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Alas, but I only feel like writing about the end of the world now, for some reason.

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today in "google AI is fucking useless because it hallucinates things that never happened", i bought a couple CVS thermometers that have both been acting up, tried to search if there had been a problem with the whole product line:

there is no record of this product recall. it did not happen. the date "feb 8 2024" is the date someone listed a thermometer for sale on ebay.

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Does anyone actually think about just one thing at once, linearly? Is that even possible? Is the multitrack thought actually unusual? Why am I awake at 2am?

There's a cool idea for some OCs in here somewhere...

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i get into a horrific car accident while carrying a crock pot full of meatballs in the passenger seat. at the hospital, the surgeons cannot sort out which chunks of meat are me and which are not, so I end up with several meatballs sewn into my guts. despite this I make a full recovery, and they elect not to remove the meatballs because quote 'they seem comfy in there.' i go on the talk show circuit and become moderately famous as The Meatballs Woman. when i die i am buried under a gravestone with meatballs carved on it. in the year 2438, a grad student from what is now Cambodia who is studying the late pre-collapse American Empire writes her thesis on this, concluding that I probably never existed and was a conflation of several real stories and urban legends. years later, a pop-history book wildly misinterprets this and several other things, arguing for the existence of a historic American religious pantheon including figures like The Meatballs Woman, Florida Man, Emperor Norton, etc. this book sells bizarrely well and inspires a new neo-pagan movement, which in turn leads to a weird shipping community, resulting in a small but vibrant scene of ABO fics featuring me and MrBeast (who in this context has been interpreted as a god of excess and trickery)

this chilling scenario is only one of the multiple reasons I am going to attempt to not crash my car today

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My husband is sighing loudly because I didn't know caterpillars dissolve first. LOOK. I DIDNT STUDY INSECTS.

how terrifying metamorphosis must be for the caterpillar has no concept of what it is doing, or what a butterfly is, or what will happen to it as it spins itself the cocoon. we r more alike than different

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Hey good news. Good news. We hemmed and hawed so long about the situation with the Omelas hole that the kid in the Omelas hole is now the Adult in the Omelas hole. Still suffering exactly as much, but they've lost the charisma bump that a kid gets just from being a kid so the sense of moral urgency is pretty, you know, I mean it's still bad, but like, whatever, you know. It's some middle aged guy having a real bad day, alright, that's not that exceptional. Get over it buddy

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Absolutely adore shit like this.

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Ah, that feel when a stranger has peeled my skull open and looked inside.

Yeah, the non-response to all my short fiction demoralized the hell out of me, especially for a story that I spent something like 13 months obsessing in a dark cavern of an apartment over before I finished it and then like. Idk. Maybe 5 people read it and 2 liked it.

the fear of sharing your work not because you're worried people will hate it or mock it or think it's terrible...but instead that it will elicit nothing from them. that it will be unremarkable. that it won't matter to anyone but you

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the real reason howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion

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Oh, this definitely belongs on Tumblr.

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Common Marlon Wayans W

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For those wondering - Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 #338 (Hobgoblin sprays Spider-man with poison) and #339 (Doc Ock reveals the poison only becomes lethal when combined with cocaine).

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Shrinkflation

So, I found out a fun fact this last weekend!

Every state has a Department of Weights and Measures. One of their jobs is to make sure that companies are actually selling you the quantities they claim they're selling. For example, this is the department which tests gas pumps and makes sure they're really pumping out a gallon of gas when they charge you for a gallon of gas.

So....

If you happen to, just as an example, notice that your 1lb (16 ounce) box of San Giorgio spaghetti actually only has 10oz of noodles, and you weigh your other boxes of spaghetti to discover they run from 10 to 14 ounces but never the full pound they're supposed to have, and that's why you never seem to have enough pasta for leftovers the next day, then you can report that to the Department of Weights and Measures.

They will want to know where you bought the item, and then will investigate whether the store or the manufacturer is routinely shorting customers. If they do, they will issue a fine to the offending party, you will be eligible for a refund, and under some circumstances lawsuits may follow.

Now, I don't know the outcome of the complaint I just initiated, but they did not want to know specific receipts or times of purchase. Which is good for me as I didn't keep any of those things, at the time I just said "Wow, fuck San Giorgio" and switched brands. But this is still enough to get an inspector out.

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Microsoft took decades to do it, but they finally turned me into that annoying dude who switched his PC to Linux and won't shut up about it. No AI! NO RECORDING MY SHIT.

Literal definition of spyware:

Also From Microsoft’s own FAQ: "Note that Recall does not perform content moderation. It will not hide information such as passwords or financial account numbers. 🤡