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magestik-jessemoran · 10 years ago

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29th May, 13

So I’ve started typing my journal up on the mac now, to save space and paper, also I can save it if wish and keep It to read for later…could’ve done that for the paper, but I didn’t because that’s what I do now. Yesterday was quite a lazy day, more of a planning day, or getting easy boring things done or started, by boring I mean, home duties or things I can use the computer for. I Might start luminosity for my eyes, and also brain function, I’m unsure, I suppose I should start it to see how it goes. But not until I’ve completed other things I’ve wanted to do, or else there wouldn’t be a point in fitting something new in, I should be able to, but just in case. I don’t know why it’s easier to type so much on here, smaller width I think. So today is like a fresh day of trying out new things again, or getting in a new healthier routine, like eating eggs in the morning and drinking water and green tea, writing a journal for now, and what other things I can do before 6am, at 6, that’s when I’ll start my work out. When I realize things bothering my mind I’ll meditate on it and seek the source and act accordingly. I’ve found that to get out of bed I just need to separate myself from my dreams, and just get up, and have good posture – posture has a lot to do with overall mood for the start of the day and motivation. Today I shall be planning my future a bit better, getting a start on it. More of a sense of a direction again and motivation – for now, I can always change it to something I would rather like to do, baby steps. Then I’ll follow the rest of my routine, I’m also going to record a song today. Woop, maybe tryout some new yoga sort of moves, or healing chakra sort of moods.

30th May, 13

So today it my no speaking day, it feels pretty good so far, missed out on one meal, due to waking up late, I was scared of getting up and having to speak to people, yeah, it’s a bit lame. But it’s a challenge, so today gonna fill out some paper work, do some writing, research, skating, guitar, more focusing on myself completely. I’ll grow from this experience quite a lot, I can feel it already, the patience needed, the difficulty. All I need to do is remain having a silent mind, or be concentrated, and I’m fine. I’ll be writing out my workout routine’s, being a man and stuff, independent, courageous and getting what I want. It’ll be sweet, build my confidence by ticking the boxes, and keep ticking boxes and being amazing. Make a rhythm for ebony’s song, maybe record the guitar parts, and see what I think of them, maybe watch some more of those video’s from Justin guitars website, becoming more awesome. I’ll see if I can get the impossible today, if I get there. I think I’m going to aim hard for the youth work gig, and wreck stuff up, own that joint. Just keep going up in opportunities. I’ll let my work’s know tomorrow about Bali, use that confidence I’ll be gaining from doing my firsts and working out more hardcore, and being independent, gonna be so good once I’ve moved out. Might need to find a cheap place or stay here for now, I’ll see, depending on Ezra, I won’t move out if I know I’m not secure, because I’m secure right now, that would be stupid. I’ll need to rack up some money somehow, I’ll keep asking others around, work mates, friends, family etc. Of extra chores I can do, and then bank my 300 a week, and have the rest ready to buy new clothing, clothing is what I need next. I might need to make a list of things I actually need. At the moment I’m fine, I have the necessary attire for going to an interview, I might buy a suit for an interview, it isn’t really needed, just smart casual with a tie perhaps, plain for both. Moving on to my goals.

31st May, 13

I Have work today, that’ll be quite fun, all day work, feeling quite good in the position I’m in right now, gonna have a serious workout before I go to work though, so might have a nap after it, regain energy, then have lunch. We’ll see how I go. Also gonna go through some of justinguitar’s DVD, speed up my progress sorta, shift through things I’ve already been through. Krystal is going to see a psychic or she saw a psychic, so that defiantly means she’s unsure about things, but what things could be anything at all. But after talking to her last time most likely relationship issues, her business is going on ahead and her health is getting better, the only logical thing sounds like either relationship or more of a direction. So things might turn around, but it won’t work until I’ve changed to what I want to be, therefore, I need to keep moving on, even with that information in hand or else it’ll be useless. So at the moment, since I’ve got Ebony there as like a fun thing, I can either get down with her, or have a practice round with someone else. It’s all a bit risky. But I’m a man. Because I’m a man, I’m going to return the yacht club keys, and tell my boss what’s up with Bali and studying in the near future possibly. I’ll have to get a loan from dad and start paying him off…bloody hell, all the monies. Ezra is getting fitter and wants to move out, hopefully he applied for youth work and gets a job, then we may be able to move out in a few months depending on study and the jobs we have. I might find a girlfriend near Berwick, so I can stay at her house, similar to what Nathanial did; smart strategy. Everything else is looking pretty good, made a list, so I’ll follow that and be awesome.

