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You're not hard to love,

Someday, someone will come who finds loving you easier than breathing,

You're not hard to love.

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It's always a good time to be kind.

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for anyone willing to read, i have a little personal note. its not sad just a little bit in the beginning .

I lost well actually i ghosted and quit my job as a lawyer in 2022 after a bad string of events resulting in my complete mental breakdown, i was dead depressed and hallucinating visually and hearing stuff too, did the whole therapy thing till i could no longer afford and eventually left the city to move back home, in my tiny hill-station. I have accepted I am a people pleaser and regardless of what people say i like it, just trying to find a balance between wrecking myself and pleasing people, however with the breakdown i lost a lot of good friends which made me feel even shittier and even those that left behind are the finest people i know but even they couldnt really figure how to deal with the things i am going through, parents included, though i had suicidal feelings, i am a positive golden retriever and look forward to life, the polar opposite nature of my issues and myself is prolly why the doctor slapped bpd on my forehead as soon as i started talking to him. however this is not a sad post guys, as the months have gone by, I have accepted that it is not easy to live like this nor will people will truly understand you or your problems, maybe you will be fortunate enough to find them in your problems and i hope you do but its not going to happen for me, but I am fine with it now. I cannot return working as a lawyer, i cant explain this to my friends and family but i cannot be in a profession where someones dignity as a person is literally based on the efforts i put and i no longer have the confidence to hold such a position any longer when a random flip in the switch will leave me fetal position under the bed for hours trying to shut off the world. so i am good with it, i still dont have a job but im working to learn new skills, i even have some new goals, the first one being getting a job, and travelling....but really why i wanted to share this note with you guys is because i met a girl yesterday, and i didnt know it was possible to have the stomach squishy squishy feelings at 28, but it fell great, she was great, pretty, adorable, funny....i might need to learn more adjectives to describe, i have been single for so long because i thought i cant be in a relationship when i hold such a dumbass mental condition but i dont know guys, i mean i dont have a job yet and there is the brain being a fuzz bucket, but i am not sad nor am i thinking pessimistic thoughts at all, in fact i am thinking, shit i could make things work, idk i feel rather optimistic. I feel in love. God I am gushing as i am writing this. okay 'in love' is a stretch but i was making up nicholas spark worthy monologues in my head when i returned home yesterday lol. I was very drunk though yesterday, it was a friendly outing, and a friend of mine brought her along. I wanted to share this with my best friends really cause you know this boii hasnt been like this since like 2016, but one had a recent breakup and the other best friend is the partner she broke up with, so i cant even send her a 'sup' before it goes into a full blown, "how can he do this?" "How did she do that?" its been 5 months already and i find myself third wheeling their trauma too post break up. so here i am in tumblr, hungover and sharing with a bunch of strangers how i met a girl yesterday and since then i have been cartwheeling around town cause the giddy wont stop. lol thenkz for the listen!! this has been fun.

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"just the fucking tire company"

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Modern life is built on contradictions, I used to give grand goodbyes with the whole two hands waving furiously in the air as someone would depart until you couldn't see them any longer, but when I moved to the city, this was considered excessive and soon i found myself accommodating, leaving homes and people without waving them good bye, let alone turning once we part ways. Strange how people in the city talk of love in books and movies yet live a life so cold and detached!

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Writing advice from my uni teachers:

If your dialog feels flat, rewrite the scene pretending the characters cannot at any cost say exactly what they mean. No one says “I’m mad” but they can say it in 100 other ways.

Wrote a chapter but you dislike it? Rewrite it again from memory. That way you’re only remembering the main parts and can fill in extra details. My teacher who was a playwright literally writes every single script twice because of this.

Don’t overuse metaphors, or they lose their potency. Limit yourself.

Before you write your novel, write a page of anything from your characters POV so you can get their voice right. Do this for every main character introduced.

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Never simp for a boy or a girl so poorly, its not good for your self respect but the real reason why you shouldn't is because you will move on eventually but your best friend will be way too powerful, you don't want to give them that kind of opportunity.

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Fat cat of the house: Maurice why you working babe? Look at my legs, yours is longer, onlyfurs baby. Dollar dollar millions.

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Margot Liotta is my current favourite musician. God bless her beautiful heart. Check song below.

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Translations never do justice especially in forms like poetry, but Merwin's translation of the Cuban poet's work is considered one of the best as far as translations count and good lord they hit the spot, but I still wonder how it would feel listening to the same in its original composition. Probably divine!!

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Dancer's Instagram: @muaqt8919

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Bringing attention back to this poem by Persian poet Saadi as recited by a local nai player, who became known as Uncle Janan after a snippet of his interview became viral where he recites Saadi's lines to express his deep anguish and sadness over the death of his sons who were ambushed and killed on the same day by the Taliban for being serving police in the city of Ghazni. You can read more about him from this piece in the kabul now: https://kabulnow.com/2020/07/wound-of-war-janan-plays-nai-for-love-of-lost-sons/

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Funny how it was normal to walk into a room and wait for your lights to turn on, usually its just a few seconds but someday its plays too much, flickering endlessly and now I don't even have to change bulbs for a couple of months or years.

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