loathewhoiam

[loathewhoiam]

Evermore

Last night as like a sacred call, a kiss to heal my brittle bones a specter of a different world, it came to visit on my door without a hesitation straight i went, i hovered into shades of grey dripping colours right away, i witnessed them, it flew away the night ensued, i watch and peak, on the curtains pressed my cheek For the specter i did yearn, my eyes went shut the light did burn as i felt the familiar touch, the specter waved into my clutch Oh specter may i know your name, i asked when finally it came it was the ghost of long lost hope, a beauty that would help me cope the ghost did not tell me its name, and silently in my doorframe i stood and watched as it dissolved, into my dream it then evolved The last of nights i called for her, without her name i couldnt bear It came when i was in a slumber, all i did was to encumber but the ghost it saw my fear, through my sleep i saw it blear for one last time i tried my luck, the name i wanted, mouths were shut she dropped her veil, i knew her name, without a word it was like braille i felt her presence one last time, before she vanished as a mime never did she need a speach, i thought once more unto the breach

the ghost truthfully  was humane she was a woman that had came to show me in my darkest days she shines the colours just like rays to radiate on me with grace the grace of love and hope i crave for ever more i shall be brave evermore was not her name but nevermore would i feel shame

[loathewhoiam]

we are the same

hatred of familiar perjury, fills every single inch of my restless, fervid, stillborn corpse, a long lost tumulus take whats left to deplete of myself, and make me howl in vain i can not shelter any longer, that things can’t be undone so please keep me safe and feel my breath, listen to me warrant but if you feel the need to judge me, feel free to break my bones

[loathewhoiam]

hindsight is your predecessor, death is what you get

as you clamor into silence you sheathe into the void as the void sheathes your embrace

just scream until your vocal chords are finally effaced gone to utter abasement

you looked me in the eye and felt stirring shame of vanguish and yet you felt no shame for loss

as grubs will make my bed tonight worms will be my blanket i am glad you will collapse

and as you wallow in your pain of lying down on earth on the burning, carnal ember

the ashes that you left behind learn to never laze again on top of putrid, broken men

so with every, little breath i’ve left though theres nothing left to tempt me i will stare right on your melting corpse i hope you die in pain

I know you read this, believe me as you repent, i forbid you to do penance

[loathewhoiam]

This is for every single one out there that keeps trying to burn me more out, but i withstand as i am the ashes of my former self

i am a lost cause i dance on thinnest ice in order to prevent myself from drowning As i cling to hope, i tie my rope strangled by my own delusion I am a vain attempt not more than wasted space for those who breathe the air i take for granted Yet i have to cope, before i choke strangled by my indecission I am fools errand rip my skin, break my bones, bury me alive i deserve to hear my heartbeat one more time As to this life i grope, and as i spit this trope theres nothing you can do for me i am a lost cause and the ice will break, the ice i skate and i will choke, without a hope now try to hear, my words my dear water the garden, my body will make grand no pardon, its all i can take and watch me decay im humanities prey

[loathewhoiam]

i really think its the right time now to fucking end my misery

Letting the piercing memories of lives only seen to be washed away rushing by as oceans soaked in silence from the people whose eyes have been dry since the first of days i remember the familiar feeling back in my throat spawning a new idea of life as i tighten my vocal chords to let out a sound only audible, for those who strain their ears in the moment of disgust, of themselves realizing their pain is of equal nature let your waters flow through mine let your mind be irrigating an irrigating source to me lifelessness yet more alive than i have been as far as i can think of but keep pretending that death is worse as the accumulation of visions i create extend the hell that burns in my presence dont pretend to mourn my death, i only count the hours

[loathewhoiam]

Congenial recourse

This is for everyone, reading my texts, not to be left wondering, but finding recourse in my words. This is for everyone of you.

As the dried out mouth of the outspoken enthrall the lifeless, we militate against the shelter of the common. And as the tongues of teethless stillborns form their words in voiceless riddles, we do not strain our ears to hear the words. to heed the scripts, unvariably, written for our minds. As they carry our weight on broken arms just to collapse and be cut free, through our presence in their speech We communicate, inaudible, just to be heard by minds congenial Don’t let them starve, crop arduously, every word from fields of the unknown. the harvest of the outcast has begun.

