oomnomnomnivore

[oomnomnomnivore]

"You might think that you don’t matter in this world, but because of you someone has a favourite mug to drink their tea out of each morning that you bought them. Someone hears a song on the radio and it reminds them of you.Someone has lengthened their way to home just to walk on your street. Someone has read a book you recommended to them and gotten lost in it’s pages searching for a message, thinking you left it with that book. Someone’s remembered a joke you told them and smiled to themselves on the bus. Never think you don’t have an impact. Your fingerprints can’t be wiped away from the little marks of kindness that you’ve left behind." - Unknown

[oomnomnomnivore]

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

[oomnomnomnivore]

A Midnight Walk (2)

I unlocked the front door of my apartment and stepped into the hallway. I was greeted by a warm stale gust of air, my neighbors  tarnished welcome sign and grey walls, that presumably were white long ago. I slammed the door shut and immediately made my way down the stairs, hoping that I could escape the cramped atmosphere. I rushed by the six apartments of the lower levels before I reached the front door, which I almost rammed open. I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with fresh cool air, standing directly in front of the house with closed eyes. I felt like something was lifted from my shoulders, now that I got out of that damn apartment. I gazed upwards and saw clouds occupying the sky and fully hiding the moon behind them, as something caught my attention.

My face darted towards the street in front of me as I caught a whiff of something delicousl in the air. It was like nothing I ever smelled before and as I tried to focus I felt my stomach growling. Before I even decided to find out what was behind that I started moving towards it. I followed the road towards the gas station I thought of earlier while passing multiple row houses. Most of the lights where out at this time of night, but as I passed one apartment, with the all familiar lighting of a running tv, I got another whiff of something exquisite. But as soon as it appeared, it vanished again. I focused back on the smell from before as I picked up pace. I turned left at the next intersection and was caught off gard by the intensity of the smell.

I tried to make out the origin of this odor that was almost tangible in the air by now, but I could make out nothing special. I found it hard to focus as my breathing seemed as loud as a truck and my eyes kept bouncing around the street. Until I saw a man. Something about him caught my attention. He was walking down the street and seemed to hurry a bit, for no reason in particular. He made his way towards me, but as he saw me he flinched just a bit and changed the side of the road. Nothing stood out about him, yet he fascinated me somehow and kept my mind occupied. Until I saw to other men walking down the road, crossing the road seconds after the other man crossed the road. In difference to him, they where quite suspicious looking. Both wore hoodies that where hiding their faces in the dark and their hands remained hidden within their pockets.

I observed them from quite a distance as I realized that they where gaining on him. I thought a moment about interfering with whatever was going to happen, until I felt something hit the back of my head. Something heavy whacked my head and forced me downward, as the pressure widened over my neck and shoulders towards my back. I fell on my knees as this thing forced the air out of my lungs. I kneeled their for a moment as my body seemed to heat up and my muscles seemed to cramp, yet the pressure never decreased. I did not know what was pushing me down but after a long moment my curiosity rose with a burning sensation in my chest. I slowly forced my head sideways. It felt like I was trying to push against a heavy stream that someone pushed me in. It felt like forever until I could see what was behind me, but then I saw it. The light in the sky, a white sun burning away my thoughts and piercing through my eyes. I saw the moon in all its glory and I felt its fire.

My body was burning up and I felt every muscle tense and cramp, but I could not look away. I felt my lung burning as my breathing got heavier and I could feel something push inside my back. My shoulders began to itch from within and I felt as if something was pulling me from both sides. At the same time I felt an itching down my entire back slowly increasing into a painful push. Moments after that I felt something rip, as a surge of pain rushed through my shoulders that where now painfully stretching apart the flesh, muscles and nerves that engulfed them. Immediately after that it felt like the ripped spot was set on fire. I wanted to scream, but I just knelt there with an open mouth and drooled over the pavement. Then I felt an Immense Piercing in my lower back, as though someone hammered in a nail right into my spine. I straightend up immediately and fell down face forward unto the solid concrete.

I felt my entire torso burning by now as I laid down on the ground and my head twisted in a weird cramped angle as my eyes fixed upon the moon. While something snapped and welded together in my upper back from time to time, the nail-like sensation was rythmically pulsing and going downwards as I felt my entire body stretch and elongate. Then I felt that my ribcage started to tingle and then hurtfully expand as well and moments after the contents of my empty stomach flowed in front of me. The pain was unbearable and expanded further down my legs and arms. Both arms and legs where now tingling and pushing, which seemed like a tickle compared to the pain in my torso and the nails in my back. But slowly and steadily they started to hurt as well. The pushing grew to tearing and my flesh felt as if it was drenched in acid by now.

The burning feeling continued for what felt like a minute until it spread to my feet, which first felt like the rest of my body. It felt like it was stretching immensely until I felt them crack. My feet snapped in a horizontal clean fracture and then felt like they where being forged back together. I would have screamed if my breathing hadn't been so flat or if I had any control over myself. This continued for a bit until something new happened. I felt my fingertips and toes rip apart as my nails seemed to swell and grow into what felt like long talons. My hole body was pulsating  in a flaming feeling by now that mas slowly rising upwards. I tried to mentally brace myself as the burning crawled towards my chin, but I was unable to form so much as a single thought let alone prepare myself at that point. And then it hit me.

I felt as though I was forced in jaw lock and every single tooth of mine was being pulled and drilled into at the same time. From the roots upwards a stinging pain erupted all over my mouth as something happened with my teeth. At the same time my tongue swelled up and filled my entire mouth, until it got so long that it simply rolled out of my mouth. The burning went higher and I felt it hitting my nostrils that oddly enough felt like they were swelling outwards and slowly pulling back, but as it went further I felt every single cartilage around my nose ridge force its way back into my skull, slowly and painfully scratching the inside of my face. When it got to my eyes I felt them swell and pulse in unison with the rest of my body, all while my ears where pushing outwards in a weird blunt sensation.

