modernlotrhobbitthoughts

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as Tumblr Posts - Part 15/?

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@xuosi You get it. :)

LotR and Hobbit Characters + Buzzfeed Unsolved (2/?)

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as (Even More) Things I’ve Overheard (Part 3/3)

Sam: Oh! You should talk to him about plants! He wants to be…. [*clearly loses train of thought*] a plant.

Tauriel: We could discuss the plot of a Barbie movie and refuse to acknowledge it when the professor asks questions.

Smaug: If nothing is real, why are we allergic to different types of fire?

Aragorn: Shanty Baron is the ideal title.

Merry: Wait, don’t you want to see grandma’s drugs?

Faramir: I can’t think any deeper than colors, sorry

Radagast: I’ve always had really loose ear crystals.

Sauron: Sorry, I was just thinking about being a transparent eyeball.

Bofur: Maybe in the future, people will be watching Cats 2019 and analyzing it as a great piece of art.

Kili: Have you heard of a show called Spongebob? Because I think you’d love it.

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LotR and Hobbit Characters + Buzzfeed Unsolved (3/?)

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as (Even More) Things I’ve Overheard (Part 2/3)

The Mouth of Sauron: I never wish to be forced to submit to the dentist.

Galadriel: You know what’s cool? [*starts singing creepily*] I have lucid dreams... where I can’t see a thing...

Denethor: Wow! No, I take it back. I don’t care. Leave me alone.

Fili: Okay, I’m going to tell you all the facts I know about Bruce Willis. Ready, go!

Ori: I often get crafts and weapons mixed up.

Elrond: It’s interesting to watch with your critical hat pulled firmly around your ears.

Nori: He’s the nicest looking raccoon he can be.

Éomer: Feeling disillusioned? Do some shots!

Boromir: In all of my dreams I’m driving a Jeep.

Legolas: Heterosexual sex... which is quite problematic...

Pippin: I almost got high off my monkey noodles.

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as (Even More) Things I’ve Overheard (Part 1/3)

Frodo: For the past six months, I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis. You know, super sexy.

Gandalf: Hmm, I thought I was going to say something more optimistic, but I guess not.

Éowyn: I mean, I’m more afraid of failure than the devil, so…

Gimli: Three likes and I’ll set my social security card on fire.

Saruman: He just has a need to continue consolidating his phallic power.

Bilbo: Yesterday, first thing, I had such a discouraging bagel.

Thranduil: No one’s talking about the loss of bourgeois status in Mr. Potato head losing the title of mister.

Arwen: You need a husband. Let’s ask the ghosts!

Théoden: We must now be our own vikings.

Bombur: That’s what happens when you eat too much pizza. You become French.

Thorin: I’m sick of God’s bullshit. We should just let him die death-of-the-author style.

Bard: No need for therapy when sea shanties are free.

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as Tumblr Posts - Part 14/?

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Tauriel mocks the shit out of Legolas 24/7/365, and so does Thranduil.

You are correct and you should say it.

I've always headcannoned that part of the reason he was so weird and intense in the Hobbit movies was because he was constantly surrounded and bullied by ultra-badass elves, and with the Fellowship, the only person who can really compete with his skills is Aragorn—who is busy looking like a disaster and running away from his responsibilities (we still love him)—so Legolas transcended and became the far more zen but cool pretty boy that we know.

(That, and he was quickly introduced to pipeweed after leaving Mirkwood.)

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as Tumblr Posts - Part 13/?

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LotR and Hobbit Characters + Buzzfeed Unsolved (2/?)

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LotR and Hobbit Characters + Tweets

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GANDALF VS THE GOATMAN

From @thiswaycomessomethingwicked​​

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I mean, he’s best friends with Merry, who canonically wrote the book on weed, so……

(@shittierpost for thosetags)

““What strain of weed will make me feel like I grew up with a father?””

— Faramir, to Pippin

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as Onion Headlines - Pt. 3/?

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LotR + Hobbit Characters as Tumblr Posts - Part 12/?

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LotR and Hobbit Characters + Buzzfeed Unsolved (1/?)

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The Return of the King

(The king, in this context, is me returning to Tumblr after a 14-month hiatus. Lord of the Rings and Hobbit nonsense is returning soon!)