piecesofsarah

[piecesofsarah]

Regeneration

For some regenerating is something that happens to Doctor Who -  where The Doctor changes appearance and we are left with a different actor who will never be as good as the last. But in my opinion we all go through regeneration - in a way. We evolve and develop as people and that is what is happening to me right now. For a while I haven't been happy with the decisions I was making and the person I was becoming ..  Don't misunderstand I'm not a bad person doing horrible or illegal things.. I'm just not the person I want to be. This all hit me after I got embarrassing drunk on a night out and made an utter show on myself. I woke the next day with a throbbing head and a nagging feeling that stayed with me long after the hangover disappeared. I ask myself a lot if I like the person I have become and this time the answer was not entirely - for a while I have been hiding in family issues, books, university work and other things but when the truth hits you like my hangover did.. its hard not to notice. Once again, don't misunderstand - waking up with a sore head and embarrassing story doesn't make you a bad person! The fact is I was drinking so much because well.. I wasn't happy, confident or even comfortable that night and I haven't been those things for a while now.

A lot in my life is changing and sometimes I forget that I must move with it. I allow myself to be caught up in a moments and I forget that moments are fleeting and will not last forever. People change, relationships change, friendship change and all of these things are natural and normal; there comes a time where you need to decide what/who belong in your life and what/who doesn't... and if it doesn't fit, its time to let it go. 

Since as long as I can remember I have strived to 'fit in' and the fear of missing out has lead down a path of becoming a follower and this is definitely someone I have never been. All of these things combined together have given me a big wake up call and it made me realise its time for action. 

I retreated back home for Easter and being here has allowed me to dust myself off and see the person I want to be.. the person I am. Soon I will be graduating and my life will change completely and hopefully the person I become will fit into that change and will be a better version of myself. 

Its time to regenerate once more....

Sarah 

xox 

[piecesofsarah]

One Born Every Minute

I love One Born Every Minute! As a woman hoping to have children one day I find it fascinating. No other show truly captures the humour, sadness and magic of labour and giving birth.. some of the moments caught of camera are truly spectacular and its also great to see the midwives stories. I was discussing this with a friend of mine when a guy friend chimed in and called it a 'waste of time'.. Now i'm not against other people having an opinion -each to their own. Its just puzzles me that the same guy who claims to watch Top Gear for hours on end can call One Born Every Minute a waste of time. He marvels at the mechanical beauty and the advancement in technology of these cars and machines but a woman's body is better than any machine, during pregnancy our hips move out and our organs reline, our digestive system redesigns itself. The vitamins moving via our blood to that life , nutrients from mother to child. Then in childbirth a mother must push and direct her child from the womb.. minutes, hours sometimes days until there it is.. life. Breasts fill with milk without a second thought, creating food and with each feed the mothers hips shrink back, the womb shrinks back and organ make their way back to their original place. Two years.. it takes two years for a woman's body to get back to 'normal'.. So please, if you are going to marvel at any mechanics don't let it be the Porsche Jeremy Clarkson is currently sat in or the truck Captain James May Slow is driving... Be it the woman's body, the female form while creating life. It didn't require Germany technology or Chinese engineering.. It just required a woman.. a mother. 

[piecesofsarah]

leave your mark

When people ask me what I am scared of.. I often say spiders! I hate those things but thats not what I'm really scared of. I'm scared to leave this world without leaving a mark. 

The problem I have is how do I define what is worthy of that title.. Is it falling in love? Having a family? Writing a book? Selling million of records? Winning an award? Doing something wonderful for humanity? Arguably it is all of the above, but what will be my mark? How will I define my existence and say "I was here!"

I honestly don't want to famous, I couldn't think of anything worse! It isn't the bright lights, money and cars that I crave. I just want to make the most of this weird and wonderful life and know that in some way the world is a better place because I graced it for such short time. 

