kill one of us. Go ahead, taint your carpet with the blood of Crows. But remember, that Crows remember who have wronged them and done them right. The minute you harm us, you will never even get to hear the harsh piano your stupid kid plays. Kaz spoke, he had a teasing tone to his entire threat. 

Kaz, the darling love of my life, that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. You saw Nina shake her head in disapproval and disbelief. What did you do? You could hear the fear in his voice. I buried him. Six feet deep. Kaz paused after every word. Giving Rollins some time to digest the news. He went into that box so easily. Didn't even cry, until I took this from him. You finished for Kaz. You showed Pekka the little wooden lion which you had stolen way back when you were on the job to protect Alby. 

Where's my son?   

The whole thing ended about an hour ago. You were sitting on the windowsill of Kaz’s office. Kaz opted to settle the rest of the things with Per Haskel at the dregs club, before coming and resting. He entered the room, looking exhausted. 

Didn’t sleep yet? Kaz inquired. Normally, you would have gone to your room and slept. But not today. You finally had found a moment alone with Kaz, the two of you leaning against the window. The adrenaline of the confrontation as well as the proximity coursed through your veins, but there was also a sense of closeness, of unity.

"You were brilliant, Kaz," you murmured, the note of admiration evident in your voice. "I don't know how you keep coming up with these strategies." Kaz's lips curled into a small smile, his gloved hand reaching out to intertwine his fingers with yours. You knew that he was resisting a lot. 

He could sense your hesitance, he knew the reason behind it as well. It had taken him years to be able to just be comfortable being so close to you. But he knew he wanted all of that, to feel your touch, to be so close to you. 

I have good inspiration, he replied softly. A team that I trust implicitly and a maniac who supports all my decisions. All this soft talk was always reserved for you and the room. When I’d first told you about the Alby, had you thought that it was a bluff or an actual plan.

Kaz, don’t be stupid, I know when you are bluffing. It’s a very obvious tell. 

It wasn’t any obvious tell. You just knew Kaz, so you got lucky with this guess. 

Don't worry, you laughed at his bewildered look, you still look hot while lying. The night went on. Despite being so tired, neither of you could sleep. So the night was spent on the window, planning every single heist possible, making plans to take down the rest of the city. This was definitely proving to be the best date like day ever.

—---

A/n: A little bonus for you guys. For being so late. 

Kaz: I have a very important question to ask you guys. 

Jesper: We know. You have never assembled a meeting consisting of all of us if you didn’t have any serious reasons. 

Kaz: Do I have a tell when I lie. 

Inej: As far as I can tell, and I say this on behalf of everyone, we wouldn’t know. 

Kaz: (disappointed) 

Kaz: Okay, that’s okay. Do I ever look hot? Because apparently that's when I express my tell. 

Insert bewildered crows. 

-----

Taglist: @neonlight2

[rorygilmoreclown]

currently writing like 7 fics all at once so pls choose. For those of you who don't know the Cunk on Ketterdam series, it's where an interview of the characters is conducted, and in it the interviewer asks nonsensical questions like philemona does from Cunk on earth. it's funny even if you haven't watched the show. go read it. it's on my blog.

working on the entire series of Cunk on Ketterdam because it's super easy and fast process. will start posting from tomorrow and then post every alternate day.

[rorygilmoreclown]

Even i was thinking the same today. it irritated me to the core. that one glimmer of the the struggle some people could connect to when it comes to physical aversion. these fics make me think that all people want to do is fix things. write a fic where he is trying to get over the aversion, show the progress. but don't erase the funking trauma, and all that.

Is it just me that finds the INSANE amount of Kaz Brekker smut on this site rather icky 

I mean the boy was (canonically!) so traumatised and repulsed by human flesh that it took him two whole books to briefly hold hands with the girl he loved more than anything in the world and you’ve got him doing all THAT in your fics? 

I get that its fan fiction and you can write whatever the hell you want but it just seems a bit wrong no 

[rorygilmoreclown]

Gonna include this in the Cunk on Ketterdam series. (Although i know this won't be Cunk on Ketterdam exactly)

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam

Prompt: I have a generous request to all of the great fanfiction writers that please for the love of God can you write something like all the Crows are getting interviewed in Cunk on Earth 😭 . I would love to see them being flabbergasted by the questions of Philomena. It can also be Crows x Reader, where the reader takes the place of Philomena. 

A/n: I tried my best. Will prolly make it a series since it’s such an interesting concept. Lmk which character you want next. I have more for Kaz Brekker also. 😭

Word Count: 497 words

Y/n: Welcome on the Ketterdam TV, Mr. Brekker. I have been informed to remind you from time to time that not giving us an answer would result in deduction of kruge from your share. 