1st June,

I woke up late today, have a few things to do today, but it will be slightly lazy, tomorrow might be a bit more relaxed, but who knows. I feel a bit horny now. Slightly, I feel Krystal coming back into my life, so I’ll just accept it in for now and stop trying to fight it, I’m becoming crummy over it, and I’d rather think about her then feel crummy, and it’ll just go over time. I was working a lot better at work last night, did a few new things which I’ll post up. More in control of the bar. I need to focus on the coffee making side more properly now, that’s my fail point, at making a number of coffee’s. Watching this movie is good, it’s helped relax my mind a bit, and it’s a bit funny. Make’s me want to travel, it was sort of funny I wasn’t gonna go to bali because of Krystal. Silliness. Things may happen, and if they do, we’ll leave them as that. No more trying to accelerate thing, not until there’s definite connection. So get rid of this negative mood, it’s fairly even now, get a bit more cheerier, get some things done, relax. I think today needs a fair bit of recovery. Cut out nutella from our diet, only dark chocolate. Same with cordial and soft drinks. Coffee is still under a bit of search/ probation. Been getting more work, that’s always a good thing. No spending money at fast food joints, that’s a must, and dropped off the yacht club keys. We doing alright. Maybe get better at some poi and getting laid will be probably the next thing, when we have time. I have time, in the mood, which I’m trying to keep in through yoga stuff. Bali is very intriguing. So just keep following my list, tomorrow I think I might go on an adventure, spice things up a bit, because then I’ll be working a fair bit. Tick some boxes.

2nd June, 13

Been quite an early productive morning sort of, I could’ve woke up earlier, but I needed the rest, and today is technically my rest day, so early sleeping and all that, the music is so good though for iTunes, I wanna marry myself, I’m so amazing. That’s when you know you’re doing things right, when you impress yourself and are proud of our work, like the chai latte’s and the hot chocolate, for all I know they could be crap, but I thought they were amazing, the mocha was also good, just not as tasty, I love say anything, So going on a run soon, then workout, watch some Justin guitars, shower, play guitar and practice, tick some more boxes. Maybe strangely get laid somehow, get all my forms filled out, the call peeps tomorrow. Should be very fun. Getting my body in the shape I want it to be. Being healthy and skin looking nice and hair. Get my hair product back and buy a ghd, and everything will be amazing. All the good times are on the way. Get a new job maybe. But I’m staying there for Sami I think at the moment and learning new things, she’s gonna bring me out of my shell I believe. Krystal is a sad monkey, and I think I’m getting over that and feeling good now. So focusing on new girl and ebony, try and get some trauma going so my head is in between Sami and Ebony, that’s the way to go. Get laid now and in Bali, all the good times. Get a new bed, new car, some other new items, and everything saved up to leave home and be safe and fine to pay rent. Really waiting on Ezra now, he really needs to get a job or something, I’ll have to start talking him up somehow, that means I need to get higher within the business. How would he get to mornington, he needs to get his P’s, that’s important, there’s ways he can get there, but with ease and consistency.

I will have sex with Sami, I know she’s a spiritual girl and a party girl as well, so she’ll be a bit like Lauren I think. So should be fair easy, she’s just more bubbly, and easier to talk to I think. Ebony is a sure thing, I just need to get on her level somehow. I should try and get Sami’s number next week somehow, or give her my number, but make it not suss. It can be suss though, it’s more direct then. Haha, then I’m that new guy. Get my groove back oh yeahhh!

