maozia1995 - Tumblr blog

[maozia1995]

I feel like tumblr is where I can be my most mentally ill self

[maozia1995]

[maozia1995]

When I woke up it felt like I had gotten into a fistfight with the ghost of Christmas past.

It's April.

wtf

[maozia1995]

The reason the work you’ve done on how you feel doesn’t seem like it’s working is because you need to do it until it works. It’s never been “this strategy will pull you up” it’s always been “here’s something you can do that will END with you getting out of that hole” the climbing still hurts and the being underground still hurts but that doesn’t mean it’s not working

[maozia1995]

My Brain: Hey have you considered maybe being depressed right now?

Me: I hadn't.

My Brain: Well, luckily enough for you I've considered it enough for the both of us and have decided that it's the best way to proceed!

Me: I literally could not care less about anything on this planet right now.

My Brain: That's the spirit!

[maozia1995]

So I'm watching 'Deadly Women' after purging a fuckboii from my life and I get it. Like, I'm not gonna get all stabby but I understand the inclination.

[maozia1995]

[maozia1995]

So I could 🔪🔪🔪😚

[maozia1995]

I am approximately .3 seconds from having a panic attack. 🙃 I can feel the air going into my lungs when I inhale but I still can't catch my breath

[maozia1995]

I injured myself and am at home for the next six weeks. I'd kill myself but the opiates they prescribed aren't the right dose - I'd just fuck my kidneys. Day 4, y'all. 38 to go before I can *potentially* leave this basement again.

[maozia1995]

Me: Am I making the right life choices?

Me2: No. We are not smart enough to do this. What we have a talent for is debate without substance. We'd be an excellent lobbyist but a piss-poor scientist because it requires that you actually know something. We might not be the dumbest person in the room but we sure as fuck aren't the smartest.

Me: Bruh that was like the definition of imposter syndrome

Me2: If you're self aware enough to know that it's imposter syndrome but don't counteract it then it's not imposter syndrome

Me: That makes absolutely no sense but somehow it feels right 😭

[maozia1995]

Facebook has started suggesting phrases to me in messenger recently and it is obsessed with this one dude and wants me to call him "babe" all the time. I accidentally clicked the suggested message and it auto-sent. I guess it's time to throw myself off a bridge or something idk

[maozia1995]

WILL THESE WEIRD SEX ACCOUNTS STOP FOLLOWING AND MESSAGING ME. I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN TALKING TO ME AND I ALMOST DIED FROM SHOCK. STOPPIT

[maozia1995]

Sometimes I think about the small gestures of people that made me love them. A lot of the time they're just the tiniest little things, but those tiny shifts in my worldview forever altered me, and in turn, forever made those people a part of me.

Sorry to be sad- loss is just hard to process sometimes.

[maozia1995]

Me: I cannot believe that that motherfucking son of a bitch left me on read. How fucking dare he.

Also Me: *receives the slightest amount of attention 3 weeks later* 🥰🥰🥰

Send help because I am the absolute dumbest of the dumb bitch club.

[maozia1995]

That feeling when you realize you peaked in high school and even that wasn't exactly great.

[maozia1995]

I am too tired to eat snacks. Do y'all know how low you gotta be to lose interest in snacks?