Not long after my ears stopped pushing the rest of my body settled as well. It was still aching all over and I felt a very warm pulsing all over myself, which was exactly like the pulsing in my hand before. I closed my eyes and laid there for a few more seconds until I realized something. The odor that I smelled was still there and I felt hungrier than I ever felt before. I got up on my feet, only to fall back down again immediately. I looked down on myself and saw a large dark red leathery body expand in front of myself, that was lying in front of schreds of clothing. But what caught my eye where the feet that looked almost like a dogs feet that had an aditional joint in them. I got on my knees now. I realised my clawed fingers had a thick skin on them and my arms where longer than before. So I got up on my hands and feet and it felt absolutely natural. Everything about this felt natural. Like it had always been this way.

But before I could wonder what was going on I sensed the smell again, it intensified again and I knew if I wouldn't go now, I'd miss it. So I decided to go.

[oomnomnomnivore]

A Vicious Circle

It has been rough the past few weeks for him. There was nothing in particular happening that stood out, but many little things were increasing stress in his life. Ever since his wife left him for another man he was struggling a bit more then before, but he pulled through most of the time nonetheless. Whenever he felt particularly down or anything he always had his friends to reach out to, but lately they seemed awfully distant. It was not that he woiuldn't speak to them or that they wouldn't meet, it just seemed like they were busy and had better things to do than comforting a friend that failed over and over. He of course did not see that they were ready to help him if he would reach out to them, but they did not know what was going on in his life.

He also didn't know when the whole thing started. He knew it was bad when he couldn't get himself up to go to work for a week. But he had no clue how it came to that. He thought it might have started when his dog died, he was old and sick, but it was still a horrible day when he came home to a silent house. Normally he'd expect to have Marty running around and barking, but the house was like deserted. He wandered through the rooms in search for Marty, only to find him seemingly sleeping on his bed. He tried to wake him, first by calling him, like he did everyday, then by petting him. But Marty didn't wake up. In a fit of panic he grabbed Marty and tried to find some sign of life and to his relief he fpund a weak pulse and Marty was still warm. 

He took Marty and rushed to the door, and entered his car. He drove to the vet immediately and had Marty in the emergency room in no time. But it was too late. He found out Marty suffered from cancer and suffered internal bleedings that day. There was that could have been done, but to ease his suffering. As Marty laid upon the examination table he gently pet him and looked him in the eyes, as the doctor gave him the injection. It broke something inside him to look at Marty at that moment, but he knew how painful it would be for Maarty if he wasn't there. Marty would have looked frantically and weakly for him as his last slumber would begin. After that he drove home accompanied only by the sound of his breathing and sighs. 

He recalled this as he witnessed the sun rising. It was a night with almost no sleep again. The third in a row. He laid there for what felt like eternity until he got up and used the restroom, only to lay down again afterwards. He spend almost the entire day like this. Lying down in silence, watching the wallpaper on his ceiling and thinking back to moments that were haunting him. He remembered the day his wife said it was over, the day the divorce was settled, the day he got fired for not coming to work for a week. All those thoughts were just drifting in his head, flying above him yet dragging him down. 

As the night fell, he got up. He went downstairs, to check his mail. He had a letter from his company and one from his bank. He ripped open the first one, absent mindedly dropping the envelope in the hall. As he thought it was his dismissal. He sighed and went to the kitchen to put the letter on the kitchen table. He opened the second letter, it was about his missed payments. He just didn't have the money to pay for the interest. He would have to either pay, or move out. But he knew that he could do neither right then. He was not able to. He put the other letter and envelope down as well. He didn't know what to do, so he went to bed again. 

After lying awake half the night he was again greeted by the sunrise, as dull light reflected from clouds into his room. He laid awake for quite a while until he got up, earlier than before, after all he had made up his mind. He took a long shower and searched his wardrobe for something fitting. It didn't take long until he found a black suit and a white shirt. He also grabbed his black tie and got ready for the special occasion. He then went to his tool shed to grab a sturdy rope, until now he always thought he wouldn't ever need it. He went back inside to look for a suitable place to install it, some ceiling beam or the like that could hold a certain wight. He found what e searched for in the garage. 

He took the rope and knotted a simple noose into one end and affixed the other on the ceiling beam. The noose was hanging more or less at the height of his shoulders now. Gently placed the noose around his neck, feeling bth calmed and agitated by the cold rope. His heart rate went up as he fastened the noose. He realised he didn't leave a note, but who would read it anyway, he was now alone after all. He took a deep breath and then fell to his knees. The rope immediately tightened and held his knees a bit above ground, while his feet and shins laid down. He felt the rope clamping on his neck as his hands wandered to it. He forced himself not to pull open the knot untill the last second. 

But it was too late. The knot he maid defied his hands, and with his neck outstretched and knees lifted, he could not reach anything around him. He felt his pulse going up even furter and would have screamed if air would have reached his lungs, but it didn't. It took a few minutes until his vison went black and he entered a slumber he would never awake from. But the moment his world went dark, his body started thrashing around at full strength. He might have given up, but his body was resisting with all it had. But even that wasn't enough. His Body thrashed around for about seventeen minutes until it finally stopped. 

He hung there for less then a day until one of his friends came to his house, to see why he had not answered him. If that only happened sooner, his friend thought. At first the friend was in shock, seeing him hanging there. In a full suit, shirt halfway tucked in and with a calm look in the eyes. It was almost peaceful, except for the heavy blue line around the neck, the slightly swollen looking face and the stench of old urine in the garage. Shortly after he called the police and an ambulance. But obviously nothing could be done. 

After that the friend drove home in total silence. If only he could have been there sooner he thought. If only he could have stopped him. Ever since that day he never felt the same. This moment has broken something inside of him and from that onwards he always struggled a bit more than before.