I discussed this fact with a friend the other day and he said he no longer needed to leave a mark, as long as he wasn't a.. well lets say horrible person then that was good enough. This thought bothered me because that should be good enough, it is the fundamental thing we should all work towards; the be a nice/ good person each and every day. But for, little naive, glass half full me... it isn't enough! And then I follow the circle around to how will I be remembered?.. what will I do? 

Sad to think that I'll never know.. only death can cement your memory.. your mark. 

I think striving for it is the best anyone can do.. push yourself towards the goal of being above yourself in every way possible. 

We all have the same amount of hours in the day! Use them wisely.

Sarah 

x

[piecesofsarah]

Boundaries

I went to the pub on Friday with a few friends before I head back to University. I have known these people for a number of years and honestly there are great friends! But one of the lads has become 'over-friendly' with his physical mannerism! Not with just me but also the other girls. 

Now.. if you know ANYTHING about me, its i'm not a massive fan of unnecessary physical contact. So during the night I had to mention the inappropriateness of it but I honestly don't think it sunk it! 

Thinking about it, really started to make my skin crawl.. how almost perverted it was and how his action were only directed towards the females in the group.

Anyway, I could rant and rave forever about it but instead I put all my emotions into a poem! Enjoy :) 

His hand started to stroke my back as he placed the other on my knee,

My whole body tightened, this whole touchy feely crap isn't me

I snatched my rigid body away and told him to stop his greedy hands

He just laughed at my disgust, clearly he had other plans.

He went to wrap his arms around me once more

I twisted and contorted my body away,

why can't his hands just stay where they are meant to stay. 

I could tell he hadn't taken me seriously and he thought it was a joke

I became increasingly uncomfortable and thats when my patience broke. 

you claim you're just affectionate, the loving type of guy

he told me to stop being silly, and stop acting shy. 

Yes, we have been friends for years but that doesn't mean shit!

this is MY body, and i'm sick of you trying caress it.

He swirled the rest of his beer, sweat appearing on his brow

I looked around the buzzing pub and knew it wasn't the right time for a row. 

I felt my disgust grow as the night proceeded, 

he tried to lay his hands on me again, but trust me he never succeeded. 

Our friends looked at us, first laughing but now sitting in discomfort. 

Wouldn't you if one of your oldest friends was now a horny pervert. 

Yes, I have cracking banter and yes, i'm a bit of a flirt

but you're clamy palms are not welcome near the hem of my skirt

You wouldn't rub against Nathan or Derek or Pete

So stop looking at me like i'm a piece of meat. 

The fact you think you're flattering my appearance by your interest is insulting.

The fact you think i'm joking about my personal space is insulting.

The fact your so close to me your spit is spraying my face is insulting.

And before you start, this isn't me being melodramatic 

Its just simple mathematics. 

I have a radius, a boundary, a do not enter sign

and all night you've been crossing the line!

I'm sure you're not the only one 

who uses friendships to try and get some 

But if you want to be my friend then treat me like a person

If you won't squeeze his leg don't squeeze mine

God, It makes me feel sick, time after time

Open your eyes to your double standards 

Because i'm warning you I will not stand it.  

We will not stand it. 

[piecesofsarah]

Writing a book??!

So.. I have started to write a book, this began completely by accident.. strange as it sounds and this is how.

I have always struggled to get to sleep, and sometimes to help me I think of conversations I would like to have with people, or events I would like to happen in my life or stories. This one night I started to vision this story and I just could not stop, so I turned on my laptop and began to write.. once my natural flow had stopped I saved the file and finally fell asleep. In the morning I remembered that I had spent half my night writing and went to re-read it; I had place a cushion in front of face in preparation for how appalling my midnight rambling were going to be but in fact it wasn't half bad and amazingly it calculated to about 1500 words! So there I was with something I thought was pretty decent and which I had immensely enjoyed. 

One of the main reason I picked to do Journalism at University was because I loved to write but I had been told that being an author wasn't exactly a career choice. As I have mentioned in previous blogs my GCSE English teacher told me that I had what it took to be an author but I never really took him or it seriously. But here I am 5 years later with 4,000 words of a story on my laptop! 

