poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

Hello 👋,

I hope this message finds you well. My name is Aziz, and I’m reaching out with a heartfelt plea to help my family find safety and reunite with our mother. 😞

The ongoing war in Gaza has torn my family apart. My mother and newborn sister are stranded in Egypt, while I, along with the rest of my sex family members, am trapped in the midst of the genocide in Gaza. We have not only been separated but have also lost our home and are enduring unimaginable hardships. 💔

Your support can make a difference. Whether by reading our story, donating, or sharing our campaign with others, you can help us reunite, find safety, and start anew. 🙏🕊

Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for your kindness, compassion, and solidarity during this difficult time. ❤🍉

https://gofund.me/58268669 🔗

Hello, I’m so sorry to hear of your suffering and many others in Gaza! Unfortunately, I don’t have any money to spare, I’ll repost your story on my account, but unfortunately I don’t have a following. I’ll pray for you and your family, and Gaza! May God bless you and protect you ❤️

[poetrybyk]

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[poetrybyk]

I hate I

You think you embrace me

But

In reality you smother me.

Your opinions, your beliefs, your actions

Manifest a person I don’t want to be

You refuse to see

the real me,

anything that I want to be,

The person I wish to be.

My ideals, my thoughts, my feelings

Do not coincide with yours.

Maybe you see me as an extension of yourself

But I am me

I am myself

I am I

Not you.

You suffocate me with your presence,

Your intelligence,

And mostly your observance.

You somehow find my ability to see

Beyond what you can a sign of impurity.

I open my mind to the world while you keep

Yours closed under lock and key

You refuse to accept anything outside of what you know….

And maybe that is why you are so adamant on refusing me, because in your eyes I am an unknown entity within your created actuality.

To you I might need saving from the world around me…

But to me I need saving from the world you want to ensnare me in.

Why do you reject me so?

Your expectations, your words, your enforcement

Only make both of our insecurities grow

You say it is out of love and care

But that is your own

It’s simply out of self-interest

Your own desire and effort

It is only for yourself

Not mine

Nor your wish to see me succeed

You want me to be a better version of

You

It all comes back to

You,

Just,

You,

You,

You,

You,

You,

And,

You.

What am I to do?

What am I to be?

What am I to feel?

When I am under your absolute control

For I can not do, I can not be, nor can I not feel

the way I desire to do, to be, to feel

They are all just insignificant in your eyes

You are blinded by who you think I ought

To do, to be, to feel

When will it end?

When will you realise that the person I am becoming

is neither the person

You want me to be

Or the person I want to be

It’s the person who is

Consumed by

A growing loneliness

and

An insatiable anger

That slowly eats away at the heart

Due to being denied

By the people they trusted most

For a sense of security

and love.

The person we created,

I hate them,

I hate me,

I hate myself,

I hate I.

You did this to me,

I lie, I did this to myself

With your help,

At least I should take some responsibility,

Since you would never admit it,

Your ego would never accept it

For that I resent you

But I can’t stop loving you

Even though the only reason is that

The same blood runs through

Both me and you.

[poetrybyk]

Heyyy! So I haven’t written any poetry in years nor posted. I only have a few followers but I wanted to let you guys know that I’m going to try and start writing poems again! I like to know that there are people who relate to my feelings and like to let others know that they are not alone when it comes to theirs. You are seen, you are heard, and you are loved. Please know that things will always eventually get better, never forget that and continue to live with that hope. Sending all my love your way❤️

[poetrybyk]

Life's Condition

I've come to realise

it.

Not

the way It works

or the way It doesn't

But

the way

It

devours-

Its eating habits.

It

in Itself

is a contradiction,

a paradox.

It is said to

create

But It

erodes

damages

and even

destroys

the soul.

Life

is

IT

Life

brings forth

a beginning

but

in payment

tears

slices

breaks

the soul

a part

and into

pieces

then

and only then

does Life

show

a

shred

of

mercy...

when It's

finished

playing

with Its

food...

swallows

Its meal

whole.

some of

the pieces

slowly

start

to reunite

as they linger

in Life's belly.

one

by one

they come

together

But

they are

not the same.

they don't remember

how they formed

and assemble into

a new shape.

they

give birth

to a

different

soul

with the same

fragments.

It is smaller than

before

and does

Not

recall

It-

Life.

Missing pieces

Missing memories

Missing pieces of memories

the soul

is

spat out

and regurgitated

continously

until

the pieces

forget

how to

reconnect

and

finally

disperse

leaving

behind

nothing

but

lost

memories

within

Life...

never to be found

or sought after again.