[oomnomnomnivore]

A Midnight Walk (1)

It was late at night when I woke up from my nap. I was originally planning on sleeping about an hour or so, but my short afterwork nap became a fully grown 4 hour sleep. I felt like shit and more or less rolled out of my bed, dis- oriented by the involuntary rest I had. I stumbled my way through my room, almost avoiding all the obstacles I had carelessly placed around the entire room, almost. I made it halfway towards the door when my feet got tangled up in a belt, that was still holding on to the pants that I had worn earlier. So within seconds I went from drowsily shambling through the room to lying face down on a pile of old clothes cursing at the top of my lungs. But at least I was fully awake by then. After recovering for a moment I got up again and decided to put on some of the junk that was splattered around the room. So I grabbed a pair of sweat- pants and a comfortable shirt and got dressed. I went straight for the kitchen then, with only a short detour at the washroom, in hopes of salvaging a bite to eat. But as I opened the fridge it dawned upon me that I did not have anything edible in there. The only thing currently residing in the fridge was a 3 weeks old cream cheese, at least I remembered the existence of said cream cheese 3 weeks ago. I then started going through the drawers beside the fridge, in hopes of nding at least some noodles or anything to eat for that matter. With next to no luck. I found a can of soup with equally questionable origin as the cream cheese and a lot of dents in it. At this point frustration turned to anger and I decided to go to the next gas station to get some frozen pizza or the like. A shame that I didn't manage to buy groceries like I had planned earlier. I went back into my room, in hopes of quickly nding my wallet which schould have been in my jacket, but I quickly found out it wasn't there at all. I searched everywhere, with each step and try getting faster and angrier. How hard was it to nd this god damn wallet in one of the jackets or pants that were scattered all over the floor. With each minute passing I felt myself becoming angrier, until I ripped one of the pockets off of a pair of pants that I searched for the 6th time. I froze as I realized what I've done and I noticedthat my pulse had risen quite a lot over the past few minutes. I was dumbfounded at this amount of anger over such a matter and I must have stood there almost as long as I was searching until I left the room. I tried to calm myself down, so I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As I entered the kitchen I saw my wallet lying on the far side of the kitchen counter. At that sight I lost it for a moment and slammed my st into the wall near the entrance while screaming some incomrehensible mashup of curse words, that turned even louder and less comprehensiple moments after. As the punch connected I felt something crack under the weight of my st and to my dismay, it was not only the wall. I felt immense pain surging through my hand as I clenched my wrist with the other and fell to my knees. I remained there for a moment in silence, that was only interrupted by a banging from the ceiling, followed by a mued shout. At that my anger rose again and I was formulating a witty remark in my mind. But before I could shout it out to my neighbors I felt my hand getting warmer, almost burning. I looked at the dented palm and flattened pinky, in confusion as pain started to swell. As the pain was getting stronger I rose to my feet and almost ran into the washroom. It took me only a few seconds until I reached the medicine cabinet In which I hoped to find some painkillers, but by the time I opened it the pain was almost unbearable. The warmth had become a feeling as if I had dipped my hand in some napalm and set it on fire, which always seemed to pulsate and simmer down only to be set ablaze again. With my working hand I grabbed some painkillers, ripped open the package and took a handful of them. The pain was still so intense that I tried to cool the hand with water, but at the time the stream hit my hand the pain spiked. I cried out as I withdrew my hand and took a seat on the toilet. I sat there for a second until I felt something weird beyond the pain. I felt sme sort of pushing from my muscles, that only seemed to increase the pain from the broken hand. The cramping increased as I witnessed in horror how my pinky and palm were fully stretched, with something moving below the surface. I felt the bones stretching out, moving back into place, grinding against eachother and seemingly ripping my nerves out. I screamed again. A huge chunk of bone squeezed above another part of my palm and grinded its way through my hand. At some point it stretched the skin so far that it ripped an about a quarter of an inch long hole in my hand. At this point I was sitting there in silence and disbelieve, mouth gaping and eyes wide. Only seconds later I felt the flesh knit itself together and slowly saw the wound close. By now the burning pain had subsided and made way for a strange sensation. My hand was almost normal looking at this point, but the muscles of my pinky and palm where still holding the pieces in place in a cramped stretched out state. I felt how the inside of my hand was being stretched, it felt as if something was pulling on my finger. And with the pulling sensation came an intense itch that rose in the bones of my hand, the itch was getting so bad it was almost painful. All the while more and more tension build up in my hand and I felt like my finger was getting stabbed with a knife, which was way more pleasant than the burning to be honest. Within another minute or so all of this ended and I stared at my hand. The pain grew dull and was at that point only a warm pulse that flowed through my hand. My flattened palm and pinky where now looking like before, as if I had never broken them.  For a moment I remained in shock, then came denial. It could not have happened, it was impossible. So I walked back to the kitchen to look at the wall I hit. But there was a very visible dent next to light switch where I had punched the wall. Paint and wallpaper was crumbling in a little pit in the stone wall. I was speechless and confused. Where should I gather the strength to punch a hole in a stone wall? It did not make any sense, but the wall and the pulsing in my hand were telling another story. This had just happened and I had no idea how. I felt fear rising and wrestling with the disbelief that was still firmly in my mind. I could not grasp what just happened, it was wrong. I started breathing heavily as panic rose. 'Impossible.' I said to myself. 'This is impossible.' I repeated. I needed to clear my head I thought. Some fresh air would surely clear up this mess. So I grabbed my keys and wallet, unlocked the front door and hurried outside. 

[oomnomnomnivore]

Pulse

The void is stretching out, Going far beyound our sight,  And in this darkness sprout,  Tiny spots of light.  Their light glows very dim,  Merging almost with the dark,  But if we look within,  We can feel their tiny spark.  We feel an eternity of silence,  That nothing could disrupt,  Until we spot the islands,  And see their lights erupt.  Not a moment comes to pass,  As the stars are set ablaze,  And one can witness radiant mass,  Turn into fiery haze.  An eternal moment passes on,  The radiant shockwave passing by,  But just as fast as it has come,  We can feel the surging die.  The endless stars are burning down,  Slowly fading into dark,  They seem to vanish all around,  Until we barely feel their spark. 

[oomnomnomnivore]

Hell is a Curious place: Arrival

Hell is a curious place, full of strangeness, horror and pain. It starts with your journey there, a long downfall. Your metaphysical body gets torn out of your physical shell and pulled downward. At first you fall through the ground and almost feel like being pulled through a heavy sludge. For me it was particularly interesting. My last living memory is from the party after my aunts wedding, a terrible party to be honest. I must have felt that way back then too, since I got absolutely wasted the moment I could. My memories stop roughly after the vows were spoken, then there is a haze of dancing and drinking vodka shots. This blurry mess of memory ends with my head jamming into the steering wheel, and then with my body becoming one with the steel of my car and the wood of a tree. There was no pain though.