Now! I am not saying that this has any chance of being finished let alone published! I wouldn't even know where to start - It might be utter rubbish but it has been so refreshing to find a love of creative writing again and I am really enjoying developing my story. who knows it may get published one day..... stranger things have happened. 

I have learnt a lot from this happy accident.. A lot of my ideas come in the middle of the night, your high school teacher DO in fact know what they are talking about and lastly never give up on your first dream.. even if you know it won't be as success as your 16 year old self wished. Though only you can define what your personal success is... and honestly if I finish a book and the furthest it gets is a publishers inbox I'll still be pretty happy.

Sarah. 

[piecesofsarah]

Seven Years

today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years.

how comforting it is to know one day i will have a body you will have never touched.

[piecesofsarah]

The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon (Review)

When I first picked up the Bone Season it took me awhile to get into it, its a fantasy book - meaning a lot of terms to get your head around but I stuck with it and I am so glad I did. 

You follow the protagonist through her struggle with her 'gift' and her imprisonment. (Thats it.. no more spoilers!!) It was great to see another strong female protagonist who had her own internal struggles and who was slightly broken. Though this book is fantasy/action it becomes really relatable via the characters. 

Throughout the book I went through a rollercoaster of emotions! Confused, frustrated, happy, disappointed, excited and so on. I would be half way through a page and then suddenly there would be another change and my heart would either sink or jump. I love books that have an element of surprise and that keeps you guessing and this book definitely ticked those boxes. 

The fight scenes were also very well written, they all had amazing pace and kept me in suspence until the last moment. Sometimes fight scenes can become overplayed and full of 'and then this happened and then this' but with this book it just wasn't the case.. it was fast and furious (like any good fight should be).

The plot is nice and juicy with a lot of history and underlying stories.. Its amazing how much the author had thought about the littlest thing, that might have not crossed the readers mind - but added immensely to the story! It shows a complete love and dedication for the work and creates a fuller experience for the reader! The book moves back and forth through time and memories which adds so much to the plot.. the reader is given all the information needed in a clever and creative way! Opening your eyes to the world you have now become submerged in.

I picked up this book after watching carriehopefletcher youtube video and I am so glad I did. Sadly i've never been a massive reader but I honestly couldn't put this book down and finished it within a week! I even found myself becoming frustrated and shouting at the protagonist on several occasions! 

It is crazy to think that the author is only two years older than myself, it is an incredible book which I would recommend to anyone! If you enjoyed Harry Potter and The Hunger games then you are sure to love this! Its a great mix and could easily give J.K a run for her money (Don't tell her I said that!)

I could say so much more about this book but I'll leave it to you to found out! The second in the series is coming out soon and I CANNOT WAIT!

[piecesofsarah]

Nepal times!

Enjoy and subscribe!

[piecesofsarah]

What would take me many blogs to write in one concise quote! Beautiful and very relevant to my life. 

[piecesofsarah]

My plans for 2014!!

[piecesofsarah]

One size DOES NOT FIT ALL!

I saw the front page of a magazine the other day and the headline was '21 shocking bodies' I cannot fully explain how furious this made me! Firstly it is a typical trashy magazine marketed at women, therefore I assume a woman wrote it! Why as women are we judging each other and tearing each other down! Its staggering. Do you think the suffragettes where arguing about clothes, shoes and body types? NO! they were out there working together to get us the vote! 

Secondly if we speak this way about each other we give the power to men to do the same! I have been in a relationship where my weight caused major issues because I didn't fit the perfect mould (context: I was a UK 12.. I am now a UK 10). I never really had an issue with my body until I gave him the control and catalyst to make it one.

I should point out that not all the images were of 'larger' women (I threw up slightly then using such a word but I'm trying to make a point). There were also images of 'skinny' women (which I know can also be an offences term).. So lets recap before we continue women can't be bigger than a size 12 (UK) or small than a UK 4! great! 

