patronwrites-blog

[patronwrites-blog]

“Pause” by Kyle Thompson

[patronwrites-blog]

This is a song that is about a guy who prays for bad things to happen to the person he’s singing about. It really helped me.

Warning, though- it has some abuse culture stuff in the beginning, and the bad things are nasty and may cause death.

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxUdftDwoFw

Lyrics:

[patronwrites-blog]

tomatelbre replied to your post: biggestbaddestwolf replied to your post: ...

I am slow getting to things and also in class :(

omg shh you don't owe me anything hon i'm just neurotic!!!! <3 <3 <3 ilu for even caring even a little bit

[patronwrites-blog]

biggestbaddestwolf replied to your post: giraffeontherocks replied to your post: sorry i...

you’re silly

NO ONE HAD SAID ANYTHING you know how stupid i am

[patronwrites-blog]

giraffeontherocks replied to your post: sorry i post such LONG excerpts omg i just can’t...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhdh hhh h yes i love the dynamics and how each character seems to breathe

haha i felt so anxious bc no one had said anything and i was like EVERYONE WANTS ME TO SHUT UP NO ONE WANTS TO READ MY STUFF GONNA CRAWL INTO A HOLE NOW so thx 4 readin babe a;sldgha;lhgk :)

theyre all my babies faceinhands

[patronwrites-blog]

blahlisa replied to your post: i have to cut most of this, so i might as well...

the dialogue is done so well omg i like it

i was always super self conscious about how bad my dialogue is but i really think in this novel my dialogue has been improving substantially thank yooooou

the next excerpt i posted is like all dialogue lol

[patronwrites-blog]

ohgodthepandas replied to your post: ohgodthepandas replied to your post: i have to...

if i had to pick one word for your writing i think it would honestly ALWAYS be ‘pretty’ i really do love the way you craft sentences

as;glkha;sglh thank you sweetheart god knows i spend an inordinate amount of time fussing over word choice

[patronwrites-blog]

sorry i post such LONG excerpts omg i just can't bear to keep a single precious jewel of a word from u guys. chronologically speaking this comes before any of my other excerpts i believe

  “I just,” Gemini said heatedly, “can’t believe it. I can’t — I cannot — believe it.” The depth of hurt and betrayal he felt blazed in his eyes as he directed yet another glare in Max’s direction. Max, who was trying to cook a reasonable approximation of a healthy dinner that fit the strict dietary needs of his very health-conscious household while also fitting the equally strict pecuniary needs of his very budget-conscious wallet, ignored Gem’s outburst. It was about the seventieth outraged exclamation from Gemini that evening. Max had grown inured to them by the fifth. “I mean, Genesis, can you believe it? Because I can’t believe it.

“I can’t believe it,” Genesis said loyally, nabbing a candy from the candy bowl in the middle of the table. Today his make-up extended extravagantly across his face like a Venetian mask, flares of green and white arcing up in delicate points past his manicured eyebrows, the jewel tones calling out the emerald flecks in his hazel eyes. With a touch of sly mischief Genesis added, “But, Gem: can you believe it?”

“I can’t!” Gemini burst out, as though his seventy-first exclamation had awaited only Genesis’s cue. “Oh, I can’t. Max, why wouldn’t you tell me that Corbin was here? I would have come running!”

The obvious facts — the fact that Corbin had not come by to see Gemini, that Corbin had been bleeding profusely from grievous claw wounds, that Max had been occupied until the very late hours of the morning with emergency care for the street kids and fighters who staggered to his door — would have done nothing to curb any portion of Gemini’s offense, so Max bit back an irritated recital of them, focusing instead on slicing the portobello mushrooms.