3rd June, 13

So woke up today, thinking, but I feel pretty good, I think it’s from doing all the yoga, I’m not too sure, my body has most likely healed. I feel flexible and my body at ease. Today I’ll be working at ace- hi for the first time, so that’ll be enjoyable. Be all-enthusiastic and happy, teaching some archery, should be some real good fun. I’m looking quite forward to it all. Also going to be practicing the smiling Buddha technique soon. That’ll be heaps of fun I think. A few other things I need to do today, but not that much, but we’ll see how time pans out. Krystal finally sent me a text yesterday, now that I think about it, it was more than what I expected, which is really good. It let me unsure, but after thinking about it, it was a really good message for her to send and me not to reply back to; there was no need to. She’s not in a positive mind frame as we know, though she’s looking towards me and trying to fix things up, which is good. I’ll just wait for when she sends the next message which could be within 1 week to a month from now.

In that time, I can plan what I’d like to do in Bali, being more independent and enjoying the trip the way I want to. She has no reason to be negative or bossy towards me anymore. She’ll still have those tendencies though, and if she is, then she’s still the same, but if she’s making the conscious effort, that’s a sure sign. Like the letter is a sure sign, she wants to fix things up, and slowly regain connection and get back together….but will it work? If we start getting connected again, I suppose I’ll question what the reason would be, why she actually wants to get back together. Has she changed, or if she just missing comfort. We have perfectly good Sami to go-go over in the corner, along with a line of ladies. No history, only experience. The much safer and easier option. It’ll be one to meditate on when the time comes around. In other news, I might start playing banjo tooie and majora’s mask again. I’m very unsure, I’ll youtube it first I think, along with that gold song. Well that’s it from me, I’m out.

4th June, 13

So new day, woke up a bit crummy. Stomach from yesterday is a bit sour. Yesterday was awesome though, gonna have to make today the same. I think going to sleep after watching a movie is a big no-no. No motivation of getting up in the morning. Thinking about to many things, and still getting rid of bad feeling music. Apart from that, things are looking awesome. Need to find a first to do today, might try and get that impossible if failing that, I’ll do shrooms with james, failing that, I can always sleep in the kitchen tonight, fun times J

Today is upper body workout day, so I’ll get on that. Go on a run in a bit. Have a downstairs shave and put on that mask, then go through the list of other things I want to do. I’ll meditate after the workout I think, or maybe now, just a quick meditation.

I got hit on by 3 teachers, that’s always a good thing, so looking more forward to seeing Sami, I’ll have that confidence boost, see what days she’s working and then on the final day get in with her.

Get things hitting off well, tick some more boxes, become happier – from achieving goals that is. Which is what we want. I could try and get the splits today as well, that’ll be a bit of a stretch. I need to poo, catch ya niggers later.

I don’t understand why they watch the news, but I do, and it’s a headache.

Ryan is down in the dumps, need to find a job for him as well. At least we offered a list of options of things he could do, to help motivate himself to get up, stand up. June 30th…here we come.

5th June, 13

About to go for a run, then finish my workout routine, have a shower and get ready to explore life and shizzle, probably do some poi and some skating, shall be very fun, I’ll start looking at some beds. My meditating is making some progress, I want to meditate again today and then go do some skating in the city hopefully, get money out for taz’s present. Even though I’ll be getting the same amount back. Next year I’ll put up the amount I give to people. Yes, krystal got to me this morning and last night, same with Rudi….my thoughts of her, which is what I’m going to keep an eye on, so I’m aware it’s there, like this negative tension towards her, which doesn’t need to be there, there’s no need for it, because there is nothing there anymore. Just past tense. So I’ll keep focusing on now, and trying not to get connected with unnecessary thoughts. Lots of guitar playing to do as well. That’ll be fun, it’ll be awesome if I get an impossible today, I’m close to it, I have the spin, just that landing I need, that technique, set up to land back on it. Timing and focus. No more movies woop! All my goals are being met at the moment, might be able to post a song on soundcloud today about krystal and ebony, get that box ticked, and start doing massages again. I could start with myself. Need to buy some things at the shop as well. So I better get on it, I’ll just check sales for bed. Might be able to get mine early J