When you see a woman that is 'larger' just think maybe she just had a baby, maybe she has a thyroid problem or maybe she has an eating disorder! Or wait for it.. maybe she is perfectly happy with the way that she looks! Also for the 'skinny' women.. Maybe they have a smaller skeleton, a fast metabolism or also have an eating disorder! There are a number of reasons why we look the way we do and it isn't for anyone else to judge and scrutinise! Our bodies aren't 'one sizes fits all' and it shouldn't be a concern for anyone but yourself and especially for magazines to dictate. 

When I tell people I am studying journalism I sometimes get the 'really' look! But this is why! I cannot sit idly by and let unhealthy, mocking and disgusting articles like this get published! I don't want to be 'normal' or 'ordinary'.. If I am happy with the way I look and I am being healthy who are you to judge!

The sad thing is articles like this are becoming more and more frequent in this day in age and I just don't understand why! It might make you feel better looking at a celebrity who is 'fatter' than you or to judge an 'anorexic' one! but guess what..It doesn't make you slimmer, if doesn't make you happier! It just makes you a bitter and judgemental person. Don't project your issues on to someone else. 

Love yourself regardless, it doesn't matter what other people think, its what you think of yourself.

[piecesofsarah]

A broken heart

A broken heart is a strange thing really isn't it.. your heart is merely something that pumps blood around your body and cannot be broken.. so why is it when the person you love doesn't love you back you can feel that ache in your heart, the shortness of breath and the pang in your stomach. 

Since as long as I remember I have wanted to be in love, I think I am more in love with the idea of love than love itself. A lot of the value I placed upon myself was if someone could love me. It has happened to me once, I have been completely and unapologetically in love once.. and when it ended it destroyed my heart.. and other parts of me. I became a lot of things I was not proud of and lost the things I was on the way. 

There are scars that still need to heal, maybe in time or maybe when I fall in love again... I enjoy being hopeless about love and romance, its the one thing that brightens up the world to me, in a place where cruel people do unforgivable things.. love is the only pure thing left (And, yes.. i'm aware of how stupid I sound.. but isn't that love). 

Its also strange to me how people deal with a broken heart, I was an overdramatic woe-is-me mess! I lost an extreme amount of weight, did the whole self-loathing thing for a while, stop going out.. all that fun stuff. But my friend who broke up with her boyfriend a little while after my break-up was the picture of stability (made me feel pretty crap to be honest). However recently she has let on to some facts which question this; and it seems you can't judge or be too hard on people because we are all fighting our own battle but some might not share them with the world. (I'm pretty sure there is a quote in there somewhere).

Personally I still believe in love, and I urge anyone who has been through a bad break-up like myself not to give up. I've been listening to the Coldplay song 'Fix You' recently and the line 'sometimes you get what you want, but not what you need' stuck out to me. My last relationship was what I wanted because I wanted someone to love me but it was definitely not what I needed, and that may be the problem with many of us. We look for our prince charming, our knight in shining armour because its what we read about, and we think we want. But is it really? Maybe there is a reason we don't hear about what happens after the happily ever after.. because love is hard and doesn't always go according to plan. So, don't always look for the prince or knight.. maybe look for that frog, or stable/ servant boy.. (whatever Disney are using these days) it might be just what you need. 

And one last thing.. don't put too much pressure or how you value yourself  on love! When did we allow relationship to dictate our happiness! Love yourself and all that jazz.. enjoy life, it goes quicker than you think!  

Sarah

[piecesofsarah]

That Eureka Moment!

I have spent around 16 years of my life in education, 140253 hours of my life being taught about various things! Some useful.. some not so much! Honestly I can say I have loved education, I had craved the structure, the classroom, the teachers.. it is the most non-commital thing you can do without someone looking at you with the air of 'oh, right.. still unemployed then?'. 

