notactuallyfunctional

[notactuallyfunctional]

Art done for a Jason todd zine in ..2021?

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[notactuallyfunctional]

i already get enough of that in canon. no thank you.

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Witcher Prompt:

What is Djinn just haunted you and granted your wishes as they wanted to cause trouble until they found someone else more interesting?

Now imagine on the mountain top Geralt declares if life could grant him one wish it would be to take Jaskier off of his hands.

Imagine Jaskier stumbling through the dark forest down the mountain trying to get away when his next step sinks into burning red sand and bright daylight; he’s standing lost in a desert. He’s quickly found by a nomadic family who bring him along, they give him the protective headgear and little jobs to help out.

He can’t understand their language and they can’t understand his but at night he sings softly of stars and yearning and golden eyes.

Soon they come upon an oasis and he’s being handed over to a new caravan, he still doesn’t understand and feels rejected/traded on like an animal but the people who found him are heading back the way they came and the new people point away towards a horizon. There’s hope in the way they point him forward.

So he travels and works and sings oh how he sings of loss, love and grief!

Slowly he learns as well; their songs and language and to be appreciated for nothing more than his existence. From a culture he doesn’t understand he finds the love and acceptance he should have gotten from his family. He finds so many new grandmothers and grandfathers, mothers, fathers, uncles and aunts. Brothers and sisters and family. Nieces and nephews and cousins. He holds newborn babies at night as their mothers rest and sings silly songs to help the children learn the stars, stands watch with the men and cleans weapons by the fire with the old women.

Eventually they leave the endless desert: he’s been passed from caravan to caravan at each oasis to travel ever onward towards this one city.

This last caravan of traders has someone who can speak his language and he finally gets the answers to questions to complex to ask with his simple grasp of their language. They’d helped him simply because he needed help and each family had handed him off wishing only for his future happiness. In their culture you don’t see a man lost without welcoming them to your family.

Entering the trading city hewn from desert stone with sheer cliffs over the harbour covered in beautiful foreign buildings Jaskier finds what he needs to finally return: ships to Skellige then he’ll be in familiar lands and able to return to the continent.

He’ll be leaving behind a beautiful sun burnt country filled with generous hearts to finally settle his own but he knows he’ll never forget what he learnt from the people there.

To be kind for the sake of kindness, to love freely and openly, to never turn your back on a lost man and to always find your way forward.

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Imagine an au where Present Mic is hiding the fact that he’s gone deaf from the world supported by his husband in keeping this secret.

Now imagine that Eraserhead is attacked by a villain who takes his sight.

What can they do when one is deaf and the other is blind?

Both can speak but what words can you say when you can’t receive the reply?

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

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Your barber is a witch.

Your family has been practicing for generations you should have seen the signs but you didn’t. You also never thought having your hair cut at the barbers would matter when you moved to this small town so far from your family.

But he doesn’t do anything sinister with it; that’s ok right? And you only noticed because you have such good luck for the first couple of weeks after you visit and he always smiled when you tell him good news.

It’s not until someone leaves a door open and you see the alter with the pile of hair. It’s not even your hair; hell its not even a single persons hair.

You confront him and it’s awkward as he explains:

For generations the barber in this small town has always been a witch. At the end of everyday a portion of the hair collected is used to send good luck and good health to the customers and the rest burnt properly. He usually tones it down so no one will recognise a pattern to their luck but when you first moved here you were so beaten down that he couldn’t help but make sure you got into the blessing every time.

He doesn’t mind that you found his secret or if you hate him: he’s just happy you’re smiling everyday now.

[notactuallyfunctional]

I have this weird idea that rattled around i my mind:

Imagine after the battle that Thorin believes ended Frerin’s life he was instead taken prisoner by orcs. Taken as a slave he escapes on the borders of the Shire with a head wound that should have killed him the Dwarf is found by a young Belladonna Took. With no memory and no one searching for him the Dwarf becomes her crazy uncle. And when Bungo builds her a home he gifts Frerin the land below so they could always be a part of each other’s lives. He’s so commonplace that the shire forgets to mention him. So Gandalf never finds out.

Bilbo grows up with his Dwarrow uncle with his songs and swords, learning the tongue of dwarves and the respect for Aulé. His uncle only remembers his name but he knows that he’s a proud dwarf.

Enter the company of Thorin Oakensheild faced with a tougher hobbit who demands instead of a fourteenth share of gold to find the family of a lost soul. He draws the promise out before summoning his uncle from the depths below Bag end as he explains the story he heard on his mother’s knee.

Now imagine Thorin’s reaction if living below a hobbit hole in the unassuming Shire is the lost Golden Prince of Erebor.

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"How to offend a prince in 5 words or less"

A comedy fairy tail based on the swan princess. For as long as they could remember Stiles and Derek have spent summers together as their parents wait for one of the Royal Hale siblings to fall in love with Prince Mieczyslaw and marry joining their two kingdoms. they have spent summers together the Hale siblings thinking Stiles is from the court of prince Mieczyslaw (a lords son) and Stiles liked not being a prince so he never let on and kinda forgot.

The year Stiles turns 16 Laura is married, Phillip is engaged and Cora and Derek are the only ones left.

Cora dances with Stiles but declares him her friend and nothing else in a mutual announcement. Derek is the only one left.

In a bout of nerves the two dance and Prince Derek declares they shall marry "for the good of the kingdom" when prince Stiles askes "and what else?" He replies "what else is there?"