6th June, 13

So got a text from Krystal last night, that was a lot lot quicker than expected. But it was sorta general/ also like a text she didn’t have to send, but did anyway. We chatted a little bit, but there was nothing to chat about….well there is so much to chat about, but I’ll let her do all the work if she wants a proper conversation. No point in trying to start a conversation if she’s trying to be general about things. Got fudged on mushies, toooooo deeeeeppp! I think I peed myself, unsure though, but I’ll go with the fact that I did. But not caring too much, I’m alive and that’s all that matters, it’s a weird feeling knowing you might be about to die. It’s so silly and stupid though. I was going to walk to Krystal’s house for help, lol. I said I loved her while I was tripping, I think because she’s the reason I’m living, something deep like that. But, that’s shrooms, but the game was I can’t get with her if I want to survive, or I get with her and live long because my mind is occupied with her, it’s a good little game. I’m thinking of playing banjo or Zelda or donkey kong again. I don’t really have that much time as of yet, but I might in a few days or weeks, If I really feel the need to, which I don’t the meditation and all that jazz was working quite fine. Might be getting my bed soon, so very ecstatic for that. Move around everything so it fits, but it will be the best. When I get home I’ll continue my daily routine. Finish my manuals I think, try and regain complete self-control. I’ll have to stop focusing on Krystal, I just want her as a friend in my mind, but at the same time not. Nearly about to work. I’ll bring some water, I’m happy I didn’t have a coffee, I think not drinking coffee will be a very good step in my progress. I have enough healthy stuff to not need it and have that energy flowing. I’m going to use some barrier cream, finally got some condoms. I might try one out, to see what they’re like, I think that’s a sign I’ll be getting laid soon. By whom, I’m unsure, but I want that right feeling of closeness, not like last night, that was weird…. Too weird. I’m thinking of distancing my friends for a bit, until I’ve got my head back on, but even more fully then before. I gotta stop giving out money to people. I’m poor, and they’re not doing anything to help there situation, they’re not studying or anything, just taking….very silly. Nik is okay, but still too gone, and I don’t hang out with Nathaniel anyway, so should be easy to loosen ties, and go my own way for a bit. It’ll all be up to me after all. I’ll have to fill up tomorrow. Anyway, quick yoga stretch, then off to work J

7th June, 13

So looks like I might be buying a bed today, just need to deposit money out of the bank, do a bit of price checking, and I’ll be all sweet, look at the extras that I’ll need to purchase, and then go ahead and buy my product, which will be freaking awesome, that can be my first. It’s an amazing first which I’m truly psyched for. I’ll put my $100 towards it, and get it delivered asap, then bank the rest of my monies that I’m supposed to bank for Bali. Going to be the best purchase I believe, soon I’ll have to save up for justin’s present though, so I’ll start thinking about that one. Nearly met my quota for the month, so that’s really good, I’ll keep ticking boxes off though, I’ll have less room in my bedroom, that’ll be the only downside, so I might as well get ready to move my products. I think Krystal will text me again a bit sooner than expected, maybe on the weekend or later today, could be next week, but judging by how quick it was that she texted me last time….like 4 days or something, she’ll want to text me again, since she was last one to say something, and I’ve left her hanging on to say more once she watches new girl, but then after new girl she won’t have anything else to say, apart from something to do with workaholics maybe, or hanging out. We’ll have to hang out soon anyway, I shouldn’t tell her about the bed, I won’t tell her anything that she needs to know. Let her find out by herself. So yeah, I think I’ll have a quick workout, shower, and then clean my room, the check out this bed and bedding. Seems like it’s going to be a good day, and avoiding coffee again, because we don’t really need it. Getting through Justin guitar’s dvds pretty quick, just need to keep practicing guitar and skating, same with poi, I’ve got the option to cancel the adf, I’m unsure if I should, I’ll read the outline of what we’re doing there, because I’m pretty keen for youthwork. I’ll have more freedom I’ll believe and I can always go back to the adf if youthwork doesn’t work out. Which I think it should, I’m pretty awesome, that’s what we realized. I should probably clean up today, oh well. I’ll catch y’all laters.