When I was 16 I went straight into college to do my A-Levels and then after that I went to University. During my first year at college I had a sort of break down! Grades weren't coming as easily as they had done in high school and after dreaming about being a lawyer for as long as I could remember I realised I HATED it. A complete loathing, dis-interest, didn't want to hear about another case HATED it! (I blame legally blonde). So I wasn't doing great and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life! Some might say, don't go to Uni then.. simply take some time to work out what you want.. but I couldn't! Like I said I craved the structure and safety of education and I was not ready to face the world as a naive, self-conscience, nerdy and chubby 18 year old! So for the first time in a long time I asked myself what did I want to do! I remember what my GCSE english teacher had told me once, that I could be an author, or a poet.. I had the 'vision' for it... It was an attractive option but being an author didn't pay the rent and an english degree would probably take me into teaching and that was definitely not what I wanted! But, maybe there was another option.. journalism, I would be able to write.. express myself, learn about the written word and have a career goal at the end of it! So there it was, plucked out of nowhere but there it was! 

And now, I am 6 months away from graduating from LJMU with a degree in Journalism and honestly, I have never loved anything more in my life.. i'm living a dream I never even knew I had. 

Though, I'm not saying Uni is the answer to everything or for everyone.. personally I believe myself to be very lucky, most people go to Uni with their first dream and love it or some drop out and others don't go at all. If I hadn't gone to Uni I would have stayed at my job in retail! It was a good job but without a degree and a passion for retail or business I knew I wouldn't get too far and it just wasn't the life I saw for myself. 

Now, I am about to turn 21 and have been in education for 16 years and I am ready to close this chapter in my life.. I believe that you never stop learning and developing the knowledge you have but I no longer want to learn in a classroom where my name is called everyday for registration. I want to learn from life (corny as it may sound). This realisation came as quite a shock to me! For the last couple of months I have felt pretty down about being at University.. slightly trapped by the requirements I had to fill, I felt like a bird trapped in a cage who has recently found it wings! and to be honest I was becoming slightly depressed by it, my once comfortable structure had become my prison! 

The main cause of my distress was my dissertation, an 8,000 word report I have to write on a topic of my choice (within journalism, obviously). I had been putting it off for a while and letting the books in my room gather dust! Not because of laziness or procrastination but mainly a despair, a hatred of the work and a slight disinterest.. I know longer wanted to be hunched in front of a computer surrounded by book writing essays! I wanted to be experiencing life, travelling the world and learning something more than the harvard referencing system and what grammatical terms were right for different forms of writing! Then at 3:45am last night... or rather this morning it hit me, a eureka! moment and there I started writing the intro for my dissertation, a first draft that was as well written as it was going to be for 3:45am! It wasn't about the writing per se.. it was the fact that I had found it again, the love for my course once more.. though I'm not sure how long it will last.. I am definitely ready to graduate! but it just made me think.. there will be times in life when we will become stuck and slightly depressed about work, love or life in general but hopefully at 3:45 in the morning a moment will come.. a strike of inspiration or even a stillness that washes calm over you, and you will realise once again that it is going to be okay and you are exactly where you need to be at that moment in time..

and if that moment doesn't come and no matter what you do you can't shake that feeling.. maybe its time to make a change..

Sarah.

[piecesofsarah]

My time in Nepal - conclusion

This was it.. It was finally time to go home! The last three weeks now seemed like a blur, I couldn't believe all the things I had done while I was away... it seemed like a dream and I couldn't believe how incredibly lucky I was. 

However at this point I think I was definitely ready to be heading home, there was a short period when I was 14 I suffered badly from home sickness.. I'm not sure why because previous to that I'd be running out of the door for school trips and adventures! Though Nepal wasn't as bad, being 20 years home sickness wasn't something I felt anymore! Though being the only one in the group from a different Uni I did feel like an outsider and it wasn't something I was able to shake throughout the trip.. and I think the others may have caught on it this at some points! 