[loathewhoiam]

Haul your thoughts across the sharpest points and keep the wisps of reveries that once polished the remnants of a mind left shattered

[loathewhoiam]

You are dead for i can move

For every soul thats need to cut out a person from the realm of the living beings, merely in their head, so it will be easier to forget the easiness of their stride

As you slice through every cell of my decomposing body i wonder how it feels to crave the pain again you cut my organs out as i dont have any use for them im searching for a cause to stop it, just say when

Detaching mind, connecting memories which were long held back i captivately do observe my soul withstand As the withdrawal slowly removes, the idiosyncrasy Once kept with pride, now to be swept to perdition

Your lungs still fill with sustenance to breathe the air once more fresh aliment as i will miss its taste for now you’re dead to me, as dead as me so, leave without reminder its hell to love, memories of ghosts alive

[loathewhoiam]

unfallen god

This is about humans that try to bring you down and make you feel like you are not worth of any time and love, that haunt you and destroy your mind, until they realize that they need you more than anything to not be left alone on their own realization, that you are better than them , that they are worthless and you are in control of your own value, because you should always be your own god. Let them scream for nothing, and dont heed the whisper my friends. You are more than a toy of a narcissist, roaming this vile earth...

It will never get easier, to accept the depth of needles stitched into your flesh removing your humaneness as a whole to reveal the bones, under the mesh and grind them with your very own teeth to a vessel, left for the dirt covering all thats left for the sirens screams that no longer hurt

Theres no reason for me, to search any longer as your eyes went off and lost their course So they dont cut, and simply dissolve to realms of gods, without any force

they whisper to shatter my piece of mind and yell as they starve from no prayer they already know im my own god by now For heavens sake, i am aware

You might have made me consider death by my own hand, driven by hatred you planted as a flower inside me but it never bloomed as you awaited

[loathewhoiam]

FEAR

The four demands of life (Fritz Riemann)

1. Open up to the world and your life with trust

2. Learn to be yourself

3. Have the courage to take risks and transform

4. Accept the necessities laws that create the reality of your life

[loathewhoiam]

haunt me nevermore

This is for all the souls, that love one another more than themselves, to the point that they want to be erased from memories and hide in their pain, longing for eternal happiness to the one person that pushed them down a hole they can never escape from. This is for everyone trying to get over a person that just isnt any good for them.

And after all that occured i can still proudly wish for you to find rest in my words as i waste my breaths to and endless fountain of pain, that draws it’s life from mine

Sleep tight, as i bask in my prayers to deaf gods and tongueless souls

And after all never happened i can proudly bet on my own to legs and the passion that prevented my heart to fade for the void

Dream bad, as i drop the weight and keep embracing your distance

[loathewhoiam]

You suffocate me

For all husks of once living humans, i refuse to call you a real being anymore, you dont even deserve my pain, only i do. This is for everyone that made me hate being. You have no worth to me anymore, you are just on the same timeline as my road to finally being free.

take reasoning in the spirits left unconcious the martyr is obliged to your flight in to the isles of unknown, subdued fruition shed your shell and commit to the fight

As the harvest of your quest came to an end you can detach your mind and shed the weight extinct shed the weight you are no friend, nor an enemy Just a stranger whom to my memory is linked Haunt me no more demon, you ruined my life, i will give you not one single shot more. You made me scum, now suffocate yourself and find no peace in this life.

Suffocate like i do.

[loathewhoiam]

spite

This is for nothing but once person that consumed everything of me, and at the climax of joy, took it from me, leaving me with nothing But you know me better than anybody, you know i will hate you as easily as i hate myself if i want. Because unlike you my will is my animus.

drag yourself restless, on grounds unfamiliar find peace in my words spoken, so they will haunt no more

keep adjusting, your visionary sight of stencils out of flesh and bone, as they wander this earth

i will not concede in spite of myself

I will not lay arms as i’ve seen enough.... to be prepared I’am forced to see, my body enfeeble by schemes of men that once indulged

but as they find, the only way to render yourself to live and not enervate in time

But still in spite of everything, that once was all i knew

I will forget you For all that you’ve done But you shall remember i found myself as you lost your own way

You are a stranger And my unfamiliar grounds seem to recall

[loathewhoiam]

If you ever feel like dancing between the edge and the ground below

you are not alone

we are many

we are in this together

[loathewhoiam]

my “being alone” became my loneliness and right now i think its more like an eternal solitude, individually constructed. So with my own seclusion to strive for a reason. I found my reason to hide. I like this, i can find peace, but no tranquility in it.

[loathewhoiam]

with every other second i nurse myself with air to breathe the noose laces tighter to increase the pain of simply being instead of fading away

[loathewhoiam]

i never thought this would keep me up but it did before every night i ever felt to survive its the days that seem to kill me everytime i try to witness me covered up in loathing of what i am that i build up from every breath i took with all that fuels my lungs when the moon sets and although the night seems to be for a rest for a world that wont heed the scratching on my skin breaking it drowning me in my own blood which i refuse to perceive as nourishing a controlled mind in a free world that doesnt deserve to sleep but isnt ready to be gone