my-journey-through-depression

[my-journey-through-depression]

Dear L,

Lately, things have been tougher than usual. I'm starting to feel like I'm back in the dark days when I loathed everything about my "life" and was so close to suicide. It's a miracle I'm still here, breathing.

Knowing I'll never be able to call you mine again is a hard pill to swallow. I'd give anything for one more chance. I hope you're in a better place now, I really do. Whoever you're with now is one lucky guy.

Maybe it's time to give therapy a try...

Love

S.

[my-journey-through-depression]

“Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”

— Unknown

[my-journey-through-depression]

Dear L,

It's so hard to believe that it's been this long and I still haven't been able to get over you. I'm constantly torn between two equally terrifying thoughts: that I'll never be able to move on, or that I've lost my memories of you. Today has reminded me again that my feelings about it have not changed.

I am still devastated and heartbroken. I still feel like I did after it happened and I realised my true feelings. I still feel like I’m stuck in the same place, unable to move forward. I can’t help but feel like I’m spinning my wheels, unable to make any progress.

It’s hard to accept that it still affects me so deeply even after all this time. I thought, honestly, that I would be able to move on, but it’s clear that I haven’t. I just have to wait, either until I move on our we speak again

Until then, it never gets easier

[my-journey-through-depression]

“Trust me, I never loved someone the way I love you.”

[my-journey-through-depression]

Dear L

I didn't think I would need this long before I could write some more. It has been hard the last few weeks, with all these thoughts and voices running through my head. It's like a never-ending cycle of worry and doubt that I can't seem to break out of. I'm trying my best to stay positive and focus on the good things in life, but it's been difficult to keep my head above water. I'm hoping that taking some time to write will help me to clear my head and find a bit of peace.

I'm at a loss for how to manage this situation. I'm not sure if you know how I'm truly feeling, since I never told you. I didn't even know myself until recently, when I was able to get my thoughts in order. I realize that it's too late to tell you all this now, but I would give anything for the chance to be honest with you. I'm scared of how you might react, and that fear is paralyzing.

I wish I had taken something to remember you by, but what I don't realize is that everything reminds me of you. Whether it's a song, a place, or a certain smell, it all brings me back to the memories we shared. If I'm being honest, I don't want to forget you; it comforts me to have you in my mind. Even though I don't have a physical reminder of you, I still have all the memories we created together.

The next thing I write will be better

I know I can't and also don't want to forget you

[my-journey-through-depression]

These voices get so vicious Feels like I’m rippin’ stitches

[my-journey-through-depression]

Dear L

I honestly thought I would be able to just write all the things that have been running through my mind, but it’s proving harder than I thought.

There’s a lot of things I want to say, a lot of things I should have said. I know it’s too late to actually tell you, and believe me I have wanted to tell you but I have decided against it. So I’m putting this here.

It’s been two years nearly, since the worst day of my life…. The day I walked away….

In that time I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings race though my mind. A lot of time to reflect and think how differently I would have done things.

I need some time to collect my thoughts.