passionate-of-literature

[passionate-of-literature]

[passionate-of-literature]

i miss my favourite teacher :(

[passionate-of-literature]

my favourite teacher gave me a hug on a-level results day after i got an a* in english literature (her subject) and got into my firm choice uni 🥹🥹🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[passionate-of-literature]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

[passionate-of-literature]

i have officially left sixth-form, and i feel heartbroken and empty. i feel so alone and small and scared, and i miss my teachers. i feel so much grief, and nobody understands that i am actually undergoing the process of grieving. i've never felt this sad about something. nothing has meant as much to me as my relationship with that one teacher, and the experiences i've had at that secondary school. i was there for seven years. that teacher is the first adult to make me feel safe, and believes in me like no other. she knows how self-critical i am, and would always be in my corner rooting for me when i had no one else. i don't know what i'm supposed to do without her. she celebrated my every achievement, no matter how small it was. no matter how seemingly irrelevant it was. she was the only adult in my life to listen and understand and appreciate me for me. i have never felt so alone in my life. i can't believe it's all over. :((

[passionate-of-literature]

[passionate-of-literature]

when my english teacher lets me borrow her books >>>>>

[passionate-of-literature]

im so done with seeing articles about kids and screen time that doesnt mention parent behaviors even once. “kids are always on their phones” so are the parents! which the kids look to for how they should behave! ipad babies didn’t chose to only play on their ipads, thats what their parents gave them!

an anecdotal example: when i was a kid, all my parents would do in their minimal free time was watch tv and then they would be surprised when in my sister and i’s minimal free time we would also only watch tv/play video games. they scolded us for not reading books, but they never read books. they scolded us for not going outside but they never went outside.

“kids are always on their damn phones” my mom is in her 60s and opens up candy crush anytime she’s sitting — it isnt just the kids

[passionate-of-literature]

i really need a B in a level history to get into uni but i’m currently achieving an average of a C, and i really don’t know if i’m gonna be able to improve my grade in only a matter of weeks. for a level english lit and a level english lang, i’m not worried at all, and i’m hoping for an A* in english lit, but for history, i’m really not sure that i will get there :((

[passionate-of-literature]

"Before I die, I want to be somebody’s favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe."

– Andrea Gibson

[passionate-of-literature]

Leigh Bardugo, King of Scars

[passionate-of-literature]

got an A on my english literature trial exams, despite having a break down in the middle of one of them, and i’m really proud of myself. my english teacher has honestly been my biggest supporter throughout this entire process, and i know that she will continue to do so as my alevels approach at the end of this half-term. :))

[passionate-of-literature]

actually, "autism is a huge part of who i am and i'm proud of it" and "autism is a disability that requires accommodations" are both true statements that can and should coexist

[passionate-of-literature]

my favourite teacher is quite honestly the kindest person that i have ever met.

i told her something really vulnerable yesterday. something that has been incredibly difficult, and a sensitive topic for me to speak about, particularly as i have very intense emotions.

she listened to every word i had to say, and didn't judge me, even upon an admitance of my own contributions towards the unfolding of the event.

she made me feel heard. she made me feel safe.

after our 1 to 1 chat, we returned to a group setting, and she continually included me in conversation, and tried so much to make me smile and laugh. and it worked. she managed to distact me; that means more than the world to me.

i truly have no idea what i would do if she wasn't in my life. i trust her like no other, and she's the first adult in my life who i feel like i could tell the worst possible things about myself, and yet, she'd continue loving me anyway.

she stayed.

i love this woman more than anything. /p

[passionate-of-literature]

[passionate-of-literature]

[ID text — The desire to be sicker, to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. A well person does not desire to be sick]

[passionate-of-literature]

how could you hurt a little kid

i can't forget i can't forgive you

cos now i'm scared that everyone i love will leave me

reblog w the song lyrics in your head NOW. either stuck in yr head or what yr listening to