8th June, 13

So last night was pretty random, I’m going to be seeing Tammy Tuesday and finally be getting back my jacket, but Michaela still has my hair product, which is annoying, she wouldn’t let me go in her and get it, that was so weird, she’s a weird one. So I’ll have to pick it up another time. Weird things happened last night, but that’s all cool. I think from not sleeping much or keeping with my routine, I’ve been thinking about krystal more and more, but not getting too attached I think, but I don’t like thinking about it, I’m more relaxed overall, I could see that from last night, a lot more social, defiantly could see that from last night, I still want to sort of complete def jam, that would be pretty cool. Going to be eating some lunch soon, then do some skating, and get completely ready for work and head off. I need to skate and play guitar, do more of the things on my to do list more. I need a way of avoiding the distractions. I need to be more assertive that’s it. So next person I’ll hang out with will be tammy, and that’s all for next week, until I get on schedule, then I’ll focus on getting laid. I need to get those songs posted online and apply for those jobs too. So many things to do. Writing it out makes me become aware of it, apparently I need more pillows, I don’t need pillows, I don’t want pillows, I need to make a list of things I want I bali, I don’t see how I’m going to spend $1000, let’s just say I spend $100 first up, then $200 on food, maybe $100 on drinks and $100 on merch or something, then $300 on activities. Still come back with $200. Well we’ll see what happens, like I don’t mind spending more if it’s worth it, may as well, I’m going there to have fun. So I will if I need to. I could have sex with Sophie I think…maybe. I’m very unsure, she’s a bigger girl, I don’t know how to go bigger girls. That’s why Sami is a good candidate, I’ll look it up on how to as k a work mate out, haha. Catch.xx

9th June, 13

Yesterday was miserable for me, but I’m going to make today a lot better. Probably from just waking up early, having sufficient sleep, feeling a lot more positive, healthier eating etc. Workouts, doing things maybe that’s what makes me feel good. Knowing that I’m making progress in the things I like to do. I think sex is the least of my worries at the moment, but I still need to project myself, so that I do get laid before june 30th, time is going to fly by, especially while I’m working all the time, making all this money. I’ll try and get everything else out of the way, so that I can solely focus on getting laid. Monday I get to work with Sami, so that’ll be awesome, there’s also Maddy that I met yesterday, so she could be a potential candidate. Sami is more likely to be a good candidate though, maybe it was the day, I’m unsure. Definitely going to Bali, I think I’ll just do the things I want to do there, I’ve got a planned out holiday for myself, then I’ll just suss out what Krystal is doing, might as well chill together if we’re doing the same things, but if I find something I really want to do I’ll do that instead. Remember it’s supposed to be like we haven’t seen each other in 10 years or something, I’m going to have changed somewhat, need to wreak in confidence and sex appeal, the reason why I think, is to make a point, sounds like it’s for my ego. It is, but I’ll get the things that I want, that’ll keep me occupied. Once I earn money after next week, I think I’ll bank some funds. I’ll have to look into possibly purchasing some new clothes I think, some new threads. Not sure what I’d like, so I need to have a proper look out at what is on offer. Maybe some new shoes for when I go out. Now that I think about it, not really anything I want, which is good, more saving, and I will find something, sooner or later, like that hoody, I’ll see if I want it then, it’s best to go to dfo and check out some clothes. Get some inspiration and ideas. Not much left to say, gonna go watch some more guitar vids.