Completely unknown

and a matter

not worth

caring

for.

like a still-born

in an

alcoholic's stomach

neither care

nor can care

for it is

Not the human condition

But

Life's Condition.

[poetrybyk]

familiar

the stale scent of the drain

immersed

with the metallic smell

of my blood

it didn’t bother me.

not

one bit.

instead i welcomed

it

with open arms.

it was familiar-

something

i hadn’t smelt,

hadn’t felt,

in a while.

[poetrybyk]

the thing you hate most

i want to scream it in your face

that i am the thing you hate most

i want to screech it so loud

till your ears bleed

but

i can’t

i’m scared

i’m so afraid

of how you will reject me

of how you will reject me for who i am

and

i hate you

i hate that you

that you hate people like me

that you must hate me

because

you are scared

you are so afraid

of the people that are like me

of the fact i might be like those people

and

i love you

i love you so much

and i wish you could love me

love me for who i really am

but

that’s impossible

that’s disgusting

in your eyes

in your eyes it’s

the end of the world

mass destruction and everything like that

i

i just

i just don’t

i just don’t understand

i just don’t

i just

i

why?

out of all things you have to hate

is the way that i love

is the certain people i love

is my physical attraction

to the same sex

i

i just

i just don’t

i just don’t understand

i just don’t

i just

i

why?

i’m tired

i’m so tired

of lying to you

of hiding it from you

i just want to give up

but

i can’t

because

i don’t want you

to look at me differently

to despise me

to be scared of me

to leave me

and

if that were to happen

that would break me

that would seriously hurt me

for you are someone special to me

for you have done so much for me

and i still need to do so much for you

for you have given me so much

and i still have to give you so much

but

then again

you probably

wouldn’t have done everything

for me

if you knew

the real me

or

who

i would become

so

what should i do?

[poetrybyk]