Kaz: I understand. 

Y/n: Now let’s start from the basics, the first question is, how many birthday party performances do you have on your resume?

Kaz: For what reason would I go to a tiny terrors’ tumultuous tribute?

Y/n: No, it says here (checking your script) that you are a magician. So I assumed that you’d work at parties. 

Kaz: I’m not a magician. 

Y/n: Very well then, next question, would you audition for the play of Now You See Me 3? I heard they need a magician. Although you would have to do something other than card tricks. A character in the 2nd play has already accomplished that. 

Kaz: Is this a joke? I'll leave that to the performers with less refined tastes.

Y/n: You have a bit of an emo vibe don’t you. You’d fit right into the band My Chemical Romance. Now, I have to ask, do you think your name would be better if it was spelled with a 'z' instead of a 'k'? You know, like "Kaz the Kool Kid" or "Zaz the Zany Zebra"?

Kaz: (looking around at the exits so soon) I’d prefer if you would stick to Mr. Brekker. 

Y/n: Party pooper. Okay, moving on. I've heard you're a great leader of the Dregs, but have you ever thought about starting a band? I hear kazoo music is making a comeback.

Kaz: I’m quite satisfied with my current employment. 

Y/n: Does your mother agree with your profession? 

Kaz: 👁️👄👁️

Y/n: And that’s what I thought. That’s why I was suggesting alternatives. I want to know where you stand on diversity. Considering your employees are all diverse. 

Kaz: I pick my crows based on their work, and not those extraneous factors. 

Y/n: Is that why all of you have one thing in common?

Kaz: Yes, all of us are- 

Y/n: - (cutting him off) in dire need of therapy. 

Kaz: No, we don’-

Y/n: Producers told me you might be in denial. Moving on, when are you going to change the last name of your adopted child? 

Kaz: I don’t have a child. 

Y/n: My saints the denial phase is worse than I had thought. Although I’ll tell you, I was talking about your son, Wylan Van Eck. Is he not your child? And answer carefully, he might cry if you deny again.

Kaz: (not saying no but not saying yes either)

Y/n: I’ll take that as a “as soon as possible”. Now, at last, the most simple question. Do you keep saying “Hello Inej” every five minutes? 

Kaz: No. I do not. That is absurd. 

Y/n: (to the producers) I think you should offer him free therapy sessions, he desperately needs them. 

Taglist: @wrapperpaper @lady-ashfade

[rorygilmoreclown]

help i'm stuck halfway through a fic

[rorygilmoreclown]

IS THIS REALLY THE SECOND POST IN THE KAX X READER TAG IN THE TOP POSTS SECTION. (SOMEONE PLS CHECK) MIGHT BE A SMALL TINY THING BUT IT MADE ME SMILE HAHAHAHA

Cunk on Ketterdam

Prompt: I have a generous request to all of the great fanfiction writers that please for the love of God can you write something like all the Crows are getting interviewed in Cunk on Earth 😭 . I would love to see them being flabbergasted by the questions of Philomena. It can also be Crows x Reader, where the reader takes the place of Philomena. 

A/n: I tried my best. Will prolly make it a series since it’s such an interesting concept. Lmk which character you want next. I have more for Kaz Brekker also. 😭

Word Count: 497 words

Y/n: Welcome on the Ketterdam TV, Mr. Brekker. I have been informed to remind you from time to time that not giving us an answer would result in deduction of kruge from your share. 

Kaz: I understand. 

Y/n: Now let’s start from the basics, the first question is, how many birthday party performances do you have on your resume?

Kaz: For what reason would I go to a tiny terrors’ tumultuous tribute?

Y/n: No, it says here (checking your script) that you are a magician. So I assumed that you’d work at parties. 

Kaz: I’m not a magician. 

Y/n: Very well then, next question, would you audition for the play of Now You See Me 3? I heard they need a magician. Although you would have to do something other than card tricks. A character in the 2nd play has already accomplished that. 

Kaz: Is this a joke? I'll leave that to the performers with less refined tastes.

Y/n: You have a bit of an emo vibe don’t you. You’d fit right into the band My Chemical Romance. Now, I have to ask, do you think your name would be better if it was spelled with a 'z' instead of a 'k'? You know, like "Kaz the Kool Kid" or "Zaz the Zany Zebra"?

Kaz: (looking around at the exits so soon) I’d prefer if you would stick to Mr. Brekker. 

Y/n: Party pooper. Okay, moving on. I've heard you're a great leader of the Dregs, but have you ever thought about starting a band? I hear kazoo music is making a comeback.

Kaz: I’m quite satisfied with my current employment. 