10th June, 13

So yesterday was a lot more enjoyable then the day before and I believe today is going to be the same, had an interesting poo. Ebony is talking to me again, and Sami is working today, so we’re making a bit of progess. They have mushroom shakes in bali. Everything is awesome! So I’ll foucs some time on getting laid soon, after I finish my firsts that I want to complete, my first set of early goals, then move on to the other things. I’m going to get some poi off Sorby soon, and that’ll be amazing. Things are going really well, and I haven’t needed coffee, another great thing. So I’ll have a workout and run soon, maybe a bat, just because I can, and it’d be nice too. Then have a snack. Going to be making a bit of money soon, that’s some very good news. I’m going to be ahead by about 600 in a few weeks, so I’m super happy and excited about that. I’ll need to get onto posting those songs, I want to focus on getting through justinguitars at the moment though. Tomorrow will be good, a day off, time to relax and chill for a bit, I’ve got 2 days off this week, seems strange to me. Excited to see how much money I’ve earned. I’ll have to make copies of my forms etc. I might go skating in the city on Thursday since it’s my day off, have a bit of fun. I’ve been missing out on a lot of skating lately, and poi, but not for long. Same with guitar. But we’re getting through things. J Need to focus on those splits and tricks.

11th June, 13

So yesterday was going to be awesome and it was, but then I crashed around 3pm, I should’ve hanged out with Sami, well the work mates, but Sami was the one who asked me, which was pretty awesome. I’m fair sure she’s keen which is good for me, easier to hang out then, and get something going and shizzle. I’ll have to ease her into the relationship, tell her about my past when things are set between us and I know for sure I wanna be dating her. But until then I’ll only reveal more personality. Need to look after my hands a bit better, I’m getting through my goals which is really awesome. I’m free to do more things I want to do, well I have been, but now I’m more free to do them. I think more free to do specific things where there is more enjoyment and more of an outcome. That’s what I mean. Ezra got laid which is awesome but by some other chick, but that’s still good. So ebony and Sami and maybe another girl should lay me, I’m not sure who, maybe someone is Bali, we’ll see what happens. I’m moving on, and it’s my mind frame and being positive, it’s really good. I love this feeling. I’ll give Krystal’s book back after I finish making that meal…maybe Thursday after I see a movie with Ebony, that’d be good, unless if we do stuff, then maybe not. Getting through a bit of music as well, which is always good. Progression! Getting more things for my bed, I might style my hair today, I’ll have to get my hands onto my hair product. I feel a bit irritated that Michaela wouldn’t let me get it from her car…. that’s so silly. Wasting my time like that. I like the wording of the above sentence. So I think I’ll go for a run first, then have a workout then do my yoga things. I’ll wear the same clothes as last night, and then I might style my hair. I should use some QV thanks Mr TV. I feel like doing something now. Not sure what, I’ll try and land my tricks today, and I’ll post ebony’s and Krystal’s song online today I think. Well catch y’all until tomorrow.

12thJune, 13

So gonna make my 15 min meal by Jamie Oliver today, that’s going to be exciting, see how it turns out, gonna go for a run soon as well, after my green tea and after I’ve brushed my teeth, I think after that I’ll start cooking my meal, then finish my workout have a shower and get ready for work, and do some other things, depending on how much time I have before work. Saw Krystal yesterday at work, now that was a coincidence, things are becoming strange, like in the way we’re interacting, and I was fine talking to her, it was normal, it was good, I like it. I can so see something happening between us again, not now, but in the future, after I’ve worked on what I’m working on with ebony and Sami and whoever else comes in between. The time isn’t really right for us, we can mess around and stuff, but I’m not sure if much will come out of it. In other news got those pillows, and now need to get pillow cases. Then might get some other proper pillows, maybe before the sale ends, like just before. I think the ghd is going to happen, I don’t know why, but I feel like it is. Isn’t a bad thing, ladies will like it, and I plan for them to be coming over soon. Be good for all the hair, chicks shall be frothing over it. Along with guys, Ezra will probably come around to do his hair, the silly monkey, then I’ll get some heat protector spray for it and get my hair product back. Michaela irritates me, oh looks like I still have Facebook. Been checking out sound cloud lately, getting a bit of different tunes coming in. It’s good, because it doesn’t give me to many new tunes. Might be seeing a movie with Ebony tonight, that shall be awesome. Looking forward to that, or Thursday night, and then I’ll return Krystal’s book. Shall be good times. All the fun, all the fun times.

