maddisons-headspace

[maddisons-headspace]

Ik for a fact I’m splitting because my boyfriend is coming over and instead of being happy all I feel is hurt and dread.

Oh my god why can’t I be normal. He didn’t even do anything wrong (kinda) I can’t do this.

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I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything’s okay and he’s sorry…

But I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I want to make him cry. I want him to know how what he does to me feels. I need him to understand what this feels like. I don’t want his fucking apology I want him to hurt.

But I want to be his baby so bad and laugh and hug and cry as much as I want to in his arms.

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I really need to stay away from weed dude

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ANYWAYSSSSS LOL

dk what THAT was guys I’ve snapped out of it 🤣🤣🤣

Let’s all join hands and pray to whatever god there is that my boyfriend doesn’t leave me after he wakes up and reads those mortifying text messages I sent mhm hm hm ☺️☺️☺️☺️

Fucking end me.

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I can’t keep breathing

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I’m going to kill mysepf.

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I’m such a fuckup why can’t I be a normal person why’d I have to be such a dumb bitch with dumb emotions why do I have to hurt him so bad why can’t I just be normal why can’t I just be normal I just want to be normal please I can’t please

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I hate taking pills. Somehow they make me feel worse than when I’m not taking them… or is that the BPD trying to win…

Someone help me.

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Put my blood sweat and tears into gifts for people and haven’t slept from working so hard.

I’m proud tho, gave me a reason to keep going lol.

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I hate the way everyone tries to downplay ALL my illnesses.

And the way everyone talks to me like I’m fucking stupid or a failure because my body and brain are different from theirs

I deal with more shit then anyone could ever know yet IM the weak one, okay 😂

I pray god hits one of these mother fuckers with a chronic illness, let’s see how much they show up during flare ups.

Stop downplaying my shit because you’re uneducated as fuck and too ignorant to retain information.

Just because I have BPD doesn’t mean idk what emotions are, if anything I understand emotions more than anyone I just can’t regulate their intensity. Pls grow up and learn about these things before talking shit and save all of us the time of having to hear how ignorant you are.

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Why does everyone I love lie to me…

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Sounds like you should kill yourself bruv

LMAOOOO where did this come from 😭

Trust me I would if the guilt wasn’t too much for me 🌝

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I actually need better hiding places cause if my mom finds it I’m actually so cooked. Omg what do I doooo 😭😭

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Chat my grandma found my weed pen and I told her it was a vape 😭😭😭

Not only did she find it once then I told her I quit, she found it TWICE

Omg she hates me 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

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Everyone ignores me till I go batshit crazy on people

Then IM the one in the wrong

I’ve been screaming for help for YEARS why can’t anyone hear me.

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What he said made me sick to my stomach but I can’t say anything because what hurt me wasn’t even that serious

I’m tired of crying in silence I just want peace….

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No privacy in this fucking house I hate everything and everyone and I want everything to die and I want to scream I hate it I hate it I hate get it I hate it