The moment my head connected with the steering wheel my soul went through the car. It must have been flung forward with quite a lot of speed since I passed through the tree and then hit the ground. Immediately getting submerged in it and getting pushed down. For a few moments I remained in this dark sludge, until I tore through some sort of barrier. I broke through the ceiling of a cavern head first and proceeded to connect face first with the ground. And let me tell you the first lethal injury is always the hardest. I must have broken a lot of bones, including my neck. So I laid there for what felt like a week, only contracting from time to time until I could slowly begin to move. When I could crawl I crawled to the nearest corner so I could cry in the cold cave. You know, I really would have liked to sleep, but you cannot sleep here, you only get tired.

It took a while until my body was healed enough that I found the strength to move. When I did, I still limped down the pathway that led out of the cavern. With each step forward the air grew colder and the shivers got worse. I walked for a long time, resting often because of the pain. By the time I was halfway there I was already sound as a bell... except for the sleep deprivation and a bit of frostbite. Nonetheless I kept on moving through the tunnel, that was getting narrower so slowly that I didn't realize it. Nearing the end of the passage, it got so mal I could only fit while crawling. I squeezed through the last passage, until it suddenly broke down under my weight. And again I fell. 

This time I had the luck to fall down into the river. I broke through the layer of ice on top of it and got cut up pretty badly by it. At the same time though, I was awake like never before, stripped of the fatigue by the sudden shock of icy water on my skin. I panicked and tried to get hold of something... anything. Back then my survival instincts were still active. I somehow managed to get on top of the ice and crawled to the cold shore. Soon after getting there, freezing cold, barely breathing and shivering as hard as never before, I passed out. Or at least what can be called passing out down here. I was still aware of my body but my eyes were not working and my body not moving. 

When I finally came to I painfully forced myself up, leaving behind patches of skin that were frozen on the ground. It took a lot of effort to rip them off, but I needed to go. I was called by something. I moved along the riverline and was often searching for a sun or something, but I never found where the cold white lightoriginated, that shun upon the tundra around me. It took a long time, but I reached the lake. When I first saw it I felt overjoyed. I saw the river opening into a big lake far ahead of me. And I knew I was not running in an endless loop, I was getting closer. A while after spotting the lake I heard faint noises. I was starting to jog at that point. After that I could hear that those noises came from human voices, hundreds of voices! They were uniform in a choir against the silence around me. And the closer I got the clearer I heard them and the faster I ran. It was then, while I was running as fast as I could, that I realized what the voices were. 

The lake was stretching out before me with its open water. At the outlet of the river the ice stopped and made way for a dark liquid. But what caught my eye was not the lake, but it's shore. Hundreds, maybe thousands of men and women where washed up at the shore. Lying there, shivering and freezing. They in turn where surrounded by countless large beings, of which some where pulling wagons, some where taking notes, while some where marking people with iron rods. Others where torturing and killing the humans than picking up the remains and tossing them into the wagons. Those humans that yet had to come to where left alone. While those awake created a symphony of Screams and whimpers. 

The beings pulling the wagons had deformed spines, elongated arms and shortened legs, yet tons of muscle so they walked on their foreclaws. Their skin was covered with millions of razorsharp needles, effectively creating a dangerous fur, that ripped everyone apart foolish enough to touch them. They had no facial features, except for an obsidian orb sitting in the centre of their head in a burnt socket, with which they seemed to perceive their surroundings. Their ears where missing as well, but they had a strong collar made of a black metal embracing their neck. Two rods of the same metal where connecting them to the wagons. And whenever a wagon was filled, one of the Scribes would whisper something to the side of their head and they would move away from the lake into the surrounding tundra. And just like they went away from time to time, some of them were returning.

The Scribes on the other hand could almost be discribed as humanoid. They where as tall as two humans, but still only as high as the pulling beings shoulders. They were gaunt and clad in a silken robe with long sleeves that widened at the end, revealing their abnormally long and thin fingers on each hand. A book always rested in one hand and the other hand always held a quill, to note something whenever a human was marked by one of the rods. The robe was held in a plain color except for a symbol made of gold at the back of the robe, both color and symbol varied by Scribe, but a certain color would always be together with a certain symbol. The robes were so long that they hid the feet of the Scribes whenever they were not moving, but whenever they walked you could see their bare white feet with long toes. Their heads were gaunt and bald and looked like a very thin layer of skin was strapped upon a skeleton. Their lips were missing, so that their gums where always exposed, their eyes were cataract and where ears and noses should have rested, was only skin. 

Then there where the smallest of the beings assembled around the lake. The beings that drove metal rods with symbols into the flesh of the humans, were roughly the size of a large man. They had no clothes on, exposing their mostly hairless bodies to the cold, some of them looked female and others male. While their legs ended in big ape like clawed feet, their muscular arms ended in large hands with big stumpy fingers. Their rods were made of metal and ended in a symbol that matched the Scribes Symbol that was whatching the Marker. Whenever they where marking a human they salivated over the symbol at the end of the rod with their vile greenish spit, then pushed it onto the humans skin where the spit carved out the symbol with some form of chemical burn. Sometimes when the wind would change, I could smell the stench that was left by the procedure creeping up my nostrils. Their faces where bizarrely wide, with a mouth that did not hold a single tooth, yet was big enough to swallow a human head whole. Their noses where long and sharp and they had large eyes, that where gleaming with a slight orange glow. Their ears where long and stood in a sharp angle away from their head that was covered with wild open hair, that varied from marker to marker.

I watched this spectacle for quite a while, in fascinated terror and what seemed to be awe, until I saw another being. It was a being even smaller than the Markers standing at the shore, holding a lantern that was shining in my direction. It had no nose or ears and empty spaces for eyes. Instead of skin it seemed to have brittle bone cover his head, that was splintering around the larger portion of its head so that open laying fibres would act as hair. Its open mouth with crooked teeth seemed to smile at me, as the sigil engraved upon its forehead was smouldering with a weak greenish glow. It stood there naked in the freezing cold in a little pile of what seemed to be ash, holding its lantern in one of its bony hands and pointing the other directly at me. It was calling for me.

The moment our hands met I felt the fire, bursting out of me tearing a simbol into the skin of my forehead. I was burning in a white greenish flame that burned away my soul. It felt like I was being charred, but I still could feel the freezing cold on my skin. My essence however, the stuff that lied beneath my skin, muscles and bones was being eroded by this flame. It withdrew its hand, looked me in the eyes and in a long understanding moment, it handed me the lantern which burned with new energy as my hand gripped it. I turned away from it and the lamp that I held was now lighting towards the river again, waiting for the next soul to conquer the tundra.

