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[Mark is filming] Mark: Is it true that nobody knows what they're doing? Let's find out! Mark: Collins, do you know what you're doing? Collins: I'm doing weed. Mark: Maureen, do you know what you're doing? Maureen: I'm also doing weed. Mark: [sighs and turns his camera off]

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Roger: I don't the therapist is supposed to say "wow" that many times during their first session with a patient, but here we are.

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Roger: I wanna dance! I wanna play the drums! I wanna get my guitar out and play a sickass riff! Roger: But Mimi is on the couch sleeping off a migraine. Roger: She is my world!

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Maureen: Nobody could stop it! Not even Joanne! Maureen: And she could stop a freight train by frowning at it!

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Joanne: Is there even anyone named Sheldon in real life?

Maureen: My class turtle from sixth grade.

Joanne: That's a turtle.

Maureen: When God sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

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Maureen: I love Joanne dearly, but I have never met anyone who could benefit more from smoking a little weed.

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Joanne: If you got arrested what would the charges be? Roger: Theft. Angel: Disturbing the peace. Mimi: Aggravated assault. Collins: Arson. Maureen: All of the above. In that order, probably.

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Joanne: Why are you smiling? Maureen: What? Can’t I just be happy? Collins: Benny tripped and fell in the parking lot

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Roger: If I had a dollar for every time Collins talked about Angel, I'd have a dollar.

Mark: But he always talks about Angel. Shouldn't you have more dollars?

Roger: That implies that Collins stopped talking about Angel at some point.

Collins: Have you seen Angel today? She's not missing, I just think everyone should see her. She's beautiful. I love her so much. Do you think she knows I love her? I mean, I just told her I love her, but does she really know?

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Roger: We're out of coffee.

Mark: I hid it. It's been two days since you last slept and you need some rest.

Roger: Bold of you to assume it's only been two days.

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Maureen: Two years ago I married my best friend.

Maureen: Joanne is still upset about it, but Collins and I were drunk at the time and thought it would be funny.

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Maureen [holding a box]: What would you say if I were to come home with six kittens?

Joanne: What's in the box?

Maureen:

Joanne: What's in the box, Maureen?

Maureen: I think you know.

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Apparently some people go to bed and just...sleep??? They don't softly broil in existenial dread or replay every mistake they ever made??? And then they wake up--hold on, let me check my notes--REFRESHED? I just. It sounds a bit fake.

Mark

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Joanne: Once, while we were having sex, Maureen stopped and told me she loved me.

Joanne: And then she slapped my ass and said, "Back to business!"

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Collins: Are you okay?

Roger: I guess...

Roger: I mean, it all depends on how you define "okay".

Collins: People who are okay don't have to put that much thought into the question.

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Maureen: Pookie, what's the best way to get revenge on those who have wronged you?

Joanne: The best revenge is letting go and living well.

Maureen: Collins, what's-

Collins: I've already packed. Let's go.

[hours later]

Joanne: So, how'd it go?

Maureen: Collins tricked me into letting go and living well.

Collins: Works every time.

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Joanne [reading out of Maureen's diary]: "Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed."

Joanne: [stares at Maureen in disbelief]

Maureen: See? Perfect.