Need to put up those songs tonight as well as try and get an impossible.

Practice some poi, the usual things I talk about.

13th June, 13

So tonight might be seeing a movie with Ebony, very unsure if we’re going, seeing as I have to pick up Justin and Ebony needs to study for her assignment, so if she does end up wanting to come, it’ll be a good sign that she’s still pretty keen. Probably better that she does her assignment though. Going to get some things done today, being my day off and all, I’m quite excited, drop off Krystal’s book finally if I have the time, apply for some more jobs, everything is in my phone of what I need to do. I don’t really need to hang out with mates today, so that’s very good. I’m happy about that, I can focus on myself, I’m quite horny right now, it’s been building up for quite some time, maybe I should make myself super horny and see how long I can go for. It’s a massive tease though, and it will show I want to bone someone I think. That’s all fine though. Need to decide whether or not to get a ghd, don’t need one now…at all. I’ve got my hair product; Steph has a straightener and everything. So it may be a waste of money, if I had a girlfriend on the other hand, that would be a more better reason to get one….for the girlfriend, but I don’t. I shall get one soon, before the end of this year I think so. Need to keep sticking to my to do list. No more junk – full stop, when at fast food places, just get salad, it’s so simple. You get the salad or something vegetarian. At least you can feel a little bit healthy then. So a real focus on saving money and getting a car is going to be on the card table now, have the money saved up, then get money saved up for moving out, this will all really depend by the end of this month on how I go in my interviews and how they are in general, if I’m interested or not.

14th June, 13

Last night was a bit of a come down, but I’m better now, I’m not sure if it��s the green tea or reading positive things or the music, but I’m happy, I’m feeling happier again. I’m not sure why I got so connected to the message now that I look back at it, but I’m happy with what I replied, it was proper, straight up. So I’m happy I’m becoming more independent and standing up more for what I actually want to do. Talking in a way to get what I want, and feeling good about it. Knowing what works for me, and going after it. I’ll be looking after the house today and then I really want to land an impossible. That would be amazing if I could, that’s the next on the list, or a new poi trick. I’m thinking of releasing a song once a week now, we’ll wait until I’ve done the impossible though, and get those other firsts out of the way, and I’ll focus on the happiness things to do. Make myself feel good, take what I can from it. I might go on a walk today by myself, have a bit of a think or just get out of the house, be outside and awake, I need it, that’s why I need to go to Bali and feel awake. It may just be me only there, but oh well. I’ll be free, and ready for my next adventure, I think I need to start enjoying where I’m at in life for now, build that up, then start moving on up, I need a break from reaching the stars, so I can improve things more concretely. Skating and poi. Well off to doing things. YAY! Come here positivity.

15th June, 13

So today has been eventful, another distraction is gone, something to fill that up now I suppose, I can feel lighter as the seconds go by. No Bali, but much more gain from it. Sometimes when you win you lose, and when you lose you actually win. Time to feel completely purely good. Love the world etc. Might have a cammomile now. Chill out, it’s been a rough 3 days, lol. Always near the weekend, Sami will brighten it up tomorrow.