Y/n: Does your mother agree with your profession? 

Kaz: 👁️👄👁️

Y/n: And that’s what I thought. That’s why I was suggesting alternatives. I want to know where you stand on diversity. Considering your employees are all diverse. 

Kaz: I pick my crows based on their work, and not those extraneous factors. 

Y/n: Is that why all of you have one thing in common?

Kaz: Yes, all of us are- 

Y/n: - (cutting him off) in dire need of therapy. 

Kaz: No, we don’-

Y/n: Producers told me you might be in denial. Moving on, when are you going to change the last name of your adopted child? 

Kaz: I don’t have a child. 

Y/n: My saints the denial phase is worse than I had thought. Although I’ll tell you, I was talking about your son, Wylan Van Eck. Is he not your child? And answer carefully, he might cry if you deny again.

Kaz: (not saying no but not saying yes either)

Y/n: I’ll take that as a “as soon as possible”. Now, at last, the most simple question. Do you keep saying “Hello Inej” every five minutes? 

Kaz: No. I do not. That is absurd. 

Y/n: (to the producers) I think you should offer him free therapy sessions, he desperately needs them. 

Taglist: @wrapperpaper @lady-ashfade

[rorygilmoreclown]

posted posted posted go check my blog.

I have a generous request to all of the great fanfiction writers that please for the love of God can you write something like all the Crows are getting interviewed in Cunk on Earth 😭 . I would love to see them being flabbergasted by the questions of Philomena. It can also be Crows x Reader, where the reader takes the place of Philomena. Thank you. I love you all so much. You guys are doing god's work <3

P.s. can you tag me in it ? :))

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam

Prompt: I have a generous request to all of the great fanfiction writers that please for the love of God can you write something like all the Crows are getting interviewed in Cunk on Earth 😭 . I would love to see them being flabbergasted by the questions of Philomena. It can also be Crows x Reader, where the reader takes the place of Philomena. 

A/n: I tried my best. Will prolly make it a series since it’s such an interesting concept. Lmk which character you want next. I have more for Kaz Brekker also. 😭

Word Count: 497 words

Y/n: Welcome on the Ketterdam TV, Mr. Brekker. I have been informed to remind you from time to time that not giving us an answer would result in deduction of kruge from your share. 

Kaz: I understand. 

Y/n: Now let’s start from the basics, the first question is, how many birthday party performances do you have on your resume?

Kaz: For what reason would I go to a tiny terrors’ tumultuous tribute?

Y/n: No, it says here (checking your script) that you are a magician. So I assumed that you’d work at parties. 

Kaz: I’m not a magician. 

Y/n: Very well then, next question, would you audition for the play of Now You See Me 3? I heard they need a magician. Although you would have to do something other than card tricks. A character in the 2nd play has already accomplished that. 

Kaz: Is this a joke? I'll leave that to the performers with less refined tastes.

Y/n: You have a bit of an emo vibe don’t you. You’d fit right into the band My Chemical Romance. Now, I have to ask, do you think your name would be better if it was spelled with a 'z' instead of a 'k'? You know, like "Kaz the Kool Kid" or "Zaz the Zany Zebra"?

Kaz: (looking around at the exits so soon) I’d prefer if you would stick to Mr. Brekker. 

Y/n: Party pooper. Okay, moving on. I've heard you're a great leader of the Dregs, but have you ever thought about starting a band? I hear kazoo music is making a comeback.

Kaz: I’m quite satisfied with my current employment. 

Y/n: Does your mother agree with your profession? 

Kaz: 👁️👄👁️

Y/n: And that’s what I thought. That’s why I was suggesting alternatives. I want to know where you stand on diversity. Considering your employees are all diverse. 

Kaz: I pick my crows based on their work, and not those extraneous factors. 

Y/n: Is that why all of you have one thing in common?

Kaz: Yes, all of us are- 

Y/n: - (cutting him off) in dire need of therapy. 

Kaz: No, we don’-

Y/n: Producers told me you might be in denial. Moving on, when are you going to change the last name of your adopted child? 

Kaz: I don’t have a child. 

Y/n: My saints the denial phase is worse than I had thought. Although I’ll tell you, I was talking about your son, Wylan Van Eck. Is he not your child? And answer carefully, he might cry if you deny again.

Kaz: (not saying no but not saying yes either)

Y/n: I’ll take that as a “as soon as possible”. Now, at last, the most simple question. Do you keep saying “Hello Inej” every five minutes? 

Kaz: No. I do not. That is absurd. 

Y/n: (to the producers) I think you should offer him free therapy sessions, he desperately needs them. 

Taglist: @wrapperpaper @lady-ashfade