Our flight route took us from Kathmandu - India - London and in total the flights took about 11 hours! (plus all the waiting about in-between). The flights were smooth and we landed into Heathrow without a problem! I think the hardest part of the journey was the train from Euston to Manchester! I was ready for my bed, a hot shower and some home cooked food! I slept for most of the train journey, though the cold British air did come as a slight shock to system! Once I arrived into Manchester Piccadilly I was greeted by my parents who were definitely a sight for sore eyes! It felt great to be home and share my experiences with them! 

Though the time different in Nepal is only +5 hours, the jetlag did hit me for a while! It was a miracle if I made it past 10pm which is unusual for an insomniac like myself! 

I also found the silence a lot to deal with for a while, I had spent the last 3 weeks with 8 other people, we ate together, travel together, experience everything as part of a team and now here `I was sat in my living room eating breakfast alone! There is a quote by Stephen Chbosky from "Perks of being a wallflower" - "The truth is, when it gets really quiet, when the silence gets too loud, I really start to miss everyone." and that was so true of that moment! I've never tried drugs but I assume the come down is a similar feeling to how I did that morning; I was back to reality, back to my normal life and soon to be back at University. 

I think my experience in Nepal definitely change me, I realise I am mentally stronger than I thought I was.. even if I am slightly unfit! It opened my eyes to how much life there is in the world and I shouldn't be afraid to explore it! My trip to Nepal will stay with my forever, it is now apart of me.

I am currently planning my next trip! I'm not sure where I want to go right now but i'm currently saving and i'm sure it will be just as amazing! I've loved blogging about my Nepal experience, it has definitely brought back some great memories!

[piecesofsarah]

My time in Nepal (Part 3)

So we hopped on to a bus to Pokhara, which is the 3rd largest city in Nepal. The drive was a long one but that was nothing new! I had recently discovered the song Home by Gabrielle Aplin and it was the perfect sound track to my journey! Here I was driving through this beautiful country listening to a song that describe a love of home but the need to be more! 

We got to Pokhara without any major hiccups apart from one of the boys leaving his phone of the bus and having to run around to find it! But disaster was averted! 

While in Pokhara we stayed in  Peace eye hostel, I really loved the feel on this place, great customer service, great food and good rooms if you're on a budget! We were also really close to the main strip of bars and restaurants and also the lake! 

Our time in Pokhara was a lot more chilled than our time in Chitwan, we took the time to sight see, visit some museums ect. A couple of the group hired out scooters and went on a day trip, I would have loved to do this but as a born klutz I thought I better leave it for another time! We also spent our time eating/ drinking out and mixing with the locals and other tourists! One night we met a bunch of people from America, we got talking and continued drinking which was really nice, it was interesting to hear about other peoples time in Nepal and share tips/ activities! However these bunch of people turned out to be pretty rude and strange, so our time with them was very limited. 

The heat in Pokhara was very different to other places we have been; it was more of a dry heat that just burnt down on you constantly! Being the pale and fair one of the group I was the first to get burnt and I obtained the weirdest tan lines in the group! I still have a faint line for one on my leg! 

One of the day we were in Pokhara we decided to hire of three row boats and spend the day on the lake! It was an amazing time, the lake was so quiet and tranquil! As September isn't a popular time for tourist so the lake was mostly empty! A warning though, being on the lake all day in the constant sun was a little overwhelming after a while! We all decided to jump into the lake and go swimming.. It was a relaxed day and a nice change for the fast paced/ jam-packed days we were use to!

After getting some lunch at a lake side cafe and spending a lot of time in the sun we decided it was best to head back and freshen up! I loved spending the day on the lake, however I felt I held my self back because how I felt about my body.. being surrounded by 3 beautiful girls was a little to much pressure! Sometimes I do look back on that day and wish I had enjoyed myself a little more. 