Stiles storms from the royal ball declaring he won't marry someone who has no desire for him. As stiles and King John leave the palace that night they are attacked. The guards drag a half dead king back to the palace and report the prince taken by a monster.

Derek's best friends Boyd and Allison join him to find the missing prince.

Stiles cursed to be a fox in daylight.

Scott, issac and Erica at the abandoned palaces ruins. They were cursed to become his bodyguards.

Stiles begins the journey back to Derek. (To kick his ass) His spell can only be broken by true loves kiss or a sacrifice of true love to prove devotion. Stiles figures Talia will know how to help him and wants to kick Derek’s ass for making this happen. It’s all Derek’s fault. Probably.

—

Derek sits in the royal sitting room surrounded by his family and closest friends.

“Really Derek?” Cora slapped his shoulder as she passed him to slump in a nearby armchair. “You couldn’t have handled that any worse could you?”

“Don’t be so harsh,” Allison, sweet kind Allison, spoke up from her perch on the couches armrest beside Derek. “At least he could write a book from the experience: ‘How to insult a prince in five words or less.’”

Boyd comes through and gentle topples Allison from her position ignoring the indignant squawk and focusing instead on Derek who was beginning to look worryingly pale.

“At least you’ll be able to talk to him next summer and sort this out,” the man prompted nudging Derek’s foot with his own. “Or even go see him tomorrow before they leave.”

“I am afraid that will not be possible,” Queen Talia Hale swept into the room flanked by her husband and heir, Laura, with her politely bored mask firmly in place. “King Jonathan and Prince Mieczyslaw have already left the palace grounds.”

Everyone was on their feet in seconds: protests from Cora for not getting to say goodbye backed by Allison’s silent worry.

“What does this mean for us? Politically I mean.” Derek asks his mother in a polite controlled voice. Hands clenched behind his back belays his easy attitude.

“Politically? Nothing. The prince spoke to us briefly promising to honour the agreement in regards to the trading tax just as his father planned to with no marriage necessary.” Queen Talia watched her son with a resigned expression. “We’d hoped to secure the military alliance as well but that won’t be possible as it stands.”

“However he has promised to come if we ever call for aide in memory of the last ten years of peace.” The Queens expression twisted for a moment before she sighed and shook her head as of to clear it. “Derek if you-“

A slamming door interrupts the queen as a guard races into the room barely slowing as he falls to his knees in front of the startled woman.

“Your majesty! The healers are summoning you with all haste please do not delay!” The gayer keeps his head down as he speaks ignorant to the multiple hands of the room griping weapons at his sudden entrance.

“The King of Beacon was attacked. He’s at deaths door and asking to speak with you.”

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Imagine a world with sentient trees.

Imagine moving into a house and having to remove a tree that could fall over in a storm and walking up to it and saying “you can’t stay here you need to leave.”

And the tree has been in the garden longer than you’ve been alive but if it falls it’ll crush your house. “I don’t want to do this,” you say as you pull out an axe. “You have to go.”

Maybe you argue, maybe you fight and maybe the tree is so old and wise that it knows why you’re doing this and just leaves. Begins wandering through the streets in search of a new home.

Imagine looking at the hollow ground left behind. Imagine looking into that now bare earth and seeing white bones grinning up at you. Imagine if the trees were sentient and if they won they’d use your bones to grow stronger. Imagine not know what secrets the trees are hiding.

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Ok so how do people find people on the internet to write things with them? Because I have ideas. So many ideas but I write like a drunk dude bro???

I have ideas that properly written will destroy readers hearts and draw tears like rain. I have ideas that are cute and sweet and full of moments of pure love. I have ideas that are so stupid even we’ll written they’d make people laugh at how we had the audacity to write those lines.... but I can’t write. Yes there is beauty in simplicity but there is also more that could be said and I do not have the words.

Someone tell me how to make internet friends especially friends who want to create worlds together.

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reblog if it’s okay to become internet friends

I’ve always wanted internet friends but have never actually had the courage to ask. so this is me asking I guess. I hope this isn’t an inconvenience. if you’d like a good friend to love and support you, I’m here. even if you want to send memes back and forth that’s fine.

we can talk about a show, a movie, your favorite character. we can talk about your day, your favorite music. anything and everything.

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So can someone write me a time travel Bagginsheild fic where Frodo is the one to travel back (and be healed of his trauma) to help see that the dwarves survive the final battle.

He brings Sting and his mithtrel with him and meet them at Rivendale. He introduces himself to Bilbo as both son of Drogo and son of Bilbo. Cue suspicious Dwarrows and even though Bilbo is doubious to begin with he tests the boys knowledge on a range of hobbitish subjects that impress the Dwarrow, then he mentions he went on a quest with Gimli and the company notices the passed down sword and the dwarven chain mail and come to the conclusion that either Bilbo married a dwarf or stayed in Erebor. He joins the quest and Bilbo has feelings of inadequacy agaisnt a hobbit that can actually fight. But Frodo is all “I learnt from you!” And is the best of both worlds and heals my heart.

I dunno

[notactuallyfunctional]

Someone needs to make an Hanahaki Flower curse Hobbit AU.

Where hobbits who feel too great a sorrow have a seed of evil in their hearts that will blossom into a flower literally and kill them. Where to stop it growing they drink poison when they feel heartbreak but it stays alive as a seed in their hearts waiting to sprout again. And Bilbo has been drinking poison since his parents died as a child to keep the flowers at bay until after the Carrock where Bilbo begins to feel accepted and a part of a family. A Bilbo who feels no pain as the affects of poison has numbed his body, who has never felt happy or loved enough to stop.