I want everything that you can possibly give me

i’m clinging onto you

with the desire

that you won’t leave me

but i don’t want your pity

only stay if you want me

for i want everything

that you can possibly

give me

i don’t want what you can’t

give me

i don’t want you a centimetre

away from me

i don’t want you looking at

someone else

or something else

i don’t want you to care for

someone else

or something else

i don’t want you sharing your warmth

with someone

or something else

i don’t want you to express or feel anything

towards

someone

or something else

i only want you

not just a piece

but

every

single

part

of you

i want

your

entire

being

I want you

to be

Mine-

Only Mine

breathing, breaking, binding

i want your every breath

i want your every bit of emotion

i want you to feel everything for me

i want you to feel everything from me

i want your every thought to be about me

i want your whole being to revolve around me

i want every part of your body to be mine

i want your every touch to be for me

i want your every touch to be mine

i want to be everything you see

i want you bound to me

moving

missing

mourning

i can’t stop

thinking of you

i can’t stop

wanting you

i can’t stop

needing you

i can’t stop

Watching

you

i have to leave you

for now

i have to do something else

for now

i have to go some place else

for now

i don’t want to go away

from you

i don’t want to do anything else

right now

i don’t want to go anywhere else

that’s without you

i don’t want to

miss

any

nano-second

of any

minuscule

moment

in which

you

belong in

Because

i want

everything

of yours

to be

given

to me

BUT YOU DON’T KNOW

and that puts me

on edge

you don’t know

how much

you scare me

you don’t know

how much

you hurt me

you don’t know

how much

you anger me

you don’t know

how much

you torment me

you CONSUME

My thoughts

my Attention

my time

my Ability to function

you DEVOUR

my common sense

and drive me into a corner

of paranoia, and

obsession

i can’t Escape

from you

or your hold on me

i’m not the one at fault

i’m the victim here

the person who did this

was you

you’re the reason

i can’t sleep at night

you’re the one

who intrudes my thoughts

if only i could trust you

and know for certain

that you wouldn’t be

Controlling

or be controlled by

someone or something else

firstly,

you have to take

responsibility

for what you’ve done

to me

in the end,

you will never realise

the true extent of

your crime,

unless

i Show you

and

Make you

feel

how i have felt

as a victim

under your illusions

and sorcery

that you cast onto

helpless people like me

smiling, screaming, silencing

you can’t smile like that to anyone

that smile should be reserved

reserved for people who deserve it

they don’t deserve it

they were talking badly about you behind your back just last week

they don’t deserve it

they don’t deserve your smile

its too precious to be seen by them

they deserve to be punished

punished for seeing your smile

i need to punish them

punish them for seeing your smile

no, not just punished

but slaughtered

like the pigs

they are

you don’t deserve

to have to deal with people like them

ever again

you shouldn’t have to waste your smile

on people who don’t deserve it

instead smile for me

especially after i punish them

i want them to feel the pain

the same pain that they inflicted on you

a pain rooted in fear and helplessness

i want them to feel my hatred

the same hatred they directed towards you

how dare they target you,

who is something of mine,

for their own amusement

i want them to feel my rage

for playing with something that

doesn’t belong to them

listening to their screams

indeed would be satisfying

but i can’t punish them

because it was your fault

that they liked talking about you

you would just be the cause

of someone else’s downfall

and then i’d need to punish you again

for making me kill people

who were

naturally under the influence of your spell

no, no, no

that cannot happen

i don’t want to have to punish you

for anymore than i have to

entertaining, entangling, escaping

you looked at me

you looked into my eyes

you greeted me

you noticed me

you knew me

you knew my name

you called me

you called me my name

you smiled

you smiled at me

you smiled only at me

i know you know me

i know you see me

i know you want me

i know you like me

i know you love me

i know we’re meant to be

so

just

die

with me

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

Touching the picture frame

touching the picture frame

i picked it up

the picture is not of me

it is an illusion

created by my desire to be remembered

but this is not real

the frame I’m holding is not real

the hand holding the frame is not real

the time that passes in not real

i’m not present

this is a dream

this is not happening

this is a dream

only a dream

just a dream

because the picture in the picture frame

is of you

you and i

me and you

somebody i used to know

someone who can only exist in a frame

someone who can not remember me

someone who is no longer here

someone who took my heart with them

and stole my soul

i am now empty

therefore i do not exist

not even in picture frames

for i have no one to remember me

nor remember my name

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

I wish

i wish you never loved me

because now i just feel empty

with knowing you’ll never

love me the way you used to

i wish you never spent time with me

because now i miss those times

with just you and i

that were so divine

i wish you never smiled at me

because now i miss all those times

you and i were laughing

at the same thing

and not at each others pain

i wish you never looked at me that way

because now i miss all those times

that you looked like you would

give the world to me

i wish you never blow dried my hair

because now i have flashbacks

of all those memories

and then i have to remind myself

that those times will never happen again

i wish i never loved you

because i hate everything about you

i wish i never spent time with you

because those times

made me depend on you

i wish i never smiled at you

because those times

showed i was happy with you

i wish i never looked at you that way

because all those times

showed how much

i really really loved you

i wish i never let you blow dry my hair

because i can’t cry every time

i think of how life used to be

when you were the one

standing with me

i wish i never grew up

because daddy’s little girl

misses the way her dad

used to shower her

with joy

as well as

the affection

that will never

be fulfilled again

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

Your hand

i wanted to take your hand and hold it so tight that the blood that circulated stopped, but even if i wanted to do that your hand would have probably been torn off due to the fact that there was more bone than flesh and blood. your hand probably would have fallen off even if you tried holding one of those thick books you always loved to read. i remember you especially loved those books with the detailed spine, and maybe you loved them so much that you decided to show off your spine too, given the fact it was sticking out as if it was shouting “hey, look at me!” but what you loved the most about those heavy books was the inside of them, the funny thing is that there was always something hiding what was in those books, unlike the fact i could see what was inside of you, but then again you weren’t a book but a girl who had plenty stories hidden within. if only i had more time, to listen and learn more about the girl and her stories. if only i had known that that was the last time i would have had a chance to hold her hand, i would have torn it off and told her to never let go. i wouldn’t have washed my hands after that either if i had known that that was the last time i would have felt the warmth of your skin, even though it wasn’t warm at all but so cold that i was surprised that you were even alive, although then again you were practically a walking corpse at that point, you could’ve been mistaken as a zombie, your speech had been deteriorating too, so i’m not surprised if you had been apart of the walking dead, but you weren’t and that was even sadder because it would have been much easier to have let you go if that were the case, i mean i still haven’t let you go, i don’t think i’ll ever let you go, thats probably because i’ll never forget you and i don’t want to forget you, so i have been and will continue to never forget but remember your hand that i will forever want to hold.