Once again it was time to pack our bags and head back to Kathmandu in time for flight home! However we decided to travel back in a slightly different manner! We got a mini-bus to a river... somewhere and spent the next couple of hours rapid river rafting! It was honestly one of the most thrilling things I have ever done, there was no certainly that our boat wouldn't flip or that we would fall into the water (which we did). When the river smooth out we were allowed to jump into the lake and just drift down stream! At one point I realised I was drifting slightly too far from the boat and tried to swim back upstream like a slightly panicking salmon! It was at that moment I realised my gold swimming badge meant nothing!! Once we were back on the boat we reached several rapids which were close in succession.. this was the moment we had all been waiting for! With wide grins on our faces and our heart racing we all paddled in unison to break through! 

This way of traveling was slightly expensive but it was definitely worth it, and much cheaper than if you were to do it back home!

The one thing we didn't realise was that our luxury travel ended there, as we had to get a local bus back to Kathmandu! I'm sure you've seen this sort of travel of TV before.. overcrowded buses, bags strapped to the roof and you can forget about leg room! At this point we were all exhausted and we still slightly damp. Our journey would take about 6 hours and it was not pleasant.. morale was definitely low at this point! I tried to sleep on the bus but I had nowhere to place my head and the constant fear of plunging off a cliff made it hard to relax! The driving rule in Nepal are slightly different to what we have back in the UK! 

Thankfully we all made it to Kathmandu (bags and all) and after searching for a number of hostels we found one that was cheap, close by and open! Unlike every restaurant!! I'm not sure what is the rule in Nepal but staying open late is definitely not on the OK list! We found a shop to buy some snacks and headed back to the hostel for some much needed sleep! 

With our last days in Nepal we shopped around for presents and souvenirs, bartering became one of our favourite things to do and we all try and get the best deals, however one of the girls (Alice) was amazing at it! She was definitely the person to have with you when shopping! After we had finished we return to our hostel to find our Sherpas there waiting for us! It was an amazing surprise and lovely to see them again.. we had become so close over the time we spent with them! The main reason they came was to talk over our travel arrangement for the next day.. back to England and back to reality! 

[piecesofsarah]

My time in Nepal (part 2)

Right.. So i’m back in Kathmandu after an amazing climb to the base camp! 

There are now 8 days to travel around and see as much of Nepal as possible! 

Arriving back in Kathmandu was so strange.. the last 12 days I had been surrounded by beautiful views, roaring waterfalls, yaks and that was about it! It was nice to be away from the internet and other forms of technology but when it was thrusted upon me again I didn’t exactly know what to do with it, switching the wifi on my phone resulted in over 40 e-mails/ texts! 

While we are in Kathmandu the Teej festival was taking place, this festival  is observed by women for wellness of their husband. The women of Nepal wear red and gold saris, these items of clothing were honestly the most beautiful things I have ever seen!

We spent the day walking around the temples and palaces; and at one point in the day 'the living goddess' appear for a few seconds. There is a lot history ect. behind her but i'm not 100% of it all! Its a peculiar moment, standing below a balcony waiting for a young girl to show her face for a fleeting moment! No pictures or videos or anything of the sort are allowed and if you are caught taking a picture the police will be involved. Several of us waited there for her to appear, as she did I was surrounded by a sea of gasps, people taken back by her appearance maybe because of her meaning or maybe the built up anticipation had caused there bodies to unconsciously partake in the moment. Either way there she was this young girl who was not allow to go to school or touch the floor in fear her powers would disappear.. the more saddening thought is the moment she hits puberty and get her period it all over, her title is gone. 

In the evening had our celebration meal! It was an early night (for some) preparing for the early start the next day which included a long drive to Chitwan national park... however others decided that getting drunk was a better option! Normally this would be right up my street, dancing around and having a few drinks with friends but I think at this point I was feeling slightly overwhelmed.. I had completed something amazing, something I had never even dreamed about because it seemed so outlandish and now I had another 8 days of travelling, another 8 days of crazy experiences! 

