musings-ofa-muse

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i have a math test at 4:30 [12:30 ist rn] and I got to know about it at like 11:45..... help

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~ january favorites ~

miniso barbie mug

miniso plushie of a lamb holding a tulip [when i tell you it's the softest thing i've touched] [she's called "lammy" btw, after doc mcstuffins]

catwoman [do i even need to explain?]

obviously batman follows

batman and catwoman desi playlist i made [obsessed? me? hah!]

fiona apple!!!!!

adrienne lenker ♡

this meal set my mom orders for my brother and i for lunch

white cardigan with tulips embroidered on it [umm.... i think i like tulips...]

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why not?

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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so i have a small little instagram account for my writings👉👈

its called musings_of_a_muse

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Everyday I spend 15-20 minutes walking to my tuition classes and what i dread the most is the 5 minute walk through a busy street with men on motorbikes slowing down to stare at me.

A few days back, i turned to my left to look at a puppy briefly and when I turned, two men on a bike were right next to me, the one sitting at the back had turned to look at me and was barely 3 inches away. Naturally, since I hadn't expected that two people woukd be so close to me out of nowhere and I was a little off guard, I flinched. And the man at the back had the most sinister "smile" on his face seeing my reaction. I spent the 20 minutes before my class trying to calm down.

Since then, I'm carrying a pen in my pocket.

Yesterday again, i was walking to my class and another man very obviously turned to look at me and I was 2 seconds away from using the pen.

These are the two of more obvious times when this has happened but the countless men of all ages turning to stare hasn't gone unnoticed by me and hasn't made this daily occurrence any less unnerving.

A week back, i was walking back home from a class with two friends of mine while a man had eye contact with me out of nowhere. He was crossing the road to walk into the street I was walking by and I looked towards him only because I saw him walking in my direction and realised I had to move to make way for him (the entrance to the street was pretty narrow and there were 3 people ahead of me and a few behind me). Almost automatically, he started following me. At one point, my female friend was a little ahead of me and my male friend was ahead of her (We were in a file because of oncoming traffic) and the man moved right next to me and said something about being friends. I ignored and continued walking. The man walked ahead and stopped by a street side vendor and kept looking towards us until we had passed by him. I had to walk the remaining half of the way alone that day because the friend that usually accompanies me wasn't there.

The relief i felt when he stopped following and I reached home alive and well can't be described.

My point here is that everyday women and girls all around experience something like this. Something involving men that makes them carry objects in their bags and pockets for defence. That makes them spend 20 minutes reassuring themselves that they are safe now. That makes them gulp down glass after glass of water when they reach home and be DAMN GLAD they weren't raped or assaulted or physically harmed in any way.

My point here is that I DONT WANT TO DREAD WALKING TO MY CLASSES. I DONT WANT TO ME AFRAID OF EVERY MAN WHO LOOKS MY WAY EVEN WHEN HE HAS NO HARMFUL INTENTION. I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO PRAY THAT THE GUY FROM MY CLASSES WALKS WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT PARTICULARLY FOND OF HIM JUST SO OTHER MEN WITH VIOLENT INTENTIONS WOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

I DONT WANT TO BE UNSAFE IN MY OWN NEIGHBOURHOOD. I DONT WANT TO BE UNSAFE IN MY OWN CITY.

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of transcendent longing

a dead poets society au

screencaps from here

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reblog to punch mr perry in the face

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YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he wears his shirt with the first few button undone. his eyes are like honey oozing down straight from heaven. his smile is as bright as daylight. the mole over his lips begging me to put my lips to it. oh how good his voice would sound whispering in my ears, whispering my name, whispering I love you's .

i want his hand holding my face, i don't care if it's calloused or as soft as a feather. i want his lips on my neck. i want him to see himself in my eyes. i want his hand sliding through my hair. i want my hand on his shoulder. i want him in my house. i want him on my couch. i want him. i want him. i want it all to be mine.

dear lord, let him love me like he almost did once, when he stayed out to watch me get in, when he looked into my eyes with nothing but love and care. let me have him once, even if it would be the death of me. let me have him once, i'll be content, i'll be happy. i'll be happy.

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things i couldn't say #2

i was a child

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If reincarnation is real I wonder how many people stare at their own art in museums, listen to their own music they made in a different life and read books they don't remember writing

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all the things i want to say are giving me a bellyache

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things i couldn't say #1

would you still be proud of me if i fail over and over again?

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would god be able to answer me?