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

I killed him

He was the man who lived on the corner of the street

the man who protected those who were powerless against the games of the gang

he symbolised the hope needed in our rust coloured alleys

and the blood stained roofs

he saved me once, from the emptiness of my stomach, and a fever that was burning me alive

but that wasn’t the only time he saved me

he saved me from the life of poverty and injustice

although that was against his will.

i don’t regret pulling the trigger.

i don’t regret using him to gain the power of being able to belong too the gang

the gang didn’t believe in mercy

and so did i

why should i have mercy

when others haven’t had mercy for me or my dear sister

she was beaten

taken advantage of

and murdered right in front of me

if it wasn’t for the gang i wouldn’t have this opportunity to get justice for her

she protected me but all i could do was get beaten black and blue

i couldn’t save you then

but i could’ve saved you as the person as I am now

i don’t deserve your unconditional love

although you are dead, i still feel it now

i want to be with you

i want you to hold me in your arms

and tell me that everything is alright

that you’ll be with me

that you’ll protect me

i want you to protect me once again

i am so selfish

so, so very selfish

for craving the warmth of your heart and body to cradle me as if i were a new born baby

instead i have been claimed by the winter of destruction and rage

all my innocence and naivety

to believe that happiness belongs to all,

not only to the wealthy and those who possess authority,

has withered away

it was not me who murdered a good man

it was those who denied me my happiness

our happiness

i know well that’s not true

that man, and so many others that bled by my hand

were killed by me

i shot him

not once, not twice

but several times

i used all my bullets

to ensure his death

boom, boom, boom

boom, boom, boom

even after he was unmistakably dead

i still shot him

i was the one who pulled the trigger

i killed him

i believed he was just a sacrificial lamb led to the slaughter

he was my sacrificial lamb

i watched as the life drained out of his eyes

it gave me a shiver down my spine

i threw up after I had noticed my faded white shirt had been dyed crimson

a younger gang member who accompanied me assured me that it was normal to throw up after the first time and then he congratulated me

after a while i had grown close with that younger gang member

he and i had assassinated many rivals together

until

until, he betrayed me,

no, not only me but the gang as well

in conclusion

boom,

i killed him

i killed a man,

no, not a man, but a boy

a boy, who i loved like a brother

a boy, who in the end whose brain matter splashed onto my face

he, and all of the faces of those who i have taken lives from visit me not only in my dreams but also on the faces of those who still breathe

if only it was her face that could greet me instead

i want to join my sister among the dead

but i wouldn’t be able to stay with her

for i wouldn’t want her to see who i have become

it’s actually funny you see

i’ve committed the worst crimes

to gain the power of protecting my sister who was already dead

to gain power to get my revenge

but all i have become is an angel of death

no, i dare to say more human

quite hysterical, don’t you think

i might actually laugh

for only a human could be so

unaware of his or her stupidity

i should just die

and carry the burdens of my sins to the afterlife

this life is so empty

if there is a being such as a god

i hope it looks after you

my dear sister

but i doubt that would happen since

those without wealth probably can’t afford to live amongst the angels

even if you were an angel yourself

i should disappear into the depths of hell

and live in the flames of the sinners

for now,

until the next time we meet

i will tell you how much i love you

so, farewell for now

boom.

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

the art you leave behind

diagonal lines drawn on your body

i could call you an artist if i wanted

but then i’d be taking away

the true meaning behind those lines that those paint brushes left behind

vary in thickness and colour

some left stains on your thighs

some left a rough surface behind

some left stripes decorating your arms

did you enjoy all that harm?

i’m not trying to romanticise your scars or pain

but trying to understand why.

some ragged some straight

but all left behind to fade away

like your presence in my life

stay with me

i’m so lonely

i need you with me otherwise you won’t be

the only one fading

i look at those pills

the same way i look at you-

my escape from reality

you’re the reason i haven’t done anything

to face that undeniable fatality

even though i know this is selfish

but please don’t slice up that

beautiful body

you’re already a full canvas

to your own masterpiece

i love you

even though you and i know thats not true

incapable of feeling that way helps me

say things i can’t regret like its okay if you leave just leave after me

i’m a hypocrite and a lie

because so do i leave art behind on my thighs

i enjoy the stimulation of that pain

but it always fades

the way i don’t want it to

the way your presence fades

from my side

its an unfortunate pain

that i have no clue

to understanding

do i actually love you?

that’s definitely not true

for artists don’t share the same kind of pain

and i don’t want to think about it if that was

even true.

and i don’t deserve to love

someone as strong as you

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

not her

why can’t i be like her

why can’t i be like her

the same skinny girl

the same skinny girl who was in that photo you showed me

the same skinny girl who has won your approval

the same skinny girl you wish to be

the same skinny girl you wish me to be

i tried to be like her

i tried to be like her

the same skinny girl

the same skinny girl who was in that photo you showed me

the same skinny girl who has won your approval

the same skinny girl you wish to be

the same skinny girl you wish me to be

but i failed

i failed at being like her

i failed like being a skinny girl

i failed even though i skipped so many meals

i failed even though i worked out so hard

i lost weight

but you still weren’t happy

i lost weight

and now my bones are protruding

and you’re proud that im not fat?