I still wait for the next soul, slowly burning away, until I am surrounded by ash, until my bones crack and my eyes finally burn out. So I can be the devil I was always meant to be.

[oomnomnomnivore]

Toreador

I posted about the Tremere before, why I personally think they are a terrible Clan. However I found myself at odds with the Toreador as well. The Toreador in and on themselves have a pretty sound concept: Artist that fall in love with art over and over again. However after reading the 20th Anniversary Edition (both normal and Dark Ages) I realised that they are rather one dimensional.  I tried to find deviations in both the Libellus Sanguinus as well as the Clanbook Toreador from their main depiction, respectively. I found none. The Toreador seem to bee a very unified homogenous Clan that holds the same values as important across the whole globe. No group of people can ever be as shallow and homogenous as the Toreador are depicted.  This is why the Toreador seem to be so direly lacking of some sort of individuality, all Toreador are artist a’right, but then? Nothing! They seem to be just that. 

[oomnomnomnivore]

Transformation Dream

A moment ago I sad in school, listening to my teacher going on about some incredibly insignificant seeming suspect, until an intense dizziness got hold of me. I excused myself for a moment and went to the bathroom. I could not really remember getting here, thanks to the vertigo I presumed, but I found myself standing in front of a mirror in one of the schools restrooms. I felt a strange pressure between my eyes and tilted my head downward. Then I felt intense pain growing inside of my right eye and as it became impossible to bear I gripped the sink for support, as I feared I might faint. Only moments later the pain ebbed and as the pain of my eye disappeared, my entire Jaw felt like it was going to burst. I felt an imense pull at my teeth, as if a dentrist took some crude pliers and put their entire weight into tearing each and every single tooth out of my gaping mouth. It felt horrible, yet somewhat freeing. A few moments later that pain subsided as well, but my entire face hurt. I looked into the mirror to see what was happened, half expecting to be a werewolf or similar awesome shapeshifter. But what I saw was something entirely different. It was not terrifying or animalistic, it was just ...ugly. One of my eyes was bloated and stretched my socket uncomfortably wide, while the other was still normal. My jaw was grotesquely wide, oversized even on a cartoonish gauge, with a chin even wider than my eye. But what set me off the most where my teeth. Each tooth was about one and a half to two inches wide, sticking out my gum. The roots where still inside, but the teeth where so grossly oversized, that the roots where showing for about half an inch till they intertwined. I stared confused at my reflection, seeing my tongue through the gaps in my dental roots. I blinked. Everything was normal again. I still felt dizzy and now I felt my hands pulse, as if the blood itself tried to burst out of my veins. I feelt a strange pulling sensation at the tip of my fingertips, and just after that I felt a itching sensation from deep withyn my bones. My muscles hurt all around my hands, since it was so painfully stretched until I felt the growth declining. I breathed in deeply and stared in utter disbelief at my hands, which elongated to twice their size. Thin and long, like no hand i had ever seen, with thin pointy nails. I looked from my Hands to my mirror, only to see my confused face and my normal hands. I looked at my hands again, still regular and then turned towards the mirror again, only to be greeted by my ugly expression from moments ago. It smiled at me with a brutish, ugly, yet equally vile grin as i stood there with gaping mouth. I woke up. Confused by the dream.

[oomnomnomnivore]

Winged Woman (part 1)

I soar through the sky, so far above the groves and meadows below. The wind gripping my plumage firmly as the few clouds embrace and caress me. I am free. Below the moonlight I glide upon the updraughts that effortlessly cancel my decent, as my eyes explore the depths below. There, just beneath the treetops, I spot something in the moonlit landscape. For just a blink of an eye it was there, a moment to short to grasp its form. I am alerted now. As my conscious thoughts fade, my instincts sharpen dramatically. There it is again, for an instant I see it and as my instincts take over my reason retracts completely. A moment passes and then I plummet. Air howls in my ears as I accelerate on and on. I lose sight of the landscape, I lose the trees and I lose the meadows. I only see it. It can not escape, I am too fast already and I am still gaining speed. I can almost reach it now. I feel it already in my grasp, I smell it in the wind, its taste on my tongue. I am so close to it. My speed is at its height and in a flash I can grip it. I stretch out my talons and in the perfect moment I clutch it.

Suddenly consciousness floods my mind. My eyes open abruptly as I wake with a start. Sweat runs down my skin and my chest rises heavily. A dream, just a dream. I close my eyes again trying to focus my thoughts. A moment passed. I could still feel the clouds around me and hear the wind howling in my ears. Yet as I opened my eyes I was lying in my bed not soaring through the sky. I rose my arms in front of my face to check, if as in some absurd chain of events, I could not fathom yet, they turned into wings. Of course they were still the same as always, yet that was strangely confusing to me. I clenched a hand to a fist and closed my eyes again, one arm still hanging in front of my forehead. It felt heavy, yet small. I could have sworn my fingers should be longer and less naked. I opened my eyes again as I stumbled over that thought and let out a small chuckle. What a strange dream I had. As I lowered my arm my eyes trailed over my bedroom to the alarm clock. I still had about 20 minutes until I was supposed to wake up. I thought about sleeping a bit more, but since I was wide awake already it seemed pointless to me. I needed a good long shower to swallow that dream anyways.

I slipped out of bed, quite a bit faster than usual, grabbed a clean shirt and immediately headed for the bathroom. I hurried through the hallway since the cold wind brushed unpleasantly against my warm skin. As I entered the warm room I threw my shirt on the floor while slipping off my briefs and quickly hopped into the shower. I immediately turned up the hot water and gasped, as the searing hot current hit my breast. I immediatly turned the shower head away from me and opened the cold water tap. After a few seconds the water was of acceptable temperature and I could focus on the shower. However, my mind continuously drifted back to my dream, even as I tried focusing on my plans for the day. Even as I tried to focus on my studies and homework of the past few days I drifted back to the dream. It was like no other dream I ever had, or heard about for that matter.