On top of the healing — which was not an emotionally easy task, which despite what he had proclaimed to Tristan and Juliana did in fact come at some personal cost and effort — Max could no more have closed his door in the face of someone injured and desperate than he could have thrown TJ out of his house to fend for himself on the street. It was only when dawn touched the sky on Saturday morning that the stream of people to his door stopped, meaning it was only then that Max had the time to mop the floor of blood and throw out the damaged dish towels and otherwise generally attend to the state of his small and cramped apartment. He’d called out of work for his Saturday shift at the grocery store, too tired to move, and slept until a phone call from TJ, asking permission to stay another night at the Prince’s with Jon, woke him up. Max had granted permission still half-asleep, rolled over, and slept soundly until eight o’clock in the evening.

Saturday night had gone equally as well as Friday night, or as poorly, depending on who was thinking about it. Yes, Max had managed a steady stream of healing, and no one who came to his door had been turned away — all good and well — but he had, yet again, been up all night. On Sunday, he’d forced himself to go to the one o’clock afternoon mass in an attempt not to surrender to sloth and to get his body on some kind of normal schedule. But after mass, all the kids descended on him in force. Genesis and Gemini’s simultaneous arrival, and the wail of heartbreak with which Gemini had greeted him, had done nothing to improve Max’s mood or alleviate his exhaustion. Even TJ’s steady cheer, normally so pleasing, grated on his nerves, proof enough of how shot they were with sleeplessness and his reversed circadian rhythm.

Hence, Gemini’s sense of outraged betrayal was not exactly the highest point on Max’s priority list. Nor close to it.

To TJ’s credit, he must have sensed the foul turn of Max’s mood and simply quietly stepped up next to Max at the counter to assist with preparing dinner. Mincing the garlic, chopping the onion, slicing the spinach and snipping the thyme, TJ cut Max’s prep time in half with his swift and unobtrusive assistance. Shortly, the oil was heated and the necessary ingredients began spreading the delicious scent of a wholesome dinner throughout Max’s small kitchen.

“At least Corbin told me that he came,” Gemini sniffed fretfully. “Oh my God, my poor baby. All torn up! They always give him the worst fights at the Pit, you know, because he’s such an incredible fighter, and because he’s a Drake. He told me all about it. It was like, five on one. Five on one! And the demon shapeshifter, Corbin said was the absolute worst. That’s the one that got him, he said. But he says next week he’ll get him back. Oh, I could have been such a comfort to him, Max! But all because you didn’t call me, I didn’t have the chance. It would have been perfect. I could have, like, nursed him.”

“At least Max healed him,” Genesis offered in a well-meant attempt at placation. He flicked a chocolate candy across the table at Gemini.

Gemini scooped it up and unwrapped it, his fair brow furrowed with the intensity of his feelings as he bit into the sweet. “At least there’s that,” Gemini allowed. “And Corbin said it was a really clean job, so at least I have that comfort. I couldn’t stand it if he were still in pain. I would probably still be by his side right now.” He gave a frustrated huff, his frown deepening with thought. “I really am happy he’s at one hundred percent, but you know, that would have been a really good excuse to stay by his side. I think we just need to spend more time together for him to really start like, falling for me.”

“So would you rather that he were still in pain? Pursuing your romantic agenda is more important to you than the fact that he’s okay now?” TJ said, raising a reproving eyebrow at Gem.

“No!” Gemini snapped, recoiling. “I wouldn’t — I wouldn’t ever — that’s not what I meant. You’re misunderstanding me. It’s not fair. Nothing is fair. Everything is awful.” Gemini slumped. “But if I’d been here on Friday everything would be perfect.”

“You could ask him if it still hurts,” Genesis suggested lightly. “Ask him if it hurts here… or there…”

“I did. A lot. And he said no. A lot.” Gemini almost vibrated with frustration. “The best I got was that he lifted his tanktop to show me where the demon got him. My God, I almost fainted then and there.”

Max wordlessly stirred the mushrooms. TJ sprinkled some of the thyme and spinach atop them, looking at Max sideways with an crimped expression of support and concern.

“So, TJ,” Max said, after taking a deep breath and exhaling, “how was the Prince’s house?” Because surely if there were anything guaranteed to distract Gemini’s tiny distractible mind, it would be anything related to the Prince. True to form, Gemini shut his mouth and Max could perceive the quiver of attention in the air. It almost made him smile.