you’re proud that im not seen as overweight?

you’re proud that i hurt myself for you to be happy?

im not angry at you

for my choices

but angry that you were

the root of the cause

you caused my pain with out

realising the damage inflicted on my health

i cant look at food the same anymore

having the fact that you gain weight from it drilled into my head almost every night

why couldn’t i be a skinny girl

the same skinny girl who has won your approval

the same skinny girl you wish to be

the same skinny girl you wish me to be

but sadly for you im not her

im not the same skinny girl who has won your approval

the same skinny girl you wish to be

the same skinny girl you wish me to be

i am not her

but i am myself

i am still waiting to be like her

more like fighting to be like her

but i am wider

i am taller

i am bigger

than that same skinny girl

the same skinny girl who has won your approval

the same skinny girl you wish to be

the same skinny girl you wish me to be

and i have to be reminded

by you and him and her

that i am not her

and most importantly

myself

~poetrybyk

[poetrybyk]

Left behind

there is this suffocating

presence within myself

i think its more of a person

but i wouldn’t know

i haven’t looked within in a while

i haven’t felt in a while either

i have only felt that emptiness

of the void that happy little girl

that faded away a couple of years ago

left behind

the same little girl

who left the shell of her behind

who left and buried her happiness 6 ft deep

who left me behind

her anger and growing depression behind

to fend and survive by itself

she did this

she left me behind

what did i do

what did she do

im so confused

aren’t i that same girl

i did this

not her

i am not her anymore

she is a different person

i am a different person

With the growing void

the never ending pit of abandonment

ever growing insecurities

and rate my mental health is declining

surely this isn’t real

surely i am not real

surely i am chained to a wall and locked in the prison my mind has created

when will i wake up

when will this nightmare end

when will i be able to open my eyes willingly

open my eyes to reality and actually see

see this harsh reality that is my life

when will i stop ignoring it

and give in

when will i stop leaving my reality behind

and when will i forgive her for leaving?

[poetrybyk]

Nothing

i yearn the feeling

the feeling of belonging

no,

i yearn feeling

something

other than taking

and mimicking emotions

that are not mine

when i am alone with

nobody or nothing

i become nobody, nothing

i am consumed by emptiness

i am consumed by thoughts

thoughts that i consider normal

but others apparently consider dark,

twisted

and worrying

but nobody knows

nobody knows because

when i have nothing to feed off

nothing to mimic

i become the real me

the real me who is nothing

a shell of who i am seen to be

you might question how nobody notices

i don’t

you might think that my reactions to words

are genuine, meanwhile i am forced to give a

reaction to hurtful words like a reflex action that

makes me shut down and runaway

but in the end i am still reduced to nothing

and in the end i believe that, that what i am

is nothing.

[poetrybyk]

Because I deserve this

I deserve this, I whispered to myself

I deserve this, I chanted once again

I deserve this, I shouted while the crimson came gushing out and pooled on the cool concrete floor underneath me

The pain was refreshing

I was feeling something

but I know when I

stop

It will end.

The warmth and comfort of my blood

Is gone.

And all that is left behind are my ugly old- and

new marks on my skin

It is just a reminder of my

worthlessness

The numbness of my heart

craves,

The affection and love from someone

who accepts it

which will

never

happen .

My soul is fragile

from the betrayal

Exhausted

from fighting the darkness

that’s slowly eating me up inside

and shattering all of the control I

don’t actually have

And then I went to the right side of my body

I started encouraging the darkness,

once again

I deserve this, I whispered to myself

I deserve this, I chanted once again

I deserve this, I shouted while the crimson came gushing out and pooled on the already sticky painted floor

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding

and closed my eyes

welcoming

the pain

and inky blackness

I could feel the darkness

take over

I smiled to myself

I deserve this

I deserve this

I deserve this

Tears of happiness

cascading

down

my

face

But

Before I can shake my hands

with the reaper

I saw a body of sadness

and regret tower over me

No, no,

no!

I can’t move or plead

for my

freedom

It’s all my fault

it’s all of my

fault

I forgot to lock the door

So she couldn’t get in

and now

I have to

suffocate in my

emptiness

At first I thought I opened my eyes

to glowing angels

The all to familiar hospital lights

had tricked me once again

why did I always fall for their pranks

I turned my head and saw my sister staring

at me, with disappointment filled eyes

she finally got the guts to ask me all these years and so she shouted the question I have always dreaded

“Why?!”

I shook my head but she asked again

“Why?!”

She held a sorrowful expression on her once smiling face with a glowing light surrounding her body

I decided to answer her

because I know that it will give her closure

“Because I deserve this.”