I closed the tap abstracted and exited the shower to dry myself off. While toweling I looked at myself in the mirror, almost expecting to see a beak and feathers instead of hair and a face. Unsurprisingly though, I still had my face, I was still 1,7 metres tall and my shoulder long brown hair had not turned to feathers. I sighed, as I put my shirt on and strolled back to my bedroom. It did'nt take me long to assemble an outfit that would protect me from rain, while not being too warm or too ugly. I got dressed and after a few moments decided that it would require too mouch effort, yet too little reward to put on some make up. I left my apartment earlyer then expected and had enough time to fetch me some food at the station backery. From that point on the day was more or less the same as always. I took the train heading to my campus, sat in several lectures and was bored out of my mind for the most part of them. After my lectures I got myself something to eat and went to work at the campus library.

Normally I'd use the idle time at work to get some homework done, but today my mind inevitably drifted away. I pictured myself flying around campus and was astonished by the normality of the thought and the clarity with which I could picture the feeling. As always nothing extraordinary happened at the library, the craziest thing that I heard here was this guy who apparrently lost a bet and set his pants on fire and then proceeded to roll down at the floor to extinguish it. In the process he accidentaly set fire to a few books he lent from here, this poor chap then tried to return them and got fried by my coworkers. I never saw someone this embarassed in my whole life. So I sat through my dull afternoon of doing nothing in particular, now and then returning some books to the shelves or lending new ones to students, as something caught my eye. Someone to be more precise. She almost seemed to glimmer while entering the library and my chest rose up high as our glances met. I immediately felt like I smiled stupidly or stared to long, so I tried to avoid staring by burying my face in the screen in front of me. I felt ridicolous, I mean I am the librarian, my job is to look at the students to make sure they dont do stupid stuff in the library.

But something of her seemed so familar and heart warming that I could not stop myself from doing ridicoulous stuff. 'Ahm... hello there.' she said, which made me realise she had already crossed the distance to my desk. 'Hi, how may I help you?' I answered, almost stuttering. 'Can you tell me where I find the books on european history, in particular about medieval culture and mythology?' 'Of course you just need to go down this hallway into the south wing and then right until you...' I went silent as I saw her struggling with the instructions already. 'I can just show you if you want.' I said a bit hesitant. 'That'd be great, you know I always get lost in libraries, there is just so much interesting stuff in them.' 'Yeah, libraries are great, I love the fact that they are so structured and well you know organized.' I did not know how to put it, and it sounded a bit simple to me, but it was true enough after all. I awkwardly walked her to the books she sought, which where quite easy to find if you knew where to look. 'Thanks, miss...' 'Mills, Karen Mills. But my friends call me Karen, soo if you like, you can, just, well... ahm' I breathed in deeply and smiled awkwardly. 'Just call me Karen.' 'All right, I'm Jen. Nice to meet you. If I need any help finding something, I'll come to you.' 'Great, see you then.' I said and went back to my desk.

On my way back I sorted some shelves, only to be greeted by an empty main hall, since most students were already gone. I proceeded doing my fair share of nothing, daydreaming most of the time until I had to close the library. I walked through the corridors, ensuring that there would be no one locked inside the library. Until I stumbled about the section about medieval mythology. At first i saw no one, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw her still sitting there, absorbed by some almost ancient tome. Well not exactly ancient, more like 50 years old, but still quite old for campus standards. 'Hey, Jen, we're cosing.' I said quite silently, my throat still being coarse from being silent for so long. She flinched and almost screamed. 'Jesus!' looking a bit terrified and caught. 'How did you...' She suddenly went silent and looked at my presumably quite confused face. 'Don't startle me like that! You don't know what could have happened!' 'What could have happened?' I asked reflexively. 'Well, I, err, You know...' She went silent again, looking at me in an uninterpretable way. 'I could have dropped the book!' She exclaimed with a triumphant grin on her face. An embarrassing moment passed as her face slowly went from normal to red. 'Anyways, what was it you wanted to tell me Kate?' 'We're closing now and it is Karen, just so you know.' 'Oh. Sorry Karen, I am not good with names.' 'It's alright.' I waited for her to gather her belongings and than left the library with her, all the way talking about all sorts of things. Our ways parted at the bottom of the stoop. And she took her leave with a confident 'See you tomorrow Karen!'.

I felt fully charged by this. Somehow our small conversation really gave me motivation and I spent my way home thinking about Jen and what studies she may have. She really seemed interesting and not as boring as the ordinary students. As I stood in front of my apartment doors I stopped. This really lifted me up a lot I noted. Almost too much I thought. As I opened my door I checked my watch, freezing in terror as I read the time. 'Damn!' It was already after 10 PM and I still had all my homework to do. Well Karen, guess that is your evening now. I thought to myself and put some frozen pizza in the oven. I cleaned my desk, which meant I put all the things from my desk on my bed and started doing my homework on my desk, only to later put all the desk-stuff back on it. I worked till 3 in the morning and then went to bed exhausted, but also a bit excited for the day to come.

And then the dream came.

[oomnomnomnivore]

[Obimaul] The beginning of trust

Darth Sidious left Maul lying in midst of the plaza where the battle took place, where his brother had fallen. He laid there for hours before he was able to lift his crushed body and crawl to the earthly remains of his brother, the one person he ever cared about. The battle was waging on outside, but it seemed so far away, so unimportant. Maul never really understood what Savage meant to him, but now that he was gone grief struck him like a tsunami. The tidal waves of sorrow ebbed and flowed, whenever he felt like he could lift himself up and turn away, his eyes wandered towards the cold body of his brother, that lay in front of him. He must have remained there for quite some time now, but time had no meaning in this endless moment, nothing truly had. He was alone with his thoughts and was filled with something different than hatred, then he heard steps in the distance. The steps were getting closer, they must have been coming towards him, but he could not care less at this point.

As the steps stopped a few feet behind him his mind was interrupted when he heard the all too familiar crackling of the focused beam of a lightsaber. He turned to face his adversary, fearing that Sidious had returned, but was surprised to see Kenobis face. "Leave me alone." Maul whispered under his breath. Kenobi, looking down at Maul at that very moment, said: "You shall answer for your crimes. For what you have done to Mandalore, for what you have done to her." At the last part his voice cracked a bit and Maul could see his own pain in Kenobis eyes. "Go away." He pleaded again, this time louder, but still barely audible over the lightsabers low humming. Kenobi made another step towards Maul, raising his blade into a ready position, since he expected to engage in combat. "Go away!" shouted Maul, his voice cracking as tears started running down the Siths face. "Please..." He added in a whispering tone. Kenobi was baffled by this display of pain, but he raised his lightsaber fully intent on exacting justice on Maul and swung it down.