[patronwrites-blog]

giraffeontherocks replied to your post: giraffeontherocks replied to your post: ...

YES PLS

ok let me find one!!!! :D

[patronwrites-blog]

lyannas replied to your post: lyannas replied to your post: i have to cut most...

no i got you!! i wish you wouldn’t cut it though because it’s so well written and lovely

yeah it KILLS ME to cut it but the thing is, cameron and max / chris and max are kind of like..... competing max ships BOTH of which i ship really bad and have strong OTP feelings over???? so i can't have both cameron AND chris in the same story unless the story is literally about them competing over max, because i can't control myself enough to keep cameron's part small and not wax eloquent about how perf they are together even in all their awfulness - and i can't be doing that if the story is a romance between chris and max and like i already have a lot of characters happening, i'm actually rewriting one scene so that a new character is replaced with one that made a previous appearance in order to make the story tighter and more cohesive - so even though IT HURTS ME it is absolutely the wisest move for overall narrative cohesion, because otherwise, that scene sets cameron up for a gun-on-the-mantelpiece level of importance that i simply don't plan to follow through on/have no room to follow through on writers have to make really hard choices :( :( :( :( thank you beebles!!!

[patronwrites-blog]

giraffeontherocks replied to your post: giraffeontherocks replied to your post: i have...

don’t even start me on kum-tan!!!! but ahhh max yes i adore him will you send me more if i beg u

i drew HEAVILY on max for kum-tan TRUST i can post another excerpt if you really want :D

[patronwrites-blog]

lyannas replied to your post: i have to cut most of this, so i might as well...

i have no idea what’s going on but i love it

hee basically it's the same situation as with the snake if you remember that one - cameron is a different ex of max's, and he is actually a werewolf which is why he appeared as a wolf to max, they were a very tempestuous couple and broke up badly but max still loves and misses him

i had to cut him because that is a novel-length story all on its own - i am actually writing a different piece from cam's perspective about him and max though (not a part of this novel though)

i hope any of that made sense

[patronwrites-blog]

ohgodthepandas replied to your post: i have to cut most of this, so i might as well...

why its so pretty

aww joshy do you really think so *_____* i love u

[patronwrites-blog]

giraffeontherocks replied to your post: i have to cut most of this, so i might as well...

i fall more in love with your characters every time i read anything with them in *_*

i fall more in love with u anytime u do anything *_* thank you doll

[patronwrites-blog]

i have to cut most of this, so i might as well share it!

  “You probably could pick up some basic shaman shit, you know, if you ever actually wanted to,” Tristan said. “Not that I’m offering. But all that praying is great practice for entering shamanic trance.”

“I’ll pass on the New Age shit, thanks.”

“This New Age shit is saving you a hospital bill in the thousands. Show some respect.”

Before Max could think up a suitably devastating retort, he saw a familiar building in the distance, the sign above it a crackling electric blue. In real life, Jazz Thieves was several neighborhoods away from his own, not to mention that Max had never approached Jazz Thieves on a night when it didn’t have a line reaching around the block waiting to get in, or at least one fight breaking out across the street. “All right, that’s not supposed to be there,” he blurted out.

Tristan followed his gaze and smiled thinly. “But it’s clearly very close to your heart.” The wind fanned his hair across his forehead. His loping stride elongated further so that Max nearly had to jog to keep up. “Let’s go check it out.”

“I’d rather not,” Max began to say, before a canine form poked its head out from between the doors. Its head bobbed as it sniffed the air. Max stopped short, stunned speechless. With a brisk and lively step, the canine trotted closer. It was a large white wolf that came up to Max’s hip, easily. Max could imagine the eyes — clear, almost colorless, a blue so pale they were nearly gray.

Tristan, watching, groaned. “My god, Max, you’re kidding. Still?”