16th June, 13

Hmmm, slept in….was good. Coz it’s Sunday. Now to start getting quite productive. Might do a poo, that’ll be ace. Hmm, not much to do apart from what I’ve planned not much to talk about, green tea makes you feel good and productive. I need a new goal soon, definitely and more motivation nothing new to talk about.

17th June, 13

Having a break from krystal again, until she has something to say. And focusing on guitar for a bit, and I guess poi and skateboarding. That’s all I really have. And the other stuff.

18th June, 13

Need to get off facebook again.

19th June, 13

So I think I’ll save details of things on facebook that I want and then delete it. It’s silly having it, I’m obviously getting addicted to it again. And I may miss the memories, so might as well go through the effort of going through all those pictures. Need to do some poi, got my bed in so I can tick that off. Going to bali still and with opal, so it’ll be an amazing fun time, I’m sure of it! Need to skate a bit today, and relax, might be seeing Ebony tonight, I’ll try and get myself keen. I’m getting there, but not quite yet… one day. One day I shall.

Nothing much new though.

20th June, 13

Usual things today, but actually do them, plus hanging out with tammy. Got some views on the cover I did, seems like people like original’s better. But that’s just me. We’ll see over time what happens. Krystal and I are sweet, so don’t need to worry about her anymore, it’s out of opal and nik who’s coming with me. So need to find out asap, along with my accommodation and transfers to the airport and back.

21st June, 13

Buying comfy shiz and paying back mum tonight. Standard routine for the rest of the day…nothing to special…I believe.

No reason to drink, smoke, chuff…etc….its stooppiid. Unless if its part of culture and respect and tradition etc.

22nd June, 13

Gonna go to work, ill bring some dosh for food, just in case. Have 100 for me and bank the rest. I don’t need anymore than that.

I’ll see ebony soon, most likely. Skate and poi is a must. Getting bali sorted as well and youthwork. Ill poo and meditate on it.

24th June, 13

So I’ll be going to the army meeting thing today, that shall be interesting and a bit of fun, I’m looking forward to it. Then I’m going to get busy with looking for accommodation and air transfers, get a list of places, and then sometime this week, get with Opal and organize things, make sure that she has her passport asap. Also I’ll focus on getting some things done for youthwork and also possibly release another song today or I’ll try and get my last tricks completed, which would be amazing.

My bed is amazing, and I may be playing Zelda again, I think about it, but then, the hassle of playing it and what I need to do stops me. Actually I won’t I’ll just reminisce instead. Until a time comes when I must play it, same with banjo kazooie and donkey kong. Not much else for news. Things are looking really good and I’m happy, I also might do 2 covers today, we’ll see how I go for time.

25th June, 13

So ran out of time to do things yesterday which was annoying I suppose in the long run, I need to stick through to the things I want to do and not let my friends or anyone get in the way of that, no matter how I’m feeling. Progression. Today, I’ll be cleaning up pretty much, catching up from yesterday. Kicking ass.

26th June, 13

Yesterday was lazy as well. Did things, but not enough things, so hopefully today is a goodin’, it feels pretty good so far. Going to do the exercise stuff first, get that outta the way. New thing I’m trying is to push out music, so it’s more natural I suppose, and have a healthier diet, by kicking out meat. I’ll also continue to try and eat healthy again in general. Meditation is a must. Becoming more peaceful and ascending higher. Those sorts of things, are what it seems like I’m trying to aim for, I may replace this for just pen and paper, or no writing at all in the future. I’m unsure. Once I’m steady I’ll remove it.

27th June, 13

Forgot what I wrote yesterday, starting to get into a steady pace, but we’ll see how we go. Making lots of progress, but not enough yet, so hopefully we start improving a bit more then we have been and do something useful. Going to the bank again today, and that’s pretty much the only exciting thing, I need to remember to bring my details tomorrow to work. Hopefully next week I’m working at ace-hi, if not, well then that’s a shame. And consulting my person for the army to get into it and be a commando… as a back up plan.

#journal #journal entry #writing

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