Our first stop was to Chitwan, this is an area close to the jungle! Chitwan is without doubt the most humid place I have even been, by the time I got dry and dressed from a shower I would need another one from the amount of sweat I produce. Apart from the interesting weather Chitwan has to be one of the most amazing places I have ever been.. we were walking down the road to the 'shop' and there was an elephant.. just chilling in his hut! craziness. 

We decided to buy into a package deal which probably cost about £15! It included a jeep safari, riding elephants, bathing elephants, visiting an elephant birthing place, canoe ride, a jungle walk and attending a traditional dance show. The highlight of the stay in Chitwan for me was the  Elephant bathing - Here I am riding bare back on a 13 foot Elephant that is shooting water at me! It was just incredibly crazy and something I will never forget! 

The canoe ride was also an intense experience, i'm not sure what I was expecting but once I was sat in this carved out tree I was starting to feel slightly nervous, especially when the guide told us that we were the balance and there were alligators in the water!! However once we got going it was a beautiful and tranquil experience and a great way to see the  jungle!!

Another amazing moment was riding of an Elephant through the jungle, I know i've said this several times but I honestly thought it would never happen to me! It was a slightly uncomfortable experience but in this circumstance style over comfort won! Luckily I was on an elephant which was calm and just going with the flow - however my friends were on a less-than-happy elephant and as I was marvelling at the view they were creating an escape plan if all went wrong!! Forunately it was okay, and we all got back on solid ground without any major issues. While we were riding on the Elephants we came up close and personal with a baby rhino and its mother! In that moment I felt like my eyes were deceiving me, here in front of me were wild rhinos but part of myself just couldn't believe it - they almost seemed robotic in its movements and actions! I don't know what I was expecting but it was all together different and 100x better.

On our last night we went to this traditional dance show, it was really cool and interesting to see these young people become so involved in their culture! However.. the 'ostridge mating' dance was announced and we were all expecting two dancer to come on stage and use some of the ostridge's moves to create the dance... but no. Some came out in a full ostridge costume prancing around the stage and it was clear that the neck and head of the ostridge was this person's arm! I was trying are hardest to keep a straight face and not offend anyone but it was impossible to keep the tears from screaming down my face!!

We packed up for the 100th time and made our way to Pokhara! We decided to pay out a little more and get on the nicer bus with air-conditioning and leg room! Trust me.. its worth it!! 

Just a quick note - While we were in Chitwan, we stayed at The River Bank Inn! Its a beautiful place, close to town, lovely staff and great facilities! Everything you could possibly need/want is there! 

[piecesofsarah]

Wash it off..

I started writing a poem a while back, but never finished it.. I finally put something together and am pushing it out of the nest. Be nice! 

Wash it off, all of the nightmares and all of the thoughts 

all that your words have taught.

Words cannot define me anymore 

now that I have evened the score.

Strip anyway the pain and the fear

the clothing that I hold so dear

the fabric that has made me a prisoner,

why do I look at myself and see a foreigner.

Wash away the marks where I have been bruised

where your words and hands have abused

my skin once pale and soft;

now rough and rouge. 

A life I thought I might have, now seems incredibly wrong 

like two sides of a magnet repelling each other.

Strangers that share a bed, two bodies lying as if they were dead

we both reached out to find something that was there

but now it is gone, we have nothing to share.

Wash it away, submerge me in the depth 

in the black and the cold which steals my breath

like our first kiss and our last goodbye

I wonder when did you stop loving me

that exact moment when I was no longer your high

did it break your heart like it did mine.

The moment I stopped breathing, just for a second

when the darkness and despaired beckoned. 

I had forgotten how to function alone 

like eve, i felt I was made out of your bone

there to comfort, entertain and serve

a love and life I was trying to preserve.

Our conversations grew quite and filled with empty affections 

It was my way of screaming for your attention. 

Wash it off, the hatred that has infected my body

Let it break my system down

wash away the blood that has become this reddish brown

Though not visible it has stained my skin 

And now, I stand, wipe it away and begin.