The blade stopped just before it hit his abstracted and helpless enemy, stopping the fatal blow. "No." Kenobi said to himself as Mauls tear-streaked visage lifted a bit to look at Kenobis face. His blade retracted back into the hilt as he repeated to himself: "No. Revenge is not the Jedi way". Maul stared blankly at Kenobis face as he once more asked Kenobi to leave. Kenobis eyes sharpened a bit as he gathered new resolve: "No, they will come and they will kill you if you stay." "I don't care." Maul said. "I lost. I lost it all." He continued to whisper. Kenobi struggled with himself, Maul was a wanted criminal and Sith. But was that broken man that laid in front of him really Maul? Did he not deserve a second chance? He thoght about his teachings, something to guide him now. He knew the council would deem Maul too big a threat and would order his imprisonment, or worse. But his former master always believed that the council was not always right, and he thought that by defying the councils potential will, he would act according to Qui-Gons example.

A moment passed as he stood in moderate silence, that was only broken by the distant sounds of battle and the sobbing of Maul. He decided. "Maul! Stand up! You will not die here, it is not your time." Maul looked confused but did not stand up, he could not force himself to get away from his brother. "I will bring you away from here, both of you." At that Maul reacted. "Where?" He asked with a raspy voice. At that Obi Wan had to think, since he did not knew yet. Then it came to him. "Dathomir! We will get your brother a proper burial." He exclaimed. Maul seemed to think about that and then slowlly rose to his feet. He still seemed catatonic and his eyes were devoid of thought. Kenobi activated his Comm. "R4, can you get me an empty shuttle?." R4 beeped in response. "No I do not care where you get it from, I just need a shuttle. Out there is war, no one will miss a shuttle now!" He looked at Maul and could not help but notice that his lightsaber was still lying a few feet away, but that unsurprisingly did not bother Maul, it would be better if he lost it here Obi Wan thought.

It took a few seconds, but R4 arrived with a little starship shuttle. He landed it on the plaza and opened the ramp to let his master board the ship. Kenobi kneeled before savage and awaited some sort of signal from Maul, who just nodded to show his approval. He carefully lifted Savage up, which required some serious effort, and carried the body inside the shuttle, where he placed it on the ground, since there was no medbay onboard. Maul followed sheepishly, still apathic from shock and pain. As R4 set sight on Maul he started screaming loudly in a manner typical for droids of the R series. "It's okay R4, trust me." He beeped a bit calmer in reply. Maul sat down at one of the shuttles seats, as Kenobi manned the cockpit. "Calculate the route to these coordinates R4 - Yes I know that that's no republic territorry." Kenobi said while starting the engines and soon after R4 had calculated the route and programmed the hyperspace navigation computer. "Now one more thing R4, you will leave this shuttle in a few seconds and then get to the Interceptor. You will then drive the Interceptor to the coordinates you just calculated and pick me up, you get that?". R4 beeped affirmatively. "Good, now get to the Interceptor."

A few minutes later the duo entered hyperspace and Kenobi went back to check on Maul. "Is there a home we can bury your brother at?" "There is nothing left for us." "Maybe some distant relatives or something in the likes of that? Or is there anywhere Savage would like to have been buried?" "We have no more family, but there might be..." he stopped mid sentence. "There might be what?" "A place Savage would like to be..." he fell silent again and Obi Wan could see how he was fighting to keep the tears back. "Don't worry, you can show it to me after we arrive. I better check on the navicomputer." They both knew he was lying, but Maul felt grateful for that, he didn't had to hold the tears back now. He knelt before his bother and cried silently over his chest, whereas Obi Wan pretended not to hear the silent sobbing of Maul. After a while they dropped out of hyperspace and proceeded to land on Dathomir. "Maul, can you show me the place you where talking about?" Kenobi asked softly. A few seconds later Maul silently guided them to a place of his childhood, that little bit of free time they had they spent there, playing below the leafs of this giant tree. "Here? I thought it would be somewhat less welcoming." Obi Wan said in his usual manner, imediately regretting it as he saw Mauls spiteful gaze. "I am sorry, I should not have said that." He said abruptly. Maul was surprised and caught off guard, so he looked away to hide his face.

Kenobi landed the shuttle and opened the loading ramp. "Maul, let us find a good spot. I will do the digging." He saw Maul obviously looking like he would say that he'd dig too but said before he could object: "I insist!" Maul again felt strange receiving such kindness from an enemy, but he also felt grateful. They searched for about half an hour until they found a suitable spot and Obi Wan started digging immediately. Meanwhile Maul prepared Savage with what little he had. He took some of the giant leaves from the tree and wrapped his brother in them, all but his face which he left uncovered. "Are you ready?" Kenobi asked as he arrived at the shuttle. Maul inhaled deeply and answered with yes. Kenobi carried Savage over to the site, and carefully placed him beside the grave. "Do you want to say anything special?" "No." Obi Wan placed his Hands at the sides of Mauls fallen brother and said "Okay, then I shall-" "Wait!" Maul shouted to Kenobis surprise. Kenobi lifted an eyebrow as Maul looked at him with a look that could almost be interpreted as embarrassment. Maul sighed and sat down at the head of Savage and slowly placed his own forhead atop of his brothers. "You were always there for me. You found me. You saved me. You brought me back." His words where only a whisper now. "I love you." A moment passed in silence until Maul lifted his had, with tears running down his cheeks, and nodded towards Kenobi, who carefully heaved Savage into his final resting place.

Kenobi finished the burial and they sat there for a while in silent comfort. Kenobis comm was blinking for quite some time now and he looked at Maul, signaling him that it was time to part, to which Maul bowed his head. He activated the comm: "You can pick me up now R4." and they sat there for another few minutes until R4 arrived with the Interceptor. R4 just landed and opened the Interceptor, to which Kenobi strolled. He climbed in to the Interceptor and just as he was about to close the cockpit Maul said: "Thank you Kenobi." To which he just nodded supportively and closed the cockpit. he had done the right thing today. He started the engines and flew away.

