momarquise

[momarquise]

Warning this post is graphic and may contain triggers to those that have suffered at the hands of domestic violence.

This is my story: I’m a survivor

After the abuse, they don’t tell you how you will be changed forever. How the nightmares replay on repeat. How little things start to trigger you. How the next argument or heated discussion gives you anxiety. How you shut down.

I felt trapped in my own bodies response after my domestic violence abuser. I felt guilty not because I thought I deserved it. Because I missed all the red flags. Even then I went back just hoping he would change. I made excuses. I was blind. I lost three babies with this man. Somehow I blamed myself for that.

My body knew before my mind did, that I was in fight or flight mode. Still I tried and tried. Nothing worked. I blamed myself, what’s worse is he let me walk around thinking I was the problem. I was too vocal, too independent, too needy, too affectionate. It hurts when you meet your soulmate that isn’t meant for you. I gave the wrong man everything.

I’m still putting pieces of me back together again. There are days I can’t get out of bed. Days that I’m moving through out the world like nothing happened. Days I’m happy and healthy. I’m thanking god that I’m still here. Because the very real reality is you very well had the power of life and death in your hands. By the grace of god with 1 second to spare your hands let go of my neck and I was able to breathe again. That image I will never forget. But I’m thanking god that I’m still here.

I’m not one to express my feelings or ever let anyone know what’s going on with my life. But it’s time. It’s time I speak up and say I’m not always okay.

[momarquise]

Is dating like really dating a real thing? Do guys even ask you for your number anymore? Since I have been in this single stage this is a real question I ask myself. Most of the guys I have been in relationships with I had some prior background like school, friend of a friend, etc.

I don’t really go out much now either but I always just wonder do guys just straight out ask you now for you number like they use to. Do people actually still court each other?

Ya girl is in the business of courting herself after the awful heartbreak I have gone through. So not really a question for me but. I would love to see other people’s experience.

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Takeoff ✈️

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My anemia is not playing this fall/winter season

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Soft girl lifestyle

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㋡🥀

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Tumblr is literally about to be a space for me to journal and get out all of the things I think about on daily. Since I really don’t know anyone on here which is great.

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Currently my study aesthetic

Finals season

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