“Shut up,” Max snarled, and knelt in the middle of the quiet street. There had been no cars whatsoever as they walked, though he’d occasionally heard the sound of a train rumbling. He didn’t fear oncoming traffic. Neither did the white wolf, which turned its elegantly pointed head towards them. After another careful sniff of the air, it came towards Max. Max held his arms out, and the big wolf nuzzled into them for an embrace. It had a clean and wintry scent, and its eyes were just as he’d imagined. Max closed his eyes and ran his hands through the wolf’s long, silky fur. The wolf was so warm and solid and real Max could easily forget that he was in trance, that nothing here was really happening.

“Cameron’s wolf form doesn’t look like that,” Tristan said.

“Just shut up.” The wolf whuffed softly at Max’s ear, and Max held on more tightly. After suffering this a few moments longer, the wolf stepped away, and Max had to let the creature go. It sat on its haunches, tail swishing as it regarded Max through those wild, intelligent eyes. Max felt his own eyes stinging and wiped his sleeve across them, hoping Tristan wouldn’t notice. He couldn’t help reaching out again to pet the wolf between its ears. The wolf bowed its head, regally accepting the attention.

“How many times exactly did Cameron cheat on you before you dumped him?” Tristan wondered to the air. “I’m just talking about the times you found out while you two were still dating, not the actual, objective facts you only found out about later, once people stopped pitying how bad he took you in with all his bullshit and actually told you the truth.”

“Jesus, Tristan, shut up!”

The wolf looked at Max unblinkingly until Max began petting it again.

“He doesn’t deserve to be here,” Tristan said. “He doesn’t deserve the way you still think of him. When you love someone like that, you give them a piece of yourself that makes it easy for them to use you. That’s his reward for treating you the way that he did?”

“If that’s what happens then that’s what happens,” Max said. The wolf tilted its head insistently, so that Max could scratch its head better. Cameron had always liked to be petted and cosseted. Max had never minded. It had caused such a sweet and blissful look to cross Cameron’s face as he drifted off, head in Max’s lap. People who only knew Cameron as a showboat, as a flirt and a liar, didn’t understand and never had. Never would. “I wasn’t good to him either.”

“I didn’t ask that, and I’m not kidding, Max. Speaking strictly professionally here, as a shaman trying to heal you and advise you — you’re really okay with letting Cameron Blake, of all people, walk around with a piece of your heart?”

“I loved him. I loved him a whole lot. It seems fair.” Max withdrew his hand and looked at the wolf once more. It tilted its head, its tail steadily wagging.

Cameron had never actually permitted Max to see him in his wolf form, though he’d relented at least enough in the face of Max’s curiosity to disclose what he looked like while changed. He had said he was dangerous in his wolf form — uncontrollable. Max didn’t see the difference between that, and Cameron any other day of the month, but Cameron had ended the discussion there. It was one of very few topics of conversation that Cameron flatly refused to pursue.

“He’s the very first thing that came by. In fact, he came to you,” Tristan observed. “Hmm. All right, Cameron, shoo.”

[patronwrites-blog]

lyannas replied to your post: lyannas replied to your post: “Jon doesn’t have...

omg yes i love tristan so much, snarky characters are my fave

haha i will let danny know that my tristan fanfiction is not going unappreciated by others - also max really needs snarky people around him to puncture his self-righteous wails when they get too hysterical, keeps him grounded

[patronwrites-blog]

lyannas replied to your post: “Jon doesn’t have a crush on TJ,” Max said. The...

i actually love this & i’m so glad i understand more about the background/whatever yay worldbuilding!!! & the concept of a Construct is so interesting wow. and again i’m gushing over your dialogue tbh

hee! looking it over i definitely need to do a little more world-building but that's all stuff for later edits or i'll never keep moving forward like i have to. eee i'm glad you find it interesting it makes me so happy that you read it!!! there were some more dialogue moments i wanted to share (tristan, danny's character, is a real snarkbucket) but they all required like the four hundred words previous to them to make any sense lol so i finally went with this snippet