A few days later the funeral for Satine took place on Mandalore, of course Obi Wan was there. Ahsoka Tano and Anakin skywalker accompanied him. It was a small ceremony, due to the circumstances that ruled Mandalore now. She would not have wanted for this, he knew that, but the turn of evnts was irreversible. The occupation was for the best, otherwise Death Watch might still have been ruling Mandalore. The funeral was attended by friends and allies only. Tano and Skywalker felt restless nonetheless, as if there were some dark presence around that was watching them. Obi Wan on the other hand, was calmer than ever. He felt the presence too, but he knew it was someone who would find his way back to the light. He knew it was someone who suffered the same pain he did and he knew that it was someone who was sorry and very grateful. He knew it was Maul, and he was thankful for Maul to be returning the favor that Kenobi gave him. There was definetly good in Maul, it just needed time to grow.

[oomnomnomnivore]

I demand Wookie Mandalorians! Or even better: Ithorian Mandalorians!

Me, describing to others that Mandalorians are not a race but a culture.

[oomnomnomnivore]

Changing Breeds [Forsaken]

I’m actually working on changing breeds for werewolf for one of my upcoming forsaken 2nd edition games right now. I decided to switch focus from being Hunters to being the balancing force between shadow and flesh. So like it is in WtA, every theriantropoi race has a certain role to fulfill in the society of the changing breeds, much like auspices. However I decided to remove auspices (or at least change it so that each breed has like 2 auspices tops), since it is not neccessary for Uratha (werewolves) to cover up all conceivable variations of half spirits. For example it is simply not neccessary to have any Cahalith if a weredeer is in the group, just as there is no need for Rahu’s if there are werebears.

Additionaly I changed the available forms quite a bit, so that every changing breed has 3 forms, Hishu, Gauru and Urhan or their equivalents. This is more or less for balancing reasons. Changing breeds like ravens or badgers dont really profit from a near-man form, since the small advantages in direction of being a badger are not really useful, same goes for ravens since they cant fly (and what would they even look like, growing feathers or what, i mean srsly). Thus I decided that 3 forms are enough, I might however create a gift of changing or stuff that allows these in between forms if a player really wants it. I also changed the werewolves forms quite a bit, since wolves are not the fighting machines of nature and since they are more dextrous hunters than brutes (so gauru is waaay weaker but also way quicker).

I statted out rabbits, bats, wild cats, lynx, wolves, foxes, brown bears, badgers, boars, deers, goats, ravens, see eagles and owls. I do not intend to stat out snakes, spiders or insects or any more mammals. The game will be placed in hamburg and thusly I only modelled animals that are found or were at least found around hamburg naturally, with the help of wikipedias list of european mammals. 

Right now I am trying to get renown to work with this setting, since the WtF renown is clearly modelled for hunters and not something like deers. I am thinking of creating new renown types for different animals or keeping the already existing ones. the problem with the existing ones is that they obviously dont fit quite well, inventing new ones on the other hand might turn out to be much more effort than I am planning to put into this homebrew, since each existing gift is mapped  with one facet for each existing renown, which means I would have to reinvent every damn gift out there. I could however also just map different renowns with the existing renowns f.e. mapping something like curiosity (for badgers or raven) to cunning.

[oomnomnomnivore]

In the VtR 2nd edition rulebook it is stated that certain books are good source material for VtR Chronicles. The clanbooks of the 1st ed are listet among those and malkavians have an appearence in the Ventrue Clanbook.

It is treated as a blood borne disease that may be incorporated into a campaign (with examples of modifications to portray it as a clan in its own right) and fits quite well with the 2nd ed rules without any adjustments. I currently ST such a Chronicle in which one of the players plays a Malkavian.

There are a few references of "Malkavia" but derangements as a character trait or a mechanic is not available. The Ventrue weakness has been changed, now they have a harder time holding upon their Touchstone and generally losing the ability to feel empathy.

I read the change on the Ventrue. I liked the old Requiem one but this new one is just as valid and nice.

Requiem folks deserve far more praise than they currently have tbh :)

[oomnomnomnivore]

[oomnomnomnivore]

Again I’m at this dark landscape that stretches farther than my mind can grasp. Surrounded by darkness I take a step. The ground is soft, like very fine sand or mud, i can't really tell. I take another step, I am beginning to sink into the dark. I struggle as tendrils of ancient horror grip me and pull me down. I can't get free, I can't get up. The surface erupts in crashing waves as the storm begins. The ancient waves engulf me, entomb me. I can't scream for help, the tendrils pull me deeper into this ancient nightmare. But I don't drown. They won't let me, won't allow me. How? How can I break free? This rotten carcass of a soul is not strong enough, it is crushed, shattered, pulverized. The pressure of the crashing waves holds me immobile as I float.

I open my eyes, with tears in the corners. You can't perceive them, no one can. I am still entombed, but no one pulls me up, no one can. They say I can do it, alone or with help. But I can't overpower this nightmare, I can't break free. And I can't seek guidance.

As I close my eyes I am back in the ocean. Alone I float inside the dark. I can't stand it. I can't stand the darkness, I am breaking. And no one fixes me, because no one knows. I want to rid myself of it, to struggle free, to push these oceans away, out of my mind, out of my life. I succeed, these waves go, they stop holding me. But after a short while, the ground turns dark again, and before I know it, I am back where I began. And the waves come back. I can't break free. Because I can't break this cycle.

[oomnomnomnivore]

A Dream

Not a single wave stirred up the surface of the water at this place. The vast ocean stretched beyond the horizon and the night was as silent as the water was still. At the borders of perception I could espy the nightsky unfolding in its endless depth and emptiness. But something was wrong. No moon graced the firmament and no star shun upon me as I floated in this sea. There was no sun who brought with it the day, only darkness existed here. For a timeless moment, spanning millenias and encompassing no more than a few seconds, I layed on the surface. And then I sank down into the unfathomable depths. Black liquid was flooding my lungs, but no air disturbed the water as it escaped my chest.

Then I woke up, sunlight penetrating the curtains that should have stopped it’s bleak rays from entering my apartment. As i came to understand the surreality of the water and the implications of my surroundings, a wave of disappointment drowned my thoughts. I did not drown. I was still here and everything looked even bleaker than the day before